Tag Archives: gul’tar

Spazzle Speaks: Shamans United!

trollmasksHi everyone, Spazzle here. There’s been a lot going on, and I’ve been meaning to post for a little while now, but…well, there’s been a lot going on so I haven’t had the chance to until now.

As I’d said the last time I posted, after the news about Vol’jin reached Orgrimmar, everybody was in a state of shock for a while, and some of the Kor’kron were sent down to the Echo Isles to make sure everything was secure there. I remember Eitrigg seeming less than thrilled about that for some reason, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

Still, I was concerned about how everyone was doing down there. I have a couple friends from the comic shop in Razor Hill who live on the Echo Isles, and I figured that they must have been pretty shaken up by everything. So last week, after I hadn’t heard from them in a little while, I decided to take a trip down and see how they were doing.

You will never guess who I ran into on the way down.


Now, I can’t say I was ever very close to Thrall personally, but I definitely owe him a debt or two after he helped save the Bilgewater Cartel after we left Kezan. Not to mention, he’s the one who first started training me as a shaman way back when. (I changed the subject when he asked how that was coming along. No need for him to know that my mechanical totems short-circuit nearby appliances nearly as often as they summon up the elements.) So, as much as Garrosh is my friend and I know the two of them don’t always see eye to eye, I’m very pro-Thrall.

Or pro-Go’el. I’m not too clear on which one he’s going by these days.

Anyway, he was on his way to the Echo Isles from the Valley of Trials, along with a few Horde adventurers who had just returned from Pandaria. He didn’t go into a lot of detail, but I guess he was concerned that there was some kind of trouble for the trolls in the aftermath of Vol’jin’s death. He invited me to come with them, and since I was already concerned about my troll friends down there, naturally I took him up on his offer.

When we arrived at the Echo Isles, there were Kor’kron guards posted all around the perimeter of the island, and patrols marching around all over, without any Darkspear soldiers anywhere to be seen among the defenders. Which struck me as kind of odd, obviously. Not to mention the fact that the Kor’kron all seemed to be in a pretty foul mood.


Still, there was a Kor’kron officer along the main road, and Thrall went up to talk to him. I figured between Thrall’s diplomatic skills, and the fact that he’s…you know…Thrall, he should be able to clear things up pretty quickly.


Hmm. Okay, so much for that.

We made our way into the city from there, and it was a pretty shocking sight – the Kor’kron weren’t protecting the trolls, they were maintaining an occupation! The trolls were rounded up, disarmed, supervised by the Kor’kron, and lots of them were even chained up.


I don’t even want to think what Saurfang would say if he knew this was going on.

Thrall wasn’t happy that it had come to this, but he decided we had to free the Darkspear from the occupation. So the handful of us went around the island and, little by little, helped the trolls neutralize the Kor’kron guards. Mostly that meant “disarm and capture,” but, well… <sigh> You know.


Once we had control of most of the island, we headed to Darkspear Hold, where that warlock Gul’tar, one of Malkorok’s lieutenants, had taken charge of the city and was running things from Vol’jin’s old command center. Thrall tried to get him to stand down, but he wouldn’t budge. Gul’tar ended up ranting about the Horde changing and Vol’jin refusing to change with it, and that’s why he died – that didn’t really make sense to me, considering the reports that Vol’jin had died in a saurok attack – and attacked Thrall. Thrall and the Darkspear were able to beat him without too much trouble.

Now, the question is, what next? Thrall wasn’t sure where we go from here, but he said he would stay on the Echo Isles to help the trolls keep a handle on things until…well, I’m not really supposed to go into that. That’s one of the details Thrall said we all needed to keep quiet for the time being.


Hmm… Although…come to think of it…I suppose this whole story would be filed under “Things Thrall Wants You to Keep Quiet.” So maybe I shouldn’t have just blogged about it. Oh well. Just make sure you all keep this hush-hush.

At least there’s still that one last detail that I can be good about keeping secret.

Even as juicy and awesome as it is.

Anyway…ahem…since I won’t be talking about that, I guess I’ll wrap this up for now. I’ll try to post again if anything else big happens around here.












[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth; click here to see the souped-up Postcard version! All other images provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant. All images used here with permission and many thanks.]


