Tag Archives: krom’gar
Brackenwall update
Like I mentioned a few posts ago, I’ve had Dontrag and Utvoch sent over to Brackenwall Village to help Krog with his investigations. I’ve been trying to keep those two in mind after the whole business in Stonetalon, seeing as how I probably wouldn’t have gotten to the bottom of things in time if they hadn’t pointed me in the right direction (I mean, okay, they did send me to Thal’darah Grove when it was about to have a bomb dropped on it, not exactly pro timing there, but if I’d been any later I wouldn’t have known Orthus Cliffwalker was there or been able to crack down on Krom’gar before he could do who knows what else, so they at least made all that possible.) Mind you I like those two just fine, they’re dedicated soldiers and all, but crap they like to talk. I almost want to lock them in a room with Tirion and see whose head caves in first. Just assigning them to the job in Dustwallow took like twenty minutes what with them having to chime in every four words. So…I’m sure Krog is going to have fun with them. They’ll be plenty of help, I’m sure, but I’m also kind of sorry I won’t get to see the look on Krog’s face the first time he gives those two an opening to babble.
Side note – until this last transfer, Dontrag and Utvoch were still in Stonetalon, working on the cleanup efforts there, mostly out of Krom’gar’s old base. Since Krom’gar was…relieved…I’ve appointed High Chieftain Cliffwalker as Horde overlord for the area, and put our forces in his charge. While his base at Cliffwalker Post is being rebuilt, he’s running operations out of Sun Rock Retreat (good to see activity going on there again), and in other happy news, it looks like his reassignment of troops in the southern regions has gone a long way to pushing the Grimtotem back. What with the latest goings-on with the Grimtotem attacking the ogres, it’s good to see they’re being clamped down on pretty well in other areas.
Anyway, I should be getting some updates from the Brackenwall boys soon. Depending on how things shape up, I might head down that way to check on matters myself.
Monday mailbag
Yeah, I know, just barely sneaking this one in under the wire today, but here we go…
Apologies for the belated response. Last week was my on-call week in the Horde Medical Corps, and we had our hands full keeping those boozehounds off Drek’Thar’s lawn. Came out well, though; we had most of the Lok’Tar, they had most of the Ogar.
Unfortunately, that caused me to miss EarthCon. To answer your question, yes, AE is a hybrid spec. You can find it in the Mechanical Engineering tree, but you have to look. Basically, they’re the guys who build and operate everyone’s flying mounts in Earth Online. It’s a nice spec, with a few serious drawbacks. First, there aren’t very many raiding guilds that can really use it. Which leads to the second drawback: if you get booted from one raiding guild, it can take a while to find another one that’ll take you. I’ve done OK with it, but I’m not sure I’d recommend it. It’s kind of like goblin engineering that way, you should stay clear unless you have a burning desire for it (emphasis on “burning”). That said, the teaser trailer for the next patch looks pretty awesome:
For the rest … yeah, we snooze, we lose. Oh well. As I said, Lor’themar’s not a bad fellow, just mostly useless.
–A Concerned Citizen
Haha, I like that – “We had most of the Lok’Tar, they had most of the Ogar,” that’s a good one. I’ll have to use that sometime.
So the preview video looks pretty cool…also kind of funny how they obviously modeled that rocket on the one that the goblins out at Area 52 have been working on. See, that’s one thing I really enjoy about Earth Online, how they manage to work in all these little references to things in the real world.
I might have to look at the engineer class at some point. Right now I’ve mostly been bouncing between the veterinarian I rolled originally, and the teacher class I made a few weeks ago. I know, I know, it’s just going to take me longer to get to max level if I don’t stick with one toon, but whatever. Have to say the teacher class seems like a high-skill, high-reward kind of thing. Most of the time it just feels like this huge uphill battle, but every so often if you manage to play a sequence really well, you get this huge Charisma buff and can convert some of the student hostiles into minions. Come to think of it, that could be REALLY fun and handy if you could maneuver it just right, and get the buff with a student pack that’s not like the gobliny nerds, but had more of a predisposition toward mischief and violence. Then you could have a really useful bunch of minions! I might have to work on that, it could be fun to have a little army at my disposal…
Also, since you brought him up again, let’s try to keep an eye on Lor’themar just the same. Nice guy or not, there’s something about that guy that doesn’t sit well, and given how things went with the LAST blood elf leader, I’d just as soon be extra careful with him. Oh and also, if you happen to find any powerful ancient magical weapons, don’t show them off to him. Bad enough the arcane crackhead is hanging around the Sunwell these days, last thing we need is to dangle more magic candy in front of him.
