Tag Archives: jaina proudmoore
#500 GIANT-SIZED (not really) ANNIVERSARY (kind of) SPECIAL
Okay, people, I know we’ve got a hell of a lot going on these days on a whole bunch of fronts, but let’s get our damn priorities straight and take a moment to APPRECIATE THE GODDAMN AWESOMENESS OF ME.
Why, you ask? AS IF YOU NEED A REASON. But okay, fine, be that way. Even though you should already be in a constant state of awe over your Warchief, today marks an EXTRA SPECIAL awesome, awe-inspiring, awful… wait. I think I just took a wrong turn there.
…
IT’S A SPECIAL GODDAMN OCCASION IS WHAT I’M SAYING.
Reason being, the post you see before you marks the 500th BLOG POST here on the Warchief’s Command Board. That’s right, bitches, 500 posts — that’s FIVE ZERO ZERO. Go ahead and count ’em. I KNOW YOU WON’T.
But that’s where we are, people — 500 installments of EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE BLOG EVER. And riddle me this: have you read them all?
Yeah, me neither.
I mean, there were a bunch in there by guest posters like Spazzle and Mokvar, and I like those guys and everything, but not enough to actually give a shit about what they have to say about… like… anything. But whatever — like trees falling in the forest with no one there to hear them, those guests posts still… um… make a… sound when they…crash the server and… um… that is…
OKAY, THAT ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME A LITTLE, TOO. I MAY OR MAY NOT BE WORKING ON A COUPLE DRINKS, OKAY, SO STFU.
Anyhow. I’d like to thank all my loyal readers, and say that I couldn’t have done it without you. I’d LIKE to say that, but I can’t, because I totally could have. Let’s be real, scrubs, I’m the awesome one here, not you. THERE’S A REASON WHY YOU’RE READING MY BLOG AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND, NOW ISN’T THERE?
But still, the occasion calls for something special, so in keeping with this month’s theme — I DO have a Poetry Challenge in progress, after all — I figured I’d take a look back at a 500-stack of EPIC the only proper way EPIC gets done:
That “LOK’TAR OGAR!” that I blogged for a starter;
I met D&U, but my wyvern’s way smarter;
Krom’gar dropped a bomb, but I dropped his ass harder;
EO gaming, “why fly” malaprop.
Twilights on a mission for that Cho’gall demon;
Ogres versus Grimtotem, and Magatha schemin’;
Johnny Awesome, beat it; Garona, keep dreamin’;
Saurfang took a turn watching the shop.
That time I went AWOL, then I was recovered;
Grabby Mylune hugged me till I damn near smothered;
Garadar reunion with my long-lost mother;
Year one challenge, rhymes of locks in socks.
Mom was just a cruel trick Magatha unraveled;
Trouble for Forsaken; Tirion’s endless babble;
Head to old Southshore thanks to FUCKING TIME TRAVEL;
Human Faranell’s a paradox.
Psycho!Mylune rampaged, eyes more wild than dewy;
Edwin fucked the past up; all the timelines went screwy;
We straightened them out; Theramore went kablooey;
Went to Karazhan to spin some tunes.
Pandas showed up teaching how anger is managed;
Got myself some trainees: DPS advantage;
Someone ganked Mokvar; he ankhed and wound up bandaged;
Rolled up on Pandaria with my goons.
Gurtash started drawing; Vol’jin stopped his breathing;
Cloudfall spoke of destiny and got me near believing;
Mokvar met Magatha, that one had me seething;
He went off the grid — he’d best run far.
Lor’the’whatsit’s bitching still; I got pounced by Tak;
Snagged the Divine Bell; that’s when Jaina blew her stack;
DPS got lost, but I (mostly) got them back;
Meet my daughter, Shay. (Have a cigar.)
Shay’s mage class was hard, her sucker punch was hardest;
Mokvar reappeared with green fire from the Black Harvest;
Gurtash got blindsided, we were down an artist;
Made an offer Blackfuse can’t refuse.
Green-eyed wolf named Golmash acting pretty fishy;
Gurtash still needs training not to be so squishy;
Utvoch got promoted, but I kinda wish he
And Dontrag weren’t always so confused.
EPIC VERSE and lemon squares, endless reader mail;
Ruekie getting ruekied; eternal minion fail;
Mortimer’s a badass; Shayari’s hunting sales;
Earth Online guild chat is always strange.
FYV; #LadiesLoveMe, ’cause they’re not slumming;
Trolls are always trolling, dumbasses are dumbing;
500 down so far, a thousand more coming!
Okay, maybe. Times could always change.
EPIC VERSE!
Keep checking in, people. The EPIC DROPS are only just warming up.
LOK’TAR!
Raid night
So, everything that’s been going on has kept me fairly busy, but still, what with Gurtash still being a big question mark and there not being a whole lot I can do about it, what little down time I have has still been giving me a little too much time to think. So I figure this is a good time for me to get back online to distract myself for a little while…
You have logged on.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ok now get the pizza guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh dammit i blew a cooldown by mistake
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Warchief.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its ok steve itll be back up before we’re at the boss
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] okay, all set
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, perhaps just soon enough before the boss for him to blow it again.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] did relogging fix it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Looks like it
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which, surely, he would never do.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Get me back in group before I turn it on?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] incoming
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wtf why am i still losing health
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you have food poisoning
[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] has invited you to a raid group.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] from one of the taco guy mobs
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has logged on.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] there we go
You have joined a raid group.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] oh hey, and there’s our tenth
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you need to clear your stacks
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] you can’t cure it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, let me just see about the settings on this thing before I try doing anything else
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i CAN
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well hello!
[Officer][Lorthemar] It seems like I haven’t seen you in ages, Bartleby.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hang on gil
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] let me know if you need any help with it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has joined the raid group.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi bart
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome!
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] wb mok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Thanks
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed, it’s good to see you again, Mokvar.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but i only have so many charges of penicillin
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back to the land of the living. Perhaps literally, from what I understand.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so it would be easier if you could just watch your stacks yourself
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] crap what was that??
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i lost like half my health!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey bart, wb
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea that was [Induced Vomiting]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] it takes a bunch of health but now the poisons out of ur system
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m glad that’s over with. Being dead isn’t something I would have wanted to make a regular thing of.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know in my other guild we just let people die if they get avoidable stuff on them
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] thats harsh
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Sorry I’m late, by the way
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol that would be funny
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh it’s not so bad at all if you know how to manage the situation to your advantage.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that way they learn to stop doing it
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shut up ut
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] not a big deal, we’re just re-clearing the food court
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would have been happy to assist you in that regard, had it come to it.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its not a big deal, no need to let him die
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] steve
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, I think I’ve got this set
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Zoning back in now
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah, hopefully I won’t have any more reason to hold you to that.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] clearly the people in your -other- guild possess the capacity to learn.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] maybe no NEED really but it might just be fun anyway
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What are you working on anyway, boss?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 🙁
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has entered the raid instance {BLACK FRIDAY}
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww gil *hug*
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] installing LEA
[Officer][Lorthemar] He’s setting up an addon for the raid.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ahh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 🙂
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ah, cool, you got raid warnings working
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] u should try to be careful tho
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, now let’s see…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if it’s any help, next time you see a food poisoning cloud, steer away from it and let me send one of my pets to get it
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, yeah, those food poisoning debuffs are nasty
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i can send a vulture or maybe a raccoon
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}<<<~~RW::testing, testing
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] those helped a lot in my other guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With any luck, this will help people be a little more…conscious of the goings-on in the encounter.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] At least the ones from the food court mini-boss
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] o.O
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but then wont they get food poisoning and die?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, there we go
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea no kidding bart
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[**RAID GROUP COMPOSITION**]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Raider Name]~~~~~~[Class]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]~~Teacher
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Bartleby | Mokvar]~~~~~~~Chef~
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[GilbertRose | Dontrag]~~~~Cashier
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]~~~Lawyer
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Lorthemar]~~~~~~~~~~Hairdresser
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]~~~Firefighter
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Nightengayle | Garona]~~~~Nurse
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[ProfHubert | Faranell]~~~~~Zookeeper
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Proudleslie | Jaina]~~~~~~Paramedic
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[SteveKravitz | Utvoch]~~~~Cashier[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] better the pet than you
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Looks like it’s working okay
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not so sure about that lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shut up steve
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::here we go, raid warnings up and running
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] cool
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I watch that guy and I’m like, man, I wish *my* food poisoning hit that hard
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ok guys
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] no, that’s the whole point of a scavenger. they have highly resilient digestive systems.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re clear here
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no kidding, bart – i feel the same way about some of the self-heals these mobs have
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] let’s get moving to the dept. store entrance
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh okay
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, no kidding
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HEY
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i wouldn’t want to get your pets killed
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] awww thats sweet of you worrying about the poor animals
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Makes me wish *I* could be a mini-boss
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::YOU HEARD HIM
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, that is indeed touching.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GET YOUR ASSES MOVING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol yeah me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey, you know, I could get to like this thing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] admittedly, the expression of compassion suffers somewhat from being directed toward a collection of pixels.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHATS UUUP BITTTCCHHHEESSSS
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hoo boy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s doing that?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh dear.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol pwn has a new toy
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] um
[Guild][Lorthemar] That’s Omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Man, I wish I had something like this in real life
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think maybe there was something wrong with my game
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, there is.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I think I might end up regretting this
[Officer][Lorthemar] You just couldn’t have done the raid warnings yourself, eh, Spazzle?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] insofar as you’re the one playing it.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Trust me, boss, you do.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um who else would be playing my game?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I think he kinda wanted to do them himself…
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ut you idiot
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] might i suggest literally anyone?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Ugh, I can already tell it’s going to get old quickly.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] okay
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, people
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i think we’re set
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We had a little trouble with this encounter last time, so I’m going to run through this real quick
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now now, Regent-Lord, let is focus on the task at hand.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i know the encounter so I’m going to afk real quick
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We start the encounter split in two groups
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh ok is gayle’s gonna afk imma make a quick bio
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And reserve petty infighting for its own time and place.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOLD IT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HOLD IT RIGHT THERE
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::NO FUCKING AFK’S
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::IF YOU HAVE TO GO, FUCKING HOLD IT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::TILL LATER
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shoulda kept a cup by you’re desk steve
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WE ARE NOT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::REPEAT NOT
[Officer][Lorthemar] -sigh-
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] eww gross
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::CAPITAL N CAPITAL O CAPITAL T
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GOING TO GET STARTED WITH THAT PANDAREN WATER TORTURE
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHERE WE SPEND THE NIGHT BLEEDING TO DEATH
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::FROM THE SLOW DRIBBLE OF A THOUSAND CHAIN AFKS
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I must say, Warchief, this is an occasion when I can appreciate your more authoritarian approach.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GODDAMMIT
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok ok sorry
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok back
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I know, right?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so are we doing a break now or not?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i thought we weren’t
