Tag Archives: krog
When we last left Krog…
…he was fussing around in the Jade Forest checking on what was left of the original Horde fleet at Garrosh’ar Point. (By the way, gotta admit, that name really does have a ring to it. Too bad the place wound up getting trashed.) I asked you all to chime in on what Krog should do next — because spirits forbid my investigator should make a decision on his own — and you guys decided that his priority should be tracking down Anduin, who’s apparently on the loose out there in Pandaria. Because he happened to be on one of the Alliance ships cruising around the middle of nowhere in the southern oceans. Because Varian’s really on top of his shit when it comes to watching out for his kid. So for those of you keeping score at home, that makes him a shitty king, a shitty fighter, a shitty strategist, a shitty blogger, a shitty dancer, AND a shitty dad. With shitty hair. Also fuck you, Varian.
Anyway.
I sent the new orders along to Krog a couple days ago. Here are highlights from his latest report from the field:
attempted to find a trail for anduin after his departure from the wreckage of the alliance flagship, but leads were inconclusive in light of heavy activity in the area recently. stealthing through the pearlfin jinyu village revealed little, jinyu numbers seemed depleted as most warriors appear to have been sent elsewhere, but no indication of the prince. also, alliance members appear to have left jinyu village as well.
pandaren of paw’don village remain under alliance influence. i attempted to approach a village guard to make inquiries in support of anduin investigation. greeted poorly. also violently. with equally poor and violent treatment from additional, rapidly arriving guards. for future reference: pandaren not necessarily as cuddly as initial cursory observations would suggest.
after hasty exit from paw’don village, i was indulging in some cathartic venting at the pandaren guards (from safe distance), mainly elaborating on varieties of evisceration i would unleash on them given the chance to open with a good stunlock, when i began to experience odd sensations – unfocused violent urges, fits of anger, coupled with strange sense of mental detachment.
in the midst of these sensations, pandaren local appeared and began channeling a spell of some kind on me – violent impulses abated, and a handful of small black creatures spawned around me only to die immediately. pandaren did not identify himself; too busy complaining about energies being brought by my “fellow strangers” to pandaria; added something about the land living and breathing, whatever that means. wore distinctive hat and scarf (unsure if this looked goofy or cool on him). when pressed for explanation, he directed me to a nearby pavilion, then left, making parting complaint about it being a busy week for him. non-cuddly impression of the pandaren people gaining traction.
i made my way to the pavilion, where i met another pandaren native – THIS one was willing to give a name: lorewalker cho. apparently a historian of some sort. identified black creatures as manifestation of sentient dark energy called sha; added this was a minor manifestation; grew notably withdrawn when pressed on question of what a major manifestation would be like. when questioned for leads on anduin, cho indicated that he’d spoken with others also looking for the prince – presumably alliance – and had helped give them visions to lead them in right direction. i was able to convince him to show me one of these visions; brief vision revealed anduin traveling north with two pandaren, an older male and younger female, before parting ways.
i was able to follow the trail north and found the pandaren female – who was making preparations to bury the older male, her father, who had succumbed to injuries shortly after anduin’s departure. she didn’t have much information, but did provide interesting development: while with anduin, they were intercepted by alliance SI:7 operatives who attempted to take the prince with them. intent on pursuing other interests in pandaria, anduin used mind control on SI:7 agents to elude them.
Okay, I’m going to stop this here for just a second to point something out here. These SI:7 people are supposed to be Varian’s elite team of secret agents or whatever. And these people…the best of the best, the Alliance’s A#1 crack team…got bamboozled by a fourteen-year-old boy.
Can someone please explain to me WHY THE FUCK we haven’t beaten these people yet?
Okay, moving on.
followed anduin’s trail westward. in transit, reached area called serpent’s heart, where a major battle had recently taken place – area littered with large number of hozen and jinyu bodies; ground scarred with surreal black-and-white patterns and dark energy tendrils; several larger versions of the black sha creatures swarming vicinity.
while surveying the area, gunshots broke out, seemingly from two directions. i was grazed by a bullet, which took me out of stealth; initially confused as to how i could have been targeted while effectively invisible. once unstealthed, however, i was pulled behind cover of rocks by horde operative: marksman shokia, who had been engaged in shoot-out with an alliance sniper.
between shots, shokia filled in some details: anduin had been captured by shademaster kiryn and was being held at horde base in hozen village prior to battle between horde and alliance here at serpent’s heart. during battle, enormous sha creature appeared, spawned several lesser sha, and attacked both sides. the primary sha was driven off and most survivors from both armies evacuated from field, but shokia and the alliance sniper were left behind in the confusion. both have been trying to pick each other off from behind cover since.
awaiting further orders.
So, since Krog is apparently still unable to make a call on his own, even when he’s PINNED DOWN IN THE FIELD, I’ll kick it back to you all…
Choose your own adventurer
I have some new updates from Pandaria. General Nazgrim reports that he’s making good progress shaping the forest hozen into a viable fighting force, and they’re getting ready to square off against the Alliance forces that have been up to something in the southern part of the Jade Forest. On the down side, Nazgrim’s had one more casualty — Sergeant Garrok was lost during a scouting mission, something involving an old crone in the woods. Not too clear on the details. Still, given my own history with crones, I know how much trouble they can be.
Meanwhile, I have a new update from Krog on his investigations down south. And…yeah, he’s as high maintenance as he was last time, what with needing his hand held for every decision. Seriously, it’s like he’s afraid to make any decision by himself for fear I’m going to do something to him if he makes a wrong call. Like he thinks I have a temper or something. I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR THAT, INSOLENT ROGUE. Heh. See what I did there?
Anyway. I think I’ve come up with a solution for Krog’s constant need for guidance, but first things first — here’s an excerpt from the report he e-mailed me, to give you an idea on where things stand:
found the wreckage of the bladefist reaper and stygian scar off the southern shore. the initial landing force had established a port outpost which has since been neutralized by the alliance — notes that i found indicate they had named the outpost “garrosh’ar point”. on the coast near one of the docks, bodies of several dozen of the ships’ grunts have washed up. several more found floating at sea. all the bodies i inspected were unarmed and riddled full of bullets. based on the condition and placement of the bodies relative to the coast, i believe the crews were attempting to swim to shore from the sinking ships when alliance forces picked them off in the water.
I don’t know why anything surprises me with the Alliance anymore. Unarmed men swimming for their lives, and the humans see fit to mow them down. Remind me again how good and pure and noble they are. And they call us savages.
further along the shore, i also located the wreckage of the original alliance flagship. aboard, found royals banners and the body of a stormwind soldier wearing the trappings of a royal bodyguard. appears likely that among the ship’s crew was a member of the royal family — since we know varian was in stormwind at last check, it would appear that prince anduin is somewhere in pandaria. this confirmed by papers i retrieved from a sole alliance operative i intercepted at nearby hozen camp. uncertain at this point if alliance have recovered the prince or if he is still at large somewhere.
alliance also appears to be making inroads with one of the local tribes of jinyu — fish-like humanoids. kind of what you would get if you crossed a human with a murloc.
Oh good. Two of my very favorite species blended together into one economy pack of fail. I think I’ll be passing many a cold winter night warming my heart with the slow execution of some of these fish people…
indications from garrosh’ar point are that surviving horde forces relocated to nearby fortress called twinspire keep. alliance appear to have made contact with pandren locals in paw’don village in addition to jinyu located at pearlfin village.
Okay, so here’s the part where Krog defaults to his needy-ass self, asking for directions on what to do next. And here’s where my idea comes in, to save myself a few headaches. Now see, personally I already have more than enough decisions to make and enough things to think about, but it occurs to me that maybe all of you — my LOYAL READERS AND MINIONS — might enjoy the chance to take a more hands-on role in guiding some of our efforts in Pandaria. So, here’s your chance. It’s simple enough: what do YOU say Krog should do next?
So — keep checking back here, chime in to make our puppet dance, help the Horde effort in Pandaria, and be entertained all at once. It’s win-win, and full of win. YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN.
Pandaren excursions
A few updates on the ongoing events in Pandaria.
First and foremost, keep those reports coming. Some of you have posted some information on your reconnaissance in Pandaria in the comments of my original call for intelligence, some have written to me directly – I’m planning to address some of the write-in reports in this Monday’s mailbag, so be sure to get your contributions in pronto. Keep it all coming, especially those letters for this coming week.
