Tag Archives: vol’jin
Spazzle Speaks: Tours of Duty
A little Earth Online interlude while Garrosh spins his yarn from Pandaria…
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting. What kind of research, Leslie?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi baddie
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey mon.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its really pretty technical
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI MRBADCRUMBLE
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] probably pretty boring if its not what you do
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Spazzle.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i can try to explain some of it to you if you think it would help.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh I’m sure it’s fascinating.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol prof
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I just got back from the echo isles a little while ago
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’ve got a handle on it, prof, its my job after all
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’d care to elaborate, of course.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Certainly no intrusion intended if you prefer not to.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] working on Jaina again?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Tanks for checkin’ up on it for me, mon.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well yes, but i would imagine understanding the nielas vector hypothesis would be part of your job, too, and we’ve already established you don’t really have a handle on that.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Everyone needs a hobby. ^_^
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i do too
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: it’s fine
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] u think your right about everything
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I had some business down there anyway
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh hardly.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i know my nielas vectors, though.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] look, i supervise mages for a living, i would think i know about nielas vectors
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i would think you’d know about them, too.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so see? i’m not always right.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh whatever
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: just had to be careful not to be seen by any kor’kron on the way
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, Lor mon.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I STILL WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF PROF
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’ve said before, i read a lot.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] brb
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: You run into any trouble?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI LOR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Lor’themar.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: not really
[Guild][Lorthemar] And how is everyone this fine evening?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey lor’themar
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good evening.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] doing ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are you settling in on…the Isle of Thunder, is it?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] just missing my baby
[Officer][Lorthemar] Yes indeed.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Not badly at all. Setting up took some doing, but we had some good help on hand.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: there are more kor’kron in razor hill than there used to be
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] AWWW
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s good you were able to get your internet connection working from there.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know our…esteemed Warchief has been having stability issues.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? I thought you two sat next to each other while you played.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodness, I just reread the last thing I said, and I must say it gave me quite the chuckle. ^_^
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I think after they rebuilt the inn, they used it as an excuse to ramp up security
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not right now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, I know I would be lost without my connection.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ve noticed you really seem to be online, like, ALL the time
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE USUALLY DO
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m away on business for a little while
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve logged on without you being here
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, that’s partly because, being undead, I don’t strictly need to sleep.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, I see
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Which frees up lots of online time.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] don’t you have work you need to do in the undercity, though?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh give ’em enough time, they be makin’ lots more places “secure.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] so for right now the game is a way for us to still hang out together a little
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, but I just take it with me everywhere.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Some of the warlocks worked out a way to project a likeness of my computer screen onto a writing tablet I carry around – an Eye Pad of Kilrogg, they call it.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] IT MAKES ME GLAD I STARTED PLAYING THIS GAME
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, I got down there without much trouble
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The name, I will admit, is inelegant. I may have marketing give it another pass.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] EVEN IF I’M STILL KIND OF A NOOB
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: What’s da word from Trall?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Ji?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] its ok, sweetie, being a newbie might be a nice change of pace for you
[Guild][Lorthemar] You know, it’s a funny coincidence, I’m doing some traveling for work as well.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] I know how dat goes, mon.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: all clear so far
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] LOR’THEMAR
[Officer][Lorthemar] Yes?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dis game be a way for me ta talk ta people too.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: nobody seems to have noticed anything going on down there
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Don’t- say any more about what you’re doing.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Improbable though it would seem, I don’t think she realizes who you really are.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: which is kind of weird, considering it’s been months since they took out the kor’kron occupation
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Been tryin’ ta not talk too much fa real what wit I got a nasty sore troat dese days, mon.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Yeah, don’t remind me. I get that a lot.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, yes, there’s that.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i hope you feel better, bobby
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: While Garrosh still be in Pandaria, Eitrigg be da one mindin’ da store in Orgrimmar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But you’re also wasting a potential tactical advantage if you give away too much around her.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!
[EdwardBear | Ji] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: He be no friend a da changes Malkorok been makin’ in da Kor’kron.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, grats, mon!
[Officer][Lorthemar] How do you mean?
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I just wish things would get back to normal again
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: or more normal at least
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations, all!
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: sorry, leslie was running me and puff through an instance
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THANKS DEAR
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …Really?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Really what?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my pleasure sweetie =)
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i didn’t see your tell till just now
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Dey gonna get worse before dey get better, mon.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ty leslie
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: it’s ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Has…nobody told you who Proudleslie is?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yw eddie
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I haven’t…
[Officer][Lorthemar] No, who is she?
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: did you find anything out?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH WOW ONE MORE BUBBLE AND I’LL LEVEL TOO
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Proudleslie is Jaina Proudmoore.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I talked to thrall, yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] next thing u know your going to be all grown up!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] = )
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: had to be careful not to give away too much
[Officer][Lorthemar] …
[Officer][Lorthemar] She’s…she’s… WHY??
[Officer][Lorthemar] WHY would we let her be in the guild?
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what did he say?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] then i can get you all geared up and ready for big people adventures!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Sylvanas convinced Garrosh to let her stay.
[Officer][Lorthemar] By convincing him we’re living in Upside Down Crazy Land??
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the easiest place for you to reach the earthen ring is at the twilight citadel
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I APPRECIATE ALL THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN SPENDING HELPING ME LEVEL
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: most of their heavy hitters are still over at the maelstrom, but they usually don’t let just anyone over there
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, Regent-Lord, by pointing out that keeping her close, without her knowing who -we- are, puts us in a position to ply her for information that might be of use to us.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s that been working out for you, by the way?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww, anything for my baby
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: ok
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hush now. It’s an ongoing project.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, Lor’themar, please try to be careful what you say
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: so your best bet is to head down to the twilight highlands
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i kinda like getting to take care of you here after everything you do for me
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] MY PLEASURE, M’LADY
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: they’ve been working on setting up again there since the twilight’s hammer was driven out
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] <3
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what’s that?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Ugh, fine.
[Officer][Lorthemar] This is not good for my rage.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] aww thats my lil puffy magic dragon =)
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: what’s what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] = )
[Officer][Lorthemar] And of course Garrosh took the anger management counselor with him to Pandaria.
[Officer][Lorthemar] To spite me, I’ll bet you anything.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] plus did i mention you look sexy as a fireman?