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Putting out some food
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::AS I WAS SAYING
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Come buff up while we get set.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Steve and Gilbert are going to take the registers and handle the waves of shoppers
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ty bart
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you, Bartleby.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Healers will stay in the middle so they can keep an eye on both groups
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The rest of us will be clearing inventory in the stock room
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] bartleby, you should try to stay near the healers too
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] try to send some extra buffs to whichever group needs it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys on the registers need to check out the shoppers as they come in
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You need to keep up with the pace they’re coming in, but not go too fast
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If you check out too many too fast, the next waves spawn faster and eventually we’re going to get overrun
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If they end up spawning too many, I can go over and pick some up as well.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] you guys at the registers
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So you want to check them out slowly
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And by slowly I mean FUCKING SLOW
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not an ideal solution, but I can do what I can, then use my [Restraining Order] to drop aggro.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] try to use as many credit charges as you can
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good idea.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] payments over time help balance out the pacing a lot
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok got it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’ll admit, having those two doing a key job doesn’t exactly make me bubble over with confidence.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Once we fill out the sales quota for phase 1, that’ll spawn the boss
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i know
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There’s no aggro reset so you need to get the fuck out of the way once Bridezilla spawns
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and the bridesmaid adds
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, but they’d be in no less of a position to derail the attempt in the stock room.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and let BadCrumble pick them up
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t get close to the fitting rooms
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, true.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Burn down the two bridesmaids LDG marks, then everyone on the boss
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we can handle the phase transition well, we should be fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s been out biggest difficulty.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] manage trash waves, burn boss, profit
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] got it!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Everybody good then?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] looks like it
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] go go go!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay then
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Initiated:BRIDEZILLA]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Everyone to your places
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have the left side of the stock room covered.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok I have everyone in range
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’m good on the right side
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 1]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got the whole inventory group covered
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] incoming
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] except lor
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok gil can you try not to get too far from the register
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] your getting out of range
[Guild][Lorthemar] I need to be this close to be in melee range.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ll back up to get in range if I start getting hit.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so far so good
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A little extra focus on this side, Professor?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] stock room clearing out fine so far
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] keep it going
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We can probably afford to clear the shoppers a little faster
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] could you use a hyena or an ocelot?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ocelot, please.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] gil you need to stay in range
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 2]]
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] on it.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok thats better
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re good over here
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good, they’re evening out now.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heals going okay?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] if gil can keep in range yea
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i can reach him gayle
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’ll put out some carrots
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shoppers?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] [Sharp Eyesight] for your range.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] actually
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] we’re getting behind
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Which wave are we on?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] 2
[Guild][Lorthemar] Two
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] should i send a pet out to help?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] 2
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Pick it up, guys
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s not good.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I didn’t mean THAT slow
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 3]]
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We should be on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] well there we go.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] did we clear wave 2?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are you guys doing up there?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] trying sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys need to get more payments over time rolling on all of them
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bart can you buff them up
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What do we need, coffee for haste or spinach for might?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Both, if you can.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, but I’ll have to blow my [Smorgasbord]
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] do it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] More PoTs
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] having it later won’t matter if we don’t get there
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] More PoTs
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Done
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That should help.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Channeling {Customer Dissatisfaction}]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, braintrust, now you should
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] INTERRUPT THAT
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] oh fuck
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too late
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh crap
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We have a manager incoming
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] on my way
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Where at?
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] can you cover this here lor
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Querulous Manager Spawned]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] register 4
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ll do the best I can.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ugh
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::BadCrumble to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::ProfHubert to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::SteveKravitz to register 4
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] picking him up
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] ok
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::Bartleby to register 4
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::whatever the fuck you do
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] no guys
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::DON’T STAND CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] crap
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] spread
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] spread
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Querulous Manager Casting {Frightful Admonition}]]
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Crap
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] damn i’m feared
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Can someone clear him?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s out of range
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] shoppers loose
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m coming out
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] grabbing them up the best I can
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh dear
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] crap
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He got feared into the dressing room…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh dammit.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Frantic Bridesmaids Spawning]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugghhhhh
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] WE’VE GOT BRIDESMAIDS
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] got some on me
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] summoning my honey badger.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::MANY BRIDESMAIDS
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit i’m down
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] putting it on some of the bridesmaids.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::HANDLE IT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We can’t be shorthanded now
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] getting him up
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you sure prof?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] CLEAR
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[Proudleslie | Jaina] Casts: {Defibrillator} on [GilbertRose | Dontrag]
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not the first time she’s said that, am I right?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] they hit pretty hard
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] watch
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] whew ok
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] maybe not the time, chief
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh wow yea
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] honey badger doesnt give a fuck
[Officer][Lorthemar] -snicker-
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] More heals on MBC
[Guild][Lorthemar] We’ve got bridesmaids back in the storeroom now
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::FUUUCCCCKKKKK
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lot of adds loose still
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] trying
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Kind of hard for him to get them all when jackasses spawn too many
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] we’ve got a lot of damage coming in
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] bah, I’m dead.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yet again.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m down, too.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’ve got a bad feeling about this
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh i’m dead
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] second time
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] amatuer.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] focus the manager, maybe if we can get him out of the way
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::everyone on manager
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::NO AOE, FOCUS FIRE
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] well so much for that
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] i’m down
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] aaaaaand i have some friends
[Bob] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my defib’s on cooldown =(
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It doesn’t much matter at this point.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dead
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGGGHH
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] just wipe it
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yeah.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I knew it was going to be trouble relying on them for that job…
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OK
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] SO
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] problem is they’re way more suited for shoppers than anything else
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::SO
[Officer][Lorthemar] I know…
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Ended:BRIDEZILLA (100%)]]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WHAT
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::THE FUCK
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::WAS THAT SHIT
[Guild][Bob] ’ey, you get ’em, mon? link da loot!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can revive. Don’t release.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I MEAN SERIOUSLY
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no bobby =(
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW WAS THAT EVEN REMOTELY FUCKING POSSIBLE
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i know, that was rough
[Guild][Bob] ahhh dat sucks, mon
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] you know, the worst part is it was actually going pretty well there
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what happened
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] until it started coming apart
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[[[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Casting {Death and Taxes}]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] why yes, everything was going just swimmingly until suddenly everyone was dead.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You two
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Gil and Steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh dammit Gil get over here so you don’t accidentally start the encounter again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i’m steve
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHICH ONE YOU ARE
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We may need to come up with a creative way around this phase.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look, you two
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We put you
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hopefully “creative” in a non-hacking, non-exploit sort of way, yes?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] on fucking CASHIER duty
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, Regent-Lord, you’re so charmingly boy scoutish.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So hang on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But fine.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look at this.
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[**RAID GROUP COMPOSITION**]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Raider Name]~~~~~~[Class]
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]~~Teacher
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Bartleby | Mokvar]~~~~~~~Chef~
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[GilbertRose | Dontrag]~~~~Cashier
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]~~~Lawyer
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Lorthemar]~~~~~~~~~~Hairdresser
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]~~~Firefighter
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Nightengayle | Garona]~~~~Nurse
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[ProfHubert | Faranell]~~~~~Zookeeper
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[Proudleslie | Jaina]~~~~~~Paramedic
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~[SteveKravitz | Utvoch]~~~~Cashier[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] IT’S THE ENTIRE REASON YOUR FUCKING CLASS EVEN EXISTS
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] also, FUCKING HOW????