Continued thanks for your ongoing good work in Stonetalon. Your efforts will not be forgotten. We will be in contact soon with further updates. Appropriate reimbursement will be forthcoming.
–MGT.
Wait, how did this end up in my e-mail? Grebo’s dead! I buried him right next to Krom’gar. Which is to say, I tossed both their bodies into the same gulch. Fuckers.
Anyway, though, I guess when he died they closed his e-mail account, so I guess maybe it got auto-forwarded to his commanding officer? But that would have been Krom’gar, and he’s…ah. So forwarded again. Fuck, does this mean I’m going to start getting spammed with all their crap? I guess I should print this out and send it to his widow, seems like he had some kind of business venture going on on the side. So on top of everything else he was stirring up in Stonetalon, he was moonlighting to boot. Awesome.
I was just eating a cupcake with the most delightful lemon icing and it made me think of you. Would you like to share the other half of it with me?
Your most devoted admirer,
–Wega
Wait, are you hitting on me? Because first of all, I’m not completely sure from your name if you’re a girl or not, and don’t get me wrong, but I’m not into dudes. Not that there’s anything wrong—wait, what am I saying, there’s TOTALLY something wrong with…never mind. (The Kor’kron lawyers are telling me I have to be more careful about saying stuff like that.) Anyway, second, if you ARE a girl, you’re just going to go making my other mailbag admirers like Uukra jealous. Although…that could have its benefits, too.
So actually, let me put it this way – LEMON SQUARES OR DEATH?
Greetings Garrosh,
Based on all the good things you’ve mentioned, being Warchief sounds like a pretty sweet deal. How does one go about getting the job? And hey, it’s been a while since you’ve treated us to your poetry, surely you’ve been working on something! Can we see?
–Ambitious Near Astranaar
Well, ANA, this is your lucky day. Two birds with one stone, cue the origin cut-away…
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down.
And I’d like for you to listen, you won’t be bored.
I’ll tell you how I became the Warchief of the Horde.
In downtown Garadar born and raised,
Fighting ogres is how I spent most of my days.
Fishing with Dranosh every afternoon,
And hunting with Nesingwary ’round Oshu’gun.
When a couple of guys who were flinging some mud
Said Grom hooked the orcs on drinking demon blood.
I spent a few years moping – Greatmother had sass,
She said, “I’m getting Thrall up in here to pull your head out your ass.”
The Warchief rolled in and he showed me the truth:
Mannoroth said “You’re mine,” Grom said “STFU!”
Thrall said, “Stop being emo, you’re gonna go far!”
And I thought yeah man, come on, take me to Orgrimmar!
I pulled up into Durotar, after Northrend I’d hit,
But that’s when all the elements went fucking apeshit.
Thrall went to check it out, that’s when I scored,
And I took up my throne, as Warchief of the Horde.
EPIC VERSE!
Visiting Desolation Hold
Okay, so can somebody please explain to me, what is it about these damn Forsaken that makes them completely incapable of leaving anything the fuck ALONE?
Let me backtrack. I finally got settled in at Desolation Hold, and was starting in on my debriefing with Warlord Bloodhilt, who’s turning out to be a much better hire than his predecessor, Gar’dul. I mean, Gar’dul had already shown himself to be a pretty major fuck-up, what with letting the Alliance run roughshod all over the Battlescar, and losing ground left and right…and don’t even get me started on what he let happen to Camp Taurajo on his watch. It was pretty painfully obvious that he needed to go, which is why I sent Bloodhilt down to take over, but from what I hear, Gar’dul also managed to really bomb the exit interview while he was at it.
