Tag Archives: blogging

Rumblings in the Nexus…

Um…hello again! Yes, yes, I know it’s been a while. An unconscionably long while. But last week (ish), as I’m sure you’re all aware, the Nexus stirred and unleashed a brand new incarnation of Garrosh on us all, via Heroes of the Storm. And that got me thinking about the woefully silent state that my own version of Garrosh has fallen into over these past months.

So, about that.

The short version — which, knowing myself, I’m sure to turn into a long version — is that I was hit by a pretty severe case of blogging burnout. If you’re content with the TL;DR version, that should pretty much cover you; feel free to skip ahead a few paragraphs. For those interested enough to listen to me elaborate, by all means continue on.

As many of you already know, the Warchief’s Command Board has been around for a long while — coming up on six years now. Some of that time, I’ve been fairly prolific; other times, posts have been fewer and farther between. The thing is, though, there was never a point when I was really “off duty.” Even when I would schedule a “break,” it wasn’t really a break as much as a concession to the fact that I wouldn’t be able to post consistently. But during those times, I would still squeeze as many hours out of my schedule as I could to work on the blog — or be annoyed with myself for failing to find any (or enough). It isn’t an exaggeration at all for me to say that since I started the WCB, any time more than two or three days went by without a new post going up, I was angry at myself — and the longer that gap went on, the angrier with myself I would become. For slacking. For keeping people waiting. For taking so long to do what I should have been able to finish last week. For not extracting 36 hours out of the day, by sheer force of will.

I’m pretty sure I don’t need to tell anyone that that frame of mind isn’t good for anybody. It certainly wasn’t good for me; after five-going-on-six years of nonstop content grinding, the blog that I’d started as a labor of love had turned into a joyless chore that I was only doing out of a sense of obligation. The last couple installments of the Kypari Zar comic ended up being a wake-up call for me. This was a turn in Garrosh’s story that I’d planned out literally years ahead of time. It was the arc I couldn’t help but foreshadow and tease because I was so much looking forward to it. And when the time finally came…it was just another annoying chore I found myself resenting having to grind through.

At which point, the idea finally sunk into my thick skull that I needed to step away from this for a while.

TL;DR people? Still there? It’s safe to come back now.

Anyhow, I hadn’t really planned for my sanity break to be quite as long as it’s been, but it was very necessary. In retrospect, I probably should have posted an update long before now to let everyone know what’s up, and that I’m… you know… still alive and stuff. I can’t say I blame anyone who might have bailed / unlinked / unfollowed in light of the long silence; conversely, I’m grateful to any of you still out there who’ve stuck around and are reading this now.

So, now the good news: the blog is in a lull, yes, but far from done. There will absolutely be more zaniness coming. It’s just a matter of me managing things in such a way that I don’t bring another burnout down on myself. So, going forward, I’m going to try to approach the blog like seasons of a TV show — create a substantial body of content, post it in relatively short succession, then go on a break while I get the next “season” prepped — with said break including some actual break time, and lasting however long I need to have that next stretch of content ready to go. Hopefully, this kind of structure will make things more tolerable for everyone involved… and, hey, that also means a few built-in opportunities for CLIFFHANGERS! (BWAHA!)

So, that’s the plan. I don’t have a date to give you for the Warchief’s glorious return — I don’t want to come right out of the gate with a deadline that will just set me up for another breakdown — but rest assured that that return is coming. Once I get to a point where I can safely project a start date, I’ll make another announcement here. Beyond that, it’ll be ready when it’s ready… but I promise, it is on the way.

Look! See, doodles in progress!

(Yes, I blurred out the word balloons that are on there, because, you know, SPOILERS.)

 

Thank you to everyone who’s stayed with me, and checked in on me, and otherwise been there for encouragement and support. I know I’ve said this many times, but it’s no less true or sincere: all your comments, feedback, tweets, e-mails, and more are always appreciated, probably more than you realize. (Hell, why do you think I’m milking this Garrosh thing so long? Dude’s been dead for years!) (Don’t tell him that.) (Fucking time travel.)

 

Be seeing you (I promise!),

Averry

 

(By the by, if anyone feels like peeking over my shoulder via streaming while I doodle, I’d welcome some occasional company on vent! I’ll make sure I don’t work on anything too spoilery while people are peeking…)

 

30 Days of Character Development #11: Eitrigg

[Periodically, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]

 

eitrigg_profile1Name: Eitrigg

Occupation: Advisor to the Warchief, former training overseer for new Horde recruits, former Honor Guard to the Warchief

Race: Orc

Class: Warrior

Age: 60

Group affiliations: Horde (citizen), Argent Crusade (member), Blackrock Clan (member by birth, later abandoned)

Known relatives: Ariok (son), two unnamed sons (deceased) (That is, two sons whose names have not been established, not two sons whom Eitrigg didn’t name. Because that would be not just weird, but actually more than a little cruel.), six unnamed siblings (deceased)

First appearance: “LOK’TAR OGAR!” (first mention), “By my right as Warchief” (first full transcript appearance)

Key posts and plot points:

  • Although he didn’t make many major blog appearances early on — he was typically a background character who was often mentioned but rarely actively involved in events — Eitrigg has been influential since the very beginning of the blog. In Garrosh’s first post, he noted that it was Eitrigg’s suggestion that he start the blog as an outlet for his thoughts and reactions. So, you see, you have Eitrigg to thank/blame for the existence of the Warchief’s Command Board in the first place!
  • Eitrigg has been an aide to the Warchief since shortly after Thrall established the new Horde. Early on, he has served in a number of capacities, including an advisor and a member of the Warchief’s Honor Guard. Interestingly, in the quest The New Horde, Eitrigg indicates that Thrall had charged him with overseeing the training of new Horde recruits; it’s worth noting that, in contrast, within the events of the blog, Eitrigg appears to be completely uninvolved in the military trainee program that Garrosh initiated.
  • One of Eitrigg’s notable appearances came in “Anger management,” in which he eitriggprofile4accompanied Tirion Fordring to Ben-Lin Cloudstrider’s group counseling session as a sponsor. Evidently, Highlord Paragraph gets a little irritable when he dips into the booze, a habit that his friend Eitrigg tries to curtail with mixed success.
  • When Garrosh left Orgrimmar to travel to Pandaria, he left Eitrigg in charge in his
    absence. As a result, Eitrigg was left to deal with Mokvar’s odd behavior in the early stages of the
    We All Have Our Demons arc. After Mokvar fled from Orgrimmar following a rash of suspicious behavior, Eitrigg issued the order that, despite their long association as advisors to the Warchief, Mokvar was banished from the Horde.
  • Garrosh eventually lifted Mokvar’s banishment and grew less confident in Eitrigg’s ability to mind the shop effectively. As a result, Garrosh installed Kor’kron overseers, particularly Overseer Elaglo and Overlord Runthak, to supervise and “advise” the senior orc. Eitrigg has, as a result, found his position in Grommash Hold even more marginalized than it already was, a detail that wasn’t entirely lost on his son, Ariok.

In his own words:

Describe your relationship with your mother or your father. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?

My parents were stern but honorable. While they took the responsibilities of parenthood seriously, they were not particularly warm or sentimental. As they were parents to seven children in the oft-hostile environs of Gorgrond, I imagine they viewed niceties as luxuries they could rarely afford. I was the second youngest of the seven, and while my mother and father gave what care I required, they had no wealth of available time that would allow them to lavish attention on any one of us, least of all me. We all survived (the same could not be said of all my contemporaries or their siblings), so by the standards they set for themselves, they were successful.

Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from. If you don’t have any, is there a reason?

None that can be seen.

eitriggprofile3How vain are you? Do you find yourself attractive?

I consider myself quite unremarkable. I have always viewed myself so, I suppose, though in recent years when I have looked back at old etchings of my likeness from my youth, it has occurred to me that I was perhaps too hard on myself. I suspect we do not appreciate the attractiveness of our youth until it is long past. Either that, or the sketch artist was overly generous in his depiction of me, perhaps in an act of kindness born of sympathy. I would not rule it out.

