Tag Archives: dontrag
A day in the life
So, the last few mailbags have gotten me thinking. I’ve been getting a bunch of questions about pretty regular day-to-day things in my life — nuts and bolts about what I do and why. Just another part of being a celebrity, I guess, and a pretty damn awesome one at that. Point is, with all the crazy crap that goes on around here, I think I might have gotten so busy keeping everyone updated on the BIG NEWSY stuff that I haven’t bothered talking about anything else. Which, you know, was kind of the POINT of writing the damn blog in the first place. You know. THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS AND SHIT.
Well, maybe not shit. Not literally. Because gross.
Point is, though, I’m going to try to be a little better about posting on the NON-BIG-GIANT-WORLD-ALTERING stuff that’s going on or that I have in mind or whatever. So, for those of you interested in more of an inside look at what it’s like to be me (short version: way better than it is to be you), here, have a peek into a sample of a day in the life of everyone’s favorite Warchief.
(That would be ME, you UNGRATEFUL SMARTASSES out there.)
8:09 AM – Woke up. Rolled out of bed. Pulled razor across my head. (I try to be diligent about shaving. Wouldn’t be a big deal if I only had some stubble on my FACE — the tattoos would make it hard to see anyway — but if it starts getting visible on top, you start seeing what a bad draw I got as far as middle-aged hairlines go. I’ll tell you, my mother’s side of the family must have had some fucking awful hair, because I sure as hell didn’t get mine from Grom.)
8:16 AM – Morning jog around Grommash Hold. Worked up good sweat but noticed several vendors conspicuously absent. Unable to amuse self by slapping them on the way by. Possibly vendors getting wise. Two years later. Never said they were sharpest tools. Disappointing nonetheless. Post-slap reactions always good for chuckle. Especially troll.
8:43 AM – Bacon. Also: more bacon.
8:51 AM – Kafa. Really not bad at all. Maybe should have listened to Ruekie about Starbulls earlier. Remember to check with her about other blends later. Potential application of haste buff stacking with Recklessness.
9:00 AM – Budget review meeting with Eitrigg. Gramps raised some concerns about an increase in the “Warchief discretionary spending” category. Don’t even get me started.
10:00 AM – Staff meeting with Malkorok, Overlord Runthak, and Overseer Elaglo. Updates on a number of projects, plus a few security oddities from Malk. Mokvar working with Xorenth today, so Taktani recording notes. Malkorok less than pleased. Can’t really blame him. Some sensitive topics, so not publishing transcript.
11:32 AM – On way out after meeting, had to suffer through, and minimize, small talk with Dontrag. Or Utvoch. Not sure. Apparently waiting for Tak after meeting. Luckily escaped when she came out.
11:36 AM – Note to self: Check on which one of D&U is which.
11:37 AM – Followup note to self: Don’t really give shit which is which. Disregard previous.
11:45 AM – Shayari gets back from morning of mage training with Faranell in Undercity. As per recommendation, Doc showed her Ice Block today. Apparently never bothered picking it up because she’s a fire mage. Dalaran, Shmalaran. Don’t know what those fuckers were teaching her.
Shay also delivered (another) invoice from Faranell for his jaw replacement. Can’t possibly really be that expensive. Also not crazy about Materials; “headhunting” and acquisition line item. Bad feeling about this.
12:20 PM – Lunch at Broken Tusk. Pretty good special, “Agamaggan’s pulled pork.” Needs bacon, though. Then again, what doesn’t?
12:36 PM – While eating, interrupted by Dontrag. Or Utvoch. Not sure. Not the one from earlier. Other one. Yammered on about something. Difficult to follow as I wasn’t listening. Can only assume that sounds of me eating sounded to him like “Tell me about your life.” Really crossed the line, though, when he started going on and on about wanting to set up a double date for him and the other one.* Thought of those two on dates led to prospect of them breeding. Lost appetite at that point and left. See, proves my point about bacon. Would have still been worth it in that case.
* Not with me. Double date for them and two someones (sometwos?) else. Not me. Even bacon couldn’t have salvaged that shit if so.
1:30 PM – Combat drills with trainees. Focus today on defensive maneuvers, parrying, mitigation skills. Overall decent performance. Korrina still a little reckless. Rook possibly a little too quick to hit “oh shit” buttons, but growing more adept at self-heals. Bodes well for group use, maybe occasional off-healing. Giska doing well with unarmed combat, blocking especially, skill less successful while using a weapon. Possibly check with Lunchbox on this. Tuekie, Zorekk coming along well, performance gap remains but growing less conspicuous. Mirembe and Tov’osh still on training maneuvers in Northrend.
3:00 PM – Extra melee practice with Gurtash. Trying to ease him back in but he’s still a little slow to pick things back up. Very hesitant. Hit accuracy seems uncompromised by injury, so that’s good. Kept to short session today. Don’t want to discourage him but combat skills need to take major step forward if he’s to perform honorably. And survive. More side sessions to follow.
4:00 PM – Hop onto Earth Online. Not going to bother logging guild chat — only getting on for a few minutes to check auctions and knock out a few dailies, then I’ll be logging off.
6:11 PM – Finally logged off of Earth Online. Man. Game really goes have a way of sucking you in and burning the day. Didn’t even really do anything especially fun. Didn’t even really do much of ANYTHING. Two hours gone anyway. How the hell does Genesis do it? Check on this — could have potential mind control / military applications. Make mental note for next meeting with Blackfuse and/or Draz’Zilb. And of course, Shay had to pop in and snarky comments about nerdy gaming. Again.
6:20 PM – Tried to take Shay to this new barbecue place over in the Drag for dinner. When we arrived, found Dontrag and Utvoch there.
Positive: Both there, so no need to worry about who’s who.
Negative: Both there.
Double negative: Don’t CARE who’s who, which cancels out positive above. (Math nerds: Yes, in this case double negative cancels the positive and not the negatives. Don’t get panties in a bunch. Also: HEAD HURTS.)
Triple negative: They were chatty.
6:22 PM – Got the fuck out of there and headed home. I’ll send for takeout, dammit. Fuck that noise. (Literal noise.)
6:27 PM – Passed by Kodohide Leatherworkers on way home. Had to drag Shay away to avoid shopping spree. She stuck head in doorway, entire staff greeted her by name. Fuck me.
7:21 PM – Shay tries to conjure lemon squares for dessert. Not something that usually promises much success but she decides she wants to try it anyway. Goes about as well as you might expect.
7:34 PM – Leave note for repair crew to come by tomorrow to take care of damage to kitchen. Not looking forward to bill. Also make mental note to talk to Faranell about the lemon square thing or failure thereof. What the hell am I paying for. Remember this next time he tries griping about the bill for his damn jaw.
Monday mailbag
Okay, time to dip into the mail. Quick one this time around, but I’m a busy orc, so that works out. Let’s get right to it…
So, I kinda put some thought into my work. The Facemelters just weren’t sellin’ like I thought they would, so I decided to put my design talents to work by approachin’ ol’ Helix Blackfuse and lookin’ for work. Course, the big boss gets all the fame and glory of his design team, but no big, ya know? He still pays pretty good compared to what I was makin’ with my startup company.
I come bearin’ some good news for your most recent armaments order. So, get this. Ol’ Blackfuse comes to us in the design team, wantin’ to make a demolisher. Only he wanted to mix it with somethin’ like those dwarf steam tanks they got on the other side. I thought, what would make this bigger, better, and more BADASS than just a demolisher with the stayin’ power of a tank? We worked at it all night, but I think you’ll absolutely LOVE the end results. We like to call it the Iron Juggernaut.
So, we took the basic design of a Horde demolisher, then we completely reworked the chassis so the end result, once the body team finishes construction, looks like a Kor’kron scorpid! Pretty cool, huh? But that ain’t all we got in mind! Instead of claws, we slapped a launchable sawblade and drill to its front end (which is also where the exhaust port is to vent all those volatile flames from the furnace, and hoo baby, this thing looks like it’ll be spewin’ fire like a dwarf that had one too many at Brewfest when it rolls off the assembly line). Instead of some sort of impalin’ device for the tail (seriously, that drill-claw ain’t just for looks), we replaced it with a laser beam. Yeah, you read that right. Lasers. Perfect for incineratin’ your enemies AND cookin’ those five copper instant noodle packs! We also got a device in place that launches boilin’ hot tar in all directions, ’cause you can never have too much in the way of stoppin’ power for anyone comin’ to beat this thing up. Toppin’ it all off, this bad boy also launches crawlin’ land mines that burrow into the ground (that was my input, because you can never EVER have enough explosives involved). The design for those crab mines were from a guy over in R&D named Pauli Rocketspark, and man, does that guy love his explosive devices. More than me, and that’s sayin’ somethin’, ya know?
I attached a copy of the blueprints for your final okay on the finished product. Can’t wait until we start producin’ these babies!
–Glessee “Glitch” Sparkbolt
Blackfuse Company, Weapons Designer
Oh, hey, Glessee, it’s been a while. Sorry the Facemelters didn’t really work out, except I’m not really that sorry, what with those things, like, at least six times more dangerous for the USERS than they were for the TARGETS. I have this on good authority from several field commanders who never had any experience with the things themselves but BECAME field commanders when they replaced their recently deceased predecessors who DID.
(Speaking of which, seeing as the Facemelters turned out to be a big ol’ kablooey-disaster, have you considered maybe trying to unload your leftover stock on the Alliance? You could maybe recoup some of your money, and we could probably end up with at least a few dead Allies and the resulting yuks.)
