Tag Archives: earth online
They might be giants
So, I think we can safely say that Earth Online raiding probably isn’t going to be a reliable way to relax and blow off steam. Which is kind of weird, seeing as how you’d THINK it would help you destress to hop online and run around killing things in virtual reality… except that you still wind up having to deal with people who make you want to log off and run around killing things in REALITY reality. Go figure.
I tried talking to Ben-Lin a little, but not being a gamer herself, I don’t think she gets it. She kept asking me variations of “Why do you devote so much time to an activity that you clearly do not enjoy?” I mean…seriously. You might as well ask that about LIFE. I would’ve figured a freaking COUNSELOR wouldn’t be so out of touch. Oh well.
Anyhow. This morning I managed to clear out some time to go over a few reports from Pandaria. Looks like, since the fall of the Thunder King, the Zandalari influence down there has dropped off a ton. They’re not gone altogether, but their numbers have taken a big dive. Not sure if that’s because our people put just that hard a beating on them the last few months, or if they’re decided to high-tail it to greener pastures now that their thunder buddy’s taking a (hopefully permanent, but who the fuck knows these days?) dirt nap. Either way, I’m not going to complain. Fewer trolls around is never a bad thing.
Still, with the Zandalari mostly cleared out, this might be an opportunity to dip into some of the resources they had going for them. Case in point – as Grottee “Green Tirion” Metalbeard brought up in his mailbag letter recently (you know, the letter so frigging massive it had its own fucking gravity well) – these Zandalari fuckers had mounts and minions that were GIANT FUCKING DINOSAURS.
DINOSAURS, MOTHERFUCKER. YIPPEE-KI-YAY.
Now, mind you, a whole shitload of those dinosaurs got killed off when Ponytail and his helpers were rolling over the Zandas, because why would anybody ever fucking think ahead, right? Luckily, I hear tell there’s still a pretty massive supply of them a ways north of the Pandaria mainland on this island called the Isle of Giants. Which, I mean… “Isle of Giants”? Seems a little on the nose to me, but then again, I commissioned a warship named Hellscream’s Fist, so I guess I’m not one to talk.
Anyway, point being, this could be a major asset for us, so I’m sending word to General Nazgrim in Domination Point that I want him to send a scouting detail up to the Isle and size up how things look. Lingering Zanda presence, prospective dinos, size and scope, all that good stuff. For right now, I’m going to have him send a small, reliable unit for recon purposes only. In the meantime, I’m going to operate under the assumption that he’s going to bring back good news – because when was that EVER a bad assumption to make around here? – and get some Kor’kron beastmasters lined up to go with me when I head back to Pandaria in a couple weeks.
More soon.
Raid night
So, everything that’s been going on has kept me fairly busy, but still, what with Gurtash still being a big question mark and there not being a whole lot I can do about it, what little down time I have has still been giving me a little too much time to think. So I figure this is a good time for me to get back online to distract myself for a little while…
You have logged on.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ok now get the pizza guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh dammit i blew a cooldown by mistake
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Warchief.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its ok steve itll be back up before we’re at the boss
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] okay, all set
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, perhaps just soon enough before the boss for him to blow it again.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] did relogging fix it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Looks like it
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which, surely, he would never do.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Get me back in group before I turn it on?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] incoming
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wtf why am i still losing health
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you have food poisoning
[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] has invited you to a raid group.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] from one of the taco guy mobs
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has logged on.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] there we go
You have joined a raid group.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] oh hey, and there’s our tenth
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you need to clear your stacks
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] you can’t cure it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, let me just see about the settings on this thing before I try doing anything else
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i CAN
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well hello!
[Officer][Lorthemar] It seems like I haven’t seen you in ages, Bartleby.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hang on gil
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] let me know if you need any help with it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has joined the raid group.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi bart
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome!
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] wb mok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Thanks
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed, it’s good to see you again, Mokvar.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but i only have so many charges of penicillin
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back to the land of the living. Perhaps literally, from what I understand.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so it would be easier if you could just watch your stacks yourself
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] crap what was that??
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i lost like half my health!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey bart, wb
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea that was [Induced Vomiting]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] it takes a bunch of health but now the poisons out of ur system
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m glad that’s over with. Being dead isn’t something I would have wanted to make a regular thing of.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know in my other guild we just let people die if they get avoidable stuff on them
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] thats harsh
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Sorry I’m late, by the way
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol that would be funny
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh it’s not so bad at all if you know how to manage the situation to your advantage.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that way they learn to stop doing it
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shut up ut
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] not a big deal, we’re just re-clearing the food court
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would have been happy to assist you in that regard, had it come to it.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its not a big deal, no need to let him die
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] steve
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, I think I’ve got this set
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Zoning back in now
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah, hopefully I won’t have any more reason to hold you to that.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] clearly the people in your -other- guild possess the capacity to learn.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] maybe no NEED really but it might just be fun anyway
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What are you working on anyway, boss?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 🙁
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has entered the raid instance {BLACK FRIDAY}
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww gil *hug*
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] installing LEA
[Officer][Lorthemar] He’s setting up an addon for the raid.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ahh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 🙂
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ah, cool, you got raid warnings working
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] u should try to be careful tho
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, now let’s see…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if it’s any help, next time you see a food poisoning cloud, steer away from it and let me send one of my pets to get it
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, yeah, those food poisoning debuffs are nasty
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i can send a vulture or maybe a raccoon
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}<<<~~RW::testing, testing
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] those helped a lot in my other guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With any luck, this will help people be a little more…conscious of the goings-on in the encounter.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] At least the ones from the food court mini-boss
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] o.O
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but then wont they get food poisoning and die?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, there we go
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea no kidding bart
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[**RAID GROUP COMPOSITION**]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Raider Name]~~~~~~[Class]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]~~Teacher
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Bartleby | Mokvar]~~~~~~~Chef~
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[GilbertRose | Dontrag]~~~~Cashier
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]~~~Lawyer
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Lorthemar]~~~~~~~~~~Hairdresser
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]~~~Firefighter
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Nightengayle | Garona]~~~~Nurse
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[ProfHubert | Faranell]~~~~~Zookeeper
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Proudleslie | Jaina]~~~~~~Paramedic
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[SteveKravitz | Utvoch]~~~~Cashier[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] better the pet than you
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Looks like it’s working okay
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not so sure about that lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shut up steve
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::here we go, raid warnings up and running
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] cool
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I watch that guy and I’m like, man, I wish *my* food poisoning hit that hard
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ok guys
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] no, that’s the whole point of a scavenger. they have highly resilient digestive systems.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re clear here
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no kidding, bart – i feel the same way about some of the self-heals these mobs have
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] let’s get moving to the dept. store entrance
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh okay
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, no kidding
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HEY
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i wouldn’t want to get your pets killed
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] awww thats sweet of you worrying about the poor animals
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Makes me wish *I* could be a mini-boss
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::YOU HEARD HIM
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, that is indeed touching.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GET YOUR ASSES MOVING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol yeah me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey, you know, I could get to like this thing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] admittedly, the expression of compassion suffers somewhat from being directed toward a collection of pixels.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHATS UUUP BITTTCCHHHEESSSS
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hoo boy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s doing that?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh dear.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol pwn has a new toy
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] um
[Guild][Lorthemar] That’s Omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Man, I wish I had something like this in real life
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think maybe there was something wrong with my game
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, there is.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I think I might end up regretting this
[Officer][Lorthemar] You just couldn’t have done the raid warnings yourself, eh, Spazzle?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] insofar as you’re the one playing it.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Trust me, boss, you do.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um who else would be playing my game?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I think he kinda wanted to do them himself…
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ut you idiot
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] might i suggest literally anyone?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Ugh, I can already tell it’s going to get old quickly.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] okay
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, people
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i think we’re set
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We had a little trouble with this encounter last time, so I’m going to run through this real quick
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now now, Regent-Lord, let is focus on the task at hand.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i know the encounter so I’m going to afk real quick
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We start the encounter split in two groups
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh ok is gayle’s gonna afk imma make a quick bio
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And reserve petty infighting for its own time and place.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOLD IT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HOLD IT RIGHT THERE
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::NO FUCKING AFK’S
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::IF YOU HAVE TO GO, FUCKING HOLD IT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::TILL LATER
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shoulda kept a cup by you’re desk steve
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WE ARE NOT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::REPEAT NOT
[Officer][Lorthemar] -sigh-
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] eww gross
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::CAPITAL N CAPITAL O CAPITAL T
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GOING TO GET STARTED WITH THAT PANDAREN WATER TORTURE
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHERE WE SPEND THE NIGHT BLEEDING TO DEATH
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::FROM THE SLOW DRIBBLE OF A THOUSAND CHAIN AFKS
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I must say, Warchief, this is an occasion when I can appreciate your more authoritarian approach.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GODDAMMIT
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok ok sorry
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok back
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I know, right?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so are we doing a break now or not?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i thought we weren’t
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Putting out some food
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::AS I WAS SAYING
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Come buff up while we get set.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Steve and Gilbert are going to take the registers and handle the waves of shoppers
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ty bart
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you, Bartleby.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Healers will stay in the middle so they can keep an eye on both groups
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The rest of us will be clearing inventory in the stock room
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] bartleby, you should try to stay near the healers too
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] try to send some extra buffs to whichever group needs it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys on the registers need to check out the shoppers as they come in
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You need to keep up with the pace they’re coming in, but not go too fast
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If you check out too many too fast, the next waves spawn faster and eventually we’re going to get overrun
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If they end up spawning too many, I can go over and pick some up as well.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] you guys at the registers
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So you want to check them out slowly
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And by slowly I mean FUCKING SLOW
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not an ideal solution, but I can do what I can, then use my [Restraining Order] to drop aggro.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] try to use as many credit charges as you can
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good idea.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] payments over time help balance out the pacing a lot
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok got it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’ll admit, having those two doing a key job doesn’t exactly make me bubble over with confidence.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Once we fill out the sales quota for phase 1, that’ll spawn the boss
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i know
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There’s no aggro reset so you need to get the fuck out of the way once Bridezilla spawns
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and the bridesmaid adds
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, but they’d be in no less of a position to derail the attempt in the stock room.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and let BadCrumble pick them up
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t get close to the fitting rooms
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, true.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Burn down the two bridesmaids LDG marks, then everyone on the boss
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we can handle the phase transition well, we should be fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s been out biggest difficulty.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] manage trash waves, burn boss, profit
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] got it!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Everybody good then?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] looks like it
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] go go go!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay then
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Initiated:BRIDEZILLA]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Everyone to your places
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have the left side of the stock room covered.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok I have everyone in range
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’m good on the right side
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 1]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got the whole inventory group covered
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] incoming
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] except lor
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok gil can you try not to get too far from the register
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] your getting out of range
[Guild][Lorthemar] I need to be this close to be in melee range.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ll back up to get in range if I start getting hit.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so far so good
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A little extra focus on this side, Professor?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] stock room clearing out fine so far
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] keep it going
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We can probably afford to clear the shoppers a little faster
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] could you use a hyena or an ocelot?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ocelot, please.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil you need to stay in range
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 2]]
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] on it.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok thats better
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re good over here
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good, they’re evening out now.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heals going okay?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] if gil can keep in range yea
