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Live Blog: Tides of War
ONE YEAR OF THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS…
[Today marks the one-year anniversary of Garrosh’s first post on the Warchief’s Command Board. To commemorate the occasion, which serendipitously coincides with the release of Jaina Proudmoore: Tides of War by Christie Golden, this post will tie into some of the events of the novel in the form of a LIVE BLOG. The post will be added to over the course of the night so that you will be able to read it in progress as it is written. Continue refreshing this page to update its contents. Also feel free to use the comments to engage with other live readers as the on-the-fly story unfolds!]
I haven’t mentioned this with everything else that’s been going on lately, but several days ago I sent letters out to the other leaders of the Horde to come to Grommash Hold for a special council. An inner circle of key advisors and I have been working on a number of plans over the past few weeks, one in particular that I’ve been keeping on the back burner for far too long. The time has finally come to begin the next stage in the glorious history of the Horde, and it’s only fitting that everyone gather to bear witness to its beginning.
Practically all the major players have been arriving the last few hours — Baine Bloodhoof and Hamuul Runetotem from Thunder Bluff…Sylvanas Windrunner from the Undercity…what’s-his-name, that blood elf guy from Silvermoon. Vol’jin’s come up from the Echo Isles, even though I usually don’t have a whole lot of patience for him. Hell, even Trade Prince Gallywix crawled out from underneath whatever rock he usually hides under to attend. Everybody’s brought a considerable contingent of aides and lieutenants with them, and naturally I have a good-sized contingent of my people from here in Orgrimmar to show their support — Eitrigg, obviously, along with a slew of other aides and supporters like Shok Narnes, Captain Drok, Invoker Xorenth. Mokvar, of course, who’s going to make it a whole lot easier to record and post the meeting. Pretty much the only heavy hitter not here is Saurfang, and, well, I can see why he would decline the invitation, considering.
I waited outside the war room while everyone gathered and got settled into their places. I had my aide Malkorok — who’s been growing more and more important in our developing plans — watched over the gathering, then prepared them for my grant entrance. See, in addition to being an ongoing advisor and newly appointed supervisor of internal security, Malkorok’s also a pretty damn good hype man. So he took a minute to work up the crowd, and then…well, hey, why don’t I kick it over to Mokvar, who I think Spazzle hooked up to be able to feed his meeting notes straight on up to the blog…
MALKOROK: Your leader, the mighty Garrosh Hellscream, approaches! Show him all honor!
The assembly stands and burst into cheers as Garrosh enters, holding his arms wide with Gorehowl in hand.
GARROSH: I bid you all welcome! You are true servants of the Horde. Your Warchief calls you, and you come. <surveying the assembly> Much has transpired since I assumed the mantle of Warchief…
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Most of it bad, mon.
GARROSH: We have faced trials and danger, threats to our world and our way of life. And yet, we persevere. We are the HORDE! We will not let anything break our spirits!
Garrosh raises Gorehowl above his head, and, starting with the orcs present, the assembly cheers.
GARROSH: You do not disappoint me.
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Wish I could say da same, mon.
GARROSH: You are the finest representatives of your races – the leaders, the generals. And that is why I called you here.
Garrosh settles into his throne and gestures for the assembly to sit as well.
GARROSH: There is a menace that has been present for too long, which we must now root out without any mercy.
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Aw, no, mon, don’ be so hard on yaself.
BAINE: <struggling to stifle his chortling> Stop…stop it!
GARROSH: A threat that has challenged us for years, to which we have, until recently, turned a blind eye in the mistaken notion that tolerance of a little shame will do no harm to the mighty Horde. I have—
Vol’jin and Baine glance at each other. Vol’jin doubles over and lets a chuckle escape.
GARROSH: Hmm? You had something to add, troll?
VOL’JIN: No, no, dat was just a sneeze, mon.
GARROSH: A sneeze.
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon. Allergy season, ya know.
Garrosh exchanges a look with Malkorok, who shrugs.
GARROSH: Um, yeah. As I was saying. And have said, and say again – ANY shame is a great shame!
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> A damn dirty shame, mon.
Baine lowers his head over the table and chortles.
GARROSH: Any— Um, you too, birthday boy?
BAINE: <wipes a tear from his eye while looking up> Apologies, Warchief. I think I may be having some…trouble with allergies as well.
VOL’JIN: I tink dere might be a bug goin’ round, mon.
GARROSH: Oh for fuck’s sake… Ugh. Never mind. I…where was I again?
MOKVAR: “Any shame is a great shame.”
Baine and Vol’jin double over slightly, barely containing another fit of chuckles.
GARROSH: Right, right. Any shame is a great shame – ANY injury is a great injury! And apparently any sniffle is a great fucking sneezing epidemic. But whatever. Point is, WE WILL ENDURE IT NO LONGER!
Vol’jin smirks at Baine and gives an exaggerated nod.
GARROSH: We have a destiny to fulfill. And there is an obstacle to that destiny – one that we must crush beneath our feet like the insignificant insect it truly is. For far too long – nay, even a MOMENT would be too long! – the Alliance pests, not content with their stranglehold over the Eastern Kingdoms—
SYLVANAS and LOR’THEMAR: <overlapping> Hey now!
GARROSH: —have wormed their ways into OUR lands, OUR territory. Into Kalimdor. Chipping away at our resources and sullying the very earth with their presence! They are crippling us, preventing us from growing, from reaching the heights that I know – I KNOW – we are capable of achieving! For I believe in my heart that it is not our fate to bow and scrape and sue for peace before the Alliance. It is our right to dominate and control this land of Kalimdor. It is ours, and we will claim it as such!
Led by Malkorok, many of the orcs stand and cheer emphatically. After a few moments, the cheers subside.
GARROSH: To that end, it is my intent to lead the Horde on a mission that will restore us to our rightful path. Our first target will be Northwatch Hold. We will raze it. And once we have reclaimed that land as ours, we will move on to the next step – THERAMORE!
Baine, Vol’jin, Malkorok, and several others spring to their feet – some cheering, some crying out in protest. Frandis Farley – one of Sylvanas’ Forsaken lieutenants – shouts over the din.
FRANDIS: Warchief! The lady Jaina is too powerful! She has been passive and quiet. Rouse her, and we will have war on our hands – a war we are not prepared to fight!
BAINE: She has behaved with fairness time and again, when she could have responded with force or deceit! Her diplomatic efforts and her decision to work with Warchief Thrall have saved countless lives! To storm her realm with no provocation does not give honor to the Horde, and it is foolish besides!
MOKVAR: Also I really, really hope this isn’t about your old guild leader…
BAINE: Wait, his what?
MOKVAR: He had an old GM he was pissed at who turned out to be from Theramore.
VOL’JIN: A GM from what, mon?
MOKVAR: This MMO we play.
BAINE: You’re…kidding.
VOL’JIN: Hey mon, you don’ live in da basement in here too, do ya?
GARROSH: WILL YOU SHUT IT? Dammit, trolls should be seen and not heard. Ideally not seen, either.
VOL’JIN: Oh, so you wan’ me invisible, mon?
GARROSH: If only.
VOL’JIN: Like da Lich King’s horse!
GARROSH: ENOUGH ALREADY!
VOL’JIN: Sorry, mon.
Garrosh lets out a long sigh while Malkorok edges closer to Vol’jin’s side of the room, eyeing the troll chieftain uneasily. Garrosh finally gathers himself.
GARROSH: Now then… First of all, Thrall has given leadership of the Horde to me. Whatever HE did or did not do means nothing now.
VOL’JIN: <aside> Aye, you’ll be seein’ ta dat, won’t ya, mon?
GARROSH: I am the Warchief, to whom you have all sworn loyalty. My decisions are what matter. And those of you who condemn my plan do not even know what it entails. Be silent and listen!
Some – but not all – of the assembly return to their seats.
GARROSH: You respond to this as if the conquest of Theramore were the goal. I tell you now, it is only the beginning! I do not speak solely of destroying the human foothold in Kalimdor. I speak also, and even more vigorously, of the night elves. Let them flee to the Eastern Kingdoms as we crush their cities and take their resources!
VOL’JIN: Drive dem all out? Dey been here longer dan we have. An’ we try somet’ing like day, da Alliance be over us like bees on da honey! You just be givin’ dem he excuse dey been looking for!
GARROSH: My soul is sick of the back-and-forth in Ashenvale that has gone on nearly since we set foot in this world. And I am even more sickened by our own blindness to what we should and must do. The night elves claim compassion and wisdom, yet they murder us when we harvest a few trees that would provide life-giving shelter! The night elves have lived here long enough. Let them now linger only as a bad memory. It is the Horde’s hour to reign on this continent, and reign we shall! This is why Theramore is key, do you not understand? <scanning around the chamber> We crush Theramore, we stop the potential of Alliance reinforcement from the south. And then – we give the night elves their due.
SYLVANAS: <rising> Warchief, the Alliance may indeed not send reinforcements. Not at once, at least. They will turn and vent their wrath instead upon those of us in the Eastern Kingdoms – my people and the sin’dorei.
Sylvanas looks to Lor’themar, who remains still and silent.
GARROSH: Wait, who’s that guy again?
SYLVANAS: Warchief?
GARROSH: The blood elf guy.
SYLVANAS: He’s… <rubs her hand over her face> Never mind. The point is…Varian will march on my borders and destroy us!
EITRIGG: Warchief, a word?
GARROSH: I have heard from you already, my advisor.
BAINE: We have not. Eitrigg was friend to my father and advisor to Thrall. He knows the Alliance in a way few do. Surely you do not object to the rest of us hearing what such a wise elder has to say?
GARROSH: <glares at Baine, then nods to Eitrigg> You may speak.
EITRIGG: It is true that the Horde has done much to recover from the Cataclysm. And it has been under your leadership, Warchief Garrosh. You are right. Yours is the title. Yours are the decisions. But yours also is the responsibility. Think for a moment about the consequences the consequences consequences si the ti consequences moment ereh consequences dna gnikam consequences about erew ew about erutuf tahw kniht ot delbuort su ogre fo yna yldrah dodge dna dias consequences eh erutuf consequences eht dire consequences gnikam dire erew dire ewdire dire consequences dire consequences if we fail.
DRANOSH: I know that all too well, Eitrigg. Which is why I’m not going to do this if everyone isn’t in agreement.
Garrosh blinks a few times confusedly, then exchanges a concerned look with Mokvar.
CAIRNE: <watching Garrosh closely> Overlord? Are you alright?
Garrosh looks up at Cairne and stares for a moment.
GARROSH: I… Yeah. I’m fine…Cairne… Just had something in my eye for a second.
MOKVAR: Might be allergy season…
DRANOSH: At any rate… We all know what’s at stake here. I know I’ve said more than once that I don’t intend to send more troops into a losing situation, but I think it’s safe to say this is a special case.
VOL’JIN: I don’ tink dere’s anyone gonna argue, mon. Quel’talas ain’t gonna hold long on its own, an’ we can’ let dem get to da Sunwell. Not again.