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have a thought. What about this.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] how what sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ljksdhfglishpg9tj78w945e3fyhvwol384t6y7holsighd
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] It would have to be an improvement over what we’re doing, really…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry sir
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really just don’t understand.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We’re not managing the shoppers in the first phase well enough.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Granted, I wasn’t out there.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So let’s bypass them.
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] how?
[Guild][Lorthemar] But how could you have gotten that far behind on shoppers?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let’s zerg phase one.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um i dont know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s “zerg”?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Were you even using any of your abilities at all?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think so
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nothing, really.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I just made up the word. I just thought it sounded good.
[Guild][Lorthemar] You…think so?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well what does it mean?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It means we all swarm the adds in the first phase.
[Guild][Lorthemar] How do you not know if you were even USING your abilities?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All in a big, overpowering mass.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] try not to get upset lor
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i dont know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Rather like felhounds, come to think of it.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m clicking on buttons and stuff
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well the thing is, though, the faster we take the first adds, the faster more will spawn.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Do you know what they DO?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i have a cashier alt in my other guild
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] If we try to power through them, we’ll be swimming in them.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] maybe i can try to explain this to you guys?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] how do you know?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True.
[Guild][Lorthemar] How do…
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But we’re swimming in them anyway.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh wow that would be really nice gayle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok i can try
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] This way, at least, we can all be focused on powering through the checkouts.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Blazes…
[Guild][Lorthemar] They should not be at the raiding stage and still need someone to explain what their abilities do!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And once we spawn the boss, we won’t have any more shoppers spawning.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lor dont get so upset
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lor I agree but we are where we are
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s actually not a bad idea.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] It’s risky, but yeah, if it works…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] would you prefer no one help them and they keep making mistakes?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hey, why are all the officers so quiet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Maybe if we blow all our cooldowns and buffs right off the top.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] My thinking exactly.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I would prefer to have guildmates who knew what they were doing!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Spazz, what do you think? Number crunch real quick?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey look lorthemar
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] uhh yea…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] they’re talking in officer chat.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’re doing the best we can okay
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] about what?
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I’m coming up with a 32.33% chance of survival
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] repeating
[Guild][Lorthemar] Actually not okay, but still.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Of course
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and its pretty lousy for you to be getting all nasty about it
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like considering
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably about how much you fail.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, that’s a lot better than we’re doing right now
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh 🙁
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? Considering?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean come on man, you only just joined the guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Agreed, Warchief.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ya wasnt it just a couple weeks ago?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we hardly even know you and you’re gonna be talking crap about people?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i can’t see any way at all that this won’t end well.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Guild][Lorthemar] ………
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] actually i think he joined like a month or so after i did
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll spell it out to these clowns
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but ya man who are you to be coming down on everyone
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::Okay, listen up
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh SCREW THIS
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAAAAARRRRRR
[Guild][Lorthemar] THERONNNNNNNN
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Initiated:BRIDEZILLA]]
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whats going on
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] oh crap
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He started the encounter!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] dammit lor’themar
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Bargain Shoppers: Wave 1]]
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GO GO GO GO GO
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh this repair bill is gonna suck
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::GET IN THERE
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] ugh
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] picking up as much as I can
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[BRIDEZILLA Frantic Bridesmaids Spawning]]
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and the wheel turns again.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] dammit lor’themar!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well damn that was fast
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well, now we know I can tank really well
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] just extremely briefly.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh-
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh my defib is still down
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Regent-Lord…
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think it’s really going to matter, leslie
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] down.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] me too
>>>{Lethal Encounter Addons}~~RW::[[Encounter Ended:BRIDEZILLA (100%)]]
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dammit Lori
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you idiot, lor’themar
[Guild][Lorthemar] At least I have roasted quail.
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I am not looking forward to the email that will surely be coming this afternoon.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay people
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This clearly isn’t going to work tonight
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let’s call it a night and try to start fresh next week
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok pwn
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea probably just as well
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m gonna log. Maybe Ben-Lin’s got some free time
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir, i’ll try to do better
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ll try to help puffy finish leveling too
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] later, chief
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] maybe he can help a little
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, we know he’s magical.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, if we need someone to swap in next time, I might know someone.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] right?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does that include miracles?
You have logged off.
Yeah, so. I’ll write more later, after go find Ben-Lin. And beer. Lots of beer. Not necessarily in that order.
More soon.
And, if we turn a blind eye to who’s still around canonically…
EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!
VAROK SAURFANG
VS.
THE LICH KING
BEGIN!
LICH KING:
I find the irony delightful and the arrogance sublime
For you to hope in my domain that you could wield the coldest rhymes.
You’ll learn the meaning of fear now, and the chill of the grave;
Not a soul is going to help you – they’re all trapped in my blade.
Every foe that I defeat is a new minion to employ;
You say you named him Dranosh – do you miss your little boy?
I kill fathers and sons; I’ve already slayed the Younger.
Now it’s dinner time, orc…and Frostmourne hungers.
SAURFANG:
You can save your strangulation, its rotation’s gonna switch,
For it seems that Varok Saurfang’s going to have to choke a lich.
Your runeblade has a name and people tremble while beholding;
You know why they fear my axe? It’s the one Saurfang is holding.
Sucking souls; your own: unneeded. Uther’s warning went unheeded.
You might once have been the heir, but you never once succeeded.
You’re the king of Frozen Thrones, but your chilling’s getting thawed,
’Cause I’m the one both factions turn to when they need to kill a god.
LICH KING:
<channeling a spell>
I’d stay to slay you, orc, but there’re things I need to do.
Falric! Marwyn! Bring me his corpse when you’re through.
[The Lich King summons Falric and Marwyn, then exits up a hallway.]
FALRIC:
By your order, my liege!
MARWYN:
This invader shall fall!
FALRIC:
Now your humble soldiers rise to meet their master’s call.
Your despair is so delicious and your fear exhilarating.
Your reputation might precede you, but it’s textbook overrating.
It’s two against one orc and even you can do the math:
Your fate will be no different – none are spared the master’s wrath.
MARWYN:
When the master ravaged Stratholme we were standing by his side,
And we saw the look Terenas made that moment as he died.
Your rhymes are weak as Silvermoon when master went attacking.
Now we’ve surveyed our enemy, and we have found him lacking.
SAURFANG:
I don’t waste my time on red-shirts but since Arthas had to leave,
Come at me, boys, in double file – now eat my verbal
CLEAVE.
While your king walks afar
You others cover and flock
To spar, but I’ll knock ajar
One and another and block – so far
Your knocks may shock on par
To smother and sock and scar
But your talk and mocks won’t mar
The brother of Broxigar.
You took all your best shots but every one of them missed;
You’re getting schooled, children –
[Saurfang cleaves both Falric and Marwyn’s heads off with one swing.]
Now class is dismissed.
[Saurfang heroic leaps into the next room, where the Lich King is holding Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas Windrunner at bay.]
You don’t get away that easy, no escape from pending loss;
I just took out the trash, so now you’d better be a boss.
Orc dictator, human traitor, “See you later,” what a “hero.”
So you run, “Now we are one,” but when I’m done, you will be zero.
LICH KING:
No questions stay unanswered; you’re the answer to my plans;
For clearly yours are verses greatest of the also-rans —
You know your place, I’ll grant you, rallied by your leader’s pennant:
Such a hero, such a legend, such a permanent lieutenant.
If ambition drove your mission, its commission might unnerve us,
But you’ve cleared the way, and now you’ll stay forever in my service:
Dead, deployed, to destroy, like your son with death to bring:
In the last, when you’ve passed, you will all serve the king.
WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!
Meanwhile, on the Isle of Thunder…
EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!
LOR’THEMAR THERON
VS.
JAINA PROUDMOORE
BEGIN!
JAINA:
For years I was a dove but now that’s taken a dive;
Fool me once, then shame on you, but fool me twice, you won’t survive.
So I’ve gone on the offensive and I’m finished with forgiving;
You want to battle? Magic words are what I do for a living.
I’ve come a long way since I studied under Antonidas;
I’m still carrying the burdens of the Theramore detritus.
Now it seems you want to fight us; it’ll really just delight us,
’Cause I’ll crush your rhymes so hard you’re best off faking laryngitis.
Now I’ll throw my hands up, tear all my peace-mongering asunder, bring
My Kirin Tor contingent to the doorstep of the Thunder King.
Rhonin read an omen, so he passed me the baton;
Now I’ll purge you from this island like the Horde from Dalaran.
This won’t be pretty, pretty boy, so brace yourself, prepare,
Better cover up your eyes – oh, wait, you’re halfway there.
Don’t know who even sent you, not sure where we met or when,
But you kind of look familiar – tell me, what’s your name again?
LOR’THEMAR:
My name is—
JAINA:
What?
LOR’THEMAR:
My name is—
JAINA:
Who?
LOR’THEMAR:
I’m—
JAINA:
Johnny Awesome, maybe?
LOR’THEMAR:
<glares>
Okay, that’s it, I’ve had enough! That really does it – ladies!
