Tag Archives: dustwallow marsh
Monday mailbag
We’ve got a bunch of letters today, and there’s a definite Earth Online theme going on this week. So let’s get right to them…
This “Decision 2012” world event in EO is starting to look pretty interesting. And it looks like it’s pretty easy to participate, despite what some of the guides tell you.
It looks like the basic layout goes like this: right about now, you have local zone-wide events to pick “delegates” to a “convention”, to select a faction leader to contend for the office of “President”, which is the EO version of Warchief. Actually contending for faction leader sounds like an immense pain in the rear, but participation at the zone level isn’t all that hard. There’s a kind of back door in that the devs may not know about yet.
Now, the strategy guides will tell you that if you want to participate, you need to max out your “Politics” secondary skill, and grind rep with one of the factions. If you don’t have time for that, what you can do is look for a sub-zone with a ridiculously unbalanced faction population. Like, for instance, the “Texas” sub-zone, although I’ve heard that parts of “California” or “New York” will do just as well. Anyway, on your sub-zone’s scheduled day for the local event, you just show up at 7PM server time for the “Precinct Caucus” raid. Queue for the low-pop faction. And … you might be the only one to show up. Which means, you’ll be rocking a “Precinct Chairman” title for the rest of the world event. And, you’re guaranteed a slot at the “Senate District Convention” raid, which happens about a month later.
Beyond that, I’m not sure how it works. I’ve never been to a “State Convention” raid, or the “National Convention” either. Maybe I’ll make it that far this time around. It’ll be a few months before I know, though. I’d planned on making the “Precinct Convention” raid next week, but my sub-zone is having trouble applying the most recent “Redistricting” patch, which has thrown a wrench into things.
Still, it should be fun.
–A Concerned Citizen
It IS kind of cool how they’ve set this up, ACC, with the contenders for faction leader all squaring off with the server-wide push to gather resources to eliminate some of them before the big final match-up. Right now on my server it looks like there are a LOT of people running around crafting the Negative Ads needed to wear down the contending mini-bosses, although I kind of have to wonder if that ends up weakening whoever comes out in the end if it’s not a runaway victory. Then again I guess there are the Fundraising dailies, where some of the Negative Ad debuff can be offset by pouring money into somebody’s campaign fund. (And I thought the Shattered Sun Offensive were bad about asking for handouts – at least THEY gave you their “of the Shattered Sun” name tag for your troubles.)
Here’s the part I’m not too clear on, though – between these “primaries” and then the bigger “general election,” is every individual server going to have a different outcome as far as who the Warchief is going to be? Because it would be kind of weird story-wise if they don’t have one consistent leader across the whole game…but if it’s going to be standardized and preset, it kind of defeats the purpose of all these world events where it makes it seem like you get to have an effect on who ends up in charge.
Anyway, at least they’re having a world event like this to account for a possible change in leadership. It would kind of suck if you just logged on one day and the old leader was gone and the new leader was in place and the whole damn world had just gone topsy-turvy overnight.
Riiiiiiight… You totally disappeared because you were kidnapped and used in a bloodletting ceremony to have the spirit of Cho’gall take over your body. And also you’re Garrosh, warchief of the Horde. You seriously expect me to believe this shit?
First of all, as far as your “blog” being “proof” of your claims, do you not realize this is the internet? Anyone could start up a blog and pretend they were anybody. Oh look, I’m going to start up a blog as Elune, because I’m totally a beautiful night elf goddess! In the moooooooon!
Secondly, there’s no way Garrosh is smart enough to be able to string four words together, never mind learn touch typing and a complicated rotation in a video game. He’s an orc! Have you ever talked to one? “Me tired.” “Okie dokie.” “Something need doing?” And have you seen the size of Garrosh’s head? His brain must be half the size of a normal orc’s.
Thirdly, if you were Garrosh, which you are not, that ALONE would justify me booting your ass from the guild! Why would I ally myself with the most barbaric, disgusting, hated enemy of the Alliance? Actually, I fucking hope you ARE Garrosh so that every time I see you I can camp your corpse for ten hours to remind you who the fuck owns Azeroth. (Hint: It’s not the invading orc scum.)
And finally, I’m not even going to click your link. Do you think I’m an idiot? I don’t want any viruses or creepy porn pop-ups.
Don’t contact me again or I’ll report you for harassment.
–Manageurdeath, Guild Leader, <West Coast Avengers>
Oh this guy really really really wants this to end badly, doesn’t he?
I was in a bad enough mood about this asshat kicking me from his lame-ass guild before he turned out to be some fucking Alliance out in Theramore. And before he decided to go all personal. And racist, did I mention racist? Goddamn fucking human.
So ANYWAY, Manageurdeath – or should I say Brant Jasperbloom, herbalism trainer who I’m guessing fell back into that line of work after months of bringing Jaina flowers didn’t get him anywhere even though she’s JAINA, because I guess he’s just that much of a loser? YEAH YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. Boy it’s good thing I’m not really Garrosh, otherwise I would have a tech guy who can trace IP addresses AND an investigator based right there in Dustwallow Marsh to follow up on leads and make sure I’ve got the right guy, and he might even be a rogue to boot so he could sneak right on into town and peek in on you in person, and by the way you REALLY ought to clear out your browser history because you and I both know you sure as fuck don’t need ME to send you any creepy smut links, RIGHT?
