Tag Archives: ji firepaw
Coming Attractions
Hi, everyone. Averry here — no, I haven’t been kidnapped or brutally murdered. (Yet.)
It’s been a busy few weeks for me off on Earth Online, so I’ve been mostly focusing on that while allowing myself a needed breather from working on the blog. (Along those lines, I may try to build in a few scheduled “breaks” so that I can sneak in a little down time without making everyone wonder where Garrosh has vanished off to. Updates as needed.)
That said, I’m ready to start rolling out some new material, and I have quite a bit in the pipeline for the next few weeks. So, just to whet everyone’s appetite, I thought I’d make a quick post, grab everyone’s attention, and tease a glimpse at what you can expect to see coming your way in the days ahead.
First and foremost: this being the tail end of Darkmoon week, tomorrow night (Saturday, April 12) we’ll be meeting up for this month’s meta raid. As always, everyone is invited to join in for Siege of Orgrimmar — Flex if possible, if we enough people and the appropriate roles covered; LFR (with vent snarking sure to follow) if need be. Feel free to add me on RealID (Averry#1116) if you haven’t already, and hit me up for an invite! We’ll plan to get things rolling around 8:00 PM EDT.
So, what else do we have coming up? Well, mark your blog-reading calender…
This coming week:
- Monday (4/14) — Garrosh responds (graciously, no doubt) to his Liebster nomination, courtesy of Myraide.
- Wednesday (4/16) — New web comic: “Moving Day”
- Saturday (4/19) — A new 30 Days of Character Development installment. But who from among our cast will it be? Let’s just say it’s a she…and a nut case.
Coming the following week-plus:
- Another new comic: “The Secret Life of Spazzle Fizzletrinket”
- New Earth Online guild chat log! Can Bob be far behind?
- Garrosh journeys to the Burning Steppes, Eitrigg’s son Ariok makes his WCB debut, and the hunt for Ji Firepaw begins!
Also, lest we forget, we’re just a few weeks away from the release of World of Warcraft: War Crimes by Christie Golden on May 6. Obviously, there’s a ways to go before the blog will catch up to the events of the novel, but it’ll still be plenty interesting to get a fuller picture of where we’re all heading (as well as, um, just how much retconning I’ll need to start doing!).
We’ve already seen excerpts from War Crimes, which brings me to one last item for now. After this first excerpt was released — Garrosh facing the charges against him and entering his non-plea — I saw several forum poster noting that Garrosh reminded them of the Joker, between his sarcastic applause and general attitude toward the proceedings. And, well, once they went and planted that idea in my head…
Yeah, yeah, I know. Still.
See you all soon,
Averry
Monday mailbag
So, I know I have plenty to update you all on after last time, but before I start getting into any of that, it’s time to dip into the mail…
A few questions for the Warchief:
I’ve noticed that Saurfang has not shown up in the EO chat logs for quite a while. Has he been dropped from the guild or simply quit playing?
Garona seems fairly, well… Bipolar. Has anyone thought to see if Faranell has some sort of magical or alchemical cure?
Why do folks get bent out of shape when I grab a burger? Tauren aren’t cows, so it’s not canabalism.
What is your favorite spirit or brew? I’m willing to buy you and Malkorok a drink, although I suggest not drinking his.
—Karlsohn, Thunder Bluff
Hey, Karlsohn, thanks for writing. I guess I’ll tackle these in order:
Yeah, you know, I was thinking of this when I logged on the other day. For those of you who might not remember, I got Saurfang to give EO a try with a refer-a-friend invite a while back, and got him into the guild. He seemed to take to the game well enough, and was flying through levels for a while there, but then he just stopped turning up. Like I said, this occurred to me the other day, so I looked up his last login – he hasn’t been online since around the time of the Theramore victory. I guess EO didn’t grow on him THAT much, or maybe he got to the point where he was going to have to start paying the monthly subscription, and, well, you know how old guys are about parting with their hard-earned coppers. And it’s not like I’ve been in contact with him much since things started heating up in Pandaria, so, y’know, your guess is as good as mine there.
Holy fucking hell, Karlsohn, that idea is frigging BRILLIANT. Why the fuck did nobody think of this before? Assuming Faranell’s got anything in that lab of his that’s not…y’know…fucking acid or something, he’s got to have SOMETHING that can even Garona out. And if he doesn’t, I’ll take the acid. You know the old saying: sprits grant me the strength to fix the things I can, the acid to liquefy the things I can’t, and the…um…some third thing I don’t really care about. Anyway.
Don’t worry about the tauren, they’re just sensitive like that. I’ve tried making the exact same point with them, but apparently cows are close enough to give them the heebie-jeebies. Personally, I think they need to learn to relax a little, because let’s face it – so far in recent memory we’ve established relations with cow people, lizard people, bear people, goat people, buffalo people, walrus people, spider people, fish people, cat people, bear people again, monkey people, and bug people. At the rate we’re going, if we make a point of not eating anything that resembles a race we know, the menu is going to get real short real fast.
I’m pretty fond of Blackrock Lager. Also, the ogre brew I tried last time I was in Outland packed a pretty good punch. (Don’t try mixing it with felweed, though.) Also, don’t worry about me drinking Malkorok’s drink. True fact: the guy is really big on those fruity weirdo drinks, like the ones that always come with those little umbrellas in them. I mean, I like some cherry grog now and again, but that’s as far as I go.
I’m going to be a warrior, much to Matron Battlewail’s dis disapt well, she isn’t happy. Do you have any advice for a newblood like me? I want to bring glory to the Horde, but not if I trip while charging at the training dummies! What if that happens in battle?! I don’t want to make you and the Horde unhappy!
Aka’Magosh,
—Mirembe, Orgrimmar
Lok’tar, Mirembe, thanks for writing. Try not to worry about Battlewail too much. She always seems to have some kind of complaint about something. “What about the children?” my ass.
Anyway, if you’re having trouble with your warrioring, have I ever got some good news for you. There’s sort of a boot camp off the coast of the Barrens where you can go to work on your skills, above and beyond what you get from your regular trainer. Matter of fact, it used to be the only place where warriors could learn Berserker Stance, before it sold out and went all mainstream. So, next time you manage to give Battlewail the slip, head on down to Fray Island. It’ll be tough going at first, I’m not going to lie, but give it time. Orgrimmar wasn’t built in a day (especially that front gate, post-Cataclysm, because goblin contractors), and remember, there’s no shame in not being as awesome as me right off the bat. Well, okay, there’s a little shame, but not much. Point is, stick with the program, hang in there through the rough patches, and they’ll make a man out of you. Unless you’re a girl. In which case they’ll… erm… um… that is… they’ll…do something. Something good. Or whatever. SEE, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD PEP TALK THERE.
Ey, warchief, didja know dat wyvern got three ballsacks? Dat’s all.
—Marie’juanna
<sigh>
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again.
Felweed is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, these are my readers. Sadly.
Please explain Twitter. I try to explain it to some other orcs, but they think its only to tell people that you’re going to the bathroom or to post pictures of food. It got even worse when Dontrag and Utvoch got involved to explain Twitter.
Sir, seriously, why are some orcs so damn dumb? It’s embarrassing.
—Ruekie (@RuekieShaman), Shaman-in-training
FOR FUCK’S SAKE, REUKIE – um, I mean, for crying out loud, Reukie (YOU HUSH NOW, BATTLEWAIL), DO NOT TELL DONTRAG AND UTVOCH ABOUT TWITTER. Are you freaking kidding me? There isn’t enough failure and jackassery on the internet already? No. Just NO. A world of no. All the no that’s ever been ’no’wn.
But anyway, fine, I’ll try to help you explain the whole Twitter thing. I’m really kind of amazed that there are people so stupid that they don’t already know what it is. So, Twitter is this… thing…on the internet. Where you go and type stuff. Like publicly. On a web site. Unless you’re doing it on an app. (Which I am in NO WAY WHATSOEVER going to try to explain to the Wonder Twins.) And so you can type things into Twitter, and other people on the internet can read it and respond and shit. It’s kind of like having a little tiny blog, read by other people with little tiny blogs, only you all have fucking nuclear ADD so you can’t stay focused on any post longer than 140 characters. Or I guess you could maybe think of it like texting, if your texts weren’t being sent to anyone in particular. So you go to send a text, and when the little texting robot asks you who to send it to, you just throw up your hands and you’re all “Fuck it, whoever, I don’t care. Everyone. Send it to everyone, ever.” That’s Twitter.
Let me stress again: D&U, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO START FUCKING AROUND WITH TWITTER. Although, it actually MIGHT be funny to get Tirion started on it, and then see how many times he runs up against the 140-character limit before his fucking head explodes.
As we have seen, when Ji Firepaw was first introduced to you, he (as a mark of respect for and recognition of your status) called you Emperor. You appeared to take violent offense to that, and my question is, why? You fit the definition. You are the undisputed ruler of both your own national people, and a wide-ranging (multi-continental) group of non-orc nations, who none-the-less submit to you. (Even we of the Ebon Blade, though not a nation as such, acknowledge your position. Well, most of us. Some of us. Whatever.)
–Sintra E’Drien
See, I think you’re misreading me there, Sintra. People seem to do that a lot. I swear, if people keep pointing out my “violent offense” at things, I’m going to start thinking that maybe possibly YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS THINK I’VE GOT A FUCKING TEMPER OR SOME SHIT.
That said, I was pretty much correcting Ji simply because “Warchief” is my title, not “Emperor.” Officially. Yet. You’re right, though — I DO fit the definition. Seeing as how “Warchief” has been the title for a good long while, though, I figure I should keep rolling with it until I do something that, say, leads to a dramatic increase in Horde territory, power, and influence. Like, I don’t know, wiping out a rival power or three and annexing their lands. Now, see, THEN you could make a pretty good case that the Horde had achieved honest-to-fuck imperial status. And at THAT point, well, I can’t see there being much opposition at all to a triumphant leader declaring himself Emperor. Which DOES have a ring to it, I have to admit. Maybe I’ll even have some new processional music written up for myself and everything.
If you had the opportunity to meet your younger self, let’s say at 5 years old, what would you say to the young Garrosh?
What do you imagine that youngster would think of you?
