Search Results for: visiting ashenvale

Visiting Ashenvale


The inspection visits to Ashenvale have been a mixed bag so far.

On the plus side, we’re bombing the shit out of Astranaar, and watching stuff blow up is always fun. I even got to ride a wyvern and drop a few bombs myself, which let me tell you, was fun as all fuck. I went around three times – BOOM! I wanted to do more, but apparently the fucking wyvern was getting tired, so I had my guards beat it and tell it to quit being a such a pussy. Then I reassigned it to flight point duty and put it on the Winterspring-to-Silithus round trip. THAT SHOULD TOUGHEN IT UP. (Shit, this is going to get the DEHTA fuckers going again, isn’t it?)

I wanted to have them blow something up while I as there and then have Mokvar draw me walking away looking all unimpressed, because you look way cooler when you don’t even bother looking at an explosion, but Mokvar said he couldn’t draw, which was really fucking inconvenient, so I sent him back to Orgrimmar and told him to start milling inks and not leave until he’d gotten trained up. I’m not going to have lackeys riding around with me who can’t be bothered maxing up the necessary skills. LIKE HE HAS ANYTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO DO THESE DAYS.

On the down side, what the FUCK is going on with Splintertree Post? We used to have a pretty secure holding, and now we’re under siege by a bunch of fucking giant orange TREES? The hell?! Dammit, I’m all for advancing the battle onto fronts like Astranaar, but that doesn’t mean you get so preoccupied you let the stupid elves roll up on your original base! Oh and never mind the whole Durak business – yeah, let’s let the demons who nearly destroyed our whole race PLANT ONE OF THEIR OWN RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR OUTPOST. Who the fuck is in charge out there anyway? They always say incompetence starts at the top…

By the way, I never thought I’d say this, but going around in these night elf forests is starting to make me think maybe the blood elves are actually the tough side of the family. I mean, yeah, they’re scrawny and prance around way too much for my liking – trust me, I know, the last thing Thrall did before skipping town was stick me with a whole delegation of them hanging out right in my fucking throne room, and don’t think for one minute that Thrall didn’t laugh his ass off all the way to the Maelstrom over that one – and yeah, the whole sunshiny enchanted woods they have in Eversong isn’t helping matters. But shit, look around this place, and it’s like these night elves felt the need to fucking dip everything in glitter.

I still need to check in at the new fortifications at Zoram’gar, but first I need to make one side trip. More later.



[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]


Visiting Zoram’gar


So just to finish up with the Ashenvale inspection visits, since I didn’t get around to talking about the last part of the trip the last few days.

Oh and by the way, one last thing about Hellscream’s Watch, all things considered I’m pretty happy with how things are going, what with the blowing shit up and night elves on fire and all that, even if we were stuck with a few lazy-ass wyverns who BELIEVE YOU ME will be getting toughened right up (HOW’S THE VIEW OF AHN’QIRAJ FROM ABOVE, STUPID WYVERN?), but okay, really, how is it possible that one of the major obstacles out there is the fucking BEAR PEOPLE? I was talking to Karang and he went on this whole thing about how our advance through the area was being blocked by…the Thistlefur? Seriously? We’re blowing the fuck out of the centuries-old settlement that the night elves are fortifying and gearing with state-of-the-art armaments…and we’re having to recruit people to go help us deal with the fucking THISTLEFUR? Broyk pointed out how she couldn’t understand how the might of the Horde was being stopped by a bunch of fucking jumbo-sized Ewoks, and I would totally agree if I knew what the fuck an Ewok was.

Anyway, moving on.

Things seem to be coming along pretty well at Zoram’gar Outpost. I’m a little concerned that the construction effort is stalling some – seems like some of the buildings there have been mid-construction for several months now, but I’m not going to complain too much yet, since come to think of it they’ve really been taking their sweet time finishing some of the ramparts here in Orgrimmar too. Damn union work stoppages. This is what happens when you let goblins get involved. Anyway, it’s sure as hell still a major improvement over what we had there before. Really, a Horde outpost made up of nothing but a couple huts and a campfire? Seriously? What are we, the fucking Orc Scouts?

Commander Grimfang (second cousin to Saurfang, by the way) seems to be running a pretty tight operation, so I’ll be looking forward to seeing how things shape up once construction is done. Hopefully we can get the place up and running as another major port city so we don’t have to rely as much on the goblins over at Ratchet.

Made a short stop over at Silverwind Refuge on the way back to Orgrimmar to meet with Captain Tarkan. Good man, will have to keep him in mind for future operations. Also got to talking with a couple soldiers there, Sergeant Dontrag and Scout Utvoch, who both seemed very eager to start going to town on some Alliance. Since it looks like we’ve got Astranaar pretty well under control, I sent them on ahead to Stonetalon to see if they can help the effort there a bit. Told them to pass word on to Overlord Krom’gar to keep up the good work, and I’ll be by to check in on things when I can.



[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]


30 Days of Character Development #7: Mokvar

[Periodically, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about.]


: Mokvar

Occupation: Scribe; former advisor to the Warchief; former mercenary; currently between gigs, as it were.

