First off, since everyone has been asking, Mokvar is doing okay. He’s got a shaman over in the Valley of Wisdom he’s been checking in with, and he’s been resting up mostly. Ji Firepaw has been spending a fair amount of time over there too when he hasn’t been running all over the place with some of his panda friends. So far Malkorok hasn’t dug up any leads, but I’m giving him a lot of latitude – I want this thing squared away before we leave for Pandaria in a few days.

The upcoming voyage, though, just serves as a reminder of how badly I need an interim scribe, seeing as Mokvar isn’t going to be coming, at least not at first. I’ve gotten some interest from a few people – although I’m definitely still taking applications – and I figured the best way to go about this is to let them all have a tryout. I had a meeting earlier with Malkorok and Eitrigg, along with Malkork’s peeps Gul’tar and Blood Guard Gro’tash, and so I invited a few of the contenders to attend and show what they can do.

So, here we go with today’s scribe auditions, starting with…

Nerog, inscription trainer from the Drag:

EITRIGG: Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH: A member of our company yet remains absent – you, gentlemen: have you any notion of where Malkorok might be?

GUL’TAR: He said he would be here after seeing Mokvar about the attack. … We can fill in for him if need be, sir.

GARROSH: Very well.

EITRIGG: Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH: The final rosters have been cast; I shall arrange for copies for Malkorok and yourself once our new scribe is in place.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had expressed some concerns about gathering a large force on short notice…

GARROSH: Ah, ask not one man more from Mulgore! Rather proclaim it throughout our host, that he that has no stomach to this fight – let him depart! We would not die in that man’s company!

EITRIGG: As you say, sir. We few, we merry few…

GARROSH: Have you completed the compilation of our gathered intelligence on the peoples of Pandaria?

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. There are the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple regions. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu.

…

(Eitrigg outlines the mogu race: former rulers of Pandaria, overthrown, recently returned, power to put souls into stone)

EITRIGG: Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at the mogu ruins? A reason to bring a contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH: A worthwhile idea, I suppose, especially in that bringing some number of the blood elves might facilitate the strained relations with their people of late.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir.

(Malkorok enters somewhat unsteadily.)

MALKOROK: Apologies for being late, Warchief. …

GUL’TAR: Sir, what happened? You look—

MALKOROK: There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH: I shudder to imagine the condition of your foe, though you appear to have been wounded yourself.

MALKOROK: My adversary took the worse of the exchange, enough that he saw fit to flee.

…

The scribe escaped …

GARROSH: What happened?

MALKOROK: I had some questions to ask the scribe about the other night.

…

I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.

…

GARROSH: And I take it he got away?

MALKOROK: Unfortunately

EITRIGG: How did he manage to escape?

…

GARROSH: A fair query, in light of your supposed prowess in both combat and security.

MALKOROK: I had gained the upper hand when I was stunned somehow. There may have been a second party

…

GARROSH: In that case, as we now have potentially multiple rogue parties loose in Orgrimmar, I want security tightened, especially in light of our imminent departure for Pandaria.

…

Speaking of which, one other item pertaining to the voyage, and I cannot stress its importance enough.

EITRIGG: Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH: Do NOT. Tell Vol’jin. When we’re leaving.

So, you know, as much as I like this guy – he was really doing a good job of capturing my command of the language, if I say so myself, something even our boy Mokvar sometimes cuts corners with, FOR WHAT REASON I CANNOT IMAGINE – but it’s pretty painfully obvious he just couldn’t keep up. Way too much skipping stuff and glossing over and what-have-you.

This, obviously, raises some questions about…you know…why this guy is the freaking inscription TRAINER around here, but whatever.

Next…

Sinzi Sparkscribe, ink vendor:

EITRIGG
Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH
We’re still short one advisor. Do you guys know where Malkorok is?

GRO’TASH
I think he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief. There were some follow-up questions.

GUL’TAR
We can fill in for him if need be, sir. Even take notes if you think…

GARROSH
[Looks over to the trio of scribes.]
I think we’ve already got that covered.

EITRIGG
Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH
I have the rosters written up. I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok soon.

EITRIGG
Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had some concerns…

GARROSH
Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them. I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts.

EITRIGG
If you say so, sir.

GARROSH
Have you finished compiling the reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?

EITRIGG
Yes, sir. There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.

GARROSH
So hold on, they were overthrown by the pandaren? I’m not exactly scared of these guys.

EITRIGG
Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared. And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.

GARROSH
Huh. I think Krog mentioned something like that recently.

EITRIGG
Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there? All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH
Yeah, couldn’t hurt. Plus, like I said before, it might help smooth things over a little with Lor’themar if I bring a few extra blood elves for the trip.

EITRIGG
Yes, sir.

[Malkorok enters, bruised.]

