Tag Archives: varian
Lifetime piling up
I killed her. Me and my big mouth.
Not literally. But I might as well have. t was enough that she died because I left myself vulnerable when Grebo attacked. But Grebo just BEING there was my fault.
I had to go yammering on in guild chat about where I was going with her. Not even thinking about who might be there listening in. How many times do I have to run into people pretending to be something they’re not on the internet before I get it through my thick skull? And so, there they were, Varian Wrynn and Jaina Proudmoore, right there in my own guild, soaking it all in. I might as well have sent them fucking invitations and enclosed a poisoned blade. And lo and behold, a pack of humans turn up out of nowhere.
It’s the only thing that makes sense. That’s the only time I talked to anyone about where we were going, other than my mother herself and a few of the guards we passed leaving Orgrimmar and traveling through Ashenvale.
I know what you’re thinking – how to account for Grebo. He’s still an orc, right? So why would he be working with humans if that’s who’s behind this? And see, that’s where you’re just looking at the surface. Grebo WAS an orc. That thing that attacked me in Demon Fall Canyon? That was Grebo’s reanimated corpse. I’ve been talking to Draz’Zilb out of Brackenwall Village – he’s no stranger to necromancy, and he tells me that when someone is resurrected, there’s a whole range of possibilities as far as how much of the actual person is still there. Maybe it’s the entire being come back whole. Maybe it’s an empty shell, walking around wearing the original person’s face. Maybe it’s any of a million points in between, any combination of memories, motivations, personality, will…anyway, he tells me it wouldn’t be much of a stretch at all to rig things so whoever you’re raising is going to be perfectly cooperative, whoever you happen to be.
No shock to anyone, I’ve been going over and over this in my head all day. I ended up needing to get out of my war room and get some air, so I took Mortimer for a ride around Durotar. I was planning just to fly around some and hopefully clear my head, but on one loop around we passed over Tiragarde Keep. And I happened to look down.
Humans.
So I landed. An hour later and I was still there. Not even rushing around, just taking my time, wandering through the keep, cutting down any humans I could find.
Usually we’ve been content to leave this human outpost alone – it doesn’t pose any real threat, and the humans there are weak even by human standards, and in a way they’re handy to have around as a training exercise for some of our up-and-comers out of Razor Hill. Send the young blood over, have them take out some easy human pickings, we keep the cockroach population under control and the kids feel like they’ve accomplished something. Everybody wins.
Not today. Today I’m in no mood to humor them. Today I’m done tolerating their presence, these pathetic vermin daring – PRESUMING – to claim a foothold in our lands. These two-legged rats from Theramore (THERAMORE), sitting here almost within eyeshot of Orgrimmar… I’m done with them. They’re like animals – every action I’ve ever known them to take shows it. WORSE than animals, even – at least a dog understands loyalty, and a wyvern has some instinctive sense of honor. Like animals, but less. So I slaughtered them like animals.
It was a good afternoon. While it lasted.
A long time ago I swore I’d make the humans regret the crimes they’ve committed against our people. Somehow I let those words become just that: words. Got lazy, grew complacent, contented myself with sitting around on a throne made out of the skull of an enemy I didn’t even kill myself and puffing out my chest like I’d done enough.
No more.
Legionnaire Nazgrim finally returned home to Orgrimmar last week after extended duty in Vashj’ir. I’m promoting him to General and putting him in charge of the initial stages of what comes next. I’ll be laying out our military plans in the next few days, but I don’t plan on wasting much time before we get to work. I’ve already wasted enough. It’s time I got to work doing what I should have done long ago.
Kill them all.
Where (almost) everybody knows your name
This is what I get for trying to take my mind off things.
You have logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh nice
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I had to farm Regional Convention quite a few times, but it ended up working out.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi pwn
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] it looks really good
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] especially with that chest
[Guild][Lorthemar] Just so I understand, you mean you’re able to change your armor to look like other armor?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I still need to work on a briefcase off-hand. Right now I’m still rather mismatched.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Evening, Garrosh.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how are you holding up?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes its transmog
[Metzen] has logged on.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll live
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey metzen
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Metzen.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How have you been?
[Guild][Lorthemar] So how does it work?
[Guild][Metzen] heya
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you sure you’re okay to be playing?
[Guild][Metzen] not bad
[Guild][Metzen] busy with work
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean I know you’re dealing with a lot right now
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, don’t feel like you have to log on because of the guild.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you have to go to a tailor
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Basically you need to acquire a piece of gear whose appearance you’d like to duplicate; then you pay a fee to alter the appearance of the gear you want to change.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah we can hold down the fort here
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m okay
[Guild][Metzen] oh crap, you’re not talking transmog, are you?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol yup
[Guild][Lorthemar] Is the fee in real money or game money?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, understood…what kind of work do you do? Not to be nosey, of course.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Metzen.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well not okay but I’ll manage
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] They have been for about an hour.
[Guild][Metzen] ugh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] game money
[Guild][Metzen] no its ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] Ah.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right now it’s either this or sit around doing nothing but stewing
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah I can see that
[Guild][Metzen] i guess you can say i’m a supervisor at my work, we do a lot of different things really
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I figure I might as well log on and try to distract myself
[Guild][Metzen] a lot of the work is sort of confidential so i cant be too specific
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you don’t like transmog?
[Guild][Metzen] i dont mind it
[Guild][Metzen] if you want to waste your time on it thats your business
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] They haven’t built micro-transactions into the game for real money that way, Lorthemar.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not yet
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] transmog is pretty much a cash sink they built in
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Give them time.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, no kidding.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Understood, Metzen. I certainly don’t want to intrude.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh and belated greetings, Omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][Metzen] its fine
[Guild][Lorthemar] And hello, Metzen.
[Guild][Metzen] right now i’m mostly trying to sort out plans for sort of a reclamation project in hillsbrad
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] They will eventually, just you watch.
[Guild][Metzen] hey lorthemar
[Guild][Metzen] are you new?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting.
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ve done a fair bit of work there myself.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m pretty sure I joined the guild before you did, actually.
[Guild][Metzen] oh lol
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] anyway BQ that set of yours is coming along great, I still want to find a good uniform to transmog for myself
[Guild][Metzen] i guess you’re probably not on a lot
[Guild][Metzen] so i just havent seen you much
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you think a sounding board would help, I’d be happy to help as best I can. Depending on how much you’re at liberty to say, of course.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m on every day.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Usually for several hours at a time.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You didn’t get something from your nurse class quests, Nightengayle?
[Guild][Metzen] oh
[Guild][Metzen] nice life, then
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] heh
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I did, but those were all sort of the standard scrubs, I think I’d like to find one of those white one-piece ones
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I really do like him
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] um actually
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Spazzle, check your whispers a moment?
[Guild][Metzen] nah it should be fine livindead – just that we have some new workers there and their a little erratic
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh ok brb
[Guild][Metzen] just have to keep them on a short leash is all
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh *those*
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I’ve seen a few of them around
[Guild][Metzen] i think proudleslie has one of those actually
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] They’re rare.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Why am I not surprised?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t remind me
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Metzen, I’m very familiar with that problem. Perhaps if you could say a bit more about where in Hillsbrad you’re focusing your attention, I could help offer a few organizational suggestions.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] do you know where they come from
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Silvermoon
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Lorthemar] What does that mean?
[Guild][Metzen] hmm maybe
[Guild][Metzen] sometimes its good to hear from someone who’s not involved with something
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] They’re a random drop in the Nevada sub-zone.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Exactly, Metzen.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh pooh
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You can find them on the AH sometimes, but they’re usually pretty expensive since they’re a pain to farm up.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But also fairly high in demand.
[Guild][Metzen] i seriously dont understand why people sink so much time and money into that kind of thing
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah that makes sense
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] still a pain
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right there with you, Metzen
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I understand why you’d like to get one.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Admittedly, most of the female gear models look a bit conservative for my tastes as well.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Personally I would run instances in a pink dress if it gave me the best stats
[Guild][Metzen] lmao pwn
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or hell, Outland-looking gear
[Guild][Lorthemar] I don’t see what’s wrong with the outfits they’re talking about, really.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hang on, don’t get crazy.
[Guild][Metzen] no, stay with the pink dress
[Guild][Metzen] it suits you better
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] haha
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Metzen
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] hah
[Guild][Metzen] hehe
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wait a minute
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did anyone else see that?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see what?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, wait, that was kind of peculiar.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Metzen
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh weird
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][Metzen] yeah ok you made the joke once that’s enough haha
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, hold on
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um, what’s going on?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Bartleby
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wtf
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Nightengayle
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey hold on, what did I do?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] double wtf!!
[Guild][Lorthemar] See, this is why I wonder about everyone here really being your friend…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Livindeadgrl
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Garrosh, seriously, what the hell?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] no no I know what he’s doing
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Garrosh.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Lorthemar
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What is he doing, then?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well I never!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] control group
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Garrosh.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Mezten
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, please stop.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what the hell is going on?
[Guild][Metzen] wtf dude it stopped being funny already
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Garrosh, please listen, we have an opportunity here if you just take a moment.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] really chief, you maybe want to listen to her
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] pwn I know you’re upset right now but it wont help you to push away your friends ok?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, please, you need to stop.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Metzen
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh I tried
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OMG I KNOW WHO YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKER
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Could someone please explain what the hell is going on?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh-
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ??
[Guild][Metzen] the hell?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s varian
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] …What?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OH DON’T FUCKING ACT LIKE YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHOSE GUILD YOU WERE WEASELING YOUR WAY INTO
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And there goes Gilneas…
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] metzen is varian
[Guild][Metzen] dude are you going to explain what the hell you’re screaming about or have you just gone off the deep end?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] FUCK YOU, VARIAN
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh shit…
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hang on tabbing out
[Guild][Metzen] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] !!!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Wait, seriously?