—Kee, Jade Forest, Pandaria
Okay, first of all, considering all the timey-whimey shit I’ve already had to deal with, don’t even JOKE about shit like that. Haven’t we dodged enough bullets with time being fucked with? Do we have to sit down and come up with MORE clusterfuckery we could stir up for ourselves? Seriously, at this point, I don’t even want to be REMINDED of the Bronze Dragonflight. If I ever see any of those fuckers again, it’ll be too soon. Or too late. That is…um… FUCKING TIME TRAVEL.
But okay, if you want to play some weird hypothetical game with this, here. If I could talk to 5-year-old me – at which point I would have JUST been recovering from the red pox, and my mom would have still been alive – I would mostly tell him to spare himself the whiny emo phase, because Grom was actually pretty awesome. Don’t take everything at face value – yeah, on the surface it looks like the old man was a real piece of work, but it turns out that he was a hero in the end, and nobody even knew. And I have to figure young-me would listen, because he’d be sharp enough to take one look at how awesome he grows up to be and figure, damn, I must know what I’m talking about.
Oh, yeah, and while I was at it, I would tell myself to lay off the draenei chicks, because man oh man, is THAT one ever going to come back to bite you in the ass.
Speaking of which…
Heeey, how ya doing Hellscream!
My name is Kitti Scrollwiki, Goblin Scribe for the Azeroth Inquirer, Horde Edition. There are raging hot rumors about you and my readers everywhere just want to know more!
Who is Shayari’s mother? It is rumored she is Draenei. Is this true?
How long ago did this happen?
Is the mother very pretty? What attracted you to her?
How did you meet?
How long was your romance with her?
What food would best describe her?
Did Greatmother know? How did she respond?
Where can we find her now?
Is there any chance of reconciliation with her?
Are you paying child support?
How are your current girlfriend(s) reacting to all this? For that matter….who are your current girlfriend(s)? Inquiring minds want to know!
Oh, oh, oh, oh….
IS IT TRUE YOU ARE SHAYARI’S FATHER? (I almost forgot that, silly me.) This has been the hot topic of Orgrimmar while you were gone.
(By the way, if you have any juicy details you want to share, you know, just between you and me…I won’t tell anyone. On my honor as a Goblin.)
Don’t delay in responding! The Love Is In The Air followup edition is preparing to go out and this will make the pages sizzle! Hellscream’s Torrid Love Affair! Cha-ching!
Keep it real!
—Kitti Scrollwiki, Scribe, Azeroth Inquirer, Horde Edition
Yeah, so, I had to figure I was going to have to deal with some shit like this. As much as we’re trying to keep a lid on the whole Shayari deal, you had to know some rumors would start slipping out. So…same as with the letter further above, let me take these in order:
Shayari’s mother’s name was Marsiya. Yes, she was a draenei. I mean, really, have you seen Shayari? You weren’t able to piece that much together? Incisive journalistic mind you’ve got, I see.
Shayari’s seventeen years old. Why don’t you get out a pencil and paper and see if you can math out your own answer to this one.
What, you think I’d go slumming? Even back then, I didn’t have to settle. THE LADIES LOVE GARROSH.
Our eyes met from across the crowd. The moon was full and bright, its luminous glow dancing upon the surface of the water, and the air was sweet with honeysuckle. Across the lakeside pavilion, orc and draenei spun and danced in dizzying spectacle as the midsummer gala launched into its annual reverie. Distant voices, mirthful and musical, whispered unnoticed through the warm breeze, the whole of our attentions rapt upon each other’s gaze, in one of those singular moments both uncanny and sublime in which the universe seems, fleetingly, to reveal itself to the soul. IS THAT THE KIND OF SHIT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR? Fucking hell. We both lived in broke-ass starving villages shoved off into the ass end of a planet that some fuckhead went and blew up. What the fuck do you THINK we were doing? We were both out hunting to see if we could find enough food so that, hey, maybe THIS week half a dozen people we know WON’T croak, and we ended up fighting over who had dibs on that extra-meaty-looking talbuk, and somewhere in middle of kicking each other’s asses we took a good look and realized, hey, this one’s not half bad.
Depending on how you count, two months or eight minutes. Admittedly, not my best work.
Fish, because I hear tell fish is brain food, and she obviously was smart enough to know not to ask a FUCKING STUPID-ASS QUESTION LIKE THIS ONE.
NO SHE DID NOT. And does not. And still has a fucking killer right hook, so ixnay on abbingblay, for fuck’s sake, okay?
Go to Nagrand, pick a patch of ground that looks good to you, dig about six feet down, and cross your fingers.
See above. Unless you brought a Ouija board, not likely.
Oh, I’m paying, all right. I’m paying.
No comment. Also no comment. And ESPECIALLY no comments from YOU, Garona.
And finally: No comment. Classified. Matters of internal security.
Okay. Deftly handled, if I do say so myself. Hopefully that puts an end to the Shayari inquiries.
Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde,
I write to you after witnessing the disgusting perversion you show towards my people, specifically a child who may or may not be sired by you. I can see clearly that your kind are filthy mongrels even outside of battle, and will never be among the holy Naaru you pig fucking animals. Goodbye and may the Naaru char your city to dust.
—Vindicator Toriix, Exodar
Or not.
So.
As the child in question might say, you mad, bro?
I mean, really, I don’t know what you’ve got going on over at the Exodar – other than, y’know, hanging out with the talking chandelier and disco dancing like a motherfucker – but woo boy, you need to relax like nobody’s business. Seriously, dude, you need to get laid or something. Believe me, it’ll help you unwind.
Speaking of which, I’m not going to dignify perversion-this and mongrels-that with a response, but I do have to correct you on point of fact: not pig-fucking. Goat. Goat.
P.S. Your mom says hi.
TOODLES.
That does it for this week, but as always, keep those letters coming. E-mail me at garrosh1337@gmail.com or use the handy-dandy form below.
More soon.
Birth announcement
Faranell’s gotten things lined up for Shayari’s move to the Undercity. She won’t be leaving for a couple days still, but everything should be in order. That also leaves me some time to get down there to see how she’s doing before she heads out of town. I haven’t gotten much of a chance to go see her yet – yeah, yeah, I know, even after Liadrin made such a stink over it – what with everything else I need to take care of around here. I’m not going to be in Orgrimmar much longer than Shayari, only in my case, when I leave I need to know everything is set to run smoothly while I’m in Pandaria, and in order to make sure that happens…well, come on. You’ve seen the pinhead minions I’m surrounded with, mostly. Hell, even Malkorok has been in lousy spirits (yes, even by Malkorok standards) ever since he got back from helping the doc with Shay’s arrangements the other day.
Anyhow, point being, there’s been a shitload of stuff going on. We’ve got some major construction projects in the works, which means we’re going to need tons of resources. Lumber, fuel, the whole nine yards. We even need to up the food supplies just to feed all the extra workers we’re bringing in. In order to keep up with the demands, I’m reassigning some Kor’kron to the Barrens to work on gathering resources. On the plus side, all the manpower we need pretty much means there’s no such thing as unemployment in Orgrimmar anymore. (That should look pretty damn nice on my record when I run for reelection. OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, I’M APPOINTED FOR LIFE. Suck THAT, would-be rivals from within my own party.)
Needless to say, all this has kept me pretty busy with meetings and planning sessions and OH DID I MENTION THE FUCKING PAPERWORK? And this time around I can’t even shuffle it off on Eitrigg, since he’s being all pissy about being quasi-sorta-kinda-demoted. Things have been so packed, schedule-wise, that I’ve barely had a chance to catch any down time…but, seeing as this is the first time in months that I’ve actually had a stable internet connection…
You have logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] but if you get a buff from eating, why don’t you a bigger buff if you eat more?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because they want you to go do things in the game, not sit around eating all day
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A good day to you, daddy dearest.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] well that’s just crazy talk
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Hello Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI PWN
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi omgipwnedurface
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Faranell
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wait, what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GOOD TO SEE YOU ON
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hello, garrosh, i was wondering if i could have a word with you
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I swear I didn’t say anything to her, boss
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Oh this should be good
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah hi
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He emailed me earlier, yes sir.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah, I know YOU’RE all about keeping secrets, Half-Pint
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Faranell, that is. Not Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] NOT ME
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By way of making arrangements for the arrival of…what was her name again?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hey, did you get my email?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I HOPE YOUR CONNECTION IS BETTER
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shayari
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah, I did
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: well i’ve been thinking about the mokvar situation – it seems like his problems all go back to blackrock mountain, so i was thinking maybe if did some looking around there we might be able to come up with some new leads
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I think I get why you did what you did, not that it still doesn’t irritate the fuck out of me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no really, whats with the daddy dearest thing?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah yes, Shayari. Lovely name. Does it mean anything?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: well, I think that was everything mokvar told me about his past as a mercenary and the attacks on him
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m back home on my normal connection
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, you haven’t heard, Gayle?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: It better be. I’ve had more than enough of everybody running around with secrets
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i was talking to eitrigg a few days ago and he mentioned his son lives near there, and knows blackrock mountain well, so he might be able to help investigate
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH COOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well apparently it means “I think I’ll go blab” in banshee-talk
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Our esteemed guild leader is a father.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Okay, so tl;dr, you’re still picking at the damn Mokvar thing, and what a shock, now Eitrigg is encouraging you in continuing to be a pain in the ass
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Now listen to me because I’m only going to say this once
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Congratulations Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH GRATS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thats wonderful news
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I don’t give a shit what Mokvar had gotten himself into. By the time he got shown the door, he’d burned about fifteen bridges, and I’m past the point of caring why. He’s dead. And if he’s not dead, he might as well be, because he’s dead to ME
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT???
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: So whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got in mind, drop it. Let it GO. THE END
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really had to, huh?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A bouncing baby girl, if I’m told correctly.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] … … … …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean…seriously?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, to be fair, Warchief…
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if you say so, sir
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THATS AWESOME PWN
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok so obviously I must have been staring at an old god or something
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Dontrag and Utvoch haven’t logged on in weeks. Jaina hasn’t been on as much lately.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because I MUST have gone insane and thought I just read that
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I need to amuse myself -somehow-.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Mrs Pwnurface must be so excited
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, I know, Gayle; at first I thought the news was too good to be true as well!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh yes
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes PWN, let’s HEAR about mrs pwnurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] For fuck’s sake
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] HOW ABOUT HER PWN
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Again, out of fairness, Warchief, I’m not even lying.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s DEAD, actually, if you must know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When Faranell told me, my first thought honestly was, “Oh, this is too good.”
