Tag Archives: draz’zilb
Visiting Dreadmaul Hold
So the other day I asked for suggestions for inspection stops in the Eastern Kingdoms. The suggestions pretty much clustered – a lot of recommendations for the northern regions like Hillsbrad, Tirisfal, and the Plaguelands, and then some others for our southern outposts in the Blasted Lands and the Swamp of Sorrows. For the time being I’m going to table the northern settlements. For one thing, hitting all the outposts will definitely take more time than I can spare in one chunk, and also, more importantly, after this past week’s mailbag, I have some business I need to go check on in Outland, so I figure it would just make more sense to deal with the southern outposts on my way to and from the Dark Portal.
I took a mage portal down to the Dark Portal and flew up to Dreadmaul Hold. Things are fairly well under control there, still some skirmishes with the Dreadmaul ogres but nowhere near as much as there had been when we first retook the outpost and kicked the ogres out. But you were right, Fletcher, Warmatron Okrilla is getting a little carried away down there, first and foremost with the ogres. Look, everybody knows I’m not exactly warm and fuzzy, and I’m not one to back away from a good war when somebody wants to go at it with me. But that doesn’t mean you don’t try to maintain SOME sense of honor while you’re fighting your war. And this? Taking Dreadmaul ogres captive and forcing them to be your slave labor? That’s just not cool. That’s the kind of shit that the Scourge did up in Northrend, or the Twilights in all the places they cropped up in like roaches. You don’t do that with your prisoners, with maybe the possible exception of Alliance prisoners if you happen to need a food taster…and even THAT’S not hard labor, unless maybe the food is really badly undercooked, I guess. (And in that case the cook knows he’s going to be taken out by the rear gate and beaten around some, so we know THAT problem won’t be coming up again, will it now, Marogg?)
What’s more, I was also getting reports that Okrilla wasn’t allowing non-orcs into the outpost at all. Turns out that was kind of an exaggeration, other Horde races are free to go there, but from what I saw when I was there, any tauren or trolls or whatever that happen by definitely get a lot cooler reception than orcs. And so…again…I’m all for orc pride. Totally down with that. And yeah, I might have gotten a complaint or two about my decision to restrict Orgrimmar’s main residential areas to orcs and tauren, but here’s the difference. That was a tactical decision about the defense of the city. Yeah, bitch all you want about the undead or blood elves not having their own houses there anymore or whatever, but I’m still not trying to stop them from COMING to the fucking city. Some blood elf wants to come in and do some business, see a trainer, use the portals, pick up a few assignments for jobs in the outlying zones, just hang out with some friends, whatever, great, have at it. Unless he’s Johnny Awesome. Then, fuck him. But anyway.
So I ended up sitting Okrilla down and giving her a talking to about all this. Like I said, I totally get the orc pride, and on a related note even being a little territorial about Dreadmaul Hold. After all, it WAS our city back when it was founded as Rockard. But I laid it out in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to be hearing about any more racial problems, because at the rate she was going it was just a matter of time before she started giving orcs and non-orcs separate vendors and flight masters and whatever else. And as for the ogres, she wants to take prisoners, fine, take prisoners and hold them, or use them as bargaining chips to get the rest of the Dreadmaul to back down, or interrogate them for information, do what you need to do, but we’re not going to be doing any more slavery. Hell, we orcs were kept as slave labor by the humans at one point, so if you’re going to get hung up on orc pride, then it should be a point of that pride to fucking be better than that shit. Besides, we have ogres working with us, and the last thing I need is Draz’Zilb getting all bitchy with me.
So, there you go, that’s my day. Freed the slaves and cut off separate-but-equal at the pass. Go me.
I’m heading back down to the Dark Portal (and I am TOTALLY going to check on the naga and murlocs that ACC mentioned while I’m down that way). I’ll write more from Outland once I get there.
Highlands Bound
Citizens of the Horde,
I have received a coded message from Garona Halforcen:
Saurfang:
Heading to Twilight Highlands ASAP. Based on information from prisoners, ritual equipment was divided between Silithus and TH to cover “contingencies.” Info may or may not be reliable. Information distributed to general cultists may be inaccurate or incomplete.
Will check in with Zaela when able.
-Garona.
I have myself contacted Zaela of the Dragonmaw Clan and, as of a short while ago, Garona is indeed in Twilight Highlands and on the move. Moreover, Zaela further informs me that there has been increased Twilight activity in the Highlands, particularly in the area surrounding the Twilight Citadel. I find this news troubling, and more than a little irritating; given the efforts invested by Horde heroes to contain the cult and overthrow its odious Bastion of Twilight, it does not sit well with me to learn that we may actually have allowed the Twilight’s Hammer, in whatever limited numbers, to regain a foothold in their old fortress. Someone, as the saying goes, really dropped the ball there.
