Tag Archives: grizzle gearslip
Monday mailbag
We’ve got a bunch of letters to get through this week, and I have a bunch of stuff I need to do today, so let’s get right down to it. And lo and behold, we get to kick things off with everybody’s… um… “favorite” new correspondent of mine…
Okay, consider this to be a sort of test. Of course, my initial shock of your new limitations to these letters was perhaps a little…irrational. It’s just that I have never been confronted with such a shock, not once in all my years! However many of them there are, that is. So allow me to extend my utmost apologies for my over-reaction. Brevity just isn’t a common art form where I live. To be frank, I’m almost strongly advised against it. After all, how do you think we manage to stall our enemies long enough for a little rogue to sneak behind them and twist a knife through their back?
Nonetheless, I have no doubts that this wasn’t a mere act of impatience or annoyance, but as a test against the foes who would inevitably call our bluff and have their OWN rogues sneaking up behind us while we’re speaking. For this, I thank you.
Perhaps you never knew, since I noticed you did not fight the Lich King during his final battle, but I think that the only reason we won was because Arthas was so intent on making us suffer, he just didn’t imagine Highlord Fordring’s faith in the Light to win out! There wasn’t much I could say, what with my being dead. Dark days.
Have any big , bad guys YOU’VE stood against attacked you after 250 words? Or you, them? I must read into this!
Remain faithful, dear Warchief.
–Sarlinia-Grace Starstriker, Argent Crusade.
Um. Actually, Sarlin, the reason I…
<rubs forehead>
You know what? Fuck it. Whatever.
Yeah, you caught me. It was all just a lesson I was trying to teach you, making you limit your letters to 250 words or less. Just a big ol’ lesson about… hmm. Let’s see. FOCUS! There we go. Focus and efficiency. See, sometimes, sure, you need to… um… you know, that thing like you said with the rogues and whatever the hell that was… and sometimes you need to be able to focus in on the task at hand and get shit done, like pronto. Like for instance…
Hang on.
<flipping through book>
I know it’s here somewhere.
<flipping more pages>
So by the way, while I’m looking for this — speaking of rogues, have you ever met Garona? Because now that I think of it, that could be pretty damn entertaining if– oh wait wait wait, here we go. Here.
<opens book flat on desk>
Now we’re in business.
So FOR INSTANCE, like say you had a city taken over by those Scourge that you and your Argent buddies worry so much about, and let’s say the city was being run by some dude calling himself a baron — which would be kinda lame seeing as he could pick any title he wanted but settled for something ordinary like “baron” — and he’s holding someone prisoner, somebody’s wife maybe, and in 45 minutes ol’ baron-boy is gonna execute Ysera.
<squints>
Wait.
<leans closer to book>
Make that Ysida. He’s gonna execute Ysida. Man, Mokvar’s handwriting is some kind of spirits-damned awful, I tell you. But yeah, Ysida, not Ysera. Although, wouldn’t it be way cooler if I was right the first time? Doesn’t that sound kind of awesome, if the guy was gonna try to kill this giant green dragon? Now see, THAT would have made him a legit badass bad guy with some street cred.
Anyway, though, point is, say you need to get to your head-honcho baddie, and you’ve got limited time to do it in, you can’t just sit there taking your sweet time talking everything in the place to death, right? No, you want to get in there, kick some ass, take some names, promptly forget the names because who the fuck cares WHO those losers are, they’re dead now so pfft, then get to baron dude and beat him down before he drops the axe.
I mean, at least, YOU want to do that. From what I can tell, Ysida was a human, so as far as I would be concerned, fuck ’er, let ol’ Baron lop her head off for all I care. Good riddance. BUT YOU GET MY POINT.
Meanwhile, since you bring up Tirion back in ICC, I just gotta say… leave it to T-Ford to be frozen in a giant block of ice… and STILL find a way to break into a damn speech. No wonder Arthas was finally like “Fuck this shit, just kill me already, yeesh.”
Moving on.
So I don’t ordinarily do this, but this next letter came in the form of an image, and since it’s kind of visual, I’m going to just reproduce it here:
Okay, so, this is kind of a weird question, but on the other hand, this is obviously just a thinly veiled excuse to spend a little extra time checking out my, ahem, skintone, and I don’t know if I can blame you for taking a good long look in the “artistic” interests of picking your color pallette, because ENJOY THE VIEW, LADIES.
But, now that you mention it, the fact that you’re all interested in Horde edition crayons makes me feel like we’ve got a potential opportunity on our hands, because MERCHANDISING, BITCHES. Hell, there might even be a market for Warchief’s Command Board goodies — I think Spazzle was toying around the idea of trying to make some WCB action figures or something. Although personally I think that was just his way of angling to be immortalized in plastic. Which is really kind of sad, to be honest. Anyway, though, I might have to look into taking advantage of this market, what with, you know, all of a sudden me having a lot more by way of expenses.
So since you brought up the subject, Quelita, here, straight from… um… well, Gurtash’s unattended art supplies, mostly, and some quick printouts, enjoy a possible sampling:
Well, it’s a draft. Any thoughts on swag you guys might be interested in forking over your hard-earned gold for? It’ll be easier handing it over that way than at axepoint. I KID, I KID. Mostly.
Greetings, Warchief Hellscream,
After I recovered from reading your highly entertaining reaction to hearing about my potion, your ally Mogor persuaded me to send this sample of the potion. Although I was rather tempted to see you have another flip-out, I believe that’s the word for it, I decided instead that one good turn deserves another and agreed. I have only tested the effects of its standard strain on ogres, and two-headed ones at that, but at his discretion I modified it so that it can work pairs of heads on separate bodies which are very close in personality. It has been used on some ogre “duos”, you might call them, with fair success. I should warn you that it is still partially in the experimental stage, as I cannot account for the full effects of the potion and have never tried it on orcs. I should, but I don’t expect you would listen, and I can imagine you believe that knocking some sense into that bumbling pair of head-cases, Dontrag and Utvoch, is worth any price.
Kind Regards,
–Draz’Zilb of the Stonemaul Clan
So first of all, you ever notice how people who are like… super creepy evil are always really polite, even when they’re BEING super creepy evil? Don’t know why that came to mind just now. But keep it in mind the next time you need an airtight response to some jackass who’s trying to say I’M evil, because FUCK THAT GUY, THAT’S WHY.
Anyway.
So, listen, Draz’Zilb… and good to hear from you, by the way, nice to see you’re still up and about and vaguely disturbing and everything… but so, I think I might have some bad news for you.
Short version is, I think you may need to give that potion another draft or two before it’s ready for prime time on non-ogre types.
Longer version is… I got your potion and gave it to Dontrag and Utvoch a little while ago. And it sure as hell kicked in quick on them… and apparently helped stop their two little pea-brains from being so disconnected. Which in THIS case, meant that each one of them all of a sudden had partial control over the other one’s LIMBS. So they spent like an hour and a half yanking each other around and each of them experimenting to see if they could make the other walk into a wall or flap his arms like wings or whatever.
Now, look, I can totally see how this potion effect could be handy for your typical two-headed ogres. I can see how having two brains — even if they’re bargain-basement brains — running one body can be confusing as hell, especially if the two heads don’t always agree on what the body should be doing. I get how doing something to firm up bodily control and coordination could be a good thing. And even trying it out here on the braintrust, it was kind of entertaining for the first 20 minutes or so. But after it got past an hour, it was just starting to get annoying, especially with how it didn’t seem to be getting old at all to THEM.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on that 45-minute period when they both thought “DON’T HIT YOURSELF” was the most hysterical thing in the world after 7000 repetitions.