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i can reach him gayle
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’ll put out some carrots
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shoppers?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] [Sharp Eyesight] for your range.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] actually
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re getting behind
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Which wave are we on?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] 2
[Guild][Lorthemar] Two
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] should i send a pet out to help?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] 2
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Pick it up, guys
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s not good.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I didn’t mean THAT slow
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 3]]
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We should be on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] well there we go.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] did we clear wave 2?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are you guys doing up there?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] trying sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys need to get more payments over time rolling on all of them
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bart can you buff them up
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What do we need, coffee for haste or spinach for might?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Both, if you can.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, but I’ll have to blow my [Smorgasbord]
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] do it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] More PoTs
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] having it later won’t matter if we don’t get there
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] More PoTs
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Done
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That should help.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Channeling {Customer Dissatisfaction}]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, braintrust, now you should
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] INTERRUPT THAT
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] oh fuck
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too late
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh crap
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We have a manager incoming
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] on my way
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Where at?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] can you cover this here lor
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Querulous Manager Spawned]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] register 4
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ll do the best I can.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ugh
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::BadCrumble to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::ProfHubert to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::SteveKravitz to register 4
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] picking him up
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] ok
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::Bartleby to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::whatever the fuck you do
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] no guys
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::DON’T STAND CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] crap
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] spread
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] spread
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Querulous Manager Casting {Frightful Admonition}]]
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Crap
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] damn i’m feared
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Can someone clear him?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s out of range
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] shoppers loose
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m coming out
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] grabbing them up the best I can
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh dear
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] crap
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He got feared into the dressing room…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh dammit.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Frantic Bridesmaids Spawning]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugghhhhh
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] WE’VE GOT BRIDESMAIDS
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] got some on me
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] summoning my honey badger.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::MANY BRIDESMAIDS
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit i’m down
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] putting it on some of the bridesmaids.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HANDLE IT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We can’t be shorthanded now
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] getting him up
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you sure prof?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] CLEAR
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[Proudleslie | Jaina] Casts: {Defibrillator} on [GilbertRose | Dontrag]
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not the first time she’s said that, am I right?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] they hit pretty hard
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] watch
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] whew ok
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] maybe not the time, chief
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh wow yea
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] honey badger doesnt give a fuck
[Officer][Lorthemar] -snicker-
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] More heals on MBC
[Guild][Lorthemar] We’ve got bridesmaids back in the storeroom now
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::FUUUCCCCKKKKK
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lot of adds loose still
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] trying
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Kind of hard for him to get them all when jackasses spawn too many
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] we’ve got a lot of damage coming in
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] bah, I’m dead.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yet again.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m down, too.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’ve got a bad feeling about this
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh i’m dead
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] second time
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] amatuer.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] focus the manager, maybe if we can get him out of the way
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::everyone on manager
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::NO AOE, FOCUS FIRE
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] well so much for that
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i’m down
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] aaaaaand i have some friends
[Bob] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my defib’s on cooldown =(
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It doesn’t much matter at this point.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dead
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGGGHH
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] just wipe it
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yeah.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I knew it was going to be trouble relying on them for that job…
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OK
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] SO
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] problem is they’re way more suited for shoppers than anything else
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::SO
[Officer][Lorthemar] I know…
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Ended:BRIDEZILLA (100%)]]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHAT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::THE FUCK
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WAS THAT SHIT
[Guild][Bob] ’ey, you get ’em, mon? link da loot!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can revive. Don’t release.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I MEAN SERIOUSLY
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no bobby =(
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW WAS THAT EVEN REMOTELY FUCKING POSSIBLE
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i know, that was rough
[Guild][Bob] ahhh dat sucks, mon
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] you know, the worst part is it was actually going pretty well there
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what happened
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] until it started coming apart
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[[[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Casting {Death and Taxes}]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] why yes, everything was going just swimmingly until suddenly everyone was dead.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You two
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Gil and Steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh dammit Gil get over here so you don’t accidentally start the encounter again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i’m steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHICH ONE YOU ARE
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We may need to come up with a creative way around this phase.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look, you two
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We put you
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hopefully “creative” in a non-hacking, non-exploit sort of way, yes?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] on fucking CASHIER duty
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, Regent-Lord, you’re so charmingly boy scoutish.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So hang on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But fine.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look at this.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[**RAID GROUP COMPOSITION**]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Raider Name]~~~~~~[Class]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]~~Teacher
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Bartleby | Mokvar]~~~~~~~Chef~
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[GilbertRose | Dontrag]~~~~Cashier
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]~~~Lawyer
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Lorthemar]~~~~~~~~~~Hairdresser
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]~~~Firefighter
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Nightengayle | Garona]~~~~Nurse
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[ProfHubert | Faranell]~~~~~Zookeeper
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Proudleslie | Jaina]~~~~~~Paramedic
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[SteveKravitz | Utvoch]~~~~Cashier[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] IT’S THE ENTIRE REASON YOUR FUCKING CLASS EVEN EXISTS
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] also, FUCKING HOW????
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have a thought. What about this.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] how what sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ljksdhfglishpg9tj78w945e3fyhvwol384t6y7holsighd
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] It would have to be an improvement over what we’re doing, really…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry sir
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really just don’t understand.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We’re not managing the shoppers in the first phase well enough.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Granted, I wasn’t out there.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So let’s bypass them.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] how?
[Guild][Lorthemar] But how could you have gotten that far behind on shoppers?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let’s zerg phase one.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um i dont know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s “zerg”?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Were you even using any of your abilities at all?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think so
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nothing, really.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I just made up the word. I just thought it sounded good.
[Guild][Lorthemar] You…think so?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well what does it mean?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It means we all swarm the adds in the first phase.
[Guild][Lorthemar] How do you not know if you were even USING your abilities?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All in a big, overpowering mass.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] try not to get upset lor
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i dont know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Rather like felhounds, come to think of it.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m clicking on buttons and stuff
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well the thing is, though, the faster we take the first adds, the faster more will spawn.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Do you know what they DO?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i have a cashier alt in my other guild
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] If we try to power through them, we’ll be swimming in them.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] maybe i can try to explain this to you guys?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] how do you know?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True.
[Guild][Lorthemar] How do…
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But we’re swimming in them anyway.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh wow that would be really nice gayle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok i can try
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] This way, at least, we can all be focused on powering through the checkouts.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Blazes…
[Guild][Lorthemar] They should not be at the raiding stage and still need someone to explain what their abilities do!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And once we spawn the boss, we won’t have any more shoppers spawning.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lor dont get so upset
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lor I agree but we are where we are
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s actually not a bad idea.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] It’s risky, but yeah, if it works…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] would you prefer no one help them and they keep making mistakes?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hey, why are all the officers so quiet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Maybe if we blow all our cooldowns and buffs right off the top.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] My thinking exactly.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I would prefer to have guildmates who knew what they were doing!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Spazz, what do you think? Number crunch real quick?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey look lorthemar
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] uhh yea…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] they’re talking in officer chat.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’re doing the best we can okay
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] about what?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’m coming up with a 32.33% chance of survival
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] repeating
[Guild][Lorthemar] Actually not okay, but still.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Of course
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and its pretty lousy for you to be getting all nasty about it
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like considering
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably about how much you fail.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, that’s a lot better than we’re doing right now
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh 🙁
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? Considering?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean come on man, you only just joined the guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Agreed, Warchief.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ya wasnt it just a couple weeks ago?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we hardly even know you and you’re gonna be talking crap about people?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i can’t see any way at all that this won’t end well.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Guild][Lorthemar] ………
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] actually i think he joined like a month or so after i did
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll spell it out to these clowns
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but ya man who are you to be coming down on everyone
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::Okay, listen up
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh SCREW THIS
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAAAAARRRRRR
[Guild][Lorthemar] THERONNNNNNNN
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Initiated:BRIDEZILLA]]
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whats going on
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] oh crap
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He started the encounter!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] dammit lor’themar
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 1]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GO GO GO GO GO
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh this repair bill is gonna suck
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GET IN THERE
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ugh
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] picking up as much as I can
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Frantic Bridesmaids Spawning]]
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and the wheel turns again.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] dammit lor’themar!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well damn that was fast
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well, now we know I can tank really well
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] just extremely briefly.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh-
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh my defib is still down
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Regent-Lord…
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think it’s really going to matter, leslie
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] down.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] me too
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Ended:BRIDEZILLA (100%)]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dammit Lori
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you idiot, lor’themar
[Guild][Lorthemar] At least I have roasted quail.
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I am not looking forward to the email that will surely be coming this afternoon.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay people
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This clearly isn’t going to work tonight
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let’s call it a night and try to start fresh next week
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok pwn
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea probably just as well
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m gonna log. Maybe Ben-Lin’s got some free time
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir, i’ll try to do better
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ll try to help puffy finish leveling too
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] later, chief
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] maybe he can help a little
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, we know he’s magical.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, if we need someone to swap in next time, I might know someone.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] right?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does that include miracles?
You have logged off.
Yeah, so. I’ll write more later, after go find Ben-Lin. And beer. Lots of beer. Not necessarily in that order.
More soon.
Monday mailbag
Okay, peeps, time to hack through a little more of this backlog of letters. Here we go.
As an amateur artist myself, I’m always interested in others’ artistic work. Lately I’ve been taking particular interest in the artistry that went into your tattoos. I’m curious if they have any special meaning, like certain markings indicating anything specifically. They look like someone put a lot of effort into the intricate detailing. And placement.
No, really, that’s why I’ve been staring. I’m studying. The tattoos.
Also, speaking of artwork, tell Gurtash to keep up the good work, I’ve been enjoying watching his drawings develop. Is there any chance that some of his drawings of you might become available as pinups? I’m just curious. I’d like to help support a budding young artist, you see.
Innocently yours,
–Tandeleina, Silvermoon City
Uh huh. Yup.
