Tag Archives: tak-tak
Return engagement
We just arrived back in Pandaria. Finally. Granted, we couldn’t get here without a heaping pile of stupid washing up on deck during the trip, because, you know, IT’S US, but whatever. At least we got some decent seafood out of the deal. Plus the Wonder Twins are on notice that I’ll put them on patrol IN THE OCEAN around the base if they get on my nerves too much, and when I say that, it’s not just talk. AS IF THERE SHOULD BE ANY DOUBT TO BEGIN WITH.
General Nazgrim has been holding down the fort at Domination Point while I’ve been away, and, you know, since it’s pretty hard to crash a FORT into anything, everything seems to have gone fairly well. Well, unless you count the asshattery with the genius maneuver Nazgrim and some of his people tried pulling up at the Isle of Giants, but I’ll deal with that soon enough. The less we talk about that, the better. Mainly because the less we talk about it, the less I’m reminded of the crashing stupidity of a depressing percentage of my minions, and the less I’m reminded of that, the less I’m going to feel the urge to drive an Unnecessary Ornamental Spike™ through my skull.
Hey, look, 200 gold is 200 gold. You fuckers have to stop clutching your damn pearls over this. COMMERCE, MOTHERFUCKERS.
While we were away, Elder Cloudfall — you know, the old (hence “Elder,” DUH) panda dude who’s been varying degrees of helpful with the cryptic — took off back to his monastery. (I mean, anybody who thought he was just going to sit around Domination Point all that time NOT stuffing his face on familiar panda fare, take a step forward. Then take another step forward. Then keep taking steps forward until you walk into something sharp.) (MIGHT I RECOMMEND AN UNNECESSARY ORNAMENTAL SPIKE™?)
Cloudfall’s crazy-ass monkey friend Zhi-Zhi, though, decided to stick around the base. I guess he knew Tak-Tak or something (no, not Tak — Tak-Tak, and FUCKING HELL don’t make me go through THAT annoying shitpile again), so he figured he felt well enough at home to save himself the trip back to Tian Monastery and just stayed around the base helping out with odd jobs. I mean, I guess he couldn’t be any worse than some of the OTHER jokers I have on payroll.
Actually, is HE on payroll now? Is Nazgrim actually cutting a check to that fucker? How much? What’s the going rate for monkey labor? Can we pay him in bananas or some shit? I need to know these things.
It’s going to take a few days for me to get fully updated from Nazgrim, Blood Guard Gro’tash, the rest of the command and support staff here. Plus I need to get Mokvar acclimated to the place, seeing as he’s new to Pandaria. Also Brolic, a blademaster Lantresor recommended as an addition to my personal guard. He seems like he’ll be a valuable addition, but since he’s still new, I’d just as soon not assign him right off to work with the trainees the way the last batch of blademasters — Burzum, Ishi, and Krimpatul — did when they were here. For the time being, I’m having the DPS kids join Marksman Shokia and Shademaster Kiryn when they go out on patrol. Fairly controlled situation, watchful eye of two of our better operatives down here, plus it’ll give the kids a chance to get some input from kind of a different perspective, seeing as Shokia is a hunter and Kiryn is a rogue. Neither of which is as awesome or glorious as being a warrior, granted, but, hey. More exposure is better than less exposure.
I mean, in terms of training. Not if you’re talking about, say, an ogre and a platekini. In that case, cover that shit up, dammit. People want to eat lunch sometime this week.
More soon.
30 Days of Character Development #4: Taktani
[Each week, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]
Name: Taktani
Occupation: Part-time scribe, full-time general annoyance
Race: Tauren
Class: Druid (feral)
Age: 20
Group affiliations: Horde (citizen), Cenarion Circle (member, though they don’t usually like to admit it)
Known relatives: None admitted to
Earth Online notes: Would you let her on EO? Seriously? She’s heard of Earth Online, and watched over Dontrag and Utvoch’s shoulders while they’ve played, but so far everyone has managed to keep her from playing it herself. Mercifully.
First appearance: “Monday mailbag” (first mailbag letter), “Ut’s on first, Tak’s on second” (first full comic appearance)
Key posts and plot points:
- Taktani first wrote in to Garrosh’s mailbag, in her own inimitable fashion, after encountering Utvoch in Mulgore. She continued to write several more times, prompting Garrosh to draw on an invention by Spazzle, the TranslationMaster2000, to try to make sense of her…unique writing style.
- After Mokvar was attacked and incapacitated, Taktani wrote to Garrosh to offer her services as a substitute scribe. The Warchief…politely declined. She caught up with Garrosh in Pandaria in “Ut’s on first, Tak’s on second,” eventually winning a begrudging appointment to scribe duty. As you can imagine, she was quite thoroughly excited. Since then, she’s been called upon to provide transcripts of some of Garrosh’s conversations, though Garrosh has needed to maintain a certain measure of diligence to prevent her from indulging too heavily in artistic license.
- Early on, Tak befriended Dontrag and Utvoch (or, as she calls them, “Mr. D and Mr. U”), who generally try (with limited success, not unlike everything else they try to do) to watch out for her. She appears to get along better with Utvoch than Dontrag, but it’s hard to tell for sure, since…really…is there anyone she doesn’t like?
- Hold that thought. She doesn’t like Malkorok very much. Because even Taktani’s generosity of spirit has its limits.
- Upon first arriving in Pandaria, Taktani met the hozen flight master Tak-Tak, whose name puzzled her considerably (and perhaps set off the closest thing Tak could experience to a crisis of identity). Since then, Tak appears to be suffering from ongoing confusion about how names work in Pandaria, as evidenced by her recurring impulse to repeat people’s names (i.e., Mr. Warchief-chief).
- In one mailbag letter, Tak noted that her birthday was “yesterday.” The mailbag was posted on November 5; depending on how long prior to the mailbag she sent the letter, that would place her birthday sometime in late October to early November.
- Taktani is based on the kitty druid of longtime reader and commenter Inuki. Many thanks for letting me use and elaborate on the comedic gold mine that is Tak’s boundless innocence, and for all your ongoing contributions to her presence in the blog (see below for more of them!).
In her own words:
Describe your relationship with your mother or your father. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?
I played outside lots and lots! My parents didn’t like when I brought my toys home though. They yelled about mud and stains and other stuff like that. I haven’t seen them in a while.
Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from. If you don’t have any, is there a reason?
I have a little scar right here on my face. Do you see it, Mr. Interview Person? See? Right there! I scratched myself with my claws the first time I turned into a cat! I forgot I had claws! It’s right there, under my eye!
How vain are you? Do you find yourself attractive?
Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t know. Everyone looks all nervous when they see me. Does that mean I’m pretty?
Describe your happiest memory.
I got to meet Mr. Warchief Sir! It was a great day! He let me pounce on him! Then he made me his scribe! Or maybe he made me his scribe, and then I pounced on him. I forget. It was something like that, though! Mr. D and Mr. U and Mr. Monkey and lots of other people were there! Yay!
Is there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past? Why?
No? Why would I? Nothing bad happens to me!
[Fate protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.]
What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?
ALL THE ICE CREAM!! Purple. No, blue. No… ooh butterfly!
Who do you trust?
<blink>
<blink>
Everyone? Is there a reason I shouldn’t?
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
The day Mr. Warchief Sir asked me to be his scribe! And the day I left home.
How are you with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or e-mail?
Technology? You mean like the keyboard Mr. D is yelling about? It’s shiny!
How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?
I have fur! I jump in the water if I’m hot and I don’t get cold. Splash! OOH and I can turn into a fish too. Or is it a seal? Or maybe a… I’m not sure. A swimmy thing!
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
I’m a bird, but not an owl. Does that make me an early morning bird?
Are there any blood relatives that you are particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, etc. Are there any others that you practically consider a blood relative?
Not really? I like Mr. D and Mr. U, and Mr. Warchief Sir!
What does you desk/workspace look like? Are you neat or messy?
<looks around the desk, covered with inkstained pawprints EVERYWHERE>
Um… I think it looks okay. It doesn’t look messy to you, does it?
Are you a good cook? What’s your favorite recipe?
Does cheese count even if I don’t cook it? Do you want some cheese, Mr. Interview Person? I can go get you some! That’s almost like cooking it for you, right?
What’s your preferred means of travel?
Paws and wings!
Do you have any irrational fears?
I don’t like being alone.
What would your cutie mark be?
It’s a dot and a moon on my shoulder! Yay!
Are you superstitious?
I’m super! Aren’t I?
What’s your favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday?
Cheese! What’s a vice? Fur! Chocolate! Spring! PRESENTS!
How do you smell? Do you wear perfume or cologne?
I smell like a bird! Or a cat! Or a bear! Or a Tauren! Sometimes people tell me I smell like the wrong thing. I think they’re silly!
[A reminder! Get your Transmogs For Shay submissions in by Saturday, March 1!]
For whom the bell tolls
Well THAT was a big whole production to go through for not much of anything.
Last night, I gathered a select group of Horde personnel at the Emperor’s Reach – an ancient, abandoned mogu structure that we found in Kun-Lai – to finally tap into the power of the Divine Bell. Malkorok brought a battalion of Kor’kron troops to oversee the proceedings, including some who were hand-picked to have the honor of being the first to be gifted with new power. The best of the best. Juggernauts.
Blademaster Ishi was on hand as well, along with a few other select Horde heroes from the Pandaren campaign, and once everyone was gathered and ready, I took up the hammer…mallet…um…weird-looking club doohicky? Look, for honest, I’m not sure WHAT that thing was supposed to be. But it was better suited for ringing a bell than Gorehowl would have been, so whatever. Point is, I cracked out that bad boy, and for the first time in who-knows-how-long, the Divine Bell rang.
And so marks the last point in the evening that things went to plan.
As the Bell rang, we could see the dark, shadowy outlines of bizarre, twisted creatures appearing on the platform. Transparent and shifting, but just enough to know they were there. So THAT’S what these sha look like. Up to this point, I’d only seen them in bits and pieces – claws mostly – when they’d partly seized onto other people.
Yes, I said “partly.” I wouldn’t have thought that what happened to Burzum was only partial corruption by the sha. Little did I know. Because now, I was treated to a front-row seat as, one by one, the sha descended onto our Kor’kron juggernauts…and transformed them into sha themselves. They were horrible to behold – I can see why the pandas and even Tak-Tak yammer on about steering clear of them. I tried to urge the Kor’kron on and encourage them to seize control of the sha energy coursing through them, but no such luck. They couldn’t. They lost themselves to it. And in the end there was nothing to be done but for the Horde champions on hand to slay the Kor’kron-turned-sha before they ran out of control.
Clearly, Malkorok had overestimated the mental toughness of that first batch of Kor’kron. I was just about to let Ishi show the rest of the bunch how a true veteran of the Mag’har does it, when I was interrupted by a surprise visitor.
Want to know who?
YOU WILL NOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT.
Anduin.
Yes, THAT Anduin.
Anduin Wrynn, Prince of Stormwind.
Anduin fucking Wrynn, Prince of Stormwind, former prisoner of General Nazgrim until who the fuck even knows what happened I mean WTF, and newest volunteer to be a speechifying hemorrhoid on my curvy brown ass, because, hey, why not give fucking EVERYONE a turn at this point, right?
So, yeah, fucking ANDUIN comes strolling on up like it’s something to do – props, by the way, to my alleged BODYGUARD Malkorok for the crack security job there – and starts yapping away about the dangers of the Bell, and Garrosh-you-mustn’t. You know, the ol’ Baine-Vol’jin standard. Same tune, different verse.
Worked just about as well for him. I shrugged him off and rang the Bell again, and this time, the sha magic descended onto Ishi. Unlike the initial Kor’kron, he actually put up a fight and resisted…for a moment, anyway. Then, after a minute, he was altered into a sha as well. Except in his case, even with his body gone, his voice remained.
His voice, but not his words.
While our champions fought to subdue him, Ishi started spewing out words consumed by fear and rage and despair. No sign remaining of the strong, brave orc I knew, despite my urging for him to retake control.
In the end, there was nothing left – again – but for our champions to put him to rest. But of all his rantings before he fell, there was one that kept echoing in my thoughts.
Why should we be slaves to honor, when we could slaughter the children of our enemies while they sleep? My blade thirsts for Alliance blood!
Control your anger, I told him. There is killing, and then there is murder, I told him. We’re not the ones who murder innocents. We’re not the ones who kill children, confused and far from home. Left to rot in a festering swamp. Baited into a coward’s trap, tricked into an early death by a vainglorious king…
And then I looked up to find the presumptuous whelp of Varian Wrynn yipping at me.
He was fourteen years old.
Among the orcs, that made him a man.
The human brat used some mallet to crack and silence the Divine Bell, and I was far past my threshold for patience. I swung my hammer at him. He ducked out of the way, and the blow slammed into the Bell, which was already cracking apart. The Bell shattered, and the pieces crumbled onto the whelp, burying him under a massive heap of metal and stone. I could hear him cry out as his bones snapped. Then silence.
Good. Let Varian have a taste of true suffering.
It’s back to the drawing board for us. For now. I’d underestimated the effort it would take to master this sha power. Ishi and the others were too weak-willed, and they failed me as a result.
This is what I get for not taking matters into my own hands.
When the time comes, soon, I won’t repeat their failure. And I won’t repeat the mistake of delegating our fate to lesser orcs. Too much depends on it. Too high a price already. The Horde will prevail, strong, proud, united in purpose – a rebirth of glory. And it all depends on me to lead the way. It’s ALWAYS depended on me. I see that now.
I won’t fail. I CAN’T fail.
I have a destiny.
I’m the One.
Ut’s on first, Tak’s on second
Things have been pretty quiet the last few days here at Domination Point. We’ve had scouting parties scouring Pandaria for the tomb where the mogu hid the Divine Bell, but no word yet, so we’ve mostly been biding our time here at the base and slapping around some Alliance when the opportunity has presented itself. After one such fun-filled opportunity, I got back to the base just in time for the latest wave of troop arrivals from Kalimdor. According to Captain Drok, Garona came along for the trip this time and apparently has some news she needs to update me on – I guess she was over at the barracks getting settled in when I first got back, so I didn’t have a chance to talk to her right away. (Oh the tragedy.)
Also among the arrivals… <sigh> Well…you remember that kitty druid with the…creative spelling patterns, who wrote in for a few mailbags a while ago, wanting to take over for Mokvar as my scribe? Taktani? Yeah…well…
* Taktani first wrote to Garrosh here, then again some weeks later. And again. Finally, after word of the post-Mokvar opening reached her, she inquired (with big, hopeful eyes, one can only assume) about taking over as the Warchief’s personal scribe.
Hopefully, between Gurtash and the Wonder Twins, they’ll at least be able to get Taktani’s spelling squared away enough that the transcripts won’t be too painful to read. If not, well, Mokvar better hurry up and get his head straightened out and his ass down here to get back to work.
Anyway… I need to go see if Garona has calmed the fuck down so I can find out what this big news is that she came down here to report.
More soon.
Krasarang reunions
Construction is coming along quickly here at Domination Point. That’s what we’re calling the new outpost, by the way – pretty badass, right? Thought of it myself. Anyway, we’re making good progress getting the place built. Warlord Zaela sent some of her Dragonmaw construction crew with us, and as any of you who were there will remember, a couple years ago when the Dragonmaw joined the Horde, they got Dragonmaw Port rebuilt FAST. As opposed to, say, the goblin contractors who STILL haven’t quite finished the job in Orgrimmar. Which is really pretty ridiculous at this point. I mean, can you imagine how embarrassing it’s going to be if Orgrimmar comes under siege, and we STILL haven’t finished fixing the place from the LAST major problem?
So that’s coming along. While we work on getting the base built and securing the area, I’ve also been keeping Gurtash and the rest of the DPS busy gathering food. Turns out there’s an island close by that’s practically swarming with these huge cranes that have enough breast meat on them to feed half a regiment. They’re a little big for the kids, but it’s been good practice for them working as a team. Also, as part of the Pandaria landing team, I’d brought three of the Mag’har’s best blademasters from Nagrand: Ishi, Burzum, and Krimpatul. So I’ve been having the three of them take turns going out with the DPS when they go hunting, just to keep an eye on them. The kids seem to be hitting it off with Krimp especially. He’s got the gruff lovable mentor thing going for him. Kind of like me.
In other news, General Nazgrim and his team arrived here today. Which was a good thing – one, because Nazgrim is always good in a fight, but two, because that gave me a chance to ask some pointed questions based on Krog’s reports on a certain former captive of theirs.
Case in point: How exactly Nazgrim and his crew managed to turn this:
…into this:
The extent of Nazgrim’s response pretty much consisted of “Oh, so, um, you heard about that, huh?”
One other part of Nazgrim’s arrival, though – along with his regular crew like Kiryn and Shokia, he also brought one of those monkey people he’d recruited back in the Jade Forest, a hozen named Tak-Tak who’s going to be helping our flightmaster Kromthar. And here’s the thing. This was the first time I’d met a hozen…only it wasn’t. Some of you might remember – a few months ago, when time was going all wonky and I was flashing into that alternate reality, I met a monkey-like creature, name of Zhi-Zhi. Who’d been found washed ashore after the destruction of his home in the southern islands. It was the first time I’d ever seen a creature like him…but he seemed to know a thing or two about me.
And so THAT was the first time I ever met a hozen – only now, those events never happened. Except I still remember them. FUCKING TIME TRAVEL. Head hurts.
So after Nazgrim introduced me to Tak-Tak, I pulled Monkey Boy aside and tried picking his tiny little brain some. He said most of the mountain hozen up north were pretty hostile, same for the hozen on the islands to the east of here. According to him, the only hozen who’ve managed to shill at all – and from what I can tell, “chill” would be a VERY relative term – would be the forest hozen where he’d come from. Most of those, he says, have stayed in villages like Grookin Hill, but some individuals have gone off to live with the pandaren in one place or another. He rattled off a few places some of them had gone, and most of the names blurred together, but then one stuck out – a place in the Jade Forest called the Tian Monastery. That one rang a tiny little bell. When we get a little breathing room, I may need to pay them a visit over that way.
Anyhow, back to work. I’ll keep you posted on news as it happens, assuming my internet stays up.
