Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge returns


Hello, all! Averry interjecting with a quick announcement that…well…I suppose Garrosh could have covered it himself, but he seems to have his hands full right now. It’s just easier this way.

Anyway! As those of you who’ve taken a cursory look at your calendar may have noticed, today is the first day of April. And as a smaller (but soon to increase!) subset of you are aware, April is National Poetry Month. Now granted, last year I dropped the ball when it came to commemorating the event in the person of one of everyone’s favorite Azerothian poets. (Yes, yes, mea culpa…or, you know, Garrosh culpa. He has a lot of culpa to go around, after all.) This year, though, I’m making sure there will be no such oversights. Besides, the blog has been sorely lacking in EPIC VERSE of late!

For this year’s poetry challenge, I’m dusting off a variety of EPIC VERSE that I slapped together (thanks to your feedback!) the last time Garrosh commemorated National Poetry Month — EPIC VERSE battles! As some of you might recall, ages ago when devilsaurs ruled the Earth, Garrosh unleashed an EPIC VERSE live blog upon an unsuspecting world, which ended up devolving into a rhyming battle between the Warchief and Varian Wrynn. (Because, you see, I actually have no original ideas.) I ended up revisiting the concept again shortly thereafter, and I’ve been wanting to revisit it since then. Well, folks, you’ve dodged that bullet long enough!

So, I’ll be posting a new EPIC VERSE battle EVERY FRIDAY in April — plus one bonus battle on Friday, May 1, because DON’T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE YOU’RE GOING TO GET OUT OF THAT WEEK SO EASILY. The pressure’s not just on me, though, because I’m going to need your help to make this idea work: just like the real Epic Rap Battles, the EPIC VERSE battles will rely on your ideas for matchups! I have a couple of ideas in the works based on suggestions from way back when, but in order to get through the month, I’ll be counting on all of you to offer up suggestions for matchups in your comments. Feel free to play fast and loose with your selections — while blog characters are, of course, welcome candidates, don’t be reluctant to offer up other lore figures who haven’t turned up in the blog in any significant way. Living, dead, retconned beyond recognition… anything goes!

So…start thinking of those ideas, comment away, and as always, thanks for reading and responding and making this whole exercise in lunacy far more fun than it ever should have been. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a word that rhymes with orange.

Be seeing you,


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Rakael Towers (@RakaelTowers)
April 1, 2015 7:33 pm

“retconned beyond recognition” Bwahahahahaha!

My ideas?

Khadgar vs. Medivh

Sylvanas vs. Arthas

Blingtron vs. Blingtron 5K (they do enjoy fighting each other)

Pet battles vs. Pokemon?

Yeah, I’ll go actually think these through now.

April 1, 2015 7:44 pm

Prof. Putricide vs. Bom’bay!

April 1, 2015 7:47 pm

Murloc vs. Kobold

You no take candle!
You no take candle!!!

…ok, that one goes nowhere.

Hmmm… I think I had some suggestions in the original comment threads. I’ll try to think of some new ones.

Shay vs. Yrel? Rivals for the role of strong female draenei role model.

Oooh, or Shay vs. Garona! Half-Orc, Half-Draenei chicks rumble!

April 2, 2015 11:29 am
Reply to  khizzara

oh god, Shay vs Garona! Love this one so much!

How about Mannoroth vs Y’sharaj? Corruptors of two generations of Hellscreams!

Ooh! the Gob Squad vs. the DPS!

April 2, 2015 6:06 pm
Reply to  Tandeleina

Or how about World of Warcraft vs. Earth Online? 😀

April 1, 2015 9:16 pm

Alexstrasza vs Yu’lon.

April 1, 2015 9:55 pm

Dontrag vs Utvoch! Maybe something will finally stick in Garrosh’s head to tell them apart…

Bob vs… well, anyone! Because I think Bob would get such a kick out of this.

Tak vs Faranell! I really want to see them collide, because I think it could be hysterically funny. Faranell is so deadpan, and Tak is… not.

April 2, 2015 1:04 am
Reply to  Inuki

I think Tak would just concede to “Dr. Zombie” because she wouldn’t want to insult him and make him feel bad. So her side would probably be nothing but compliments. (Which would probably actually disgust Faranell, but I can’t imagine him having the heart to be mean to Tak either. Or, rather, he wouldn’t want to enter a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent.) 😛

April 2, 2015 11:32 am
Reply to  Inuki

how about Dontrag and Utvoch vs another duo? I cant think of another pair in wow off the top of my head, but there has to be one out there that would be fun!

Tak vs Mylune! I have NO idea who to put with Faranell, though

April 1, 2015 11:56 pm

I would like an Elegy poem in Hendecasyllabic lamenting the lack of Barbershops in Silvermoon, or

Jelinek Sharpshear vs Bebri Coifcurl

April 2, 2015 1:05 am

Mylune vs. Elmira from Tiny Toons


[…] But hey, there’s poetry. And when life gives you sour cream, make cake. And eat it, too. […]

April 2, 2015 12:36 pm

Tirio .. oh. Yeah. It’s Poetry month, not Novel Writing month. Nevermind.

Shen Wei Pureblossom
Shen Wei Pureblossom
April 2, 2015 6:40 pm

Might I suggest Thrall versus the Warchief himself? I could see some good tension there.

April 2, 2015 7:02 pm

Taktani vs. Hamuul Runetotem — Druid battle!

Taktani vs. Zen’kiki (that incompetent druid from WPL who moonfires himself and accidentally turns into aquatic form)

Mokvar vs. Gurtash vs. Taktani vs. Daria L’Rayne (Tiriions scribe) — four way scribe battle!

April 2, 2015 7:06 pm

Bob vs. Sylvannas. (Sylvannas is clearly an expert at trolling based on her chat logs.)

April 2, 2015 7:08 pm
Reply to  khizzara

And I just spelt Sylvanas wrong like a noob… TWICE.

April 2, 2015 7:30 pm
Reply to  khizzara

Guilty as charged.

April 4, 2015 9:20 am

Epic Troll Battles of History!


April 18, 2015 1:10 pm

How about Ner’zhul vs Gul’dan, with input from Kil’jaeden? A little mentor vs. pupil smackdown, plus at last another appearance by that big red demon!