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: the twilight’s hammer
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] rawr 😉
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To be fair, keeping an anger management specialist close to Garrosh is probably a wise move.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she’s kind of got you there
[Officer][Lorthemar] *looks in guild chat*
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji] long story
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i wish i could adequately impress upon you the sheer magnitude of the fact that you’re making *me* want to vomit.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh boo prof, havent u ever been in love before
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji] last year’s bad guys
[Officer][Lorthemar] I can’t believe this woman is beating me.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Anyway…
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] as a matter of fact.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] what happened?
[Officer][Lorthemar] Let’s talk about something else before I get too annoyed.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] the scourge.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh =(
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] at any rate, i should log for now, i have some packing to do.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: i really don’t know if it’s going to accomplish much going to them, though
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Be seein’ ya, mon!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BYE PROF
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hmm, speaking of which, do you know anything about what’s going on with Faranell?
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry if i brought up bad memories prof
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: it’s worth a try
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I was going to ask you, actually.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] blah missed him
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All I know is that he’s going to Orgrimmar at the request of your Lady Liadrin.
[Officer][Lorthemar] That’s all I know as well.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if anyone will have any ideas about what happened to mokvar, it would be them
[Officer][Lorthemar] Liadrin told me she was requesting Faranell from you, but was rather dodgy about details.
[Officer][Lorthemar] I’d assumed she would have told you more.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: i hate to say it, but i think we might already know what happened to mokvar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not particularly, only that she had need of his alchemical skills for some of her work with the Dalaran refugees.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Don’t they have apothecaries in Orgrimmar?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Tons over in the Valley of Spirits.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I raised that point myself. All she would say was that it’s a matter of some delicacy and she would prefer to call on someone she knows.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: it’s possible mokvar is really gone
[Officer][Lorthemar] It’s exhausting having our supposed underlings running around on their own like this.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Preaching to the choir, Regent-Lord.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if he is, and i go, then he won’t be any more gone, and all i’ll have done is waste some of my own time
[Officer][Lorthemar] We need better minions.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We really do.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if he’s not, and i don’t go, then it might cost us something more valuable
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: the only mistake would be not to act
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hmm, guild chat is quiet.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: believe me, I hope you find something.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I’m just trying not to get my hopes up
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Jaina and Kalecgos are probably talking in tells.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: well either way, i should be back soon
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i should get going
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: me too
[Officer][Lorthemar] I wonder what they’re talking about that’s so secret.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: talk to you soon
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: good luck
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Probably you.
You have logged off.
Spazzle Speaks: The Goblin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat
After Garrosh put up that guild chat log yesterday, I thought it might be helpful to see things from another perspective…
You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi baddie
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] check the appendix, then.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mrbadcrumble
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it should be on a right-hand page, under a map if i recall.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey sylvanas
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok ok fine, i know better than to argue with you about these things
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey, how are you feeling?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH TIME YOU MUST HAVE SPENT IN LIBRARIES STUDYING THIS STUFF PROF
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] should I even ask what they’re arguing about this time?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if only you knew.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Chen say pretty soon I be healed up enough ta be back on ma feet an outta dis monastery.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Honestly, I’m not even sure how they got started.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] seriously you must be some kind of master wizard with everything you seem to know
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Can’t happen soon enough, mon – don’ like dis sittin’ around.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] not really.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so what are you working on? are we about to get achievement spammed as usual?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’m not particularly powerful as a caster; i just have a good handle on theory.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah but you have to take care of yourself
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YOU’D PROBABLY BE A GOOD TEACHER THEN
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nothing imminent. I’m laying the groundwork for some longer-term projects at the moment.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Any news from Trall?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] maybe thats why his name is professor! =)
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] meh.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i think of it more as “professor” in the “mad scientist” sense.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: not last i heard
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which is fitting, considering i spend most of my time in a laboratory developing biochemical agents of mass destruction.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] haha yea right, your being sarcastic again
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: have you talked to lorthemar?
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: When ya see ’im let ’im know I be dere as soon as I can, an den we deal wit’ Garrosh.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] drat, i’ve been caught.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Speak the devil’s name…
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey OmgipwneduMon!
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered: Oops, mistell.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Speak a da devil, mon.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, dear Warchief.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] is your connection any better pwn?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I guess we’ll find out in a minute
You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]: k good
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i really don’t like all this sneaking around
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Haha!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] now see, for instance, i can’t work -that- kind of magic.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i just deploy verbal irony; i can’t conjure it up in actual events.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya won’ need to much longer.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i swear i didnt do that!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Soon we’ll be makin’ our move.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Leslie! Do it again, mon!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WB PWN
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i didnt do anything!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I take it your connection is none too improved since last time, Warchief?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] You put da connection voodoo on him, mon!
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: still using the network grizzle set up for you?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, apparently
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also that Bob guy is rubbing me the wrong way already
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] On the topic of what you’ve been doing, Leslie, has work continued to be hectic?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’d better watch it before I end up stabbing him in the neck
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: honestly, you might as well hire a couple extra tauren to send up smoke signals for your wifi
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You were starting to say, but ended up being sidetracked by ProfHubert.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of me stabbing people, by the way, did you manage to get Lori straightened out?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BTW COULD I GET A GUILD INVITE FOR MY FRIEND
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure puff, just whisper me the name
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh not really
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re referring to leadership of the guild, I think I’ve convinced him to be reasonable and pass it back
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: HER NAME IS LIVINGREDGIRL
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He was quite agitated before.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know, not for anything, but didn’t we used to ask people to APPLY to this guild once upon a time?
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: seriously?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: ?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does it really matter?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] just some office politics i’m trying to stay out of mostly
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: don’t you think that’s going to be a little confusing?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: Y
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I don’t particularly care about his moods
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] does anyone in this guild actually do anything other than sit around in guild chat?
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i do!
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: because of how similar that is to LivinDeadGrl?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] me to! just got my set bonus last night in fact
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i’m level 52 now!
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] I mostly just hang out here in da capital cities, mon, an’ stir tings up in trade chat!
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: OH I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats eddie
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi lorthemar
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: SHOULD I GET HER TO REROLL?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Somebody gotta be da resident smartass in dis guild, right?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] um, i have some bad news for you…
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: no, she already has this toon… I just hope she doesn’t get a lot of mis-tells
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey lor
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Lor’themar.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]: I’ll send her an invite
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hail, Spazzle. Dark Lady.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered: TY
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea bobby, prof has seniority on you
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if only you knew.