[Guild][Metzen] how the hell did you know that
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] THE PURPLE PROSE DOESN’T LIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH
[Guild][Metzen] hold on, what do you care that I’m varian wrynn?!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Good heavens, it’s true?!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg garrosh!!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] For FUCK’S SAKE stop acting like you don’t know, human!
[Guild][Metzen] garrosh?!?!?!?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] LIVE AND IN PERSON, BITCH!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well maybe not in person
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] BUT YOU GET THE IDEA
[Guild][Metzen] your an even bigger idiot than i thought
[Guild][Metzen] if you seriously think i would ever voluntarily join a guild
[Guild][Metzen] with you or any of you horde scum!!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] HEY
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ok back
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fuck have I got some bad news for you, asshole
[Guild][Lorthemar] I will have you know, sir, I am a proud leader of the Horde!
[Guild][Metzen] holy shit, you’re THAT lorthemar?!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Where could you possibly have gone to in the middle of *this*?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wait, he is?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what lorthemar?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] news to me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh-
[Guild][Lorthemar] I am indeed, sir!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well ok whatevers going on with lorthemar, I’m rocking the horde pride too!
[Guild][Metzen] THE FUCK
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh well, cat’s out of the bag now.
[Guild][Metzen] how many of you are there in this damned guild
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] garona halforcen here, don’t believe we’ve met
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At least one more, Varian. Lady Sylvanas Windrunner, at your service.
[Guild][Metzen] OMG GARONA
[Guild][Metzen] and sylvanas??
[Guild][Metzen] wtf!!!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude, you fucking joined a guild called <Warchief>
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey varian
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Either you knew who you were hooking up with, or you really are cosmically stupid, seriously
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] last time I saw your dad he told me something for you
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] he’s kind of got you there
[Guild][Metzen] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ‘AAAAAAAAA!!!!!’
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lmao
[Guild][Metzen] omg
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Metzen] listen you filthy half-breed, you just wait
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] until what?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you type mean things at me?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Okay, *that* was good.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah I’m thinking there’s not too much harm you can do by typing
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] thanks BQ
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] hahaha
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so as fun as it is to give you an earful, Varian
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and by the way, fuck you
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh and hey varian
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I think it’s time I show you the door
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] quick pro tip before you go – erase your internet history
[Guild][Metzen] ok listen orc scum
[Metzen] has been kicked from the guild.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] BAM
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] rofl
[Guild][Lorthemar] Huzzah!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, so that was pretty fun.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so also
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hmm?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] that was totally true what I was saying, about how there wasn’t much harm varian could do by typing
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well yeah, sticks and stones
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] key detail being, not much harm HE could do by typing
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ME, on the other hand…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh man.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ohhhh…
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What did you do, Spazzle?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I figured he was about to get kicked so I tabbed over before he had time to go offline, and um
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hehe
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kind of backloaded a virus onto his computer
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OMG hahaha!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no way
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] in about five minutes the virus is going to access his address book
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and e-mail a catalog of all the porn on his computer to everyone he knows
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] lmao
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude that’s awesome
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] is
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] epic
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Spazzle, I think I love you. ^_^
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] 3P1C!!!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, okay, I know it was awesome and all, Garona, but that’s no call for retard-speak
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so as much as I needed a good laugh today
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Time to get serious again
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] uh oh
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s up?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, uh oh.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Do you two want to explain
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] how it is that apparently YOU knew that guy was Varian
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and didn’t bother to tell me?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh man.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Shit just got real.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry boss
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That was my doing, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh huh…I’m listening
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] “Metzen” had said a few things last week that made me suspicious, so I had Spazzle trace his IP address.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He confirmed that Metzen was logging on from Stormwind.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] From there, it was simple enough…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so that covers the “how did you know” part
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m still waiting on the “why didn’t you fucking say something” part
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I didn’t intend to withhold the information from you indefinitely, Warchief.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah chief, we really were going to tell you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I simply wanted to make absolutely sure by watching him a bit more in guild.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Also, I knew you would likely become upset when you learned Varian was in our guild…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah go FIGURE that
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] and I thought I could find a way to make you aware without your kicking him out immediately.
[Guild][Lorthemar] It got quiet all of a sudden.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Have to admit, you do have kind of a temper, boss…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so first of all
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Are there any MORE juicy little secrets I should know about?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OUT WITH IT
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that usually means the officers are talking
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well I also ran a trace on proudleslie
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh that’s right, they joined together
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t tell me she’s Alliance too
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] She is indeed.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] um yeah
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I traced her ip to theramore
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Theramore
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OMG
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ohhhh wait, this is making a lot more sense now.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Is Proudleslie Manageurdeath?!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? About what?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Holy shit did that fucker actually roll an alt just to sneak into my guild?!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Um…who is this you’re talking about?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] no no not him
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] garrosh’s old gm
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah so on top of everything, is he one of those dudes who run around with a girl toon? Because that’s kind of iffy if you ask me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] probably you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] no
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] No.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] not him, chief
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Theramore, Warchief.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who else do you know from Theramore?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Someone who would be playing the game with Varian.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OH
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh for fuck’s sake, THAT slut?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yup
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well to be fair, she…never mind. Yes, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Great. Just great
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I do wish you hadn’t kicked him out so quickly, though, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Why?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Why would we possibly want to have him sitting here in our midst?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we could have kept him without letting on that we knew his identity, I believe we could have plied valuable information from him about Alliance operations.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she was already working on it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I have to admit, it could have been a good way to get some inside information.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, you’re not getting it
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re not getting it at all
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] not getting what?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There was already too much inside information being passed around in this guild.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to go now.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, what is it?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ve got a bad feeling about this
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] For goodness’ sake, can you stop quoting machinima for two minutes?
You have logged off.
Chat log’d
I’ve been sinking a lot of time into Earth Online this week, so I figured I’d toss up another one of these logs from <Warchief> guild chat. We’ve been getting some new members joining, so that’s good, although now that it’s not just a bunch of people I know in real life, I’m having to be a little more careful about RL info. You know how it is. Actually, you probably don’t, seeing as most of you aren’t famous and important and shit like I am. Anyway, point being, I figure it will save us all some headaches in-game if everyone doesn’t know I’m Garrosh, or Sylvanas is Sylvanas, or…well, we’re the only ones who really matter, honestly. But you get the point.
You have logged on.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Dammit!
[Guild][Metzen] UGH
[Guild][Proudleslie] well at least we were closer that time
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey chief
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Guild][Metzen] did you get all the interrupts there?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I did.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] greetings sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Gil
[Guild][Metzen] are you sure? it looked like he got one off at the end right when livin & i died
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I got all of them.
[Guild][Metzen] it’s not showing up in the logs
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let’s just finish running back, and we can argue about it later.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are you guys running?
[Guild][Proudleslie] heroic cc
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] ComicCon heroic
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Last boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah, okay, the comic dealer guy is kind of tough
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So we’re finding.
[Guild][Metzen] yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All right, let’s get healed up and rebuffed.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hello nighten
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh thank goodness
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s wrong?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s you guys and the new people in there, right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I got hacked
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh damn
[Guild][Metzen] oh yikes that sucks
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] not me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Me, Mokvar, Metzen, and Proudleslie, yes.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right, I didn’t mean you, Spaz
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you lose anything, gayle?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t think so
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] looks like they restored everything
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] How are they doing?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not bad.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but I don’t think whoever hacked me was trying to steal stuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] why?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fairly well, I’d say.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well my toon is stuck out here in the middle of nowhere
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] egypt I think
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] weird
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen’s a little pull-happy, seems like he just can’t stand to wait a couple seconds to start a new fight.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The paramedic isn’t playing *badly*, although she seems to have kind of a low active time.
[Guild][Metzen] yeah that is odd
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and if they just wanted to steal my stuff you would figure they’d have me parked by a post office
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure if she’s just learning a new rotation or distracted or what.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do you want me to do a little looking for you?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] sure
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But they’re staying out of the bad and stuff like that?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] As far as I can tell, yeah.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kk I’m going to e-mail you with a couple pieces of info I’ll need you to look up for me, then I can poke around a little
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Metzen] oh damn, badcrumble’s like some master computer guy huh?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude, you have no idea
[Guild][Metzen] maybe he’s the one that hacked her haha
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Okay, let’s try this again.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Nah, he wouldn’t do that
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus he would be too busy reading comic books or something
[Guild][Metzen] haha nerd
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Heh… Yeah maybe, but he’s our nerd
[Guild][Metzen] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen, attention over here now please.
[Guild][Metzen] ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let me know how it goes this time through
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I know that fight can be a pain in the ass
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Good luck
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thanks.
[Dranosh | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] hey guys
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] wtf
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] ?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What the hell is up with your name?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] damn your an idiot
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] oh yeah i did a paid name change
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I get that
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] figured i might as well get rid of the generic name and get a real one
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right, and that’s fine
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s not the point
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But THAT name?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT COOL, dude
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] totally not cool
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] um ok?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] /headdesk
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] sigh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NO
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It is NOT “ok”
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] what’s wrong with this name?
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] it means heart of draenor in orcish
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT IT FUCKING MEANS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] do you not know whose name that is?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] really really not cool
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s really disrespectful
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] do you like know someone with this name?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] head
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] desk
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, YEAH
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] you think he would mind or something?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And he was killed by the Lich King
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he died
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] OH
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] crap
[Guild][Proudleslie] damnit
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] BAH
[Guild][Metzen] fuckkkk
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] ok ok i’ll go change it back
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] be back later
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] still no luck?