MALKOROK
My apologies for being late, Warchief. There was an…incident at the scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH
You look like you took a few pretty good shots…

MALKOROK
Rest assured, Warchief, my adversary took the brunt of the exchange. Enough so that they saw fit to fl e.

EITRIGG
W at happen d? Wh t abo t Mokv r? Is he a l rig t?

MALKOROK
The scribe…es ape d unsc thed so f r  s I k  w.

…

 

[The transcript trails off at this point, with a note in pencil indicating “Out of ink.”]

So okay…hang on.

Let’s even set aside the fact that she knew this was her scribing audition here, and the fact that under those circumstances you would THINK someone would show up with enough materials that there’s no way they could run out. Let’s even set that aside.

She’s…a fucking…INK TRADER.

And she RAN OUT OF INK?

HOW in the FUCK…you know what? Forget it.  I’m only going to make myself more angry. Moving on.

Next up…

Xantili, inscription vendor from the Valley of Spirits:

EITRIGG: Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH: Well we’re still short one advisor. You guys know where Malkorok is?

GUL’TAR: Does anyone really care where he is?

GRO’TASH: I believe he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief. I think there were some follow-up questions.

GUL’TAR: We can fill in for him if need be, sir. Even take notes if you think…

GARROSH: <looking over the group of scribes> Yeah, I think we’ve already got that covered. Okay then.

EITRIGG: Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH: I have the rosters written up. I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok as soon as… <gestures to the scribes> …well, you know.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had expressed some concerns…

GARROSH: Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them. I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts. We’ll fill things out one way or another.

EITRIGG: If you say so, sir.

GARROSH: Have you finished compiling those reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.

GARROSH: So hold on, they had their iron rule toppled by the fat, drunken teddy bears? I’m not exactly shaking in my boots over these guys.

EITRIGG: Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared. And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.

GARROSH: Huh. I think Krog mentioned something like that recently. Interesting…

EITRIGG: Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there? All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH: Yeah, couldn’t hurt, I suppose. Plus it might help smooth things over a little with…you know…ol’ Captain Peroxide up there in Silvermoon if I bring a few extra blood elves for this shindig.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir.

Malkorok stumbles in shakily.

MALKOROK: Apologies for being late, Warchief. I was busy getting my ass handed to me.

GUL’TAR: What happened? You look—

MALKOROK: There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH: Dude, what’s the other guy look like? You look like crap.

MALKOROK: Rest assured, Warchief, my adverary took the worst of the exchange, which is sort of a shame, I know, since as we all know everybody would love to see me get completely curbstomped. But I injured them enough that they saw fit to flee.

EITRIGG: What happened, jerk? What about Mokvar? Is he all right, or were you too busy losing to notice?

MALKOROK: The scribe…escaped unscathed so far as I know.

GARROSH: Okay, pinhead, let’s hear all about how you made a mess of this. As usual, mon.

MALKOROK: I was on my way to ask the scribe a few questions concerning the other night’s attack, when I saw a dark-cloaked figure approaching his dwelling. This was very scary, so obviously I wet myself. After I pulled myself together, I moved to intercept the intruder.

GARROSH: You think this was one of the attackers from the other night, back to finish the job?

MALKOROK: I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.

EITRIGG: Wasn’t there more than one of them the first time?

GARROSH: Did you get a good look at them?

MALKOROK: Not really since I’m such a screw-up. Dressed in black, hooded and masked, that’s about all I can say…

GARROSH: And I take it this one got away?

MALKOROK: Unfortunately, sir.

EITRIGG: And how, might I ask, did this intruder manage to elude our mighty warrior and internal security chief…?

MALKOROK: I refer you again to my being a royal screw-up. Though you try my patience, old mon…

GARROSH: Still, dude, it’s a fair question. This IS supposed to be your bread and butter, keeping the place locked down.

MALKOROK: I was winning, yay me, but then I was stunned somehow, boo I suck again. There may have been a second party intervening in the first one’s aid.

EITRIGG: Ah, so there was more than one…

MALKOROK: In any case, if their intent was to reach the scribe Mokvar, they were not successful. So I guess it was a tie in our battle to see who could out-fail the other.

GARROSH: Just the same, now we know they’re still on the loose in Orgrimmar somewhere. I want security tightened up, especially with us leaving for Pandaria soon.

MALKOROK: Yes, sir. I’ll try not to be so completely useless this time.

GARROSH: And speaking of which, one other thing about this Pandaria voyage. And I can’t possibly stress the importance of this enough.

EITRIGG: Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH: <looks grimly around the room> Do NOT. Let Vol’jin. Forget about the trip. I would really be missin’ him if he didn’t come.

Um…so…

Yeah. Keep those applications coming in. Like seriously.

I think I might send a note off to Saurfang while I’m thinking of it. I think he had a personal scribe up in Warsong Hold who was pretty good. Maybe I can talk him into letting me borrow her for a couple weeks.

Really. Scribe applications. Get on ’em, people.