Tag Archives: inspection visit
Spazzle Speaks
What’s up?
Hi all, this is Spazzle again guest-posting for the Warchief. As a lot of you might have guessed from his posts this past week, Garrosh has had a trying few days, and he’s not in much of a mood to blog right now. As a matter of fact, he’s been keeping himself holed up in his private war room in Grommash Hold. For right now, I figured I’d make a quick post on his behalf to let you all know that he’s probably not feeling up to answering his mail as usual today. But he has been reading your messages, and I’m sure he’ll get to them soon, so please do keep them coming. If anything, I’m sure he’ll appreciate the interaction and support of his citizens after the week he’s had.
Speaking of which, I’m sure some of you are wondering what ended up happening at Cliffwalker Post the other day. As it turns out, I was about to cast a glamour spell to summon up a vision of the events there from the point of view of a Horde adventurer who also happened to be on the scene, and then, through the wonders of goblin engineering (Bilgewater pride!), digitize it to post here for you all. See, one more of the 101 cool things you can do with a Samophlange that I bet you didn’t know! Anyway, here’s what ended up going down:
So you can probably see why the Warchief wants to be alone with his thoughts and clear his head a little right now. Hopefully he’ll be out again and back to his…um…usual cheery self.
While I’m posting here, I’m also making some long-overdue updates to the blog. By the time you read this (or shortly thereafter), I should have a blogroll added with links to many of the other great blogs out there. If you’re a regular reader of the Command Board and have a blog that I’ve missed (or know of one that the Warchief and I should check out), please send us a note (garrosh1337@gmail.com) or add a comment here. I’ll try to be better about updating the site, and hopefully Garrosh will be better about not kicking me.
This week I also went ahead and got Garrosh set up with his very own Facebook and Twitter feed (@GarroshHllscrm), so if any of you would like to keep tabs on him that way, feel free! Although…it just occurred to me that now I’m probably going to have to be on call to explain (and re-re-re-explain) to Garrosh how to use those…bad enough I’m stuck having to run him through stuff on Earth Online now…oh well.
Anyhow! That’s it for now, everyone. If you’ll excuse me, I have to head back to the goblin part of town and see if the guys and I can figure out what keeps happening to our Kezam rice…
If you ever need anything!
Spazzle
[Header image provided by Rades from Orcish Army Knife, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Cliffwalker Post
I don’t want to talk about it.
I just… I don’t want to talk about it.
[Header image provided by Rades from Orcish Army Knife, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Thal’darah Grove
Quick update – writing this from Orgrimmar.
Thal’darah Grove was a graveyard when I got there. No weapon of mass destruction, no armaments of any kind. Night elves and tauren bodies everywhere, apparently druids, many of them scary young. Way too familiar for my liking.
Only had time for a quick survey of the place before a goblin balloon carrying some kind of bomb came floating in. Frankly I was too distracted by one of the tauren corpses to even notice. Orthus Cliffwalker, the chieftain’s son – Cairne Bloodhoof introduced him to me my first day as Warchief, I’d recognize him anywhere. I probably wouldn’t have even gotten out before the balloon released its payload, but my wyvern was circling around and swooped in to grab me before the bomb fell. By that point Kor’kron backup was arriving in the surrounding Battlescar Valley, and once the wyvern dropped me off with them, the troll support mage ported us out to Orgrimmar.
Porting back out again momentarily, to Cliffwalker Post. Already a shitty day. It’s only getting shittier.
Sludgewerks update
By the time I reached the Sludgewerks, Blastingineer Bombgutz had already come and gone. According to Jibbly Rackit – the main goblin in charge here, as much as any goblin ever seems to be in charge – the parts from Dontrag and Utvoch were part of a device to release some kind of bomb from a distance. The goblins already finished work on the bomb and sent it along to General Grebo at Cliffwalker Post.
Cliffwalker’s camp would make for a good launching point for attacks on either Battlescar Valley or Thal’darah Grove, so it makes sense Krom’gar and Grebo to make that their staging ground. From what I can tell, there’s a major skirmish going on with the night elves in Battlescar Valley. If this bomb is being targeted for the grove instead, I can only imagine what the elves must have going on there.
I’m heading to Thal’darah Grove now. Probably should have listened to Dontrag and Utvoch and headed straight there rather than wasting time on the damn goblins. Updates to come as I’m able to give them.
Underneath the bunker
Thank goodness for familiar faces in the middle of all the crazy.