Race: Orc

Class: Warlock (currently and formerly), shaman (formerly)

Age: 44

Group affiliations: Horde (former citizen, currently banished), Earthen Ring (former member), Veiled Blade (former member)

Known relatives: Drulla (mother, deceased), Vokmar (father, deceased), ex-wife (heretofore unnamed)

Earth Online notes: Founding member and officer of Garrosh’s guild <Warchief>; presumably demoted from officer status since falling out of good graces with Garrosh, though it’s currently unclear if he’s actually been demoted or gkicked. Main toon is Bartleby (class unknown); has at least one alt, LamontCranston (not a member of <Warchief> and unknown by most of the guild, possibly all but Spazzle).

First appearance: “Visiting Ashenvale” (first mention), “Underneath the bunker” (first transcript)

mokvarprofile2Key posts and plot points

  • Garrosh first mentioned Mokvar in the very early days of the blog, during an inspection trip to Ashenvale. After completing an aerial bombing run over Astralaan, the Warchief was most irate that Mokvar wasn’t able to adequately sketch him walking away from the resulting explosions; Garrosh ordered Mokvar back to Orgrimmar to train up inscription under pain of, well, pain. (Interestingly, the job of keeping visual records of some of Garrosh’s expolits would eventually fall to Gurtash in the form of his comics.)
  • Mokvar would return a few weeks later in “Underneath the bunker” to record the first of many transcripts of the Warchief’s dealings. (Also of note is that this transcript marked the first appearance of Dontrag and Utvoch.) From that point on, Mokvar would frequently accompany the Warchief in his adventures, recording Garrosh’s discussions with such luminaries as Tirion Fordring (“Where did all the words go?”), Mylune (not once but twice), Garona and Johnny Awesome (“Awesome job, Mokvar”).
  • Mokvar traveled back in time to old Hillsbrad with Garrosh, Liadrin, Faranell, and Utvoch in an attempt to trace the origin of a magic “anti-plague” that was devastating the Forsaken (The Anti-Plague of Southshore). While there, Faranell switched places with a past version of himself and inadvertently set off a series of events that would eventually cause massive disruptions to the timeline (Timequake). In the ensuing chaos, Mokvar was one of the only people to be aware of the changes that had occurred, and helped the Warchief reset history to its proper course.  To this day, Mokvar remains one of the only people – along with Garrosh, Liadrin, and Faranell – who remembers the events that transpired in the other timeline. (Okay, yes, Utvoch remembers, too…but would you really bet your next paycheck on him understanding any of it?)
  • Just before Garrosh left for Pandaria, Mokvar was attacked and killed under mysterious circumstances (“Death of the author”), though his death was made temporary by his ability to ankh as a shaman. This brush with death marked the beginning of the Mokvar saga that continues to this day; a detailed, post-by-post account can be found here, but here’s the semi-sorta-short version: In his mercenary days before coming to Orgrimmar, when he was a member of the Veiled Blade, Mokvar had acquired, then disposed of, a powerful warlock relic called the Nether Prism; now, years later, the Prism’s prior owner (the drakonid lord Valthalak) has sent spectral assassins after Mokvar in an effort to recover his prize. Mokvar reunited with old mercenary friend Deliana to try to recover the Prism, then launched into a run of suspicious, erratic behavior – traveling to Ironforge under diplomatic cover, then being charged with the murder of one of its citizens; turning for aid to Neeru Fireblade, then, even more damningly, Magatha Grimtotem; breaking out of Orgrimmar while under arrest, leading to his eventual banishment from the Horde.
  • mokvarprofile4After Mokvar disappeared from Orgrimmar, he remained off the grid for several months, save for elemental indications to fellow shaman Spazzle that he may have met his final demise. Ji Firepaw, however, wasn’t willing to give up hope for Mokvar’s survival (and rightly so – did anyone really think that I was not only going to kill off Mokvar, but do so off-screen? Really?), and continued investigating Mokvar’s whereabouts. Ji’s search eventually led him to Blackrock Spire, where Mokvar made his dramatic, fel-infused return in “The scouring of the Spire.”
  • True story: I originally introduced Mokvar not even as a real character, but as a plot device to justify inclusion of the transcripts. I realized early on that I wanted to include dialogue in the blog, but I didn’t feel like it would fit stylistically to have Garrosh writing it out as it would appear in a novel – one thing I try to maintain (with ranging degrees of success) is the appearance that Garrosh really is writing everything in the blog, as a blog, rather than a short-story-but-we’ll-call-it-a-blog-even-though-we-know-it’s-really-not-wink-wink. Mokvar as a scribe provided an excuse to include that extra material. Another true story: When I was first choosing Garrosh’s scribe, I pretty much went into Grommash Hold and semi-randomly picked someone who looked like he didn’t have much else to do. Who knew?
  • For the fashion/transmog-minded among you: Mokvar’s warlock attire is roughly based on the Tier 9 warlock set.
  • Mokvar’s Earth Online character, Bartleby, is a reference to the title character in Herman Melville’s short story “Bartleby the Scrivener.” (Scrivener = scribe!) Mokvar likewise references the story on a few occasions when he repeats Bartleby’s signature line, “I would prefer not to.”
  • For anyone who hasn’t pieced it together by this point: Mokvar’s close connection to Deliana is based on their parallel in-game roles. Pre-Cataclysm, Mokvar (in Orgrimmar) and Deliana (in Ironforge) were the questgivers who sent adventurers on the (very long and painful) quest chains to upgrade the old “Tier 0.5” dungeon sets. The two characters offered essentially the same quests, which provided the basis for much of the in-blog backstory about Lord Valthalak. (Valthalak’s spirit was the end boss for that quest chain, by the way, and for anyone who missed it during vanilla, fighting him at level was a NIGHTMARE.)

