Tag Archives: gazlowe

A deal is a deal


Well, the good news is that I DID still have my warranty papers from Gazlowe, from when his people worked construction on the new, (seemingly) improved, post-Cataclysm Orgrimmar. The bad news is that the warranty also included a whole mess of fine print. Like a Tirion-esque volume of text, only micro-sized. And let me tell you, there is no fine print like goblin fine print — I don’t know what gadget they used to shrink that printing down so small, but from the look of it, someone must have typed up the laundry list of disclaimers and conditions, highlighted all, set the font size to ONE FUCKING POINT, then zapped the whole damn page with some kind of crazy-ass Micro-Zoom TeenC WeenC Shrink Ray for good measure. And you might read that and try to laugh it off, but when I got Spazzle over here to look at this thing and made the same comment to HIM, he was all “Hang on, who told you about the TeenC WeenC ray?!” So there you go.

Anyway, finding the paperwork didn’t do me a fat lot of good. I tried setting up a face-to-face with Gazlowe about this shit, because I figured I wanted this crap settled before I leave town again, some kind of make-good new construction or whatever, but apparently dude couldn’t even be bothered to show up personally. He sent some other joker named Rezlak to pop in on his behalf, because apparently the trip from Ratchet all the damn way to Orgrimmar would just be too much on his bunions or whatever. And evidently the verdict was that the massive construction project his people got paid for wasn’t under warranty because of like nine random technicalities buried in the fine print, like I didn’t use the right color quill when I signed the contract or the sandwich he had for lunch last Thursday didn’t have fucking mustard on it. Or something.

Now, mind you, as anyone (who has a genuine desire to keep breathing) will tell you, I’m not an unreasonable person… so I tried to make Rezlak a counterproposal to see what he’d have to say about it, but seeing as the counterproposal pretty much consisted of me punching him in the mouth, all he really had to say about it was “ouch.”

Gee, I sure do hope his fillings were still under warranty.


Quality workmanship


So, after the minor calamity of getting Golmash over to the Kor’kron stables, things have gone mostly without incident. You’ll notice I said MOSTLY without incident, not COMPLETELY without incident, because in what upside-down topsy-turvy reality would THAT ever happen? It turned out that the Kor’kron stablemasters had either overestimated the sturdiness of their enclosures, or underestimated the sturdiness of Golmash’s muscles, because when the two collided, hoo boy, things did not go well for the evidently substandard wooden planks.

And I mean, not for nothing, but wasn’t it bad enough that the goblin contractors took like two years to finish the reconstruction job in Orgrimmar after the Cataclysm? Did they have to do a shoddy job of it, too? You would THINK that for all the time spent on it, they would at least, you know, use actual wooden planks and not bundles of straw or some shit, but oh no. Serves me right for not looking into it more before I signed the contract, but I WAS only Warchief for a little while at the time. Crazy me, I just figured I could go ahead and trust Thrall’s guy to do a good job without taking any other bids. Sure, I figured, Thrall must know what he’s talking about with this Gazlowe dude. Sure, I figured, Thrall wouldn’t steer me wrong with a bad referral. Then again, considering this is the same guy who gave me referrals for three advisors who would help me as Warchief, and two of those threatened to kill me within 48 hours of me taking the job, well, I guess you could say the handwriting was on the wall about how much stock I should have put in THAT guy’s recommendations. (It’s a damn good thing I didn’t take him up on his offer to go on a blind double date with him and Aggra that one time, right? I shudder to imagine…)

Where was I? I think I got off on a tangent there. (I’ll tell you, one handy thing about this whole computer thing — other than the way they keep hiding the delete key on me — is that you can look back at what you were saying. I WISH I could scroll back up to double check things in actual conversations. Not least of all so I can check what someone else was saying when I wasn’t paying attention because who gives a fuck. That or when I need to double check to see if I just said what I think I just said because what D and/or U and/or [Insert Random Pinhead Minion of Choice Here] said in response doesn’t make the slightest damn bit of sense in context.)

Okay, I think I just did it again. BUT GETTING BACK TO THE POINT. Which was, shoddy workmanship in the stables, leading to a rather temperamental glowy-eyed wolf running around, which led to lots of chaos until we got that shit locked down. Luckily, wolf dude didn’t get at any of the other wolves or kodos before we got him back under wraps again. The only real damage done was this one peon that was closest to the pen when Golmash get loose, who wound up getting himself mostly eaten. Which kinda sucks, but oh well. I’ll send his widow a ham.

Point is, we need to take a major look at the strength of our enclosures. Granted, most of our mounts aren’t going to cause as much trouble as Golmash, but you have to wonder how many OTHER structures we’ve got that are just a little unexpected stress away from snapping on us. I’ve got one more meeting coming up with Blackfuse before I had back down to Pandaria, so I may see about getting him working on a few things between then and now.

Meanwhile, I need to see if I still have the paperwork for my damn warranty from Gazlowe somewhere. Goddamn corner cutting. I’m half tempted to toss that fucker in a pen with Golmash with only one of the barrier his people assembled to separate them, and see how much faith he’s got in his goddamn product THEN.