So… you’re on Blackfuse’s payroll, huh? Which kind of means, by extension, you’re on MY payroll. Could be handy to have some inside info on what he has going on. Dude DOES tend to be pretty cryptic about what he’s working on until he’s gotten things at the very late stages. A few peeks at things while they’re still early in production. You know, before I get hit with the R&D bill after the fact.
Speaking of which, this latest project sounds freaking AWESOME. A demolisher loaded up with wall-to-wall weaponry all packed into the shape of a giant scorpid? FUCK yeah. I mean… wait… it IS a GIANT scorpid, right? I’m not going to open the box and find out it’s some kind of mini demolisher scaled down to the size of an actual scorpid, am I? Although it might be kind of funny if it was all tiny and shit but could still roll in and wreck face. That might be good for some LOLs.
Assuming we’re talking about a demolisher-sized scorpid and not a scorpid-sized demolisher (tell me THAT’S not a meme-starting Ask.fm question just waiting to happen), gotta say, I’m loving this GIANT ROBOT idea. We should totally run with this whole design philosophy, if you ask me. Like what if we built a bunch of these souped up demolishers, and made them so they could COMBINE into a giant fel-reaver-type robot? Like one demolisher unit could make the body, and two more could be the arms, and so on, until BAM! all cower before the might of Vol’kron! Or whatever we call it. I’m just spitballing here.
OR– OR– hey! How about THIS — what if we made some demolishers that could turn INTO reavers? So you’ve got the armored siege engine, AND you’ve got the giant robot! Or you could even keep the scorpid idea, and have the SCORPID turn into the reaver, depending on what you need it to fight. Give it some badass name, Scorponok or something. Or for THAT matter, who says we have to limit ourselves to scorpid demolisher forms? Like for instance, I’ve got Nazgrim down in Pandaria sending his scouts to check out the Isle of Giants — can you imagine if we could whip up some motherfucking ROBOT DINOSAURS? DO YOU REALIZE HOW BADASS THAT WOULD BE? They could even still transform from their dino-demolisher forms into reaver-robot forms. Just picture that — a robo-devilsaur that kicks your ass, then turns into a giant reaver to kick it some more. Granted, the robot probably wouldn’t be too bright, but me Garrosh no care.
Hang on. How much do you figure all this might end up costing? Me Garrosh might motherfucking care about THAT.
Um.
Okay, you know what? I’m going to stick my neck way, way out and guess that this came from a goblin. First hint? The school this kid’s going to apparently saw fit to start teaching economics and marketing before, you know, HOW TO FUCKING SPELL.
Also, what the hell kind of a deal is that? I pay this kid do she draws me a PICTURE of bacon? How the hell is THAT supposed to be satisfying? I can just go get some REAL bacon! HOW IS THAT NOT A BETTER DEAL? I’m not going to get anything out of somebody DRAWING something I can just do for real. That would be like… I don’t know…
Heh. Hahahahahaha. That IS pretty funny. They really do get those looks on their faces, too. Right before they lose consciousness. Then they’re quiet. Sweet, sweet quiet. Good times.
Um. Okay, okay, fine, maybe a picture can be fun sometimes. But I’m not going to freaking PAY for them!
OH STOP THE EDITORIALIZING, KID. Sheesh.
ANYWAY, the answer is no, kid. I mean, goblin-kid. Not Gurtash-kid. I’m not interested in hiring you to draw for me. Or my friends. Or whatever.
Gotta admit, though. That bacon DOES look good.
Okay, that’s going to do it for this time around, but keep those letters coming. More awesomeness soon.
[The Warchief’s next mailbag will be Monday, March 7. And, speaking of which, I realize that the blog’s content has been rather mailbag-heavy of late, when there’s even been new content at all, but rest assured I’ve been making use of the seeming down time — the results of which you’ll be seeing start to roll out this week! So thanks to everyone for hanging in there. You patience will be rewarded! In the meantime, do send a few questions, comments, or other missives to Garrosh via or email or, as always, using the handy-dandy for below:]
Monday GUEST mailbag: Gurtash
Okay, so remember when I announced this guest mailbag by Gurtash, and wondered if I was going to have to find him his own text color? Yeah, well, as it turns out, the kid found a way to make that question moot. Here, let me kick it over to him and let him explain…
Where did you get into art?
What’s your favourite piece you’ve drawn? Get well soon!
–Valinora Lightshorn, Stormwind City
My name is Sarlin. I’m not sure if you read Warchief Hellscream’s blog or mailbag much. I’m a new reader, myself. Not sure if you’ve heard of me at all. It’s nice to see that you’re finally up and about! Well…up, anyway. Healing, I think is the word.
What you did a while ago was really brave. Putting your life on the line for a friend (who I honestly don’t have time to whine about; according to Garrosh, I’m still on the limit with you, too) and coming away with a badge to show for it? That took guts. You’ve done more than the Horde proud, and I really hope you see it.
Incidentally, if the scar is still a bit strange to you, maybe you’ll take a little comfort in the knowledge that I have one in almost exactly the same place. You’ll get used to it over time, don’t worry. Plus, you have a pretty damn good tale to tell whenever you get asked about it! Trust me, they LOVE hearing those in the taverns. Not that I spend much time in them, of course.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. Light be with you.
Rest easy and get ready for your training with Garrosh! Give the rest of the DPS my regard, also.
–Sarlinia-Grace Starstriker, Argent Crusade
Spirits be wit’ ya, Gurtash! I heard what happened ta everybody’s favorite artist and praise da Loa that ya recovered. 😀
Since you’re on mail duty while your body still be healing, do ya do any haiku or epic verses of your own besides the art?
–Alayea
Monday mailbag
Okay, time to dip into the ol’ mailbag. You all know how this works, so here we go…
Thank you so much for your generous response. Lyssa was so happy that she got a little frisky, which always makes me happy, you know what I mean. 😉 (She is a cat most of the time, after all.) I sympathize with your frustrations due to expenditures- having been a mother myself once (back when I was still “alive”, though not anymore, may the Goddess curse that human Arthas), I know all about the kinds of bills teens can ring up. (You really do need huge heaping mounds of gold. Like, a dragon’s hoard worth.)
In appreciation, please find enclosed your very own PMS device. It is soft and fluffy and purrs very convincingly, and it may prove a distraction for Shayari as well, if she likes kittens. (Especially if it is wearing a bow or ribbons.)
PMS? That stands for Personal Mylune Survival device. Why? What did you think it meant?
In any event, having been told that the idiot human Varian sometimes reads these letters and your responses, I have a message for him.
Varian- Fuck you! You are a moron- when a ten-thousand year old-plus matriarch (that means ruler) of an entire race of people (two, if you count my ancestors) nods and asks you to tell her what to do, she is NOT SERIOUS, she is MOCKING YOU. Do you really think that you have seen more combat, acquired more experience, discovered more tactics, and learned more strategy than her in all her years? She even only tolerates Malfurion (on the rare occasions when he stops napping) because his furry bear feet keep her toes warm- she has plenty of other options in a nation where the men usually and regularly go into comas for centuries.
From TWO Elven nations: FUCK YOU, VARIAN! (Also, I think Mylune would be a perfect wife for you. Or maybe Magatha.)
(Apologies to you, Dear Warchief, I’ll try to keep it shorter next time, if there is one)
–Sintra E’Drien (and her mate Lyssa Nightblossom)
ps. Thalassian Brandy tastes very good. 😉
Hey again, Sintra. Okay, so you know what? There were a bunch of things in this letter that I was going to respond to, but they all kind of got lost in this big blur of FUCK YOU, VARIAN. Especially the part about Tyrande Who’s-Her-Whisper actually mocking ol’ King Ponytail when he thinks he’s being all badass and shit. And the part about him being a moron. And the part about him getting paired off with Mylune. Mind you, if miracles of entertainment happened and Varian DID get himself hitched to Mylune, we’d have to make sure that nobody hooked him up with one of those PMS devices, because we can’t rob ourselves of the hilarity by letting Varian distract her with something small and furry. Plus, trust me, I’ve met Varian — dude has enough PMS all by himself, without anybody sending him the anti-Mylune device.
Although, this does occur to me, there might be a market in developing a line of anti-whoever gear. Like the Mylune one is a no-brainer — make something small and furry that makes cutesy purring noises, then when you see Mylune, toss it one direction and get your ass moving in another. Golden. But you could totally market a bunch of these. Like you could build an anti-Tirion device that’s like a mannequin with a face that looks all interested, that plays a recording of someone going “Tell me more! I want to hear all about it!” Or you could do an anti-Velen device that’s just a big sign that says “Burning Legion invading — planetary exit this way!” Or you could do an anti-Magatha device that basically consists of Gorehowl chopping her into little tiny pieces because fuck her.
Obviously, I’m just spitballing here.
Oh, and also: agreed on the Thalassian Brandy.
Greetings, Warchief, and Light’s blessing to you!
As that last letter caused quite a stir, what with a possible war on my hands, as well as having to use an ink substitute (it’s scorpion poison, so don’t lick it!) I’m afraid that I cannot convey quite as much information onto you as I would like. But, as literal a lady as I may be, I have picked up the hints and I have no doubt that this is exceptionally great news to you! Nonetheless, I still have time to explain the situation before I begin.
