Category Archives: From the Desk of Saurfang
The Loop Closes
Citizens of the Horde,
I am pleased to report that our movements against the Grimtotem clan proceed well.
Overlord Cliffwalker, who had already brought the Grimtotem in Stonetalon Mountains well under control, has effectively tightened our grip on their encampments; likewise, the two major Grimtotem outposts in Dustwallow Marsh offered little resistance to our forces. Many of them, it would appear, have fled south to Thousand Needles, and many of those who remained readily surrendered when Horde forces arrived and provided first-hand illustration of, shall we say, the Grimtotem’s mathematically untenable situation.
[When you fight Saurfang, Saurfang always has you outnumbered. Even if Saurfang is alone, he has you outnumbered. –Mkvr., ed.]
As we have several Grimtotem captives on hand, I have placed the tenacious rogue Krog in charge of their interrogation, with the aid of the obsequious duo Dontrag and Utvoch. I anticipate useful information forthcoming; in the meantime, our forces will continue on to Thousand Needles and Feralas, where they will continue to put pressure on the remaining Grimtotem outposts.
While our field commanders undertake these operations, I will be traveling to Silithus, where I will personally take command of our troops for the beginning of our strike on the Twilight’s Hammer forces in Ahn’Qiraj.
The tide turns in our favor, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Without Breaking a Few Eggs
Citizens of the Horde,
Some days ago I wrote to you in acknowledgement of certain accolades that had been given to Warchief Hellscream for his work on this forum. In so doing, I noted that perhaps I should begin perusing the internet, as it was apparently home to a great many laudable works such as those being recognized by these so-called “Piggie Awards.” True to my word, I have these past few days invested some time surveying – I am told that “surfing” is the descriptive metaphor currently in fashion – the internet.
I am both impressed and, indeed, not infrequently horrified.
While undertaking my “surfing,” I did make a point of investigating the works of those other bloggers nominated with Warchief Hellscream. I was particularly delighted to discover that on Edenvale’s Gamer’s Fridge blog, the Warchief had apparently volunteered the delicious lemon squares recipe of his dear Greatmother in Nagrand: a treat indeed, and one that I know was always a favorite of my son Dranosh. I find myself once again impressed by the Warchief for having offered this recipe to be freely shared across the internet. Truly his generosity and thoughtfulness know no bounds.
In contrast, I was appalled to discover that this same recipe was being offered at a cost by one of our own, Orgrimmar infantry chef Marogg. Upon further investigation, I found that this was far from the only recipe that Marogg was dispensing in such a manner; indeed, it would appear that he had devised an entire system by which recipes could be purchased with “Orgrimmar Cooking Awards,” which even more troublingly can only be acquired by performing menial tasks for this same Marogg.
I am, quite frankly, rather enraged that our infantry chef would extort labor from our own people in this fashion. My outrage was magnified, as you might imagine, upon discovering that among these menial tasks was a request for Horde citizens to steal rice from our own people – the less fortunate residents of the Valley of Spirits, no less.
I cannot overstate what a vile undertaking I find this entire charade to be. As such, I have relieved Marogg of his duties pending a full investigation of the matter, and appointed his sous chef Gar’dul as head infantry chef.
I will write again soon with updates on more pressing matters.
-Saurfang
Pertaining to Incursions against the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem
Citizens of the Horde,
It is a well-known aphorism that it is unwise to fight a war on two fronts. While I generally hold to the wisdom of this proverb, we find ourselves in a situation now where conflict has been forced upon us from multiple directions, and appropriate response on multiple fronts is indeed called for. I am reluctant to overextend our forces in such a tumultuous time as now, but circumstance dictates quick and decisive action in a number of directions.
Our forces have successfully mobilized in Silithus and have surrounded all points of entry to the Temple of Ahn’Qiraj. Garona Halforcen has returned to the zone and is coordinating the positioning of our troops with aid from the arenaceous field commander Krug Skullsplit. In the process of moving our forces into position, several of our battalions passed through regions marked by various Twilight encampments; these nefarious outposts are now, one might say, severely understaffed. Now that we can be confident that no Twilight forces will be able to escape Silithus, we have begun laying plans to send forces into the temple to put an end to the Twilight threat altogether.
Meanwhile, we have the Grimtotem to deal with. While Magatha Grimtotem has not been seen since her flight from Thousand Needles – an escape facilitated, I am told, by the ignominious blood elf Johnny Awesome – the testimony of Dontrag and Utvoch confirms the Grimtotem presence on Alcaz Island just prior to Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance. We are therefore undertaking a systematic sweep of all known Grimtotem settlements, both to investigate for further possible clues to the Warchief’s whereabouts, and also to demonstrate through appropriate force the severity of the actions that have been taken by their tribe against the people of the Horde.