And yeah, you go right ahead and report me for harassment – when I fucking BURN THERAMORE TO THE GROUND. Just you watch, Jasper, it’s coming sooner than you think.
Fucking hell I hate guild leaders.
Hahahahaha! You actually named your toon “Omgipwnedurface”? I thought that was a joke! XD
–Garona Halforcen.
PS: You should really move those two points from Overtime into Tenure. And your best secondary stat is Funding because then you won’t have to worry about going oom (out of money) and will be able to use upgraded versions of your lessons more often. So drop some Charisma and stack Funding — your throughput will go through the roof! Don’t you ever read the Self-Righteous Pricks forum?
Yeah, yeah, that’s my toon. One of them, anyway. I’ve also been playing around with a veterinarian alt a little.
And since when did YOU turn into the be-all expert on every other class? Come to think of it, Garona, what do YOU even play in the first place? Anyway, this shows how much you know – you’ve got your specs mixed up. The Funding secondary only does you any good if you’re speccing deep into the Sciences tree and get a Research Grant set bonus. Otherwise it’s just wasted points, because frankly if you’re going with more of a “Liberal Arts” setup for your Pedagogy aura, you’re going to be going OOM all the time no matter what. The 5% buff to your money doesn’t do much good when it’s a 5% buff on next to nothing in the first place. Why do you think we have to spend so much time farming tuna fish in the supermarket zones?
Decided i needed to go on a trip , somewhere im not going to be seen. Youve got a big list of alliance you want to see dead so i thought it was a bad idea to muddy up your head with the reason why and just let you know that it isnt important. Its important that ive had alot of time to myself to think though. Its why ive had time to catch up with some questions that have been swimming arround in my own head, problem was they were probably questions you get every week, how come your so great, How do you manage to keep inspiring the level of awe you are now and your thoughts on how to deal with a person using teeny-tiny harmless little words that might have been misunderstood to mean that they wanted someone else to be warchief, that sort of thing.
But then I read this weeks mailbag and thought that since Sylvanas had hacked your admin id see if i could ask her something before your goblin locked her out.
So here’s the question,which im going to try to word very carefully, if youve got those winged scourge things flying arround making more forsaken why arent any of their vrykul or vargul fighting for the horde too? I thought we could have been allys if they didnt like eating our hearts or painting their faces with our blood so much but since you look like everything these guys look up to and even have their judges arround to..judge them.
–Notzenke, Who is not hiding in the vault of archevon.
Okay, first of all, somebody needs to get Notzenke here a proofreader, like, yesterday.
Second of all, though, this is kind of a good point. With the Lich King dead, that should free up a whole lot of Scourge up in Northrend – how did Sylvanas put it that time? “Found themselves unemployed”? And say what you want about Sylvanas, but she’s definitely got enough charisma to get those stray Scourge onto our side. Obviously it worked out with the val’kyr, so I don’t know why she couldn’t do the same thing with the vargul or for that matter even all the zombies and geists and abominations. The funny thing is, it’s not even like all those Scourge have been running around loose since the Lich King’s been dead. I don’t know if they just don’t know what to do with themselves now, or if there’s something else going on, but you would think they’d be primed for somebody like Sylvanas to come along and snap them up.
Third, proofreader. Seriously. There were parts of that letter where I was like “Is this a paragraph or did he just shake his dictionary over his keyboard really hard and these are the words that fell out?”
More importantly, though, Sylvanas is not still poking around the blog. I had Spazzle crack down on blog security so everything is under lock again. Problem solved.
Lady Sylvanas,
Are you reading the Warchief’s mail too? Because, uh, that one about you and me and him in the gnomish bubble bath was, um, meant to be taken in an artistic context. As a writer to a poet.
And those “special” wands are only available to a very select clientele…
Yours,
–Quelama Lightblade
Yup, these are my readers…
I’m not even going to touch the bubble bath thing, seeing as those e-mails go right into the same spam folder as the links from random succubus web sites and fake letters from Tolvir princes offering to pay me a fortune to help them sneak money into an account in Kalimdor and oh by the way all it will take is a small deposit up front on my part. But really, you guys have got to calm down. Sylvanas is not still screwing around with the blog, she’s not in my e-mail, you can all stop being so frigging paranoid. Like I said, Spazzle has already handled that shit, so we shouldn’t be having any more trouble. Everybody just needs to chill the fuck out and stop being a bunch of Chicken Littles. The sky is not fucking falling, okay?
Or so our dear Warchief would think. Spazzle, shmazzle. Never underestimate the power of a woman on the internet. ~_^
Monday mailbag
Okay, so finally I can get to normal business like answering my reader mail! As a matter of fact, there’s a TON of it that’s piled up while I was away, so it’s probably going to take some doing to get through it all. So here we go…
I look forward to Garrosh’s speedy return. This is a continuation of an earlier question our esteemed Warchief answered for me, that I have discovered new information about.