I have my ways and means regarding paper, the first being the nearby logging camp. Did you know that place was infested with spiders quite a bit, recently? Now, I am a woman of few fears, and I am hesitant to say that spiders are among those few fears. They just have too many legs. The natives of Azeroth have proven that only two is necessary! Not to mention they have no real function other than devour more threatening prey, but even so, that’s disgusting and they are as good as abberations to me. Nonetheless, the spiders have been vanquished and our lumber is safe again! Not that it never was, of course. I simply no longer fear strolling down and requesting more wood for paper! Since the Kal’dorei have no authorities over the wood in the Western Plaguelands, I think I shouldn’t have to worry too much about a war. As a precaution, I asked both my lovely Anaria Moonseeker and Miss L’Rayne why the forests were so sacred to them. They both laughed and I never really got my answer. Of course, we were all after a few cups at the time, so I might try approaching them again when we’re sober. Nothing against my fellow Crusader or my sweet lady, not to mention the woman who raised me, but Night Elves are a peculiar people. Mind you, if they started ravaging Eversong Woods, I’d be miffed. I also am aware that this may draw the Night Elves’ attention back to yourself, but I’m sure you have the means to deal with it. After all, there are several Horde leaders but only one Warchief!
As for the scorpion poison, well, there are ways of compressing that to make it more visible on paper. It’s the same colour as the ink that I used before, thanks to a solution Anaria prepared, but it can still be toxic if you were to eat it. Since I’ve used it quite finely, you may simply experience some disorientation or sickness, but I don’t see that that being a problem, unless you eat paper. I just thought I’d let you in on that, in case you DID eat paper. Who am I to judge the Warchief’s culinary preferences? This piece of paper would be better off being tucked away and not eaten. I still have a fine stock of that scorpion poison, so now it’s only a matter of keeping the lumber mill going! I thought that this would be sufficient as a substitute for the ink that is slowly becoming less obtainable. I hope that the lovely young shaman Rue’kara can get her stationaries back soon! How unfortunate that her own letters are limited to such a pulp. She probably has so much to say, poor child. Anyhow! That’s that, and all problems solved!
It would seem a certain metal-beared goblin had quite a bit to say regarding my letters to you, sir. I, for one, am irate, but the ways of the Light have taught me that anger and resentment will only lead to a manifestation of regret and ever-building hatred, so I will bury the hatchet for now and try not to reference said goblin while the Light grants me the strength to repress such hatred. While this anger is still surging mightily, I have to agree on one point that he made; I haven’t really been of much help, have I?
Well, even though I was not present, I know of your visits to Hearthglen through the town chatter, even though I was oblivious of the events that were taking place. See, I was travelling at the time, which I tend to do every few months or so, and when I came back, I did notice a sort of difference. A kind of hush, as though I’d just arrived after a tragic event had taken place. I felt inclined to ask the Highlord, and I did, but even he was at a loss for words, and that is truly saying something. I mean, really. Time travel is…something I am somewhat familiar with. That being said, I know of a bronze dragon, although the identity is to be kept secret for her sake. I haven’t actually travelled backwards through time, nor forwards, but I visited the Caverns of Time, and I saw some of the rifts here and there pulling and tugging, as though the place felt a turn when I entered it. Somehow, I feel slightly connected to it. It’s a sensation that I cannot describe well, but there’s a familiarity about it that I am trying to make sense of, as though I’d been there before. Maybe an alternate me? Wow, I wonder what she does for a living. My bronze friend gave me a little information on how time works, and how she’s travelled on it previously, but as you may have learned, bronze dragons are as cryptic as any old soothsayer or rambling prophet, (which is extremely annoying since they might actually have ANSWERS for us, whereas prophets just ramble on and on and on…) and since I can’t get any answers from her regarding that particular feeling, I have dropped the matter entirely and haven’t been there since. Still, I’ve never stopped wondering…
While this is irrelevant to what you and this doctor Faranell you mentioned had to experience, I simply want to extend a warning, given everything I have learned thus far through my readings of history. The Old Gods corrupted one Aspect, Deathwing, but he was not the only one that was used to their advantage. The Old Gods want nothing more than to see our world in endless agony, and so they invaded Nozdormu’s realm and succeeded in opening a rift in time, so that they could alter the events of the War of the Ancients and give the dark lord, Sargeras, a fresh attempt to enter the world. If not for the efforts of Malfurion Stormrage, these cursed entities would have succeeded, and Azeroth would have been lost to madness. The Bronze Dragonflight are a mighty race, sir, but we all have our weaknesses, even Nozdormu himself. Had he suspected such a travesty, he surely would have prevented it.
We know that there are multiple timelines out there, and we know that, without the assistance of the Bronze Dragonflight, the events of the entwined timeways wouldn’t have been resolved. Be wary, good sir. You must place your trust in those you know can be trusted, and no-one else. If the Bronze Dragonflight fell to the same corruption as Neltharion, our world would be undone as you know it. After all, Algalon had already decided that it wasn’t worth saving. Let us prove him wrong. Let us protect Azeroth as best we can.
With regards to being of any use to you, I’d merely have you know that I do not plan on leaving Hearthglen for quite some time, so should you decide to make a visit in the meantime, know that I shall stand at your service and grant you the hospitality which you seek. It’s the least I can do. Thank you for your time.
P.S Did you really get a Zandaliri troll to perform a lapdance for you? How much did it cost?
Go in peace, good sir.
–Sarlinia-Grace Starstriker, Argent Crusade
Hoo boy. Here we go.
Hello again, Sarlin. Nice to…hear from you. Again.
As that last letter caused quite a stir,
As in, people stirring up poisonous drinks to kill themselves with.
what with a possible war on my hands,
Well, you know, the many, many trees you’ve wiped out to make paper were only going to take so much.
as well as having to use an ink substitute (it’s scorpion poison, so don’t lick it!)
I really wonder what you think I do with my time that you felt this warning was necessary.
I’m afraid that I cannot convey quite as much information onto you as I would like.
Oh thank the spirits. Maybe we’ll manage to be in and out of here in less than a month.
Nonetheless, I still have time to explain the situation before I begin.
Well, so much for that idea. Here we go, kids. Grab a drink, and maybe a snack, and maybe the next two or three days’ meals, and strap in.
Did you know that place was infested with spiders quite a bit, recently? Now, I am a woman of few fears, and I am hesitant to say that spiders are among those few fears. They just have too many legs. The natives of Azeroth have proven that only two is necessary!
Dude, I fucking hate spiders. They’re all gross and crawly and, like you said, they have way more legs than any self-respecting person should ever have, and let’s not even get started on the eyes. I fucking hate things with creepy extra eyes. Plus there was that time up in Stonetalon when the head troll dude in Malaka’jin told me there was some Queen Silith who wanted to meet with me, only GUESS WHAT, turns out she was this GIANT FUCKING SPIDER. LONG LIVE THE FUCKING QUEEN. Except for the part where I killed her.
As a precaution, I asked both my lovely Anaria Moonseeker and Miss L’Rayne why the forests were so sacred to them. They both laughed and I never really got my answer.
It’s the glitter. Night elves love them some glitter, and the trees in their forests leak the stuff like sap. Someday I want to find out just what the fuck is the deal with that, like what kind of trees ooze fucking GLITTER out of their bark, and why they only seem to grow around nigh elves.
I mean, I’m pretty sure Thalassian Brandy would like to know. She could have a personal supply of the stuff right there on hand.
As for the scorpion poison, well, there are ways of compressing that to make it more visible on paper. It’s the same colour as the ink that I used before, thanks to a solution Anaria prepared, but it can still be toxic if you were to eat it. Since I’ve used it quite finely, you may simply experience some disorientation or sickness, but I don’t see that that being a problem, unless you eat paper.
Wait… disorientation? You mean to say you can be HIGH on this shit? No wonder there are always so many trolls always hanging around the inscription place in the Drag.
I hope that the lovely young shaman Rue’kara can get her stationaries back soon! How unfortunate that her own letters are limited to such a pulp. She probably has so much to say, poor child.
Yeah, you know what? I think you’ve got the “so much to say” pretty well covered. Let’s not drag Ruekie into this.
It would seem a certain metal-beared goblin had quite a bit to say
Hi, pot. This is Sarlin. You’re black.
I, for one, am irate, but the ways of the Light have taught me that anger and resentment will only lead to a manifestation of regret and ever-building hatred,
The next time you two chat, could you ask the Light what the fuck it’s talking about?
I have to agree on one point that he made; I haven’t really been of much help, have I?
Oh geez, why do I get the feeling she’s about to start Dontragging? Like, even more?
I was travelling at the time, which I tend to do every few months or so, and when I came back, I did notice a sort of difference. A kind of hush, as though I’d just arrived after a tragic event had taken place. I felt inclined to ask the Highlord, and I did, but even he was at a loss for words, and that is truly saying something. I mean, really.
STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES, SHOCKING NEWS WITH AN IRONIC LOOK-WHO’S-TALKING CHASER
I haven’t actually travelled backwards through time, nor forwards, but I visited the Caverns of Time, and I saw some of the rifts here and there pulling and tugging, as though the place felt a turn when I entered it. Somehow, I feel slightly connected to it. It’s a sensation that I cannot describe well, but there’s a familiarity about it that I am trying to make sense of, as though I’d been there before. Maybe an alternate me? Wow, I wonder what she does for a living.
I’ll bet you anything she’s not a mime.
We know that there are multiple timelines out there, and we know that, without the assistance of the Bronze Dragonflight, the events of the entwined timeways wouldn’t have been resolved. Be wary, good sir.
Dude, are you seriously giving ME a speech on not getting mixed up in timeline fuck-uppery? Hey, I’ve got an idea, how about I get Faranell in here and you can give him a whole speech about making sure he doesn’t get himself unstuck in time for like a zillion years. Earth Online says hello:
With regards to being of any use to you, I’d merely have you know that I do not plan on leaving Hearthglen for quite some time,
Well at least I know where not to go for the next month or two.
Thank you for your time.
Well you fucking well burned up enough of it.