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH YIKES
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so listen, after this, could you PLEASE zip it about the kid?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you’re spiritsdamned right she’s dead
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was planning to try to keep this hush-hush for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh course, dear Warchief.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I’m so sorry Omgipnedurface
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Was it in childbirth
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Henceforth I will keep your secret locked away in the securest of figurative underground vaults as if it were a recalcitrant death knight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, it was later
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She got sick from a plague, basically
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A plague? Oh dear, it wasn’t one of ours, was it?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh dear
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That is, rather…it -wasn’t- one of ours, certainly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Since obviously we have long since stopped making plague.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WAIT HOW LONG AGO COULD THIS BE IF YOU’RE A NEW DAD
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What plague, actually? Did someone mention plague?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That sounds ghastly to me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] YES
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay look
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] EXACTLY HOW LONG AGO
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ick, plague, I say. Blech!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are -you- today, Spazzle?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to go over this once and then have done with it, okay?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And YOU STFU ALREADY GAYLE
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey, don’t try to drag me into this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m in enough trouble already
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh oh I’m all ears
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re on your own!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, drat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT UNLESS “EAR” IS THE NEW WORD FOR “MOUTH” AND I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO OR SOMETHING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] FINE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I mean SERIOUSLY, WTF??
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, I’ve got a daughter
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s not a newborn, she’s in her teens now, I just… let’s just say I just gained custody and leave it at that
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Oh will you knock it the fuck OFF
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Custody, and awareness.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: and the surprise daughter is a TEENAGER already too?!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you not said enough already today?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, never. ^_^ But do continue.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh congratulations
[Officer][LivinDeadGirl | Sylvanas] Re-sealing the vault! ^_^
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Yeah, she is, and hey, check it out, she even got to be a teenager in real time, unlike some other people I could mention
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, she’s just in town for a little while now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s the long and the short of it, and if you don’t mind I’d rather not have to answer like a zillion questions about her
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: how is this the first I’m hearing about this??
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU’D WANT TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Hey, listen, I didn’t even know about her until last week
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] If you don’t mind me asking one question though Omgiownedurface
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: oh aren’t you a prince
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: when Liadrin came breezing into town with a little bundle of WTF in tow
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Why is she only in town a little while
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, fine
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait a minute
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: liadrin???
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And I promise I won’t pry any further
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That much is simple, she’s going away to school, pretty much
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: THAT stick figure? are you KIDDING me??
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: NOT LIKE THAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Well I’m sure youll miss her
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m sure
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But its important sometimes to give your children that push off the ledge and hope they fly
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Liadrin found her in Silvermoon after she got kicked out of Dalaran for being half orcish
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] You cant protect them from everything however much you might want to
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] UM RED
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait, HALF orcish? what’s the other half then? because I swear if you slept with a human I think I’ll scream
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Sometimes theyre going to get hurt
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or captured
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or mutated into monstrosities
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: YOU FUCKING FUCKED MEDIVH, who the fuck are you to criticize?!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And then you have to authorize their extermination for the greater good
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I was young and into older men!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But thats parenting for you
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED CHECK YOUR WHISPERS
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: um, boss?
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Well I was young and into draenei girls!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] What were we talking about again
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: !!!
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: What?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Incidentally, Honalee, is everything all right with Leslie?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t mean to pry, but I’m not accustomed to seeing you online without her.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: ok I need to log off for a few
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I need to go stab something
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YA SHE’S JUST BUSY WITH WORK THIS WEEK
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh? Anything in particular?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: WE WILL CONTINUE THIS LATER
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY, JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S BEEN DOING THE LAST FEW WEEKS NOW
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: so… I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rash
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.
That player is not online.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh no, what did Fat Boy Slim do now?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I like to think I’ve been able to provide her with something of a supportive ear from time to time. I’m more than happy to do the same for you, if you’d ever care to have a sounding board.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: well… I think he may be about to skip town to head to blackrock mountain
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Fucking hell
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sometimes it can be helpful to air your thoughts with someone impartial.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to log. Some things just came up here that I have to check on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You know, concerns for your significant other, anxieties, random specific details about her exact undertakings these days, including but not limited to key initiatives, dates, and locations.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I’m coming over, you can fill in the rest then
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] know, I know, it’s cliche. But still.
You have logged off.
The Tao of Ji Firepaw
So since that last little…discovery…Liadrin’s been buzzing around Orgrimmar, helping with the relocated refugees. At least as far as the world at large can see. Most of the new arrivals have settled in pretty well. A few are pretty eager for some payback against the Alliance, in fact, so we’ve even gotten a few new recruits out of the deal.
Mostly, though, she’s been helping Shayari get adjusted. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be too keen on a blood elf taking up the job of teaching someone what it means to be Horde, but I’ve worked with Liadrin enough to know she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. Plus Shayari already seems to be on decent enough terms with her, so she’s probably going to be more comfortable with Liadrin than she would with some other random person.
Meanwhile, I had a meeting this morning with Krog, who was reporting on a few investigations he was working on while I was in Pandaria. What he found ended up prompting me to schedule another impromptu meeting this afternoon.
Kicking it over to Tak’s record…
(Yay! I get to be Mr. Warchief’s scribe again! Mr. Warchief looked super serious, so I guess this was a big important meeting. Ms. Ben-Lin Panda Lady was there, and so was Mr. Krog, another orc I don’t know too well. I’m sure he’s nice, though! Mr. Warchief must have a hard job if he needs so many people to help him! I hope I do okay!
Mr. Malkorok came in at the start of the meeting, but he only stayed for a minute. He didn’t look very happy, though. He should smile more! I bet he wouldn’t be so grumpy then. He brought Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji Panda Man with him. I think maybe their feet were sore, because Mr. Malkorok was carrying them by their collars. That’s nice of him! Maybe he’s starting to be nicer!)
MALKOROK – Here they are, Warchief. Let me know if they cause you any…difficulty. (flinging Spazzle and Ji into the room) I’ll be only too happy to use less of a soft touch to show them out.
(I guess not. He seems so mean sometimes. I don’t understand why. =( )
GARROSH – That’ll be all for now, Malk. I’ll check in with you later.
MALKOROK – Yes, sir. If you’ll excuse me, then, I have a few matters to see to with the provisioners.
(Mr. Malkorok left. Yay!)
SPAZZLE – (rubbing his head) So… um… what’s going on, boss? You know if you wanted to see me, you could have just shot me an IM, or—
GARROSH – Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure you got over here without any extra stops along the way.
JI – Oh. Um… is it a surprise party or something?
(Ooh is it? I love parties! Yay!)
GARROSH – Oh, there’ve been some surprises, all right.
JI – Is there cake?
SPAZZLE – Ji…
GARROSH – But this is no party.
(Oh. =( )
SPAZZLE – So… what’s up, boss?
(Mr. Warchief looked back at Mr. Krog and Ms. Ben-Lin-Lin. Then he turned back and stared at Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji for a minute. He looked really angry – I wish he wouldn’t get so upset!)
GARROSH – Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?
SPAZZLE – (blinking) Um…?
JI – I don’t think I underst—
GARROSH – YOU keep quiet, Paddington. I’ll get to you. (turning back to Spazzle) Now then. Back to you.
SPAZZLE – Uh… okay…
GARROSH – See, I’ve had Krog here looking into a few security matters while I’ve been away. And, oh man, did he ever have an earful for me this morning.
SPAZZLE – Oh… So, um… what was Krog… uh… looking into, chie—
GARROSH– Don’t sit there and act like you don’t already know, dammit. Don’t insult my intelligence on top of everything else.
(Mr. Goblin started looking really nervous.)
GARROSH – (pointing to Ji) Now, THIS one I could understand, because seriously, who knows WHAT Stuffed-With-Fluff here is thinking any given day. But YOU? You’re the last one of ANY of these clowns I would have expected to go sneaking around behind my back.
SPAZZLE – I… sneaking around… (eyes going wide) Oh… oh frak…
GARROSH – OH FRAK IS RIGHT, whatever the fuck it means. Did you SERIOUSLY think I wasn’t going to find out you were getting mixed up in this Mokvar business?
SPAZZLE – I swear, boss, I only ever talked to Vol—V—ohl. Oh. Oh! Oh…yeah. The Mokvar business! Right. That’s…that’s what I’ve been doing, all right. Red-handed, yes sir. That is indeed the entirety of my suspect behavior, absolutely. Don’t, um, don’t know what I was thinking, chief! (slapping his own hand repeatedly) Bad! Bad Spazzle!
GARROSH – Dude, seriously, you are so fucking weird sometimes.
(Everyone’s so upset today! It makes me sad. =( )
JI – Garrosh, you shouldn’t be angry with Spazzle. I was the one that—
GARROSH – Believe me, Deep-Dish, there’s PLENTY of blame to go around. From what I can tell, you’ve BOTH been keeping plenty busy. MATTER OF FACT – Krog, you wanna give them the short version before they start getting a case of patchwork memory?
KROG – Yes, sir. (flipping through a note pad) Shortly after Eitrigg banished Mokvar—
GARROSH – Only good move the old prune made while I was away, by the way.
KROG – …Fizzletrinket was observed meeting with Mokvar and the human Deliana in Everlook, Winterspring.
SPAZZLE – Wait, how did you trail me to Everlook?
KROG – I’m a rogue. Work it out.
SPAZZLE – But why were you observing me?
KROG – I observe everyone.
GARROSH – He’s very thorough.
SPAZZLE – But I hadn’t done anything—
GARROSH – Until you did?
KROG – To continue… (flipping through pad again) No unusual behavior observed until some weeks later. A short time after the purge of Dalaran, Fizzletrinket is known to have reached out to Earthen Ring contacts in and around Orgrimmar. Shortly thereafter, Firepaw observed traveling to Earthen Ring outpost in Twilight Highlands. Subsequent investigation indicated Firepaw had approached Earthen Ring elders concerning locating Mokvar.