[Dranosh | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well they’re not talking to…never mind
[Guild][Proudleslie] no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s killing you?
[Guild][Metzen] hey was that guys toon named after saurfangs kid?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Guild][Metzen] that’s totally not cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] INORITE?
[Guild][Metzen] lights sake
[Guild][Metzen] I dont know what the hell is wrong with some people
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure. It’s the same as last time; we seemed to be doing fine, and then the whole attempt fell apart.
[Guild][Metzen] i have a son myself, and if something happened to him i would be PISSED if someone went around using his name
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I can imagine, Metzen
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not cool at all
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, the boss just started one-shotting everyone.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I think it’s some kind of enrage.
[Guild][Proudleslie] its really frustrating
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re using the superhero buffs, right?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes.
[Guild][Proudleslie] if you want to swap me out for a better healer I’ll understand
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m getting the utility belt, LivinDead is getting the golden lasso
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t think it’s a healing issue, Leslie.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen’s getting the green power ring
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] who has the web shooters?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wrong faction.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s one of the other faction’s buffs.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol in my other guild we do the marvel ones
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so you’ve got the buffs covered
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what to do when he casts Zero Hour, right?
[Guild][Metzen] run out
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Get away from him till he finishes channeling, yeah.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well yeah, run out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh wait a minute
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are we missing something?
[Guild][Proudleslie] mmmm yea you like when I do that?
[Guild][Proudleslie] oops sorry mistell!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wut
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OKAY MOVING ON
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I suppose that might account for her low active time…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just watch, she’s a human…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, you have to get out when he’s casting, but then you’ve got to get back to where you started the fight and retrace your steps
[Guild][Metzen] huh
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I think I’ve heard of this mechanic.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s kind of a dance
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I just didn’t realize it was this fight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, basically the game remembers all your movements for each cycle
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Any time you make a mistake retracing your steps, you get this stacking debuff called Retcon
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So every time the comic dealer does the Zero Hour reset, you have to get back to where you started
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If your Retcon debuff stacks too high, his Nerdrage timer goes off and yeah, pretty much wipes the group right off
[Guild][Metzen] ahhh
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] This makes a lot more sense now.
[Guild][Proudleslie] it doesnt seem too hard
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Must…resist…easy…joke
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh- Men.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, rebuff and let’s get this done.
[Guild][Metzen] kk
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle, still there?
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so I did a little tracing on the logins for your account
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re not going to believe this
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey whos the new guy?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well I think I’ve tracked down who the hacker was
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It wasn’t Sylvanas, was it? Please tell me it wasn’t Sylvanas
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] actually since he brought it up, who IS the new guy?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Friend of Sylvanas
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] who?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] the new guy, lorthemar
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no not that who
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the hacker who
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] the hacker who what?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] check this out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The hacker who HACKS YOUR SKULL INTO LITTLE TINY BITS if you don’t SHUT UP
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m pretty sure your account was hacked by brann bronzebeard
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Lorthemar] Brann Bronzebeard, the explorer?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wow thats fucked up
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, Brann Bronzebeard the district attorney. OF COURSE the explorer
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, I double and triple checked on this
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh wow.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] the suspicious logins were all coming in through a wireless network very few people use
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] since when is brann bronzebeard a hacker?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh, man, that dude could NEVER resist poking around places he doesn’t belong
[Metzen] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Proudleslie] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] grats
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations, all!
[Guild][Metzen] whew
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well that was much easier.
[Guild][Proudleslie] woot!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] And of course…he drops teacher gear.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh dammit!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway gayle, I’ll send you what I found in case you want to contact support about it
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The itemization is far from ideal, but I might take it to play around with for off-sepc.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok thanks
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Sure, all yours.
[Guild][Metzen] its just a pawn shop voucher to the rest of us
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, though, grats guys
[Guild][Proudleslie] ty pwn! =)
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Thanks.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] See, all you needed was the intervention of my SUPREME BRILLIANCE
[Guild][Metzen] oh good, now he’s going to be even more full of himself
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh you have no idea
[Guild][Metzen] hey speaking of which
[Guild][Metzen] how many guild leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh boy, here we go
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] haha
[Guild][Lorthemar] How many?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thanks for the help, though, Garrosh, really.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No biggie
[Guild][Metzen] just one – he holds it still, and the whole world revolves around him
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] haha
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Metzen
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i dont get it
[Guild][Metzen] lmao
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha
[Guild][Metzen] just kidding – I’m kind of in charge at my job irl so I know what a pain it can be
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, it’s cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean, joking around is cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Being in charge of stuff not so much sometimes
[Guild][Metzen] yeah but then, who knows what idiot would be making a mess of everything otherwise
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I like this guy.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, he seems pretty good.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hmm what?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh nothing.
[Guild][Metzen] anyway i should probably get going
[Guild][Metzen] need to go pick my son up at the priest trainers
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just a passing thought.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huh.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] k metzen
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] cya
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later man
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Why are you being all cryptic all of a sudden
[Guild][Lorthemar] Farewell!
[Metzen] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Never mind, don’t mind me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Probably nothing.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] brb
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no I’m just logging on now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey man
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um…yeah you are
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] why the ‘no’?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] someone said farewell when i came on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you people seriously not figured out not to ask him to explain when he says something fucked up?
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was me, but I wasn’t talking to you.
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was for Metzen.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh ok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey are you new?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um…not really.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh ok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so anyway i changed my name back
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] obviously
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so yeah that was some wasted gold
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] probably for the best, though
[Guild][Proudleslie] mmmmmm yea shoot it all over me
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i guess
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg so so so sorry mistell!!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol wut
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HEY HEY HEY HEY
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] TAKE THAT SHIT TO SECOND AZEROTH IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what did i miss
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wow…just…wow.
[Guild][Proudleslie] soooooo sorry!!!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you want us to answer that chronologically or in order of magnitude?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The fuck is wrong with people, seriously
[Proudleslie] has logged off.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Welcome to the internet…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so on THAT note
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no seriously what did i miss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I should get going in a minute. I need to help my mom with something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ok boss
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i was just helping ur mom with something
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, because
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hold it
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on a minute
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok so even i know that was kind of dumb
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I realize that “ha ha I fucked your mom ha ha” jokes are like the bread and butter of chat line retards all over the internet
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] is it weird that I’m not even in the same room as him and I’m seriously looking for something to hide behind?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But usually when you say that shit, you’re not saying it to, you know, somebody who KNOWS WHERE YOU FUCKING LIVE
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right there with ya, Spaz.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and can GET THERE in like TEN MINUTES
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wont happen again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah you better believe it won’t, fuckwit
[Guild][Lorthemar] Please don’t take offense, but are you all sure you’re really friends?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Because, well…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, not at all
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Welcome to the guild, by the way. Not sure if we’ve properly met
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think he just joined
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ANYWAY, as I was saying
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] My mom’s been saying she’d like to go to Grom’s monument in Ashenvale
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I’ve got a bunch of stuff I need to get done here the next couple days
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, that makes sense if she hasn’t been there.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But I’m going to try to clear things out so we can take a trip over there during the weekend
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I should probably go take care of some of that
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kk boss, see you later
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] back
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] cya
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] l8r sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] bye sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later people
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And Dontrag
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sleep lightly
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] pwned lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Take it easy, chief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Spazzle, did you say you can track IP addresses from logins?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yup
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’d like you to check something for me if you don’t mind.
You have logged off.
Welcome to [Warchief]
I’m back in Orgrimmar. After we wrapped up things in Garadar, I took sort of a leisurely trip by land to Shattrath with Lakkara. From there we took one of the portals to Orgrimmar. You should have seen the look on my mother’s face the first time she came up with me from the Cleft of Shadow and saw the Valley of Strength.
Since then I’ve been showing her around Orgrimmar and a little of Durotar. At first I figured I was going to take her on this whirlwind tour around Kalimdor and show her everything, but I forget ALL of this is TOTALLY new to her, so it’s probably better to take our time and give her a chance to take it all in. Even little things, like the fact that she hadn’t ever really seen trolls before. Or Forsaken, for that matter…although she was a lot less freaked out over seeing them walking around town than I figured she would be. I guess she just feels for anybody who’s had a rough time of it. Anyway, for the time being I have her set up with her own quarters here in Grommash Hold, upstairs.
While she’s been getting settled and resting, I’ve had a chance to hop back online and get some Earth Online time. The guild had gotten off to a slow start, since I ended up having a lot of distractions keeping me from the game, but I think we’re starting to get things together. Spazzle also set me up with this thing that lets me log our in-game guild chat, so I’m going to try using it here and give you guys a peek at what we’ve been up to. He even had some add-on that let me tag players in the game with their real names (or whatever names I want to label them with) so both names show up in the game chat. Makes it easier for me to keep things straight sometimes, but I figure it’ll make these logs a hell of a lot easier for you all to make sense of.
Anyway, here goes:
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So Spaz, how are things coming along on the guild web site?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Don’t we already have a web site?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yes and no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We have a site that we use, but it’s not totally ours
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] How’s that?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you know, it’s one of those prefab ones you can get at a host site.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] they’re fine and all, they give you the basics of what you need, but they don’t give you a whole lot of room to customize
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] or for that matter even really have direct control of the site
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] which is fine if you’re just wanting something to get started with, or if you just don’t have someone who knows web design
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Which obviously we do
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] this way I can custom build it, and have direct control over security, track IP addresses, etc.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, and after all the trouble I’ve been having on the blog the last month or so, I want us to have more control of the guild site
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ahh, got it.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So how’s it coming along?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] pretty well
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I think it should be up and running pretty soon
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry it’s been taking so long, but I ended up losing a bunch of time getting the blog secured again after all the hacking that was going on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So you finally have that locked down now?