You have invited [LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] to the guild.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Lor’themar, I should probably warn you straight away…
[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has joined the guild.
[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] he spends most of his time in-game making sarcastic comments to people
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome, LivingRedGirl!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome red!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] there you go! welcome to the guild!
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] in point of fact, that’s not actually specific to in-game.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thank you all
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] wb pwn
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So as I was saying. I don’t care if Ponytail is happy about it as long as he manages to get his panties unbunched long enough to hand over guild control
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Garrosh was just on and will likely be back momentarily, so please try to humor him.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh be runnin’ outta friends fast.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Oh and by the way
[Officer][Lorthemar] Hello, Garrosh…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh drat. Two seconds too slow hitting return.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh and LOOK who’s here now
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, but I’m *one* of his friends
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh goodness, LivingRedGirl, you look almost just like me!
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Do you want to explain to me why I never heard a word from you about the whole Mokvar fiasco?
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Haha looks like it yes
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: um
[Officer][Lorthemar] Good evening, Warchief.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: YES UM
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, Leslie…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, yeah, good evening, good morning, happy new year, whatever
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: I guess I figured you were already getting updates from people more important than me
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know office politics can be precarious, Leslie. I’m not unfamiliar with them myself.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Are you ready to stop fucking around and put me back in place as guild leader?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: and I was probably still hoping there would be some explanation for everything
[Officer][Lorthemar] While I still have my objections to the way you’ve been conducting yourself toward me and my people, Garrosh…
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya ever stop ta ask yaself why, mon?
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: At this point I don’t particularly CARE about why
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] mostly just a coworker trying to drag me into his conflicts
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or am I going to have to smack a bitch up first?
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing
[Officer][Lorthemar] …case in point.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The bitch being you, by the way
[Officer][Lorthemar] *sigh*
[Officer][Lorthemar] In any case…I don’t want to hurt the guild over our personal squabbles.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: ugh hang on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, interesting…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s refreshingly non-suicidal for you, Eyepatch
[Officer][Lorthemar] So, yes, here.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: with the mokvar thing
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: it’s just hard for me to accept a friend going off the deep end, is all
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GRATS PWN
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: ok that could have been ugly
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is there anything particular to this conflict your coworker is trying to involve you in, Leslie?
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dis is way too entertainin’.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, like I was saying
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or is it more along the lines of your typical…in-office sparring?
[Officer][Lorthemar] I almost feel bad for him.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i tried to warn him about getting his network set up
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] 1 SEC SHE HAD TO AFK
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but oh no, he sees a goblin and just figures “catch-all tech genius”
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. No rush.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] since it appears most of my best sources of entertainment are away or disconnecting, i suppose i should go get some work done
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing
[Guild][Lorthemar] Be well, ProfHubert!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later prof
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] in my absence, bob, feel free to take over as interim satirist
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hah, tanks mon.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] just try not to stage some kind of sardonic coup while i’m away
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Haha, no promises, mon.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bye prof
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] bye prof
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Welcome back, mon! We missed ya!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WB AGAIN PWN
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: and I’m helping thrall because, well, he’s thrall, and I don’t think it’s right the way the trolls are being treated
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Welcome back Omgipwnedurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] UGH UGH UGH
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] wish I could do something to fix it, chief
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] but I think you may be kind of stuck with it until you get back or orgrimmar
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In all honesty, Warchief, the fact that you’re having such connection difficulties at the moment may be a reason not to resume control of the guild just yet…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure there’s much to be gained from a guild leader who’s unable to be online to tend to the responsibilities of leadership.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: but that’s as far as I can go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I hate to say it, but you might have a point
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And frankly it’s getting way too annoying trying to stay on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can well imagine.
You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I won’t stab him in the back
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, let me do this
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GRATS MRBADCRUMBLE
[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Hey, grats, mon!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Does leadership always change hands so often in the guild
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa seriously?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya got ta listen to ya conscience, mon.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He already has control of the web site and he’s got the best handle on all the nuts and bolts
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WELL MAYBE LATELY YEAH
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So just as well to let him mind the shop for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A wise decision, of course, sir.
[Officer][Lorthemar] Congratulations, Spazzle.
[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I hope it’ll let ya sleep if tings go bad.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Also because, even with the Mokvar thing, you’re the only one of these clowns I actually trust
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] thanks lor
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so…
You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]: thanks chief
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to empty my mail just in case, and then log off here before something else pisses me off
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And I get why you kept quiet
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] It’s gotten quiet
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: But let me make this clear
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THAT USUALLY MEANS THE OFFICERS ARE TALKING
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Mokvar is dead to me
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: And if I ever find out where he’s run off to, he’s a dead man
[Guild][Lorthemar] I know it can be a bit unnerving.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered: Anyway…later
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hi spazzle
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: you haven’t heard anything from mokvar, have you?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself when I first joined the guild.
[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Are you new
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: not since he ran off
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: why?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hi lorthemar
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: this is bad
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] did you join recently?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: this is really bad
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Me
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: what?
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i could swear i’ve seen you before
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I only just joined a few minutes ago
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: you remember the recall totem I told you about? the one he left me to hold?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] lorthemar seems new though
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: yes
[Guild][Lorthemar] I…
[Officer][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you just have one of those faces?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I believe I need to log off and step away from the game for a bit.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the spirit link that a shaman makes with these totems makes them give off a green glow
[Guild][Lorthemar] It’s not good for my rage.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: it just went out
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i’m sorry if i upset you, lorthemar
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh bother
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] back
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: that’s bad?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry
[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Leslie.
[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas] Now where were we?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: the only reason the totem would go out like that is if mokvar were dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] sorry livindead, i cant right now
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: but he can just wake up again, right? like last time?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i just came back to say bye and log
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] theres stuff happening here rl and i need to go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: no, not like ‘waiting for my ankh to kick in’ dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] and so does puffy
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: like for real dead
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] like right now
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: oh dear
[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] actually i need to run too
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I need to go
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is everything all right, Spazzle?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I have to check on this
[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle] no
You have logged off.
Slow burn
They’re going to turn against you. Don’t let them.