So come to find out, after Gar’dul had been relieved of duty (you might notice, by the way, being “relieved of duty” in the Horde often involves falling from a great height – fair warning to those of you out there whose ambition might be greater than your talent), nobody bothered to dispose of the body properly. Ordinarily, of course, this would be an easy problem to fix, seeing as sooner or later somebody would be like, “Hey, check out the corpse laying in the middle of our outpost. It’s starting to smell. We should probably do something about that.” In this case, though, Desolation Hold apparently had its very own resident in-house weirdo who took it upon himself to haul the body off for his own purposes.
I’m talking, of course, about that crazy-ass undead dude named Calder Gray, who some of you might remember being kicked the hell out of Orgrimmar for his experiments. Not that he was violating any actual laws with them, even, but just, you know, eww. So somehow or other, Calder Gray got hold of Gar’dul’s body, and did a whole stitch job on him using some parts from other corpses (where he got the parts exactly, I think I’d just as soon not know…), and before you could say “It’s alive!”, whammo, reanimated semi-Gar’dul monstrosity.
So there I was in my meeting with Bloodhilt, when Gar’dul 2.0 comes staggering on in, bashing down the door and stumbling into the room. But here’s the funny part. At first, Bloodhilt and I both jump up and get ready to fight this thing, and I have to admit I was a little irritated on top of it all, because seriously how many times am I going to have to deal with an undead enemy composed of the reanimated corpse of a former Horde command officer? (Note to self: Send Dontrag and Utvoch back up to Stonetalon to make sure Krom’gar’s body is accounted for, because fucking hell.) But get this – instead of attacking us, this thing just kind of starts fluttering around the room, acting all pansy and talking with this idiotic lisp, and asking if anybody knew what had happened to “Lily,” who I guess was Gar’dul’s wife, but I’m kinda having my doubts about that one, or “Eddie,” apparently his son, although you might have to take that up with Lily, see above.
So, that just goes to show what a bad call I made with Gar’dul in the first place, seeing as even in reanimated vengeful rampaging form, he still couldn’t get his foppish ass to put up any kind of a fight. Oh well, live and learn. I’ve already had him sent back to Orgrimmar to work under Marogg as a sous chef. Probably working on pastry mostly. (Lemon squares, anyone?) Meanwhile, I’m having Calder Gray kept under surveillance now, to make sure he doesn’t get up to any more trouble.
Monday mailbag
So, back to business with a fresh mailbag. Sorry I missed last week, but after everything that went down in Stonetalon, I really wasn’t up to answering letters last Monday. Luckily that’s all in the past now, so I can get back to the blog and not be reminded of that whole disaster. Let’s see what we’ve got this week…
Blood and Thunder Warchief Hellscream,
I extend my thanks to you warchief for upon your visit to Stonetalon Mountains you weeded out the corruption and “relieved of duty” Overlord Krom’Gar. Although my wife and child could not be spared before your arrival I will take your lessons to heart “honor, no matter how dire the battle never forsake it.”
My Wife and Child are now buried and I laid their remains and would ask that you would only take a moment out of your day of mountainous paperwork to remember them and honor them. ‘Lok Tar Ogar, Victory or Death’ mighty Warchief.
–High Chieftian Cliffwalker
OH FUCKING HELL, SERIOUSLY??
I mean, um, yeah. Very sorry for your loss, Chieftain. Respect. (Dammit, where’s Spazzle when I need a hand with the damn erase button again?)
We should definitely set up some kind of proper memorial for your family, though. I have to admit I’m not really up to speed on tauren traditions, so you might want to talk to someone a little more in the know to make arrangements. I would offer to help with that myself, but I feel like it might not be such a hot idea for me to go up to Baine Bloodhoof and ask him about tauren burial customs. Things might get a little weird.
6 – 6 x 6 = 0. Discuss.
–Bob, Echo Isles
Dammit this is my mailbag, not math class.