And you know what, Drazzy? That wasn’t even the worst of it. Because your crazy potion really did do the trick, and put their two brains — or, I mean, the two HALVES of the ONE fucking brain that they split between them — in synch with each other… just not the way you were probably shooting for. Because, see, after a little while, apparently they started being able to hear each other’s thoughts, and communicate telepathically. And I know this because of the three or four dozen times when one of them replied out loud to something the other one was thinking… or when one of them said something out loud to the other one, only the other one didn’t say anything out loud in response, but the first one acted like he got an answer… or, get this, when the two of them spent spirits-know-how-long not realizing that the damn mind-reading thing didn’t apply to fucking EVERYONE, so that when I asked them something, they couldn’t just THINK it at me.
Speaking of which, by the way, there seems to be some evidence that the effects of the potion can be dispelled by a severe beating around the head area. Eventually.
So, back to the drawing board, I’m thinking. Keep up the good work, though. And by “good,” I mean “disturbingly yet usefully evil.”
I was happy to see Gurtash is alive and recovering in your recent blog post. Give him my regards and well wishes.
I was curious about a book in the hands of the young shaman Ruekie. “Resto for Dummies” correct? Where can I find a copy? It looks like a book I would be interested in reading myself. I am a rather new shaman myself and wondering if this is something I want to continue training in or return to my monkish roots. This book may help me decide if this is what I want to do.
Are there other books in the series that would be helpful?
Have you written any books yourself?
Books are wonderful! I enjoy seeing shelves full of them!
Sincerely,
–Misqueu Zephyrpaw, Wandering Isle
Hey, Misqueu, thanks for writing. So before somebody else notices this and decides to be an asshole — because you know someone will — let me point out: yes, this letter from Misqueu did come from the Wandering Isle. Now, when I first noticed that, I’ll admit I had kind of a WTF moment about it, seeing as, last I’d heard, all the pandas on the Wandering Isle had either come to Orgrimmar to join the Horde, or stayed behind to go on living in isolation on the island. Okay, there were also the batch of pandas who went to join the Alliance, but they don’t count because FUCK THEM that’s why. Although they DID get to punch Varian in the face as part of the deal, and, you know, as much as I hate the Alliance, I have to admit that’s a pretty sweet perk. I’d seriously be half tempted to try swinging by Stormwind wearing a panda costume just to see if I could cash in on it myself. Again.
But, after my initial what-the-fuckery, I did a little checking on the matter. Which, by the way, took way longer than I would have figured. My first thought was to ask Ji about it, only it turned out some place down by the Drag was having an all-you-can-eat buffet, and hoo boy, when ol’ Pudge heard “all you can eat,” he didn’t just hear a bargain offer, he heard a fucking CHALLENGE. So, he wasn’t available to field questions.
Luckily, I was able to catch Ben-Lin free. Or, well, I MADE her free. I guess she was technically in the middle of one of her counseling sessions with some shellshocked Wrathgate survivor. I’m not too clear on what his deal was, though, seeing as we didn’t have a whole lot of time to chit chat what with him crapping himself and running out when I busted in and yelled that his time was up. I thought Ben-Lin was gonna get all serious-facey about the interruption, too, but then she realized that now the dude was probably going to be on the hook for a bunch more billable hours down the road. So, win-win for everybody.
Anyhow, Ben cleared up the whole Wandering Isle thing for me. Turns out, even after the initial batch of pandas took off from the Wandering Isle, a bunch of Korga Strongmane’s people stayed behind for a while with the other pandas, and told them a bunch about the goings-on in the rest of the world. I guess even though they wanted to keep to themselves on the island, they were still curious about what else is out there, and so, after a while, what do you know, they managed to get themselves set up with the internet. Which, as we all know, is fucking spectacular when it comes to letting people sit back and observe life without having to get un-hermit-ified and actually becoming part of it.
Although, that also raises the minor question of, you know, HOW THE FUCK do you hook up stable internet access ON A GIANT FUCKING TURTLE? Grizzle Gearslip can’t keep my goddamn wireless connection stable in Domination Point, but someone was able to hook up THE SHELL OF A GIANT TURTLE with net access? For real?
Oh, wait, you know what? I’ll bet you anything there were goblins involved. Because, where there’s a will there’s a way, and where there’s the prospect of monthly internet access fees, there’s ALL KINDS of motherfucking will. Apparently it’s just when they happen to be on MY FUCKING PAYROLL that goblins STILL aren’t able to get technical things to fucking well work. GRIZZLE. Fucking hell.
Okay, so. Was there actually a question up there somewhere? OH THAT’S RIGHT. Books.
No, I haven’t written any books. Well, not unless you count all the thrilling adventures, thoughts, and musings I’ve written here on the blog. THAT should count as a book or two, right? I’m just writing it a little at a time. And…having other people transcribe the dialogue for me. And draw illustrations. IT’S CALLED DELEGATING, OKAY?
I’m not sure about the book you saw Ruekie reading, but it IS part of a series. What’s kind of sad is the fact that a lot of the books are bestsellers, and yet just from looking at the titles, you can tell that they’re STILL pretty badly needed. For instance:
- Tanking for Dummies — Make sure you have the current edition, though, because they completely revise it from top to bottom every few months.
- Getting Out of the Fire for Dummies — 600,000 copies sold. And yet.
- Trolling for Dummies — Not sure if this one is about the jackassery you usually see in trade chat, or the ins and outs of life on the Echo Isles. Or how to tell the difference, come to think of it.
- Earth Online Dollarmaking for Dummies — To be honest, I don’t know if this one is legit, or if it’s like one of those seminars you see advertised on late-night live streams that promise to let you in on some big moneymaking secret and then the secret ends up being to charge naive saps like you a fee to hear about some moneymaking secret. (I’ve never fallen for this, by the way. And there are no living witnesses who will say otherwise.)
- Blogging for Dummies — Because not everyone is a fucking natural like yours truly.
- Commanding a Ship Without Wrecking It for Dummies — Guess what Nazgrim is getting from me for Winter Veil every year for the rest of his life?
- Timewalking for Dummies — I haven’t read a page of this book and if anyone brings a copy near me I swear to fuck I will beat them to death with it. Because fuck time travel.
I’m sure there are others, but those are the ones I can think of offhand. I might have to think about putting one of my own together, though. Something to share some of my own unique brand of wisdom, insight, and dead sexy kickassery. Hmm. Stay tuned.
But hey, if you’re a fan of books, Misqueu, I’ll tell you who you should have a sit-down with — Faranell down in the Undercity. I hear tell he’s pretty much read all of them. He can probably recite half of them back to you. Really saves space as far as the shelving goes, I figure. You should swing by and ask him about it, actually. He’s in the Apothecarium. Just go to the Undercity and…like… follow the smell. You can’t miss it. I’m sure he’d be glad to talk about… hmm. Actually, knowing Edwin, he probably WOULDN’T be too thrilled to…eh, you know what? Fuck it. Go drop by anyway. What the hell. It should be good for a laugh or two.
Now if you’ll excuse me, this is all reminding me of a couple things I need to go do, so I’m going to wrap this up and try to get back to the mail ASAP (fuck knows I still have enough of it building up…)
More soon.
[BONUS mailbag — the Warchief will be responding to his voluminous mail a second time this month! Garrosh’s next mailbag will be Monday, December 21. As always, send your thoughts to the Warchief using the email link in the right sidebar, or using the form below!]
Monday mailbag
Okay, people, it’s been WAY too long since I’ve dipped into the ol’ mailbag, and I have a HUGE backlog of letters, so let’s get right to it, shall we?
The Feast of Winter Veil is approaching, and it made me think. What do you hope to get from Greatfather Winter this year? Do you have any special family traditions? I look forward to seeing Orgrimmar all decorated for the festivities.
Happy Holidays!
–Lorewalker Shara
PS you may want to avoid using tinsel to decorate around Mortimer, unless you like festive poop! Might be a good idea to keep Taktani away from it too, thinking about it.
Hey, Shara, thanks for writing. Hopefully Orgrimmar is looking all Winter Veily these days. I’ll be back for a check-in soon, but I’m probably only going to make it back to town JUST in time to catch the end of the festivities. As for my wish list… I remember addressing this point a couple years ago, and most of the stuff on that list still stands – especially Varian and Magatha’s heads on pikes – but there are a few more things I can think of that I might add to the list for this year.