Who do you trust?

Thrall, Varok, Vol’jin. I do not yet know Baine so well as I might like, but in our every dealing he has impressed me as the very likeness of his father. Above all others, I trust Tirion, who threw away the comfort and station of his family line on the hope that a member of a race he had known only for its barbarism might nevertheless have honor within him.

Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.

If anything, my life has been an endless string of turns. While rarely easy, my youth in Gorgrond was probably the most stable time in my life. After that, life for me has taken the form of a zigzag rather than a line. The coming of the Legion and the pact with Mannoroth. The invasion of Azeroth and loss of our own world. The death of two of my three sons at the hands of supposed Blackrock kin, which led me to abandon the clan of my birth and forsake my own kind for the wilds of Lordaeron. A chance encounter in that alien land with a human paladin, which would open the door to the unlikeliest of new kinships. Thrall’s restoration of the Horde and his invitation for me to return to it at his side.

Through it all, I persevered as best I could with, I hope, what honor and dignity circumstance would allow me. Perhaps now, in my final years, fate will choose to grant me the stability I haven’t known since my earliest. Either that, or fate is merely lulling me into a false sense of security before throwing me once again into another sudden turn.

Is there an animal you equate to yourself?

A kodo. It is a beast neither glamorous nor frivolous, belligerent nor fawning. It has its tasks to perform, whether for its kin or its upright-walking masters, and it performs those tasks without complaint or ceremony.

eitrigg-follower1How are you with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or e-mail?

I cannot say that I have much affection for technology beyond the sorts of devices whose workings I can readily observe and apprehend. The catapult, the wagon, various tools of craftsmanship and agriculture. I do not fully trust machines that perform their tasks invisibly as if by magic. (Perhaps it is the warrior’s mindset in me; perhaps had I been raised a shaman I would feel differently.)

I have, nevertheless, tried to keep myself aware of newer technologies. I still do not trust them, but there are many things in life not to be trusted; to take that as an excuse for ignoring them only courts trouble. I am familiar, therefore, with the workings of the online and make regular use of the email. I suspect I am one of the more proficient computer users of my contemporaries, so I suppose I am not so bad with technology. Either that, or my peers are simply terrible with it. I would not rule out the latter.

At the very least, I knew enough about the internet to suggest to Garrosh that he might start a blog. I was rather surprised when he took my suggestion. (He is not generally in the habit of doing so.) In any case, I suppose you might consider me at least partially responsible for the Warchief’s blog. I have looked in on it, rather inconsistently, from time to time. I feel I might owe several people an apology.

How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?

I am not bothered by cold. I recall several of Tirion’s colleagues in Northrend complaining about the temperature in Zul’Drak. I could not imagine why they found it so unbearable. For me, the opposite was true. There is a reason why hell is hot.

Sadly, I am not in a position to dictate the temperature of my workplace. Garrosh evidently prefers to keep a warm hearth, uncomfortably so in my estimation. I have, over the years, attempted to point out the needless expense he incurs by refusing to turn down the heat, but as is usually the case, he rarely listens. You would think he would at least have the front door to Grommash Hold sealed. But, oh no, much better for us to heat the whole Valley of Strength.

eitriggprofile2Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?

An early morning bird. I get up at sunrise, perhaps earlier in the winter months. I do not know, at my age, how much more time I have remaining, and I prefer not to waste more of it sleeping than need be. I will have plenty of time to sleep after I am dead. Or after 9:00 PM.

Are there any blood relatives that you are particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, etc. Are there any others that you practically consider a blood relative?

All of my blood relations, save for my son Ariok, are dead — many, like Ariok’s two brothers, gone far before their time. I consider Tirion my brother; though his blood is not orcish, that blood — and mine — nevertheless bind us in honor. I just wish he would lay off the ale.

If you could time travel, where would you go?

The future, many years hence. I would like to see how all this ends, and I cannot imagine I will still be alive when the many questions of our age are finally settled.

 

Previous Profiles:

  1. Spazzle Fizzletrinket
  2. Ben-Lin Cloudstrider
  3. Dontrag and Utvoch
  4. Taktani
  5. Korrina
  6. Mylune
  7. Mokvar
  8. Ruekie
  9. Tirion Fordring
  10. Lady Liadrin
 

Monday mailbag

mailbag10

You know, for once I’m glad I put off checking on the latest batch of mail. The way it ended up working out, I just had a bunch of it piled up waiting for attention. (NOT UNLIKE MY GROUPIES, but that’s a story for another day) just in time for the trip back to Pandaria. So, the long boat trip wound up giving me the damn time I needed to finally get around to reading your letters and working up some responses. So, let’s get right into it…

 

Warchief Garrosh,

I want to complain about your minions, the kind-of-Orc-twins whose names I didn’t care to remember.

I am a Draenei lady and am deeply worried about their fascination for hooves, or hooftishism as they called it. What if they’re starting a trend? It is annoying enough to deal with the butt fetishists, we don’t need people who will try to lick our hooves on top of that.

Please make sure that they don’t organize meetings to share their passion with their fellows. Think that your daughter too could, one day, be harassed by hooftishists.

Archenon poros,

–Celesti.

Okay, so first of all, Celesti, I’m glad you specified the “kind-of-Orc-twins” part, because if you’d left it at “I have complaints about you minions, whose names I didn’t care enough about to remember,” well, number one, that’d be way too broad to narrow down, and number two, guess what, “minions I don’t care enough about to remember their names” pretty much covers how I feel about a large chunk of my payroll, so, you know, there’s that.

So, yeah. Dontrag and Utvoch. Although… okay, this might be yet another example of the “shit I don’t care enough about to pay attention to” corollary, but I seem to remember hearing somewhere along the line that it’s only one of them who has the weird fascination with hooves. Don’t ask me which one, though. Or which one of them that one is.

But yeah. Those two. Or one of those two. Believe me, this complaint you’re registering is way, way down on the list of reasons why I find them damn annoying. It ranks, I’ll grant you that, but it doesn’t even crack the top five reasons I want to smack them in the head sometimes. And by “sometimes,” I mean three times daily, usually just after meals, with two optional time slots for further smacking in the event I’m having an aggravating day. That is, when I’m not tossing their asses overboard.

Speaking of priorities, actually… Not for nothing, but considering you’re a draenei, I would figure that your biggest complaint about a couple of Horde soldiers wouldn’t be the hoof fetish thing nearly as much as the trying-to-kill-you thing. Where the hell did you even run into those two, that the hoof thing even came up?

Wait. Are you telling me that you crossed paths with these jokers, and they got so preoccupied with their unwholesome hoof thing that they forgot about getting down to some wholesome BLOODSHED?

So yeah. Okay. I think that means it’s time for my 2:00 smacking. Except they’re still kind of preoccupied swimming frantically to keep up with the boat. Guess I’ll just have to above deck and throw stuff at them for the time being.

 

Yo, Warchief,

I’ve been kept up to date with Blackfuse’s time as engineer for the Horde.  I knew he’d be a big help as long as you could get him under control.  With any luck he’ll give you the big badda-boom hardware you need to blast the Alliance back.

Got a sitrep from the Isle of Giants, by the way.  Nazgrim’s got me working on finding some more Zandalari tomes that talk about how to tame and use Dinosaurs.  The good news is, I’ve found some, and the more intelligent beastmasters have been putting them to good use; the bad news is, they’re very hard to find, so most of our progress has been capturing and packaging baby raptors and Devilsaurs to send back to the Orgrimmar beast pens.  The big and mean ones already grown up have been a chore and a half to even talk to without getting munched, but slowly but surely we’re making progress

One last thing: I’ve heard Zandalari whispers of a really big, really mean Devilsaur who puts Oondasta to shame.  I think his name was Thok the Bloodthirsty or something like that.  Sounds like your kind of dinosaur, sir, if you catch my drift.  