#TheLadiesLoveGarrosh
But to answer your question, Tandeleina (do you have any nicknames, by the way? not for nothing, but your name is seriously a bitch to type)… The tattoos are Warsong ceremonial markings, done by Vanteg from back in Nagrand. I talked about this a little once before, but I guess I never really touched on what the tattoos actually mean. Because they DO mean things – they’re not just some fancy scribbles that somebody doodled all over me at random and hoped they would look badass. Well, except when Gurtash draws them, because honestly, he DOES just kind of doodle them all over me, like I can just imagine him spending all day working on one of those sketches of me, and struggling like hell to recreate all that awesome on paper, and then he gets to the end and realizes he still needs to do the tattoos, only at that point he’s all tired and spent from the whole exercise so he’s like “oh fuck it” and scribbles a bunch of vaguely stripey shapes on me. Because, see, in reality, unlike Gurtash’s drawings, my tattoos are NOT different shapes in different locations every single time you look at me. Kid’s got a good eye in general, I guess, but apparently getting that much right calls for TWO good eyes.
But I digress.
Anyway, the tattoos fall into two groups, the ones on my back and the ones on my shoulders and arms. The markings on my arms stand for the major victories and achievements of my family line, with the earliest accomplishments being represented around my shoulders, then working their way toward the present as they continue down my arms. So as you trace down each arm, you can follow the achievements of my grandfather, Golmash, then Grommash and Lakkara, then me. They all pretty much look like interchangeable stripes to the untrained eye, but see, there are all these little subtle variations, where the bands get thicker or narrower, where there are little nicks and indentations, where there are curves and where they stay straight… every little detail is symbolic for something. You’ll also notice, the tattoos only run down to about my elbows. I had Vanteg do that deliberately, so there’d be room for me to add more tattoos down the rest of my arms as time goes on. Who knows, now that it turns out I’m not the last of the line, maybe if Shay does something big one day, I can get myself inked up a little more to cover that.
Meanwhile, the tattoos on my back mean something else. See, the accomplishments of my family go on my arms, because the arms stand for deeds and actions. The back, on the other hand, stands for the…well, the backbone. The framework that supports everything else. So the markings on my back symbolize different qualities that are valued in the Warsong clan or within my family line. So there’s one marking that means loyalty, and one marking that means prowess in battle, and another marking that means strength of will, and then there’s that one stray marking on the left side of my back that means Vanteg should have known to put the fucking needle down for a minute when he felt the hiccups coming on. By the by, he’s got a marking of his own now that symbolizes that very same thing, only it’s not made of fucking ink.
So there you go, ladies. Now you have an excuse to take a good long look next time you see me tooling around Orgrimmar. It’s not leering, it’s exegesis! I’ll know the truth, but that can just be our little secret. You’re welcome.
Wazzup? Long time reader, first time writer here. Anyway, I got a bit of a problem I was hoping you’d take care of for me. Could you call off your Kor’kron mooks every time I come into the city to sell my goods? I’m a loyal citizen of the Horde and a skilled engineer, and I haven’t stolen anything I ain’t earned through good and honest–whoa I almost got that out legit there.
Anyway, all I do is sell inferior gnome engineered products to promote how much more AWESOME goblin engineered products are (not to mention that there’s less of a chance of turning into a chicken when you use ’em), but every time, your Kor’kron goons come over and harass me outta my stall! Since I’m already paying protection to the Tinker’s Guild and the Trade Prince, if I gotta start paying you, I wouldn’t even be breaking even profit-wise! What’s a girl gotta do to make some semi-honest coin around here?
–Glessee “Glitch” Sparkbolt, Sparkbolt Enterprises
Hey, Glitch, thanks for writing. What the hell took you so long? Freaking lazy-ass goblins. Anyhow.
So let me get the straight. Your business plan…is to sell stuff that you know going in is crap…so people can SEE that it’s crap…and then not buy it anymore…and then go to someone ELSE who’s selling BETTER stuff and buy from THEM? So you’re telling them, “Goblin products are awesome – and I’m not selling them! So you better go give your money to someone who isn’t me”? That’s your business model?
I’m going to stick my neck way, way out and guess that you don’t exactly have investors lined up around the block to sink money into this operation.
So as far as the Kor’kron go, see, there isn’t any law against selling gnomish products, but if you’re causing a nuisance with your junk, then yeah, they’re going to come over and stop the operation and make sure you don’t give any more people cause to register complaints.
So here’s the question for you: When you were getting “harassed” out of your stall, HAD you just turned a would-be customer into a chicken? How about a frog? Did you just make somebody’s mother-in-law seven feet taller? Did you just give some horny teenager x-ray vision? (Fucking hell save us if that kind of tech drops into a certain pair of doodle-prone hands I know.) Did you just go “one two three kablooey” and turn somebody’s hat into a bowl lime sherbet? Did you give somebody a free trial of a teleportation device only instead of taking them to the Barrens it popped them into a parallel dimension made entirely out of shrimp, only when you pulled them back it split them into two copies of themselves, one with all the good and noble qualities and one with all the evil nasty stuff, but neither of them are strong enough to survive on their own, plus there’s the persistent uncontrollable toxic flatulence?
Because seriously, once you open the can of worms that is gnomish tech, no outcome is too ridiculous to be off the menu. That’s why, at the end of the day, I DO prefer goblin products. At least with those, you know they’re only ever going to blow up in your face LITERALLY.
I finally decided to give Earth Online a try after reading about your adventures there. It’s a pretty fun game! I decided to follow in your footsteps and roll a teacher class. I’m coming up on the end of the university starter zone, and I’ve been doing okay with the student teacher proving grounds, but since I’m about to venture off the safe confines of campus, I was wondering if you had any helpful tips on playing a teacher successfully in the big wide world?
–Gurda Ragescar, Splintertree Post
Thanks for writing, Gurda. Glad you’re liking the game. The teacher class is a tricky one, what with all the lesson plan juggling and management of your minions, but it can be pretty fun once you work out how you’re going to do things. A lot of stuff is going to depend on how you’re specced, like if you’ve got more of a science or orcities (what those Alliance buggers probably call humanities) build, so I don’t want to get too deep into specifics that might not apply to you. But, I can give you a few things you might want to keep in mind.
First, when you’re dealing with your minions and issuing them commands, you need to spam those keybindings. Do not – repeat, DO NOT – make the mistake of thinking you can press the button once to tell the brats to do something and then sit back pleased as can be expecting them to go do it. There is ZERO chance they’re going to do what you tell them until you click on it at least three or four times. Same thing goes for when you try to up their skills. You want to boost them up a skill point, you need to hit that train button six or seven times. It will not take otherwise. It’ll bounce right off their stubborn little heads. You might think I’m crazy, but just you watch – try sending them off on a mission, only hit the assignment key once, then come back when the mission is supposed to be done, and watch the blank looks on their faces, like they’re saying, “Oh…did you want me to do something?”
Second, sometimes when you’re dealing with one of your minions, it’ll spawn this older-looking NPC that’ll aggro on you and initiate a parent-teacher conference solo scenario. Those can be tricky. You’ve got to improvise on the fly as far as the parent’s mechanics, but basically, you need to wear them down until they stop being hostile and turn friendly. At that point, they’ll help you reinforce whatever you’re trying to get your minions to do. Here’s the catch, though: some of the parents will be really easy to get on your side, and some of them will be damn near impossible – like infuriatingly so. And the funny part is, the easy parents are the ones whose kids were pretty easy for you to handle in the first place, so you probably don’t really NEED help from the parents. But those are the ones that spawn more often. But the harder parents? Yeah, they’re tough to deal with, but they’re kind of worth it, because THEIR kids are frigging impossible to handle, so you NEED all the help you can get with them…only those parents almost never spawn. It’s like they don’t want to be bothered with the little brats, so good luck ever getting them to show for a conference.
When you’re grinding out your paper-grading dailies, DO NOT try to do too many of them in one sitting. If you try to grind out too many at once, your patience bar will burn out way too quickly and you’ll end up giving D’s to everyone in the bottom half of the pile.
That’s it as far as suggestions. One fun thing to look out for, though – when you’re going around the world away from your school, keep an eye out for your minions. It won’t happen often, but every once in a while you’ll randomly run into one of them wandering around the world. Keep an eye open, and watch them when that happens – they will freak the fuck out, like they’re totally dumbstruck by the fact that you exist out in the regular world. I just get a kick out of watching them panic and scramble around all confused. Maybe it’s just me.
The name’s Grottee Metalbeard. You know, that goblin who came to see you with a letter from your old buddy Thrall. Of course, you probably remember better from when a message with my name on it was sent to your Live Blog a coupla weeks back. Darndest thing: that wasn’t me.
Turns out, my assistant Mindy found my password and logged in a few hundred times when I wasn’t around – after all, a shaman’s work is never done. That little question about the Warsong? Her doing. It’s a good question, but I wasn’t gonna ask it, so she did.
Good news is, I finally know why I’m getting all those meal deal emails. And how my old boss Gallywix somehow found out about my recent fling with an old friend, Sassy Hardwrench, during one of my trips to Stranglethorn. (I knew all those gossip magazines were hiding something from me!)
The bad news is, I’m now in the market for a new assistant. And a new office. Turns out she blew it up with smuggled explosives. That mystery boob job she went on and on about? Bombs smuggled in under the shirt. My fault for not asking for a look I guess. Don’t suppose you know where else I could set up?
Aaaanyway, that ain’t what I’m really writing in about. No, no, what I’m writing in about, is these three words: Blackfuse, elementals, trolls.
What am I talking about? I’ll discuss each topic in brief.
Step 1: Blackfuse. I can tell you’re not exactly worried about the technology of your Horde right about now, seeing as how you’re trying to master the Sha and all that. But you really should be. If what I’ve heard is true, the Alliance is gearing up to take you on. As in, lay siege to Orgrimmar, kill anyone who doesn’t run away/surrender and stick your head on a pike. And I’m not talking about your average bunch of Alliance adventurers going in and taking a shot at you hoping Varian will send them a bear in the mail (how does that work, by the way?) or anything like that. I mean, armies from all over Azeroth baring down on you with their hackles raised. Fortunately for you, I know a guy who’ll crank Orgrimmar’s Engineering skill all the way to the top. His name’s Helix Blackfuse, and he runs a little outfit called Blackfuse company. They’re a rowdy bundle of backstickers and grease-monkeys who build high-tech shredders, giant lasers, the odd drilling machine and yes, a crapload of bombs, then sell ’em to whoever’s got the gold. I’m saying this ’cause while I don’t have enough money to pay him to make me a sandwich, you probably have the gold to tie him to the Horde at the hip. Blackfuse has a weakness for shiny gold worse than the average magpie; you pay him enough, he’ll build you a giant metal scorpid with laser, bombs and buzz-saws coming out the wazoo. I figure that should be a step in the right direction.