DRANOSH: A vote, then. One last battle, to hold the line, at least long enough to do what needs to be done?
EITRIGG: <scanning around> All in favor?
Cairne, Eitrigg, Vol’jin, and Zaela raise their hands. After a moment’s pause, Garrosh and Mokvar do the same.
EITRIGG: And opposed?
VOL’JIN: Dere’s nobody else here, mon.
EITRIGG: Well, still. It never hurts to be thorough.
DRANOSH: I should get you to do my paperwork for me.
GARROSH: You know, I bet he’d be good at that.
EITRIGG: I would not wish to intrude on your confidential documents, Warchief.
GARROSH: I’m sure he has plenty more important things to do with his time.
DRANOSH: I am Warchief.
GARROSH: Better you than me.
DRANOSH: <smirks> Spirits help us. You’d be terrible at it.
GARROSH: Well, it’s a good thing Thrall stuck YOU with the job then, isn’t it?
DRANOSH: <still smirking>No, but really. I think a basic campfire would probably do a better job than you.
GARROSH: <smirks back> Okay, enough. That shit is hurtful.
DRANOSH: What, are you turning sensitive all of a sudden? What’s next, are you going to start writing poetry too?
GARROSH: You never know.
VOL’JIN: Tell you what, mon, we can plan da first readin’ after we out of da fire.
DRANOSH: <turning back to the war map> Well, we’re all agreed. I’ll send a messenger to Silvermoon. The rest of you know what needs to be done to prepare.
VOL’JIN: Aye, mon.
ZAELA: Yes, Warchief.
DRANOSH: Let’s get to work, then. Metting adjourned. Lok’tar ogar!
EITRIGG: Lok’tar!
ZAELA: Lok’tar!
VOL’JIN: For da Horde!
GARROSH: This will either end up turning the tide the tide tide si the ylno tide up saw tide sa gniht tide turning hcus on turning si ereht elpoep laudividni fo sratava yratnemom ogre eht ni tpecxe ecnetsixe dodge on sah hcihw your noitidnoc diulf your accept your a accept si accept emit accept accept you accept your oath.
Garrosh looks around confusedly again, finding himself absently patting the head of a goblin who appears to be kneeling in allegiance. Malkorok approached, ushering Lor’themar Theron with him.
LOR’THEMAR: You wish to see me, Warchief?
GARROSH: I do. I understand you are the leader of the blood elves.
LOR’THEMAR: Um…yes, Warchief. We’ve met several times.
GARROSH: Have we? Hmm. Must have slipped my memory…
LOR’THEMAR: I’m in your Earth Online guild.
GARROSH: You are? Huh.
LOR’THEMAR: Um…
GARROSH: Well, anyway. Out of all our leaders in there, save Gallywix — who’s supportive merely because he sees coins to be made — you are the only one who doesn’t question your Warchief. Not even when Sylvanas tries to play upon your sympathy. I respect that, elf. Know that your loyalty to me is duly noted.
LOR’THEMAR: The Horde embraced and supported my people when no one else would. I will not forget that. And so, my loyalty, and that of my people, is to the Horde.
GARROSH: I am the Horde’s Warchief, Lor’themar. And as such, I AM the Horde.
LOR’THEMAR: You are its Warchief. Is that all you wish of me? My people are anxious to return home and prepare for the war that is to come.
GARROSH: Of course. You may go.
Lor’themar walks off, rejoining the rest of the Silvermoon contingent.
GARROSH: <to Malkorok> That one is worth watching.
MALKOROK: They are all worth watching.
MOKVAR: Um…if I might ask, what’s that supposed to mean?
MALKOROK: <stares at Mokvar a moment> Suffice to say, scribe, that you are not the only one keeping notes. <turning to Garrosh> If you’ll excuse me, Warchief, I have a few matters to follow up on.
Captain Drok approaches and waits close beside Garrosh.
GARROSH: Go ahead, Malkorok. We’ll check in again later.
DROK: Warchief, a moment?
GARROSH: What is it, Drok? Oh…OH…is it…?
DROK: <nodding> I’ve just received word from our team in Northrend, sir. We have it.
GARROSH: <slowly grins, then nods> Good, good… I love it when a plan comes together.
The pieces are falling into place. Everything is lining up. I’ll be sending marching orders to the various leaders within the next day, and soon enough everything will be underway. Everything is going exactly to plan.
If only I didn’t have this nagging feeling the universe is trying to tell me something.
More soon.
[Thanks to everyone who dropped by live to follow the blog in progress! And also, as you may have noticed, the night was capped off with the addition of a badass new header for the blog, generously and masterfully provided by Snapcaster (Cho’gall server) from Dreamweave Design. Many thanks for making the place more presentable! Additional thanks to Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth for providing the header image for this post — click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Time isn’t after us
{Previously on The Warchief’s Command Board…well, here. Go read it yourself and get caught up. We don’t have bandwidth for fucking previouslies.}
Garrosh looks around again.
GARROSH: So…much less crowded all of a sudden…
LIADRIN: Hmm. Just us three at the Caverns of Time?
SORIDORMI: <nods> Your counterparts in this timeline had come here on…related but different business.
GARROSH: Wait, our COUNTERPARTS?
SORIDORMI: <nods> For lack of a better word.
LIADRIN: Oh, I think I’ve read about this… <looking around again> I never thought I would experience it first-hand, though…
GARROSH: Okay, so since everybody seems to understand this but me, could SOMEONE please explain what the fuck is going on?
SORIDORMI: You’re caught in the backwash of Edwin’s temporal instability.
GARROSH: Yeah, there’s not one single part of that sentence that was helpful.
SORIDORMI: The flashes you’ve been experiencing have all corresponded to Faranell’s time shifts. Every time he’s jumped to another point in his timeline, you have been shifting into…well, here.
LIADRIN: An alternate timeline.
GARROSH: So how come the Noz didn’t notice this? And where is he, anyway? How come he missed this kinda major part of what’s going on?
SORIDORMI: Nozdormu can see the disturbances surrounding Edwin’s displacement in time easily enough, but the intermingling of realities occurring in the background is a bit…beyond his perception.
GARROSH: But it’s not beyond yours? No offense, but I thought the Noz was the one with the super-uber-heightened time perception.
SORIDORMI: <sighs, then smiles> Believe me, I’m not the first woman ever to let her husband go on thinking he was the smart one for the sake of his fragile ego.
Liadrin chuckles briefly.
MOKVAR: So are we the only ones shifting into this timeline? Why us?
SORIDORMI: Yes and no. You’re not the only ones toggling realities, but you are the only ones who have started to retain your memories of one timeline when you move to the other. Those of you who were with Edwin in Southshore have been left with a sort of temporal residue that’s making it possible for you to bridge the gaps between realities.
GARROSH: Okay…I think I’m starting to get this… So in that case…
Mokvar starts chuckling, quickly descending into raucous laughter.
Um, dude, what’s so funny?
MOKVAR: <still laughing> No, sorry, I’m just thinking…since this is affecting all of us from Southshore… I’m just imagining Utvoch trying to figure out what the hell is going on…
Mokvar falls into another fit of laughter. Garrosh thinks for a moment, his eyes widening and a broad grin spreading across his face as he does, then starts laughing as well.
GARROSH: Oh…oh man…that’s just…ha ha HAA!
LIADRIN: Um, Garrosh? Don’t you think we should…?
GARROSH: <still laughing> Oh SHIT!
MOKVAR: <doubled over> Hahaha…what?
GARROSH: <starts to lean on Mokvar for support amid chortles> Can you…can you imagine him trying to explain this shit to Dontrag?
MOKVAR: OHHHH! HAHAHA!!
GARROSH: Can’t you just see them? “I think I was somewhere else,” “No you weren’t, you were right here,” “Yeah, I was here, but you weren’t,” “I was too here,” “No you weren’t, I was here only it was somewhere else here, and you were gone,” “Are you sure I wasn’t here?” “I think so.” “Huh, I wonder where I went…”
MOKVAR: <gasping for breath and leaning back against Garrosh> Stop! You have to stop! Hahahaha!
Liadrin turns back to Soridormi and rolls her eyes.
LIADRIN: Boys will be boys.
Soridormi shrugs and nods. Garrosh and Mokvar carry on laughing.
SORIDORMI: Sadly, so will grown men.
LIADRIN: At any rate… I understand that our connection to Edwin is allowing us to retain our awareness of this timeline, but I’m still not sure why these shifts are happening to us.
SORIDORMI: It all comes back to Edwin, in more ways than one.
LIADRIN: His own displacement in time, as Nozdormu was saying, obviously…
GARROSH: Okay, okay, we’re done now. <chortle>
SORIDORMI: That was the start of it, yes. And then, beyond that…this alternate reality was created when your Edwin caused…certain changes in the past.
LIADRIN: Oh no.
GARROSH: What did he do? In his letter he said he remembered everything he did and said, and he would make sure he repeated it all.
SORIDORMI: I have little doubt that he did. And it strikes me as unlikely he even made these changes deliberately, or at least consciously.
GARROSH: Then what did he change?
Soridormi holds out one hand. A small, glowing, blue-tinted image of Patrick Faranell appears above her upturned palm.
IMAGE OF PATRICK: Good news, everyone, I found it! Just what the doctor ordered!
SORIDORMI: I believe you’ve met Edwin’s brother, Professor Patrick Faranell.
LIADRIN: Oh no… I think I know where this is going…
SORIDORMI: In your original timeline, Patrick was killed during the Scourge invasion of Silvermoon. In this reality, however, he never went to Silvermoon. He survived.
GARROSH: That…sounds like a pretty major crapping all over Edwin’s whole “I won’t change history” pledge.
SORIDORMI: I doubt he did it deliberately. Even if he remembered everything he ever said to his brother, repeated it all word for word…don’t underestimate the influence of a simple change of inflection, a tone of voice, a facial expression… Even if he’d read all his lines, knowing what he knew, Edwin could easily have planted the doubts that would steer his brother away from harm.
GARROSH: Seriously. He couldn’t keep himself reined in, knowing how important it was?
SORIDORMI: Garrosh, could you look a loved one in the face, knowing death was upon them, and be completely certain you wouldn’t let a hint of it into your voice?
GARROSH: Okay…fair enough. So, now we have one extra friendly dorky guy wandering around. So what?
SORIDORMI: Had he met his end in Silvermoon, Patrick was fated for…a different path.
Soridormi waves her hand, and the image of Patrick Faranell is replaced by a shimmering image of Professor Putricide.
IMAGE OF PUTRICIDE: Good news, everyone! I think I perfected a plague that will destroy all life on Azeroth!
GARROSH: The hell…
SORIDORMI: Patrick would be risen into undeath, unbeknownst to his brother in Dalaran. The Lich King would take notice of his keen alchemical mind, and install him – in his new identity of “Professor Putricide” – as his chief alchemist and researcher in Icecrown Citadel.