Speaking of which. When you write back — BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL — you are officially getting the modified Twitter treatment. Are you reading carefully? Go grab some of your not-for-snack-time paper and scorpion ink, and write this down: YOU ARE OFFICIALLY ON A 250-WORD LIMIT FOR ALL FUTURE LETTERS. Or, what the hell, if you want to go OVER 250 words, whatever, knock yourself out, but I am going to STOP READING at word #250. Are we clear on this? Are we good? Okay? Good.
Fucking hell. I don’t get paid enough for this job. I really don’t.
Greetings once again Warchief Hellscream. I come bearing ill tidings from Towlong Steppes. I was out leading some of your Horde adventurers through and giving them a Lay of the land while on the way for clean up duty on the Isle of Thunder. Along the way, we passed by a giant eel, G’nathus. The undead warrior and orc shaman decided that it might be a bit of fun to go and test themselves against such a creature. I agreed, if only to keep them alive against such a beast. At first, it seemed to go very well. The warrior took electrocution like nothing I had ever seen before! Then a squid came from nowhere and decided to see if my totems were filled with beer (they’re keg-shaped, you see)! That sadly broke all my concentration and we were forced to flee, but not without some injuries. The poor shaman was smacked around, almost worse than the warrior! Thank the Celestials for ahnks, by the way!
Before this old man babbles for too much longer, I must regretfully inform you that the Shado-Pan has decided to bill the Horde for the loss of precious reagents and my totems. Not that I require the financial compensation, but Lord Zhu insists! Really! He started going on about the outsiders bringing ruin to our land again. It is a very…tiring speech.
Regretfully yours,
–Shen Wei Pureblossom
You do not get to talk about “tiring speeches” immediately after Sarlin’s letter.
That said… Hang on, you mean I’m getting stuck with ANOTHER bill? Is this how things work for that panda-Tirion Zhu guy? Something happens that you don’t like, so you ring up an itemized list to send along to whoever you can? Not to mention, I just finished LOOKING OVER the aforementioned itemized list, and are you fucking KIDDING me? What are your totems fucking MADE of, diamonds?! I thought they were listing the price in coppers when I saw that shit. What the fuck is the exchange rate down there? Does 500 gold mean something different to you people than it does up here? Did you fucking switch to the metric system or some shit? WTF?!
And let’s not even get STARTED on the reagents! I’m going over this list, and there is LITERALLY nothing on here that I can’t walk over to the Valley of Wisdom and buy for pocket change. DON’T BELIEVE ME, COME ON BY. DISCOUNT ANKHS ON ME.
Actually.
Hang on.
It just occurred to me — if this invoice of yours even REMOTELY resembles the actual prices of reagents down there in Pandaria, and it’s not just Zhu’s-his-face gouging me with like an 8000% markup, this might be an opportunity to put a dent in the ol’ Shayari-induced cash flow problem. Because if I can buy this shit HERE for like 20 silver a pop, then bring it on down to Pandaria and sell it to you pandas for a hundred times that, and STILL be way below Scarf Boy’s asking price… Hmm…
Spirits help me, I’m starting to think like a goblin. CONGRATULATIONS, UNIVERSE, YOU WIN AGAIN.
Meanwhile… you mean to say, you were going about your business, and a fucking SQUID came swimming over just to try to dip into your keg totems? What kind of a fucking dumbass squid is that? Is it some kind of Dontrag squid? Because that seems like something he would do. Or Utvoch. Whichever one of them it is. Maybe the other one was the eel or something. Eelvoch, maybe. Ellvoch and Dontrag-the-Squid. Why the fuck not. Seems to match up brainpower-wise.
I’m Valinora. Don’t ask any questions. I’m here for one thing and one thing only; EPIC VERSE.
I had a scroll through the mailbags and I saw a little introduction suggested by one of your readers. Hope you don’t mind if I do the same. By the way, you OWNED Varian. I dare you to go up against Thrall next time. Hate that guy. He didn’t steal anybody’s bacon, he stole all their pigs, forced them to make the bacon and then claimed to have made it himself. Ugh.
Anyway. A topic that I’m sure you’ll have no hesitation with, given your…knowledge of felweed.
“By now, he had one joint too many,”
Go!
–Valinora “Lightshorn”, Stormwind City.
Oh, hey, check it — somebody who gets right to the point. It’s like you’re the anti-Sarlin or something. First off, though:
Now granted, you didn’t exactly endear yourself to me with the Garry thing (and I mean, seriously, people, isn’t it getting old at this point? Even the basic campfire joke fizzled out faster than this) (Get it? Campfire? Fizzled out? BA DUM BUM), and plus there’s the small matter that you appear to be HUMAN. On the other hand, you DID get to the point of your letter before wiping out enough trees to render hundreds of poor disadvantaged night elf strippers glitterless, and then you topped that off by having the good sense to know a good ol’ EPIC VERSE thrashing of King Vajayjay when you see it. Additional kudos for getting a good jab in at Thrall, because man oh man has HE been on a one-way trip to Insufferable City. Dude might as well take his vainglorious ass over to the vaingloryhole and fucking blow himself there, at the rate he’s going.
Anyway, you got to the point, you delivered a good burn on EACH side of the faction divide, and what the hell, I’m not one to pass up a chance to lay down a little EPIC VERSE. So here we go. YOU ASK, GARROSH DELIVERS.
By now, he had one joint too many.
(Point of fact, he’d gone over by twenty.)
Came down with giggle fits,
Would have lost all his wits,
If to start with he’d even had any.
In his stupor he thought he’d go swimming,
With a head that with felweed was brimming;
So he and his buddy —
Whose mind, too, was muddy —
Jumped in while their dimwits were dimming.
So in their felweed-fueled delusion,
They swam off to sea in seclusion;
They went round and round,
And when they were found,
They managed to cause more confusion:
I don’t know how much felweed they did,
But one moron thought he was a squid,
While his buddy, with zeal,
Thought that he was an eel,
While around in the waters they slid.
So when they encountered bystanders,
They thought that they’d caught a gander
Of a beer-party kegger,
So up like a beggar,
The stupid squid chose to meander.
He made a big mess seeking brew,
Now I’m stuck with the bill for those two.
I’m pissed off, but whatever —
You know you can’t ever
Spell “dumbass” without D and U.
You asked for some rhymes, so I wrote ’em,
About morons who smashed up some totems.
They’re going to need hearses —
At least some good nurses,
’Cause they’re gonna get stabbed in their scrotums.
EPIC VERSE!
Okay, that’s going to do it for this time. As always, keep those letters coming!
[Next mailbag December 7! E-mail the Warchief using the link at the top of the right sidebar, or use the handy form below:]
Spazzle Speaks: Refer a Friend
Things have been quiet for a few days, thank goodness. Garrosh has been busy with whatever he does in Grommash Hold. Mokvar has been busy down in Ragefire Chasm. Ji’s been busy with…well, I’m not really sure what Ji’s been busy with, but I figure he must be busy, since he hasn’t raided my fridge in a while. So as long as he’s doing okay I guess that’s a good thing.
Anyhow, all the quiet time just means I have some free time to spend gaming.
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] So its like a patch
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Spazzle
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well, kind of
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but different
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good afternoon, Spazzle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi mbc
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] How
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BIGGER PRETTY MUCH
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea, much much bigger, plus the expansions are when they make all the big changes to things
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] What kinds of things
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] gaahh!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] new abilities for your class
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] or sometimes they revise how your class works
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI MR
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] so close!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] And usually break it.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so what’s been going on?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Hello MrBadCrumble
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not terribly much, really.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] MORE LEVELS TOO
[Guild][MargoLane] not really, guys, but it’s ok
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea that too bart
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A friend of Mokvar’s just joined the guild.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh no I hope they dont break mine
[Guild][MargoLane] let’s just start it up again
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] She’s running something with…well, the braintrust.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I take it everyone’s heard?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh cool
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Don’t even get me started on how badly they messed up my recipes when they introduced Lactose Intolerance.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I wouldn’t worry about that, red
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m starting it
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] More levels??
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] About the expansion? Yes.
You whispered to [Bartleby | Mokvar]: a friend of yours?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I think they said they were getting rid of that next expansion
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] You’re still learning your class so it probably won’t be too big of a change
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Everyone’s been talking about it off and on as the information has come out.
You whispered to [Bartleby | Mokvar]: who’s that?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh thank the spirits.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH THE NEW MAX LEVEL IS GOING TO BE 70
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] 70???
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah I’ve been streaming the coverage in the background
[Bartleby | Mokvar] whispered: Who do you think?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But I havent gotten to 60 yet!
You whispered to [Bartleby | Mokvar]: lol
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m surprised you didn’t go to EarthCon this year, actually, Spaz.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t worry, red, you still have plenty of time
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the expansion won’t be for months yet
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh okay
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] eh, well, those zep tickets aren’t cheap
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] probably longer
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH IT’S NOT GOING TO BE ANY TIME SOON
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] besides, when tickets were going on sale, I was kinda busy with more important things
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] like trying to figure out if my friend was actually dead
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] They didn’t say when it’s going to be
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] “soon”
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um, sorry
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] SOON
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] “Soon”™
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re NOT dead
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And that’s not
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, dear Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] just, y’know… earthcon!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Well
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Soon?
You whispered to [MargoLane]: so, I guess I know you?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] nope
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh. What’s soon?
[MargoLane] whispered: lol, hi spazzle
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, boss.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] not usually
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi pwn
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] This game is very confusing at times
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey boss
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HELLO OMGIPWNEDURFACE
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] new expansion
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Didn’t you say you had some meeting in Azshara today, Garrosh?
