Category Archives: Transcripts
Moments of transition
After the last straw that was Garona’s report the other day, I decided that enough was enough. I’d spent enough time flying half blind though everything and not calling in every possible resource. So today I took a trip back to Tian Monastery to get some answers out of that Elder Cloudfall guy about this “destiny” I’m supposed to have. This time I wasn’t taking no for an answer – if I had to beat some answers out of his cryptic panda ass, so be it.
I brought Ben-Lin along for the trip, since I figured she seemed to get along well enough with Cloudfall the last time, and maybe having her in tow might make it a little easier to bring him around. I also brought Taktani, to take her first crack at transcribing…and Gurtash, too…you know, just in case.
Luckily, this time, Cloudfall was out strolling around the grounds when we arrived, so we didn’t have to waste time tracking him down. So…over to Tak…
(We landed at the monastery place and everybody got all excited to see a pudgy fuzzy panda man going for a walk.)
GARROSH – It’s Elder Cloudfall! Yay!
GURTASH – Yay!
BEN-LIN – Yay!
TAKTANI – I don’t know who that is, but yay too!
CLOUDFALL – Hi, Mr. Warchief! It’s really good to see you again because I guess we’ve met before, only Tak wasn’t there for that. But I bet it was fun!
GARROSH – It was!
BEN-LIN – Lots of fun!
CLOUDFALL – Oh that’s good! I’m so glad I didn’t miss it!
TAKTANI – Aw, I guess I did miss it! I’m sorry I wasn’t there too!
CLOUDFALL – Me too!
GURTASH – Me too too!
BEN-LIN – But you’re here now, Tak!
TAKTANI – Yay!
GARROSH – Yay!
CLOUDFALL – Yay!
GARROSH – Well I’m sure super happy to see you again, Mr. Panda! Hold on a minute, I have to talk to Tak!
(So that’s when Mr. Warchief asked to look at my transcript to see how I was doing do far, and he got really mad for some reason and yelled at me, and I’m not going to write those things down because I don’t want to make Mr. Warchief look mean and then people might not like him as much. But he told me I should just try to write down exactly what everyone says, word for word, and not – oh here, I can just show you!)
GARROSH – So, yeah, Tak, you should just try to write down exactly what everyone says, word for word, and not do these…embellishments or translations into Tak-speak or whatever, okay?
(See? So I guess I’ll try to do that because I don’t want Mr. Warchief to get mad again, especially after some of the things he said he was going to do, they sound like they would hurt. But I don’t want you to think Mr. Warchief is mean! He probably just didn’t sleep too well and that’s why he’s grumpy. Maybe he needs a new bed because he maybe doesn’t sleep well a lot. Anyway I guess being a scribe is really serious so I’d better try to concentrate.)
CLOUDFALL – It’s a pleasure to welcome you once again to Tian. Lady Cloudstrider, and Gurtash, I believe?
BEN-LIN – The pleasure is mine, Elder.
GURTASH – Oh wow, you remember me?
CLOUDFALL – Indeed! I never forget a face, or a name.
GARROSH – Oh great, another guy with an uber-memory. Nothing ever goes wrong with those guys.
(I didn’t understand what that meant but Mr. Warchief gave me a mean look when he saw I was going to ask something. Maybe Mr. D and Mr. U can explain later.)
CLOUDFALL – One face is unfamiliar to me, however, Warchief Garrosh. Tell me, who is your feline friend?
GARROSH – Oh…yeah. Her. This is Taktani. She’s helping spot Gurtash a little as my scribe and record-keeper.
TAKTANI – Hi, Mr. Panda! It’s nice to meet you! You can call me Tak! Or Tak-Tak, if that’s the way—
GARROSH – Don’t get started on that shit again.
TAKTANI – But Mr. Warchief, I just—
GARROSH – Anyway, she’s kind of in her trial period. Her really, really tenuous trial period.
CLOUDFALL – Ah, well, I’m sure she’ll perform admirably.
GARROSH – That’s because this is your first time meeting her.
( 🙁 )
CLOUDFALL – In any case, I should provide an introduction in kind. You all remember our hozen friend, I’m sure.
(Oh I forgot to mention there was a monkey man, like the one at our fort, walking with Mr. Panda!)
CLOUDFALL – Taktani, allow me to introduce Zhi-Zhi.
ZHI-ZHI – Much pleasings to be making your acquaintances.
TAKTANI – Your name is Zhi-Zhi, Mr. Monkey?
ZHI-ZHI – The emphasizings should be on the first syllable, but yes.
TAKTANI – So we do say everyone’s name twice here!
BEN-LIN – No, Taktani, we say people’s names normally here. It is simply a naming tradition among some of the hozen.
TAKTANI – Oh, I think that’s what Mr. D and Mr. U were telling me before.
GARROSH – I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but yeah, Dontrag and Utvoch were right. So…congratulations, universe. You win again.
BEN-LIN – Oh, is that who “Mr. D and Mr. U” are?
GARROSH – Yeah, Ben. You’ve met them?
BEN-LIN – Briefly, yes. I only was able to speak with them for a short time before I needed to go due to the mysterious onset of a terrible headache.
TAKTANI – I’m sorry you didn’t feel good. Are you better now, Ms. Ben-Lin-Lin?
BEN-LIN – I am, thank you.
TAKTANI – Or is it Ms. Ben-Ben-Lin?
BEN-LIN – Although I believe it may be returning.
GARROSH – Tak, just zip it and try to focus on the scribing, okay?
TAKTANI – Okay, Mr. War-war-chief-chief. Chief.
GARROSH – THAT’S NOT HOW NAMES WORK HERE.
BEN-LIN – It is a curious thing, Garrosh: there are times when I would swear that you are, in fact, heroically even-tempered.
GURTASH – (leans over to me) Make sure you get that down.
CLOUDFALL – Zhi-Zhi, while our guests are here, why don’t you take Gurtash’s mount to the stable. Do you have your wyvern with you as well, Warchief Garrosh?
GARROSH – Mortimer? No, not here with us.
(Elder Cloudfall waved to Mr. Zhi, and Mr. Zhi led Gurtash’s wyvern away.)
CLOUDFALL – I’m surprised, Warchief. You seemed rather attached to the animal; I would have thought you would bring him with you.
GARROSH – Well, I rode him out here for the trip. But there was a pond with some cranes nearby and so I figured I’d let him go do some hunting for lunch while we were here.
CLOUDFALL – Oh…Warchief Garrosh, I’m not sure if that was wise. The Jade Forest is full of predators.
GARROSH – And?
CLOUDFALL – Well…are you not worried that your wyvern will be harmed?
(Mr. Warchief and Gurtash turned and looked at each other for a minute, and then they both burst out laughing really hard. Mr. Warchief laughed so hard he had to lean on Gurtash and I think he even cried a little.)
GARROSH – Yeah, we…we better go find him.
GURTASH – (barely getting the words out between laughs) He might be in trouble, Captain!
GARROSH – From all those predators!
CLOUDFALL – Warchief Garrosh?
GARROSH – I love you pandas. Don’t ever change.
CLOUDFALL – Ah. Well then…to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?
GARROSH – Yeah, right, down to business. It’s pretty simple, Elder. We all know you and monkey boy have seen something about my future in those…whatever…vision caves or whatever you called them. Last time I was here, I let you squirm out being all cryptic and evasive, but I need answers, and this time around you’re going to give them to me.
CLOUDFALL – Warchief Garrosh, surely you cannot expect me to lay out your future for you. Nothing has changed since—
GARROSH – Listen, Lunchbox, last time you told me that when I was “ready,” we would meet again. Well check it out, here we are, meeting again, and believe me, I’m ready as all fuck.
CLOUDFALL – You may be ready to hear, Warchief, but I still question whether you are ready to meet the fate before you.
GARROSH – How about you let ME worry about that, Deep-Dish? Tell me what you’ve seen, for starters, and we’ll take it from there.
CLOUDFALL – It’s not as simple as you would presume. You don’t understand the nature of the visions.
GARROSH – Illuminate me.
(Mr. Cloudfall just stared at Mr. Warchief all serious for a minute. I hope he’s not getting a headache too!)
CLOUDFALL – Let me try to explain this, Warchief Garrosh. The visions I spoke of provide a piece of the future, but they do not spell out events step by step. They are fragments – as if you were to look at a painting, but only see the reds and yellows, but not the blues or greens. They are pieces without context.
GARROSH – “Context”? Are you serious? You’re going to stonewall me over fucking CONTEXT?
CLOUDFALL – Warchief Garrosh, context is the solitary line that separates an act of barbarism from an act of kindness. Even were I of a mind to tell you—
GARROSH – Listen to me. You only just met us, so I don’t expect you to understand what’s at stake here. So yeah, you know what? Context. So let me explain this to you. You want to dance around what the future holds? My people are in the middle of a war to DETERMINE their future. And you do NOT want to know what I’ve already sacrificed trying to secure it. And meanwhile, I’ve got the people who are supposedly on MY side in all this running around behind my back, undermining me at every turn, cutting deals with my worst fucking enemies for what reasons I can’t even guess. I NEED TO KNOW what the fuck is going on with all this.
CLOUDFALL – (sighs) To know anyone’s fate is a dangerous prospect, but to know one’s own—
GARROSH – Are you worried about spoilers, Gramps? Well, here, maybe this will help – I’ve already been spoiled. I’ve already had one person take a peek into my future and come back with a report. He told me “they” were going to turn against me. And now it looks like he was right, only maybe he wasn’t. I don’t fucking KNOW. And I’m trying to look out for an entire fucking CIVILIZATION, and THESE are the things I’m having to spend my time thinking about.
(Mr. Panda got very quiet and mostly just looked at the ground. I think maybe he didn’t want to make Mr. Warchief any more upset. Or maybe he was sad to hear lots of people are being mean to Mr. Warchief. That’s not very nice even if he does get grumpy sometimes.)
GARROSH – Listen, I get that you’re worried about giving away too much, or telling me things that I’m not going to be able to make sense of. But there’s got to be some chunk of it that I can latch on to. Give me SOMETHING.
CLOUDFALL – I wasn’t lying when I said that the visions were mere fragments. Incomplete – not least of all because the events surrounding them are still in motion, still in flux…
GARROSH – How about this, then. You and monkey boy both said I have a destiny. The first time I met Chimps, he kept calling me “the one.” Let’s start there. What the fuck was he talking about?
(The Elder man got quiet again and rubbed his chin while he stared down for a minute.)
CLOUDFALL – You…are the one who brings the peoples of the Horde together under a common cause. The one who sets in motion the events that bring about the emergence of a new Horde, a rebirth…
(Mr. Warchief looked all happy and proud. I don’t blame him! He’s going to be a hero! Yay!)
GARROSH – Okay, so, why in the FUCK would you not want to tell me THAT future?
CLOUDFALL – Because you don’t know how you get there.
(Uh oh, Mr. Warchief got all serious again and looked at Mr. Panda all impatient.)
GARROSH – And…?
CLOUDFALL – And neither do I.
GARROSH – You’re about to get cryptic on me again, aren’t you?
CLOUDFALL – I’ve seen the reds and the yellows of your future, Warchief Garrosh, and I know that you stand upon a fulcrum: the choices you will make in the days ahead will determine how your destiny takes shape. For now, I do not know the shape of that future or where it will take you. I know only that it is born in pain.
GARROSH – Yep, I called that one.
CLOUDFALL – Warchief Garrosh?
GARROSH – Whatever. The important thing is, as long as I know the Horde comes out strong on the other side of this, I’m ready to deal with whatever pain it takes to get there.
CLOUDFALL – No.
GARROSH – What?
CLOUDFALL – I wasn’t lying about that last time, either. You’re not ready for what’s coming. (pauses, thinking) But…I think I can help you. If you’re willing to face the shadows I once told you weighed upon your steps.
GARROSH – If I say yes, will there be a point where this doubletalk of yours starts to make sense?
CLOUDFALL – It may. And if it doesn’t, you’ll be no worse off than you are now, I suspect.
GARROSH – I’m all ears.
