Tag Archives: zhi-zhi
Kypari Zar
ONE: VISIONARIES
* Zhi-Zhi has made reference to the “visions” shown to him by Elder Cloudfall ever since his earliest appearances in the blog, dating back the the alternate-timeline version of Zhi-Zhi whom Garrosh met all the way back here. Elder Cloudfall, for his part, eventually elaborated that these visions — which both he and Zhi-Zhi had seen — took place in one of a number of mysterious “vision caves.”
* Zhi-Zhi and Cloudfall’s description of the vision cave bears a striking resemblance to an experience Gurtash had deep underground in Krasarang Wilds, while he was briefly separated from Garrosh and the other DPS trainees.
* I’m pretty sure I don’t need to catch anyone up on this running joke, but…just in case, here. And here. Among other places.
* While Cloudfall never spelled out the details of his vision, he described Garrosh’s role as “the one who brings the peoples of the Horde together under a common cause” and “sets in motion the events that bring about the emergence of a new Horde.”
Kypari Zar: Prologue
[While Shayari, Spazzle, and Mokvar have been busy keeping the blog active with their own activities, Garrosh has been occupied with the start of a fairly important undertaking of his own. As you might recall, when we last left the Warchief…
For long-time readers (like really, really long-time!), this is a moment you’ve been anticipating for a while, but for newer arrivals to the blog, a quick recap might be in order. (I know, I know, I try to link back to relevant posts as much as possible, but at some point I should probably stop expecting people to just go back and read years’ worth of my nonsense…)
Not long before the events of Tides of War, Garrosh traveled to the Caverns of Time and, accompanied by Mokvar, Liadrin, Faranell, and (spirits help us) Utvoch, went on a mission that took him to Southshore some ten years in the past — the same time period we players visit during the Escape from Durnholde instance. The adventure in old Southshore had several pieces of fallout (more on that in a moment!), but the most immediately relevant one was the recovery of a shard from a dark crystal that the Knights of the Silver Hand had infused with the Light — a small piece of the same light crystal from which the Ashbringer would eventually be forged.
Garrosh entrusted the recovered crystal to Lady Liadrin, who rightly deduced that it was part of the remains of a dying naaru. Liadrin persuaded Garrosh to let her return the shard to A’dal in Shattrath; the Warchief accompanied her on the trip. While there, just before leaving, Garrosh received an ominous telepathic message from A’dal: “If you go to Kypari Zar, you will die.”
Garrosh didn’t know what to make of the message, but he soon found himself far too busy to worry about it. In the days leading up to the attack on Theramore, the Warchief discovered another unexpected consequence of his journey to old Hillsbrad: Faranell had accidentally altered the past, creating an alternate timeline that Garrosh found himself being pulled into. While in the other universe, Garrosh encountered the hozen Zhi-Zhi, who addressed him as “the One” and told him — vaguely and, let’s face it, unhelpfully — that he had a “destiny.” Any chance of learning more from Zhi-Zhi was seemingly lost, though, when that timeline’s version of the hozen was killed in the fall of Orgrimmar. (“The what?!” Well see, now I am going to force you to go back and read. Here.)
That all changed after Garrosh traveled to Tian Monastery, where he encountered this timeline’s version of Zhi-Zhi — who, like his alternate-universe counterpart, also recognized Garrosh as “the One.” Zhi-Zhi and Elder Cloudfall explained that they had both seen Garrosh in visions and that he did indeed have an important destiny. They declined to elaborate further, though, until Garrosh returned to the monastery seeking counsel and Elder Cloudfall offered to take the Warchief to a place where his questions might be answered…
A string of interruptions prevented Garrosh from taking the elder up on his offer right away, though. And then he was back in Orgrimmar, and all of a sudden he was a father, and then that whole thing with Mokvar, so, you know, who has time for pandas?
Well, guess what — Garrosh has time for pandas, now that he’s made the time, dammit! And that’s where we last left him, flying across the Dread Wastes, chasing down destiny.
And so, on that note, here we go. The end begins tomorrow morning. Stay tuned.]
30 Days of Character Development #13: Zhi-Zhi
[Periodically, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]
Name: Zhi-Zhi
Occupation: Monk trainee, meditation student, part-time errand runner
Race: Hozen
Class: Monk
Age: 7
Group affiliations: Forest Hozen (member), Tian Monastery (student), Horde (de facto ally)
Known relatives: Zho-Zho (father); nine brothers, all named “Zhi”/“Zhi-Zhi,” with slight differences in pronunciation to distinguish them. (Zhi-Zhi was always the quiet one in the family.)
First appearance: “Lines of inquiry” (alternate reality), “I think I can remember your name” (main timeline)
Key posts and plot points:
- Garrosh’s relationship with Zhi-Zhi has been…complex. The matter of when the two first met depends, in a way, on whom you ask – mainly because their first encounter, from Garrosh’s perspective, never happened. Well, it did, originally. Only now it didn’t. Sort of. (See? Do you SEE why Garrosh is so prone to yelling “FUCKING TIME TRAVEL!”?)
- So. From Garrosh’s point of view, he first met Zhi-Zhi while temporally displaced into an alternate universe, during the Timequake story arc. In the alternate reality, Zhi-Zhi had been found washed ashore by a scouting expedition led by Legionnaire Nazgrim; when Garrosh first met Zhi-Zhi in “Lines of inquiry,” he was being brought to Grommash Hold to be questioned by that timeline’s Warchief, Dranosh Saurfang. Zhi-Zhi, however, was much more interested in Garrosh, recognizing him at first sight, then evidently correcting himself that Garrosh was “not the one.” When pressed, Zhi-Zhi indicated that he had seen Garrosh in a vision of some kind; later, in the midst of the fall of that timeline’s Orgrimmar in “This is the way the world ends,” Zhi-Zhi told Garrosh that he was “not the one – yet.” This was the last Garrosh saw of Zhi-Zhi in that reality, as the hozen was presumably killed in the invasion of the city.