Monday mailbag


I arrived a couple days ago here at the Sanctum of Two Moons, and I’ve been getting settled in and learning the lay of the land since then. While we have a little break in the action, I figured this might be a good time to dip into the ol’ mailbag…


To Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde:

Call off the search patrols! I’m ok!

I know everyone must have been sick with worry the last few months since my sudden disappearance, (my colleagues up in Northrend must have been particularly disturbed by my absence); however, I can reassure you all that I am finally safe and sound.

Where have I been, you might ask? Ah, friend, that is a tale indeed! A tale of wonder and adventure! I was swimming with the Orca folk in the northern oceans and discovered a new shape-shifting technique that permitted me to assume the very form of a noble whale person myself. Wearing my new visage, I was able to communicate with them in their own language — a very melodious tongue with beautiful but complex rules of grammar — and became assimilated into their culture.

Engrossed in my cetacean studies, I lost track of time and eventually track of my own self. I forgot my previous life as a Night Elf and the thought of living on land became as alien to me as the thought of drinking fire would be to any but a fire elemental. I lived as a whale; I laughed as a whale; I loved as a whale; and finally I migrated south with the rest of my pod.

O! What a journey that was! The tales I could tell of the fantastical denizens of the deep! But alas! I have not the space here to elaborate further. (Look for my upcoming book on my experiences, working title: “Darling it’s Better Down Where it’s Wetter”.)

But all good things must come to an end. There was an enormous storm, the violence of which penetrated even the depths of the sea. I was separated from my pod and flung about at the mercy of the waves. At last I was washed up on dry land and lay helplessly beached, drying out in the sun. I looked death in the eye that day and all hope left me. At last I fell unconscious and lay senseless on the shore.

When I came to I was surrounded by curious creatures. They looked like some sort of Furbolg, but were covered with black and white fur from head to toe and called themselves “Pandaren”. They clothed me and helped me to my feet, at which point I realized that I was a Night Elf again. All my memories came flooding back. I was my full self once more.

I spent a few days in the care of these kind Pandaren. They told me many fascinating stories about this previously unknown land and informed me that many other peoples from both the Horde and the Alliance had recently arrived and made contact with them. And so I am writing you this missive to allay your fears about my welfare.

Also, could you please lend me a small amount of gold and arrange transportation for me back to Northrend? I seem to have misplaced all my possessions.  Thanks.

Arch Druid Lathorius, D.E.H.T.A.

Huh. Okay, so…I’m going to set aside the fact that Lather-on-us here seems to think he and I are buddies or something, because hey, as long as he thinks I can stand the sight of him, maybe that helps tone down the whining and complaining and protesting every time I try to eat a ham on rye.

So setting that aside… Dude, you were missing? Was I supposed to notice that shit?

Actually, come to think of it, you WERE all AWOL that time I went to check in with your DEHTA flunkies, weren’t you? But man, that was AGES ago – were you seriously out mucking around with the fishes all that time?

Still, funny that you would wind up landing in the same place that everyone else has been converging on lately. Especially since it’s the same place that was hidden and cloaked in mists and totally unreachable and inaccessible to anyone for every and ever for like thousands of years until everybody and their uncle started winding up there like a month ago. I would say it’s what all the cool kids are doing, but, you know, that doesn’t really help explain YOU being here. Or Varian. Or…well, pretty much anyone other than me. But whatever. OH HEY, actually, you know one other cool kid who HAS turned up here in Pandaria? Hemet Nesingwary! You know him, right? Small world.

As for the gold… Yeah, um, I think you’re gonna need to scrape together cab fare for yourself. I gave at the office. Maybe see if you can do some busywork for the Anglers in exchange for a little pocket change?



I’m guessing your blog has been lagging behind while you venture into Pandaria. I recently encountered you in the Shrine of Two Moons during your visit. Unfortunately, I was under the influence of a Blingtron 4000, and looked like a human instead of a proud Horde member. See the attached photos for how poorly this went for me.





Enjoy the rest of your trip!


Yeesh, dude, what’s up with the “lagging behind” shit, I only just got here a couple days ago. I do remember you, though, Wookiee – among the many random asshats who swung by to make my day more tedious, you and your little getup were especially asshattery. Although I did kind of get a chuckle out of it when your dog or hyena or whatever took a dump on Malkorok’s boots. Dude gets so grumpy about things. Heh.