CLOUDFALL – This is not something I can tell you, but a journey I believe I can guide you on. There is a place, far from here, where you may be able to see for yourself, and begin to face your destiny.
GARROSH – Man, you pandas really do love to lay it on thick, don’t you? You’re on, though. Where to?
* Garrosh received this message from A’dal here, while accompanying Liadrin to Shattrath.
Mutiny!
Since we finished with Shan Kien a few days ago, I’ve been back at Domination Point, partly checking in on things there with Warlord Bloodhilt and General Nazgrim, and partly giving myself a break from Baine and Lor’themotherfucker. Maybe if I leave them alone with each other, they’ll have no option but to bitch and moan at each other until one of them reaches bitch-and-moan critical mass and spontaneously combusts. Not likely, I know, but it’s a little dream I have.
As part of my much-needed recuperation time, I finally managed to get Earth Online set up on my computer here. The internet here at the base is still kind of spotty – I’ve been having to pick my spots as far as when I can blog for the entire time I’ve been here – but Grizzle Gearslip tells me the connection should be stable enough now that I shouldn’t have any trouble getting some gaming in.
You have logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] what about blurry vision? slurred speech?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it’s probably not one of ours, then.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I hope you feel better, ji
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey people
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You sense of humor is, as always, most amusing, Doctor.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] anyway, does anyone have a level 30 something they’d like to team up with?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But you should be wary of making such jokes, as they may only encourage some to believe we’re actually pursuing such untoward efforts as the creation of plague.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] actually never mind, i should probably get going
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] see you later, ji
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yeah, i can’t imagine where anyone would get that idea about us.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: has garona gotten there yet?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh this is weird…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What is, Warchief?
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do you think he got mad and logged?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey, Garrosh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] welcome back.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I suppose we’ll see presently, won’t we.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks, Doc
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: did you see my tell?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is everything all right, Garrosh?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I just didn’t get a chance to answer
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I think so
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what happened?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m not sure, my connection just went out on me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, hopefully it was an isolated hiccup and won’t continue causing you problems.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: But no, she didn’t get here yet
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ah ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, hopefully
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Why?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: just curious
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway, as I was saying
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks baddie
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You two are well, I hope.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] PRETTY GOOD THANKS
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] re-wb
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And back again.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] same problem, boss?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] havent seen u in a while
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Pretty much
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just getting knocked offline randomly
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite frustrating, I’m sure.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’ve been traveling for work, so I haven’t been able to log on until now
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: what kind of internet connection do you have there?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea i know how that goes
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve been having to travel around some for work too
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: If you’re looking for something more specific than “apparently a bad one,” you’re talking to the wrong guy
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hmm
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. Anything specific you’re working on these days?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did they change something in the guild management panel?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure the details would be fascinating.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: at the bottom of your UI, mouse over the icon that looks like a little planet
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: that will show your network info
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not that I’m aware of.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why do you ask?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol your always so interested in my work
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Okay, I’ve got it
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m just curious about people’s professional experiences. ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m showing a lot fewer guild management options than I used to
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m wondering if they changed something
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ok, at the very bottom of that info box there should be a string of numbers and letters
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol well theres alot going on here but alot of it i cant really talk about
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: copy that to me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, no. Perhaps you should peruse the guild roster a moment.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Hmm, okay…give me a minute…
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] here we go…
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh but those are the most interesting ones to chat about under the anonymity afforded by the internet.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, you’ve established you work in Dalaran.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well yes
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on, I’m juggling a couple things
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if it involves magic research i could probably save you some time finding the tomes you need.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HOW DO YOU FIGURE
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: THX1138-NCC1701-PU36
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: oh man
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, based on our conversation the other day, I probably know your libraries a bit better than you.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: who set up your connection down there?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] your serious
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] my serious what?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Grizzle Gearslip
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Why? How bad is it?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no, ‘your serious’ is a question
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, guild roster
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] no, “you’re serious?” is a question.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “your serious” is an incomplete noun phrase.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ugh… he’s good with mining and construction
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just exactly
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHAT
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] THE FUCK
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] IS THIS?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: but for networking he might as well be trying to put something together with one of those electronics kits from the wonderworks
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if you don’t want my help, you can just say no.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What is what, pray tell?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW exactly is it showing SYLVANAS as guild leader???
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hoo boy…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, there *are* in-game mechanisms for such things.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When the current leader is offline for a prolonged period. ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You fucking OVERTHREW me?!?!
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think he would jsut rage quit
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, here he is.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wb pwn
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] looks like you’re having connection trouble
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so AS I WAS SAYING
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You OVERTHREW me??!
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: can’t say I’m surprised you’re having trouble staying on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could say that, yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: So…it’s bad.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: let me put it this way
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And hey, hold on, she couldn’t even have DONE this without another officer, so that means either you or Mokvar, Spazzle
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: congratulations, the base hasn’t burned down yet
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] um, well…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s going on with Mokvar now, anyway?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s funny you should ask, Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah staying on topic
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I was the one who signed off on the dethrone
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I…see
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: Fucking hell is THIS what you were talking about???
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: um, what?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: With the “they’re going to turn against you” cryptic bullshit
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well to be fair, boss, you’d been away for a while and there was no telling when you’d be able to get on again
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: you realize that was another version of me whose memories i don’t share, right?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: UGH FUCKING TIME TRAVEL
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and your connection right now isn’t exactly helping
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah yeah whatever
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: fucking time travel indeed.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You people have had your fun, now reinstall me before I get on a boat headed north
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, very well, Warchief. If you insist.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I seriously don’t know what the fuck is wrong with people, I look away for a minute and everything turns into a fucking cartoon
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to Guild Leader.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oops.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU’RE FUCKING RIGHT OOPS
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats lorthemar!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh this should be good.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That honestly was a legitimate mistake. Albeit a funny one.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh…wow…really?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] CONGRATS ON THE PROMOTION LOR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I was about to click on you to promote you when Lor’themar logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i will bet you any amount of money you’re not the only person saying “wow, really?” right now.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, well, his character name is right ahead of yours alphabetically.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So…he bumped you down one spot on the guild list, and…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well…thank you, guildmates!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you seeing this, lor?
[Guild][Lorthemar] This is truly an unexpected honor
[Guild][Lorthemar] But one for which I shall endeavor to prove my worthiness!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yay lor!
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really don’t know what else to say!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i know you’ll make a good guild leader =)
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] guess not
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He probably doesn’t realize he has to turn on officer chat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so seriously
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Omgipwnedurface.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah probably
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, hello
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So before you get speechifying again, Livindead just made a mistake handing you the reins
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So before you get too excited
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh yikes
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hand them back over
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well, I suppose LivinDeadGrl DOES have more experience as an officer.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT TO HER YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] PROMOTE -ME-
[Guild][Lorthemar] Fine, fine, let me find where the command is…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does anyone know if there’s a popcorn vendor anywhere in game?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well FIND IT FAST LORI
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHILE YOU STILL HAVE ONE EYE TO LOOK WITH
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m working on it, calm down…
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] what are u looking for sweetie?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fuck you, Hair-Care
[Guild][Lorthemar] Huh.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WHAT? I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
[Guild][Lorthemar] You know what?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oops sorry, that was pwn
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Fuck YOU.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i thought it was u typing there
You have been kicked out of the guild.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: jkhfgkjshgfkjysdgkfiuhsdfjkghskgf
You whispered to [Lorthemar]: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: I know, I know
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: My apologies, Warchief.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: I’m trying to calm Lor’themar down now.
[Lorthemar] whispered: Fuck you, Garrosh
[Proudleslie | Jaina] whispered: omg what happened?
You whispered to [Lorthemar]: Oh you REALLY want to die, don’t you
[Lorthemar] is ignoring you.
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: Well now he’s ignoring me
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: So you can tell him to stop being such a tempermental baby while you’re at it
You whispered to [Proudleslie | Jaina]: Don’t even get me started
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Of course, sir.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: yeah, he’s pretty upset
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: I don’t know what we’re going to do about GL, but I can invite you back to the guild at least
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh gee thanks
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I don’t fucking believe this shit
You have been invited to join the guild <Warchief>.
You have joined the guild <Warchief>.
You have been promoted to the rank Recruit.
You have been promoted to the rank Member.
You have been promoted to the rank Officer.
You have been disconnected.
.
.
.
.
.
You have logged on.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well that’s just too bad, now isn’t it?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar, I understand, but please try to be prudent at least.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] FUCKING HELL
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wow this is a really bad day for pwn
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome back, boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH this is infuriating
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Actually, while we’re inviting, let me bring a friend in as well, if nobody minds.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Between the disconnections and Ponytail here all I need is a pickle for the crap sandwich that is my day
[Bob] has joined the guild.
[Bob] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Bob] has been promoted to the rank Member.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi bob!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WELCOME
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Bob! As Guild Leader, let me welcome you to the guild!
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m sure you’ll feel right at home with the <Warchief> tag below your name.
[Guild][Bob] Tanks, mon! It’s good ta be here!
[Guild][Bob] I be lookin’ forward to goin’ on epic missions with lots a ya!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This guy seems familiar
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OH SHIT
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…you play EO too, huh?
[Guild][Bob] Hey, mon! Do I know ya?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] sigh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll get you all for this
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] um
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Nice to meet you
[Guild][Bob] Good ta meet ya too, OmgipwneduMon!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But for now… I’m going to log off before this vein in my forehead bursts
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] quick recommendation, boss?
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: You GET his ass in line, you understand me?
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Of course, dear Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] next time you log on, if you think you smell burning hair, turn off your computer
[Guild][Bob] So I got a question if anybody knows.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fine
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For the duration, Lor’themar, you might want to change the GL title from what I’d set it as.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Taking off now
[Guild][Bob] If da Lich King’s horse be Invincible, how come I could see it?
[Officer][Lorthemar] What’s the title now?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] “Queen.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no no, thats invisible
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh man, good thing Garrosh is leaving
You have logged off.
Spazzle Speaks: Tell Hell
You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m pretty sure ur wrong
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mrbad
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I’LL GO GET MY COPY SO WE CAN CHECK
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’m quite sure i’m not.
[Guild][Lor’themar] Greetings, MrBadcrumble!
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey ji – you feeling ok?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no sweetie u dont have to
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi MBC
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, Spazzle, I’m glad to see you on. I’d like to discuss something with you when you have a free moment.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: yes, i think i’ll be ok
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: have you heard anything about mokvar?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh well now hes flown off
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: not a thing
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: just a little sore.
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: why? is there news?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh hi baddie i didnt see u come on
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do we have more IPs to trace or something?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: well that’s good
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No no, nothing quite so technical.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: not that I know of
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s it going, leslie?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not bad
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, really?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] same ol same ol really
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: well if you need anything let me know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You sound surprised.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Hi there.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well, after a while you kind of get used to it when people only want to talk to you because they can’t get their printer to work
You whispered to [LamontCranston] hi
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OK HERE WE GO
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] SHERMAN’S CODEX RIGHT?
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: at this point I don’t think anything would surprise me, though
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True… I suppose it comes with being one of the few tech literates in the cohort.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I know, right?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you guys doing?
[LamontCranston] whispered: Are you busy?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] volume 2, yes.
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: honestly I don’t understand what Mokvar could be thinking
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THERES A VOLUME 2?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you get used it mostly
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: a little
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: were you interested in the guild?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: that’s the thing, though
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: thanks, i will
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry if I’m slow
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] prof here is trying to tell me there’s teleportation magic that would let someone blink all the way to other worlds
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] trying to juggle a bunch of tells
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh I can sympathize.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] not that there ARE such spells, just that there’s a theoretical basis for them being possible, based on the distorted curvature of space surrounding high velocity blinking.
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: what is?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] and now we’re going to look it up and prove him wrong
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m fielding quite a few myself. Mostly from Lor’themar…I could swear, no sooner do I click back over to officer chat than his whisper tab lights up again.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what’s going on?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] once we get volume 2…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it should be on the shelf below where you got that one.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Something or other with Garrosh and his demands. I’m not sure exactly.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] faded, dark red cover.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] fourth book from the left.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OK ON IT BRB
[LamontCranston] whispered: No, Spaz, it’s me.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] how do u know that?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] don’t let me interrupt if you’re talking to him
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i have a very good memory.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Mokvar.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] wait, how are you not sure if he’s going on and on about it?