Your reports are going to be important while I suss out our tactics in the new territories, especially since our new panda recruits are turning out to be a little less helpful in that regard than I’d hoped. I’d just figured that they could provide a lot of inside information on Pandaria what with, you know, them being freaking PANDAREN, but as it turns out, the pandas who lived on the Wandering Isle were a whole separate bunch who haven’t really had much contact with mainland Pandaria for generations…so other than a few very general cultural insights, they’re as much in the dark as I am. Way to ingratiate yourself to me right off the bat there, Ji.
I’ve gotten a brief update from General Nazgrim. He says he’s making inroads recruiting one of the local hozen tribes to fight on our side. Whatever the fuck a “hozen” is. Still, more troops will only help, especially considering Nazgrim doesn’t have too many of his own people left after the Hellscream’s Fist got turned into the Hellscream’s Flaming Pile of Toothpicks and Corpses. (Or as Shademaster Kiryn would probably call it, “a pit roast waiting to happen.”) I’m still not sure how Nazgrim managed not to notice that the Alliance had an air base down there. He seemed kind of evasive about that whole part of the episode, so I may need to do some following up there.
Speaking of which. Since we’ve got a bunch of questions hanging over the entire situation down there, I decided to get some official sleuthing going. Early yesterday, I dispatched Krog to Pandaria to start investigating what happened to the original Horde fleet, the one that had chased the Alliance flagship down and ran it aground. Krog had been doing some undercover work on a few loose ends in the recent Razor Hill incident, but for time being I’ve pulled him off of that case to send him to Pandaria. I’m having him file regular reports on his progress with the invesitation. Hopefully he’ll be able to find some answers.
And all that sounds fine in theory. One problem: all of Krog’s previous detective work was in pretty familiar territory – Dustwallow Marsh, the Barrens, Razor Hill, etc. Get the dude out of his element, and combine that with me stressing that I want answers and not fuck-ups, and the guy turns into a big worrier who won’t make a move without double checking with me. Should I report to General Nazgrim’s camp or go straight to the last known location of the fleet? he asks me. I tell him to go right for the fleet. Should I send word to Nazgrim at all that I’m there? Don’t worry about Nazgrim’s team, they’ve got their own thing going. Should I search the remains of our ships first or the remains of the port? Dude, surprise me, okay? It’s like I’m at an annoying deli or some shit. Do you want white or wheat? Cheese or no? Mustard, ketchup, or mayo? Mustard, you say? Brown or yellow? Do you want a side of fries with that or onion rings? Or chips? How about a pickle? I JUST WANT A FUCKING SANDWICH before I gnaw my own fucking ARM off, OKAY?
So yeah. Ugh. Updates to follow. Aren’t we all lucky?
West Azeroth Story, Act 3
The curtain rises. Spotlights illuminate the left and right sides of the stage separately, as Garrosh leads the Horde forces across the Barrens on one side and Varian leads the Alliance from Theramore.
{QUINTET}
HORDE:
The Horde is gonna have its day
Tonight.
The Horde is gonna have its way
Tonight.
Alliance think we’re jokin’, no doubt,
But once their king is broken,
We’re kicking them out.ALLIANCE:
We’re gonna look ’em in the eyes
Tonight.
We’re gonna cut ’em down to size
Tonight.
We told ’em they could can it: war cries.
We’ll kick ’em off our planet
Once Garrosh, he dies
Tonight.HORDE:
We’re gonna stop it tonight,
We’re going to drive them off and take Kalimdor!ALLIANCE:
We’ll turn the tables tonight,
We can’t afford to mess around anymore –
Green-skins invade us!HORDE:
The Legion made us!
But this time we’re the ones who’ll finish this war!ALL:
Tonight!
A spotlight illuminates a Theramore courtyard at stage right, where Jaina is seen with Rhonin.
JAINA:
I really do not like this plan
Tonight.
Things really could get out of hand
Tonight.RHONIN:
They’ll show up for the battle:
Brief truce.
With you there, maybe that’ll
Give an excuse
Tonight?Jaina nods to Rhonin and rushes out.
A spotlight illuminates Mokvar crossing the Southfury River into the Barrens.
MOKVAR:
Tonight, tonight,
This stinks like saronite.
Tonight the flames of war could be fanned.
Tonight, tonight,
When our two leaders fight,
That Malkorok may have something planned.One more spotlight illuminates the Theramore tower, where Deliana looks out a window.
DELIANA:
Tonight
The past may come back calling,
The future that we’re stalling,
And now, out of my sight,
There’s such a fright
That what we’ve done is coming to light…HORDE:
The Horde is coming out on top tonght!
We’re gonna watch Varian drop tonight!
They’ll go slow as molasses,
Cry and pout.
The door will hit their asses
On their way out.Garrosh, Malkorok, the rest of the Horde group, and Deliana overlap:
GARROSH:
<to Malkorok> You keep a wide-open eye.
MALKOROK:
Right.
GARROSH:
In case he tries something sly.
MALKOROK:
Right.
GARROSH:
For the Horde!
HORDE:
For the Horde!
MALKOROK:
And they might have a surprise
Tonight.DELIANA:
Tonight, tonight
Our role it might indict,
Tonight the flames of war could be fanned.The Horde, Alliance, Mokvar, Deliana, and Jaina – who is now riding across Dustwallow Marsh – overlap:
HORDE and ALLIANCE:
We’re gonna stop it tonight!
We’re gonna end it tonight!
They’re gonna get it tonight!ALLIANCE:
They invaded,
They invaded,
They invaded.HORDE:
Here we’ve made it,
Here we’ve made it,
Home: we made it.ALLIANCE:
We can’t afford to mess around.
Alliance has to win the day,
Alliance has to find a way.
We’ve got to stop it tonight.HORDE:
We’re gonna grind them to the ground,
The Horde is gonna have its day,
The Horde is gonna have its way.
We’ve got to stop it tonight.JAINA:
Tonight, tonight,
We just might
Have one chance to get it right:
Now Jaina’s got to find a way
To broker peace before the fray:
Will cooler heads carry the day?
Tonight, tonight,
Our future could be bright –
I’ve got to stop it tonight!DELIANA:
Tonight, tonight,
When our two leaders fight,
That Malkorok may have something planned.MOKVAR and DELIANA:
Tonight
The past may come back calling,
The future that we’re stalling,MOKVAR:
And now, within my sight,
DELIANA:
And now, out of my sight,
MOKVAR and DELIANA:
There’s such a fright
That what we’ve done is coming to light…ALL:
Tonight.
Blackout. From either side of the stage, the Horde and Alliance enter the Battlescar in the Southern Barrens. Both groups spread out over their respective sides of the field, then Garrosh and Varian approach each other at center stage, accompanied by Malkorok and Mathias Shaw.
VARIAN: Warchief.
GARROSH: Dickface.
VARIAN: You’re a classy guy, Hellscream, anyone ever tell you that?
GARROSH: I can have them put that on your gravestone if you want.
VARIAN: Are you ready?
GARROSH: To finally put you in the ground? I’ve been ready for that for years.
Varian draws Shalamayne and extends it in front of him.
VARIAN: Your blade?
GARROSH: What about it?
SHAW: If you would let us inspect it for doctoring.
GARROSH: What the hell are you implying?
VARIAN: We’re not implying anything. It’s just customary to examine each other’s weapons so we can see no one is—
MALKOROK: The two-legged rodent is suggesting you would poison your blade, Warchief. For that alone this mongrel will—
GARROSH: You DARE insinuate I would cheat, human?
VARIAN: Obviously, Garrosh, you would never employ questionable methods when faced with honorable combat. Nevertheless.
Varian gestures with Shalamayne. Garrosh grumbles, then begrudgingly draws Gorehowl and holds it in front of him.
SHAW: Thank you, Warchief.
VARIAN: Now then.
GARROSH: Have your people stand back, Varian. This is between you and me.
VARIAN: You do the same.
Garrosh waves to the Horde group, which steps back and spreads in a semicircle from the side of the stage to the background. Varian signals to the Alliance members, who mirror the Horde’s movements.
MALKOROK: Now – begin!
Garrosh and Varian rush at each other and begin to fight as furious music swells. They lunge and parry, circle around the middle of the stage, and match each other’s moves in rhythm with the music. As the duel unfolds, the spectators begin to shout and cheer for their respective leader, until the cacophonous yells begin to blend into a rhythmic chanting that becomes a counterpoint to the music.
Several times over the course of the fight, Garrosh and Varian lock weapons until one of them shoves the other back toward one side of the stage. Each time, they circle around then resume their clash at center stage.