GARROSH: Okay…I’m really starting to worry about why this becomes important…
LIADRIN: Dominoes…
SORIDORMI: With no Putricide in existence, Arthas’ attention in those early days would turn in a different direction…
Soridormi waves her hand again. The image of Professor Putricide flickers out and is replaced by the likeness of Grand Apothecary Putress.
IMAGE OF PUTRESS: Did you think we had forgotten? Did you think we had forgiven?
SORIDORMI: I believe you are both familiar with the work of Grand Apothecary Putress, previously of Sylvanas’ Royal Apothecary Society.
LIADRIN: By the Light…
SORIDORMI: The Lich King chose Putress for the role that would have gone to Putricide – replacing one master alchemist with another, albeit perhaps a more ruthless one.
GARROSH: So, what, did Putress come up with some invention for Arthas, or…?
LIADRIN: Garroh, no… Think…the Wrathgate…
GARROSH: Oh… OH…
MOKVAR: Oh shit…
SORIDORMI: <nodding> With Putress in Icecrown Citadel rather than the Undercity, there was no coup against Sylvanas. There was no betrayal at the Battle of the Wrathgate. Dranosh Saurfang survived, as did Bolvar Fordragon. While the Lich King survived to fight another day, driven back into his fortress, the assault on the Wrathgate was regarded as a great victory – for Alliance and Horde alike. Bolvar would use that success, along with his newfound friendship with Saurfang the Younger, to persuade Varian Wrynn to reconsider his stance on relations with the Horde.
Soridormi waves her hand again. Above her upturned palm, a glowing likeness appears of Thrall and Varian Wrynn shaking hands.
The Alliance and Horde would sign the Dalaran Accords some weeks later. The war between Alliance and Horde was ended.
GARROSH: <sneers at the image> Fuck you, Varian.
MOKVAR: You know that’s not really him, right?
LIADRIN: Peace between the Horde and the Alliance… All those lives spared at the Wrathgate… And…
Liadrin looks down at the Ashbringer in her hands.
SORIDORMI: A number of other rather important events have…played out differently.
GARROSH: Like the fact that with Dranosh still alive, when it came time for Thrall to name an acting Warchief…
Soridormi nods.
And then… Cairne… By the spirits…when Hamuul’s druids were attacked by the Twilight’s Hammer…
MOKVAR: Cairne wasn’t as quick to think Dranosh was responsible, like he was with you? So that means…
GARROSH: There was never a duel. Cairne…never died. I never… He never died.
MOKVAR: This is all…I don’t even know what to call it. But, crazy as it all is…why is this timeline mixing with ours at all?
LIADRIN: Edwin. It’s all about Edwin…
SORIDORMI: <nods> These divergent timelines aren’t uncommon. There are countless events in your history that have produced alternate realities. But what’s different here is your friend. The split in realities was caused by Edwin averting his brother’s death. But it’s also Edwin who’s become unstuck in time. He’s spawned an entire universe in which he does not belong; he’s out of time, and time itself wants him back. It’s pulling him back and forth, and pulling the other reality into ours in the process. Edwin has become a shatter point in time, and the walls between realities are cracking around him. Eventually, the other timeline – the one we’re in now – will bleed through into ours.
LIADRIN: He’ll never even realize any of this is happening, will he? It’ll just happen while he’s off at other points in time.
SORIDORMI: Difficult to say. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if the timelines eventually converge to the point that he begins to remain here with you.
MOKVAR: Still trying to wrap my head around this…
SORIDORMI: It is much to absorb, I know.
MOKVAR: But…what do we do now?
SORIDORMI: Reality will continue to crack around Edwin until the timelines converge and this one, essentially, replaces ours, unless we can return both Edwins to where they belong and restore the original timeline.
LIADRIN: I suspect that won’t be quite as simple as running back through the portal to old Hillsbrad.
SORIDORMI: <shakes her head> Crossing your own timelines will be a dangerous proposition, and one that will take a tremendous focusing of magic. There’s much we’ll need to do here to prepare, and even then, there’s the small matter of getting this Edwin here at a point when he isn’t…elsewhere. Not to mention convincing him of the necessity of going back.
LIADRIN: I suppose we’ll just need to do what we can we can can erif we eht can do ma can i tub can what em semusnoc what taht erif a si ti regit eht ma i tub em hold selgnam taht regit a si ti revir eht the ma i tub gnola em speews taht line revir a si emit edam ma i we hcihw fo we ecnatsbus what we eht what si what emit what what we what we can to get ready.
NOZDORMU: Indeed. Chronormu, go speak with Erozion about a possible return incursion to Hillsbrad.
CHROMIE: Sure thing, captain.
Chromie teleports out. Garrosh, Liadrin, and Mokvar exchange uneasy looks both at each other and at Faranell – who likewise looks around uncomfortably. Soridormi, standing half a step behind Nozdormu, watches them and raises a single finger to her lips.
TIRION: Dr. Faranell? Are you all right? You seem out of sorts suddenly.
FARANELL: Yeah…um…
EITRIGG: It happened again, didn’t it?
NOZDORMU: <narrows his eyes, looking at Faranell grimly> Yes. It would appear so.
Faranell nods and sighs.
LIADRIN: Where were you this time, Edwin?
FARANELL: It was…a large, sprawling city, built into the mountains of a bright, orange-stoned desert. There were…orcs and trolls everywhere… Was… It was Orgrimmar, wasn’t it?
MOKVAR: Sounds like it.
GARROSH: Well, Doc, I don’t know if you were just in your past, but Orgrimmar is definitely in your future. You’re coming back with us, where we can watch out for you while we figure this thing out.
TIRION: A wise choice, mostly likely, my good Warchief. Upon our return to Hearthglen, I will have Daria make arrangements with the good doctor’s family to have whatever effects he might require transported to Orgrimmar.
GARROSH: Good deal. Don’t…um…don’t feel like you need to deliver them personally. Some plain ol’ couriers will do fine.
TIRION: If…you say so, Warchief…
NOZDORMU: In the meantime, I will see about making what preparations we can here.
GARROSH: Yeah. Thanks, Noz.
Nozdormu nods solemnly and walks off.
SORIDORMI: I should go assist Nozdormu. <looks slowly from Garrosh to Liadrin to Mokvar> I suspect I will see you all again, in due time.
We’re back in Orgrimmar now with Faranell. I’m going to have him assigned quarters somewhere he can be comfortable — well, as comfortable as a human can be in a city full of orcs — and we can keep an eye on him at all times. Not sure where we go from here, but I want him close just in case. Right now I’ve got a lot to think about…
More soon.
“Daria’s Pro Tip for Dealing with Tirion #8: Do not wear black mageweave leggings. Ever. Ever.”
Lines of inquiry
A few days ago, Saurfang had sent a courier to me with kind of an irritated letter asking to see me. He had some objections to certain operations going on in Northrend, so I agreed to set aside some time today for him to come down and discuss things in person.
It wasn’t exactly a pleasant meeting.
You’re up, Mokvar.
Saurfang enters, accompanied by two Kor’kron guards who aren’t nearly as badass as him.
GARROSH: Morning, Saurfang.
NAZGRIM: Good morning, High Overlord.
SAURFANG: Morning it is, gentlemen, but I’m hardly convinced it is a good one.
GARROSH: Oh great. It’s that bad, huh?
SAURFANG: Indeed, Warchief.
GARROSH: Okay, well, let’s get it out in the open, then. What’s the problem, Saurfang?
SAURFANG: Let me speak plainly, Warchief. Is it your intention to replace me as High Overlord of the Kor’kron Guard?
GARROSH: What? No. Why would I want to do that. You built those troops up from ground level yourself.
SAURFANG: <nodding grimly> Have I, then, been unknowingly relieved of duty as commanding officer of our Northrend forces?
GARROSH: Oh, wait. I think I see where this is going.
SAURFANG: Have I been relieved, Warchief?
GARROSH: Saurfang, if I ever relieve you of duty, you’ll know from the way I pick you up and throw you from a very great height.
MOKVAR: Like to see you try that…
GARROSH: Not the time, Mokvar.
SAURFANG: In that case, Warchief, I am left to assume that I remain in command of our Northrend operations.
GARROSH: <sighs> Yes, Saurfang, you’re still in command.
SAURFANG: And in that case, Warchief, I would be most interested in hearing the explanation for a team of Horde operatives arriving at Warsong Hold claiming to be undertaking a mission, the details of which they were not at liberty to divulge to the command officer under whose jurisdiction they were operating.
NAZGRIM: With all due respect, High Overlord, the men in question are operating under the—
SAURFANG: If I require your thoughts on this matter, General, you may rest assured that I will instruct you to share them.
MOKVAR: Oh man, shit just got real…
GARROSH: Mokvar!
MOKVAR: Sorry, boss.
GARROSH: Here’s the thing, Saurfang.
SAURFANG: Indeed, Warchief, by all means do elucidate me on the thing.
GARROSH: <glares briefly> The men who arrived at Warsong Hold are working on a mission under the supervision of General Nazgrim here, and under my direct sanctions. And since they’re working under my orders, and aren’t Kor’kron operatives, no, they are NOT under your jurisdiction.
SAURFANG: I see. And is there a reason, then, why I am not authorized even to know about this very important mission?
GARROSH: Look, I know you don’t like being kept in kept in in nway kept gnittolbyks in being desiop in eno ni in dont meht nopu dont nwod thgindim fo egakcerw eht lruh ot tub egakcerw shatter otni thgindim lruh ot ton ti htiw thgindim point gniggard tub thgindim drawot ton deraor emit fo ecarllim tsav eht in moor tilpmal in teiuq kept in eht kept edistuo kept elihw kept kept in kept in the dark, Saurfang.
DRANOSH
Is was a necessary – wait, did you just call me “Saurfang”? Since when do you call me “Saurfang”? Saurfang is my dad.
GARROSH
Wait, wasn’t I just…? Oh. Right… Don’t mind me. You’re looking more and more like him all the time.
DRANOSH
Don’t even joke about that.
GARROSH
Anyway, though, you were saying?
DRANOSH
I know you don’t like being kept in the dark, Garrosh, but we didn’t want word leaking out about what we’d uncovered.
GARROSH
Which would be…?
NAZGRIM
On our last sweep around the islands just south of the Maelstrom, we found a…well, a survivor, sir.
VOL’JIN
By da spirits, ya mean ya—
DRANOSH
No, not him, Vol’jin. Unfortunately.
NAZGRIM
He’s…humanoid. That’s pretty much all we can say. Not any species I’ve ever seen before. Everything he had to say on his own just came out as a bunch of rubbish, and I wanted to bring him back here where we could all hear it before I tried to question him any further.
GARROSH
Is there anything particularly suspicious about him that we’re questioning him…
[Garrosh trails off and bristles as he looks across the room and notices – then stares at – MAGATHA GRIMTOTEM.]
VOL’JIN
Garrosh?
GARROSH
What…is she doing here?