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: dksjghksdyhgd
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: for him to do all these things he’s been doing… killing the dwarf in ironforge, the deal with magatha, everything…
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: KNOWING I was watching him .. and I know he knew…
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, it’s fine. I’m really just tabbing over every few lines and giving him a “right” or an “I can see how that would be frustrating” or an “I don’t blame you at all for being upset.”
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: he would have to be an idiot
[LamontCranston] whispered: Now before you go tabbing over to do an IP trace, I’m routing through a proxy server to log on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] isn’t that kind of risky?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: and if there’s one thing we both know about mokvar, its that he’s not an idiot
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OK NOW WE’RE IN BUSINESS
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: yeah
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: no kidding
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: 1 sec
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you have volume 2?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: kk
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean, how do you know what he just said was about being upset and frustrated?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ve known Lor’themar a long time.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] now i just have to find the part about long-distance blinking
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: hang on, since when do YOU know how to mask IPs??
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: and are you crazy? what the hell are you doing??
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] page 273.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WOW REALLY?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok looking, hang on
[LamontCranston] whispered: Deliana called in a couple favors to set it up.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] right-hand column.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] under the diagram.
[LamontCranston] whispered: I just needed to get on for a minute to talk to you.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] like i said, i have a good memory.
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: mokvar, you have to be careful – garona’s on and she was JUST asking about you
[LamontCranston] whispered: I saw her on. I whispered her with a dollar-spam ad and got her auto-ignore.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry i’m going all quiet – trying to fix a bunch of things here
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok here we go, see it says it wouldn’t work
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “blinking beyond azerothian gravitational bounds would prove impractical due to drag produced by the blinking subject’s carried mass.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] blinking beyond azerothian gravity would be impractical
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: hey spazzle, I know you’re probably still busy there
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite all right. As it happens, Lor’themar is growing needy even by Lor’themarian standards. I’m finding myself having to pay attention to some of his prattling.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I need to get going
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: what are you even doing on here?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I’m leaving for pandaria in the morning and I need to finish packing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] right.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] is he still upset?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I’ll talk to you later
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] keep reading.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Like I said, I wanted to talk to you.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Insofar as he hasn’t spontaneously ceased to be Lor’themar, yes.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] OH
[LamontCranston] whispered: I only have a minute, though.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: ok…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “this obstacle could in theory be overcome by a dispersion of the grounding mass along the blinking vector via a highly concentrated arcane field”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh…wow
[LamontCranston] whispered: You’re on the short list of people I feel like I can trust, and like I said, I need to talk to you.
[LamontCranston] whispered: But not here.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which yes, we don’t know how to do yet.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] but we’re talking theory here.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Meet me in Everlook in two days.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] that’s really impressive you knew that
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i read a lot.
User is not logged on.
User is not logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea but sherman’s codex volume 2?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] that would be so far down on my reading list i would probably never get to it
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] actually, I need to get off of here for a little while
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] heh, kids. ;o)
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I know you wanted to talk to me about something – can we catch up later?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s fine.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HEY I’M THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If it’s easier, I can e-mail you about it as well.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ok, sounds good
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, and?
You have logged off.
In the Pale Moonlight
The less said about Ironforge, the better. Even if I wanted to discuss it, which I really don’t, now isn’t the time.
Deliana returned with me from the Eastern Kingdoms, and we met Ji briefly in Ratchet. He had good news (relatively speaking, at least) from the errand I’d sent him on, even though it had ended up running him from Desolace to Feralas then all the way back up to Stonetalon. After we all exchanged notes, I sent Ji back home to Orgrimmar. He resisted at first; he wanted to come with us for this next step. But he was already deeper in this mess than I’d wanted him to get, and besides, this was my fight, not his.
Liana and I arranged windrider passage from Ratchet down to Mudsprocket. From there, it was a fairly short ride over to the Wyrmbog, and the cave that used to be the lair of Onyxia.
We entered the cave. We didn’t venture far, just deep enough to find a corner where every point of entry was visible. Onyxia’s been dead for years, of course, but that didn’t stop it from being unnerving to go in there. I’m sure it would have been unsettling in any case, but considering the rumors Theldren had brought back about Nefarian’s old forces being restless again, I found myself still half-expecting a black dragon to come jumping out of the shadows at any moment. After all, Nefarian and Onyxia had both come back from the dead once already. Not that I’m one to talk; I’ve died a couple times myself. Spirits willing, I’d like the last time to stay the last for a good long while.
Eventually, we heard footsteps, and saw the light of a torch approaching from the same direction we’d come. The footsteps slowly drew nearer, until a single tauren stepped into view. Between his dark fur and the shadows that shifted around him in the dim cave, he probably seemed a lot larger than he really was.
TAUREN: You are Mokvar?
Mokvar nods.
MOKVAR: Are you alone?
The tauren tilts his head and cocks an eyebrow.
You know what I mean.
TAUREN: We honor the terms of the meeting, of course.
MOKVAR: <faint grin> So in other words, the rest of your friends are waiting right outside the cave.
DELIANA: Do you want me to check outside and see—
TAUREN: If we’d wished to harm you, little one, you would already know it.
MOKVAR: There’s no need, Liana. He has a point – if we’re screwed at this point, we’re screwed no matter what.
The tauren looks back and forth between Mokvar and Deliana, then back up the passageway through which he’d entered. He lifts a horn to his mouth and sounds a low blare. Deliana continues to watch him closely; the tauren returns her gaze bemusedly.
TAUREN: You’re going to make me think you don’t trust us, little one.
DELIANA: You might say you have something of a reputation.
TAUREN: <nods toward Mokvar> So do the orcs. That doesn’t seem to have affected you.
DELIANA: <shrugs> I like green.
The tauren chuckles. From the passageway, footsteps become audible again and grow progressively closer. After a moment, Magatha Grimtotem enters the chamber and scans the scene.
MAGATHA: Ah, Mokvar. It’s been too long.
MOKVAR: Magatha. I’m surprised you remember me, to tell the truth.
MAGATHA: I never forget a face. <looks to Deliana> This one is new, though.
MOKVAR: Yes, she is.
Magatha smirks.
MAGATHA: You’re not going to introduce us, Mokvar? How rude of you.
MOKVAR: On top of everything else, Magatha, do we really need to maintain the pretense that we’re friends now, too?
MAGATHA: I’m merely trying to be cordial. <to Deliana> Is he always this prickly?
DELIANA: No. You must have that effect on people. <looks to Mokvar, then back to Magatha> But, if it makes you feel any better… Deliana Hawthorne.
MAGATHA: The pleasure is mine.
DELIANA: It would have to be.
MAGATHA: I’m beginning to see why you two get along.
Magatha looks around the cavern.
This is an interesting choice of venues, Mokvar. Something of a step down from your usual accommodations, isn’t it?
MOKVAR: A change of scenery now and then can be a good thing. For instance, last I heard, you were on the run even from your own tribe.
MAGATHA: You’ll find the Grimtotem tend not to hold grudges long against their own kind. And I can be very persuasive.
MOKVAR: Just as well. It made it a little easier for Ji to get my message to you.
MAGATHA: I must say I was intrigued. I’m not unaccustomed to being the object of some…pursuit…but usually only from your Warchief’s usual lot of knuckle-dragging lackeys. Your furry friend, however…
MOKVAR: Not your typical Orgrimmar grunt, I know.
MAGATHA: Yes, he had a polysyllabic vocabulary. And spent a not-inconsiderable time musing over whether we had anything extra to eat.
MOKVAR: That’s Ji, yeah.
MAGATHA: Regardless, I’m quite curious as to why you would seek me out, given the company you usually keep. Then again… <looks to Deliana> …I doubt your current companion would be well received in Orgrimmar herself.
DELIANA: Maybe he’s trying to make me look better by bringing in one of the only people who would be less welcome.
MAGATHA: <chuckles> As plausible a theory as any. <looks back to Mokvar> But not the right one, I suspect.
MOKVAR: I have some business that’s going to require me to travel to the Firelands. Trouble is, I’m still relatively inexperienced as a shaman, and my ability to influence the elements isn’t nearly strong enough to keep me safe there. You, on the other hand…well, whatever else I might think of you, there’s no disputing you’re a powerful shaman.
MAGATHA: You flatter me.
MOKVAR: Take it with a grain of salt. It’s one strength offsetting I don’t know how many despicable things about you.
DELIANA: I bet she’d also go great with fries.
MAGATHA: If we’re going to be racist, I’m sure you would be quite adept at climbing trees and picking bananas. <sneers> Especially green ones.
MOKVAR: The point is, I think you might know a trick or two that could help keep me alive when I go. That’s why I wanted to meet with you.
MAGATHA: And why turn to me, Mokvar? There’s certainly no shortage of shaman in Orgrimmar you could have turned to.
MOKVAR: I’d prefer to keep this trip to the Firelands off the record.
MAGATHA: The Cenarion druids at Mouth Hyjal? Thrall and his Earthen Ring?
MOKVAR: Very off the record.
MAGATHA: It must be quite the scandal you’re sitting on if you’d rather turn to me than confide in your supposed friends.
MOKVAR: I have my reasons.
MAGATHA: And those reasons would be…?
MOKVAR: Mine.
Magatha grins.
MAGATHA: Cairne would have liked you.
MOKVAR: Then it’s a shame he was murdered by a traitor before he got the chance to know me.
MAGATHA: You shouldn’t talk about your Warchief like that.
DELIANA: As much as I’m enjoying going back and forth with this…
MAGATHA: Indeed, let’s cut to the chase. You need my help, Mokvar, so now for the real question: Why should I give it to you?
MOKVAR: We both know you don’t harbor any ill will for me, Magatha. I may work for Garrosh, but your quarrel is with him, not me. He’s the one you hate.
MAGATHA: True enough. But that’s merely why it wouldn’t be worth it to me to go out of my way to hurt you, Mokvar, not why it would be worth helping you.
MOKVAR: You’re focusing on the wrong part. Think about this, Magatha. I work for Garrosh. I’m there in Grommash Hold every day. Do you not think that makes me someone who would be…useful to have indebted to you?
MAGATHA: Surely you’re not naïve enough to assume I don’t already have my informants.
MOKVAR: Are they in Garrosh’s inner circle? Do they attend every meeting with him? Keep a written record, literally, of nearly everything he says and does?
MAGATHA: <smiles thoughtfully> Interesting…
MOKVAR: I thought you might think so.
MAGATHA: I think I may have an item or two that might help augment your abilities sufficiently for what you have in mind. Nothing worldshattering, mind you…
MOKVAR: That’s fine. I’ve already lived through too many shattered worlds as it is.
MAGATHA: We can meet again here for the exchange. Tomorrow at this time?
DELIANA: How do we know you won’t just be setting a trap?
MAGATHA: How did you know I wasn’t setting one tonight? There are two of you – three if you count your bouncing bear friend. I could bring dozens with a word. But Mokvar was right about one thing – I have nothing to gain from harming him. And whatever else you might think of me, I’m not in the habit of doing harm when there’s no benefit to myself or my tribe.
MOKVAR: Tomorrow night, then.
MAGATHA: Tomorrow night.
Magatha gestures to the other Grimtotem, and they make their way back up the passage.
DELIANA: Are you sure about this?
MOKVAR: Not even remotely. I may spend the next year washing my hands.
Mokvar peers up the dark passageway for several moments.
I think we’re clear.
Mokvar and Deliana start to walk up toward the cave exit. As the passage narrows, a low whooshing sound is heard. Deliana hesitates a moment while glancing around.
DELIANA: <whispering> Did you hear that?
Mokvar nods.
<whispering> There’s someone stealthed in here.
MOKVAR: <whispering> It’s Garona. She came in not far behind us when we arrived.
DELIANA: <whispering> You knew she was following us?
MOKVAR: <whispering> I was counting on it.
