Monthly Archives: August 2012
By my right as Warchief
By the time I’d written that last post and gotten back from Thunder Bluff, it was already later than I’d planned. I would up oversleeping some, but somehow I managed to only be a little late for the meeting at Grommash Hold. Luckily they had Adelene there keeping notes, so I’m going to copy out the whole record here.
Scene: Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar
[Darkspear chief VOL’JIN, MOKVAR, and WARLORD ZAELA sit around the large central conference table while EITRIGG places several models on the world map to indicate troop positions. LEGIONNAIRE NAZGRIM enters and approaches the table.]
NAZGRIM
[Surveying the models.]
Shouldn’t we be showing more troops in Darkshire?
EITRIGG
[Somber.]
Not anymore.
VOL’JIN
Da demons finally pushed t’rough de Deadwind Pass, mon.
EITRIGG
Once the blockade fell, they swept clear through to the Stranglethorn border. Our people are backed up nearly all the way to Grom’gol.
ZAELA
Even that’s just buying time for us to evacuate altogether.
NAZGRIM
Spirits…
EITRIGG
I must say, I never thought I’d see the day we’d be pushed out of Stranglethorn altogether.
VOL’JIN
Nobody ever does, mon.
MOKVAR
Warchief entering!
EITRIGG
Lok’tar!
ZAELA
Lok’tar ogar, Warchief!
[Everyone rises from their seats to face the stairwell. From above, WARCHIEF DRANOSH SAURFANG descends into the room.]
DRANOSH
Lok’tar, everyone. I see we’re almost all here already.
EITRIGG
I think by this point everyone knows that 9:00 really means 8:45 with you, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Smiles.]
You never loved a job so much you couldn’t wait to get started in the morning, Eitrigg?
EITRIGG
Depends on the day you ask, Warchief.
VOL’JIN
I be more of a night person meself, mon.
DRANOSH
[Pulls up a chair while surveying the map.]
Well I’ll try to make this quick so you can take a nap.
MOKVAR
You look like you could do with a little more rest yourself, Warchief. Have you been getting any sleep at all lately?
DRANOSH
I’ll have plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead. No need to worry about me, Mokvar. I’ll be fine.
MOKVAR
If you say so, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Scanning the map.]
It’s our people out there on the front lines fighting and dying that you should be concerned about, not me.
MOKVAR
Emissary entering!
[Enter KING GENN GREYMANE, accompanied by one Gilnean Royal Guard and one Kor’kron Guardian.]
DRANOSH
Your Highness.
EITRIGG
Highness.
VOL’JIN
King Genn, mon.
GREYMANE
Good morning, Warchief. All. How goes the day?
EITRIGG
Early enough not to have turned sour on us yet, Highness.
GREYMANE
[Nods, scratching the back of his neck.]
Well, that’s something, at least. King Varian, of course, sends his regards from Theramore.
DRANOSH
I trust he and Lady Proudmoore are well.
GREYMANE
As well as can be expected.
DRANOSH
At any rate, then, why don’t we get down to business.
EITRIGG
Indeed, Warchief.
DRANOSH
Warlord?
ZAELA
[Pointing to various locations on the map.]
Kalimdor outposts remain stable. Quel’thalas is holding, but remains closed off. Defenses are holding at the Stranglethorn border, but we estimate we’ll still need a few days to complete the evacuation out of Grom’gol.
GREYMANE
[Scratching his beard.]
Would reinforcements help at the border? I could likely send a detachment of my soldiers to help hold the line.
NAZGRIM
Never mind holding it. We should be looking to push the damned monsters back again. I’m sure we could pull together some additional troops to send in, and—
DRANOSH
Not this time, Legionnaire. As much as I hate to say it, Stranglethorn is a lost cause. I’m not sending more of our people to die in a battle we can’t win. I don’t want another Ironforge.
[Enter OVERLORD GARROSH HELLSCREAM.]
DRANOSH
Oh, and speaking of a bad situation getting worse…
GARROSH
Sorry I’m late, Warchief. Late night and all.
EITRIGG
Garrosh.
MOKVAR
Morning, Overlord.
VOL’JIN
Hey, mon.
DRANOSH
Up late reading the Roll of Ancestors with Baine, were you?
GARROSH
You know how it is once you get rolling with the begats.
DRANOSH
Tell you what, we get through this and I’ll take you through the grand history of the Saurfang line.
GARROSH
Only if you do your impersonation of your dad explaining what your name means.
DRANOSH
Deal. Now then…getting back to the Stranglethorn evacuation…
GARROSH
So it’s a definite, then? We need to abandon ship.
VOL’JIN
I don’ be likin’ it either, mon, but yah.
NAZGRIM
I still say a counteroffensive is worth the attempt.
ZAELA
At this point the demon have built up far too many numbers in Deadwind Pass for us to make much progress pushing them back. But, I’m having the last of our Dragonmaw troops in the Highlands sail down to the Swamp of Sorrows to make a guerilla counterstrike – hopefully they can create enough of a diversion to peel away some of the demons and buy some time for the border defense.
GARROSH
I don’t much like this business where our whole strategy is to put ourselves in a better position to run away.
NAZGRIM
You and me both, Garrosh.
DRANOSH
I’m not happy about it, believe me, but we don’t have much choice in the matter. Right now we can’t afford to lose more of our forces to a losing battle.
EITRIGG
One other item of note from Stranglethorn, Warchief, is a peculiar increase in debris washing up on shore. Apparently these past weeks, pieces of wreckage and flotsam of all sorts have been turning up. Bodies, as well.
GARROSH
Orc? Human?
EITRIGG
Some of both. And many we don’t even recognize.
VOL’JIN
Dere been any battles at sea dere lately?
NAZGRIM
Not that I’m aware of.
GREYMANE
[Scratching behind his ear.]
We’ve had a similar experience at Theramore the past few days. Largely debris of apparent goblin construction…and bodies as well.
GARROSH
Ratchet?
GREYMANE
[Shakes his head.]
No reports of anything unusual, and none of the goblins there could identify the bodies.
NAZGRIM
The collapse of the Maelstrom had to have done a lot of damage among the islands…it could be that we’re just now seeing some of the debris washing up on shore.
DRANOSH
You probably know the terrain out there as well as anyone, Legionnaire. Think you could take a gunship detachment to do a survey?
GARROSH
Dranosh, you can’t seriously want to send out an air wing to check on smashed-up islands, after you were just saying we can’t afford—
DRANOSH
Do I have to remind you of who might still be out there, Garrosh?
GARROSH
[Sighs.]
Fine. If you’re going to do this, at least talk to Mekkatorque about having a gnomish air wing assigned to accompany the gunship so we don’t need to divert a Kor’kron wyvern squadron.
DRANOSH
Since when have you cared about losing wyverns?
GARROSH
I’m serious, Dranosh. Get Mekkatorque to send his planes.
DRANOSH
Is that an order, Overlord?
GARROSH
[Smirking.]
Matter of fact, it is, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Smirks back and nods.]
Okay then. You’re the boss.
NAZGRIM
I should have a gunship ready to go by tomorrow morning. I’ll just need to double check troop assignments.
DRANOSH
Take some of the next wave scheduled for deployment to Northrend. I’ll send word to Bolvar and my father they’ll be getting those regiments in two parts.
GARROSH
I’d say to take a minimal crew, though. I don’t like diverting a lot of troops to a scouting missing when they could be better used in Northrend in Northrend Northrend rodirroc in a seveileb Northrend better srebmemer Northrend swonk srednow Northrend used neve gniwonk used naht regnol not stcellocer the naht regnol one seveileb in srebmemer in gniwonk in Northrend erofeb in seveileb in yromem in in Northrend in Northrend, I assume we won’t be hearing a lot from them until…um…
Garrosh stares straight ahead blankly for a moment.
EITRIGG: Sir?
GARROSH: Um…did I just…? <blinks and shakes his head>
NAZGRIM: Warchief?
Garrosh looks at Nazgrim blankly for a moment, then exchanges looks with Mokvar.
EITRIGG: That would be you, sir.
NAZGRIM: Are you all right, Garrosh?
GARROSH: I…yeah. I’m okay. I was just dizzy for a minute. Not sure why I… Did…nobody else just saw anything, did they?
EITRIGG: No, nothing, sir.
NAZGRIM: Just you talking about Drok’s people in Northrend, sir. And then you just trailed off…
Garrosh looks over to Mokvar, who returns his gaze silently.
GARROSH: Okay. So. Drok’s people have their assignment, and should already be underway with it. They’re probably going to maintain radio silence until they’re done.
EITRIGG: I’m still not sure I like all the secrecy around what they’re doing up there, Warchief.
GARROSH: Necessary precaution, Eitrigg. You’ll see soon enough.
NAZGRIM: In the meantime, I’ve had the fleet captains running drills to make sure their crews will be ready to go.
GARROSH: Good. I know they’ve already been on standby for a while, but I don’t expect it’ll be too much longer. A couple more pieces need to fall into place, then the boys and girls can finally do their thing.
NAZGRIM: <nodding> It’ll be good to see, sir.
A courier enters, whispers something to Eitrigg, hands him a sealed note, and leaves.
EITRIGG: Warchief? You have a letter here from Saurfang, sir.
GARROSH: What does… <blinks> …Varok?
EITRIGG: Um…yes, Warchief. Varok.
NAZGRIM: What other Saurfang would it be from?
