Tag Archives: jaina proudmoore

Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition

earthonline3

Hi, everyone. Spazzle here. Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.

And/or Earth:

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i could swear we’ve talked about this before

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Spaz.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] again?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] really?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old! ^_^

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i really dont think so

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement? Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cliffwalker

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] overlord cliffwalker

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.

[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh maybe

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no not maybe ut UGH

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Ji

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mokvar

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you know maybe she has a point

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’ll go find him

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no ut u idiot dont listen to her

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh dammit

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] feeling ok?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m fine.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Personally, that only supports my original point.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You are having entirely too much fun with this.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I really am. ^_^

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, watch this.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] b

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does b mean

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, has garona been on lately?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i know its a letter

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what spirit

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like a ghost or something

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she IS the banshee queen

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe it’s someone over in the undercity

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell! ^_^

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] 😉

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’ll see you and raise you…

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] She might just be logging on at odd hours.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oooh, trumped by the goblin!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m confused

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And all is right with the world.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no but like

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i know b is a letter

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but what did u say it for?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, you said “y”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You did. You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya ok i see that

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And so I said “b”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but how come?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters. Is that not how this works?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that was y like in why

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh. Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no my keyboard is ok

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] it saves time

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, were you in a hurry?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you going somewhere?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh wow really?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s mail?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah there is.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh… oh wow.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its just faster

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha yea

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. Hurry up and wait.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait for what?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yea but he’s level 27

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m not utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you say.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya so i say cuz i am

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean i’m not

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not utvoch

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] q

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] g

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] w

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean why

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] y would you think that?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but i’m dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok fine then

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’ll go ask him

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and watch what he says

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya me too

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] anyway whatever

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If that works for you, Ed, sure.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] be back later

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] where are you guys going?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodbye, Utvoch.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later ut

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] fuck it

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you going to be doing up there?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s a place called timbermaw hold

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh yeah, the furbolg

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] come to think of it

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] would you like to come?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Everlook, yeah.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so you know them up there, spazzle?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kinda racist

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i mean

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kidding

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] whew

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Someone’s feeling lively today.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] because of the archbishop thing

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yeah, that’s right.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Pardon?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Still, just as well I suppose.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not me.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nor I. I would imagine he’s still in transit.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah ok

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Let me check something, actually.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi puff

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And as if in response. Well played, universe.

[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bartleby, it was a little under two days

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey honaleepuff

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey leslie

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HELLO EVERYONE

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, okay. And that was flying. By sea would be longer, I would figure.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi mbc

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, you two. Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] flying from where?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How charmingly codependent.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] pandaria

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my friend is on his way there now

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh really, Leslie? Business or pleasure?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] business mostly lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] uh oh

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] am i guessing right?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah. And…oh no.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire? And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m not sure really

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How industrious.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hehe

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so i should get start working on something i can tell him

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, really. Do you have any thoughts on possible examples? I’m just curious about such things.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Spaz.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For my nephew, that is.

You have logged off.

 

Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating. At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!

 

Ragequitters never win

earthonline2

You have logged on.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that’s the problem with arcane, though.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] for me anyway.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] how you u mean?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi pwn

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, boss.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey everyone

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well basically it’s just that since the magic isn’t strictly -alive-, it doesn’t read tone very well.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so i have to be careful what i say, because the magic tends to take sarcasm literally.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well i mean, why wouldnt it?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What did I just walk in on?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or do I not want to know?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This one is pretty harmless.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edwin and Jaina are deep into magic shop talk.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] how are you doing, pwn?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i tend to rely pretty heavily on sarcasm in my day-to-day communication.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Doing okay, gayle

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello omgipwnedurface.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah, pretty much any time he says something, you want to picture him rolling his eyes

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] good to see you as always.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see, case in point.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well that might be hard since i dont know what u look like

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably just as well.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i haven’t aged well.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol its ok i like older guys =)

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh i remember that phase

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HEY NOW

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NO FLIRTING WITH OTHER MEN!