GARROSH – So. Here’s where one of you starts talking. I don’t really care which one.
(Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji stared at the floor. Maybe they didn’t hear Mr. Warchief? Oh, or did someone drop something?)
GARROSH – Okay then. How about this. Why weeks of nothing, then all of a sudden you jump into Mokvar mode? Was it a signal? Some message he got to you somehow, maybe something you planned for at your little get-together in Winterspring?
JI – We haven’t heard anything from Mokvar, no…
GARROSH – I know he gave you something, Greenie. Some— what was it, Krog?
KROG – A small parcel, sir. Delivered to Fizzletrinket in Everlook. I wasn’t able to confirm what it was exactly.
GARROSH – Yeah. So…was that part of it? Or is it some other surprise I get to look forward to?
SPAZZLE – It… it was a totem.
GARROSH – Go on.
SPAZZLE – It’s called a recall totem. Shamans attune themselves to them so they can teleport back home with their Astral Recall spell.
GARROSH – And Mokvar was giving it to you because…?
SPAZZLE – So… when this was all over…he could bring himself home.
GARROSH – Oh, so you mean, back home to the place he got himself BANISHED from? And you just went right ahead and helped him set up to pop back into town and do spirits-knows-what he’s planning?
SPAZZLE – It doesn’t really matter at this point…
JI – You don’t know that.
GARROSH – What the hell does that mean?
SPAZZLE – The totem… the totem went out. It fizzled out. The spirit link between Mokvar and the totem was broken, and the only reason that would happen is if Mokvar was dead. Like, for-real dead.
JI – We still can’t be sure.
SPAZZLE – You only say that because you’re not a shaman. You don’t understand.
JI – I say it because I’m not a pessimist.
SPAZZLE – Anyway. That’s…that’s why we were trying to reach the Earthen Ring. To see if there was any way to find out for sure what happened to Mokvar.
GARROSH – You just said he’s dead. What else is there to know?
SPAZZLE – (shrugging) I don’t know.
GARROSH – Huh. Dead. (thinks) Good then. Best news I’ve heard all day.
BEN-LIN – Garrosh, please—
GARROSH – Not now, Ben.
BEN-LIN – If he is indeed gone, there is nothing to be gained from—
GARROSH – Ben, CAN it. So. You two. Why?
SPAZZLE – (staring down) I guess I just wanted to believe there was a reason for all the weird things he was doing.
BEN-LIN – Garrosh, it does not appear there was really any harm in—
GARROSH – DAMMIT, BEN, STOP ACTING LIKE MOKVAR WAS SOME POOR INNOCENT VICTIM! I still don’t understand half the shit he was doing, but I don’t need to. Dealing with some human, with that Neeru Fireblade…most of all cutting some kind of deal with MAGATHA. You haven’t been around that long, Ben, so I don’t expect you to have any idea what that MEANS—
BEN-LIN – I understand your anger, Garrosh. But what Ji and Spazzle have done—
GARROSH – IS THE SAME DAMN THING. (glaring back at Spazzle and Ji) Listen… I can deal with the bitching from Baine. And I can take it from Lorthe’motherfucker, because what else would I expect from him? And I can take it from Sylvanas, because let’s face it, she’s kind of evil anyway. They come with the job. I inherited them. But THEM… Spazzle and Mokvar… I CHOSE them. I fucking LET THEM IN. And now—
BEN-LIN – And now you feel betrayed and angry. I understand.
GARROSH – Is this where you give me one of your speeches about pushing the anger down and burying it, or some shit?
BEN-LIN – Not at all. Your emotions are real and valid. They cannot be contained and ignored, or they will only fester; they must be let out, and dealt with.
GARROSH – Listen, you’re here to help me try to talk sense to Double Stuff over there, not to start fortune cookie-ing on me.
SPAZZLE – Look, chief, I get why you’re mad, and I’m sorry…
JI – I’m not.
GARROSH – (blinking) Excuse me?
BEN-LIN – (facepawing) And here we go.
JI – I’m not sorry. Mokvar is my friend. He’s your friend, too. I don’t know why you’ve chosen to forget that, but I don’t regret trying to help him.
GARROSH – Lunchbox, maybe you just haven’t been paying attention to what the fuck’s been going on, or maybe it all just slipped out of your damn head, what with all the bacon fat you’ve got up there apparently—
SPAZZLE – Whew, and I thought I was in trouble up to a minute ago.
GARROSH – …but I tried to help Mokvar too, when all the weird crap started happening. I tried to PROTECT him – and he thanked me by running around with at least two and maybe three or four of my enemies. If he was such a great friend, you want to explain to me why he’d be dealing with the likes of Magatha? Riddle me THAT one, Pudge.
JI – I don’t know.
GARROSH – Yeah, so—
JI – That doesn’t mean he had no reasons for doing what he did. It only means we don’t know what those reasons were. Until I find out, why should I assume the worst?
GARROSH – Because you’ve got an ounce of sense in your head? OH WAIT, APPARENTLY YOU DON’T.
JI – Garrosh, I don’t know all of what Mokvar was doing, but I know he’s a good man. So whatever he’s done, I’m willing to trust it was what he needed to do.
GARROSH – Yeah, well, that’s great, Second-Serving, but you know what? Some of us have to live in fucking REALITY-LAND.
JI – Garrosh—
GARROSH – Seriously, Ben, do you hear this shit?
BEN-LIN – I do.
GARROSH – I don’t know where he gets this crap.
BEN-LIN – We study it, sir.
GARROSH – Yeah, well— what?
BEN-LIN – Consider, Garrosh: I know – well, I suspect – you are already familiar with the Huojin philosophy of action, that challenges are to be faced directly and decisively.
GARROSH – Yeah, I remember one of you people yammering about that when you first got here.
JI – That was me.
GARROSH – It was?
JI – Yes, sir. Right before you made us fight an arena full of monsters.
GARROSH – Ah. Well then.
BEN-LIN – And while we hold to this ideal of decisive action, Garrosh, another key component for us is that those actions be based upon the world as it is, not as the world as we might wish it to be.
JI – Otherwise, you expend your energy trying to force square pegs into round holes, then raging at the pegs for not fitting.
BEN-LIN – It is a point I have tried to make with you before, Garrosh. Much of your anger, I feel, stems from insisting of the world, “This is not supposed to be happening this way,” then attempting to force it to happen some other way.
GARROSH – Funny, I feel pretty sure it stems from the fact that I’m surrounded by TRAITORS AND FUCKING MORONS.
KROG – Um…
GARROSH – Not you, K.
BEN-LIN – “Traitors and morons,” as you put it—
GARROSH – FUCKING morons. Not just garden variety.
BEN-LIN – …being a perception, you see, grounded on the insistence that those people’s choices and intellects should be something other than they are.
GARROSH – I… erm… what the FUCK does any of this have to do with fucking ANYTHING? I don’t even know what we’re fucking TALKING about!
JI – It’s not that complicated, Garrosh. Things happen in the right way, at the right time – when you let them, rather than struggling against them. Mokvar needed to act. So he followed the path that the world placed before him. Just as I, faced with a friend in danger, acted by following the path that was available to me.
BEN-LIN – According to Huojin, the greatest wrong would be not to act.
GARROSH – Oh for fuck’s sake… Well, whatever, Heaping-Helping, your “paths” or whatever have reached a dead end.
JI – Actually, I’d wanted to ask you, I was thinking—
GARROSH – Well DON’T. DON’T think. Just do what you’re fucking told for once. Starting with parking yourself at home and staying there. (turning to Krog) Krog – escort Stay-Puft here back to his house, and make sure he stays there. I’ll have a guard sent over to keep an eye on the door.
KROG – Yes, sir.
GARROSH – Consider yourself under house arrest until I decide what to do with you.
JI – But I think there still might be a—
GARROSH – THERE’S NOT. THE END. Now GO.
JI – If you say so, Garrosh. Time will tell, I suppose…
(Mr. Krog left with Mr. Ji. I’m confused. Everybody seems so upset and nervous and they’re yelling and arguing and nobody seems to be getting along even though we’re all friends and I don’t understand why. It gives me sad kitty face. =( )
SPAZZLE – Really, chief, try not to be too hard on him. He’s just been worried since Mokvar disappeared, and—
GARROSH – Why are you talking like you’re off the hook now yourself?
SPAZZLE – Um…
GARROSH – You can count yourself lucky that, far as I can see, you’ve mostly just been the messenger in all this. And BOTH of you are lucky Mokvar’s gone to the big rez timer in the sky, otherwise I wouldn’t be nearly so generous with either one of you. But you, Short Stack, you can consider yourself under house arrest too while I cool down. Just so happens, I’m not so worried about you trying to skip town before I post the guard.
SPAZZLE – Uh…yeah, okay, chief… I guess I can keep myself busy online for a while, while you…you know…think things over.
GARROSH – I mean, seriously, with all the time you spend on Earth Online, you’ve practically been on self-imposed house arrest almost the whole time I’ve known you. You’ll live.
BEN-LIN – I think it is wise that you are not rushing to a decision with angry, Garrosh.
GARROSH – Yeah, whatever, Ben. Anyway, Spazzle, you get your tail back home pronto. I need to go track down Faranell and see if he’s finished those tests on Shayari yet.
BEN-LIN – Shayari?
SPAZZLE – Yeah, she’s… (stopping himself, looking to Garrosh) Um, that is…
GARROSH – (shrugging) Whatever, I’d end up telling her anyway. Shayari’s my daughter. We think.
BEN-LIN – Your… you have a daughter, Garrosh?
SPAZZLE – It’s okay if you need to sit down. I did at first.
GARROSH – Yeah, we think so. Faranell’s doing his tests now, but her story seems to check out.
BEN-LIN – I see. (thinking) Well then. I will clear my schedule for the next week.
GARROSH – Turns out, she was born back in Nagrand when I was like eighteen, only I never knew about her until just a few days ago.
BEN-LIN – So…you have a long-lost, newfound…teenage daughter?
GARROSH – Yeah.
BEN-LIN – Very well. The next two weeks.
SPAZZLE – You haven’t heard the best part yet.