As the unscrupulous ogre Draz’Zilb has been relieved of duty in light of his recent conduct, I have been forced reluctantly to call upon a number of warlocks from the Cleft of Shadow for information on matters necromantic, as I am no longer at all sure what to make of the state of the Cho’gall plot. According to Grol’dar, the spirit of Cho’gall, even absent a stable phylactery, could be restored to life successfully at the site of his death, provided an adequate repository of necrotic power and a new vessel for the spirit to occupy.
Hardly coincidental, then, that agents of the Twilight’s Hammer appear to be taking renewed interest in the Bastion of Twilight. I would hazard a guess that our own impatient operative Garona is likewise on her way there, if she is not there already.
If she is already there, in any case, she will not long be there alone. We set out for the Highlands, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Going Rogue
Citizens of the Horde,
A peculiar turn of events has taken place in Ahn’Qiraj. I have just received word from Krug Skullsplit that the impulsive rogue Garona Halforcen has left him in sole charge of our Twilight captives and departed from Silithus. According to Commander Skullsplit, Garona completed the interrogation of the last of the prisoners – the majority of whom, to her credit, have survived the process – then took off suddenly without explanation, save a rushed indication that she would be in contact with further updates shortly. As Garona has proven in the past to be a valuable operative, it is my hope that this erratic behavior is well justified and that she will take pains to explain herself soon.
Meanwhile, on the topic of Horde operatives whose work has proven valuable, the prestidigitous ogre Draz’Zilb appealed to me earlier today for permission to undertake his own questioning of our Grimtotem captives, given his expressed prior success in extracting information from members of the tribe. His suggestion was that he could likely verify the repeated Grimtotem claim that they were uninvolved in and unaware of the aggressions that occurred at Bladefist Bay and, more importantly, Alcaz Island. I agreed to the ogre’s request, with, as it turns out, mixed results.
On the positive side, we now have fairly reliable confirmation of our original Grimtotem testimony. None of the Grimtotem tribesmen had any awareness of any of the aforementioned Twilight’s Hammer activity; and the extent of their involvement in the events on Alcaz Island was the sending of a scouting party to the island well before catastrophe struck – scouts who, furthermore, have not been heard from since. Draz’Zilb’s methods leave me highly…dubious…that this final testimony would be false. It is, however, these very methods that leave me less than entirely satisfied with this entire undertaking. Prior to today, I was only aware of the fact of the ogre’s assistance in previous interrogations, and, absent any further, troubling information, I was content to let him proceed with his proposal. However, upon arriving to observe the questioning in person, I was most thoroughly disturbed by the spectacle that greeted me; by this point, three Grimtotem captives had already died to Draz’Zilb’s particular interrogation “techniques,” and I was quite uninterested in having a fourth life placed indirectly on my conscience. Let me make no mistake: that we will kill during times of conflict is a matter of necessity; how we will kill is a matter of choice. And I will not permit such unscrupulous undertakings to stain the honor of the Horde. No matter how dire the battle, we must never forsake it.
As such, I have relieved Draz’Zilb of his support duties and dispatched him back to Brackenwall Village, where, I am sure, the venerable ogre chief Tharg will tend to him appropriately. Meanwhile, in light of this confirmation of Grimtotem innocence – a term I use here in its more relative and situationally specific sense – I have begun to make plans to release many of our prisoners, provided a number of containment measures around their various settlements to ensure their ongoing good citizenship.
Once again the old adage proves true, friends: never trust an ogre not to be two-faced when he has two heads. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Draz’Zilb’s Discovery
Citizens of the Horde,
Some days ago I alluded to a conjuration proposed by the morally tenebrous ogre Draz’Zilb which, performed upon those entities who were in close proximity of the then-hostage Skarr, might cast some light on any magics unleashed on Alcaz Island. With the unexpected departure of Warchief Hellscream’s personal wyvern – still at large despite our continued efforts to find it – one of our prime subjects was taken from us, but since that time we have had occasion to revisit the conjuration with respect to our other remaining subjects: the omnisyllabically discursive soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch.
After having the procedure explained to them – a process which took no small measure of time, given the pair’s peculiar reluctance to allow Draz’Zilb to complete a sentence unimpeded until I intervened –
[Saurfang doesn’t have to get a word in edgewise. When he talks, everybody else’s words stop what they were doing and turn into “Yes sir.” –Mkvr., ed.]
the duo were initially uneasy about the ritual, as they indicated some prior experience witnessing the effects of Draz’Zilb’s spellcasting. After some reassurance, however, we were able to carry on with the process. The results were revealing, though perplexing.