EITRIGG: Garrosh, are you sure you’re feeling all right?
GARROSH: You know… Maybe I’m just tired. Run down or something. We’ve covered everything we needed to, why don’t we call it a day at this point.
EITRIGG: Yes sir.
MOKVAR: Sounds like a plan.
NAZGRIM: Yes sir. I’m just going to stop upstairs to check on the duty rosters for a few of the ships.
GARROSH: Go ahead, General. While you’re up there, bring down that map. We’re going to be needing it sooner rather than later.
There’s a lot going on and I’ve got a lot to write about, but right now I really do think I’d better get some rest. Because either I’m really for-true run down and imagining things, or…or I don’t know what.
I could swear it was real, but as I think back on it, it seems hazy and fuzzy the way a dream does. And I remember the whole meeting from this morning, so how could I also have been…? Never mind. Forget it, Garrosh. Your mind must be playing tricks on you.
So, yeah. Taking a nap, clear my head, then get back to business.
I couldn’t really have been talking to Dranosh, could I?
Happy birthday, Baine
I’m writing from Thunder Bluff. Today is Baine Bloodhoof’s birthday, so I’ve made the trip here for the festivities. Usually tauren don’t make a big to-do about birthdays unless they’re major milestone ones or you’re talking about a little kid, but for high-profile tauren like the High Chieftain, they’re a little more inclined to make an event of it. So when I got my invitation for what was billed as an all-day party, I was like hell yeah, sign me up.
Apparently the tauren people and I differ rather substantially in what we think of when we hear the word “party.”
First of all, NO CAKE. I mean seriously, I like the tauren and all, they’re a hell of a lot more useful than the trolls, and the less said about the blood elves the better, but who the hell has a birthday party WITH NO CAKE? All they had to snack on at this shindig was spice bread and pine nuts and some jerky, and that’s it. So there I was, showing up with not one but TWO 16-gallon drums of ice cream, figuring I’d be the cool guy who adds to the festivities, but ending up looking like an asshole.
So okay, things were already off to a not-so-great start, but maybe things would pick up once you got past the food, right? Maybe some kind of entertainment? Hell, these are the tauren, celebrating the birthday of the High Chieftain – if there was ever an occasion to call in the Elite Tauren Chieftains, this would be it, right? WRONG.
What do the tauren do to celebrate birthdays? HOLD ON TIGHT, let me tell you. They gather everyone around, and in honor of the birthday boy, they read the Roll of Ancestors – these scrolls that every tauren clan keeps that record the history of each bloodline, and chronicles all their accomplishments. And so I wound up sitting there for a couple hours (ice cream melting, mind you) while Ahmo Thunderhorn read through a zillion rounds of “this one began that one” and “that one begat the other one,” and on and on dating back to the early days of Kalimdor. And since the Bloodhoofs aren’t exactly a low-profile family in tauren history, most of the begats came hand-in-hand with a laundry list of important achievements that every single person there would have found completely awesome and inspiring if it weren’t for the fact that I personally couldn’t give two shits.
Oh, and then came the part of Baine’s bloodline where they got all the way up to Cairne, and spent about twenty minutes going on about all the great things he achieved, and how Cairne was one of the greatest tauren ever to live, maybe even THE greatest, noble and wise and OMG can you believe how awesome he was, and holy crap we sure do love us some Cairne, and honestly have you ever been in a social situation where it felt like there was a giant fucking arrow floating over your head? Yeah, that was me at that point.
As it turns out, there actually WAS an arrow over my head. It was a Hunter’s Mark. Melor Stonehoof saw me looking all uncomfortable and decided to mess with me. Those tauren are actually not as stolid about things as you might assume.
Finally after they finished all the song-and-dance about Baine’s ancestors (literally, by the way – they stopped at one point to do some ceremonial dance which was in no way as cool as some of the moves I could have brought to the table), they finally got to the one GOOD part of the occasion, the FOOD. No cake, granted, but at least the tauren DO know how to put down a feast. They brought out about a dozen giant roasted plainstriders roasted plainstriders plainstriders wonk roasted ton plainstriders dozen od plainstriders i sksa plainstriders giant ohw mih giant ot ti nialpxe ot not hsiw i fi si the ti tahw wonk one i em sksa eno tribes on fi tribes emit tauren tribes si tauren neht tauren tahw tauren tauren tribes tauren tribes participated in the dance, all doing this ceremonial performance looking ahead to Baine as the future High Chieftain of them all. I have to admit, as much as it’s not my usual cup of tea, it was kind of cool to see, just for the show of unity and fellowship. Hell, even stony-face Magatha cracked a smile over it.
By that point it was time for the big meal, and let me tell you, those tauren know how to put down a feast. Have I talked about this before? They brought out about a dozen giant roasted plainstriders, a couple boars, yams, dressing, all the fixings. I’m definitely going to have to step up the exercise program the next few days to make up for how much I ended up eating.
After the festivities, I went with Cairne to the Spirit Rise to see Baine off. Cairne was all sorry to see him heading back to Northrend. Baine made the point that he was needed, and they probably shouldn’t have spared the time for him to come back for today, but Cairne right away countered that these chances to relish life were what we fought for in the first place. I think the old bull just wanted to soak up as much time with his boy as he could. Can’t say I can blame him. Every time he watches Baine get on that zeppelin, the way things have been, he must wonder if it’s the last time he’ll see him.
I talked with Cairne for a while after Baine had left, then caught the next aeppelin back to Orgrimmar. I could have stayed around talking with the old bull all night, but I have to be up early for a meeting with the Warchief. I’ll update again after that’s done.
Happy birthday, Baine. Aka’Magosh.
Monday mailbag
You know how this works. Here we go…
I took a bit of a break from Orgrimmar–I was out on my own for a few years and kind of managed to miss the whole “war in Northrend” thing and was honestly a little surprised to see you in charge when I got back. Yeah, I was really out in the boonies and didn’t hear word of anything going on.
Anyway, when I got back and checked out my bank I found a lot of useless junk along with a surprise–two severed night elf heads. I was feeling a little “frisky” in my youth and during one particularly long battle in Alterac Valley, I bagged a few trophies. I made a little pile of most of them and now they’re who knows where, but I still have these two night elf noggins.
My questions to you are:
1) If you had two severed night elf heads, what would you do with them?
2) Why are these things still in pristine condition even though they are at least three years old?
Thanks for your insight,
–Grixar, the grumpy old orc shaman
Hey, Grixar, and welcome back. Hopefully your time away gave you a chance to clear your head and come back ready to curbstomp some humans again. Still…missing the whole war in Northrend? And the fact that I took over as Warchief for Thrall? Really? Where the hell did you GO, man? Did they not have newspapers there? Heralds? Seers? How deep was this cave you went and hid in?
I mean, okay, I guess you wanted some time to get away from it all. Who am I to judge? Oh wait, hang on a second, I’m the FUCKING WARCHIEF, that’s who.
You DID hear that we won up there in Northrend, right? And the Lich King is dead? And Bolvar Fordragon died with him? Oh, and also Deathwing turned up again, which kind of made mess of the place for a while, you may or may not have noticed. Don’t you worry, though, because – in case you missed it – Thrall or Go’el or whatever the fuck he’s calling himself this week, that dude went off with the Earthen Ring and the Dragon Aspects and the Bilgewater goblins at one point (don’t ask) to feed his messianic ego some more – just what he needed, right? – and went all “OMG IM TOTALLY SAVIN ALL TEH WORLDZ HERE GAIZ” but still managed to squeeze in time to get his groove on for once. Did you hear?
Dude, seriously, you’re reading a blog. Pop on a Google news feed every once in a while.
As for your questions…
Question #1: This one is easy. I would swing by Hyjal and give them to our old buddy Antlers McBeardyface. Why? Because what with him being married to Tyrande Whatshername, that would probably be the first night elf head he’s gotten in about 10,000 years. OH YES I SAID IT.
Question #2: This one is a little trickier to wrap your head around, but it’s sort of straightforward when you come right down to it. Basically, Grixar, it goes back to the whole “immortality” thing that the night elves used to have going for them. Short version: the fuckers just don’t decay. Or if they do, it happens really, REALLY slowly. Go ahead, kill a night elf (please!) and stick him in the ground. Then come back ten years later. (Don’t worry, I’ll wait.) (No I won’t. Come back here, you idiot, and stop being so damn literal.) Dig him up again and see if there’s been any change at all to the body. Spoilers: THERE HASN’T.
Fucked up, huh? So much for those night elves being such high-and-mighty tree-hugging nature-lovers, right? Everybody else dies and gets buried and their bodies nourish the land and feed the plants which feed the animals which feed ME, especially if they’re pigs because bacon. But the night elves? They die and go “FUCK YOU, CIRCLE OF LIFE!” – which is not only dickish but also creepy as hell what with them being dead when they say it.
Anyway, yeah, that’s the deal with your collection of night elf heads. By all means, now that you’re back, start adding to it again. And can I recommend some humans? Oh, and gnomes. Don’t forget to kill lots of gnomes. They’re little – you can kill a bunch of them in the middle of the afternoon and you’ll still have plenty of room to kill some more humans at dinnertime.
Gamon’s a quiet guy and all, but a bit touchy. Go tap him on the shoulder in the inn and you’ll see what I mean. Since the Shattered Hand cut him out of their training program and he started fighting back instead of just playing dead for a couple minutes, some folks have been taking advantage of his hair trigger and sending noobs over to “get to know him”, just to watch the inevitable horrible cleavage happen.