BEN-LIN – Oh dear.
GARROSH – Uh, yeah, she’s…kind of…well, her mother was draenei. Shayari was living with the Alliance in Dalaran until, you know, the shit hit the fan and Jaina kicked her out…
BEN-LIN – A month. One month, but that is as far as I can go.
GARROSH – Anyhow. I need to go find the doc. Might as well get this confirmed, as if there’s any doubt left at this point, what with how Mortimer is doting over her. I’ll expect you back at your house before the guard gets there. Don’t make me come looking for you, Greenie.
(Mr. Warchief left, still grumbling a little.)
BEN-LIN – A daughter… why that is… How old did you say she is?
SPAZZLE – Seventeen, I think.
BEN-LIN – Goodness, that is…that is simply remarkable! And he had no idea until now?
SPAZZLE – You wouldn’t ask that if you’d seen the shade of gray he turned when he found out.
BEN-LIN – My word… This is astounding! Garrosh reunited with an unknown daughter, from across faction lines! I scarcely have words for it!
SPAZZLE – Huh. You know, not for anything, but you seem really jazzed about this.
BEN-LIN – Are you kidding? (beaming) This is going to put my grandchildren through college.
[A quick update on the Transmogs for Shayari contest! First of all, thank you to the many readers who have already sent in outfits for Shay – they’ve been great so far, so keep them coming! I just wanted to correct an error that I noticed in the original announcement: I had listed the deadline for the contest as Saturday, February 27. This is problematic, in that February 27 is not a Saturday. Don’t ask me what happened there. I was probably having another one of my many episodes. At any rate, I figure I may as well err on the side of giving people more time rather than less, so let’s revise the due date to the next Saturday after the 27th, which would be March 1.
I think. Hang on.
<checks calendar all paranoid-like>
Yes, there we go. So, officially: the deadline for the Transmogs for Shay contest is SATURDAY, MARCH 1! Get thee to mogging!]
30 Days of Character Development #1: Spazzle
[A few weeks ago, Rades and Vidyala over at From Draenor With Love came up with a pretty neat use of the “30 Days of Character Development” meme that’s been floating around. Rades and Vid answered a selection of the questions, in character, in a pair of posts that offered a look at their Azerothian namesakes.
I loved this idea, and so, with a grateful nod and salute to Rades and Vid, I’m going to kick off my own variation. My take is going to be spread the original 30 days over 30 weeks, with one post per week. Each post will highlight one of the supporting (or not-so-supporting) characters in the blog. I’ll include a selection of the original 30 questions, answered, a la R&V, in character, plus an assortment of additional information. Those among you who, like me, grew up poring over comic book compendia like the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe may see a definite influence.
In the process, I think I may be able to give a few entertaining tidbits on some familiar faces, provide new readers (and old) an additional shortcut for getting a sense of who’s who, and also compile a sort of “blog bible” of character information (something I’ve been wanting to get around to for a while, for my own reference).
Every week (I hope!), you can expect to see one of these profiles. While it’s possible that they may end up with a set day, I don’t plan to lock it in quite so tightly; much more likely, I’ll use the profiles to fill out the week’s posts without (hopefully) breaking up the main continuity too much. Feel free to chime in with whom you’d like to see featured! (Yes, Repgrind, I know. We’ll get to Faranell eventually, I promise.)]
Name: Spazzle Fizzletrinket
Occupation: Tech consultant to the Warchief, part-time blogger, Earth Online guild leader
Race: Goblin
Class: Shaman (enhancement)
Age: 27
Group affiliations: Horde (citizen), Bilgewater Cartel (member), Fizzletrinket Technologies (a tech startup that, admittedly, hasn’t been particularly active since the development of the TranslationMaster2000; owner)
Known relatives: Khizzara Whizzingcrank (cousin and blogger namesake)
Earth Online notes: Current guild leader of <Warchief>, appointed by Garrosh while the Warchief is stuck with an unreliable wireless connection in Pandaria. Also administers <Warchief> guild web site. Main toon MrBadCrumble (class unknown). Had attended three straight EarthCons until missing this past year’s, due to being too busy freaking out over one of his friends being killed (this one didn’t take), charged with treason, banished from the Horde, and killed again (this one evidently did).
First appearance: “LOK’TAR OGAR!” (first mention); “Spazzle Speaks” (first guest post)
Key posts and plot points:
- Spazzle first introduced Garrosh to online gaming in “Earth Online”, set him up with a wireless network (which Garrosh historically calls “why fly”) in Grommash Hold in “Doing some gaming…”, and brought him along for a trip to EarthCon (at which Genesis Entertainment revealed their plans for the “Land Down Under” expansion) in “EarthCon.”
- After Garrosh created the Earth Online guild <Warchief>, Spazzle set him up with an addon to save a record of guild chat in “Welcome to [Warchief]”, the blog’s first guild chat log.
- In “Spazzle Speaks: Shamans United!”, Spazzle encounters Thrall on the way to the Echo Isles, where they discover the Kor’kron occupation. After the Echo Isles are freed, Spazzle maintained secret contact with Thrall and Vol’jin, as revealed in “Spazzle Speaks: The Gobin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat” and “Spazzle Speaks: Tours of Duty.”
- After being banished from the Horde, but before disappearing to locations unknown, Mokvar met with Spazzle in “Spazzle Speaks: Parting Gifts” to entrust him with custody of his recall totem, a shaman relic connected to the Astral Recall spell. While Spazzle was holding the totem, its elemental energy fizzled out – something that would normally only occur as a result of a shaman’s permanent death. This development is first covered in “The Goblin is Always Greener” and further explored in “Spazzle Speaks: Dead End.”
- As shown in several of the guild chat logs, Spazzle has become one of Ji Firepaw’s closest friends in the Horde since the disappearance of Mokvar.
In his own words:
Describe your relationship with your mother or your father, or both. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?
My father and uncle both died when I was little, in a freak giant-rampaging-robot-gorilla accident. I won’t bore you with the details, we all know how those go. My mom and aunt split a two-family duplex-in-a-box and raised me and my cousin Khizzara together. We weren’t rich, but we weren’t exactly hurting for money after the robot gorilla settlement. So I guess Zzara and I got pretty accustomed to getting the toys we wanted. Maybe spoiled, a little? I didn’t really learn to be too independent until I had to. Mom didn’t make it out of Kezan when the Cataclysm hit.
Who do you trust?
Khizzara – she’s more like a sister to me than a cousin. Mokvar, despite everything. Ji. Thrall. I trust Garrosh and Vol’jin both, in their way, but I think they both have some serious blinders on.
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
Definitely the Cataclysm. I lost my mom, as well as my home back on Kezan. It led to me meeting Thrall, becoming a (fairly crappy) shaman, joining the Horde. And then of course there’s everything that’s come with moving to Orgrimmar and starting to work for Garrosh. So it’s really easy to divide my life into two periods, B.C. (Before Cataclysm) and A.D. (After Deathwing).
How are you with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or e-mail?
Oh man! I’m all about the newest tech. Some days I’ll burn up a whole afternoon, just tinkering around, trying to come up with my own advances. They…usually don’t go completely to spec, but still! I’m generally a lot better with electronics than with machinery – if you’re building a robot, I’m totally the guy to design its brain, but you probably shouldn’t come to me first if you need to install a new arm. E-mail, definitely. My handwriting is pretty terrible because I type so much more than I write by hand.
What’s your desk/workspace look like? Are you neat or messy?
Organized chaos. It looks like a giant mess, with piles of stuff on top of piles of other stuff, but I know what’s in all of the piles.
What would your cutie mark be?
Um… Am I supposed to know what that means?
What’s your favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday?
The pandaren have these noodles that are really great comfort food, plus they only cost…like…five copper a pack. I don’t know how they turn a profit on them. Favorite vice is probably…I don’t know…wasting waaaaaaaay too much time screwing around on the internet. There isn’t one outfit that I like best, but I’m pretty fond of a bunch of the t-shirts I have. Earl grey tea. Autumn, right when the leaves are starting to turn. Hallow’s End.
If your life were a genre, what would it be?
Definitely a comic book. And that’s even before you figure in the Gurtash factor.
[One last OOC note: The sharp-eyed among you may have noticed that the comic panel excerpted above (featuring Spazzle with Garrosh and Liadrin) doesn’t look familiar. Consider it a preview — Gurtash strikes again in another day or two!]
Spazzle Speaks, In Which Ji Stumbles Upon an Unexpected Snack
So, um, did anybody else hear that?
Maybe it was just my imagination. Weird.
Anyway…updates!
Ji got back from Twilight Highlands today. He’d taken the suggestion I’d brought back from Thrall and had gone out there to visit Muln Earthfury and the Earthen Ring. Unfortunately, it didn’t really lead anywhere. Muln wasn’t able to sense Mokvar through the elements at all, or make contact with Mokvar’s spirit. That last part is probably the closest thing to good news that came out of the trip, since if they were able to reach out to Mokvar’s spirit, that would be proof positive that he is dead. I don’t know how much comfort that is, though, since individual spirits aren’t usually in the habit of showing up on demand. I suppose one of the perks of being dead is getting to decide for yourself when you’re going to clock in. So, I’m not sure how much comfort there is to be taken there. You know Ji, though – always the optimist, so he’s already trying to dig up new leads.
Ji managed to get himself in a little trouble while he was out there, too. On his way back from the Earthen Ring, he flew over the outskirts of Thundermar, where some of the dwarves had some meat hanging outside curing. I don’t know if Ji just happened to glance in the right direction at the right time, or if he has a really great sense of smell, or if he’s got some kind of special radar like a hunter (Track Edible?), but hoo boy, he didn’t waste any time swooping down for lunch. Once he landed, he also spotted a couple huge kegs of Wildhammer ale right there, and that was all she wrote.
Of course, the eating and drinking didn’t go on for very long before the Wildhammer dwarves noticed him. Funny thing, though…at first, the dwarves just figured that Ji was one of the pandaren who’d joined the Alliance, and went over to join him for a drink. Come to think of it, that is kind of weird that mix-ups like that don’t happen more often – I mean, it’s not like the pandaren on either side all go around wearing t-shirts that say “For the Horde” or “Boy It Sure is Neat Being in the Alliance (The Battle Cries Kinda Suck, but I Got to Punch Varian in the Face!)”. Go figure.