Anyway, as you can see from the pictures, I’ve been hanging out at the Sanctum of Two Moons for the past couple days, which let me tell you is a pretty boss place. Unfortunately, I only had a couple hours to enjoy it before I was joined by – as you can also see from the pictures – our old friend Regent-Lord Hair-Care. Whose mood, by the way, hasn’t improved much lately. Only, get this – in light of some of the slapping-around I’ve had to give him lately, now he feels the need to bring company everywhere he goes:


This would be Ellendra Palescorn…his bodyguard.

Yes, his bodyguard.

I swear, only among the blood elves would it go over as a plan to be like, “You know, I really need someone to help keep my scrawny, twiggy ass safe”…and then hire someone scrawnier and twiggier.

Thank goodness they’re good at magic, is all I’m gonna say.


Hey mon,

I still can’t believe Vol’jin be dead, mon! But I betcha he always gonna he wit us in spirit. I can practically feel his spirit wit me now, mon – it’s almost like he be right here writin’ dis letter wit me!

I know ya got ya Kor’kron people down here in de Echo Isles ta keep us safe, mon, but I don’ be likin’ dis Gul’tar guy dey got in charge. I’m tellin’ ya, sometin’ bad gonna happen wit day guy! If ya be askin’ me, I tink ya betta keep a close eye on what he goin’ on down here. Wouldn’t want sometin’ slippin’ between da cracks, ya know, mon?

–Bob, Echo Isles

Oh, great, this guy again. And so of course, just as soon as I get ONE grumbling troll out of my hair, ANOTHER one pops up to take his place. Almost like Vol’jin isn’t gone at all, indeed.

Actually, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve mentioned that before, so just in case you’ve been living under a rock the last couple weeks…you remember that mission I’d sent Vol’jin on when he first got to Pandaria? Yeah. Didn’t go so well for him. Boo hoo. Moving on.

So anyway, Bobbo, sorry if you don’t like the cut of Gul’tar’s jib, whatever a jib is, but you know what? I’m not going to waste my time trying to micromanage every move my people make down there. If Gul’tar needs anything, I’m pretty certain he’ll let me know, and if anything important is going on there, I’m damn sure they’ll send word to me about it. So until I hear something from them, I’ll be keeping my nose out of the goings-on down in the Echo Isles, which is a good thing what with the smell down there because WTF are you trolls burning all the time anyway?


(the parchment appears to have been chewed on a bit on one corner and has a few smears of dark mud at the bottom)

Hail Warchief!

I am writing to you to apply for the position of scribe. I have been taught in the very best tents of Thunder Bluff. I am a tauren, albeit a bit small, and that wet dog smell is a condition I have. Some say I appear to be wearing a badly made tauren suit, but that’s hurtful because I got these stitches in service to the Horde! I wish to put my skills to use serving my Warchief! I feel that I would be best suited for this position given my extensive linguistic skills and utter loyalty. After all, you can’t be too careful these days. There could be Alliance spies anywhere. As a professional tracker I could help with this also. Afterall, it’d be ashamed if anything….happened. I hope my Warchief finds me worthy of being right by his side.

–Legit Tauren Scribe

Hey, LTS, thanks for writing in. I’m glad people are still showing interest in the scribe position after that…erm…mixed-results audition thing. Right now I think I’m going to see how things work out with Gurtash covering the scribing, in his own doodly sort of way, but I’ll definitely keep you in line. It wouldn’t hurt at all to have a couple competent backup options, in case the kid gets too busy with other assignments or what-have-you. That said, with any luck it won’t be too long before Mokvar’s back on the job, assuming we can get his weird-ass marked-for-death situation under wraps sometime soon.


To Garrosh:

Reporting in re: your special assignment. As per your request, have been maintaining stealthed surveillance on Mokvar in order to provide additional protection in light of recent attacks.

Have come across unexpected complications.

While in Winterspring with his panda friend, Mokvar was seen meeting with an unidentified human woman. The two seemed very familiar; shortly thereafter embarked together on journey to Darkwhisper Gorge. Seen scouring cave formerly occupied by now-deceased imp. Appeared to be searching for something; overheard references to relic of some kind, demonic power, domination of wills.

Will continue to monitor Mokvar’s activities and continue protection against attackers until further instructions received.

–Garona Halforcen, Everlook


So hang on, I worry about Mokvar’s safety to the point that I assign one of the best rogues in the business to follow his ass around and look out for him while I’m away…and THIS is what I get for it? Meeting up with some HUMAN? Sneaking around trying to do spirits know WHAT?