Step 2: Elementals. Let me be blunt, Warchief: I know you’ve been getting offers of help from the Dark Shaman. You know, the ones who force the elementals to bend to their will and corrupt them into creatures of darkness. I’m only gonna say this once: don’t. Whatever neat little tricks they promised you, don’t. Don’t say yes to the jokers who think the elements are tools they get to bend in or out of shape as they like. You think life in the desert is harsh now? I’ve been chatting to the elements here, and they’re being nice. Even after you dragged out those molten giants during your attack on Theramore, they’ve decided to let your people keep on living here. But they’re running out of tolerance. It’s pretty understandable. If you laugh and spit in people’s faces too often they’ll try to get rid of you – like I was gonna do to Gallywix before the volcano on Kezan erupted. Besides, you don’t need to force the elementals to fight for you – some of them’ll do it for free.
And before you ask, I know this because since the death of Deathwing I’ve been hopping to some of the elemental planes, chating with the natives. Turns out, there’s entire armies of elementals out there without a cause to fight for. I don’t expect you to know this, but the leaders of the wind and fire elementals got KO’d a while back, like FOR REAL. Not coming back no matter how many reset buttons get pushed. Which means there’s a power vacuum in the Skywall and the Firelands – and a few of the more intelligent ones are happy to take any work they can get. Business has been good for me so far. Maybe you’d like to try it?
Now, like I said, the wind and fire elementals need no prompting, so that’s two elements ticked off right from the off. Earth is a little more tricky, ’cause their ruler is still around, and they’re not exactly big on mortals around there. Still, I’ve got a lot of pull with the Stonemother, so I imagine at least some of them would be willing to try working with someone I gave a ringing endorsement. The water boys, though? That’s kinda tricky. They’d be willing to give you a run, see how things go. But there’s a catch (of course there is) – namely, they want a small army of Horde troops to help them with reclaiming the Abyssal Maw from the naga. And not the kids fresh out of training either. Top of the line Kor’kron boots in the water is what they want. It seems there’s a few of them who are happy to serve the Alliance’s Frost mage population, and they don’t really want to switch sides without a little stellar motivation. I was half-tempted to say yes just to find out what the hell happened to that Neptulon guy, but I figured I should run it by you and see what we should do. Anyway, all I’m saying is, you’ve got an opportunity to play nice and get what you want from the elementals without screwing them and yourself over. I’d take it, if I were you.
Step 3: Trolls. And I’m not talking about the guys you know about – the peacemakers with the ambition of soggy wood. No, I’m talking about the big boys. The fellas who made an empire once, long ago. After the death of the Thunder King, they’re in a bad way in terms of leadership, and reduced to grasping at straws. Basically, they’ll take whatever help they can get, I’m sure. And let me tell you, Warchief, these guys mean business. I’ve seen them come out with some of the coolest toys a troll can get his hands on: giant dinosaur mounts, massive golems, even a few loa priests with transformation magic. Hell, you could get a lot of mileage out of them, and by bringing them into the fold, you’d be sending a message to those Darkspear morons that they’re not as needed as they think they are. Plus, you’d not only get rid of one of an ongoing list of enemies for the Horde, you’d also get powerful allies against the Alliance. Genius, huh?
Anyway, let me know how your negotiations go if you decide to give Blackfuse or the Zandas a call. And, uh, on the subject of the elementals, do I have the go-ahead? Be nice to do something more constructive than go brewing and selling the Vial of the Sands all day.
–Grottee Metalbeard, goblin shaman
We now continue with Tuesday mailbag. Because holy fucking SHIT, what the fuck just happened THERE? Where did the last eight pages and twelve hours go, for fuck’s sake?
Look, Grottee – and thank the spirits you had your name on the very last line there, because I sure as fuck wasn’t going to go looking – you might be brilliant and insightful and wise and skillful and loyal and punctual and have impeccable table manners, but DUDE, the FUCK? A mailbag letter should NOT have CHAPTER BREAKS, dude. And look, maybe you think I’m being a little hard on you, and maybe you’re thinking “oh, come on, that gigantic congealed brick of words wasn’t THAT long,” here, allow me to defer to an expert witness who knows a thing or two on the subject. Check this out:
DO YOU SEE THAT? DO YOU? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING MAGNITUDE OF THAT SHIT?!
Okay, so, I’m just going to respond to random assorted parts of that, because in all honesty, I think I zoned out about four or five times trying to make my way through that. So here we go.
Goblin tech. Got it. Not a bad idea. I might have to look up this Blackfuse dude. Like I was just telling Glitch back before forty days and forty nights blew on by, goblin tech CAN be handy, and it’s sure as hell a better option than trying our luck on gnomish crap.
So, water elementals. Look, dude, go hang out with the elementals all you want, but don’t hold your breath waiting to get an answer on the whole Neptulon thing. Mark my words, we are never going to find out what the fuck happened to that dude. It’s just going to be one of those crazy mysteries lost to the mists of time, like where Medivh vanished off to, or what creepy shit is going on under Tirisfal Glades (other than the regular ol’ creepy shit that Sylvanas is doing any given Tuesday), or what really happened to Turalyon and Alleria or whoever the fuck. You’re just never going to find out. Either that or you’ll find out somewhere between 4-6 years from now, and at that point the answer’s probably just going to be a giant fucking disappointment anyway.
Meanwhile…the Zandalari. Um…dude, I’ve got enough headaches from the trolls we’ve got, without going out and digging up some more. I mean, fuck, if that’s what I’m going to do, how about I go help Lather-on-us recruit some more fucking hippies into DEHTA and send them an invitation to come hang out in Grommash Hold, and then I can round up some of these goblin mad scientist types and see if they can come up with a way to clone Dontrag and Utvoch, and then how about I log onto Earth Online and try pugging for a couple hours, or until my eyes bleed, whichever comes first (pro tip: smart money takes the under), and then I can put on my snazziest suit and invite Magatha over for afternoon tea. THE FUCK KIND OF OPERATION DO YOU THINK I’M RUNNING HERE?
That said, as much as I’m no fan of trolls, riding around on dinosaurs? THAT’s kind of badass. I might have to see about getting me one of those.
That does it for this time. As always, keep those letters coming.
More soon.
[Keep the letters coming indeed – because next week the Warchief will be cranking out an extra mailbag for this month! So keep your questions, thoughts, and ramblings coming for next Monday!]
The Horde is family (part 3)
Picking up where we left off last time…
* Ariok started asking Spazzle about his father, Eitrigg (who’s been more and more on the outs with Garrosh lately, such as here), before Mokvar turned up and…you know…started telling his life story.
* After Ji took off in search for Mokvar against Garrosh’s objections, Spazzle had this conversation with Vol’jin here.
NEXT: WAKE-UP CALL
Contrary to what you surely believe…
…I live! Well, I live, as in me, Averry. Garrosh…kinda lives? Only he doesn’t? Except…he still does, here? Until he doesn’t. It’s…it’s complicated. You get the idea.
POINT BEING. I’m still here! While I hadn’t intended to go quiet for so long, it was partly by design that the blog went on an unofficial break during the holidays. My plan was to take a little time off from posting and to use some of that down time to get material prepared for when I was ready to start up again. My hope was that doing so would benefit everyone involved: for readers, fewer long gaps between posts, since updates would be at least partially prepared in advance; and for me, a bit of relief from the constant self-imposed pressure to keep the production line going as quickly as (or maybe even more quickly that) I can. As much as I enjoy writing and drawing the blog, it felt at times last year like I was putting down railroad tracks while the train is coming up behind me — as soon as I would finish a post, as soon as it would go up on the site, my thoughts would immediately go to “Okay, hurry up, get the next one done, get the next one done.” After a while, that can make an otherwise fun experience into something draining. That’s not good for me, but it’s also not good for all of you, who deserve to get the best quality of work I can manage when you come here.
So, I decided to give myself a sabbatical over the holidays, which ended up carrying on for longer than I’d intended. I’ve been keeping busy during that time, though, and have managed to get quite a bit in the pipeline to go live. I don’t want to name specific dates here and now, only because I have a couple more very specific benchmarks that I want to clear before I resume the blog’s storyline, just to make sure I don’t stumble into a new delay. But NEW STUFF is imminent (and we’re talking about a matter of days, not weeks)! So, in the interest of stirring you all up and whetting your appetites, you will soon get to look forward to…
- Mokvar’s saga concludes! We’ll be seeing the rest of what befell everyone’s favorite shaman-turned-warlock scribe at the hands of Kanrethad and Jubeka, then how the whole expedition to Blackrock Spire ends.
(Not without a surprise or two…)
- Garrosh’s Earth Online guild, <Warchief>, has its first raid night! Listen in on the happenings in guild chat when the 10-man team marches into the notorious Earth Online raid, Black Friday!
- Remember years ago during Children’s Week, when you escorted that blood elf orphan
around the world, and eventually learned she was being adopted by Lady Liadrin? Well, Salandria is a teenager now, and is about to join the ever-expanding supporting cast. (Shayari needs a peer to hang out with, right?)
- Not to get too far ahead of ourselves, but after dropping the ball during last April’s National Poetry Month, the Warchief has plans for this year. EPIC VERSE on the way…and, throughout the month of April, no shortage of it!
- Naturally, interspersed through all of this will be more “30 Days” character profiles — and for our next one, you even get a say in who gets spotlighted. Take your pick of supporting characters, and make your voices heard:
- It’s been far too long since the Warchief dipped into his reader mail, so expect a new mailbag soon — in fact, you should make a point of contributing! E-mail Garrosh at garrosh1337@gmail.com with your thoughts, questions, or general goofiness! And, to make sure the ever-popular mailbags don’t have any more long gaps, I’m committing to a schedule for them going forward: the first Monday of each month, you can look forward to a “Monday mailbag” post. But remember, the quality of Garrosh’s responses hinges on the quality of his mail — so get thinking!
- Speaking of responding to reader inquiries… mark your calendar! To kick off the “restart” of the blog, Garrosh will be fielding your questions on many and sundry topics, live (sort of) and in person (kind of) this Sunday night (February 15) — in an “ASK GARROSH” LIVE BLOG! Starting at 8:30 PM EST, the Warchief will respond to questions submitted by you, his LOYAL READERS AND MINIONS, on the spot as they come in. You can send your inquiries through e-mail, on Twitter (@GarroshHllscrm), via Garrosh’s page at Ask.fm, or through comments on the live blog page itself. What you shouldn’t do, though, is send them in advance — once the live blog begins, I’ll be (um, I mean, Garrosh will be) responding to questions completely on the fly, sans preparation. Let’s see what I can come up with on the spot, and/or how badly I fall on my face!
I know 2014 was a rather rough and uneven year for WCB. I appreciate all of you hanging in there, and the continued support and friendship I’ve received from many of you. Granted, 2015 is off to something of a belated start, but hopefully I’m in a position to stay on top of things better than I had been. (Very likely, I’ll continue to build occasional posting breaks into the blog to let me get a jump on things again, but I’ll try to be better about letting you all know when those will be.) Garrosh’s adventures continue…and, frankly, I can’t say I’m all that disappointed that drawn-out posting is keeping him alive in the blogosphere well past his in-game expiration date. He’s a character I would never want to live with, but he’s way too fun to live in.