Slowly, in the background, Malkorok begins to make his way closer to the Alliance side of the circle. From under his cloak, he withdraws a long dagger, shining with a sickly green gleam.
Mokvar enters at the edge of the stage. As he arrives, Garrosh and Varian lock blades and rotate around as each tries to outmuscle the other. Garrosh finally gains the upper hand and flings Varian back toward the Alliance side. Malkorok moves toward him from behind, dagger in hand.
MOKVAR: No! Look out!
Mokvar runs to center stage and tackles Varian to the ground, in the process knocking him out of the way of Malkorok’s stab.
FALSTAD: They’re attackin’ His Majesty!
SHAW: That one had a dagger!
MALKOROK: <recovering himself> That treasonous scribe! He’s helping the human!
SHANDRIS: They were never going to honor the duel!
GARROSH: Mokvar! You! If I didn’t see it with my own eyes…!
The two sides rush at each other and begin fighting, largely in the background. At center stage, Garrosh dodges a few Alliance swings, then grabs Mokvar and holds him by his neck while drawing Gorehowl back.
GARROSH: You…traitorous…!
As Garrosh prepares to swing, Varian grabs him from behind – jarring Garrosh enough to make him lose his grip on Mokvar – and plunges Shalamayne through his back and out of his chest.
GARROSH: <looking down at the blade> Oh for fuck’s sake…AGAIN?
MOKVAR: Oh…oh crap…
GARROSH: Also, how come this doesn’t actually hurt? I mean I know I’m badass and all, but…
BARNES: <from offstage> It’s just a glamour, you silly actor – special effects can’t really hurt you.
GARROSH: I… <looking around> Oh…
BARNES: Now stop breaking the fourth wall and get back to your scene!
GARROSH: Aren’t YOU the one—
BARNES: Action!
GARROSH: <sighs> Fine. <flatly> Oh I am slain. Oh agony. Now I shrug off this mortal coil, it is to laugh, the end. And shit.
Garrosh drops to the ground, where he lays mostly still while making a half-hearted attempt to play dead. Around him the fighting rages on between the Horde and Alliance.
LIADRIN: Garrosh!
DONTRAG: He killed the Warchief!
UTVOCH: You bastard!
VARIAN: Victory! Hellscream has fallen! For the Alli—
Garona unstealths behind Varian and stunlocks him, then unleashes a flurry of blows until he drops to the ground.
GARONA: House of Wrynn! Two generations running! Tell Anduin to sleep lightly! Booyah!
Garona stealths again. The two sides continue to battle frantically.
MALKOROK: Now! With Wrynn slain! Now, shamans, show the dogs the first of our surprises!
A handful of dark-clad shaman emerge from the Horde group and begin channeling spells. Several of the surrounding boulders begin to glow, then rise up as molten giants and begin to attack the Alliance.
Jaina enters.
JAINA: By the Light! What’s happening here?!
FALSTAD: The devils ’a broken the agreement!
SHAW: They’ve killed Varian!
The molten giants stomp on several Alliance soldiers and send the group scattering.
JAINA: We have to get out of here! Everyone to me!
The Alliance rush to Jaina, who teleports them away. The shaman stop channeling their spells, and the molten giants collapse back into boulders.
MALKOROK: Horde! The Alliance flees, but they will not escape! Quickly, to Brackenwall Village! We will regroup and bring the fight to them! For the Horde!
The Horde exits, leaving the stage empty save for the bodies of Garrosh and Varian. The stage lights lower, save for dim lights still illuminating the bodies.
GARROSH: Well that sucked.
VARIAN: Yeah, it kind of did.
GARROSH: Yeah.
VARIAN: Still, though…
GARROSH: What?
VARIAN: For the record, I got you.
GARROSH: Fuck you, Varian.
Blackout. In a Theramore tower, Deliana paces the room.
Jaina enters.
DELIANA: Jaina! What happened?
JAINA: <sighs> Varian is dead.
DELIANA: What?! How? You mean now we have to…?
JAINA: It’s not that simple. Varian is dead, but so is Garrosh. I’m still not sure how it all happened – by the time I got there, things had already—
A knock at the door is heard.
JONATHAN: <outside> Lady Proudmoore!
JAINA: Come in, General.
The door opens and General Marcus Jonathan enters, along with Jaina’s night elf bodyguard Pained; the pair holds Mokvar captive.
JONATHAN: Lady Proudmoore, this orc was found lurking outside the city. He didn’t resist capture, but he did insist on speaking with you.
DELIANA: Mokvar!
JAINA: You know him, Deliana?
PAINED: You should be more selective in your friends. Shandris says this is one of the orcs that helped kill Varian.
DELIANA: He what?
MOKVAR: That’s…not entirely accurate.
JONATHAN: That’s enough from you, orc.
DELIANA: There has to have been some mistake.
JONATHAN: There were several, starting with the decision to trust these green-skinned—
JAINA: That’s enough, General. You can leave us. I’d like to have a few words with the prisoner.
JONATHAN: As you wish.
JAINA: You too, Pained. Please wait outside.
PAINED: With all due respect, my lady, my place is—
JAINA: Is where I tell you to go, Pained. I can take care of myself.
PAINED: Yes, ma’am.
Jonathan and Pained exit. Jaina turns to Deliana.
JAINA: How long have you known him?
DELIANA: We go back quite a few years.
JAINA: You trust him?
DELIANA: I’ve spent the last six years hiding in Ironforge for safety. I think he did more to protect me from Orgrimmar in that time than any of the dwarves ever did.
JAINA: <turns to Mokvar> They say you attacked Varian. Here’s your chance to explain.
MOKVAR: I jumped him. That much is true. But I wasn’t attacking him. I was trying to push him out of the way of the one who was.
JAINA: Who, Garrosh? Why would you try to swing the duel against the Horde?
MOKVAR: No, not Garrosh. If it was just him and Varian, I would have stayed out of it. It was Malkorok. He was about to stab Varian from behind.
DELIANA: Malkorok… Of course it was Malkorok.
MOKVAR: It ended up backfiring. Both sides thought I was working against them, and in the chaos, Garrosh was killed. And by that point I don’t think anyone was interested in honoring the terms of the duel.
JAINA: I don’t even know how many on our side will be willing to listen to reason now.
DELIANA: Jaina, can’t you rein them in? You’d have to be one of the highest ranking people left.
JAINA: I can try, but I don’t know how much good it will do. With Anduin still a boy, there’s no clear line of succession, so right now I’m merely one in a sea of voices.
MOKVAR: The Horde is having its own problems with succession, only worse. It looks like Malkorok is effectively taking over.
DELIANA: Oh no…
JAINA: Who is this Malkorok?
MOKVAR: A Blackrock orc who used to work for Rend Blackhand. At least he gave the appearance of it. I don’t think he ever really served anyone or anything other than his own agenda.
JAINA: I take it having him leading the Horde would be bad news for all involved.
MOKVAR: Let’s put it this way. I know Garrosh was no bargain. But this guy? Malkorok would make Garrosh look like Thrall.
JAINA: Do you think there are others in the Horde who will still resist him?
MOKVAR: I know there are others who won’t be thrilled to have him in charge. The only question is whether Malkorok’s managed to scare them into submission.
JAINA: Then you need to go do what you can while there are some who’ll still listen. And if not…
Jaina reaches into a pocket and produces a small, smooth stone with totemic markings, then slips it into Mokvar’s hand.
…I think you know what this is for.
Mokvar nods. Jaina starts to channel a spell, and a portal appears in the room.
Go now – hurry.
MOKVAR: What will you tell the others?
JAINA: You let me worry about that.
DELIANA: Stay safe, Mokvar.
MOKVAR: I think “safe” is long off the board for all of us. But it’s partly our fault this is happening.
DELIANA: I know. Be careful.
MOKVAR: Always am.
Mokvar disappears through the portal.
Blackout. In Brackenwall Village, the Horde group arrives, met by Krog and Draz’Zilb.
KROG: Malkorok? What are you all doing here?
MALKOROK: The human king is slain – but not without a cost! The dogs turned on us with aid from one of our own, and murdered the Warchief!
KROG: They what? Garrosh is dead?
MALKOROK: He is…but we will ensure that he soon finds himself in good company.
FARANELL: Wait, didn’t we have an agreement with the Alliance that the duel would decide control of Kalimdor? And, well, Varian did kill Garrosh before—
Malkorok steps up to Faranell quickly and knocks him down with a vicious blow.
MALKOROK: Unless you wish to lose more pieces of that rotting corpse you call a body, mage, I recommend you choose your words carefully.