You whispered to [MargoLane]: keeping an eye on Mokvar here too? hehe
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WOW THATS HARD TO TYPE
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] LOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh shit, they announced it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The new expansion?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh? what’s in azshara?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea, they did the announcement this morning
[MargoLane] whispered: eh, mostly just a way to pass the time
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Spazzle, you of all people should know what’s in Azshara.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] info’s been leaking out little by little all day
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Damn, I missed it
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Considering how much of it your kin have blown up.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So what’s it going to be?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey hey hey
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] okay yeah alright
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] TIME TRAVEL
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] at least we don’t make places glow green when we move in :-/
[MargoLane] whispered: plus from the way mok talks about them, it sounds like dontrag and utvoch can use as much help with their cashiering as they can get
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] “back to the future”
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] It seems like a Caverns of Time inspired story
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I suspect that several irradiated former lab sites would beg to differ.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah yeah fine
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …What?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I THOUGHT OF THAT TOO RED
You whispered to [MargoLane]: what are you doing with them?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i know, right?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Do you suppose they consulted with Nozdormu about it
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So hang on, are they screwing with me or what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] IDK
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Nope.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but anyway, that’s why I was wondering
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Time travel
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The fuck?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I had much the same reaction at first, to be honest, Warchief.
[MargoLane] whispered: just taking them through some trade school scenarios and giving them pointers
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fucking hell…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so I guess the way it’s going to work
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] if you were going to azshara, maybe I know some people up there
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] is we’re going to go back in time to key moments in earth history
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I think it’ll be pretty interesting to see some of those events we’ve been hearing about
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] not sure yet if we’re trying to change what happens
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, maybe, I wanted to keep this fairly hush hush until I saw how things were going to go
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] or, yea, if we’re doing the noz thing
You whispered to [MargoLane]: how’s it coming along?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WHAT DO YOU MEAN
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] LOL
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ugggghhhhh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, it’s official
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I just mean all the lore events that we read about in the quests
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea, what she said
[MargoLane] whispered: slowly
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] How what was going to go?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOZ
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They are seriously running out of ideas
[Guild][MargoLane] ok ok come on you two
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or in those books that you can click on to read more about the world
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know, like
[Guild][MargoLane] another try
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] LOL HE HATES WHEN PEOPLE CALL HIM THAT
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, clandestine undertakings. How intriguing!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the world wars
You whispered to [MargoLane]: haha, well good luck
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Ahem, Honalee…
[Guild][MargoLane] let’s try actually using the register this time
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the french revolution
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the fall of rome
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fucking time travel…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Intriguing primarily, of course, because I would know nothing of such things.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok good idea
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that kind of thing
[MargoLane] whispered: lol thanks
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I MEAN SO I’VE HEARD
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, that reminds me, I still need to find one more of those books for the achievement
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m meeting with a goblin engineer who might start working on improving the ol’ arsenal
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH WOW YOU READ THOSE
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, who is it? I might know them
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] You dont
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NO
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So is it those three events specifically, or what?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] How’s it looking?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Good so far
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Do you mean the books or the quests
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] EITHER
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they said there were a bunch of events we were going to interact with
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He already has some preliminary designs that he could rework for our purposes pretty easily
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] those were just a few examples
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Are you going back to meet with him again?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] You don’t read the quests
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Really
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they said there were going to be others
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] LOL NO
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, I think I’m going to get everything wrapped up while I’m here
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, you’re still up there?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Arent you supposed to
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are we supposed to be doing, though?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how are you getting online?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m connecting from Blackfuse’s place
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR THE QUEST
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’s got a really sweet gaming setup here
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s what I’m trying to figure out
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh nice.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] wait, blackfuse?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they haven’t made it very clear
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Wouldn’t we have to be trying to preserve history, if it’s based on the Caverns of Time
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’s got this whole underground headquarters under the mountains with computer equipment like you wouldn’t believe
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] we don’t know if that’s what they’re going for, though
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THAT WOULD BE PRETTY WEIRD OTHERWISE
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, that’s him
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] blackfuse as in HELIX blackfuse?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, that would be pretty damn lame if they try to build an expansion out of us going back in time and changing history
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodness, a subterranean lair within which all manner of unspeakable endeavors might secretly be pursued? What -will- they think of next.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I agree pwn but you never know
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wtf
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You’d be surprised.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know him?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dammit this thing cheats
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] If we change history though wouldn’t that undo what our characters are doing now
[MargoLane] whispered: fyi, your friends are idiots
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re hiring him?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did you just nod off the last few minutes and miss the whole conversation?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see that’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out, red
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yes, I’m hiring him
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I mean, I’m not sure what they’re going to do either way
[Guild][MargoLane] it’s okay, guys, we’ll try some more tomorrow
You whispered to [MargoLane]: you need to be more specific
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because if we change history, how do they get around undoing everything that’s happened since
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: boss, you really really don’t want to
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok thanks
[Guild][MargoLane] read those links i gave you
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] One word of advice, boss, try not to let him talk you into a payment plan
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: for real
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] unless they set it up somehow so that changing the past doesn’t change the present
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] The interest is where they really get you.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And then what would even be the point
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And I don’t want to, because…?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] right exactly
[Guild][MargoLane] meanwhile i think i’m going to log
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] All I’m gonna say about this, for the last time
[MargoLane] whispered: lol
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but then also if we go back and have to change things
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: I know he’s probably rolling out some really impressive-looking tech, and he’s definitely crazy smart, but believe me, you don’t want to get mixed up with him
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well they only change because we went back, right?
[Guild][MargoLane] i need a drink
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Right
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] k bye margo
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] is FUCKING TIME TRAVEL
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but then we get back to the present and we don’t have a reason to go back anymore
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and thanks
[MargoLane] has logged off.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so we don’t go back
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and then things happen the way they did originally because we weren’t there
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Right, see, I’m still waiting on the WHY part of all this
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and so now we DO need to go back
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WOW
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: because he’s not just crazy smart
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and in that case, aren’t we just getting ourselves stuck in a loop?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: he’s CRAZY
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THIS IS GETTING REALLY DEEP
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait wut
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] where we just keep going around over and over having to redo the same things
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Yeah, well, look, inventors are supposed to be a little eccentric
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] um
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] It is Honalee but I think it’s pretty interesting
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: The whole mad scientist type
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] just to keep time from breaking apart or whatever
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey that sounds familiar somehow
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] all right then. check please.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] do you rememeber that doc
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: You’ve got a little dose of that yourself, I’ll have you know
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh crap he logged
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YOUR PROBABLY THINKING ABOUT THIS WAY TOO MUCH
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea I probably am
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh geez ut are you going on about that again
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, it appears that the wonder twins are back.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: garrosh I’m serious
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Which means it is, as the ogre would say, time for fun.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I mean I guess they can do what they want, it’s not like it’s real life
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Uh oh, here we go.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Still it would be nice if they tried to have it make sense
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, don’t hold your breath on that from the look of this
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: I know you don’t usually listen to me about policy decisions and yeah it’s not really my area, but just this time please listen to me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea, I guess we’ll see
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] ANYHOW I NEED TO GO
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah gil i told you before
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Dude what’s up with you about this guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] it really happened like i said
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] SEE EVERYONE SOON
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Bye Honalee
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] later puff
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: What, did he wrinkle one of your damn comic books or something?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, are you two done with your training scenarios? You completed them triumphantly and have your shiny new name badges, I trust?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh and one other feature they were talking about
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: he’s not stable
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Um, have you not seen the people I’ve got surrounding me
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no, it didn’t go so good
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I guess at endgame you get to go back to ancient egypt and build your own pyramid
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: no no no I don’t mean like neurotic unstable
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and gather followers there
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, I see.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] That doesn’t sound very much like preserving the integrity of history
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh geez, just what I need
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s a shame.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: blackfuse is brilliant but he’s honest-to-physics DANGEROUS
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yea it kind asucks
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol yea i know
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Like I don’t have a hard enough time dealing with my student minions already
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] could be interesting, though
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Now I get to deal with more?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You see, gentlemen, I was so hoping that you might earn your name tags and by so doing settle the nagging question that has vexed us lo these many months.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know, I bet they’re going to base it on the teacher mechanic, too
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: back in kezan even gallywix knew to give him a wide berth
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] like the way you give assignments
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh, don’t remind me. I’m trying to give out my daily homework now
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait what?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no no, see we need to get a high score to pass, now a low one
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Having to do it all individually is a huge pain
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i don’t think that’s what she means gil
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I don’t know why they don’t just set it up so I can click on my teacher desk or something and hand out all the assignments at once
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not to intrude on your gameplay, Warchief
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] well what do you think it is
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Dude, Gallywix gives EVERYONE a wide berth
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But I believe there’s an addon you can use for those assignments.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i don’t know
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I don’t know
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol jinx
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Have you not seen him? Motherfucker is huge, in a not-tall way
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] something about a question
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I mean, yea, it would be convenient if you could click on a table and do it that way
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yea but what question?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I use it, normally
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] well thats a question
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I bet that would get pretty tedious after a few weeks though
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah that’s A question but i don’t think it’s THE question
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I just don’t have any of my usual addons since I’m not on my own computer here
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: wait
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] whats the difference
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] donty you idiot
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: you’re not on your laptop?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] one’s with a and one’s with the
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] duh
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: No
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would imagine that would leave you feeling a bit out of sorts.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: how are you online then?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] so um
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: I told you, I’m connecting from Blackfuse’s place
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: I’m on his computer
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, very well, gentlemen, i’ll spare you your coy maneuvering and lay my cards on the table.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: um…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait we’re playing cards?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: so I’ve been saying…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i thought this was EO
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: you’re logged onto…
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: frak
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The pertinent question to which I allude is, of course, the ongoing mystery of which of you is Dontrag, and which one is Utvoch.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] okay sorry to be abrupt everybody but I really need to log off
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait that’s still a mystery?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] like right right now
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Later, Spaz
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit ut did you lose the letter from overlord cliffwalker again
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ll talk to everyone later
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I hope
You have logged off.