To recap: I was confused about the use of flags to mark supply drops in Ashenvale, and the capture thereof to interfere with enemy resupply. Originally, my question was how this behavior had spread to the Dragonmaw as well. Recently, I had the opportunity to put the question to a Dragonmaw quartermaster … and the answer is head-slappingly obvious in hindsight.
Twilight Highlands is nowhere near as congested as Ashenvale. But, it is ABSOLUTELY ankle-breaker country. You’re not getting anything in by land. At least, not without losing a lot if it to ambush.
So, yeah. Stealing the enemy’s flags makes excellent sense here, too.
And best wishes for our Warchief’s return to duty. If there is anything this Blood Knight can do to assist, I can be found at the Wayfarer’s Rest in Silvermoon, when I’m not on-call with the Horde Medical Corps.
–A Concerned Citizen
Huh. Okay, I guess this one was a leftover letter for Saurfang from when he was minding the shop.
Anyway, though, ACC, good to hear from you again. And yeah, I guess it makes sense that the Dragonmaw would be adopting the same flag-marking methods that we were originally using in Warsong Gulch. I’m actually kind of relieved that there’s some sense behind what they’re doing, considering how lately the Dragonmaw have been…um…kind of shaky in terms of how on top of things they seem to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Zaela and all. She’s a good warrior. But you know, there’s a difference between being a good warrior and being a good person to have in charge of things, you know? And like, with Zaela, sheesh. Not the brightest bulb. If there’s a big fight coming, sure thing, I want her fighting on my side. But if there’s something going on that requires you to have your wits about you, or able to wrap your brain around something bigger than “me see, me smash”? Yeah, not so much.
Greetings again, Your Warchieferousness!
Thank you for your reply re: the housing issue in Orgrimmar. It’s unfortunate that you can’t solve this issue with the same speed with which former acting Warchief Hellscream created it, by unilateral fiat – but then I suppose if he had bothered to investigate before spewing his frankly racist edict we wouldn’t have this problem, would we? I shall, as suggested, look into Razor Hill in the interim.
With regards to to baking, I’m afraid my skills in that area of cooking extend little past spice bread and tasty cupcakes – like many self-employed aggressive problem solvers, my culinary skills revolve around making use of things I slaughter horribly on my travels. Also, as a Knight of the Ebon Blade I bear the “blessing” of the Lich King in the form of an unfortunate addiction to causing pain and suffering … there are ways and means to alleviate it, but you may wish to avoid my cooking.
Regarding the issue of pseudonyms, I think I’ll pass – every second Death Knight Arthas raised during the Battle for Light’s Hope decided that being Joe Smith, formerly of Goldshire, was not sufficiently “grimdark” enough for a soldier in the Lich King’s service, and changed his name to “Darkreaper of the Nightfall” or something similarly pretentious and absurd. Some of them, seeking to emphasize their existence as agents of the Lich King’s will, changed their names to “Arthas”! Not that they can spell it, mind. I suspect the Lich King left them too long before he raised them.
(Koltira “Deathweaver”? Used to be Koltira Twillweaver, of Goldenmist Village. Though he was a pretentious ass then, too.)
Yours,
–Twilight Vanquisher Aimee
Knight of the Ebon Blade (still not the cake vendor)
Still the Goblin Frickin’ Slums
The FUCK is this?! Okay so this is another one for Saurfang I guess, I get that, fine, makes sense he’d have some follow-up mail from the last few weeks…but DUDE! How much hate mail was he GETTING about me?! Frankly racist edict by unilateral fiat WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!
But ANYWAY, as far as YOU go, Aimee (OH NO, look out, AIMEE is pissed at me – watch out or she might write an angsty mid-tempo acoustic guitar ballad about me and take me down a few pegs with her bitter understated irony!), you go right on ahead and find yourself a nice comfy place down in Razor Hill. Keep an eye on the kids down there while you’re at it, that should be a job you can stay on top of no problem. In the meantime we orcs and tauren will take care of the real job of defending Orgrimmar, Corpsey McBoneyknees.
Anyway, there’s got to be some mail in here somewhere that’s actually for ME…
Just thought you should know you’ve been kicked from the guild. You should have been trying to make a good impression if you wanted to pass your trial, but you haven’t given us any reason to keep you. You didn’t show up for two raids you signed up for and you haven’t logged on for, like, weeks. It’s really inconsiderate to just disappear without warning and leave us hanging like that. Would have been nice for you to at least drop us a note before you vanished.
Good luck finding a new guild,
–Manageurdeath
Guild Leader
<West Coast Avengers>
…
…
THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!
Okay, okay, so for anyone who’s not connecting the dots yet – this guy is my guild leader (or, well, he WAS my guild leader) from the Earth Online guild I just joined. Well, the guild I just joined as of like a month ago, right before the whole Alcaz Island deal. I haven’t logged on since I’ve been back, what with me being a little busy PUTTING MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER, but APPARENTLY I’ve just been kicked out of the guild!