Your man on the ground,

–Grottee Metalbeard, Goblin Shaman

Hey Grottee, glad to hear you made it back down to Pandaria without incident. WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME. HE SAID, WHILE TURNING AN ATTENTIVE EAR TOWARD A PORTHOLE TO LISTEN TO THE PLAINTIVE GROANS OF MORONS SWIMMING.

Glad to hear you guys are making progress with the dinos, and that Nazgrim hasn’t gotten any bright ideas about going off script again. Who knows, maybe that jackass red shirt Steve was the only member of Naz’s crew afflicted with that particular level of jackassery, so we’ll have smooth sailing from here on out. HE SAID, AS IF HE HASN’T BEEN WATCHING HIS STAFF OF MENTAL DEFECTIVES GIVE IT THE OL’ COMMUNITY COLLEGE TRY FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW. Anyhow, as long as things are coming along. At this point I’m just glad we’re making any progress at all, even if it’s slow, considering the way things have been going, I could swear sometimes our fastest speed was reverse.

As for that Oondasta-trumping devilsaur, I think I remember you mentioning something about it once before. I’m pretty sure I included something about it in the notes I left for Nazgrim, but I guess when he decided to run with that cunning plan that led to ol’ shithead Steve’s untimely demise (maybe the one positive to come out of the whole damn affair), his people weren’t able to locate Thog or whatever, so he just went with the devilsaur that was easier to find.

Which raises a question. If this Thunk dino is as big and bad as you’re saying, Grottee, how the hell does it manage to be elusive? I mean, how the fuck does a DEVILSAUR pull off STEALTHY? Is there a goddamn sauropod ROGUE TRAINER down there teaching them to go WHOOSH WHOOSH MOSTLY TRANSPARENT? Do they, like, hold a piece of a shrub in front of themselves in their doofy little front claws with a fucking sign that says “Just a shrub, move along, citizen”? Hell, it’s not even like the Isle of Giants is a big place, from what they tell me — there couldn’t be THAT many places to hide. How the hell does this motherfucker manage to fucking ELUDE everyone?!

 

Hail, Warchief,

My apologies for the difficulties with Golmash last week.  I’m afraid his behaviour caught even me off-guard.  I was afraid that wolf would be the death of me, but instead it seems he was the death of one of your beastmasters.

At any rate, since his dramatic departure from my pens, I have been having strange and frightening dreams.  In them, I am standing at the entrance to my home on a dark night, when a horrifying sight appears before me – a ghostly orc, his face twisted and scarred, his eyes glowing with terrible power.  I hear him speaking to me in a ghastly, croaky voice, but I have no idea what he is saying.  His words sound like Orcish, but mean nothing to me.  The only thing that clearly comes across is that he is angry, as he grabs me by the shirt and shakes me while screaming in his unknown tongue.  

I have no idea what is causing these dreams or what they mean, but they are connected to Golmash somehow.  I just know it.  Whatever comes of this, Warchief, I only hope it happens quickly, for these dreams are stripping my nights of much-needed sleep.  

Your humble servant,

–Ogunaro Wolfrunner, Kennel Master

Hey Ogunaro. Good to hear from you. Even if you’re… you know… dealing with… well… this thing. And… well… um… you know what, O? I’m going to ask you to do me a favor here and just skip the next paragraph. I just remembered I, um, I need to insert some stuff that I meant to include in a previous letter and I, uh, I can’t just scroll up and insert while I’m typing this… um… well, because… because, oh come on, you know me and computers, right? I can’t even remember where the damn delete key is, and here I am on a boat without Spazzle around to fix this crap for me, oh woe is me, and ANYWAY that’s not even the point, the point is, see, that this extra stuff I need to insert has nothing to do with you but I really need to get it written down before I forget, because scatterbrained me, oops, you know how it goes, but I don’t want to bother you with it ’cause I know you already have enough on your plate what with, you know, the thing. So just do me a solid and skip that next paragraph so I don’t need to worry about you, and pick up again right AFTER that, right where it says “MELLIFLUOUS.” So there. Go to it. Skip starting… now.

Okay. So you guys, we need to talk. I didn’t want O listening in on this, because, you know, we — like the you and me “we,” not the Ogunaro and me “we,” and FUCK YOU PRONOUN AMBIGUITY — we have a history, and we’re cool and shit, but I don’t even know what dude’s deal is, you know? And you probably already know where I’m going with this, right? Because I’m starting to get that vibe that our buddy Ogunaro, I mean I like him all and I appreciate the work he does, but I’m starting to get the feeling like he’s one of THOSE guys. You know how I mean? Those guys where there’s ALWAYS fucking SOMETHING, like one goddamn thing after another and after a while you can’t even tell where the real crises are because EVERYTHING gets the ol’ emergency blinker cranked up to fucking eleven. Is it just me? It’s his whole goddamn family, too, near as I can tell. Well, the alive ones, anyway. But who can even say for sure on that one, either, because necromancy, motherfucker. Fingers crossed. So anyway, I just had to say something to you guys because we have a thing, but I’m for real not going to know what to do with this dude if this shit keeps up. Okay. That’s it. Don’t say anything to him. Sshh, here he comes.

MELLIFLUOUS. Which is a goddamn awesome word, by the way. Try it out sometime. And if you get a chance to have Nazgrim say it, you totally have to. He knows how to sell that shit, man. Anyway. Welcome back, O. See, wasn’t that a lot faster and easier and less insulting than having to wade through a bunch of other stuff that you definitely weren’t interested in? Hot damn, good thing I wrote it all down before I forgot, hell I don’t even remember what it was NOW. GOT IN THERE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, O. THAT WAS A FUCKING CLOSE ONE.

Anyhow, yeah, O, that’s some freaky shit in that dream. I can’t say I’m much of an expert in making sense of what dreams mean, though. Maybe there’s something to this dream with the ghostly visitor, maybe it’s got something to do with Golmash, maybe not. If it has something to do with the wolf, we’ll figure it out, especially now that we’ve got him secured and under close observation. If not… well, we’ll see. It might be worth getting some feedback from a shaman or two, just the same. And for the time being, just to make sure you can get a little sleep without going bonkers, maybe it’s a good idea to see if you can get something from an apothecary to help you sleep a little deeper. Just don’t take anything from an apothecary with a recently refurbished jaw who’s really sarcastic all the time, because trust me, there’s no telling what he might have slipped into that shit.

 

Dear Warchief,

I am researching the cultures of the Horde, especially naming customs. Most of the Forsaken kept the human names we were born with. A few decided to adopt new names but most of those were pretty grimdark and silly. The less said about them the better.

What naming customs do the Orcs have? Are family names passed through the father? the mother? Does you’re name mean something?

Curiously yours –

–Ickabod Pimlen, The Undercity.

Thanks for writing, Ickabod. Although, whew. “Ickabod Pimlen.” Not to be shitty to you right out the gate, Ickabod, but as long as there was already a thing going where some of the Forsaken picked a new name for themselves, I mean, maybe you should have looked into that. “Pimlen” was already not exactly a winner of a last name, but your parents really decided to top that off by naming you “Ickabod” to boot? Seriously? Yeesh, and people call ME a war criminal…

Anyway, now for your question, Ickabod. Naming customs aren’t consistent across the whole orcish race — like most of our customs and traditions naming varies with the individual clans. For instance, some clans, like the Frostwolves, rarely take on surnames. The Thunderlord clan usually does, on the other hand, and they pass those along generation to generation. Typically, but not always, patrilineally. (THAT’S RIGHT, PATRILINEALLY, MOTHERFUCKER, STOP LOOKING SURPRISED THAT I KNOW FUCKING WORDS.)

With some clans, though, last names are given in recognition of some sort of accomplishment. That’s how it works in the Warsong clan, for instance. My grandfather, Golmash (we’ve been hearing that name a lot lately, huh?), gained the name Hellscream for the battle cry he brought into a long string of victorious battles, and he passed that name on to Grommash, who passed it on to me.