We’re staying in Mudsprocket until we go back to Onyxia’s lair tomorrow night. With any luck, things will go off without a hitch there, and Magatha will have something useful for me. Then that much will be over and done with.
Then comes the hard part.
Mokvar
Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition
Hi, everyone. Spazzle here. Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.
And/or Earth:
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i could swear we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Spaz.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] again?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] really?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old! ^_^
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i really dont think so
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement? Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cliffwalker
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] overlord cliffwalker
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh maybe
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no not maybe ut UGH
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Ji
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mokvar
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you know maybe she has a point
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’ll go find him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no ut u idiot dont listen to her
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh dammit
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] feeling ok?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Personally, that only supports my original point.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You are having entirely too much fun with this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I really am. ^_^
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, watch this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] b
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does b mean
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, has garona been on lately?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i know its a letter
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what spirit
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like a ghost or something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she IS the banshee queen
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe it’s someone over in the undercity
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell! ^_^
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] 😉
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’ll see you and raise you…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] She might just be logging on at odd hours.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oooh, trumped by the goblin!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m confused
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And all is right with the world.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no but like
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i know b is a letter
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but what did u say it for?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You did. You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya ok i see that
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And so I said “b”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but how come?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters. Is that not how this works?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that was y like in why
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh. Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no my keyboard is ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] it saves time
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, were you in a hurry?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you going somewhere?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh wow really?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s mail?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah there is.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh… oh wow.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its just faster
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha yea
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. Hurry up and wait.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait for what?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yea but he’s level 27
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m not utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you say.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya so i say cuz i am
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean i’m not
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not utvoch
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] q
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] g
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] w
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean why
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] y would you think that?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but i’m dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok fine then
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’ll go ask him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and watch what he says
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya me too
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] anyway whatever
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If that works for you, Ed, sure.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] be back later
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] where are you guys going?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodbye, Utvoch.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later ut
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] fuck it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you going to be doing up there?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s a place called timbermaw hold
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh yeah, the furbolg
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] come to think of it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] would you like to come?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Everlook, yeah.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so you know them up there, spazzle?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kinda racist
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i mean
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kidding
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] whew
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Someone’s feeling lively today.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] because of the archbishop thing
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yeah, that’s right.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Pardon?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Still, just as well I suppose.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nor I. I would imagine he’s still in transit.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah ok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Let me check something, actually.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi puff
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And as if in response. Well played, universe.
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bartleby, it was a little under two days
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey honaleepuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey leslie
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HELLO EVERYONE
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, okay. And that was flying. By sea would be longer, I would figure.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi mbc
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, you two. Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] flying from where?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How charmingly codependent.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] pandaria
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my friend is on his way there now
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh really, Leslie? Business or pleasure?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] business mostly lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] uh oh
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] am i guessing right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah. And…oh no.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire? And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m not sure really
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How industrious.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hehe
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so i should get start working on something i can tell him
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, really. Do you have any thoughts on possible examples? I’m just curious about such things.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Spaz.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For my nephew, that is.
You have logged off.
Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating. At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!
Words from a Scribe
Hey, everyone. This is Mokvar guest posting for Garrosh. While the Warchief is traveling to Pandaria, Spazzle and I are going to be sharing blogging duties here. Even though I know I’ve written a lot of material that’s been posted in the form of transcripts, I’ll admit it feels a bit odd to be speaking to you directly like this. I suppose I’ll get used to it soon enough.
Since my premature brush with mortality last week, I’ve been resting at home mostly, although generally I think people have been acting a little overprotective – at least in terms of how much recovery time I need. It’s nice that they’re concerned, I suppose, but I don’t think anyone likes being treated like the orcish equivalent of a walking, breathing porcelain vase. Honestly, I’m a shaman, and before that I was a warlock. It was one death. We walk these things off.
I’m not going to write too much today, but I did have one item that I wanted to share. In his last post, Garrosh mentioned that Saurfang had paid him a visit after he’d sent a request to borrow the services of the High Overlord’s personal scribe. As it happens, since Saurfang did bring his scribe (Adelene Sunlace) with him, there was a record of the visit. I managed to get a copy from Adelene. (Scribe solidarity, yo!) (Okay, I won’t do that again.)
Here it is. Consider it a Winter Veil present. You’ll see why.
Scene: Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar
[HIGH OVERLORD VAROK SAURFANG enters, accompanied by scribe ADELENE SUNLACE. Awaiting them in the war room are WARCHIEF GARROSH HELLSCREAM, EITRIGG, and MALKOROK.]
GARROSH
Morning, Saurfang.
EITRIGG
Welcome back to Orgrimmar, High Overlord.
SAURFANG
Warchief. Eitrigg, a pleasure to see you again, as always.
GARROSH
I was surprised to hear you were coming down personally, Saurfang.
SAURFANG
As was I by your message, Warchief.
GARROSH
Well, yeah, nobody really saw the thing with Mokvar coming.
SAURFANG
No, Warchief, that’s not what I mean.
GARROSH
Huh. What then?
SAURFANG
It occurs to me that your message was the first I’ve heard from you since our last…disagreement. Curious that I would only now hear from the Warchief when he has need of a scribe.
GARROSH
Well, honestly, Saurfang, up until now there hasn’t been much reason for me to contact you.
SAURFANG
Indeed, Warchief? No need to coordinate with me for any Kor’kron operations here at home?
MALKOROK
Kor’kron operations are well under control, Overlord, and don’t need any further coordination from—
[Saurfang, without taking his gaze off of Garrosh, silences Malkorok with a raised hand in his direction.]
SAURFANG
Warchief? Who. Is this person. Who presumes to speak to me as if I require his input?
MALKOROK
I’ll have you know, old man, I—
[Saurfang cuts Malkorok off mid-sentence by grabbing him by the throat and lifting him off the ground.]
SAURFANG
[Still not looking at Malkorok.]
Pardon me. I was talking about you, not to you.
[Tosses Malkorok awkwardly to the ground.]
Hush now, boy.
GARROSH
Saurfang, this is Malkorok, one of my advisors. He’s been taking over the hands-on management of the Kor’kron since you’ve been holding down the fort in Northrend.
SAURFANG
Has he now. Curious that I had asked about just such a development when last I came to speak with you, only to be assured it was preposterous.
[Stares at Garrosh for a moment.]
More curious still that I would only now be learning of this…reassignment of the Guard.
MALKOROK
My Kor’kron have been—
SAURFANG
[Shoots an icy glare at Malkorok.]
Your. Kor’kron?
[Looks back to Garrosh.]
Although I suppose they are “his” Kor’kron now; I noticed even on my way here several wearing the uniform whom I had no hand in training.
MALKOROK
The needs of the Horde now call for a new and better—
SAURFANG
Boy, I was training soldiers when you were not yet a glimmer in your mother’s eye or a regret in your father’s hung-over recollection, and I would advise you to bite your tongue while you still have it.
MALKOROK
I don’t have to stand for this insolence, old man! Mak’gor—
[Malkorok draws one of his axes and leaps at Saurfang; still staring down Garrosh, Saurfang intercepts Malkorok’s weapon hand at the wrist and twists it back with an audible crack. He releases Malkorok’s wrist, then immediately grabs him by the back of his head and slams him face-first to the floor.]
AAAAH!
SAURFANG
Then by all means, don’t stand.
GARROSH
Enough, Saurfang. The Kor’kron have been reassigned. You have your duties in Northrend. Tend to them, and we’ll tend to our work here in Orgrimmar.
SAURFANG
I’m curious, Warchief…
GARROSH
You’re curious about a lot of things today.
SAURFANG
Yes indeed.
[Glances down at Malkorok, then back to Garrosh.]
What hold does he have on you?
GARROSH
Excuse me?
SAURFANG
What influence has this…orc won, that he has swayed command of the Kor’kron to himself over me? That he has won your ear, over Eitrigg?
GARROSH
Malkorok understands, Saurfang. Understands the Horde as it is today, and what’s needed to secure its future. As opposed to…others, who dwell in the past.
SAURFANG
I remember our past. And I do not do so to dwell in it, Warchief, but to hold it at arm’s length, so as not to repeat it.
GARROSH
I heard this song and dance a dozen times over in Northrend, Saurfang.
SAURFANG
That only means you gave me a dozen occasions to repeat it, Warchief.
GARROSH
Well are we done now? Because I’m getting tired of listening to it.
SAURFANG
[Chuckles grimly.]
Listening. Yes, I think we are.
[Saurfang turns and walks toward the door. Just before reaching it, he stops and turns his head, not quite looking back over his shoulder.]
One last point of curiosity, Warchief. The mana bomb that was used in the attack on Theramore. How did you happen upon a power source for it?
GARROSH
I don’t think that’s any of your concern, Saurfang.
SAURFANG
Yes, I suppose such strategic matters need to be kept between the Warchief and the commander of the Kor’kron Guard.
[Starts to walk out the door.]
Be well, Eitrigg. Honor go with you.
GARROSH
Hey!
[Saurfang stops in the doorway.]
SAURFANG
Yes, Warchief?
GARROSH
So are you loaning me your scribe or not?
SAURFANG
[Sighs.]
Miss Sunlace, come along, please.
[Saurfang exits.]
GARROSH
Geez, is it me, or is he getting more ornery with old age?
MALKOROK
[Still sprawled out on the floor.]
He does seem a bit ill-tempered, yes sir.
And to all a good night.
“Don’t make me come over there again, Malcoldcock. I will keep them busy scraping you off the floor until the Lunar Festival.”
The Garrosh scribe sweepstakes
First off, since everyone has been asking, Mokvar is doing okay. He’s got a shaman over in the Valley of Wisdom he’s been checking in with, and he’s been resting up mostly. Ji Firepaw has been spending a fair amount of time over there too when he hasn’t been running all over the place with some of his panda friends. So far Malkorok hasn’t dug up any leads, but I’m giving him a lot of latitude – I want this thing squared away before we leave for Pandaria in a few days.
The upcoming voyage, though, just serves as a reminder of how badly I need an interim scribe, seeing as Mokvar isn’t going to be coming, at least not at first. I’ve gotten some interest from a few people – although I’m definitely still taking applications – and I figured the best way to go about this is to let them all have a tryout. I had a meeting earlier with Malkorok and Eitrigg, along with Malkork’s peeps Gul’tar and Blood Guard Gro’tash, and so I invited a few of the contenders to attend and show what they can do.
So, here we go with today’s scribe auditions, starting with…
Nerog, inscription trainer from the Drag:
EITRIGG: Shall we begin, Warchief?
GARROSH: A member of our company yet remains absent – you, gentlemen: have you any notion of where Malkorok might be?
GUL’TAR: He said he would be here after seeing Mokvar about the attack. … We can fill in for him if need be, sir.
GARROSH: Very well.
EITRIGG: Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?
GARROSH: The final rosters have been cast; I shall arrange for copies for Malkorok and yourself once our new scribe is in place.
EITRIGG: Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had expressed some concerns about gathering a large force on short notice…
GARROSH: Ah, ask not one man more from Mulgore! Rather proclaim it throughout our host, that he that has no stomach to this fight – let him depart! We would not die in that man’s company!
EITRIGG: As you say, sir. We few, we merry few…
GARROSH: Have you completed the compilation of our gathered intelligence on the peoples of Pandaria?
EITRIGG: Yes, sir. There are the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple regions. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu.
…
(Eitrigg outlines the mogu race: former rulers of Pandaria, overthrown, recently returned, power to put souls into stone)
EITRIGG: Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at the mogu ruins? A reason to bring a contingent from the Reliquary?
GARROSH: A worthwhile idea, I suppose, especially in that bringing some number of the blood elves might facilitate the strained relations with their people of late.
EITRIGG: Yes, sir.
(Malkorok enters somewhat unsteadily.)
MALKOROK: Apologies for being late, Warchief. …
GUL’TAR: Sir, what happened? You look—
MALKOROK: There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.
GARROSH: I shudder to imagine the condition of your foe, though you appear to have been wounded yourself.