Draz’Zilb’s original notion was that the proximity of Dontrag and Utvoch (and the wyvern) to Skarr at such time as Cho’gall’s spirit was summoned from within him would leave residual magic traces – aftershocks, in essence – on them that we would then be able to detect. Draz’Zilb’s divination did indeed detect powerful magical signatures lingering on the pair; based on his examination, however, these magics were not consistent with the unlocking of a living phylactery. Instead, he believes that the magical effect to which our subjects were exposed was purely explosive in nature – powerfully explosive at that.
While our information is, of course, incomplete at best, Draz’Zilb has suggested that his findings correspond to a sort of magical explosion that can be detonated by feeding off of the life energy of a living being. Such a measure would not be out of character for the Twilight’s Hammer, as we have had first-hand experience with their willingness to use suicide bombers in their attack on the Doomhammer. Nevertheless, it leaves us with many questions about what actually occurred to the ogre Skarr: not least among them, of course, being where he was when the detonation occurred, and indeed whether he himself was the instrument of the explosion – and, if so, what are we left to conclude about his role in the revival of Cho’gall?
Dontrag and Utvoch are, sadly, of little aid in filling in the gaps of our knowledge, as it is likely that the explosion incapacitated them prior to their removal to the island’s underground tunnels, and one can hardly expect them to retain clear memories of the final instants immediately prior to the detonation. I will likely dispatch Krog to the island once more to search for additional evidence, though I am not optimistic about there being anything left after our original exhaustive searches.
I have additional measures to tend to personally for the investigation. For the moment, however, having just spent much of the day with Dontrag and Utvoch, I believe I will grant myself a brief respite at the Orgrimmar tavern.
[Saurfang doesn’t always drink lager, but when he does, he prefers Captain Rumsey’s. –Mkvr., ed.]
I will update again soon, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Flown the Coop, as the Saying Goes
Citizens of the Horde,
Interrogation of our various captives carries on, and begins to yield fruit, albeit gradually. Just this morning, the perspicacious rogue Krog reported to me personally to provide updates on his ongoing questioning of those Grimtotem who were apprehended during out recent operations out of Brackenwall Village. A good man, that Krog, and thorough.
His questioning confirms what we already knew of the Grimtotem situation – that they had, under the direction of Magatha Grimtotem through her lieutenants Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, begun to search for the now-infamous phylactery of Cho’gall, so as to strike a bargain with the Twilight’s Hammer cult – while further indicating that thus far, no agreements or alliances had been forged between the two groups. Indeed, shortly after the nefarious tauren clan began their hunt, the Twilight’s Hammer stepped up their activities in Thousand Needles, resulting in the Twilight capture of several Grimtotem, most notably Magatha…who, as you are already well aware, was subsequently freed through unwitting (nay, witless) Horde assistance.
Nevertheless, I find the timing of these events to be hardly coincidental, and I suspect that the Twilight cult undertook a pointed effort to capture Magatha upon discovering that she and her kin were endeavoring to complicate the cult’s efforts to resurrect the odious ogre Cho’gall.
That relations between the Grimtotem and the Twilight’s Hammer are, to say the least, unfriendly is confirmed by early reports from Garona Halforcen in Silithus. While Garona finds herself still early in her interrogation of our Twilight prisoners (a process which, I hope, will not be slowed too greatly by the temptation to relish the process), she has been able to confirm a reciprocal disdain for the Grimtotem on behalf of the Twilight’s Hammer cultists.
Meanwhile, I have recruited the aid of the resourceful ogre seer Draz’Zilb of Brackenwall Village, who has already been of assistance in these events to both Krog and to Warchief Hellscream, in the hopes that we might glean some additional information through more mystical means. Draz’Zilb has theorized that, given the powerful magics involved in the phylactery containment of Cho’gall’s spirit, as well as in its possible release, it may be possible to conduct a divination of sorts through any living beings who were in close proximity to the ogre Skarr when, or if, these necromantic powers were tapped. This afternoon Draz’Zilb joined me in Orgrimmar to attempt such a divination, to see if any traces of recent spellcasting or magical aftershocks might be discerned through the three entities we know to have been present with Skarr on Alcaz Island (excepting, of course, Warchief Hellscream): the externally monologuing soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch, and the Warchief’s personal wyvern.
