Tag Archives: ogres
Thunderlord Stronghold
While I’m here in Outland, I figured I would make a few stops and see what’s been going on out here since I left for Azeroth. Today I flew up to Thunderlord Stronghold in Blade’s Edge Mountains today and paid a visit to Rexxar. I knew Rexxar mostly by reputation before he moved out here years ago, and we ended up meeting briefly a couple times before I wound up making the move to Azeroth to take charge of the Northrend campaign. He remembered me well enough, although it would be nice if I could maybe meet him at some point and have him refer to me some way other than “Oh yeah, Grom’s kid.”
I tried floating the idea of him coming back to Orgrimmar with me and taking a position as an advisor, but he wasn’t interested in leaving Blade’s Edge or getting himself tangled up in politics. Can’t really blame him on that one. I think he told Thrall the same once before, which I can respect, although it’s kind of a waste for as big a badass as him to just be hanging out here in the middle of nowhere.
Mostly, though, we ended up talking animals. Pretty much as soon as I got there, Rexxar’s bear Misha took a liking to Mortimer, and the two of them spent most of the day chasing each other around playing. Which got Rexxar and I talking about them, and if you know people who have pets – or are one yourself – you know what happens when you get two pet people together. Worse than people with kids…not least of all because people who have kids don’t really give a shit about what the other people have to say about theirs. They mostly just nod politely until it’s their turn to talk about their own little snot-nose. Pet people, though, they just eat up each other’s stories, and they’ll yammer on all day if you let them. Poor Gor’drek and Nekthar made themselves pretty scarce pretty fast.
Funny story, though – turns out, while Rexxar was still living in Kalimdor and wandering around in Feralas and Desolace, somehow or other he ran into that forest nymph Mylune. Which is never a good thing when you’re traveling with a furry animal. So…I’m sure you can fill in this part…she right off started getting all grabby and huggy with Misha. But here’s where it gets great – Misha would have none of that shit, and after she went and ignored a “You might not want to do that” from Rexxar, the bear fucking MAULED her. HAH! So we had a good old time comparing fail-notes on that nutjob.
Also talked a little to Tor’chunk Twoclaws (yeah, that really is the dude’s name, and yeah, I feel for him too) (*chortle*), who tells me the ogre troubles they used to have up there have quieted down a lot the last couple years. Seeing as we always had all kinds of headaches with the ogres down in Nagrand, I’m always kind of interested in how people in other areas have been getting on with the fat fuckers. According to Tor’chunk (honestly, not trying to be mean, but I just can’t get past that name), the Bladespire ogres up there recognized a new king a ways back – something about someone gaining the blessing of Ogri’la, which the Bladespires talk about like some mysterious, mystical place even though it’s right there on the fucking maps. Since then they seem to have calmed down a lot. I’m kind of curious about this, to tell you the truth, so I might have to swing by and introduce myself to this new king guy, one leader to another. Because I’m nothing if not a smooth diplomat.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
News from two fronts
Everything is going on schedule – maybe better – with the ogres and their move from Brackenwall Village to Alcaz Island. General Nazgrim has gone to Dustwallow Marsh to personally oversee everything, and set up base in Brackenwall with everyone who’ll be going with him on the initial strike on Theramore. The remaining ogres have been moving to Alcaz in small groups, with infantry escorts scouting the terrain around their travel path to make sure they’re not being observed.
One interesting development in the midst of all this: one of the relocation groups have reported that while just making their way out of Brackenwall Village, they had a run-in with a Grimtotem warrior. “Run-in” in the sense that the tauren was making a bee line to Brackenwall, and just happened to run up on the travel party on the way. Either way, she didn’t much care about being intercepted, and only seemed concerned about finding Horde personnel, essentially to turn herself in. When they took her into custody, she insisted she needed to be brought to Orgrimmar. Nazgrim is going to question her in the village and then see about sending her along this way, depending on whether he sees something fishy in the works. We ARE talking about a Grimtotem, after all, but then again, Magatha’s been largely on the outs with her own tribe ever since her last little scheme, so who knows.
Meanwhile, we’ve got news from the investigations in Stonetalon, and the bottom line could be good or not depending on how you want to look at it. Dontrag and Utvoch didn’t have much luck finding a whole lot of anything, other than tripping into one of those huge sludge pools at the Sludgewerks and finding themselves a giant sludge monster that hit them with some kind of sludge breath and sludge sludge sludge if I have to hear either one of them say “sludge” one more time I might have to behead them. Which I’m right on the edge of doing half the time anyway.
Krog, on the other hand, managed to have better luck. He was stealthing around near Farwatcher’s Glen, on the outskirts of their graveyard – where he found our old friend Grebo. Or what was left of him. According to Krog, the body was in pretty bad shape, had obviously been hacked up pretty badly by someone, or probably multiple someones. So safe to say Grebo didn’t meet a good end. Shiny. I only wish I could have been there to have been a part of it. Still, we don’t know WHO did us the favor of offing him, or why they decided to chuck the body off into the bushes to rot.
Still…as much as I’d like to let him KEEP rotting, at this point I’m not leaving anything else to chance. I’m having the body transported to Malaka’jin, where it’ll be burned on a funeral pyre. Normally I would send something like this to Cliffwalker Post, but that’s only going to dredge up painful memories for Overlord Cliffwalker. Odds are he and I would draw even in the Who Hates Grebo More competition, so I figure I’ll spare him having to deal with this one.
Burn well, Grebo. I’m sure, wherever you are now, you already are.
I am become death
If you’ve been paying attention lately, you might have noticed I’ve been having a lot of contact with some of our people down in Brackenwall Village – Krog about the goings-on in Stonetalon, Draz’Zilb about his potential uber-corruption spell. It hasn’t been a coincidence.
No surprise to anyone that I’ve been on a pretty steady boil ever since I realized that Varian and Jaina were in the guild and must have heard me talking about where I was going with my mother last week. I don’t know why I should be shocked by anything these humans do at this point. Thing is, though, Varian I can at least see. I mean, make no mistake, I hate that motherfucker, but at least it makes sense for him to have it in for me as well, and he’s not one to make any pretenses about it. We’ve had bad blood going back to the Violet Citadel, probably further, not to mention he’s a hateful dimwitted warmongering orc-hating bigot, so of course he would grab any opportunity to strike at me. And if an innocent has to die in the process, all the better. It’s Varian. I get it.
But Jaina? THAT sticks in my craw. Let’s even set aside all the joking around and clowning I do on her and all the cracks about her being a slut which granted they’re totally true but not really germane to the conversation right now. But this is the woman who tried to play herself off as Little Miss Peacemaker. Always playing the diplomat, coming off like she’s the level-headed human willing to yank Varian back when he’s being an asshole (which, admittedly, probably kept her pretty busy). Always hiding behind her incomprehensible friendship with Thrall, like that made her better and nobler than the rest of her kind. Like she just wants to be our friend too.
And she was a part of this. Even if she wasn’t taking action herself, she knew. She was there. And all the while she probably kept on wearing her “Oh dear me, why can’t we all work together?” fake smile.
So guess what our first target is going to be.
I’ve been meeting with General Nazgrim to work out the logistics for our first strike on Theramore. We’re planning two waves. The first will be a ground strike launched out of Brackenwall, hitting the main gate of the city with several infantry detachments with artillery support. That initial wave will serve two purposes: one, to break down the city’s outer defenses and allow our troops to make their way inside, and two, to keep Theramore’s defenses focused on the main gate, while the second wave comes in by sea and hits the harbor.