[Scout Captain Elsia and Ellendra Palescorn appear behind Lor’themar.]
LOR’THEMAR:
You can talk a lot of trash, but the man that you’re not naming’s
Gonna serve you up your ass while his fans are all proclaiming that he’s
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
I don’t need an introduction,
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
Don’t need city reconstruction,
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
Don’t need Icecrown tissues;
I’ve got twice your regal majesty and half your daddy issues – I’m
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
Don’t need to lose my calm,
’Cause I’ll drop rhymes on you just like a mana bomb.
Until my ’Reavers are freed, don’t have to heed your screed
Or concede misdeed – know what else I don’t need?
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
Don’t need color care,
’Cause I don’t need blonde highlights in my blast-bleached hair, and
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
Don’t need dragon food,
’Cause I don’t need to go reptile when I’m in the mood.
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
Don’t need a back-up city!
I’ve got rhymes three times as vicious and a face that’s twice as pretty.
ELSIA and ELLENDRA:
Lor’themar!
LOR’THEMAR:
So keep your prophecy-of-Rhonin shit –
Don’t recognize my name? Neither do I – ’cause you’re not moanin’ it.
JAINA:
I tried my hand with humans, orcs, and elves but that was tragic;
After unbecoming slumming I traded up, Aspect of Magic.
So keep on trying fruitlessly to conjure up a scandal; it’s
No fault of mine a man’s got to be a dragon just to handle it.
I rose by acclamation to the leadership I shoulder;
As for you? You got defaulted – and you’re still just a placeholder.
You’ll always be a punch line, even more when seen in action:
You’re the seventh-string leader of a six-race faction.
LOR’THEMAR:
I took a broken people, rallied them to something greater;
You rose to rule two cities, and they’re both on maps as craters.
You’re the village epic mount, you’re a forty-man raid,
You 180’ed and betrayed your Mary Sue charade –
Because you always played the part of diplomat to the death:
Now you’re a real-life EO Lady Macbeth.
Now I’ll stop Allies on the one side, on the other stage a coup –
’Cause I even fight Horde Warchiefs better than you.
[Taran Zhu flies in on a cloud serpent and jumps in between them.]
TARAN ZHU:
ENOUGH! You’ve all been sparring since you set foot in this land,
And you’ve waged your endless race war, only I can’t understand
If you’re so hell-bent to kill each other with your sword and shield
Why it’s so damn vital that you make my home your battlefield!
There’s been nothing here but trouble since you Horde and Allies came,
And I’m tired of putting up with Lady J and what’s-his-name!
I’m sick of the division; I’ll take no side in this debate –
For I know you Sha-of-Haters are just going to Sha-of-Hate.
Each aggression draws reprisal, vengeance not for the fainthearted, it
Goes on and on in circles – I don’t care who fucking started it!
For years I’ve stood upon the wall to hold back mantid masses;
Now I’ll stand between you till you pull your heads out of your asses.
Awaking Shas of Anger, Hate, and Violence weren’t enough?
Then I’ll leave you with a cup of Sha of Shut the Fuck Up!
That’s it – I’ve wasted too much breath already on you two!
I must go! I’m out, bitches! There’s work I’ve got to do!
[Taran Zhu jumps onto his cloud serpent and flies off, leaving Jaina and Lor’themar staring quizzically.]
WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!
“Lady.” “Lord.”
01101101 01101111 01101011 01110110 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100100 01100101 01101100 01101001 01100001 01101110 01100001
* Garrosh elegantly summarizes the salient points of Mokvar’s own account of his past, which he detained here and here. There’s also this breakdown of Mokvar’s ongoing saga, but at this point, is anybody really not caught up yet?
** Spazzle filled Garrosh in on what he knew, re: Mokvar, in this post and its aftermath.
* Surely everyone remembers the infamous binary punchcard from Gnomergan, right?
Spazzle Speaks: Family Ties
You have logged on.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s what I told him, but I think we may just have to humor him for the time being.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Once we finish our work on the animus golem here, we should be able to augment our resources.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks!
[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Spazzle.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You -do- seem to have been spending a lot of time on that of late.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] np
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey guys
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway hate to craft and run but i need to log for now
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well I suspect it’s going to yield some very useful results, once Aethas gets done with it.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: how are you feeling?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] later leslie
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i have some magic research to go work on
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s everyone doing?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You’ll have to keep me posted of your progress.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I jus’ got one ting I got to do here in Pandaria, den I be ready to come back to Durotar.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too bad prof’s not on, he could probably help you
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Start workin’ on cleanin’ up da mess dere.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol oh dont get me started with him again
[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, speaking of which, it looks like Jaina is doing some magic research herself.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good, I’m glad you’re almost recovered
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Something of a quiet night tonight, Spazzle.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: What about you, mon? I haven’t heard much from ya in a while.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey there he is
[Officer][Lorthemar] Now I just have to see…
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: eh, it’s just been kinda crazy here
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i’m leaving so dont try to get him started
[Guild][Lorthemar] What kind of research, Leslie?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I bet, mon.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i’m in the burning steppes with garrosh
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: looking for ji
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] started on what?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been working with a number of mages myself of late.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: we just landed in flame crest a little while ago
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, well it’s good to see him logging on, I suppose.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] leslie’s doing some kind of magic research
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya talk to Ariok dere, mon?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] who, faranell? why’s that?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh its actually really cool lor
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m actually not entirely clear on the details, Spazzle.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: no, he’s not here, that’s the thing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that should be…adequate.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? How so?
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: vahgruk says ji came here a couple days ago
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i guess ariok went with him to blackrock spire to look for clues about mokvar
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, Leslie, this sounds interesting indeed. What are you working on, pray tell?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok my dungeon queue just popped, probably going to be quiet for a few
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg prof geez
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Might be some fireworks is ya find ’em, mon. Ariok ain’t no fan o’ da Warchief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Evidently there was some sort of calamity at the Apothecarium earlier.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, so I hear
[Officer][Lorthemar] I must admit, if it weren’t necessary for us to be discreet about who we are, I would love to lord our animus research over her.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what kind of calamity?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Matter of fact, mon –
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok heard how Garrosh been treatin’ Eitrigg, he might take care of our ‘Warchief’ problems himself.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well
[Officer][Lorthemar] You know she would burn up with jealousy if she knew what we have on our hands.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I’m not going to… I don’t even know what you’re suggesting, but I’m not going to
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure; the good doctor has been rather secretive the last few days.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not to brag but
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] we drained the power of the thunder king into a staff!
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I know ya don’ wanna hear it, mon, but da sooner we do somethin’ ’bout Garrosh, da easier it gonna be for all of us.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Though I’m not likely to complain – whatever is going on down there has prompted Bragor Bloodfist to spend much of his time in the Apothecarium as well, which means less time with him hovering around me.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh wouldn’t help Ji.
[Officer][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Lorthemar] klsjdhfgkjshgdfskjhgfkjsdfgkjhsgfd
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok is.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I understand why.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, okay
[Officer][Lorthemar] she
[Officer][Lorthemar] she drained the power… of…
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok see Ji, an’ all he know is he’s Horde, and he need help, and he gonna give it to ’im.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: hey
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’ see tings dat way.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway!
[Officer][Lorthemar] 9oqwuolieyurgt;poayhgbihgbolugf
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i need to run!
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh don’t see nothin’ but power an’ vengeance, mon.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: He don’t see da Horde like Ariok, or me. Or you.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A propos of nothing, Lor’themar, you strike me as someone who might know a thing or two about fine dining. Would you happen to know what type of wine goes best with crow?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well hello, person who’s never talked to me before but now takes a sudden inexplicable interest.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] see everyone soon!
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: um, yeah, sorry
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da way I see it, da Horde is family.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Dontrag.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I… just… she… HOW?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da world knock us down, family pick each other back up again.
[Officer][Lorthemar] What?!
[Officer][Lorthemar] HOW?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Three excellent questions, Regent-Lord.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’t see family.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Don’t understand it.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Never had one.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but i’m utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, is that your alias, then?
[Officer][Lorthemar] I think I need to go lie down.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I just heard about the… whatever, down in the apothecarium
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol what?
[Officer][Lorthemar] This is not good for my rage.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: you never met lakkara, did you?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, it’s a curious thing, Dontrag.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: is everything okay?
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Who dat, mon?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just now, Jaina Proudmoore logged off. And a few seconds later, you logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or should I say, you logged -back- on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i logged back in, haven’t gotten to play in a couple days
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i’ll manage.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: never mind
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or whoever you really are.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, we’ve been over this before
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that would be utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you would have us believe.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what about shay? is she okay?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I ain’t gonna keep on ya, mon.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Do you really think we wouldn’t put two and two together?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well no, two and two is pretty easy math
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And yet far greater than the calculus of your deception would presume us capable of!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um what?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya a good mon, Spazzle. I know ya don’ wanna turn on someone ya tink is a friend.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispers: i’m sure shayari is wonderful, wherever she is.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya be loyal. Dat’s a good ting.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How long have you been Jaina Proudmoore, Dontrag?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dontrag’s not even here
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh no? Then to whom am I speaking? Are you -still- Jaina Proudmoore?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nay, have you in fact been Jaina Proudmoore lo this entire time in the guild?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Time gonna come, though, ya gonna have ta decide how long ya gonna be loyal ta Garrosh, when he ain’t loyal ta us.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what???