None of the troops here at Krom’gar’s fortress knew a whole lot about what was going on, other than Overlord Krom’gar and General Grebo being away on some important mission. Like I said before, I would have guessed some good old-fashioned gnome-punting, but nobody seemed to know for sure. Turns out, though, they had a few other men stationed down in the mine just below the fortress, so I headed down there with Mokvar, who’s FINALLY gotten his ass around to training up his inscription so he can record drawings and transcripts of useful stuff. TOO FUCKING BAD HE DIDN’T HAVE THAT SHIT READY WHEN I NEEDED A GOOD WALK-AWAY-FROM-EXPLOSION PORTRAIT. Lazy fucker.
Anyway, he finally got that shit taken care of, so considering how fishy things have been looking here in Stonetalon, I’m having him keep a running record of everything from here on. As it turns out, two of the men Krom’gar had working in the mine were Sergeant Dontrag and Scout Utvoch, the two soldiers I’d met back in Ashenvale and sent ahead to help with Krom’gar’s forces.
I want to make sure we’re keeping the details straight, so I’m going to copy out Mokvar’s transcript here. Well, I’m going to try to. His handwriting is fucking shit. Who the fuck are these inscription trainers, and what are they doing, breaking everyone’s fucking fingers before they let them take their damn pens home?
UTVOCH: Warchief! Lok’tar ogar! An honor to see you, sir!
DONTRAG: A great honor, Warchief!
UTVOCH: Very great indeed, sir!
DONTRAG: An inconceivable great honor!
GARROSH: Okay, enough, seriously, you guys, we’ve been through this before already, you’ve really got to tone it way, way, WAY the fuck DOWN.
DONTRAG: Sorry, Warchief.
UTVOCH: Very sorry.
DONTRAG: Our apologies, sir.
UTVOCH: Yes sir.
DONTRAG: Very deepest apologies.
UTVOCH: Deep—
GARROSH: ENOUGH ALREADY, YOU TWO. <facepalm>
UTVOCH: Shutting up, sir.
DONTRAG: Yes sir.
GARROSH: That’s better. So I’m trying to find out what the hell has been going on around here. Hopefully you men can shed some light on all this.
DONTRAG: Well, sir, Utvoch and I have been working down here in the mine mostly, so I’m not sure about everything that’s been happening above. But it sure sounded like there was a major battle going on up there, what with the sounds of machinery and gunfire.
GARROSH: What were you two doing down here, then, hiding in a cave when your comrades were engaged in honorable battle? From the looks of it out there, there WAS an attack on the fortress—
UTVOCH: Gnomes, sir?
DONTRAG: Damn, I hate gnomes.
GARROSH: I KNOW, RIGHT? Fucking gnomes, that’s what it looks like.
UTVOCH: Damn fucking gnomes indeed!
DONTRAG: Inconceivable fucking gno—
GARROSH: DON’T START THAT AGAIN!!
DONTRAG: Sorry sir.
GARROSH: Now answer my question! Why were you here and not joining in on the fight?
DONTRAG: Believe me, Warchief, not for lack of desire to be up there with the others.
UTVOCH: It was General Grebo’s orders, sir.
DONTRAG: Well General Grebo, and the Overlord, sir. We were originally supposed to escort the general to the northern front and help deliver ordnance for the battle with the night elves in Battlescar Valley. But then the goblin blastgineer—
UTVOCH: Blastgineer Bombgutz, sir.
DONTRAG: —Blastgineer Bombgutz here in the mine went out of contact, and the fortress needed the machine parts she was supposed to be gathering, for the anti-aircraft cannons, sir, and so Overlord Krom’gar decided to send two of his best orcs down to investigate and send the parts back so he’d be ready to defend the fortress.
UTVOCH: Which we did, sir.
DONTRAG: Just in the nick of time, but we did.
UTVOCH: Well, with a little help.
DONTRAG: Well, yeah, but we don’t need to get into that.
UTVOCH: Did you even get their name?
DONTRAG: Don’t think so. Did you?
UTVOCH: No, never introduced themselves.
DONTRAG: Yeah, these passing-through helpers never do.
UTVOCH: Pretty rude if you ask me.
DONTRAG: Like it would kill them to strike up a conversation. But oh no, just wander on in, what do you need me to do? Then up and on their way, and—
GARROSH: ENOUGH already. HEAD HURTS. I’m losing my sense of humor with you two. Damn, you orcs are a piece of work. Fucking brilliant. YOU’RE the best of the best Krom’gar’s got, huh? No wonder everything’s running so great around here.
UTVOCH: Um, thank you, sir?
GARROSH: And stop grinning like a couple of idiots.
DONTRAG: Sorry sir.
GARROSH: <sigh> Anyway… So the Overlord needed parts for the cannons, I get that, but once that was taken care of, why not get back up to the fortress and help DEFEND it? I’m sure they could have used every hand up there.