Be seeing you,
Averry
30 Days of Character Development #8: Ruekie
[Periodically, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]
Name: Rue’kara (“Ruekie”)
Occupation: Horde military trainee
Race: Orc
Class: Shaman (elemental)
Age: 15
Group affiliations: Horde (citizen), Dead Peons Society (a.k.a. “DPS,” member)
Known relatives: Norok (father), Ba’laka (mother), Tue’kara (“Tuekie,” twin sister), Gru’vak (younger brother), Shayis Steelfury (aunt), Saru Steelfury (uncle), Sumi (cousin), Tumi (cousin)
Earth Online notes: Ruekie does not play Earth Online. (She might be scandalized by trade chat if she did.)
First appearance: “Dead Peons Society” (first appearance of the DPS as a group), “Underground farmer’s market” (first named appearance)
Key posts and plot points:
- Ruekie and her sister, Tuekie, were among the group of “high aptitude” trainees whom Garrosh took under his direct supervision in “Being a role model is a full-time job” and who embraced the group nickname of “Dead Peons Society,” or DPS, in the eponymous post. When Garrosh left Orgrimmar to join the Horde’s forces in Pandaria, he brought most of the trainees with him, including Ruekie. (For one reason or another, a handful of the trainees stayed behind in Durotar, including Ruekie’s sister, rogue trainee Tuekie.
- Ruekie’s first named appearance in “Underground farmer’s market,” in which Garrosh found an Earth Online dollar-farming operation in Pandaria. Ruekie had the relatively merciful idea of stopping the operation by pointing out to the young dollar farmers that Horde trainees were paid an allowance considerably greater than their modest pay, and, well, that was the end of that.
- In “Departures,” Ruekie joined the rest of the DPS in Pandaria on what was meant to be a routine operation at the Temple of the Red Crane. That was before A Little Patience happened, though, and Alliance forces routed the Horde troops at the temple. Ruekie and the rest of the DPS fled to a nearby system of caves, here Garrosh would eventually find them.
- The trainees’ underground episode in Krasarang provided a few major Ruekie moments: Before Garrosh arrived, the DPS had encountered saurok in the cave, and during the ensuing battle,
fellow trainee Lok’osh was killed; after Garrosh found the surviving trainees, an agonized Ruekie confided in the Warchief about her unsuccessful attempt to heal Lok’osh…leading to a rare “Garrosh has a soul” moment (“Don’t blame the healer”). Later, during the group’s escape from the saurok caves, Ruekie’s command of the elements played a key role in bailing the Warchief out of a precarious position (“Exit strategy”).
- Ruekie, as a shaman, has always been a devoted admirer of Thrall. (As opposed to her more hawkish sister, Tuekie, who is an avid Garrosh fan. Perhaps a bit too much. Like, Garona-esque too much.) In light of her relatively positive interactions with Garrosh during the Krasarang adventure, it’s anyone’s guess who she would side with now. You know, in the unlikely event that those two should come into conflict somehow.
- Ruekie maintains a Twitter presence at @RuekieShaman. Her Twitter voice is provided by long-time reader and commenter Rakael, whose in-game character Ruekie is the basis for her in-blog namesake. Many thanks to Rakael for generously allowing me to steal her orc alt baby for my own nefarious purposes here, and for her ongoing contributions to Ruekie’s character (many of which appear in this very profile).
In her own words:
Describe your relationship with your mother or your father. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?
My parents…well, I can’t say we had a bad relationship, I guess, but they were pretty much just there and not much else. After the orcs moved to Kalimdor, my family didn’t settle in Durotar. Instead, they moved to Camp Taurajo in the Barrens, which is where they raised Tuekie and me. They never really taught us about orcish ways or customs. Most of the time they were too busy dipping into the felweed brownies or whatever. So Tuekie and I ended up spending most of our time with the tauren. Tuekie was more outgoing, more of an explorer, connected with other orcs more easily when they passed through the camp. I kept to myself a lot more. Living with the tauren is what got me started studying the elements.
How vain are you? Do you find yourself attractive?
I…um, me? Do I…well, not really, I guess. I’m just me. Um… <blush>
What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?
Tigule and Foror’s Temple of Caramel-bor! Brown (I know, not super exciting, but it’s soothing and reminds me of the earth). Lakota’mani Girls (it’s a fun tauren festival song…people don’t seem to realize, but those tauren know how to throw a party!). Marsh lilies.
Who do you trust?
I completely trust my teammates. They’re really the first orcs I’ve hung around with on any kind of regular basis where I feel at home. I’ll always admire Thrall as a shaman and for everything he did after the Cataclysm. I didn’t really know what to expect from Garrosh when we started training with him, but he’s really done a lot to try to help us and take care of us. Even me, when I really needed it.
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
I was too young to remember the internment – Tuekie and I were barely born when the orcs fled to Kalimdor – so that change in our lives didn’t really register. The thing that really shook up everything was when Camp Taurajo was destroyed. Afterward, we moved to Durotar and settled in well enough, but the memory of fleeing across the Barrens – not knowing where we were going, looking around wondering if Alliance were about to come for us, still smelling the smoke from the village – will stick with me for as long as I live. Camp T was the closest thing to a home I ever knew. Spirits keep you, Omusa.
Is there an animal you equate to yourself?
A wolf! Spirit puppy FTW! Awooo!
What does your bed look like when you wake up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position do you sleep?
The covers are usually off to the side even before I go to sleep I get too hot with them most of the time. I sleep in kind of a weird position…it’s sort of hard to describe, actually. Maybe it would be better for you to see it for yourself? … Why are you looking at me like that? I just said… <eyes go wide> Oh jeepers! I, um, no, I didn’t mean— that is— I’m not— Next question, please! <blush>
How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?
I usually react by going “Oh dang!” because I just got tongue-tied and messed up the incantation for one of my fire or frost spells.
Are there any blood relatives that you are particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, etc. Are there any others that you practically consider a blood relative?
I’m pretty close with my cousins, Sumi and Tumi. They’re twins, too, by the way. I guess it runs in the family. Their mom – Shayis Steelfury – and my mom are sisters. They all work down in the Valley of Honor. Pretty much the only time I would come to Orgrimmar when I was little was when we would visit that side of the family. My mom mostly tried to keep in touch with her relatives. Father was pretty meh about it, though.
What does you desk/workspace look like? Are you neat or messy?
It’s not really messy, but I feel like I’m always losing things just the same. Like I’ll finish with something, and just put it down wherever I am, instead of things having a place where I’ll know to find them.
Are you superstitious?
Well, I mean, I talk to ancestral and elemental spirits, so I guess I’m kind of superstitious professionally.
What might your ideal romantic partner be?
Oh, I, um… Well, that would… You know what? I…yeah, I don’t really talk about that with…who are you, anyway? So that’s, um, that’s between me and my diary. Which I keep hidden! So don’t, like…you know… <blush>
What’s your favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday?
I love herbed mushroom salad. (They grow some really great mushrooms in Feralas.) Um, people have favorite vices? Why? Wouldn’t they rather be nice? Anyway. Um, my favorite outfit is probably my training uniform – it makes me feel like I’m on my way to being a real shaman! There’s this Pandaren drink called kafa that I really like, even if it makes me kinda hyper. Holiday…probably a toss-up between Hallow’s End and Winter Veil! Candy and presents!
Previous Profiles:
On the last night before the patch, trainees Giska, Korrina, Ruekie, and Kulkesh pay a final visit to their mentor. (Presumably, Gurtash was stuck taking the picture.)
30 Days of Character Development #7: Mokvar
[Periodically, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about.]
Name: Mokvar
Occupation: Scribe; former advisor to the Warchief; former mercenary; currently between gigs, as it were.
Race: Orc
Class: Warlock (currently and formerly), shaman (formerly)
Age: 44
Group affiliations: Horde (former citizen, currently banished), Earthen Ring (former member), Veiled Blade (former member)
Known relatives: Drulla (mother, deceased), Vokmar (father, deceased), ex-wife (heretofore unnamed)
Earth Online notes: Founding member and officer of Garrosh’s guild <Warchief>; presumably demoted from officer status since falling out of good graces with Garrosh, though it’s currently unclear if he’s actually been demoted or gkicked. Main toon is Bartleby (class unknown); has at least one alt, LamontCranston (not a member of <Warchief> and unknown by most of the guild, possibly all but Spazzle).
First appearance: “Visiting Ashenvale” (first mention), “Underneath the bunker” (first transcript)
Key posts and plot points:
- Garrosh first mentioned Mokvar in the very early days of the blog, during an inspection trip to Ashenvale. After completing an aerial bombing run over Astralaan, the Warchief was most irate that Mokvar wasn’t able to adequately sketch him walking away from the resulting explosions; Garrosh ordered Mokvar back to Orgrimmar to train up inscription under pain of, well, pain. (Interestingly, the job of keeping visual records of some of Garrosh’s expolits would eventually fall to Gurtash in the form of his comics.)
- Mokvar would return a few weeks later in “Underneath the bunker” to record the first of many transcripts of the Warchief’s dealings. (Also of note is that this transcript marked the first appearance of Dontrag and Utvoch.) From that point on, Mokvar would frequently accompany the Warchief in his adventures, recording Garrosh’s discussions with such luminaries as Tirion Fordring (“Where did all the words go?”), Mylune (not once but twice), Garona and Johnny Awesome (“Awesome job, Mokvar”).
- Mokvar traveled back in time to old Hillsbrad with Garrosh, Liadrin, Faranell, and Utvoch in an attempt to trace the origin of a magic “anti-plague” that was devastating the Forsaken (The Anti-Plague of Southshore). While there, Faranell switched places with a past version of himself and inadvertently set off a series of events that would eventually cause massive disruptions to the timeline (Timequake). In the ensuing chaos, Mokvar was one of the only people to be aware of the changes that had occurred, and helped the Warchief reset history to its proper course. To this day, Mokvar remains one of the only people – along with Garrosh, Liadrin, and Faranell – who remembers the events that transpired in the other timeline. (Okay, yes, Utvoch remembers, too…but would you really bet your next paycheck on him understanding any of it?)
