What to get the Warchief who has everything
So Garona and I had our interrogation of Skarr, which ended up being pretty productive, and Mokvar was on hand to record it. He’s in the process of getting it transcribed for the blog, so you’ll see that soon. In the meantime, though, I’m back in Orgrimmar for the height of the Winter’s Veil season. So in the spirit of the holiday, I thought I’d take a break from all this serious averting-the-end-of-the-world stuff and write up a quick Winter’s Veil post or two.
A few days ago, @NavimieDruid from The Daily Frostwolf asked on Twitter, “What does a great warrior want from Greatfather Winter?” I gave her a quick response, but the thought occurred to me that this might be a good question to take up in an actual post, now that the Winter’s Veil season is here. So, here’s my wish list for this year – if Greatfather Winter really exists and is reading this, hey man, have at it…but anyone else planning to drop by Grommash Hold bearing gifts can feel free too:
- A new helm to replace the latest one that’s turned out to be a size too big (two red sockets plus a meta pl0x).
- Varian’s head on a pike.
- Magatha’s head on a pike.
- 40% fewer idiots in front of me.
- 70% fewer idiots behind me.
- Some adequate explanation as to why the idiots always seem to stack behind me.
- A new set of elementium grinding stones for sharpening Gorehowl.
- The OTHER fucking [Binding of the Windseeker]. (For real, Baron, do you NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND that I will actually STOP KILLING YOU if you just give the damn thing up?)
- A Happy Fun Rock.
- A red, padded, embossed leather harness for Mortimer.
- A sled like the one I had as a kid during winters in Nagrand. For the life of me I don’t know what happened to the original, but man do I miss it. Bonus points if you can find one that has “Mageroyal” inscribed across the back like my old one.
- A firm answer from the goblin contractors on when the Orgrimmar construction work will be done. Seriously, you guys, it’s been over a fucking year now.
Dear greatest of warring Warchiefs,
I have one epic name for you that could solve your list:
Draz ‘zilb
1.He could take care of the 110% idiots surrounding you with pleasure, making Mortimers nice harness out of thier hides.
2.Varian and Magathas heads:
Self explanatory.
3.a bit of , shall we say “persuasion”
to the goblin workers in Org to speed up the construction!
4.A new helm courtesy of Baron along with your other binding.
5.A hand carved bone sled from aforementioned idiots!
As far as the rock and grinding stones, that’s not his department I’d say.
Merry veil !
PS Say hi to Garona for me after she wakes up in the warchiefs bedchamber.
Sincerely, Your most humble servant
Warchief,
I thought of you when I shot Varian in the face with my pellet gun. And was glad you weren’t there when I was smeared all over the floor. Well, I never claimed to be a warrior. Happy Winter Veil.
Your loyal servant, Navimie
Hail, Warchief!
Speaking as someone who trained with Goblin engineers, I can tell you that they have two mottoes. The first — “There’s No Such Thing As Too Much Seaforium” — doesn’t really apply, but the second — “Everything Costs More And Takes Longer” — does have some bearing on the problem. What tends to happen is that you can’t build to your original blueprint for some reason. (The planned wall was too short. Or too long. Or there was an unexpected dip or bulge in the ground. Or you’ve run out of a needed material. Or your surveyor enjoyed Brewfest a little TOO much.) No matter the reason or reasons, you have to improvise after you’ve already started pouring metal.
And that’s BEFORE we get into their corporate structure. Graft is like a religion to these guys. A non-trivial fraction of what went into the front gate ended up in Gallywix’s new pad. Bet on it. There’s a REASON the dude went into hiding, after all.