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, I think so. I set up a much tougher firewall
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it should be a LOT harder for anyone to get through it
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] a firewall wtf?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] we’re got walls of fire here now?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, not like that
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Dontrag.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no, this is utvoch
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hey though
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I always get them mixed up.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s a firewall for Garrosh’s blog
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If it makes you feel any better, I usually have to keep a little crib sheet on me
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I still slip up every so often
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] we’re not going to have to start farming fire resist gear now, are we?
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] server back up?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sup Dontrag
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, it’s not a firewall like that
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not in the game
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no, not dontrag, this is utvoch, i just said
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] no, not you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] He wasn’t talking to you.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] walls of fire? are we doing one of the burning building scenarios?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Dontrag just logged on
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh i missed that
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] shouldnt we maybe recruit someone who plays a fire fighter before we try one of those
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] “oh i missed that” he says – I bet he gets tired of having to say that
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, we’re not talking about BB scenarios. It’s a firewall Spazzle set up for my blog
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you have a blog?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] hah
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ah ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, yes, I do
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Didn’t he write in for one of your mailbags, too?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] https://warchiefscommandboard.com
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, he did
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha, that’s great.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Clearly you and I have very different notions of “great”
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh cool
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i will make a point of reading it, sir
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you sure you want them reading it?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] as will i, great gl/warchief sir
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean, you kind of make fun of them a lot on it, call them stupid, etc.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I don’t say anything on the blog that I wouldn’t say to their faces
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Watch
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Also you’re assuming they would get half of the jabs he takes at them.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dontrag
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Utvoch
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys know you’re fucking idiots, right?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yes, sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see our esteemed Warchief is once again demonstrating his inimitable leadership skills.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] great apologies, sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m doing my best to remedy my failings with my extension courses, sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] morning, dark lady
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey, we don’t all have the benefit of having all our underlings auto-brainwashed and under our thrall, Sylvanas
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] By the way, what’s up with your names, you two? They seem kind of…generic.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good day, Utvoch.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You wound me yet again, Warchief.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yeah we both just used one of the randomly generated names
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no this is dontrag
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait, under thrall?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] is thrall coming back?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you kind of walked right into that one, boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No. Thrall isn’t coming back
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who told them about this guild again?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] thrall said he was coming back?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] when was this? i missed it
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thrall
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Is not
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Coming back
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You could not pay me to be Warchief, honestly.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ah okay, if you say so, sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] truly it is a blessing that the horde has such an embarrassment of riches in our leadership
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We have an embarrassment, all right
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So hey, while you guys are here and Sylvanas is on
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was thinking it might be good to make her an officer
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] For real?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she was the one who was hacking into the blog, wasn’t she?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ell one of them
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, yeah, I know. But hear me out
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good morning, Garona.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] morning garona
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] First off, even though she did hack into the blog, I have to give her props for the way she shut Varian down
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi BQ.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi dontrag.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, that was pretty funny
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, that’s Utvoch.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s been playing this game for a while and knows a bunch of the classes really well, plus she DID server transfer just to join this guild
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its not
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] is it? damn I thought I got it right this time.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no, you got it right
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] that is true, she did
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m dontrag
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] he’s utvoch
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus, you know, I’ve been thinking lately, maybe I’ve been a little too hard on her. I mean, to be fair, being tortured to death has to do a number on you
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i think we know who we are
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would think you would know you are, as well.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you think so. It probably wouldn’t be a bad gesture, since she’s the de facto leader over in Eastern Kingdoms.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Apparently, however, there is some uncertainty in the matter.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] now you’re just messing with them lol.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah that too. And also as far as the hacking goes, I think maybe if we put her on the inside, she might be less likely to want to try messing with things
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, maybe.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm yeah
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so what are you guys up to?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well, if you think so, boss, it’s your call
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I need to jet in a little while, though. I have to go meet up with my cousin Khizzara
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s new comic book day down at the shop!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just sorting out some day trading.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] d and i are just sparring outside washington
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we should probably get back to leveling though
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] kk Spazzle
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah, me too.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what level are you guys?
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has been promoted to the rank Officer.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] 34
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] grats!
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] 33 here
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, dear Guild Leader.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome aboard, sylvanas
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No problem, Sylvanas. I figure you know the game well, plus, you know, it’s always nice to actually have someone with a few IQ points in a leadership position
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you know in my other guild over on palin I’m an officer too, as a matter of fact.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway, hate to greet and run, but I have get going
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] anyway boo, you guys are too high level for me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] was going to say we should group up.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] unless you want to run a lvl 19 nurse through a couple lowbie instances… <3
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I appreciate your trust, good GL, and will of course do my best to serve the guild well.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] gotta run for a little while, guys. back later!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i guess we could, sure
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cya spazzle
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Later, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] <3
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Going quiet for a few, everyone, need to get this quest done for my class trinket
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has logged off.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] bye spazzle
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] damn, missed him
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Before you get too far into your quest, Garrosh, would it be all right if I invited a friend to the guild?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He’s fairly new to the game, but I’m sure he’ll learn quickly. Plus he doesn’t really get out a lot, so it might be nice for him to have some new people to interact with.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, that should be fine
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] where should we meet you garona
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, busy for a few
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I’m over in moscow now.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I have a couple quests to do in the kremlin if we could do that.
[Lorthemar] has joined the guild.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Lorthemar] has been promoted to the rank Member.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Welcome, Lorthemar.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Thank you!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, guildmates!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sup
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s the new guy?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] o.O
[Guild][Lorthemar] Lor’themar Theron, at your service!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh so I guess you just didn’t have enough characters to put the last name on your toon?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I think there’s a mod you can use to get around that.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh hey is that supposed to be like whats her face from the quest chain?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well…no. That’s just my name.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] that npc, another theron i think
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] charlize?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Charlize, yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, but wait, no, that’s not what he’s going for.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh wow so you’re into like that total immersion thing, huh?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yeah thats her
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] she’s in a few in-game cinematics too.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not many of those are really worth watching, though.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] is your toon supposed to be related to her or something?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ugh, too much RP.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] they are as long as you turn off your speakers
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] just sayin
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m a little confused.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I must admit, I’m a little baffled as well.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] it’s okay, the game throws a lot at you at once, it gets easier to keep track of once you play a little.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] why, BQ? you’ve been playing this game longer than me.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No…not like that.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lorthemar is literally THE Lor’themar Theron.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok…
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right, he said that
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and…?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar Theron.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Regent Lord of Quel’thalas.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not ringing any bells
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The leader of the blood elves.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you say so.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] wait, didn’t we kill him a couple years ago?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Never mind.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I really am confused now.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, that was…you know what, forget it. Welcome to the guild, Lor’themar.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i’m starting to get a little lost too
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, back
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And check this out
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Checking.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] welcome back sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I was doing my teacher class quest to upgrade my gradebook trinket
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I finish the quest, and since I was in an instanced inner city school zone, when I zone out I’m PVP flagged, right?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So this random guy sees me and decides he’s going to try and gank me.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Only now I’ve got my shiny new trinket, and I blow all my upgraded lesson buffs at once, and BAM, drop the scrub like a freshman-year undeclared pre-med major
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] haha awesome
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Garrosh.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] woot
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I’m all doing a /detention emote on him like “WHAM! You got SCHOOLED, bitch!” haha
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not sure I really follow all that, but I’m sure it was a glorious victory, Warchief.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They don’t call me Omgipwnedurface for nothing
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] indeed sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] they call you that because you entered it on the character creation screen
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Speaking of triumphant returns, by the way, I heard a rumor that Thrall was coming back. Is it true?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um okay
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OMG not that again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i heard someone talking about that earlier too
[Guild][Lorthemar] Really? Thrall’s returning? Do you know anything about when?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Seems he’s being very cagey about the details.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sylvanas, why do you insist on confusing the stupid?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] huh interesting
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah sounds like he’s trying to keep it hush hush
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sorry, dear Warchief. It’s just so easy!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] didn’t garrosh already say that wasn’t happening?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And it’s so fun to drop heavy things on the fools’ heads. They make such an entertaining splat.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yeah he did but people are still talking about it so i dont know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on brb
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that could just be thralls cover story too
[Guild][Lorthemar] I must admit, history isn’t terribly promising when it comes to leaders who allegedly are gone for good.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay peeps
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah thats true, like everyone said we killed you a couple years ago and here you are back again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to log off for a little while
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] My mom wants me to get off the computer
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye garrosh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus she’s only been in Orgrimmar a day so I should make sure she’s not going to get lost or something
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cya sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] l8r
[Guild][Lorthemar] Be well, Warchief. Give my best to Mother Hellscream!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later guys
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So…is it always like this?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You really don’t read the blog, do you?
You have logged off.
An open guild application
You probably remember how a couple mailbags ago, I got the terrific piece of news that my Earth Online guild had kicked me out while I was busy fighting for my life against the Twilight’s Hammer. Fucking pricks. Especially that dumbass guild leader Manageurdeath, although like I’ve said before, “dumbass guild leader” might be a little redundant. How come it always seems like it’s the full-of-themselves morons and assholes who always ends up being put in charge of things?
Anyway, I’m getting off track. Point is, I’m in the market for a new Earth Online guild, and since I’m guessing I’m going to be a hot commodity, and a lot of these guilds seem to ask the same things on their OMGwhyisthissofuckinglong applications, I figured I’d save everybody a lot of time and put up my answers to a bunch of the most common questions here.
