Tag Archives: blasted lands
Sweet home Nagrand
Before I forget, props to A Concerned Citizen for giving me a heads up about the naga and murlocs down in the Blasted Lands. In fact, it’s even better than you made it out – not only do the naga have the murlocs enslaved and lugging stuff around, which would be funny enough on its own, but get this, they’re even making some of the murlocs fight each other in gladiatorial games for their scaly entertainment! How awesome is that? HAH!
Anymore, moving on.
I’m back home in Garadar now, checking up on that letter I got the other day, supposedly from Lakkara. I don’t think it’s going to come as much of a shock to anyone that that one threw me for a loop, seeing as my mother was supposed to have died over twenty years ago. And before you guys start getting worried about me, yeah, I know this whole thing looks pretty potentially sketchy, so as much as I’m hoping it’s true, I’m not going to be stupid. The main thing is I need to check on this one way or the other. Either it’s true and my mom is actually still alive, or somebody’s messing with me for whatever reason, and if that’s the case there’s about to be a brand new dinner reservation at the VIP table at Chateau d’Unfathomable-Never-Ending-Agonizing-Pain.
Lakkara wasn’t in Garadar when I got here, but I spent the afternoon talking with Greatmother Geyah, and she pretty much confirmed what the letter had said. My mother really hadn’t died from the red pox way back when, but came down with a stronger, highly contagious form of it, and ended up moving off to the mountains in secret while Greatmother and a few others put out the story that she died. Which, first of all, I’m not exactly thrilled about being lied to all these years about my mother, even if I can understand why she didn’t want people following after her.
Anyway, though, Greatmother says Lakkara turned up in the village a few weeks ago, and just like with me and probably a lot of you, it set off Greatmother’s too-good-to-be-true radar. But based on what Greatmother’s told me, it sounds pretty legit so far. The first thing she did when Lakkara turned up was to go off with her in private and ask her as many questions as she could come up with that only the real Lakkara would know the answers for. She didn’t miss one. Greatmother seems pretty convinced, and geriatric or not, she’s usually not one to be fooled easily. (You should have seen me trying to put one over on her when I was a teenager. THOSE were some short one-way trips down Fuck Yourself Over Lane, let me tell you.)
According to Greatmother, Lakkara left sometime last week to visit Mag’har Post in Hellfire Peninsula and see what’s happened with the rest of our people. And she’d mentioned wanting to be able to see what’s become of some of the other parts of Draenor, so she wasn’t sure when she was planning to return. I may stay here for a few days and see if she turns up, and in the meantime maybe try to do a little more checking around. More soon.
Visiting Dreadmaul Hold
So the other day I asked for suggestions for inspection stops in the Eastern Kingdoms. The suggestions pretty much clustered – a lot of recommendations for the northern regions like Hillsbrad, Tirisfal, and the Plaguelands, and then some others for our southern outposts in the Blasted Lands and the Swamp of Sorrows. For the time being I’m going to table the northern settlements. For one thing, hitting all the outposts will definitely take more time than I can spare in one chunk, and also, more importantly, after this past week’s mailbag, I have some business I need to go check on in Outland, so I figure it would just make more sense to deal with the southern outposts on my way to and from the Dark Portal.
I took a mage portal down to the Dark Portal and flew up to Dreadmaul Hold. Things are fairly well under control there, still some skirmishes with the Dreadmaul ogres but nowhere near as much as there had been when we first retook the outpost and kicked the ogres out. But you were right, Fletcher, Warmatron Okrilla is getting a little carried away down there, first and foremost with the ogres. Look, everybody knows I’m not exactly warm and fuzzy, and I’m not one to back away from a good war when somebody wants to go at it with me. But that doesn’t mean you don’t try to maintain SOME sense of honor while you’re fighting your war. And this? Taking Dreadmaul ogres captive and forcing them to be your slave labor? That’s just not cool. That’s the kind of shit that the Scourge did up in Northrend, or the Twilights in all the places they cropped up in like roaches. You don’t do that with your prisoners, with maybe the possible exception of Alliance prisoners if you happen to need a food taster…and even THAT’S not hard labor, unless maybe the food is really badly undercooked, I guess. (And in that case the cook knows he’s going to be taken out by the rear gate and beaten around some, so we know THAT problem won’t be coming up again, will it now, Marogg?)
What’s more, I was also getting reports that Okrilla wasn’t allowing non-orcs into the outpost at all. Turns out that was kind of an exaggeration, other Horde races are free to go there, but from what I saw when I was there, any tauren or trolls or whatever that happen by definitely get a lot cooler reception than orcs. And so…again…I’m all for orc pride. Totally down with that. And yeah, I might have gotten a complaint or two about my decision to restrict Orgrimmar’s main residential areas to orcs and tauren, but here’s the difference. That was a tactical decision about the defense of the city. Yeah, bitch all you want about the undead or blood elves not having their own houses there anymore or whatever, but I’m still not trying to stop them from COMING to the fucking city. Some blood elf wants to come in and do some business, see a trainer, use the portals, pick up a few assignments for jobs in the outlying zones, just hang out with some friends, whatever, great, have at it. Unless he’s Johnny Awesome. Then, fuck him. But anyway.