- The Zhi-Zhi native to this timeline had a different first encounter with the Warchief. Garrosh encountered Zhi-Zhi while visiting Tian Monastery in “I think I can remember your name,” in which he and Zhi-Zhi immediately recognized each other: Garrosh from his experiences in the other timeline, and Zhi-Zhi from the visions which has had seen in this timeline (just as his alternate-universe counterpart did). Zhi-Zhi and Elder Cloudfall confirmed that they had both seen Garrosh in visions, and that he had a destiny of some significance, though they declined to elaborate much further. Because people who know such things about the future tend to be cryptic that way.
Since then, Zhi-Zhi’s appearances have generally coincided with those of Elder Cloudfall, though the hozen did part company with the elder for some weeks to remain at Domination Point while Garrosh was back in Orgrimmar.
- Here’s a behind-the-scenes detail that many of you already know: Zhi-Zhi’s blog characterization is a blatant, overt, completely unambiguous reference to the Babylon-5 character Zathras. Several of Zhi-Zhi’s lines of dialogue are adapted or outright copied from Zathras, and a number of details in his comic portrayal were designed to draw in some way on Zathras’ appearance. RIP Tim Choate.
In his own words:
Describe your relationship with your mother or your father. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?
Zhi-Zhi never knew mother. She died long ago in Valley of the Four Winds, in freak garden hoe accident. Zhi-Zhi’s father say mother died before Zhi-Zhi was born. Zhi-Zhi not sure that sounds right. Something about it doesn’t seem to add up, but then, mathematics not Zhi-Zhi’s skill.
Zhi-Zhi’s father, Zho-Zho, raised Zhi-Zhi and Zhi-Zhi’s nine brothers. Also named Zhi-Zhi. Or Zhi. Depending on whether passed test of strength and proven worth to tribe. Most of us have passed trial and earned name, but Zhi and Zhi haven’t yet. Oh, neither has Zhi.
Father named all his sons Zhi. Father…not very creative. But, he distinguished between brothers by pronouncing name slightly differently for each one. Very subtle differences. Usually very hard to notice. Even for us. Often took many months for us to figure out which pronunciations were different at all. Sometimes, brothers wouldn’t know until Zho-Zho called for one of us, and wrong brother would come. Then, much of time, Zho-Zho would throw sticks at us. Once, Zho-Zho throw sticks at Zhi-Zhi eleven times in one day for getting names wrong. That was right before Zhi-Zhi left to go live at Tian Monastery. Anyway, relationship with father was fine, Zhi-Zhi supposes.
Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from. If you don’t have any, is there a reason?
Ah, Zhi-Zhi has many scars. Many sparring sessions at monastery. Those were fine, mostly. With other students. Fine. For some reason, though, when newcomers start… um… coming new to Tian, they all want to fight Zhi-Zhi. Many weaponses. Much sharp. Luckily, monks at Tian are very knowledge for the healings, so Zhi-Zhi recover. Still, got very used to being target dummy. For some reason. Many beatings. Many scars. Afraid Zhi-Zhi cannot remember any one of them, individually. Newcomers also often hit Zhi-Zhi in head, you see. Very sad life.
Describe your happiest memory.
Ah! AH! Zhi-Zhi has very fine favorite memory! Wonderful memory. Much happiness. For however, memory has not actually happened yet, so Zhi-Zhi thinkses he perhaps should not talk about it much. Would not want to jinx. Zhi-Zhi very much lookings forward to when memory happens, though!
Who do you trust?
Zhi-Zhi trusts the One.
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
Easy answer for Zhi-Zhi is the comings to Tian Monastery. Monks there, Elder Cloudfall leadings, they taking Zhi-Zhi in, for giving Zhi-Zhi chance to earn place for trainings. Much fightings, but no killings. Make Zhi-Zhi great grooker, without grookin’!
Real answer, howevers, a little later in comings. Zhi-Zhi successful in many fightings, and Elder Cloudfall take interest in training Zhi-Zhi. Teach Zhi-Zhi more than just grookings. Teach about the meditations, and calmings, teach Zhi-Zhi to control energy, teach Zhi-Zhi… what is word? Erm… Ah! Disciplines! Yes! Elder teach disciplines to Zhi-Zhi! Mostly. Zhi-Zhi still work on that some of times. But, Elder show Zhi-Zhi much. Teach Zhi-Zhi much. Give Zhi-Zhi knowledge. Give him focus. Give him vision. Zhi-Zhi grateful.
Is there an animal you equate to yourself?
<scratches head>
Zhi-Zhi not thinking of any animals being close for the lookings. Zhi-Zhi being hozen, not animal, silly wikket! This is strange question, Zhi-Zhi thinks.
What does your bed look like when you wake up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position do you sleep?
Zhi-Zhi not knowings what position Zhi-Zhi sleep in. Zhi-Zhi asleep at time. Also Zhi-Zhi never watched Zhi-Zhi sleep, since Zhi-Zhi not outside of Zhi-Zhi, so much difficultings for the watchings. Except for one time when Zhi-Zhi drank whole pitcher of Gaoquan’s I Know My Redeemer Liveth. Then Zhi-Zhi see self from outside. Outside self, and outside Pandaria. See Azeroth from space, Zhi-Zhi dids. Wikket know there is whole other side of Azeroth no one ever see what for not drinkings the pitcher of I Know My Redeemer Liveth? Zhi-Zhi see! On far side of world, is actually whole other… why you look funny at Zhi-Zhi? Is true! Ah well. Is what Zhi-Zhi saw after drinkings of the pitcher. Also knows what yellow smells like.
How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?
Zhi-Zhi not mind the cold. Come from long line of mountain climbers. Climb mountains up, up, up. Until slip on snow and fall, fall, fall. Sometimes hit head. Then the blurry times. So, do not mind cold, but not so crazy about snow. Is what Elder Cloudfall calls a conundrum.
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
Before Zhi-Zhi comes to monastery, Zhi-Zhi always stay up late, then sleep all afternoon. Normal way for doings in the forest. After joinings at Tian, Zhi-Zhi make needs for the early risings. Up the sun comes, so up the monks come. Very sad. Very unnatural. But, must be part of…ascetic monastic life. Thinking those were Elder Cloudfall’s smart words. Much the better to Elder Cloudfall’s angry words. Which Zhi-Zhi heard oftens when Elder catchings to Zhi-Zhi for nappings. Mostly angry words for the end to nappings, but also partly for the not meanings actually to bite the elder. Much apologizings. Still.