Malkorok glares around as some of the group exchange looks in uneasy silence.
UTVOCH: I can’t believe the Warchief died…
DONTRAG: What are we doing now?
DRAZ’ZILB: Surely we can’t let the Warchief’s death go unanswered!
MALKOROK: Nor will we! Listen to me, soldiers of the Horde! I had little doubt the Alliance pigs would show their true colors in this affair, but we will see to it that they pay for their treachery!
Mokvar enters.
Oh, and speaking of treachery! Here’s the dog who turned on his own Warchief to lend aid to the human! Seize him!
Mokvar is apprehended by a pair of Kor’kron and brought closer to the group.
MOKVAR: It’s funny how selective your memory is, Malkorok. I’m a traitor for helping Varian, but you’re awfully quick to gloss over what I was helping him against – we both know it wasn’t Garrosh.
MALKOROK: You think I hide my role, scribe? Hardly – I take pride in it! I came to the aid of my Warchief; you came to the aid of his mortal enemy. Tell me again which of us here should hang his head!
LIADRIN: Wait, you were interfering with the fight? It was supposed to be honorable combat!
MALKOROK: You will be silent, elf!
Malkorok steps toward Liadrin and throws a punch at her; she deflects it with a paladin bubble, then stuns Malkorok with a Hammer of Justice.
LIADRIN: Now now, didn’t your mother teach you not to hit a lady? She would be ashamed.
MALKOROK: <seething as he collects himself> She taught me to crush my foes.
LIADRIN: Then she would be doubly ashamed if the lady in question were to beat you down.
MOKVAR: That’s why I jumped in – to keep him from ambushing Varian and—
MALKOROK: And slaying the leader of our enemy! Are you fool enough to think you serve our Warchief by saving his nemesis?
MOKVAR: Garrosh Hellscream had many failings, but he believed in honor. At least until he started having his steps shadowed by the likes of you.
MALKOROK: In battle, nothing is more honorable than victory.
MOKVAR: Funny, I can think of at least one victory Garrosh would have gladly given back…
MALKOROK: Keep spinning your words, scribe – it’s what a coward like you does, isn’t it?
Malkorok turns to the rest of the group.
The rest of you – what I am calling for is not words. Your fallen Warchief did not spend his days dawdling over words. He sought action. For the safety of the Horde! For the glory of the Horde! So let this scribe lull you into submission with his words – I call on you to act! To avenge your leader! To finally strike the human disease that has too long infected this continent. Will you join me? Or will you sit here, and bandy about words, and wring your hands over niceties – until the Alliance again show themselves for what they are, and again come to enslave our people, and again leave the ground stained with orcish blood?
Many of the Horde troops, including most of the Kor’kron, start to shout in support.
Good! That is the Horde I know! Now, all of you! Follow me, and we will show the Alliance what becomes of those who draw our wrath! To Theramore! More surprises await the humans…
DRAZ’ZILB: None greater than how quickly they’ll fall before us!
KROG: Hell yeah, we’ll roll over the humans so fast they won’t even know what hit them!
MALKOROK: Oh no, soldiers, not quickly – quick is painless. And these humans must be made to suffer for their crimes against our people!
DRAZ’ZILB: Now you’re talking my language!
DONTRAG: <aside> Does this seem a little strange to you?
UTVOCH: <aside> All I know is they killed the Warchief… I guess it makes sense to go after them…
MALKOROK: Every pain these humans have brought to us will be repaid tenfold tonight! You want to avenge your Warchief? Then leave your pity and your mercy here – bring only your rage and your cruelty!
{CRUEL}
MALKOROK:
Horde, Horde, angry Horde,
Get cruel, Horde!
Vow again, gents, for your vengeance,
Get cruelly cruel, Horde!
Don’t relent, ’cause we have spent
Too long holding back.
Set in mind that humankind
Is overdue for some cruel payback.Horde, Horde, vengeful Horde!
Stay fierce, Horde!
From the skies comes their demise,
Bring them to tears, Horde!
Fight, Horde, fight,
Each human we’ll smite, each fool floored.
Unleash, be cruel, Horde,
Real cruel.Mokvar, Liadrin, and Faranell watch the rest of the group march off behind Malkorok.
LIADRIN: I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think I’m actually glad Garrosh didn’t live to see this…
MOKVAR: Yeah…
Mokvar tries to take a step, but is restrained by the two Kor’kron who’ve remained behind, and are still holding him.
<looking back and forth between the Kor’kron> Huh.
One of the Kor’kron slumps over, sapped.
KOR’KRON #2: What the—?
The other Kor’kron turns into a sheep in a puff of smoke.
FARANELL: That’s better.
Garona unstealths behind the sapped guard.
GARONA: You really have a way with people, Mokvar.
MOKVAR: I know, right? Still…thanks for sticking with me. All of you.
LIADRIN: I think we’re about to be outcasts among the outcasts.
FARANELL: Eh. You get used to it.
MOKVAR: I was hoping there would be more who would listen…
LIADRIN: Right now they don’t know what to think. So most of them aren’t.
FARANELL: And the rest of them are Dontrag and Utvoch. So, you know…
GARONA: What was that business about the surprise for Theramore?
LIADRIN: I don’t know, but…wait…that part about it coming from the skies…
FARANELL: What are you thinking?
LIADRIN: <looks up> There’s been a goblin sky galleon circling around the western Barrens all night…
FARANELL: Sending troops in by parachute?
GARONA: He would send a gunship for that. A galleon isn’t designed for troop deployment, just…payload.
LIADRIN: I think he’s planning to use a bomb…
MOKVAR: Jaina’s trying to calm the Alliance down and get them to listen to reason, but that’s off the board if Malkorok escalates things even more.
FARANELL: Remember when this cunning plan was going to spare us a big, messy, drawn-out war?
MOKVAR: I’m hoping we can still limit the damage…
LIADRIN: What do you have in mind?
MOKVAR: For starters – Garona, can you stealth into Theramore? We need you to warn them about what Malkorok’s doing.
GARONA: Wait, you want to warn the Alliance that a Horde attack is coming?
LIADRIN: To keep all of this from getting any further out of hand than it already is.
MOKVAR: And to let them see that not all of the Horde has gone crazy.
GARONA: Ugh, fine. I’ll get in and try to warn them.
LIADRIN: What about Edwin and I? What do you want us to do?
MOKVAR: Run.
LIADRIN: What?
FARANELL: I can handle that.
MOKVAR: Get back to the Eastern Kingdoms.
LIADRIN: Why? We should do something to help here.
FARANELL: Don’t argue with the man. Not-here sounds terrific.
MOKVAR: Look, there’s no telling how much uglier this is going to get for us. If things really go bad in Kalimdor, we need some good people still standing over on the other continent.
LIADRIN: There’s still Sylvanas and Lor’themar to run things there.
MOKVAR: You mean Miss “When in Doubt, Throw More Plague on It”—
FARANELL: You do realize who she has in charge of making all the plague, right?
MOKVAR: —and Mr. “Does Anyone Actually Know Who I Am, and By the Way Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat”?
LIADRIN: Seriously, why does no one ever remember who Lor’themar is?
GARONA: Who?
LIADRIN: <sigh>
MOKVAR: Liadrin, really, I know you want to help, but right now the best way for you to do that is by getting somewhere safe.
LIADRIN: What are you going to do?
MOKVAR: <taking out the stone he’d received from Jaina> I’ve got one more card to try playing.
LIADRIN: Whatever it is, good luck.
MOKVAR: To all of us.
Garona stealths and sneaks off; Faranell teleports himself and Liadrin away. Mokvar holds out the stone, channels a spell for several seconds, then disappears in a green flash.
Blackout. In Theramore, Jaina joins Deliana in the tower above.
JAINA: You haven’t moved since Mokvar left.
DELIANA: <shrugs> As long as I keep looking and not seeing anything, then nothing else is coming apart.
JAINA: Hopefully he’ll be able to convince them.
DELIANA: Hopefully. Thank you for being willing to listen to him.
JAINA: I’ve been rumored to know what it’s like to trust an orc when it’s not a terribly popular thing to do.
Rhonin enters. As he does, stagelights illuminate the Theramore courtyard below, where Garona unstealths. The scene below unfolds as the conversation in the tower continues: Garona is immediately attacked by Pained, Shaw, and a few of the Theramore guards; she attempts to fend off their attacks without actively striking anyone, while trying to talk, but to no avail; eventually more Alliance troops mob her, beating her viciously.
JAINA: Rhonin – any luck calming them down?