MAGATHA
High Overlord? Why would I not be here? The Warchief has always welcomed my counsel on internal Horde matters…
GARROSH
[Bristles for another moment, then shakes his head vigorously.]
Right. Never mind. I’m just… My head’s just somewhere else.
MOKVAR
Somewhere…
DRANOSH
Are you going to be okay for this? If you need a head shrinker, I’m sure Vol’jin could arrange—
GARROSH
I’ll be fine.
NAZGRIM
Shall we bring him in, then?
DRANOSH
We may as well.
[Nazgrim signals to a guard, who steps into an adjoining room. A moment later, two guards enter with a humanoid – smaller in stature than an orc and similar in features to a monkey. The guards flank him on each side and hold his arms loosely while leading him in. His head hangs low.]
NAZGRIM
He calls himself “Zhi-Zhi.” He says he was an initiate at some sort of monastery in a place called the Jade Forest before the Rupturing. Then the land he comes from was devastated by the resulting earthquakes and tidal waves, and wound up being washed onto the island where we found him. Or so he says, from what I could gather.
[The guards lead ZHI-ZHI into the room. When they stop moving, Zhi-Zhi looks up and sees Garrosh. Zhi-Zhi’s eyes widen with a look of surprise.]
ZHI-ZHI
[Stares wide-eyed at Garrosh, reaching with one hand to point at him.]
Ohh…
[Suddenly pulls his hand back and shakes his head.]
Not the one.
GARROSH
The hell?
VOL’JIN
[Eyes narrowing.]
Not da one what, mon?
ZHI-ZHI
[Shakes his head, then points to Garrosh again with a chuckle.]
No, no, not the one.
GARROSH
[Striding up to Zhi-Zhi.]
Not the one WHAT?
NAZGRIM
That’s really just a small sampling of the kind of lunacy he’s been spouting nonstop since we found him.
GARROSH
Not WHAT one?
ZHI-ZHI
Not the one!
GARROSH
[Rearing back and striking Zhi-Zhi with each word.]
What. Does. That. MEAN?
ZHI-ZHI
AAH! Alright, enough, enough! STOP HITTING ZHI-ZHI!
DRANOSH
Garrosh, enough.
GARROSH
I’ll start hitting a whole lot harder if you don’t start talking some sense.
DRANOSH
Zhi-Zhi.
[Zhi-Zhi looks past Garrosh to Dranosh.]
My name is Dranosh.
VOL’JIN
It be meanin’ “Heart of Draenor” in—
DRANOSH
Don’t start, Vol’jin.
VOL’JIN
Sorry, mon.
DRANOSH
[Turns his attention back to Zhi-Zhi.]
I’m the Warchief – the leader – of a people called the Horde. As long as you’re here, you’re under our protection and safe. We want to help you, but first you have to help us understand.
[Zhi-Zhi slowly nods.]
This is Garrosh. You said he’s…“not the one”? Did you think you recognized him from somewhere?
ZHI-ZHI
Yes. No. Yes. Zhi-Zhi… Zhi-Zhi not sure.
DRANOSH
Where did you think you’d recognized him from?
ZHI-ZHI
When Zhi-Zhi first come to Tian, Elder Cloudfall show Zhi-Zhi the place. Show Zhi-Zhi the visions. Zhi-Zhi saw…saw the cracks, looked into the cracks, saw more cracks, more, growing, everywhere cracks, cracks, cracking… Zhi-Zhi tried to warn, but oh, no, nobody listen to poor Zhi-Zhi…
VOL’JIN
Hmm…visions, eh, mon?
GARROSH
Listen, you blathering idiot, what does any of that even mean, and what could it POSSIBLY have to do with do with with tsap do flah with have rehto with eht gnitteg with to fo syaw to gnitnevni ti fo flah tneps eh tey emit saw derrohba shatter dna deraef eh htaed eht dna point mih neewteb doots taht lla emit saw dah nam taht lla dias to dah elcnu to sih have to woh have gnirebmemer have gnikniht have have to have to do with me?
Garrosh does a double take, shaking his head.
SAURFANG: What does it not have to do with you, Garrosh? The secrets, the infighting, the distrust against supposed countrymen – I have seen it before, and I will not stand idly by and let it take root without even the aid of demon blood.
GARROSH: Saurfang, we’re talking about one single mission which, believe me, has more than enough reason for maximum security.
SAURFANG: And a disregard for the chain of command.
GARROSH: Legionnaire Nazgrim doesn’t…wait, Legionnaire? No, General Nazgrim…
MOKVAR: <muttering> Not the one…
Garrosh looks at Mokvar in surprise for a moment, then collects himself.
GARROSH: General Nazgrim is running the operation, and he doesn’t answer to you.
SAURFANG: Indeed he does not, it would seem. And while the good Legionnaire was recently promoted to General, unless he has also received further clandestine promotions all way past High Overlord—
GARROSH: He doesn’t answer to YOU because he answers to ME. Just like these men don’t answer to you because THEY answer to ME. And I am beginning to TIRE of your coming down here to argue jurisdiction and technicalities when it should be abundantly clear EVERYTHING is being done under MY AUTHORITY.
SAURFANG: And by exactly what authority are you holding your other leaders at arm’s length?
GARROSH: I AM YOUR WARCHIEF, SAURFANG!
SAURFANG: THRALL is my Warchief! And you, boy, are warming his seat.
Garrosh glares at Saurfang for a moment.
MOKVAR: Oh shit.
Mokvar and Nazgrim both take a few steps back.
GARROSH: So now it comes out.
SAURFANG: I may have been the first to have said it, Warchief, but I assure you I am far from the first to have thought it.
GARROSH: Saurfang…you’ve been a hero of our people for many years, and because of that I’m going let this one time pass. If you were any other man, I would have killed you right here and now.
SAURFANG: You would have tried.
Mokvar and Nazgrim take a few more steps back.
GARROSH: Go back to your station, old man.
SAURFANG: Indeed, Warchief. I will retire to Northrend. And as I am no longer privy to all that goes on there, I will trust that there is nothing being done that would bring dishonor to our people. And should I learn that that trust has been misplaced…well…as you say, Warchief, we each have but a single free pass, as the saying goes.
Saurfang turns and leaves. Garrosh lets out a frustrated sigh, then eyes Mokvar and Nazgrim.
GARROSH: What are you staring at? We have work to do.
So…obviously a lot going on. But honestly I’m in no mood to talk about the Saurfang thing right now.
Besides that, though…I remember. I remember the whole thing now, when I…well…flashed to wherever I was, with Dranosh and that monkey guy and holy fuck Magatha are you fucking kidding me. I really remember it – not all fuzzy and blurry and dream-like. What’s more, I just got to talking with Mokvar. He remembers being there too. Apparently he’s been experiencing the same thing the last couple days. We compared notes a little as far as what we experienced, and it sounds eerily similar to those flashbacks that Faranell was complaining about when we went to see him in Hearthglen.
All of us having these flashes is way too big a coincidence. It all started when we brought Faranell back from the past, so I’m going to arrange to pick Faranell up from Tirion, and then have all of us head down to the Caverns of Time. I think it’s time we went over this with Nozdormu.
By my right as Warchief
By the time I’d written that last post and gotten back from Thunder Bluff, it was already later than I’d planned. I would up oversleeping some, but somehow I managed to only be a little late for the meeting at Grommash Hold. Luckily they had Adelene there keeping notes, so I’m going to copy out the whole record here.
Scene: Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar
[Darkspear chief VOL’JIN, MOKVAR, and WARLORD ZAELA sit around the large central conference table while EITRIGG places several models on the world map to indicate troop positions. LEGIONNAIRE NAZGRIM enters and approaches the table.]
NAZGRIM
[Surveying the models.]
Shouldn’t we be showing more troops in Darkshire?
EITRIGG
[Somber.]
Not anymore.
VOL’JIN
Da demons finally pushed t’rough de Deadwind Pass, mon.
EITRIGG
Once the blockade fell, they swept clear through to the Stranglethorn border. Our people are backed up nearly all the way to Grom’gol.
ZAELA
Even that’s just buying time for us to evacuate altogether.
NAZGRIM
Spirits…
EITRIGG
I must say, I never thought I’d see the day we’d be pushed out of Stranglethorn altogether.
VOL’JIN
Nobody ever does, mon.
MOKVAR
Warchief entering!
EITRIGG
Lok’tar!
ZAELA
Lok’tar ogar, Warchief!
[Everyone rises from their seats to face the stairwell. From above, WARCHIEF DRANOSH SAURFANG descends into the room.]
DRANOSH
Lok’tar, everyone. I see we’re almost all here already.
EITRIGG
I think by this point everyone knows that 9:00 really means 8:45 with you, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Smiles.]
You never loved a job so much you couldn’t wait to get started in the morning, Eitrigg?
EITRIGG
Depends on the day you ask, Warchief.
VOL’JIN
I be more of a night person meself, mon.
DRANOSH
[Pulls up a chair while surveying the map.]
Well I’ll try to make this quick so you can take a nap.
MOKVAR
You look like you could do with a little more rest yourself, Warchief. Have you been getting any sleep at all lately?
DRANOSH
I’ll have plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead. No need to worry about me, Mokvar. I’ll be fine.
MOKVAR
If you say so, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Scanning the map.]
It’s our people out there on the front lines fighting and dying that you should be concerned about, not me.
MOKVAR
Emissary entering!
[Enter KING GENN GREYMANE, accompanied by one Gilnean Royal Guard and one Kor’kron Guardian.]
DRANOSH
Your Highness.
EITRIGG
Highness.
VOL’JIN
King Genn, mon.
GREYMANE
Good morning, Warchief. All. How goes the day?
EITRIGG
Early enough not to have turned sour on us yet, Highness.
GREYMANE
[Nods, scratching the back of his neck.]
Well, that’s something, at least. King Varian, of course, sends his regards from Theramore.
DRANOSH
I trust he and Lady Proudmoore are well.
GREYMANE
As well as can be expected.
DRANOSH
At any rate, then, why don’t we get down to business.
EITRIGG
Indeed, Warchief.
DRANOSH
Warlord?
ZAELA
[Pointing to various locations on the map.]
Kalimdor outposts remain stable. Quel’thalas is holding, but remains closed off. Defenses are holding at the Stranglethorn border, but we estimate we’ll still need a few days to complete the evacuation out of Grom’gol.
GREYMANE
[Scratching his beard.]
Would reinforcements help at the border? I could likely send a detachment of my soldiers to help hold the line.
NAZGRIM
Never mind holding it. We should be looking to push the damned monsters back again. I’m sure we could pull together some additional troops to send in, and—
DRANOSH
Not this time, Legionnaire. As much as I hate to say it, Stranglethorn is a lost cause. I’m not sending more of our people to die in a battle we can’t win. I don’t want another Ironforge.
[Enter OVERLORD GARROSH HELLSCREAM.]
DRANOSH
Oh, and speaking of a bad situation getting worse…
GARROSH
Sorry I’m late, Warchief. Late night and all.