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i mean dontrag is over in the valley of honor visiting his nephew ug’thok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] he should be on soon though
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: where is she??
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag, don’t insult our intelligence.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] why would i do that
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re going to make up a cover story, at least keep your lies straight.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: that’s the 5000g question, now isn’t it?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We all know Utvoch isn’t your nephew.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no no not utvoch, ug’thok
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what happened??
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t try to hide behind an obvious typographical error, Dontrag.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or are you Ug’thok?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or perhaps Ig’thak?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or Jig’nak?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or – as the trail grows clearer – JAINA!
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well, she was settling in well enough, and we were starting to go over a few lessons.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m confused
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: she seemed to be taking more of an interest in azerothian geography, but i figured she was curious about the lay of the land in her new home, so i ran through an overview for her.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, and here’s your alleged nephew.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or might it be Kalecgos? All bets are off at this point.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um, whats going on?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s kalecgos?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] WHO INDEED!
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: and evidently, she spotted a vacation destination that looked too good to pass up, because off she went.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what the hell?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But one thing at a time!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We were just discussing, Utvoch, how your uncle, heretofore known by his alias of “Dontrag,” has at last been exposed!
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you can’t be serious
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit ut what did you do
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i swear i just logged on
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you let her run away?!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] As his true identity, Jaina Proudmoore!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and said where you were
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, what about jaina?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i didn’t LET her do anything.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The woman who has incurred the rightful wrath of the Horde!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] isn’t that the lady that was in all those tabloids with thrall?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: as the swollen purple region on my head will readily attest.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ruthlessly persecuted our citizens in Dalaran!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed! Sullied the good name of a beloved Warchief!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok but what about her?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t act like you don’t know, Ug’thok.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If that -is- your real name.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, ug’thok is my nephew
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that’s what i tried to tell her
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: incidentally, i’ll be sending garrosh the bill for the repairs to my jaw.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, Ug’thok is -Dontrag’s- nephew.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] right but i’m dontrag
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: it was brand new, too.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and i’m utvoch
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: typical.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now don’t be ridiculous, the both of you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why, if -you- were Utvoch, Dontrag, then that would mean that you are also Dontrag’s nephew.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: man seriously
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that’s ug’thok not utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And clearly you could not be his nephew.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right because we’re not related
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you have GOT to find her
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because JAINA PROUDMOORE IS NO ONE’S NEPHEW!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok you know, i’ve been out of my dungeon for a while, but i’m just sitting here in awe, BQ
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: capital idea. how do you suggest i do that?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] …
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I… I don’t know, can’t you home in on her or something?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m really confused
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It therefore stands to reason, Dontrag, that since you are Jaina, and as such cannot be Utvoch, it must therefore be Dontrag who is Utvoch, and therefore your nephew.
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: this isn’t some sci-fi/fantasy novel, i can’t just wave a magic wand.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] my eyes are starting to hurt
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well i can. but you know what i mean.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but how can he be my nephew, i’m an only child
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: dude really
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: that time I lost a BOOK garrosh loaned me, he beat me till I was green and brown
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] SEE? And the tangled web of your would-be deception comes further unraveled!
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: aren’t you always green and brown?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: a DARKER SHADE – goblins bruise differently, ok??
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think i need some grog
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: the point is, that was just a book – you lost his DAUGHTER, man!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yea me to
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you having fun?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you can conjure some, Jaina.
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: ugh I need to go
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you need to get on this, really
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Does it show? ^_^
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whatever
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i guess we’ll be back later.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I need to take off – see you later
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m glad we cleared all this up.
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Spazzle.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dark Lady, I jus’ gotta say, dat was beautiful.
You have logged off.
[Addendum! Remember, we have our next Meta Raid coming up this Saturday at 8:00 PM EDT. Just as a logistical matter, I’d appreciate it if anyone who thinks they’re likely to attend would let me know, whether it be through a comment, an e-mail, a message on Twitter, or what-have-you. Looking forward to “seeing” many of you over the weekend!]
Birth announcement
Faranell’s gotten things lined up for Shayari’s move to the Undercity. She won’t be leaving for a couple days still, but everything should be in order. That also leaves me some time to get down there to see how she’s doing before she heads out of town. I haven’t gotten much of a chance to go see her yet – yeah, yeah, I know, even after Liadrin made such a stink over it – what with everything else I need to take care of around here. I’m not going to be in Orgrimmar much longer than Shayari, only in my case, when I leave I need to know everything is set to run smoothly while I’m in Pandaria, and in order to make sure that happens…well, come on. You’ve seen the pinhead minions I’m surrounded with, mostly. Hell, even Malkorok has been in lousy spirits (yes, even by Malkorok standards) ever since he got back from helping the doc with Shay’s arrangements the other day.
Anyhow, point being, there’s been a shitload of stuff going on. We’ve got some major construction projects in the works, which means we’re going to need tons of resources. Lumber, fuel, the whole nine yards. We even need to up the food supplies just to feed all the extra workers we’re bringing in. In order to keep up with the demands, I’m reassigning some Kor’kron to the Barrens to work on gathering resources. On the plus side, all the manpower we need pretty much means there’s no such thing as unemployment in Orgrimmar anymore. (That should look pretty damn nice on my record when I run for reelection. OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, I’M APPOINTED FOR LIFE. Suck THAT, would-be rivals from within my own party.)
Needless to say, all this has kept me pretty busy with meetings and planning sessions and OH DID I MENTION THE FUCKING PAPERWORK? And this time around I can’t even shuffle it off on Eitrigg, since he’s being all pissy about being quasi-sorta-kinda-demoted. Things have been so packed, schedule-wise, that I’ve barely had a chance to catch any down time…but, seeing as this is the first time in months that I’ve actually had a stable internet connection…
You have logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] but if you get a buff from eating, why don’t you a bigger buff if you eat more?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because they want you to go do things in the game, not sit around eating all day
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A good day to you, daddy dearest.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] well that’s just crazy talk
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Hello Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI PWN
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi omgipwnedurface
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Faranell
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wait, what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GOOD TO SEE YOU ON
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hello, garrosh, i was wondering if i could have a word with you
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I swear I didn’t say anything to her, boss
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Oh this should be good
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah hi
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He emailed me earlier, yes sir.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah, I know YOU’RE all about keeping secrets, Half-Pint
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Faranell, that is. Not Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] NOT ME
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By way of making arrangements for the arrival of…what was her name again?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hey, did you get my email?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I HOPE YOUR CONNECTION IS BETTER
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shayari
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah, I did
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: well i’ve been thinking about the mokvar situation – it seems like his problems all go back to blackrock mountain, so i was thinking maybe if did some looking around there we might be able to come up with some new leads
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I think I get why you did what you did, not that it still doesn’t irritate the fuck out of me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no really, whats with the daddy dearest thing?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah yes, Shayari. Lovely name. Does it mean anything?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: well, I think that was everything mokvar told me about his past as a mercenary and the attacks on him
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m back home on my normal connection
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, you haven’t heard, Gayle?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: It better be. I’ve had more than enough of everybody running around with secrets
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i was talking to eitrigg a few days ago and he mentioned his son lives near there, and knows blackrock mountain well, so he might be able to help investigate
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH COOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well apparently it means “I think I’ll go blab” in banshee-talk
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Our esteemed guild leader is a father.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Okay, so tl;dr, you’re still picking at the damn Mokvar thing, and what a shock, now Eitrigg is encouraging you in continuing to be a pain in the ass
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Now listen to me because I’m only going to say this once
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Congratulations Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH GRATS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thats wonderful news
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I don’t give a shit what Mokvar had gotten himself into. By the time he got shown the door, he’d burned about fifteen bridges, and I’m past the point of caring why. He’s dead. And if he’s not dead, he might as well be, because he’s dead to ME
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT???
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: So whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got in mind, drop it. Let it GO. THE END
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really had to, huh?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A bouncing baby girl, if I’m told correctly.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] … … … …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean…seriously?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, to be fair, Warchief…
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if you say so, sir
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THATS AWESOME PWN
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok so obviously I must have been staring at an old god or something
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Dontrag and Utvoch haven’t logged on in weeks. Jaina hasn’t been on as much lately.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because I MUST have gone insane and thought I just read that
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I need to amuse myself -somehow-.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Mrs Pwnurface must be so excited
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, I know, Gayle; at first I thought the news was too good to be true as well!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh yes
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes PWN, let’s HEAR about mrs pwnurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] For fuck’s sake
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] HOW ABOUT HER PWN
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Again, out of fairness, Warchief, I’m not even lying.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s DEAD, actually, if you must know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When Faranell told me, my first thought honestly was, “Oh, this is too good.”
