Daily Archives: March 31, 2012

Speaking of EPIC VERSE


So it’s just been brought to my attention that April, in addition to being the cruelest month, is also National Poetry Month. And I realized that it just wouldn’t be right for me to let the month pass without commemorating it somehow, so brace yourself for the big news – AND a call for help from my loyal readers and minions to help make it happen.

So here’s the deal. In honor of National Poetry Month, for the entire month of April, EVERY TUESDAY AND THURSDAY I will post on the blog a brand new original EPIC VERSE! No promises as far as form or length – it might be something long and truly epic, it might be a quick limerick, it might be something in between. But every Tuesday and Thursday in the month of April, I’ll be writing something.

Hold on, though, there’s a catch, because I’m going to need you guys to help make this work. YOUR challenge is to help keep me inspired. What do you mean, Garrosh? EXCELLENT QUESTION, GLAD YOU ASKED. Basically, every poem I post for April will be inspired in some way by YOUR comments here on the blog. Each time I put a poem up, I’ll be inviting all of you to make suggestions for the NEXT poem in your comments – it could be a topic, a theme, a character, a turn of phrase you’d like to see incorporated, something else entirely…ANYTHING you can come up with to get the ol’ poetic gears turning. I’ll pick one of the suggestions from your comments to use as the basis for the next poem. Or…I’ll pick AT LEAST one, because who knows, maybe I’ll get ambitious and try to combine a few of them.

So for the first poem, which I’ll write for this coming Tuesday, I’m going to open up the comments on THIS post for suggestions. Again…you’ve got lots of latitude as far as giving me topics, themes, etc. Get commenting and impress me!

Just to clarify and iterate (NOT “reiterate,” by the way, because “ITERATE” means repeat already, so “REiterate” actually means rerepeat, which is totally a pet peeve of mine because I hate it when people are reredundant), here’s how the process is going to work:

  • You comment on this post with suggestions for poem #1.
  • I write poem #1, based on one (or more) of the comments on this post.
  • You comment on poem #1 with suggestions for poem #2.
  • I write poem #2, based on one (or more) of the comments on poem #1.
  • You comment on poem #2 with suggestions for poem #3.
  • Rinse, repeat, and pray you beat the enrage timer.

So…I’m putting the pressure on myself here, AND putting the pressure on you guys! If I get this going and only get like one half-assed suggestion, well, don’t blame me if I don’t crank out a masterpiece. You know the old saying about making chicken salad out of chicken…something-or-other…or whatever it is because apparently I don’t actually know that old saying. BUT YOU GET MY POINT.


The Awesome League of Awesome


As promised, here’s the result of this latest poll for the newest EPIC VERSE topic. So, with no further ado…BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT!


Where to go! What to do!
So much to explore.
Johnny Awesome on the move,
Always seeking more.
          He keeps clearing each zone faster,
          Tanaris, the last one to go:
          Yet another triumph, although
          Thousand Needles was disaster.
Now he’s questing with a reputation to restore.

Garrosh really wants him dead,
Really hates that elf.
Put a bounty on his head,
How he’s by himself.
          Hold your horses, no complaining
          That he screwed up on that last run.
          Magatha, she pulled a fast one
          Now he’s got few friends remaining.
Just because he freed one traitor from the Twilight Shelf.

Johnny Awesome headed north
Flying through the Barrens.
But as he was setting forth
It became apparent
          He had work to do here – rescue!
          Some poor undead rogue was dying:
          Swarmed by quillboar, he was trying,
          But perhaps he merely was new.
Or perhaps dropped on his dead by inattentive parents.

Either way, he needed saving –
Johnny Awesome to the fray!
The undead was smiling, waving,
As the quillboar fled away.
          Johnny Awesome: “My work here’s done.”
          “HI I’M DUMASS!” “Um, okay.”
          “LET’S BE FRIENDS!” “No, go away.”
This was when he realized that he’d have a real long day.

“So, Dumass,” J.A. did say
And fought the urge to kill,
“Why the Barrens?” “OH OKAY!
          “Wait, Dumass, where did you come from?”
          “Tarren Mill was where you were.”
          Blank stare. “Fitting name there, Dum.”
And Dumass just smiled and nodded while his brain stood still.