Anyway, Ji being the unassuming type, he made the mistake of pointing out to the dwarves how nice it was that they were okay sharing their food and ale with him even though he’s in the Horde. That was right around the point when he found himself being punched repeatedly.
Luckily, some of Warlord Zaela’s Dragonmaw were patrolling around the area, and they were able to bail Ji out and make sure he got home in one piece. He mentioned that they flew him back to Dragonmaw Port on a proto-drake that they must have brought down from Northrend – sounded like they had a bunch of them, actually – but Zaela didn’t seem to want to talk about them. I’m not sure if she was just irritated that her people had to stop whatever else they were doing to come rescue Ji, or if she just wasn’t feeling very talkative. Ji can be a little chatty sometimes. And he does have kind of a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I swear, if he tried his “I bet you can’t keep the men off you” line with Zaela, he should count his lucky space stations she didn’t take his head off right then and there.
Gotta run. Ji’s coming over for dinner, which means I’ve only got nine hours to get enough stuff put together. Talk to you all soon.
Spazzle Speaks: Tours of Duty
A little Earth Online interlude while Garrosh spins his yarn from Pandaria…
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting. What kind of research, Leslie?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi baddie
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey mon.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its really pretty technical
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI MRBADCRUMBLE
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] probably pretty boring if its not what you do
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Spazzle.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i can try to explain some of it to you if you think it would help.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh I’m sure it’s fascinating.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol prof
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I just got back from the echo isles a little while ago
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got a handle on it, prof, its my job after all
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’d care to elaborate, of course.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Certainly no intrusion intended if you prefer not to.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] working on Jaina again?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Tanks for checkin’ up on it for me, mon.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well yes, but i would imagine understanding the nielas vector hypothesis would be part of your job, too, and we’ve already established you don’t really have a handle on that.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Everyone needs a hobby. ^_^
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i do too
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: it’s fine
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] u think your right about everything
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I had some business down there anyway
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh hardly.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i know my nielas vectors, though.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] look, i supervise mages for a living, i would think i know about nielas vectors
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i would think you’d know about them, too.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so see? i’m not always right.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh whatever
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: just had to be careful not to be seen by any kor’kron on the way
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, Lor mon.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I STILL WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF PROF
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’ve said before, i read a lot.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] brb
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: You run into any trouble?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI LOR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Lor’themar.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: not really
[Guild][Lorthemar] And how is everyone this fine evening?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey lor’themar
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good evening.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] doing ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are you settling in on…the Isle of Thunder, is it?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] just missing my baby
[Officer][Lorthemar] Yes indeed.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Not badly at all. Setting up took some doing, but we had some good help on hand.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: there are more kor’kron in razor hill than there used to be
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] AWWW
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s good you were able to get your internet connection working from there.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know our…esteemed Warchief has been having stability issues.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? I thought you two sat next to each other while you played.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodness, I just reread the last thing I said, and I must say it gave me quite the chuckle. ^_^
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I think after they rebuilt the inn, they used it as an excuse to ramp up security
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not right now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, I know I would be lost without my connection.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ve noticed you really seem to be online, like, ALL the time
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE USUALLY DO
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m away on business for a little while
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve logged on without you being here
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, that’s partly because, being undead, I don’t strictly need to sleep.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, I see
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Which frees up lots of online time.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] don’t you have work you need to do in the undercity, though?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh give ’em enough time, they be makin’ lots more places “secure.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] so for right now the game is a way for us to still hang out together a little
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, but I just take it with me everywhere.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Some of the warlocks worked out a way to project a likeness of my computer screen onto a writing tablet I carry around – an Eye Pad of Kilrogg, they call it.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] IT MAKES ME GLAD I STARTED PLAYING THIS GAME
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, I got down there without much trouble
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The name, I will admit, is inelegant. I may have marketing give it another pass.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] EVEN IF I’M STILL KIND OF A NOOB
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: What’s da word from Trall?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Ji?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its ok, sweetie, being a newbie might be a nice change of pace for you
[Guild][Lorthemar] You know, it’s a funny coincidence, I’m doing some traveling for work as well.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] I know how dat goes, mon.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: all clear so far
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] LOR’THEMAR
[Officer][Lorthemar] Yes?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dis game be a way for me ta talk ta people too.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: nobody seems to have noticed anything going on down there
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Don’t- say any more about what you’re doing.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Improbable though it would seem, I don’t think she realizes who you really are.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: which is kind of weird, considering it’s been months since they took out the kor’kron occupation
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Been tryin’ ta not talk too much fa real what wit I got a nasty sore troat dese days, mon.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Yeah, don’t remind me. I get that a lot.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, yes, there’s that.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i hope you feel better, bobby
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: While Garrosh still be in Pandaria, Eitrigg be da one mindin’ da store in Orgrimmar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But you’re also wasting a potential tactical advantage if you give away too much around her.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!
[EdwardBear | Ji] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: He be no friend a da changes Malkorok been makin’ in da Kor’kron.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, grats, mon!
[Officer][Lorthemar] How do you mean?
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I just wish things would get back to normal again
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: or more normal at least
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations, all!
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: sorry, leslie was running me and puff through an instance
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THANKS DEAR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …Really?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Really what?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my pleasure sweetie =)
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i didn’t see your tell till just now
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Dey gonna get worse before dey get better, mon.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ty leslie
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: it’s ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Has…nobody told you who Proudleslie is?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yw eddie
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I haven’t…
[Officer][Lorthemar] No, who is she?
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: did you find anything out?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH WOW ONE MORE BUBBLE AND I’LL LEVEL TOO
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Proudleslie is Jaina Proudmoore.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I talked to thrall, yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] next thing u know your going to be all grown up!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] = )
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: had to be careful not to give away too much
[Officer][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Lorthemar] She’s…she’s… WHY??
[Officer][Lorthemar] WHY would we let her be in the guild?
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what did he say?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] then i can get you all geared up and ready for big people adventures!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Sylvanas convinced Garrosh to let her stay.
[Officer][Lorthemar] By convincing him we’re living in Upside Down Crazy Land??
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the easiest place for you to reach the earthen ring is at the twilight citadel
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I APPRECIATE ALL THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN SPENDING HELPING ME LEVEL
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: most of their heavy hitters are still over at the maelstrom, but they usually don’t let just anyone over there
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, Regent-Lord, by pointing out that keeping her close, without her knowing who -we- are, puts us in a position to ply her for information that might be of use to us.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s that been working out for you, by the way?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww, anything for my baby
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hush now. It’s an ongoing project.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, Lor’themar, please try to be careful what you say
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: so your best bet is to head down to the twilight highlands
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i kinda like getting to take care of you here after everything you do for me
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] MY PLEASURE, M’LADY
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: they’ve been working on setting up again there since the twilight’s hammer was driven out
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] <3
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what’s that?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Ugh, fine.
[Officer][Lorthemar] This is not good for my rage.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww thats my lil puffy magic dragon =)
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: what’s what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] = )
[Officer][Lorthemar] And of course Garrosh took the anger management counselor with him to Pandaria.
[Officer][Lorthemar] To spite me, I’ll bet you anything.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] plus did i mention you look sexy as a fireman?
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: the twilight’s hammer
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] rawr 😉
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To be fair, keeping an anger management specialist close to Garrosh is probably a wise move.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she’s kind of got you there
[Officer][Lorthemar] *looks in guild chat*
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji] long story
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i wish i could adequately impress upon you the sheer magnitude of the fact that you’re making *me* want to vomit.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh boo prof, havent u ever been in love before
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji] last year’s bad guys
[Officer][Lorthemar] I can’t believe this woman is beating me.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Anyway…
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] as a matter of fact.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] what happened?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Let’s talk about something else before I get too annoyed.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] the scourge.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh =(
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] at any rate, i should log for now, i have some packing to do.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: i really don’t know if it’s going to accomplish much going to them, though
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Be seein’ ya, mon!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BYE PROF
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hmm, speaking of which, do you know anything about what’s going on with Faranell?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry if i brought up bad memories prof
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: it’s worth a try
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I was going to ask you, actually.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] blah missed him
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All I know is that he’s going to Orgrimmar at the request of your Lady Liadrin.
[Officer][Lorthemar] That’s all I know as well.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if anyone will have any ideas about what happened to mokvar, it would be them
[Officer][Lorthemar] Liadrin told me she was requesting Faranell from you, but was rather dodgy about details.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I’d assumed she would have told you more.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: i hate to say it, but i think we might already know what happened to mokvar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not particularly, only that she had need of his alchemical skills for some of her work with the Dalaran refugees.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Don’t they have apothecaries in Orgrimmar?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Tons over in the Valley of Spirits.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I raised that point myself. All she would say was that it’s a matter of some delicacy and she would prefer to call on someone she knows.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: it’s possible mokvar is really gone
[Officer][Lorthemar] It’s exhausting having our supposed underlings running around on their own like this.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Preaching to the choir, Regent-Lord.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if he is, and i go, then he won’t be any more gone, and all i’ll have done is waste some of my own time
[Officer][Lorthemar] We need better minions.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We really do.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if he’s not, and i don’t go, then it might cost us something more valuable
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: the only mistake would be not to act
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hmm, guild chat is quiet.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: believe me, I hope you find something.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I’m just trying not to get my hopes up
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Jaina and Kalecgos are probably talking in tells.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: well either way, i should be back soon
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i should get going
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: me too
[Officer][Lorthemar] I wonder what they’re talking about that’s so secret.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: talk to you soon
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: good luck
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Probably you.
You have logged off.
Spazzle Speaks: Dead End
I’ll be honest. I don’t really know what I thought I was going to do when I rushed offline last time. The fact of the matter is, there’s not much for me to do. Mokvar’s recall totem, the one he left with me for safekeeping when he left for who knows where, went inactive. The pulsing green glow that marks the bond between the elemental spirits and Mokvar’s flickered out. The only reason that would happen to a shaman’s recall totem is if that spirit link were broken – in other words, if the shaman were dead. And other than my knowing that, there isn’t much for me to do. If I weren’t a shaman myself – even the mediocre one that I am – I wouldn’t even know that much.