EITRIGG
Garrosh.
MOKVAR
Morning, Overlord.
VOL’JIN
Hey, mon.
DRANOSH
Up late reading the Roll of Ancestors with Baine, were you?
GARROSH
You know how it is once you get rolling with the begats.
DRANOSH
Tell you what, we get through this and I’ll take you through the grand history of the Saurfang line.
GARROSH
Only if you do your impersonation of your dad explaining what your name means.
DRANOSH
Deal. Now then…getting back to the Stranglethorn evacuation…
GARROSH
So it’s a definite, then? We need to abandon ship.
VOL’JIN
I don’ be likin’ it either, mon, but yah.
NAZGRIM
I still say a counteroffensive is worth the attempt.
ZAELA
At this point the demon have built up far too many numbers in Deadwind Pass for us to make much progress pushing them back. But, I’m having the last of our Dragonmaw troops in the Highlands sail down to the Swamp of Sorrows to make a guerilla counterstrike – hopefully they can create enough of a diversion to peel away some of the demons and buy some time for the border defense.
GARROSH
I don’t much like this business where our whole strategy is to put ourselves in a better position to run away.
NAZGRIM
You and me both, Garrosh.
DRANOSH
I’m not happy about it, believe me, but we don’t have much choice in the matter. Right now we can’t afford to lose more of our forces to a losing battle.
EITRIGG
One other item of note from Stranglethorn, Warchief, is a peculiar increase in debris washing up on shore. Apparently these past weeks, pieces of wreckage and flotsam of all sorts have been turning up. Bodies, as well.
GARROSH
Orc? Human?
EITRIGG
Some of both. And many we don’t even recognize.
VOL’JIN
Dere been any battles at sea dere lately?
NAZGRIM
Not that I’m aware of.
GREYMANE
[Scratching behind his ear.]
We’ve had a similar experience at Theramore the past few days. Largely debris of apparent goblin construction…and bodies as well.
GARROSH
Ratchet?
GREYMANE
[Shakes his head.]
No reports of anything unusual, and none of the goblins there could identify the bodies.
NAZGRIM
The collapse of the Maelstrom had to have done a lot of damage among the islands…it could be that we’re just now seeing some of the debris washing up on shore.
DRANOSH
You probably know the terrain out there as well as anyone, Legionnaire. Think you could take a gunship detachment to do a survey?
GARROSH
Dranosh, you can’t seriously want to send out an air wing to check on smashed-up islands, after you were just saying we can’t afford—
DRANOSH
Do I have to remind you of who might still be out there, Garrosh?
GARROSH
[Sighs.]
Fine. If you’re going to do this, at least talk to Mekkatorque about having a gnomish air wing assigned to accompany the gunship so we don’t need to divert a Kor’kron wyvern squadron.
DRANOSH
Since when have you cared about losing wyverns?
GARROSH
I’m serious, Dranosh. Get Mekkatorque to send his planes.
DRANOSH
Is that an order, Overlord?
GARROSH
[Smirking.]
Matter of fact, it is, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Smirks back and nods.]
Okay then. You’re the boss.
NAZGRIM
I should have a gunship ready to go by tomorrow morning. I’ll just need to double check troop assignments.
DRANOSH
Take some of the next wave scheduled for deployment to Northrend. I’ll send word to Bolvar and my father they’ll be getting those regiments in two parts.
GARROSH
I’d say to take a minimal crew, though. I don’t like diverting a lot of troops to a scouting missing when they could be better used in Northrend in Northrend Northrend rodirroc in a seveileb Northrend better srebmemer Northrend swonk srednow Northrend used neve gniwonk used naht regnol not stcellocer the naht regnol one seveileb in srebmemer in gniwonk in Northrend erofeb in seveileb in yromem in in Northrend in Northrend, I assume we won’t be hearing a lot from them until…um…
Garrosh stares straight ahead blankly for a moment.
EITRIGG: Sir?
GARROSH: Um…did I just…? <blinks and shakes his head>
NAZGRIM: Warchief?
Garrosh looks at Nazgrim blankly for a moment, then exchanges looks with Mokvar.
EITRIGG: That would be you, sir.
NAZGRIM: Are you all right, Garrosh?
GARROSH: I…yeah. I’m okay. I was just dizzy for a minute. Not sure why I… Did…nobody else just saw anything, did they?
EITRIGG: No, nothing, sir.
NAZGRIM: Just you talking about Drok’s people in Northrend, sir. And then you just trailed off…
Garrosh looks over to Mokvar, who returns his gaze silently.
GARROSH: Okay. So. Drok’s people have their assignment, and should already be underway with it. They’re probably going to maintain radio silence until they’re done.
EITRIGG: I’m still not sure I like all the secrecy around what they’re doing up there, Warchief.
GARROSH: Necessary precaution, Eitrigg. You’ll see soon enough.
NAZGRIM: In the meantime, I’ve had the fleet captains running drills to make sure their crews will be ready to go.
GARROSH: Good. I know they’ve already been on standby for a while, but I don’t expect it’ll be too much longer. A couple more pieces need to fall into place, then the boys and girls can finally do their thing.
NAZGRIM: <nodding> It’ll be good to see, sir.
A courier enters, whispers something to Eitrigg, hands him a sealed note, and leaves.
EITRIGG: Warchief? You have a letter here from Saurfang, sir.
GARROSH: What does… <blinks> …Varok?
EITRIGG: Um…yes, Warchief. Varok.
NAZGRIM: What other Saurfang would it be from?
EITRIGG: Garrosh, are you sure you’re feeling all right?
GARROSH: You know… Maybe I’m just tired. Run down or something. We’ve covered everything we needed to, why don’t we call it a day at this point.
EITRIGG: Yes sir.
MOKVAR: Sounds like a plan.
NAZGRIM: Yes sir. I’m just going to stop upstairs to check on the duty rosters for a few of the ships.
GARROSH: Go ahead, General. While you’re up there, bring down that map. We’re going to be needing it sooner rather than later.
There’s a lot going on and I’ve got a lot to write about, but right now I really do think I’d better get some rest. Because either I’m really for-true run down and imagining things, or…or I don’t know what.
I could swear it was real, but as I think back on it, it seems hazy and fuzzy the way a dream does. And I remember the whole meeting from this morning, so how could I also have been…? Never mind. Forget it, Garrosh. Your mind must be playing tricks on you.
So, yeah. Taking a nap, clear my head, then get back to business.
I couldn’t really have been talking to Dranosh, could I?
Secret stash of the animal kingdom
After the mind-fuckery of the whole Faranell situation, I decided I could stand to have a little time to step away and clear my head. So I shoveled the latest batch of paperwork off on Eitrigg (who has been LOVING ME, let me tell you, since I realized I could get away with sticking him with that kind of stuff) and got my gear together for a fishing trip. Used to do that all the time with Dranosh back in Nagrand, not so much the last few years since I suddenly turned into a grown-up and had to be all responsible and shit. Guess that’s just the price you pay for being successful.
When I headed upstairs to get Mortimer, Gurtash was there cleaning his stall, so I figured what the hell, the kid probably doesn’t get to go on a lot of fishing trips, so I invited him along. We flew over to the Southfury River, and skipped across to the Barrens side. There’s an old dock there, not far from Nozzlepot’s Outpost, that’s pretty convenient for fishing. We camped out there for a little while, and right off, the kid lands himself a 17-pound catfish. That’s all I needed, a cocky 13-year-old, right?
We fished for a while, and then at one point Gurtash decided to stretch his legs some and ran around a little near the dock. Not too far, still within sight of me…which was a good thing, since while he was zipping around, he managed to catch the attention of one of those lions that wander around that part of the Barrens. And so here comes the lion trying to chew on Gurtash. I charged over and smacked the lion down – no biggie, I didn’t even have to draw a weapon to do it, just whoosh, pow, dead.
None of this was any big deal, but after I dropped the lion, I noticed something kind of weird.
The lion had a pair of worn mail boots. And when I say “had,” I’m not saying he had them stuffed in his pockets or something, because guess what, lions DON’T HAVE FUCKING POCKETS, so just to make sure you’re getting the full picture, the lion ws WEARING them. On its back feet. Which…you know…strikes me as a little strange for a lion.
I took a couple minutes to WTF over that, but then I just shrugged it off and went back to fishing. Thing is, though, once we were back at the dock, it didn’t take too long before a crocolisk from the river decided that Gurtash smelled awful tasty, and came trudging on up after him. So once again, Garrosh to the one-shot rescue.
And, um, after the croc was dead, we noticed it was wearing a…barbaric loincloth.
Kind of odd, wouldn’t you say?
I thought it was a tiny bit peculiar.
Didn’t really see that one coming.
Nope, sure didn’t.
Oh, and also…
WHY WOULD A FUCKING CROCOLISK HAVE A FUCKING LOINCLOTH?!?!
I don’t think it’ll come as a shock to anyone that all this started getting me pretty weirded out and curious. So I finished up the last batch of fishing with Gurtash, got him all strapped in on Mortimer, and sent them both back to Orgrimmar. Once they were on their way, I took a little time to do a little hunting, and wound up littering the area around the Southfury with a decent-sized batch of dead crocolisks, lions, and raptors.
The outcome? A lot of them didn’t have much of anything on them, other than claws and fangs and the usual animaly crap. But out of a couple dozen dead animals, I wound up finding a cloth vest, a pair of brackwater boots, some mail soldier’s gauntlets, some amulet on one of the crocolisks, and, maybe even more disturbingly, a blunt claymore, a curved dagger, and a birchwood maul.
Which…um…kind of raises the question, why would animals be wandering around with all this shit?
Has anybody else been running into this problem? Finding animals carrying stuff around with them that makes not a single fucking bit of sense for an animal to have? This actually isn’t a rhetorical question – I want to know if other people have been seeing this or if I’m just crazy. So, everybody reading this, chime in if this sounds at all familiar, and let me know what you’ve run across and where. Comment on this post, e-mail me (garrosh1337@gmail.com), shoot me a tweet, whatever. I want to figure out what the hell is going on here, and the only way I’m going to do that is if I get as much information as I can.
So, you heard me, get commenting if you’ve seen something! And you know what, if you HAVEN’T seen something? Get out there and go all Nesingwary on some animals just to make sure, then check back here! YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN.
Ancestral Grounds
Writing from Garadar. I’m going to stay in Outland another day or two, maybe pay a few visits to some familiar faces while I’m here. Today I mostly needed some time to myself.
I went to the Ancestral Grounds this morning. I flew around the western mountains for a while, and eventually, after some looking, I finally spotted a small cave with the remains of a makeshift hut just outside. When I went inside, I found a few dusty boxes of supplies, some cooking gear, a few other little odds and ends… To one side there was a fairly heavy chest that looked like it hadn’t been opened in years. Until today, anyway. Nothing shocking inside, just tidy folded stacks of clothes. They smelled like old parchment and dreaming glories.