In his own words:

In there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past? Why?

My last job with the Veiled Blade, when we went into Blackrock Spire to collect Valthalak’s goodies. It turned out to be nothing but trouble, and cost most of us our lives – all of us, in fact, other than me and Deliana. (And strictly speaking, it cost me my life, too; it just didn’t stick. So, congratulations to Deliana for being the last one left standing. Was anyone running a pool?)

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?

Tigule and Foror’s Lok’tar S’more-gar. Cerulean blue. The Lokvad’nod Broxigari. Any daisies I’m not pushing up.

Who do you trust?

After everything we’ve been through, I trust Deliana with my life. The same goes for Ji and Spazzle. I trust Thrall and Eitrigg implicitly, and I’ll probably always be grateful to Thrall for giving me a safe haven all those years ago. I trust Liadrin for her judgment, Saurfang for general badassery, and Garrosh…well, I trust Garrosh to be Garrosh.

mokvarprofile3How are you with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or email?

I’m no Spazzle, but I’m good enough with technology to get by. I’m not really what you would call tech literate in the broad sense, but I do okay with specific tasks on specific devices; once I learn how to do something, I’m usually fine, but then I don’t like to stray too far from what I know, even if something new and better comes along. I still prefer to write by hand, but I usually end up having to type things out – people are always complaining about my handwriting.

How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?

Heat doesn’t bother me at all. I hardly even notice it. Cold, on the other hand… spirits, I hate the cold. You could not have paid me enough money to go to Northrend.

Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?

Neither, really. I have pretty strange sleep habits: I usually tend to sleep for 2-3 hours at a time, scattered around random times in the day. It’s a holdover from my mercenary days, when we would often have to be on the move on short notice; I developed the ability to sneak in what sleep I could when I could, and it’s stayed with me. So now you’re equally likely to catch me awake at some odd hour in the middle of the night, or asleep in the middle of the day. It’s the main reason why I don’t like surprise visitors. That and the recent habit that surprise visitors have been getting into of trying to kill me.

What’s your preferred means of travel?

On wolfback. I like feeling my feet on the ground…or at least my wolf’s feet, indirectly. If I have to fly, I’d rather take a zeppelin or gunship. I’ve never gotten completely comfortable on a wyvern (although I still prefer them to bats or dragonhawks or…well, I don’t know how people manage to keep their balance on those carpets). I’ll fly on one if I need to, and I have lots of times – it just makes me uneasy while I’m up there.

If you could time travel, where would you go?

Don’t even joke about that.

Are you superstitious?

I definitely believe that there’s something out there that’s either looking out for me, or has it in for me. I’m still not sure which. Check back with me again another time. Unless I’m dead, in which case we probably have our answer.

What might your ideal romantic partner be?

Someone calm, grounded. Stable. Not prone to emotional swings or extreme highs and lows. Someone who’s figured themselves out, gotten comfortable with themselves, grown out of the drama and the need for everything to be a thrill ride.

If your life were a genre, what would it be?

Pretty definitely something in the action/adventure area, or at least a suspense thriller. Be careful what you wish for, I suppose. Sometimes I think I should have listened to my mother and been a banker instead. When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to go out into the world and have adventures. Thirty years of adventures later, I think I’ve had more than enough excitement. I’d love to be bored. I’d love to settle down comfortably in a quiet corner of Orgrimmar once we get to the other side of all this, and age into some old man who everyone considers pretty dull and uninteresting, except for every so often when he rattles off another one of his crazy stories — which most of the kids probably won’t believe really happened anyway. I think I’ll enjoy that.


Previous Profiles:

  1. Spazzle Fizzletrinket
  2. Ben-Lin Cloudstrider
  3. Dontrag and Utvoch
  4. Taktani
  5. Korrina
  6. Mylune

More eye candy


The last few days (while I’ve been recovering from my latest round of WTFs) I’ve had Spazzle sorting through more of the photos that you all have been sending in, and incorporating them into the blog. There’s still a ton left for him to work on, so you can expect more pics to break up the walls of text every so often. Thanks as always to everyone who’s been sending in pictures to help pimp out the Command Board — and remember, there are still a ton of posts that either have no pictures at all, or could still benefit from some extra illustration (a caption-friendly pic for some of the transcripts would be especially cool, I think). So, you have your homework — get out there!

In the meantime, here’s credit-where-it’s-due for the folks who’ve had their contributions added the last couple of days:


Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate:


Regular reader and commenter Eravia:


Khizzara from Blog of the Treant:


Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth:


Regular reader and commenter ZugZug:


And finally, a bunch more of my own that I’ve added to:


Finally, one last shout out to Rioriel for the header picture on this post, which totally doesn’t connect to the actual content of the post in any way, but I can’t really think of a way to use it anywhere else and it’s just too damn awesome not to put on the blog somewhere, because SRSLY LOOK AT THAT SHIT.

One last note — last call for your contributions to this coming Monday’s mailbag. Remember, last time I asked all you Earth Online pet owners to write in with pictures of your in-game companion pets. If you haven’t yet (AND I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, DON’T THINK I DON’T), hurry up and get to it! And as always, general letters and questions for your Warchief are always welcome. Send (d) all the above to — YOUR WARCHIEF DEMANDS IT!