So yeah, not to be rude to you folks, too, but I need to wrap this up fast. I’ve got hacking to do. Like, a lot of it. Pronto. Time is money!
And…survival!
CLICK!
Raid night
So, everything that’s been going on has kept me fairly busy, but still, what with Gurtash still being a big question mark and there not being a whole lot I can do about it, what little down time I have has still been giving me a little too much time to think. So I figure this is a good time for me to get back online to distract myself for a little while…
You have logged on.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ok now get the pizza guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh dammit i blew a cooldown by mistake
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Warchief.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its ok steve itll be back up before we’re at the boss
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] okay, all set
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, perhaps just soon enough before the boss for him to blow it again.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] did relogging fix it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Looks like it
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which, surely, he would never do.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Get me back in group before I turn it on?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] incoming
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wtf why am i still losing health
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you have food poisoning
[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] has invited you to a raid group.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] from one of the taco guy mobs
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has logged on.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] there we go
You have joined a raid group.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] oh hey, and there’s our tenth
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you need to clear your stacks
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] you can’t cure it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, let me just see about the settings on this thing before I try doing anything else
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i CAN
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well hello!
[Officer][Lorthemar] It seems like I haven’t seen you in ages, Bartleby.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hang on gil
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] let me know if you need any help with it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has joined the raid group.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi bart
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome!
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] wb mok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Thanks
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed, it’s good to see you again, Mokvar.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but i only have so many charges of penicillin
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back to the land of the living. Perhaps literally, from what I understand.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so it would be easier if you could just watch your stacks yourself
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] crap what was that??
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i lost like half my health!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey bart, wb
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea that was [Induced Vomiting]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] it takes a bunch of health but now the poisons out of ur system
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m glad that’s over with. Being dead isn’t something I would have wanted to make a regular thing of.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know in my other guild we just let people die if they get avoidable stuff on them
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] thats harsh
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Sorry I’m late, by the way
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol that would be funny
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh it’s not so bad at all if you know how to manage the situation to your advantage.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that way they learn to stop doing it
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shut up ut
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] not a big deal, we’re just re-clearing the food court
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would have been happy to assist you in that regard, had it come to it.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its not a big deal, no need to let him die
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] steve
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, I think I’ve got this set
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Zoning back in now
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah, hopefully I won’t have any more reason to hold you to that.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] clearly the people in your -other- guild possess the capacity to learn.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] maybe no NEED really but it might just be fun anyway
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What are you working on anyway, boss?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 🙁
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has entered the raid instance {BLACK FRIDAY}
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww gil *hug*
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] installing LEA
[Officer][Lorthemar] He’s setting up an addon for the raid.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ahh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 🙂
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ah, cool, you got raid warnings working
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] u should try to be careful tho
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, now let’s see…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if it’s any help, next time you see a food poisoning cloud, steer away from it and let me send one of my pets to get it
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, yeah, those food poisoning debuffs are nasty
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i can send a vulture or maybe a raccoon
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}<<<~~RW::testing, testing
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] those helped a lot in my other guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With any luck, this will help people be a little more…conscious of the goings-on in the encounter.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] At least the ones from the food court mini-boss
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] o.O
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but then wont they get food poisoning and die?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, there we go
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea no kidding bart
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[**RAID GROUP COMPOSITION**]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Raider Name]~~~~~~[Class]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]~~Teacher
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Bartleby | Mokvar]~~~~~~~Chef~
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[GilbertRose | Dontrag]~~~~Cashier
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]~~~Lawyer
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Lorthemar]~~~~~~~~~~Hairdresser
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]~~~Firefighter
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Nightengayle | Garona]~~~~Nurse
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[ProfHubert | Faranell]~~~~~Zookeeper
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Proudleslie | Jaina]~~~~~~Paramedic
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[SteveKravitz | Utvoch]~~~~Cashier[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] better the pet than you
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Looks like it’s working okay
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not so sure about that lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shut up steve
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::here we go, raid warnings up and running
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] cool
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I watch that guy and I’m like, man, I wish *my* food poisoning hit that hard
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ok guys
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] no, that’s the whole point of a scavenger. they have highly resilient digestive systems.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re clear here
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no kidding, bart – i feel the same way about some of the self-heals these mobs have
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] let’s get moving to the dept. store entrance
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh okay
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, no kidding
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HEY
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i wouldn’t want to get your pets killed
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] awww thats sweet of you worrying about the poor animals
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Makes me wish *I* could be a mini-boss
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::YOU HEARD HIM
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, that is indeed touching.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GET YOUR ASSES MOVING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol yeah me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey, you know, I could get to like this thing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] admittedly, the expression of compassion suffers somewhat from being directed toward a collection of pixels.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHATS UUUP BITTTCCHHHEESSSS
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hoo boy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s doing that?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh dear.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol pwn has a new toy
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] um
[Guild][Lorthemar] That’s Omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Man, I wish I had something like this in real life
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think maybe there was something wrong with my game
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, there is.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I think I might end up regretting this
[Officer][Lorthemar] You just couldn’t have done the raid warnings yourself, eh, Spazzle?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] insofar as you’re the one playing it.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Trust me, boss, you do.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um who else would be playing my game?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I think he kinda wanted to do them himself…
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ut you idiot
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] might i suggest literally anyone?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Ugh, I can already tell it’s going to get old quickly.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] okay
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, people
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i think we’re set
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We had a little trouble with this encounter last time, so I’m going to run through this real quick
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now now, Regent-Lord, let is focus on the task at hand.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i know the encounter so I’m going to afk real quick
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We start the encounter split in two groups
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh ok is gayle’s gonna afk imma make a quick bio
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And reserve petty infighting for its own time and place.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOLD IT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HOLD IT RIGHT THERE
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::NO FUCKING AFK’S
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::IF YOU HAVE TO GO, FUCKING HOLD IT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::TILL LATER
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shoulda kept a cup by you’re desk steve
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WE ARE NOT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::REPEAT NOT
[Officer][Lorthemar] -sigh-
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] eww gross
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::CAPITAL N CAPITAL O CAPITAL T
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GOING TO GET STARTED WITH THAT PANDAREN WATER TORTURE
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHERE WE SPEND THE NIGHT BLEEDING TO DEATH
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::FROM THE SLOW DRIBBLE OF A THOUSAND CHAIN AFKS
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I must say, Warchief, this is an occasion when I can appreciate your more authoritarian approach.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GODDAMMIT
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok ok sorry
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok back
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I know, right?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so are we doing a break now or not?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i thought we weren’t
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Putting out some food
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::AS I WAS SAYING
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Come buff up while we get set.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Steve and Gilbert are going to take the registers and handle the waves of shoppers
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ty bart
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you, Bartleby.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Healers will stay in the middle so they can keep an eye on both groups
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The rest of us will be clearing inventory in the stock room
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] bartleby, you should try to stay near the healers too
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] try to send some extra buffs to whichever group needs it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys on the registers need to check out the shoppers as they come in
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You need to keep up with the pace they’re coming in, but not go too fast
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If you check out too many too fast, the next waves spawn faster and eventually we’re going to get overrun
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If they end up spawning too many, I can go over and pick some up as well.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] you guys at the registers
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So you want to check them out slowly
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And by slowly I mean FUCKING SLOW
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not an ideal solution, but I can do what I can, then use my [Restraining Order] to drop aggro.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] try to use as many credit charges as you can
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good idea.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] payments over time help balance out the pacing a lot
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok got it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’ll admit, having those two doing a key job doesn’t exactly make me bubble over with confidence.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Once we fill out the sales quota for phase 1, that’ll spawn the boss
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i know
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There’s no aggro reset so you need to get the fuck out of the way once Bridezilla spawns
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and the bridesmaid adds
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, but they’d be in no less of a position to derail the attempt in the stock room.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and let BadCrumble pick them up
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t get close to the fitting rooms
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, true.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Burn down the two bridesmaids LDG marks, then everyone on the boss
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we can handle the phase transition well, we should be fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s been out biggest difficulty.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] manage trash waves, burn boss, profit
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] got it!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Everybody good then?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] looks like it
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] go go go!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay then
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Initiated:BRIDEZILLA]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Everyone to your places
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have the left side of the stock room covered.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok I have everyone in range
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’m good on the right side
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 1]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got the whole inventory group covered
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] incoming
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] except lor
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok gil can you try not to get too far from the register
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] your getting out of range
[Guild][Lorthemar] I need to be this close to be in melee range.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ll back up to get in range if I start getting hit.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so far so good
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A little extra focus on this side, Professor?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] stock room clearing out fine so far
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] keep it going
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We can probably afford to clear the shoppers a little faster
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] could you use a hyena or an ocelot?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ocelot, please.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil you need to stay in range
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 2]]
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] on it.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok thats better
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re good over here
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good, they’re evening out now.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heals going okay?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] if gil can keep in range yea
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i can reach him gayle
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’ll put out some carrots
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shoppers?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] [Sharp Eyesight] for your range.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] actually
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re getting behind
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Which wave are we on?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] 2
[Guild][Lorthemar] Two
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] should i send a pet out to help?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] 2
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Pick it up, guys
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s not good.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I didn’t mean THAT slow
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 3]]
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We should be on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] well there we go.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] did we clear wave 2?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are you guys doing up there?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] trying sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys need to get more payments over time rolling on all of them