What he’s more likely thinking about, though, is when the occasional group of alliance adventurers find their way inside Orgrimmar to start some trouble. It’s like he tunes out in that bar, so sometimes we gotta get him chasing us outside before he notices the alliance and gets to work. Always worth it to for the look on their faces – I mean, the lad swings a mean axe but doesn’t really look all that dangerous.
–Infaris, Orgrimmar
Wait, you wanna see “horrible cleavage”? Swing by Deepholme sometime and go say hi to Therazane. Eeeeeeeeeesh.
Seriously, though, I’m not surprised that Gamon’s got some serious cleaving going for him. He and Saurfang are old drinking buddies, did you know? Well, maybe not OLD old, but going back before I got here, so that still counts as before relevant history, right? Anyhow, doesn’t surprise me that Gamon may have picked up a trick or two.
But also, this business where someone needs to get Gamon’s attention when there are Alliance in Orgrimmar brings up another good point. Seems to me that we need a better invader alert system here. On more than one occasion, an Alliance strike force has hit Orgrimmar, and gotten all the way in to my command room in Grommash Hold without anyone other than my Kor’kron guards knowing they were there. I mean, half the time I’ll be slugging it out with them, and even then nobody’s aware of what’s going on, since I figure it they did, half the damn city would be rushing in to help me fight them off. But nope, not a soul. I’ve got to figure we’re just lacking a system to let the Orgrimmar public at large know “Hey, in case you weren’t aware, there’s like forty Allies in Garrosh’s room.” Not that I need any help with them, really – if anything, it’s kind of funny to watch dozens of Alliance come rushing on in just to get their asses handed to them – but it just seems like the kind of them we should really be on top of more than we seem to be.
I was curious about what your helm size is. My greatmother is an amazing knitter and wants to knit you a helm liner for those chilly trips up to Northrend. She seems to think that because I am in the military that I am close friends with you and is pestering me to ask you this, I am sorry if this offends or annoys you in any way shape or form.
Deepest regards,
–Toka
See, that’s kind of a tough one. I used to be a 9 1/4 back in the day, but then there was that incident in Icecrown Citadel when Tirion wouldn’t SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. So I tried to cover my ears so tight that I wound up squeezing my own head down a few sizes. Best guess I could give you would be…around 7 1/2, maybe? 7 3/4? Not really sure. Also since I didn’t squeeze my head down evenly, I’m working with sort of an irregular helm size, which makes me that much trickier to shop for.
Actually, tell you what. Let me see if Grixar from a couple letters ago can loan me one of those night elf heads. If it’s a decent match, size-wise, I’ll just send it to you and you can pass it on to your greatmother. And hell, if it’s not a decent match, I’ll see what I can do about crunching it down some until it IS. Then your greatmother can have it right there when she’s knitting, which will be extremely handy and NOT THE SLIGHTEST BIT CREEPY AT ALL.
See? Your Warchief is nothing if not an outside-the-box problem-solver.
I am an aspiring soldier of the Horde in Eversong Woods. When I first began adventuring, I started training as a Rogue. I was a little nervous about combat, so I thought it would be helpful to be able to sneak around invisible.
Recently, however, the academy in Silvermoon added a Warrior program to its curriculum. I think this would be a good field to go into. I know I do well at melee combat, and I enjoy dual wielding swords. As a Warrior I could still do these things, plus I could use much better armor and be less squishy. Also I hear that they usually get the Elite Tauren Chieftains to perform at their Spring Fling concert.
I am writing to ask if you would consider writing me a letter of recommendation for my transfer to the Silvermoon Academy. I think a recommendation from a celebrated Warrior like yourself would help my application a great deal. I have enclosed copies of my transcripts and extracurricular records. Please let me know what you think.
Thank you,
–Hannahlee Mihano, Fairbreeze Village
Glad to hear you’ve come to your senses, Hannahlee, and decided to stop sneaking around like a little girl and start cleaving your foes into pieces like a man. Except for how I guess you actually are a girl. But whatever. Point is, warrior is definitely the way to go, and as a matter of fact, let me tell you the one thing I do know about rogues, which you’ll learn for yourself once you get the hang of warrioring: they are delicious.
I don’t know what kind of operation they’ve got going on up there in Silvermoon, especially seeing whatever “instructors” they’ve got in the warrior program would only have been warriors themselves for, what, like a year or something. But whatever. I looked over your materials and you look like you’d be a decent enough candidate, other than how you obviously mailed it in that one semester (seriously, a C+ in Survey of Thelassian Music?). So I’ve gone ahead and sent a letter along for you. Here, have a copy for yourself:
Dear elf school,
Some blood elf named Hannahlee wrote to me and asked me to recommend her for warrior training at your school. To be totally frank, I’ve never met her or talked to her before in my life, so I know pretty much nothing about her and have no idea if she’s any good as a fighter or anything. Then again I also know nothing whatsoever about your school and what you do there, so sounds like a match to me. So in my professional capacity as somebody who knows a thing or two about warriors – and also, by the way, I’m Warchief of the Horde, which kind of makes me your boss on top of it all – I’m recommending her for admission. Mainly because she wrote to me out of the blue and asked me to. At least she was nice about it. Come to think of it, though, she didn’t actually say “please,” so maybe you could teach her some fucking manners while she’s there.
Indifferently yours,
Garrosh Hellscream
There, that should take care of that. On the off chance this doesn’t work out for you, Hannahlee, I think there’s also a school over in Brill, so I could put in a good word for you with Sylvanas if you want.
A friend of mine just linked me to your blog and I read through all the archives (took a while LOL) and OMG! You play Earth Online?! Me too! I looked you up in the Directory and I see we’re on different servers. 🙁 I was totally bummed. Maybe I’ll transfer so I can play with you guys!
I’m so excited because I finally managed to get enough rep with the Humane Society so I could get a cat pet! I’ve wanted one for so long! We have a lot of cats here in the Sunspire but they don’t really belong to anyone they just sorta hang out here but they’re so cute and fun to watch while they play and hunt and stuff. They sure make the day go by a lot faster. We’re kinda in the middle of nowhere so I’m not the busiest merchant ever LOL. Anyway now I can have a cat to keep me company in game just like the real cats keep me company in real life.
I’m sending you a picture of him! Isn’t he the cutest thing ever? Do you have any in-game pets yet? I bet you have a cat too because you like wyverns and wyverns are kinda like cats crossed with bats and scorpids or something. LOL
Come visit me next time you’re in Silvermoon! I’ll give you some Honey Bread on the house. 😉
–Shara Sunwing.
Well, Shara, I…wait a minute. This thing with the honey bread, is this actual literal honey bread we’re talking about, or is it some kind of euphemism? Because in that case, hoo boy, here we go again.
Okay, moving on.
Yeah, um, it’s a real tragedy we’re on different servers. Oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes. I do remember the Humane Society grind, though – kind of long and annoying, but not nearly as bad as the Hipster Collective. Have you done THAT rep grind? It’s infuriating. There’s this bizarre diminishing returns system in place where if too many other people are doing the same dailies that you’re on, you get this debuff called “Mainstream” and the quests give you way way less rep. Every once in a while you can get some extra rep for some totally random obscure thing you do, usually something that nobody in their right mind would think to do, but that doesn’t nearly offset the nuisance of constantly having to find quests that not many other people are working on. There isn’t even any real benefit to getting rep with the Hipsters, just an achievement that people try to get just for the sake of getting it. Fucking Hipsters.
Anyway, though, I did work up my rep with the Humane Society and got one of the pets. In my case, though, I didn’t get a cat. I decided to pick up one of the quests that open up at exalted to get a dog. And since we’re sharing screenshots from the game, what the hell, here’s mine:
So there you go. His name is Sawyer and I think he’s some variety of dog called a “terrier.” Plenty entertaining, too – if I have him out with me outdoors, he’ll stare down other animals way bigger than him and send them running. Badass little fucker. Kind of fitting for my companion pet, right?
Which gets me thinking…I know a lot of my readers also play Earth Online – hell, people are constantly bringing it up in blog comments and on Twitter. So, how about this – for my next mailbag, why don’t you Earth Online pet collectors write in and share a screenshot of YOUR pets, too. Might be kinda cool to see what all is out there. Maybe some of you guys have some cool obscure ones that not everyone even knows about. Probably got bonus rep from the Hipsters for getting it, too. Fucking Hipsters.
So anyhow, Shara, one last thing before I forget – since you’ve finished reading the archives of the blog, here, let me give you something else to fill up your online reading time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Run-on_sentence. You’re welcome.
That does it for this time. As always, keep those letters and questions coming to garrosh1337@gmail.com, and for next time, if you’re an Earth Online player with a cool companion pet, like I said, write in and let us know, and in the next mailbag I’ll post a big ol’ gallery o’ digital animals. YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN.
Eye candy
So, a couple weeks ago I put the word out that I was looking for pictures to add to the posts here at the Command Board, and a whole bunch of you stepped up to the plate. As some of you might have noticed, over the last few days I’ve had Spazzle working overtime incorporating the images and updating the posts with proper credit. But I thought it would also be good to take the time here to acknowledge everyone who’s provided contributions so far, and make note of where some of the new goodies are for those of you who’d rather go right to the posts in question.
