March of the critters
So after seeing everybody’s responses the last couple days on the whole animals-with-armor thing, I’ve decided there’s got to be something going on out there. Just to check on things, though, I took a trip down to one of the best, densely populated places for no-kidding-around animals this side of Sholazar Basin – Un’Goro Crater. I spent a while running around there, smacking down anything and everything I could find, which believe you me, was a LOT.
What did I get, in less than fifteen minutes of asskicking?
A set of laminated scale shoulderpads. A leather jadefire belt. A spiked dagger. A smooth leather helmet AND a set of smooth leather shoulderpads – you know, a matching set for the fashionable dinosaur that doesn’t want to fucking clash. TWO primed muskets. A balanced war axe.
Heard enough yet? I mean, hell, we don’t hook up the new recruits out of the Valley of Trials with this much shit.
Oh, and also, nothing to do with the geared-out dinosaurs, but can I just ask this while I’m at it? Can someone please explain to me how a twenty-foot-tall, 10,000-pound devilsaur can fucking SNEAK UP ON YOU? Seriously, not once but TWICE, I was going about my business, and next thing you know one of those gigantic yet inexplicably dead silent devilsaurs came rolling on up on me. I mean, fine, fat lot of good it did them, but still. How does that work? I can notice a stealthed rogue – who’s fucking TRAINED to be sneaky – doing his whooshy thing from like ten yards away, and yet the fucking five-ton dinosaur gets the jump on me? The hell?
Anyway, this pretty much settled for me that something was up with these animals. And looking over everyone’s comments from the other day, I decided I needed to do some followup around a few other zones. In particular, this business in Mulgore that Cygnia was talking about in Monday’s comments. So, I flew over to Thunder Bluff and did a little asking around on the Hunter Rise. I ended up talking for a while with Melor Stonehoof, who’s pretty much the tauren to talk to about all things hunting. He confirmed that there had been reports of some oddities with some of the animals nearby, and be pointed me in the direction of a plateau to the north of Thunder Bluff.
I flew over, and…oh boy. So yeah, the plateau is full of rabbits and rats and prairie dogs, and…well, okay, check it out for yourself.
I know, right?
Prairie dogs with helmets and knives. Rabbits with axes. Rats with fucking skull helmets and tiny little shotguns.
I mean, never mind figuring out how this is happening – I’m having enough trouble just processing the fact that it IS happening. I seriously had to stop a minute to make sure I hadn’t started toking the felweed again and forgot about it or something.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re wondering the same thing I was at this point: What could these critters possibly be doing with this stuff? Why in the world would they me stocking up on all the military gear?
Well, I think I’ve got your answer. Let’s come at that last one from a different angle, okay? Follow along with me now…
Kargath, we have a problem.
Thank you for following up on these concerns, Warchief. Perhaps all is not lost. If, say, we gather up these already armed vermin and infest Stormwind with them, surely the ensuing crop and livestock devastation would be the ultimate morale-shattering Fuck You to Varian.
I wonder why they would be going after Thunderbluff. Don’t all the hippy dippy druids want to protect the critters and animals? It seems to me that they would be better off taking out the cities of people that kill critters for fun (guilty as charged).
Devilsaurs make excellent combat pets, that sneaky ability pays off when killing Alliance, they never know what hit them. They are also very smart creatures and easily trainable. Before I was skilled enough to train them there were a few times they almost got the drop on me.
We could be looking at this the wrong way. Perhaps rather than potential conquerors, these critters have taken it upon themselves to be defenders of Mulgore. In light of the Grimtotem betrayal and the tragedy at Taurajo, this is something to consider and perhaps encourage.
Let’s get some druids on this stat.
Already on it, druid-wise, as a matter of fact. Touching base with Hamuul Runetotem as we speak. Updates on that front soon…
Doesn’t Hamuul … really not like you? I mean *really* really not like you?
What, over my burny-burny faux pas when I was up at Hyjal a few months back? Nah, that was awkward, but he’s not really the grudge-holding type. Plus, have you seen some of the characters he was working with up there? You think he doesn’t know how to let some stuff roll off his back?
Oh, my aching fel…the thought of Mylune dealing with these combat-ready critters. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing…
Funny you should say that, Cygnia…