Draz’Zilb began his divination with the wyvern, which has finally recovered from its injuries on the island. (I will hasten to note for those D.E.H.T.A.-friendly among you, incidentally, that I was assured that no harm would come to the wyvern as a result of these magics; I am moreover informed that the Warchief had developed quite a fondness for the animal, and having enjoyed the companionship of numerous pet worgs in my youth, I am not unsympathetic.) Draz’Zilb detected signs from the wyvern’s residual magic aura that it had indeed been exposed to a magic outburst of some sort; however, the wyvern appeared uneasy throughout the divination process, and while it was still in its early stages, the process was interrupted by the arrival of Dontrag and Utvoch, which served only to further agitate the animal. Before our handlers could calm the increasingly emotional beast, it managed to slip from its restraints and fly off.
I have sent a scouting detail to patrol Durotar and its surrounding areas to locate the wyvern, but its whereabouts are currently unknown. I must admit, given our current situation I cannot say that the recovery of the animal can afford to rank as a high priority, though it would indeed pain me upon the Warchief’s return to have to report that we had lost it in his absence.
I shall continue to keep you updated as events continue to unfold, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
When things turn bad they don’t @!$# around
Writing this up as quickly as possible while Mortimer is being prepped for flight. I don’t have much time to spell everything out so I’m leaving the relevant documents with Mokvar and authorizing him to edit this post as needed to include enough info for this to make sense to you all.
Garona’s message from Silithus was bad news.
Garrosh:
Major trouble in Silithus. Were setting final fortifications in AQ when were attacked by large Twilight’s Hammer force. Humans, ogres, several silithid. Many more TH than intelligence indicated were even in Silithus; bypassed periphery guards into inner passageways; possibly hiding in nearby silithid hives and tunneled in?
Vastly outnumbered. As soon as combat started turning against us, made sure we destroyed all conjuring equipment left by TH in C’thun’s chamber.
Retreat necessary; far too many of them.
Tried to bring TH captives with us while escaping. One captive killed in crossfire. Second has been making cryptic taunts. Evasive about whether TH are fighting their way in to use phylactery. “You don’t think we’d keep such a sacred vessel ON us, do you?” and “So easy to get you with half-truths when you always focus on the wrong half” or words to that effect.
Regrouping at Orgrimmar Legion Camp. Krug Skullsplit offering troop support for counter-offensive. More forces needed for much prospect of success.
Courier carrying this note can fill in details as needed.
–Garona.
Between this and the Twilight strike at Bladefist Bay, I have a really bad feeling about this. Somehow they knew. They knew we were in Ahn’Qiraj, they knew we were preparing to move forces from Durotar. Not sure how much they know on both fronts, but it stands to reason if they knew we were sending the Doomhammer out, they probably know we have something brewing at Alcaz, and that we’re springing a trap.
And the more I think of it…nearly everything we know about all of this has been coming from Twilight informants.
Spirits help us. I think we’ve been played.
—Why have those cultists running around looking for something when they already knew where is was?
–Why are you having our people in Dustwallow carry on like the ogres there might still be holding the phylactery? … It’s just a way to keep the Grimtotem busy looking for it, keep them one move behind…
–Just a big misdirect.
–Mmhmm.
–Should I be worried that this cult and I seem to think so much alike?
I don’t think the phylactery was ever in Silithus. I think that was one more giant misdirect in a string of misdirects. They wanted us busy chasing our tails in Silithus. They wanted us to think we’d gotten one move ahead of them, setting a trap to lure in the phylactery while they’re moving it around the zone – the more I think of it, if they had the damn thing, and they had that many forces in Silithus, why keep it moving and exposed while they set up? Why wouldn’t they just bring everyone into the temple and set up while all their forces stand guard and the phylactery is safe in hand on-site? Why would they even need the business with the signal?
So now the question is, where is it, and why go to the trouble of having us orchestrate this huge trap on our end? If they’re playing games with us like this, they must know where the phylactery is, so why aren’t they just using it? Do they not have it still? Do they need something else before they actually CAN use it? They must be after something.
Preserved, yes, kept for the masters, held for them, alive, alive, need Skarr alive, all of us alive until we all die, die for the masters, die in glory, die in flame…
They…need Skarr. Alive.
And he was being chased by the Grimtotem. And us, for that matter. Only they had to know that WE wouldn’t kill him as long as we thought he knew something we needed. So…they let us get him? For safekeeping? But that still doesn’t make sense – why not move HIM down to Silithus and keep him under guard with this giant fucking army they apparently have? There’s something missing here. There’s something else they’re still after, otherwise it makes no sense to be playing this bait-and-switch game they have going.
So easy to get you with half-truths when you keep focusing on the wrong half.