What does your desk/workspace look like? Are you neat or messy?
Ehh, organizations not Zhi-Zhi’s skill.
Do you have any irrational fears?
Zhi-Zhi doesn’t like standing around near tall structures. At least, ones that were built. Not trees. Zhi-Zhi likes trees. Would be hard life for Zhi-Zhi if Zhi-Zhi didn’t like trees, since Zhi-Zhi grew up in forest! Trees are good, natural tall things good, but things that were built to be tall, those make Zhi-Zhi nervous. Always feel like they might fall on Zhi-Zhi.
What would your cutie mark be?
Not sure of meanings. Question mark, maybe?
If you could time travel, where would you go?
Ah, question is not where Zhi-Zhi would go, but when! For the where, Zhi-Zhi would go where Zhi-Zhi has always gone, and always will go. All of us are havings a path. All our lives, follow the path. Sometimes we are not thinkings of our follows, but we follows it always. Even when we think not. Try to stray from path, sometimes, silly wikket. Think we veerings off it, think that we are with the outsmartings because our brains so big. No, no. Path only turn under our feet, stay with us. Path always there. Follows to us even when we think not to be followings to it. Is chicken and egg type thing, Zhi-Zhi thinkses. Maybe. Zhi-Zhi maybe not so good for the deep thinkings.
Zhi-Zhi not sure about the when for him goings. Maybe not matter. The if for your question not sensical, Zhi-Zhi thinkses. No if for time travel. We all travel in time. Just one direction. Slow. Except when we wish for slower. Then fast. Very sad. Still, we travel. It is the path. Always there. Just not seen. Like part of road, on other side of hill. Not for the seeing, but still there. Always there.
Sometimes, once in a many, maybe get to stand on hill and look to other side. But only a peek. Is fortunate, likelies.
Are you superstitious?
No, no, not super. Just regular stitious, Zhi-Zhi thinkses.
What might your ideal romantic partner be?
Wantses to fix Zhi-Zhi up? Much thanksings! Zhi-Zhi never have much luck with hozen women. Will take all the help Zhi-Zhi can get! Zhi-Zhi not picky. Just want nice, simple hozen girl who be nice to Zhi-Zhi. Not yell at Zhi-Zhi. Or hit Zhi-Zhi. Or run around behind Zhi-Zhi back with one of Zhi-Zhi’s brothers. That not happen to Zhi-Zhi before, but Zhi, hoooo, hook the dook ook, not for getting Zhi-Zhi started about Zhi. Whole dooken can of dook that was, believe Zhi-Zhi.
How do you smell? Do you wear perfume or cologne?
All rights, all rights. Zhi-Zhi gets hint. Will go to river now, take for the bathings. Much apologizings, Zhi-Zhi loses track of time sometimes. Forgets when come the Tuesdays.
Previous Profiles:
- Spazzle Fizzletrinket
- Ben-Lin Cloudstrider
- Dontrag and Utvoch
- Taktani
- Korrina
- Mylune
- Mokvar
- Ruekie
- Tirion Fordring
- Lady Liadrin
- Eitrigg
- Elder Cloudfall
[Time to mix things up! Or at least give you all the chance to chime in on who our next profile subject will be. So… vote in the poll below and chime in! The supporting character who comes out on top will feature in the next character profile Soon™…]
Beyond the wall
[And so, now that I’ve teased you all with a plot point I’ve been ham-fistedly foreshadowing literally for years… BREAK TIME! As I noted at the end of the last mailbag, I’m going to be taking a blogging break for a few weeks, partly to work on getting a jump on the next stretch of posts, and partly to steel myself for what’s always a pretty busy summer work schedule. With that in mind, here are a few notes and dates for those of you who are already chomping at the bit for more Garroshy goodness (“Dammit, Averry, you only JUST got back to blogging consistently again!”)…
The blog will return to action on Monday, July 18, with a guest mailbag from Shayari. (I know I originally said July 11, but I decided to push it back one week for work reasons.) I’ve already received a few letters for her mailbag; keep ’em coming so she has plenty to respond to!
Also, since Shay’s guest mailbag will take us toward mid-July already, and Garrosh will be pretty busy when the blog returns to action, Shayari’s post will cover us, mailbag-wise, through August. Garrosh will be back for a mailbag of his own on Monday, September 5. By all means, be getting those letters in, or at least be mulling over what kinds of lunacy you might want to send his way as the fall draws closer.
In the intervening time, I’ll still be responding to blog comments and messages, and of course I’ll still be engaged in my usual Twitter shenanigans.
As always, thanks to everyone for reading, writing, commenting, tweeting, breathing, and, y’know, just plain being you. Look at me trying to be nice. (It only burns a little.)
Have a great early summer! See you all soon.
(Metaphorically. I can’t really see you. OR CAN I?)]
30 Days of Character Development #12: Elder Cloudfall
[Periodically, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]
Name: High Elder Cloudfall
Occupation: Master of Tian Monastery, monk trainer, former farmer, former carpenter, former fisherman, former shopkeeper, former basket weaver, former brewery security guard, former fur trader, former Shado-pan habidasher, former part-time elbow masseuse, former apprentice calligrapher, former substitute dog trainer
Race: Pandaren
Class: Monk
Age: 71
Group affiliations: Tian Monastery (high elder), Shado-pan (advisor, former employee)
Known relatives: None
First appearance: “Getting around with the Shado-pan”
Key posts and plot points:
- Garrosh met Elder Cloudfall during his first visit to Tian Monastery in “Getting around with the Shado-pan.” As he explained to Garrosh in “The geometry of shadows,” he had previously seen a vision of Garrosh that provided some hints about the destiny that awaited him. Cloudfall explained that both he and the hozen Zhi-Zhi had seen these visions of Garrosh at a mystical location that he described as a “vision cave,” where glimpses of the future could be seen. (It was these visions that prompted Zhi-Zhi to refer to Garrosh as “the One” upon first seeing him — both in our main timeline, and in the alternate one that appeared in the Timequake arc.)
