Okay, so finally I can get to normal business like answering my reader mail! As a matter of fact, there’s a TON of it that’s piled up while I was away, so it’s probably going to take some doing to get through it all. So here we go…

Hail, Acting Warchief!

I look forward to Garrosh’s speedy return. This is a continuation of an earlier question our esteemed Warchief answered for me, that I have discovered new information about.

To recap: I was confused about the use of flags to mark supply drops in Ashenvale, and the capture thereof to interfere with enemy resupply. Originally, my question was how this behavior had spread to the Dragonmaw as well. Recently, I had the opportunity to put the question to a Dragonmaw quartermaster … and the answer is head-slappingly obvious in hindsight.

Twilight Highlands is nowhere near as congested as Ashenvale. But, it is ABSOLUTELY ankle-breaker country. You’re not getting anything in by land. At least, not without losing a lot if it to ambush.

So, yeah. Stealing the enemy’s flags makes excellent sense here, too.

And best wishes for our Warchief’s return to duty. If there is anything this Blood Knight can do to assist, I can be found at the Wayfarer’s Rest in Silvermoon, when I’m not on-call with the Horde Medical Corps.

–A Concerned Citizen

Huh. Okay, I guess this one was a leftover letter for Saurfang from when he was minding the shop.

Anyway, though, ACC, good to hear from you again. And yeah, I guess it makes sense that the Dragonmaw would be adopting the same flag-marking methods that we were originally using in Warsong Gulch. I’m actually kind of relieved that there’s some sense behind what they’re doing, considering how lately the Dragonmaw have been…um…kind of shaky in terms of how on top of things they seem to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Zaela and all. She’s a good warrior. But you know, there’s a difference between being a good warrior and being a good person to have in charge of things, you know? And like, with Zaela, sheesh. Not the brightest bulb. If there’s a big fight coming, sure thing, I want her fighting on my side. But if there’s something going on that requires you to have your wits about you, or able to wrap your brain around something bigger than “me see, me smash”? Yeah, not so much.

Greetings again, Your Warchieferousness!

Thank you for your reply re: the housing issue in Orgrimmar. It’s unfortunate that you can’t solve this issue with the same speed with which former acting Warchief Hellscream created it, by unilateral fiat – but then I suppose if he had bothered to investigate before spewing his frankly racist edict we wouldn’t have this problem, would we? I shall, as suggested, look into Razor Hill in the interim.

With regards to to baking, I’m afraid my skills in that area of cooking extend little past spice bread and tasty cupcakes – like many self-employed aggressive problem solvers, my culinary skills revolve around making use of things I slaughter horribly on my travels. Also, as a Knight of the Ebon Blade I bear the “blessing” of the Lich King in the form of an unfortunate addiction to causing pain and suffering … there are ways and means to alleviate it, but you may wish to avoid my cooking.

Regarding the issue of pseudonyms, I think I’ll pass – every second Death Knight Arthas raised during the Battle for Light’s Hope decided that being Joe Smith, formerly of Goldshire, was not sufficiently “grimdark” enough for a soldier in the Lich King’s service, and changed his name to “Darkreaper of the Nightfall” or something similarly pretentious and absurd. Some of them, seeking to emphasize their existence as agents of the Lich King’s will, changed their names to “Arthas”! Not that they can spell it, mind. I suspect the Lich King left them too long before he raised them.

(Koltira “Deathweaver”? Used to be Koltira Twillweaver, of Goldenmist Village. Though he was a pretentious ass then, too.)

Yours,

–Twilight Vanquisher Aimee
Knight of the Ebon Blade (still not the cake vendor)
Still the Goblin Frickin’ Slums

The FUCK is this?! Okay so this is another one for Saurfang I guess, I get that, fine, makes sense he’d have some follow-up mail from the last few weeks…but DUDE! How much hate mail was he GETTING about me?! Frankly racist edict by unilateral fiat WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!