And besides, Skarr didn’t even actually HAVE the phylactery. He had nothing in his camp, he had nothing on him, if he KNEW anything he wasn’t letting on…but he sure as hell THOUGHT he was playing some important role in it all, carrying out some important duty that Cho’gall trusted him with.
Cho’gall notice Skarr. Cho’gall remember. Keep in mind, keep in mind…
Hell, he was such a devoted crazy-ass follower of Cho’gall he even fucking TALKED like him half the time.
Wait a minute.
Wait…a minute.
Burn and drown and crush and suffocate.
Fuck.
…
FUCK.
Skarr was a believer. So he gave himself over to the cause – completely.
Apparently that’s the trade-off for this kind of ritual – restoring somebody’s spirit from a non-living vessel doesn’t take a whole lot of magical energy, but it does need something attuned to that particular spirit in order to focus the spell properly, as opposed to living vessels, which I guess actually keep the essence better preserved but require an immense amount of power to unlock.
He gave himself over by helping them preserve their leader the safest way possible.
Skarr IS the phylactery.
FUCK.
But…to release Cho’gall’s spirit from a living vessel, according to what Draz’Zilb said… they can’t just up and do that. They need an immense amount of magical power.
Like…say…a collection of ancient tauren artifacts, and the Doomstone.
Which are in the hands of Magatha.
Who we’re luring to the damn island.
With Skarr.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
Skarr was the key all along. We fucking had it in our hands and we didn’t even realize it. How did nobody see this? How did everybody fucking miss this? Me included! He was a fucking time bomb right there in our midst the whole time…
Tick, tock, tick, tock…
…and all they needed was for us to be chumps and pick a spot to plant the bomb and light the fuse for them.
I’m about to take off. By this point Dontrag and Utvoch must have reached Alcaz Island with Skarr. No telling how soon the Grimtotem will get there. Or the Twilights. No time now to get another ship ready to go – I need to fly down myself and do what I can to get this under control before everything goes to hell.
I’ll talk to you when I talk to you. Luck to us all.
Laying the bait
Sometimes I really hate my job.
When all this is over with, if it works the way we’re planning, it’ll all be worth it. I’ll be able to look back and say we stopped the Twilights, and finally caught Magatha, and I’ll even personally hand-deliver her to Baine to do what he will with her. Although, you know, if it’s going to be something painful, I’m really, really hoping I can skip to the front of the line of people who get to do it. But anyway.
It’s going to be worth it in the end, but that doesn’t mean that the things I need to do to get it to happen don’t still suck.
Everything is underway for the trap at Alcaz Island. Skarr is under lock and key in Dustwallow, and Dontrag and Utvoch are standing by to transport him to the island. I have a Kor’kron detachment ready to sail down from Bladefist Bay and slip in undetected by the Grimtotem. All we need now is for the Grimtotem to conveniently discover that we “know” where the phylactery is, and we’re being led to it.
And that’s the part that sucks.
The Grimtotem have been sending raiding parties down to hit Brackenwall Village fairly regularly. Nothing we can’t push back without a whole lot of trouble, but still. Now, though, we’re going to deliberately spread the ogre guards out and send scouting parties around the area, so the village itself has less of a defense force. So for one, we’ll give the appearance of a more vulnerable target, and two, when the Grimtotem finally do strike again, there will be few enough troops on hand that the stupid cows can feel like they’re actually putting a dent in the place this time.
In the middle of all this, I’m having a pair of orc couriers flee from the camp, and make it look like they’re making a break for the road back up to the Barrens. They’re going to be carrying a sealed letter from Draz’Zilb to me – basically notifying me that they’ve discovered the whereabouts of the phylactery, and Skarr will be leading us to its hiding place on Alcaz Island. When, where, all the RSVP details. The idea is that we’ll have the couriers take off during the attack, make sure they’re visible while leaving, and then let the Grimtotem catch them and take the letter and think they’ve made the big score.
And all that sounds fine. But here’s the thing. If the Grimtotem are going to buy this, we can’t make it too easy. We can’t just have a couple of our men stroll up to them waving a white flag. We can’t have them offering up the goods to save their own necks, or turning traitor to help them – the Grimtotem are a lot of things, but they’re not pants-on-head retarded, and they know us well enough to know that there’s no fucking way a pair of orcs would ever sell out the Horde to them, or go down without a fight.
So…they have to go down fighting.
They’ll make a break from the village, take just long enough to get out for the Grimtotem raiders to get after them, put up a fight, make it really seem like they’re hell-bent on getting through to the Barrens, and then, in the end…fail. Magatha will get the letter the only way she ever would – from their cold, dead hands.