Character Name: Omgipwnedurface, Goldwater-Kalimdor server
Class and Level: 50 Teacher
Talent Spec (please discuss any unusual talent choices): 19/12/10 Humanities / Social Sciences / Sciences. I know my talents are spread around a little more than normal for my class, but I decided to go with a variation of the “Liberal Arts” cookie-cutter spec for added versatility.
What do you enjoy most about your class? Honestly? The minions. I love having minions. I usually try to queue for the classrooms in the sketchier zones, specifically so I can spawn classes with a lot of Delinquents – if I play it right and get them on my side, they can be all kinds of fun to use. Also I just finished the class questline for a Student Teacher companion, so that’s a whole new type of minion I get to start using.
Previous guild(s) and why you left: <West Coast Avengers> — disagreement over whether it was acceptable to miss raids due to kidnapping and near murder by psychotic apocalyptic cult; also subsequent disagreement over estimated proportion of poop in guild leader’s head.
Previous raiding experience: I’m still new to the game, so not much so far. At least in the game. In real life…ever hear of Icecrown Citadel? Dead Lich King? Yeah, I was all over that. Also, Tirion Fordring’s idiotic coliseum thing? That whole Horde vs. Alliance battle, where we squared off against each other rather than sparring with Tirion’s flunkies? Yeah, that had my fingerprints all over it, too. Also, I didn’t actually get involved with Ulduar, but I did trade a few punches with Varian that kept him from getting HIS grubby paws on it, either. Basically, whenever there’s been a situation where the Horde and Alliance have been at risk of being distracted by a common enemy, you can count on me to keep our attention focused on ripping each other’s throats out where it belongs rather than wasting our time on the pansy Tirion/Rhonin “We must all work together” song and dance. I fucking hate carebears.
Any time restrictions that might affect your raid availability: I’m the Warchief of the Horde. Draw your own conclusions. Also, being this awesome is a full-time job in itself.
Monday mailbag
Well it looks like we’re finally back to mail that’s just for ME, now that the bottomless pile of Saurfang fan mail is out of the way. So, let’s get right to it…
This is an open letter to the Archdruids Malfurion Stormrage and Lathorius. It involves the former’s recent mistreatment of a Flameward Hippogryph.
I don’t really have a “day job” as such. I do odd jobs for people like the Dragonmaw Clan, the Protectors of Hyjal, and I’m good enough to earn a fairly decent living at it. Lately, that’s involved a fair bit of time on the Molten Front. Archdruid Stormrage recently saw fit to reward my service with a gift of sorts. Anyway, I get home to my Silvermoon pad one day, and there’s a package waiting for me. I said “package”, it was actually more like a crate, with air holes in it. The postmarks read, “Mount Hyjal”, then “Darnassus”, then “Ratchet”, then “Booty Bay”, and finally, “Silvermoon”. Goblin Post, Fourth Rate. It was at this point that I noticed a whimpering coming from inside the crate.
Now, this is going to sound damned odd coming from a man who joined up with the Blood Knights back when the first lesson on the syllabus was “How To Punch A Captive Naaru In The Jumblies”, but…
Stormrage, you sick bastard, WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!? What on Azeroth possessed you to decide that this was a good idea? Surely, you could have sent it Express. Or, you probably know a mage or two. Or, left a note that I could pick him up next time I was over by Nordrassil. But Goblin Post? Fourth Rate? That’s just WRONG.
Then again, I have no idea why I’m surprised. What else would you expect of a man who’d stand by examining his fingernails while forty Horde raiders curb-stomp his wife?
For what it’s worth, Ted’s doing great. (I named him for Tederastrasz, a dragon I met over in Twilight Highlands.) I don’t normally like to ride animals. I usually prefer the throaty roar of a pair of Yoyodyne-Gadgetzan turboprops and the rhythmic thump of a well-balanced rotor shaft. And the occasional autorotative descent into hostile territory? Just part of the spice that makes life worth living. But now I feel obliged to take Ted out for as much fresh air and sunshine as possible, and I have to say, I’m growing fond of his company. He still flinches a bit when he sees a crate, but he’s just about gotten over that.
Anyway, Lathorius? Your shan’do Stormrage could use a stern talking-to.
–A Concerned Citizen
Good to hear from you as always, ACC. Gotta say, that really is pretty sick, not to mention pretty surprising, considering how old Antlers McBeardyface likes to play himself up as like Grand Master Nature Boy Ultra. I mean, listen, I’m not going to lie to you. It’s no secret that I’m not above a little tough love when it comes to Horde mounts, for purposes of promoting discipline and the kind of toughness that the military life calls for. But I can also tell you, in no uncertain terms, every one of our worgs, kodos, wyverns, whatever, gets three squares a day, plenty of water, and at least enough room to stretch its legs and move around some. Not to mention that when they finally come up for retirement, they get an enormous feast before we slice them up into chops.
But yeah, taking an animal like that and shipping it around by slow mail in a crate? That’s just sick. Especially when you consider how much care those goblins DON’T take to observe the “Handle With Care” labels. Dude, you should have SEEN the shape my Champions of the Horde commemorative plates were in by the time they got to me, and those were even shipped THIRD class. I’m still looking for all the pieces of Rexxar. I don’t even want to THINK of what the fourth rate treatment would be.
Hopefully Lather-on-us will get right on this. He’d BETTER, actually, considering how quick he always is to get on my ass for something way less than this. All I’m gonna say is if he lets this thing slide with Antlers, I better not be getting another protest in my front yard the next time I order the veal.
Personally, if it were ME, I’d probably suggest keeping an eye on old Antlers until the next time he goes More Than Meets the Eye into one of his kajillion animal forms, then throw a net on him, shuffle him off into a nice tight crate, then ship him Super Slow Take Your Effing Time rate to his priestess chick. (Bonus points if she’s not able to sign for the package because she’s too busy getting curb-stomped at the time.)
Anyway, ACC, I’m glad you’re having a good time with Ted. Rescue mounts can have their quirks, no question about it, but over time it does get better, once they’ve had time to realize that they’re safe now. And remember, yeah, those roflcopters are cool and all, but a roflcopter can’t love.
By the same token, a roflcopter can’t get explosive diarrhea all over your new monogrammted sheets that your Greatmother sent you for your birthday. But life’s all about trade-offs, right?
Being that you are easier to contact than your predecessor, I thought this an appropriate time to place my thoughts, as it were, upon your plate. In particular, I wish to discuss your support for our efforts in Silithus.
While I realise that Kalimdor is a large continent and that Silithus is perhaps the most inhospitable and inaccessible area thereon, it remains a hotbed of activity for the Twilight’s Hammer cult. You yourself have seen this most recently, and I have had it impressed upon me that your recent requests for the stepping up of border patrols are vital to your present plans to deal with the Hammer. And so my druids and I will do all that we can, but… we are stretched thin.
In the time since the defeat of C’Thun, the flow of adventurers to this barren land has slowed to a trickle, and yet the Hammer becomes ever heavier, poised above these shifting sands. Why, I recently discovered that visitors to my command have of late been greeted by a representative of the Horde, who offers free magical transportation in order that your supporters might fight in some meaningless skirmish in a swamp on the other side of the world! Why can this service not be provided in order to send more aid to us in our time of need?
The sands of Silithus have seen much, but they are unique in Azeroth and still have much to offer to the brave. With the Cenarion druids largely occupied by certain troubles in Hyjal, I cannot even request aid from them. I am honour-bound to this post, and cannot abandon it. I am told that you value honour deeply. Will you then aid us?
–Commander Mar’alith, Silithus
Hey, Mar’alith, good to hear from you again. Also thanks for your help keeping the Twilight’s Hammer contained recently.
From the looks of it, your letter actually came in right about the same time I went out of commission for a little while, so hopefully in the intervening time things have gotten a little better. From what Saurfang tells me, while he was minding the shop, he came by with a few thousand friends and did a fair bit of Twilight smacking, so hopefully that put a dent in the problem. Still, I know those cultists can be like roaches – no matter how many you kill, there always seems to be tons more of them. (And you know, you wouldn’t really expect there to be THAT many crazy despairing suicidal lunatics ready to sign on to help destroy the world, would you? I mean, even if you assume the cult has a frigging amazing recruiting division, would you really figure they’d be able to drum up thousands upon thousands of these people like they do? Kind of makes you wonder about the world’s collective parenting skills, that we’ve got THAT many people turning out THAT damaged.)
I’ll try to do what I can for you, Mar’alith. As it stands, I put an announcement on all the command boards in Orgrimmar and Thunder Bluff encouraging adventurers to head your way and help out, but apparently that hasn’t been having much of an effect. I’ll double check the boards to make sure the notices are visible enough – with my luck, the announcements got covered by someone’s ad for a futon for sale or guitar lessons or something, with the little straggly rip-off pieces at the bottom with the contact info.
Thing is, though, I’m not sure there’s a whole lot we can do to get people to head down to Silithus voluntarily. Sure, there’s the portal transport thing you mentioned, but when you come right down to it, it’s not like getting to Silithus is much more of a nuisance than traveling to Tanaris or Un’goro Crater or, hell, even Felwood. I’m not going to lie to you, Mar’alith, your place down there is just plain creepy. Lots of people get a bad case of the skitters just running a few errands around the Writhing Deep or the Slithering Scar – and Silithus is like one giant Slithering Scar turned up to eleven. People go there and then spend the next two weeks scratching because they keep imagining things crawling on them. Combine that with the fact that, let’s face it, it’s not exactly a treat for the eyes down there either, and come on…how many people do you really think we’re going to get down there rather than, say, walking in a Winterspring wonderland? I mean, hell, by the time most of our adventurers are strong enough to be much help to you down there, they’re usually all fired up to push righ on past Silithus and head out to Thrallmar in Outland. Seriously, have you ever BEEN to Hellfire Peninsula? Do you really understand the magnitude of people basically being like “Yay, Hellfire Peninsula!” rather than sticking around Silithus?