UTVOCH: General’s orders, sir.
GARROSH: What orders?
DONTRAG: Well, you see, Warchief, it wasn’t just the cannons that needed additional parts.The general was also overseeing another project for the northern front, some kind of…what did he call it?
UTVOCH: Deployment mechanism?
DONTRAG: Yeah, that’s it – a deployment mechanism that was going to be needed soon, and he was expecting them to be delivered along with the artillery parts. Only when the blastgineer went missing, and Overlord Krom’gar sent us down to check on her, General Grebo instructed us to stay until we’d secured those extra parts.
UTVOCH: And then stay here until they could be sent north, sir.
DONTRAG: I guess the mechanism thing is pretty important to the northern strategy, and General Grebo wanted to make sure the parts he needed would be secure. And he said he needed to make sure a couple of orcs he could trust would stay and make sure the parts were taken care of.
UTVOCH: He said it was more important that we stay here under cover, sir.
DONTRAG: Apparently he couldn’t afford to have something happen to us while we were taking care of the shipment.
UTVOCH: Which we did, sir.
DONTRAG: Yeah, we just gathered up the last of them and sent them ahead with Blastgineer Bombgutz.
GARROSH: Where were they going? And what were they for, anyway? What the fuck is a “deployment mechanism”, what do I look like, a fucking goblin or something?
UTVOCH: No, no sir, you’re not green at all.
GARROSH: I…don’t know how to take that.
UTVOCH: Um…
GARROSH: MOVING ON. Where was the shipment going?
DONTRAG: The Sludgewerks, sir. Straight northwest. I guess they were making the final upgrades to the mechanism before sending it along to Cliffwalker Post. General Grebo was supposed to supervise the arrival personally.
GARROSH: What about Chieftain Cliffwalker?
DONTRAG: Not sure, sir.
GARROSH: Hmm… Okay, in that case I should probably head out there and see just what’s going on. Whatever Krom’gar and Grebo have in the works, I’m sure it’s bad news for the night elves, and I don’t want to miss the show. You men finish up whatever you need to do here, and check in with me at Cliffwalker Post.
DONTRAG: Begging your pardon, sir, if I could make a suggestion?
GARROSH: What is it?
DONTRAG: Well, sir, I’m not too clear on the whole operation—
UTVOCH: Obviously.
DONTRAG: Like you are?
UTVOCH: More than you—
GARROSH: ARE WE COMING UP ON A POINT ANYTIME SOON??
DONTRAG: Right, sir.
UTVOCH: Sorry sir.
DONTRAG: Much apologizings. Um, anyhow, I don’t know all the details, but I know part of the reason for this big production with the…deployment mechanism…well, it has something to do with some kind of weapon the night elves have been assembling. They’ve set up a base at Thal’darah Grove, not far from Cliffwalker Post, where they’re finishing work on it.
GARROSH: What kind of weapon?
DONTRAG: Not sure, sir. Just that it’s supposed to be massive.
UTVOCH: “Of mass destruction,” as they say, sir.
DONTRAG: Yeah. So, sir, if you want to get to the bottom of this, might I suggest you investigate there straight away?
GARROSH: Hmm… You men are dedicated, I’ll give you that. All right, I’ll check up on all this. You two head back to Orgrimmar when you’re done here – I’ll want to have a full debriefing with you, the general, and the overlord when this is all finished.
DONTRAG: Yes, sir. Lok’tar.
GARROSH: Strength and honor, men. Peace. Um, not literally. Anyway.
You know, gotta say, as crappy as Mokvar’s handwriting is, it’s pretty impressive he was able to get all that shit down. Anyway, I’m sending Mokvar back to Orgrimmar to arrange a Kor’kron detachment to come out this way. Any way you cut it, something still doesn’t sit right with me about this. I’m pretty damn certain there’s SOMETHING happening at Thal’darah Grove that’s in the middle of it, even if Dontrag and Utvoch aren’t exactly in the know about all the details…but before I go running over there, I want to check on what these goblin fuckers are working on at the Sludgewerks.
More updates soon.
“I think we made a good impression on the Warchief, Donty.” “Sort of, Ut.” “Sort of, as in how?” “Sort of, as in the ‘me’ part of the ‘we’.”
Krom’gar’s Fortress
There’s something rotten in Stonetalon Mountains. I’m still trying to figure out what the deal is, but there’s something going on around here that doesn’t sit right with me.