Yeah, this…this is NOT going to be good for my mood, let me tell you that right now.

In fact, I think on that note it’s time for me to step away from the computer for a few. And possibly go smack someone or something around for a little while.

More soon.


Spazzle Speaks: Darkspear Edition


Big news just came in from Pandaria, and there’s really no good way to say it, so here goes.

Vol’jin is dead.

He was on a mission investigating a cave with Rak’gor Bloodrazor, Grizzle Gearslip, and a detachment of Kor’kron, when they were ambushed by saurok marauders. Before the group could fend off the saurok, Vol’jin had been killed. Word is that Rak’gor Bloodrazor died in the fight as well.

The news broke in Orgrimmar earlier today, and as you can probably imagine, people are freaking out over it. Especially in the Valley of Spirits. Eitrigg has ordered flags flown at half mast over the next week.

I’m not sure who’s going to take over at the Echo Isles. I was never too clear about Darkspear rules of succession, to be honest. In the meantime, while everyone sorts out what happens next, the Kor’kron are sending a unit led by Gul’tar down to the Echo Isles to maintain order and guard against any moves by the Alliance to take advantage of the instability.

At least that’s how they’re explaining it. Who knows what’s actually going on. All I know at this point is I’ve got a bad feeling about this.


The Garrosh scribe sweepstakes


First off, since everyone has been asking, Mokvar is doing okay. He’s got a shaman over in the Valley of Wisdom he’s been checking in with, and he’s been resting up mostly. Ji Firepaw has been spending a fair amount of time over there too when he hasn’t been running all over the place with some of his panda friends. So far Malkorok hasn’t dug up any leads, but I’m giving him a lot of latitude – I want this thing squared away before we leave for Pandaria in a few days.

The upcoming voyage, though, just serves as a reminder of how badly I need an interim scribe, seeing as Mokvar isn’t going to be coming, at least not at first. I’ve gotten some interest from a few people – although I’m definitely still taking applications – and I figured the best way to go about this is to let them all have a tryout. I had a meeting earlier with Malkorok and Eitrigg, along with Malkork’s peeps Gul’tar and Blood Guard Gro’tash, and so I invited a few of the contenders to attend and show what they can do.

So, here we go with today’s scribe auditions, starting with…


Nerog, inscription trainer from the Drag:


EITRIGG: Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH: A member of our company yet remains absent – you, gentlemen: have you any notion of where Malkorok might be?

GUL’TAR: He said he would be here after seeing Mokvar about the attack. … We can fill in for him if need be, sir.

GARROSH: Very well.

EITRIGG: Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH: The final rosters have been cast; I shall arrange for copies for Malkorok and yourself once our new scribe is in place.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had expressed some concerns about gathering a large force on short notice…

GARROSH: Ah, ask not one man more from Mulgore! Rather proclaim it throughout our host, that he that has no stomach to this fight – let him depart! We would not die in that man’s company!

EITRIGG: As you say, sir. We few, we merry few…

GARROSH: Have you completed the compilation of our gathered intelligence on the peoples of Pandaria?

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. There are the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple regions. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu.

(Eitrigg outlines the mogu race: former rulers of Pandaria, overthrown, recently returned, power to put souls into stone)

EITRIGG: Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at the mogu ruins? A reason to bring a contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH: A worthwhile idea, I suppose, especially in that bringing some number of the blood elves might facilitate the strained relations with their people of late.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir.

(Malkorok enters somewhat unsteadily.)

MALKOROK: Apologies for being late, Warchief. …

GUL’TAR: Sir, what happened? You look—

MALKOROK: There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH: I shudder to imagine the condition of your foe, though you appear to have been wounded yourself.

MALKOROK: My adversary took the worse of the exchange, enough that he saw fit to flee.

The scribe escaped …

GARROSH: What happened?

MALKOROK: I had some questions to ask the scribe about the other night.

I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.

GARROSH: And I take it he got away?

MALKOROK: Unfortunately

EITRIGG: How did he manage to escape?

GARROSH: A fair query, in light of your supposed prowess in both combat and security.

MALKOROK: I had gained the upper hand when I was stunned somehow. There may have been a second party

GARROSH: In that case, as we now have potentially multiple rogue parties loose in Orgrimmar, I want security tightened, especially in light of our imminent departure for Pandaria.