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH YIKES
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so listen, after this, could you PLEASE zip it about the kid?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you’re spiritsdamned right she’s dead
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was planning to try to keep this hush-hush for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh course, dear Warchief.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I’m so sorry Omgipnedurface
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Was it in childbirth
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Henceforth I will keep your secret locked away in the securest of figurative underground vaults as if it were a recalcitrant death knight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, it was later
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She got sick from a plague, basically
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A plague? Oh dear, it wasn’t one of ours, was it?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh dear
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That is, rather…it -wasn’t- one of ours, certainly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Since obviously we have long since stopped making plague.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WAIT HOW LONG AGO COULD THIS BE IF YOU’RE A NEW DAD
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What plague, actually? Did someone mention plague?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That sounds ghastly to me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] YES
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay look
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] EXACTLY HOW LONG AGO
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ick, plague, I say. Blech!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are -you- today, Spazzle?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to go over this once and then have done with it, okay?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And YOU STFU ALREADY GAYLE
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey, don’t try to drag me into this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m in enough trouble already
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh oh I’m all ears
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re on your own!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, drat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT UNLESS “EAR” IS THE NEW WORD FOR “MOUTH” AND I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO OR SOMETHING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] FINE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I mean SERIOUSLY, WTF??
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, I’ve got a daughter
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s not a newborn, she’s in her teens now, I just… let’s just say I just gained custody and leave it at that
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Oh will you knock it the fuck OFF
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Custody, and awareness.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: and the surprise daughter is a TEENAGER already too?!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you not said enough already today?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, never. ^_^ But do continue.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh congratulations
[Officer][LivinDeadGirl | Sylvanas] Re-sealing the vault! ^_^
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Yeah, she is, and hey, check it out, she even got to be a teenager in real time, unlike some other people I could mention
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, she’s just in town for a little while now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s the long and the short of it, and if you don’t mind I’d rather not have to answer like a zillion questions about her
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: how is this the first I’m hearing about this??
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU’D WANT TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Hey, listen, I didn’t even know about her until last week
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] If you don’t mind me asking one question though Omgiownedurface
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: oh aren’t you a prince
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: when Liadrin came breezing into town with a little bundle of WTF in tow
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Why is she only in town a little while
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, fine
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait a minute
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: liadrin???
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And I promise I won’t pry any further
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That much is simple, she’s going away to school, pretty much
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: THAT stick figure? are you KIDDING me??
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: NOT LIKE THAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Well I’m sure youll miss her
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m sure
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But its important sometimes to give your children that push off the ledge and hope they fly
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Liadrin found her in Silvermoon after she got kicked out of Dalaran for being half orcish
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] You cant protect them from everything however much you might want to
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] UM RED
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait, HALF orcish? what’s the other half then? because I swear if you slept with a human I think I’ll scream
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Sometimes theyre going to get hurt
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or captured
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or mutated into monstrosities
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: YOU FUCKING FUCKED MEDIVH, who the fuck are you to criticize?!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And then you have to authorize their extermination for the greater good
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I was young and into older men!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But thats parenting for you
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED CHECK YOUR WHISPERS
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: um, boss?
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Well I was young and into draenei girls!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] What were we talking about again
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: !!!
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: What?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Incidentally, Honalee, is everything all right with Leslie?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t mean to pry, but I’m not accustomed to seeing you online without her.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: ok I need to log off for a few
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I need to go stab something
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YA SHE’S JUST BUSY WITH WORK THIS WEEK
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh? Anything in particular?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: WE WILL CONTINUE THIS LATER
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY, JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S BEEN DOING THE LAST FEW WEEKS NOW
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: so… I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rash
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.
That player is not online.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh no, what did Fat Boy Slim do now?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I like to think I’ve been able to provide her with something of a supportive ear from time to time. I’m more than happy to do the same for you, if you’d ever care to have a sounding board.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: well… I think he may be about to skip town to head to blackrock mountain
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Fucking hell
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sometimes it can be helpful to air your thoughts with someone impartial.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to log. Some things just came up here that I have to check on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You know, concerns for your significant other, anxieties, random specific details about her exact undertakings these days, including but not limited to key initiatives, dates, and locations.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I’m coming over, you can fill in the rest then
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] know, I know, it’s cliche. But still.
You have logged off.
Paternity (part 2)
So, picking up right where we left off last time…
* In Garrosh’s most recent mailbag, he discussed the lank distemper, a disease that ravaged the Kurenai of Nagrand at roughly the same time the orcs were afflicted with the red pox.
Well, I guess that’s what I get for giving that job to a 15-year-old, right? Oh well. Moving on with the record from Taktani. (Let’s keep our fingers crossed on this one…)
(Yay, Mr. Warchief is letting me be his scribe again! I better do a good job because I guess Mr. Warchief was checking on how Mr. Gurtash was doing and he wasn’t too happy. Everyone else seems a little upset, too. I guess being a scribe is super important work! Mr. Gurtash looked really embarrassed when he left. I hope he doesn’t feel too bad because I think he draws good. He even draws me! Yay! Oh wait I think they’re talking about me!)
SHAYARI – Okay, so that was weird.
FARANELL – You get used to it after a while.
SHAYARI – So, who’s this one now?
GARROSH – Really, the less you ask about her, the better.
MALKOROK – More importantly, goat, we’ll be the ones asking the questions.
TAKTANI – Hi! I’m Taktani!
LIADRIN – Shayari, this is another of Garrosh’s assistants—
TAKTANI – But you can call me Tak!
SHAYARI – Oh, so she’s filling in for the pipsqueak now?
TAKTANI – Or Tak-Tak!
GARROSH – How many times do I have to tell you, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
SHAYARI – Well, at least she seems a little cheerier than Chuckles over there.
(That made Mr. Malkorok really mad. He seems to be pretty grumpy. He spends a lot of time with Mr. Warchief so I guess he must help him a lot, but I wish he wouldn’t yell so much.)
MALKOROK – Warchief, one swing! That’s all I ask! One swing is all I’ll need to silence this…this creature permanently.
(I don’t think I like him very much. It makes me sad. =( )
GARROSH – Malk, last time, cool it.
MALKOROK – Count yourself lucky the Warchief is so merciful, goat!
SHAYARI – You mad, bro?
MALKOROK – I— you— how dare— sir— UNGH! (He paced around a few seconds, shaking his fists, grinding his teeth, and looking at Mr. Warchief now and then) I… I think I need to walk a bit. If you’ll excuse me, sir…
(Mr. Malkorok stormed off and started stomping back and forth near the bank. It sounded like he was grumbling to himself. I’m not sure, but I think he might have punched a couple people, too. That’s mean! =( )
SPAZZLE – Okay, so whether you’re really Garrosh’s daughter or not, I already like you.
(OMG Mr. Warchief is a daddy?!? YAY!!! That’s so exciting!!)
GARROSH – So hang on. Even assuming this is all true – which we ARE going to check — how did you wind up HERE?
SHAYARI – I was living in Dalaran studying to be a mage when…well, when Jaina went all schizo.
GARROSH – Gotta say, I knew it was only a matter of time before she went off the deep end.
SHAYARI – Oh my Light, I know! She thinks she’s such a big deal, rolling into town and taking over, and being all Emo Queen of Pain, and… Oh, and Kalecgos! Have you heard about her and Kalecgos? You should see how she leads that poor dragon around by the nose!
GARROSH – Heh, yeah. I’ve kinda gotten that sense from those two…
SHAYARI – No, no, I mean literally! He has a nose ring in his dragon form, and she’s got this leash, and— and— oh spirits it’s so sad.
GARROSH – Hah! Hahaha…that’s…that’s kind of awesome.
SHAYARI – Awesomely sad.
(I like when Mr. Warchief gets happy like this. He doesn’t yell as much! Not like Mr. Malkorok.)
GARROSH – So hang on, if you’ve been staying with the Sunreavers all this time, how come this is the first I’m hearing about it?
LIADRIN – She wasn’t with the Sunreavers, sir. At least not until the purge was well underway.
SHAYARI – I stayed mostly over on the Silver Covenant part of Dalaran. People knew I was half orcish…most of the time I would pass as full draenei, but the other draenei could see it. It wasn’t as big a deal when I was back in Nagrand, but… (shrugs) Anyway. After Jaina had her little hissy fit, anyone with any Horde ties became pretty unwelcome in Dalaran. My being half orc was close enough for some of them, I guess.
GARROSH – So, wait, if people knew you were half orc, does that mean they knew—
SHAYARI – I never talked to people about who my father was. My mom told me, and a few people back in Telaar knew, but…
LIADRIN – I would imagine it was for the best that the Kirin Tor didn’t know of her full parentage.
GARROSH – Yeah, I figure that would have made her a lot less popular a lot sooner.
SHAYARI – Oh my Light, you should hear the things they say about you there! The things they talk about you doing! I figured all those stories had to be some kind of Alliance propaganda to make you look bad!
(Everyone just kind of looked at each other for a minute. I don’t really understand why. Maybe they were trying to figure out why people would want to say mean things about Mr. Warchief? That’s mean, especially since he’s a daddy now!
Mr. Warchief looked around at everyone being all quiet.)
GARROSH – WELL DON’T EVERYONE AGREE WITH HER AT ONCE!
LIADRIN – Clearly propaganda, yes, sir.