MALKOROK: My adversary took the worse of the exchange, enough that he saw fit to flee.
…
The scribe escaped …
GARROSH: What happened?
MALKOROK: I had some questions to ask the scribe about the other night.
…
I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.
…
GARROSH: And I take it he got away?
MALKOROK: Unfortunately
EITRIGG: How did he manage to escape?
…
GARROSH: A fair query, in light of your supposed prowess in both combat and security.
MALKOROK: I had gained the upper hand when I was stunned somehow. There may have been a second party
…
GARROSH: In that case, as we now have potentially multiple rogue parties loose in Orgrimmar, I want security tightened, especially in light of our imminent departure for Pandaria.
…
Speaking of which, one other item pertaining to the voyage, and I cannot stress its importance enough.
EITRIGG: Yes, Warchief?
GARROSH: Do NOT. Tell Vol’jin. When we’re leaving.
So, you know, as much as I like this guy – he was really doing a good job of capturing my command of the language, if I say so myself, something even our boy Mokvar sometimes cuts corners with, FOR WHAT REASON I CANNOT IMAGINE – but it’s pretty painfully obvious he just couldn’t keep up. Way too much skipping stuff and glossing over and what-have-you.
This, obviously, raises some questions about…you know…why this guy is the freaking inscription TRAINER around here, but whatever.
Next…
Sinzi Sparkscribe, ink vendor:
EITRIGG
Shall we begin, Warchief?GARROSH
We’re still short one advisor. Do you guys know where Malkorok is?GRO’TASH
I think he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief. There were some follow-up questions.GUL’TAR
We can fill in for him if need be, sir. Even take notes if you think…GARROSH
[Looks over to the trio of scribes.]
I think we’ve already got that covered.EITRIGG
Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?GARROSH
I have the rosters written up. I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok soon.EITRIGG
Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had some concerns…GARROSH
Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them. I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts.EITRIGG
If you say so, sir.GARROSH
Have you finished compiling the reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?EITRIGG
Yes, sir. There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.GARROSH
So hold on, they were overthrown by the pandaren? I’m not exactly scared of these guys.EITRIGG
Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared. And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.GARROSH
Huh. I think Krog mentioned something like that recently.EITRIGG
Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there? All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?GARROSH
Yeah, couldn’t hurt. Plus, like I said before, it might help smooth things over a little with Lor’themar if I bring a few extra blood elves for the trip.EITRIGG
Yes, sir.[Malkorok enters, bruised.]
MALKOROK
My apologies for being late, Warchief. There was an…incident at the scribe’s dwelling.GARROSH
You look like you took a few pretty good shots…MALKOROK
Rest assured, Warchief, my adversary took the brunt of the exchange. Enough so that they saw fit to fl e.EITRIGG
W at happen d? Wh t abo t Mokv r? Is he a l rig t?MALKOROK
The scribe…es ape d unsc thed so f r s I k w.…
[The transcript trails off at this point, with a note in pencil indicating “Out of ink.”]
So okay…hang on.
Let’s even set aside the fact that she knew this was her scribing audition here, and the fact that under those circumstances you would THINK someone would show up with enough materials that there’s no way they could run out. Let’s even set that aside.
She’s…a fucking…INK TRADER.
And she RAN OUT OF INK?
HOW in the FUCK…you know what? Forget it. I’m only going to make myself more angry. Moving on.
Next up…
Xantili, inscription vendor from the Valley of Spirits:
EITRIGG: Shall we begin, Warchief?
GARROSH: Well we’re still short one advisor. You guys know where Malkorok is?
GUL’TAR: Does anyone really care where he is?
GRO’TASH: I believe he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief. I think there were some follow-up questions.
GUL’TAR: We can fill in for him if need be, sir. Even take notes if you think…
GARROSH: <looking over the group of scribes> Yeah, I think we’ve already got that covered. Okay then.
EITRIGG: Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?
GARROSH: I have the rosters written up. I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok as soon as… <gestures to the scribes> …well, you know.
EITRIGG: Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had expressed some concerns…
GARROSH: Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them. I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts. We’ll fill things out one way or another.
EITRIGG: If you say so, sir.
GARROSH: Have you finished compiling those reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?
EITRIGG: Yes, sir. There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.
GARROSH: So hold on, they had their iron rule toppled by the fat, drunken teddy bears? I’m not exactly shaking in my boots over these guys.
EITRIGG: Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared. And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.
GARROSH: Huh. I think Krog mentioned something like that recently. Interesting…
EITRIGG: Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there? All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?
GARROSH: Yeah, couldn’t hurt, I suppose. Plus it might help smooth things over a little with…you know…ol’ Captain Peroxide up there in Silvermoon if I bring a few extra blood elves for this shindig.
EITRIGG: Yes, sir.
Malkorok stumbles in shakily.
MALKOROK: Apologies for being late, Warchief. I was busy getting my ass handed to me.
GUL’TAR: What happened? You look—
MALKOROK: There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.
GARROSH: Dude, what’s the other guy look like? You look like crap.
MALKOROK: Rest assured, Warchief, my adverary took the worst of the exchange, which is sort of a shame, I know, since as we all know everybody would love to see me get completely curbstomped. But I injured them enough that they saw fit to flee.
EITRIGG: What happened, jerk? What about Mokvar? Is he all right, or were you too busy losing to notice?
MALKOROK: The scribe…escaped unscathed so far as I know.
GARROSH: Okay, pinhead, let’s hear all about how you made a mess of this. As usual, mon.
MALKOROK: I was on my way to ask the scribe a few questions concerning the other night’s attack, when I saw a dark-cloaked figure approaching his dwelling. This was very scary, so obviously I wet myself. After I pulled myself together, I moved to intercept the intruder.
GARROSH: You think this was one of the attackers from the other night, back to finish the job?
MALKOROK: I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.
EITRIGG: Wasn’t there more than one of them the first time?
GARROSH: Did you get a good look at them?
MALKOROK: Not really since I’m such a screw-up. Dressed in black, hooded and masked, that’s about all I can say…
GARROSH: And I take it this one got away?
MALKOROK: Unfortunately, sir.
EITRIGG: And how, might I ask, did this intruder manage to elude our mighty warrior and internal security chief…?
MALKOROK: I refer you again to my being a royal screw-up. Though you try my patience, old mon…
GARROSH: Still, dude, it’s a fair question. This IS supposed to be your bread and butter, keeping the place locked down.
MALKOROK: I was winning, yay me, but then I was stunned somehow, boo I suck again. There may have been a second party intervening in the first one’s aid.
EITRIGG: Ah, so there was more than one…
MALKOROK: In any case, if their intent was to reach the scribe Mokvar, they were not successful. So I guess it was a tie in our battle to see who could out-fail the other.
GARROSH: Just the same, now we know they’re still on the loose in Orgrimmar somewhere. I want security tightened up, especially with us leaving for Pandaria soon.
MALKOROK: Yes, sir. I’ll try not to be so completely useless this time.
GARROSH: And speaking of which, one other thing about this Pandaria voyage. And I can’t possibly stress the importance of this enough.
EITRIGG: Yes, Warchief?
GARROSH: <looks grimly around the room> Do NOT. Let Vol’jin. Forget about the trip. I would really be missin’ him if he didn’t come.
Um…so…
Yeah. Keep those applications coming in. Like seriously.
I think I might send a note off to Saurfang while I’m thinking of it. I think he had a personal scribe up in Warsong Hold who was pretty good. Maybe I can talk him into letting me borrow her for a couple weeks.
Really. Scribe applications. Get on ’em, people.
Best-laid plans
So I’ve been working with my trainees the last couple days, and other than the fact that by and large they have the attention span of a gnat on caffeine, and the fact that they seem to find every random thing hilarious, especially if you try to get them to STOP finding it hilarious, because when you try to get them to take something seriously for a change boy oh boy that REALLY brings on the LOL’s, and…what was I talking about? I swear I should try to edit some of these things when I write them. That is, if Spazzle can ever get his twitchy green ass around to showing me where the damn delete key is again.
Okay, so take two. The trainees. Once you get past all the crap that makes fourteen year olds annoying, which granted is a lot, they’re actually pretty good. I mean you can definitely see the makings of some pretty decent warriors among the bunch of them. Gurtash included, obviously, but then he does have kind of an unfair edge, what with me already having been showing him a few tricks. I’ll keep you all posted on how this whole thing goes.
In the meantime, we had another planning session for Pandaria today. We’re getting close to being ready to go…
EITRIGG: Preparations are going to schedule, Warchief. The fleet is now fully assembled at Bladefist Bay, and Grizzle Gearslip assures me that the last of the siege engines will be ready within a few days.
MALKOROK: I would recommend keeping the fleet on rotating patrols until we’re ready to depart, Warchief. If we keep the entire fleet docked, and the Alliance launches an attack…
GARROSH: Good call. I assume you can work out a rotation with Drok and the other captains?
MALKOROK: I’ll see to the arrangements, Warchief.
GARROSH: Good. One other question.
MALKOROK: Yes, sir?
GARROSH: Who the hell are these people?
Garrosh points to two other orcs sitting around Malkorok at the conference table.
MALKOROK: Sir? You’ve already met Rak’gor Bloodrazor here; he was at our last strategy session.
GARROSH: Oh, yeah, I remember him now. Who’s the other guy?
MALKOROK: Another one of my lieutenants, sir. This is Gul’tar – former apprentice of Ga’trul, in fact, from the initial Pandaia landing force.
EITRIGG: Did we ever find out exactly what happened with them, incidentally?
GARROSH: Not much other than being pretty well wiped out by the second wave of Alliance forces.
MALKOROK: You mean the ones that had to recruit the local fish men to fill out their ranks?
GARROSH: <sighs> Yes.
EITRIGG: Speaking of which, as well, since we’re drawing close to being ready, we might want to gather as much information as possible on the land and its peoples.
MALKOROK: I would imagine that may be a rare instance when those…preposterous new pandaren arrivals might prove useful.
GARROSH: You’ve been getting pretty close to Ji since he started playing EO, haven’t you, Mokvar? Pick up anything useful from him?
MOKVAR: Not really. Here’s the thing – Ji and all his people came from a place called the Wandering Isle, which isn’t actually part of Pandaria proper.
EITRIGG: It’s an island nearby, though, isn’t it?
MOKVAR: Well, sometimes.
EITRIGG: Sometimes?
MOKVAR: It’s technically not an island.
EITRIGG: What is it, then?
GARROSH: Hold on to your ass for this one…
MOKVAR: It’s a giant turtle.
MALKOROK: …What?
MOKVAR: The Wandering Isle is a giant turtle that swims around the ocean – usually near Pandaria, but not always. The pandaren that live there basically built a whole civilization on its back. A lot of them don’t even know the truth about the “island.”
MALKOROK: <grumbling> Warchief… I suspect your…scribe here may be providing faulty intelligence.
GARROSH: No, I got this same story about the Wandering Islse from Ji.
MALKOROK: This would be the same pandaren who appears to be forever getting himself stuck in tight openings in the pursuit of food?
EITRIGG: So I assume that since the Huojin live separately from the Pandaren mainland…?
MOKVAR: They haven’t had any contact with the place in generations. No help there as far as providing useful information.
GARROSH: I guess we’ll have to get by on what we’re able to learn from Nazgrim and Krog, then.
MOKVAR: While I’m thinking of it, though, Ji was asking me earlier about what’s going on in Ragefire Chasm. I guess he had a few of his people go down there—
MALKOROK: Is this really important enough to interrupt our planning, scribe? You can’t seriously think the confusion of those perpetually confused bear people is more relevant than the imminent invasion.
MOKVAR: I was just wondering—
MALKOROK: Wonder all you want, scribe, just do it quietly. Now then…
Vol’jin enters.
VOL’JIN: Hey, mon, sorry I be late ta da meetin’!
GARROSH: Oh fucking hell, who told him about the meeting THIS time?
VOL’JIN: Was I not supposed ta know, mon?
GARROSH: Not exactly.
VOL’JIN: Oh, was ya plannin’ a surprise party for me, mon? Is dere cake?