RHONIN: <shaking head> No more than you’ve had so far. This entire turn of events is proof of why both sides should have listened when we tried to start peace talks.
JAINA: I don’t think listening was ever the strong suit of either of the leaders involved.
RHONIN: Still, I’m hopeful that given a chance to calm down, they’ll eventually be willing to reconsider.
JAINA: The question is whether they’ll give themselves that chance to calm down.
RHONIN: You think they might do something rash?
JAINA: If they don’t, the Horde might. Either way, we all lose.
Falstad and Jonathan drag a bloodied Garona up to the tower and enter, followed closely by Pained and Shaw.
JONATHAN: Lady Proudmoore, we have another Horde captive!
JAINA: What…what did you do to her?
SHAW: Nothing these orcs don’t deserve.
FALSTAD: Aye, the troops made sure this one’d be takin’ some partin’ gifts, if’n she escapes…
JAINA: This… Is this what it’s come to now? Is this what we’ve reduced ourselves to?
PAINED: We didn’t start this war, my lady.
GARONA: <halting> No…but Malkorok…is coming…coming to finish it.
JAINA: Malkorok! He’s still in charge? Mokvar couldn’t stop him?
GARONA: He…he tried… And then he…he sent me to…to warn you…to… <looks around disgustedly> …to save you…
JAINA: Warn us about what? What is Malkorok doing?
SHAW: <shoving Garona> Answer her, orc!
JAINA: Let her!
GARONA: Malkorok…Malkorok is bringing the Horde to…to attack Theramore…and… <spits out blood, then looks around again angrily> He’s throwing the whole force at the north gate…
PAINED: We can pull everyone into the keep and fortify it, my lady – they’ll never get past the walls without siege engines.
SHAW: Still, I’d recommend sending out an advance force to intercept, maybe thin out their numbers before they can get here.
JAINA: See to that, Mathias. While you go out to meet them, we’ll make sure the city is sealed up tightly. General Jonathan?
JONATHAN: Yes, Lady Proudmoore?
JAINA: I want you, General Redmane, and Admiral Aubrey coordinating the defenses here. I’ll speak to Rhonin about setting up some spells to reinforce the outer gates.
JONATHAN: Yes, ma’am. I’ll relay your orders.
Jonathan runs out. As he releases his grip on Garona, she jerks to one side and pulls free of Falstad’s grip, then stealths.
FALSTAD: Dammit! Where’d tha’ one go?
PAINED: We’re having a very bad day with prisoners today…
JAINA: Never mind that – everyone get to work preparing for the attack.
The other officers exit.
I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this…
DELIANA: I think I see them coming…
JAINA: <sighs> I’d better get down there, then…
Jaina exits; Deliana continues watching from the window.
Blackout. In Dustwallow Marsh, near Theramore, Malkorok enters with the rest of the Horde force, stage left. From stage right, an Alliance group enters, led by Falstad, Shandris, and Shaw.
SHANDRIS: There they are! Stop them! For the Alliance!
The Alliance rushes at the Horde and the two sides begin fighting. Malkorok stands back, surveying the battle and watching the sky. As the fighting rages on, he fires a flare into the sky; after a moment, a blinding burst of light flashes from offstage to the right, as an enormous explosion is heard. The blast throws several of the Alliance on the right side of the stage a good distance to the left, and many of them sprawl on the ground unconscious.
MALKOROK: HAHA! There! It is done! See what becomes of the enemies of the Horde, Alliance dogs! Now, quickly, finish them all, and—
MOKVAR: <offstage> Not so fast!
Mokvar enters in ghost wolf form from stage left, closely followed by Vol’jin mounted on a raptor and Baine Bloodhoof on a kodo.
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon, dere been enough killin’ already taday!
MALKOROK: You! I see the traitor has made friends among the malcontents! No matter, troll, you can watch and learn how—
BAINE: We will watch nothing other than you standing down!
MALKOROK: Stand down! Do you think yourself Warchief now, tauren? Is that an order?
BAINE: No, Malkorok, I know I’m not Warchief. <stares Malkorok down a moment> And yes, that’s an order.
From stage right, Jaina staggers in unsteadily.
Lady Proudmoore!
SHANDRIS: <pulling herself up slowly> Jaina…you…you survived…!
JAINA: Rhonin…Rhonin ported me out of the city at the last second… But he…he…
MOKVAR: <looking offstage to the right> Liana…?
JAINA: <looking back> My…my city…my people… They’re…they’re…
MALKOROK: Enough of this! Soldiers of the Horde, this is our moment – strike down your enemies once and for all, and—
BAINE: They will do nothing of the kind, Malkorok!
VOL’JIN: You be done givin’ orders, mon!
MALKOROK: And who will, troll? You? You think you have any authority to take over here?
VOL’JIN: Funny ting you be askin’, mon.
Another ghost wolf enters behind Vol’jin, Baine, and Mokvar.
I ain’t da one who be takin’ over.
The ghost wolf moves to center stage and transforms into Thrall.
THRALL: I believe you’ve done more than enough today, Malkorok.
MALKOROK: So the prodigal shaman returns! No matter!
Malkorok draws his axes and rushes at Thrall. Before he can reach him, Thrall extends one hand and summons a whirlwind that holds Malkorok suspended above the ground.
THRALL: I’ve faced far more imposing threats than you. More menacing and chilling than the likes of you could even imagine.
MALKOROK: <struggling to break out of the whirlwind> Yes, I know all about your battle with Deathwing, shaman…
THRALL: I was talking about Aggra with morning sickness.
Jaina finally pulls her attention away from the ruined city and approaches center stage, looking around angrily.
JAINA: I tried to tell you… And Rhonin… You did this…all of you…did this with your hate… <starts to build a fireball in her hand> Well now I have some hate of my own…
THRALL: Jaina, no!
JAINA: Don’t try to defend him, Thrall! You see what he did here!
THRALL: <glares over to Malkorok, still suspended> I could care less what happens to this…this. But the rest of my people have done nothing.
Jaina continues gathering the fireball in her hand as she eyes Malkorok. In the background, Dontrag and Utvoch can be seen helping Falstad and Shaw to their feet.
JAINA: Get them out of here.
SHAW: But Jaina, they—
JAINA: Today isn’t the day for anyone to argue with me. Get them together and get them away from here, Go’el.
Thrall nods, then gestures to Vol’jin and Baine.
BAINE: All of you, come and come quickly.
VOL’JIN: Time ta make ourselves invisible like da Lich King’s horse!
BAINE: You really need a new joke. Seriously.
The Horde slowly makes its way offstage to the left; Baine and Vol’jin follow them. Mokvar finally pulls himself away from the sight of Theramore and slowly walks across the stage, stopping to stare a moment at Malkorok as he goes, then exits as well. Jaina’s gaze never moves from Malkorok.
JAINA: We’ve all lost a great deal to this conflict… <looks back over her shoulder> All of you…leave us.
The Alliance members trickle out; Shaw is the last one to linger at the edge of the stage.
SHAW: Um, actually, strictly speaking, there isn’t anyplace for us to go to anymo—
JAINA: Get OUT, Mathias.
SHAW: Random swamp wandering it is, yes ma’am.
Shaw exits.
JAINA: You should go, too, Thrall.
THRALL: I suspect there are more than a few pieces to pick up back in Orgrimmar.
JAINA: You should go help pick them up, then.
THRALL: I’m sorry for your people, Jaina.
JAINA: A lot of us are sorry. Or will be.
Thrall releases Malkorok and starts to walk away.
MALKOROK: The great Warchief! That’s it, is it? You side with this human over your own kind!
THRALL: <continuing to walk away without looking back> You are not my kind, Malkorok.
Thrall exits.
MALKOROK: Don’t you walk away from me when I’m—
Malkorok starts to move toward Thrall but is stopped when Jaina unleashes her fireball on the ground in front of him, cutting off his path with a wide patch of flame.
JAINA: Malkorok, is it? I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Jaina Proudmoore. <summons another fireball in her hand> I think it’s time we had a long, long – terribly long, really, and maybe unnecessarily slow – talk.
The curtain closes. Just as it does, a bright red flash can be seen through the heavy cloth, accompanied by an orcish voice crying out. The remaining stage lights go out.
The mad bomber of Zul’Gurub
After I sent up my signal, I waited with Mortimer at the gates of Zul’Gurub. I was able to see roughly which way Tembw’bam was flying – he looked to be keeping at a fairly high altitude and moving toward the far end of the ruins. Probably not heading to any of the central structures, but hard to say for sure.