- When Garrosh returned to Tian in “Moments of transition,” Cloudfall indicated that, according to his visions, Garrosh is “the one” who would usher in a rebirth of sorts for the Horde and unify its peoples behind a common purpose, though he was also quick to point out that, devoid of context, the glimmers of the future contained in the visions provided an incomplete and possibly unreliable picture.
- Cloudfall also offered to take Garrosh to a place where he might be able to garner some helpful insights on the “destiny” that awaits him — Kypari Zar, a name that Garrosh had heard before the Pandaria campaign had even begun, when, while visiting Shattrath with Lady Liadrin in “Dying of the light,” Garrosh received the telepathic warning from A’dal, “If you go to Kypari Zar, you will die.”
In his own words:
Describe your relationship with your mother or your father. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?
My father, sadly, passed while I was still a cub. A regrettable cooking mishap involving a blowfish. My relationship with my mother was an interesting one — she was always helpful and supportive, but I cannot say we were particularly close. That is not to say that there were conflicts or tensions between us. Rather, her way of showing support was granting me a wide berth to find my own way in life. As a result, I spent many years wandering from one place to another, and drifted between a great many careers before finally — gradually — settling into the monastic life. In so doing, my mother taught me perhaps the greatest of life lessons, without speaking a word.
Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from. If you don’t have any, is there a reason?
Alas, scars are difficult to identify under a layer of fur. On a more fortuitous note, fur also does a more than passable job of obscuring most wrinkles.
How vain are you? Do you find yourself attractive?
Now now, let’s not rush to hasty conclusions about my character on the basis of that comment about the wrinkles. At least I’m not one of the elder pandaren you will see on occasion who go to the trouble of dyeing their graying fur a darker shade. It is, in fact, a fairly laborious process, or so I’m told, especially around the eyes, and it’s very easy to leave patches uncovered that can prove quite telling. (Do not think you are fooling anyone, Lord Zhu.)
What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?
Cinnamon rum. (They make a variety at the Drunken Hozen in Dawn’s Blossom that you simply must try. I have also heard good things about the Tigule and Foror ice cream that you have in your lands. I may have to try some one day.) Deep red. My favorite song is an old childhood favorite, Hero’s Hidden Face, about perseverance in the face of adversity. (And magic. As I child, I needed the magic to make it go down smoothly. I was not one for more contemplative themes as a cub.) Poppies of any description.
Who do you trust?
I trust all I encounter to be true to their innermost selves, so long as deceit does not prey upon them. And if I prove in error in my assessments, the fault lies not in them, but in my own misguided trust in my powers of judgment.
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
Both, in a way. I typically stay up quite late at night, but also rise at dawn. I compensate for the seeming lack of sleep by napping for a few hours in the late afternoon. While not conventional, I’ve found that I am most productive and energetic with two shorter periods of sleep than with one longer one.
Are there any blood relatives that you are particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, etc. Are there any others that you practically consider a blood relative?
I am an only child, and while I had several aunts and uncles, they, like my parents, have all long since passed away. While I no longer have any blood relations as such, my colleagues at Tian Monastery have become like family to me, and I have come to think of my students there, many though they are, as my children of sorts.
What does your desk/workspace look like? Are you neat or messy?
One of the benefits of being the High Elder is that it affords one the option of delegating most desk work to less senior personnel.
Are you a good cook? What’s your favorite recipe?
Ah, you need not be coy, my friend. Clearly someone has told you about my famous green curry fish. No surprise, as it always proved popular on those occasions when I would prepare it as a surprise dinner for the monastery. The recipe has been in my family for three generations, and includes a few departures from the traditional green curry recipe that sets it quite apart. I’ll be only too happy to make some for you after our chat — don’t think for a moment, however, that you will bait me into giving away those secret ingredients!
What’s your preferred means of travel?
By necessity, I restrict my air travel to kite. I would very much have liked to master the art of cloud serpent riding — and, indeed, I raised a hatchling as my pet and companion when I was a much younger man — but sadly, I have never had a feel for it. Nevertheless, my efforts provided me with the companionship of Jinjo for many years. I still visit his resting place near the Shrine of Fellowship once each year on the anniversary of his hatching.
Are you superstitious?
How do we define “superstitious”? Very often, I find that “superstition” is used to refer to a belief in the possibility of something we do not know, rather than a strident adherence only to those things we have confirmed. “I do not know” is the beginning of all wisdom.
What might your ideal romantic partner be?
Oh, my friend, I am an old man now, and well past the interests in romance that fluttered through my thoughts in youth. I appreciate your admiration, but I must inform you that it isn’t going to happen.
Describe your hands. Are they small, long, calloused, smooth, stubby?
Covered with fur. And… slightly pudgy, I suppose. There are benefits to being High Elder, you see — first in line for the nightly buffet!
Previous Profiles:
- Spazzle Fizzletrinket
- Ben-Lin Cloudstrider
- Dontrag and Utvoch
- Taktani
- Korrina
- Mylune
- Mokvar
- Ruekie
- Tirion Fordring
- Lady Liadrin
- Eitrigg
Tavern in the Mists
So now that we’re mostly settled in Pandaria again, Mokvar’s ready to start in on his whole sha project, with his… dodgy pink nether region crystal thingy… you know what? Something about that way of saying it sees like it’s just asking for trouble, in a vaguely Ruekie kind of way, so let’s just move on. Point is, he needs to start testing out his warlocky hocus-pocus on the sha, and he says he needs to gather some advance intel about the buggers.
Luckily, Mokvar was able to get a run-down on the sha from Zhi-Zhi back at the base, but he says he wants to get more intel from the people who’ve been dealing with the sha in the field. And plus, I mean, Zhi-Zhi seems pretty eager to be helpful and all, but I can’t rightly blame Mokvar for wanting to get some intelligence from non-Zhi-Zhi sources, because let’s face it, when you spend more than eight seconds talking to ol’ monkey boy, “intelligence” isn’t exactly the first word to come bursting to mind.
So, in other words, he fits right in around here. Just watch him stick around for a while.