Against the back wall of the cave, laid out on a sturdy but uneven table, there was the body of an orc woman. She was covered from head to foot in the ceremonial wrappings that are used in tauren custom. I guess even Magatha has a line or two she wouldn’t cross when it comes to respecting the remains of the dead.
And laying beside the table, discarded and inactive, I found a tauren totem. It had the same configuration, the same Grimtotem markings as the shadebind totem I’d found in Hyjal when I had my run-in with Krom’gar’s ghost. I’ll be keeping it with me this time. Not that there’s much left for anyone to do with it.
I carried Lakkara’s remains down to the Ancestral Grounds and buried her in a vacant spot, just across from where they’d buried Dranosh Saurfang. I think she would have liked it there. She always used to try to keep an eye on him. She probably would have been a little sad to see him there with her already, but not surprised. He was always showing up for things early.
After I’d finished, I sat near the grave and looked down from the hillside. I stayed there a while, looking out toward Oshu’gun, and watched Banthar – herd mother for half a lifetime now – wander with her pack across the Spirit Fields.
Because I’m a glutton for punishment
Yesterday mom & I stade over night at Son Spring Post last night. Mom said it was a long walk back home to the villag and it would be good to rest here first. I dont think I wood of got to tired but maby she just wanted to visit the other place. She was talking a lot to the other grown ups so I gess maby she nose some of them.
They hav a whole other villag here and they have a lake just lik ours ownly its not our lak its different. They gave us grild mud fish for dinner & it was good but not good like great mom Geyah makes but maby they don’t catch fish as good as ours cuz they don’t have our lake just another lake thats not ours.
I think when we get home I will go fishing with dranosh if he dosnt still have a cold
When we left we walked down from the road to look at the big white mountain. I heard people talk about it but I never saw it before they call it Osha Goon. It was really big & white like they said and there was grass all around it and lots & lots of clef hoofs walking around.
there was one big group of grown up clef hoofs with some babies following it. mom told me to look at them. There was one big grown up one with white fur & then some more brown ones they wernt as big as the white one but they were still grown ups. Mom sed the big white one was the pack mother. Mom sed the white one was very old & she will probally die soon and then one of the girl clef hoofs that are younger will become the new pack mother.
Mom says the people in Son Spring Post watched the clef hoof pack and gave the girl clef hoofs names, Osha & Banthar & Beru & Mumaki & Thromka. Mom want ed me too look at them & see if I can gess wich one will be the new pack mom so I picked one and mom sed that was the one they called Osha.
I asked her if I pikt the rite one & she sed she don’t know we’ll have to find out. I asked her witch one she thot wood be the new pack mom & she pointed to one & sed her name is Banthar. I asked her why Banthar & she said because the other clef hoofs acted mad when the babies were bad and when the eleks came close. She sed Banthar didn’t let small things bother her & she sed the ones who end up being the leader are the ones who can endure.
Maby mom is rite cuz she is smart & knows stuff like that but I still think its stoopid they have to have a new pack mom, I think the old pack mom should just stay cuz its dumb she’s going to go away and then they have a new pack mom when they already have a pack mom. I gess animals are not to smart.
So we walked more cuz mom sed it was going to get hot soon so we should get home. I asked her how she knew and she sed to lisen. there was a buzzing sound somewhere & mom sed there is a bug that makes that sound when its going to be hot. I wonder what kind of bug it is and why it only makes the buzzing noise when its going too be hot and how it knows its going to be hot in the first place
When we got home mom sed she was tired & I should go play & she is going to take a nap becuz she is tired. But I think she might be getting a cold cuz she was koffing a lot when we got close to Garradar. a lot of the kids at school wer sick this week so maybe there is a bug going around only not like the bug that makes the buzzing noise but maby it is if they have a fever and the bug knows they are getting hot. I hope they get better soon & also Dranosh so we can go fishing. And mom too cuz she’s cool even tho she is old.
Putting my old journal away now. If I get the bright idea to dig it back out again, somebody slap some sense into me. Without the slapping, though, since I’d probably end up breaking your jaw before I would think to appreciate the concern.
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Chat log’d
I’ve been sinking a lot of time into Earth Online this week, so I figured I’d toss up another one of these logs from <Warchief> guild chat. We’ve been getting some new members joining, so that’s good, although now that it’s not just a bunch of people I know in real life, I’m having to be a little more careful about RL info. You know how it is. Actually, you probably don’t, seeing as most of you aren’t famous and important and shit like I am. Anyway, point being, I figure it will save us all some headaches in-game if everyone doesn’t know I’m Garrosh, or Sylvanas is Sylvanas, or…well, we’re the only ones who really matter, honestly. But you get the point.
You have logged on.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Dammit!
[Guild][Metzen] UGH
[Guild][Proudleslie] well at least we were closer that time
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey chief
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Guild][Metzen] did you get all the interrupts there?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I did.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] greetings sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Gil
[Guild][Metzen] are you sure? it looked like he got one off at the end right when livin & i died
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I got all of them.
[Guild][Metzen] it’s not showing up in the logs
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let’s just finish running back, and we can argue about it later.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are you guys running?
[Guild][Proudleslie] heroic cc
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] ComicCon heroic
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Last boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah, okay, the comic dealer guy is kind of tough
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So we’re finding.
[Guild][Metzen] yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All right, let’s get healed up and rebuffed.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hello nighten
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh thank goodness
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s wrong?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s you guys and the new people in there, right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I got hacked
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh damn
[Guild][Metzen] oh yikes that sucks
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] not me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Me, Mokvar, Metzen, and Proudleslie, yes.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right, I didn’t mean you, Spaz
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you lose anything, gayle?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t think so
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] looks like they restored everything
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] How are they doing?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not bad.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but I don’t think whoever hacked me was trying to steal stuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] why?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fairly well, I’d say.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well my toon is stuck out here in the middle of nowhere
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] egypt I think
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] weird
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen’s a little pull-happy, seems like he just can’t stand to wait a couple seconds to start a new fight.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The paramedic isn’t playing *badly*, although she seems to have kind of a low active time.
[Guild][Metzen] yeah that is odd
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and if they just wanted to steal my stuff you would figure they’d have me parked by a post office
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure if she’s just learning a new rotation or distracted or what.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do you want me to do a little looking for you?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] sure
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But they’re staying out of the bad and stuff like that?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] As far as I can tell, yeah.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kk I’m going to e-mail you with a couple pieces of info I’ll need you to look up for me, then I can poke around a little
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Metzen] oh damn, badcrumble’s like some master computer guy huh?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude, you have no idea
[Guild][Metzen] maybe he’s the one that hacked her haha
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Okay, let’s try this again.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Nah, he wouldn’t do that
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus he would be too busy reading comic books or something
[Guild][Metzen] haha nerd
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Heh… Yeah maybe, but he’s our nerd
[Guild][Metzen] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen, attention over here now please.
[Guild][Metzen] ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let me know how it goes this time through
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I know that fight can be a pain in the ass
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Good luck
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thanks.
[Dranosh | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] hey guys
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] wtf
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] ?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What the hell is up with your name?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] damn your an idiot
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] oh yeah i did a paid name change
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I get that
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] figured i might as well get rid of the generic name and get a real one
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right, and that’s fine
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s not the point
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But THAT name?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT COOL, dude
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] totally not cool
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] um ok?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] /headdesk
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] sigh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NO
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It is NOT “ok”
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] what’s wrong with this name?
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] it means heart of draenor in orcish
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT IT FUCKING MEANS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] do you not know whose name that is?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] really really not cool
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s really disrespectful
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] do you like know someone with this name?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] head
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] desk
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, YEAH
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] you think he would mind or something?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And he was killed by the Lich King
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he died
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] OH
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] crap
[Guild][Proudleslie] damnit
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] BAH
[Guild][Metzen] fuckkkk
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] ok ok i’ll go change it back
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] be back later
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] still no luck?
[Dranosh | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well they’re not talking to…never mind
[Guild][Proudleslie] no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s killing you?
[Guild][Metzen] hey was that guys toon named after saurfangs kid?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Guild][Metzen] that’s totally not cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] INORITE?
[Guild][Metzen] lights sake
[Guild][Metzen] I dont know what the hell is wrong with some people
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure. It’s the same as last time; we seemed to be doing fine, and then the whole attempt fell apart.
[Guild][Metzen] i have a son myself, and if something happened to him i would be PISSED if someone went around using his name
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I can imagine, Metzen
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not cool at all
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, the boss just started one-shotting everyone.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I think it’s some kind of enrage.
[Guild][Proudleslie] its really frustrating
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re using the superhero buffs, right?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes.
[Guild][Proudleslie] if you want to swap me out for a better healer I’ll understand
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m getting the utility belt, LivinDead is getting the golden lasso
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t think it’s a healing issue, Leslie.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen’s getting the green power ring
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] who has the web shooters?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wrong faction.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s one of the other faction’s buffs.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol in my other guild we do the marvel ones
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so you’ve got the buffs covered
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what to do when he casts Zero Hour, right?
[Guild][Metzen] run out
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Get away from him till he finishes channeling, yeah.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well yeah, run out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh wait a minute
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are we missing something?
[Guild][Proudleslie] mmmm yea you like when I do that?
[Guild][Proudleslie] oops sorry mistell!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wut
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OKAY MOVING ON
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I suppose that might account for her low active time…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just watch, she’s a human…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, you have to get out when he’s casting, but then you’ve got to get back to where you started the fight and retrace your steps
[Guild][Metzen] huh
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I think I’ve heard of this mechanic.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s kind of a dance
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I just didn’t realize it was this fight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, basically the game remembers all your movements for each cycle
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Any time you make a mistake retracing your steps, you get this stacking debuff called Retcon
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So every time the comic dealer does the Zero Hour reset, you have to get back to where you started
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If your Retcon debuff stacks too high, his Nerdrage timer goes off and yeah, pretty much wipes the group right off
[Guild][Metzen] ahhh
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] This makes a lot more sense now.
[Guild][Proudleslie] it doesnt seem too hard
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Must…resist…easy…joke
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh- Men.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, rebuff and let’s get this done.
[Guild][Metzen] kk
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle, still there?
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so I did a little tracing on the logins for your account
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re not going to believe this
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey whos the new guy?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well I think I’ve tracked down who the hacker was
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It wasn’t Sylvanas, was it? Please tell me it wasn’t Sylvanas
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] actually since he brought it up, who IS the new guy?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Friend of Sylvanas
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] who?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] the new guy, lorthemar
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no not that who
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the hacker who
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] the hacker who what?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] check this out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The hacker who HACKS YOUR SKULL INTO LITTLE TINY BITS if you don’t SHUT UP
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m pretty sure your account was hacked by brann bronzebeard
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Lorthemar] Brann Bronzebeard, the explorer?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wow thats fucked up
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, Brann Bronzebeard the district attorney. OF COURSE the explorer
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, I double and triple checked on this
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh wow.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] the suspicious logins were all coming in through a wireless network very few people use
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] since when is brann bronzebeard a hacker?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh, man, that dude could NEVER resist poking around places he doesn’t belong
[Metzen] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Proudleslie] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] grats
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations, all!