I have sent the adumbral investigator Krog back to Brackenwall Village in Dustwallow Marsh, where, together with Nazeer Bloodpike and the ogre chieftain Tharg, he will arrange a series of strikes against the Grimtotem of Blackhoof Village and Direhorn Post. Meanwhile, I have authorized Overlord Chieftain Cliffwalker of Stonetalon Mountains to escalate his already highly effective activity against the Grimtotem in that region. Our actual military activities will focus on these areas while Horde forces in Feralas and Thousand Needles begin to make preparations to begin strikes there as well; as the outlying regions are secured, we will redirect forces to further support the newer operations in neighboring zones.
To any Grimtotem who might see this – I know not how adept the Grimtotem as a people may be in the ways of the internet – I would offer this counsel: surrender and offer full cooperation to Horde forces when they arrive. It will save all of us time; it will save you, most certainly, a great deal of suffering.
It has been suggested to me that it may be unwise for me to speak directly to the Grimtotem in such a fashion here, or, indeed, to lay out our plans where hostile eyes might see them. Foreknowledge of our activities, so the reasoning goes, will only enable the Grimtotem to prepare and counter our actions. To this I would respond from the experience of many battles: foreknowledge of a threat only affects the outcome when the threat itself was marginal to begin with. If you look out your window and see a fiery meteor the size of Coldarra hurtling down toward you, rest assured that your knowledge of its coming will not in any way empower you to prevent your house from shortly being replaced by a burning crater.
I will continue to keep you abreast of developing news, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]
A Commendation of Public Record, Involving the Internet
As I believe I have made clear on at least one occasion, I am admittedly not as familiar with the ways of the internet as are my younger colleagues. As the latest illustration of this fact, I was not aware that this forum allowed for its readers to reply directly to my letters, in the form of “comments” that are appended to the end of my message. This was, however, brought to my attention by my calligraphically adroit aide Mokvar, by way of his directing my attention to a response to yesterday’s message. In it, a reader rightfully praised Warchief Hellscream for his efforts in the creation of this blog, and moreover alluded to a more official recognition conferred a few short days ago. As I have had confirmed by the telecommunicative goblin Spazzle Fizzletrinket, Warchief Hellscream was recently the recipient of an honorable mention in the category of Most Noticed Blogger Breakthrough in this year’s “Piggie Awards” as presented at MMOMeltingPot.
I will confess, I do not understand what this means. Nevertheless, it is doubtless a very great honor for the Warchief, one for which I heartily congratulate him, and moreover, since I am currently serving as acting Warchief myself, I feel it only appropriate that I should accept this accolade on Warchief Hellscream’s behalf.
Therefore, I wish to thank whatever persons or entities are responsible for the awarding of this honor. I do not know what the process of nomination entails, or indeed if there is one, and even if there is, I am unsure of exactly how one advances from nominee to award recipient. Presumably it does not involve honorable combat, as the Warchief would not have been present of late to participate; though I suppose it is not out of the realm of possibility that his would-be opponent would have seen his matchup and, assuming the attempt would be futile, forfeited the match without having learned of Warchief Hellscream’s current situation.
[This reminds me: Someone once challenged Saurfang to a duel. Before Saurfang had a chance to respond, the challenger realized what he’d just done and ran away…and kept running. When the challenger had gotten 100 miles away, Saurfang said “I accept.” The challenger immediately fell down dead on the ground. –Mkvr., ed.]
In any case, I would like to offer my heartfelt thanks and appreciation to whoever may have been involved in the nomination, and/or voting, and/or vetting, and/or selection that led to this award, provided that there were people undertaking such things in some form. I would also like to recognize nominees Stubborn of Sheep the Diamond, Niki “Edenvale” Casselberry of Gamer’s Fridge, and the writers of Flavor Text Lore; fellow honorable mention recipient Bravetank of the eponymous blog; and of course, my highest respect and honor to this year’s winner, Apple Cider of Apple Cider Mage.
Again, I would beg my readers’ forgiveness for the fact that, in all candidness, I do not know who any of these people are. I am assured, however, by the digitally bookwormish goblin Mr. Fizzletrinket, who is familiar with the works of the above authors, that this recognition is well-deserved indeed. I may in fact need to make an effort to begin perusing this internet of which I’ve heard so much, as it would seem I am missing out on a great deal.
Turning back to more corporeal concerns, the investigation is progressing steadily, and I will have a number of updates and thoughts to share with you all in my next letter.