Krog and Mokvar showed up fairly quickly, and brought some extra support with them – Nimboya from Grom’gol, and one of Nimboya’s Bambala contacts, Kil’karil. (Side note: Kil’karil is like the only troll I’ve ever met who’s made ANY effort at all to get rid of that idiotic accent they all seem to have. I guess the dude worked with a speech coach at some point, because every so often, when he really bears down, he’s actually able to talk like, you know, a normal person. When he’s feeling a lot of stress he tends to lose focus, though, and lapse back to old habits, but hey, at least he’s trying, I suppose.)
Once we were all gathered, we made our way inside. Zul’Gurub is mostly empty these days – after Jin’do tried to do his mojo on ghost-Hakkar and got his ass smacked down by Horde adventurers last year, the rest of the Gurubashi have mostly cleared out. Not sure if they’ve just scattered around Stranglethorn, or taken off to somewhere else, but you only ever see a few stragglers hanging around their old stomping grounds these days. At this point the only residents seem to be – you guessed it – animals.
We split up to make a sweep through the ruins – Mokvar and me (Team Orc!) to the north, Nimboya and Kil’karil (Team Troll!) to the south, and Krog (Team Sneaky Bugger!) stealthing around doing his roguey recon thing.
As we were passing by Bethekk’s old temple, Mokvar and I ran into a bunch of panthers, most of which were rocking a couple pieces of leather or mail gear. Nothing we couldn’t handle, between me bladestorming and Mokvar throwing down an earthquake or two. While we were fighting them off, though, we spotted our old friend again – Tembw’bam was swooping on by, into the temple. Once we’d finished off the panthers, we went in after him, but tried to stay quiet so we could maybe see what he was up to.
The temple was mostly empty as far as signs of life were concerned – unless you count about a zillion rats (not equipped with knives and helmets this time, mercifully) – but as far as signs of death? Total overstock. There were skeletons scattered around the place, with weapons and armor scattered around the bones. It looked like a whole bunch of somebodies managed to die on their way through this place once upon a time, and their old gear was left behind as a memento.
Eventually, we made our way to the inner chamber, where Arlokk, and later Kilnara, had set up shop until they were defeated. Now the room just serves as the innermost pile of skeletons and gear in the building. We snuck in as quietly as we could, and peeked in. Sure enough, our boy Tembw’bam was bouncing around, stuffing gear into bags like some kind of backwards hyperactive Greatfather Winter. (I STILL want to know how he managed to load that much shit into a backpack, by the way.) Still yammering on and on to himself, by the way, something along the lines of…actually, you know what, fucking Mokvar was there. See for yourself:
Tembw’bam runs erratically around the chamber, shoving gear into a number of bags.
TEMBW’BAM: …that’s what ya gotta do, mon, ya gotta keep the line movin’, mon! Hah! HahahaHAH! And so he says to me, he says, ya wanna be a hero? And I say, YAH MON! It gonna be bad! Bad, mon So bad it good, mon! HAHA! I be makin’ da gravy wit’out da lumps, mon! HAHAHAH!
He picks up a warhammer and swings it around awkwardly, almost falling over multiple times.
TEMBW’BAM: Swing an’ miss, mon! Turn of da screw! It’s da bottom of da ninth an’ da dog an’ pony be showin’ da ropes, mon! HAHAHAHAH!
He shifts into cat form and leaps across the room, then starts shoveling gear into a nearby satchel with both paws.
TEMBW’BAM: So he says ta me, he says ta me, you got style, mon! But you gotta get a plan! You need a plan, mon! And I says, I go, YAH MON, a plan, dat’s it! Tembw’bam gonna arm me army! Arm me army, arm me army arm me army armmearmy armarmymarmy army army ARM ’DEM MON! And kill all da two-legs! YAH, MON, YAH! HAHAHAHA!
MOKVAR: <aside to Garrosh> Wow, you weren’t kidding about this guy.
GARROSH: No shit, right?
Tembw’bam perks a cat ear and looks back at the doorway, spotting Garrosh and Mokvar.
MOKVAR: Uh oh.
GARROSH: Oops.
Everyone stares at each other for several seconds. Tembw’bam turns back into a troll.
TEMBW’BAM: Oh. Um. <long pause while he looks around nervously> Um…hhhhhhhhhhey, mon.
GARROSH: Um.
MOKVAR: Uh, hey?
GARROSH: So. About this whole deal here with the bags.
Tembw’bam starts pushing random gear around the floor with his feet.
TEMBW’BAM: Oh, dat, mon? Oh, ya know, I just be tryin’ ta neaten up in here, it be all messy, ya know, just an eyesore when it be such a nice place when ya keep it nice…an’…uh…an’…AN’ HE SAYS, EVIL BE OKAY IN MY BOOK, MON, HOW ’BOUT YOURS? An’ I go, I says, YAH MON YAH! YAH!
Tembw’bam suddenly shapeshifts into cat form and pounces Garrosh, knocking him to the floor.
GARROSH: Fucking hell—!
TEMBW’BAM: Dead mon walkin’, mon! Dead mon on da trapeze! AN OBJECT AT REST CANNOT BE STOPPED, MON!
Tembw’bam dashes past Garrosh and Mokvar through the doorway and runs up the stairs.
GARROSH: Seriously, would it kill you to put the pen down when shit like that starts happening to me?
So yeah, can you believe that shit?
We ran upstairs as fast as we could, but I’m guessing he must have stealthed once he got outside. Mokvar and I started making our way further east, then south, and tried to check around as many corners as we could on the way.
After we’d cleared out a bunch of random wandering snakes (which were wearing plate chest pieces, which, y’know, ONE DOES WHEN ONE IS A SNAKE), we passed by what’s left of High Priest Thekal’s old area. It’s mostly destroyed and collapsed in on itself since the Cataclysm, just heaps of stone and fallen walls, but I thought I heard something in there, so we stopped to have a look-see. When we got closer, I thought the noises were coming from behind some of the rubble, so I yanked a few of the stone blocks out of the way. (YES I can just toss stone blocks around like that, pansies – that’s what fucking happens when you actually know what the inside of the gym looks like.) Turns out, there was a fucking TIGER back there! Only I guess the thing was trapped, who knows for how long, so it wasn’t really hostile, just eager to get the hell out of there.
Funny thing is, once it was free, the tiger didn’t seem too interested in outright leaving – it just sort of stayed close by and followed me around for a while. I guess maybe it was grateful that I’d gotten it free or something? Eventually from the way the tiger kept leaning down when it was close, I took a guess that it was trying to offer to let me ride on its back. Which, okay, that’s all kinds of cool. Don’t get me wrong – Mortimer is awesome and all, but riding around on a tiger is pretty damn badass. Mokvar whined a little about not getting to ride it too, but hey, I don’t share rides that way with other dudes, and plus, he’s got his damn wolf form or whatever. What’s up with shaman who can’t seem to remember they can do that, anyway?
Anyhow, we took off from Thekal’s corner and started heading south. Near the path leading up to Bloodlord Mandokir’s old digs, we found Nimboya and Kil’karil fighting off a bunch of raptors…which were wearing leather bomber helmets. Yeah. Meanwhile, everybody’s favorite nutjob druid was swooping around swiping at our guys while they were busy dealing with the raptors. When he saw us coming in to join the fight, though, he was smart enough to figure he’d better make himself scarce, and flew up out of our reach.
There was a large troll temple overlooking the path we were on, built into the surrounding hills. While we got the raptors under control, Tembw’bam flew up to the temple and disappeared through an arch for a minute, then came flying back out – and started flinging saronite bombs down at us, doing his patented ranting all the while…
TEMBW’BAM: An’ so he says, I don’t like the cut o’ ya jib! And I says, I go, it’s da only jib I got, mon! HAHAHAHAHA!
Garrosh, Mokvar, Nimboya, and Kil’karil scatter, trying to avoid the falling bombs.
KIL’KARIL: What be dis guy’s problem, mon?!
GARROSH: <smacking a bomb away with Gorehowl, only to have it detonate just in front of him and knock him back> Including or in addition to being totally fucking nuts?
TEMBW’BAM: <swooping over, dropping more bombs> Yah! Boom, mon, boom! Eat saronite, two-legs! HAHAHA!
GARROSH: Dude, what fucking species do you think YOU are?
MOKVAR: Arguing with the crazy guy might not be the best plan.
GARROSH: How about you come talk to me about tactical options after you put the fucking notebook away?