I’m open to ideas, but I’m thinking that pot’s going to have to be WAY sweeter before we see a whole lot of improvement…
Can anybody be explainin’ what “Dranosh” means?
–Bob, Echo Isles
No no no no, dude, you’ve gotta know better than to ask about that shit, all you’re going to do is open up a—
If you will pardon the interruption, Warchief, I believe I can field this inquiry. I suspect our elocutionarily eccentric correspondent is asking about the roots of the name of my dear, departed son.
Oh fuck, here we go. Again.
If you will allow me. Ahem.
We named him Dranosh. It means “Heart of Draenor” in orcish.
Okay, well that answers that question. Thanks for clearing that up, Saurfang, now we can—
I would not let the warlocks take him. My boy would be safe, hidden away by the elders of Garadar.
I made a promise to his mother before she died; that I would cross the Dark Portal alone – whether I lived or died, my son would be safe. Untainted…
Yeah, okay, terrific, that worked out just fantastic for all involved. Hey, hang on a second, how did you even get in here anyway? The fuck is this? You said when you gave the keys back you were just going to head back up to Northrend and not interfere with the goings-on back here with me.
Today, I fulfill that promise.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. But I’m serious, how the hell are you even doing this? SPAZZLE!
Yeah, chief? What’s up?
I’ll TELL you what’s up, tech guy – Saurfang’s in here screwing around with the blog. I thought you had some kind of fucking security on this shit.
Huh, that’s weird. I’m not sure how he’d be able to—
I meant no offense, Warchief. It merely seemed the inquiry lent itself to an account of my own personal experience, and I felt as such it might be a boon to you…
Yes, Garrosh, he was only trying to help.
Hang on, wait a minute, who the fuck is THIS now?
Do you not recognize me, Warchief? You wound me. Lady Sylvanas Windrunner, at your service as always.
SYLVANAS?!
A pleasure to see you again, Dark Lady.
Hold on, you know her now?
And you as well, High Overlord. Congratulations once again on your successful albeit short-lived stewardship of the Horde. I was most gratified that the other Horde leaders were so quick to agree with my suggestion that you would be an ideal interim Warchief.
As I am gratified by the faith you all showed in me, Dark Lady.
Where do you know HER from?
Do you not recall, Warchief? I too served in Northrend during our triumphant campaign against the Lich King. I had occasion to meet Overlord Saurfang in the late stages of our campaign.
Ohhh, that’s right, you WERE up there, weren’t you? See, I forgot about that, seeing as Saurfang and I were spending most of our time on the whole successfully-taking-down-Arthas operation, as opposed to how you were mostly concentrating on the sneak-in-the-side-door-then-run-from-Arthas-like-a-little-girl wing.
Again you wound me, Warchief.
And hold on, how the fuck are YOU in here too?
In the blog? I hacked admin.
You what now?
You what now?
That’s what I said, only less green.
Just as I said. I hacked admin. ^_^
Oh man, hold on, I need to go check the IP’s again…
You hacked your way onto the blog? The fuck?
I’m not sure why you should be so shocked, Warchief. I’ve done this many times before. Not on your blog specifically, of course, but…
Haha, this is awesome.
Oh for FUCK’s sake, who’s THIS now?
What, you don’t recognize me either, filthy orc?
Oh crap, I can tell this is going to mean all kinds of overtime. I was just getting my rotation down on Earth Online, too…
WHO IS THIS?
Varian Wrynn, King of Stormwind, you brainless half-wit!
OMG WTF
Yeaahhh, this is gonna mean a whole big system overhaul… So much for me trying to save some money on firewalls…
You seriously think I don’t keep an eye on you and your Horde devils?
Fuck you, Varian.
Indeed, Dark Lady!
Stay out of this, witch!
Wait, what? I didn’t say that.
Who did, then?
That was me.
Why was it purple, then? I’m using the purple.
For fuck’s sake, do you not READ the blog?
He’s got a point there.
My text ALWAYS goes purple when I say “Fuck you, Varian.” SEE? It’s like a running thing, I’ve been doing it for months!
But I’m using the purple now. It’s my color. Would it have been so bad not to use purple just this once, for the sake of not confusing people needlessly?
Hold on, are you actually bitching that my choice of text color isn’t showing adequate consideration FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SOMEHOW HACKING THEIR WAY INTO MY BLOG EDITOR?
He’s kind of got you there, too.
Not the editor. I hacked admin. We’ve been over this.
I seriously never get tired of watching you vile creatures fight amongst yourselves.
You would be wise to watch yourself, King Varian.
I would expect at least a little courtesy from you, Saurfang, from one father to another.
I have already addressed this with you, Highness. I will not stand by while the Horde is insulted, however much I may appreciate the kindness you once showed to me over my son.
Dranosh, wasn’t it?
Indeed.
Is that a family name or something?
OH FUCK NOT AGAIN
Not as such. It means “Heart of Draenor” in orcish.
Ask him about the warlocks.
WHOSE FUCKING SIDE ARE YOU ON?!
What about the warlocks?
DAMMIT SYLVANAS!
I would not let the warlocks take him. My boy would be safe, hidden away by the elders of Garadar.
WE’VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THIS LIKE EIGHT TIMES
Apologies, Warchief, but…it’s just so easy!
Still not as easy as everybody on the whole fucking internet breaking into my BLOG, though, apparently!
I know, I know, I’m already changing my sign-up status for the alt raid this weekend… <sigh>
Look at it this way, Saurfang: your son died honorably for an honorable cause, far better than most of your kind. At least this way he can be spared a far worse end when your empire of villainy falls to the Alliance.
Also, I like to talk really tough because I think that way no one will suspect what a small penis I have.
Oh and I have trouble getting it up ever since Benedictus bad-touched me in the confessional booth when I was an altar boy.
WHAT THE HELL I DIDN’T SAY THAT
It certainly looks like you did. <guffaw>
I have it on fairly good authority that’s a true story, too.
I DID NOT SAY ANY SUCH THING YOU DEVILS!
Oh did I mention how I couldn’t perform at all until Tiffy-Wiffy took me home and played dress-up for me?
OMG YOU LEAVE TIFFIN OUT OF THIS!!!
<giggle>
Oh hey YOU’RE making him say that?
You are? How, Dark Lady?
Admin. ^_^
SEE? SEE? I’VE ALWAYS SAID YOU HORDE ARE EVIL!
Behind closed doors I like to wear dresses!
DAMN YOU, SYLVANAS! THE HELL WITH YOU ALL, I’M LOGGING OFF!
Hee! ^_^
Okay, you know what, that was totally worth it.
Indeed it was an amusing diversion, albeit immature; but I suppose you young folk need find your pleasures in your own way. And with that, Warchief, I believe I shall take my leave.
From the blog you mysteriously popped into through some means I still don’t know what the fuck they were? Yeah, okay.
A good day to you, Warchief. Honor go with us all.
Gotta admit, much as I’m still pretty pissed that you were able to hack in here so easily like that—
I know, I know, I’m clearing out next week too…
—what you did to Varian there was pretty awesome. You might not be so bad after all, Sylvanas.
Thank you, dear Warchief. While I’m here, incidentally, might we take a moment to review my concerns about the conduct of Captain Bloodfist?
Not right now, Sylvanas. It’s been a long day, okay? We can get into it another time soon.
As you wish, Warchief. In that case, I’ll leave you to your mailbag and return to my work here in the Undercity.
Yeah, you do that, Sylvanas. Luckily, that was the last letter for this week, and it’s probably a good thing too, since I don’t know if I’m in a mood to deal with any more weirdness in one day. So I think it’s time to wrap this up for today. I’ll post again soon, everyone.
Also don’t forget I don’t really have the faintest idea what I’m doing, and the Horde probably would have been better off staying under Saurfang. But at least I’m easily influenced.
~_^
Monday, so I am told, Mailbag
Citizens of the Horde,
I am an orc of my word; some days ago I invited you to write to me with your thoughts and inquiries, and promised I would answer them as is customary in this space. Today I fulfill that promise.
I write to you from our outpost in Silithus, as I prepare to begin our movement into Ahn’Qiraj. Perhaps this exercise will be helpful in clearing my thoughts before the coming battle. Let us begin.
Have you read any good books lately?
–Tarrful, Orgrimmar
Sadly, my hectic schedule as acting Warchief does not allow me the leisure time to pursue recreational reading. Fortunately, I do make a point of conducting regular briefing sessions to ensure I am kept abreast of important and relevant information, to ensure that the absence of reading time has not caused me to miss something of import.
[Saurfang doesn’t read books. He stares them down until they give him the information he wants. –Mkvr., ed.]
Do you play Earth Online too? If so, what server are you on? What class do you play?
–Kalaban, Undercity
I’m afraid I don’t know what this “Earth Online” is that you speak of. By context, I would surmise it is some sort of diversion or recreational activity involving the internet. Sadly, my schedule already calls for me to spend too much time safeguarding the future of the Horde and saving the world from annihilation for me to invest much leisure time in such matters. Also, I am an adult.
If Thrall and Garrosh ever finished that duel they started back before the Northrend campaign, who do you think would win?