Speaking of which, one other item pertaining to the voyage, and I cannot stress its importance enough.

EITRIGG: Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH: Do NOT. Tell Vol’jin. When we’re leaving.


So, you know, as much as I like this guy – he was really doing a good job of capturing my command of the language, if I say so myself, something even our boy Mokvar sometimes cuts corners with, FOR WHAT REASON I CANNOT IMAGINE – but it’s pretty painfully obvious he just couldn’t keep up. Way too much skipping stuff and glossing over and what-have-you.

This, obviously, raises some questions about…you know…why this guy is the freaking inscription TRAINER around here, but whatever.



Sinzi Sparkscribe, ink vendor:


Shall we begin, Warchief?

We’re still short one advisor. Do you guys know where Malkorok is?

I think he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief. There were some follow-up questions.

We can fill in for him if need be, sir. Even take notes if you think…

[Looks over to the trio of scribes.]
I think we’ve already got that covered.

Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

I have the rosters written up. I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok soon.

Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had some concerns…

Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them. I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts.

If you say so, sir.

Have you finished compiling the reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?

Yes, sir. There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.

So hold on, they were overthrown by the pandaren? I’m not exactly scared of these guys.

Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared. And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.

Huh. I think Krog mentioned something like that recently.

Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there? All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?

Yeah, couldn’t hurt. Plus, like I said before, it might help smooth things over a little with Lor’themar if I bring a few extra blood elves for the trip.

Yes, sir.

[Malkorok enters, bruised.]

My apologies for being late, Warchief. There was an…incident at the scribe’s dwelling.

You look like you took a few pretty good shots…

Rest assured, Warchief, my adversary took the brunt of the exchange. Enough so that they saw fit to fl e.

W at happen d? Wh t abo t Mokv r? Is he a l rig t?

The scribe…es ape d unsc thed so f r  s I k  w.


[The transcript trails off at this point, with a note in pencil indicating “Out of ink.”]


So okay…hang on.

Let’s even set aside the fact that she knew this was her scribing audition here, and the fact that under those circumstances you would THINK someone would show up with enough materials that there’s no way they could run out. Let’s even set that aside.

She’s…a fucking…INK TRADER.


HOW in the FUCK…you know what? Forget it.  I’m only going to make myself more angry. Moving on.

Next up…


Xantili, inscription vendor from the Valley of Spirits:


EITRIGG: Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH: Well we’re still short one advisor. You guys know where Malkorok is?

GUL’TAR: Does anyone really care where he is?

GRO’TASH: I believe he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief. I think there were some follow-up questions.

GUL’TAR: We can fill in for him if need be, sir. Even take notes if you think…

GARROSH: <looking over the group of scribes> Yeah, I think we’ve already got that covered. Okay then.

EITRIGG: Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH: I have the rosters written up. I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok as soon as… <gestures to the scribes> …well, you know.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave? I know Baine had expressed some concerns…

GARROSH: Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them. I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts. We’ll fill things out one way or another.

EITRIGG: If you say so, sir.

GARROSH: Have you finished compiling those reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones. Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.

GARROSH: So hold on, they had their iron rule toppled by the fat, drunken teddy bears? I’m not exactly shaking in my boots over these guys.

EITRIGG: Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared. And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.

GARROSH: Huh. I think Krog mentioned something like that recently. Interesting…

EITRIGG: Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there? All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH: Yeah, couldn’t hurt, I suppose. Plus it might help smooth things over a little with…you know…ol’ Captain Peroxide up there in Silvermoon if I bring a few extra blood elves for this shindig.

EITRIGG: Yes, sir.

Malkorok stumbles in shakily.

MALKOROK: Apologies for being late, Warchief. I was busy getting my ass handed to me.

GUL’TAR: What happened? You look—

MALKOROK: There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH: Dude, what’s the other guy look like? You look like crap.

MALKOROK: Rest assured, Warchief, my adverary took the worst of the exchange, which is sort of a shame, I know, since as we all know everybody would love to see me get completely curbstomped. But I injured them enough that they saw fit to flee.

EITRIGG: What happened, jerk? What about Mokvar? Is he all right, or were you too busy losing to notice?

MALKOROK: The scribe…escaped unscathed so far as I know.

GARROSH: Okay, pinhead, let’s hear all about how you made a mess of this. As usual, mon.