Tembw’bam starts to circle around to make another bombing swoop, when Mortimer flies in and collides with him, knocking him back and causing him to drop his remaining bombs into one of the nearby walls. Tembw’bam hits the ground hard, then pulls himself up to his feet as a troll.
GARROSH: Okay, now we’re in business!
MOKVAR: You really need to give that wyvern a raise at some point.
Tembw’bam casts Hibernate on Mortimer, putting him to sleep in mid-air and causing him to crash to the ground. Garrosh charges at Tembw’bam, who casts Typhoon and knocks him back into the rest of the group.
TEMBW’BAM: Ha! Haha! HAHAHA! For every action, dere be an equal an’ opposite stitch in time, mon! HAHA! An’ so I says ta him, tell me I be wrong, an’ he says, he goes, I can’t, mon, ’cause you’re n—
Tembw’bam’s ranting is interrupted when Krog unstealths behind him and stun-locks him.
KROG: Oh. Shut. Up, laughing boy.
GARROSH: Oh thank goodness.
KIL’KARIL: Well he truly is a piece of work, now isn’t he?
MOKVAR: Hang on, what’s up with your voice, Kil?
KIL’KARIL: What about my voice? I haven’t a notion what you mean.
NIMBOYA: Don’ try to get into it wit’ him, mon.
GARROSH: <sprinting back over to Tembw’bam> Okay, so finally…
Tembw’bam breaks out of Krog’s stun, shapeshifts into bear form, and bashes Krog. He immediately shifts to cat form and tries to leap away, but is intercepted by Garrosh, who grabs him tightly by the scruff of his neck.
GARROSH: <holding Tembw’bam at arm’s length while he flails around futilely> Not so fast there, batshit.
TEMBW’BAM: You’ll never prove a t’ing, mon! I’m just a part-time herbalist! I— I— I…
KROG: Uh, we’ve got like a room full of witnesses who saw—
TEMBW’BAM: BAD IS GOOD, MON! DOWN WIT’ DA TWO-LEGS!
MOKVAR: Again, arguing with the insane? Not really worth it.
So, we finally managed to get that fucker under wraps. By this point, Mortimer was back up and about – he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him when he crash landed, but he wasn’t any worse for wear other than a few bruises – so he and I flew up to that temple that Tembw’bam was zipping in and out of. Inside, there were frigging MOUNTAINS of gear, and bags scattered all around the place. Pretty much any kind of weapon or armor you could think of, most of it showing some wear and tear but still plenty usable.
We made another sweep around Zul’Gurub, but only found a handful of other geared-up animals. There were a few other areas where there was a pretty large amount of gear laying around on the ground among skeletons, especially up on top of the Altar of the Blood God, where Jin’do was trying to do his thing on Hakkar. I’m thinking Tembw’bam may have been flying around in here gathering up all the equipment that had been dropped by adventurers who’d come into ZG and gotten their asses killed. Granted, given the quality of some of this crap, I can see why they didn’t have a whole lot of success, but still. Who knows how many places he’d been doing this in.
I’m having Tembw’bam ferried off to – let’s just say – a secure place to be held and kept out of trouble. Meanwhile, I’m on my way back to Orgrimmar, where all of a sudden I’ve got to find some more stable space for the tiger. Maybe in a pen next to the camel. We’ll see.
Welcome to the jungle
We’ve spent a good solid day investigating in Stranglethorn Vale, without a whole lot to show for it. On the way down, I arranged to have Mokvar and Krog take the zeppelin down with me. Figured it would help to bring a record-keeper, plus a trained investigator who can do a little stealthing around.
Based on the conversations I had with the DEHTA people – or, well, what I remember of them – our most likely suspect in the animal-arming weirdness is a troll named Tembw’bam, who used to hang with the DEHTA guys until he decided they weren’t hardcore enough for him over the whole animal rights thing. Yes, you read that right. According to what they tell me, this Tembw’bam dude went so crazy living in his animal forms that he basically renounced being a humanoid. Like he looked at the animals, and looked at the other people, and went over to the animals like “Fuck that shit, I’m with you guys.” Which to be fair, I don’t know if I can blame him, depending on the people he had surrounding him. I mean, lock me in a room with Dontrag and Utvoch for a few days and self-identifying as a meerkat might start to sound pretty good to me, too.
Anyway, once we arrived here, Commander Aggro’gosh put some of his scouts at our disposal, and we started sending out search parties led by me, Mokvar, and Krog. I even stopped by the Nesingwary base camp with my group to check in, although I have to say, it’s kind of disappointing dropping by there. I mean, I hear the camp is spruced up a lot now compared to what it was like back in the day, but here’s the thing. As much as the facilities might be better, it just isn’t what you’d call a no-kidding-around on-top-of-shit hunter’s camp. Look, I’ve met Hemet Nesingwary. I went hunting with him a few times back in Nagrand. THAT dude is the real deal as far as big game hunting goes. His kid, Hemet Jr.? Total slacker. You can tell his heart’s not really in it – he’d really rather be focusing on his music, or some shit like that – and it shows. But you know how it goes. The boss takes off and leaves his son in charge of the company, nobody can say anything because, hey, it’s the boss’ fucking kid, but the kid doesn’t really know the business well enough to ride the staff the way the old man would, and so everything gets lax and sloppy. Fucking legacy kids.
I tried talking to Hemet Jr. some, but between him and the other hunters at the camp, the best I could get was confirmation of there being a lot of animals turning up with weapons and armor on them. Tigers especially lately, for whatever reason. That might just be because there’s a decent tiger population near the camp, or maybe because there’s more to it, who knows – and by the way, can I just say again? Hemet SR. would have been able to put some tracking on that shit and get an idea of what’s what. No such luck with HJ.
We’ll keep at it a little longer, and hopefully something will turn up. While we were making the rounds, Nimboya sent word to some of his people over in Bambala, and we just had a troll hunting party stop by the base here, so maybe we’ll get a lead there. More soon.
News from two fronts
Everything is going on schedule – maybe better – with the ogres and their move from Brackenwall Village to Alcaz Island. General Nazgrim has gone to Dustwallow Marsh to personally oversee everything, and set up base in Brackenwall with everyone who’ll be going with him on the initial strike on Theramore. The remaining ogres have been moving to Alcaz in small groups, with infantry escorts scouting the terrain around their travel path to make sure they’re not being observed.
One interesting development in the midst of all this: one of the relocation groups have reported that while just making their way out of Brackenwall Village, they had a run-in with a Grimtotem warrior. “Run-in” in the sense that the tauren was making a bee line to Brackenwall, and just happened to run up on the travel party on the way. Either way, she didn’t much care about being intercepted, and only seemed concerned about finding Horde personnel, essentially to turn herself in. When they took her into custody, she insisted she needed to be brought to Orgrimmar. Nazgrim is going to question her in the village and then see about sending her along this way, depending on whether he sees something fishy in the works. We ARE talking about a Grimtotem, after all, but then again, Magatha’s been largely on the outs with her own tribe ever since her last little scheme, so who knows.
Meanwhile, we’ve got news from the investigations in Stonetalon, and the bottom line could be good or not depending on how you want to look at it. Dontrag and Utvoch didn’t have much luck finding a whole lot of anything, other than tripping into one of those huge sludge pools at the Sludgewerks and finding themselves a giant sludge monster that hit them with some kind of sludge breath and sludge sludge sludge if I have to hear either one of them say “sludge” one more time I might have to behead them. Which I’m right on the edge of doing half the time anyway.
Krog, on the other hand, managed to have better luck. He was stealthing around near Farwatcher’s Glen, on the outskirts of their graveyard – where he found our old friend Grebo. Or what was left of him. According to Krog, the body was in pretty bad shape, had obviously been hacked up pretty badly by someone, or probably multiple someones. So safe to say Grebo didn’t meet a good end. Shiny. I only wish I could have been there to have been a part of it. Still, we don’t know WHO did us the favor of offing him, or why they decided to chuck the body off into the bushes to rot.
Still…as much as I’d like to let him KEEP rotting, at this point I’m not leaving anything else to chance. I’m having the body transported to Malaka’jin, where it’ll be burned on a funeral pyre. Normally I would send something like this to Cliffwalker Post, but that’s only going to dredge up painful memories for Overlord Cliffwalker. Odds are he and I would draw even in the Who Hates Grebo More competition, so I figure I’ll spare him having to deal with this one.
Burn well, Grebo. I’m sure, wherever you are now, you already are.
I am become death
If you’ve been paying attention lately, you might have noticed I’ve been having a lot of contact with some of our people down in Brackenwall Village – Krog about the goings-on in Stonetalon, Draz’Zilb about his potential uber-corruption spell. It hasn’t been a coincidence.