Besides, what’s there to discuss? 6 – 6 x 6 = 0, the end. What do you want, a medal for knowing the obvious?
Hail, Warchief! As a concerned citizen of Silvermoon, I have a request.
As you well know, we are without a real leader just at the moment. Our King, Anastarian Sunstrider, has fallen. Our Prince, Kael’thas Sunstrider, went bat-shyte koo-koo. And our Regent-Lord, Lor’themar Theron … well, you know. Decent fellow, but mostly useless. It’d be nice to have a real King again.
Anyway, I was reading up on Earth Online the other day, about this place called “Sweden”, and this guy named “Bernadotte”, and I got an idea.
Do you have any officers that aren’t doing anything especially important? I hear Bragor Bloodfist is looking for a new posting.
–A Concerned Citizen
P.S.: I just hit the level cap on my “aeronautical engineer”, by the way. The leveling tests were pretty brutal, but the end-game looks sweet.
First of all, ACC, what’s the deal with the aeronautical engineer thing? Is that some kind of hybrid spec? Because I thought the talent trees were Chemical, Electrical, and Mechanical. Did I miss something on the wiki? Meanwhile, I’m still playing around with the veterinarian, but I also just rolled a humanities-spec teacher class (for those of you wondering, by the way, that would be the human equivalent of orcities studies). Who knows how that will go.
Now, for your question. See, I’d be all for installing my own people to run puppet governments for me, and saving all the trouble that comes with giving the different city leaders the leeway to do things their way, but if you don’t do it right it’s more headaches than it’s worth. Biggest problem is it’s AWFULLY hard to keep control of a captive population if the people weren’t on board with the regime change. Like take Magatha Grimtotem trying to stage a coup in Thunder Bluff after Cairne died. How’d that work out for her? Yeah.
Thing is, for you blood elves, it kinda sucks because if you’d had this idea a couple years ago, we could have done something about it. Like if you could make a move right after the truth about Kael’thas came out, there’d probably be enough backlash against him in Silvermoon that the people would be all over a new leader. Open arms, figurehead installed, profit. Of course, back at the time when the iron was hot, we had Thrall running things all white-hat style and me off in Nagrand still cutting myself and shit. But still. Good job being slow with this idea just the same. Honestly, though, trying to do it that way now, we’re just going to get stuck with uprisings and unrest and all kinds of other crap.
As for Bragor, are you serious? I’m supposed to give him a promotion for mediocrity? He’s barely been able to stay on top of thing just WATCHING the Undercity, you want me to give him even MORE authority somewhere? Speaking of Bragor keeping his eyes on things…
While I deeply appreciate your taking the time to respond to my previous note, I fail entirely to see what is wrong with the way I dress, such as to justify the manner in which Captain Bloodfist has been persistently leering at me these past months.
–Lady Sylvanas Windrunner, Undercity
Yeah, you’re right. Don’t know what I was thinking.
Ive never seen a wisp deliver a letter in my life but here i sit, outside the Darnassus wisp delivery outpost, trying to pen an urgent plea for help using only the supplies these hippies wonderful like minded people ancsestor dammed night elven scum use.I only hope you get this message before your murder destroy its carrier since i can already feel myself becoming lost again, each time i succomb it becomes more and more difficult to resist. but then why would i want to resist, i dont want to be a part o each time i loose another part of myself to this sickness.I dont have much time.It began a fortnight ago, I began to feel ill while resting in Orgrimmar, i thought that sleep would do me good but i couldnt rest, i could think only of traveling to ashenvale. as time went on the thought turned into a nessesity, i couldnt stay in the city any longer. I dont know how long i had traveled before i blacked out, the next thing i remember was waking up in the inn in Darnassus with strange thoughts echoing in my head.I dont know how much longer i will remain myself, if i can i will escape, i will find a cure, but i beg you warchief, do not brand me a traitor, i did not ask for this gift curse.
Um, yeah.
Okay, first of all, the wisp delivery thing? That’s not what it is. It’s called E-MAIL. The wispy thing you’re talking about is actually an electrical signal coded by a machine and relayed through cables and wires. (Yes, yes, Spazzle, also sent through why-fly, but there’s no sense confusing this guy any more.)