- An actual explanation that makes sense for what the hell was going on with Mokvar while I was away.
- A wireless network here in Pandaria that’s actually reliable, so I can log onto Earth Online without it being a fucking comedy show.
- An on-site goblin tech guy who can maintain that network without the whole thing going kablooey and spitting out two burnt pieces of toast every time there’s a breeze, because let me tell you, Grizzle Gearslip ain’t happening.
Come to think of it, so far all of these could pretty much be covered if I could get a bunch more Spazzles. Because really, as much as I clown on the guy, he actually knows what he’s doing and gets shit done, and unlike half these other jokers, I don’t have to worry about him running around behind my back doing spirits-know-what. So, other additions to the list:
- A scribe that doesn’t have traitorous tendencies, a busted-up writing hand, or the disposition of a six-year-old on a sugar high from eating all the Hallow’s End candy EVER.
- The secret to controlling the sha.
- A First War commemorative chess set. This is the normal-sized, less creepy version of the chess set Medivh had over in Karazhan. It’s been rumored to be in the works for years, and I’ve finally started to see them showing up on ebAH. Yes, I play chess. Don’t act all surprised, for fuck’s sake.
- Varian’s head on a pike. Did I mention this one?
As far as having family traditions for Winter Veil…not really. I mean, keep in mind, Winter Veil is a pretty recent thing for us Mag’har. We didn’t have Winter Veil back in Nagrand, so we only started picking it up at all after Thrall came out to Garadar a few years ago. Greatmother Geyah really has taken a liking to it, but that’s about it. Plus, not to get maudlin and shit, but it’s kind of hard to have family traditions when you don’t really have a family. I mean, I never knew my dad, and my mom died when I was young. I’m an only child. As far as I know. Assuming Grom wasn’t a bigger pimp than anybody’s given him credit for. Anyhow, point being, Greatmother is pretty much the only family I’ve got nowadays, and even SHE’s not a blood relation – she’s just the one that raised me after Lakkara died. So, yeah. AREN’T YOU HAPPY YOU BROUGHT THAT UP? BET YOU FEEL PROUD.
I am in desperate need of your assistance. I approached Regent Lord Lor’themar with my issue but he said that it was beyond his scope and directed me to contact you.
I recently inherited a house and it is in terrible need of redecoration. You have done a great deal of renovation recently and I was wondering if you could give me some tips to make my house look amazing. Attached is a picture of the house.
Thanks,
–Tegwin
Grats on the new house, Tegwin. Not so grats on the place looking like such a shithole. Because, yeah, that place needs some work. I mean, seriously…the wispy, billowy day-glow curtains? A bearskin rug with the bear head still attached? Strewn out there like you’re getting ready to do a photo shoot you already know you’re going to regret in five years? And… Is…is that a hookah? Just sitting there, right out in the open, in the living room? What are you, one semester removed from college and stuck with a slacker troll roommate who keeps swearing he’ll have his half of the rent this month, and this time he means it, mon, only you know perfectly well that’s not happening because felweed’s a hell of a drug?
So, okay, a few things. You have to lose the pastels, first of all. I know that probably goes against every last one of your blood elf sensibilities, but trust me on this. You want strong, commanding colors – the kind that will make people think “Holy fuck, some serious shit goes on in this place” when they walk in. Lots of reds and grays. Err on the side of darker. Go too dark with the red and you get a bloody crimson, which is still pretty badass. Go too light and you get pink. See where I’m going with this?
Mount some weapons on the walls. If you haven’t cleaned them lately and they’ve got some bloodstains, all the better. It adds to the color scheme I’m talking about, plus it conveys a message of “This person is not to be fucked with.” Spikes. You can never have too many spikes. Or skulls. Get some skulls in there. If you can carve up the body of one of your enemies and, say, make their skull into a chair for yourself, awesome. Or maybe turn their bones into an end table. A hat rack will do in a pinch. If you haven’t killed any notable enemies lately, but you’ve got an infamous foe that you really only know by reputation but somebody in your family killed, and you have THEIR remains somewhere handy, that’s just as good, because that fucker was brought down by your bloodline (AGAIN NOTICE THE BLOOD MOTIF) and you totally deserve to share credit for the accomplishment.
This is all for your living room, of course, and I know my tastes can be a little hardcore. I figured you might want to take it down a notch or two for your bedroom, so I went to Garona to get a woman’s opinion. Didn’t get very far, though. I told her I had a question about the bedroom and tried to ask her if she matches her rugs and curtains, or words to that effect, but she just got all pissy for some reason. So, not much help there. I seriously don’t know what’s up with her sometimes.
Speaking of which…
I’m writing this letter to you in secret and I hope it gets to you and I’m not killed in the process. *looks around*
It’s about Garona Halforcen. Sir, she scares the everliving shi—uh—crap out of me. *looks around again*
I happened upon some history stuff about her and now I’m all confused. She was there when the first invasion from the Dark Portal, then she had a kid with an old man, and she is half-orc, half-dradne dranin demon *looks up spelling* DRAENAI. (She looks like an orc. Smells like one too. I don’t see it.)
Now I’m all confused and sitting in a dark tunnel with a lot of thinking time had me thinking about her again.
What I want to know…*looks around*
How old is she? She’s got to be like….ANCIENT. *hides paper, looks around*
She doesn’t make sense and I don’t want to ask her. She’s scary.
–Ruekie, Shaman In Training
PS: There’s a lot of talk lately with the orc kids about the Red Pox, and if there is something scarier than Garona it’s that. I heard you had it once. Did it hurt? Can you get it again? Can we get it? Can an outbreak happen again? Too many questions and we are getting freaked out. Like FREAKED out. Really.
Okay, first of all… Um, Ruekie, you realize we were JUST in those caves all alone and out of earshot of Garona, right? Not sure why you didn’t just ask your questions THEN, but whatever. Kids.
First, the Red Pox? No, seriously, you don’t want to get into the Red Pox, that was just a bad scene all around. I don’t know why you kids would be talking about it now, but really, just let that shit die. Nobody needs to be digging up THOSE memories for anybody.
Okay, now that that’s settled, on to your main point. Yeah, I’ll grant you the scary thing with Garona. Scariest bitch I know who hasn’t come back from the dead. Although it’s probably a sad statement about my life that the list of people I know who HAVE come back from dead is a lot longer than you would figure. Because – I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before – NOBODY STAYS FUCKING DEAD ANYMORE.
Anyway, here’s the deal with Garona. Yeah, she’s half orc, half draenei. Back in the day, Gul’dan bred an orc and a draenei to create a personal assassin – enter Garona. Yeah, she looks mostly orcish, but I guess these racial mixes are kind of a crap shoot as far as which race’s physical traits you get.
Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure exactly when Gul’dan actually orchestrated her birth. I know it was definitely before the Dark Portal opened, and that was about 30 years ago, but before that, there was a window of about 20 years when Gul’dan was up to some Really Bad Shit, so the breeding experiment could have happened anywhere in there. Let’s shave off the first couple years to give Gul’dan time to come up with this idea and for Garona to be brought to term. That would mean that Garona would have to be anywhere from, say, 32 (She’s not. Seriously. I’m 35. There’s no damn way she’s younger than me.) to around 48 or so. Anywhere in between, your guess is as good as mine.
Hang on, though – this gets more complicated when you add the fact that Gul’dan had Garona aged magically so that she could get right to work, no childhood needed. Swell guy, huh? Anyway, the age of adulthood among orcs varies a little from clan to clan, usually somewhere from 13 to 15. (Yeah, I know, kid, can you believe it? Technically you’re an adult. Hard to imagine you’re a grown-up, huh? Well, let me clue you in on a little secret: That thought won’t stop seeming weird for another 20 years.) So that would mean, however old Garona is according to the calendar, she really has the body of a woman 13-some-odd years older. So now we’re looking at a physical age putting her somewhere between 45 and, like, 60-something. Which is kind of a big deal when you consider that 70 is about as old as you could reasonably hope to live as an orc, even if you do a perfect job taking care of yourself.