I’ve had that note sitting on my desk since Garona left a couple hours ago. Edwin Faranell – the old, young, original, human Faranell, the one had become unstuck in time and seen glimpses of his own future – gave it to me in another reality. Months ago, or years ago, depending on how you count. I’ve carried it with me ever since – literally and otherwise. I took it out after Garona left, and I’ve been sitting here in my office in Domination Point staring at it.
The Vol’jin thing was irritating enough, but at least that got taken care of. Baine? Annoying, but I can’t say I’m surprised by his endless griping, since he was always pretty much Vol’jin Lite. I didn’t really see Lor’themotherfucker coming as the latest malcontent, but then again I hardly ever noticed him at all until recently, so whatever.
But this news about Mokvar makes my blood boil.
For the longest time, he was just some random generic dude hanging out in Grommash Hold. I befriended him, brought him in on all our major operations, made him one of my personal aides. My personal scribe – this after he hadn’t even TRAINED inscription until I threatened him with severe pain encouraged him to broaden his interests. Ordered Garona to shadow him while I was in Pandaria, to make sure he stayed safe. DEFENDED him to Malkorok I don’t know how many times. Now he’s got me wondering if I was taking the wrong side in that bizarre feud of theirs.
After he was attacked that night, I could understand him acting weird for a little while. I mean, I’ve never died, and I don’t plan to anytime soon, but I can see how it could do a number on your head. So I was willing to give him some slack for some weirdness. But this goes way, WAY beyond weirdness. Him going to Neeru Fireblade was fishy enough, considering everything he knew. And the fact that he forcibly broke out of Orgrimmar infuriates me to no end. Him hanging out with a HUMAN to boot, well, the less said about that the better. But the part that REALLY eats at me? That I’m going to be lying awake nights fuming over? Magatha. He went to Magatha. Cut a fucking DEAL with Magatha, for some purpose I STILL don’t fucking understand. And now he’s on the loose, who knows where doing who knows what.
And you know, I think this business with Mokvar pisses me off more than any of the other malcontents. Even when Vol’jin was threatening to put an arrow in my heart, he didn’t spit in my face.
Well, I’ve had it. With all of it. I should have listened more to Malkorok. I’ve given these people too much slack. And all I get for it is people running their mouths at me and then running around behind my back. Well, enough is enough. I’m done putting up with this crap. I’m taking the gloves off Malkorok, cracking down on all the bullshit I’ve let slide for way too long, and finally getting these people reined in.
There’s a new sheriff in town, fuckers. And his name is Garrosh Hellscream.
Memory lane
After the disaster up at Shado-Pan Monastery, Krimpatul and I brought the sha claw that we’d taken from Burzum back to the Sanctum of Two Moons. I’m hoping that if we examine it and conduct a few experiments, we can figure out a way to draw on that sha power without…you know…the accompanying crazy-going. While we get going on that, I’m sending Krimp over to Tian Monastery to round up the DPS trainees and bring them back to Domination Point. Hopefully they managed to pick up a few useful tricks from the monks there.
Oh, but hey, guess who was here to greet us at the Sanctum when we got back? Baine Bloodhoof, newly arrived in Pandaria. That’s, like, the best news I could get without there actually being any good news. Because I’ve been suffering from a severe deficiency in pain in my ass ever since Vol’jin took the big grave-flop…
* Much to his disgruntlement, Garrosh learned of Dezco’s tauren expedition during a planning session for the Dominance Offensive.
** Dezco and Anduin have (some of) this exchange at the Temple of the White Tiger.
[Old Orgrimmar background images provided by Rades from Orcish Army Knife, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Monday mailbag
Before I really get rolling with my investigations in Kun-Lai summit, I figured I’d make a pit stop and check on the mail. Here’s what we have this time around…
I haven’t had the chance to get out to Pandaria yet, but I look forward to joining the war effort soon. In the meantime, I’m curious, what’s your take on all that Pandaren beer I’ve been hearing so much about?
–Kalaban, Undercity
Thanks for writing, Kalaban. Gotta say, I’ve been dipping into the local panda brews quite a bit since I’ve been out here (Can you blame me? Have you SEEN the cast of characters I’ve got surrounding me?), and they’re not bad at all. It’s really pretty hard for me to give much more of a review than that, because if there’s one thing panda beers have going for them, it’s VARIETY. They’ve got these lighter, thinner ones that personally I think are almost like drinking water (I’m gonna bet those are pretty popular with the blood elves), all the way up to some serious, heavy-duty, knock-you-on-your-ass brews. Plus everything in between, including all kinds of flavor varieties. I guess that’s what happens when half the population seems to work in the brewing industry in one way or another.
And really, quality-wise you can’t complain about any of it. The ones that are so-so are still totally drinkable. And the ones that are GOOD? Man. They make half the stuff you get during Brewfest seem like you’re drinking carbonated kodo piss. Speaking of which, I’m almost afraid to imagine what’s going to happen when the pandas get their first look at Brewfest next year, because holy shit.
That’s the other thing you notice about the pandas, I’ve got to say. Dipping into the beer is so much a part of their culture that you don’t even realize that almost the entire population has a constant, low-level buzz going. And the funny thing is, yeah, sure, they enjoy drinking and all, but they manage to stay really chill about it, like you never see any angry drunks anywhere (take notes, Tirion). But it’s also like a cultural expectation that they stay vaguely buzzed even beyond the sheer fun of knocking a few back. Which, by the way, makes me worry about General Nazgrim going native on us – you may have noticed, dude has this nasty habit of boarding ships and then winding up smashing them to bits, and I’m thinking that trend won’t be helped if he starts getting into the habit of boozing it up to boot. Not to mention, he’s a general and needs to stay combat-ready. Can’t have him getting a beer belly on us.
Someone is going around posting this…uhhh….manipulated image of you. It’s a travesty and demoralizing to the horde! This cannot keep going! I find too many who are laughing at this.
The fool cryptically added FYG and sign it J. I am not sure what that means, but it can’t be nice. Fattening Your Gut? Fondly Yours Garona? (bitch!) F..ff..ffffffuucc…. ooooooh……OH. OOOOHHH! O.O
SIR, THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! I WILL HUNT DOWN THIS…THIS…LESS THAN A PEON WORTHLESS SCUM, SLIT HIS THROAT, AND MAKE A NECKLACE FROM HIS TEETH AS A GIFT TO YOU!
I WILL NOT STAND HAVING SOMEONE MAKE YOU LOOK FATTER THAN JI!