I’ve talked to the couriers who are going on this mission. They know what’s being asked of them. I quietly rounded up some of our men and explained what was going on, what was at stake – the Grimtotem, and the Twilights, and Cho’gall, and Magatha and justice for Cairne – and told them this job was volunteers only.
Not a hand in the room stayed down.
I’d never been more proud to be Horde. (And they call us savages.)
In the end I chose two from among the volunteers to send. I made sure that the men going on the courier run were single, no children…we orcs have had far too many orphans and widows already, and I won’t have a hand in creating more if I can help it. They’re on their way to Dustwallow now, and soon enough the plan will be underway.
Like I said…in the end, it will pay off. In the end, the Grimtotem will be stopped. In the end, the Twilight’s Hammer will be prevented from getting their phylactery. Cho’gall will stay in the grave where he belongs, and Thrall will have a clear path to finish the job against Deathwing. Magatha will be captured and brought to justice, and maybe Cairne can finally rest a little easier.
I know that this is the right call. This is the only call. And I can live with it. I have to live with it.
Spirits forgive me.
Wherein I get clever and stuff
Okay, back to business.
I’m writing from Brackenwall Village. I just finished a strategy session with Krog, Drazz’Zilb, and Dontrag and Utvoch. By all signs, the Grimtotem here in Dustwallow are still hitting the Stonemaul ogres, and I’ve also gotten confirmation from Orhan Ogreblade that the Grimtotem in Feralas are still active around the Maul. So, that tells us that the Grimtotem still believe that the phylactery is being held by the ogres in one place or the other, and that they haven’t gotten wind of what’s going on in Silithus yet. Which means if we move quickly, we might have an opportunity here.
Here’s the thing: we know the Grimtotem operations in Feralas and Dustwallow were being coordinated by Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe. We also know that those two – along with a couple other high-ranking Grimtotem – are dead now, courtesy of (ugh) Johnny Awesome. And now that Magatha is on the loose again (oh and did I mention DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT FUCK YOU JOHNNY AWESOME FUCK YOU RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS), smart money says she’s going to be keeping a close eye on the search, seeing as the plan most likely came from her in the first place.
We’re going to get her. Keep reading for the nuts and bolts.
I’m having Skarr moved from Stonemaul Hold to Brackenwall Village, where the ogres will hold him until we’re ready to put the plan into motion. Then we’re going to let word slip out to the Grimtotem that we’ve captured a Twilight operative who knows where the phylactery is hidden, and is going to lead us to it. We’ll let them “find out” when and where, and at the set time we’ll even have Skarr transported to the location so there’s every appearance that the hand-off is going to happen. If we play this right, word will get right back to Magatha of what’s going on, and she’ll send her boys to try to intercept the phylactery. What’s more, if I know anything about Magatha – especially now that her main flunkies are out of commission – she’s not going to want to leave anything to chance. With any luck, she’ll come out of hiding herself to personally land the phylactery. And we’ll be waiting for her.
I’ve gone over the plan with Krog and the others, and I think we’ve gotten the final details sorted out. We’re going to let the Grimtotem think that the phylactery is hidden on Alcaz Island, off the Dustwallow coast. First off, it’s a remote spot without much reason for anyone to go to otherwise. Just as important, Drazz’Zilb tells me the island is covered with runes and conjuring circles from the naga mystics there, and so that should make it pretty easy to sell the idea that the phylactery is under some kind of magic lock and key, with Skarr being the only one able to get to it. This way Magatha will figure her best bet is to hit the island when we take Skarr there, rather than trying to get there before us and waste her time trying to track down a phylactery hidden who-knows-where that she can only unlock access to who-knows-how.
Meanwhile Garona will be holding down the fort in Silithus, where our Kor’kron forces will be set in position soon. Patrols already have the Silithus borders covered, so we know the real phylactery is contained. Just a matter of springing the trap there, and this should all finally be over. Still, it’s only a matter of time before word gets out about what’s going on there, so I don’t want to wait on Trap #1 before we set Trap #2. Or vice versa. Whatever. Number the traps in the order that makes you happy. Point is, I want to get the ball rolling on Alcaz Island ASAP. I’m heading back to Orgrimmar now to line up the final details. Updates soon.
Good news and really, really bad news
First the good news.