Thank you once again on behalf of Warchief Hellscream, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
An Invitation of Sorts
Citizens of the Horde,
It has been brought to my attention that one of Warchief Hellscream’s frequent activities on this forum was to respond directly to messages sent to him by you, his readers. I find myself increasingly impressed with the Warchief’s devotion to his people, which would drive him to engage so directly with your concerns and interests. While I make no pretense that I shall provide nearly the insight or inspiration that Warchief Hellscream doubtlessly did routinely, I wish to encourage you to continue your custom of writing in with your thoughts and questions. It is my understanding that these messages typically are sent through a new mechanical form called “e-mail,” which I am told is much faster and less cumbersome than conventional letters. The technologically dexterous goblin Spazzle Fizzletrinket assures me that he is able to access these messages on my behalf through the Warchief’s “e-mail account,” and will be able to provide paper copies to me for response. I will do my best to answer your questions as forthrightly as due prudence allows, and will of course give your thoughts the weight and consideration they are due.
I look forward to our future correspondence.
-Saurfang
[Quick editorial note from Mokvar. Granted, Saurfang isn’t really up on current internet tech, but even taking that into account, the guy seriously is pretty badass. He’d been away in Northrend for so long I’d forgotten what it’s like to have him around. You know all those factoids you hear about him online? They’re mostly true. No joke. Like here’s one I saw with my own eyes back during the Qiraji War: Saurfang was once bitten by a venomous snake. After several days of excruciating pain, the snake died. –Mkvr., ed.]
Alcaz Island Investigations
Citizens of the Horde,
I offer my apologies for the tardiness of this update. As you may well imagine, however, these have been hectic days in Orgrimmar, and I fear that my daily activities have left little time to attend to my authorial duties as I know I should.
The search for Warchief Hellscream continues. At present I cannot, unfortunately, report his safe return, but I remain hopeful that we will find him and bring him back to safety. Horde agents are pursuing a number of possible leads as to his whereabouts; in the meantime, I shall take this opportunity to provide you with further detail as to where the investigation stands.
As I noted in my previous message, Horde forces arrived at Alcaz Island some hours after Warchief Hellscream’s departure from Orgrimmar. Upon their arrival, they found no sign of the Warchief, nor of the schizophrenic ogre Skarr, but did observe signs of struggle across a considerable span of the island, in particular in the area immediately surrounding one of the many naga conjuring circles that mark the terrain there. In the nearby jungle, scouts found the Warchief’s personal wyvern, wounded and disoriented (which, I am informed, led to some minor lacerations prior to its recognition of the friendly nature of the orcs who found it). The wyvern’s presence at the island confirms that the Warchief did indeed arrive at Alcaz Island, and was not, as some suspected possible, intercepted en route.
Further investigation of the island revealed an elaborate system of underground tunnels, perhaps utilized at some prior time by the infuriatingly rasputinian gnome Dr. Weavil, who had taken up residence on the island at roughly the same time as the Qiraji War Effort. While a painstaking search of the tunnels produced no concrete evidence of Warchief Hellscream’s presence, it did uncover, unconscious, the missing verbose soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch, who had been sent to deliver Skarr to the island as part of the Warchief’s original stratagem.
Upon recovering consciousness in Orgrimmar, Dontrag and Utvoch reported that shortly after their arrival at the island, they were attacked by a large contingent of Grimtotem raiders. Unsurprisingly, the insidious ogre Skarr seized upon this opportunity to turn on the orcs; they could recall little else after this point, as it was doubtless at this time that they were knocked out and dragged to the tunnels. Based on their testimony, it would appear that the Grimtotem succeeded in gaining control of the island prior to the Warchief’s arrival. At present it is unclear whether Magatha Grimtotem herself was present for the attack, or whether she arrived at the island at any point thereafter.
I have dispatched the intrepid investigator Krog to the island to scour for any further evidence, and in the meantime I am conducting an exhaustive survey of all Grimtotem encampments and activities in Kalimdor. Since it is clear that their involvement in the affair is deep, I have concluded that a thorough – and emphatic – response is called for.
I shall provide further updates as time allows, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
From the Desk of Saurfang
Greetings, citizens of the Horde.
My name is Varok Saurfang, and it is with the greatest humility and utmost solemnity that I have agreed, in this time of crisis, to assume temporarily the mantle of acting Warchief. I did not seek this office, nor have I ever craved political power or influence; I am, at heart, a soldier, and have never wished anything more than to serve the Horde in whatever manner required. As it happens on this day, the collective leadership of the Horde has called upon me to shoulder the burden of leadership, and I am both honored and humbled by their decision to place this trust with me.
As I have all of my life, and shall for whatever days remain, I undertake this task with the full dedication of my very being for the good of the Horde, and I pray that I may serve you well.
The noble Eitrigg has informed me that Warchief Hellscream frequently employed this electronic forum – a “blog,” as I believe it is called – to communicate directly with his citizens, to update them on important happenings, to inform and inspire. It is a tribute to his leadership that he would so value you, his people, as to endeavor so steadfastly to keep you aware of important matters in this way, and as I assume the office of Warchief, I have decided to honor his custom by writing to you here in his stead.