GARROSH: <rubbing his forehead> No, we’re not throwing you a surprise…you know what, fuck it, just sit down, Vol’jin.
VOL’JIN: Tank ya, Warchief.
Vol’jin walks over to Malkorok at the table and turns to Gul’tar.
Ya be in ma seat, mon.
GUL’TAR: I…what?
VOL’JIN: Dat seat, mon. Dat’s where I always sit. Ya be in ma spot, mon.
GARROSH: Vol’jin, does it actually matter?
VOL’JIN: Ya, mon! I’m a creature a’ habit, an’ I be feelin’ all outta sorts if I don’ sit in ma normal place! Besides…
Vol’jin claps Malkorok on the shoulder jovially; Malkorok jumps in surprise, then glares up at Vol’jin.
…Malkorok an’ me tight now, an’ I be missin’ ma buddy if I sit somewhere else!
GUL’TAR: <grumbles and turns to Malkorok> I’ll just move, sir. I would…hate to occupy the troll’s place.
Gul’tar moves over one seat. Vol’jin sits next to Malkorok. Malkorok stares at him icily for a moment; Vol’jin replies with an exaggerated grin.
GARROSH: So…back to business. What’s our latest from General Nazgrim?
EITRIGG: He and his team have recovered from their injuries and indicate they’re making inroads with some of the pandaren in the northern mountains.
VOL’JIN: Dey all make it t’rough okay?
EITRIGG: Shademaster Kiryn and Rivett Clutchpop made it fine. It seems their marksman, Shokia, is unaccounted for.
GARROSH: I wouldn’t worry too much about her…
EITRIGG: Nazgrim reports the northern pandaren are in conflict with a tauren offshoot race. He doesn’t make it sound like too dire a situation, though.
GARROSH: Not something we need to worry much about, anyway, if this is going on in the northern regions. We’ll be coming in along the southern coast.
MALKOROK: Do we have any operatives scouting the south for us, then?
EITRIGG: Just a number of volunteers who’ve been making their way around the continent of their own accord and checking in when they can.
VOL’JIN: I tink dere was a group of Baine’s people doin’ some explorin’ in da sout’ too, mon.
MALKOROK: What? Bloodhoof sent his own expedition to Pandaria?
VOL’JIN: Ya, mon. Sunwalker Dezco was leadin’ it.
MALKOROK: And why, I wonder, would he presume to send his own detachment without clearing it with Orgrimmar?
VOL’JIN: I didn’t know da tauren had to ask permission ta do tings.
MALKOROK: A loyal member of the Horde should be clearing obvious military operations with their Warchief, troll.
GARROSH: Do you want to explain why Baine apparently saw fit to tell YOU about this expedition and not ME?
VOL’JIN: <beaming> I’m a people person, mon!
MALKOROK: At best, this stinks of insubordination, Warchief. And potentially disloyalty of a far worse kind. How do we know they’re not conspiring for their own purposes?
EITRIGG: You cannot seriously think the tauren would be engaged in something illicit?
MALKOROK: I do not trust that Baine or the rest of his ilk. He’s put himself at odds with the Warchief too many times already.
VOL’JIN: Ya tink he’s disloyal, mon? I been speakin’ my mind to Garrosh, too – ya be tinkin’ I’m a traitor?
GARROSH: Not a traitor, Vol’jin, but I’ll tell you in no uncertain terms, the two of you HAVE been a grade-A pain in the ass the last few months.
MALKOROK: As far as I’m concerned, you could very well be conspiring with him on whatever he’s up to. Don’t think I’m not keeping an eye on you, troll.
VOL’JIN: Oh, don’cha be worryin’, mon. If I was ever workin’ against ya in secret, you’d know.
GARROSH: I… <rubs forehead> That…doesn’t even make sense, you stupid troll. By definition…
VOL’JIN: Besides, mon, ya don’ have ta be worryin’ about Dezco an’ his people. He even has one a da orcs wit him.
EITRIGG: Who?
VOL’JIN: Kor Bloodtusk, I tink ’is name was.
MALKOROK: A weak-minded puppet, most likely, lured over to that tauren’s misguided way of thinking.
MOKVAR: I have to say, actually—
MALKOROK: <glares> What do you want, scribe?
Mokvar looks down.
Now then—
MOKVAR: <turning back to Malkorok> What I want? I want to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike.
Behind Malkorok, Vol’jin beams and high-fives the air in Mokvar’s direction.
Or were you looking for something a little less big-picture?
MALKOROK: <glaring> Count yourself lucky, scribe, that you’re in the Warchief’s good graces…
MOKVAR: Yeah, because you would never—
EITRIGG: Gentlemen.
GARROSH: Yeah, guys, enough. Cool your jets, both of you, we don’t have time for this crap.
MALKOROK: Of course, Warchief…
GARROSH: So, Vol’jin, now that everybody’s gotten all riled up over the tauren expedition, have we heard anything from them that would actually be USEFUL?
VOL’JIN: Da one ting I heard was dere be a lotta old ruins from an older race, dat ruled before da pandaren. I don’ know anyt’ing about ’em, but from da ruins it sounds like dey was everywhere.
EITRIGG: Hmm. Possibly worth assigning a team from the Reliquary to join the expedition to look into?
GARROSH: Yeah, maybe. This is a military operation, not an archaeology dig, but calling in some of the blood elves on this might help smooth things over with ol’ what’s-his-name. Captain Peroxide.
MOKVAR: How’s his eye doing, by the way?
GARROSH: Don’t ask.
MOKVAR: Ah.
GARROSH: Anyway… I think that covers everything for today, doesn’t it, Eitrigg?
EITRIGG: Yes, sir. I don’t think there was anything else on the agenda.
VOL’JIN: Good party as always, mon. Next one at my place!
MOKVAR: If we’re done here, I’m going to head over to the Valley of Honor. I need to catch up with Ji about a couple things.
GARROSH: Good, keep him out of trouble for a few hours.
MALKOROK: If you’ll excuse me then, Warchief, Rak’gor and I have a few arrangements to make ourselves.
VOL’JIN: Don’ forget ta pick up da cake dis time, mon.
Malkorok blinks at Vol’jin, then shakes his head as he leaves, grumbling, with Rak’gor and Gul’tar.
<chuckling to himself> Never gets old, mon, never gets old…
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Anger management
The other day I mentioned there being some meeting that Orphan Matron Battlewail wanted me to attend if I were serious about getting Gurtash. She had me check in with Social Services, which is being run by some goblins these days. Don’t ask me how that happened. But they filled in a little more of the story. They’ve got one of Ji Firepaw’s panda friends holding a kind of seminar on dealing with anger, and they’ve opened it up to anybody who wants to attend. The only catch – well, other than the fact that this whole fucking waste of time is one huge catch in itself since WTF why do these fuckers keep acting like I’ve got some kind of fucking problem with my goddamn temper or some shit – is that they want all the attendees to have someone come with them, sort of a sponsor. My first thought was to bring Malkorok, seeing as he’s technically my bodyguard and should be going places with me anyway, but then I got to thinking that this gig might not be the kind of thing that…well…let’s just say the purposes of the session might not be facilitated by having Malkorok in the room.
Plus, really, why do I need a bodyguard again? Isn’t that kind of like getting a watch dog to guard your giant rabid wolverine?
So, bottom line, I got Mokvar to come with me. Which also had the added benefit of…
Garrosh and Mokvar enter a room in which several chairs have been arranged in a circle. At the far end of the room, a middle-aged pandaren woman is talking with Eitrigg.
GARROSH: So, um, we’re here for the meeting? Not sure we’ve got the right place.
The pandaren woman, all smiles, walks over to greet them.
PANDAREN: Oh, no, you are in the right place, Warchief. It is good to see you again.
GARROSH: Yeah, you too. We’ve met?
PANDAREN: <laughs softly> Yes, a few weeks back, but I will understand if you do not remember me. You were meeting quite a few of us from the Wandering Isle that day.
GARROSH: Ah. Yeah. And to be honest, no offense, most of you pandas still sort of blend together for me.
PANDAREN: Are you saying my people all look alike to you?
GARROSH: Actually not so much all look alike as there are like six variations I can recognize.
MOKVAR: To be fair, I’m not sure we orcs are much better.
GARROSH: True enough. And the less said about the trolls the better.
MOKVAR: Well, Vol’jin stands out some.
GARROSH: Well yeah. I was going to ask the other day, actually – did he have some work done? He looks different.
MOKVAR: I was wondering that too! So I’m not the only one that noticed?
GARROSH: Dude, he sprouted an extra toe on the backs of his feet.
MOKVAR: Seriously? That’s freaky as hell.
GARROSH: I know, right? <looks back to the pandaren woman> Anyway…um…we can probably discuss this another time.
The woman smiles bemusedly.
PANDAREN: In any case, Warchief, it is good to meet you more properly now. <extends her paw> I am Ben-Lin Cloudstrider. I have been a student of meditation among our people for many years. I look forward to sharing some of these techniques with you today.
GARROSH: Yeah. Great. So listen, Ben, how long you figure this is going to take?
BEN-LIN: The session shall take as long as it takes.
GARROSH: Ah. One of those. Terrific.
MOKVAR: So, Eitrigg, what are you doing here?
GARROSH: Yeah, Eitrigg, you never struck me as having a temper.
EITRIGG: I don’t really. I’m not here for me; I’m sponsoring a friend. He just hasn’t gotten here yet.
GARROSH: Ah, okay. Wait…hold on…a “friend”? Please don’t tell me…
Tirion Fordring enters.
TIRION: Ah, greetings, Warchief! A pleasure as always to see you once again. And doubly so, of course, for you, Eitrigg, my dear friend of many years. Far too many days have passed since last we enjoyed each other’s company…
GARROSH: <rubbing his forehead> Dude, you just saw him a few weeks ago. I know. I was there.
TIRION: Perhaps! Perhaps, good Warchief! And perhaps indeed the calendar might insist that the interval has been short – but the spirit, my friend, the spirit tells me the time has been long! For surely, good Garrosh, you know of those times when the moments feel far longer than the clock might otherwise claim.
GARROSH: <still rubbing his forehead> All too well, Tirion…
MOKVAR: Eitrigg, I’m still not sure I understand. Tirion never struck me as very temperamental either.
Eitrigg, standing behind Tirion, makes a drinking motion with his hand.
Ah. Got it.
BEN-LIN: It appears more of our attendees are arriving. I should introduce myself, if you will pardon me a moment.
Ben-Lin steps toward the door, where Lor’themar Theron enters, accompanied by Liadrin. While Ben-Lin talks to them, Faranell enters and walks over to Garrosh and Mokvar.
GARROSH: Hey, Doc.
FARANELL: Hey.
MOKVAR: You’re here for the meeting too, Edwin?
FARANELL: Mmhmm. As soon as I heard about this, I cleared my schedule for this afternoon.
MOKVAR: I didn’t know you had anger issues.
FARANELL: I don’t.
Faranell sits down and takes out a large bag of popcorn.
Lor’themar and Liadrin leave Ben-Lin and approach Garrosh et al. Ben-Lin circles around and talks with Tirion and Eitrigg in the background.
MOKVAR: Hey Liadrin.
LIADRIN: Hello, Mokvar. Edwin. Warchief.
GARROSH: Hey, Liadrin. Who’s your friend? Is he sponsoring you or something?
LOR’THEMAR: You see? YOU SEE? This is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Every time! EVERY SINGLE TIME! No matter HOW many damn times I meet them, the NEXT time it’s always “Oh, so who’s this guy?”
LIADRIN: Now now, try to calm down, sir…
GARROSH: Okay, standing corrected on who’s sponsoring who here.
LIADRIN: This has been a long time coming, frankly.
GARROSH: Yeah, fine, but seriously, who IS he?
LOR’THEMAR: <shaking Garrosh violently> I’M LOR’THEMAR THERON, YOU PEA-BRAINED, MOUTH-BREATHING OAF! RULER OF SILVERMOON! LEADER OF THE BLOOD ELVES! I BUILT YOU A DAMN MANA BOMB TO COMMIT WAR CRIMES WITH, YOU IGNORANT VULGARIAN!