SPAZZLE – Don’t know where people come up with this stuff, chief.
FARANELL – Unless, you know, they exist in this universe and have eyes. But sure, whatever does it for you.
(Mr. Malkorok came back over to us. He didn’t seem so mad now, but it’s hard to tell since he’s always kind of grumpy.)
MALKOROK – Apologies for my…outburst, Warchief.
GARROSH – Yeah, it’s fine, Malk. So anyway, you said the doc has some way of checking out this story?
LIADRIN – Yes, sir. Obviously the doctor himself can comment with greater authority on the details.
(While they were talking, Mr. Warchief’s wyvern Mr. Mortimer came wandering over to us. He passed by Mr. Malkorok first, and I guess he maybe thought Mr. Malkorok was a tree? Because he kind of…well…lifted his leg…on his leg.)
MALKOROK – UGHH this damned flea-bitten— I— GAHH I’ll be back…
(Mr. Malkorok stomped off again. Mr. Mortimer walked up to Miss Shayari and nuzzled against her leg. Aww!)
SHAYARI – Aww, (That’s what I said!) who’s this? (petting the wyvern)
GARROSH – That’s Mortimer.
SHAYARI – (still petting) You named him Mortimer?
GARROSH – Actually, no.
SPAZZLE – It came from that D.E.H.T.A. guy, didn’t it?
GARROSH – Yeah.
SHAYARI – Oh, those hippies? (petting more) Well, it’s okay, Mortimer, you’re a handsome boy even if the crazy hippies did give you a silly name.
LIADRIN – Shay, perhaps you could take the wyvern for a walk while we discuss a few things.
SHAYARI – Sure. Come on, Mortimer!
(Miss Shayari and Mr. Morty started walking around the Valley of Strength. The rest of us watched her walk away.)
TAKTANI – I like her! She seems nice!
SPAZZLE – Not gonna lie. She had me at “You mad, bro?”
LIADRIN – Warchief? Any thoughts?
GARROSH – I don’t know. But her story from Nagrand…well, she’s got her details straight. At least the names and dates.
(Mr. Warchief looked across the valley for a minute to watch Miss Shayari and Mr. Mortimer walking by the main gate.)
GARROSH – Mortimer seems to like her.
SPAZZLE – Yeah, he took to her right away.
GARROSH – He is a pretty good judge of character.
FARANELL – This would be the wyvern that likes you, correct?
GARROSH – Your point being, Easy-Break?
FARANELL – Just citing further evidence to your point, obviously.
LIADRIN – Loathe though I am to agree with the overlord—
SPAZZLE – Isn’t it funny how you’ve known him for like five minutes, and you already hate to admit he might have a point?
LIADRIN – …he does raise a valid concern. The details of Shayari’s past all build on information that could have been acquired, albeit with some measure of difficulty.
GARROSH – Yeah. They would have to do some digging, but they could have pieced it together.
LIADRIN – The fact that she comes from Dalaran is cause for us to be all the more wary.
(Mr. Warchief looked across at Miss Shayari, who was still walking with Mr. Mortimer around the Valley of Strength. In front of the Broken Tusk, she started talking with one of the orcs, Mr. Thathung.)
GARROSH – What do you really think?
LIADRIN – I think that if she is who she says she is, she lives in a better world than we do.
GARROSH – …In Common, please?
LIADRIN – (sighing but smiling) I only mean that if she is your daughter, sir, she’s grown up hearing stories from the Alliance about the orcs, and about you in particular, and yet she’s come here fully expecting to be embraced by her father and given a home. As she said herself, she’s been told countless reasons to consider you a villain – and rejected all of them as lies. If that really is her, I may even envy her.
GARROSH – So you believe her.
LIADRIN – I would still counsel prudence. But I prefer to hope for the best in people.
GARROSH – Sounds like you live in a “better world” yourself.
LIADRIN – No, I don’t. That’s why I hate to give up on the possibility of an unbroken soul. I know this world well enough to understand how rare they are.
(Over by the Broken Tusk, Shayari had been continuing to talk with Mr. Thathung all this time – only she looked like she was getting pretty upset with Mr. Thathung for some reason. Now she finally hit him! Um…a whole bunch of times! Over and over and over, really angry-like! Oh no!)
SHAYARI – (in the distance, but still clearly audible) Hey, I said to WATCH THE HANDS, Grabby McWanderpaws! (flinging Mr. Thathung against the auction house wall and continuing to beat him senseless) Yeah! See how you like people grabbing YOU! NEXT TIME I’LL TAKE YOUR FUCKING HAND CLEAN OFF AND FUCKING FEED IT TO YOU – IN REVERSE!
(Mr. Warchief, Ms. Liadrin, Mr. Goblin, and Dr. Zombie looked back and forth at each other.)
SPAZZLE – Huh.
GARROSH – Well then.
FARANELL – So, yeah, I can still do the tests if you want, but honestly, if you ask me, it’s just going to be a waste of perfectly good ichor.
So…yeah. I still have a million and one things to deal with here in Orgrimmar before I head back to Pandaria, but…well, now I guess that’s going to be a million and two.
Stay tuned.
Homecoming
So now that things are kind of under control in Pandaria, Malkorok and I have been taking a few days to travel back to Orgrimmar and check on things there. So far it’s been one damn thing after another, all the way down to Orphan Matron Battlwail giving me a few dirty looks, for what reason I have no idea. I swear, if I leave town for any length of time, everything goes right down the tubes. It never ceases to amaze me how many of these people turn into a bunch of Dontrags and Utvochs if they don’t have me there to cut their meat into little pieces for them.
Center stage, though, is Eitrigg. I left him minding the store while I was in Pandaria, and no sooner had I boarded the ship than all that crap started going down with Mokvar. I had a good long meeting with Eitrigg earlier today about just what the fuck was going on, and he tried explaining his reasoning for Iffy Decisions A through G, but honestly I’m starting to think age is starting to catch up to him. I’ve got another meeting lined up with him later in the week, and I’m thinking I may have to arrange a little more…support before I head back south. I’ve already talked to Overlord Runthak about taking over military command directly, and beyond that, I’m thinking Eitrigg could benefit from having a Kor’kron overseer or two assigned to him to do a little, well, overseeing. Overseer Elaglo’s been doing some good work on a couple projects, so I’m thinking he might be in line for the call.
Anyway, I’ve got a bunch more people I need to touch base with, but our old buddy Liadrin is in Orgrimmar and has been asking to see me — not to mention I’ve had Spazzle in my ear yammering away on her behalf, about some big important thing she needs to discuss with me. So I figured I should see what’s up with those two. We hooked up outside Grommash Hold right after my debriefing with Eitrigg. Luckily, Gurtash’s hand is healed up enough that he’s able to get back to doodle duty…
* Horde agents, with aid from within Dalaran, stole the Divine Bell from Darnassus, as accounted here.
** As Garrosh notes, Jaina did indeed get a bit upset about this. Spazzle reported on the purge of Dalaran here.
* Liadrin arrived in Orgrimmar and met with Spazzle here.
Cheat Sheet
As promised in my last post, here’s an overview of the state of the blog. I realize that after two years of accumulated in-jokes and storylines, the Command Board may be a bit disorienting to a newcomer (or, for that matter, to a long-time reader who blinked at the wrong time), so I’ve tried to break this down into a semi-sorta-kinda FAQ. Most of this will be familiar to long-time readers (though I’ve also included a few behind-the-scenes notes that some of you might find interesting), but I hope it’ll explain a few things for new arrivals.
I hate Garrosh! Why does Garrosh seem so sympathetic in this blog? Are you one of those Garrosh apologists/fanboys?
Comically enough, I originally started the blog because I really didn’t like Garrosh either, and saw the blog as a way to have a few chuckles mocking him. It wasn’t long, though, before I decided that I would get sick of the outright-mockery approach pretty quickly, so I started branching out. Part of the result was letting blog-Garrosh become (I hope) a bit more multifaceted, while still remaining true to his temperamental self. Including the LOLs.
Ultimately, I don’t set out to justify anything Garrosh does, just to present it in a way that makes sense in light of the character, and if that pushes a black-and-white scenario into some shade of gray, well, that makes for a more interesting story anyway. And, keep in mind, the story here is being told, generally, from Garrosh’s point of view, so I don’t know how that perspective wouldn’t be sympathetic. Everyone is the hero of their own story, after all, and nobody thinks they’re a bad person.
Why isn’t there anything here about the siege of Orgrimmar?
What are you talking about? There was a post titled “The siege of Orgrimmar” a good solid year ago – if anything, shouldn’t you be asking why Blizzard is coming so late to the party? (By the way, I didn’t realize until just now that patch 5.4 was released almost exactly on the one-year anniversary of the “Siege or Orgrimmar” post. How awesomely freaky is that?)
Anyway, to give a real answer: Time-wise, the blog has not yet reached the events of patch 5.4. The storyline is currently playing out the midst of 5.2; Lor’themar Theron and Jaina Proudmoore have recently set up shop on the Isle of Thunder, while Vol’jin is still recovering from his injuries at Shado-Pan Monastery.