Still, I can understand how you would be mixed up there, being as you’re apparently surrounded by night elves. In Darnassus, no less. Actually, tell me something, did they feel the need to fucking dip everything THERE in glitter too? Just wondering.
Either way, sounds like you’re having a pretty rough time of it. From what I can gather from your letter. Which, frankly, isn’t a whole lot – and by the way, next time you might maybe want to try taking off your mittens when you’re working on an e-mail – other than I guess you need help. Which I would totally send for you, but you never actually signed your letter or told me who the hell you are, so I wouldn’t even know who to tell the Kor’kron detachment to look for.
So, you know, sucks to be you, I guess.
We are have multiple complaint about your command, to please confirm leadership visit identity verify office for submit banking record and identification validate. Warchief will be suspend if not verify. Thank you.
–Warchiefsecuresafe, Pandaria
OMG WTF!!!! What the hell is this?!? Oh wait, WAIT – THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT BEFORE!! Yeah, see, SEE, I KNEW someone could try something like this after the whole fake letter from Thrall a few weeks ago!! But everybody was like “oh pooh pooh, silly Garrosh, why do you get upset about nothing?” WELL IT’S NOT NOTHING NOW IS IT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Okay so you guys will have to excuse me while I go try to straighten this whole mess out. I hope they have an office locally, I don’t even know where the fuck Pandaria is…
Anyway, that’s it for this week. Remember to keep your letters coming – garrosh1337@gmail.com – and I’ll crank out another batch for next time.
Dismissed
Lok’tar, Warchief, and welcome!
Behold the might of the Horde!
“What have you done?
Lok’tar ogar:
Victory or death?
Where here is the victory?
You were an Overlord, a leader,
Charged with our people’s fate.
This land was yours to preserve, defend,
Now it lays in ruin,
Poisoned with death, and war,
And shame.
You will not outlive the pain you’ve brought,
Or undo the death of dreams.
You will not silence the cries of innocents
That echo still over crackling flames.
No words of yours will heal the broken, burning land,
Or wash your hands of noble tauren blood.
I will not lift this shame from your shoulders.
But the shame is mine to bear as well.
My crime was the first:
I handed you the blade
That you would wield committing yours.
Am I a murderer?
I wasn’t before today.
You knew this day was soon at hand.
I cannot undo your crimes,
But I will not continue mine.
No mounting more upon our grief.
By my right as Warchief,
I relieve you of command.”
Forgive me, Greatmother.
Forgive me, father.
Forgive me, Thrall.
I stand relieved.
[Header image provided by Rades from Orcish Army Knife, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Spazzle Speaks
What’s up?
Hi all, this is Spazzle again guest-posting for the Warchief. As a lot of you might have guessed from his posts this past week, Garrosh has had a trying few days, and he’s not in much of a mood to blog right now. As a matter of fact, he’s been keeping himself holed up in his private war room in Grommash Hold. For right now, I figured I’d make a quick post on his behalf to let you all know that he’s probably not feeling up to answering his mail as usual today. But he has been reading your messages, and I’m sure he’ll get to them soon, so please do keep them coming. If anything, I’m sure he’ll appreciate the interaction and support of his citizens after the week he’s had.
Speaking of which, I’m sure some of you are wondering what ended up happening at Cliffwalker Post the other day. As it turns out, I was about to cast a glamour spell to summon up a vision of the events there from the point of view of a Horde adventurer who also happened to be on the scene, and then, through the wonders of goblin engineering (Bilgewater pride!), digitize it to post here for you all. See, one more of the 101 cool things you can do with a Samophlange that I bet you didn’t know! Anyway, here’s what ended up going down:
So you can probably see why the Warchief wants to be alone with his thoughts and clear his head a little right now. Hopefully he’ll be out again and back to his…um…usual cheery self.