Oh, but hang on, we’re not done yet. It’s about to get more complicated. (Don’t look at me – I didn’t make this shit up.) Because, see, since Garona has that draenei half, her aging is even more fucked up. Draenei live for…like…forever. I mean seriously, I think the average draenei lifespan is something like “infinity minus twelve.” So you mix THOSE genes in with our good, wholesome “70 if you’re super lucky” orcish genes, and…well… You’ve got a woman who’s technically, like, 40, only with the body of a 53-year-old, only not really because 53 doesn’t mean anywhere near the same thing to the draenei part of her, so…um… Who the fuck knows?
She’s old, okay? Only she’s kind of not. Only she is. Whatever – you go figure it out. Meanwhile I’m going to go check around the room and make sure there aren’t any whooshing sounds coming from the corners.
The following is written in elegant, but slightly shaky, cursive script on pale peach-colored parchment paper
My dear little Roshy,
How are you doing? I have missed you. It’s beautiful here in Nagrand – we’re having the most glorious late-fall weather. I hope all is well in Orgrimmar.
Why didn’t you tell me you have a girlfriend? Sounds serious too… She has been sending me letters telling me about how deeply in love you both are, and has included many pictures of you with little hearts and flowers drawn on them. She says you’re getting married in the spring? Why didn’t you mention it? You would think you’d keep your own family informed, dear. We’ll have to have a little chat the next time you visit. You are coming home for Winter Veil, are you not?
Also, you should take some pictures of the two of you together. And perhaps find a new photo studio. These look like they were printed on magazine paper instead of proper photo paper. I can’t properly frame them for display, especially not with the lipstick kisses smeared all over them.
All my love,
–Greatmother Geyah.
Hold on, hold on, what… how the… it… GODDAMMIT, SOMEBODY IS FALSIFYING RECORDS OF THEIR WARCHIEF, and…and… Oh fucking hell, now I’m going to have to go out there and explain Photoshop to her. It was bad enough when I had the bright idea to try to show her the internet. Nothing in my e-mail for two months but forwarded pictures of wyverns asking for cheeseburgers. And WHO is this woman who’s…ugh. You know what? I don’t even think I want to know. Even though I can probably think of a couple likely suspects.
Now I’m just imagining somewhere in Orgrimmar there’s a dim, candle-lit room with walls covered by pictures of me, and…no, no, don’t even go any further with that, Garrosh. That way madless lies.
And now on top of everything, I have to squeeze in a trip to Nagrand before Winter Veil totally runs out on me, or I’m never going to hear the end of it. Ugh. Maybe I’ll bring Gurtash, and see if I can maybe distract her a little with the cute kid factor. Or Ruekie? I bet she’d like Ruekie. Plus Rook might want someplace to hide anyway, what with her probably having Garona out for her head as soon as this post goes live.
Very good to hear you have escaped the Saurok caves unharmed. The Horde would be in a very dire position if we were to lose our leader.
I do have one question. Have you ever thought of asking a mage if they could manage to conjure lemon squares? I have no complaints, but the same old sticky buns are a bit tiring after some time (not to mention they turn stale and hard as a rock after some time sitting in a bag). Perhaps you should collaborate with my wife? I am sure she would be very good to collaborate with, or maybe another mage closer to your location.
Regards,
–Shen-Wei Pureblossom
Thanks for writing, Shen-Wei. You know, I HAVE thought of this lemon squares angle before, but here’s the thing. First off, there was a point around this time last year that I really thought Gija down in the Cleft of Shadow was on to something, but the problem is, lemon squares don’t really lend themselves to conjuring, apparently. I mean, you can abracadabra up some pastries that are sorta, KINDA in the same ballpark as lemon squares, but you can tell they’re not the real thing. It’s like the drop-off from real leather to that fake shit that the damn DEHTA hippies try to pass off and think they’re fooling anybody. And once you’re used to eating the real thing, I mean, come on. It would be like going from having me as Warchief to, I don’t even know, a fucking TROLL or something.
Second of all, having spent my whole life eating those lemon squares, let me tell you, we don’t need mages recreating Greatmother’s recipe, because IT’S ALREADY MAGICAL. (See? See how I’m already working on smoothing things over with her? For real, I’m so fucking diplomatic you could just shit a brick.)
Also, even setting all that aside… Nothing personal, but I don’t take anybody up on any suggestions that include the phrase “perhaps you should collaborate with my wife” ever since the Incident That Shall Not Be Discussed over at Tharl Stonebleeder’s house. Now stop making me think about things that cannot be unthought. MOVING ON.
Rumors are flying that there is a red pox outbreak. Is this anything like the scourge?
–Kelytas, Blood Elf Paladin, Borean Tundra
Wait, again with the Red Pox? No! We’re not going to talk about the Red Pox. Why the fuck is everybody so curious about the Red Pox all of a sudden?
I really enjoyed that Photo-Op you had with King Varian a while ago. I couldn’t help but notice that King Varian had a wonderful tousled-Anime-pigtail thing going on that was at the same time sexy but tough, and you…well, you just look cranky.
I checked in with the Couturier Barbershop in downtown Orgrimmar and was quite frankly shocked at the dismal array of hairstyles available. An up-swept Mohawk with a scarf? Are you kidding me?
I know you might have a couple of things on your plate right now but seriously, you really need to look into this before the entire Horde start looking like extras from Naxxramas.
Maybe you could contact King Varian, find out who does his hair and we could have a Stylist Exchange with one of our Barbers so they could learn some new hair techniques and bring back the Glory of the Horde.
I also noticed that our Tailors are in desperate need of new patterns. Malevolent-style silk pantaloons? Really? That is so last-season…
–A Concerned Fashionista Blood Elf
Lor’themar, is that you?
Yeah, let me get right on that. I’ll send a special diplomatic courier right over to Stormwind with a note that says, “Who does your hair??” Yeah, that would go over great, I’m sure.
Hmm. Actually, come to think of it, a message like that would probably seem SO weird to Varian that it might fuck with his head a little. Like, I can totally imagine him reading that and thinking, “Garrosh wouldn’t give a shit about my hair…WHAT IS HE UP TO?” And then he gets all paranoid and shit. And meanwhile I’m just sitting back and not doing anything, and the longer this goes on the more paranoid he gets – ESPECIALLY when it’s time for him to go to the barber, because, hey, THIS IS WHAT GARROSH WAS ASKING ABOUT. And maybe he gets so messed up and suspicious that he stops going to the barber altogether, and his hair grows and grows, and finally he’s just got this total mess of a rat’s nest on his head, until maybe he eventually can’t stand it anymore and shaves it all off and ends up bald. Same as me.
There you have it, ACFBE. Problem solved. Garrosh comes out ahead of the curve yet again. Boom.
I’m studying Orcish History at school and need to write an essay. I thought I’d write about the Red Pox and it’s impact, and I thought it would be neat if I could quote you on the subject, if you don’t mind.
I know it was a terrible illness, but there aren’t any first-hand records that I’ve been able to find. What was it like to live with the Red Pox? Do you remember much from those years? Did you notice any major differences between Orcish society as a whole and the way Orcs lived in Garadar? Pretty much anything you can remember would be great.
Thanks!
–Anonymous Scholar, Orgrimmar
Okay, so at least NOW I have some idea of why everybody’s got the Red Pox on the brain this week. So okay, fine, just this once I’ll talk about it, seeing as I’m probably one of the only Red Pox survivors a lot of these kids will have the chance to meet.
It sucked.
What, you wanted more? FINE.