Anyhow, back to the point. There’s a major sha outbreak over in the Jade Forest where the pandas have a ton of boots on the ground… well, except that they don’t really wear boots. I don’t think. So… they have… fat furry paws on the ground, and… um… Oh, fucking hell, why do I ever bother trying? SOME PANDAS ARE FIGHTING THEM SOME SHA IS THE POINT, over at the Temple of the Jade Serpent or the Emerald Snake or the Chartreuse fucking Anaconda or WHATEVER the fuck these pandas groove to. And so Mokvar wants to head over there and pick their fuzzy brains and hope Ji Lunchbox is the exception rather than the rule so maybe THESE pandas have something in their brains to pick other than “pass the gravy.”
We’re also making a stop at this tavern near another location where they had a major sha problem until pretty recently. I don’t know if the place has some kind of drink special for warlocks or their wings are really good or something, but Mokvar was REALLY keen on stopping at this place on the way over to the Jade Forest. Some “Tavern in the Mists” place, I guess, and I don’t know if I like the sound of that, seeing as the last time I hung out with Mokvar in a tavern surrounded by mist or steam pools or whatever… hoo boy. At least frigging Garona isn’t around this time.
Return engagement
We just arrived back in Pandaria. Finally. Granted, we couldn’t get here without a heaping pile of stupid washing up on deck during the trip, because, you know, IT’S US, but whatever. At least we got some decent seafood out of the deal. Plus the Wonder Twins are on notice that I’ll put them on patrol IN THE OCEAN around the base if they get on my nerves too much, and when I say that, it’s not just talk. AS IF THERE SHOULD BE ANY DOUBT TO BEGIN WITH.
General Nazgrim has been holding down the fort at Domination Point while I’ve been away, and, you know, since it’s pretty hard to crash a FORT into anything, everything seems to have gone fairly well. Well, unless you count the asshattery with the genius maneuver Nazgrim and some of his people tried pulling up at the Isle of Giants, but I’ll deal with that soon enough. The less we talk about that, the better. Mainly because the less we talk about it, the less I’m reminded of the crashing stupidity of a depressing percentage of my minions, and the less I’m reminded of that, the less I’m going to feel the urge to drive an Unnecessary Ornamental Spike™ through my skull.
Hey, look, 200 gold is 200 gold. You fuckers have to stop clutching your damn pearls over this. COMMERCE, MOTHERFUCKERS.
While we were away, Elder Cloudfall — you know, the old (hence “Elder,” DUH) panda dude who’s been varying degrees of helpful with the cryptic — took off back to his monastery. (I mean, anybody who thought he was just going to sit around Domination Point all that time NOT stuffing his face on familiar panda fare, take a step forward. Then take another step forward. Then keep taking steps forward until you walk into something sharp.) (MIGHT I RECOMMEND AN UNNECESSARY ORNAMENTAL SPIKE™?)
Cloudfall’s crazy-ass monkey friend Zhi-Zhi, though, decided to stick around the base. I guess he knew Tak-Tak or something (no, not Tak — Tak-Tak, and FUCKING HELL don’t make me go through THAT annoying shitpile again), so he figured he felt well enough at home to save himself the trip back to Tian Monastery and just stayed around the base helping out with odd jobs. I mean, I guess he couldn’t be any worse than some of the OTHER jokers I have on payroll.
Actually, is HE on payroll now? Is Nazgrim actually cutting a check to that fucker? How much? What’s the going rate for monkey labor? Can we pay him in bananas or some shit? I need to know these things.
It’s going to take a few days for me to get fully updated from Nazgrim, Blood Guard Gro’tash, the rest of the command and support staff here. Plus I need to get Mokvar acclimated to the place, seeing as he’s new to Pandaria. Also Brolic, a blademaster Lantresor recommended as an addition to my personal guard. He seems like he’ll be a valuable addition, but since he’s still new, I’d just as soon not assign him right off to work with the trainees the way the last batch of blademasters — Burzum, Ishi, and Krimpatul — did when they were here. For the time being, I’m having the DPS kids join Marksman Shokia and Shademaster Kiryn when they go out on patrol. Fairly controlled situation, watchful eye of two of our better operatives down here, plus it’ll give the kids a chance to get some input from kind of a different perspective, seeing as Shokia is a hunter and Kiryn is a rogue. Neither of which is as awesome or glorious as being a warrior, granted, but, hey. More exposure is better than less exposure.
I mean, in terms of training. Not if you’re talking about, say, an ogre and a platekini. In that case, cover that shit up, dammit. People want to eat lunch sometime this week.
More soon.
30 Days of Character Development #2: Ben-Lin
[Each week, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. See the first profile for more details. Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about.]
Name: Ben-Lin Cloudstrider
Occupation: Counselor, specializing in meditation and stress/anger management
Age: 57
Race: Pandaren
Class: Monk (retired)
Group affiliations: Horde (citizen), Huojin Pandaren (member), Shang Xi’s Academy (former student)
Known relatives: Ting Cloudstrider (daughter), Dewei Cloudstrider (son), Kenji Cloudstrider (husband, deceased)
First appearance: “Anger management”
Key posts and plot points:
- Ben-Lin met Garrosh – along with many other blog notables – while conducting an anger management seminar in the fittingly titled “Anger management.” The session proved…less than productive. Since then, she has continued to meet with Garrosh in an attempt to teach him to better control his temper. (Admittedly, visible results have been questionable at best, but let’s be fair – she had the deck stacked pretty heavily against her.)
- Traveled with the Horde expedition to Pandaria and accompanied Garrosh on his first trip to Tian Monastery (“I think I can remember your name”, “Shock the monkey”, “Getting around with the Shado-pan”, and “The geometry of shadows”), where the Warchief first encountered Elder Couldfall. She also joined Garrosh on a follow-up journey to Tian to recruit Elder Cloudfall’s aid in “Moments of transition.”
- Worth noting is that Ben-Lin appears to be one of the only people capable of making Garrosh stop and listen with any regularity (such as “ordering” him back to bed while he was sick with the Pandaren flu in “A sniffly Warchief is a cranky Warchief”). Evidently, the Warchief has trouble holding his ground with greatmotherly women.