GARROSH: <shoving Lor’themar back> YOU’RE the vulgarian, you fuck!
FARANELL: <munching on popcorn> So much better than doing culture samples with Zinge.
LOR’THEMAR: How DIFFICULT is it to remember WHO SOMEONE IS after you MEET THEM FOR THE TWENTIETH TIME?!
GARROSH: Apparently VERY, when the someone in question isn’t frigging IMPORTANT enough to be REMEMBERED, Ponytail!
MOKVAR: He blew up about this on our game the other day, actually.
LIADRIN: I heard.
MOKVAR: Has he been at it all this time?
LIADRIN: More or less. This is something he’s been bottling up for a while, really.
Ben-Lin returns to the group, with Tirion and Eitrigg close behind.
BEN-LIN: If we might all find our seats. The last few should arrive shortly.
Everyone settles into the chairs.
Good afternoon, all of you, and thank you for coming today. I am Ben-Lin Cloudstrider of the Huojin Pandaren, and I will be conducting today’s session. My people chose to join the Horde in large part because of our shared belief in confronting challenges directly, and it is in that spirit that I would like to commend each of you for coming here today. By choosing to attend, you have demonstrated your recognition of an enemy of sorts within yourselves, and your resolve to face and defeat that enemy.
GARROSH: Pfft, I don’t know about these people, but I got railroaded by the orphan matron. Screw this personal-growth hippie bullshit.
LOR’THEMAR: Same here. <nods head toward Liadrin> This one twisted my arm.
GARROSH: Personally I think the whole thing is a load of crap.
MOKVAR: Would it really kill you to just bite your tongue and humor people this one time?
LIADRIN: <sighs> I wonder what it would be like if some of our leaders were actually adults…
BEN-LIN: Ah. I am sensing resistance from some of you. This is unfortunate. I hope you will come to see the merit of our activities as we go along. Let us begin by each introducing ourselves and telling the group why we are here.
She turns to Faranell.
Let us begin with you. Would you like to introduce yourself to the group, my friend?
FARANELL: <tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth> It would make my life complete.
BEN-LIN: <unfazed> Delightful. Please go on.
FARANELL: Yeah, fine. Hey. I’m Edwin. Most of you already know that. All of you, actually, so good use of time here. Don’t mind me, I’m just here for the LOL’s.
BEN-LIN: <blinks> Ah. I see.
She turns hesitantly and looks to Tirion.
And you, sir?
TIRION: Thank you, Lady Cloudstrider, many thanks indeed, both for your gracious greeting and for your generosity in offering up your valuable time – time very much in demand, I have no doubt, among your people – in arranging this gathering for the benefit of all here. And a great honor, and, indeed, blessing it is to find myself today amid this honored company, for as I look about the room I find my gaze met by the faces of many of the most esteemed of our respective peoples…
GARROSH: Oh man. He’s ON today…
TIRION: And so, in keeping with your request, noble Lady Cloudstrider, allow me to introduce myself. I am Tirion Fordring, Highlord of the Argent Crusade, Knight of the Silver Hand, master of Mardenholde Keep, bearer of the secred Ashbringer—
GARROSH: Murderer of Wills to Live…
TIRION: —and I find myself here today among you at the recommendation of my dear friend, the noble and sage orc Eitrigg, who suggested this gathering might prove valuable to me, both for my personal growth and likewise in allaying the oft-expressed concerns of some number of my Argent colleagues, such as the hallowed Confessor Palteress and my personal aide, the noble Miss Daria L’Rayne…
The door to the room opens, and Hamuul Runetotem leans in.
HAMUUL: Excuse me, is this the anger management seminar?
BEN-LIN: Indeed it is, my friend.
HAMUUUL: Ah, good. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.
GARROSH: Yes, you are, and thank goodness.
BEN-LIN: Please come in.
Hamuul steps into the room, holding the door open, and waves outside.
HAMUUL: Come on in, it’s the right place.
A nervous-looking Mylune enters.
BEN-LIN: <glancing down at a clipboard> Ah, you must be the two from Mount Hyjal.
HAMUUL: Yes. I’m Hamuul Runetotem, and this is my…colleague Mylune.
GARROSH: Oh man. Hide your kittens…
MYLUNE: <perks up> There are kittens?
GARROSH: Oh yeah, loads of them in the Cleft of Kittens.
MYLUNE: Ooh! Ooh! There’s a Cleft of Kittens? Where’s that?
GARROSH: Right at the southern end of the Valley of Ridiculous Hallucinations – it’s fucking ORGRIMMAR. What the hell do you think this is?
MYLUNE: <deflated> Oh. I thought there might be kittens…
HAMUUL: Perhaps just as well, given your recent…episode.
MYLUNE: <slumps her head and closes her eyes> I don’t know what you’re talking about.
HAMUUL: Mylune, we’ve already talked about your trying to block these things out.
MYLUNE: No no, I’m not blocking it out! Blocking what out? See? Happy face! Happy face! Oh, everything’s so wonderful and magical and whee! And…and…
She looks around quickly and grabs up a small scorpion that’s skittering along the ground.
And ooh, hello Mr. Scorpid, aren’t you a tough little prickly darling! <hugs the scorpion to her bosom> Auntie Luney sure is happy to see you! Yes she is! Yes she—oww! OWW! Dammit, that stings like HELL, you stupid pinchy ASSHOLE!
Mylune throws the scorpion viciously against the wall.
It wasn’t even that cute!
GARROSH: So… I take it that time in Mulgore wasn’t an isolated incident…?
HAMUUL: Not as such.
MYLUNE: Oh…oh no, no, no… I did it again! <sobbing> Why do I keep doing that? <putting her hands over her face as the sobbing continues>
HAMUUL: There there…
BEN-LIN: It is all right. You are among friends now.
GARROSH: Well let’s not get carried away.
MYLUNE: <rubbing one hand on her chest> That still kind of stings a little, actually…
BEN-LIN: We are here to help you. Have you had other moments like this recently?
MYLUNE: I…well…I was in Winterspring a few days ago…and there were these bunnies…and…and…
GARROSH: Not so much with the bunnies anymore, I’m guessing.
MYLUNE: I couldn’t help it! I just wanted to pet them, and… <rubs her chest again> Okay, you know what? I think that scorpion might have been venomous.
Hamuul sighs and starts casting healing spells on Mylune.
HAMUUL: Seriously? You have venomous scorpions just wandering around?
GARROSH: Hey, I don’t usually figure people are going to go around rubbing them on their boobs.
MOKVAR: Did you really have to give me that mental image?
GARROSH: I mean we usually don’t have people around here showing that level of stupid. And that’s even figuring how much time Dontrag and Utvoch spend here.
LOR’THEMAR: Who?
GARROSH: You’re better off not knowing.
LIADRIN: Really, sir.
BEN-LIN: Perhaps we should move on. <turns to Lor’themar> Let us turn to you now. You are…?
LOR’THEMAR: Ugh. See? SEE? THIS is EXACTLY what I’m talking about! I introduced myself to you not TEN MINUTES AGO! But does anyone remember something like that? NO! OF COURSE NOT!
LIADRIN: Sir, I think she was just asking you to—
LOR’THEMAR: Don’t defend her, Liadrin! People do this every damn day, and there’s always some excuse for them! Either that, or it’s just “Oh, okay. Lor’themar? Whatever.” YES, whatever. It’s LOR’THEMAR! LOR’THEMAR FUCKING THERON, Regent-Lord of Quel’Thalas! That’s who I am! Lor’themar! Do you hear me? All of you? LOR’THE-FUCKING-MAR! One of the only racial leaders on either side who hasn’t managed to make a complete cluster fuck of something yet, but does anyone remember? NO! NO THEY DON’T!
BEN-LIN: Well then. I was going to ask you why you are here, but I think you have already answered that. So let us move on. <turns to Garrosh> And you, sir?
GARROSH: Huh? Oh, yeah. <waves half-heartedly> So yeah, Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde. Son of Grom, slayer of Alliance, writer of EPIC VERSE, eater of lemon squares, yadda yadda.
HAMUUL: Wait, he writes poetry?
MOKVAR: He’s actually surprisingly good at it.
BEN-LIN: And why have you come here today, my friend?
GARROSH: Humoring the orphan matron, pretty much. Didn’t we already cover this? She basically said I needed to attend this thing before she would sign off on this orphan I was looking into maybe adopting.
LIADRIN: Wait, what?
EITRIGG: Adopting?
HAMUUL: Oh spirits help us…
GARROSH: WHY does everybody fucking react like that every time I mention this? I talked about it on my blog, too, and all the commenters were like “Holy crap no!”
HAMUUL: Wait, he blogs, too?
FARANELL: <munching> I so should have brought some ale for this.
Tirion passes Faranell a flask.
Oh, hey, thanks.
EITRIGG: I thought we’d agreed you were going to hold off on the… <makes a drinking motion with his hand> …while we were here for the meeting.
TIRION: Surely, friend Eitrigg, you would not deny me a simple bracing beverage before an undertaking that calls upon my resolve.
EITRIGG: Now we both know the “liquid courage” excuse doesn’t hold here, Tirion.
GARROSH: So hold up, you mean Highlord Paragraph here likes to retreat into the bottle, and goes all angry drunk and shit?
EITRIGG: And sometimes ends up burning small animals as a result…
MYLUNE: He WHAT?!
TIRION: My fine and noble friend, I would remind you that the episode with the penguins was, in broad, strokes, an isolated incident, and—
MYLUNE: Penguins?!
BEN-LIN: Now you see, here we may have a fine instructive moment. While we may all have our moments of anger, it is when we allow that anger to manifest in actions that we risk unleashing the worst upon the loved ones around us…
MYLUNE: <fidgeting nervously and looking to Hamuul> Pen…penguins! What did he do to the penguins…?!
EITRIGG: Suffice to say it involved a cane.
BEN-LIN: And so, when you experience these moments, Tirion, you must remember to use your words.
GARROSH: Wait, seriously?
TIRION: Sage counsel indeed, good Lady Cloudstrider, and perhaps you are right, and I have been far too reticent…
GARROSH: Fucking hell, do you realize what you’re DOING, lady?
MYLUNE: He…he…he attacked the poor penguins with a cane?
EITRIGG: Far better than the kittens got…
TIRION: My dear Eitrigg, you know perfectly well that I take little pride in the unfortunate incident involving the, shall we say, premature feline incendiaries, and—
MYLUNE: Incendi— you burned kittens?!
GARROSH: Yeah, bet you’re glad we don’t have any here now, aren’t you? Not safe to have them around Captain Shortfuse Longwind here.
MYLUNE: <trembling with eyes growing large and dewy> Hamuul, did you hear that? He…he…the kittens…he…
Hamuul pulls a teddy bear out of his pack and dangles it in front of Mylune, who immediately snatches it up.
Oh oh oh what a cute cuddly fuzzy huggy teddy bear squee!
LOR’THEMAR: Wow she’s unstable…
GARROSH: Look in a mirror lately, blondie? Who are you to judge?
LOR’THEMAR: <jumping up and knocking his chair over> Who am I? WHO AM I? LOR’THEMAR THERON, that’s who! LOR’THE-FUCKING-MAR THERON!
LIADRIN: Sir, really, you should try to—
LOR’THEMAR: You stay out of this, Liadrin! I’ve HAD IT with this walking jaw with a gym card acting like he doesn’t fucking KNOW me!
GARROSH: I know you’ll snap in half nice and easy if you don’t figure out a way to ZIP it right quick, Hair-Care!
MYLUNE: <swaying from side to side while hugging the tebby bear> Oh don’t listen to them, Mr. Huggles, it’s okay, it’s okay! You just be all sweet and snuggly and don’t worry about the mean people!
LOR’THEMAR: Why don’t you MAKE me zip it! Or do you need damn BOMB to drop on me for that?!
GARROSH: I’ll SHOW you a fucking BOMB, Ponytail!
Garrosh lunges at Lor’themar and flings him violently against the wall. Lor’themar pulls himself up and tries to rush back at Garrosh, only to have Garrosh grab him and put him in a headlock. Mokvar and Liadrin pull at Garrosh’s arm to try to loosen his grip.
