Say what you want about this goofy-ass holiday, but it’s sure good for one thing: indulging my sweet tooth. Bring on the chocolate eggs! Granted, I’m not sure I’m clear on whether they came from chocolate chickens or something (but holy shit would Legionnaire Sanders ever make a killing from THAT), or how the rabbits come into the picture. All I know is for a week or so we’ve got candy coming out of the woodwork.

Not to mention for a few days everybody goes apeshit and starts using the frigging chocolate eggs for CURRENCY. I remember noticing last year people were going nuts rounding up the eggs to trade in for pet rabbits, so this year I’ve come prepared. Because, you know what, rabbits AREN’T FUCKING HARD TO GET. So leading up to the holiday this year, I went out and caught a few rabbits, which by the way ARE HOPPING AROUND LITERALLY EVERYWHERE, so I don’t know why people feel like they need to BUY them, but whatever. Anyway, I caught a few rabbits a while ago, and rabbits being rabbits, that means that now I’ve got about a thousand of the bouncy buggers on hand. So, a hundred eggs for your pet? Pfft…75 here! Let the chocolate-egg-earning undercutting begin!