Only, there’s a catch — see, in clans that use these names as a kind of honorific, there can only be one person at a time using it. So back when Golmash was alive, you wouldn’t talk about Golmash Hellscream AND Grom Hellscream. There can only be one Hellscream. That was Golmash, until he died. After that, his oldest child (in this case, his only child) could take on the name. I didn’t start using the full name until after I found out about Grom’s death — if you ran into me in Nagrand back in the day (and for your sake I hope you didn’t, because hoo boy was I an emo piece of work back then), I was just going by Garrosh.

Same thing for the Blackrock clan, by the way. Rend Blackhand was just plain ol’ Rend until daddy Blackhand (did dude ever actually have a NAME name, by the way?) bought it, just like Orgrim Doomhammer didn’t become Doomhammer until after his father Telkar died. Ditto for the Saurfangs, by the way, even though that one got a little muddier. See, while Dranosh was growing up with me in Nagrand, no one really knew what had become of Varok, but it was a pretty wide-held idea that he’d probably died. Dranosh wasn’t really sure what to believe, but he wanted to honor the family name… but he also wasn’t really sure if his old man had actually joined the ancestors. So he kind of half-wayed it and started calling himself “Saurfang the Younger.” After the family got reunited a few years back, we just kind of kept calling them both Saurfang in one way or another, just out of habit. Moot point now, I know. 

Oh and since you asked, my name means “warrior’s heart” in orcish. (I won’t offer to explain what “Dranosh” means, though, because fuck it, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been over that enough times already.)

So THERE. I bet that’s more about orcish names than you ever wanted to know. EXCEPT FOR ICKABOD, WHO ASKED ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO IF YOU’RE GONNA COMPLAIN TO ANYBODY, DO IT WITH HIM, DAMMIT.

 

Hello again Warcheif!

I apologize for not finding the Command Board sooner, as you know I actually found it by accident. After talking with some friends I found out that they didn’t know about it either. Then I went to Orgrimar to see if I could find an Advertising Department. Unfortunately the guards that seem to know everything, except if something is on level one or two, did not know of this department.

Because of this I volunteer to be your Advertising Department. Here is the first line of merchandise that I came up with: Tabards. Most people wear them, especially those “adventurers” and we know that they will pay near anything if it looks cool. The other day I saw one buy a baby raptor for 100000 gold. Luckily there are less insane groups we can market to as well, shop keepers and flight masters will wear them as well as many military groups, Liadrin has all of us Blood Knights wear ours at all times.

But I can hear many people saying what will be on these tabards. Good thing I thought of that. So far I have ideas for three tabards all with the Warcheif’s Command Board on the back. First we have “Buy our shit, OR BE CRUSHED BENEATH IT!” with a picture of an orc buried under a ton of merchandise. Then there is “Fuck You Varian”, self explanitory. And finally EPIC VERSE with many of your epic verses all over the tabard.

Unfortunately I don’t have an artistic bone in my body and I haven’t found anyone that does so I can’t give you any visuals of the tabards. If you give me the go ahead on this I can get to work on new techniques by next month.

–Glen Bloodblade

Hey, Glen, glad to hear from you again. So, I’m going to excuse you for not following the blog until recently, even though we both know you already should have been following the blog before you found it accidentally. In fact, what the hell is this “accidentally” shit? You should have found it DELIBERATELY, as a result of PURPOSEFULLY SEARCHING for a blog you didn’t know existed. Because you could feel it in your bones, Glen. You could feel it in your bones.

Anyway, I’m going to let that slide. Just don’t do it again. Yes, I just told you not to not find the blog that you’re currently reading, again, which might sound like a weird thing to warn someone not to do, until you stop for a second to consider the crazy-ass world we live in, because FUCKING TIME TRAVEL. All I’m gonna tell you, Glen, is if you see any bronze dragons coming your way, or maybe a blood elf lady in a bikini dress, well, you just get ready to think fast is all I’m going to say.

Anyhow. You know, Glen, you might be on to something. After your last letter, I did some checking around, and the fact of the matter is that we don’t have a department in charge of publicity or advertising or whatever. Which I guess makes sense, since it turns out that the Kor’kron aren’t exactly in the habit of making public announcements about what they’re doing. At least not if they know what’s good for them.

Now, to tell you the truth, I hadn’t really given a lot of thought to advertising the blog. I mean, I always figured people would just find their way to the blog however people do shit like that on the internet. And I remember having a conversation with Faranell once about it maybe going viral. Although, looking back on it now, considering it WAS Faranell, I think I might have severely misunderstood what he was meant. I maybe shouldn’t think about that too much.

But back to your real point. You may be right — it might be a good idea to come up with ways to drive some more traffic to the blog. And here’s the thing — your tabard idea could actually be even more of a winner than you realize, because check it out, it opens the door not only for ADVERTISING, but also… MERCHANDISING. Tabards sound like a great way to start, and they’ll sure as hell get the word around, but who knows how much other stuff we could get into. Hell, even just with the tabards, if we produce a bunch of different versions, do you REALIZE how many compulsive collectors are out there who will go fucking NUTS trying to hunt down every last variation? Dude, I’ve seen it myself — people burning up hours of time and mountains of gold to try to land themselves, say, a scorpid pet that’s a SLIGHTLY different color than the seven scorpid pets they ALREADY FRIGGING HAVE. I can only imagine what some of them would do for the RARE CHASE VARIANT of the Garrosh blog tabard. Wait, did I say “rare”? FUCK THAT SHIT — EPIC!

So, yeah, HELL YEAH, run with this idea, Glen. You have some ideas, go for it, man. And hey, for that matter, I know you said you haven’t got any artistic skills, but AS IT HAPPENS, I may just have an in with some people who DO. Not just in-house, either, if you were thinking of Gurtash — WHO YOU WOULD BE RIGHT TO THINK. OF. — but even among the ranks of my LOYAL READERS AND MINIONS. I’ll bet you anything that there are people among the CLEARLY TALENTED AND DISCRIMINATING CROWD that reads the Warchief’s Command Board who would be ONLY TOO HAPPY to offer their own artsy-fartsy designs for WCB tabards. ESPECIALLY WHEN I ORDER THEM TO AND REMIND THEM THAT I HAVE A TECH GOBLIN HACKER WHO’S ABLE TO TRACE IP’S. WHICH I TOTALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE BUT HE DOES AND THAT’S WHAT COUNTS, OKAY?

 

And on that note, I think it’s time to wrap it up for this mailbag. Keep those letters coming as always. For next time, though, since I’m going to be pretty swamped with stuff in Pandaria, I managed to convince Shayari to hold down the fort again for the next mailbag. So, write in to her, or still write in to me for the next time I’m able to field your letters myself. Either way, write SOMETHING. Ideally MULTIPLE somethings. I WILL BE TAKING DOCUMENTARY ATTENDANCE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

More soon.

 

[PROGRAMMING NOTE: As you can tell from Garrosh’s announcement, the next mailbag will be a guest mailbag with Shayari. However, I also wanted to announce that I’ve decided to take a short break at the end of the month that will affect the upcoming mailbag schedule. As many of you will remember, the last few years I’ve taken a blogging break late in the summer due to a busy work schedule; this year, I’ve decided to move that hiatus up to earlier in the summer and use some of that time to get material in the pipeline.

So, blog hijinks will continue as usual through the end of May, then we’ll be off for a few weeks. Then, on July 11 (since the first Monday in July this year is a holiday, I figured there was no harm in pushing it back for one more week), we’ll be back with Shayari’s guest mailbag, and from there we’ll be off and running.

As always, thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and contributing!]

 

 

#500 GIANT-SIZED (not really) ANNIVERSARY (kind of) SPECIAL

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Okay, people, I know we’ve got a hell of a lot going on these days on a whole bunch of fronts, but let’s get our damn priorities straight and take a moment to APPRECIATE THE GODDAMN AWESOMENESS OF ME.

Why, you ask? AS IF YOU NEED A REASON. But okay, fine, be that way. Even though you should already be in a constant state of awe over your Warchief, today marks an EXTRA SPECIAL awesome, awe-inspiring, awful… wait. I think I just took a wrong turn there.

IT’S A SPECIAL GODDAMN OCCASION IS WHAT I’M SAYING.

