Tag Archives: silverpine
Monday mailbag
Hey guys, I just got in from EarthCon, which let me tell you was a blast. They announced the next expansion, where they’re adding a new continent to the game, although there was a lot of nerdraging over it. Turns out the new continent had been mentioned in the game before, but just as a running joke, so now some people are like, “Seriously? They’re actually going to do a whole expansion about Australians?”
I can’t say I totally disagree with them, to be honest. I mean I love this game, but they showed some concept art for some of the new mobs there, one creature called a Platypus and one called a Wombat, and really, dude, they’re not even fucking trying anymore. There was also one called a Kangaroo, and if nothing else I guess now we know what that murloc must have fucked to spawn the first gorloc. So good job there I guess.
Anyway, I’m pretty wiped out so I’m just going to do a couple quick letters this week.
You told my wife that “Hellscream’s eyes were upon her” and now she won’t…you know…with me. Could you please tell her that you meant it metaphorically? Thanks.
–Very Frustrated
Meta what? Oh wait, you mean metamorphosis? Because no, here’s the thing, yeah, the warlock I have assigned to your wife is demonology, but he doesn’t actually have to go into demon form to use his Eye of Kilrogg. So I think you might be going for overkill there.
Still, sorry your wife is holding out on you these days. Especially what with that thing she does with her tongue.
Horde > Twilight’s Hammer! Remember the Wrathgate!
–Bob, Echo Isles
Dude, seriously, you picked the wrong guy to try to slip a Wrathgate reference past. You know I was actually in COMMAND up in Northrend for like a year, right? And hate to break it to you, but we weren’t fighting the Twilight’s Hammer at the Wrathgate. There were no Twilight’s Hammer anywhere NEARBY. It was all Scourge and Alliance and that nutjob undead Putress group that tried to overthrow Sylvanas.
Look, I’m all for talking smack (by the by, fuck you, Varian), but if you’re going to trash talk over major events would it KILL you to do your fucking homework?
I was just questing in the Barrens and something occurred to me. Right now after years of adventuring I’m powerful enough that the enemies in the Barrens aren’t much of a threat, so I tear through them fast. But that got me wondering, since the Horde obviously has lots of very powerful warriors, why don’t you just send some of them to the lower level zones to handle the problems there? The quest givers in those areas act like the enemies are posing a threat but your garden variety soldier in Twilight Highlands could take them all on at once no problem.
–Malkar, Orgrimmar
First of all, nice job with the cool little AA internal rhyme scheme with your signature there, Malkar.
As for your question…I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I didn’t even know about this myself until I became Warchief, although once I did find out, it made all kinds of sense.
Like you said, Malkar, if you’ve spent any time at all traveling around Horde territories, you’ve noticed that everywhere you go, it seems like there are Horde agents looking for help with all sorts of odds and ends. Sometimes they need enemies slain. Sometimes there’s an animal population that needs to be thinned out. Sometimes there are supplies or resources to be gathered up. Sometimes there’s a delivery that needs to be made. And so on. And so there’s always a demand for helpful citizens to step up and get the job done.
But…these odds jobs really don’t make a whole lot of sense. Because you’re right, the baddies you’re getting called upon to fight really aren’t anything that couldn’t be handled easily enough by anyone who’s ever set foot in Northrend. Or hey, let’s forget about the fighting, even. That delivery you were just asked to make? The package from Desolace that needed to be dropped off in Feralas? Well…you know they DO have MAIL DELIVERY in Feralas, right? Hold on, let me double check.
Yep. Look at that. They have mail delivery. Oh wait, let’s be totally sure, do they have mailboxes in Desolace?
Well I’ll be damned, they do. Which begs the question, WHY CAN’T THEY DROP THEIR DAMN PACKAGE IN THE FUCKING MAILBOX THAT’S TEN FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM THEM?
Erm, okay, I shouldn’t let that get me yelling since I already know the answer.
Here’s the thing. If you go to a lot of Horde territories, you’ll find the place practically swarming with bunches of wannabe adventurers looking for ways to help. And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the thought, but like…they’re not very good. Half the time they don’t know where they’re going even when they have a fucking map right in their pocket, and they don’t even know how to use the abilities they were just trained in an hour ago, and holy shit they die easy. Like for instance, I know from Dark Cleric Cecille that a lot of aspiring Forsaken adventurers grew up in total dread of this one Son of Arugal who used to wander around in Silverpine Forest. He’d lay waste to them. People would yell out warnings like “OMG SON OF ARUGAL RUN!!” and need to round up two or three friends to even try to take him out. A Son of fucking Arugal. Do you know how easy it is to kill a Son of Arugal? Every time I sneeze, I kill three of them, and I’m not even on the same fucking continent. And these nubs are dying to one by the bushel.
And yet, these scrubs are hell-bent on helping the cause. And they’re like ants. There’s hundreds of them, everywhere, and no matter what you do, you can’t get rid of them. And yet they’re running around trying to help, and biting off more than they can chew, and then we have to send people to go rescue them or at least collect their remains, or even if they don’t go get themselves in trouble they’re just hanging around distracting our more experienced soldiers from more important matters.
So way before I even showed up here, the higher-ups in the Horde worked out a way to deal with this. They assigned people to all the Horde zones whose job was…basically…to come up with ways to keep these noobs busy. Anything to keep them occupied. Go kill some boars. Deliver this package to the next town over. See those shiny rocks just outside of town? Go gather up about fifty for me. See this guy standing right next to me? Talk to him. Tell him I said hi. Let him know I sent you. He’ll never see it coming.