Who knows, maybe that’s why Mokvar really decided to leave his totem with me rather than Ji or somebody else: because as a shaman, I would know what it meant if the totem ever went dead. Maybe he knew he was going somewhere dangerous chasing that warlock council, and he wanted there to be someone who would know if he weren’t coming back.
Ji’s not ready to give up hope yet. I can’t really blame him, but then again, he doesn’t really understand shamanism. I considered taking a trip to the Echo Isles to see if Thrall could do anything, but then I realized that it would be pretty hard to explain any of this to Thrall without telling him most of it. And if this really is the end for Mokvar, I don’t want to honor his memory by tarnishing it in Thrall’s eyes, considering how indebted Mokvar felt to him for giving him safe haven in Orgrimmar all those years ago. Besides, I need to be careful about too many people besides Ji and me learning too much about what’s been going on.
That is, other than anybody who might happen to be reading this blog.
Funny that hasn’t bitten any of us in the keister so far. Huh.
Spazzle Speaks: The Goblin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat
After Garrosh put up that guild chat log yesterday, I thought it might be helpful to see things from another perspective…
You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi baddie
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] check the appendix, then.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mrbadcrumble
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it should be on a right-hand page, under a map if i recall.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey sylvanas
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok ok fine, i know better than to argue with you about these things
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey, how are you feeling?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH TIME YOU MUST HAVE SPENT IN LIBRARIES STUDYING THIS STUFF PROF
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] should I even ask what they’re arguing about this time?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if only you knew.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Chen say pretty soon I be healed up enough ta be back on ma feet an outta dis monastery.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Honestly, I’m not even sure how they got started.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] seriously you must be some kind of master wizard with everything you seem to know
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Can’t happen soon enough, mon – don’ like dis sittin’ around.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] not really.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so what are you working on? are we about to get achievement spammed as usual?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’m not particularly powerful as a caster; i just have a good handle on theory.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah but you have to take care of yourself
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YOU’D PROBABLY BE A GOOD TEACHER THEN
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nothing imminent. I’m laying the groundwork for some longer-term projects at the moment.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Any news from Trall?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] maybe thats why his name is professor! =)
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] meh.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i think of it more as “professor” in the “mad scientist” sense.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: not last i heard
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which is fitting, considering i spend most of my time in a laboratory developing biochemical agents of mass destruction.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] haha yea right, your being sarcastic again
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: have you talked to lorthemar?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: When ya see ’im let ’im know I be dere as soon as I can, an den we deal wit’ Garrosh.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] drat, i’ve been caught.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Speak the devil’s name…
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey OmgipwneduMon!
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Oops, mistell.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Speak a da devil, mon.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, dear Warchief.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] is your connection any better pwn?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I guess we’ll find out in a minute
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: k good
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i really don’t like all this sneaking around
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Haha!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] now see, for instance, i can’t work -that- kind of magic.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i just deploy verbal irony; i can’t conjure it up in actual events.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya won’ need to much longer.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i swear i didnt do that!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Soon we’ll be makin’ our move.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Leslie! Do it again, mon!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WB PWN
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i didnt do anything!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I take it your connection is none too improved since last time, Warchief?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] You put da connection voodoo on him, mon!
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: still using the network grizzle set up for you?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, apparently
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also that Bob guy is rubbing me the wrong way already
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] On the topic of what you’ve been doing, Leslie, has work continued to be hectic?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’d better watch it before I end up stabbing him in the neck
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: honestly, you might as well hire a couple extra tauren to send up smoke signals for your wifi
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You were starting to say, but ended up being sidetracked by ProfHubert.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of me stabbing people, by the way, did you manage to get Lori straightened out?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BTW COULD I GET A GUILD INVITE FOR MY FRIEND
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure puff, just whisper me the name
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh not really
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re referring to leadership of the guild, I think I’ve convinced him to be reasonable and pass it back
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: HER NAME IS LIVINGREDGIRL
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He was quite agitated before.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know, not for anything, but didn’t we used to ask people to APPLY to this guild once upon a time?
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: seriously?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: ?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does it really matter?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] just some office politics i’m trying to stay out of mostly
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: don’t you think that’s going to be a little confusing?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: Y
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I don’t particularly care about his moods
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does anyone in this guild actually do anything other than sit around in guild chat?
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i do!
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: because of how similar that is to LivinDeadGrl?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] me to! just got my set bonus last night in fact
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i’m level 52 now!
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] I mostly just hang out here in da capital cities, mon, an’ stir tings up in trade chat!
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: OH I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats eddie
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi lorthemar
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: SHOULD I GET HER TO REROLL?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Somebody gotta be da resident smartass in dis guild, right?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] um, i have some bad news for you…
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: no, she already has this toon… I just hope she doesn’t get a lot of mis-tells
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey lor
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Lor’themar.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: I’ll send her an invite
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hail, Spazzle. Dark Lady.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: TY
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea bobby, prof has seniority on you
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if only you knew.
You have invited [LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] to the guild.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar, I should probably warn you straight away…
[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has joined the guild.
[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] he spends most of his time in-game making sarcastic comments to people
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome, LivingRedGirl!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome red!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] there you go! welcome to the guild!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] in point of fact, that’s not actually specific to in-game.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thank you all
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wb pwn
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So as I was saying. I don’t care if Ponytail is happy about it as long as he manages to get his panties unbunched long enough to hand over guild control
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Garrosh was just on and will likely be back momentarily, so please try to humor him.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh be runnin’ outta friends fast.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Oh and by the way
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hello, Garrosh…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh drat. Two seconds too slow hitting return.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh and LOOK who’s here now
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, but I’m *one* of his friends
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh goodness, LivingRedGirl, you look almost just like me!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Do you want to explain to me why I never heard a word from you about the whole Mokvar fiasco?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Haha looks like it yes
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: um
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good evening, Warchief.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: YES UM
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, Leslie…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, yeah, good evening, good morning, happy new year, whatever
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: I guess I figured you were already getting updates from people more important than me
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know office politics can be precarious, Leslie. I’m not unfamiliar with them myself.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Are you ready to stop fucking around and put me back in place as guild leader?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: and I was probably still hoping there would be some explanation for everything
[Officer][Lorthemar] While I still have my objections to the way you’ve been conducting yourself toward me and my people, Garrosh…
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya ever stop ta ask yaself why, mon?
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: At this point I don’t particularly CARE about why
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] mostly just a coworker trying to drag me into his conflicts
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or am I going to have to smack a bitch up first?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing
[Officer][Lorthemar] …case in point.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The bitch being you, by the way
[Officer][Lorthemar] *sigh*
[Officer][Lorthemar] In any case…I don’t want to hurt the guild over our personal squabbles.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: ugh hang on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, interesting…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s refreshingly non-suicidal for you, Eyepatch
[Officer][Lorthemar] So, yes, here.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: with the mokvar thing
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: it’s just hard for me to accept a friend going off the deep end, is all
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GRATS PWN
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: ok that could have been ugly
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is there anything particular to this conflict your coworker is trying to involve you in, Leslie?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dis is way too entertainin’.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, like I was saying
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or is it more along the lines of your typical…in-office sparring?
[Officer][Lorthemar] I almost feel bad for him.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i tried to warn him about getting his network set up
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] 1 SEC SHE HAD TO AFK
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but oh no, he sees a goblin and just figures “catch-all tech genius”
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. No rush.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] since it appears most of my best sources of entertainment are away or disconnecting, i suppose i should go get some work done
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing
[Guild][Lorthemar] Be well, ProfHubert!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later prof
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] in my absence, bob, feel free to take over as interim satirist
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hah, tanks mon.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] just try not to stage some kind of sardonic coup while i’m away
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Haha, no promises, mon.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bye prof
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] bye prof
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Welcome back, mon! We missed ya!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WB AGAIN PWN
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: and I’m helping thrall because, well, he’s thrall, and I don’t think it’s right the way the trolls are being treated
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Welcome back Omgipwnedurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH UGH UGH
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] wish I could do something to fix it, chief
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but I think you may be kind of stuck with it until you get back or orgrimmar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In all honesty, Warchief, the fact that you’re having such connection difficulties at the moment may be a reason not to resume control of the guild just yet…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure there’s much to be gained from a guild leader who’s unable to be online to tend to the responsibilities of leadership.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: but that’s as far as I can go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I hate to say it, but you might have a point
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And frankly it’s getting way too annoying trying to stay on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can well imagine.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I won’t stab him in the back
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, let me do this
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GRATS MRBADCRUMBLE
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, grats, mon!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Does leadership always change hands so often in the guild
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa seriously?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya got ta listen to ya conscience, mon.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He already has control of the web site and he’s got the best handle on all the nuts and bolts
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WELL MAYBE LATELY YEAH
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So just as well to let him mind the shop for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A wise decision, of course, sir.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Congratulations, Spazzle.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I hope it’ll let ya sleep if tings go bad.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Also because, even with the Mokvar thing, you’re the only one of these clowns I actually trust
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] thanks lor
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so…
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: thanks chief
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to empty my mail just in case, and then log off here before something else pisses me off
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And I get why you kept quiet
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] It’s gotten quiet
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: But let me make this clear
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THAT USUALLY MEANS THE OFFICERS ARE TALKING
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Mokvar is dead to me
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And if I ever find out where he’s run off to, he’s a dead man
[Guild][Lorthemar] I know it can be a bit unnerving.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Anyway…later
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hi spazzle
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: you haven’t heard anything from mokvar, have you?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself when I first joined the guild.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Are you new
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: not since he ran off
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: why?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hi lorthemar
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: this is bad
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] did you join recently?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: this is really bad
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Me
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i could swear i’ve seen you before
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I only just joined a few minutes ago
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: you remember the recall totem I told you about? the one he left me to hold?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] lorthemar seems new though
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: yes
[Guild][Lorthemar] I…
[Officer][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you just have one of those faces?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I believe I need to log off and step away from the game for a bit.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the spirit link that a shaman makes with these totems makes them give off a green glow
[Guild][Lorthemar] It’s not good for my rage.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: it just went out
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i’m sorry if i upset you, lorthemar
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh bother
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] back
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: that’s bad?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry
[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Leslie.