I’m not going to waste time going over the symptoms, because there must already be records of that, and I’m pretty sure neither one of us wants to spend our lunch break reviewing my childhood vomiting habits. But yeah, I had it as a kid, and even setting aside the physical suffering of it all, I can’t stress enough how much of an effect it had on the culture of Garadar. I mean, you asked if there were any major differences between Garadar society and orcish society as a whole? Fuck, what WASN’T different? The Red Pox hung over our whole culture. It touched everything. We had whole generations who were born and died – prematurely, granted – under the bane of that thing. That was the worst part of it, really – the sense of resignation it left us with. It was like, for a lot of us, there was this sense that the Red Pox came for our grandparents, and then it came for our parents, and now it’s going to come for us.
Over the years, our shaman kept working to find a cure, and every so often there would be a glimmer of hope that maybe they had something. But then there would always be some disaster that would undo it. After a while that became part of the gloom and doom of it – the shaman would come up with a new possibility, and you never quite stopped hoping, but deep down you were thinking, “Okay, let’s see what fucks it up THIS time.” Even when they finally did find a cure, and the suffering could finally end, a lot of us couldn’t even quite believe it was really happening.
Adding to all this, by the way, was the fact that over in Telaar, the draenei had their own parallel illness going on for a while. It was called the lank distemper – or the “Lanks,” as a lot of folks ended up calling it. Basically an infection that caused severe dehydration and loss of appetite, so the afflicted would wither down to these scrawny shadows of their former selves. Sometimes the two diseases would flare up as if they had a contest going to see which one could kill more victims. Which made for some miserable times for everybody involved. Believe me, for anyone who was living through it, you do NOT want to get them started on the whole Lanks / Red Pox rivalry.
Is that enough? Are you happy yet? Or do I need to relive the time the conjured healing sphere rolled between Bullrok’s legs and into the lake, too?
Winter Veil is here! Time for a great orc cheer! Lok’tar!
I am so looking forward to making cookies and milk for Greatfather Winter this year with my new cooking skills I learned from Pilgrim’s Bounty holiday. I may even add some lemon squares to add some extra favor. I’m really hoping this year he’ll give me a ferocious armored bloodwing with exotic leather saddle for riding. That would be so cool! (Sigh, I’ll probably end up with another copper racer though.)
What are you hoping for Winter Veil this year, Mr. Garrosh sir?
Varian on a spire tree?
Blood and thunder!
–Ruekie, Shaman-Still-in-Training
PS: Greatfather Winter looks awful familiar, but I can’t quite figure it out. Kinda like Mr. Saurfang, but that would be impossible…I think. (Nothing is impossible with Mr. Saurfang.)
PPS: Winter Veil holiday is a great time for eating. Try no to eat too many lemon squares, though, sir. It doesn’t take much to make your muscles look like marshmallows. D:
Bye!
Wait, Ruekie AGAIN? When the hell is she writing all these letters? Fuck, maybe I should hire HER as a scribe, if this is how fast she can crank out pages. Anyway.
So also, before we get into anything else…hang on, you want a BLOODWING for Winter Veil? A frigging BAT? All of a sudden, a WYVERN isn’t good enough for little miss tornado-pants? You’ve seen Mortimer in action, up close and personal, and you’ve decided, “Nah, let’s give the universe a sporting chance – keep the wings, take away all the parts that really make the wyvern badass, and replace them with a giant blind rat”? Are you KIDDING me?
I already answered the part about what I want for Winter Veil a few letters up, so no need to get into that again. And I’m not going to dignify the lemon squares thing with a response. But I have to comment on that thing you said about Greatfather Winter. You know, one thing that people always say about Greatfather Winter is that there’s no way the guy could possibly fly all around the world and deliver presents to everyone in just one night. Well, I think you might have found the one gaping hole in that theory. So, next time you find yourself in an argument with some skeptic who doesn’t want to believe in Greatfather Winter, just unload this one on them:
“I’m telling you, there isn’t enough time for Greatfather Winter to do all that! It isn’t physically possible!”
“What if Greatfather Winter is really Saurfang?”
“Oh… Um… Well then.”
I hear you had de red pox, mon. On dat game Earth Online dey has a disees call chicken pox. Es dat de same? (What do chickens haf to do wit dat?)
Dey say in dat game, once you hav it, you cannot get et again. Yah, mon, you are now invisible to dat disees, like de lich king’s horse. Dat is good news!
Cheers, mon!
–Bobbette, Out der somewhere
…
Okay.
So.
I am beginning to get the very distinct impression that I may be getting trolled.
What’s dis I be hearin’ about da Red Pox breakin’ out again? It be all anybody be talkin’ ’bout dese days! If you get it, does dat mean ya turns red? I remember seein’ some red orcs back in Hellfire Peninsula, mon, was dey havin’ da Red Pox? Dey go from green ta red? Don’t get me wrong, mon, I don’t want nobody gettin’ sick, but if dere be anudda outbreak, look on da bright side – all dat red an’ green togetha be lookin’ nice an’ festive for Winter Veil!
–Bob, Shado-pan Monastery
I hate you. I really, truly hate you.
Excuse me, Warchief, I write to you from Dustwallow marsh, I came here to see if I could find test subjects for a new flamethrower, and found something much more interesting, there is this mysterious woman on the road to the ruined theramore (hah!) and she seems to be able to send me back in time to look at theramore and the swamp before theramore was destroyed, I went to sleep at mudsprocket and woke up in present day. She seems upset that I was killing humans as soon as I was there, and refuses to send me again.
–Ritaba, Mudsprocket
Wait, wait, hang on. Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that there’s someone hanging around Dustwallow Marsh sending people back in time to Theramore before we blew it up? As in, making it possible to totally sidestep our whole victory and interact with the place like it was before? That… fucking hell, THAT DEFEATS THE WHOLE POINT OF US BLOWING IT UP IF YOU CAN FUCKING DO THAT!
You know, this has the Bronze Dragonflight written all over it — or at least it WOULD, if it weren’t for the fact that this is PRECISELY THE SAME KIND OF SHIT they they’ve been recruiting people to PREVENT for years now, and by the way didn’t I just march through like 50 miles of steaming shit over their whole “integrity of the past” deal last year?! But hey, apparently it’s NO BIG DEAL when you’re talking about Theramore, right? SURE! WHY NOT? Hey, how about I zip on back to the past and start fucking with shit too, because I GUESS THAT’S ON THE MENU NOW, RIGHT?
Fucking dragons. FUCKING TIME TRAVEL!
UGH!
I have been reading the history of Pandaria, and discovered something no one has bothered to take note of, seven burdens of Shaohao, the story of how the last emperor of Pandaria defeated the six sha and locked them away in a poor fashion (He couldn’t have kept them from causing havok any time someone gets cranky?), and there are older writings indicating a beast with seven heads, perhaps there is a seventh sha never recorded, it could be the key to controlling them.
–Yinsun, Vale of Eternal Blossoms
Now see, THIS is an example of some research that might actually be useful. You might be on to something there, Yinsun. It DOES seem kind of fishy that we have this story about Shaohao and his seven burdens, and this seven-headed thingamabob, and then we only have six sha that we know about. It’s definitely worth considering whether we’ve got one more sha on the loose that nobody’s thought of. (Hell, I was even bouncing ideas about this around with some people on Twitter a little while ago.)
For anybody keeping score at home, we might as well start with the basics. Right now, we’ve got six sha accounted for: the Sha of Doubt, the Sha of Anger, the Sha of Despair, the Sha of Violence, the Sha of Hatred, and the Sha of Fear.
So, okay, let’s suppose there’s one more out there. Since the sha we know about all seem to be named for pretty major negative emotions or vices…hmm…let’s see, what do we have left for major negatives?
There could be a Sha of Greed, I suppose. Although…I mean, we have goblins with us, and I have to figure if there were a Sha of Greed, people like Grizzle Gearslip would be setting the fucker off left and right. The Sha of Jealousy, maybe? Makes sense on paper, but again, you’d figure we’d be having outbreaks all over the place, seeing as we’ve got a base full of people who’ve been watching me stroll around day after day. And you KNOW the peeps get jelly when they feast their eyes to the pure awesome that is yours truly, amirite?