- A few behind-the-scenes notes for those who might be interested: Ben-Lin is a veritable walking bundle of science-fiction referentiality. The name “Ben-Lin” is a deliberate nod toward another even-tempered mentor figure – and, in fact, the name was largely chosen specifically to set up this joke:
Her last name, “Cloudstrider,” was likewise meant to parallel “Skywalker.” (Also worth noting – the names of the two pandaren who have become mentors of sorts for Garrosh: Cloudstrider and Cloudfall.) And, lest the Babylon-5 fans among you feel neglected (I know you’re out there!) – Ben-Lin’s outfit and, to a lesser extent, speech patterns were designed to be reminiscent of the B5 character Delenn.
In her own words:
What is your most prominent physical feature?
I have been told that my eyes are fairly distinctive. They are violet, which is highly uncommon among pandaren, and held by many among our people to be a sign of inner balance. This was pointed out to me many times as a small child, though my parents would likely have held me as a counterexample at the time.
Describe your happiest memory.
Ironically, the passing of my husband Kenzi. This is not to say that I wished his death, or that I do not miss him dearly. He was some years older than me, and had been in poor health in his final months. The night he died – he knew the end was close – we sat and reflected on our life together. There was no sadness or regret. Each memory served only to remind us how much more this life had given us than we could ever fairly have asked. He held my paw, and thanked me for making him young, then passed away peacefully. I did not feel grief. I felt – and continue to feel – grateful.
Is there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past? Why?
No. I believe that every step of our journey is a part of what makes us who we are. I have had misfortunes and hurts, as do we all, but they have all left remainder that has helped to shape me. Without any one of them, I do not know who I would have become.
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
There are two: my coming to Shang Xi’s Academy, and my departure from the Wandering Isle to begin a new life among the Horde. Each marked the beginning of a new adventure. The first began in my youth and opened a world to me of learning, friendship, love, enlightenment – all of which are, of course, different words seeking vainly to express the same thing. I look forward to discovering where the second will take me.
How are you with technology? Super savvy, or way behind the times? Letters or e-mail?
I am almost comically inept with most machinery. Much of it is new to me; having lived almost my entire life on the Wandering Isle, I was not in a position to keep up with the latest inventions. This is likely for the best. Given my poor skill level, exposure to the latest technologies would only have provided me with new and better ways to embarrass myself. Letters, most certainly. I do not have the e-mail. To this day, I know the internet only by reputation. (That reputation does not, by and large, inspire me to investigate further.)
What does your bed look like when you wake up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position do you sleep?
My bed tends to be relatively tidy, and I make it each morning after rising. I sleep on my back; I am a very deep sleeper, and usually do not stir very much during the night.
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
An early morning bird. I wake each morning just before dawn. Wherever I live, I always take care to have a window that faces east, so that I may watch the sun rise.
Are you a good cook? What is your favorite recipe?
I cannot say that I am an expert cook, but I am told that my wildfowl ginseng soup is quite good. I wish I could have inherited my father’s skill with the steamer; I often miss his steamed crab surprise. I have tried many times to recreate it. The result often tries even my discipline over my temper.
What’s your preferred means of travel?
I prefer to travel by foot when possible. If not, I am adequately proficient in the use of Pandaren kites. I prefer not to employ animal mounts, as I suspect they have destinations of their own that they would prefer over mine.
Do you have any irrational fears?
Is there any other kind?
What might your ideal romantic partner be?
My years of study and meditation tell me that it is unwise to cling to some imagined ideal; such perfect fantasies serve only to impoverish our appreciation of the reality before us, beautiful often precisely for its flaws.
My heart, however, tells me: Kenji. Again, I am grateful.
Are you superstitious?
I am a mother of three. Hardly can one say that, without having spent many hours with crossed fingers.
How do you smell? Do you wear perfume or cologne?
Though my sense of smell, I would venture, is unremarkable, I do have a sensitive nose, which most perfumes tend to irritate. My one compensation is that I often let snow lilies soak in the water before washing my fur.
[OOC note: Running a little behind on posts after a bit of a trying week. Luckily, there’s a lot in the pipeline, so we should have some relatively rapid-fire posting this week, including, yes, the follow-up to that last little freakout-inspiring nugget. Also stay tuned for news and announcements concerning the return of the Friends-of-WCB meta raid!]
Burdens of the spirit
After the disaster with the Divine Bell, I spent a couple days channeling old-Nagrand-Garrosh – brooding and moping in my quarters here at Domination Point. Other than occasional tactical reports from General Nazgrim, most people had the good sense to leave me to myself. Hell, even Dontrag and Utvoch managed to keep their yaps shut for a couple days. This may or may not be related to me slapping them around several times when I first got back to the base.
The time to myself gave me the chance to think more about where to go from here. After what went down at the Emperor’s Reach, it’s painfully obvious that I need to start taking matters into my own hands. Trouble is, in practical terms, I’m not sure what that actually ENTAILS. So, one step at a time: Time to act one the one avenue I have open to me, and worry about what comes next when I get there. Elder Cloudfall told me he could help prepare me for my destiny, or however he fortune-cookied it, so it’s time to take him up on the offer.
Granted, I’m not exactly thrilled about what little I’ve heard about that Kypari Zar place, so a few more answers might be nice. Any bets on whether I’ll actually get them?
Anyway, I had some trouble tracking down Cloudfall at first. He wasn’t anywhere on the base, and Ben-Lin didn’t know where he’d wandered off to. Finally, Jorn Skyseer told me he’d been talking with Cloudfall about some of the areas nearby that our hunting parties have been hitting up, and he pointed me toward the island to the east. The one where the trainees used to go crane hunting when we first set up shop here in Pandaria.
I flew over to the island, with Taktani in tow. Cloudfall was sitting on a rock along the shore. He and Zhi-Zhi were sitting back to back in one of those meditation poses that look like they would hurt your legs like hell, eyes closed, off in their own little world.
GARROSH – Hey, Gramps.
(Mr. Elder Panda man and his money friend just keep sitting on the rock and being quiet.)
GARROSH – Elder?
(Elder Panda still doesn’t respond.)
GARROSH – Hello? Chimps? Anybody home?
(Mr. Monkey didn’t answer either. I hope his ears are okay!)