Who Is This?

The Warchief’s Command Board includes the adventures of a considerable cast of characters, some of them major lore figures, many based on relatively obscure questgivers and background NPCs, and several original characters. Here’s a look at some of the major recurring characters, including some of the more important plot points related to them. (Check back now and then; the list is bound to be added to and revised as we go.)




You don’t really need an explanation for who he is, now do you? Son of Grommash Hellscream, Garrosh was appointed by Thrall to lead the Horde just prior to the Cataclysm, and in the time period of the blog is still in the midst of his reign as Warchief.

Blog-Garrosh has turned out to be a bit more varied in his interests than his in-game counterpart. He’s demonstrated an affinity for writing poetry — or, as he calls it, EPIC VERSE; he plays Earth Online, a postapocalyptic fantasy MMO, in which he’s the leader of the guild <Warchief>; and since the beginning of the Pandaria campaign, he’s taken up the task of mentoring a group of young Horde trainees. He loves lemon squares, of course — who doesn’t?! — and has been known on occasion to show a surprising soft spot for wyverns.

Oh, and he’s also a dad. Yes, really.



Spazzle, a goblin from the Bilgewater Cartel, is Garrosh’s de facto tech guru, an admittedly mediocre enhancement shaman, and an all-around geek of nerdy proportions. He helps Garrosh maintain the blog and sometimes writes guest posts himself (which Garrosh almost certainly doesn’t read), and he is an officer in Garrosh’s Earth Online guild <Warchief> (and, by all appearances, is one of the few gamers in the group who knows what he’s doing). Recently, he’s begun to find himself torn between conflicting loyalties: his friendship with Garrosh on one side, his sympathy for Vol’jin and Thrall on the other.

Read Spazzle’s character profile to learn more about him. Follow his Twitter exploits at @SpazzleFizz!



Mokvar is one of Garrosh’s primary aides in Grommash Hold and the Warchief’s personal scribe. One of his main duties is to record many of the transcripts that are frequently incorporated into the blog. He also contributes to the blog as a guest poster on occasion. He frequently finds himself at odds with Malkork (then again, who doesn’t?), and has become close friends with Spazzle and Ji Firepaw.

Long-time WoW players will remember that long before he was a mini-boss in Siege of Orgrimmar, Mokvar inhabited Grommash Hold and offered players the quest chain to upgrade their dungeon gear. Mokvar’s Alliance counterpart was Deliana in Ironforge, who, years before, had been part of a mercenary group with Mokvar. In the blog, Mokvar and Deliana were reuinted when their mercenary past came back to haunt them; during their adventure, Mokvar vanished while pursuing a powerful warlock relic, and since his return has found himself having to work to regain Garrosh’s trust.

Read Mokvar’s character profile to learn more about him. Find him on Twitter at @Mokvar_Scribe.



Shayari is Garrosh’s 17-year-old, half-draenei daughter.

Recovered yet? Good. Let’s continue.

Shayari was born in Nagrand, unbeknownst to Garrosh, after a youthful fling between the young Warchief-to-be and a young draenei woman named Marsiya. Years later, Shayari moved to Dalaran to study to become a mage; during the purge of Dalaran, however, her partial orc ancestry left her unwelcome in the city, and she fled to Silvermoon with the other Horde refugees. There, she was found by Lady Liadrin, who brought her to Orgrimmar to meet her father for the first time.

Shay seems to have inherited her father’s temper, boundless self-esteem, and proclivity for giving people comical — and often dismissive — nicknames. She has continued her studies as an apprentice mage, now under the reluctant tutelage of Master Apothecary Faranell from the Undercity.

Follow Shayari on Twitter at @doeling_shay!



Gurtash is a 15-year-old orcish boy from the Orgrimmar orphanage. After writing to Garrosh’s mailbag, Gurtash was able to land a part-time job helping the Warchief care for his personal wyvern. Since then, Gurtash has taken an increasingly prominent role in Garrosh’s life. When the Horde began its military trainee program, Gurtash became part of a trainee group under the direct supervision of the Warchief himself (though Gurtash’s skills as a budding warrior are subject to some debate). Later, while Mokvar was off the grid and unavailable for scribe duty, Garrosh recruited the artistically inclined Gurtash to record his own brand of transcripts in the form of comics, which have continued to be a part of the blog ever since.

You can follow @Gurtash on Twitter. You can also find (occasional, sporadic) samples of his artwork on deviantArt.




Lady Liadrin is the leader of the Blood Knights of Silvermoon and perhaps most prominent paladin in the Horde. In blog continuity, Liadrin first met Garrosh while accompanying him on an ill-fated journey through time to Old Hillsbrad, then went on to play a major role in the Warchief’s exploits in an alternate timeline (WCB got there first, Metzen!) in which she had assumed command of the Argent Crusade. Later, in the aftermath of the purge of Dalaran, Liadrin discovered Shayari among the Silvermoon refugees, then delivered her to Orgrimmar to meet her father for the first time. The blog incarnation of Liadrin demonstrates a fairly sympathetic attitude toward Garrosh, as she has attempted to provide the Warchief with a calming voice of reason, and has taken an ongoing interest in Shayari’s well-being.