The second wave will be the key one, and deceptively small. We’ll be bringing quite a few ships, but very few troops aside from the actual crews necessary to navigate the vessels. The real purpose of the naval strike will be to hit the harbor, land, and get a single squadron to deliver the real centerpiece of the attack: Draz’Zilb, bearer of the new experimental chain corruption spell.
Remember how I mentioned Draz’Zilb’s spell sounded promising, but needed to be tested until controlled conditions? Well Theramore is going to be our field test. Our troops are going to get Draz’Zilb into the city long enough for him to find a decent-size cluster of humans, cast the spell, and then get back to the harbor while the chain reaction begins. Once the spell is deployed, our incursion group will fire off a signal to let all our troops know it’s underway. At that point, EVERYONE will head to the ships – the ground troops near the front gate can be making their way around the outer walls toward the shore – and then get out of there by sea. Hence bringing so many ships when we didn’t have that many troops in the naval group.
It works out perfectly, really. Theramore makes the ideal test target: a solitary human colony, densely populated but easy enough to isolate. As much as Dustwallow Marsh is swarming with life, it’s mostly spiders, crocolisks…nothing that isn’t expendable. Black dragonkin, the last leftovers of Onyxia’s brood? Good riddance. Yeah, a couple Grimtotem settlements, but do you think I’m going to shed any tears over them? The whole marsh is separated from the rest of Kalimdor by mountains and sea, perfectly enclosed. No spreading of the chain corruption beyond that one zone, however it plays out.
I love when things work out neatly like that.
Nazgrim and I are getting the last details sorted out. I even got a couple of the goblins from the Gob Squad to come in and put together a scale model of Theramore and its environs for us here in the war room, to help plan out troop and ship placement.
The only small wrinkle is the ogres in Brackenwall, seeing as we don’t want to end up wiping them all out with the corruption. Would be kind of rude, what with it being Draz’Zilb’s spell and all. So I’m having most of the ogre population – the ones who won’t be going on the actual attack – relocated temporarily to Alcaz Island. They’ll be safely isolated there until everything blows over, plus we can even use the island as a staging ground for the naval strike.
Preparations are already underway. I’ve had the ogres moving in small numbers for the last couple of days, so we can do it gradually enough not to draw attention. A couple more days and they should be safely situated on the island, and then we’ll be ready to start. And if things go according to plan, pretty soon Sylvanas’ plague will have some competition over on the other continent.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Visiting Dreadmaul Hold
So the other day I asked for suggestions for inspection stops in the Eastern Kingdoms. The suggestions pretty much clustered – a lot of recommendations for the northern regions like Hillsbrad, Tirisfal, and the Plaguelands, and then some others for our southern outposts in the Blasted Lands and the Swamp of Sorrows. For the time being I’m going to table the northern settlements. For one thing, hitting all the outposts will definitely take more time than I can spare in one chunk, and also, more importantly, after this past week’s mailbag, I have some business I need to go check on in Outland, so I figure it would just make more sense to deal with the southern outposts on my way to and from the Dark Portal.
I took a mage portal down to the Dark Portal and flew up to Dreadmaul Hold. Things are fairly well under control there, still some skirmishes with the Dreadmaul ogres but nowhere near as much as there had been when we first retook the outpost and kicked the ogres out. But you were right, Fletcher, Warmatron Okrilla is getting a little carried away down there, first and foremost with the ogres. Look, everybody knows I’m not exactly warm and fuzzy, and I’m not one to back away from a good war when somebody wants to go at it with me. But that doesn’t mean you don’t try to maintain SOME sense of honor while you’re fighting your war. And this? Taking Dreadmaul ogres captive and forcing them to be your slave labor? That’s just not cool. That’s the kind of shit that the Scourge did up in Northrend, or the Twilights in all the places they cropped up in like roaches. You don’t do that with your prisoners, with maybe the possible exception of Alliance prisoners if you happen to need a food taster…and even THAT’S not hard labor, unless maybe the food is really badly undercooked, I guess. (And in that case the cook knows he’s going to be taken out by the rear gate and beaten around some, so we know THAT problem won’t be coming up again, will it now, Marogg?)
What’s more, I was also getting reports that Okrilla wasn’t allowing non-orcs into the outpost at all. Turns out that was kind of an exaggeration, other Horde races are free to go there, but from what I saw when I was there, any tauren or trolls or whatever that happen by definitely get a lot cooler reception than orcs. And so…again…I’m all for orc pride. Totally down with that. And yeah, I might have gotten a complaint or two about my decision to restrict Orgrimmar’s main residential areas to orcs and tauren, but here’s the difference. That was a tactical decision about the defense of the city. Yeah, bitch all you want about the undead or blood elves not having their own houses there anymore or whatever, but I’m still not trying to stop them from COMING to the fucking city. Some blood elf wants to come in and do some business, see a trainer, use the portals, pick up a few assignments for jobs in the outlying zones, just hang out with some friends, whatever, great, have at it. Unless he’s Johnny Awesome. Then, fuck him. But anyway.
So I ended up sitting Okrilla down and giving her a talking to about all this. Like I said, I totally get the orc pride, and on a related note even being a little territorial about Dreadmaul Hold. After all, it WAS our city back when it was founded as Rockard. But I laid it out in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to be hearing about any more racial problems, because at the rate she was going it was just a matter of time before she started giving orcs and non-orcs separate vendors and flight masters and whatever else. And as for the ogres, she wants to take prisoners, fine, take prisoners and hold them, or use them as bargaining chips to get the rest of the Dreadmaul to back down, or interrogate them for information, do what you need to do, but we’re not going to be doing any more slavery. Hell, we orcs were kept as slave labor by the humans at one point, so if you’re going to get hung up on orc pride, then it should be a point of that pride to fucking be better than that shit. Besides, we have ogres working with us, and the last thing I need is Draz’Zilb getting all bitchy with me.
So, there you go, that’s my day. Freed the slaves and cut off separate-but-equal at the pass. Go me.
I’m heading back down to the Dark Portal (and I am TOTALLY going to check on the naga and murlocs that ACC mentioned while I’m down that way). I’ll write more from Outland once I get there.
Filling in the gaps
Okay, I was planning on writing this a lot earlier, but I ended up sleeping WAY late that first night back in Orgrimmar, which had me up late last night, and blah blah, up-late-sleeping-in domino effect. Any of you who’ve gotten into a late-nighter groove on Earth Online know the drill. Anyway, I’m back in Grommash Hold finally and settled in, and HOLY SHIT it’s good to be able to crash in my own bed again.
So I’m figuring you’re all probably wondering what was going on on my end of things since the last time I posted. Saurfang and Garona have been giving me the run-down about their side, but I’m still in the process of getting caught up on what Saurfang was posting here while I was out of it. Anyway, let me try to fill in what I can and maybe fill some gaps for you guys.