- Just before Garrosh left for Pandaria, Mokvar was attacked and killed under mysterious circumstances (“Death of the author”), though his death was made temporary by his ability to ankh as a shaman. This brush with death marked the beginning of the Mokvar saga that continues to this day; a detailed, post-by-post account can be found here, but here’s the semi-sorta-short version: In his mercenary days before coming to Orgrimmar, when he was a member of the Veiled Blade, Mokvar had acquired, then disposed of, a powerful warlock relic called the Nether Prism; now, years later, the Prism’s prior owner (the drakonid lord Valthalak) has sent spectral assassins after Mokvar in an effort to recover his prize. Mokvar reunited with old mercenary friend Deliana to try to recover the Prism, then launched into a run of suspicious, erratic behavior – traveling to Ironforge under diplomatic cover, then being charged with the murder of one of its citizens; turning for aid to Neeru Fireblade, then, even more damningly, Magatha Grimtotem; breaking out of Orgrimmar while under arrest, leading to his eventual banishment from the Horde.
After Mokvar disappeared from Orgrimmar, he remained off the grid for several months, save for elemental indications to fellow shaman Spazzle that he may have met his final demise. Ji Firepaw, however, wasn’t willing to give up hope for Mokvar’s survival (and rightly so – did anyone really think that I was not only going to kill off Mokvar, but do so off-screen? Really?), and continued investigating Mokvar’s whereabouts. Ji’s search eventually led him to Blackrock Spire, where Mokvar made his dramatic, fel-infused return in “The scouring of the Spire.”
- True story: I originally introduced Mokvar not even as a real character, but as a plot device to justify inclusion of the transcripts. I realized early on that I wanted to include dialogue in the blog, but I didn’t feel like it would fit stylistically to have Garrosh writing it out as it would appear in a novel – one thing I try to maintain (with ranging degrees of success) is the appearance that Garrosh really is writing everything in the blog, as a blog, rather than a short-story-but-we’ll-call-it-a-blog-even-though-we-know-it’s-really-not-wink-wink. Mokvar as a scribe provided an excuse to include that extra material. Another true story: When I was first choosing Garrosh’s scribe, I pretty much went into Grommash Hold and semi-randomly picked someone who looked like he didn’t have much else to do. Who knew?
- For the fashion/transmog-minded among you: Mokvar’s warlock attire is roughly based on the Tier 9 warlock set.
- Mokvar’s Earth Online character, Bartleby, is a reference to the title character in Herman Melville’s short story “Bartleby the Scrivener.” (Scrivener = scribe!) Mokvar likewise references the story on a few occasions when he repeats Bartleby’s signature line, “I would prefer not to.”
- For anyone who hasn’t pieced it together by this point: Mokvar’s close connection to Deliana is based on their parallel in-game roles. Pre-Cataclysm, Mokvar (in Orgrimmar) and Deliana (in Ironforge) were the questgivers who sent adventurers on the (very long and painful) quest chains to upgrade the old “Tier 0.5” dungeon sets. The two characters offered essentially the same quests, which provided the basis for much of the in-blog backstory about Lord Valthalak. (Valthalak’s spirit was the end boss for that quest chain, by the way, and for anyone who missed it during vanilla, fighting him at level was a NIGHTMARE.)
In his own words:
In there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past? Why?
My last job with the Veiled Blade, when we went into Blackrock Spire to collect Valthalak’s goodies. It turned out to be nothing but trouble, and cost most of us our lives – all of us, in fact, other than me and Deliana. (And strictly speaking, it cost me my life, too; it just didn’t stick. So, congratulations to Deliana for being the last one left standing. Was anyone running a pool?)
What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?
Tigule and Foror’s Lok’tar S’more-gar. Cerulean blue. The Lokvad’nod Broxigari. Any daisies I’m not pushing up.
Who do you trust?
After everything we’ve been through, I trust Deliana with my life. The same goes for Ji and Spazzle. I trust Thrall and Eitrigg implicitly, and I’ll probably always be grateful to Thrall for giving me a safe haven all those years ago. I trust Liadrin for her judgment, Saurfang for general badassery, and Garrosh…well, I trust Garrosh to be Garrosh.
How are you with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or email?
I’m no Spazzle, but I’m good enough with technology to get by. I’m not really what you would call tech literate in the broad sense, but I do okay with specific tasks on specific devices; once I learn how to do something, I’m usually fine, but then I don’t like to stray too far from what I know, even if something new and better comes along. I still prefer to write by hand, but I usually end up having to type things out – people are always complaining about my handwriting.
How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?
Heat doesn’t bother me at all. I hardly even notice it. Cold, on the other hand… spirits, I hate the cold. You could not have paid me enough money to go to Northrend.
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
Neither, really. I have pretty strange sleep habits: I usually tend to sleep for 2-3 hours at a time, scattered around random times in the day. It’s a holdover from my mercenary days, when we would often have to be on the move on short notice; I developed the ability to sneak in what sleep I could when I could, and it’s stayed with me. So now you’re equally likely to catch me awake at some odd hour in the middle of the night, or asleep in the middle of the day. It’s the main reason why I don’t like surprise visitors. That and the recent habit that surprise visitors have been getting into of trying to kill me.
What’s your preferred means of travel?
On wolfback. I like feeling my feet on the ground…or at least my wolf’s feet, indirectly. If I have to fly, I’d rather take a zeppelin or gunship. I’ve never gotten completely comfortable on a wyvern (although I still prefer them to bats or dragonhawks or…well, I don’t know how people manage to keep their balance on those carpets). I’ll fly on one if I need to, and I have lots of times – it just makes me uneasy while I’m up there.
If you could time travel, where would you go?
Don’t even joke about that.
Are you superstitious?
I definitely believe that there’s something out there that’s either looking out for me, or has it in for me. I’m still not sure which. Check back with me again another time. Unless I’m dead, in which case we probably have our answer.
What might your ideal romantic partner be?
Someone calm, grounded. Stable. Not prone to emotional swings or extreme highs and lows. Someone who’s figured themselves out, gotten comfortable with themselves, grown out of the drama and the need for everything to be a thrill ride.
If your life were a genre, what would it be?
Pretty definitely something in the action/adventure area, or at least a suspense thriller. Be careful what you wish for, I suppose. Sometimes I think I should have listened to my mother and been a banker instead. When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to go out into the world and have adventures. Thirty years of adventures later, I think I’ve had more than enough excitement. I’d love to be bored. I’d love to settle down comfortably in a quiet corner of Orgrimmar once we get to the other side of all this, and age into some old man who everyone considers pretty dull and uninteresting, except for every so often when he rattles off another one of his crazy stories — which most of the kids probably won’t believe really happened anyway. I think I’ll enjoy that.
Previous Profiles:
Spazzle Speaks: Family Ties
You have logged on.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s what I told him, but I think we may just have to humor him for the time being.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Once we finish our work on the animus golem here, we should be able to augment our resources.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks!
[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Spazzle.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You -do- seem to have been spending a lot of time on that of late.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] np
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey guys
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway hate to craft and run but i need to log for now
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well I suspect it’s going to yield some very useful results, once Aethas gets done with it.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: how are you feeling?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] later leslie
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i have some magic research to go work on
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s everyone doing?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You’ll have to keep me posted of your progress.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I jus’ got one ting I got to do here in Pandaria, den I be ready to come back to Durotar.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too bad prof’s not on, he could probably help you
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Start workin’ on cleanin’ up da mess dere.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol oh dont get me started with him again
[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, speaking of which, it looks like Jaina is doing some magic research herself.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good, I’m glad you’re almost recovered
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Something of a quiet night tonight, Spazzle.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: What about you, mon? I haven’t heard much from ya in a while.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey there he is
[Officer][Lorthemar] Now I just have to see…
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: eh, it’s just been kinda crazy here
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i’m leaving so dont try to get him started
[Guild][Lorthemar] What kind of research, Leslie?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I bet, mon.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i’m in the burning steppes with garrosh
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: looking for ji
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] started on what?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been working with a number of mages myself of late.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: we just landed in flame crest a little while ago
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, well it’s good to see him logging on, I suppose.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] leslie’s doing some kind of magic research
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya talk to Ariok dere, mon?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] who, faranell? why’s that?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh its actually really cool lor
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m actually not entirely clear on the details, Spazzle.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: no, he’s not here, that’s the thing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that should be…adequate.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? How so?
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: vahgruk says ji came here a couple days ago
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i guess ariok went with him to blackrock spire to look for clues about mokvar
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, Leslie, this sounds interesting indeed. What are you working on, pray tell?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok my dungeon queue just popped, probably going to be quiet for a few
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg prof geez
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Might be some fireworks is ya find ’em, mon. Ariok ain’t no fan o’ da Warchief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Evidently there was some sort of calamity at the Apothecarium earlier.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, so I hear
[Officer][Lorthemar] I must admit, if it weren’t necessary for us to be discreet about who we are, I would love to lord our animus research over her.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what kind of calamity?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Matter of fact, mon –
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok heard how Garrosh been treatin’ Eitrigg, he might take care of our ‘Warchief’ problems himself.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well
[Officer][Lorthemar] You know she would burn up with jealousy if she knew what we have on our hands.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I’m not going to… I don’t even know what you’re suggesting, but I’m not going to
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure; the good doctor has been rather secretive the last few days.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not to brag but
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] we drained the power of the thunder king into a staff!
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I know ya don’ wanna hear it, mon, but da sooner we do somethin’ ’bout Garrosh, da easier it gonna be for all of us.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Though I’m not likely to complain – whatever is going on down there has prompted Bragor Bloodfist to spend much of his time in the Apothecarium as well, which means less time with him hovering around me.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh wouldn’t help Ji.
[Officer][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Lorthemar] klsjdhfgkjshgdfskjhgfkjsdfgkjhsgfd
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok is.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I understand why.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, okay
[Officer][Lorthemar] she
[Officer][Lorthemar] she drained the power… of…
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok see Ji, an’ all he know is he’s Horde, and he need help, and he gonna give it to ’im.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: hey
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’ see tings dat way.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway!
[Officer][Lorthemar] 9oqwuolieyurgt;poayhgbihgbolugf
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i need to run!
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh don’t see nothin’ but power an’ vengeance, mon.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: He don’t see da Horde like Ariok, or me. Or you.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A propos of nothing, Lor’themar, you strike me as someone who might know a thing or two about fine dining. Would you happen to know what type of wine goes best with crow?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well hello, person who’s never talked to me before but now takes a sudden inexplicable interest.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] see everyone soon!
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: um, yeah, sorry
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da way I see it, da Horde is family.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Dontrag.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I… just… she… HOW?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da world knock us down, family pick each other back up again.
[Officer][Lorthemar] What?!
[Officer][Lorthemar] HOW?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Three excellent questions, Regent-Lord.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’t see family.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Don’t understand it.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Never had one.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but i’m utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, is that your alias, then?
[Officer][Lorthemar] I think I need to go lie down.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I just heard about the… whatever, down in the apothecarium
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol what?
[Officer][Lorthemar] This is not good for my rage.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: you never met lakkara, did you?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, it’s a curious thing, Dontrag.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: is everything okay?