Because yeah, you know what, you’re right, Manageurdeath, that was really inconsiderate for me not to give you guys a heads up that I was going to be away a few weeks DUE TO BEING FUCKING KIDNAPPED! Oh wait, did I mention the part where I was dragged to a Twilight’s Hammer stronghold where I was going to be used in a fucking BLOODLETTING CEREMONY to have the FUCKING SPIRIT OF CHO’GALL BURN OUT MY SOUL AND TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN MY FUCKING BODY? Did I mention that part??
You’re right, dude, I TOTALLY should have cleared this with you to make sure it would be adequate justification for me missing out on the fucking Board of Directors raid we had scheduled!
HOLY FUCKING FUCK’S SAKE.
Actually, you know what, hold on. I need to find Spazzle for a second. You guys hold tight for a minute. Here, funny video to kill some time while I’m doing this:
OKAY, so I just tracked down Spazzle and had him trace that e-mail from the guild guy to find out where this fucker is from. I was expecting him to be from someplace way out in the middle of nowhere, where he’s got nothing to do but play this game and think he’s all hot shit for being the guild leader, because for fuck’s sake guild leaders always seem so fucking full of themselves, but anyway, check THIS out – turns out this guy is logging on from Theramore.
FUCKING THERAMORE.
The guild I was in was being run by some goddamn fucking ALLIANCE, and not even an Alliance from someplace fucking IMPORTANT, no, run by an Alliance stuck out in the run-down town out in the middle of the fucking swamp where there’s nothing for those assholes to do but bang Jaina all day, only THIS fucker doesn’t even seem to be able to pull THAT off seeing as he’s fucking logged onto the game 37 hours a day!
So you know what, I’ll tell you this, Manageurdeath, I don’t know who you are exactly, but I’m going to fucking find out, and WHOEVER you are, mark my words, you have fucked with the WRONG ORC. Enjoy your little podunk swamp town while you can, because I’m telling you right now, somehow, someday, I am going to open up such a can of fucking DISASTER on that place, you and all your little Jainabanging friends aren’t going to know what even fucking HIT you. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
UGH. Okay, so there’s still a pretty big pile of mail, but I’m in NO mood to deal with any more of this shit today, so I promise I’ll answer as much of it as I can next Monday. In the meantime, keep it coming. I’ll talk to you all later when I’m not dreaming dreams of ruins in the fucking swamp.
UGH!!!
Draz’Zilb’s Discovery
Citizens of the Horde,
Some days ago I alluded to a conjuration proposed by the morally tenebrous ogre Draz’Zilb which, performed upon those entities who were in close proximity of the then-hostage Skarr, might cast some light on any magics unleashed on Alcaz Island. With the unexpected departure of Warchief Hellscream’s personal wyvern – still at large despite our continued efforts to find it – one of our prime subjects was taken from us, but since that time we have had occasion to revisit the conjuration with respect to our other remaining subjects: the omnisyllabically discursive soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch.
After having the procedure explained to them – a process which took no small measure of time, given the pair’s peculiar reluctance to allow Draz’Zilb to complete a sentence unimpeded until I intervened –
[Saurfang doesn’t have to get a word in edgewise. When he talks, everybody else’s words stop what they were doing and turn into “Yes sir.” –Mkvr., ed.]
the duo were initially uneasy about the ritual, as they indicated some prior experience witnessing the effects of Draz’Zilb’s spellcasting. After some reassurance, however, we were able to carry on with the process. The results were revealing, though perplexing.
Draz’Zilb’s original notion was that the proximity of Dontrag and Utvoch (and the wyvern) to Skarr at such time as Cho’gall’s spirit was summoned from within him would leave residual magic traces – aftershocks, in essence – on them that we would then be able to detect. Draz’Zilb’s divination did indeed detect powerful magical signatures lingering on the pair; based on his examination, however, these magics were not consistent with the unlocking of a living phylactery. Instead, he believes that the magical effect to which our subjects were exposed was purely explosive in nature – powerfully explosive at that.
While our information is, of course, incomplete at best, Draz’Zilb has suggested that his findings correspond to a sort of magical explosion that can be detonated by feeding off of the life energy of a living being. Such a measure would not be out of character for the Twilight’s Hammer, as we have had first-hand experience with their willingness to use suicide bombers in their attack on the Doomhammer. Nevertheless, it leaves us with many questions about what actually occurred to the ogre Skarr: not least among them, of course, being where he was when the detonation occurred, and indeed whether he himself was the instrument of the explosion – and, if so, what are we left to conclude about his role in the revival of Cho’gall?
Dontrag and Utvoch are, sadly, of little aid in filling in the gaps of our knowledge, as it is likely that the explosion incapacitated them prior to their removal to the island’s underground tunnels, and one can hardly expect them to retain clear memories of the final instants immediately prior to the detonation. I will likely dispatch Krog to the island once more to search for additional evidence, though I am not optimistic about there being anything left after our original exhaustive searches.
I have additional measures to tend to personally for the investigation. For the moment, however, having just spent much of the day with Dontrag and Utvoch, I believe I will grant myself a brief respite at the Orgrimmar tavern.