Sergeant Dontrag and Scout Utvoch are an inseparable pair of Horde infantry soldiers. Originally stationed in Ashenvale, they were reassigned to serve under Overlord Krom’gar in Stonetalon; there, they first met Garrosh during his investigation of Krom’gar’s questionable activities. Since then, Dontrag and Utvoch (D&U for short) have regularly cropped up in Garrosh’s activities (much to the Warchief’s chagrin), and have even plagued him online as members of his Earth Online guild. For reasons that no one seems able to identify, many people seem to have difficulty distinguishing which of them is which. They’re far from the brightest candles in the lantern, but spirits bless their hearts, they try.

Follow Dontrag and Utvoch’s words of wisdom on Twitter (where, between the two of them, they’re just barely able to scrape their thoughts together 140 characters at a time) at @Dontrag_Utvoch. Learn more about them in their character profile.



Dr. Edwin Faranell is Master Apothecary of the Royal Apothecary Society in the Undercity and a former human mage of Dalaran. Garrosh first encountered Faranell while investigating a mysterious anti-plague effect that was killing Forsaken; their mission would eventually take them to old Southshore, some ten years in the past, where Faranell would set in motion a disruption of the timeline that would nearly bring about the ruin of Azeroth. So, oops. During his misadventures in time, however, Faranell found himself trapped in a repeating time loop in which he was forced to relive the same eleven-year period nearly 3000 times — including his own human death. The experience has left the already-sarcastic Faranell rather embittered. At least he was able to use his many years in the loop to catch up on his reading, though, which has proven to be especially valuable in light of his photographic memory. As a result of his near-encyclopedic knowledge of a wide range of subjects, Garrosh has appointed him as a mage trainer for Shayari.

Oh, and in blog continuity, by virtue of some likely questionable methods, he actually has a jaw. At least when Shayari isn’t damaging it

Faranell can sometimes be found waxing sarcastic on Twitter at @Edwin_Faranell.




When Gurtash was recruited into the Horde’s new military trainee program, Garrosh volunteered to supervise Gurtash’s group personally. After an…unfortunate mishap in the Valley of Trials, the team of young orcs named themselves the “Dead Peons Society” (a.k.a. “DPS”). While the group includes some dozen orc trainees, the major players who’ve appeared in the blog are Gurtash, fellow warriors Korrina and Kulkesh, monk Giska, and shaman Rue’kara (Ruekie). Also mentioned in less prominent roles have been prot warrior Mirembe (who has become a semi-regular commenter and mailbag correspondent); Ruekie’s twin sister, apprentice rogue Tue’kara; and Lok’osh, a rogue trainee who was killed by saurok in Pandaria.

You can learn more about Korrina and Ruekie in their character profiles (additional write-ups on additional trainees will come in time!). Follow the Twitter misadventures of Ruekie and Mirembe, respectively, at @RuekieShaman and @Mirembe18.




Mortimer is the Warchief’s personal wyvern. You wouldn’t have expected it at first, though. Mortimer’s first encounter with Garrosh didn’t leave the Warchief terribly impressed, which led to Mortimer’s reassignment from military service to flight path duty on the dreaded Winterspring-Silithus route. D.E.H.T.A. agents under Arch Druid Lathoriusliberated” Mortimer briefly before he was retaken by the Horde, and eventually, after coming to Garrosh’s aid against the aforementioned archdruid, Mortimer proved his value to the Warchief and has been a faithful companion since. For his part, Garrosh has clearly shown a growing fondness for Mortimer, who has proven himself one more than one occasion to be quite the airborne badass.

Bizarre though it may sound, Mortimer is on Twitter. (Don’t look at me; it wasn’t my doing.) You can follow him at @Wyvern_Mortimer, though. Expect lots of barking and growling.



Alliance players will remember Deliana as the questgiver who once started the dungeon set upgrade questline (or, if you started playing after Cataclysm, as that random human standing around in the Ironforge throne room). In the blog, Deliana has been reunited with her questgiving counterpart Mokvar, with whom she had once adventured as part of the Veiled Blade mercenary group, and joined him for his time in exile from Orgrimmar while in pursuit of a powerful warlock relic. Since then, she’s kept a close a close eye on her old comrade in arms, even venturing to stealth her way around Orgrimmar to stay in contact. (Just don’t tell Shayari. The two don’t seem to get along. Especially on Twitter.)

Speaking of which, follow Deliana on Twitter at @Deliana_VB! (Just don’t bring up ol’ “Fancy Hooves.”)



Taktani is a happily innocent and boundlessly energetic young druid who first came to Garrosh’s attention as a recurring mailbag correspondent. Eventually, she managed to convince “Mr. Warchief” to let her serve as a part-time scribe, covering for Mokvar’s absence (at the time) and supplementing Gurtash’s comics with transcripts of her own (though not always without incident).

Tak always seems to see the bright side of life, and is generally oblivious to many of the conflicts around her. She also seems to have an ongoing misunderstanding of how names work in Pandaria, erroneously thinking that she should say everyone’s name twice. Taktani often keeps the company of Dontrag and Utvoch (or, as she calls them, “Mr. D” and “Mr. U”), and more recently has befriended Shayari. Just don’t anyone introduce her to Mylune. For the love of the spirits, please.

Learn more about Taktani in her character profile!