Last time you heard from me I was flying down to Alcaz Island. When I got to the island, Dontrag and Utvoch were still just chilling at one of those naga conjuring rune circles with Skarr, and so I figured I’d gotten there in time to get a jump on things. Before I could get my bearings, though, a gang of tauren led by Magatha Grimtotem showed up and attacked. At the time I assumed they were Grimtotem, but from the sound of things now, they must have been Twilights and just happened to be tauren. Probably hand-picked, actually, so they could seem like they were Grimtotem. Maybe. Anyhow, they attacked, and somehow or other Skarr managed to get loose not long after. Magatha was hanging back some and I could hear her chanting something, but I was a little too focused on the couple dozen dudes I had beating on me at the time, so I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it.
What happened next is still pretty fuzzy. All of a sudden there was a blinding flash, and I remember being thrown back a long ways. I think I hit my head on a tree or rock as I was falling back, but before I passed out I remember seeing a lot of the other tauren and maybe D&U getting thrown around by the blast. I don’t remember seeing Skarr from that point – I think he was the explosion. Looking back on it based on what Saurfang’s told me, I guess he must have been walking around with some kind of explosive enchantment, and Magatha detonated him when she arrived. So he really was a time bomb, just a lot more literal than I was figuring.
And for that matter…turns out I was right, just not for the right reasons. I thought Skarr was the phylactery, and we’d gotten baited into a trap bringing him out in the open. Well, we got baited into a trap, all right. But Skarr wasn’t the phylactery. He never was. He was the bait.
The next several…days, I guess? I’m not sure…were a blur. All I can remember is bits and pieces. Being picked up and dragged around, sounds of the ocean, grunting from ogres and ettin…that sulphury smell from the incense that the Twilights always seem to have burning all over the place. Purplish walls. I don’t know how long I was out before I finally came around for good. Even then I felt pretty groggy, so I’m figuring the fuckers were using some kind of magical mojo on me to keep me subdued.
When I finally came around, I was in the Bastion of Twilight. Magatha was running the show. Which, considering the place was obviously overrun by Twilights and not Grimtotem, didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. But man, was she ever proud of herself for having me under wraps. I had a few choice words for her…okay, you know me better than that, I had a few choice paragraphs for her…but after I got the initial outrage out of my system (which granted took a while), I managed to get her monologuing. Thank goodness for villains who can’t fight the urge to run their mouths, that’s all I’m going to say.
So come to find out, Magatha cooked up the story about the phylactery and fed it to the other Grimtotem through Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, had her people running around making trouble for the ogres under the pretense of finding it, knowing that sooner or later word would get back to the Twilights and they would be all “WTF there’s no phylactery, is this bitch crazy?” Which okay, she is, but whatever. Arnak and Isha were the only other Grimtotem who ever knew the real story, or part of it, anyway – there was no phylactery, it was just Magatha’s way to get the Twilight’s Hammer’s attention and bait them into coming for her. Which they did, in Thousand Needles. And when they raided the Grimtotem and captured Magatha to interrogate her, they were really doing exactly what she wanted.
Once she was the Twilights’ “prisoner,” that put Magatha in a position to make them an offer they couldn’t refuse. Sure, there wasn’t any phylactery, but she HAD found a way they could revive Cho’gall, and she was ready to make them a deal. All she needed was the Doomstone, which the Twilights already had, that collection of tauren relics, which the Grimtotem already had, and a new body for Cho’gall spirit to set up shop in.
On the drawing board, that was going to be Skarr – THAT was his special duty, the job Cho’gall had in mind for him. Somehow or other Cho’gall knew it could be possible to bring him back in a new body if need be, and had Skarr in mind to be the one, which a handful of those Gordunni ogres were aware of even if Cho’gall didn’t spread word around among the cult in general. Who knows, maybe one of Magatha’s tribesmen in Feralas got wind of this from the ogres somehow, and that’s what got the call rolling on this idea in the first place. Anyway…
The only thing that was missing was Magatha’s end of the deal. I’ll give her this much, she’s no idiot, and she knew better than to trust the Twilights to hold up their end of the bargain if she went ahead and gave them Cho’gall up front. So that was her one ace in the hole: she was the only one they knew of who could do it, and they weren’t getting any resurrection until she’d gotten her payoff. As far as the other Grimtotem were concerned, the payoff was help in regaining power, retaking the Grimtotem’s lost territory…but in reality, Magatha knew that was a lost cause. For now anyway. The Grimtotem were reduced to bands of renegades, they were banished from tauren society and cast out of the Horde, they couldn’t even get the Alliance to give them the time of day…there was too much lost and too many enemies stacked against them for them to hold on very long even IF the Twilights helped them regain a foothold. Better to let the Twilights get Cho’gall back, and let the world burn. At least her enemies would burn with it.
But what she wanted was to be sure one enemy in particular would be the first to go down.
Remember that letter I wrote to Magatha, when she asked me for help in her coup in Thunder Bluff, and I told her where she could stick it?
Yeah. Guess who.
That’s when they started letting information about all of this start reaching us, to set off their plan to lure me out. Eventually when we went after Skarr, they started putting the pieces in place for a backup plan that would let them kill two birds with one stone – let us get Skarr, feed us more information through him, then set me up to be captured…and then put me into the Skarr role as Cho’gall’s future place of residence. A live Cho’gall and a dead Garrosh all in one fell swoop. Cho’gall’s revived spirit would take over, my soul would be burned up by the restoration – “consumed by the fires of resurrection” as she put it – and my body would be corrupted into something more “suitable” for him. Fun stuff.
Eventually they even had good luck on their side. In my stupidity, I sent that fucker Johnny Awesome to Thousand Needles, where the Twilights were still holding Magatha in “protective custody,” which gave her an opening to round up all the magical doohickeys she needed and cover her tracks all at the same time. I mean, think of it – at this point she was ALREADY basically screwing over her own tribe for the sake of helping the Twilights burn the world down. So now rather than having to come up with another cover story to keep leading the other Grimtotem on, she just sent Johnny Awesome to round up the stuff she needed from them, then got him to KILL Arnak and Isha, the only Grimtotem who knew anything at all about what Magatha was really up to in the first place. And then he comes back, “steals” the Doomstone for her, and sends her off on her way, so as far as anyone can tell, she’s just ESCAPED the Twilights rather than working with them.
Gotta admit, this is all so sly and sneaky I’d actually be kind of impressed, if it wasn’t all so totally revolting.
Anyway…you can probably see how everything played out from there, the trap-within-a-trap at Alcaz Island, and all the rest. Which brings us back to me being held in the Bastion of Twilight.
Eventually a couple of ettin dragged me out of my cell and set me up in a scaffold in the middle of Cho’gall’s old throne room. Still a little groggy from whatever spells they’d been casting on me, but I guess they needed me conscious for the big pay-off. Either that or Magatha wanted me awake so I could feel every last bit of it. Probably both. The scaffolding actually didn’t feel THAT tight, and the wood seemed to have a little give to it, but I wasn’t sure how much time I was going to have to struggle with it at that point.
Anyway, Magatha stood up beside me with the Doomstone in hand, tauren relics set up all around us, and started doing some incantations that who the fuck knows what they meant. Apparently the ritual called for some kind of ritual bloodletting (blood is life or some shit like that), and since Magatha wasn’t exactly one to turn up a chance to rub some salt in the would, she had the cultists bring her Gorehowl – she was going to spill my blood with my own axe. And then, just to add insult to injury…wait, no, she was already adding insult to injury…to add extra insult to insult and injury, she decides she has to get her last jab in, and says something along the lines of, “Fitting, isn’t it, a little loosed blood sets you on your way to becoming a monster that will lay waste to your world…like father, like son, eh, Hellscream?”
And I’m not going to lie to you – THAT? That pissed me. The fuck. OFF.
And seriously, when you’re trying to finish an old-school warrior, Magatha, what’s the one thing you never want to fucking do? Yeah. Feed him extra free rage.
Crack.
Snap.
Broken scaffold.
Pummeled tauren bitch crone, flying across the room. Gorehowl back in the right hands, and a whole room full of Twilights running in to take a number at the deli counter OF MOTHERFUCKING PAIN.
Just so happens, as I was starting to fight my way back out, Saurfang and the rest were making their way in. I think they might have run into a couple batches of cultists that Magatha sent back out to the exit to secure the way out while I was on the move. Kinda wish I’d been there to see the looks on their faces when they came out of the portal, actually. “Okay, guys, we’ll just lock this down and WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS OTHER ARMY COME FROM **CLEAVE**”
So…I think that covers everything. I probably missed a few details here and there, but fuck, this was long enough already, no need to go piling on more. Anyway I can try to answer any left over questions you guys might have. Otherwise, it’s going to be good to get back to semi-normal life, answer my mail, all that good stuff. I’ll write more soon, about some less apocalypsey stuff.
I’ll say this much, though. Magatha’s day is coming. I can take some comfort in knowing that now she’s probably an even greater outcast, even more alone than she’s ever been, now that she’s not only an exile from the tauren, but she’s even betrayed the one remaining tribe that would have had her. But this? Just wait till I finally get my hands on her, and get a chance to crush her under my heel. CRUSH her. See if the elements protect her then. Crush and burn and drown and suffocate. ‘Tis a little dream I have.
More soon. And also, um…yeah. Thanks for coming after me.
Going Rogue
Citizens of the Horde,
A peculiar turn of events has taken place in Ahn’Qiraj. I have just received word from Krug Skullsplit that the impulsive rogue Garona Halforcen has left him in sole charge of our Twilight captives and departed from Silithus. According to Commander Skullsplit, Garona completed the interrogation of the last of the prisoners – the majority of whom, to her credit, have survived the process – then took off suddenly without explanation, save a rushed indication that she would be in contact with further updates shortly. As Garona has proven in the past to be a valuable operative, it is my hope that this erratic behavior is well justified and that she will take pains to explain herself soon.
Meanwhile, on the topic of Horde operatives whose work has proven valuable, the prestidigitous ogre Draz’Zilb appealed to me earlier today for permission to undertake his own questioning of our Grimtotem captives, given his expressed prior success in extracting information from members of the tribe. His suggestion was that he could likely verify the repeated Grimtotem claim that they were uninvolved in and unaware of the aggressions that occurred at Bladefist Bay and, more importantly, Alcaz Island. I agreed to the ogre’s request, with, as it turns out, mixed results.
On the positive side, we now have fairly reliable confirmation of our original Grimtotem testimony. None of the Grimtotem tribesmen had any awareness of any of the aforementioned Twilight’s Hammer activity; and the extent of their involvement in the events on Alcaz Island was the sending of a scouting party to the island well before catastrophe struck – scouts who, furthermore, have not been heard from since. Draz’Zilb’s methods leave me highly…dubious…that this final testimony would be false. It is, however, these very methods that leave me less than entirely satisfied with this entire undertaking. Prior to today, I was only aware of the fact of the ogre’s assistance in previous interrogations, and, absent any further, troubling information, I was content to let him proceed with his proposal. However, upon arriving to observe the questioning in person, I was most thoroughly disturbed by the spectacle that greeted me; by this point, three Grimtotem captives had already died to Draz’Zilb’s particular interrogation “techniques,” and I was quite uninterested in having a fourth life placed indirectly on my conscience. Let me make no mistake: that we will kill during times of conflict is a matter of necessity; how we will kill is a matter of choice. And I will not permit such unscrupulous undertakings to stain the honor of the Horde. No matter how dire the battle, we must never forsake it.
As such, I have relieved Draz’Zilb of his support duties and dispatched him back to Brackenwall Village, where, I am sure, the venerable ogre chief Tharg will tend to him appropriately. Meanwhile, in light of this confirmation of Grimtotem innocence – a term I use here in its more relative and situationally specific sense – I have begun to make plans to release many of our prisoners, provided a number of containment measures around their various settlements to ensure their ongoing good citizenship.
Once again the old adage proves true, friends: never trust an ogre not to be two-faced when he has two heads. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
Many Questions, No Answers, One Theory
Citizens of the Horde,
The more I consider our current crisis, the more troubled I become. Something is amiss, and I am at present at a loss for what precisely lies behind it.
Upon reflection, I have come to realize that our investigations have uncovered a number of loose ends which have proven most disturbing. Indeed, some of these loose ends were present even before our most recent movements against the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem, but amid the chaotic last days before Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance, it is not difficult to understand how some of them may have escaped our notice.
Let me begin with the most recent wrinkles. Continued interrogation of both the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem captives by Garona Halforcen and Krog, respectively, have confirmed their early testimony: that the search for the phylactery of Cho’gall appears to have been initiated by Magatha Grimtotem, not the Twilight’s Hammer themselves; that the Twilight’s Hammer then targeted Magatha for capture upon learning of the Grimtotem search, whereupon Magatha agreed to aid in the resurrection of Cho’gall; that, according to both sides, no alliance or agreement has been forged between our two groups of adversaries.
While disturbing in and of themselves, these facts give way upon closer examination to far more troubling questions. How is it possible, for one, that Magatha Grimtotem could be aware of the phylactery when by all accounts the Twilight’s Hammer cult itself appears to have been unaware? While it may be that the existence of the phylactery was known by a small, select number of high-ranking cultists, such that the cult en masse would be oblivious, it still strikes me as strange that, once word of Magatha’s undertaking became widespread amongst the cult, such high-ranking members would not have put forth some account within their ranks beyond, it would seem, “Well that’s news to us.”
Furthermore, there is the odd behavior of both the Twilight’s Hammer cult and of Magatha Grimtotem in Thousand Needles. Consider: if Warchief Hellscream was correct in his shrewd deduction that the linguistically spastic ogre Skarr was in fact the living phylactery of Cho’gall, then this would mean that the Twilight cult always had within its grasp the means of reviving its leader. As the Warchief rightly worried, this leaves open the question of why they would not make use of the phylactery, with the likely answer being that something else was yet needed before they could do so. The Warchief’s continued line of thought led him to suspect that perhaps the Doomstone and a collection of tauren artifacts – all collected and delivered to Magatha Grimtotem by the contemptible blood elf Johnny Awesome – comprised the missing piece. Yet, the Twilight’s Hammer already had the Doomstone in their possession before it was stolen by Johnny Awesome, which means that the cult possessed at the outset access to both the phylactery and to a power source which could be used to harness it. Therefore, once again, why would they not have used them?
My only explanation here is that the key pieces to the puzzle may have been the collection of tauren relics which were in the hands of the Grimtotem, and which Johnny Awesome recovered at Magatha’s behest. Another possibility may be that even given the availability of all these resources, perhaps – strange though it may seem – only Magatha possessed the obscure conjuring knowledge to actually make use of them, and so the key to the entire Twilight operation may have been capturing Magatha Grimtotem and gaining her cooperation. While these suppositions are certainly possible, nevertheless, I am far from comfortable with our current understanding of this facet of these events.
Finally, there is the matter of the attacks launched on the fateful day of Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance. We have, on the one hand, nearly simultaneous Twilight raids in Ahn’Qiraj and Bladefist Bay, one driving our people from C’thun’s chamber, the other sinking the Doomhammer and preventing its voyage to Alcaz Island; and on the other, we have the attack of Grimtotem raiders against the cacophonous warriors Dontrag and Utvoch in which Skarr was freed. The problem I have come to realize is twofold: one, in the absence of any alliance between the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem, how do we account for a Twilight’s Hammer attack at Bladefist Bay, whose only rational purpose could have been to facilitate the pending Grimtotem strike at Alcaz Island? The only plausible explanation I can think of for this is that the Grimtotem attack at the island was not actually staged by Grimtotem, but by tauren agents of the Twilight cult under the guise of the Grimtotem – certainly possible in light of the known existence of tauren cultists, and further validated by the (ordinarily suspect) insistence of our Grimtotem prisoners that their clan never set out for the island.
Nevertheless, even supposing this explanation, we are left with a further, more troubling question: given, once again, that no cooperation exists between the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem, how would the cult have become aware of our planned movements on Alcaz Island, if the only information ever in circulation on the matter was a decoy letter that was deliberately allowed to fall into the hands of the Grimtotem? How would they know not only to launch an attack on the island, but to attack us at Bladefist Bay (indicating an awareness not only of the Alcaz operation but of the fact that it was in fact a trap)?
I fear there is something yet in play that runs deeper than we have supposed. Indeed, the only speculation I can offer fails to account for the many loose ends, and should of course be consider cautiously. Still, in the spirit of this forum, I will share the current state of my thoughts.
That Magatha Grimtotem is a traitor to her people – both the Bloodhoof tribe and the tauren race in general – should be news to no one. But I begin to suspect that we have underestimated the depths of betrayal to which the insidious crone might sink.
I believe that Magatha Grimtotem may in fact have betrayed the Grimtotem tribe itself, at the hands of the Twilight’s Hammer.
This theory is purely speculation on my part, and by no means does it account for everything I have raised as a concern. Yet far too many pieces fit in place for me to discount it as the ravings of advancing age. Consider: it was Magatha who put set her Grimtotem tribesman on the search for the phylactery through her underlings Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, leading them to believe by all accounts that the Twilight’s Hammer were also looking for it, and that the tribe might benefit from finding it first. Yet the cult appears to have been engaged in no such search, and the Grimtotem effort appears to have accomplished nothing save drawing the attention of the Twilight’s Hammer.
The cult then attacks the Grimtotem and captures Magatha. And it is here that I suspect the crone played her hand: through some means, perhaps she had learned of Skarr and of the possibility of Cho’gall return, and presented herself to the cult as the sole person living who would be able to carry out the deed. Note closely the events that would follow: an unwitting Horde adventurer, Johnny Awesome, comes upon Magatha, still ostensibly being held by the Twilight’s Hammer; he is sent by Magatha to collect the tauren relics held by the Grimtotem in Thousand Needles; in the process he is also tasked with killing Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, very possibly the only other Grimtotem who might have had further knowledge of Magatha’s initial scheme.
I suspect Magatha only ever set her people upon the ogres to catch the cult’s attention, and afford her the chance to go to them under guise of being captured. I believe she offered her help to the Twilight’s Hammer in exchange for something. I do not know what it is, but it was a price great enough to compel her to turn against her own people, steal from them, kill her kin and indeed her very family in order to cover her nefarious tracks. I realize that this theory is far from complete, and still leaves yet unaccounted for no shortage of loose ends. Yet I cannot escape the belief that there lies amid these ramblings some kernel of truth to the crisis before us.
I apologize for the excessive length of this post. I did not have time to craft a shorter one. Strange events are upon us, and the selective culling of ideas is a luxury, sadly, which I cannot afford while wrestling with the many questions and theories that plague my thoughts.
We forge on against the darkness, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
When things turn bad they don’t @!$# around
Writing this up as quickly as possible while Mortimer is being prepped for flight. I don’t have much time to spell everything out so I’m leaving the relevant documents with Mokvar and authorizing him to edit this post as needed to include enough info for this to make sense to you all.
Garona’s message from Silithus was bad news.
Garrosh:
Major trouble in Silithus. Were setting final fortifications in AQ when were attacked by large Twilight’s Hammer force. Humans, ogres, several silithid. Many more TH than intelligence indicated were even in Silithus; bypassed periphery guards into inner passageways; possibly hiding in nearby silithid hives and tunneled in?
Vastly outnumbered. As soon as combat started turning against us, made sure we destroyed all conjuring equipment left by TH in C’thun’s chamber.
Retreat necessary; far too many of them.
Tried to bring TH captives with us while escaping. One captive killed in crossfire. Second has been making cryptic taunts. Evasive about whether TH are fighting their way in to use phylactery. “You don’t think we’d keep such a sacred vessel ON us, do you?” and “So easy to get you with half-truths when you always focus on the wrong half” or words to that effect.
Regrouping at Orgrimmar Legion Camp. Krug Skullsplit offering troop support for counter-offensive. More forces needed for much prospect of success.
Courier carrying this note can fill in details as needed.
–Garona.
Between this and the Twilight strike at Bladefist Bay, I have a really bad feeling about this. Somehow they knew. They knew we were in Ahn’Qiraj, they knew we were preparing to move forces from Durotar. Not sure how much they know on both fronts, but it stands to reason if they knew we were sending the Doomhammer out, they probably know we have something brewing at Alcaz, and that we’re springing a trap.
And the more I think of it…nearly everything we know about all of this has been coming from Twilight informants.
Spirits help us. I think we’ve been played.
—Why have those cultists running around looking for something when they already knew where is was?
–Why are you having our people in Dustwallow carry on like the ogres there might still be holding the phylactery? … It’s just a way to keep the Grimtotem busy looking for it, keep them one move behind…
–Just a big misdirect.
–Mmhmm.
–Should I be worried that this cult and I seem to think so much alike?
I don’t think the phylactery was ever in Silithus. I think that was one more giant misdirect in a string of misdirects. They wanted us busy chasing our tails in Silithus. They wanted us to think we’d gotten one move ahead of them, setting a trap to lure in the phylactery while they’re moving it around the zone – the more I think of it, if they had the damn thing, and they had that many forces in Silithus, why keep it moving and exposed while they set up? Why wouldn’t they just bring everyone into the temple and set up while all their forces stand guard and the phylactery is safe in hand on-site? Why would they even need the business with the signal?
So now the question is, where is it, and why go to the trouble of having us orchestrate this huge trap on our end? If they’re playing games with us like this, they must know where the phylactery is, so why aren’t they just using it? Do they not have it still? Do they need something else before they actually CAN use it? They must be after something.
Preserved, yes, kept for the masters, held for them, alive, alive, need Skarr alive, all of us alive until we all die, die for the masters, die in glory, die in flame…
They…need Skarr. Alive.
And he was being chased by the Grimtotem. And us, for that matter. Only they had to know that WE wouldn’t kill him as long as we thought he knew something we needed. So…they let us get him? For safekeeping? But that still doesn’t make sense – why not move HIM down to Silithus and keep him under guard with this giant fucking army they apparently have? There’s something missing here. There’s something else they’re still after, otherwise it makes no sense to be playing this bait-and-switch game they have going.
So easy to get you with half-truths when you keep focusing on the wrong half.
And besides, Skarr didn’t even actually HAVE the phylactery. He had nothing in his camp, he had nothing on him, if he KNEW anything he wasn’t letting on…but he sure as hell THOUGHT he was playing some important role in it all, carrying out some important duty that Cho’gall trusted him with.
Cho’gall notice Skarr. Cho’gall remember. Keep in mind, keep in mind…
Hell, he was such a devoted crazy-ass follower of Cho’gall he even fucking TALKED like him half the time.
Wait a minute.
Wait…a minute.
Burn and drown and crush and suffocate.
Fuck.
…
FUCK.
Skarr was a believer. So he gave himself over to the cause – completely.
Apparently that’s the trade-off for this kind of ritual – restoring somebody’s spirit from a non-living vessel doesn’t take a whole lot of magical energy, but it does need something attuned to that particular spirit in order to focus the spell properly, as opposed to living vessels, which I guess actually keep the essence better preserved but require an immense amount of power to unlock.
He gave himself over by helping them preserve their leader the safest way possible.
Skarr IS the phylactery.
FUCK.
But…to release Cho’gall’s spirit from a living vessel, according to what Draz’Zilb said… they can’t just up and do that. They need an immense amount of magical power.
Like…say…a collection of ancient tauren artifacts, and the Doomstone.
Which are in the hands of Magatha.
Who we’re luring to the damn island.
With Skarr.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
Skarr was the key all along. We fucking had it in our hands and we didn’t even realize it. How did nobody see this? How did everybody fucking miss this? Me included! He was a fucking time bomb right there in our midst the whole time…
Tick, tock, tick, tock…
…and all they needed was for us to be chumps and pick a spot to plant the bomb and light the fuse for them.
I’m about to take off. By this point Dontrag and Utvoch must have reached Alcaz Island with Skarr. No telling how soon the Grimtotem will get there. Or the Twilights. No time now to get another ship ready to go – I need to fly down myself and do what I can to get this under control before everything goes to hell.
I’ll talk to you when I talk to you. Luck to us all.
Laying the bait
Sometimes I really hate my job.
When all this is over with, if it works the way we’re planning, it’ll all be worth it. I’ll be able to look back and say we stopped the Twilights, and finally caught Magatha, and I’ll even personally hand-deliver her to Baine to do what he will with her. Although, you know, if it’s going to be something painful, I’m really, really hoping I can skip to the front of the line of people who get to do it. But anyway.
It’s going to be worth it in the end, but that doesn’t mean that the things I need to do to get it to happen don’t still suck.
Everything is underway for the trap at Alcaz Island. Skarr is under lock and key in Dustwallow, and Dontrag and Utvoch are standing by to transport him to the island. I have a Kor’kron detachment ready to sail down from Bladefist Bay and slip in undetected by the Grimtotem. All we need now is for the Grimtotem to conveniently discover that we “know” where the phylactery is, and we’re being led to it.
And that’s the part that sucks.
The Grimtotem have been sending raiding parties down to hit Brackenwall Village fairly regularly. Nothing we can’t push back without a whole lot of trouble, but still. Now, though, we’re going to deliberately spread the ogre guards out and send scouting parties around the area, so the village itself has less of a defense force. So for one, we’ll give the appearance of a more vulnerable target, and two, when the Grimtotem finally do strike again, there will be few enough troops on hand that the stupid cows can feel like they’re actually putting a dent in the place this time.
In the middle of all this, I’m having a pair of orc couriers flee from the camp, and make it look like they’re making a break for the road back up to the Barrens. They’re going to be carrying a sealed letter from Draz’Zilb to me – basically notifying me that they’ve discovered the whereabouts of the phylactery, and Skarr will be leading us to its hiding place on Alcaz Island. When, where, all the RSVP details. The idea is that we’ll have the couriers take off during the attack, make sure they’re visible while leaving, and then let the Grimtotem catch them and take the letter and think they’ve made the big score.
And all that sounds fine. But here’s the thing. If the Grimtotem are going to buy this, we can’t make it too easy. We can’t just have a couple of our men stroll up to them waving a white flag. We can’t have them offering up the goods to save their own necks, or turning traitor to help them – the Grimtotem are a lot of things, but they’re not pants-on-head retarded, and they know us well enough to know that there’s no fucking way a pair of orcs would ever sell out the Horde to them, or go down without a fight.
So…they have to go down fighting.
They’ll make a break from the village, take just long enough to get out for the Grimtotem raiders to get after them, put up a fight, make it really seem like they’re hell-bent on getting through to the Barrens, and then, in the end…fail. Magatha will get the letter the only way she ever would – from their cold, dead hands.
I’ve talked to the couriers who are going on this mission. They know what’s being asked of them. I quietly rounded up some of our men and explained what was going on, what was at stake – the Grimtotem, and the Twilights, and Cho’gall, and Magatha and justice for Cairne – and told them this job was volunteers only.
Not a hand in the room stayed down.
I’d never been more proud to be Horde. (And they call us savages.)
In the end I chose two from among the volunteers to send. I made sure that the men going on the courier run were single, no children…we orcs have had far too many orphans and widows already, and I won’t have a hand in creating more if I can help it. They’re on their way to Dustwallow now, and soon enough the plan will be underway.
Like I said…in the end, it will pay off. In the end, the Grimtotem will be stopped. In the end, the Twilight’s Hammer will be prevented from getting their phylactery. Cho’gall will stay in the grave where he belongs, and Thrall will have a clear path to finish the job against Deathwing. Magatha will be captured and brought to justice, and maybe Cairne can finally rest a little easier.
I know that this is the right call. This is the only call. And I can live with it. I have to live with it.
Spirits forgive me.
Conversations with crazy people
So back to business. Now that some of the holiday festivities are behind us, it’s about time I fill you all in on what’s been going on with this whole phylactery business.
Like I was saying a few days ago, after Garona and I captured Skarr we brought him back to Stonemaul Hold and held him for questioning for a while. Good thing is that it ended up not taking too much to get some partial answers out of him. Mokvar was on hand to record the interrogation, so I’ve copied a part below so you can see how things went. I cut out some early stuff with Skarr just being generally crazy before we started getting actual information, but I think you’ll get the idea.
GARONA: I’m not sure we’re getting anywhere. Do you think we should bring in that ogre from Brackenwall?
GARROSH: Draz’Zilb? No, that won’t work here.
GARONA: Why not? It got you what you needed from that Grimtotem.
SKARR: Foolish bulls, cows, grazing in the woods, running around and back and forth, chasing their tails, they look for Skarr, they look, but no, they never find him, stupid cows, never look the right way in front of behind them and see…
GARROSH: First of all, Draz’Zilb’s voodoo mojo thingy was all about forcing the prisoner to come face to face with their greatest fears until they give in just out of self-preservation.
GARONA: So?
GARROSH: You think self-preservation is the way to go with a lunatic? A lunatic working for the Old Gods, for that matter? Either he’s crazy enough to think they’re going to spare him…
SKARR: Preserved, yes, kept for the masters, held for them, alive, alive, need Skarr alive, all of us alive until we all die, die for the masters, die in glory, die in flame, HAHA!
GARROSH: …or he knows he’s going to end up dead. And signed on for it anyway. Either way, we’re not dealing with a normal mind here.
SKARR: Haha, you talk like Skarr not here! Skarr knows! Skarr mind have more than you think, Skarr almost outsmart so smart you think, you think, you…you… <stares>
GARROSH: Besides…Draz’Zilb’s thing will kill him.
SKARR: HAH! Kill! Kill! All around, blackness all, all awaiting. It comes, it comes, crawling, swarming…
GARONA: I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.
SKARR: Death comes for you all. HAHA!
GARROSH: No. We want this one alive. He’s not just some random foot soldier.
SKARR: Stupid foolish cows.
Garrosh leans in close, staring into Skarr’s face.
GARROSH: There’s something in there.
GARONA: We’ll get it.
Skarr grins wide and lets out a crazed laugh.
GARROSH: But before too long the Twilights are going to know he’s gone missing, and it’s not going to take a whole lot of brain power to figure out where he went. Hell, with all the spies they seem to have, they might already know.
SKARR: Stupid orcses, think you so smart, Skarr outsmart you, almost outsmart and hack and hack and kill in the woods!
GARROSH: Wow he’s proud of that poison move.
GARONA: Sharper than most ogres would think to do, I’ll grant him.
GARROSH: But, point is…if we kill him, they’ll find out quick enough. And then they’ll know we have everything he knew. So we keep him alive.
SKARR: Hold Skarr, yes, yes, keep me close, watching – HAH! – waiting, watching, tick, tock, the hour comes, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock…
Garrosh leans in closer, still staring.
GARROSH: Oh, don’t worry, Skarr. You’ll still die eventually.
SKARR: <grin fades> Orc die too. Die in fire! Shadow and flame, tick, tock, the Hour of Twilight comes…
GARROSH: <shakes head> No… See, Skarr, that’s just it. Your big bad hot-shit apocalypse we’re all going to die in? It’s not coming.
Skarr’s face melts into a scowl as he glares at Garrosh in silence.
And you’re going to live just long enough to know that you lost.
Garrosh walks away from the ogre and stands by Garona, both of them watching him intently.
SKARR: <mutters> Tick, tock…
GARROSH: Would be nice if he didn’t just talk in circles, though.
GARONA: That’s fine. Let him talk in circles. That’s good.
SKARR: Yes, yes, round and round, circling spinning, circles closing, closing, always closing in around you…tick, tock, tick…
GARROSH: See? How is that good?
GARONA: Remember, I’ve done my share of interrogations, too. The Twilight’s Hammer…the humans…
SKARR: Stupid stupid foolish cows, chasing, chasing, chasing their tails…
GARONA: Crazy or not, when they talk in circles, you just have to let them keep talking. Let them keep circling. It means they’re circling around what they know. Sooner or later they’ll give you what you want…because they don’t know how to talk about anything else.
SKARR: Skarr know what orcs want.
GARONA: And this one, he wants to tell us.
GARROSH: The what you say?
SKARR: DIE! FLAME AND SHADOW!
GARONA: Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they kept steering it back to the same topics over and over?
GARROSH: I’ve…had the experience.
GARONA: It’s the same idea.
SKARR: Skarr knew you come, he knew…
GARONA: They keep coming back to the things they want to talk about. And especially this one…I bet he’s dying to let it out. Aren’t you, Skarr?
SKARR: Burn and drown and crush and suffocate! HAHAH!
GARROSH: Fuck, how did THIS guy get put on a job like this?
GARONA: Mmhmm, exactly.
GARROSH: Huh?
GARONA: He’s probably never been trusted with something this important before. Have you, Skarr? Just another ogre, a good enough fighter probably, but really nothing special. But then the Twilight’s Hammer comes along…
SKARR: They need Skarr! Skarr knows, Skarr sees…since the Maul…
GARONA: You were there when Cho’gall came to the Maul, weren’t you? Had his gathering with the Gordunni…
SKARR: Skarr look into it…look into nothing, nothing, Skarr know then, Skarr know, nothing all the way down…
Garona steps closer to Skarr, watching his face.
GARONA: He saw something in you, didn’t he? Cho’gall. Ogre to ogre. And he trusted you.
SKARR: All the way down…
GARONA: It must have been a good feeling.
GARROSH: You’re not going to start getting all touchy-feely now, are you?
GARONA: You must have been so…proud.
GARROSH: Because really, it’s not a good look for you.
SKARR: Cho’gall trust Skarr. Cho’gall give Skarr. Give Skarr vision, give Skarr the truth, give Skarr, give Skarr purpose—
GARONA: Gave you the phylactery. And a mission to keep it safe, is that it?
Skarr falls silent.
GARROSH: I don’t get why THIS guy would be the caretaker of something that important, though.
GARONA: Have you SEEN the other ogres?
GARROSH: Yeah, none of them are exactly geniuses, but still, I’m not seeing what’s so different about this one.
SKARR: Skarr BELIEVE.
GARROSH: You believe. Believe what?
GARONA: Don’t you get it? Everything. The whole hopeless crusade… You were the only one who really GOT it, weren’t you, Skarr?
SKARR: Others say. Others pretend. Or tell Cho’gall what they think he want, not listening, never listening, silly brothers, never listen, never seeing, lost in the forest, blind for the trees, fight over ashes in house aflame, fire and shadow, burn and crush and drown—
GARROSH: Fighting in a burning house…
GARONA: The others wanted to get on Cho’gall’s good side as a means to an end – power, riches, rewards. But see? Those are all…well…things of this world. As long as there are still things left in the world that you want, then you still haven’t really given up.
GARROSH: <nodding> He was the only one in the burning house going “Fuck it, let it burn…”
SKARR: Skarr look into nothing and nothing look back…nothing see nothing, nothing see itself, mirrors in mirrors and circles and circles, round and round into nothing…and it was good…
GARONA: Cho’gall wanted to see who had given up.
SKARR: Nothing, nothing, all the way down…
GARROSH: Okay… So I get it, Skarr. The other ogres, yeah, they were busy focusing on what would be in it for them if the Twilights won, and that’s fine for the battleground fodder, right? For your garden variety foot soldiers, you don’t care if they’re just in it for the paycheck…but for the inner circle, you want the people who are all-in, is that it?
SKARR: Cho’gall notice Skarr. Cho’gall remember. Keep in mind, keep in mind…
GARROSH: So when the time came for him to hide the phylactery away, you were the one he went to.
GARONA: The one who was worthy.
GARROSH: So fine. You’re the chosen one. Kudos to you, nice job on the hopeless despair, real feather in your cap there. So what happened to it? If you’re the keeper of this big-fucking-deal trust, what are you doing hiding in a broken-down gnoll village?
SKARR: Stampede the Maul…clatter of hoofs, rattle of swords…
GARROSH: The Grimtotem.
GARONA: It adds up. He was up in Dire Maul at some point, and that’s where the Grimtotem started hitting more of late. It makes sense he would head south to make sure they didn’t find what they were after.
GARROSH: So he high-tailed it down to the Lower Wilds with the phylactery, and…wait a minute. If the Twilights already HAD the damn thing, what’s this whole big production been about? Why have those cultists running around hitting the ogre hot spots like they were looking for something when they already knew where it was?
GARONA: Why are you having our people in Dustwallow carry on like the ogres there might still be holding the phylactery?
GARROSH: I…ah.