–Kulkesh, Razor Hill
I could not even venture a guess as to the outcome of a battle between two such mighty combatants; and moreover, I can only hope that such a wasteful conflict might never occur.
[If Thrall ever dueled Garrosh to completion, the winner would be Saurfang. –Mkvr., ed.]
I must say, I was expecting these inquiries to revolve around matters of greater weight and import. Nevertheless, we carry on.
When the orcs began dabbling in necromancy, did you ever consider becoming a Warlock? I know you’re a pretty badass Warrior and all, but did you ever think it might be fun to have demon minions and dot people up?
–Davan Shadowspring, Silvermoon City
There was never a point when I was tempted to indulge in the fel magics of the warlocks. Indeed, I suspected even then that no good would come of my people’s dabbling in shadow magic. Moreover, I fail even to see the appeal of such practices; I find it much more honorable and rewarding to confront my enemy face-to-face in combat and best him hand-to-hand, rather than standing at a distance and resorting to trickery. There is a certain gravity and satisfaction to be found in feeling the weight and heft of a solid, reliable blade in one’s hands. And besides, I can assure you, if one is sufficiently proficient in the martial arts, one does not need a precarious spell to make one’s foes flee in fear.
[Damn, Saurfang almost beat me to the punch on this one: Every time a warlock makes someone run away in fear, he pays a royalty to Saurfang. –Mkvr., ed.]
I’m glad to see someone in charge again in Orgrimmar who’s at least somewhat respectable. I would wish you well in your efforts, except that in this case that would probably entail you actually finding Garrosh, and honestly that would end up leading to more trouble than it would be worth. So, here’s wishing you a mixed bag that keeps you in your current position for a while.
–King Varian Wrynn, Stormwind
P.S. Sorry to hear your men were stuck in those underground tunnels on Alcaz Island. Those things are creepy as hell. For years, I had these bizarre recurring nightmares that I was stuck down there, and barely even knew myself. Freaky stuff…
While I remain thankful to you, King Varian, for the kindness you showed me in light of the loss of my son, I nevertheless cannot let such denigrations against our Warchief go unanswered. I may remind you, however much good will may exist between you and I personally, I am first and foremost unwaveringly loyal to the Horde, and Warchief Hellscream is its rightful leader. I am myself, indeed, merely a part of which the Horde is a larger whole; and you may no more speak ill of our leader with impunity from me than you might strike one’s face and not expect the hand to respond in kind. And so, as Warchief Hellscream might comment in his own inimitable manner, I would take this occasion to invite you, King Varian, to engage in an act of self-copulation.
If da Lich King’s horse be Invincible, how come I be seein’ it?
–Bob, Echo Isles
Vol’jin, I don’t know what it is that you’re trying to accomplish, or why you’ve chosen to adopt this puerile façade, but I would ask of you, please, recall your station. We are leaders of the Horde, and as such it is incumbent upon us to conduct ourselves with a modicum of maturity.
I know the Dragon Aspects have a lot on their plate these days, but considering the interest they have in Twilight’s Hammer activities, and the resources and information they have access to, have you considered reaching out to them for support in the search for Garrosh? Maybe have Thrall speak to them on your behalf?
–Zhurzigg, Orgrimmar
While it would indeed pain me to impose upon the hectic schedule of the Aspects, my time in Northrend did afford me the opportunity to develop a certain rapport with the Wyrmrest Accord. As a result, I was recently able to arrange a meeting with Nozdormu at the Caverns of Time. My original intention was to travel to Tanaris on the way to Silithus, but initial preparations detained me in Orgrimmar unexpectedly; fortunately Nozdormu was most gracious over my tardiness (in retrospect, I wonder if he knew in advance that I would be late, all things considered), and welcomed me for our discussion nonetheless.
[Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Saurfang. –Mkvr., ed.]
Sadly, Nozdormu was able to uncover no leads that might help us pinpoint the location of the Warchief. His ability to delve into past events is, in fact, somewhat compromised by current activities of the Infinite Dragonflight, which is impeding the Aspects’ plan to retrieve the powerful Dragon Soul artifact from the past.
(As an aside, I must admit I would be tempted myself to volunteer for this mission, as it would entail the opportunity to witness first-hand some of the events of the War of the Ancients, in which my dear brother Broxigar had participated.)
[Contrary to popular belief, the Sundering did not happen because of the collapse of the Well of Eternity. The landmasses of the world heard that Saurfang was at the Well, and so the continents split apart in different directions to try to get as far away as possible. As it turns out, the Saurfang present at the Well was Broxigar, not Varok, but you can hardly blame the continents for erring on the side of safety. –Mkvr., ed.]
Nozdormu does still have the power to access the future, but this would appear to have limited usefulness for our purposes. He did suggest at one point that he might move us forward in time to such a point as Warchief Hellscream has been recovered, and then acquire from our future selves the relevant information as to how and where. This, however, struck me as a rather dubious solution; as I explained to the Aspect, in such a circular approach to problem-solving, the actual answers and information would not seem to actually come from anywhere, but rather be produced of whole cloth out of nothing. Nozdormu’s only response was to roll his eyes and, waving a hand about, mutter “Wibbly wobbly, timey whimey.”
The ways of the Aspects truly are a mystery.
One final note in closing: The one aspect of responding to your mail in this format that I do not particularly like is its relatively impersonal nature. Indeed, I wish to apologize to those of you who have written to me directly for not having replied directly in kind. When attempting to log into my “e-mail account,” the machine demanded I provide a password; apparently the device did not find the resulting cleave to be sufficient proof of my identity.
[When Saurfang…oh, wait, he’s already got this one covered. Good deal, boss. –Mkvr., ed.]
By all means, continue to write to me, friends. Honor go with us all.
-Saurfang
What to get the Warchief who has everything
So Garona and I had our interrogation of Skarr, which ended up being pretty productive, and Mokvar was on hand to record it. He’s in the process of getting it transcribed for the blog, so you’ll see that soon. In the meantime, though, I’m back in Orgrimmar for the height of the Winter’s Veil season. So in the spirit of the holiday, I thought I’d take a break from all this serious averting-the-end-of-the-world stuff and write up a quick Winter’s Veil post or two.
A few days ago, @NavimieDruid from The Daily Frostwolf asked on Twitter, “What does a great warrior want from Greatfather Winter?” I gave her a quick response, but the thought occurred to me that this might be a good question to take up in an actual post, now that the Winter’s Veil season is here. So, here’s my wish list for this year – if Greatfather Winter really exists and is reading this, hey man, have at it…but anyone else planning to drop by Grommash Hold bearing gifts can feel free too:
- A new helm to replace the latest one that’s turned out to be a size too big (two red sockets plus a meta pl0x).
- Varian’s head on a pike.
- Magatha’s head on a pike.
- 40% fewer idiots in front of me.
- 70% fewer idiots behind me.
- Some adequate explanation as to why the idiots always seem to stack behind me.
- A new set of elementium grinding stones for sharpening Gorehowl.
- The OTHER fucking [Binding of the Windseeker]. (For real, Baron, do you NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND that I will actually STOP KILLING YOU if you just give the damn thing up?)
- A Happy Fun Rock.
- A red, padded, embossed leather harness for Mortimer.
- A sled like the one I had as a kid during winters in Nagrand. For the life of me I don’t know what happened to the original, but man do I miss it. Bonus points if you can find one that has “Mageroyal” inscribed across the back like my old one.
- A firm answer from the goblin contractors on when the Orgrimmar construction work will be done. Seriously, you guys, it’s been over a fucking year now.
Monday mailbag
Oh man, yesterday’s post with my latest EPIC VERSE really set off a shitstorm in today’s mailbag. Apparently there are some really pissed-off humans out there who had to get in their two coppers’ worth. So, here goes…
I don’t know why I keep checking on this “blog” of yours to see if there’s anything worth reading, or any signs of something redeemable about you or your kind. Without fail, my investigations are greeted by some despicable piece of drivel like you latest work of “poetry.” This time, though, you’ve gone over the line.
It’s bad enough to mock such noble citizens as Lady Proudmoore, whom I would think you’d show at least a modicum of respect if only out of deference to her (admittedly misguided) friendship with your countryman Thrall. And I’m not even going to dignify your snide insinuation about my son by discussing that point.
But to take advantage of the recent fall of our lost brother Benedictus, and to accuse him of some…misbehavior…which was responsible for some sort of perceived behavioral tendencies in my adult life…and that all of this somehow led to…performance issues on my part… And, hold on, Tiffin was a saint, okay? Don’t you even bring her into this! A saint! By the Light, I miss her, at least SHE understood, and…and finally someone made me feel safe enough to…ANYWAY THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT. The point is, you’ve gone way over the line this time, Hellscream, and the day is coming soon when you’ll be made to pay.
–King Varian Wrynn, Stormwind
Fuck you, Varian.
That pretty much covers it, right?
Also: the prosecution rests, your honor.
(Also also: I love the part there about “I don’t know why I keep reading this blog” – it’s like this trend I keep seeing online whenever somebody starts hating on something: “OMG I hated that book! Hated it! And I read it SIX TIMES, and every time I hated it more!” Like…dude…just don’t read it, okay?)
With warmest regards, to Garrosh Hellscream, formerly Overlord of the Warsong Offensive, now Acting Warchief of the Horde:
It is with a heavy heart that I take up my quill to pen this note to you, good sir. It had long been my hope that human and orc alike might set down their petty differences and join hands in fellowship in pursuit of a higher calling. While we fought valiantly beside one another against the tyranny of the Lich King in our time together in Northrend, and stood shoulder to shoulder in the face of unspoken horrors as the minions of the wicked Scourge rose up to oppose us; while we laid to rest, I had once hoped to think, our superficial animosities during our time overseeing the preparation of our assault on Icecrown when we gathered together on the hallowed grounds of the Argent Tournament; despite all of these and many other considerations, through all of which I developed a healthy respect for you as a soldier and rising leader of your people, Warchief Hellscream, it now saddens me to see the depths to which you are willing to sink for the sake of petty, destructive childishness.