MALKOROK: I was on my way to ask the scribe a few questions concerning the other night’s attack, when I saw a dark-cloaked figure approaching his dwelling. This was very scary, so obviously I wet myself. After I pulled myself together, I moved to intercept the intruder.

GARROSH: You think this was one of the attackers from the other night, back to finish the job?

MALKOROK: I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.

EITRIGG: Wasn’t there more than one of them the first time?

GARROSH: Did you get a good look at them?

MALKOROK: Not really since I’m such a screw-up. Dressed in black, hooded and masked, that’s about all I can say…

GARROSH: And I take it this one got away?

MALKOROK: Unfortunately, sir.

EITRIGG: And how, might I ask, did this intruder manage to elude our mighty warrior and internal security chief…?

MALKOROK: I refer you again to my being a royal screw-up. Though you try my patience, old mon…

GARROSH: Still, dude, it’s a fair question. This IS supposed to be your bread and butter, keeping the place locked down.

MALKOROK: I was winning, yay me, but then I was stunned somehow, boo I suck again. There may have been a second party intervening in the first one’s aid.

EITRIGG: Ah, so there was more than one…

MALKOROK: In any case, if their intent was to reach the scribe Mokvar, they were not successful. So I guess it was a tie in our battle to see who could out-fail the other.

GARROSH: Just the same, now we know they’re still on the loose in Orgrimmar somewhere. I want security tightened up, especially with us leaving for Pandaria soon.

MALKOROK: Yes, sir. I’ll try not to be so completely useless this time.

GARROSH: And speaking of which, one other thing about this Pandaria voyage. And I can’t possibly stress the importance of this enough.

EITRIGG: Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH: <looks grimly around the room> Do NOT. Let Vol’jin. Forget about the trip. I would really be missin’ him if he didn’t come.



Yeah. Keep those applications coming in. Like seriously.

I think I might send a note off to Saurfang while I’m thinking of it. I think he had a personal scribe up in Warsong Hold who was pretty good. Maybe I can talk him into letting me borrow her for a couple weeks.

Really. Scribe applications. Get on ’em, people.


Best-laid plans


So I’ve been working with my trainees the last couple days, and other than the fact that by and large they have the attention span of a gnat on caffeine, and the fact that they seem to find every random thing hilarious, especially if you try to get them to STOP finding it hilarious, because when you try to get them to take something seriously for a change boy oh boy that REALLY brings on the LOL’s, and…what was I talking about? I swear I should try to edit some of these things when I write them. That is, if Spazzle can ever get his twitchy green ass around to showing me where the damn delete key is again.

Okay, so take two. The trainees. Once you get past all the crap that makes fourteen year olds annoying, which granted is a lot, they’re actually pretty good. I mean you can definitely see the makings of some pretty decent warriors among the bunch of them. Gurtash included, obviously, but then he does have kind of an unfair edge, what with me already having been showing him a few tricks. I’ll keep you all posted on how this whole thing goes.

In the meantime, we had another planning session for Pandaria today. We’re getting close to being ready to go…


EITRIGG: Preparations are going to schedule, Warchief. The fleet is now fully assembled at Bladefist Bay, and Grizzle Gearslip assures me that the last of the siege engines will be ready within a few days.

MALKOROK: I would recommend keeping the fleet on rotating patrols until we’re ready to depart, Warchief. If we keep the entire fleet docked, and the Alliance launches an attack…

GARROSH: Good call.  I assume you can work out a rotation with Drok and the other captains?

MALKOROK: I’ll see to the arrangements, Warchief.

GARROSH: Good. One other question.

MALKOROK: Yes, sir?

GARROSH: Who the hell are these people?

Garrosh points to two other orcs sitting around Malkorok at the conference table.

MALKOROK: Sir? You’ve already met Rak’gor Bloodrazor here; he was at our last strategy session.

GARROSH: Oh, yeah, I remember him now. Who’s the other guy?

MALKOROK: Another one of my lieutenants, sir. This is Gul’tar – former apprentice of Ga’trul, in fact, from the initial Pandaia landing force.

EITRIGG: Did we ever find out exactly what happened with them, incidentally?

GARROSH: Not much other than being pretty well wiped out by the second wave of Alliance forces.

MALKOROK: You mean the ones that had to recruit the local fish men to fill out their ranks?

GARROSH: <sighs> Yes.