While I’m posting here, I’m also making some long-overdue updates to the blog. By the time you read this (or shortly thereafter), I should have a blogroll added with links to many of the other great blogs out there. If you’re a regular reader of the Command Board and have a blog that I’ve missed (or know of one that the Warchief and I should check out), please send us a note (garrosh1337@gmail.com) or add a comment here. I’ll try to be better about updating the site, and hopefully Garrosh will be better about not kicking me.
This week I also went ahead and got Garrosh set up with his very own Facebook and Twitter feed (@GarroshHllscrm), so if any of you would like to keep tabs on him that way, feel free! Although…it just occurred to me that now I’m probably going to have to be on call to explain (and re-re-re-explain) to Garrosh how to use those…bad enough I’m stuck having to run him through stuff on Earth Online now…oh well.
Anyhow! That’s it for now, everyone. If you’ll excuse me, I have to head back to the goblin part of town and see if the guys and I can figure out what keeps happening to our Kezam rice…
If you ever need anything!
Spazzle
[Header image provided by Rades from Orcish Army Knife, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Cliffwalker Post
I don’t want to talk about it.
I just… I don’t want to talk about it.
[Header image provided by Rades from Orcish Army Knife, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Thal’darah Grove
Quick update – writing this from Orgrimmar.
Thal’darah Grove was a graveyard when I got there. No weapon of mass destruction, no armaments of any kind. Night elves and tauren bodies everywhere, apparently druids, many of them scary young. Way too familiar for my liking.
Only had time for a quick survey of the place before a goblin balloon carrying some kind of bomb came floating in. Frankly I was too distracted by one of the tauren corpses to even notice. Orthus Cliffwalker, the chieftain’s son – Cairne Bloodhoof introduced him to me my first day as Warchief, I’d recognize him anywhere. I probably wouldn’t have even gotten out before the balloon released its payload, but my wyvern was circling around and swooped in to grab me before the bomb fell. By that point Kor’kron backup was arriving in the surrounding Battlescar Valley, and once the wyvern dropped me off with them, the troll support mage ported us out to Orgrimmar.
Porting back out again momentarily, to Cliffwalker Post. Already a shitty day. It’s only getting shittier.
Sludgewerks update
By the time I reached the Sludgewerks, Blastingineer Bombgutz had already come and gone. According to Jibbly Rackit – the main goblin in charge here, as much as any goblin ever seems to be in charge – the parts from Dontrag and Utvoch were part of a device to release some kind of bomb from a distance. The goblins already finished work on the bomb and sent it along to General Grebo at Cliffwalker Post.
Cliffwalker’s camp would make for a good launching point for attacks on either Battlescar Valley or Thal’darah Grove, so it makes sense Krom’gar and Grebo to make that their staging ground. From what I can tell, there’s a major skirmish going on with the night elves in Battlescar Valley. If this bomb is being targeted for the grove instead, I can only imagine what the elves must have going on there.
I’m heading to Thal’darah Grove now. Probably should have listened to Dontrag and Utvoch and headed straight there rather than wasting time on the damn goblins. Updates to come as I’m able to give them.
Underneath the bunker
Thank goodness for familiar faces in the middle of all the crazy.
None of the troops here at Krom’gar’s fortress knew a whole lot about what was going on, other than Overlord Krom’gar and General Grebo being away on some important mission. Like I said before, I would have guessed some good old-fashioned gnome-punting, but nobody seemed to know for sure. Turns out, though, they had a few other men stationed down in the mine just below the fortress, so I headed down there with Mokvar, who’s FINALLY gotten his ass around to training up his inscription so he can record drawings and transcripts of useful stuff. TOO FUCKING BAD HE DIDN’T HAVE THAT SHIT READY WHEN I NEEDED A GOOD WALK-AWAY-FROM-EXPLOSION PORTRAIT. Lazy fucker.
Anyway, he finally got that shit taken care of, so considering how fishy things have been looking here in Stonetalon, I’m having him keep a running record of everything from here on. As it turns out, two of the men Krom’gar had working in the mine were Sergeant Dontrag and Scout Utvoch, the two soldiers I’d met back in Ashenvale and sent ahead to help with Krom’gar’s forces.