So I ended up sitting Okrilla down and giving her a talking to about all this. Like I said, I totally get the orc pride, and on a related note even being a little territorial about Dreadmaul Hold. After all, it WAS our city back when it was founded as Rockard. But I laid it out in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to be hearing about any more racial problems, because at the rate she was going it was just a matter of time before she started giving orcs and non-orcs separate vendors and flight masters and whatever else. And as for the ogres, she wants to take prisoners, fine, take prisoners and hold them, or use them as bargaining chips to get the rest of the Dreadmaul to back down, or interrogate them for information, do what you need to do, but we’re not going to be doing any more slavery. Hell, we orcs were kept as slave labor by the humans at one point, so if you’re going to get hung up on orc pride, then it should be a point of that pride to fucking be better than that shit. Besides, we have ogres working with us, and the last thing I need is Draz’Zilb getting all bitchy with me.
So, there you go, that’s my day. Freed the slaves and cut off separate-but-equal at the pass. Go me.
I’m heading back down to the Dark Portal (and I am TOTALLY going to check on the naga and murlocs that ACC mentioned while I’m down that way). I’ll write more from Outland once I get there.
Mag’hari house guest
Sorry I haven’t been posting the last week. I’ve been pretty busy here in Orgrimmar, and not even with anything big and momentous like wiping out the Alliance or even the aftermath of Deathwing biting it. This past week my Greatmother has been visiting from Nagrand, so I was showing her around and just generally keeping her out of trouble.
As it turns out, just getting her out here was a big production all by itself. I offered to send a mage to port her straight here, but oh no, no way, turns out apparently old people don’t trust mages and their new-fangled portals, no sir, so we had to arrange to get her out to the Dark Portal to come through that way. By the way, funny how she didn’t want to take a mage portal because those things are dangerous and unreliable, and yet she was totally okay taking the DARK PORTAL which by the way HAS “PORTAL” RIGHT IN ITS NAME TOO, only with dragon heads carved around it and warlocky fel magic buzzing all over it because we all know NOTHING ever went wrong with THAT.
So anyway, we finally got her out to the Dark Portal and through to the Blasted Lands, and then over to Grom’gol to catch the zeppelin up to Orgrimmar. On the way I hear tell she promised home-knit sweaters to a couple of the Grom’grol guards and one of the goblins on the zeppelin, because, you know, you really need a sweater when it starts getting nippy out there in the tropical jungle. I bet most of the problems the Darkspear ended up having in Stranglethorn could have been cleared right up if someone had through to crank out a few cardigans.
So we finally got her up here to Orgrimmar, and I have to admit, I was kind of hoping that she would be at least a LITTLE impressed with the place, or with me being Warchief, but oh no. First thing she comments on is how we’re still under construction even with the Cataclysm happening however many months ago, and how it wasn’t even that big of a cataclysm, not like in her day when Draenor literally got ripped into pieces, and us young ’uns have it so easy thinking a few earthquakes and some tidal waves count as a capital-C definite-article The Cataclysm – and meanwhile they had their settlements rebuilt in a few weeks. Which, everything else aside, yeah, like I needed another reminder of how those goblins are seriously taking their damn time on the construction work.
Oh wait, hold on, let me correct that. That wasn’t the first thing she commented on. No, the FIRST thing she commented on was the ritual tattoos I’ve gotten since the last time she saw me, like “Oh, is this what you kids are doing nowadays? All these young people running around with their tattoos, calling them ‘ritual’ and acting like that means they’re in touch with the ancestors. I know my ancestors knew the actual rituals. You know they’re only going to stretch and sag as you get older, don’t you? Don’t say I didn’t warn you…” Oh and then there were the pieces of Mannoroth’s tusks that I wear on my shoulders – “You wear those to work? For important meetings and everything?” And when I pointed out how they’re from Mannoroth, who killed my FATHER, and how I’d used parts of the pit lord’s remains to fashion the shoulders and my throne in Grommash Hold, all I got for that was “You don’t think that’s a little tacky?”
Also, as if all that wasn’t fun enough, for the first two days pretty much all I heard about was Thrall and how proud she is of him for saving the world from Deathwing and how great it is that he and Aggra are having a baby and by the way WHEN THE HELL WAS THRALL GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT THAT?! First the wedding and now this, the FUCK, man? And anyway, that was all kinds of fun, being reminded on and on about how awesome Thrall is, and how happy she is that she’s finally going to have great-grandchildren. And then she made some mention about how apparently Kilrath has a daughter around my age that she wants me to meet, and yeah that was all kinds of awkward. Ugh.
Over the next few days a bunch of the other Horde leaders came by to meet her and pay their respects, which I’ll admit was pretty cool of them, and she seemed to like Baine especially, gave him the whole “nice young man” deal that old ladies love to throw around. And everyone was nice to her, don’t get me wrong, but like…I mean, I know I can get cranky sometimes, but I really try to watch my mouth around Greatmother. Not least of all because if she catches me swearing she used to give me a good hard yank by my ponytail, which was one of the main reasons I cut it off eventually, but I’m also not in much of a hurry to find out what she would come up with for Plan B now that it’s gone. So anyway, I try to rein it in when I’m around her, but I swear the other leaders were making a point of giving me bad news in front of her and just generally saying things to see if they could set me off. Vol’jin especially. Meanwhile Greatmother just seemed to get a kick out of everyone. I don’t think she’s really clear on what the Forsaken actually are, though, what with her calling Sylvanas “that nice elf girl” that seems like she could use some sun. (More like she could use some SunWELL, am I right? OH YEAH I WENT THERE.) I’m thinking it’s just as well that I don’t clear that one up for her.
Anyway, that’s a sampling of my week, and I’m sure I’ll roll out a few more stories about it if you want to hear, maybe toss a few quotable quotes in the Twitter feed or something (#shitmygreatmothersays maybe). For right now, though, she just left to head back to Nagrand, so if you’ll excuse me, I have a tavern to go visit.
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