MOKVAR: Really, boss, not helping your own cause here…
GARROSH: Hope you weren’t too fond of that frigging OXYGEN, Lor’the-Whatever-the-Fuck-Your-Name-Is!
LOR’THEMAR: <wrenching himself out of Garrosh’s hold and swinging at him wildly> LOR’THEMAR! MY NAME IS LOR’THEMAR! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY MY NAME, BITCH!
Mylune is still rocking back and forth, holding the teddy bear while trembling.
MYLUNE: Now now don’t you let them upset you, Mr. Huggles… <absently rips off one of the teddy bear’s ears> It’s okay…it’s all okay… They’re not mad at you, no no, they’re not… <rips off the bear’s other ear, sobbing> It’s all going to be okay someday, I promise, Huggles, Auntie Luney promises…!
FARANELL: <mouth half-full of popcorn> I love this meeting so much I want to marry it and have a family of little caucuses.
LOR’THEMAR: I’m SICK AND TIRED of being IGNORED by this damn GORILLA!
Mokvar and Liadrin try with mixed success to pull the two away from each other.
GARROSH: Don’t worry, metro, you’ll be getting PLENTY of attention while I’m smearing you all over the floor!
LOR’THEMAR: Stop holding him back! I’m not scared of him! I can take him! Unless maybe he’s POISONED his DAMN AXE again!
GARROSH: OH you will DIE EXTRA SLOW for—
Tirion jumps Garrosh and Lor’themar and pushes them away from each other. He looks back and forth sternly.
TIRION: Gentlemen, please! Surely no one can benefit from our turning on each other in such a way. Now then… <looks back and forth between Garrosh and Lor’themar again> Let’s have a drink. And calm down.
EITRIGG: <sighs> Tirion…
BEN-LIN: It occurs to me that perhaps our goals would be better served by a few one-on-one sessions before we attempt to discuss our issues in a group…
Mylune suddenly grabs Ben-Lin from behind and hugs her back against herself.
MYLUNE: Ohhhh has anyone ever told you you’re like a big giant warm fuzzy snuggly teddy bear yourself, Miss Cloudy-bear?
BEN-LIN: <looking around somewhat panicked, but clearly trying to maintain her composure> So…with that in mind…let us adjourn for the day. I will be in touch with each of you to arrange individual meetings. We…we have much work to do…
LIADRIN: Come on, sir, let’s just go back to Silvermoon…
Liadrin drags Lor’themar out of the room. The others begin to make their way out as well, except for Mylune, who continues hugging Ben-Lin.
MYLUNE: So huggly and cuddly and so so adorable! I could just squeeze you all day, little bear!
Faranell gets up and walks over to Ben-Lin and Mylune on his way toward the door.
FARANELL: So, I’m going to give you my contact info… Please, please tell me if there are any more of these meetings. I will buy a ticket if I need to.
This has got to be some kind of a hazing thing. Or Battlewail is doing some kind of weird trial to test my resolve, to see just how serious I am about the Gurtash thing.
Gotta tell you, though, if I have to go hang out with that crew again, I’m not sure I like even that kid enough…
More soon.
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Ragequitters never win
You have logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that’s the problem with arcane, though.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] for me anyway.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] how you u mean?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi pwn
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, boss.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey everyone
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well basically it’s just that since the magic isn’t strictly -alive-, it doesn’t read tone very well.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so i have to be careful what i say, because the magic tends to take sarcasm literally.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well i mean, why wouldnt it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What did I just walk in on?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or do I not want to know?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This one is pretty harmless.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edwin and Jaina are deep into magic shop talk.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] how are you doing, pwn?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i tend to rely pretty heavily on sarcasm in my day-to-day communication.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Doing okay, gayle
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah, pretty much any time he says something, you want to picture him rolling his eyes
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] good to see you as always.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see, case in point.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well that might be hard since i dont know what u look like
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably just as well.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i haven’t aged well.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol its ok i like older guys =)
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh i remember that phase
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HEY NOW
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NO FLIRTING WITH OTHER MEN!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol dont worry sweetie
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] JUST KIDDING
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I KNOW YOU’RE NOT LIKE THAT LOL
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wow…you know, part of me wants to make a Jaina joke there
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] but mostly I’m just thinking…that poor dragon
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Lorthemar.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I still say scalies just creep me out.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] are you new in the guild?
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh
[Guild][Lorthemar] Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’ve been in the guild for months.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I don’t understand why people can’t remember who I am.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Q’est-ce Que C’est]
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [United Nations]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all. ^_^
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wait, you got the United Nations achievement?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless the game ui is trying to pull a fast one on you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Exalted with EVERY national faction? HOW?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Admittedly, that last rep grind was particularly onerous.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Which one?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] France.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh geez yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The French don’t like anybody
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not so; they’re quite fond of me now.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually, let me take care of this while I’m thinking of it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s that?
[EdwardBear | Ji] has joined the guild.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome ed
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who’s this now?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ji Firepaw
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He overheard me talking about the game with Spazzle a couple days ago and got curious
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah…well this should be entertaining.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are the new pandaren recruits working out so far, Warchief?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh…sort of a mixed bag
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They mean well, but…I don’t know. We’ll see
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] brb
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome to the guild!
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] So I’m guessing he’s REALLY newbish.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, he’s going to be pretty green
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of which
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] he seems quiet.
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi gil
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Edward, type /g to talk in guild chat
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Utvoch.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] can you see this?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ah there we are
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no this is dontrag
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Welcome aboard, Ed.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Edward.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is this your first time logging onto Earth Online in general?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, are you sure, Utvoch? I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i logged on for a little while last night
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it looks fun
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes i’m sure
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, so this is your first Earth Online character?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well if you’re so sure about it, I don’t see why we would have had to discuss it repeatedly.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But if you insist, I suppose I’ll take your word on being Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Lorthemar] A double welcome to you, then!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok good
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] are you new too?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really love messing with him, don’t you?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why yes. Yes I do.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Whichever one of them he actually is.
[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh
[Guild][Lorthemar] No, I’m not.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Can you blame me, really?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] are you sure your not new lor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dont think i’ve seen you on before
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes I’m sure.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new, for the hundredth time.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well of course you’re not new for the hundredth time. that wouldn’t be new.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you can only be new once.
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what class are you playing ed?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just say the word if you need any help with anything, Edward.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I know some things can be a little confusing at first.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a farmer
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, I’ve never played one of those.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they don’t really sound too exciting to play
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, I’ve got my Refer-a-Friend pet now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What kind?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You should have gotten one too, Edward
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] A dog
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t you already have one?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i get it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, but the RAF is a random draw from a bunch of breeds
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There are a lot of different breeds.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You already have it, Edward.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So for instance, this one I just got is a cocker spaniel
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you go to the bottom of your screen, you can open your pet catalog.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i love the new pet sparring!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh there it is
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what kind did you get?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how can i see the details?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click on it.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway we should get going, we have lunch plans
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Eat well!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BYE EVERYONE
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] byeeeee
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok i think i see it now
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s the verdict?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it says it’s called a poodle
[Guild][Lorthemar] You can name it, too, if you want to.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Those are those fru-fru looking dogs, right?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re supposed to be smart
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i do that?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you mean they make good spellcasters? or the coders gave them a slightly less nonsensical AI?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click again, then pick “rename.”
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No problem.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] By the way, Garrosh, did you ever end up talking to the orphanage about Gurtash?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I put out a few feelers
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Gurtash is that orphan boy who’s been helping take care of the Warchief’s wyvern?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Garrosh was thinking of maybe seeing about adopting him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok done
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] done what?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s…that’s remarkable.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right now Battlewail has me in a holding pattern. Something about questions about my temperament
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named the pet
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh nice
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A preposterous dispersion against your character, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So there’s some meeting they want me to go to with Social Services later this week
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi steve
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hang on…we have a Department of Social Services?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who knew, right?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That -had- to have been a Thrall program.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I mean…where the hell have THEY been?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hi guys
[Guild][Lorthemar] So what did you end up naming the pet, Edward?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Steve!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named her winnie
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sup man
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not sure what the deal is with the meeting, but I guess some of the pandas are involved somehow
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] after my aunt, jae win
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] she had similarly poofy hair
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not too much
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, not too clear about any more than that
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually
[Guild][Lorthemar] That works.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Winnie the poodle has a certain ring to it.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thanks
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey who’s the new guy?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Ji, quick question
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just joined the guild today
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] nice to meet you
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no not you
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes warchief? i mean guildmaster
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i meant the other new guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lorthemar
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You might know something about this
[Guild][Lorthemar] ugh
[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, SERIOUSLY
[Guild][Lorthemar] Enough is enough already.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh sure, “?” at me
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well I’ll see your “?” and raise you a “!!!”
[Guild][Lorthemar] Because I’m SICK AND TIRED of nobody around here ever knowing WHO THE HELL I AM
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, what’s this guy’s damage?
[Guild][Lorthemar] So I’m going to explain this ONE MORE TIME
[Guild][Lorthemar] SO GRAB A DAMN CRAYON TO WRITE IT DOWN THIS TIME
[Guild][Lorthemar] I
[Guild][Lorthemar] AM NOT
[Guild][Lorthemar] NEW
[Guild][Lorthemar] Is that CLEAR enough for you IDIOTS?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I HAVE BEEN IN THIS GODDAMN GUILD FOR MONTHS
[Guild][Lorthemar] I CAN REMEMBER BEING ONLINE WHEN HALF YOU OTHER PEOPLE JOINED
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’M NOT A RECRUIT, I’M NOT SOMEBODY’S COUSIN
[Guild][Lorthemar] I AM LOR’THEMAR THERON, DAMMIT!
[Guild][Lorthemar] REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS
[Guild][Lorthemar] It NOT HARD to remember that part
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOOK
[Guild][Lorthemar] <–
[Guild][Lorthemar] SEE HOW THAT WORKS, YOU MOUTHBREATHING IDIOTS?
[Guild][Lorthemar] “Lorthemar”…IS LOR’THEMAR
[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT’S ME
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAR FUCKING THERON
[Guild][Lorthemar] RULER OF THE BLOOD ELVES
[Guild][Lorthemar] ME
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh hi, lorthemar. welcome to the guild.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] did you just join?
[Guild][Lorthemar] sdfghliuhurtyhweuirthlidrhglsdajghfljksdhg
[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT DOES IT THE HELL WITH YOU ALL
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um no prof he just said he’s been in the guild a while
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well what crawled up his ass?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’s a blood elf. Who knows
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] people don’t usually get that upset about this game, do they?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um, well…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] your naivete is adorable.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Quick pointer, Ji…don’t queue for any battlegrounds.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] or dungeons
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Or pay attention to trade chat when you’re in the major cities.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and while you’re at it you might just want to uninstall the whole game right now and cancel your internet service.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh. um.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i’ll go back to leveling
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Where in the world are you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] orgrimmar
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I mean, where in the game?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But like I was starting to say like ten minutes ago
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just got sent to a region called siberia
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Do you know anything about these meetings your panda friends are working on for Social Services, Ji?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a little bit, yes sir
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] the orphan matron suggested i arrange for some of my people to help
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] since pandaren culture places great value on being centered and grounded emotionally
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, you guys do seem very even keel
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we try to be, yes sir
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so a few of my people are helping hold some sessions on some of our methods and principles
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] particularly for controlling anger
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So ANOTHER one basically telling me I have a temper?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see i TOLD you you needed to work on not being angry all the time
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU stay out of this
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hey
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well clearly i’m not the only one thinking it!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Clearly a sign of their failure to appreciate the pressures and stresses that come with the laudable work you do day in and day out.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When you’re not playing video games or blogging.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i was going around fighting a few things for xp, when these mobster npcs attacked me and ran off
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] and now i have things missing from my inventory
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh those russian mob guys are nasty
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You said you were in Siberia?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think I need to go do some checking on this
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll be back
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, you have to watch for that.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] In Soviet Russia, mobs farm you.
You have logged off.