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bart can you buff them up
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What do we need, coffee for haste or spinach for might?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Both, if you can.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, but I’ll have to blow my [Smorgasbord]
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] do it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] More PoTs
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] having it later won’t matter if we don’t get there
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] More PoTs
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Done
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That should help.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Channeling {Customer Dissatisfaction}]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, braintrust, now you should
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] INTERRUPT THAT
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] oh fuck
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too late
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh crap
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We have a manager incoming
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] on my way
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Where at?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] can you cover this here lor
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Querulous Manager Spawned]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] register 4
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ll do the best I can.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ugh
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::BadCrumble to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::ProfHubert to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::SteveKravitz to register 4
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] picking him up
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] ok
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::Bartleby to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::whatever the fuck you do
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] no guys
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::DON’T STAND CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] crap
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] spread
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] spread
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Querulous Manager Casting {Frightful Admonition}]]
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Crap
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] damn i’m feared
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Can someone clear him?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s out of range
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] shoppers loose
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m coming out
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] grabbing them up the best I can
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh dear
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] crap
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He got feared into the dressing room…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh dammit.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Frantic Bridesmaids Spawning]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugghhhhh
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] WE’VE GOT BRIDESMAIDS
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] got some on me
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] summoning my honey badger.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::MANY BRIDESMAIDS
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit i’m down
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] putting it on some of the bridesmaids.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HANDLE IT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We can’t be shorthanded now
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] getting him up
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you sure prof?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] CLEAR
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[Proudleslie | Jaina] Casts: {Defibrillator} on [GilbertRose | Dontrag]
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not the first time she’s said that, am I right?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] they hit pretty hard
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] watch
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] whew ok
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] maybe not the time, chief
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh wow yea
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] honey badger doesnt give a fuck
[Officer][Lorthemar] -snicker-
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] More heals on MBC
[Guild][Lorthemar] We’ve got bridesmaids back in the storeroom now
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::FUUUCCCCKKKKK
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lot of adds loose still
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] trying
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Kind of hard for him to get them all when jackasses spawn too many
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] we’ve got a lot of damage coming in
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] bah, I’m dead.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yet again.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m down, too.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’ve got a bad feeling about this
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh i’m dead
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] second time
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] amatuer.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] focus the manager, maybe if we can get him out of the way
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::everyone on manager
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::NO AOE, FOCUS FIRE
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] well so much for that
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i’m down
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] aaaaaand i have some friends
[Bob] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my defib’s on cooldown =(
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It doesn’t much matter at this point.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dead
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGGGHH
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] just wipe it
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yeah.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I knew it was going to be trouble relying on them for that job…
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OK
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] SO
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] problem is they’re way more suited for shoppers than anything else
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::SO
[Officer][Lorthemar] I know…
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Ended:BRIDEZILLA (100%)]]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHAT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::THE FUCK
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WAS THAT SHIT
[Guild][Bob] ’ey, you get ’em, mon? link da loot!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can revive. Don’t release.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I MEAN SERIOUSLY
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no bobby =(
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW WAS THAT EVEN REMOTELY FUCKING POSSIBLE
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i know, that was rough
[Guild][Bob] ahhh dat sucks, mon
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] you know, the worst part is it was actually going pretty well there
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what happened
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] until it started coming apart
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[[[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Casting {Death and Taxes}]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] why yes, everything was going just swimmingly until suddenly everyone was dead.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You two
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Gil and Steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh dammit Gil get over here so you don’t accidentally start the encounter again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i’m steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHICH ONE YOU ARE
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We may need to come up with a creative way around this phase.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look, you two
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We put you
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hopefully “creative” in a non-hacking, non-exploit sort of way, yes?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] on fucking CASHIER duty
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, Regent-Lord, you’re so charmingly boy scoutish.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So hang on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But fine.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look at this.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[**RAID GROUP COMPOSITION**]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Raider Name]~~~~~~[Class]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]~~Teacher
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Bartleby | Mokvar]~~~~~~~Chef~
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[GilbertRose | Dontrag]~~~~Cashier
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]~~~Lawyer
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Lorthemar]~~~~~~~~~~Hairdresser
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]~~~Firefighter
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Nightengayle | Garona]~~~~Nurse
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[ProfHubert | Faranell]~~~~~Zookeeper
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Proudleslie | Jaina]~~~~~~Paramedic
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[SteveKravitz | Utvoch]~~~~Cashier[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] IT’S THE ENTIRE REASON YOUR FUCKING CLASS EVEN EXISTS
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] also, FUCKING HOW????
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have a thought. What about this.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] how what sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ljksdhfglishpg9tj78w945e3fyhvwol384t6y7holsighd
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] It would have to be an improvement over what we’re doing, really…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry sir
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really just don’t understand.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We’re not managing the shoppers in the first phase well enough.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Granted, I wasn’t out there.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So let’s bypass them.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] how?
[Guild][Lorthemar] But how could you have gotten that far behind on shoppers?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let’s zerg phase one.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um i dont know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s “zerg”?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Were you even using any of your abilities at all?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think so
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nothing, really.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I just made up the word. I just thought it sounded good.
[Guild][Lorthemar] You…think so?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well what does it mean?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It means we all swarm the adds in the first phase.
[Guild][Lorthemar] How do you not know if you were even USING your abilities?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All in a big, overpowering mass.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] try not to get upset lor
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i dont know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Rather like felhounds, come to think of it.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m clicking on buttons and stuff
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well the thing is, though, the faster we take the first adds, the faster more will spawn.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Do you know what they DO?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i have a cashier alt in my other guild
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] If we try to power through them, we’ll be swimming in them.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] maybe i can try to explain this to you guys?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] how do you know?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True.
[Guild][Lorthemar] How do…
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But we’re swimming in them anyway.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh wow that would be really nice gayle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok i can try
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] This way, at least, we can all be focused on powering through the checkouts.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Blazes…
[Guild][Lorthemar] They should not be at the raiding stage and still need someone to explain what their abilities do!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And once we spawn the boss, we won’t have any more shoppers spawning.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lor dont get so upset
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lor I agree but we are where we are
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s actually not a bad idea.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] It’s risky, but yeah, if it works…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] would you prefer no one help them and they keep making mistakes?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hey, why are all the officers so quiet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Maybe if we blow all our cooldowns and buffs right off the top.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] My thinking exactly.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I would prefer to have guildmates who knew what they were doing!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Spazz, what do you think? Number crunch real quick?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey look lorthemar
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] uhh yea…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] they’re talking in officer chat.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’re doing the best we can okay
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] about what?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’m coming up with a 32.33% chance of survival
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] repeating
[Guild][Lorthemar] Actually not okay, but still.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Of course
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and its pretty lousy for you to be getting all nasty about it
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like considering
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably about how much you fail.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, that’s a lot better than we’re doing right now
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh 🙁
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? Considering?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean come on man, you only just joined the guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Agreed, Warchief.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ya wasnt it just a couple weeks ago?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we hardly even know you and you’re gonna be talking crap about people?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i can’t see any way at all that this won’t end well.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Guild][Lorthemar] ………
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] actually i think he joined like a month or so after i did
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll spell it out to these clowns
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but ya man who are you to be coming down on everyone
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::Okay, listen up
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh SCREW THIS
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAAAAARRRRRR
[Guild][Lorthemar] THERONNNNNNNN
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Initiated:BRIDEZILLA]]
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whats going on
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] oh crap
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He started the encounter!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] dammit lor’themar
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 1]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GO GO GO GO GO
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh this repair bill is gonna suck
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GET IN THERE
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ugh
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] picking up as much as I can
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Frantic Bridesmaids Spawning]]
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and the wheel turns again.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] dammit lor’themar!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well damn that was fast
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well, now we know I can tank really well
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] just extremely briefly.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh-
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh my defib is still down
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Regent-Lord…
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think it’s really going to matter, leslie
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] down.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] me too
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Ended:BRIDEZILLA (100%)]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dammit Lori
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you idiot, lor’themar
[Guild][Lorthemar] At least I have roasted quail.
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I am not looking forward to the email that will surely be coming this afternoon.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay people
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This clearly isn’t going to work tonight
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let’s call it a night and try to start fresh next week
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok pwn
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea probably just as well
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m gonna log. Maybe Ben-Lin’s got some free time
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir, i’ll try to do better
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ll try to help puffy finish leveling too
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] later, chief
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] maybe he can help a little
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, we know he’s magical.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, if we need someone to swap in next time, I might know someone.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] right?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does that include miracles?
You have logged off.
Yeah, so. I’ll write more later, after go find Ben-Lin. And beer. Lots of beer. Not necessarily in that order.
More soon.
Monday mailbag
So if you’re reading this, it means that this pre-scheduled post I had Spazzle rig up for me has kicked in. See, I figured it’d been a while since I dipped into the ol’ mailbag, only I wasn’t sure how long I was going to wind up being tied up with the whole Blackrock Spire business, so I had Spazzle set this thing up so this mailbag post would go up automatically if I didn’t get back by a certain point. Which, if the post has gone up and you’re seeing it, totally raises the perfectly fair question WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE I MEAN SERIOUSLY
ANYWAY.
On to the mail!
I have heard of your feats of battle, and wish to know, How did you get so good at fighting? do you have a secret trainer? what’s your favourite move? and lastly, is Gorehowl hard to wield?
I have heard of this daughter of yours, and would like to offer my services as a teacher if you wish. P.S i am a blood elf death knight.