For good or ill, without Magatha, we probably wouldn’t have Garrosh as Warchief. It was her treachery during Garrosh and Cairne Bloodhoof’s mak’gora duel in The Shattering that led to the latter’s death. Her subsequent coup in Thunder Bluff led to her eventual exile from the mainstream of tauren society. She was last seen in-game in Thousand Needles, when she recruits the player to help her escape imprisonment by the Twilight’s Hammer (though the blog found its own way to intrude on that particular questline…).

In blog continuity, Magatha has continued to crop up as a nemesis for Garrosh. She allied herself with the Twilight’s Hammer to mastermind a plot to kidnap the Warchief, then, some time later, deceived Garrosh into believing his long-lost mother was actually still alive…with painful results.

Though she’s typically in hiding, Magatha occasionally pops up on Twitter. Keep an eye on @M_Grimtotem, just to be safe.




Arch Druid Lathorius is the leader of D.E.H.T.A. (Druids for the Ethical and Humane Treatment of Animals), based on Northrend. In the world of the blog, Lathorius — or “Lather-on-us,” as Garrosh often calls him — is an unlikely sometimes-nemesis, sometimes-ally to the Warchief. He’s written a number of letters to Garrosh’s mailbag and made one noteworthy appearance at Grommash Hold; his most significant contribution thus far, though, is probably his unwitting role in bringing Garrosh and Mortimer together.




Ben-Lin Cloudstider is a Huojin pandaren who joined the Horde and moved to Orgrimmar shortly after the discovery of Pandaria. A retired monk, Ben-Lin now works as a counselor specializing in stress and anger management, a capacity that led to her first encounter with Garrosh at one of her anger management classes. (Yes, really.) Since then, Ben-Lin has reappeared on a number of occasions, often in the unenviable position of trying to calm Garrosh down and dissuade him from acting on his more rash impulses. One can only assume the Warchief has been working up quite the tab, especially since becoming a father.

Learn more about Ben-Lin in her character profile!




We would be remiss not to mention him, at least. Bob has been a regular contributor to Garrosh’s mailbag since its inception. This frequent correspondent from the Echo Isles seems to take great pleasure in winding up the Warchief, often drawing on some rather familiar tropes to do so. More recently, he’s even found his way into Garrosh’s Earth Online guild <Warchief>. If you go all the way back to Garrosh’s inaugural mailbag, you might get a notion of who he might really be.


Monday mailbag


So yeah, I know I’m just getting this mailbag in under the wire for it to count as Monday, but whatever, it’s hard to get a stable internet connection out here in the fucking swamp. I’m writing from the field as we make our final march into Dustwallow Marsh. I figured I haven’t answered any mail for a while, so it might be good to offer up a few messages from the my loyal Horde minions before we but a roflstomping on the humans.

Let’s see what we’ve got…


Written on a heavy parchment in multicolored inks, the first impression of this letter is one of chaos. Small sketches of Tauren, prairie wolves, swoops, and other sights of Mulgore clutter the margins, at times encroaching on the text itself. The sketches are obviously done quickly, but with moderate skill; the subjects are clearly recognizable even though the drawings are rough and unfinished. In contrast, the words meander across the page, crooked and shaky, with the occasional backwards letter. Many times a word will be started in one color of ink and finished in another, as if the writer got distracted halfway through the word.

Dear Mistr Warcheif Sir,

I have a question, and the nice ork Mistr U told me to write to you and ask. Hes visiting, and hes been reel nice to me. He talks a lot. Sumtimes I cant ask him anything because he talks too much. But he told me to ask you. He said you would kno. I wanted to ask if brown orks taste diffrent than green orks. Do green orks taste like mint? Are brown orks chocklate? Tauren taste like fur. Why are you brown when the other orks are green? Did you eat too much chocklate? Everyone tells me I cant eat too much chocklate, itll make me sick. Did you get sick from chocklate? Mistr U needs to go now, so I have to stop riting and give this to him.

The letter is signed with a large, inky pawprint, a small sketch of a Tauren druid in cat form, and the shaky name “Taktani,” with every letter in a different color ink.




<scratches head>

The FUCK is this?

Okay, so I get that the talkative orc this person is talking about is probably Utvoch… I mean, starts with “U” and talks too much, how many of those could there be? And I guess this is good since it confirms D&U must still be alive in the restored timeline after…well…you know. Um…I GUESS that’s a good thing. Not sure what Utvoch is doing in Mulgore rather than Vindication Hold up in Stonetalon, but whatever. I guess being killed in the line of duty earns you a little R&R time.

As for you, Taktani…um, no, brown orcs don’t taste like chocolate, and green orcs don’t taste like mint. Although it IS kind of funny thinking of that, since it would mean, what, Thrall and Aggra are going to have mint chocolate chip babies? Heh. But no, we just taste like….orc. I mean for real, I get enough attention from the ladies as it is, what with me being Warchief and dead sexy and all — last thing I need is for word to start getting around that I taste like chocolate too. Dude, I won’t be able to walk down the fucking STREET.

Anyway, Taktani, thanks for writing just the same. Hopefully you’ve outgrown Tauren Kindergarten-Land in Mulgore, and are off doing some bigger-kid stuff. The Horde can always use more good soldiers, especially on my watch with me looking far and wide for ways to keep the troops busy. Ashenvale’s looking pretty nice this time of year, if I can make a recommendation. Just don’t get too much of the damn night elf glitter in your eyes.