I will readily admit that I am far from conversant in these new computerized venues – you will forgive an aging orc for falling behind the march of technological progress – and so I am sure my use of this forum will be but a pale imitation of Warchief Hellscream’s. Fortunately, my advisor Mokvar has offered his aid in transcribing my messages to post here (again, I show my age, as a quill and paper are far more comfortable to my hands than these newer and, I am sure, more efficient machines), and the delightfully precocious goblin Spazzle Fizzletrinket, whom I have just today had the pleasure of meeting, has assured me of his aid in the general maintenance of the blog. I can only hope you will forgive the missteps of my inexperience, and forgive as well what will surely be my failure to adequately recreate the eloquence and inspiration to which you have doubtlessly grown accustomed in these pages.
I have had the honor of fighting alongside many of you in recent years during our victorious campaign in Northrend; and some fewer among you fought by my side previously in Silithus as part of the Might of Kalimdor in the Ahn’Qiraj War Effort. Throughout our past efforts, you have done honor to the Horde with your strength, your resolve, your dedication to our people; and while in these past battles I have held a rank that would denote me as “superior officer,” time and again your heroism belied any such titles that would designate me superior. It is my honor now to stand shoulder to shoulder with you once again as we face an uncertain future.
Yet it is an honor I would happily relinquish: all that I have achieved, and all that I have attained, I would gladly give, were it not necessary for me or anyone to stand in Warchief Hellscream’s place now. Alas, we do not live in better times, and it falls to me to deliver unwanted news. I will not sugar-coat, nor will I equivocate, for you, the people of the Horde, deserve to know the full truth.
The rumors that you have heard are true. Warchief Garrosh Hellscream has gone missing.
In the days ahead I will spell out the current situation in further detail, and keep you updated on the current state of our investigations; for the moment, a brief overview will suffice.
As you are surely aware, Warchief Hellscream and an inner circle of elite advisors have been engaged in thwarting an attempt by the Twilight’s Hammer to resurrect the odious ogre mage Cho’gall. In the aftermath of the Twilight attacks on the Doomhammer and the Kor’kron contingent in Ahn’Qiraj, the Warchief bravely traveled ahead to Alcaz Island, in the hopes of intervening in what he believed to be a Twilight plot. It was at that point that contact with the Warchief was lost.
At the present time we do not know where he is or whether he has fallen into hostile hands. Indeed, we do not at present know whether the Warchief is still alive, though I remain hopeful, as, I am sure, do you all. We can reasonably rule out Alcaz Island itself as the Warchief’s location; some hours after Warchief Hellscream departed for the island, Horde forces arrived there as well, and upon discovering that the Warchief was nowhere to be found, undertook an exhaustive search of the entire island. There was no sign of him, though there were numerous leads gathered as to his possible whereabouts, which I will share with you in the due course of our ongoing investigation.
In the meantime, I have taken steps to buttress the other front of our current conflict, that of the ruins of Ahn’Qiraj. As you are aware, the loquacious rogue Garona Halforcen, engaged in a cunning ruse to entrap Twilight agents in the temple ruins, fell victim herself to a Twilight ambush, and was forced to withdraw in the face of superior numbers. In the resulting chaos, agents of the Twilight’s Hammer were able to secure the inner sanctum of C’thun, a chamber suspected to be instrumental in their vile resurrection plot.
Let me make no mistake: I hold within me no patience or forgiveness for those who would strike against the Horde, less still for those who would do so through trickery. As such, I have deployed to Silithus the fourth, fifth, and seventh legions of the Kor’kron High Guard – the fourth having served under my command in the final stages of the Icecrown campaign – to converge upon the ruins and secure it. I have meanwhile assigned an air patrol of two hundred windrider skyguards to circle the zone and assure that no stray enemies might escape the area.
The Twilight’s Hammer wished to make the Temple of Ahn’Qiraj theirs. I hope they find it comfortable, for not a single one of their number will set eyes upon another place for the rest of their increasingly short days.
And while the siege of Silithus unfolds, we will redouble our efforts here to locate our missing Warchief. Once again, I shall take pains to keep you, our loyal citizens, abreast of ongoing developments, and may well call upon your aid in gathering information. The disappearance of Garrosh Hellscream is more than a crisis for our people; it is an attack and an affront to the Horde itself. Whatever parties have taken it upon themselves to act against our leader have likewise courted the outrage of every one of our people, and in so doing they have made a terrible, critical error: they have struck against the Horde, but left it still living to strike back.
You may, indeed, even find it within yourselves to admire their daring. You would be wise to admire it from afar.
They will be found. They will be caught. Our Warchief will be returned to safety, and as for the fate that awaits his attackers…I will not elaborate on it here. Solider though I am, I also pride myself a gentleman, and I would not discuss such details openly here where young eyes might see them. I could not bear to think that I had robbed an innocent child of restful sleep for the nightmares such words might inspire.
Lok’tar ogar, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