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Who dat, mon?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just now, Jaina Proudmoore logged off. And a few seconds later, you logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or should I say, you logged -back- on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i logged back in, haven’t gotten to play in a couple days
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i’ll manage.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: never mind
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or whoever you really are.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, we’ve been over this before
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that would be utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you would have us believe.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what about shay? is she okay?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I ain’t gonna keep on ya, mon.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Do you really think we wouldn’t put two and two together?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well no, two and two is pretty easy math
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And yet far greater than the calculus of your deception would presume us capable of!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um what?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya a good mon, Spazzle. I know ya don’ wanna turn on someone ya tink is a friend.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispers: i’m sure shayari is wonderful, wherever she is.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya be loyal. Dat’s a good ting.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How long have you been Jaina Proudmoore, Dontrag?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dontrag’s not even here
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh no? Then to whom am I speaking? Are you -still- Jaina Proudmoore?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nay, have you in fact been Jaina Proudmoore lo this entire time in the guild?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Time gonna come, though, ya gonna have ta decide how long ya gonna be loyal ta Garrosh, when he ain’t loyal ta us.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what???
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i mean dontrag is over in the valley of honor visiting his nephew ug’thok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] he should be on soon though
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: where is she??
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag, don’t insult our intelligence.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] why would i do that
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re going to make up a cover story, at least keep your lies straight.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: that’s the 5000g question, now isn’t it?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We all know Utvoch isn’t your nephew.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no no not utvoch, ug’thok
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what happened??
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t try to hide behind an obvious typographical error, Dontrag.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or are you Ug’thok?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or perhaps Ig’thak?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or Jig’nak?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or – as the trail grows clearer – JAINA!
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well, she was settling in well enough, and we were starting to go over a few lessons.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m confused
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: she seemed to be taking more of an interest in azerothian geography, but i figured she was curious about the lay of the land in her new home, so i ran through an overview for her.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, and here’s your alleged nephew.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or might it be Kalecgos? All bets are off at this point.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um, whats going on?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s kalecgos?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] WHO INDEED!
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: and evidently, she spotted a vacation destination that looked too good to pass up, because off she went.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what the hell?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But one thing at a time!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We were just discussing, Utvoch, how your uncle, heretofore known by his alias of “Dontrag,” has at last been exposed!
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you can’t be serious
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit ut what did you do
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i swear i just logged on
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you let her run away?!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] As his true identity, Jaina Proudmoore!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and said where you were
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, what about jaina?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i didn’t LET her do anything.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The woman who has incurred the rightful wrath of the Horde!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] isn’t that the lady that was in all those tabloids with thrall?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: as the swollen purple region on my head will readily attest.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ruthlessly persecuted our citizens in Dalaran!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed! Sullied the good name of a beloved Warchief!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok but what about her?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t act like you don’t know, Ug’thok.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If that -is- your real name.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, ug’thok is my nephew
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that’s what i tried to tell her
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: incidentally, i’ll be sending garrosh the bill for the repairs to my jaw.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, Ug’thok is -Dontrag’s- nephew.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] right but i’m dontrag
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: it was brand new, too.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and i’m utvoch
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: typical.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now don’t be ridiculous, the both of you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why, if -you- were Utvoch, Dontrag, then that would mean that you are also Dontrag’s nephew.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: man seriously
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that’s ug’thok not utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And clearly you could not be his nephew.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right because we’re not related
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you have GOT to find her
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because JAINA PROUDMOORE IS NO ONE’S NEPHEW!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok you know, i’ve been out of my dungeon for a while, but i’m just sitting here in awe, BQ
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: capital idea. how do you suggest i do that?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] …
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I… I don’t know, can’t you home in on her or something?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m really confused
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It therefore stands to reason, Dontrag, that since you are Jaina, and as such cannot be Utvoch, it must therefore be Dontrag who is Utvoch, and therefore your nephew.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: this isn’t some sci-fi/fantasy novel, i can’t just wave a magic wand.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] my eyes are starting to hurt
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well i can. but you know what i mean.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but how can he be my nephew, i’m an only child
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: dude really
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: that time I lost a BOOK garrosh loaned me, he beat me till I was green and brown
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] SEE? And the tangled web of your would-be deception comes further unraveled!
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: aren’t you always green and brown?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: a DARKER SHADE – goblins bruise differently, ok??
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think i need some grog
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: the point is, that was just a book – you lost his DAUGHTER, man!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yea me to
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you having fun?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you can conjure some, Jaina.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: ugh I need to go
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you need to get on this, really
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Does it show? ^_^
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whatever
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i guess we’ll be back later.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I need to take off – see you later
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m glad we cleared all this up.
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Spazzle.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dark Lady, I jus’ gotta say, dat was beautiful.
You have logged off.
[Addendum! Remember, we have our next Meta Raid coming up this Saturday at 8:00 PM EDT. Just as a logistical matter, I’d appreciate it if anyone who thinks they’re likely to attend would let me know, whether it be through a comment, an e-mail, a message on Twitter, or what-have-you. Looking forward to “seeing” many of you over the weekend!]
30 Days of Character Development #6: Mylune
[Each week — or some remote facsimile thereof — a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about.]
Name: Mylune
Occupation: Caretaker of Hyjal, wildlife custodian
Race: Forest nymph
Class: Druid
Age: Unknown, though her behavior would suggest fairly young by nymph standards
Group affiliations: Guardians of Hyjal (member), Cenarion Circle (member)
Known relatives: Cenarius (exact relationship unclear, but all forest nymphs are descended from dryads, who are daughters of Cenarius)
Earth Online notes: Mercifully, no one has told Mylune about Earth Online. Or possibly about the internet. Probably for the best in both cases.
First appearance: “Of wyverns and pine cones”
Key posts and plot points:
- Garrosh has only encountered Mylune a few times, but those few times have been memorable ones. He first met everyone’s favorite overly energetic nymph in “Of wyverns and pine cones,” in which Mylune was a bit too excited to meet Mortimer. This came as a shock to no one — least of all Hamuul Runetotem — other than the Warchief himself.
- Garrosh had another run-in with Mylune (much to his chagrin) a few months later, in “Attack of the petting zoo.” This time around, Mylune unleashed her boundless affection on a pack of armed critters dwelling amid the northern plateaus of Mulgore. This time, however, the critters were ready to put up a fight, the distress of which eventually launched Mylune into what can only be described as a psychotic episode. For the record, Hamuul narrowly missed winning Malfurion’s office pool on when she would snap.
- It only follows, then, that when Ben-Lin Cloudstrider organized an anger management seminar in the appropriately named “Anger management,” Mylune would be one of the attendees. Given that the session consisted of putting Mylune, Garrosh, Lor’thermar Theron, and Tirion Fordring in a room together…well…the exercise proved less than productive. Unless, of course, you’re Faranell, in which case it was a terrific way to spend an afternoon.
In her own words:
What are your most prominent physical features?
Hi! How are you? I hope you’re having a super happy wonderful day, because why wouldn’t you when we have this beautiful world to share with all our adorable woodland friends!
Oh… Did you ask a question? Okay! Well, I guess I have extra big blue eyes — for looking out for all the cuddly animals! And my long pointed ears…to listen for the cuddly animals! And…oh, and my slender but surprisingly steel-trap-like arms, for hugging the cuddly animals! They’re just so sweet and cute, so how could I resist! And hug them to my bosom! Nice and close to my heart, that’s big and warm and just bursting with love for the animals! Does that count too?
Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from. If you don’t have any, is there a reason?
I do have this one little scar on my shoulder here, but you know? It’s a funny thing! I don’t really remember where it came from. Isn’t that weird?
Describe your happiest memory.
Ohhh that would have to be the first time I went up to Nordrassil. It was before that mean demon guy climbed up there and made everyone sad for a while, and I’ll always remember walking through the passage to the peak of Mount Hyjal, and seeing all the animals running around and playing, just bunnies and squirrels and raccoons and skunks and chipmunks and OH MY LUNE they were all so adorable, and the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and like three rainbows all appeared in the sky, and I just ran and ran all around with the animals and we played and hugged and snuggled and it was all such a big happy wonderful blur but Mal says it was okay because eventually I passed out from exhaustion and finally got quiet and also because ale.
Is there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past? Why?
The incident. Only Miss Cloudy-bear said I should try not to think about the incident. So, what?
What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?
Coffee ice cream — I really really like coffee, did you know it helps give you extra energy? Isn’t that just super?! And my favorite color is green, and my favorite song is…oh, you know that one? It always seems to be playing when you walk through the forests. You know the one? It goes like this — laaa, la la la laaaaa, la la la laah, luh la lahhh? It’s so pretty! I don’t really understand where it’s coming from, though.
Who do you trust?
Hamuul, and Malfurion, even though Hamuul can be all my cranky-hooves sometimes. And Mal always seems to be hovering around watching me like he’s looking for something, but I know it’s just because he cares. I trust all my forest nymph sisters, too, even though a lot of them don’t really hang out with me much.
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
The incident. OH MY LUNE! Why do you keep bringing up the incident?! I’m not supposed to think about that! What? What incident? Happy thoughts! HAPPY THOUGHTS!
Is there an animal you equate to yourself?
<Mylune’s eyes go large and dewy>
I have to pick ONE? But they’re all so SQUEEEEEEE!
How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?
I don’t deal with cold as well as my cousins the frost nymphs, but I really, REALLY don’t like extreme heat! That’s sounds like something from those burny guys from the Firelands! You’re not with THEM, are you?!
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
I’m always up bright and early! Why waste the warm snuggly sunlight?
Are you a good cook? What’s your favorite recipe?
OH MY LUNE why do you keep trying to talk about the incident? What’s WRONG with you? Okay, you know what! Fine! FINE! YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT! SO YEAH, I’M GOOD MOTHERFUCKING COOK, AS IF YOU DIDN’T ALREADY FUCKING KNOW! AND YOU KNOW WHAT I COOK REALLY WELL, IT TURNS OUT? RABBIT FUCKING STEW! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE — SPOILER ALERT: THE DEATH OF THE SOUL TASTES FUCKING DELICIOUS!
Do you have any irrational fears?
Gee, I don’t know, what do you think — maybe I have a deep-seeded fear of HAVING ANOTHER FUCKING BLACKOUT AND WAKING UP AMID THE BODIES AGAIN? YOU THINK MAYBE THAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT?
What would your cutie mark be?
Oooh, well, maybe a heart or a rainbow, or, hey, HOW ABOUT A FUCKING SKULL AND CROSSBONES, BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT IF YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP, YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!
If you could time travel, where would you go?
WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WOULD GO, ASSHOLE? MAYBE BACK TO THE GODDAMN INCIDENT YOU WON’T STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT! MAYBE I’D LIKE TO TAKE THAT ONE BACK, YA THINK?!
Are you superstitious?