[Saurfang doesn’t always drink lager, but when he does, he prefers Captain Rumsey’s. –Mkvr., ed.]
I will update again soon, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Flown the Coop, as the Saying Goes
Citizens of the Horde,
Interrogation of our various captives carries on, and begins to yield fruit, albeit gradually. Just this morning, the perspicacious rogue Krog reported to me personally to provide updates on his ongoing questioning of those Grimtotem who were apprehended during out recent operations out of Brackenwall Village. A good man, that Krog, and thorough.
His questioning confirms what we already knew of the Grimtotem situation – that they had, under the direction of Magatha Grimtotem through her lieutenants Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, begun to search for the now-infamous phylactery of Cho’gall, so as to strike a bargain with the Twilight’s Hammer cult – while further indicating that thus far, no agreements or alliances had been forged between the two groups. Indeed, shortly after the nefarious tauren clan began their hunt, the Twilight’s Hammer stepped up their activities in Thousand Needles, resulting in the Twilight capture of several Grimtotem, most notably Magatha…who, as you are already well aware, was subsequently freed through unwitting (nay, witless) Horde assistance.
Nevertheless, I find the timing of these events to be hardly coincidental, and I suspect that the Twilight cult undertook a pointed effort to capture Magatha upon discovering that she and her kin were endeavoring to complicate the cult’s efforts to resurrect the odious ogre Cho’gall.
That relations between the Grimtotem and the Twilight’s Hammer are, to say the least, unfriendly is confirmed by early reports from Garona Halforcen in Silithus. While Garona finds herself still early in her interrogation of our Twilight prisoners (a process which, I hope, will not be slowed too greatly by the temptation to relish the process), she has been able to confirm a reciprocal disdain for the Grimtotem on behalf of the Twilight’s Hammer cultists.
Meanwhile, I have recruited the aid of the resourceful ogre seer Draz’Zilb of Brackenwall Village, who has already been of assistance in these events to both Krog and to Warchief Hellscream, in the hopes that we might glean some additional information through more mystical means. Draz’Zilb has theorized that, given the powerful magics involved in the phylactery containment of Cho’gall’s spirit, as well as in its possible release, it may be possible to conduct a divination of sorts through any living beings who were in close proximity to the ogre Skarr when, or if, these necromantic powers were tapped. This afternoon Draz’Zilb joined me in Orgrimmar to attempt such a divination, to see if any traces of recent spellcasting or magical aftershocks might be discerned through the three entities we know to have been present with Skarr on Alcaz Island (excepting, of course, Warchief Hellscream): the externally monologuing soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch, and the Warchief’s personal wyvern.
Draz’Zilb began his divination with the wyvern, which has finally recovered from its injuries on the island. (I will hasten to note for those D.E.H.T.A.-friendly among you, incidentally, that I was assured that no harm would come to the wyvern as a result of these magics; I am moreover informed that the Warchief had developed quite a fondness for the animal, and having enjoyed the companionship of numerous pet worgs in my youth, I am not unsympathetic.) Draz’Zilb detected signs from the wyvern’s residual magic aura that it had indeed been exposed to a magic outburst of some sort; however, the wyvern appeared uneasy throughout the divination process, and while it was still in its early stages, the process was interrupted by the arrival of Dontrag and Utvoch, which served only to further agitate the animal. Before our handlers could calm the increasingly emotional beast, it managed to slip from its restraints and fly off.
I have sent a scouting detail to patrol Durotar and its surrounding areas to locate the wyvern, but its whereabouts are currently unknown. I must admit, given our current situation I cannot say that the recovery of the animal can afford to rank as a high priority, though it would indeed pain me upon the Warchief’s return to have to report that we had lost it in his absence.
I shall continue to keep you updated as events continue to unfold, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
The Loop Closes
Citizens of the Horde,
I am pleased to report that our movements against the Grimtotem clan proceed well.
Overlord Cliffwalker, who had already brought the Grimtotem in Stonetalon Mountains well under control, has effectively tightened our grip on their encampments; likewise, the two major Grimtotem outposts in Dustwallow Marsh offered little resistance to our forces. Many of them, it would appear, have fled south to Thousand Needles, and many of those who remained readily surrendered when Horde forces arrived and provided first-hand illustration of, shall we say, the Grimtotem’s mathematically untenable situation.
[When you fight Saurfang, Saurfang always has you outnumbered. Even if Saurfang is alone, he has you outnumbered. –Mkvr., ed.]
As we have several Grimtotem captives on hand, I have placed the tenacious rogue Krog in charge of their interrogation, with the aid of the obsequious duo Dontrag and Utvoch. I anticipate useful information forthcoming; in the meantime, our forces will continue on to Thousand Needles and Feralas, where they will continue to put pressure on the remaining Grimtotem outposts.
While our field commanders undertake these operations, I will be traveling to Silithus, where I will personally take command of our troops for the beginning of our strike on the Twilight’s Hammer forces in Ahn’Qiraj.