I want to make sure we’re keeping the details straight, so I’m going to copy out Mokvar’s transcript here. Well, I’m going to try to. His handwriting is fucking shit. Who the fuck are these inscription trainers, and what are they doing, breaking everyone’s fucking fingers before they let them take their damn pens home?
UTVOCH: Warchief! Lok’tar ogar! An honor to see you, sir!
DONTRAG: A great honor, Warchief!
UTVOCH: Very great indeed, sir!
DONTRAG: An inconceivable great honor!
GARROSH: Okay, enough, seriously, you guys, we’ve been through this before already, you’ve really got to tone it way, way, WAY the fuck DOWN.
DONTRAG: Sorry, Warchief.
UTVOCH: Very sorry.
DONTRAG: Our apologies, sir.
UTVOCH: Yes sir.
DONTRAG: Very deepest apologies.
UTVOCH: Deep—
GARROSH: ENOUGH ALREADY, YOU TWO. <facepalm>
UTVOCH: Shutting up, sir.
DONTRAG: Yes sir.
GARROSH: That’s better. So I’m trying to find out what the hell has been going on around here. Hopefully you men can shed some light on all this.
DONTRAG: Well, sir, Utvoch and I have been working down here in the mine mostly, so I’m not sure about everything that’s been happening above. But it sure sounded like there was a major battle going on up there, what with the sounds of machinery and gunfire.
GARROSH: What were you two doing down here, then, hiding in a cave when your comrades were engaged in honorable battle? From the looks of it out there, there WAS an attack on the fortress—
UTVOCH: Gnomes, sir?
DONTRAG: Damn, I hate gnomes.
GARROSH: I KNOW, RIGHT? Fucking gnomes, that’s what it looks like.
UTVOCH: Damn fucking gnomes indeed!
DONTRAG: Inconceivable fucking gno—
GARROSH: DON’T START THAT AGAIN!!
DONTRAG: Sorry sir.
GARROSH: Now answer my question! Why were you here and not joining in on the fight?
DONTRAG: Believe me, Warchief, not for lack of desire to be up there with the others.
UTVOCH: It was General Grebo’s orders, sir.
DONTRAG: Well General Grebo, and the Overlord, sir. We were originally supposed to escort the general to the northern front and help deliver ordnance for the battle with the night elves in Battlescar Valley. But then the goblin blastgineer—
UTVOCH: Blastgineer Bombgutz, sir.
DONTRAG: —Blastgineer Bombgutz here in the mine went out of contact, and the fortress needed the machine parts she was supposed to be gathering, for the anti-aircraft cannons, sir, and so Overlord Krom’gar decided to send two of his best orcs down to investigate and send the parts back so he’d be ready to defend the fortress.
UTVOCH: Which we did, sir.
DONTRAG: Just in the nick of time, but we did.
UTVOCH: Well, with a little help.
DONTRAG: Well, yeah, but we don’t need to get into that.
UTVOCH: Did you even get their name?
DONTRAG: Don’t think so. Did you?
UTVOCH: No, never introduced themselves.
DONTRAG: Yeah, these passing-through helpers never do.
UTVOCH: Pretty rude if you ask me.
DONTRAG: Like it would kill them to strike up a conversation. But oh no, just wander on in, what do you need me to do? Then up and on their way, and—
GARROSH: ENOUGH already. HEAD HURTS. I’m losing my sense of humor with you two. Damn, you orcs are a piece of work. Fucking brilliant. YOU’RE the best of the best Krom’gar’s got, huh? No wonder everything’s running so great around here.
UTVOCH: Um, thank you, sir?
GARROSH: And stop grinning like a couple of idiots.
DONTRAG: Sorry sir.
GARROSH: <sigh> Anyway… So the Overlord needed parts for the cannons, I get that, but once that was taken care of, why not get back up to the fortress and help DEFEND it? I’m sure they could have used every hand up there.
UTVOCH: General’s orders, sir.
GARROSH: What orders?
DONTRAG: Well, you see, Warchief, it wasn’t just the cannons that needed additional parts.The general was also overseeing another project for the northern front, some kind of…what did he call it?