I WILL HUNT DOWN AND KILL EVERY PERSON WHO’S NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER J STARTING WITH THAT FREAKING BLONDIE BOY JOHNNY AWESOME!
(Like the caps? Me too.)
After all the J’s are dead, their heads hanging of the gates of Ogrimmar, and the streets flowing with their blood…can we like, go out? I think you’re so cute…even if you have a little bit of a belly. (You may want to take it easy on the pancakes and lemon squares, sir.)
Forever in my Heart,
–Tuekie, Rogue Trainee, Ogrimmar
PS: I’m older than I look. Ok?
Okay, so first of all, just so everybody knows, Tuekie here is one of the Dead Peons Society trainees that I’ve been working with the last few months, part of that whole group Gurtash is in. She’s actually the twin sister of Ruekie, a shaman trainee I think I’ve mentioned once before.
And yes, I know. Somebody had twins and named them Ruekie and Tuekie. And yes, I agree. Death is too good for some parents. (Granted, “Ruekie” and “Tuekie” are nicknames, and their original, given names – Rue’kara and Tue’kara – are a little better, but still, come on. You don’t give your twins names that fucking rhyme.)
Anywhow. Tuekie here was part of the original group with her sister, but we ended up having her stay back in Orgrimmar rather than join us for the trip to Pandaria, in no small part because…yeah. As you might have noticed…just a little tiny bit TOO fond of her mentor. So between the fact that in Pandaria I wouldn’t have the ability to send her back to her parents at the end of the day, and the fact that, as a rogue, who KNOWS what she could get up to sneaking around all invisible and shit…yeah, better to let her stay with mom and dad. FYI, there were a couple other trainees who ended up needing to stay back in Orgrimmar for one reason or another, so they’re still continuing their training back there while the other eight trainees are down here with me.
Oh and also, Teukie? “I’m older than I look”? Um, I KNOW how old you are. You’re freaking fourteen. I’m thirty-four, and you’re fourteen, and I haven’t hooked up with a teenager since I WAS a teenager, and the less said about that draenei girl in Nagrand the better, seeing as I don’t want Greatmother coming down here and boxing my ears. So will you give it a rest already because it isn’t going to happen, okay?
Seriously, do other teachers have to deal with this shit? Don’t stand so close to me.
Now as for the OTHER important part of this letter…
OMG WTF IS THAT SHIT?!?!
Okay…so…this is where I am TOTALLY on board with Teukie, because whoever is behind THAT thing…I…it…just…HOLY FUCKING HELL. “F.Y.G.” OMG
Okay. Okay…calming down…deep breaths…let’s look at this thing rationally.
So…we know we’re looking for someone whose name starts with a J. (By the way, I’m not sure if Johnny Awesome is really going to be our prime suspect here, but you know what? Go kill him anyway. Fucker.)
Also, based on…the product…it’s probably a safe bet that this is someone who really, really doesn’t like yours truly. So, right there, that narrows the field down A LOT, right?
Add to that the fact that that image is clearly using an Earth Online character model. So we’re dealing with someone who probably plays EO, or at least is familiar enough with the game that they would think to dip into it for the image.
So…J’s… Ji Firepaw couldn’t be it – yeah, he plays EO a little, but he’s pretty clueless in-game and I don’t see him being able to do that kind of image manipulation. Jorn Skyseer at Domination Point is out – he isn’t a gamer at all, and I’ve always gotten along pretty well with him. Jorin Deadeye? Hmm…I don’t THINK he plays EO, but let’s maybe not cross him off the list just yet.
There have to be other options, though. Think, Garrosh, think…someone who doesn’t like you, whose name starts with J…plays Earth Online…
Oh.
OH.
THAT FUCKING BITCH?!?!!
Ohhhhh man is she in for it. Let’s see how funny she thinks it is when I march down there and blow up her whole damn—OH WAIT, I TOTALLY ALREADY DID. So you know what? If this is her idea of revenge, if the worst thing she can come up with to get back at the Horde is to doctor up some sad little picture to send around the internet, hey, knock yourself out, Jaina. Have fun. Pretty fucking sad, when you think of it. Also pretty ironic that she’s making pictures of ME to put on the internet – seriously, lady, you want to go over some of the image searches for YOU that come up in my Google hits on a daily basis?
I just recently found your blog and just caught up on all of your postings. It’s been nice to see the more orcish side of such a larger than life leader. Plus, your lemon squares are truly a gift from the Light! Even though I am Forsaken, those lemon squares manage to bring life back to my taste buds.
I wanted to share a story I thought you might enjoy. I was searching for news on the events happening in Pandaria, and I came across a picture of Lor’themar Theron. I showed my husband (a blood elf paladin) the picture, and his response was “Who is the guy with the eyepatch?” I couldn’t help but laugh. Don’t tell Lor’themar, I’d hate for him to get angry at me. I’d rather not have him glaring at me when I join up with the Reliquary in Pandaria.
Fare well in Pandaria, Warchief.
–Beshara Dawnblaze, Forsaken priestess of the Shadow and Light
Thanks for writing, Beshara. I’m not gonna lie. I LOL’ed reading that. I’m still kinda sitting here chortling, because…hehe…
“Who’s the guy with the eyepatch?”
“What, you mean Eyepatch?”
“That can’t really be his name, can it? People must call him something else, right?”
“Ponytail, maybe?”
“That’s not really a name, either.”
“Hair-Care? Cyclops?”
“I don’t think he would really answer to those, would he?”
“Well then I’m out.”
So, also, see? SEE? NOBODY knows the dude’s name, not even his own people. It’s not just me, and it’s not just the Earth Online gang. Other that Sylvanas, who seems to be able to remember him for some reason. Maybe it’s an undead thing. As far as those of us among the living go, though, I swear it’s like the guy has some crazy psychic field around him that makes everyone forget him as soon as they look away.
Anyway, I’ll look forward to meeting you when you get down here, Beshara. Tell you when, when you see me in person, if you want to crack me up right out of the gate? Just walk up and say “Eyepatch.”
I got a surprise for ya, mon! Dat letter ya got from Tandeleina in ya last mailbag? She was right, mon! I am Vol’jin! She figured it out, mon! I’m up an’ kickin’ an’ still on da loose! Ya bettah watch ya back, mon, ’cause I be comin’ for ya!