“Well, I’ll let you travel on,”
Johnny Awesome said.
“…or come with me instead.”
          Johnny Awesome sighed so forlorn.
          “Well then, let’s head to Winterspring.”
          Frosted flake pursues Frostmourne.
“…Let’s just hope that bounty means that soon I will be dead.”

Up to Winterspring they flew,
Seeking thrills and danger.
But Johnny Awesome really knew
That things would just get stranger.
          In the mountains, climbing higher,
          Till they came upon a cave.
          Hiding place of some vile knave?
          Monsters? Dragons breathing fire?
Surely there would be rewards from those they would endanger.

When flying upon a frost wyrm
Came someone he’d seen before:
An orc warrior, hardly infirm,
Landing on a node of ore.
          “OMG THE LICH KING!” Dumass
          Cried out as the orc was mining.
          “Where?” the orc cried, “A defining
          Triumph shall be mine at last!”
Meanwhile Johnny Awesome palmed his face an instance more.

“Huh, no Lich King?” the orc grumbled,
Staring down this elf naysayer.
“Bet he’s hiding,” next he mumbled.
“I am Orkus – the Kingslayer!”
          “Greetings, Orkus—” “HI! I’M DUMASS!”
          “I am Johnny Awesome, sir.”
          Orkus answered, “I’ll infer
          You’re the brains here.” “HI! I’M DUMASS!”
“..Meanwhile I would guess your friend here’s Stupidville’s new mayor.”

Before Johnny Awesome answered,
Skulking out from in the cave
Came a yeti, lone advancer –
No warning or sound he gave.
          “It’s attacking!” “Hurry! Kill it!”
          “OMG! A DRAGON!” “What?”
          No move made the yeti, but
          They smelled blood and they would spill it.
Thus the yeti’s early rise might mean an early grave:

Hardly had the yeti woken,
So he found this a surprise.
His defense was scarcely token,
Looking ’round with sleepy eyes.
          Just the same, the fight took ages.
          None of them could land a blow.
          Swinging, missing, tripping, so
          To give the details would take pages.
So we’ll TL;DR for the poor yeti’s demise.

Finally the yeti stumbled
In a hulking lifeless heap.
Orkus yelled, “Vile beast! Be humbled!
Yeah, that’s right. Don’t make a peep.”
          “Hey, you know, this has me thinking,”
          Johnny Awesome said at last.
          “We sure kicked that yeti’s ass
          (Even granted I’ve been twinking),
If we stayed a team, just think the benefits we’d reap.”

“YAY! I HAVE TWO FRIENDS!” said Dumass.
Not suspecting they might toss ’im.
“As a group,” said Orkus, “en masse,
No more fleeing or playing possum!”
          Johnny Awesome nodded, beaming:
          “We could take the world by storm!”
          “Wipe out every beastly swarm!”
          “End all villains’ evil scheming!
Look out, Azeroth, here comes the Awesome League of Awesome!”

“Just one thing,” said Orkus, “Any
Chance you’ve got a healing spec?
I took a few hits there – well, many.”
“Sorry, no.” “Eh, what the heck.
          It can wait till we get going
          Back to town, and heal up there.”
          “Let’s go. Soon, evil beware!”
          Johnny Awesome’s pride was glowing.
And the trio gathered up to start their homeward trek. 

Off they marched with scarce attention
To a shadow in the sky:
Far beyond their apprehension
What was coming, much less why.
          Down upon them swooped a wyvern!
          “En garde!” “Fight him off!” “YES SIR!”
          Now go get ’im, Mortimer!
          Alas, though, he did not discern
Who was who correctly when he landed his bullseye.

“I’ve got aggro!” Orkus bellowed.
But before they could decide
How to help him, he was mangled:
Down he went and there he died.
          “It got Orkus! Kill it!” Johnny
          Awesome yelled, but not in time.
          Mortimer did swiftly climb
          Into the air, and then was gone.
And from nowhere, “YAY! WE KILLED THE LICH KING!” Dumass cried.