The tide turns in our favor, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Pertaining to Incursions against the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem
Citizens of the Horde,
It is a well-known aphorism that it is unwise to fight a war on two fronts. While I generally hold to the wisdom of this proverb, we find ourselves in a situation now where conflict has been forced upon us from multiple directions, and appropriate response on multiple fronts is indeed called for. I am reluctant to overextend our forces in such a tumultuous time as now, but circumstance dictates quick and decisive action in a number of directions.
Our forces have successfully mobilized in Silithus and have surrounded all points of entry to the Temple of Ahn’Qiraj. Garona Halforcen has returned to the zone and is coordinating the positioning of our troops with aid from the arenaceous field commander Krug Skullsplit. In the process of moving our forces into position, several of our battalions passed through regions marked by various Twilight encampments; these nefarious outposts are now, one might say, severely understaffed. Now that we can be confident that no Twilight forces will be able to escape Silithus, we have begun laying plans to send forces into the temple to put an end to the Twilight threat altogether.
Meanwhile, we have the Grimtotem to deal with. While Magatha Grimtotem has not been seen since her flight from Thousand Needles – an escape facilitated, I am told, by the ignominious blood elf Johnny Awesome – the testimony of Dontrag and Utvoch confirms the Grimtotem presence on Alcaz Island just prior to Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance. We are therefore undertaking a systematic sweep of all known Grimtotem settlements, both to investigate for further possible clues to the Warchief’s whereabouts, and also to demonstrate through appropriate force the severity of the actions that have been taken by their tribe against the people of the Horde.
I have sent the adumbral investigator Krog back to Brackenwall Village in Dustwallow Marsh, where, together with Nazeer Bloodpike and the ogre chieftain Tharg, he will arrange a series of strikes against the Grimtotem of Blackhoof Village and Direhorn Post. Meanwhile, I have authorized Overlord Chieftain Cliffwalker of Stonetalon Mountains to escalate his already highly effective activity against the Grimtotem in that region. Our actual military activities will focus on these areas while Horde forces in Feralas and Thousand Needles begin to make preparations to begin strikes there as well; as the outlying regions are secured, we will redirect forces to further support the newer operations in neighboring zones.
To any Grimtotem who might see this – I know not how adept the Grimtotem as a people may be in the ways of the internet – I would offer this counsel: surrender and offer full cooperation to Horde forces when they arrive. It will save all of us time; it will save you, most certainly, a great deal of suffering.
It has been suggested to me that it may be unwise for me to speak directly to the Grimtotem in such a fashion here, or, indeed, to lay out our plans where hostile eyes might see them. Foreknowledge of our activities, so the reasoning goes, will only enable the Grimtotem to prepare and counter our actions. To this I would respond from the experience of many battles: foreknowledge of a threat only affects the outcome when the threat itself was marginal to begin with. If you look out your window and see a fiery meteor the size of Coldarra hurtling down toward you, rest assured that your knowledge of its coming will not in any way empower you to prevent your house from shortly being replaced by a burning crater.
I will continue to keep you abreast of developing news, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Something’s up
Hi everyone. Spazzle again.
I’m still not having much luck getting anyone in the know to talk to me. You’d think it would count for something that I’m Garrosh’s friend (wow, did I just say that?), but I guess whatever is happening is classified enough that they’re not talking about it with anyone who isn’t in a pretty high position of authority.
But I definitely know that Eitrigg held his meeting earlier today. He and the other Horde leaders sealed themselves off in Grommash Hold for most of the day. Between comparing notes on what happened in Silithus and Dustwallow Marsh, and looking for Garrosh, and figuring out what to do next, there must have been a whole lot for them to talk about. Just a few hours ago the meeting seemed to wrap up, and a bunch of us saw them all gathered in front of the hold with Garona and Krog and a few others, still talking about something pretty intently.
I don’t know for sure what ended up being decided, but I do know that right after the meeting, there was an envoy sent out with armed guards on the next zeppelin going up to the Borean Tundra. And the way I figure, well…if you had something major going on with servants of the Old Gods in Silithus, who would you want in charge?
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
When things turn bad they don’t @!$# around
Writing this up as quickly as possible while Mortimer is being prepped for flight. I don’t have much time to spell everything out so I’m leaving the relevant documents with Mokvar and authorizing him to edit this post as needed to include enough info for this to make sense to you all.
Garona’s message from Silithus was bad news.
Garrosh:
Major trouble in Silithus. Were setting final fortifications in AQ when were attacked by large Twilight’s Hammer force. Humans, ogres, several silithid. Many more TH than intelligence indicated were even in Silithus; bypassed periphery guards into inner passageways; possibly hiding in nearby silithid hives and tunneled in?
Vastly outnumbered. As soon as combat started turning against us, made sure we destroyed all conjuring equipment left by TH in C’thun’s chamber.
Retreat necessary; far too many of them.
Tried to bring TH captives with us while escaping. One captive killed in crossfire. Second has been making cryptic taunts. Evasive about whether TH are fighting their way in to use phylactery. “You don’t think we’d keep such a sacred vessel ON us, do you?” and “So easy to get you with half-truths when you always focus on the wrong half” or words to that effect.