I just checked in with Krog and Draz’Zilb at Brackenwall Village, and things seem to be lining up on a couple fronts. For one, everything we learned from Skarr seems to check out. Draz’Zilb seems pretty knowledgeable on this kind of creepy black magic type stuff, and according to him it would make sense that C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj would be an ideal place to pull off a resurrection once they have the phylactery. From what he said (if I remember this right – there was a whole lot of hocus-pocus necro-babble), since Cho’gall tried to revive C’thun in that chamber, and actually let himself become an avatar for C’thun at one point, the surrounding area should be attuned to his essence in a way that will help focus the incantation. Apparently that’s the trade-off for this kind of ritual – restoring somebody’s spirit from a non-living vessel doesn’t take a whole lot of magical energy, but it does need something attuned to that particular spirit in order to focus the spell properly, as opposed to living vessels, which I guess actually keep the essence better preserved but require an immense amount of power to unlock. So considering the Twilight ties in Silithus, this lines up pretty ideally for them.
Meanwhile, the misdirection operation in Dustwallow Marsh seems to be working. Draz’Zilb has been putting on some regular pyrotechnic shows both in the village and around the general area, to make it seem like they’re up to something, and we’ve been sending out search parties of ogres and orcs alike to play up the appearance that we’ve got something brewing. The Grimtotem seem to be taking the bait, since attacks on the village have been happening more frequently the last few days. So far so good.
Now for the bad news. And…yeah, I actually can’t believe this one. I have to admit, at this point I can’t say I’m totally unaccustomed to shooting myself in the foot somehow, but OH COME ON.
So, remember a few days ago, when Garona and I met that blood elf guy at the Steam Pools resort? Johnny Awesome? (Yes, really.) Yeah, and remember how he wanted to help out, and do some quests for me personally? And how I sent him off to Thousand Needles or Tanaris to keep him busy?
Yeah, well, guess who I just heard back from.
Lakota Windsong, one of our main tauren operatives in Thousand Needles.
And guess who turned up looking to help, and got sent off on some tasks for Lakota?
Yep, you guessed it. Johnny Awesome.
Oh, and guess who APPARENTLY was also down there in Thousand Needles, unbeknownst to anyone except for Lakota Windsong and a few others who neglected to tell ME for what reason I CANNOT FUCKING IMAGINE, and who APPARENTLY had been captured and was being held by the Twilight’s Hammer cultists down there, that is until one Johnny Awesome happened along and FUCKING HELPED HER ESCAPE and now she’s ON THE LOOSE again??
MAGATHA FUCKING GRIMTOTEM.
…
…
YEAH. YEAH. YOU READ THAT RIGHT.
Excuse me one second.
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TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-SEVEN THOUSAND GALLONS OF WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, DUDE!!!
Oh but wait, you want details? Sure! Absolutely! LET ME GIVE YOU THE FUCKING DETAILS!!!
APPARENTLY, after Magatha got her ass booted out of Thunder Bluff, she went into hiding in Thousand Needles, and when the Twilight’s Hammer started stepping up their activity there, they captured her along with a batch of others. (NICE HOW THEY WERE ABLE TO TRACK HER DOWN RIGHT OFF LIKE THAT, HUH?? YET ANOTHER BANG-UP JOB BY MY CRACK TEAM!) So when Lakota sent Johnny Awesome around to help clean up the Grimtotem mess down there, Magatha started sending messages to the stupid elf to get him to release her pet wind serpent Arikara. Along the way Johnny Awesome also killed Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, so okay, good news there, since that takes out the braintrust that had been coordinating all the ogre business in Feralas and Dustwallow, but whatever, because along the way, Johnny Awesome ALSO managed to round up a batch of ancient tauren relics – the Writ of History, the Rattle of Bones, and the Drums of War – and ended up fucking handing them OVER to Magatha.
Because, get this, after he’d done all this good work killing off these high-ranking Grimtotem, Johnny Awesome got sent to the Twilight outpost to check up on Magatha…and not only does he fucking HAND OVER THESE RELICS, but he goes out and acquires ANOTHER powerful artifact called the Doomstone…which he ALSO fucking HANDS OVER TO MAGATHA…and THEN, just to finish up, HE FUCKING FREES HER FROM THE TWILIGHTS AND LETS HER SKIP OFF ON HER MERRY FUCKING WAY!!!
I…
It…
He…
SLDKGJSHFGKJSHF GKUSDFJHGKLJSDFHGN KLSJDHFGKSJDH FGKUJSFG HKSERHTGLIKU HTGLISERHGJK,LDLI UGBYHSGITYH EIRGTHLER HGTLIEAHGLJK SADEHGLJKAEHGL JSERGLSELIGU HSGRHSERGHERGH
[Insert vocabulary failure here.]