Hey mon!

I’m writing’ to ya from one of our ships headin’ down to Theramore! I’m on a boat, mon!

Make sure ya watch it to da end, mon!

–Bob, S.S. Echo Isles

I… he… what the hell IS this, the mailbag of WTF?!

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that this Bob guy managed to dig up a new and creative way to be stupid. Funny, though, I’m pretty sure that’s the song I’ve been hearing Vol’jin humming to himself for most of the trip down. Maybe it’s some kind of a troll thing…


Hail, Warchief!

Time is short, in more ways than one. I’m writing this for those of us on the road to Theramore.

The hour of assault approaches. There may be some who doubt why we’re here. Why we’re doing this. Why we must. The reason can be given in one word: Taurajo. A hunters’ camp, not a military target, annihilated by marauding Alliance soldiers. Soldiers, I say? I misspoke: they weren’t soldiers, they were bandits. Bandits supplied, equipped, and brought to Kalimdor through one place and one place only.

That is why Theramore must burn.

That is also why I make what may sound like a peculiar request. When we make the final assault, those of us who aren’t compelled otherwise should wear Thunder Bluff’s colors. Not only will this show our solidarity with our Tauren brothers, it will also remind those cowards why we come. To remind them that Justice neither relents, nor sleeps.

For the Horde! And for Taurajo!


–A Concerned Citizen

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! Go to it, ACC, lay some truth on them motherfuckers! I’ve got to say, one thing that’s fucking infuriated me on this trip has been seeing how many of our people HAVEN’T on board with me with the post-Taurajo hate. Check this out — I even heard a rumor that Baine was telling people that Taurajo was a legitimate military target, and the human commander at least gave the civilians room to flee, and he wonders if we’ll conduct ourselves as honorably. This is BAINE talking. BAINE. THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT? In what backwards-ass universe am I more pissed off about Camp T than chieftain of the fucking tauren?!

Anyway, I’m definitely encouraging the troops to follow your suggestion, ACC. And on that note, we’re about to spit up the force for the final march. I’ll update again soon…can’t wait to see the looks on the humans’ faces. I’ve got a little surprise planned for them…


Of wyverns and pine cones


Just dropped by the Sanctuary of Malorne on my way around Mount Hyjal and paid a visit to Hamuul Runetotem, who’s overseeing the reforestation efforts there. I brought a few men with me for the trip, including Mokvar, so, y’know, transcript incoming…


GARROSH: Hamuul, I’m glad you’re doing better these days.

HAMUUL: As compared to being burned alive, or as compared to crawling out from under a pile of my friends’ corpses in a mass grave?

GARROSH: Um…yes?

HAMUUL: I’ve been worse.

GARROSH: Uh…yeah.  So while I’m here, I wanted to—

Mylune, an overly energetic dryad, scampers in and starts hugging Mortimer frantically. Mortimer appears generally confused but doesn’t put up much of a fight.

MYLUNE: Ohhhhhhhh aren’t you just the cutest thing?! You’re a good wittle wyvern, aren’t you? Yes you are! Yes you are! Ohhhhhhhh you’re so precious!

GARROSH: Um, what’s this?

HAMUUL: That’s Mylune, one of the Guardians. She’s been helping with the recovery up at the Grove of Aessina and here at the Regrowth…

MYLUNE: So furry and handsome and such a good boy! Yes you are! You are! Oh yes you are, Mr. Wyvern…

GARROSH: Is she always like this?

MYLUNE: OOH! Now don’t be like that, Mr. Bitey-Pants, you know Autie Luney just want to wuv you! Like this!

She squeezes her arms around Mortimer extra tight, despite his growing efforts to pull away.

HAMUUL: <long pause> Yes.


HAMUUL: Mmhmm.

GARROSH: Well then.

MYLUNE: …with your scruffy-wuffy mane and your handsome coat and – OOH, what big teeth you have, now I told you, Mr. Wyvern…

GARROSH: Look, if you have to drive him bonkers, could you at least just call him by his actual name and not this Mr. Wyvern crap?

MYLUNE: <squeezing Mortimer giddily> Oooooh, what’s his name?

GARROSH: His name is Mortimer, and—

MYLUNE: <holding Mortimer by his face and wiggling it side to side> Oh that’s a funny name, isn’t it Mr. Mortimer? Isn’t it? <nodding Mortimer’s head in her hands> Yes it is! Yes it is!

GARROSH: Can you STOP that? And what the hell’s wrong with his name?

MYLUNE: Ohhh… <eyes go creepily wide> Is he your wyvern, Mr. Warchief?

GARROSH: Yes, why do you—OOF!

In one rapid motion, Mylune releases Mortimer, grabs Garrosh, and clasps him to her bosom, swaying side to side energetically.

MYLUNE: Ohhhh aren’t wyverns just that most wonderful, flappytastical creatures?!

GARROSH: <wriggling around to try to pull away, without much success> THE FUCK is your problem?!

MYLUNE: Such beautiful, wonderful, majestic creatures of the sky! <eyes glistening happily> They’re just so magnificent! And you have one of your very own!

GARROSH: Uh, Mokvar, a little help here?

MOKVAR: Too busy writing, boss.


MYLUNE: <still swaying side to side with Garrosh clasped to her bosom> Oh I wish I had a wyvern friend of my very own! I would hug him and pet him and squeeze him and love him and I would call him George!