UTVOCH: Deployment mechanism?
DONTRAG: Yeah, that’s it – a deployment mechanism that was going to be needed soon, and he was expecting them to be delivered along with the artillery parts. Only when the blastgineer went missing, and Overlord Krom’gar sent us down to check on her, General Grebo instructed us to stay until we’d secured those extra parts.
UTVOCH: And then stay here until they could be sent north, sir.
DONTRAG: I guess the mechanism thing is pretty important to the northern strategy, and General Grebo wanted to make sure the parts he needed would be secure. And he said he needed to make sure a couple of orcs he could trust would stay and make sure the parts were taken care of.
UTVOCH: He said it was more important that we stay here under cover, sir.
DONTRAG: Apparently he couldn’t afford to have something happen to us while we were taking care of the shipment.
UTVOCH: Which we did, sir.
DONTRAG: Yeah, we just gathered up the last of them and sent them ahead with Blastgineer Bombgutz.
GARROSH: Where were they going? And what were they for, anyway? What the fuck is a “deployment mechanism”, what do I look like, a fucking goblin or something?
UTVOCH: No, no sir, you’re not green at all.
GARROSH: I…don’t know how to take that.
UTVOCH: Um…
GARROSH: MOVING ON. Where was the shipment going?
DONTRAG: The Sludgewerks, sir. Straight northwest. I guess they were making the final upgrades to the mechanism before sending it along to Cliffwalker Post. General Grebo was supposed to supervise the arrival personally.
GARROSH: What about Chieftain Cliffwalker?
DONTRAG: Not sure, sir.
GARROSH: Hmm… Okay, in that case I should probably head out there and see just what’s going on. Whatever Krom’gar and Grebo have in the works, I’m sure it’s bad news for the night elves, and I don’t want to miss the show. You men finish up whatever you need to do here, and check in with me at Cliffwalker Post.
DONTRAG: Begging your pardon, sir, if I could make a suggestion?
GARROSH: What is it?
DONTRAG: Well, sir, I’m not too clear on the whole operation—
UTVOCH: Obviously.
DONTRAG: Like you are?
UTVOCH: More than you—
GARROSH: ARE WE COMING UP ON A POINT ANYTIME SOON??
DONTRAG: Right, sir.
UTVOCH: Sorry sir.
DONTRAG: Much apologizings. Um, anyhow, I don’t know all the details, but I know part of the reason for this big production with the…deployment mechanism…well, it has something to do with some kind of weapon the night elves have been assembling. They’ve set up a base at Thal’darah Grove, not far from Cliffwalker Post, where they’re finishing work on it.
GARROSH: What kind of weapon?
DONTRAG: Not sure, sir. Just that it’s supposed to be massive.
UTVOCH: “Of mass destruction,” as they say, sir.
DONTRAG: Yeah. So, sir, if you want to get to the bottom of this, might I suggest you investigate there straight away?
GARROSH: Hmm… You men are dedicated, I’ll give you that. All right, I’ll check up on all this. You two head back to Orgrimmar when you’re done here – I’ll want to have a full debriefing with you, the general, and the overlord when this is all finished.
DONTRAG: Yes, sir. Lok’tar.
GARROSH: Strength and honor, men. Peace. Um, not literally. Anyway.
You know, gotta say, as crappy as Mokvar’s handwriting is, it’s pretty impressive he was able to get all that shit down. Anyway, I’m sending Mokvar back to Orgrimmar to arrange a Kor’kron detachment to come out this way. Any way you cut it, something still doesn’t sit right with me about this. I’m pretty damn certain there’s SOMETHING happening at Thal’darah Grove that’s in the middle of it, even if Dontrag and Utvoch aren’t exactly in the know about all the details…but before I go running over there, I want to check on what these goblin fuckers are working on at the Sludgewerks.
More updates soon.
“I think we made a good impression on the Warchief, Donty.” “Sort of, Ut.” “Sort of, as in how?” “Sort of, as in the ‘me’ part of the ‘we’.”