So we’re kind of running out of major vices to pair up with the missing sha. What else is there? Free-associate, Garrosh… hmm… the Sha of Gluttony? The Sha of Sloth? The Sha of Anteater?
Hang on…I think that line of thought took a wrong turn on me somehow.
Maybe we’re going about this wrong. Time to think outside the box a little. For all we know, this last sha could be kind of a niche sha, something more specific and less…well…grandiose. Which might explain why this one might have been able to fly under the radar all this time. So, let’s see, what else could be out there as the sneakier, subtler bane of our existence…
- The Sha of Social Awkwardness
- The Sha of Small Talk
- The Sha of Poor Table Manners
- The Sha of Bad Penmanship
- The Sha of Bad Spelling
- The Sha of Typos (possibly related to above)
- The Sha of Not Picking Up After Your Wyvern
- The Sha of Repetition
- The Sha of Redundancy
- The Sha of Telegraphing Bad Jokes
- The Sha of Walking Really Slowly in Front of People at the Mall
- The Sha of Paper Towels with Inexplicably Strong Perforation So You Try to Snap Off One Square and End Up Yanking Out Half the Roll
- The Sha of Telling the Same Story Over and Over and Over Again Even Though Yes I Already Know How You Met Eitrigg Okay Tirion
Okay, you know what? This is going nowhere fast.
Wait, wait, hang on a second… I could swear I HAVE seen another sha somewhere.
HOLY FUCKING HELL THAT’S IT! THE SHA OF HAPPINESS! Come to think of it, I even remember seeing this fucker on Twitter! Fuckin’ A, I KNEW all those annoyingly happy assholes like Mylune were up to no good! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
Okay, that’s going to do it for this time, but keep those letters coming. You guys really stepped up to the plate with this batch of letters, so you know what that means — THE BAR HAS BEEN RAISED. So keep it going, and I’ll try to be back with more wise words soon. Handy form included:
Divine do-over
So I think the internet has decided it doesn’t want me playing Earth Online for the time being. Spazzle was right – this is what I get for trusting Grizzle Gearslip to set up a stable network. Remind me to stick with construction and excavation projects for him from now on.
Probably just as well. I have more important things to be focusing on right now.
First and foremost in the “more important things” file: We’re back in business on the Divine Bell front – and then some. Courtesy, believe it or not, of some clutch work from one of the blood elves. I know, right? I won’t hold it against you if you need to go back and read that again to make sure you got it right. Anyway – Fanlyr Silverthorn was able to work some Kirin Tor mojo to sneak a Horde operative into Darnassus, where the Divine Bell was being held, then teleported it out to Silvermoon. That’s right, the night elves worked so hard to get to the Bell before us, tucked it away deep in the heart of their capital city…for like fifteen minutes, before they had it swiped right out from under them. Oh man, would I love to have seen the looks on their faces when they figured out what happened.
Of course, you would think that this would come across as GOOD news to anyone on the Horde side of the fence, but spirits forbid I should ever have a conversation with Lor’themotherfucker that didn’t involve him crying and moaning and wetting his panties over something. And let me tell you, he was in fine form this time around. I could barely even figure out what the fuck he was bitching about, something about his people being put in harm’s way or some such (as if people never, EVER get put in harm’s way in the middle of, you know, A FUCKING WAR), and Jaina being pissed off about something (as if THAT’S ever a bad thing). Seriously, I don’t know what hair he’s got up his ass, but enough is enough. Calm down already. Don’t flip a bench, Lori.
Anyway, I’m having the Divine Bell transported to Pandaria pronto so we can get to work. We found another ancient mogu structure in Kun-Lai that should make for a good site to conduct the first of what should be many glorious uses of the Bell. I’m having Malkorok hand-pick some of the very best of his Kor’kron to stand guard and participate in the proceedings. I’m also having Ishi head up that way to supervise the setup of the Bell and help me with the first trial. Hopefully, after Burzum went all sha-batty on us, and Krimpatul went MIA with the rest of the…casualties…at the Temple of the Red Crane, and Ishi himself got beaten to the Divine Bell by the damn night elves, well, hopefully I’ll have a blademaster finally do my Mag’har proud and help put a win on the board for us.
Once we tap into the power of the Bell – and by extension, the power of this “sha” magic – we’ll wield a power unlike anything either side has seen in this war. And unlike the mogu, we won’t be leaving our enemies any room to rise up against us. Never again.
Spazzle Speaks: The Goblin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat
After Garrosh put up that guild chat log yesterday, I thought it might be helpful to see things from another perspective…
You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi baddie
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] check the appendix, then.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mrbadcrumble
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it should be on a right-hand page, under a map if i recall.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey sylvanas
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok ok fine, i know better than to argue with you about these things
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey, how are you feeling?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH TIME YOU MUST HAVE SPENT IN LIBRARIES STUDYING THIS STUFF PROF
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] should I even ask what they’re arguing about this time?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if only you knew.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Chen say pretty soon I be healed up enough ta be back on ma feet an outta dis monastery.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Honestly, I’m not even sure how they got started.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] seriously you must be some kind of master wizard with everything you seem to know
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Can’t happen soon enough, mon – don’ like dis sittin’ around.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] not really.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so what are you working on? are we about to get achievement spammed as usual?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’m not particularly powerful as a caster; i just have a good handle on theory.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah but you have to take care of yourself
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YOU’D PROBABLY BE A GOOD TEACHER THEN
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nothing imminent. I’m laying the groundwork for some longer-term projects at the moment.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Any news from Trall?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] maybe thats why his name is professor! =)
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] meh.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i think of it more as “professor” in the “mad scientist” sense.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: not last i heard
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which is fitting, considering i spend most of my time in a laboratory developing biochemical agents of mass destruction.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] haha yea right, your being sarcastic again
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: have you talked to lorthemar?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: When ya see ’im let ’im know I be dere as soon as I can, an den we deal wit’ Garrosh.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] drat, i’ve been caught.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Speak the devil’s name…
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey OmgipwneduMon!
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Oops, mistell.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Speak a da devil, mon.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, dear Warchief.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] is your connection any better pwn?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I guess we’ll find out in a minute
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: k good
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i really don’t like all this sneaking around
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Haha!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] now see, for instance, i can’t work -that- kind of magic.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i just deploy verbal irony; i can’t conjure it up in actual events.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya won’ need to much longer.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i swear i didnt do that!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Soon we’ll be makin’ our move.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Leslie! Do it again, mon!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WB PWN
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i didnt do anything!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I take it your connection is none too improved since last time, Warchief?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] You put da connection voodoo on him, mon!
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: still using the network grizzle set up for you?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, apparently
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also that Bob guy is rubbing me the wrong way already
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] On the topic of what you’ve been doing, Leslie, has work continued to be hectic?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’d better watch it before I end up stabbing him in the neck
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: honestly, you might as well hire a couple extra tauren to send up smoke signals for your wifi
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You were starting to say, but ended up being sidetracked by ProfHubert.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of me stabbing people, by the way, did you manage to get Lori straightened out?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BTW COULD I GET A GUILD INVITE FOR MY FRIEND
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure puff, just whisper me the name
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh not really
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re referring to leadership of the guild, I think I’ve convinced him to be reasonable and pass it back
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: HER NAME IS LIVINGREDGIRL
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He was quite agitated before.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know, not for anything, but didn’t we used to ask people to APPLY to this guild once upon a time?
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: seriously?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: ?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does it really matter?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] just some office politics i’m trying to stay out of mostly
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: don’t you think that’s going to be a little confusing?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: Y
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I don’t particularly care about his moods
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does anyone in this guild actually do anything other than sit around in guild chat?
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i do!
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: because of how similar that is to LivinDeadGrl?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] me to! just got my set bonus last night in fact
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i’m level 52 now!
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] I mostly just hang out here in da capital cities, mon, an’ stir tings up in trade chat!