But ANYWAY, as far as YOU go, Aimee (OH NO, look out, AIMEE is pissed at me – watch out or she might write an angsty mid-tempo acoustic guitar ballad about me and take me down a few pegs with her bitter understated irony!), you go right on ahead and find yourself a nice comfy place down in Razor Hill. Keep an eye on the kids down there while you’re at it, that should be a job you can stay on top of no problem. In the meantime we orcs and tauren will take care of the real job of defending Orgrimmar, Corpsey McBoneyknees.

Anyway, there’s got to be some mail in here somewhere that’s actually for ME…

Hi Omgipwnedurface,

Just thought you should know you’ve been kicked from the guild. You should have been trying to make a good impression if you wanted to pass your trial, but you haven’t given us any reason to keep you. You didn’t show up for two raids you signed up for and you haven’t logged on for, like, weeks. It’s really inconsiderate to just disappear without warning and leave us hanging like that. Would have been nice for you to at least drop us a note before you vanished.

Good luck finding a new guild,

–Manageurdeath
Guild Leader
<West Coast Avengers>

…

…

THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!

Okay, okay, so for anyone who’s not connecting the dots yet – this guy is my guild leader (or, well, he WAS my guild leader) from the Earth Online guild I just joined. Well, the guild I just joined as of like a month ago, right before the whole Alcaz Island deal. I haven’t logged on since I’ve been back, what with me being a little busy PUTTING MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER, but APPARENTLY I’ve just been kicked out of the guild!

Because yeah, you know what, you’re right, Manageurdeath, that was really inconsiderate for me not to give you guys a heads up that I was going to be away a few weeks DUE TO BEING FUCKING KIDNAPPED! Oh wait, did I mention the part where I was dragged to a Twilight’s Hammer stronghold where I was going to be used in a fucking BLOODLETTING CEREMONY to have the FUCKING SPIRIT OF CHO’GALL BURN OUT MY SOUL AND TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN MY FUCKING BODY? Did I mention that part??

You’re right, dude, I TOTALLY should have cleared this with you to make sure it would be adequate justification for me missing out on the fucking Board of Directors raid we had scheduled!

HOLY FUCKING FUCK’S SAKE.

Actually, you know what, hold on. I need to find Spazzle for a second. You guys hold tight for a minute. Here, funny video to kill some time while I’m doing this:

OKAY, so I just tracked down Spazzle and had him trace that e-mail from the guild guy to find out where this fucker is from. I was expecting him to be from someplace way out in the middle of nowhere, where he’s got nothing to do but play this game and think he’s all hot shit for being the guild leader, because for fuck’s sake guild leaders always seem so fucking full of themselves, but anyway, check THIS out – turns out this guy is logging on from Theramore.

FUCKING THERAMORE.

The guild I was in was being run by some goddamn fucking ALLIANCE, and not even an Alliance from someplace fucking IMPORTANT, no, run by an Alliance stuck out in the run-down town out in the middle of the fucking swamp where there’s nothing for those assholes to do but bang Jaina all day, only THIS fucker doesn’t even seem to be able to pull THAT off seeing as he’s fucking logged onto the game 37 hours a day!

So you know what, I’ll tell you this, Manageurdeath, I don’t know who you are exactly, but I’m going to fucking find out, and WHOEVER you are, mark my words, you have fucked with the WRONG ORC. Enjoy your little podunk swamp town while you can, because I’m telling you right now, somehow, someday, I am going to open up such a can of fucking DISASTER on that place, you and all your little Jainabanging friends aren’t going to know what even fucking HIT you. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

UGH. Okay, so there’s still a pretty big pile of mail, but I’m in NO mood to deal with any more of this shit today, so I promise I’ll answer as much of it as I can next Monday. In the meantime, keep it coming. I’ll talk to you all later when I’m not dreaming dreams of ruins in the fucking swamp.

UGH!!!