(Personally I think you should just go back to the beginning of the blog, reread everything, and find the new pictures as you get to them, but hey, that’s just me. SOME people, I guess, are just too lazy to take a second pass through a FUCKING LITERARY MASTERPIECE.)
So, with no further ado, some much deserved thanks goes out to…
Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, whose images have been added to the posts:
- Visiting Desolace (11/5/11)
- Hunting Skarr (12/19/11)
- Pertaining to Incursions against the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem (1/25/12)
- Midnight oil (5/18/12)
- A sort of homecoming (7/14/12)
Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, whose images have been added to the posts:
- Mission accomplished (2/29/12)
- Mag’hari house guest (3/11/12)
- Back to Azeroth (6/3/12)
Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, who generously donated the pre-photoshopped versions of a mountain of his images — which have been added to the posts:
- WTF!! (9/22/11)
- Victory in Silithus (2/1/12)
- All that you can’t leave behind (5/14/12)
- I am become death (5/21/12)
- Thunderlord Stronghold (5/30/12)
- Long live the king (5/31/12)
- So much for the Frostwolves (6/6/12)
- So it goes (6/18/12)
- Durnholde Keep (6/20/12)
- Knights of the Silver (withered) Hand (6/27/12)
- I see undead people (7/10/12)
Clara from Come Get tha Voodoo, whose awesome nighttime shot of Cenarion Hold originally appeared in enhanced form over at Postcards From Azeroth — Rioriel included this image in the batch he’d sent me, and rightly noted that Come Get tha Voodoo should get proper credit. The image in question has been added to:
- Ahn’Qiraj (12/31/11)
Rades from Orcish Army Knife, whose images have been added to the posts:
- Cliffwalker Post (10/9/11)
- Spazzle Speaks (10/10/11)
Regular reader and commenter ZugZug, whose images have been added to the posts:
- Awesome job, Mokvar (12/16/11)
- Where’s Garrosh? (1/14/12)
- YOUR WARCHIEF IS A GENIUS (6/14/12)
And, finally, for those of you keeping score at home, I’ve added some of my own snapshots to a bunch more of the posts, specifically:
- Of wyverns and pine cones (3/29/12)
- Welcome to <Warchief> (4/30/12)
- Lifetime piling up (5/17/12)
- Where did all the words go? (6/11/12)
- Darkmoon day trip (7/6/12)
- Special delivery from Southshore (7/12/12)
Thanks to everybody who’s sent contributions in so far. And by all means, keep them coming — if you think you’ve got some pictures from your travels that would fit well with any of the posts here, send them along to me. Even if the post you’re thinking of already has a header image, send it along — I might still work it into the post somehow, or, who knows, it might turn out to be handy for an upcoming post. The important thing is that you’re joining in and becoming part of the team. Because YOUR WARCHIEF IS NOTHING IF NOT A BUILDER OF COMMUNITY.
That’s all for today. Mailbag this Monday — be sure to get those last-minute letters and questions in to garrosh1337@gmail.com by Sunday afternoon to make the final cut! YOUR WARCHIEF DEMANDS IT.
Dying of the light
I haven’t talked about this much, but ever since Cromush and his people recovered that light crystal fragment from Southshore a few weeks ago, I’ve been in contact with Liadrin about it. At first I let her hold it for safekeeping, since she was there from the get-go, and she seemed to have a better handle on what it was and what it can do than any of the rest of us. Since then, she’s kept it with her up in Quel’thalas.
Not long after I handed it off to her, she brought it with her on one of her trips up to the Sunwell, so she could compare it with the holy energy radiating from the Sunwell ever since it was reignited by M’uru’s spark. She says the two have basically the same feel, only that the fragment isn’t as potent. Liadrin is pretty much convinced that the original dark crystal was the spark of a dying naaru, which the Knights of the Silver Hand partially restored by pouring holy magic into it. Which means, now, that she believes the fragment she’s holding is a piece of a naaru’s soul.
Liadrin contacted me earlier this week and said she thinks that rather than holding the fragment, we should return it to the naaru, since it’s basically the spiritual remains of one of their own. At first I wasn’t so sure about this – considering what we’d seen these crystals do, they could be incredibly useful against the Scourge or any other undead threats that might come along. But then I got to thinking about what she says the fragment actually is – and, more importantly, thinking about the reason I was hesitant to give it up: basically I’d be saying we should hold the spirit of a once-living being captive, to leverage as a weapon against our enemies, rather than letting its kin lay it to rest, or do whatever they do with their dead.
I’ve been on the other side of that scenario. Not long ago. And I may be a lot of things, but I outright refuse to become THAT.
So, I ended up agreeing to her suggestion. Liadrin said the best option was to bring the fragment to A’dal himself, and she invited me to go with her for the trip. So yesterday morning I met up with her and had one of our mages portal us directly to Shattrath.
It wasn’t the first time I’d been to Shat, obviously, but usually when I’d gone there, I’d passed through fairly quickly. I never really stopped in at the Terrace of Light or met A’dal before. Liadrin took it as an occasion to give me a proper introduction – I think she kind of enjoyed showing off the fact that she on semi-kinda-sorta-friendly terms with our big glowy friend Captain Chandelier – and play up what a valuable “ally of the Light” I’d become, whatever the hell that means.
Liadrin did most of the talking. She approached A’dal, got out the crystal fragment, and started giving the short version of where we’d gotten it. Every so often she would pause for a minute, then go on talking some more. Seemed like she was having a conversation, only I was hearing just one side of it. She’d warned me beforehand that A’dal communicates through telepathy rather through actual audible sound, so I understood what was going on, but knowing in advance didn’t stop it from being a little unnerving to watch.
Still, watching it wasn’t nearly as unnerving as EXPERIENCING it. After Liadrin ran through the story of what happened to us in old Southshore, I started to…well, “hear” isn’t the right word exactly, but I don’t really have a better one. So…I started to hear this echoing, musical chiming in my head, strange and soothing all at once. Then a calm voice forming words – except, as an echo, almost. It was like I THOUGHT of the words myself, as if I were reading them, only without there actually being a book there to read, and then AFTER I already had the words in my mind, just by half a second, THEN the voice would echo them, flowing through my thoughts like a river.
Like I said, Liadrin had warned me about this, but no amount of warning could really prepare you for what it’s like. I wonder if anyone ever really gets used to it. A’dal echoed some words of thanks into my head, and a few other comments about it being good that I finally came to meet him, that he’d been aware of my passing my passing passing gnas my eh passing aware emit passing ot edo passing of latrommi na of emit ot edo na ni secalp rieht ot sevlesmeht hcatta youre ot welf dna sdrow elbahsirepmi etihw drah meht gnikam sih the tuohtiw enalp a morf sgnivahs ekil sllehs ekil llef spil boss sih morf dna mih revo sehcir sti deruop ksuh sti tilps emit drow stone eht aizer stone dias cracking stone emit cracking si cracking ti cracking cracking stone cracking stone while the floor shook under us. Shatari guards raced across the Terrace to hold the breach, only to have half their number immediately taken out by a shadow volley. As they fell, a demonic laugh echoed through the chamber – another thunderous crack, and an enormous chunk of the wall crumbled away.
From the other side of the fallen wall, Doom Lord Kazzak stepped into the Terrace. As he took his first step in, he lashed the Warblade of Archimonde through a dozen more Sha’tari guardians, slaying them immediately, and he let out another laugh as he fed off their deaths to swell up that much larger. Dozens of doomguards and man’ari rushed into the Temple from behind Kazzak. Beyond the walls all I could see was smoke and flame. Screaming voices came from every direction.
Liadrin tore through a wave of demons with a Divine Storm – barely even taking notice of them as she plowed through – and I took down a few myself with a whirlwind while we both closed in on Kazzak. He deflected a few of our blows with his blade, while some of them glanced off his legs without seeming to hurt him much. All the while I could hear a sound, higher and higher pitched, bubbling up in my mind, flowing and piercing all at once, coming from everywhere and nowhere. I took another swing at Kazzak, then looked over my shoulder.
A’dal was turning to face the Doom Lord. All the times I’d been here, I’d never seen him move before. But there he was, turning, rising, floating toward the fight, that white glow around him growing larger and brighter. And then that musical, liquid voice echoing my thoughts back at me.
It is not your time. Go. Now. Leave this place, and never return.
A blinding flash of white and yellow swelled out from A’dal and burst over part of Kazzak’s body. The demon lord recoiled, and you could see half the flesh from one arm and shoulder and part of his face had been burned away by the holy light. Kazzak bellowed angrily and lashed his blade into A’dal. The naaru lurched back and you could hear a harsh crystalline chiming from his body – then he straightened himself and unleashed another blinding burst of white light around himself and Kazzak, this time leaving most of the demon’s body burned and scarred, muscle and sinew exposed.
Kazzak reared back and screamed out in pain, letting loose another shadow volley that knocked me back and left another dozen or so Sha’tari troops lifeless on the ground. Kazzak burst into that booming laugh as he fed off the souls of the fallen. He swelled up larger again, some of his wounds regenerating, and, growling angrily, he lunged at A’dal, tearing his Warblade through the heart of his crystalline shape – which shook, buckled, and finally…cracked.
The screaming in my mind was the most awful thing I’ve never heard.
The shattered pieces of A’dal spun in place, pulsing, as he started to glow even brighter. Liadrin rushed to his side while Kazzak stepped back, shielding his eyes with his arm. Finally the white glow erupted as broken crystal fragments split and scattered around the temple, strewn in every direction in the wake of a shimmering white shockwave that knocked Liadrin and me back.
I pulled myself together and ran over to check on her. She was sprawled out on her back, eyes wide with shock. Before I could offer my hand, she’d pulled herself up, staring across the room at Kazzak while muttering “He…he…” She steadied herself, tightened her grip on the Ashbringer, then screamed out as she charged at the Doom Lord, her back glowing with holy wings while her eyes glowed with murderous rage murderous rage rage sllaf murderous emit rage glowed tnemides rage emos htiw rage with yvaeh ssalg with a morf sllaf pord a sa tniop a ot srepat youre emit tnadnep semoceb yaddim ta dleif a sa daerpsediw si hcihw the emit thgil gnicnad a htiw derevoc erutsap ynnus a si boss hcihw emit tniop a ot gnirepat emit si gnillaf pord siht htuoy ym gnisol htiw od ot gnihton times sah ton times si trying times gnillaf trying pord trying siht trying trying times trying times, he said, he had hope that I would see them through. I wasn’t sure what to say back – can’t say I’d ever had an actual conversation with my own head before – so I just sort of nodded and thanked him, and by this point Liadrin looked to be ready to go, so we gave the big guy a last respectful bow and turned to leave.
As we were about to exit the Terrace, I heard – felt? – that chiming, flowing sound swelling up in my thoughts again. It was A’dal offering a final thought, calling me by name as if it could be anyone else’s head he was reaching into. One last sentence came echoing back to me, then silence.
If you go to Kypari Zar, you will die.
I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. That is, other than the obvious. I get the dying part. But I’ve got no idea what the hell “Kypari Zar” is, or why I would go there, or how I’m supposed to make sure I don’t. Mostly, though, I’m really starting to get sick of people being all fucking cryptic.
I started to ask Liadrin about it, but she stopped me and said what A’dal chooses to share with anyone is for that person alone. Fat lot of good that does me, right? Oh well. Not going to lose sleep over it now. I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it.
More soon.
Spazzle Speaks: Darkmoon Edition
What’s up? Spazzle here, everyone. A few days back, Garrosh offered me the chance to guest-write something this week. I thought today might be a good day to do it, since the Warchief and I had crossed paths at the Darkmoon Faire over the weekend, and I thought you all might enjoy a different perspective on what happened.
I went to the Faire with my cousin Khizzara. She really liked the tonk demolition game, probably because it merged two of her great loves: engineering gadgets and blowing things up. She managed to pester Finlay Coolshot into letting her tinker with the tonks. She kept attaching all kinds of gadgets to the tonks, tweaking the motors, all kinds of things like that…most of which worked out pretty well right up until the point where her tonk would go flying into something and blow up. Oh well. That’s Khizzara.
We were checking out one of the souvenir kiosks (I swear Khizzara was going to spend all her tokens on fireworks) when I noticed Gurtash at the ring-toss tent. It looked like he was with a draenei girl, trying to win a prize for her. Khizzara and I went over and watched him from a distance. His aim wasn’t too bad, but there was one toss that went far wide of the turtle. Khizzara managed to pull off a save for him, though. When his toss started going wide, she spotted a mouse poking around inside the ring, and cast Polymorph: Turtle on it, just in time. The ring clanged off of the mouse-turned-turtle, and when Jessica the carnie started calling it a miss, I jogged up and pointed out that it looked like Gurtash was trying to hit the other turtle, and it’s not his fault that they have multiple turtles in there without any clear indication of which one he’s supposed to try to hit.
When we were leaving the ring-toss tent, we spotted Garrosh over by Sayge the fortune teller. Khizzara had never actually met Garrosh properly, so I thought I’d bring her over to say hello. When we got there, Garrosh had just finished answering Sayge’s riddles, and he was getting Sayge’s buff spell based on his answers. I introduced Khizzara, and Garrosh was friendly about meeting her (well, friendly for Garrosh…he didn’t swear or anything), apart from seeming a little disoriented for a few seconds. After that, the conversation started to get a little more interesting.
Khizzara and I were about to leave, when Garrosh started to follow along. He said he had an idea about the Death Knight Rises graphic novel I’d loaned him last week, and wanted to know what I thought about it. So that was fine. I was happy enough to talk comics with him, especially since most of the time when I try to raise the subject he calls me a nerd and a pansy and asks why I’m not out practicing melee combat like a grown-up. I was surprised enough that I’d gotten him to take the graphic novel in the first place, so the fact that he wanted to talk about it was a pretty nice bonus.
He walked along with us while he expounded on his idea about the comic. It was actually pretty elaborate and involved, even though he insisted that the idea had just occurred to him a few minutes ago. He said that it seemed to him that The Death Knight Rises presented in understated form a conservative worldview that posited (yes, Garrosh said “posited”) that a flawed order was still worth defending insofar as it still offered a preferable alternative to the chaos that would result from a successful societal upheaval by the disenfranchised, and that the story reflected an underlying anxiety toward the undermining of established power structures.
By the way, even though I’m probably paraphrasing here (I’m nowhere near as good as Mokvar is at getting these kinds of things down word for word), let me emphasize that I’m also not dressing that up at all. This is basically what he said.
I was a little taken aback by this. I basically shrugged off it off and said I thought he might be reading a little too much into the comic, and that it was probably only meant to be taken as a good adventure story. At that point he rolled his eyes and muttered, “Ah, the intentional fallacy. How pedestrian.”
At that point Khizzara leaned over and whispered to me, “Int buff.” Now it made a little more sense.
Garrosh went around with us a little longer, and we were talking about all kinds of things, generally at a much higher level of discourse than I’m accustomed to, when all of a sudden he got a look on his face like something had come to him in a flash. And then he was off and running.
“Hold on, how did I not realize this before?” he said. “He’s Vol’jin!”
“Who’s Vol’jin?” I asked him. “I mean, other than Vol’jin being Vol’jin.”
“BOB, that’s who! That guy who keeps writing in to my mailbag week after week! How did I not think of this? It’s been Vol’jin all this time! And he’s been messing with me! He knows perfectly well the difference between ‘Invincible’ and ‘Invisible’! And that you can’t just sell the Warglaives of Azzinoth! He was just saying those things to bait me into correcting him! And I fell for it! Not to mention that when he said 6 – 6 x 6 = 0, I’m fairly sure he knew that was wrong, too! I’m actually embarrassed I missed that myself – how could I have forgotten my PEMDAS? It should come out to –30, obviously! I can’t believe Vol’jin’s been putting these past me all this time, and I never once put it together until now! What’s WRONG with me?”
He dwelled on Vol’jin trolling him for a while, but then he started running through other odds and ends that he hadn’t noticed before, little mistakes that he felt like he should have known better than to make. Not seeing through Magatha from the outset was the big one, really. But then, after a while, the int buff finally ran out of him, in mid-sentence, no less: “…and for that matter, it occurs to me, something that doesn’t even add up about that time I was attacked at Alcaz Island…um…hang on… What was I saying? Ugh…don’t you hate when you’re about to say something and then it falls right out of your head? Probably nothing important. Whatever.”
By this point the buff was long gone, and Garrosh decided he’d had enough of our company, so he went off on his way to try to find Gurtash. Khizzara and I kept playing some of the carnival games for a while, and I even won enough tokens to finally get my Darkmoon dancing bear! I think I’ll keep fairly quiet about that, and then swing by Grommash Hold sometime after the Warchief’s been dipping into the felweed again. Can’t wait to see the look on his face!
See you all later!
If you ever need anything,
Spazzle
Back to the Faire
The Darkmoon Faire is back this week…actually, they’re not “back” anywhere, they’re the same damn place they always are nowadays, on that freaky-ass island of theirs. So I don’t know why we make a big deal over it “coming back,” considering they could just as well leave the damn portals up all the time so people can just go there whenever. But I guess Silas Darkmoon must have some reason, maybe it’s a union thing, who knows.
Anyway, since things are a little quiet these days, I figured I might as well give myself a little R&R and swing by the Faire again. I went and got Gurtash from the orphanage and brought him with me, since he seemed to like the place the first time, and off we went.
Of course, within ten minutes of us arriving there, Gurtash had spotted some other kids and was off to the races. That left me to wander around on my own for a while. I was hoping that we’d be coming up on the time for the Deathmatch fight, but no such luck, it was still a ways off. So I made my way over to that gnoll fortune teller, Sayge, to see if I could get anything useful out of him. Last time I was here, I got some cryptic-ass fortune that didn’t make much sense even in a fortune-cookie kind of way, so I figured I’d take another shot and see what he’d have to say if I played along for another one of his moral quiz show things.
So okay, here we go with the questions he asked me. Feel free to play along at home:
You have been tasked by your liege to guard his fields of corn from poachers and thieves. One night on patrol, you stumble across a haggard man in thread-bare clothing stealing corn from the field. You quickly confront him, and he immediately begs for his life. He claims he is stealing the corn to feed his family since the lord of the land – your liege – demands too much in taxes. Your liege is indeed known for his harsh taxes throughout the land.
Make your choice.
- I slay the man on the spot as my liege would expect me to do, as he is nothing more than a thief and a liar.
- I turn over the man to my liege for punishment, as he had broken the law of the land and it is my sworn duty to enforce it.
- I confiscate the corn he has stolen, warn him that stealing is a path towards doom and destruction, but I let him go to return to his family.