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: OH I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats eddie
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi lorthemar
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: SHOULD I GET HER TO REROLL?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Somebody gotta be da resident smartass in dis guild, right?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] um, i have some bad news for you…
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: no, she already has this toon… I just hope she doesn’t get a lot of mis-tells
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey lor
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Lor’themar.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: I’ll send her an invite
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hail, Spazzle. Dark Lady.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: TY
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea bobby, prof has seniority on you
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if only you knew.
You have invited [LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] to the guild.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar, I should probably warn you straight away…
[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has joined the guild.
[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] he spends most of his time in-game making sarcastic comments to people
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome, LivingRedGirl!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome red!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] there you go! welcome to the guild!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] in point of fact, that’s not actually specific to in-game.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thank you all
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wb pwn
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So as I was saying. I don’t care if Ponytail is happy about it as long as he manages to get his panties unbunched long enough to hand over guild control
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Garrosh was just on and will likely be back momentarily, so please try to humor him.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh be runnin’ outta friends fast.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Oh and by the way
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hello, Garrosh…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh drat. Two seconds too slow hitting return.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh and LOOK who’s here now
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, but I’m *one* of his friends
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh goodness, LivingRedGirl, you look almost just like me!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Do you want to explain to me why I never heard a word from you about the whole Mokvar fiasco?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Haha looks like it yes
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: um
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good evening, Warchief.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: YES UM
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, Leslie…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, yeah, good evening, good morning, happy new year, whatever
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: I guess I figured you were already getting updates from people more important than me
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know office politics can be precarious, Leslie. I’m not unfamiliar with them myself.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Are you ready to stop fucking around and put me back in place as guild leader?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: and I was probably still hoping there would be some explanation for everything
[Officer][Lorthemar] While I still have my objections to the way you’ve been conducting yourself toward me and my people, Garrosh…
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya ever stop ta ask yaself why, mon?
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: At this point I don’t particularly CARE about why
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] mostly just a coworker trying to drag me into his conflicts
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or am I going to have to smack a bitch up first?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing
[Officer][Lorthemar] …case in point.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The bitch being you, by the way
[Officer][Lorthemar] *sigh*
[Officer][Lorthemar] In any case…I don’t want to hurt the guild over our personal squabbles.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: ugh hang on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, interesting…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s refreshingly non-suicidal for you, Eyepatch
[Officer][Lorthemar] So, yes, here.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: with the mokvar thing
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: it’s just hard for me to accept a friend going off the deep end, is all
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GRATS PWN
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: ok that could have been ugly
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is there anything particular to this conflict your coworker is trying to involve you in, Leslie?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dis is way too entertainin’.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, like I was saying
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or is it more along the lines of your typical…in-office sparring?
[Officer][Lorthemar] I almost feel bad for him.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i tried to warn him about getting his network set up
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] 1 SEC SHE HAD TO AFK
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but oh no, he sees a goblin and just figures “catch-all tech genius”
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. No rush.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] since it appears most of my best sources of entertainment are away or disconnecting, i suppose i should go get some work done
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing
[Guild][Lorthemar] Be well, ProfHubert!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later prof
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] in my absence, bob, feel free to take over as interim satirist
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hah, tanks mon.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] just try not to stage some kind of sardonic coup while i’m away
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Haha, no promises, mon.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bye prof
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] bye prof
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Welcome back, mon! We missed ya!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WB AGAIN PWN
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: and I’m helping thrall because, well, he’s thrall, and I don’t think it’s right the way the trolls are being treated
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Welcome back Omgipwnedurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH UGH UGH
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] wish I could do something to fix it, chief
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but I think you may be kind of stuck with it until you get back or orgrimmar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In all honesty, Warchief, the fact that you’re having such connection difficulties at the moment may be a reason not to resume control of the guild just yet…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure there’s much to be gained from a guild leader who’s unable to be online to tend to the responsibilities of leadership.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: but that’s as far as I can go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I hate to say it, but you might have a point
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And frankly it’s getting way too annoying trying to stay on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can well imagine.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I won’t stab him in the back
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, let me do this
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GRATS MRBADCRUMBLE
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, grats, mon!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Does leadership always change hands so often in the guild
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa seriously?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya got ta listen to ya conscience, mon.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He already has control of the web site and he’s got the best handle on all the nuts and bolts
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WELL MAYBE LATELY YEAH
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So just as well to let him mind the shop for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A wise decision, of course, sir.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Congratulations, Spazzle.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I hope it’ll let ya sleep if tings go bad.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Also because, even with the Mokvar thing, you’re the only one of these clowns I actually trust
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] thanks lor
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so…
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: thanks chief
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to empty my mail just in case, and then log off here before something else pisses me off
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And I get why you kept quiet
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] It’s gotten quiet
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: But let me make this clear
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THAT USUALLY MEANS THE OFFICERS ARE TALKING
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Mokvar is dead to me
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And if I ever find out where he’s run off to, he’s a dead man
[Guild][Lorthemar] I know it can be a bit unnerving.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Anyway…later
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hi spazzle
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: you haven’t heard anything from mokvar, have you?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself when I first joined the guild.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Are you new
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: not since he ran off
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: why?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hi lorthemar
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: this is bad
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] did you join recently?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: this is really bad
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Me
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i could swear i’ve seen you before
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I only just joined a few minutes ago
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: you remember the recall totem I told you about? the one he left me to hold?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] lorthemar seems new though
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: yes
[Guild][Lorthemar] I…
[Officer][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you just have one of those faces?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I believe I need to log off and step away from the game for a bit.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the spirit link that a shaman makes with these totems makes them give off a green glow
[Guild][Lorthemar] It’s not good for my rage.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: it just went out
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i’m sorry if i upset you, lorthemar
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh bother
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] back
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: that’s bad?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry
[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Leslie.
[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Now where were we?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the only reason the totem would go out like that is if mokvar were dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry livindead, i cant right now
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: but he can just wake up again, right? like last time?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i just came back to say bye and log
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] theres stuff happening here rl and i need to go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: no, not like ‘waiting for my ankh to kick in’ dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] and so does puffy
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: like for real dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] like right now
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh dear
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] actually i need to run too
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I need to go
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is everything all right, Spazzle?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I have to check on this
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] no
You have logged off.
Mutiny!
Since we finished with Shan Kien a few days ago, I’ve been back at Domination Point, partly checking in on things there with Warlord Bloodhilt and General Nazgrim, and partly giving myself a break from Baine and Lor’themotherfucker. Maybe if I leave them alone with each other, they’ll have no option but to bitch and moan at each other until one of them reaches bitch-and-moan critical mass and spontaneously combusts. Not likely, I know, but it’s a little dream I have.
As part of my much-needed recuperation time, I finally managed to get Earth Online set up on my computer here. The internet here at the base is still kind of spotty – I’ve been having to pick my spots as far as when I can blog for the entire time I’ve been here – but Grizzle Gearslip tells me the connection should be stable enough now that I shouldn’t have any trouble getting some gaming in.
You have logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] what about blurry vision? slurred speech?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it’s probably not one of ours, then.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I hope you feel better, ji
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey people
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You sense of humor is, as always, most amusing, Doctor.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] anyway, does anyone have a level 30 something they’d like to team up with?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But you should be wary of making such jokes, as they may only encourage some to believe we’re actually pursuing such untoward efforts as the creation of plague.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] actually never mind, i should probably get going
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] see you later, ji
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yeah, i can’t imagine where anyone would get that idea about us.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: has garona gotten there yet?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh this is weird…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What is, Warchief?