Reason being, the post you see before you marks the 500th BLOG POST here on the Warchief’s Command Board. That’s right, bitches, 500 posts — that’s FIVE ZERO ZERO. Go ahead and count ’em. I KNOW YOU WON’T.

But that’s where we are, people — 500 installments of EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE BLOG EVER. And riddle me this: have you read them all?

Yeah, me neither.

I mean, there were a bunch in there by guest posters like Spazzle and Mokvar, and I like those guys and everything, but not enough to actually give a shit about what they have to say about… like… anything. But whatever — like trees falling in the forest with no one there to hear them, those guests posts still… um… make a… sound when they…crash the server and… um… that is…

OKAY, THAT ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME A LITTLE, TOO. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE WORKING ON A COUPLE DRINKS, OKAY, SO STFU.

Anyhow. I’d like to thank all my loyal readers, and say that I couldn’t have done it without you. I’d LIKE to say that, but I can’t, because I totally could have. Let’s be real, scrubs, I’m the awesome one here, not you. THERE’S A REASON WHY YOU’RE READING MY BLOG AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND, NOW ISN’T THERE?

But still, the occasion calls for something special, so in keeping with this month’s theme — I DO have a Poetry Challenge in progress, after all — I figured I’d take a look back at a 500-stack of EPIC the only proper way EPIC gets done:

 

That “LOK’TAR OGAR!” that I blogged for a starter;
I met D&U, but my wyvern’s way smarter;
Krom’gar dropped a bomb, but I dropped his ass harder;
         EO gaming, “why fly” malaprop.
Twilights on a mission for that Cho’gall demon;
Ogres versus Grimtotem, and Magatha schemin’;
Johnny Awesome, beat it; Garona, keep dreamin’;
         Saurfang took a turn watching the shop.

That time I went AWOL, then I was recovered;
Grabby Mylune hugged me till I damn near smothered;
Garadar reunion with my long-lost mother;
         Year one challenge, rhymes of locks in socks.
Mom was just a cruel trick Magatha unraveled;
Trouble for Forsaken; Tirion’s endless babble;
Head to old Southshore thanks to FUCKING TIME TRAVEL;
         Human Faranell’s a paradox.

Psycho!Mylune rampaged, eyes more wild than dewy;
Edwin fucked the past up; all the timelines went screwy;
We straightened them out; Theramore went kablooey;
         Went to Karazhan to spin some tunes.
Pandas showed up teaching how anger is managed;
Got myself some trainees: DPS advantage;
Someone ganked Mokvar; he ankhed and wound up bandaged;
         Rolled up on Pandaria with my goons.

Gurtash started drawing; Vol’jin stopped his breathing;
Cloudfall spoke of destiny and got me near believing;
Mokvar met Magatha, that one had me seething;
         He went off the grid — he’d best run far.
Lor’the’whatsit’s bitching still; I got pounced by Tak;
Snagged the Divine Bell; that’s when Jaina blew her stack;
DPS got lost, but I (mostly) got them back;
         Meet my daughter, Shay. (Have a cigar.)

Shay’s mage class was hard, her sucker punch was hardest;
Mokvar reappeared with green fire from the Black Harvest;
Gurtash got blindsided, we were down an artist;
        Made an offer Blackfuse can’t refuse.
Green-eyed wolf named Golmash acting pretty fishy;
Gurtash still needs training not to be so squishy;
Utvoch got promoted, but I kinda wish he
         And Dontrag weren’t always so confused.

EPIC VERSE and lemon squares, endless reader mail;
Ruekie getting ruekied; eternal minion fail;
Mortimer’s a badass; Shayari’s hunting sales;
         Earth Online guild chat is always strange.
FYV; #LadiesLoveMe, ’cause they’re not slumming;
Trolls are always trolling, dumbasses are dumbing;
500 down so far, a thousand more coming!
         Okay, maybe. Times could always change.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

Keep checking in, people. The EPIC DROPS are only just warming up.

LOK’TAR!

 

Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge IV

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Okay, people, it’s that time of year — National Poetry Month — when yours truly regales the world by demonstrating yet again my mind-blowing, life-altering, pants-soiling talent in the field of dropping a killer rhyme. That can only mean one thing: a brand spanking new edition of GARROSH’S POETRY CHALLENGE, complete with brand spanking new EPIC VERSE, coming soon to a blog near you. Which is to say, THIS blog. BECAUSE WHAT OTHER BLOG WOULD YOU WASTE YOUR FUCKING TIME BEING NEAR?

This time around, I’m adding a new wrinkle to the challenge — and issuing a challenge to YOU, my LOYAL READERS AND MINIONS, to step up and contribute to the cause as well. Because let’s face it, where EPIC VERSE is concerned, there are way too many GODDAMN FREELOADERS out there, so it’s about damn time you people GOT OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND EARNED YOUR DAMN KEEP.

SO. WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN IS—

HOLD UP.

HANG ON. I THINK THE FUCKING CAPS LOCK ON THIS THING IS BROKEN. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. LET ME GO GRAB SPAZZLE AND SEE IF HE CAN FIX IT. WHICH HE’D BETTER, BECAUSE OTHERWISE THE ONLY WAY I’M GOING TO BE ABLE TO EMPHASIZE MY POINTS IS WITH BOLD FACE OR ITALICS AND REALLY, THAT ON TOP OF ALL CAPS IS JUST FUCKNG OVERKILL.

SO OKAY. I’LL BE RIGHT BACK. SIT TIGHT AND DON’T GO ANYWHERE.

Okay, so now that that’s fixed, where was I? OH THAT’S RIGHT.

Hang on.

Testing.

Okay. We’re good.

CARRYING ON. So as I was saying, for THIS year’s poetry challenge, I’m going to put you people to work, because I figured, fuck, why should I be the only one who does something to honor the occasion?

So here’s the deal: Every Monday in April, you jokers are invited — read: REQUIRED — to cook up your very own EPIC VERSE in honor of National Poetry Month. (Or, you know, let’s face it, for most of you third-stringers, it’s probably something more like Uncommon Verse.) You can write about any topic you want, you can make it as long or as short as you want, you can bask in the magical glow of total creative freedom to your heart’s content. The only string attached is that it has to be an ORIGINAL poem — it can’t be something you’ve posted elsewhere, and OBVIOUSLY you can’t go steal someone ELSE’S poem, because there’s nothing more fucking pathetic than ripping off someone else’s intellectual property to make yourself look creative. (Cough.)

Submit your (ahem) masterpieces to me by the end of the day each Monday in April, either through email (link at the top of the right sidebar) or using the form at the bottom of this post.

Then, every Thursday, I’ll pick the best of the week’s submissions, put it up on the blog in a new post, and — most importantly, let’s be honest — offer my own EPIC VERSE response. Maybe I’ll write an original poem on the same topic. Maybe I’ll continue the story you started. Maybe I’ll take some facet of your poem as a jumping-off point. Maybe I’ll come up with something else entirely. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. One way or another, though, I’ll write something that plays off of your original, and I’ll try to emulate the form you used for your poem (limerick, sonnet, whatever) while I’m at it. I’ll even try not to embarrass you by blowing you out of the water too badly, but no hard promises on that one, because really.

And hey, if I get more than one poem I really like submitted in a given week, maybe you’ll get a bonus post or two. WHO’S TO SAY? THERE’S YOUR INCENTIVE TO BE PROLIFIC, MOTHERFUCKERS.

And as an added incentive — as if being immortalized forever on the internet in indelible pixels wasn’t fucking enough — anyone who manages to overcome their own crippling mediocrity to actually IMPRESS me with a submission that goes above and beyond the call of duty gets to go home with a pet of their choosing, stolen right out from under the nose of Breanni the pet vendor. (Yes, I know she’s in Dalaran. Yes, I know my people aren’t exactly welcome there these days. I HAVE MY WAYS, OKAY?)

So, what the fuck are you waiting for? Get writing! YOUR WARCHIEF AWAITS YOUR LYRICAL ATTEMPTS AT ADEQUACY.