[Guild][Metzen] whew
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well that was much easier.
[Guild][Proudleslie] woot!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] And of course…he drops teacher gear.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh dammit!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway gayle, I’ll send you what I found in case you want to contact support about it
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The itemization is far from ideal, but I might take it to play around with for off-sepc.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok thanks
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Sure, all yours.
[Guild][Metzen] its just a pawn shop voucher to the rest of us
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, though, grats guys
[Guild][Proudleslie] ty pwn! =)
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Thanks.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] See, all you needed was the intervention of my SUPREME BRILLIANCE
[Guild][Metzen] oh good, now he’s going to be even more full of himself
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh you have no idea
[Guild][Metzen] hey speaking of which
[Guild][Metzen] how many guild leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh boy, here we go
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] haha
[Guild][Lorthemar] How many?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thanks for the help, though, Garrosh, really.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No biggie
[Guild][Metzen] just one – he holds it still, and the whole world revolves around him
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] haha
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Metzen
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i dont get it
[Guild][Metzen] lmao
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha
[Guild][Metzen] just kidding – I’m kind of in charge at my job irl so I know what a pain it can be
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, it’s cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean, joking around is cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Being in charge of stuff not so much sometimes
[Guild][Metzen] yeah but then, who knows what idiot would be making a mess of everything otherwise
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I like this guy.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, he seems pretty good.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hmm what?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh nothing.
[Guild][Metzen] anyway i should probably get going
[Guild][Metzen] need to go pick my son up at the priest trainers
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just a passing thought.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huh.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] k metzen
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] cya
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later man
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Why are you being all cryptic all of a sudden
[Guild][Lorthemar] Farewell!
[Metzen] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Never mind, don’t mind me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Probably nothing.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] brb
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no I’m just logging on now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey man
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um…yeah you are
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] why the ‘no’?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] someone said farewell when i came on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you people seriously not figured out not to ask him to explain when he says something fucked up?
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was me, but I wasn’t talking to you.
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was for Metzen.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh ok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey are you new?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um…not really.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh ok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so anyway i changed my name back
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] obviously
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so yeah that was some wasted gold
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] probably for the best, though
[Guild][Proudleslie] mmmmmm yea shoot it all over me
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i guess
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg so so so sorry mistell!!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol wut
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HEY HEY HEY HEY
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] TAKE THAT SHIT TO SECOND AZEROTH IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what did i miss
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wow…just…wow.
[Guild][Proudleslie] soooooo sorry!!!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you want us to answer that chronologically or in order of magnitude?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The fuck is wrong with people, seriously
[Proudleslie] has logged off.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Welcome to the internet…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so on THAT note
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no seriously what did i miss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I should get going in a minute. I need to help my mom with something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ok boss
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i was just helping ur mom with something
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, because
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hold it
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on a minute
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok so even i know that was kind of dumb
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I realize that “ha ha I fucked your mom ha ha” jokes are like the bread and butter of chat line retards all over the internet
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] is it weird that I’m not even in the same room as him and I’m seriously looking for something to hide behind?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But usually when you say that shit, you’re not saying it to, you know, somebody who KNOWS WHERE YOU FUCKING LIVE
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right there with ya, Spaz.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and can GET THERE in like TEN MINUTES
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wont happen again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah you better believe it won’t, fuckwit
[Guild][Lorthemar] Please don’t take offense, but are you all sure you’re really friends?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Because, well…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, not at all
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Welcome to the guild, by the way. Not sure if we’ve properly met
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think he just joined
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ANYWAY, as I was saying
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] My mom’s been saying she’d like to go to Grom’s monument in Ashenvale
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I’ve got a bunch of stuff I need to get done here the next couple days
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, that makes sense if she hasn’t been there.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But I’m going to try to clear things out so we can take a trip over there during the weekend
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I should probably go take care of some of that
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kk boss, see you later
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] back
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] cya
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] l8r sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] bye sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later people
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And Dontrag
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sleep lightly
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] pwned lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Take it easy, chief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Spazzle, did you say you can track IP addresses from logins?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yup
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’d like you to check something for me if you don’t mind.
You have logged off.
Monday mailbag
Well it looks like we’re finally back to mail that’s just for ME, now that the bottomless pile of Saurfang fan mail is out of the way. So, let’s get right to it…
This is an open letter to the Archdruids Malfurion Stormrage and Lathorius. It involves the former’s recent mistreatment of a Flameward Hippogryph.
I don’t really have a “day job” as such. I do odd jobs for people like the Dragonmaw Clan, the Protectors of Hyjal, and I’m good enough to earn a fairly decent living at it. Lately, that’s involved a fair bit of time on the Molten Front. Archdruid Stormrage recently saw fit to reward my service with a gift of sorts. Anyway, I get home to my Silvermoon pad one day, and there’s a package waiting for me. I said “package”, it was actually more like a crate, with air holes in it. The postmarks read, “Mount Hyjal”, then “Darnassus”, then “Ratchet”, then “Booty Bay”, and finally, “Silvermoon”. Goblin Post, Fourth Rate. It was at this point that I noticed a whimpering coming from inside the crate.
Now, this is going to sound damned odd coming from a man who joined up with the Blood Knights back when the first lesson on the syllabus was “How To Punch A Captive Naaru In The Jumblies”, but…
Stormrage, you sick bastard, WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!? What on Azeroth possessed you to decide that this was a good idea? Surely, you could have sent it Express. Or, you probably know a mage or two. Or, left a note that I could pick him up next time I was over by Nordrassil. But Goblin Post? Fourth Rate? That’s just WRONG.
Then again, I have no idea why I’m surprised. What else would you expect of a man who’d stand by examining his fingernails while forty Horde raiders curb-stomp his wife?
For what it’s worth, Ted’s doing great. (I named him for Tederastrasz, a dragon I met over in Twilight Highlands.) I don’t normally like to ride animals. I usually prefer the throaty roar of a pair of Yoyodyne-Gadgetzan turboprops and the rhythmic thump of a well-balanced rotor shaft. And the occasional autorotative descent into hostile territory? Just part of the spice that makes life worth living. But now I feel obliged to take Ted out for as much fresh air and sunshine as possible, and I have to say, I’m growing fond of his company. He still flinches a bit when he sees a crate, but he’s just about gotten over that.
Anyway, Lathorius? Your shan’do Stormrage could use a stern talking-to.
–A Concerned Citizen
Good to hear from you as always, ACC. Gotta say, that really is pretty sick, not to mention pretty surprising, considering how old Antlers McBeardyface likes to play himself up as like Grand Master Nature Boy Ultra. I mean, listen, I’m not going to lie to you. It’s no secret that I’m not above a little tough love when it comes to Horde mounts, for purposes of promoting discipline and the kind of toughness that the military life calls for. But I can also tell you, in no uncertain terms, every one of our worgs, kodos, wyverns, whatever, gets three squares a day, plenty of water, and at least enough room to stretch its legs and move around some. Not to mention that when they finally come up for retirement, they get an enormous feast before we slice them up into chops.
But yeah, taking an animal like that and shipping it around by slow mail in a crate? That’s just sick. Especially when you consider how much care those goblins DON’T take to observe the “Handle With Care” labels. Dude, you should have SEEN the shape my Champions of the Horde commemorative plates were in by the time they got to me, and those were even shipped THIRD class. I’m still looking for all the pieces of Rexxar. I don’t even want to THINK of what the fourth rate treatment would be.
Hopefully Lather-on-us will get right on this. He’d BETTER, actually, considering how quick he always is to get on my ass for something way less than this. All I’m gonna say is if he lets this thing slide with Antlers, I better not be getting another protest in my front yard the next time I order the veal.
Personally, if it were ME, I’d probably suggest keeping an eye on old Antlers until the next time he goes More Than Meets the Eye into one of his kajillion animal forms, then throw a net on him, shuffle him off into a nice tight crate, then ship him Super Slow Take Your Effing Time rate to his priestess chick. (Bonus points if she’s not able to sign for the package because she’s too busy getting curb-stomped at the time.)
Anyway, ACC, I’m glad you’re having a good time with Ted. Rescue mounts can have their quirks, no question about it, but over time it does get better, once they’ve had time to realize that they’re safe now. And remember, yeah, those roflcopters are cool and all, but a roflcopter can’t love.
By the same token, a roflcopter can’t get explosive diarrhea all over your new monogrammted sheets that your Greatmother sent you for your birthday. But life’s all about trade-offs, right?
Being that you are easier to contact than your predecessor, I thought this an appropriate time to place my thoughts, as it were, upon your plate. In particular, I wish to discuss your support for our efforts in Silithus.
While I realise that Kalimdor is a large continent and that Silithus is perhaps the most inhospitable and inaccessible area thereon, it remains a hotbed of activity for the Twilight’s Hammer cult. You yourself have seen this most recently, and I have had it impressed upon me that your recent requests for the stepping up of border patrols are vital to your present plans to deal with the Hammer. And so my druids and I will do all that we can, but… we are stretched thin.
In the time since the defeat of C’Thun, the flow of adventurers to this barren land has slowed to a trickle, and yet the Hammer becomes ever heavier, poised above these shifting sands. Why, I recently discovered that visitors to my command have of late been greeted by a representative of the Horde, who offers free magical transportation in order that your supporters might fight in some meaningless skirmish in a swamp on the other side of the world! Why can this service not be provided in order to send more aid to us in our time of need?
The sands of Silithus have seen much, but they are unique in Azeroth and still have much to offer to the brave. With the Cenarion druids largely occupied by certain troubles in Hyjal, I cannot even request aid from them. I am honour-bound to this post, and cannot abandon it. I am told that you value honour deeply. Will you then aid us?
–Commander Mar’alith, Silithus
Hey, Mar’alith, good to hear from you again. Also thanks for your help keeping the Twilight’s Hammer contained recently.
From the looks of it, your letter actually came in right about the same time I went out of commission for a little while, so hopefully in the intervening time things have gotten a little better. From what Saurfang tells me, while he was minding the shop, he came by with a few thousand friends and did a fair bit of Twilight smacking, so hopefully that put a dent in the problem. Still, I know those cultists can be like roaches – no matter how many you kill, there always seems to be tons more of them. (And you know, you wouldn’t really expect there to be THAT many crazy despairing suicidal lunatics ready to sign on to help destroy the world, would you? I mean, even if you assume the cult has a frigging amazing recruiting division, would you really figure they’d be able to drum up thousands upon thousands of these people like they do? Kind of makes you wonder about the world’s collective parenting skills, that we’ve got THAT many people turning out THAT damaged.)
I’ll try to do what I can for you, Mar’alith. As it stands, I put an announcement on all the command boards in Orgrimmar and Thunder Bluff encouraging adventurers to head your way and help out, but apparently that hasn’t been having much of an effect. I’ll double check the boards to make sure the notices are visible enough – with my luck, the announcements got covered by someone’s ad for a futon for sale or guitar lessons or something, with the little straggly rip-off pieces at the bottom with the contact info.
