The good thing about Karazhan is that most of the spooks and monsters got cleared out a long time ago, so getting around in there is pretty painless. Well, other than the fact that the place is fucking GIGANTIC. Seriously, you look at it from the outside and you’re like, “Okay, decent-sized creepy-ass castle,” and then you go inside and it’s like “HOLY CRAP, it did NOT look this big from out there.” No wonder Medivh hired a guy just to stand at the door and port people up, because I swear half of these old ghosts probably originally died from exhaustion just trying to get anywhere.

Lucky for us, the Opera House wasn’t that bad of a hike, especially with Garona with us to make sure we didn’t take any wrong turns. It’s a pretty impressive place – high ceilings, mosaics, a giant chandelier, an enormous pipe organ set up on the far side of the chamber. By the way, when we were first sizing the place up, I made the mistake of saying “enormous pipe organ,” which resulted in D&U taking seven full minutes to snicker like retarded fourteen year olds, until Liadrin told them to go sit in the corner until they could get their sit together.

Anyway, we went backstage, and eventually made our way around to the side door to the stage. That’s where we found Barnes, the ghostly stage manager.

BARNES: Ah, greetings, all of you! Are you the new actors?

GARROSH: Uh, yeah, not so much there, scooter.

BARNES: Oh? A pity. You clearly have the strong jawline of a leading man.

MOKVAR: Probably easy to pull that off when his face is half jaw.

FARANELL: Sure, rub it in.

GARROSH: You know, I’m not above leaving a couple extra ghosts here as a tip.

LIADRIN: <aside to Faranell> You were right. It does become rather entertaining after a while.

BARNES: Well then, ladies and gentlemen, might I ask what brings you to our humble theater?

GARROSH: To tell you the truth, Barnes, it’s kind of a long story…

DONTRAG: We’re trying to kill the most imperial and despicuous demon Malchazan—

UTVOCH: I think you mean “despicable”…

DONTRAG: —who we need to kill before he can—

UTVOCH: And it’s Malazaar, I think.

DONTRAG: Will you stay out of it, Ut? I know what I’m saying!

UTVOCH: Maybe so, but nobody else—

Garrosh grabs Dontrag and Utvoch, smacks their heads together, and drops them onto the floor.

GARROSH: …and there’s pretty much zero chance of getting the short version if we let those two get rolling.

GARONA: Why do you even bring them places if you’re just going to treat them like that?

GARROSH: Good point. Related question: Why do I keep bringing YOU places?

MOKVAR: That’s actually a fairly good blanket question.

BARNES: So…erm…sir… I surmise your business here involves Prince Malchezaar in the tower…

FARANELL: This one doesn’t miss much.

BARNES: But, um… I’m not sure I understand why that would bring you here to the Opera House, sir, rather than to the upper levels.

GARROSH: <sigh> Right. Well, the thing of it is, we need to find a way to get Malchezaar DOWN from the top floor, otherwise our…business with him won’t take.

BARNES: <grins> Ah, so you’re aware of the peculiar nature of the Netherspace, eh, sir?

GARROSH: We’re in the know, yeah.

BARNES: If I might ask, then, sir…is there a particular reason why you feel the need to kill the demon permanently? He seems perfectly contained up there, and in a fairly out-of-the-way location.

GARROSH: Because we know the Burning Legion stashed up there for safekeeping, until they’re ready to crack him out. We want to make sure they don’t get the chance to.

BARNES: Really… And…how do you know this, sir?

Garrosh exchanges looks with Liadrin and Mokvar.

MOKVAR: Because we’ve seen what happens when they DO get him out.

BARNES: <grins> Now…that sounds like an interesting tale.

GARROSH: Yeah, that’s kind of where the “long story” part kicks in.

BARNES: I wouldn’t mind the abbreviated version, sir.

LIADRIN: Caverns of Time, closed causality loop, accidental historical disruption, quantum reality splintering, demons in Orgrimmar, temporal incursion to re-seal trans-dimensional cracks. You know, the usual. Did I miss anything?

GARROSH: …Head hurts.

BARNES: Maybe…not quite that abbreviated, ma’am. Or…technical.

DONTRAG: <slowly getting up> I think I followed the “demons” part, kind of…

GARROSH: Anyway, the point is that we need a way to get Malchezaar out of his storage box up there, and we hear tell you theater types have some summoning mojo working for you down here.

BARNES: Well, we do have some fairly considerable summoning spells here, sir…

GARROSH: There we go, let’s fire it up, then, and—

BARNES: …but those mainly consist of drawing images from the mind, I’m afraid, not actual physical summoning.

GARROSH: Is it just an Azeroth thing? You people saving the “no” part until after you’ve gotten everyone thinking “yes”?

BARNES: Still… I think I may be of some help to you, sir.

GARROSH: <pauses> There isn’t a “but” coming here, is there?

BARNES: Sir?

GARROSH: Never mind. I’m listening.

BARNES: While I can’t personally do anything to help with the Malcheazaar matter…

GARROSH: <rolling eyes> “But.”

BARNES: …there are certain other…sources of magical power on the premises that I could connect you with through the Opera House.

GARROSH: Well what are we waiting for, spooks? Hook us up.

BARNES: Ah, but sir, first there is still a floor show for me to tend to.

GARROSH: Uh, dude, priorities? This is actually kind of real-life important here.

BARNES: Oh, I understand, sir. But you know the old saying: The show must go on!

Barnes opens the door next to him and walks out on stage.

GARROSH: The hell is this about a floor show?

MOKVAR: In an empty house?

FARANELL: In the middle of the night?

As Barnes reaches center stage, hundreds of ghostly patrons appears in the Opera House seats and begin applauding. A spotlight appears over Barnes.

BARNES: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this evening’s presentation! Tonight, we present a special traveling troupe of performers to regale you with a terrifying tale of a world gone awry! How did it begin? Where will it end? All this and more will be revealed, as our guests find themselves stranded in an ominous castle deep into the night!

And now: On with the show!

{THE CURTAIN RISES AT MIDNIGHT EST…}