This time lag between the game and the blog, by the way, is partly by design. I’d always intended the blog to run a bit behind the game; coming into MoP, I realized that if I tried to follow in-game events too closely, I wouldn’t have time to adapt my own ideas to fit Blizzard’s story. There have already been a few instances in which Blizzard’s story has taken a turn that’s forced me to change gears in a way that would have been disastrous if I didn’t have a month or two of lead time. Of course, I’m clearly more than a month or two behind – that’s been a result of various real-life circumstances slowing down my output over the last few months. I’m working on it!
So the blog basically retells in-game events, from Garrosh’s point of view?
Yes and no. The blog operates within Blizzard’s continuity (with the aforementioned time delay), but also weaves additional storylines in and around the canonical Blizzard plots. Anything that happens or is stated explicitly in-game is canon, obviously, and the blog is bound by it.* That said, I sometimes like to put other stories around Blizzard’s, to give them context that might change the way those events are perceived. (This was a large part of my motivation for the Timequake story leading into Theramore, or, more recently, the blog events surrounding the Divine Bell / Domination Offensive storyline.)
Also, while the point of view is mostly Garrosh’s, there are some posts that present events from other perspectives. Most notable are the “guest” posts by Spazzle (Garrosh’s tech goblin), which help fill in story details that Garrosh wouldn’t necessarily be privy to. You can always identify a post written by someone other than Garrosh by the color of the text – Spazzle’s posts, for instance, are always written in green text, and almost always include the phrase “Spazzle Speaks” in the title. Also, as a rule of thumb, when Spazzle et al post, Garrosh remains oblivious to anything that might be revealed; the conceit at work here is that Garrosh doesn’t really care what anyone else is writing, so he doesn’t bother reading it.
* The one instance that I’ve flat-out fudged in-game details is the way I’ve chosen to incorporate the events of “A Little Patience.” From the Alliance point of view, that scenario takes place almost immediately after Varian arrives in Pandaria; in the blog, I’ve pushed those events a bit later in the story. This was largely a matter of convenience: I knew that I wanted there to be a military operation in Krasarang in which Garrosh’s trainees went missing, and I realized fairly late in the going that “A Little Patience” lent itself to that story pretty readily. Hopefully those Alliance-side readers out there will be willing to turn a blind eye to my blatant and shameless revision. (Horde bias rears its ugly head again! GRR!)
Garrosh has trainees? When did that happen?
Right here! As part of the escalation of the war effort, the Kor’kron started a training program to prepare orc teenagers for eventual military service. When Garrosh learned that Gurtash – an orc boy from the Orgrimmar orphanage whom Garrosh had taken under his wing – had been conscripted, Garrosh volunteered to take Gurtash’s trainee group under his own supervision. (Side note: In my head-canon, Garrosh has a bit of a soft spot for the orphans, being as he is one himself.) The trainees, who have nicknamed themselves the Dead Peons Society (DPS for short) have accompanied Garrosh to Pandaria and joined him on a few adventures. Fairly recently, they went missing after the Horde loss in the “A Little Patience” scenario, and were eventually found by Garrosh, hiding away in an underground system of caves. That’s brought us up to the point where we are now, story-wise: Garrosh and the trainees underground, looking for a way out.
Is the entire supporting cast from within the game?
Mostly, but not entirely. I’ve invented a few characters for the blog – Spazzle being the highest-profile – but I’ve tried to keep it limited, and tried to restrict those characters to fairly peripheral positions in the lore. The one glaring exception was the storyline involving Garrosh’s mother, Lakkara, who isn’t mentioned anywhere in the actual lore. It just struck me as odd that there’s no record of who she was, or what happened to her, and besides, in a mythology packed to capacity with father/son relationships, I thought it was about time somebody’s mom got a little screen time.
Otherwise, when a character turns up who doesn’t exist in-game, that character was often inspired by a reader and/or based on someone’s game character. For instance, both Gurtash and Mortimer (Garrosh’s personal wyvern) became blog characters thanks to mailbag letters from Khizzara from Blog of the Treant; Khizzara’s own namesake has made a few appearances as Spazzle’s cousin; doodle-prone kitty druid Taktani became a full-fledged character (and boy, is she ever a character) after making several mailbag contributions; and many of the DPS trainees are modeled on the baby orc alts of friends.
In general, though, if you see a supporting character turn up whose name you don’t recognize, the smartest first guess is that he or she is based on a questgiver or other NPC somewhere in-game. (Wowpedia is your friend!) I deliberately picked a lot of relatively minor NPCs – people like Mokvar, Elder Cloudfall, and Dontrag and Utvoch – to use as supporting characters because I figured their relatively peripheral status gave me more latitude to work with them, give them backstories, etc. After all, what are the odds that Blizzard would actually do something with one of these people to contradict my own concoctions?
(Either way, if you’re not sure who someone is, I’ve also maintained a partial list of supporting players on the About the Blog page, including some of the more pertinent information about them.)
Speaking of which – in the SoO raid, Mokvar is a mini-boss! Isn’t he missing? How are you going to deal with that?
First… um, yeah, that whole “no way they’re gonna do something with this guy” really blew up in my face on this one, huh?
And second… So, everyone who thought I was going to lay out this big storyline for Mokvar, and make such a production out of his disappearance…and then have it turn out that he really is dead…step forward.
Didn’t think so.
For those of you unclear on Mokvar’s whole story, which has been unfolding gradually for quite a while, you can check here for a brief overview and links to the relevant posts. Very short version: After becoming the victim of a mysterious attack, Mokvar sets out to track down a powerful relic from his warlock days, with the aid of a human named Deliana (who was Mokvar’s Alliance equivalent in the old dungeon set quests); over the course of his quest, he starts to behave increasingly strangely, culminating in his eventual flight from arrest in Orgrimmar. His whereabouts are now unknown.
Stay tuned. You’ll see where this is going!
With Mokvar gone, how are you handling the transcripts?
Prelinimary: The blog contains several transcripts of conversations that Garrosh has engaged in. The premise from the outset has been that Mokvar is (or was) Garrosh’s personal scribe, and records all these conversations for posting. This explains, by the way, a number of occasions when Garrosh mentions summoning Mokvar to an event, or otherwise noting Mokvar’s presence, as a way of leading in to a transcript.
Since Mokvar is off the grid, Garrosh has passed transcription duties to two people: Gurtash, who records his transcripts in the form of comics; and Taktani, a friend of Dontrag and Utvoch and long-time mailbag contributor, who’s started to (and will continue to) write a few transcripts, laden with her own unassuming brand of commentary.
What are these guild chat logs that keep cropping up?
Garrosh and several of the supporting characters play an MMORPG called Earth Online – the basic premise being that, to these characters, Azeroth is reality, and our real world is actually the game world of the MMO. Garrosh started his own guild, called <Warchief>, and several familiar faces (including Spazzle, Sylvanas, Lor’themar, Faranell, Garona, and Dontrag and Utvoch) are members. Also worth noting is that Jaina Proudmoore is a member of the guild…although she doesn’t realize (yet?) who her guildmates are in “real life.”
The guild chat logs recreate some of the exchanges that the members of <Warchief> have within their game, usually including regular guild chat, officer chat, and, in some cases, whispers. I make no pretense about the fact that some aspects of these logs are based on my own guild-chat expeiences, especially officer chat. The transcripts are always presented from the point of view of whoever posted them – usually Garrosh, but occasionally Spazzle.
Where did this whole thing about lemon squares come from?
Garrosh loves lemon squares. Don’t you?
Real explanation: Very early in the blog, Edenvale of The Gamer’s Fridge posted a recipe for Garrosh Hellscream’s lemon squares, and pointed me to her post with a comment on the Command Board. Since then, it’s become a bit of a running gag – the recipe, according to Garrosh, was his greatmother’s secret family recipe, and he was most perturbed that this random night elf had apparently gotten ahold of it.
What does “FYV” mean?
An abbreviation of one of Garrosh’s favorite turns of phrase, of course: “Fuck you, Varian!” Among other things, Garrosh often finds a way to slip that phrase into his EPIC VERSE compositions.
Speaking of which, what’s this “EPIC VERSE”? Garrosh writes poetry?
You sound surprised. Garrosh is an orc of many interests. What, do you think he’s some kind of one-note caricature or something?
Okay, fine, game-Garrosh kind of is.
Honestly, I just got a kick out of the obvious dichotomy of Garrosh Hellscream, gruffest of the gruff, also writing poetry on the side. True to form, Garrosh doesn’t view his compositions as just any poetry, so he prefers to call them EPIC VERSE. In caps. Always. It’s sprinkled throughout the blog – almost always in purple text, to stress its epic-ness – and ranges from limericks, to parodies of other famous poems, to reader requests, to epic rap battles.
So, that’s as much as I can think to cover. Other gaps can probably be filled in through the Major Storylines page, but if there are questions that anyone still has, in terms of getting caught up or clarified, by all means toss them into a comment and I’ll make sure it’s answered. And so, on that note, I’ll sigh off with the promise – unconditional promise! – that before the week is out, you’ll have the continuation of the actual STORY part of the story! Which left off, as you might recall, right here:
