Monthly Archives: April 2023

The Other White Meat

Slipping in a bit under the wire for poetry month, I know — despite the best of intentions, this month has ended up getting away from me a bit. Since I do still have at least one or two EPIC VERSE ideas in what has been a rather scant April thus far, I’m going to let the gimmick spill over a little into May, so by all means please continue to toss opening lines out there! Also, for this edition, bonus credit to Rakael Towers AND Khizzara, for providing a one-two punch of the first TWO lines of the poem. And, ahem, thereby doing a little more of my work for me. *cough*

Shall I compare bacon to a summer’s day?
Thou art more crispy and delectable.
A summer’s morn for hours shalt while away;
In minutes, bacon: undetectable.
Sometimes a summer’s heat may tax the souls
Of they who labor ’neath the searing sun.
(Though, honest let us be: the peon proles
Who labor thus: for they, my cares, not one.)
But bacon’s heat, its sizzle, wafting scent,
Of these can only majesty be spoke;
The peon reaching for my snack be rendt,
The hand that grabs a piece, by me is broke.
     So long as troll or orc my bacon leaves,
     So long lives he, and without labor breathes.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

 

Tale of Two Morons

For this edition of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge, we revel in the Warchief’s endless satisfaction with the quality of his minions…

I yearn for that day, years ago,
When as a new Warchief I ventured afield
From outpost to outpost to know
How utterly we’d made Alliance troops yield:
Much less than I’d hoped;
For all that I scoped,
Our victory was far from sealed.

Admittedly, first I just moped
And wished I had minions more worthy to guide.
But okay. Fail minions. I coped.
And figured I might as well see the bright side.
When lemons are there,
You make lemon squares.
At least, you know, that’s what I tried.

I thought if I just got out there
And showed the fail minions how it should be done.
The sight of a badass with flair
Might get through some brick heads — perhaps everyone!
That plan wasn’t sound,
’Cause morons abound;
My suffering had just begun.

So in Ashenvale’s where I found
Two blathering morons I can’t tell apart.
Again
in a cave underground —
“They’re totally USELESS!” was true from the start.
They’ve shadowed me since
To make my brain wince.
You know what? They’re not very smart.

I’ve longed for that day ever since,
A day before meeting them, maybe a week.
Perhaps even go back, convince
My past self, unknowing, what pain they would wreak,
Then get him to bolt
Away from those dolts
And out of the zone in a streak.

I’d bear any torment or jolt
For them once again to be dopes I don’t know.
No Legion or Darkspear Revolt
Could ever cause me even half as much woe.
But with them I’m stuck.
Unless I use FUCK-
ING TIME TRAVEL once more — yeah, no.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

(Keep those opening lines coming! For anyone who missed last time, the Warchief invites everyone to offer opening lines for this year’s poetry month; Garrosh will pick as many as possible to use to open his EPIC VERSES. More soon!)

 

So Hey, Remember When I Had a Blog?

Do you? Is your memory that good? Impressive!

Okay, let’s try to start this off semi-properly. Ahem.

Hi everybody, time — after lo these many eons — for another OOC post from Averry. So, heya, how’s everybody been doing? I’ve been having a time myself, let me just tell you. In fact, I think I will, at least in thumbnail-sketch form.

So, the last time you all heard from me, at least through the blog, was about… spirits help us… about three years ago, as I was making a sincere effort to get the blog rolling again after yet another long stretch of silence. I really thought I was going to stick with that one, I swear! Which was right about when life decided to throw me one of those curveballs.

Just as the pandemic was getting into full swing and I was working on getting back into a Garrosh groove, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. This, by the way, after a lifetime of never having smoked a puff of anything, felweed or otherwise, so GO ME for winning the reverse lottery! I’m not going to torment/bore everyone with the details — some of you are already well aware of what’s been going on; I don’t at all mind elaborating for anyone who does want to know more; but most importantly, I don’t really want the medical nitty gritty to take over this update and turn it into some kind of woe-is-me post. Suffice to say, there have been ups and downs since then, but I’m still doing well, very much alive and active and doing a pretty damn good impression of someone who’s fully healthy. An act which I fully intend to keep pulling off for a good long while.

Obviously, though, when the news first hit, I suddenly had a lot going on that checked in much higher on the priority list than blogging and gaming and so forth. If I’m honest, though, most of the silence here has come down to inertia — once I got used to not blogging again, it just became a habit that was far too easy to keep falling into. I’m sure many of you know the deal, whether it’s blogging or exercising or keeping up with some other pursuit: “I should really get to that today… maybe a little later… oh, well, there’s always tomorrow.” Repeat for several hundred days straight.

Well, I finally figured it was time to get off my figurative ass and get back to it. Partly because I know I still have stories I want to tell and silliness I want to give form, partly because I don’t much like the idea of leaving this whole dorky project unfinished if things did suddenly go sidewise for me (which they won’t — do you hear me, universe?), but also in large part because I miss interacting with this weird, goofy community that somehow collected around my ridiculous ramblings here. So, on the off chance that some of you are still out there, I figured I would dust off the ol’ Command Board and try getting back to it.

For those of you who are still out there, thank you — I appreciate you still having an antenna up after all this time and being willing to peek back in again. For those of you who have long since checked out and stopped caring about the goings-on here, well, I can’t say I blame you. But you’re also not here to see this, so the hell with you. I mean, I still can’t blame you, I get it, but the hell with you just the same. Hey, everybody still here, let’s mock and jeer at the people who bailed! But I do get it.

Anyhow! I’m mostly writing this to digitally clear my throat and let people know I’m back (or trying to be!). And, since we are just starting into the month of April, we all know what that means — time for me to get back into form by recognizing National Poetry Month with a brand new edition of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge! Because the world can never have too much EPIC VERSE.

So here’s where I have to come up with a gimmick for this round. In this case, I’m going to be a little lazy by going with something that some of you already built into a few mailbag letters, way back when: you start it, Garrosh finishes it! That is… in a comment on this post, or an email or Tweet to Garrosh, you come up with an opening line, and then I (erm, Garrosh) will try to come up with the rest of the poem that follows! Anything goes, so long as it’s something that could plausibly be a line from a poem (as opposed to the first paragraph of a novel or something).

I’m not going to lock in a set-in-stone schedule, but I’ll be sure to put up at least one post each week. I may very well post more if I get ambitious or see a particular line that’s just too tempting to pass up. So start pelting me with those ideas!

In the weeks ahead, I’ll likely also give a few more updates on blog goings-on. I might like to plan an occasional scheduled hangout in Discord (we created one for a DPS friends-of-blog guild in Classic, which I’ll try to link here soon) — I’m thinking it might give me added incentive to stay on task if a few folks wanted to come hang out while I’m assembling blog stuff. While I’m at it I could share WIP tidbits, whether that’s snippets of dialogue or comic drawings — maybe if I get really ambitious, and people would actually want to peek over my shoulder this much, I could stream myself drawing parts of the comics, so you can witness the hideous train wreck in progress.

Anyway, now I’m just musing and babbling (“AS OPPOSED TO WHEN ELSE, AVERRY?”), so let me wrap up here. Once again, thank you to everyone who’s still here, or who maybe finds their way here later on. Hopefully I’ll get to hear from many of you again soon.

 

Averry