Salamah’ashala noreh, warchief. (Goodbye/farewell)
–Ranacore Bloodblade
Hey, Ranacore, thanks for writing. No secret trainer, no real secret source for my combat badassery in general. Just talent, son, pure talent. A long childhood history of people in Garadar talking shit about my dad didn’t hurt, what with all the opportunities it afforded me to practice kicking ass at an early age.
Favorite move? I’d have to go with the plain ol’ time-honored axe to the face. I guess I’m just old-fashioned that way.
Yes and no on the Gorehowl question. See, it’s perfectly balanced – you’ll never find an axe that’s better crafted in terms of distributing its weight and mass to lend itself to generating force while maintaining flexibility. Somebody really did a job and a half designing it. But at the same time…man, that motherfucker is heavy as shit. Which leads to a whole lot of people stumbling over, the first time they try to pick it up.
As for training Shayari, I think I’ve got that covered. Plus, she’s a mage, so I figure most of her training would be out of your area of expertise, seeing as you’re a death knight and all. On the other hand, you’re also a blood elf, so maybe you could show her, I don’t know, some fashion tips or hairstyling techniques, since I think maybe she’s into that shit.
Many thanks for the answers Warchief. As an aside, seeing as how you cavorted with the Draenei yourself, would it be presumptuous to look for a little leniency if I hook up with one myself? As a Tauren, the horns and hooves (and hips and tail) are kind of a turn on. I mean c’mon, what’s good for the Warchief should be cool for the rest of us, right?
–Karlsohn, Thunder Bluff
Dude, you think I’m not paying for that one? We all make our iffy decisions, Karlsohn, and some of them come back to haunt you, but only the very, very special ones have birthdays.
Greetings Honorable Warchief Hellscream,
We have a small problem in Pandaria: Gnomes. Mainly the dead ones. The Yaungol just love to kill them. I will not deceive you and say that I understand why the Yaungol kill these creatures, let alone roast their bodies. Seriously, it smells like bacon around their camps these days. Many of my Omnia trainees, especially the younger ones just past their Trial of the Red Blossoms, mistake it for actual bacon. It has led to some…uncomfortable moments. I am also no lover of gnomes. They are creepy with their bouncing, unnatural perkiness, and candy colored hair (also, those pigtails? Definitely NOT made of candyfloss. Lao Chin found this out the hard way). At least the Grummles have a use with ferrying supplies to our Monastery! So I ask of you, is there some use for these roasted Gnomes? I thank you for any advice you have to offer.
–Shen Wei Pureblossom, Healer of the Shado-Pan
So…while I’ve been a long-time supporter of the idea that the only good gnome is a dead gnome…roasted gnome? Fuck if I know. Probably the only thing roasted gnomes could have going for them is that they ARE dead – emphatically dead, in fact, like way past the point where someone could come along and raise them as undead gnomes, because CREEPY AS FUCK.
So, on the down side, I don’t really have an answer for you as far as what roasted gnomes are good for. On the plus side, I think we DO have an answer as far as what yaungol are good for.
I write to you seeking honest answers regarding our ongoing war with the Alliance and when it will end (as all wars must). Some time ago, my mate Detanga marched off to war as a soldier in your army. She would return home from many a battle with a few scars and some tales to tell our two children.
Just the other day, a grim Blackrock orc shoved her notice of death into my hand.
My heart burns with the desire to track down her killers and tear them apart, but I am a breeder of wolves, not a warrior. I would not last five minutes in battle. Detanga was always the stronger of us two. She served in a unit as part of our initial invasion into this land of Pandaria, but she died while defending our port there, Domination Point, during a cowardly Alliance attack.
I beg of you Warchief, send what forces you can to the Alliance’s port, this so-called Lion’s Landing. I am not the only one on my street to lose family in the attack. The blood of the fallen must be repaid! Know that had I the power, I would take this charge myself, but I am no warrior, as I have said.
Yours faithfully,
–Ogunaro Wolfrunner, Kennel Master
Way to bring the room down, man. Yeesh.
I mean…um… Sorry for your loss, Ogunaro. (By the by, any relation to Shyrka Wolfrunner?) Your mate must have fallen during one of a bunch of Alliance raids on Domination Point a couple months ago. All of them were repelled, but there were heavy losses in some cases – Warlord Bloodhilt among them, in the same raid as your Detanga if I remember right. Know that she died victorious, with honor, driving off our enemies and reminding them one more time what happens when they cross our people.
You’re right, though – they have another reminder coming to them. As it happens, I have Wolf-Rider Gaja, Dark Cleric Laresa, Thauma…um…Thamautu… Them…some blood what’s name is Saresse, and a few others, working on a counterstrike. When we roll over that kiddie-building-block castle they call a fortress, I’ll see to it you have a front-row seat.
Also, unrelated, seeing as you’re a kennel master: Do you have any tips for cleaning, um, wyvern stains? Mortimer’s gotten…well, let’s say, kind of uneven about minding himself. Although it IS kind of funny when he makes Malkorok have to toss out yet another pair of boots.
I have been reading your blog in its entirety on the recommendation of a friend from Thunder Bluff (it helps with my downtime as part of the Northrend cleanup crew). I noticed you have a…violent dislike of Magatha Grimtotem. As a Tauren loyal to Thunder Bluff and a former Grimtotem as well, I would offer up my axe at a chance to help you hunt her down. I missed my chance when the crone was in chains in Thousand Needles, but I would not let you down. I had grown disillusioned with her leadership some time before her treachery against Thunder Bluff was known, and when it was…well, that was the straw that broke the kodo’s back.
–Bahunada Darkhide of the Runetotems
PS: Would you mind if she was slightly “tenderized” before being brought before your judgment?
Oh fuck yes. FUCK THE HELL YES. Have at it, Bahunada. (By the way, I don’t know if you were aware of this, but your name is a grade-A bitch to type.) Go track her down in whatever cave she’s slithered into these days, smack her around, and drag her ass in. Feel free to take as many liberties as you want when it comes to the smacking around. I want her alive, mind you, but other than outright killing her, listen to your heart. Remember, “clinging to life” still counts as alive.
Oh, and while you’re at it, if you run into that other fucker Johnny Awesome – you know, the one who fucking LET MAGATHA LOOSE IN THE FIRST PLACE when she was all chained up in Thousand Needles way back when – feel free to open up as many cans of smack-smack-stab-die on HIS ass as you want, too. You’ll note that the whole “bring ’em in alive” thing is totally optional in his case.
I took alot of what you said to heart and I’ve been doing those errands all over the place! First I went to Silverpine. It’s really smelly there. Like, worse than the Troll area in the city, but it doesn’t make me giggly like the Troll area does. And it’s all spooky there with all the walking corpses. It’s just not cool. Stonetalon was better, until I met Mr. Dontrag and Mr. Utvoch. They really are kinda stupid, aren’t they? They weren’t as bad as that Tirion guy. First he sat me down for a good two hours to just talk. I kinda tuned him out after the first ten minutes, although I wish I coulda hit him with my shield! I think that Daria lady wouldn’t have liked it, though. His stupid trainees are super weak and lazy too! I think I made one of those elfs cry after smacking them around a bit. Alot of them didn’t stand a chance, although their trainer thought I was a boy! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! He sent me on a bunch of stupid errands his trainees were too lazy or beat up to do. I showed those dumb trainees how a real orc gets things done and what does Tirion do? He starts to rage at me, then thanks me for “rooting out a traitor to the Crusade” or whatever he said. I started tuning it out when he got going again. He also smelled funny, but more like Gamon after he’s kicked out of the inn.
I found my warrior calling too! I really like smacking things with a shield and protecting my fellow orcs! Mostly the shield smacking, though.
—Mirembe, Orgrimmar
Hey, Mirembe. Nice work on the warrioring. Especially nice work on the shield bashing. Not really my thing, mind you, but it’s always good to have some tanky types around, especially considering most trainees don’t want to bother with the job when they can just run around blowing shit up, metaphorically or otherwise. I might have to look into getting you an extra goodie bag or something.
It’s good that you’re keeping busy, even if…well, I mean, it sounds like you’ve been mostly surrounding yourself with less than the best company. Not that I’m one to talk. But believe me, I know all too well about the fail that happens when you let the jackass cocktail of Dontrag/Utvoch/Tirion into your life.
I haven’t seen Tirion for a while now – yay for me, sucks for you – but I’m not surprised he’s still yammering on. And I mean “still yammering on” as in still yammering on about whatever bullshit he was saying last time I saw him, months ago, without even coming up for air. And you know, as much as I hate cutting any slack to those Argent Dawn Crusade Talk to the Silver Hand people…like… yeah, I’m sure the trainees up there ARE weak and lazy. They’re probably fucking EXHAUSTED. Wouldn’t YOU be, if you had to listen to Highlord Paragraph all day every day?
As for the Wonder Twins…shit, I don’t even know WHAT D&U would have been doing back in Stonetalon. I mean, they’ve been on detachment down in Pandaria, and they’ve just been in Orgrimmar temporarily while a bunch of us have been back for a check-in, so… I don’t know, maybe they’re up there visiting someone? Do they even have friends? Poor fuckers, if so. Or, I don’t know, maybe they got confused and went right back to their old posts in Stonetalon, because after all, “confused” is pretty much a default state for those two. t’s not like they’ve been reassigned back to Overlord Cliffwalker where they’d be stuck back up there permanently…and…um…back to being HIS headache, and out of my hair, and…
Um…
Hang on.
I need to go look for a form.
As always, keep those letters coming! Next mailbag April 6! E-mail garrosh1337@gmail.com or submit your message below: