Tag Archives: trolls
Spazzle Speaks: Shamans United!
Hi everyone, Spazzle here. There’s been a lot going on, and I’ve been meaning to post for a little while now, but…well, there’s been a lot going on so I haven’t had the chance to until now.
As I’d said the last time I posted, after the news about Vol’jin reached Orgrimmar, everybody was in a state of shock for a while, and some of the Kor’kron were sent down to the Echo Isles to make sure everything was secure there. I remember Eitrigg seeming less than thrilled about that for some reason, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time.
Still, I was concerned about how everyone was doing down there. I have a couple friends from the comic shop in Razor Hill who live on the Echo Isles, and I figured that they must have been pretty shaken up by everything. So last week, after I hadn’t heard from them in a little while, I decided to take a trip down and see how they were doing.
You will never guess who I ran into on the way down.
Thrall!
Now, I can’t say I was ever very close to Thrall personally, but I definitely owe him a debt or two after he helped save the Bilgewater Cartel after we left Kezan. Not to mention, he’s the one who first started training me as a shaman way back when. (I changed the subject when he asked how that was coming along. No need for him to know that my mechanical totems short-circuit nearby appliances nearly as often as they summon up the elements.) So, as much as Garrosh is my friend and I know the two of them don’t always see eye to eye, I’m very pro-Thrall.
Or pro-Go’el. I’m not too clear on which one he’s going by these days.
Anyway, he was on his way to the Echo Isles from the Valley of Trials, along with a few Horde adventurers who had just returned from Pandaria. He didn’t go into a lot of detail, but I guess he was concerned that there was some kind of trouble for the trolls in the aftermath of Vol’jin’s death. He invited me to come with them, and since I was already concerned about my troll friends down there, naturally I took him up on his offer.
When we arrived at the Echo Isles, there were Kor’kron guards posted all around the perimeter of the island, and patrols marching around all over, without any Darkspear soldiers anywhere to be seen among the defenders. Which struck me as kind of odd, obviously. Not to mention the fact that the Kor’kron all seemed to be in a pretty foul mood.
Still, there was a Kor’kron officer along the main road, and Thrall went up to talk to him. I figured between Thrall’s diplomatic skills, and the fact that he’s…you know…Thrall, he should be able to clear things up pretty quickly.
Hmm. Okay, so much for that.
We made our way into the city from there, and it was a pretty shocking sight – the Kor’kron weren’t protecting the trolls, they were maintaining an occupation! The trolls were rounded up, disarmed, supervised by the Kor’kron, and lots of them were even chained up.
I don’t even want to think what Saurfang would say if he knew this was going on.
Thrall wasn’t happy that it had come to this, but he decided we had to free the Darkspear from the occupation. So the handful of us went around the island and, little by little, helped the trolls neutralize the Kor’kron guards. Mostly that meant “disarm and capture,” but, well… <sigh> You know.
Once we had control of most of the island, we headed to Darkspear Hold, where that warlock Gul’tar, one of Malkorok’s lieutenants, had taken charge of the city and was running things from Vol’jin’s old command center. Thrall tried to get him to stand down, but he wouldn’t budge. Gul’tar ended up ranting about the Horde changing and Vol’jin refusing to change with it, and that’s why he died – that didn’t really make sense to me, considering the reports that Vol’jin had died in a saurok attack – and attacked Thrall. Thrall and the Darkspear were able to beat him without too much trouble.
Now, the question is, what next? Thrall wasn’t sure where we go from here, but he said he would stay on the Echo Isles to help the trolls keep a handle on things until…well, I’m not really supposed to go into that. That’s one of the details Thrall said we all needed to keep quiet for the time being.
Hmm… Although…come to think of it…I suppose this whole story would be filed under “Things Thrall Wants You to Keep Quiet.” So maybe I shouldn’t have just blogged about it. Oh well. Just make sure you all keep this hush-hush.
At least there’s still that one last detail that I can be good about keeping secret.
Even as juicy and awesome as it is.
Anyway…ahem…since I won’t be talking about that, I guess I’ll wrap this up for now. I’ll try to post again if anything else big happens around here.
Okay screw it OMG YOU GUYS VOL’JIN IS TOTALLY STILL ALIVE HOLY GEEZ CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth; click here to see the souped-up Postcard version! All other images provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant. All images used here with permission and many thanks.]
Moving on to Plan B
This package arrived for me a few days ago through Grommash Hold – I guess as a guest blogger these days I’m in the mailbag business myself.
This package is addressed to:
Mokvar
c/o Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief
Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar
Kalimdor, Azeroth
It arrives looking quite a bit the worse for wear. Its sides are battered and one corner has been entirely crushed in. The brown paper wrapping has been dirtied and torn but the numerous postmarks stamped on it are still legible. Although it seems to have originated in Orgrimmar it appears to have been mysteriously routed through Ratchet, Booty Bay, Grom’gol Base Camp, Brill and finally back to Orgrimmar.
Inside the box is a large variety of random items in various states of disrepair: A partial stack of 14 Ankhs; a rabbit’s foot with several patches of fur missing; a small glass vial labeled “MOJO” in carefully penned block letters; a rather larger glass bottle labeled “TROLL SWEAT” in the same handwriting; a well-loved toy teddy bear; partial stacks of mageweave, frostweave and windwool bandages; 3 minor health potions and a large bag of crumbs which might be the remains of several dozen chocolate cookies.
At the very bottom of the box is a scrap of parchment which reads:
Mokvar,
How you doin’, mon? I hear you been injured somewhat and even killed! Good t’ing it didn’t take dis time. We shaman gotta stick together, so here are some t’ings to help you feel better soon.
Take care and watch yer back, mon.
–Kaeliss, Valley of the Spirits, Orgrimmar
Thanks, Kaeliss. I appreciate the gesture. Somehow I get the feeling that I might need all that stuff in the days ahead. (Although, what’s up with the troll sweat? I’ve never really understood why you guys bottle that stuff.)
So, speaking of which…and speaking of the mail… There’s good news and there’s bad news.
The good news is that since I, you know, read this blog, I know now that Garrosh has had Garona shadowing me and knows I’ve been meeting with Deliana. (At least he meant well, I suppose.)
The bad news is that Garrosh knows I’ve been meeting with Deliana. And that I’ve been up to something in Winterspring. And apparently sneaking around. And spirits only know how many dots he’s been connecting in his head based on what Garona told him.
So…there goes my plan to bring this whole story to Garrosh.
I suppose I still could. Even considering that he’s suspicious now, predisposed to assume the worst, and probably irritable even by Garrosh standards, I suppose I could still try to go to him with this. I could lay out the whole story, and explain why I’ve been keeping these things hidden, and why I’ve been working with a human whose last mailing address was in Ironforge. And I could detail all of this to Garrosh and hope he’ll listen with an open mind and be reasonable and even-handed in his response.
So, yeah, see? There goes my plan to bring this whole story to Garrosh.
At least not yet. At this point, sooner or later I’m going to have to answer to Garrosh, and when I do, the only chance I’m going to have is if have some definite, final answers to all of this – as in, problem solved, spectral assassins dealt with, Deliana long gone from Horde territory, all loose ends tied up. I can’t leave any room for any kind of “What about X?” “Yeah, uh, still working on that” to happen.
And I have to do all this before Garrosh gets back from Pandaria.
And I also have to do this while I know I’m being watched. Can I mention how unnerving that is, by the way?
(Hi, Garona, if you happen to be stealthed in the room right now and looking over my shoulder while I’m typing this.)
(Also, please look away for a minute while I close a few browser tabs. Thanks.)
Mokvar
[Header image (and reader mail!) provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Monday mailbag
Okay, I haven’t tended to the mail in a little while since we were, you know, dislocated in the time-space continuum. But we’ve got a few letters that have come in lately, so before anything else happens that gets me all distracted, let’s see what we’ve got…
I would dearly love to find out what happened to Koltira Deathweaver. He died defending Silvermoon, you know. I enjoyed working with him in Agmar’s Hammer, and again on Ogrim’s Hammer. I heard that he disappeared under mysterious circumstances right after we ran the Alliance out of Andorhal. But that’s all I know. Something’s not quite right here, though. My sources here are usually pretty good, but when I bring up Koltira, they invariably change the subject.
The guy you want to talk to about Bowling for Wildhammer is Malkar over in Bloodgulch. It’s not actually bowling, though, it’s more like fishing. You toss a hook up in the air, snag a gryphon, and haul the rider down to you. Then, you wear him out. Lather, rinse, repeat. A fine way to while away a dull afternoon. But I’m not sure how closely Zaela looks into what goes on in Bloodgulch. She may well know nothing about this.
–A Concerned Citizen
Hey, ACC. Thanks for the explanation of the whole Bowling for Wildhammer thing. I’m definitely going to have to take a trip out there and check it out. Granted, yanking dwarves out of the sky and curbstomping them isn’t going to be quite as fun or satisfying as, say, humans or gnomes, but hey, it’s Alliance and it’s curbstomping. Can’t rightly complain about that.
As for Koltira…yeah, I’d like to know what the deal is with him, too. I’ve been trying to find out for a while now, in fact. Bragor Bloodfist down in the Undercity has been under orders to find out what happened to him, seeing as Sylvanas and her people were the last ones to see Koltira before he went off the grid. He hasn’t been able to get any answers, though, and considering he’s got his own whole set of issues down there, I’m not sure whether it’s a matter of there not being any answers to be had or of him just not having his head in the right place. I mean seriously, I ask him for a Koltira update, and he babbles on about Sylvanas going off to the little ghouls’ room and being gone for like an hour. Like I need to know the details of her bathroom breaks. Maybe she’s got an irritable colon or something, who knows. I know mine gets plenty irritable with some of the morons I have to deal with in this job.
We all know you’re a big fan of lemon squares (who isn’t, am I right?). Do you have any other favourite foods?
Your fan,
–Salaria
One word, Salaria: bacon. Everything goes good with bacon. Everything. There is not one single recipe out there – I DARE YOU TO PROVE ME WRONG – that isn’t improved by adding bacon. Need convincing? Name any kind of food you can think of, and tell me it wouldn’t sound even better if you stuck “bacon-wrapped” in front of it. SEE? Hell, if you offered to give me “bacon-wrapped cancer,” I’d have to at least think about it.
Of course, even granting that everything goes great with bacon, the thing that goes absolute BEST with bacon? More bacon.
Honorable mention: peanut butter. Most of the above applies, plus it’s really handy for when I have to give Mortimer a pill from the vet, and in general it’s just hilarious to watch a wyvern chawing away on it while it’s sticking to the roof of his mouth. Sometimes I’ll give him a big spoon of the stuff, and while he’s munching away, Gurtash will make up dialogue that Mortimer could be saying, since his mouth will be flapping open and closed almost like he’s talking. Good times.
I been doin’ dat regular errand for Marogg da infantry chef, where he be askin’ us ta steal Darkspear rice from da trolls in da Valley of Spirits. I been tinkin’ dis be a real smart move, mon, keepin’ da trolls underfed and hungry. All you I mean we orcs know da only way we be keepin’ da trolls down is if we keep dem weakened – we let ’em eat well and get strong an’ for sure dey be takin’ over da Horde! We all know dere be no way we be holdin’ dem down if dey at full strength! Good goin’ dere, mon!
–Bob, Echo Isles
Wait, wait, hold on a minute. You’re trying to tell me, you think the only reason the orcs are able to maintain our position of dominance within the Horde is because we use sketchy methods to keep any potential rivals weak? You’re saying we couldn’t stay in charge if the fucking TROLLS had three squares a day (along with whatever extra snacks they’re having because, you know, munchies)?
Well FUCK THAT SHIT.
I’ll SHOW you how fast we’d lose control if the trolls weren’t hungry all the time! Marogg was supposed to be gathering up that rice to make jambalaya, right? Well I’m issuing him orders RIGHT THIS MINUTE to have half that jambalaya delivered right over to the troll district. What’s more, I’m ordering Borstan the butcher to start scheduling regular deliveries of assorted meats to the Valley of Spirits, maybe let those scrawny fuckers get some protein for once, and then for good measure, I’m even having Shan’ti arrange to have some fruits and vegetables – why someone would want to eat those is beyond me, but whatever – sent over when there’s a decent crop.
You think the trolls would take over if we didn’t keep them weakened? BULLSHIT, the trolls don’t need our help to be weak, they came out of the box that way, so just you fucking watch and see what happens – or DOESN’T happen – when they can’t cry starvation anymore!
Go head, fatten ’em up, feed ’em all they can choke down, see how much good it does them! You hear me? That’s an order! Feed those trolls!
Attn: Garrosh Hellscream, Horde Warchief
c/o Orgrimmar, Durotar KLM
Pursuant to Stormwind Revenue Statute LC14-99A17, subsection A4:
This letter hereby notifies the above named GARROSH HELLSCREAM (hereafter “DEBTOR”) of funds owed to the Stormwind Treasury, as per investigations conducted under authority of this office:
- Debtor initially accrued debt under alias G. PATRICK SEITZ in the amount of 120 gold in unpaid charges at Kelly’s Inn and Tavern, Southshore, Hillsbrad Foothills EKD.
- Proprietor Herman Kelly, esq. (hereafter “PLAINTIFF”) filed legal claim against one G. PATRICK SEITZ in the amount of 144 gold in rental and late fees.
- Lordaeron Circuit Court 23 ruled in favor of plaintiff in amount of 144 gold; additionally 216 gold in legal fees, 150 gold fine for failure to appear at hearing and 50 gold in punitive damages. Total debt incurred 560 gold.
- Debtor failed to appear before court on three statutory appeal dates as per Lordaeron Small Claims Code 19C, classification 4 (Brill Act). Upon expiration of appeal period, debtor incurred mandatory penalties of 407 gold, 611 gold and 1215 gold for missed payment dates.
- Funds owed to plaintiff were reimbursed from Lordaeron Treasury under Small Business Shelter Provision 2219-A; debtor’s account was placed in collection. Mandatory fine of 117 gold incurred.
- Collection duties assumed by Stormwind Agency of Taxation and Recovery under Disaster Provision Act after unexpected decease and necrotic resuscitation of entire fiduciary authority of Lordaeron government.
- Debtor accrued additional debts in the mount of 117 gold monthly for failure to pay fines; additionally cumulative interest fees at rates of 14 to 23% per annum as dictated by Stormwind Variable Rate Index.
As of current date, debtor owes funds to RATR in amount of 49,758 gold.
Please remit funds to RATR, Stormwind, within 30 days of receipt of this notice. Additional penalties may apply upon failure to comply.
–Royal Agency of Taxation and Recovery, Stormwind City
(Routing path: Southshore; Tarren Mill; Lordaeron; Androhal; Stormwind; Theramore; Gadgetzan; Caverns of Time; Ratchet)
What.
The fuck.
Is THIS?
Okay, so hold up. You mean to tell me, when we high-tailed it out of Southshore – and yeah, we didn’t bother paying at the inn when we took off, because guess what, we had some other shit to do that was kind of important – Kelly (Herman? Seriously? Fucking HERMAN?) went to the trouble of filing a lawsuit and keeping after it to try to get back the fucking pocket change we owed him?
And okay, I know what you guys are probably thinking, how the hell did they even manage to trace this back to me in the first place, seeing as I was using an alias and a human face and WAS TRAVELING THROUGH FUCKING TIME. But you know what, really, you shouldn’t be surprised that they managed to find me, because TAX COLLECTORS. Those fuckers will see through time and space like it’s nothing and track you through the Twisted Nether and OMG maybe I should get some of THEM to try to find fucking Koltira!
Anyway, Stormwind tax dudes working under royal authority, I was going to send you an I.O.U. for the gold, but on second thought I figure it would be a lot better to take this occasion to publicly offer you an F.Y.V.
That’s right.
Everyone say it with me.
Welcome to [Warchief]
I’m back in Orgrimmar. After we wrapped up things in Garadar, I took sort of a leisurely trip by land to Shattrath with Lakkara. From there we took one of the portals to Orgrimmar. You should have seen the look on my mother’s face the first time she came up with me from the Cleft of Shadow and saw the Valley of Strength.
Since then I’ve been showing her around Orgrimmar and a little of Durotar. At first I figured I was going to take her on this whirlwind tour around Kalimdor and show her everything, but I forget ALL of this is TOTALLY new to her, so it’s probably better to take our time and give her a chance to take it all in. Even little things, like the fact that she hadn’t ever really seen trolls before. Or Forsaken, for that matter…although she was a lot less freaked out over seeing them walking around town than I figured she would be. I guess she just feels for anybody who’s had a rough time of it. Anyway, for the time being I have her set up with her own quarters here in Grommash Hold, upstairs.
While she’s been getting settled and resting, I’ve had a chance to hop back online and get some Earth Online time. The guild had gotten off to a slow start, since I ended up having a lot of distractions keeping me from the game, but I think we’re starting to get things together. Spazzle also set me up with this thing that lets me log our in-game guild chat, so I’m going to try using it here and give you guys a peek at what we’ve been up to. He even had some add-on that let me tag players in the game with their real names (or whatever names I want to label them with) so both names show up in the game chat. Makes it easier for me to keep things straight sometimes, but I figure it’ll make these logs a hell of a lot easier for you all to make sense of.
Anyway, here goes:
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So Spaz, how are things coming along on the guild web site?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Don’t we already have a web site?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yes and no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We have a site that we use, but it’s not totally ours
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] How’s that?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you know, it’s one of those prefab ones you can get at a host site.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] they’re fine and all, they give you the basics of what you need, but they don’t give you a whole lot of room to customize
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] or for that matter even really have direct control of the site
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] which is fine if you’re just wanting something to get started with, or if you just don’t have someone who knows web design
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Which obviously we do
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] this way I can custom build it, and have direct control over security, track IP addresses, etc.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, and after all the trouble I’ve been having on the blog the last month or so, I want us to have more control of the guild site
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ahh, got it.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So how’s it coming along?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] pretty well
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I think it should be up and running pretty soon
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry it’s been taking so long, but I ended up losing a bunch of time getting the blog secured again after all the hacking that was going on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So you finally have that locked down now?
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, I think so. I set up a much tougher firewall
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it should be a LOT harder for anyone to get through it
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] a firewall wtf?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] we’re got walls of fire here now?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, not like that
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Dontrag.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no, this is utvoch
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hey though
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I always get them mixed up.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s a firewall for Garrosh’s blog
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If it makes you feel any better, I usually have to keep a little crib sheet on me
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I still slip up every so often
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] we’re not going to have to start farming fire resist gear now, are we?
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] server back up?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sup Dontrag
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, it’s not a firewall like that
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not in the game
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no, not dontrag, this is utvoch, i just said
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] no, not you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He wasn’t talking to you.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] walls of fire? are we doing one of the burning building scenarios?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Dontrag just logged on
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh i missed that
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shouldnt we maybe recruit someone who plays a fire fighter before we try one of those
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] “oh i missed that” he says – I bet he gets tired of having to say that
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, we’re not talking about BB scenarios. It’s a firewall Spazzle set up for my blog
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you have a blog?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] hah
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ah ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, yes, I do
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Didn’t he write in for one of your mailbags, too?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] https://warchiefscommandboard.com
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, he did
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha, that’s great.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Clearly you and I have very different notions of “great”
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh cool
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i will make a point of reading it, sir
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you sure you want them reading it?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] as will i, great gl/warchief sir
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean, you kind of make fun of them a lot on it, call them stupid, etc.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I don’t say anything on the blog that I wouldn’t say to their faces
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Watch
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Also you’re assuming they would get half of the jabs he takes at them.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dontrag
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Utvoch
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys know you’re fucking idiots, right?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yes, sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see our esteemed Warchief is once again demonstrating his inimitable leadership skills.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] great apologies, sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m doing my best to remedy my failings with my extension courses, sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] morning, dark lady
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey, we don’t all have the benefit of having all our underlings auto-brainwashed and under our thrall, Sylvanas
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] By the way, what’s up with your names, you two? They seem kind of…generic.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good day, Utvoch.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You wound me yet again, Warchief.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yeah we both just used one of the randomly generated names
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no this is dontrag
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait, under thrall?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] is thrall coming back?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you kind of walked right into that one, boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No. Thrall isn’t coming back
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who told them about this guild again?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] thrall said he was coming back?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] when was this? i missed it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thrall
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Is not
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Coming back
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You could not pay me to be Warchief, honestly.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ah okay, if you say so, sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] truly it is a blessing that the horde has such an embarrassment of riches in our leadership
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We have an embarrassment, all right
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So hey, while you guys are here and Sylvanas is on
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was thinking it might be good to make her an officer
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] For real?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she was the one who was hacking into the blog, wasn’t she?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ell one of them
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, yeah, I know. But hear me out
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good morning, Garona.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] morning garona
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] First off, even though she did hack into the blog, I have to give her props for the way she shut Varian down
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi BQ.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi dontrag.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, that was pretty funny
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, that’s Utvoch.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s been playing this game for a while and knows a bunch of the classes really well, plus she DID server transfer just to join this guild
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its not
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] is it? damn I thought I got it right this time.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no, you got it right
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] that is true, she did
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m dontrag
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] he’s utvoch
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus, you know, I’ve been thinking lately, maybe I’ve been a little too hard on her. I mean, to be fair, being tortured to death has to do a number on you
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i think we know who we are
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would think you would know you are, as well.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you think so. It probably wouldn’t be a bad gesture, since she’s the de facto leader over in Eastern Kingdoms.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Apparently, however, there is some uncertainty in the matter.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] now you’re just messing with them lol.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah that too. And also as far as the hacking goes, I think maybe if we put her on the inside, she might be less likely to want to try messing with things
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, maybe.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm yeah
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so what are you guys up to?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well, if you think so, boss, it’s your call
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I need to jet in a little while, though. I have to go meet up with my cousin Khizzara
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s new comic book day down at the shop!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just sorting out some day trading.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] d and i are just sparring outside washington
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we should probably get back to leveling though
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] kk Spazzle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah, me too.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what level are you guys?
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has been promoted to the rank Officer.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 34
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] grats!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] 33 here
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, dear Guild Leader.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome aboard, sylvanas
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No problem, Sylvanas. I figure you know the game well, plus, you know, it’s always nice to actually have someone with a few IQ points in a leadership position
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know in my other guild over on palin I’m an officer too, as a matter of fact.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway, hate to greet and run, but I have get going
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] anyway boo, you guys are too high level for me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] was going to say we should group up.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] unless you want to run a lvl 19 nurse through a couple lowbie instances… <3
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I appreciate your trust, good GL, and will of course do my best to serve the guild well.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] gotta run for a little while, guys. back later!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i guess we could, sure
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cya spazzle
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Later, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] <3
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Going quiet for a few, everyone, need to get this quest done for my class trinket
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has logged off.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] bye spazzle
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] damn, missed him
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Before you get too far into your quest, Garrosh, would it be all right if I invited a friend to the guild?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He’s fairly new to the game, but I’m sure he’ll learn quickly. Plus he doesn’t really get out a lot, so it might be nice for him to have some new people to interact with.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, that should be fine
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] where should we meet you garona
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, busy for a few
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I’m over in moscow now.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I have a couple quests to do in the kremlin if we could do that.
[Lorthemar] has joined the guild.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to the rank Member.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Welcome, Lorthemar.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, guildmates!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sup
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s the new guy?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] o.O
[Guild][Lorthemar] Lor’themar Theron, at your service!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh so I guess you just didn’t have enough characters to put the last name on your toon?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I think there’s a mod you can use to get around that.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh hey is that supposed to be like whats her face from the quest chain?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well…no. That’s just my name.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] that npc, another theron i think
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] charlize?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Charlize, yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, but wait, no, that’s not what he’s going for.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh wow so you’re into like that total immersion thing, huh?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yeah thats her
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] she’s in a few in-game cinematics too.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not many of those are really worth watching, though.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] is your toon supposed to be related to her or something?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ugh, too much RP.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] they are as long as you turn off your speakers
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] just sayin
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m a little confused.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I must admit, I’m a little baffled as well.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] it’s okay, the game throws a lot at you at once, it gets easier to keep track of once you play a little.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] why, BQ? you’ve been playing this game longer than me.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No…not like that.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lorthemar is literally THE Lor’themar Theron.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right, he said that
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and…?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar Theron.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Regent Lord of Quel’thalas.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not ringing any bells
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The leader of the blood elves.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you say so.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait, didn’t we kill him a couple years ago?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Never mind.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really am confused now.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, that was…you know what, forget it. Welcome to the guild, Lor’themar.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i’m starting to get a little lost too
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, back
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And check this out
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Checking.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] welcome back sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I was doing my teacher class quest to upgrade my gradebook trinket
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I finish the quest, and since I was in an instanced inner city school zone, when I zone out I’m PVP flagged, right?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So this random guy sees me and decides he’s going to try and gank me.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Only now I’ve got my shiny new trinket, and I blow all my upgraded lesson buffs at once, and BAM, drop the scrub like a freshman-year undeclared pre-med major
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] haha awesome
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Garrosh.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] woot
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I’m all doing a /detention emote on him like “WHAM! You got SCHOOLED, bitch!” haha
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not sure I really follow all that, but I’m sure it was a glorious victory, Warchief.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They don’t call me Omgipwnedurface for nothing
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] indeed sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] they call you that because you entered it on the character creation screen
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Speaking of triumphant returns, by the way, I heard a rumor that Thrall was coming back. Is it true?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um okay
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OMG not that again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i heard someone talking about that earlier too
[Guild][Lorthemar] Really? Thrall’s returning? Do you know anything about when?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Seems he’s being very cagey about the details.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sylvanas, why do you insist on confusing the stupid?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] huh interesting
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah sounds like he’s trying to keep it hush hush
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sorry, dear Warchief. It’s just so easy!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] didn’t garrosh already say that wasn’t happening?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And it’s so fun to drop heavy things on the fools’ heads. They make such an entertaining splat.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yeah he did but people are still talking about it so i dont know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on brb
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that could just be thralls cover story too
[Guild][Lorthemar] I must admit, history isn’t terribly promising when it comes to leaders who allegedly are gone for good.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay peeps
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah thats true, like everyone said we killed you a couple years ago and here you are back again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to log off for a little while
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] My mom wants me to get off the computer
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye garrosh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus she’s only been in Orgrimmar a day so I should make sure she’s not going to get lost or something
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cya sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] l8r
[Guild][Lorthemar] Be well, Warchief. Give my best to Mother Hellscream!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later guys
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So…is it always like this?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You really don’t read the blog, do you?
You have logged off.
Aromatic Orgrimmar
Okay, so, there weren’t any suggestions for today’s installment of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge, so instead, I went back to some of the previous posts and basically yanked together a few different ideas that I hadn’t used yet. Hence today’s installment! Just one left, guys — this Thursday will be the last entry in our April full o’ EPIC VERSE, so I’m counting on you all to dig down deep and give me some good options to work with! Don’t drop the ball here, folks! YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN!
A bastion standing strong in harsh terrain,
The solitary hold of Durotar,
Where all misguided sieges fall in vain:
Behold the shining might of Orgrimmar.
The sights familiar glimmer in our eyes,
And sounds echoing in ears for all to tell,
But in the Spirit Valley, what surprise
To find the touchstone sense would be the smells.
To south, the goblin stench of industry
With Kaja’Cola undercurrents waft;
To north, the pungent herbal potpourri
That trolls with hookahs spew so very oft.
And truly, that’s the scent that takes me back,
To days in Northrend sniffing ’round Zul’Drak.
EPIC VERSE!
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Locks in Socks
Today’s installment of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge – as always, keep those suggestions coming for next time in the comments section!
Locks
Socks
Docks
Brox
Brox on docks.
Locks in socks.
Brox on locks in socks on docks.
Socks on Brox and locks on docks.
Locks in socks on Brox on docks.
Trolls with bowls smoke.
Trolls with poles poke.
Trolls with poles poke bowls till holes broke.
Trolls extol their hole poke goals and
Trolls console their souls, smoke bowls and
Troll patrols troll souls with smoke and
Troll bowl smoke soaks folk who choke.
First I’ll make a troll bowl smoke hole.
Then I’ll make a troll pole poke hole.
You can make a troll bowl smoke hole.
You can make a troll pole poke hole.
And here’s a new goal, Mr. Brox…
Socks on trolls who troll on locks.
Locks on docks steal souls from trolls and
Trolls sans souls put pox on locks.
Now we come to DoTs and HoTs, sir.
DoTs and HoTs go tick and tock, sir.
DoT go tick and HoTs go tock, sir.
Try to say this, Mr. Brox, sir.
DoTs on hawks tick.
HoTs on Brox tock.
Six sick clicks DoT
Six hawk flocks up.
Hawk flocks DoT-up
Shock stalks fel pup.
Fel pup stalks hawk flocks to hell, yup.
Hawk flocks’ yell shocks fel pup locks and
Fel pups smell up dell on walks.
Now you try it, Mr. Brox, sir.
It is time we let you talk, sir.
“Please, sir. I don’t like this game, sir.
I am not this frigging lame, sir.
I get all the trolls and docks, sir,
Mixed up with the souls and socks, sir.
I can’t do it, Mr. Lock, sir.”
I’m so sorry, Mr. Brox, sir.
Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say…
Mean orcs.
Clean forks.
Seen forks?
Green orcs!
Green orcs eat pork meat with clean forks.
Clean orc forks beat sweet pork spleen corks.
Green orcs put clean forks in spleen meat.
Mean orcs put corks in sweet Tweet greet.
“That’s not easy, Mr. Lock, sir.”
Who limps?
Imp limps.
Sly wimp imp limps.
Who stocks sly wimp imps with limps?
Locks in socks stock imps with limps.
Wimp imp limps shock locks in socks while
Locks’ wimp imps stock box of socks.
Sly imps spy on locks in socks and
Spry imps, my, throw rocks at locks.
Limp rocks imp walks, blimp sky high! and
Wimp imp pimps for succubi.
“Hold on, hold on! That was stretching!
Those last few have got me retching!
That last one was rather lewd, sir.
I think you are very rude, sir!”
Sorry, sorry, Mr. Brox, sir.
Let’s continue our nice talk, sir.
Chen comes.
Genn comes.
Chen’s friends, then some.
Chen brings Genn cheer.
Genn brings Chen beer.
Genn mends Chen’s cheer.
Chen blends Genn’s beer.
Chen’s blends.
Genn’s mends.
Chen-blend beer spills.
Genn-mend cheer fills.
Chen’s chums. Genn’s glum.
Chen’s friends bend some.
Chen’s friends bend Genn’s cheer austere and
Genn’s blend tends to clear Chen’s fears.
Chen’s friends! Ten friends!
Mend Genn! When, Genn?
Chen’s ten friends send beer to Rend, sir.
Genn’s glum trend, forfend, the end, sir.
“My poor mouth can’t say that. No, sir.
My poor mouth is much too slow, sir.”
Well, then…let’s relieve your lungs.
I will lift this Curse of Tongues.
Let’s have a little talk about squabblin’ goblins…
What do you know about squabblin’ goblins? Well…
When squabblin’ goblins bicker,
It’s called squabblin’ goblin babble.
And when they babble even quicker,
It’s called squabblin’ goblin gabble babble.
AND when squabblin’ goblins babble during Scrabble in a gabble,
They call it a squabblin’ goblin Scrabble gabble babble.
AND…
When goblins squabble goblins in a Scrabble gabble babble
And the goblin gabble babble is a quibble over Scrabble,
…they call this a squabblin’ goblin Scrabble quibble gabble babble.
AND…
When the goblins have these quibbles over Scrabble when they babble and the goblins scribble gabbles over Scrabble taking “tribbles”…
…they call this a quibble babble tribble gabble squabblin’ Scrabble goblin scribble.
AND…
“Lock in socks, that’s quite enough, sir.
I won’t say this silly stuff, sir.
All this babble hurts my head, sir.
I’ll go back to being dead, sir.”
EPIC VERSE!
(Side note, by the way – I really feel like this poem, and Orc Lemon Squares from the other day, are really screaming out for illustrations. So if any of you are artistically inclined and think you might be interested in helping to enhance your Warchief’s EPIC VERSE to its fullest potential, contact me at garrosh1337@gmail.com. THAT IS AN ORDER.)
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Go East, young orc
This might seem a little overdue, but I’ve been thinking lately that after Zaela turned out to be doing…sort of…an iffy job keeping the Dragonmaw on task out there in the Twilight Highlands, it might be a good idea for me to start paying a few inspection visits to some of our outposts out in the Eastern Kingdoms. Keep the field commanders on their toes, inspire the troops, all that good stuff.
Thing is, though, traveling around most places in the Eastern Kingdoms is seriously a giant pain in the ass. Okay, we’ve got a convenient portal from Orgrimmar to Dragonmaw Port, but beyond that it gets pretty dicey. Yeah, I could have mages open portals for me to locations over there, and I’ve been known to do that now and then in emergencies, but see, most of our committed mages here in Orgrimmar are trolls. When there’s an actual emergency going on, or it’s urgent that I get somewhere quickly for something important, like say that time I had to take the fast track to Krom’gar in Stonetalon, they’re fine…but short of that, half the time they just take it as an occasion to fuck with me. Portals to the wrong places, or worse yet, they’ll play portal roulette – put up three or four or five portals all right on top of each other, so I’m not sure which one I’m taking until I’ve gone through. So yeah, it’s an option, but it’s a damn annoying one.
So other than Dragonmaw Port, pretty much anywhere else you wind up having to take a boat or a zeppelin, and I don’t exactly have a great track record with either one of those. Plus then I have to make arrangements to bring Mortimer out there with me, because let me tell you, the flight path options out there are some slim pickings. Not a whole lot of wyverns to choose from, and even the ones they have aren’t much of a match for the sturdy Kalimdor stock. And beyond junior varsity wyverns? You’ve got giant bats, which are a little short on the steady and a long on the bitey for my tastes. And I’m sorry, there’s just no fucking way in hell you’re ever going to see me riding around on a dragonhawk. Not least of all because most of them look like they would snap in two if I ever actually sat on them.
So, point being, if I’m going to take the trouble to go out there at all, I want to make sure I’m making the best possible use of my time. Since many of you guys are out there fighting the good fight in the outer territories, I figured it might be helpful to check with you first – what regions of the Eastern Kingdoms do you think would benefit most from having me drop in and Warchief it up?
Visiting Desolace
Just got back from the final part of this last inspection tour, this time making a couple stops in Desolace. Most of the time there I was in Shadowprey Village, which, well…you know, trolls. Wall to wall trolls. So you can probably imagine how that went. And I mean, they seem to be on top of things there pretty much, but I’m at a loss for what it is that these trolls find so fucking funny all the damn time. You try to talk to them about anything, and it’s just a big laugh riot. I’m starting to wonder if they’re all just smoking something.
I’d heard they had some pretty good seafood there, so I tried asking Lui’Mala about it, since I figured she would be in the know what with her being the fishing trainer there, but apparently the question was too damn funny for her to pull her shit together enough to answer, so yeah, on to Plan B. I finally managed to get an answer out of Jinar’Zillen, who told me they were a little short on fish at the moment, but they’ve been bringing in some really high quality crab lately if I wanted to swim down and bring up a few of the traps. I couldn’t help but wonder why they would actually need the fucking Warchief to go haul back his own crab traps, what with it being a fishing village where you’d think there’d be someone around whose actual fucking JOB that would be, or at the very least they’d have some random noobs to go do it just to keep them busy and out of trouble, but whatever, what with all the traveling I haven’t had the chance to do my usual swimming routine anyway, so fine. He said they were having their best luck with the traps a little way to the north, so I swam down there, only when I got there I couldn’t see any traps anyplace – and while I was looking, this huge orca came rolling up on me and decided it was snack time. Didn’t work out so well for him, but still. Turns out, the orca was kind of famous around the village – name of Blubbergut apparently – so I don’t know how Jinar’Zillen could have mixed up his feeding territory with the trapping spots. Still, that solved the whole problem with the lack of fish, so at least I got a decent lunch out of it.
After I finally got tired of trying to figuring out what all the trolls were finding so damn hilarious all the time, I ended up spending most of my time hanging out with Rokaro, a Champion of the Horde and successor to Rexxar there in Desolace. Speaking of which, gotta say, we had a fun time exchanging Rexxar stories, since we’d both spent a lot of time with the guy, and if you know Rexxar well, trust me, you get a lot of entertaining stories about him. Not to go spreading a lot of stories out of school (seeing as I was hardly ever actually IN school), but you know, you watch Rexxar closely and it’s not too hard to connect the dots. Hangs out with a bear all the time, always wearing a weird wolf mask…well, you do the math. Although I have to admit the bear thing is kind of cool…it would be nice if we could at least get Rokaro a worg or something.
We ended up swinging by the Mannroc Coven for a while, which is this area that’s overrun with demons that had been summoned by the Burning Blade. We spent a little time wiping out a few dozen of them just kicks, but these were pretty obviously low demons on the demon totem pole, so they were really easy to kill, and after a little while it just started getting boring. So we just headed back and figured we’d leave the rest of them to be finished off by some aspiring adventurers, um, looking for…you know…some critical mission vital to the survival of the Horde. Or some shit like that.
[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Visiting Stonetalon
I’m finally getting around to my next string of inspection visits. This time I’m making a tour through our operations in Stonetalon Mountains. When we started stepping up in the area after the cataclysm, I promoted General Krom’gar to Overlord and put him in charge of our forces there. This is going to be the first time I’ve seen him since then, so I’m looking forward to sitting down and going over our GLORIOUS PROGRESS.
Krom’gar and I go way back, in fact. I knew him in Garadar – matter of fact, he was one of the guys really taking up the slack on some of the ogre problems when I was going through my mopey phase. Later on when Thrall sent me to Northrend, I brought Krom’gar along. He served in Dragonblight under Dranosh Saurfang, and ended up being one of the handful of Horde survivors at the Wrathgate. Just barely, but yeah. Eventually I lobbied to have him promoted to general – the Horde could use more soldiers like him, Nagrand-born orcs who remember their roots and honor the old ways, and haven’t been softened by living all their lives in Azeroth. It’s going to be good to see him. Thrall left me with a lot of advisors, and I’ve tried to listen to them, but it’s men like Krom’gar that I feel like I can really depend on to set an example for what we Horde can be.
My first stop was Malaka’jin, just to pick up some supplies and give my wyvern a break. Talked to Witch Doctor Jin’Zil while I was there. (And by the way, right there, that’s another example of why these trolls make no damn sense – you can’t have a fucking conversation with any of them without them telling you to stay away from the voodoo, and who do they have running the show? Fucking witch doctor. Good job staying away from the fucking voodoo, how about you stop reminding everybody else about it until you can TAKE YOUR OWN DAMN ADVICE.) Anyway, he turned out to be about as much use as any of these other trolls. He kept telling me about some Queen Silith that would be excited to meet me – and okay, granted, who can blame her? – and so I figured she must be some kind of troll royalty, and I should probably try to be a LITTLE diplomatic (UGH), so I headed over to this Wedwinder Hollow place where he said she was staying.
So yeah, turns out, Queen Silith was a GIANT FUCKING SPIDER. Surrounded by about a kazillion other smaller-but-still-way-bigger-than-they-ought-to-be spiders. Just WANDERING AROUND in the woods, like for fuck’s sake, shouldn’t that thing be crawling around in some cavern in the Burning Steppes or something? And where the fuck did Jin’Zil get the idea that she would want to meet me?! More important, WHY WOULD JIN’ZIL THINK I WANT TO FUCKING MEET HER? I HATE spiders! They’re just crawly and nasty and gross and they have WAY more legs and eyes combined than any self-respecting person should have and no I DON’T want to meet up with one for tea. What the fuck is WRONG with people?
No surprise, Jin’Zil was off somewhere when I got back, but I’ll have to track him down about this. Send him a memo about it, by which I mean, y’know, fucking SLAP HIM AROUND A FEW TIMES. Anyway, my wyvern’s ready to go again so I’m heading over to Sun Rock Retreat next. I’ll try to write more from there.