Regrouping at Orgrimmar Legion Camp. Krug Skullsplit offering troop support for counter-offensive. More forces needed for much prospect of success.
Courier carrying this note can fill in details as needed.
–Garona.
Between this and the Twilight strike at Bladefist Bay, I have a really bad feeling about this. Somehow they knew. They knew we were in Ahn’Qiraj, they knew we were preparing to move forces from Durotar. Not sure how much they know on both fronts, but it stands to reason if they knew we were sending the Doomhammer out, they probably know we have something brewing at Alcaz, and that we’re springing a trap.
And the more I think of it…nearly everything we know about all of this has been coming from Twilight informants.
Spirits help us. I think we’ve been played.
—Why have those cultists running around looking for something when they already knew where is was?
–Why are you having our people in Dustwallow carry on like the ogres there might still be holding the phylactery? … It’s just a way to keep the Grimtotem busy looking for it, keep them one move behind…
–Just a big misdirect.
–Mmhmm.
–Should I be worried that this cult and I seem to think so much alike?
I don’t think the phylactery was ever in Silithus. I think that was one more giant misdirect in a string of misdirects. They wanted us busy chasing our tails in Silithus. They wanted us to think we’d gotten one move ahead of them, setting a trap to lure in the phylactery while they’re moving it around the zone – the more I think of it, if they had the damn thing, and they had that many forces in Silithus, why keep it moving and exposed while they set up? Why wouldn’t they just bring everyone into the temple and set up while all their forces stand guard and the phylactery is safe in hand on-site? Why would they even need the business with the signal?
So now the question is, where is it, and why go to the trouble of having us orchestrate this huge trap on our end? If they’re playing games with us like this, they must know where the phylactery is, so why aren’t they just using it? Do they not have it still? Do they need something else before they actually CAN use it? They must be after something.
Preserved, yes, kept for the masters, held for them, alive, alive, need Skarr alive, all of us alive until we all die, die for the masters, die in glory, die in flame…
They…need Skarr. Alive.
And he was being chased by the Grimtotem. And us, for that matter. Only they had to know that WE wouldn’t kill him as long as we thought he knew something we needed. So…they let us get him? For safekeeping? But that still doesn’t make sense – why not move HIM down to Silithus and keep him under guard with this giant fucking army they apparently have? There’s something missing here. There’s something else they’re still after, otherwise it makes no sense to be playing this bait-and-switch game they have going.
So easy to get you with half-truths when you keep focusing on the wrong half.
And besides, Skarr didn’t even actually HAVE the phylactery. He had nothing in his camp, he had nothing on him, if he KNEW anything he wasn’t letting on…but he sure as hell THOUGHT he was playing some important role in it all, carrying out some important duty that Cho’gall trusted him with.
Cho’gall notice Skarr. Cho’gall remember. Keep in mind, keep in mind…
Hell, he was such a devoted crazy-ass follower of Cho’gall he even fucking TALKED like him half the time.
Wait a minute.
Wait…a minute.
Burn and drown and crush and suffocate.
Fuck.
…
FUCK.
Skarr was a believer. So he gave himself over to the cause – completely.
Apparently that’s the trade-off for this kind of ritual – restoring somebody’s spirit from a non-living vessel doesn’t take a whole lot of magical energy, but it does need something attuned to that particular spirit in order to focus the spell properly, as opposed to living vessels, which I guess actually keep the essence better preserved but require an immense amount of power to unlock.
He gave himself over by helping them preserve their leader the safest way possible.
Skarr IS the phylactery.
FUCK.
But…to release Cho’gall’s spirit from a living vessel, according to what Draz’Zilb said… they can’t just up and do that. They need an immense amount of magical power.
Like…say…a collection of ancient tauren artifacts, and the Doomstone.
Which are in the hands of Magatha.
Who we’re luring to the damn island.
With Skarr.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
Skarr was the key all along. We fucking had it in our hands and we didn’t even realize it. How did nobody see this? How did everybody fucking miss this? Me included! He was a fucking time bomb right there in our midst the whole time…
Tick, tock, tick, tock…
…and all they needed was for us to be chumps and pick a spot to plant the bomb and light the fuse for them.
I’m about to take off. By this point Dontrag and Utvoch must have reached Alcaz Island with Skarr. No telling how soon the Grimtotem will get there. Or the Twilights. No time now to get another ship ready to go – I need to fly down myself and do what I can to get this under control before everything goes to hell.
I’ll talk to you when I talk to you. Luck to us all.
Not good
Dontrag and Utvoch are supposed to bring Skarr to Alcaz Island to set our trap for Magatha in a short while. The plan was to time things so that our forces take off from Bladefist Bay on the Doomhammer with JUST enough time to be there slightly ahead of them, then watch for Grimtotem activity. We’d probably have to improvise on the fly some, depending on how Magatha and company were tackling things, but considering the element of surprise we’d have going for us, and the superior numbers we’d be bringing, it would be fairly easy to adapt to whatever we encountered.
That was the plan.
We just had a major monkey wrench thrown into it.