 

Submit your masterpiece! First deadline is Monday, April 4.

 

The Great Noblegarden Easter Egg Hunt!

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Hi everyone — Averry here for a special announcement that simply wouldn’t make any sense coming from Garrosh. Specifically, I’m here to announce a special IN-BLOG CONTEST in honor of Noblegarden!

As long-time (and probably even short-time) readers know, my writing in the blog is punctuated by fairly frequent references — to movies, to music, to books, to other games, you name it. Some of these references are pretty blatant, while others are fairly subtle. But they’re all over the place, as evidenced by the fact that the “oblique references” tag, which I try to include on posts that include one of my obscure-or-not references, is one of the most common ones in the blog.

And so, this Noblegarden, you’re all invited to go Easter egg hunting, in the figurative sense! The contest is this: look through WCB posts that have been tagged for “oblique references,” and see how many of them you can correctly identify. Prizes to those who are able to ID the greatest number of them!

The nuts and bolts of how this will work:

  • The contest begins as of the moment this post goes live, and will be open for entries until Noblegarden ends in-game at 2:00 PM EDT on Monday, April 4, 2016.
  • Go to a post tagged with “oblique references” (look at that! thoughtfully linked for your convenience!) and see if you can spot the reference(s). Think you know where that familiar-sounding line came from? Great! Now click over to the blog’s Forum section, where I’ve added a new topic in the Blog Discussions forum (see how considerate I am, linking you over yet again!). Reply to this topic (or start your own, but please stay within the Blog Discussions section) and ID your reference(s). If you’re right, I’ll reply to your post to confirm it within 24 hours at the most; if you’re wrong, well, you’ll just hear crickets. THE FIRST PERSON to correctly identify the source of a given reference will get a point for finding an “Easter egg.” In the event of any dispute, the more specific identification wins the tiebreaker (i.e., “the scene in Star Wars when Luke first meets Princess Leia” trumps “Star Wars“).
  • Winners will be determined, obviously, by whoever can accumulate the most points in the time the contest is running. Since a given reference will only award a point to one person, it’s to your advantage to jump on the ones you know as quickly as possible. You don’t, however, have to submit all your answers at the same time; it’s perfectly okay to add entries on the forum a few at a time, or even one at a time, if you feel that that will help you beat others to the punch on some references. If you submit multiple entries, please do so using the same screen name, so I can be sure to award you all the points you deserve.
  • In case anyone’s wondering, I’m asking people to use the forum for their entries simply to prevent my email and Twitter from getting flooded with entries that I’ll need to keep organized and possibly track for timestamps. This way, everything is one place, and what’s more, you can all see which references have been correctly ID’ed. This is good for the contest, since you’ll know if a particular Easter egg is already off the table, but I think it could also be fun for everyone as readers, since the forum will basically become a running index of blog references that you might not have picked up on otherwise!
  • All posts tagged with “oblique references” are fair game. I’m absolutely sure that there are also some posts on the blog without this tag that include references, but out of fairness to those who might not want to pore over every last post in the blog, anything without an “oblique reference” tag won’t count toward the contest.
  • Also worth noting: Some posts tagged for references may include more than one. In fact, I can tell you in no uncertain terms, some of them do. Remember, points are awarded per Easter egg, not per post. Just because someone else already nabbed one of a post’s references doesn’t prevent you from scoring a point for the second or third.

So, what’s in it for you? You mean besides the fun of reliving some of your favorite moments from WCB past? Okay, fine, here’s the part about winners and prizes!

  • One first-place winner will receive his or her choice of any mount available at the Blizzard Store, plus your very own plush Mortimer, which includes an in-game wyvern cub pet.
  • Three second-place winners will receive their choice of any companion pet available from the Blizzard Store.
  • If you already have all the mounts and pets you want, we can talk about substitutions of other items from the Blizzard Store. I’m sure we can find you something you’ll like!

I think that covers it, so what are you doing still sitting here reading? Get hunting!

 

(One other quick note — while you’re taking a stroll down blog-memory lane, why not toss a few star ratings on your favorite posts? (Or any/all of them!) This really isn’t just me fishing for praise. (I mean, I am fishing, but that’s not all I’m after!) I recently added a widget to the left sidebar that lists links for the blog’s top-rated posts; the only trouble is that when I moved WCB to its new domain, the ratings and likes that people had given on the old site didn’t carry over, so the current “Top Rated” listings are skewed toward recent material and overlook old favorites like “Anger management” or “Of wyverns and pine cones” or “Locks in Socks.” So, while you’re reliving some of the silliness of the past, why not balance out the voting a little?)

 

Be seeing you,

Averry

 

A day in the life

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So, the last few mailbags have gotten me thinking. I’ve been getting a bunch of questions about pretty regular day-to-day things in my life — nuts and bolts about what I do and why. Just another part of being a celebrity, I guess, and a pretty damn awesome one at that. Point is, with all the crazy crap that goes on around here, I think I might have gotten so busy keeping everyone updated on the BIG NEWSY stuff that I haven’t bothered talking about anything else. Which, you know, was kind of the POINT of writing the damn blog in the first place. You know. THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS AND SHIT.

Well, maybe not shit. Not literally. Because gross.

Point is, though, I’m going to try to be a little better about posting on the NON-BIG-GIANT-WORLD-ALTERING stuff that’s going on or that I have in mind or whatever. So, for those of you interested in more of an inside look at what it’s like to be me (short version: way better than it is to be you), here, have a peek into a sample of a day in the life of everyone’s favorite Warchief.

(That would be ME, you UNGRATEFUL SMARTASSES out there.)

 

8:09 AM – Woke up. Rolled out of bed. Pulled razor across my head. (I try to be diligent about shaving. Wouldn’t be a big deal if I only had some stubble on my FACE — the tattoos would make it hard to see anyway — but if it starts getting visible on top, you start seeing what a bad draw I got as far as middle-aged hairlines go. I’ll tell you, my mother’s side of the family must have had some fucking awful hair, because I sure as hell didn’t get mine from Grom.)

8:16 AM – Morning jog around Grommash Hold. Worked up good sweat but noticed several vendors conspicuously absent. Unable to amuse self by slapping them on the way by. Possibly vendors getting wise. Two years later. Never said they were sharpest tools. Disappointing nonetheless. Post-slap reactions always good for chuckle. Especially troll.

8:43 AM – Bacon. Also: more bacon.

8:51 AM – Kafa. Really not bad at all. Maybe should have listened to Ruekie about Starbulls earlier. Remember to check with her about other blends later. Potential application of haste buff stacking with Recklessness.

9:00 AM – Budget review meeting with Eitrigg. Gramps raised some concerns about an increase in the “Warchief discretionary spending” category. Don’t even get me started.

10:00 AM – Staff meeting with Malkorok, Overlord Runthak, and Overseer Elaglo. Updates on a number of projects, plus a few security oddities from Malk. Mokvar working with Xorenth today, so Taktani recording notes. Malkorok less than pleased. Can’t really blame him. Some sensitive topics, so not publishing transcript.

11:32 AM – On way out after meeting, had to suffer through, and minimize, small talk with Dontrag. Or Utvoch. Not sure. Apparently waiting for Tak after meeting. Luckily escaped when she came out.

11:36 AM – Note to self: Check on which one of D&U is which.

11:37 AM – Followup note to self: Don’t really give shit which is which. Disregard previous.

11:45 AM – Shayari gets back from morning of mage training with Faranell in Undercity. As per recommendation, Doc showed her Ice Block today. Apparently never bothered picking it up because she’s a fire mage. Dalaran, Shmalaran. Don’t know what those fuckers were teaching her.

Shay also delivered (another) invoice from Faranell for his jaw replacement. Can’t possibly really be that expensive. Also not crazy about Materials; “headhunting” and acquisition line item. Bad feeling about this.

12:20 PM – Lunch at Broken Tusk. Pretty good special, “Agamaggan’s pulled pork.” Needs bacon, though. Then again, what doesn’t?