–Bob, Shado-Pan Mon Echo Isles
Okay, seriously, dude, do you think I haven’t figured out your MO yet? Come on. This jackass keeps writing to me, and more often than not he just comes up with some crazy ridiculous bullshit to yank my chain and jerk me around. And you know what? I’m man enough to admit a lot of the time he’s gotten me to bite. He’ll write some load of crap, and I’ll take the bait, and rant at him about it for a while, and meanwhile I’m sure he’s kicking back in troll-land laughing his ass off because trolls think positively EVERYTHING is fucking hilarious because felweed.
Well guess what. You’re not getting me this time, Bobbo. Yeah, you’re Vol’jin. Sure you are. Absolutely. You somehow miraculously survived the attack in the saurok cave, and you’ve gone off in hiding to heal up, and meanwhile you’ve been putting this WHOLE GIANT CONSPIRACY together behind my back, I’m sure, and recruiting people to help you, and biding your time before The Glorious Revolution where you overthrow me or some shit.
Yeah, sure. That’s real fucking likely.
Probably.
…
Where did I put that note from AlternateTimeline!Faranell again…?
Monday mailbag
So, since Gurtash has been taking his damn time with the next set of doodles of what went down at Tian Monastery, I figured I’d take advantage of this break in the action to check on the mail. Let’s see what you peeps have for me this time…
After perusing some of your past mailbags, I’ve decided to go ahead and ask the question that I’m sure many people are wondering but no one seems willing to ask.
You do realize that Bob is really Vol’jin, right?
–Tandeleina, Silvermoon City
Okay, so, on the plus side: Thanks for writing, Tandeleina.
On the minus side: What are you, a frigging idiot?
First of all, okay, I know that that Bob jackass is always writing from the Echo Isles, and the Echo Isles are troll territory, but that doesn’t mean he’s Vol’jin. I mean, come on, sure the trolls are all weak and scrawny and stupid and lazy and pretty much useless, but you can’t assume because someone’s a troll that he must be Vol’jin. That’s just fucking racist.
Number two, even if the Echo Isles thing was enough to send up a red flag, a few weeks ago I got a letter from Bob, AFTER Vol’jin had been killed in the line of duty in Pandaria. So that should settle that.
But let’s say you’re really stubborn and paranoid, like those damn “the Cataclysm was an inside job” conspiracy people, and you’re still not convinced. Check this out. All of these letters I get for the mailbag are either hand-delivered standard-mail letters, or, mostly, e-mails. With the exception of his very first letter, all of Bob’s messages have been e-mails. Now, when I copy these letters, I don’t usually give out people’s e-mail addresses, because I figure most of my readers get enough creepy porn spam as it is (have you SEEN some of my Google hits?). But I see the addresses. You know what Bob’s is? Check this out: definitelynotvoljin@gmail.com.
So yeah. I bet you’re feeling pretty stupid now, aren’t you?
Regarding our esteemed Regent-Lord … well, some of us DID offer you the opportunity to replace him.
— A Concerned Citizen
Yeah, yeah, fine, ACC. Enough with the I-told-you-so’s. How was I supposed to know Regent-Lord Hair-Care was going to turn into this much of a willowy hemorrhoid? For like two years I didn’t even know he was there. Hell, I STILL can’t remember his actual fucking name half the time. Why do you think I give him so many nicknames? I mean, other than it being damn entertaining seeing what shade of purple he turns right before he throws a hissy fit over it.
Oh, speaking of which, after I wrote about ol’ Eyepatch a few days ago, his latest thing has been bitching and crying about the crack I made about…well…his eyepatch. I make one little joke about his loss of an eye and apparently it’s a big fucking deal, because (a) I may or may not have been the one who put his eye out while I was slapping him around a little while back (without the “may not” part), and (b) at the time I kept him around basically to tell him to STFU already rather than letting him run to a shaman to maybe get the eye patched up (OOPS I’M SO INSENSITIVE) fixed while they had the chance. I mean I’m pretty sure he was going to end up blinded in that eye anyway, but…I don’t know. Maybe they could have done something to make it less gross? Beats me. So yeah, fine, whatever, I didn’t save the eye that couldn’t see. My bad. Suck it up, Cyclops.
I hope you are doing well. Things have been a bit dull in Orgrimmar with you off claiming Pandaria for the glory of the Horde. I’ve taken up Earth Online to fill the time in the day when I normally would hang around outside Grommash Hold hoping for a glimpse of you. I even adopted a little white dog as my pet, although he’s something called a Bichon Frise, not a terrier like your Sawyer. His name is Sherpa.
What server are you on? Maybe I could come visit, or even join your guild? I bet Sawyer and Sherpa would have a good time playing together.
So would we.
Yours,
–Wega
You know what? I’ll be honest with you – I’m really torn here. I mean, on the one hand, I’m pretty sure I’ve already got enough crazy stalkerish women in my life without giving another one an invitation to come hang out in my guild. Also Wega’s not winning any bonus points for the whole “hanging around outside Grommash Hold watching for you” thing, because for real, people, is it just me or is anyone else picturing her writing this letter in a candlelit room that has a zillion pictures of me tacked up all over the walls? Because SHE WON’T BE IGNORED, GARROSH.
On the other hand, in a really weird, sick kind of way, I can’t help but feel like we could be looking at a real /popcorn situation if I were to toss Wega into the same guild chat with Garona. Dunno. I may have to think about this a little.
Anyhow, cute dog there, Wega. I’ll get back to you. In the meantime, please stop camping Grommash Hold. I’m not there now anyway, and I have it on good authority that you’re creeping Eitrigg the fuck out.
Recently, I had the opportunity to try Earth Online. I was intrigued by this amazing other world and the array of stories to follow. The toon I created is a cook for an American restaurant that I’m working to a world-class chef. However, trying to pass Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen dungeon has been a real pain in the…but I digress.
I discover in the game, Earth Online, what they call a movie theatre. When I clicked on it and paid the money they required, a wonderous cut scene occurred called The Avengers. It was amazing moment of entertainment about this colorful heroes saving Earth from an alien invasion.
Have you seen it? If not, you may want to.
There was one large hero that reminded me of you. One called Hulk. He is really big, angry, and likes to smash things.
Again, I digress.
The reason for my letter is to ask a simple question. If a movie were made of you, which Earth Online actor would you want to portray you?