Just play it up and make it sound important, they’ll feel like they’re contributing, they’ll stay out of trouble, and we’ll be fine. And meanwhile we can maybe get a few odd jobs taken care of while we’re at it. And maybe, every once in a while, we’ll uncover a diamond in the rough who’s actually up to the task for some missions we really need done.
That’s it for now. As always, send your letters and questions to garrosh1337@gmail.com. See you guys soon, I’m gonna crash.
Monday mailbag
Running a little late today, I know, but here’s a few of this week’s letters…
I hope this missive finds you well. Your delightful and inspiring blog was recently brought to my attention, and I felt compelled to write to express my deepest appreciation. I can see now why Thrall so wisely saw fit to appoint you as his successor. With such a keen intellect at the helm, I have little doubt that we shall prevail against our foes.
I am particularly touched by your recent comments on my defense of Silvermoon. While I am saddened to see that you still harbor reservations about my loyalty and commitment, I can assure you that the good of the Horde is forefront in my thoughts, and further assure – nay, stress – that no further…shall we say…indiscretions are forthcoming. I cannot, in fact, emphasize this point enough. There is truly nothing for you to concern yourself with, and, as such, I can further assure you that there is no need for you to waste valuable time checking up on the goings-on in, say, Silverpine Forest or Gilneas. With so many Horde outposts in need of your sage attention, it would pain me to know that we Forsaken were needlessly occupying your valuable time. So, once again, no need to visit Silverpine. Really. Don’t you worry your dear, most interestingly proportioned head over it.
Also, loathe though I am to impose upon the Warchief’s attention, might I request, at your next opportunity, that you have a word or two with the most honorable Captain Bloodfist, of the Kor’kron detachment generously assigned to aid in the defense of my beloved Undercity? Skillful military tactician though I’m sure he is, I cannot help but notice over these past several months that he persists in…looking at me. In…ways that are starting to make me feel rather uncomfortable.
–Lady Sylvanas Windrunner, Undercity
Oh crap, I think I’m about to have more forms to fill out.
Although…I mean, seriously, do you ever look at the way you dress?
Anyway. It’s nice to see Sylvanas coming around a little. Like I said a couple weeks ago, I really did have my doubts about her, but it really seems like she’s pulling herself together these days. Nice to know I don’t have to worry too much about her, it’s not like I don’t have enough on my mind already these days.
HAHAHA! That’s it, laddy, put them DEHTA pantywaists in their place! Ye know, they keep tellin’ all their recruits they’re me archenemy. At least that’s what they say – I haven’t seen ’em dare come near me themselves! But at least they talk a good game. Ye notice, though, they keep tryin’ to recruit people to run errands for them, but they still only have six members, so good on ye, lads, fine job retainin’ yer recruits!
If any of ye DEHTA types are readin’ this, I’ll raise me stein and have a drink to yer health…and use it to wash down the goodly feast of assorted Northrend meats I went out and killed fresh today! Ye know where to find me if ye ever grow a pair!
–Hemet Nesingwary, Sholazar Basin
I don’t really have a lot to say here. This just made me happy! Good to hear from you, Hemet, it’s been a while! For anyone who doesn’t know, Hemet used to hang out in Nagrand, so I used to go hunting with him sometimes. Hey Hemet, remember that time we were hunting Banthar, and that damn Durn the Hungerer came sneaking up behind us? Like how does he DO that anyway? How does a 50 foot tall giant gronn just SNEAK UP on you like that??
To Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde:
Seriously? Clefthoof stew? And not only ENCOURAGING people to eat clefthoof stew, when there are many far healthier, less murder-requiring dietary options available, but GLORYING in your choice to make such food out of a CRUELLY BETRAYED friend and companion of your childhood?
You really are determined to evoke the wrath of D.E.H.T.A., aren’t you?
–Arch Druid Lathorius, D.E.H.T.A.
Oh no. THE WRATH OF DEHTA! WHAT-EVER WILL I DO. Hey, news flash, Lather-on-us, the whole time I was up there in Northrend, there was only one person whose “wrath” I ever concerned myself with at all, and guess what, it wasn’t you, or any of your whiny druid friends.
I already wasted enough time on you guys last week, but looks like Hemet might have a few choice words for you. YOU REMEMBER HIM, RIGHT? THE ARCHENEMY you guys were going to PUT IN HIS PLACE, and you sure as hell did, provided by “in his place” you meant “at the dinner table, feasting on a spread of barbecued, stewed, and roasted shoveltusk, woolly rhino, mammoth, and worg.” Yum!
I know you be tinkin’ I be supportin’ you as my replacement as Warchief, but I really only gave ya da job to prove to you an’ everybody what a failure you’d be at it. Ever since you came to Orgrimmar you been actin’ like you be knowin’ how to run tings better dan me, so I figured I be givin’ you enough rope to hang yourself. Not to mention dis way when I come back everybody will be so happy to be rid of you dat dey’ll tink I’m even more of a hero. Like seriously mon, you got no idea how much all de other leaders be missin’ me. After you, all I’ll have to do is walk in a straight line without droolin’ on meself an’ it’ll be an improvement, mon. P.S. You smell.
—Bob Trall, Echo Isles
WHAT!!! OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE THRALL WOULD SAY THAT WTF!!!! And WTF is he doing in the Echo Isles I thought he was supposed to be in the Maelstrom or Mount Hyjal or wherever the fuck he is that’s not here!!!
AND I DO NOT SMELL WTF!!!