12:36 PM – While eating, interrupted by Dontrag. Or Utvoch. Not sure. Not the one from earlier. Other one. Yammered on about something. Difficult to follow as I wasn’t listening. Can only assume that sounds of me eating sounded to him like “Tell me about your life.” Really crossed the line, though, when he started going on and on about wanting to set up a double date for him and the other one.* Thought of those two on dates led to prospect of them breeding. Lost appetite at that point and left. See, proves my point about bacon. Would have still been worth it in that case.

* Not with me. Double date for them and two someones (sometwos?) else. Not me. Even bacon couldn’t have salvaged that shit if so.

1:30 PM – Combat drills with trainees. Focus today on defensive maneuvers, parrying, mitigation skills. Overall decent performance. Korrina still a little reckless. Rook possibly a little too quick to hit “oh shit” buttons, but growing more adept at self-heals. Bodes well for group use, maybe occasional off-healing. Giska doing well with unarmed combat, blocking especially, skill less successful while using a weapon. Possibly check with Lunchbox on this. Tuekie, Zorekk coming along well, performance gap remains but growing less conspicuous. Mirembe and Tov’osh still on training maneuvers in Northrend.

3:00 PM – Extra melee practice with Gurtash. Trying to ease him back in but he’s still a little slow to pick things back up. Very hesitant. Hit accuracy seems uncompromised by injury, so that’s good. Kept to short session today. Don’t want to discourage him but combat skills need to take major step forward if he’s to perform honorably. And survive. More side sessions to follow.

4:00 PM – Hop onto Earth Online. Not going to bother logging guild chat — only getting on for a few minutes to check auctions and knock out a few dailies, then I’ll be logging off.

6:11 PM – Finally logged off of Earth Online. Man. Game really goes have a way of sucking you in and burning the day. Didn’t even really do anything especially fun. Didn’t even really do much of ANYTHING. Two hours gone anyway. How the hell does Genesis do it? Check on this — could have potential mind control / military applications. Make mental note for next meeting with Blackfuse and/or Draz’Zilb. And of course, Shay had to pop in and snarky comments about nerdy gaming. Again.

6:20 PM – Tried to take Shay to this new barbecue place over in the Drag for dinner. When we arrived, found Dontrag and Utvoch there.

Positive: Both there, so no need to worry about who’s who.

Negative: Both there.

Double negative: Don’t CARE who’s who, which cancels out positive above. (Math nerds: Yes, in this case double negative cancels the positive and not the negatives. Don’t get panties in a bunch. Also: HEAD HURTS.)

Triple negative: They were chatty.

6:22 PM – Got the fuck out of there and headed home. I’ll send for takeout, dammit. Fuck that noise. (Literal noise.)

6:27 PM – Passed by Kodohide Leatherworkers on way home. Had to drag Shay away to avoid shopping spree. She stuck head in doorway, entire staff greeted her by name. Fuck me.

7:21 PM – Shay tries to conjure lemon squares for dessert. Not something that usually promises much success but she decides she wants to try it anyway. Goes about as well as you might expect.

7:34 PM – Leave note for repair crew to come by tomorrow to take care of damage to kitchen. Not looking forward to bill. Also make mental note to talk to Faranell about the lemon square thing or failure thereof. What the hell am I paying for. Remember this next time he tries griping about the bill for his damn jaw.

 

Four Years of Musings and a New Place to Muse

Hello and welcome to the new home of the Warchief’s Command Board! I’m excited to kick things off again with a new, improved (I hope!) look for the blog, along with a few new bells and whistles!

While redesigning, I’ve tried to incorporate a few more easy-to-find links and blurbs to help people catch up and get (re-)oriented to what I know can be some fairly daunting continuity — see the first handful of inquisitive links under the blog header. (Also, coming soon to the “When Is This?” page: a running timeline of blog events with links to key posts!)

The new site also includes a number of forums, open to everyone to use for discussions of all sorts. One of the things I’ve most enjoyed about the blog is the way it’s built up its own community, evidenced perhaps most clearly when we were holding our semi-regular meta raids in Siege of Orgrimmar last year. I’d like to encourage that sense of community and interaction, and I hope these forums can help be part of that. Everyone is welcome to read; posting requires registration with the site, but once you’re registered, you can also choose to use that login as your username for blog comments as well.

I’m still in the process of tinkering with the new site, so there will probably be more tweaks here and there over the next few weeks as we go through a bit of a shakedown period. While that’s going on, please do poke around, test things out, and let me know if you run into any problems or if anything just plain doesn’t look right. (And, you know, if anyone out there happens to be a CSS coding guru, I might have a favor or two to ask!)

While you’re looking around, I’ll also encourage you to spread a little rating / “like” love around some of your favorite posts; likes and ratings from the old WordPress site didn’t carry over to this new one, so there’s a fresh slate here in terms of reader feedback. This isn’t completely an ego-driven request, either (Okay, okay, it’s partially ego-driven! But not completely!) — one of the extra gizmos that I haven’t yet activated will let me add a small menu to one of the sidebars that links to top-rated posts, so this could be a way for everyone to draw attention to some of their favorites! (Please make sure you’re rating posts on this domain, though; one of the things I’m still working on is updating in-text links to link only to these pages, not to the old blog.)

Oh, and speaking of liking things… you can now give thumbs-ups (and thumbs-downs, but those aren’t as fun to think of) to readers’ comments!

The old blog on the WordPress site will remain intact indefinitely, but all new content will be happening here. Anyone who was subscribed to the old site will be migrated over automatically shortly after this page goes live, but just to be safe, I’d encourage you to check back periodically just to be sure. If it looks like you’re not getting notifications as you had in the past, please let me know.

With all that said, let me shut up and let everyone have some fun looking around and taking the new digs for a test drive (but leave the metaphor mixing to me)! As always, thanks to everyone for visiting, reading, commenting, and making the WCB such a fun ride.

Four years down… who knows how many to go?

 

Be seeing you,

Averry

 

Summer Sabbatical

Hi, everyone. Averry here hitting the pause button on Garrosh for one of my programming updates.

I’m going to be taking a few weeks off from blogging while I juggle a fairly packed summer schedule.

Originally, I’d convinced myself that I could forge on ahead with the blog through the middle of the summer, but over the last couple of weeks it’s become pretty clear that that wasn’t a very realistic plan. As many of you know — and many more of you can probably infer — I’m a teacher by trade, and I’m in the midst of teaching a fairly intensive summer program. Surprisingly, I’ve discovered that spending 6-7 hours, six days a week, teaching a room full of 13-year-olds, with an hour commute on either side, actually doesn’t leave me bursting with energy for my creative pursuits at the end of the day! Go figure, huh? (Or, as Garrosh the Earth Online teacher might say, “HOLD ON, HOLD ON, WHAT DID THOSE LITTLE SNOTNOSES DO TO MY ENERGY BAR? GODDAMMIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!”) I could keep pushing through, but that would ultimately turn the blog into more of a chore than the pleasure it normally is, which I’m sure would also cause the quality of posts to suffer. So, rather than make everyone sit around wondering when Averry’s going to get off his ass and post something, then getting a mediocre product when I do, I figure it makes more sense simply to take a few weeks off to tend to real life.

So, here begins a short vacation for the WCB. Garrosh’s next mailbag, originally scheduled for August 3, will be September 7 instead (feel free to flood my mailbox with letters during the break!). I’ll be back with more silliness (and occasional torment) in late August… at which point I may have a surprise or two in the works. SSSHHH, IT’S A SURPRISE. YOU’LL SEE. MAYBE.

Thanks as always for reading, commenting, tweeting, emailing, and otherwise making this fit of tomfoolery into the fun time that it’s been so far. Enjoy the summer, and the Warchief and I will be back soon!

 

Be seeing you,

Averry

 

And your enemies closer

cleftofshadow2

Well, time to add “guest” blogging to the list of things I’ve been picking up again for the first time in a long time. I’m not sure how regularly I’ll be able to post like this, or for that matter, how much Garrosh will even let me. From the look of it, he’s had Spazzle tighten up some of the permissions for my login, which is a little ominous, but then again, I don’t know how much I can blame him, in light of everything that’s gone on. It’s probably best just to get on with the task at hand and not worry about it too much. Things will work out the way they need to, eventually.