GARROSH: The fuck, you’re giving him shit for “Mortimer,” but apparently “George” is—

MYLUNE: Ohhhhhh and I would love him so much! You’re so so lucky to have a wyvern friend of your very very own, Mr. Orc!

Mylune keeps Garrosh pressed against her with one arm while grabbing Mortimer again with the other, and pulls the wyvern to her despite its plaintive yelps.

MYLUNE: The very very bestest of furry flappy friends! It’s just so beautiful!

GARROSH: <finally pulls out of her grip> What. THE FUCK. Is your DAMAGE? And will you STOP squeezing him like that, before you squish his head or something? He’s already kind of skittish from getting beaten as it is!

MYLUNE: <stares at Garrosh with eyes welling up with tears> He…he was beaten?

GARROSH: <exasperated sigh> Yeah, he was, and he was stuck on the long haul from Silithus to Winterspring before I—

MYLUNE: Ohhhhhhh that poor sweet fuzzy growly thing, you mean he’s a rescue wyvern too?!

GARROSH: I… Well so to speak, now that you mention it there were a couple times in Stonetalon and then in Twilight High—GAH!!!

With a sudden, gleeful squeal, Mylune releases Mortimer and grabs Garrosh with both hands, pulling him to her and planting a big, loud kiss on him before hugging him tightly.

MYLUNEOh thank you, Mr. Orc! Thank for saving the poor dear sweet beautiful wyvern from harm! So so much! Oh it makes me so happy!

GARROSH: <gasping and spitting> THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, LADY?! And why do you taste like fucking pine cones?!

MYLUNE: <keeps rocking back and forth hugging Garrosh against her> Ohhh silly Mr. Orcie! Doesn’t it just make you feel all warm and gooey inside knowing you’ve made a poor innocent animal safe and happy!

GARROSH: <spits again> Seriously, pine cones! Hell, I’m half surprised you don’t taste like fucking maple syrup!

MYLUNE: Why? Did Jaina say something?

GARROSH: Why would…okay, you know what, I’m not even going to. Fuck it. And… <shoves her away forcefully and steps back> STOP. FUCKING. GRABBING PEOPLE. Fucking hell, Hamuul, how do you put up with this shit?

HAMUUL: <long pause> With copious ale and quiet resignation.

GARROSH: And hey, you’re a druid, right?

HAMUUL: There have been rumors to that effect.

GARROSH: Um…okay. So listen, dude, whatever you do, don’t go into one of your animal forms around this chick, you know?

HAMUUL: I know.

GARROSH: Because seriously, if she—

HAMUUL: No. You don’t understand. I know.


HAMUUL: Mmhmm.

MYLUNE: Oh Hamuul, don’t you be all Mr. Grumpyhooves just because you’re an extra super cuddly kitty cat!

GARROSH: Seriously, shouldn’t you be up in Silvermoon pledging a sorority and dotting your I’s with little hearts or something?

MYLUNE: Oh no, silly Mr. Warchief, I never dot my I’s with hearts!

GARROSH: Why do I get the feeling…

MYLUNE: I wouldn’t want the other poor letters to feel like I don’t love them too!


HAMUUL: It’s been…a slow process here.

MYLUNEOhhhhhh look, a woodchuck! Isn’t he the sweetest and pudgiest and woodchuckerest little darling ever?

GARROSH: It’s like if Dontrag and Utvoch had a kid. Made of pink.


GARROSH: Count yourself lucky.

MYLUNE: <hugging the woodchuck, who seems none too thrilled about the situation> So furry and cuddly and squirmy and fuzzy and SQUEE!

GARROSH: Hey, listen, Miley or whatever the fuck your name is, did you hear about the fires in Ashenvale?

MYLUNE: What? Fires?

GARROSH: Yeah, there was a huge fire in Ashenvale. All the deer and squirrels and bear cubs and…like…chipmunks with funny hats that you probably have a conniption over, they all fucking BURNED.

MYLUNE: <wide-eyed shock> They…they…

GARROSH: <aside to Runetotem> That oughta shut her up for a while.

HAMUUL: I don’t know if you thought this through.

MYLUNE: The…cute little animals…burned…?

Mylune’s eyes well up with tears, she throws her head back, and she starts to wail despondently. Her near-deafening crying grows louder and higher-pitched, climbing in octaves into a piercing screech. After a few seconds, her voice becomes inaudible, but she continues standing in place, visibly crying. A moment later, wolves begin howling in the distance.


HAMUUL: As I said.

GARROSH: I…should maybe get going.

HAMUUL: Probably.

GARROSH: Yeah. I think I need to go stab a bunny or something.

HAMUUL: Thanks for making light of things being burned alive, by the way. That was thoughtful.



You know, I’m starting to wonder if I should just stop bringing Mokvar places, because seriously, every time I have him with me it seems like some idiotic shit keeps happening.

I still have more work do to here in Hyjal, but I’m in no mood to deal with it after all that bullshit, so I think I’m just going to go check in at Nordrassil and try to do some writing to relax before I get going again. I still have a new EPIC VERSE to finish up (no, I haven’t forgotten) so hopefully I’ll get that up for you guys pretty quick. Stay tuned.

And fucking hell. Seriously.


“I don’t know what he was complaining about. He tasted like cheap beer and arrested development.”