EITRIGG: Speaking of which, as well, since we’re drawing close to being ready, we might want to gather as much information as possible on the land and its peoples.

MALKOROK: I would imagine that may be a rare instance when those…preposterous new pandaren arrivals might prove useful.

GARROSH: You’ve been getting pretty close to Ji since he started playing EO, haven’t you, Mokvar? Pick up anything useful from him?

MOKVAR: Not really. Here’s the thing – Ji and all his people came from a place called the Wandering Isle, which isn’t actually part of Pandaria proper.

EITRIGG: It’s an island nearby, though, isn’t it?

MOKVAR: Well, sometimes.

EITRIGG: Sometimes?

MOKVAR: It’s technically not an island.

EITRIGG: What is it, then?

GARROSH: Hold on to your ass for this one…

MOKVAR: It’s a giant turtle.


MOKVAR: The Wandering Isle is a giant turtle that swims around the ocean – usually near Pandaria, but not always. The pandaren that live there basically built a whole civilization on its back. A lot of them don’t even know the truth about the “island.”

MALKOROK: <grumbling> Warchief… I suspect your…scribe here may be providing faulty intelligence.

GARROSH: No, I got this same story about the Wandering Islse from Ji.

MALKOROK: This would be the same pandaren who appears to be forever getting himself stuck in tight openings in the pursuit of food?

EITRIGG: So I assume that since the Huojin live separately from the Pandaren mainland…?

MOKVAR: They haven’t had any contact with the place in generations. No help there as far as providing useful information.

GARROSH: I guess we’ll have to get by on what we’re able to learn from Nazgrim and Krog, then.

MOKVAR: While I’m thinking of it, though, Ji was asking me earlier about what’s going on in Ragefire Chasm. I guess he had a few of his people go down there—

MALKOROK: Is this really important enough to interrupt our planning, scribe? You can’t seriously think the confusion of those perpetually confused bear people is more relevant than the imminent invasion.

MOKVAR: I was just wondering—

MALKOROK: Wonder all you want, scribe, just do it quietly. Now then…

Vol’jin enters.

VOL’JIN: Hey, mon, sorry I be late ta da meetin’!

GARROSH: Oh fucking hell, who told him about the meeting THIS time?

VOL’JIN: Was I not supposed ta know, mon?

GARROSH: Not exactly.

VOL’JIN: Oh, was ya plannin’ a surprise party for me, mon? Is dere cake?

GARROSH: <rubbing his forehead> No, we’re not throwing you a surprise…you know what, fuck it, just sit down, Vol’jin.

VOL’JIN: Tank ya, Warchief.

Vol’jin walks over to Malkorok at the table and turns to Gul’tar.

Ya be in ma seat, mon.

GUL’TAR: I…what?

VOL’JIN: Dat seat, mon. Dat’s where I always sit. Ya be in ma spot, mon.

GARROSH: Vol’jin, does it actually matter?

VOL’JIN: Ya, mon! I’m a creature a’ habit, an’ I be feelin’ all outta sorts if I don’ sit in ma normal place! Besides…

Vol’jin claps Malkorok on the shoulder jovially; Malkorok jumps in surprise, then glares up at Vol’jin.

…Malkorok an’ me tight now, an’ I be missin’ ma buddy if I sit somewhere else!

GUL’TAR: <grumbles and turns to Malkorok> I’ll just move, sir. I would…hate to occupy the troll’s place.

Gul’tar moves over one seat. Vol’jin sits next to Malkorok. Malkorok stares at him icily for a moment; Vol’jin replies with an exaggerated grin.

GARROSH: So…back to business. What’s our latest from General Nazgrim?

EITRIGG: He and his team have recovered from their injuries and indicate they’re making inroads with some of the pandaren in the northern mountains.

VOL’JIN: Dey all make it t’rough okay?

EITRIGG: Shademaster Kiryn and Rivett Clutchpop made it fine. It seems their marksman, Shokia, is unaccounted for.

GARROSH: I wouldn’t worry too much about her

EITRIGG: Nazgrim reports the northern pandaren are in conflict with a tauren offshoot race. He doesn’t make it sound like too dire a situation, though.

GARROSH: Not something we need to worry much about, anyway, if this is going on in the northern regions. We’ll be coming in along the southern coast.

MALKOROK: Do we have any operatives scouting the south for us, then?