GARROSH – (tapping Zhi-Zhi on the shoulder) Hey, Banana Boy!
ZHI-ZHI – (jumping, startled) AAAH! Oh…oh, the One! Much apologizing, Zhi-Zhi did not see you, was thinking great thoughts.
GARROSH – Uh, yeah, whatever. So listen, I… Hang on. (turning to me) Tak?
TAKTANI – Hi!
(Mr. Warchief kind of stared at me for a minute. Maybe he forgot what he was going to say?)
GARROSH – Yeah, hi. So now that we’ve met, is there a reason why you’re not, y’know, writing anything down?
TAKTANI – Oh! I’m sorry, Mr. Warchief. I forgot to bring my paper.
GARROSH – You…forgot.
TAKTANI – I left it back in my room!
GARROSH – You realize that’s the ENTIRE reason I bring you places, right?
TAKTANI – Don’t be mad! I’m sorry!
(Mr. Warchief rubbed his eyes and forehead for a minute. I think maybe his eyes were sore because of how sunny it was. I should give him some sunglasses for his birthday! Does anyone know when his birthday is?)
GARROSH – (still rubbing his eyes) Of all your crimes, Mokvar, this may be the most grating…
TAKTANI – I don’t understand, Mr. Warchief.
GARROSH – Never mind. Okay, look, Tak, you’re not off the hook yet. You just made some extra homework for yourself.
TAKTANI – But I’m not in school, Mr. Warchief!
GARROSH – Yeah, well, maybe this will teach you lesson #1: Don’t forget the tools of your damn trade!
TAKTANI – I’m sorry! 🙁
GARROSH – So…here’s what you’re going to do. Most of the sand around here looks pretty wet. So YOU, little miss Swiss Cheese Brain, can just sit yourself down and write your notes in the sand, and then come back with your paper and copy it later.
TAKTANI – Ooh, that sounds fun!
GARROSH – BEFORE THE DAMN TIDE COMES IN. (sighs) Okay. So. Back to you, monkey boy. What’s up with Old Man Furball here? Is he off in some weird panda brain-freeze zone or something?
(While Mr. Warchief was talking, I started writing everything in the sand like he said, like this and this and this and YAY this is fun! Oh and I did like he said and came back later to copy it all down and I even brought Mr. D and Mr. U to help check my spelling, because they’re smart and nice. And SEE, Mr. Warchief, I got it all done just like you said! Oh oh oh but while I was writing it out, there was a seagull flying around, and it pooped on the first page. I hope you notice it’s there before you touch it.)
I didn’t.
ZHI-ZHI – Ah, ah, yes, Elder Cloudfall is in deep meditation. Much more focused than Zhi-Zhi. As matter of fact, Elder has been teaching Zhi-Zhi meditation techniques, teaching to block out everything around Zhi-Zhi. Will help to center Zhi-Zhi.
GARROSH – So you can think more great thoughts.
ZHI-ZHI – Ahh! You are understanding!
GARROSH – So how long does it usually take for Captain Comatose to come back out of these—
CLOUDFALL – (not moving, eyes still closed) I can hear you, Warchief Garrosh.
ZHI-ZHI – Elder!
GARROSH – So, Gramps, if you could hear me, any particular reason you didn’t answer me before?
CLOUDFALL – (continuing to keep his eyes closed) I was in the midst of pursuing a line of thought. I felt it more pressing that I complete it.
GARROSH – Isn’t it kind of rude to just ignore people when they talk to you?
CLOUDFALL – Is it not rude to interrupt people who are clearly meditating?
ZHI-ZHI – But, erm, Elder, you are hearings all the transpiringses…um…were we not practicing our deep meditation exercises?
CLOUDFALL – I have been practicing these techniques since before your great grandmother was born, Zhi-Zhi.
GARROSH – So anyway, now that you’re done with that—
CLOUDFALL – I’m not.
GARROSH – You’re what?
CLOUDFALL – As I said, Warchief Garrosh, I have been availing myself of the peace and solitude of the beach to think.
GARROSH – Um, okay?
CLOUDFALL – I’m not finished.
(Mr. Panda Elder still hadn’t opened his eyes, and now he settled back into place more.)
GARROSH – Hang on, you’re seriously going to blow me off so you can fucking go back to…whatever, going over your grocery list or backtracking to wherever you left your keys, or whatever the fuck you’re doing?
(Mr. Panda didn’t say anything.)
GARROSH – (to Zhi-Zhi) Is he for real?
ZHI-ZHI – (shrugs and waves one hand) Is easier not trying to argue, truths to telling.
CLOUDFALL – There. (opens his eyes, stands, and turns to Garrosh) Now I am finished.
GARROSH – Well yay.
TAKTANI – Yay!
GARROSH – DON’T START.
TAKTANI – Oh. 🙁
GARROSH – So do you mind telling me what was so important that it couldn’t wait?
(Mr. Panda man looked around the beach a few times.)
CLOUDFALL – Your pupil, Gurtash, and his peers. I understand they used to come here on occasion.
GARROSH – Oh. Yeah. They used to go hunting here.
CLOUDFALL – (nods) This is a sacred place, you know. The Cradle of Chi-Ji, the Great Crane.
GARROSH – Look, if you’re going to start complaining that they came here to—
CLOUDFALL – You misunderstand me, Warchief Garrosh. I did not come here to pass judgment. I came merely to visit a place of some import to the youths, away from the bustle of your fortifications, and allow them to enter my thoughts.
GARROSH – Ah. Yeah. They’ve been in mine a lot lately, too.
CLOUDFALL – Indeed.
(Mr. Warchief got kind of quiet and Mr. Panda man stayed quiet for a minute too and watched him.)
CLOUDFALL – In any case, I’m sure you did not seek me out to revisit such things. How may I be of help to you?
GARROSH – By doing what you came here for in the first place. You said you could help me get ready for this great destiny of mine.
CLOUDFALL – Indeed. Or rather, I believe I can help you to meet it. Whether it will prove to be great or not will be very much up to you.
GARROSH – Well, either way, you said that this Kypari Zar place is where he need to go to get started. So, whenever you’re ready to go, let’s go.
