Tale of Two Morons

For this edition of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge, we revel in the Warchief’s endless satisfaction with the quality of his minions…

I yearn for that day, years ago,
When as a new Warchief I ventured afield
From outpost to outpost to know
How utterly we’d made Alliance troops yield:
Much less than I’d hoped;
For all that I scoped,
Our victory was far from sealed.

Admittedly, first I just moped
And wished I had minions more worthy to guide.
But okay. Fail minions. I coped.
And figured I might as well see the bright side.
When lemons are there,
You make lemon squares.
At least, you know, that’s what I tried.

I thought if I just got out there
And showed the fail minions how it should be done.
The sight of a badass with flair
Might get through some brick heads — perhaps everyone!
That plan wasn’t sound,
’Cause morons abound;
My suffering had just begun.

So in Ashenvale’s where I found
Two blathering morons I can’t tell apart.
Again
in a cave underground —
“They’re totally USELESS!” was true from the start.
They’ve shadowed me since
To make my brain wince.
You know what? They’re not very smart.

I’ve longed for that day ever since,
A day before meeting them, maybe a week.
Perhaps even go back, convince
My past self, unknowing, what pain they would wreak,
Then get him to bolt
Away from those dolts
And out of the zone in a streak.

I’d bear any torment or jolt
For them once again to be dopes I don’t know.
No Legion or Darkspear Revolt
Could ever cause me even half as much woe.
But with them I’m stuck.
Unless I use FUCK-
ING TIME TRAVEL once more — yeah, no.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

(Keep those opening lines coming! For anyone who missed last time, the Warchief invites everyone to offer opening lines for this year’s poetry month; Garrosh will pick as many as possible to use to open his EPIC VERSES. More soon!)

So Hey, Remember When I Had a Blog?
The Other White Meat
 
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Cymre
April 14, 2023 9:37 pm

I’m suddenly in the mood for lemon squares. By the way, I just noticed my old site (BoM) listed in your blogroll.

Karlsohn
Karlsohn
April 14, 2023 10:27 pm

Mighty Warchief,

Perhaps you would favor us with EPIC VERSE of some of your advisors? I will wait, on baited breath, for your regalements of the strongest willed orc, one of the mightiest warriors of the Horde, he of such indomitable fortitude that no amount of nonsense and prattle can force his hand to end his own suffering…

I speak, of course, of Eitrigg.

Seriously, after three minutes of Tirion, I was ready to break off one of my own horns just to have something to stab myself in the ear with.

Dude never heard the whole “Brevity is the soul of wit” thing I guess.

Last edited 1 month ago by Karlsohn
Shanthi
April 15, 2023 1:05 am

Thanks for the verse! I wondered what you might want to revisit and it makes sense that you’d like to go back to a time before Stupid, Incompetent and Disappointing Minions!

Khizzara
April 16, 2023 9:34 pm

Morons abound, indeed!

Rakael Towers
Rakael Towers
April 19, 2023 11:28 am

That ending though…LOL!!!

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