No surprise to anyone that I’ve been on a pretty steady boil ever since I realized that Varian and Jaina were in the guild and must have heard me talking about where I was going with my mother last week. I don’t know why I should be shocked by anything these humans do at this point. Thing is, though, Varian I can at least see. I mean, make no mistake, I hate that motherfucker, but at least it makes sense for him to have it in for me as well, and he’s not one to make any pretenses about it. We’ve had bad blood going back to the Violet Citadel, probably further, not to mention he’s a hateful dimwitted warmongering orc-hating bigot, so of course he would grab any opportunity to strike at me. And if an innocent has to die in the process, all the better. It’s Varian. I get it.
But Jaina? THAT sticks in my craw. Let’s even set aside all the joking around and clowning I do on her and all the cracks about her being a slut which granted they’re totally true but not really germane to the conversation right now. But this is the woman who tried to play herself off as Little Miss Peacemaker. Always playing the diplomat, coming off like she’s the level-headed human willing to yank Varian back when he’s being an asshole (which, admittedly, probably kept her pretty busy). Always hiding behind her incomprehensible friendship with Thrall, like that made her better and nobler than the rest of her kind. Like she just wants to be our friend too.
And she was a part of this. Even if she wasn’t taking action herself, she knew. She was there. And all the while she probably kept on wearing her “Oh dear me, why can’t we all work together?” fake smile.
So guess what our first target is going to be.
I’ve been meeting with General Nazgrim to work out the logistics for our first strike on Theramore. We’re planning two waves. The first will be a ground strike launched out of Brackenwall, hitting the main gate of the city with several infantry detachments with artillery support. That initial wave will serve two purposes: one, to break down the city’s outer defenses and allow our troops to make their way inside, and two, to keep Theramore’s defenses focused on the main gate, while the second wave comes in by sea and hits the harbor.
The second wave will be the key one, and deceptively small. We’ll be bringing quite a few ships, but very few troops aside from the actual crews necessary to navigate the vessels. The real purpose of the naval strike will be to hit the harbor, land, and get a single squadron to deliver the real centerpiece of the attack: Draz’Zilb, bearer of the new experimental chain corruption spell.
Remember how I mentioned Draz’Zilb’s spell sounded promising, but needed to be tested until controlled conditions? Well Theramore is going to be our field test. Our troops are going to get Draz’Zilb into the city long enough for him to find a decent-size cluster of humans, cast the spell, and then get back to the harbor while the chain reaction begins. Once the spell is deployed, our incursion group will fire off a signal to let all our troops know it’s underway. At that point, EVERYONE will head to the ships – the ground troops near the front gate can be making their way around the outer walls toward the shore – and then get out of there by sea. Hence bringing so many ships when we didn’t have that many troops in the naval group.
It works out perfectly, really. Theramore makes the ideal test target: a solitary human colony, densely populated but easy enough to isolate. As much as Dustwallow Marsh is swarming with life, it’s mostly spiders, crocolisks…nothing that isn’t expendable. Black dragonkin, the last leftovers of Onyxia’s brood? Good riddance. Yeah, a couple Grimtotem settlements, but do you think I’m going to shed any tears over them? The whole marsh is separated from the rest of Kalimdor by mountains and sea, perfectly enclosed. No spreading of the chain corruption beyond that one zone, however it plays out.
I love when things work out neatly like that.
Nazgrim and I are getting the last details sorted out. I even got a couple of the goblins from the Gob Squad to come in and put together a scale model of Theramore and its environs for us here in the war room, to help plan out troop and ship placement.
The only small wrinkle is the ogres in Brackenwall, seeing as we don’t want to end up wiping them all out with the corruption. Would be kind of rude, what with it being Draz’Zilb’s spell and all. So I’m having most of the ogre population – the ones who won’t be going on the actual attack – relocated temporarily to Alcaz Island. They’ll be safely isolated there until everything blows over, plus we can even use the island as a staging ground for the naval strike.
Preparations are already underway. I’ve had the ogres moving in small numbers for the last couple of days, so we can do it gradually enough not to draw attention. A couple more days and they should be safely situated on the island, and then we’ll be ready to start. And if things go according to plan, pretty soon Sylvanas’ plague will have some competition over on the other continent.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
March of the dead
Word just in from Ashenvale – Captain Tarkan’s scouts have found the surviving human from the attack in Demon Fall Canyon. Or, what’s left of him. His remains were found in Talondeep Vale. From the looks of it he was making a run for the Talondeep Pass and just didn’t make it before his injuries caught up with him.
The body had nothing with it other than some minimal survival gear. In other words…the human body was the only body they found. No sign of Lakkara. So…either the human passed her body off to someone else sometime before he died, or…I don’t know what. I’d rather not think about any more possibilities, honestly.
The human was probably trying to make it through the pass into Stonetalon Mountains. I suppose he COULD have been heading for Stardust Spire, but if his goal was to get to a friendly Alliance outpost, considering his injuries, it would have made a lot more sense for him to make a run for Raynewood Retreat or Forest Song, both of which would have been a lot closer. So we have to figure he was headed for Stonetalon.
I’m not sure why, though. I don’t know why Stonetalon rather that somewhere else, especially while he was carrying Lakkara’s remains. But I’m more than a little troubled by the fact that that’s where the business with Grebo got started as well. Somehow or other Stonetalon is in the middle of this.
I’m reassigning Krog from Brackenwall Village to Cliffwalker Post, and sending word to Overlord Cliffwalker that I want Dontrag and Utvoch sent out to do some additional scouting. I want Krog’s detective skills up there – his abilities as an inspector will be a lot more helpful there than with the current goings-on in Dustwallow Marsh – but otherwise I’d rather keep the search efforts limited to those already in the know.
Updates as they become available.
Polyphonic pro moronic
After my trip up to Hyjal a few weeks ago – the Twilight’s Hammer crackdown part, not the grabby dryad part – things have quieted down some up there, but there’ve still been a few random Twilight flare-ups here and there. Mostly they seem to have gotten fewer and farther between, but every so often I’ve been getting reports of them turning up again. Usually the reports end with them promptly getting smacked down by our people.
I just got another heads-up from Stonetalon. First the basic information itself: Dontrag and Utvoch (of course) were making a scouting sweep around Battlescar Valley, doing a little followup on the skirmishes we’ve had there with Alliance forces, when they ran into another one of the faceless ones we’d found down around Thal’darah Grove. It must have been the runt of the faceless litter, because D&U were able to smack it down pretty easily, but they decided to have an extra look around the area. A rare non-retarded move by those two, I know. It happens.
Turns out, this was creepily close to the makeshift graveyard that we’d set up in the valley after everything that had gone down there some months back. They found a few signs that someone had been poking around there, but the main disturbing news item was that one of the graves had been dug up – specifically, former General Grebo. (Okay, I’m not sure why I felt the need to call him “former General” – I mean yeah, he ended up dying in disgrace and relinquished his rank as a result, but, I mean, he’s dead. He’s pretty much “former” everything.) Someone had dug up Grebo’s grave. It was empty. I’m not sure I want to think about what they want with his remains, but when your best case scenario is that someone decided to Calder Gray it up, that can’t be a happy thing. I may get Krog up there to do some checking around.
Anyway, that’s the basic information itself, which obviously isn’t fun. But on top of it, the news came to me from D&U themselves, which tells you right there that just GETTING the update was even LESS fun. Because I think I’ve just discovered ANOTHER down side to the whole Earth Online situation – the two of them decided to deliver this little tidbit to me IN TELLS while I was ON THE GAME. Which, first of all, that’s supposed to be my down time, to relax. Second of all, there are actually OFFICIAL CHANNELS they could use to report things, which would not involve intruding on the aforementioned down time, and, you know, distracting me with WTF news while I’m trying not to die to an elite. And then, just to finish off, the pickle on the crap sandwich of the whole situation if you will, the TWO of them decided they were going to deliver the news by BOTH getting into whispers with me, INDIVIDUALLY, at the SAME TIME.
Read that again. Once more. Now think about that. Are your ears bleeding yet? No? Read it one more time then. Now think about it some more.
See?
Do you have ANY IDEA how frustrating it is to try to drag a story out of TWO mental defectives SIMULTANEOUSLY, on the same topic, while trying to keep straight which idiot has told you what, and half the time it’s all you can do to keep straight which one of them is which? It’s like fucking moron stereo with extra reverb, turned up to eleven.
I think I need to roll an alt.