So I arrived at Krom’gar’s fortress a little while ago, only Krom’gar wasn’t around, which seems pretty weird. Not only that, but there aren’t nearly as many troops in the base as I would have figured. It’s like there’s just a skeleton crew left behind to man the fortress…which is strange, since it really seems like there was a pretty major attack here recently. Pieces of gnome aircraft and robo…attack…thingies…all around the place, and down in the basin around the fort, so I don’t know why Krom’gar would move men out just after the Alliance tried hitting them.
Then again, maybe the damn gnomes tried something, got their asses handed to them good and proper, and now Krom’gar and his troops are chasing their sorry butts down to finish them off. Which would be all kinds of awesome to see. Have I mentioned how much I fucking HATE gnomes, by the way? I mean okay, I hate humans and dwarves and night elves and spiders and woodchucks and rainy days, but I REALLY hate gnomes. It’s like they took everything that was annoying about goblins, cranked it up to eleven, took away the stuff that makes goblins tolerable (like how they help me set up blogs and shit), loaded them up with annoying voices and stupid hairdos and glued fucking springs to their asses. Do you SEE how they’re always fucking bouncing around? Is there anything more irritating than when you’re trying to fucking kill something and it doesn’t have the common decency to stop hopping around all over the place and just SIT. THE FUCK. STILL??
So yeah, I guess some gnomes were here.
I’m going to check around the area and see if I can figure out what the hell’s going on around here. I’ll check back in later today.
Visiting Sun Rock Retreat
I just arrived at Sun Rock Retreat this afternoon, and so far I’m not sure what to make of things. Before I got here, everyone was telling me how this was one of our major outposts here, how we coordinated all kinds of operations into Windshear Crag and the Charred Vale and wherever else…but right now the place just seems like a ghost town. Like all buildings and equipment seem to be intact, but…there’s just nothing going on. No signs of operations happening, hardly any people…I mean, I know we’ve got other stuff going on in the area, but who clears out a perfectly good post like that?
I was just talking to Tharm the windrider master about this, and according to him, Chieftain Cliffwalker recalled most of the tauren there back to Cliffwalker Post. Not sure what to make of that. Apparently Krom’gar mobilized a lot of the men there around the same time for something major in the works up north. Probably some kind of joint operation. I’m guessing there’s some kind of Alliance force building, and I’ve got to admit, the thought of Varian rounding up some of his boys only to have Krom’gar unleash a big ol’ legion of orcs and tauren on them is giving me some chuckles. I’ll be heading over to Krom’gar’s fortress next to check in on the juicy details. More soon.
Visiting Stonetalon
I’m finally getting around to my next string of inspection visits. This time I’m making a tour through our operations in Stonetalon Mountains. When we started stepping up in the area after the cataclysm, I promoted General Krom’gar to Overlord and put him in charge of our forces there. This is going to be the first time I’ve seen him since then, so I’m looking forward to sitting down and going over our GLORIOUS PROGRESS.
Krom’gar and I go way back, in fact. I knew him in Garadar – matter of fact, he was one of the guys really taking up the slack on some of the ogre problems when I was going through my mopey phase. Later on when Thrall sent me to Northrend, I brought Krom’gar along. He served in Dragonblight under Dranosh Saurfang, and ended up being one of the handful of Horde survivors at the Wrathgate. Just barely, but yeah. Eventually I lobbied to have him promoted to general – the Horde could use more soldiers like him, Nagrand-born orcs who remember their roots and honor the old ways, and haven’t been softened by living all their lives in Azeroth. It’s going to be good to see him. Thrall left me with a lot of advisors, and I’ve tried to listen to them, but it’s men like Krom’gar that I feel like I can really depend on to set an example for what we Horde can be.
My first stop was Malaka’jin, just to pick up some supplies and give my wyvern a break. Talked to Witch Doctor Jin’Zil while I was there. (And by the way, right there, that’s another example of why these trolls make no damn sense – you can’t have a fucking conversation with any of them without them telling you to stay away from the voodoo, and who do they have running the show? Fucking witch doctor. Good job staying away from the fucking voodoo, how about you stop reminding everybody else about it until you can TAKE YOUR OWN DAMN ADVICE.) Anyway, he turned out to be about as much use as any of these other trolls. He kept telling me about some Queen Silith that would be excited to meet me – and okay, granted, who can blame her? – and so I figured she must be some kind of troll royalty, and I should probably try to be a LITTLE diplomatic (UGH), so I headed over to this Wedwinder Hollow place where he said she was staying.