So, yeah. Before I forget:
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL LOYAL CITIZENS OF THE HORDE, FROM YOUR WARCHIEF: Effective immediately, THERE WILL BE A REWARD OF TEN THOUSAND OF ONE MILLION OF MORE THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY COUNT TO BE PAID TO WHOEVER DELIVERS TO GROMMASH HOLD THE MUTILATED (but identifiable) CORPSE OF ONE JOHNNY AWESOME.
(Additional note to Wega and/or Uukra: If it’s you, there might be a dinner date in it for you. Consider it your incentive.)
THAT IS ALL.
P.S.: The FUCK!! AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
The story so far
I don’t know what’s wrong with you people. Everybody seemed overjoyed to see the kind of bullshit agony I had to endure the other day with Garona and Johnny Awesome and all the rest of it. Fuck, if I didn’t know better, I’d think maybe you people didn’t love your Warchief!
Anyway, Garona and I are getting ready to head off to go looking for that ogre Skarr, but while I’m getting squared away here at the inn, I thought I’d take care of some blog stuff. For one, I know the last couple days I’ve been getting a batch of new readers, between the Twitter feed and getting links passed around, so I figured it might be a good idea to try to catch up any newcomers to the blog.
First of all, if you ARE new, welcome! Lok’tar! Good to have you here. Unless you’re Alliance. In which case, DAMN YOU TO THE NETHER, FUCKERS. But meh, keep reading. What the hell.
Second, Spazzle recently added an About page to the blog, with some general info and background type stuff for anyone new. I know he usually tries to be good about setting up my posts with links to older ones that are relevant for background, but y’know, he’s just a goblin, so I’m sure he misses some stuff here and there. Also along those lines, I figured this might be a good time to step back and run through what’s been going on for our many new readers, seeing as this ogre business has been unfolding for a while:
A few weeks back, Grimtotem raiders in Dustwallow Marsh and Feralas started attacking ogres. I could care less about the Gordunni ogres, mind you, but it was a much bigger deal that they were also hitting the Stonemaul ogres too, who have been allied with the Horde for a while.
I sent Dontrag and Utvoch to Brackenwall Village to help Krog with his investigation. Using some…um…pro bait-and-trapping, the bunch of them were able to capture a Grimtotem raider, and interrogated him with help from me and the ogre seer Draz’Zilb. Wait, what am I talking about, “with help from”? They hardly did a damn thing during the interrogation. It was pretty much all me and Draz’Zilb.
Anyway, Draz’Zilb used some FUCKING SCARY-ASS voodoo mojo shit on the Grimtotem, and we got the story. The Grimtotem discovered that the Twilight’s Hammer want to use an ogre relic to resurrect Cho’gall. Apparently, while he was holding a gathering of ogres in Feralas a few months back, Cho’gall imbued a phylactery with his spirit (or part of it, or whatever…don’t ask me how this raise-the-dead stuff works…personally I’m getting sick of all the “Bastion of Twilight was just a setback” bullshit already). Now the Twilights are trying to find the phylactery, and the Grimtotem are trying to beat them to it. According to the prisoner, they believe if they find it first, they can cut some kind of deal with the Twilights to regain their lost holdings.
The Twilight’s Hammer believe one of the ogre clans in Feralas or Dustwallow have the phylactery, so the Grimtotem have been raiding the Gordunni and Stonemaul ogres to try to track it down. High-ranking members of the tribe have been sent to both areas to coordinate, but if you ask me this whole plan has Magatha written all over it.
We know the Stonemaul ogres don’t have the phylactery, but we’re letting the Grimtotem keep thinking they might so they keep their attention divided. Meanwhile, I recalled Garona Halforcen from Twilight Highlands, and she and I headed out to Feralas to investigate. I got some information from a Twilight’s Hammer cultist in the southern ogre camps, and Garona confirmed the story from a Twilight run-in of her own up at Dire Maul: the main Twilight contact in the area is an ogre named Skarr, who’s taken up hiding somewhere in the Lower Wilds.
Garona and I met up at the Steam Pools to compare notes and plan our next step. We also met this blood elf named Johnny Awesome while we were there, which was good for comic relief, if by “comic relief” you mean “makes you want to stick a sharp stick through your eye, into your brain, and swirl it around.” Now we’re about to split up to go after Skarr. With any luck we can find him and get more pieces to fall into place.
So…that’s where we stand now. Next time you hear from me, odds are I’ll be out in the Feralas wilds somewhere trying to track down Skarr. In the meantime, a little nugget to hold everyone over:
There once was a blood elf named Johnny,
Who thought himself ever so bonny.
To get him off my hands
I sent him to Ghostlands
Where he could annoy the Amani.
EPIC VERSE!
Updates soon. Stay tuned.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