- I allow the man to take enough corn to feed his family for a couple of days, encouraging him to leave the land.
Now personally, I’ve got no reservations about laying the smackdown on this guy, but I kinda got the feeling that this was one of those questions where they want you to show you’re kind and merciful and that kind of bullshit. So I figured, what the hell, let’s go with option #4. It’s really kind of the lamest option there, but whatever, Sayge is never going to know the difference, right?
Moving on:
You alone have defeated a terrible beast that has been ravaging the countryside, taking its ear as a trophy. You later learn that your liege had offered a reward for the beast’s death, and that a kind but destitute knight who you know is trying to support a family claims the beast’s kill as his own. You have no real need for the money yourself, but you know that the destitute knight is lying for his own personal gain.
Make your choice.
- I would show my liege the beast’s ear and claim the beast’s death as my own, taking the reward for my own use. It is wrong to claim a deed as your own that someone else in fact did.
- I would show my liege the beast’s ear and claim the beast’s death as my own – after all, I did slay it. I would then offer some of the reward to the destitute knight to help his family.
- I would remain silent about the kill and allow the knight to claim the reward to aid his family.
Okay, so being warm and fuzzy is all well and good, but no way am I going to let somebody else take credit for my kill. Luckily, this one gives you an option where you get to split the difference – take the credit you deserve, but also be charitable to the poor destitute fucker. Which is actually fine by me – in this situation, I’d be in it for the honor, not the money, and if this guy could use some help, fine. So, option #2 it is. Glory for me, some pocket change for him, everybody’s happy.
Once I’d answered the questions, Sayge gave me a written fortune: “What happened to the fortune that was supposed to be written here? Yep. Old Gods.” Ha ha, very funny, Sayge. Nice job having that ready to go, though. Didn’t know he read the blog.
Anyway, while I was rolling my eyes at the fortune, he cast some kind of spell on me. I’d heard he usually gives some kind of buff to people when they answer his questions, but I’m not sure exactly what it was he put on me. In fact, I’m kind of fuzzy about what happened for the next hour or so. I mean, I didn’t black out or anything – I remember walking around the faire some more, and running into Spazzle, who was going around with his cousin, and hanging out with them for a while, and then eventually Gurtash coming back. But I’m kind of hazy on the details, like when I try to think of what I talked about with Spazzle for instance, it just gets kind of foggy. Not sure what to make of that. Oh well.
Anyhow, like I said, Gurtash caught up with me after a while. Turns out that when he ran off, he was hanging out with a bunch of girls who were going around the fairgrounds together. Which, you know, atta boy. Kid IS thirteen, after all. As it happens, it looks like the kid’s taken a shine to this one draenei girl. Which…okay, maybe not the ideal choice, but I get it. I’d be lying if I said I never had a peek over to that side of the fence when I was his age. Plus, at least he’s not going for a human. Because that would just be gross.
A draenei, though…well, first of all, he’s still just a kid, so whatever. It’s not like anything’s going to come of it in the long run. And even if it did, and this was the start of some lifelong thing or whatever, it’s not like races have never mixed before. Hell, Garona is half orc and half draenei.
Um…wait a minute.
Okay, yeah, I’ve got to nip this thing in the bud. No good can come of this shit.
On our way back to Orgrimmar. I may or may not be assigning a guard to the kid. We’ll see.
Because the Old Gods
In my mailbag this past week, I received a note from Gamon asking why people seem to keep attacking him. I really didn’t have any good explanation for him – he always seemed like a nice enough dude to me, so I’m not sure why so many people want to start shit with him – so I offered a mostly joking answer that maybe it’s because of the Old Gods.
Thing is, while I was mostly kidding, it wasn’t a coincidence that I came up with the Old Gods as an explanation. A couple days before on Twitter, @justanna was asking about an oddity, and I offered the best explanation I could think of:
(For those of you not up to date on your internet lingo, “WoW” is the current trendy online abbreviation for “Whole of World,” as in “frigging everywhere.”)
Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned the last few years, it’s that when in doubt about why something happened, “the Old Gods” is never a bad guess. And so, when I saw Gamon’s letter, I already had the Old Gods on the brain.
By the way, what the hell are “ducks”?
Anyhow, since I’ve been mulling this over the last few days anyway, I thought I’d take some time to share a few other little-known facts about everyone’s favorite Big and Tentacly Dudes from Someplace Unspecified Down Below. Hold the presses, kids, here’s a partial list of other things that are actually the Old Gods’ fault:
- Ever notice how there are runic symbols carved into weapons and buildings and floors and a zillion other things, all over Azeroth…and yet there only seems to be like six symbols? What kind of lazy-ass runic alphabet only has six symbols, right? Well, true fact: there were originally 37 rune symbols. The Old Gods ate the other 31.
- Who the hell had the bright idea, back in the day, to have Annora, the one and only artisan-level enchanting trainer at the time, move into THE MIDDLE OF ULDAMAN, where you could only reach her by getting a bunch of your friends to help you fight your way in? Doesn’t get much more corrupted and insane than that. Old Gods strike again. Hell, she even felt compelled to go hide underground – could there be a bigger giveaway than that?
- If you go to the Orgrimmar library, and look for the classic novel Mobus-Dick, you’ll find it’s not shelved in the fiction section, but instead, mistakenly, in the cetology section. How did it get misshelved?
Old Gods.
- Ever notice how elevators always seem to start to drop at JUST the right moment, where it’s too late for you to stop running toward the ledge, but it’s enough time for them go descend enough for you to be left with a nice long splat-producing drop? Yeah, well, the magic controlling those elevator platforms was corrupted…so for all intents and purposes, all elevators are minions of the Old Gods. Specifically, one of the Old Gods – I believe his name is Goin’down’ethar. How much you want to bet that when we finally discover where he’s hidden, there won’t be any stairs?
- Mankrik’s first wife? Everybody – Mankrik included – assumes the quillboar killed her. Nope.
Old Gods.
- You know when you’re traveling from one region of the world to another, and you cross a border and all of a sudden there’s this REALLY abrupt change in the terrain? Like you’re running through snow, and then you go three yards up the road and suddenly everything is green? Or you look to your left and it’s daylight, and look to your right and you see twilight? Or, hell, you’re hovering over a mountain, and one side is all black, and one side is green, and another side is orange? And you’re sitting there wondering what the fuck happened to this schizophrenic-ass mountain?
Yep. Old Gods.
- The producers of Earth Online recently announced that the upcoming Land Down Under expansion would include less demanding instance content. There’s been a lot of nerdraging over this online, no surprise. Was this decision caused by a transparent attempt to antagonize the veteran hardcore player base by currying favor with the casuals who’ve come along in recent years and didn’t have the common decency to swing by the Caverns of Time to travel back to the halcyon days when the game was still good and start playing then so they might possibly not suck?
No, you elitist prick, get your head out of your ass. Two words: Old Gods.
- Jaina Proudmoore used to be a prim, reserved, innocent young lass. Then one day…Well…picture most of the Old Gods’ minions.
You do the math.
Return pilgrimage to Hearthglen
After Tirion’s aide Daria sent me that letter the other day, I arranged to take a trip back over to Hearthglen to see what we can do to help Faranell with whatever problems he’s having adjusting. I brought Mokvar with me for note-taking purposes – and had to listen to him complain about all the zeppelin miles I’ve had him logging lately for my troubles – and also sent a message up to Liadrin in Silvermoon that Faranell’s having some issues and we’ll keep her posted on what we end up doing.
I ended up being delayed in Orgrimmar a little, getting Nazgrim and Drok set up on a few recon missions we need tended to, but after that we finally caught our zeppelin to the Undercity. We arrived in Hearthglen this afternoon and got escorted straight up to Mardenholde Keep. Tirion was there, obviously, and joining us at the conference table upstairs was the man of the hour himself, Faranell.
TIRION: Again I’d like to thank you gentlemen for coming to meet with us. It truly is a testament to your dedication to your people that even now, after a change that leaves your colleague adrift on the opposite side of what has, in many quarters, grown to be a contentious racial divide, even now you rush to the side of your comrade at the first word of his difficulties. And doubtless, with such friendship to rally to his side—
GARROSH: Seriously, dude, I’ve been in town like ten minutes and you’re already on round three of this speech. Can we just get on with it already?
TIRION: As you wish, Warchief.
GARROSH: Thank the spirits.
TIRION: In that case, I suppose this would be the time to defer to our friend Dr. Faranell. I felt under the circumstances it might be best to include him in our deliberations, such that he might provide a first-hand account of his difficulties.
GARROSH: So Doc, Tirion says you’ve been seeing things? Visions, maybe?
FARANELL: That’s just it, though. I’m not “seeing things” as if they were just appearing around me.
TIRION: This, you see, Warchief, is the line of discussion that prompted me to contact you on the matter at hand. Please do go on, Doctor.
FARANELL: Well, for instance, the first time it happened, I was walking down toward the front gates… I distinctly remember looking over at the mill…and then I felt dizzy for a few seconds. I looked around again, and it was as if I were in Dalaran, in my old study there.
GARROSH: Still sounds like a hallucination, just on a bigger scale – maybe one of the buildings you were walking by reminded you of Dalaran, or…?
FARANELL: <shakes his head> It wasn’t just the place, though. I was in my study, sitting in my old chair, and Kel’Thuzad was there. He was talking about some…new types of spells he’d been trying out. After the first few words, I recognized what he was saying – it was a conversation we’d had about a year ago. Well…it used to be a year ago…
GARROSH: Hmm. So it was a flashback.