So yeah, turns out, Queen Silith was a GIANT FUCKING SPIDER. Surrounded by about a kazillion other smaller-but-still-way-bigger-than-they-ought-to-be spiders. Just WANDERING AROUND in the woods, like for fuck’s sake, shouldn’t that thing be crawling around in some cavern in the Burning Steppes or something? And where the fuck did Jin’Zil get the idea that she would want to meet me?! More important, WHY WOULD JIN’ZIL THINK I WANT TO FUCKING MEET HER? I HATE spiders! They’re just crawly and nasty and gross and they have WAY more legs and eyes combined than any self-respecting person should have and no I DON’T want to meet up with one for tea. What the fuck is WRONG with people?
No surprise, Jin’Zil was off somewhere when I got back, but I’ll have to track him down about this. Send him a memo about it, by which I mean, y’know, fucking SLAP HIM AROUND A FEW TIMES. Anyway, my wyvern’s ready to go again so I’m heading over to Sun Rock Retreat next. I’ll try to write more from there.
Ask Garrosh
So I’m finally going to be getting around to my inspection trip out to Stonetalon Mountains early this week, and I’m probably going to be spending most of the weekend making arrangements. Since you all know how much I love scheduling and logistics, I’m probably not going to be in the best mood, so I’m thinking I could use some distractions. The Earth Online game will help here and there…oh, who am I kidding, I’ll probably lose a bunch of hours playing when I SHOULD be getting other stuff done…but I’m also thinking you, MY LOYAL CITIZENS, can be helpful that way.
So, here’s the deal. I know my Monday mailbags have mostly been filled up with heavy hitters from around the Horde. Well, other than Lor’themar. But this time around, I think what we need is some more peons! So! I’m inviting you all – my DEVOTED AND AWE-STRUCK READERS AND MINIONS – to write in to ask your Warchief anything you want. Here’s your chance to get your questions answered about the life of the leader you adore! Or maybe get some rock-solid advice from your Warchief on whatever’s been on your mind! AREN’T YOU LUCKY!
You can send your questions and messages to me at garrosh1337@gmail.com. Come Monday I’ll try to answer as many of your questions as I can.
In the meantime, here’s a little something I haven’t treated you guys to in a while, using a new form I just learned:
Life without honor
A pink, puny, worthless foe
You suck, Varian.
EPIC VERSE!
Visiting Zoram’gar
So just to finish up with the Ashenvale inspection visits, since I didn’t get around to talking about the last part of the trip the last few days.
Oh and by the way, one last thing about Hellscream’s Watch, all things considered I’m pretty happy with how things are going, what with the blowing shit up and night elves on fire and all that, even if we were stuck with a few lazy-ass wyverns who BELIEVE YOU ME will be getting toughened right up (HOW’S THE VIEW OF AHN’QIRAJ FROM ABOVE, STUPID WYVERN?), but okay, really, how is it possible that one of the major obstacles out there is the fucking BEAR PEOPLE? I was talking to Karang and he went on this whole thing about how our advance through the area was being blocked by…the Thistlefur? Seriously? We’re blowing the fuck out of the centuries-old settlement that the night elves are fortifying and gearing with state-of-the-art armaments…and we’re having to recruit people to go help us deal with the fucking THISTLEFUR? Broyk pointed out how she couldn’t understand how the might of the Horde was being stopped by a bunch of fucking jumbo-sized Ewoks, and I would totally agree if I knew what the fuck an Ewok was.
Anyway, moving on.
Things seem to be coming along pretty well at Zoram’gar Outpost. I’m a little concerned that the construction effort is stalling some – seems like some of the buildings there have been mid-construction for several months now, but I’m not going to complain too much yet, since come to think of it they’ve really been taking their sweet time finishing some of the ramparts here in Orgrimmar too. Damn union work stoppages. This is what happens when you let goblins get involved. Anyway, it’s sure as hell still a major improvement over what we had there before. Really, a Horde outpost made up of nothing but a couple huts and a campfire? Seriously? What are we, the fucking Orc Scouts?
Commander Grimfang (second cousin to Saurfang, by the way) seems to be running a pretty tight operation, so I’ll be looking forward to seeing how things shape up once construction is done. Hopefully we can get the place up and running as another major port city so we don’t have to rely as much on the goblins over at Ratchet.
Made a short stop over at Silverwind Refuge on the way back to Orgrimmar to meet with Captain Tarkan. Good man, will have to keep him in mind for future operations. Also got to talking with a couple soldiers there, Sergeant Dontrag and Scout Utvoch, who both seemed very eager to start going to town on some Alliance. Since it looks like we’ve got Astranaar pretty well under control, I sent them on ahead to Stonetalon to see if they can help the effort there a bit. Told them to pass word on to Overlord Krom’gar to keep up the good work, and I’ll be by to check in on things when I can.
[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]