Thing is, though, I’m not sure there’s a whole lot we can do to get people to head down to Silithus voluntarily. Sure, there’s the portal transport thing you mentioned, but when you come right down to it, it’s not like getting to Silithus is much more of a nuisance than traveling to Tanaris or Un’goro Crater or, hell, even Felwood. I’m not going to lie to you, Mar’alith, your place down there is just plain creepy. Lots of people get a bad case of the skitters just running a few errands around the Writhing Deep or the Slithering Scar – and Silithus is like one giant Slithering Scar turned up to eleven. People go there and then spend the next two weeks scratching because they keep imagining things crawling on them. Combine that with the fact that, let’s face it, it’s not exactly a treat for the eyes down there either, and come on…how many people do you really think we’re going to get down there rather than, say, walking in a Winterspring wonderland? I mean, hell, by the time most of our adventurers are strong enough to be much help to you down there, they’re usually all fired up to push righ on past Silithus and head out to Thrallmar in Outland. Seriously, have you ever BEEN to Hellfire Peninsula? Do you really understand the magnitude of people basically being like “Yay, Hellfire Peninsula!” rather than sticking around Silithus?
I’m open to ideas, but I’m thinking that pot’s going to have to be WAY sweeter before we see a whole lot of improvement…
Can anybody be explainin’ what “Dranosh” means?
–Bob, Echo Isles
No no no no, dude, you’ve gotta know better than to ask about that shit, all you’re going to do is open up a—
If you will pardon the interruption, Warchief, I believe I can field this inquiry. I suspect our elocutionarily eccentric correspondent is asking about the roots of the name of my dear, departed son.
Oh fuck, here we go. Again.
If you will allow me. Ahem.
We named him Dranosh. It means “Heart of Draenor” in orcish.
Okay, well that answers that question. Thanks for clearing that up, Saurfang, now we can—
I would not let the warlocks take him. My boy would be safe, hidden away by the elders of Garadar.
I made a promise to his mother before she died; that I would cross the Dark Portal alone – whether I lived or died, my son would be safe. Untainted…
Yeah, okay, terrific, that worked out just fantastic for all involved. Hey, hang on a second, how did you even get in here anyway? The fuck is this? You said when you gave the keys back you were just going to head back up to Northrend and not interfere with the goings-on back here with me.
Today, I fulfill that promise.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. But I’m serious, how the hell are you even doing this? SPAZZLE!
Yeah, chief? What’s up?
I’ll TELL you what’s up, tech guy – Saurfang’s in here screwing around with the blog. I thought you had some kind of fucking security on this shit.
Huh, that’s weird. I’m not sure how he’d be able to—
I meant no offense, Warchief. It merely seemed the inquiry lent itself to an account of my own personal experience, and I felt as such it might be a boon to you…
Yes, Garrosh, he was only trying to help.
Hang on, wait a minute, who the fuck is THIS now?
Do you not recognize me, Warchief? You wound me. Lady Sylvanas Windrunner, at your service as always.
SYLVANAS?!
A pleasure to see you again, Dark Lady.
Hold on, you know her now?
And you as well, High Overlord. Congratulations once again on your successful albeit short-lived stewardship of the Horde. I was most gratified that the other Horde leaders were so quick to agree with my suggestion that you would be an ideal interim Warchief.
As I am gratified by the faith you all showed in me, Dark Lady.
Where do you know HER from?
Do you not recall, Warchief? I too served in Northrend during our triumphant campaign against the Lich King. I had occasion to meet Overlord Saurfang in the late stages of our campaign.
Ohhh, that’s right, you WERE up there, weren’t you? See, I forgot about that, seeing as Saurfang and I were spending most of our time on the whole successfully-taking-down-Arthas operation, as opposed to how you were mostly concentrating on the sneak-in-the-side-door-then-run-from-Arthas-like-a-little-girl wing.
Again you wound me, Warchief.
And hold on, how the fuck are YOU in here too?
In the blog? I hacked admin.
You what now?
You what now?
That’s what I said, only less green.
Just as I said. I hacked admin. ^_^
Oh man, hold on, I need to go check the IP’s again…
You hacked your way onto the blog? The fuck?
I’m not sure why you should be so shocked, Warchief. I’ve done this many times before. Not on your blog specifically, of course, but…
Haha, this is awesome.
Oh for FUCK’s sake, who’s THIS now?
What, you don’t recognize me either, filthy orc?
Oh crap, I can tell this is going to mean all kinds of overtime. I was just getting my rotation down on Earth Online, too…
WHO IS THIS?
Varian Wrynn, King of Stormwind, you brainless half-wit!
OMG WTF
Yeaahhh, this is gonna mean a whole big system overhaul… So much for me trying to save some money on firewalls…
You seriously think I don’t keep an eye on you and your Horde devils?
Fuck you, Varian.
Indeed, Dark Lady!
Stay out of this, witch!
Wait, what? I didn’t say that.
Who did, then?
That was me.
Why was it purple, then? I’m using the purple.
For fuck’s sake, do you not READ the blog?
He’s got a point there.
My text ALWAYS goes purple when I say “Fuck you, Varian.” SEE? It’s like a running thing, I’ve been doing it for months!
But I’m using the purple now. It’s my color. Would it have been so bad not to use purple just this once, for the sake of not confusing people needlessly?
Hold on, are you actually bitching that my choice of text color isn’t showing adequate consideration FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SOMEHOW HACKING THEIR WAY INTO MY BLOG EDITOR?
He’s kind of got you there, too.
Not the editor. I hacked admin. We’ve been over this.
I seriously never get tired of watching you vile creatures fight amongst yourselves.
You would be wise to watch yourself, King Varian.
I would expect at least a little courtesy from you, Saurfang, from one father to another.
I have already addressed this with you, Highness. I will not stand by while the Horde is insulted, however much I may appreciate the kindness you once showed to me over my son.
Dranosh, wasn’t it?
Indeed.
Is that a family name or something?
OH FUCK NOT AGAIN
Not as such. It means “Heart of Draenor” in orcish.
Ask him about the warlocks.
WHOSE FUCKING SIDE ARE YOU ON?!
What about the warlocks?
DAMMIT SYLVANAS!
I would not let the warlocks take him. My boy would be safe, hidden away by the elders of Garadar.
WE’VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THIS LIKE EIGHT TIMES
Apologies, Warchief, but…it’s just so easy!
Still not as easy as everybody on the whole fucking internet breaking into my BLOG, though, apparently!
I know, I know, I’m already changing my sign-up status for the alt raid this weekend… <sigh>
Look at it this way, Saurfang: your son died honorably for an honorable cause, far better than most of your kind. At least this way he can be spared a far worse end when your empire of villainy falls to the Alliance.
Also, I like to talk really tough because I think that way no one will suspect what a small penis I have.
Oh and I have trouble getting it up ever since Benedictus bad-touched me in the confessional booth when I was an altar boy.
WHAT THE HELL I DIDN’T SAY THAT
It certainly looks like you did. <guffaw>
I have it on fairly good authority that’s a true story, too.
I DID NOT SAY ANY SUCH THING YOU DEVILS!
Oh did I mention how I couldn’t perform at all until Tiffy-Wiffy took me home and played dress-up for me?
OMG YOU LEAVE TIFFIN OUT OF THIS!!!
<giggle>
Oh hey YOU’RE making him say that?
You are? How, Dark Lady?
Admin. ^_^
SEE? SEE? I’VE ALWAYS SAID YOU HORDE ARE EVIL!
Behind closed doors I like to wear dresses!
DAMN YOU, SYLVANAS! THE HELL WITH YOU ALL, I’M LOGGING OFF!
Hee! ^_^
Okay, you know what, that was totally worth it.
Indeed it was an amusing diversion, albeit immature; but I suppose you young folk need find your pleasures in your own way. And with that, Warchief, I believe I shall take my leave.
From the blog you mysteriously popped into through some means I still don’t know what the fuck they were? Yeah, okay.
A good day to you, Warchief. Honor go with us all.
Gotta admit, much as I’m still pretty pissed that you were able to hack in here so easily like that—
I know, I know, I’m clearing out next week too…
—what you did to Varian there was pretty awesome. You might not be so bad after all, Sylvanas.
Thank you, dear Warchief. While I’m here, incidentally, might we take a moment to review my concerns about the conduct of Captain Bloodfist?
Not right now, Sylvanas. It’s been a long day, okay? We can get into it another time soon.
As you wish, Warchief. In that case, I’ll leave you to your mailbag and return to my work here in the Undercity.
Yeah, you do that, Sylvanas. Luckily, that was the last letter for this week, and it’s probably a good thing too, since I don’t know if I’m in a mood to deal with any more weirdness in one day. So I think it’s time to wrap this up for today. I’ll post again soon, everyone.
Also don’t forget I don’t really have the faintest idea what I’m doing, and the Horde probably would have been better off staying under Saurfang. But at least I’m easily influenced.
~_^
Without Breaking a Few Eggs
Citizens of the Horde,
Some days ago I wrote to you in acknowledgement of certain accolades that had been given to Warchief Hellscream for his work on this forum. In so doing, I noted that perhaps I should begin perusing the internet, as it was apparently home to a great many laudable works such as those being recognized by these so-called “Piggie Awards.” True to my word, I have these past few days invested some time surveying – I am told that “surfing” is the descriptive metaphor currently in fashion – the internet.
I am both impressed and, indeed, not infrequently horrified.
While undertaking my “surfing,” I did make a point of investigating the works of those other bloggers nominated with Warchief Hellscream. I was particularly delighted to discover that on Edenvale’s Gamer’s Fridge blog, the Warchief had apparently volunteered the delicious lemon squares recipe of his dear Greatmother in Nagrand: a treat indeed, and one that I know was always a favorite of my son Dranosh. I find myself once again impressed by the Warchief for having offered this recipe to be freely shared across the internet. Truly his generosity and thoughtfulness know no bounds.
In contrast, I was appalled to discover that this same recipe was being offered at a cost by one of our own, Orgrimmar infantry chef Marogg. Upon further investigation, I found that this was far from the only recipe that Marogg was dispensing in such a manner; indeed, it would appear that he had devised an entire system by which recipes could be purchased with “Orgrimmar Cooking Awards,” which even more troublingly can only be acquired by performing menial tasks for this same Marogg.
I am, quite frankly, rather enraged that our infantry chef would extort labor from our own people in this fashion. My outrage was magnified, as you might imagine, upon discovering that among these menial tasks was a request for Horde citizens to steal rice from our own people – the less fortunate residents of the Valley of Spirits, no less.
I cannot overstate what a vile undertaking I find this entire charade to be. As such, I have relieved Marogg of his duties pending a full investigation of the matter, and appointed his sous chef Gar’dul as head infantry chef.
I will write again soon with updates on more pressing matters.
-Saurfang