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do you think he got mad and logged?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey, Garrosh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] welcome back.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I suppose we’ll see presently, won’t we.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks, Doc
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: did you see my tell?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is everything all right, Garrosh?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I just didn’t get a chance to answer
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I think so
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what happened?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m not sure, my connection just went out on me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, hopefully it was an isolated hiccup and won’t continue causing you problems.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: But no, she didn’t get here yet
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ah ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, hopefully
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Why?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: just curious
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway, as I was saying
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks baddie
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You two are well, I hope.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] PRETTY GOOD THANKS
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] re-wb
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And back again.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] same problem, boss?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] havent seen u in a while
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Pretty much
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just getting knocked offline randomly
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite frustrating, I’m sure.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’ve been traveling for work, so I haven’t been able to log on until now
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: what kind of internet connection do you have there?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea i know how that goes
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve been having to travel around some for work too
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: If you’re looking for something more specific than “apparently a bad one,” you’re talking to the wrong guy
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hmm
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. Anything specific you’re working on these days?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did they change something in the guild management panel?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure the details would be fascinating.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: at the bottom of your UI, mouse over the icon that looks like a little planet
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: that will show your network info
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not that I’m aware of.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why do you ask?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol your always so interested in my work
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Okay, I’ve got it
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m just curious about people’s professional experiences. ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m showing a lot fewer guild management options than I used to
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m wondering if they changed something
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ok, at the very bottom of that info box there should be a string of numbers and letters
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol well theres alot going on here but alot of it i cant really talk about
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: copy that to me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, no. Perhaps you should peruse the guild roster a moment.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Hmm, okay…give me a minute…
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] here we go…
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh but those are the most interesting ones to chat about under the anonymity afforded by the internet.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, you’ve established you work in Dalaran.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well yes
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on, I’m juggling a couple things
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if it involves magic research i could probably save you some time finding the tomes you need.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HOW DO YOU FIGURE
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: THX1138-NCC1701-PU36
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: oh man
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, based on our conversation the other day, I probably know your libraries a bit better than you.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: who set up your connection down there?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] your serious
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] my serious what?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Grizzle Gearslip
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Why? How bad is it?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no, ‘your serious’ is a question
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, guild roster
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] no, “you’re serious?” is a question.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “your serious” is an incomplete noun phrase.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ugh… he’s good with mining and construction
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just exactly
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHAT
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] THE FUCK
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] IS THIS?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: but for networking he might as well be trying to put something together with one of those electronics kits from the wonderworks
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if you don’t want my help, you can just say no.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What is what, pray tell?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW exactly is it showing SYLVANAS as guild leader???
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hoo boy…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, there *are* in-game mechanisms for such things.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When the current leader is offline for a prolonged period. ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You fucking OVERTHREW me?!?!
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think he would jsut rage quit
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, here he is.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wb pwn
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] looks like you’re having connection trouble
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so AS I WAS SAYING
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You OVERTHREW me??!
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: can’t say I’m surprised you’re having trouble staying on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could say that, yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: So…it’s bad.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: let me put it this way
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And hey, hold on, she couldn’t even have DONE this without another officer, so that means either you or Mokvar, Spazzle
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: congratulations, the base hasn’t burned down yet
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] um, well…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s going on with Mokvar now, anyway?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s funny you should ask, Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah staying on topic
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I was the one who signed off on the dethrone
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I…see
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: Fucking hell is THIS what you were talking about???
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: um, what?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: With the “they’re going to turn against you” cryptic bullshit
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well to be fair, boss, you’d been away for a while and there was no telling when you’d be able to get on again
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: you realize that was another version of me whose memories i don’t share, right?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: UGH FUCKING TIME TRAVEL
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and your connection right now isn’t exactly helping
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah yeah whatever
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: fucking time travel indeed.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You people have had your fun, now reinstall me before I get on a boat headed north
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, very well, Warchief. If you insist.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I seriously don’t know what the fuck is wrong with people, I look away for a minute and everything turns into a fucking cartoon
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to Guild Leader.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oops.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU’RE FUCKING RIGHT OOPS
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats lorthemar!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh this should be good.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That honestly was a legitimate mistake. Albeit a funny one.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh…wow…really?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] CONGRATS ON THE PROMOTION LOR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I was about to click on you to promote you when Lor’themar logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i will bet you any amount of money you’re not the only person saying “wow, really?” right now.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, well, his character name is right ahead of yours alphabetically.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So…he bumped you down one spot on the guild list, and…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well…thank you, guildmates!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you seeing this, lor?
[Guild][Lorthemar] This is truly an unexpected honor
[Guild][Lorthemar] But one for which I shall endeavor to prove my worthiness!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yay lor!
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really don’t know what else to say!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i know you’ll make a good guild leader =)
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] guess not
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He probably doesn’t realize he has to turn on officer chat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so seriously
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Omgipwnedurface.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah probably
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, hello
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So before you get speechifying again, Livindead just made a mistake handing you the reins
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So before you get too excited
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh yikes
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hand them back over
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well, I suppose LivinDeadGrl DOES have more experience as an officer.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT TO HER YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] PROMOTE -ME-
[Guild][Lorthemar] Fine, fine, let me find where the command is…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does anyone know if there’s a popcorn vendor anywhere in game?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well FIND IT FAST LORI
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHILE YOU STILL HAVE ONE EYE TO LOOK WITH
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m working on it, calm down…
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] what are u looking for sweetie?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fuck you, Hair-Care
[Guild][Lorthemar] Huh.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WHAT? I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
[Guild][Lorthemar] You know what?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oops sorry, that was pwn
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Fuck YOU.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i thought it was u typing there
You have been kicked out of the guild.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: jkhfgkjshgfkjysdgkfiuhsdfjkghskgf
You whispered to [Lorthemar]: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: I know, I know
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: My apologies, Warchief.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: I’m trying to calm Lor’themar down now.
[Lorthemar] whispered: Fuck you, Garrosh
[Proudleslie | Jaina] whispered: omg what happened?
You whispered to [Lorthemar]: Oh you REALLY want to die, don’t you
[Lorthemar] is ignoring you.
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: Well now he’s ignoring me
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: So you can tell him to stop being such a tempermental baby while you’re at it
You whispered to [Proudleslie | Jaina]: Don’t even get me started
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Of course, sir.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: yeah, he’s pretty upset
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: I don’t know what we’re going to do about GL, but I can invite you back to the guild at least
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh gee thanks
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I don’t fucking believe this shit
You have been invited to join the guild <Warchief>.
You have joined the guild <Warchief>.
You have been promoted to the rank Recruit.
You have been promoted to the rank Member.
You have been promoted to the rank Officer.
You have been disconnected.
.
.
.
.
.
You have logged on.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well that’s just too bad, now isn’t it?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar, I understand, but please try to be prudent at least.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] FUCKING HELL
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wow this is a really bad day for pwn
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome back, boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH this is infuriating
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Actually, while we’re inviting, let me bring a friend in as well, if nobody minds.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Between the disconnections and Ponytail here all I need is a pickle for the crap sandwich that is my day
[Bob] has joined the guild.
[Bob] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Bob] has been promoted to the rank Member.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi bob!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WELCOME
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Bob! As Guild Leader, let me welcome you to the guild!
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m sure you’ll feel right at home with the <Warchief> tag below your name.
[Guild][Bob] Tanks, mon! It’s good ta be here!
[Guild][Bob] I be lookin’ forward to goin’ on epic missions with lots a ya!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This guy seems familiar
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OH SHIT
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…you play EO too, huh?
[Guild][Bob] Hey, mon! Do I know ya?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] sigh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll get you all for this
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] um
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Nice to meet you
[Guild][Bob] Good ta meet ya too, OmgipwneduMon!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But for now… I’m going to log off before this vein in my forehead bursts
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] quick recommendation, boss?
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: You GET his ass in line, you understand me?
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Of course, dear Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] next time you log on, if you think you smell burning hair, turn off your computer
[Guild][Bob] So I got a question if anybody knows.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fine
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For the duration, Lor’themar, you might want to change the GL title from what I’d set it as.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Taking off now
[Guild][Bob] If da Lich King’s horse be Invincible, how come I could see it?
[Officer][Lorthemar] What’s the title now?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] “Queen.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no no, thats invisible
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh man, good thing Garrosh is leaving
You have logged off.