Sincerely,
–Quelita, Tarren Mill
Thanks for writing, Quelita. I’ve talked about this before, but yeah, it really is impressive how much work they put into the game world, what with the cinematics and the readable in-game books and so on. It’s actually kind of scary how much time you can lose just checking that stuff out.
Before I get to your question, I’ve got to address one other thing you mentioned – the Hulk. Now, I haven’t seen The Avengers, and I’m not planning to, PRECISELY because of that character. Usually the people over at Genesis Entertainment do a real bang-up job putting together these cut scenes, but I seriously don’t know WHAT the fuck they were thinking putting in that Hulk character.
I mean, think about it. Here’s this guy who flies into a rage – or, a BLOOD HAZE, IF YOU WILL – and gets bigger, and stronger, and turns all crazy and aggressive and destructive, and HE TURNS GREEN.
Um. SERIOUSLY?
RACIST much? The FUCK, Genesis?
Okay, so that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Now for your question – which, I’ve got to say, is a pretty good question. I hadn’t really given much thought to who I would cast in a movie about me, not least of all because, let’s face it, nobody’s going to bring enough awesome to the table to do me justice, so I should probably just play myself, only we’re talking about an Earth Online cinematic, not real life, so I couldn’t actually do that, so there goes that idea. Fuck.
So okay, let’s break this down.
Obviously you’d want someone who would be physically believable as me – so we’re looking at somebody with a strong physique, who you could buy as a powerful, badass fighter. Bonus points if he can carry off the bald look. A track record as an ass-kicking hero type would be pretty important too.
Hmm. Okay, so this guy wouldn’t be TERRIBLE, but…I don’t know. I mean, fine, he was plenty strong when he was playing the Thing, but his build really isn’t so much powerful as it’s…just kind of big and lumpy. Plus, I’m not crazy about the language skills – maybe it was just the script he was stuck with, but honestly, I just don’t see EPIC VERSE coming from this guy.
Oh and speaking of the script? Both those Fantastic Four cinematics he was in pretty much sucked. Moving on.
Okay, this is a little better. Maybe not blowing you away with the big, powerful build, but he’s definitely got the action-hero street cred, and he can rock the bald thing in no uncertain terms. So that’s the up side.
Down side… Well, first of all, as much as he has the badass track record, dude is just old at this point. He’s supposed to be, what, 60 at this point? All the credit in the world for the stuff he’s been in up till now, but come on, nobody’s going to buy a 60-year-old as a don’t-fuck-with-me badass. (DO NOT TELL SAURFANG I SAID THAT.)
Still, I could maybe turn a blind eye (LOR’THE’MOTHERFUCKER APOLOGISTS: DRINK) to the age thing, but this guy has another strike against him: by and large, he tends to go the softspoken route with his characters. Sort of the strong but understated type. Which is fine, it totally works when he does it, but I don’t know if he can flip from that to go larger than life. You know, LIVING IN CAPTIAL LETTERS. I’d be a lot more comfortable with somebody I knew could really project and command the room and put some authority in his voice. Bonus points if he’s not afraid throw some strong language into the mix while he’s at it.
Okay, NOW we’re getting somewhere. Long track record as a no-fucking-around badass? Check. Looks good with no hair? Check. Volume dial on his voice goes to eleven? Check. “Fuck” is like “good morning” to him? Double and triple check. Believable laying down some epic badass dialogue? YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS CHECK. Experience with an awesomely kickass melee weapon? Check.
Granted he might be a little up there in years too, but whatever, I’m not going to get too hung up on that if everything else is lining up.
Okay, hang on, I already told you about the Saurfang thing. Hmm. You know, I’m starting to think this guy might have a little TOO much attitude. I’m not going to take any sassing from someone pretending to be me. Dude’s gotta remember who’s the original and who’s the economy pack here.
Okay, so let’s refine this to the really key components. Strong, powerful, don’t-fuck-with-me badass. Track record doing action. Commanding voice and a willingness to turn up the volume. Able to throw some words together and maybe even lay down a rhyme. Can carry off non-standard hair. And hey, while we’re at it, since he’ll have to wear Mannoroth’s tusks and some earrings like I do, it’d be good to know this is someone who can lug around some ornamentation and make it look cool.
Oh HELL yeah. Sold. Done. Check please. The end.
That’s going to do it for this time, but as always, keep those letters coming to garrosh1337@gmail.com. It’s great to hear from you guys, and answering your questions is always good times, so don’t just sit there like an asshole, write in to your Warchief now. I PITY THE FOOL THAT DOESN’T.
More soon.
Spazzle Speaks: Shamans United!

As I’d said the last time I posted, after the news about Vol’jin reached Orgrimmar, everybody was in a state of shock for a while, and some of the Kor’kron were sent down to the Echo Isles to make sure everything was secure there. I remember Eitrigg seeming less than thrilled about that for some reason, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time.
Still, I was concerned about how everyone was doing down there. I have a couple friends from the comic shop in Razor Hill who live on the Echo Isles, and I figured that they must have been pretty shaken up by everything. So last week, after I hadn’t heard from them in a little while, I decided to take a trip down and see how they were doing.
You will never guess who I ran into on the way down.
Thrall!
Now, I can’t say I was ever very close to Thrall personally, but I definitely owe him a debt or two after he helped save the Bilgewater Cartel after we left Kezan. Not to mention, he’s the one who first started training me as a shaman way back when. (I changed the subject when he asked how that was coming along. No need for him to know that my mechanical totems short-circuit nearby appliances nearly as often as they summon up the elements.) So, as much as Garrosh is my friend and I know the two of them don’t always see eye to eye, I’m very pro-Thrall.
Or pro-Go’el. I’m not too clear on which one he’s going by these days.
Anyway, he was on his way to the Echo Isles from the Valley of Trials, along with a few Horde adventurers who had just returned from Pandaria. He didn’t go into a lot of detail, but I guess he was concerned that there was some kind of trouble for the trolls in the aftermath of Vol’jin’s death. He invited me to come with them, and since I was already concerned about my troll friends down there, naturally I took him up on his offer.
When we arrived at the Echo Isles, there were Kor’kron guards posted all around the perimeter of the island, and patrols marching around all over, without any Darkspear soldiers anywhere to be seen among the defenders. Which struck me as kind of odd, obviously. Not to mention the fact that the Kor’kron all seemed to be in a pretty foul mood.