GARONA: It’s just a way to keep the Grimtotem busy looking for it, keep them one move behind…
SKARR: <chuckling madly> Chasing their tails, chasing their tails, silly stupid cows…
GARROSH: Just a big misdirect.
GARONA: Mmhmm.
GARROSH: Should I be worried that this cult and I seem to think so much alike?
GARONA: No comment.
GARROSH: Well hang on again, wasn’t the whole point with the Grimtotem that they were trying to find this thing BEFORE the Twilights? How did they even get started on a race to fins something that wasn’t lost?
GARONA: Who knows where the Grimtotem were getting their information? Or exactly how they were putting the details together? Look at it – they could have learned somehow that the Twilight’s Hammer needs the phylactery to bring back Cho’gall. Which they do. And that it’s somewhere among the ogres. Which is was. Beyond that, who knows? There’s a million ways they could have gotten the details twisted around, mistaken it being hidden for being lost…
GARROSH: So where is it now?
Garrosh and Garona both turn to Skarr.
WHERE. IS IT. NOW?
SKARR: <chuckles> Safe.
GARROSH: Well it sure as hell isn’t in that camp you were staying at, I know that much. We turned the place upside down after we got your fat ass under wraps.
SKARR: Not matter, not matter, what you do with Skarr not matter, Skarr do his job, Skarr… What happen now…not in Skarr’s hands.
GARONA: They have it.
GARROSH: Is that it, you big ball of crazy? You finished your end of the job keeping it safe, and you handed it off to the cult? Pass it along then stay behind to make sure it looks like there’s still a search on while everybody else spins their wheels?
SKARR: Tick, tock, tick—
GARROSH: <pummel>
SKARR: <silenced>
GARROSH: KNOCK IT OFF with the idiot tick-tock bullshit.
SKARR: Sliding sands through the glass, through the hourglass, slipping away…
GARROSH: And that goes for whatever other time-passing metaphors you’ve got up your sleeve!
SKARR: Sands passing, sands sliding, slipping, sifting, sifting, shifting sands, shifting, sifting, si—
GARROSH: So help me, ogre—
GARONA: Wait, wait, I think I get it.
GARROSH: Oh. Yeah. Of course. Why didn’t I realize you could speak fluent crazy?
GARONA: I’m SERIOUS. The sands. It’s not a random time metaphor there just to taunt you.
GARROSH: What then?
GARONA: And by the way, since when is “metaphor” a part of your vocabulary, anyway?
GARROSH: Keeping on track, please?
GARONA: Well I’m just saying, metaphors? You?
GARROSH: Why do people keep talking like I’m some kind of illiterate moron? I DO write poetry on the side—
GARONA: You do? Poetry?
GARROSH: —so you’ll EXCUSE me if I actually managed to pick up a literary device here and there, okay?
GARONA: Do you write a lot of poetry?
GARROSH: Can you PLEASE stay focused? The sand thing isn’t a metaphor, fine, and yes I know what the fuck a metaphor is, stop the presses, big fucking deal, so what IS it? And so help me, if you get smart as say it’s a simile—
GARONA: Is that the one with “like” or “as”?
GARROSH: Really not the point.
GARONA: I’m just wondering, I always get those mixed up. Metaphors are the ones without “like” or “as,” right? And similes are with “like” or “as”?
GARROSH: Oh for fuck’s sake. YES, fine, similes use “like” or “as”, are you happy now? HERE, just to illustrate the fucking point: “I would really LIKE to get out of this conversation AS soon AS possible,” can we fucking move on please?
GARONA: That really doesn’t sound like a simile.
GARROSH: <rubbing head> You were actually doing pretty okay today, you really were.
SKARR: Circling, circling, round and round, endless wailing, endless darkness, darkness dying souls…
GARROSH: Right there with you, Skarr.
GARONA: And what’s that supposed to mean?
GARROSH: How about we focus on what something ELSE is supposed to mean, like say, I don’t know, the fucking thing about the sands which apparently aren’t going through the hourglass, and…oh fuck, wait, is it the Caverns of Time? Sands of the hourglass sounds like of Nozdormu-y, is that it?
GARONA: I just said it wasn’t a metaphor.
GARROSH: Well technically, that would be pretty literal, not a metaphor.
GARONA: How would that be literal?
GARROSH: Um, he was referring to sands passing through an hourglass, and that’s time, and those are the Caverns of Time, where all kinds of timey whimey stuff goes down – I’m not sure how much more literal you can get than that.
GARONA: Yes, I get the connection, but an hourglass is still a metaphor for time in that context, isn’t it?
GARROSH: If you really want to split hairs, I suppose, but it’s more kind of a dead metaphor.
GARONA: A dead metaphor?
GARROSH: You heard me.
GARONA: What the hell is that? I think you’re making this stuff up now.
GARROSH: I’m not making anything up, it just so happens I’ve read a fucking book or two in my life, is there a problem with that?
GARONA: And besides, why would they send the phylactery to the Caverns of Time? How does that make any sense at all? The place is crawling with bronze dragons who are on our side.
GARROSH: Well then what’s YOUR answer, little Miss Brainstorm?
GARONA: Although I suppose it’s not that big of a stretch, since there’s also that whole thing about sand, and there is a lot of sand in Tanaris, and in a roundabout way that’s kind of—
SKARR: It’s Silithus! For N’Zoth’s sake, it’s fucking SILITHUS! FUCK! Twilight agents picked up the phylactery, and they’re delivering it to SILITHUS, okay? Can you just SHUT UP now?!
GARONA: See! SEE?! I knew it! I KNEW it was Silithus!
GARROSH: I think you’re really overlooking the most illuminating part of that little outburst.
GARONA: Because, you see, the Twilight’s Hammer has always had a presence there, and then there’s the reference to “shifting sands”…
GARROSH: No, really, you want to step back and look at the bigger picture here.
SKARR: In order to carry out the resurrection, they need the residual energies from C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj to focus the spell. It’s where Cho’gall tried to restore C’thun to this world, and the place is attuned to his spirit as a result…
GARONA: And see, even the words he was using – shifting, sliding, slipping, sifting, Silithus!
GARROSH: Right, it’s Silithus, we get it.
GARONA: I’m just saying, it’s exactly what I thought it was!
GARROSH: Yeah, good for you, that’s great.
GARONA: I could have told you, too, if you’d have let me get a word in edgewise.
GARROSH: I…what?
GARONA: Instead of going on about what a big literary expert you’re supposed to be.
GARROSH: I never said I was—
GARONA: You’ll notice who actually managed to read between the lines and figure out what was going on here, though.
GARROSH: I SAID good job.
GARONA: Yes, but there was a tone.
GARROSH: There was not a tone.
GARONA: I picked up a tone.
GARROSH: I think I would know if I had a tone!
GARONA: Because you’re such an unparalleled master of language, is that it?
GARROSH: For fuck’s sake, here we go again.
GARONA: I need to see this poetry of yours, by the way.
SKARR: Is she always like this?
After this point I was heading back to Orgrimmar for Winter’s Veil stuff, which came in handy since it let me put a little distance between me and Garona, who let me tell you, dialed it up to eleven after the way things finished up with Skarr. Meanwhile she’s gone ahead to Silithus to start chasing down the Twilights. I’ll be heading down soon myself. With any luck we can make some quick progress before the Twilights piece together that something is up.