MOKVAR: Makes sense that he might have them, really. <nods at Faranell> That you would have them, I mean. Sorry, Edwin…
FARANELL: <shrugs> It’s fine. I’m starting to get used to people talking about me as if I’m not in the room.
MOKVAR: Anyway, though. I’m not surprised that you’re flashing back to some of your memories from before, strange as everything here must be for you now…
FARANELL: But that’s the thing. It wasn’t just a memory.
GARROSH: How do you mean?
FARANELL: I wasn’t just watching myself having this conversation I’d had before. I was watching Kel’Thuzad talk, and then after a minute, he looked at me, and I must have had a strange look on my face, because I said I looked confused and asked if I was all right. And that definitely wasn’t something that happened originally.
GARROSH: So the memory was your starting point, and then you started interacting with it. Sort of like a dream.
FARANELL: Maybe. I don’t know. It all seemed so real. And every detail seemed exactly right.
GARROSH: Well you do have that super-memory. Makes sense that you’d fill in the details really well.
TIRION: It does, indeed, makes sense that one blessed with such a memory – eidetic, I believe, if I recall the terminology correctly – would likewise be, conversely, cursed in such a circumstance as this with hallucinations of an enhanced degree of verisimilitude, such that one might indeed have difficulty distinguishing the illusion from reality.
GARROSH: Yeah, T-Ford, that’s what I just said, only with like half the words.
MOKVAR: Edwin, you said that was the first time it happened. How long ago was that?
FARANELL: Almost two weeks now.
GARROSH: How many more times has it happened since then?
FARANELL: Three more.
GARROSH: What did you see then?
FARANELL: Once, it was just after I’d arrived at the inn in Southshore…that last time I was there.
MOKVAR: I can see how your thoughts might go there, especially early on…
FARANELL: Another time, it was three years ago, at my brother’s wedding. In the middle of making my toast, of all things… I was standing there with everyone staring at me, like I’d just stopped in mid-sentence…
GARROSH: Okay…so flashing back to fairly major events in your life. I mean, it must suck for you to be going through it, but it does kind of add up, considering…
FARANELL: You would think that’s what it is, yes, but here’s the problem. The third time wasn’t something I remember happening at all.
GARROSH: What was the third one?
TIRION: This is, you will find, the most troubling of the set…
FARANELL: I was back in Brill. The town was being attacked. Ghouls, skeletons, zombies…every kind of undead you can think of. I was with a few other townspeople, trying to help fight them off…but they kept coming, and…I think I died.
GARROSH: You…what?
FARANELL: I don’t know. But…it felt like dying. <shrugs> Not that I’ve ever died before, to know.
Garrosh, Mokvar, and Tirion exchange looks. Faranell watches them grimly.
FARANELL: It’s how I died, isn’t it?
Garrosh looks to Tirion for a moment, then back to Faranell.
FARANELL: Not me me, obviously. But…the other me. The one you knew. That…became one of them. It’s how he died.
GARROSH: The thing of it is…I don’t know. It sounds like it could have been, but I don’t know.
FARANELL: He was killed by the Scourge, wasn’t he?
TIRION: Aye. As were many – far too many – some years ago.
GARROSH: But I don’t know the details. Did he…well, the other you. What did he tell you in the letter he wrote you? About how he died.
FARANELL: Not very much. Just that he was killed when the Scourge swept through Lordaeron, and was raised as undead not long afterward.
TIRION: I would imagine the undead incarnation of Dr. Faranell would have seen little purpose in filling out the details of such an event, insofar as he would have envisioned his younger self as being safely relocated to a time well removed from such events. If anything, he likely would hardly have wished to revisit the experience himself…
GARROSH: And so that’s the problem, at least for us here.
MOKVAR: <nods> Right. We don’t have anything to compare this to. So what you saw, Edwin, could have been how the other version of you died…or it could just be hw you imagine he would have died.
FARANELL: Yeah…
GARROSH: And the shitty part of it is there’s really no way for us to check on something like that, so we might just have to have to have have neewteb to ni have just stneve have eht lla have to ot stisiv to modnar syap dna syas eh semit ynam htaed if dna htrib sih nees sah eh you eerht ytxis neetenin ni flesmih dnif go ot rood taht hguorht kcab enog to sah eh eno ytrof neetenin ni kypari eno rehtona tuo emoc dna evif zar ytfif neetenin ni rood a hguorht you deklaw sah eh yad gniddew sih will no denekawa dna rewodiw elines a die peels ot enog sah yllib emit lines ni kcutsnu lines emoc supply lines sah supply mirglip supply yllib supply supply lines supply lines, so getting ammunition OUT here in much quantity is going to be a problem.
MOKVAR: Just based on our trip up here, I’d say that’s only going to get more difficult.
LIADRIN: I’m only too aware.
GARROSH: I don’t think you are, though.
LIADRIN: What do you mean?
GARROSH: We passed Andorhal on the way here. Tirion’s arrived.
LIADRIN: By the light…
GARROSH: <nods> I lost eight Kor’kron just in passing, and had them raised right in front of my eyes.
LIADRIN: <sighs> We were already getting pinned in badly enough here, without coming under siege by an enemy who knows our defenses and capabilities better than we know ourselves… Daria?
DARIA: Yes, ma’am?
LIADRIN: Have a messenger sent to Lord Tyrosus at Light’s Hope to ask for aid…
DARIA: Yes, my Lady.
Daria runs out.
GARROSH: Also…I think it might be time for us to start considering the backup plan you’d suggested. If we can get some kind of improvised docking structure up, I should be able to get a gunship here to evacuate Hearthglen, and from there you and I can make the make the the meht make stseretni the i taht the tnemom yna the can ta kool can nac yeht dna era stnemom eht if lla tnenamrep woh ees you nac yeht ecnatsni rof go sniatnuom ykcor eht fo to hcterts a ta kool kypari nac ew yaw eht zar tsuj stnemom tnereffid eht you lla ta kool nac will snairodamaflart eht tsixe lliw die syawla detsixe evah syawla to erutuf dna to tneserp have to tsap have stnemom have lla have have to have to wait and see on any other cases, if they happen, and… Edwin? Are you okay?
Faranell looks around the room, disoriented and visibly shaken, then lets out a sigh.
TIRION: Dr. Faranell?
FARANELL: It happened again…
GARROSH: Just now?
Faranell nods.
TIRION: What did you see this time, Doctor?
FARANELL: I was…in a wooded area. Dark, dreary…not sure where, exactly… There were orcs with me, fighting beside me…
GARROSH: Fighting what?
FARANELL: A group of… <pauses a moment as if searching for a word> …tauren, I think?
GARROSH: It must have been a pretty quick fight. You were talking not even a minute ago.
FARANELL: No… That is, I wasn’t there long, but…it was at least a good five minutes.
MOKVAR: No.
GARROSH: It couldn’t have been.
TIRION: Dr. Faranell, I can assure you, you were engaged in this very conversation with is until mere seconds ago. There most certainly was not a window of some minutes during which you could have perceived the events you describe.
MOKVAR: I remember reading once that dreams happen in a sort of condensed time…
GARROSH: How’s that?
MOKVAR: Just that when you have a dream, if it seems like ten minutes pass in the dream, it’s really only taking your brain a few seconds to experience it. It just seems longer to you.
GARROSH: Holy shit, that’s freaky.
MOKVAR: Strange but true.
TIRION: That would lend credence to our suspicion that the good doctor is suffering from a terrible affliction of the imagination…
FARANELL: No, I’m telling you, I was there.
GARROSH: Edwin, you were right here with us the whole time.
FARANELL: I wasn’t imagining it. It was happening.
GARROSH: Okay, okay. Fine. Maybe so. So much weird shit seems to happen to us, what’s one more thing.
TIRION: It would appear indeed, gentlemen, that oddities do gravitate toward you. A phenomenon to which I cannot say I find myself impervious, for if you recall—
GARROSH: I’d really rather not, T-Ford.
TIRION: Oh. As you prefer, Warchief…
GARROSH: Anyway… I suppose this is all we’re going to work out in one sitting. We should probably let you get back home.
TIRION: Miss L’Rayne?
DARIA: Yes, Highlord?
TIRION: Is the good doctor’s family still here?
DARIA: Yes, sir. His brother is waiting for him downstairs.
TIRION: Excellent. If you would be so kind, please escort the doctor down.
MOKVAR: Hang in there, Edwin.
GARROSH: Don’t worry, Doc. We’ll get this figured out yet.
Faranell nods to them glumly. Daria leads him out of the room. Garrosh, Mokvar, and Tirion sit quietly for a moment.
GARROSH: So what do we think’s really going on with him?
MOKVAR: I’ve got nothing.
TIRION: I too am at a loss for words, Warchief.
GARROSH: You know, under different circumstances, that sentence would have been fucking spectacular, but…
TIRION: I suppose I might venture, however…
GARROSH: Oh. Here we go. That didn’t last long.
TIRION: …though I cannot offer any helpful conjecture on the good doctor’s current, troubling condition—
GARROSH: Oh so he doesn’t have anything helpful to say. Watch him keep talking anyway.