I know karma’s a bitch, I can tell you THAT much!
Describe your hands. Are they small, long, calloused, smooth, stubby?
COVERED WITH DARK RED STAINS OF LOST INNOCENCE THAT WILL NEVER, EVER COME OUT. I WASH THEM, AND WASH THEM, AND THEY NEVER COME OUT.
How do you smell? Do you wear perfume or cologne?
Um… <deep breath> Smell? Oh, like smelling salts? Um…yes, those might be handy. They’re usually pretty helpful.
Is…is Hamuul around anywhere? I think I need to talk to him. I don’t know if the herbs Miss Cloudy-bear gave me are working…
Previous Profiles:
* * * * *
[A few quick OOC notes looking ahead: I have a big stack of material on the way (hopefully) over the next week-plus, then, the weekend after next, remember that we have our next Meta Raid. Clear your (raid) calendars for Saturday, May 10, at 8:00 PM EDT!
That Saturday (May 10) will also mark the beginning of a short break I’ll be taking from posting — I’m going to take the following week off to tend to RL commitments and do some advance prepping for the next stretch of posts. To send you off with a bang, though, and to add an extra perk to the Meta Raid, I’m going to have one last post going up that night, right as we’re gathering for our night of SoO hijinks. (Place your bets now on whether I’m going to cook up something to leave you hanging for a bit…)]
The Liebster Award comes to Orgrimmar
So this one was a surprise. Here I was, going through my volumes and volumes of fan mail LIKE I GET ON A DAILY BASIS, and lo and behold, I get a message from someone nominating me for an award. The someone in question was Myriade, writer of Myriadoscope, and the award in question was something called the Liebster Award, which I didn’t really know anything about at the time but which I could already say with confidence that I DAMN WELL FUCKING DESERVED.
So I did a little looking around to see what the deal was with this award, and what I would need to do to beat out the other nominees to win it, like if there was honorable combat involved because holy crap you know I would be all over that shit, but, come to find out, it doesn’t work that way. There’s no final WINNER, just a chain of nominees naming other nominees to draw people’s attention to other blogs. Which is kind of cool, as far as spreading the word about good reads, even if it IS a little hippie for my tastes what with the “we’re all winners!” vibe, which, come on.
Anyway. Here’s the quasi-official description of the award, which everybody seems to be quoting, because it’s the hip thing to do these days:
Well, it is only an AWESOME award given to up and coming bloggers. Given by other up and coming bloggers. It’s a cool way to find other blogs and feel like you are getting into the blogging stratosphere. It is simple, you get nominated by someone else, mention their page and a link to their blog in your Liebster Award Post, answer the 11 questions they give you, then tag 11 other nominees and give them a new set of 11 questions to answer.
So, as you can see, receiving the nomination means I have some work to do now. FUCKING AWESOME IDEA FOR AN AWARD, FOLKS, HONOR PEOPLE BY STICKING THEM WITH FUCKING HOMEWORK. Anyway. Here are the 11 questions from Myriade:
1. Favourite race/class in WoW and why?
Quick note on the lingo here: Those of you who aren’t as internet-savvy as yours truly might be a little thrown off by that “WoW” acronym. Apparently it’s a new thing in online circles to use that as an abbreviation for “Whole of World,” as in, fucking everywhere. Which, granted, is kind of like how some people will literally say “LOL” now rather than just laughing, which I’ve never really gotten on board with myself, because fuck those assholes. Anyway.
As for the actual question, I mean, come on, you even need to ask this? Orc, because what the fuck else would I want to be, and warrior.
2. Achievement/Title you’re proudest of?
Obviously, the easy answer here is the title of Warchief. Hard to top that one. Still, I could probably make a case for Chieftain of the Warsong Clan, since that one came from me pulling my emo head out of my ass to assume my place as leader of our clan and Grom’s successor.
But, nah, I’m still going to go with Warchief.
Although, since I’m probably going to be heading down to Blackrock Mountain soon, I may have to see about picking up [Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy!] while I’m in the neighborhood.
3. What’s in your bags (any character, or all of them)?
Huh. I’m not sure if this is asking about real life, or my Earth Online characters. I mean, for myself in reality, I don’t really walk around with a whole lot of stuff on me. (Such as, you know, a shirt.) I try not to weigh myself down more than I have to, seeing as I need to be ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice, and really, keeping Mannoroth’s tusks balanced on my shoulders can be a tough enough job on its own, without lugging extra crap around with me.
As for my EO toons, hoo boy, they have flat-out TOO MUCH stuff in their bags. Just tons of random crap, receipts from vendors, little odds and ends that they’ve picked up but aren’t really useful for anything but I still haven’t ever gotten around to tossing. And by the way, I just have to ask, who the fuck is the psychopath over at Genesis Entertainment who designed the bag system in Earth Online? Dude, you can’t carry fucking ANYTHING with you! You pick up like six or seven things, and your bags are full. Have these game designers never left their houses or something, so they don’t even know about stacks of 20?!
4. Favourite expansion/instance/boss fight?
Huh. Another Earth Online question. Okay. Well, there’s still plenty of content I’ve never gotten around to, to be honest, but I’m pretty fond of the BlizzCon raid. It’s always kind of a hoot seeing which random contestant spawns you get in the cosplay gauntlet leading up to the Joker Jay <Host with the Mohr– er, Most> boss. But I think my favorite encounter is the Lore Panel council fight — you know, the one with the lead quest design guy, and the historian adds, and most of all the council leader guy, Chris what’s-his-face, the dude with the beard who kinda sounds like Varian. I LOVE getting to run up and smack that guy in the face. Especially if it’s one of those pulls where he randomly mind controls me for a minute and makes to do some shit that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.
5. Pet peeve in WoW?
Wait, you want me to narrow this down to one? I don’t know about that. But here’s a few, off the top of my head:
Humans.
Gnomes. OMFG gnomes.
Whoever it is who keeps using the last of the toilet paper in the Grommash Hold outhouse and not putting out a new roll. (Your Warchief does NOT like having to do the Waddle of Shame over to the storage shed.)
Dontrag.
Utvoch.
“There”/“their”/“they’re”. Because FUCK YOU, internet:
Varian, especially the way he keeps breathing.
Being corrected on which one is Dontrag and which one is Utvoch, as if anybody really gives a shit.
6. What inspired your blog?
I think I mentioned this way back in my first post. It all got started when Eitrigg recommended I take up blogging. He said I might find it a helpful outlet, to talk about what’s on my mind, keep a running record of my experiences, all that sort of thing. I think he figured it would give me a chance to reflect more, and think about situations before acting. Or some lazy old man shit like that. Anyway, that’s how it got started, and it’s just been a gravy train of awesome since then. AREN’T YOU LUCKY.
7. Favourite blog-related moment?
Umm… Well, considering I detail almost everything that happens to me here, pretty much any moment from the last couple of years would be a blog-related moment, right? Gotta say, that one mailbag where Windblossom wrote in about clocking Varian still gives me all kinds of happy. Memory lane:
I’m sure there others. I might point out others as I think of them.
8. One thing you can’t live without?
Okay, okay, go ahead and make your joke about lemon squares.
Real answer? Sappy as it sounds, Gorehowl. Not even for what an awesome weapon it is, either. Having it with me is like a constant, living (but not) reminder of where I’ve come from, of the legacy of my father and the resilience of the Horde, of everything our people have endured and overcome. Having it with me is like a validation of our kind. Like a little part of Grom is still here, watching what he enabled us to become.
9. Place you’d most like to visit?
Hmm. You know, I’ve gotten around a whole lot the last few years, between the Northrend campaign, and all my inspection visits around Azeroth, and now all our work in Pandaria… I’m not sure if there’s really anywhere I haven’t gotten to see at this point, other than, like, other planets and shit. Or, say, getting to see places I know, like back home on Draenor, back before things got all fucked up. But that would be changing WHERE I’d most like to visit to WHEN I’d most like to visit, which is cheating, for one thing, and also, FUCKING TIME TRAVEL.
10. Favourite fictional character?
At the risk of being repetitive, this guy:
I mean, can you imagine if someone like that actually existed?
11. Soundtrack to your life?
Well, most days, when things are going fairly well, it’s pretty much this:
But there’s also this:
And this:
(Also, in that one, note the Mortimer cameo at 3:24!)
And, let’s face it, given the clowns I usually have surrounding me, some days I feel like it might as well be this:
And last but not least, if I’m honest, when I’m in one of my more puckish moods, this:
Also, the kazzoo? That’s totally me.
So, next up. This is the part where I’m supposed to link 11 more blogs, and give those bloggers 11 questions of their own to answer. One problem, though — I was going back through some blogs to tag, and while there are a few that still haven’t gotten a nomination already, for every one I found that no one had gotten to, there were like 10 would-be nominees that were already off the table. So, you know, if you do the math there, that means that in order to pull together my 11, I would have to rifle through something like 110 blogs, and, I mean…I’m just way too lazy for that shit. I mean really.
SO. Here’s where I cheat a little and change things up, so I can still do some tagging and point some attention to some worthy bloggers, while also indulging my laziness. STAND BACK, BITCHES, because your Warchief is about to flip the script like Lor’themar flips benches.
SO, here’s the deal. I’m still going to toss out 11 questions to be answered, but instead of scraping together a blog list to tag, I am tagging…YOU. That’s right, you — if you’re reading this post, consider yourself tagged, so you scroll your ass right down to the comments and post a reply with your 11 answers. NO DUCKING OUT ON THIS COMMAND FROM YOUR WARCHIEF, PEOPLE. Especially if you’re one of my regular readers and commenters — I know you’re out there, and I know who you are, and most importantly I KNOW WHERE MANY OF YOU LIVE.
And now, the questions. READ ’EM AND WEEP.
- Do you write a blog? Link it here if so!
- What was the first Azerothian blog you ever read? Was there an early memorable post that hooked you?
- Recommended reading, part one! Link and endorse three bloggers that you’d encourage your fellow readers and minions should check out.
- Recommended reading, part two — link one single post, from wherever, that makes you think “OMG, people HAVE to read this.”
- How long have you been reading the Command Board? What post or storyline was your jumping-on point?
- One more chance for shameless self-promotion: Are you on Twitter? Give yourself a non-Friday #FF here if so. Also feel free to recommend a few accounts worth following.
- What class do you play on Earth Online? (Don’t try to deny that you play. I know my readers.)
- What real-life ability to do you wish your Earth Online character could use?
- Here, I’ll throw a bone to Utvoch. The age-old hoof question: Fem-taur or draenei girls?
- Whose head would you rather have on a pike, Varian’s or Magatha’s?
- If the world were going to end (or change substantially) in, say, oh, six months or so, what would be your bucket list of things you’d want to get done first?
There, you have your assignment. Get to it! YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN.