Less than two hours ago, a Twilight raiding party attacked Bladefist Bay. The Kor’kron forces on hand fought them for a while, and ended up defeating them fairly handily…except that it seems like winning the fight wasn’t really the point of the attack. In fact, a big chunk of their forces were out of commission before the fight even really got rolling. Several of the Twilights were carrying saronite bombs. In the initial charge, they rushed the Doomhammer, boarded the ship, and set them off – killing themselves in the process. The other Twilight attackers really seemed to be there just to provide enough cover to make sure enough of the bombers got to the ship, and by the time we could had the situation under control, the Doomhammer was badly damaged.
It’s taking on water and going down in the bay as we speak. No chance of her making any trips to Alcaz Island, now or likely ever.
I really, REALLY don’t like the timing of this. Something’s going on, and it’s pretty damn hard to shake the idea that the Twilights know a hell of a lot more than they should. There’s absolutely no reason for them to specifically target the Doomhammer unless they’re trying to keep it from casting off. A random attack wouldn’t be so specific about taking out the ship, and besides, batshit though they are, the Twilights don’t do random.
We’re going to have to improvise something, and fast – Skarr should be on the move soon, and there isn’t enough time to get a messenger down to Dustwallow in time to have them delay the operation. One way or another, we’re committed.
Speaking of messengers, though, I’ve just had a courier arrive with a letter from Garona in Silithus. I’ll update shortly once I’ve had a chance to read it. Hopefully it’s good news. We could use some at this point.
Laying the bait
Sometimes I really hate my job.
When all this is over with, if it works the way we’re planning, it’ll all be worth it. I’ll be able to look back and say we stopped the Twilights, and finally caught Magatha, and I’ll even personally hand-deliver her to Baine to do what he will with her. Although, you know, if it’s going to be something painful, I’m really, really hoping I can skip to the front of the line of people who get to do it. But anyway.
It’s going to be worth it in the end, but that doesn’t mean that the things I need to do to get it to happen don’t still suck.
Everything is underway for the trap at Alcaz Island. Skarr is under lock and key in Dustwallow, and Dontrag and Utvoch are standing by to transport him to the island. I have a Kor’kron detachment ready to sail down from Bladefist Bay and slip in undetected by the Grimtotem. All we need now is for the Grimtotem to conveniently discover that we “know” where the phylactery is, and we’re being led to it.
And that’s the part that sucks.
The Grimtotem have been sending raiding parties down to hit Brackenwall Village fairly regularly. Nothing we can’t push back without a whole lot of trouble, but still. Now, though, we’re going to deliberately spread the ogre guards out and send scouting parties around the area, so the village itself has less of a defense force. So for one, we’ll give the appearance of a more vulnerable target, and two, when the Grimtotem finally do strike again, there will be few enough troops on hand that the stupid cows can feel like they’re actually putting a dent in the place this time.
In the middle of all this, I’m having a pair of orc couriers flee from the camp, and make it look like they’re making a break for the road back up to the Barrens. They’re going to be carrying a sealed letter from Draz’Zilb to me – basically notifying me that they’ve discovered the whereabouts of the phylactery, and Skarr will be leading us to its hiding place on Alcaz Island. When, where, all the RSVP details. The idea is that we’ll have the couriers take off during the attack, make sure they’re visible while leaving, and then let the Grimtotem catch them and take the letter and think they’ve made the big score.
And all that sounds fine. But here’s the thing. If the Grimtotem are going to buy this, we can’t make it too easy. We can’t just have a couple of our men stroll up to them waving a white flag. We can’t have them offering up the goods to save their own necks, or turning traitor to help them – the Grimtotem are a lot of things, but they’re not pants-on-head retarded, and they know us well enough to know that there’s no fucking way a pair of orcs would ever sell out the Horde to them, or go down without a fight.
So…they have to go down fighting.
They’ll make a break from the village, take just long enough to get out for the Grimtotem raiders to get after them, put up a fight, make it really seem like they’re hell-bent on getting through to the Barrens, and then, in the end…fail. Magatha will get the letter the only way she ever would – from their cold, dead hands.
I’ve talked to the couriers who are going on this mission. They know what’s being asked of them. I quietly rounded up some of our men and explained what was going on, what was at stake – the Grimtotem, and the Twilights, and Cho’gall, and Magatha and justice for Cairne – and told them this job was volunteers only.
Not a hand in the room stayed down.
I’d never been more proud to be Horde. (And they call us savages.)
In the end I chose two from among the volunteers to send. I made sure that the men going on the courier run were single, no children…we orcs have had far too many orphans and widows already, and I won’t have a hand in creating more if I can help it. They’re on their way to Dustwallow now, and soon enough the plan will be underway.
Like I said…in the end, it will pay off. In the end, the Grimtotem will be stopped. In the end, the Twilight’s Hammer will be prevented from getting their phylactery. Cho’gall will stay in the grave where he belongs, and Thrall will have a clear path to finish the job against Deathwing. Magatha will be captured and brought to justice, and maybe Cairne can finally rest a little easier.
I know that this is the right call. This is the only call. And I can live with it. I have to live with it.
Spirits forgive me.