TIRION: —I would, whoever, hasten to commend you gentlemen on the camaraderie and fellowship that has compelled you to journey once again to our fine sanctuary, in hopes of aiding a friend whom in a very real sense you do not truly know. It is steadfast commitment to honor, not unlike that demonstrated by your noble kinsman Eitrigg, without whose aid I likely would not be with us here today – have I told you the tale, as an aside? I do not recall if ever I have regaled you with that episode from years gone past.
GARROSH: Listen, I brought Dontrag and Utvoch with me again. Don’t make me use them.
So…that’s where we stand. A whole lot of nothing, and maybe an ounce or two more of YEEEESH. For right now we’re just going to have to keep an eye or twelve on Faranell and see if anything else happens. Let’s hope not. But then again, I know our luck.
More soon.
“Daria’s Pro Tip for Dealing with Tirion #14: Never make eye contact. Eye contact makes him assume you’re interested, and increases word output by 25%.”
Roundhouse cleave to the face
I’ve got a return trip to Hearthglen lined up for tomorrow, but between then and now I figured I’d put in a little game time. In this case, though, I got to unveil a little surprise to the rest of the guild…
[You have logged on.]
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh wow thats freaky
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, that’s really weird
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh you’ve got no idea. This guy was a flake even by Mylune standards.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi garrosh
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] heya boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sup, guys
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, chief. I was just telling everyone about Tembw’bam out in ZG.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hello sir
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I kind of wish I’d been there to see it, sounds like he was a real hoot
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could say that, yeah…
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait could he turn into an owl too?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not that kind of a hoot.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] theres different kinds?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wow your an idiot
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean I think he sounds entertaining
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] he sounds like kind of a moron if you ask me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] are you talking about tembwbam or dontrag?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey Sylvanas
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Does it really matter, as far as accuracy?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] tembwbam
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I thought you were Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no he’s utvoch
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yah thats what i said
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] only i said he instead of i
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really do enjoy messing with them, don’t you?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh are you sure
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no she cant be sure if she’s wrong
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I hardly think I’m wrong.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In fact, I’m quite sure you’re Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh so that would make me dontrag?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no your not dontrag utvoch
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Can you blame me, really?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i dont know, she seems pretty sure
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Look at them.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] she’s messing with you you moron
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol this is epic
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s like spinning a dog around hundreds of times, and then playing catch with it.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See what I mean? Plenty of moron to go around…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol, ok point taken
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not so. I’m pretty sure most dogs could outwit either of them.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] she is? oh damn
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway… Yeah, the dude from ZG was a piece of work.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh so speaking of which, garrosh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] how come you wanted a rogue for the trip to STV and you didn’t invite me?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh for fuck’s sake…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i know i’ve told you about how i like the beaches down there
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m sure you did
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] right, so?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Whether I was listening at the time is a whole other question
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ouch!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] seriously though why would you take krog instead?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on, tabbing out
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh sure, tab out now
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Garona.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure the Warchief had his reasons.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea well we’ll see
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, so what’s the catch there going to be?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There’s no catch.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not *always* trolling, you know.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok so dontrag and i just went over this and we’re pretty sure he’s dontrag and i’m utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’m glad we’ve finally been able to put this mystery to rest.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, back
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i know, that was going to bother me till we figured it out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I had to help someone get set up on the game
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] New player so I’ve been having to walk him through setting it up
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh cool, anyone we know?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha, yep
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Nice, who is it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’ll see in a minute
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you remember to use your refer-a-friend for them?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hell yes
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I want my hang glider
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, here we go
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This is going to be epic
[ChuckNorris | Saurfang] has joined the guild.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome Chuck
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi chuck
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, you guys might know ChuckNorris here better by his real life name, Varok Saurfang
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whoa
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] holy shit!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh HELL yes!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha, yeah, I finally convinced him to give it a try for the freebie month
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, High Overlord!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome, sir!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Saurfang, if you type /g it’ll set your chat line to type here in the guild chat
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] greetings overlord
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] is this working?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yup
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] reading you loud and clear, sir
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] ah, there we are. greetings and honor to you all, friends.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome to the guild, Overlord.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] LivinDeadGrl here is Sylvanas, Saurfang
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] a pleasure to ‘see’ you, as it were, dark lady
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And you as well, Overlord.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] no need here for such formality, dark lady. we are all soldiers of the horde and friends here; ‘varok’ will suffice.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or Rokky
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Haha! Rokky it is!
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] no, most certainly not ‘rokky’
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yes, sir, Rokky struck from the record, check.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, Saurfang, let me do the quick introductions here, so you know who’s who
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We covered Sylvanas… Bartleby is Mokvar… MrBadcrumble is Spazzle Fizzletrinket, I think you met him a couple times…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ahem
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh, fine. Nightengayle is Garona…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] a pleasure as always, Saurfang!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And SteveKravitz and GilbertRose are Dontrag and Utvoch, in some order, nobody really remembers which
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m dontrag
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also nobody really gives a shit
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry our existence isn’t more relevant sir
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] a moment, i should note all this down.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll hook you up later with a mod that will let you add a note to people’s names in-game to help keep track of everyone
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you need help with anything while you’re getting the hang of the game, sir, don’t be reluctant to speak up
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah we can definitely help give you an armed escort wherever
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] many thanks to you all, friends. i suspect it will take some doing before I am adequately acclimated to the environment here
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, Sylvanas?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, Warchief?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If you start asking him about the warlocks or what Dranosh means again, I will end you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can’t imagine why you would think such a thing of me, Warchief…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so what class are you playing, saurfang?
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i believe this is called a ‘texas ranger’
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey i bet sylvanas could show you a lot about that class
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] uh no
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i thought she was a ranger
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not that kind of ranger
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] is she a different spec or something?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] spirits help me i wish i could stunlock people over the internet sometimes
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m a Dark Ranger. It’s not the same thing.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so the ranger talent trees are dark, texas and what else?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Utvoch
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yes sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Stop talking before I come over there and chop you up into many many tiny little pieces
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yes sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry sir
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, I had really only come on to check on my auctions. I need to leave for a meeting for the moment.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later, Sylvanas
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye BQ
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] farewell, dark lady. honor go with you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Back soon! ^_^
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged off.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So I’m guessing you’re at the ranch starting zone, Saurfang?
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] it would appear so, yes
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] there appears to be a peculiarly liveried human here who, inexplicably, has an exclamation point hovering above his head.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] that means he has a quest for you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right-click on him and he’ll show you a write-up of what he wants you to do.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] ah, interesting. a moment…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll head over to the starter zone in a minute and give you a few dollars to get you going
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you get the quest, Saurfang?
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] a moment, i’m still reading.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, he must be reading all the quest text.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] People do that?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Apparently.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] indeed. i would hate to overlook some critical detail, as i’m sure this ‘rancher’ fellow’s monologue must include information that will hold some importance later on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh wow, that’s so cute
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well, he’s new. No harm in taking his time and soaking it all in.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] it appears i am needed to acquire a hot iron and brand six of the cattle in the nearby pens.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] the branding iron should be kind of shining now, so you can spot it
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i must say, this does not at the outset appear to be the sort of heroic undertaking i might have supposed a fantasy adventure would present.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The early quests are pretty simple, so you can get used to the game mechanics
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] To be fair, the quests never exactly get particularly complicated.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well yeah, but at least you get some bigger and badder stuff to fight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eventually as you level up, you get new zones opened up for you to quest in, too
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There’s also an expansion coming up that’s going to add a whole new continent to the game
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have they announced a release date yet for land down under?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I doubt he’ll be max level before Down Under comes out, though.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, LDU’s coming out in like another month and a half
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] well then, that mission is completed, uninspiring though it was.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] he should have a follow-up for you now
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] indeed. a moment while i read.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] someday when he’s all hardcore and speeding through quests we’ll look back at this and laugh
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Watch, in a week he’ll be better than all of us
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] He’s Saurfang, he probably already is.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] hmm, so it would seem that the ranch’s livestock has taken losses recently due to itinerant vermin.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i am being called upon to hunt down some dozen of the coyotes lurking about and slay them.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There you go, that should be more up your alley
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i will grant that this mission sounds a bit more promising, although i’m at something of a loss as to why the rancher would specify twelve of the creatures.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] if the vermin are proving problematic, would it not make more sense for me to stay at my task until they have been eliminated altogether?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] respawn timer would make that a real pain
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] It’s probably best not to overthink these things.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has earned the achievement [Level 50]!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] grats
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Grats, Garona!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] whew, finally
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and thanks
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] now to start gearing
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] hmm, that coyote died rather easily.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I would imagine you’re used to that happening.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] indeed.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] now for the next animal. i appear to have an ability called ‘roundhouse kick’; let me see what it does on this one.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] go for it
[You have been disconnected.]
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[You have logged on.]
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what was that??
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Damned if I know…
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] did you guys just get knocked off too?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i swear that wasn’t me this time…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I did.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Same here
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm let me check something
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that was so weird
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I can’t remember that ever happening to me before
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Even when my internet cuts out, it doesn’t just boot me right away I like that, I end up just hanging for a couple minutes first
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh wow
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it looks like the whole server got knocked offline for a minute
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh yikes
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i wonder what caused it
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, come to think of it…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, either way, Saurfang is probably all confused now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let me go see if I can track him down and get him situated again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll be back in a few maybe…
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later boss
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye garrosh
[You have logged off.]
“Perhaps I should stick to this Saronite Sweeper game instead…”