Who but our foes could profit from such actions? We defenders of Azeroth are weaker as a whole for such things. While we turn upon each other, the minions of death surely must sit back and smile in satisfaction as we undertake to do some of their work for them. It is a comfort, at least, that we left Northrend victorious, the Lich King having fallen, for surely were there still a Lich King he would delight in such strife between our people. And yet, while we may take some small comfort in the knowledge that the wretched undead Scourge shall no longer profit from our conflict, we must forge on in the knowledge that other foes still stand before us. The Burning Legion, the Twilight’s Hammer, the Old Gods themselves still remain, and surely it can only work to their advantage for us to dwell on such petty, trivial matters as those that you have chosen to glorify and pursue in your recent misguided writings.
Think on my words, young Warchief, for in them you will find, I will hope, a wisdom that may yet guide your stewardship of the Horde to higher and more noble grounds, and allow us all to rise above these petty conflicts to forge a brighter, stronger future for our people. May the Blessings of the Light go with you, and light the shadows that yet haunt your baser thoughts.
Now if you’ll pardon me, I need to locate some mead and matches.
–Highlord Tirion Fordring, Hearthglen
TL;DR, Tirion.
You lost me at the “orcs and humans joining hands” and singing Kumbaya and shit part. For real, dude?
Like seriously, part of me really wants to see what would happen if I locked this guy in a room with Dontrag and Utvoch. Only problem I could see is that either they would literally use up ALL the words and there would be none left for the rest of us to use anymore, or they would reach some kind of verbal critical mass and create a black hole of words that would threaten to suck the surrounding room and eventually the whole planet into it.
Oh, and speaking of sucking anything that’s nearby…
You are a sick, sick individual. I can’t begin to imagine how you can even think to write these things. I can only hope that one day you’ll manage to wake up from your adolescent haze and blossom into the maturity of the average twelve-year-old. Until then, I suppose I can only have pity on your pathetic, disgusting soul.
–Lady Jaina Proudmoore, Theramore
Gotta say, the “Lady” part of your name there really amuses me. Along those lines, from now on I think I’d like to be addressed as “Vegetarian Garrosh Hellscream.”
Anyway, don’t get mad at me just because your girlfriend’s mouth gets going after a few drinks. Maybe you should have worked a little harder to keep it otherwise occupied. OH NO HE DIDN’T!
Oh, and SPEAKING of whom…
I’m speechless. Utterly speechless. You swore up and down that anything we talked about would be between you, me, and the wall – little did I suspect that apparently you meant your FACEBOOK wall! What kind of a person do you have to be to swear confidentiality to someone, then run around blabbing it?
It really is sad that you feel so at ease with using alcohol to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable, easily influenced state. I would pray for you if I didn’t have such a headache.
–Argent Confessor Paletress
On the first point: I <3 irony.
On the second point: You know, when I saw the line about taking advantage of someone while they’re drunk, I was going to make a Jaina joke, but that wouldn’t be fair. Everybody knows you don’t have to get Jaina drunk. And I mean EVERYBODY, amirite?
Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. I can’t begin to tell you how entertaining it is to watch you ants scamper back and forth, swiping unsuspecting at each other over nothing, and generally wearing each other down so that, when the time comes, your metaphorical anthill can be brought to nothing with 0.0003% resistance rather than 0.0005% resistance. Not only are you assuring me that my eventual, inevitable triumph will play out that much more smoothly, but you’re providing me with endless amusement in the process.
Please keep it up, all of you. You’re doing Titans’ work, as the saying goes. At least until I get around to undoing same.
–Sargeras, Twisting Nether
The hell?
(Literally?)
Also, since when do they get internet in the Twisting Nether? He’s able to frigging e-mail me from the TWISTING NETHER, and meanwhile if I get too close to an air elemental, my why-fly cuts out on me? I’ve got to get Spazzle on this.
Anyway, at least somebody is enjoying the blog.
Argent Gossip Girl
At long last, a little something for you to enjoy while I go look into matters in Feralas. My latest creation, BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT!
High Argent Confessor,
They call me that these days.
Once I was just Paletress,
No difference either way:
Just a simple Elwynn girl
Who joined the Argent Dawn;
I heard what would await me,
And baby, I was gone.
Truth is, I was not inspired
By service to the Light;
Nor did loathing of the Scourge
Compel me to the fight.
But to be a confessor?
To hear folks’ guilt and hurt?
I’ll comfort countless weary souls—
And hear some juicy dirt!
Confessions are in secret,
But wine is like truth serum;
And since you’re buying, between us,
I guess that you could hear ’em.
* * * * *
Mighty Warchief of the Horde,
Thrall: admired, revered, adored.
Blue-eyed orc,
Still a dork,
Way too straight and narrow.
Goody-two-shoes to the last:
Too few scandals in his past;
Worth adoring,
But so boring!
Straight A’s at Caer Darrow.
You should have some better stories,
Tales of blood and rage and glory!
Not a one?
You’re no fun.
Such wasted potential!
Green skin marked by fiendish fel stream;
Kill a pit lord, raise some Hellscream,
Drink and brawl,
Listen, Thrall,
You need badass credentials!
You’re a mighty shaman, true,
But people won’t be scared of you
When as bad
As you’ve had
Is library past-due.
Kick some ass and take some names.
Give me something; this is lame.
Clark Kent, drat.
(Wait, who’s that?)
Green, but you can work blue.
To be fair, such trials to weather,
You had to have your shit together.
Freed the clans,
Fought the man,
Birthright to reclaim, huh?
Maybe memory’s mildly muddy
From being Saurfang’s drinking buddy?
But if not,
Well, nice thought.
At least, hey, you banged Jaina.
* * * * *
Muradin,
Where’ve you been?
Hiding with the Frostborn.
Tale belied:
Thought you’d died
When the prince found Frostmourne.
Pain and grief,
Such relief
To know that you’re not dead.
Slick respawn:
Mem’ries gone
From when you bonked your head.
At least that’s what you tell them now.
Cover story? Yes, and how.
Luckily
You come to me
To unburden your spirit.
Really you just wanted out
From all the guilt and fear and doubt;
Plagued your mind,
What they’d find
And what they’d do to hear it.
Back when Moira went away
Dragged to BRD, they say.
Thaurissan
Was the man,
At least you let them think.
Now she’s joined the Dark Iron coven,
Little dwarf bun in the oven,
But forsooth,
Want the truth?
You’d better grab a drink.
Bronzebeard scandal – yeah, you guessed it.
You two went and straight incest’d it.
Yes you did.
Dagran’s kid?
That tale is kind of fishy.
She went hiding in the depths
While you by arctic winds were swept:
Better dead
Than inbred,
Except you’re not that squishy.
Muradin!
What a sin!
Knocking up your niece.
When he grows,
Has twelve toes:
A conversation piece.
Self-exiled,
So reviled,
Punishment exquisite:
Chaste you’ve kept
(Well, except
When Jaina came to visit).
* * * * *
Tirion the Argent Highlord!
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.
Truth be told, I cannot afford
Losing this job; so do I dare
Spill the beans on Fordring? Listen—
When we blab, he takes our heads off.
But I see the wine glass glisten—
Top it off once and all bets off.
Just a little more,
Pour it to the brim.
Here’s what you came for:
All the dirt on him.
Holy Light, that man’s insane!
Really, you would never guess it.
Hunting penguins with a cane—
Half the time he’ll even bless it.
Every day he staggers in
Angry-drunk and spewing rage.
Let him spot you, he’ll begin
To curse you out and act deranged.
Did I tell you what he did
The one time Eadric raised his voice?
Let’s just say he can’t have kids:
Eadric’s not “the Pure” by choice.
He steadfastly will refuse
To dine without his lucky mittens;
Mention Arthas, blow his fuse,
And he’ll go set fire to kittens.
If you are a lass
Don’t give him the chance
To grab at your ass.
(He won’t let me wear pants.)
I love the stories that I hear,
All the scandals, sleaze, and strife;
But I swear with Tirion near
I honestly fear for my life.
He’s unstable, he’s a loon,
Loud and lewd with vices diffuse.
Hunting Scourge and hunting poon:
Talk to Jaina. (Daddy issues…)
* * * * *
Honored heir of House of Wrynn,
Varian, where to begin?
Stormwind’s king,
Touchy thing:
Temper, temper, sire.
First Cathedral of the Light,
Robs the coffers, then takes flight.
Just you wait,
Off’ring plate:
Empty. Yep, it’s dire.
Why so angry? Why destroy
The Church he’d served as altar boy?
Years ago,
Don’t you know,
Reading age for Highlights:
Benedictus, pastor then,
Spotted one young Varian,
Oh so sad,
Showed the lad
An early Hour of Twilight.
Ever since then, he’s been damaged;
Bloody miracle he managed
To perform
So was born
A son to House of Wrynn.
Don’t know how hard Tiffin tried;
Virginal king since she died.
Jaina? Nay.
That fine day
Was saved for Anduin.
(Fuck you, Varian.)
* * * * *
No more wine?
Okay, fine.
No more stories, then!
Change your mind?
Till next time!
I’m sure we’ll meet again.
When you pour,
I’ll tell more.
No need to make a fuss.
But don’t fear,
Jaina dear,
That weekend’s between us.
EPIC VERSE!