After I left that, um, somewhat tense meeting in Grommash Hold, I went to look for Overseer Elaglo in Ragefire Chasm. On my way through the Cleft of Shadow, though, I came across a familiar face who seemed more than a little surprised to see me…

 

MOKVAR: <leaning in entrance to hut> Neeru.

Neeru Fireblade looks up from a pile of scrolls.

NEERU: Well now.

Neeru sets a scroll down and leans back in his chair.

I would say you really do get around, but I suspect that would woefully understate the case.

MOKVAR: You have no idea.

NEERU: I think I do. I’d heard you were dead.

MOKVAR: I was. I’m better now.

NEERU: Highly debatable. Still… <eyes Mokvar carefully> I can see why your elemental spirits would finally have had done with you.

Mokvar shrugs. Neeru continues to stare at him with narrowing eyes.

Did you find it?

MOKVAR: <grins faintly> Find what?

NEERU: Don’t be coy with me, dammit. You came to me looking for information about the Prism last time, remember?

MOKVAR: I remember. Your leads checked out.

NEERU: You have it, then.

Mokvar looks back silently.

Oh, fel, stop trying to be cute. You’re not fooling anyone. Where is it?

MOKVAR: Somewhere safe.

NEERU: <narrowing his eyes> You wouldn’t just leave it back at that shack of a house of yours, where any petty thief could make off with it. Even you’re not so great a fool.

MOKVAR: My mother always did say I was fairly bright.

Neeru stands and walks around to Mokvar.

NEERU: You don’t have it on you, though.

MOKVAR: Maybe. Maybe not.

NEERU: You don’t. You’re not nervous at all.

MOKVAR: My threshold is a lot higher than it used to be.

NEERU: You might be fool enough – or arrogant enough – to stroll into the Cleft of Shadow with the Prism on you, but even you couldn’t be oblivious enough to do it without a twinge of anxiety.

MOKVAR: You just make me feel so welcome and at home here.

NEERU: This pocket of Orgrimmar is packed to capacity with warlocks who would happily kill a sibling for the chance to tinker with that relic for even an hour. And you know that. No, you’d at least be worried if you had it on you. So where?

MOKVAR: Like I said, somewhere safe.

NEERU: Dammit, Mokvar, it’s the blasted Nether Prism – there is nowhere safe for—

Neeru straightens.

What was that?

MOKVAR: What was what?

NEERU: I heard something.

Neeru looks around, then turns back to Mokvar.

You didn’t hear that?

MOKVAR: Hear what?

NEERU: There was a sound.

MOKVAR: There are lots of sounds.

NEERU: <narrowing eyes> What are you playing at?

MOKVAR: Me? Nothing. I’m just a guy saying hello on his way to a meeting.

Mokvar turns from the door and gestures behind him.

I can be on my way if you prefer.

NEERU: Hmm.

Neeru looks past Mokvar, following his gesture to the entrance of Ragefire Chasm.

There? What does that fool Hellscream have you doing now?

MOKVAR: Can’t say I know, myself. All I know is that he wants me to help Overseer Elaglo with something. I think Invoker Xorenth is involved too, somehow.

NEERU: Well, Xorenth is working with Elaglo, yes.

MOKVAR: You know him?

NEERU: <nods> He was part of my coven for a good many years. I don’t know if the “Invoker” title is still called for, though.

MOKVAR: Why’s that?

NEERU: You’ll see soon enough. He’s had something of a career change. Not unlike you, actually.

MOKVAR: How do you mean?

NEERU: He seems to have developed more shamanistic interests.

MOKVAR: Hmm. Well, my “career change” was the other way around, then.

NEERU: This time, yes. Who’s to say how long this one will last?

MOKVAR: Hopefully this will be the one that sticks.

NEERU: We can only hope. You can only keep playing both ends against the middle for so long before it ends up blowing up on you.

MOKVAR: I’m not playing anything against anything.

NEERU: Oh come now, Mokvar, you’re naive but not that naive. Of course you are. You went from being a warlock with pretensions of being a shaman to a shaman with delusions of being a warlock. A week with Xorenth laying out totems in front of you and you’ll start thinking maybe you’re clever enough to straddle the two a little more. Sooner or later, though, you’re going to need to figure out what you are and pick a side.

Mokvar and Neeru watch quietly while a team of peons carries several large crates into the cavern.

MOKVAR: Huh. Are they doing construction down there?

NEERU: <nods> It’s been going on for some months. See what you miss when you go all dead on us?

MOKVAR: I suppose there’d be some cleanup to do after those renegade dark shaman were stirring up trouble down there last year.

NEERU: Oh yes. Yes, they certainly caused all sorts of trouble.

MOKVAR: What are you grinning about?

NEERU: Again…you’ll see soon enough.

Mokvar shrugs.

MOKVAR: I should head down and see what this is about.

NEERU: In that case, I’ll let you be about your way. Don’t be a stranger, Mokvar.

MOKVAR: I’m sure I’ll be by again.

NEERU: Oh, and Mokvar?

MOKVAR: Hmm?

NEERU: Put your damned scribe paraphernalia away. People engaged in secretive, clandestine operations are rarely put at ease by strangers carrying note pads.

MOKVAR: Huh. Good point.

 

So…flying sans pen for a little bit. I left Neeru and went down into Ragefire Chasm to look for Overseer Elaglo. When I got there, he was…well…overseeing. Elaglo was hovering over a work crew that was doing some construction, reinforcing the cavern walls and installing what looked like the framework for gates in a couple places. When I approached Elaglo, though, he was cagey about what was going on down there, and clearly wanted to keep me within a very constricted area of the place.

Elaglo brought me to a side chamber of RFC where a group of shaman were practicing some sort of summoning ritual. They were being supervised by Xorenth – clearly no longer an invoker – and after I’d been there for a few minutes, they managed to summon up a small pack of lesser flame hounds, evidently straight from the Firelands. It turned out that that was one of the reasons that the two of them – Xorenth especially – had an interest in me: my recent experience navigating the Firelands, and the fact that I’d somehow managed not to lose my neck in the process. The other reason, which was less of a surprise than it would have been even a few hours earlier, was the fact that I’ve had experience as both a shaman and a warlock. Xorenth seemed intent on developing ways to blend a shaman’s invocation of the elements with a warlock’s powers of dominance and control. He didn’t need to talk very much about the undertaking before I started to see how they – Garrosh – envisioned me and, potentially, the Nether Prism entering into the equation. And it didn’t take long for the entire discussion to summon up memories of the attack on Northwatch Hold last year, when a group of Horde shaman summoned and controlled – briefly and forcibly – a handful of molten giants. Shaman – except dressed in the dark robes typically adopted by warlocks. Dark shaman.

It was a strange conversation. I got the distinct impression we were both testing each other, fencing verbally, each of us trying to see if he could get the other to divulge more information without doing the same himself. I can’t imagine that the training of dark shaman and the practicing of summoning rituals could be the entirety of what’s going on in RFC. Everyone had already seen what happened at Northwatch Hold, after all. The cat was out of the bag as soon as those giants started lumbering about.

I suppose I’ll just have to be patient. Garrosh wanted me working with these two, so I suppose I’ll find out more when I need to. I can’t say it’s not a little unnerving for everyone to suddenly be holding me at arm’s length and keeping me in the dark until they’re sure I can be trusted. But I have fences to mend and promises to keep, and there’s too much at stake for me to get it into my fool head that it’s beneath my dignity to have to prove myself again. I would be naive to expect otherwise. Just a matter of weeks ago, after all, I was an exile, and a wanted fugitive before that; I couldn’t reasonably have expected to walk back into Orgrimmar and just have the run of the place. Stroll around like nothing had ever happened. Welcome home. Open arms. Same old Mokvar, the guy everybody’s known for years. I would have been naive.

I have a feeling this is going to be complicated.

 

Mokvar