[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Now where were we?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the only reason the totem would go out like that is if mokvar were dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry livindead, i cant right now
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: but he can just wake up again, right? like last time?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i just came back to say bye and log
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] theres stuff happening here rl and i need to go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: no, not like ‘waiting for my ankh to kick in’ dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] and so does puffy
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: like for real dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] like right now
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh dear
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] actually i need to run too
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I need to go
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is everything all right, Spazzle?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I have to check on this
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] no
You have logged off.
Mutiny!
Since we finished with Shan Kien a few days ago, I’ve been back at Domination Point, partly checking in on things there with Warlord Bloodhilt and General Nazgrim, and partly giving myself a break from Baine and Lor’themotherfucker. Maybe if I leave them alone with each other, they’ll have no option but to bitch and moan at each other until one of them reaches bitch-and-moan critical mass and spontaneously combusts. Not likely, I know, but it’s a little dream I have.
As part of my much-needed recuperation time, I finally managed to get Earth Online set up on my computer here. The internet here at the base is still kind of spotty – I’ve been having to pick my spots as far as when I can blog for the entire time I’ve been here – but Grizzle Gearslip tells me the connection should be stable enough now that I shouldn’t have any trouble getting some gaming in.
You have logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] what about blurry vision? slurred speech?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it’s probably not one of ours, then.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I hope you feel better, ji
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey people
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You sense of humor is, as always, most amusing, Doctor.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] anyway, does anyone have a level 30 something they’d like to team up with?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But you should be wary of making such jokes, as they may only encourage some to believe we’re actually pursuing such untoward efforts as the creation of plague.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] actually never mind, i should probably get going
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] see you later, ji
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yeah, i can’t imagine where anyone would get that idea about us.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: has garona gotten there yet?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh this is weird…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What is, Warchief?
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do you think he got mad and logged?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh hey, Garrosh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] welcome back.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I suppose we’ll see presently, won’t we.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks, Doc
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: did you see my tell?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is everything all right, Garrosh?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I just didn’t get a chance to answer
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I think so
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what happened?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m not sure, my connection just went out on me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, hopefully it was an isolated hiccup and won’t continue causing you problems.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: But no, she didn’t get here yet
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ah ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, hopefully
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Why?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: just curious
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway, as I was saying
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks baddie
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You two are well, I hope.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] PRETTY GOOD THANKS
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] re-wb
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And back again.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] same problem, boss?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] havent seen u in a while
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Pretty much
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just getting knocked offline randomly
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite frustrating, I’m sure.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’ve been traveling for work, so I haven’t been able to log on until now
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: what kind of internet connection do you have there?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea i know how that goes
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve been having to travel around some for work too
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: If you’re looking for something more specific than “apparently a bad one,” you’re talking to the wrong guy
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hmm
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. Anything specific you’re working on these days?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did they change something in the guild management panel?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure the details would be fascinating.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: at the bottom of your UI, mouse over the icon that looks like a little planet
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: that will show your network info
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not that I’m aware of.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why do you ask?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol your always so interested in my work
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Okay, I’ve got it
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m just curious about people’s professional experiences. ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m showing a lot fewer guild management options than I used to
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m wondering if they changed something
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ok, at the very bottom of that info box there should be a string of numbers and letters
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol well theres alot going on here but alot of it i cant really talk about
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: copy that to me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, no. Perhaps you should peruse the guild roster a moment.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Hmm, okay…give me a minute…
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] here we go…
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh but those are the most interesting ones to chat about under the anonymity afforded by the internet.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, you’ve established you work in Dalaran.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well yes
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on, I’m juggling a couple things
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if it involves magic research i could probably save you some time finding the tomes you need.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HOW DO YOU FIGURE
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: THX1138-NCC1701-PU36
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: oh man
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well, based on our conversation the other day, I probably know your libraries a bit better than you.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: who set up your connection down there?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] your serious
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] my serious what?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Grizzle Gearslip
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Why? How bad is it?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no, ‘your serious’ is a question
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, guild roster
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] no, “you’re serious?” is a question.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “your serious” is an incomplete noun phrase.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: ugh… he’s good with mining and construction
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just exactly
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHAT
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] THE FUCK
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] IS THIS?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: but for networking he might as well be trying to put something together with one of those electronics kits from the wonderworks
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if you don’t want my help, you can just say no.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What is what, pray tell?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HOW exactly is it showing SYLVANAS as guild leader???
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hoo boy…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, there *are* in-game mechanisms for such things.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When the current leader is offline for a prolonged period. ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You fucking OVERTHREW me?!?!
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think he would jsut rage quit
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, here he is.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wb pwn
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] looks like you’re having connection trouble
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so AS I WAS SAYING
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You OVERTHREW me??!
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: can’t say I’m surprised you’re having trouble staying on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could say that, yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: So…it’s bad.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: let me put it this way
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And hey, hold on, she couldn’t even have DONE this without another officer, so that means either you or Mokvar, Spazzle
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: congratulations, the base hasn’t burned down yet
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] um, well…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s going on with Mokvar now, anyway?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s funny you should ask, Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah staying on topic
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I was the one who signed off on the dethrone
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I…see
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: Fucking hell is THIS what you were talking about???
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: um, what?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: With the “they’re going to turn against you” cryptic bullshit
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well to be fair, boss, you’d been away for a while and there was no telling when you’d be able to get on again
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: you realize that was another version of me whose memories i don’t share, right?
You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: UGH FUCKING TIME TRAVEL
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and your connection right now isn’t exactly helping
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah yeah whatever
[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: fucking time travel indeed.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You people have had your fun, now reinstall me before I get on a boat headed north
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, very well, Warchief. If you insist.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I seriously don’t know what the fuck is wrong with people, I look away for a minute and everything turns into a fucking cartoon
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to Guild Leader.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oops.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU’RE FUCKING RIGHT OOPS
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats lorthemar!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh this should be good.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That honestly was a legitimate mistake. Albeit a funny one.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh…wow…really?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] CONGRATS ON THE PROMOTION LOR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I was about to click on you to promote you when Lor’themar logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i will bet you any amount of money you’re not the only person saying “wow, really?” right now.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, well, his character name is right ahead of yours alphabetically.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So…he bumped you down one spot on the guild list, and…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well…thank you, guildmates!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you seeing this, lor?
[Guild][Lorthemar] This is truly an unexpected honor
[Guild][Lorthemar] But one for which I shall endeavor to prove my worthiness!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yay lor!
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really don’t know what else to say!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i know you’ll make a good guild leader =)
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] guess not
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He probably doesn’t realize he has to turn on officer chat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so seriously
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Omgipwnedurface.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah probably
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, hello
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So before you get speechifying again, Livindead just made a mistake handing you the reins
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So before you get too excited
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh yikes
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hand them back over
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well, I suppose LivinDeadGrl DOES have more experience as an officer.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT TO HER YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] PROMOTE -ME-
[Guild][Lorthemar] Fine, fine, let me find where the command is…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does anyone know if there’s a popcorn vendor anywhere in game?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well FIND IT FAST LORI
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHILE YOU STILL HAVE ONE EYE TO LOOK WITH
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m working on it, calm down…
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] what are u looking for sweetie?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fuck you, Hair-Care
[Guild][Lorthemar] Huh.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WHAT? I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING
[Guild][Lorthemar] You know what?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oops sorry, that was pwn
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Fuck YOU.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i thought it was u typing there
You have been kicked out of the guild.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: jkhfgkjshgfkjysdgkfiuhsdfjkghskgf
You whispered to [Lorthemar]: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: I know, I know
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: My apologies, Warchief.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: I’m trying to calm Lor’themar down now.
[Lorthemar] whispered: Fuck you, Garrosh
[Proudleslie | Jaina] whispered: omg what happened?
You whispered to [Lorthemar]: Oh you REALLY want to die, don’t you
[Lorthemar] is ignoring you.
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: Well now he’s ignoring me
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: So you can tell him to stop being such a tempermental baby while you’re at it
You whispered to [Proudleslie | Jaina]: Don’t even get me started
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Of course, sir.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: yeah, he’s pretty upset
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: I don’t know what we’re going to do about GL, but I can invite you back to the guild at least
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh gee thanks
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I don’t fucking believe this shit
You have been invited to join the guild <Warchief>.
You have joined the guild <Warchief>.
You have been promoted to the rank Recruit.
You have been promoted to the rank Member.
You have been promoted to the rank Officer.
You have been disconnected.
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You have logged on.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Well that’s just too bad, now isn’t it?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar, I understand, but please try to be prudent at least.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] FUCKING HELL
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wow this is a really bad day for pwn
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome back, boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH this is infuriating
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Actually, while we’re inviting, let me bring a friend in as well, if nobody minds.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Between the disconnections and Ponytail here all I need is a pickle for the crap sandwich that is my day
[Bob] has joined the guild.
[Bob] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Bob] has been promoted to the rank Member.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi bob!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WELCOME
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Bob! As Guild Leader, let me welcome you to the guild!
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m sure you’ll feel right at home with the <Warchief> tag below your name.
[Guild][Bob] Tanks, mon! It’s good ta be here!
[Guild][Bob] I be lookin’ forward to goin’ on epic missions with lots a ya!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This guy seems familiar
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OH SHIT
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…you play EO too, huh?
[Guild][Bob] Hey, mon! Do I know ya?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] sigh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll get you all for this
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] um
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Nice to meet you
[Guild][Bob] Good ta meet ya too, OmgipwneduMon!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But for now… I’m going to log off before this vein in my forehead bursts
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] quick recommendation, boss?
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: You GET his ass in line, you understand me?
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Of course, dear Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] next time you log on, if you think you smell burning hair, turn off your computer
[Guild][Bob] So I got a question if anybody knows.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fine
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For the duration, Lor’themar, you might want to change the GL title from what I’d set it as.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Taking off now
[Guild][Bob] If da Lich King’s horse be Invincible, how come I could see it?
[Officer][Lorthemar] What’s the title now?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] “Queen.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no no, thats invisible
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh man, good thing Garrosh is leaving
You have logged off.