Still, there was a Kor’kron officer along the main road, and Thrall went up to talk to him. I figured between Thrall’s diplomatic skills, and the fact that he’s…you know…Thrall, he should be able to clear things up pretty quickly.
Hmm. Okay, so much for that.
We made our way into the city from there, and it was a pretty shocking sight – the Kor’kron weren’t protecting the trolls, they were maintaining an occupation! The trolls were rounded up, disarmed, supervised by the Kor’kron, and lots of them were even chained up.
I don’t even want to think what Saurfang would say if he knew this was going on.
Thrall wasn’t happy that it had come to this, but he decided we had to free the Darkspear from the occupation. So the handful of us went around the island and, little by little, helped the trolls neutralize the Kor’kron guards. Mostly that meant “disarm and capture,” but, well… <sigh> You know.
Once we had control of most of the island, we headed to Darkspear Hold, where that warlock Gul’tar, one of Malkorok’s lieutenants, had taken charge of the city and was running things from Vol’jin’s old command center. Thrall tried to get him to stand down, but he wouldn’t budge. Gul’tar ended up ranting about the Horde changing and Vol’jin refusing to change with it, and that’s why he died – that didn’t really make sense to me, considering the reports that Vol’jin had died in a saurok attack – and attacked Thrall. Thrall and the Darkspear were able to beat him without too much trouble.
Now, the question is, what next? Thrall wasn’t sure where we go from here, but he said he would stay on the Echo Isles to help the trolls keep a handle on things until…well, I’m not really supposed to go into that. That’s one of the details Thrall said we all needed to keep quiet for the time being.
Hmm… Although…come to think of it…I suppose this whole story would be filed under “Things Thrall Wants You to Keep Quiet.” So maybe I shouldn’t have just blogged about it. Oh well. Just make sure you all keep this hush-hush.
At least there’s still that one last detail that I can be good about keeping secret.
Even as juicy and awesome as it is.
Anyway…ahem…since I won’t be talking about that, I guess I’ll wrap this up for now. I’ll try to post again if anything else big happens around here.
Okay screw it OMG YOU GUYS VOL’JIN IS TOTALLY STILL ALIVE HOLY GEEZ CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth; click here to see the souped-up Postcard version! All other images provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant. All images used here with permission and many thanks.]
Spazzle Speaks: Darkspear Edition
Big news just came in from Pandaria, and there’s really no good way to say it, so here goes.
Vol’jin is dead.
He was on a mission investigating a cave with Rak’gor Bloodrazor, Grizzle Gearslip, and a detachment of Kor’kron, when they were ambushed by saurok marauders. Before the group could fend off the saurok, Vol’jin had been killed. Word is that Rak’gor Bloodrazor died in the fight as well.
The news broke in Orgrimmar earlier today, and as you can probably imagine, people are freaking out over it. Especially in the Valley of Spirits. Eitrigg has ordered flags flown at half mast over the next week.
I’m not sure who’s going to take over at the Echo Isles. I was never too clear about Darkspear rules of succession, to be honest. In the meantime, while everyone sorts out what happens next, the Kor’kron are sending a unit led by Gul’tar down to the Echo Isles to maintain order and guard against any moves by the Alliance to take advantage of the instability.
At least that’s how they’re explaining it. Who knows what’s actually going on. All I know at this point is I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
There goes the neighborhood
The Dragonmaw work crews have finished construction on Domination Point, and can I just say again what an awesome job they did getting the place built in no time flat? Seriously, just a few days, and they have a whole fortress up and done. I don’t even want to THINK about how long this would have taken if I’d let the goblins who did (or should I say ARE STILL DOING AND YES IT’S BEEN TWO FUCKING YEARS) Orgrimmar were working on it.
So that’s the good news. The bad news is, no sooner did we finish construction on the place than guess who comes strolling on in with the newest wave of troops – Vol’jin. After I SPECIFICALLY TOLD EVERYBODY not to tell him when we were leaving for Pandaria, to boot. I guess I should count my blessings, what with him showing up by himself. With my luck, it’s a miracle he didn’t bring Baine along with him. And of course, now that I’ve said that, watch Baine show up here too. Just what I need.
Anyway, Vol’jin turned up, and hold on to your ass, you’re never going to believe this, but guess what he started doing right off the bat? If you guessed “COMPLAINING,” congratulations, you’ve been paying attention the last few months. He went on and on, dontragging about us spreading our war to a new land, and utvoching about us driving the pandas away from the Horde with what we’re doing, and blah blah, boo hoo.
Want to know how much I care about Vol’jin’s objections at this point? Here, I’ll give it to you in Earth Online tooltip terms:
Yeah. That’s how much I care.
Of course, that didn’t stop Captain Camel Toe from griping up a storm for a while more, so I finally decided I was going to have to do something with him if I was ever going to get any peace. We’d gotten reports from our scouts about a saurok cave far to the east – the saurok being these crazy aggressive lizard people who used to be shock troops in the pre-panda empire here – so I told Vol’jin I wanted him to go with the unit I was sending to check it out. He still gave me some lip, but agreed to go. He’s heading out that way now with Rak’gor Bloodrazor and a team of Kor’kron, along with a few volunteers from among the adventurers here at the base. With any luck, Rak’gor will manage to get the troll out of my hair for a while.
Since they left, I’ve been going over documents here in the office I’ve set up in the main keep. We have no shortage of notes here on Pandaria and its peoples, not to mention scouting reports on Alliance activity to the east. Thing is, though, as much as I have information overload on all those fronts, and as important as it is for me to be getting our plans in order, the main document I’ve found myself focusing on for the last hour or so doesn’t have much of anything to do with Pandaria. It doesn’t really have much in the way of pertinent information at all. And yet I have it here on the desk, staring up at me, pulling my attention away from everything else. A worn, bloodied scrap of paper, written in the slanted hand of an apothecary who never existed.
They’re going to turn against you. Don’t let them.
Maybe this is what he was trying to warn me about. Maybe not. I may never know for sure. All I know for sure is this: Dranosh died so that the Horde would have a chance to prevail. And I’ll be damned before I let it be for nothing.
I’ll be damned.
And I can live with it.

“Seriously, mon, ya tink I didn’t notice ya talkin’ ta dat guy all quiet? Oh, no, mon, dere’s nuttin’ fishy goin’ on here at all.”