EITRIGG: Just a number of volunteers who’ve been making their way around the continent of their own accord and checking in when they can.

VOL’JIN: I tink dere was a group of Baine’s people doin’ some explorin’ in da sout’ too, mon.

MALKOROK: What? Bloodhoof sent his own expedition to Pandaria?

VOL’JIN: Ya, mon. Sunwalker Dezco was leadin’ it.

MALKOROK: And why, I wonder, would he presume to send his own detachment without clearing it with Orgrimmar?

VOL’JIN: I didn’t know da tauren had to ask permission ta do tings.

MALKOROK: A loyal member of the Horde should be clearing obvious military operations with their Warchief, troll.

GARROSH: Do you want to explain why Baine apparently saw fit to tell YOU about this expedition and not ME?

VOL’JIN: <beaming> I’m a people person, mon!

MALKOROK: At best, this stinks of insubordination, Warchief. And potentially disloyalty of a far worse kind. How do we know they’re not conspiring for their own purposes?

EITRIGG: You cannot seriously think the tauren would be engaged in something illicit?

MALKOROK: I do not trust that Baine or the rest of his ilk. He’s put himself at odds with the Warchief too many times already.

VOL’JIN: Ya tink he’s disloyal, mon? I been speakin’ my mind to Garrosh, too – ya be tinkin’ I’m a traitor?

GARROSH: Not a traitor, Vol’jin, but I’ll tell you in no uncertain terms, the two of you HAVE been a grade-A pain in the ass the last few months.

MALKOROK: As far as I’m concerned, you could very well be conspiring with him on whatever he’s up to. Don’t think I’m not keeping an eye on you, troll.

VOL’JIN: Oh, don’cha be worryin’, mon. If I was ever workin’ against ya in secret, you’d know.

GARROSH: I… <rubs forehead> That…doesn’t even make sense, you stupid troll. By definition

VOL’JIN: Besides, mon, ya don’ have ta be worryin’ about Dezco an’ his people. He even has one a da orcs wit him.


VOL’JIN: Kor Bloodtusk, I tink ’is name was.

MALKOROK: A weak-minded puppet, most likely, lured over to that tauren’s misguided way of thinking.

MOKVAR: I have to say, actually—

MALKOROK: <glares> What do you want, scribe?

Mokvar looks down.

Now then—

MOKVAR: <turning back to Malkorok> What I want? I want to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike.

Behind Malkorok, Vol’jin beams and high-fives the air in Mokvar’s direction.

Or were you looking for something a little less big-picture?

MALKOROK: <glaring> Count yourself lucky, scribe, that you’re in the Warchief’s good graces…

MOKVAR: Yeah, because you would never—


GARROSH: Yeah, guys, enough. Cool your jets, both of you, we don’t have time for this crap.

MALKOROK: Of course, Warchief…

GARROSH: So, Vol’jin, now that everybody’s gotten all riled up over the tauren expedition, have we heard anything from them that would actually be USEFUL?

VOL’JIN: Da one ting I heard was dere be a lotta old ruins from an older race, dat ruled before da pandaren. I don’ know anyt’ing about ’em, but from da ruins it sounds like dey was everywhere.

EITRIGG: Hmm. Possibly worth assigning a team from the Reliquary to join the expedition to look into?

GARROSH: Yeah, maybe. This is a military operation, not an archaeology dig, but calling in some of the blood elves on this might help smooth things over with ol’ what’s-his-name. Captain Peroxide.

MOKVAR: How’s his eye doing, by the way?

GARROSH: Don’t ask.


GARROSH: Anyway… I think that covers everything for today, doesn’t it, Eitrigg?

EITRIGG: Yes, sir. I don’t think there was anything else on the agenda.

VOL’JIN: Good party as always, mon. Next one at my place!

MOKVAR: If we’re done here, I’m going to head over to the Valley of Honor. I need to catch up with Ji about a couple things.

GARROSH: Good, keep him out of trouble for a few hours.

MALKOROK: If you’ll excuse me then, Warchief, Rak’gor and I have a few arrangements to make ourselves.

VOL’JIN: Don’ forget ta pick up da cake dis time, mon.

Malkorok blinks at Vol’jin, then shakes his head as he leaves, grumbling, with Rak’gor and Gul’tar.

<chuckling to himself> Never gets old, mon, never gets old…



[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]