CLOUDFALL – I also told you that you carry many shadows with you.
GARROSH – Kind of the point of us going to that Zar place, right?
CLOUDFALL – Indeed. But you carry more now. Perhaps needlessly.
GARROSH – (sighs) Can you bottom-line this, maybe, or are you going to do a whole speech again?
ZHI-ZHI – (waving his hand) Really much easier not to tryings with the arguings.
CLOUDFALL – (pointing northward) The temple to the north. That is where the…calamity occurred?
GARROSH – Yeah, don’t remind me.
CLOUDFALL – Have you gone there since then?
GARROSH – No.
CLOUDFALL – You should.
GARROSH – Look, Gramps, I get that you’re probably going for some kind of hippie closure crap here, but if you think it’s actually going to IMPROVE my mood to go up there and find a bunch of—
CLOUDFALL – Warchief Garrosh, no facts that you find there will be so damaging to the soul as the nightmares your mind has conjured in their absence.
GARROSH – (looking north) Yeah, maybe.
CLOUDFALL – And in the process, you may allow yourself the opportunity to bring one lesser shadow with you on our journey.
GARROSH – (sighs) You’re just going to stonewall me until I go, aren’t you?
ZHI-ZHI – Really not worth tryings to—
GARROSH – (slapping Zhi-Zhi) Shut it, Spanks.
CLOUDFALL – Kypari Zar will still be there when you are done.
GARROSH – (turns and starts to walk toward Mortimer) Yeah, fine. I’ll drop little miss Happy Kitty here off at the base, and get a couple things squared away, then… (stops, then looks back at Cloudfall) You know, I’ve heard of that Kypari Zar place before.
CLOUDFALL – (perks an eyebrow) Oh?
GARROSH – Last year. I didn’t even know what “Kypari Zar” was. But someone in…high places…told me if I went there, I would die.
CLOUDFALL – (nods slowly) You may. In fact, you will.
GARROSH – Not the best sales pitch, Gramps.
CLOUDFALL – You will die if you go there. But then, you will die if you do not. Just as I will die if I take you, and I will die if I do not. That we will die is assured, Warchief Garrosh. The only question is how, and when, and why.
GARROSH – That’s a cop-out and you know it.
CLOUDFALL – I know no such thing.
GARROSH – (shrugs and climbs onto Mortimer) Well, whatever. I’ve got enough on my mind these days, what’s one more thing, right?
CLOUDFALL – If I might make a suggestion, Warchief Garrosh. A great many years ago, a former mentor offered me certain words of solace. A phrase of great power and wisdom, and consolation to the soul in times of need.
GARROSH – What’s that?
CLOUDFALL – Have a drink. Next one’s on me.
Not the worst idea in the world, actually. I might head downstairs and see what we have on tap. Meanwhile, I’m going to put a couple things in order here at the base, then take Mortimer back out for a flight over to the Temple of the Red Crane. For better or worse.
More soon.
Fear leads to anger
Well, Elder Cloudfall arrived at Domination Point today – with monkey boy Zhi-Zhi in tow, no less – just in time to get treated to one of the very cheeriest of my cheerful moods. Because no sooner was he on the premises than messengers arrived with a no-kidding-around one-two punch of suck.
So for starters, Ishi and his team of Kor’kron reached that mogu tomb that our scouts located, and were able to confirm that it IS the place that Shan Kien told us about…and then let a team of night elf Sentinels get in there FIRST. Because SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT, with the way this week has been going, right? For fuck’s sake, how did the night elves even fucking KNOW about the tomb? And they manage to get there AHEAD of us to boot?
Oh, but hey, don’t worry, because even though the night elves got the jump on us, Ishi and his people fought their way into the tomb and hacked their way through the elves, until they reached the Dentinel leader right on top of the Divine Bell…just in time to watch her SNAP IT UP AND HOP THROUGH A FUCKING PORTAL TO DARNASSUS. DON’T MY MINIONS HAVE THE MOST SPECTATCULAR FUCKING TIMING?
Awesome. JUST FUCKING AWESOME.
Oh, oh, but hang on, we’re not done with the parade of fantastic news yet.
As if losing the Divine Bell wasn’t bad enough…you know how I’d sent a detachment with Commander Scargash to that panda temple to set up an early-warning outpost for Alliance activity? Well, they didn’t need to show much patience waiting for some Alliance activity to monitor, because as it turns out, they were attacked this morning by an Alliance force – led by Varian him-fucking-self. Because apparently dude has nothing better to do with his time. Based on the initial reports, losses for our side were near-total. Including the Commander. And very well also included…never mind. I’m not letting myself think about it until we’ve had a chance to send some scouts to confirm. But based on everything we have to go on at this point, it looks pretty damn bad.
I swear, if another messenger comes in here today with anything remotely resembling bad news, they’d better finish by naming their next of kin, because I would NOT want their life expectancy.
So now I get to spend the day with nothing to think about other than an assortment of things I DON’T want to think about. Like how Varian fucking rolled on in and cost us I don’t know HOW many good people. And how the Divine Bell — the key to my plans to tip the balance of power in this war – is now in the hands of our enemies. And spirits know WHAT Varian’s going to do once he gets HIS grubby paws on it. As if he hasn’t fucking done enough ALREADY.
Spirits save him when I finally get him in my sights again. They were KIDS, dammit, and…
No. Never mind. I can’t even.
So Cloudfall, meanwhile, HE can just cool his jets about this Kypari field trip of his. Right now I have bigger fish to fry than wandering off to the Land of Vague and Ominous. Much less when I’ve got other sources telling me there’s more bad news there for me to boot. We’ve already lost enough good people this week, thanks. I don’t think we need more volunteers. So he and his monkey sidekick can kick back and enjoy a little Horde hospitality until we’ve gotten a handle on things. Ben-Lin probably won’t mind keeping Cloudfall company for a couple days anyway, and as for Zhi-Zhi, hell, goofball that he is, I’ll bet the kids will really get a kick—
…
Never mind.
I really need to start remembering where that fucking delete key is.
…
I need to go. I think there’s a patrol leaving in a minute to do a sweep for Alliance intruders.
I need to go with them.
I need to kill something.