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol dont worry sweetie

[Lorthemar] has logged on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] JUST KIDDING

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I KNOW YOU’RE NOT LIKE THAT LOL

[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wow…you know, part of me wants to make a Jaina joke there

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] but mostly I’m just thinking…that poor dragon

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Lorthemar.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I still say scalies just creep me out.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] are you new in the guild?

[Guild][Lorthemar] No.

[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh

[Guild][Lorthemar] Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’ve been in the guild for months.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh ok

[Guild][Lorthemar] I don’t understand why people can’t remember who I am.

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Q’est-ce Que C’est]

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [United Nations]!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ!

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats

[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all. ^_^

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wait, you got the United Nations achievement?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless the game ui is trying to pull a fast one on you.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Exalted with EVERY national faction? HOW?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Admittedly, that last rep grind was particularly onerous.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Which one?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] France.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh geez yeah

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The French don’t like anybody

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not so; they’re quite fond of me now.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually, let me take care of this while I’m thinking of it

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s that?

[EdwardBear | Ji] has joined the guild.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome ed

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who’s this now?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ji Firepaw

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He overheard me talking about the game with Spazzle a couple days ago and got curious

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah…well this should be entertaining.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are the new pandaren recruits working out so far, Warchief?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh…sort of a mixed bag

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They mean well, but…I don’t know. We’ll see

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] brb

[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome to the guild!

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] So I’m guessing he’s REALLY newbish.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, he’s going to be pretty green

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of which

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] he seems quiet.

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi gil

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Edward, type /g to talk in guild chat

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Utvoch.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] can you see this?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ah there we are

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no this is dontrag

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Welcome aboard, Ed.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Edward.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is this your first time logging onto Earth Online in general?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, are you sure, Utvoch? I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i logged on for a little while last night

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it looks fun

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes i’m sure

[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, so this is your first Earth Online character?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’ve talked about this before

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well if you’re so sure about it, I don’t see why we would have had to discuss it repeatedly.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But if you insist, I suppose I’ll take your word on being Dontrag, Utvoch.

[Guild][Lorthemar] A double welcome to you, then!

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok good

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] are you new too?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really love messing with him, don’t you?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why yes. Yes I do.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Whichever one of them he actually is.

[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh

[Guild][Lorthemar] No, I’m not.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Can you blame me, really?

[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] are you sure your not new lor?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]   dont think i’ve seen you on before

[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes I’m sure.

[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new, for the hundredth time.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well of course you’re not new for the hundredth time. that wouldn’t be new.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you can only be new once.

[Guild][Lorthemar] …

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what class are you playing ed?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just say the word if you need any help with anything, Edward.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I know some things can be a little confusing at first.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a farmer

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, I’ve never played one of those.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they don’t really sound too exciting to play

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, I’ve got my Refer-a-Friend pet now

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What kind?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You should have gotten one too, Edward

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] A dog

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t you already have one?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i get it?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, but the RAF is a random draw from a bunch of breeds

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There are a lot of different breeds.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You already have it, Edward.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So for instance, this one I just got is a cocker spaniel

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you go to the bottom of your screen, you can open your pet catalog.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i love the new pet sparring!

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh there it is

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what kind did you get?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how can i see the details?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click on it.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway we should get going, we have lunch plans

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye leslie

[Guild][Lorthemar] Eat well!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BYE EVERYONE

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] byeeeee

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok i think i see it now

[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s the verdict?

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it says it’s called a poodle

[Guild][Lorthemar] You can name it, too, if you want to.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Those are those fru-fru looking dogs, right?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re supposed to be smart

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i do that?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you mean they make good spellcasters? or the coders gave them a slightly less nonsensical AI?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click again, then pick “rename.”

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No problem.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] By the way, Garrosh, did you ever end up talking to the orphanage about Gurtash?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I put out a few feelers

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Gurtash is that orphan boy who’s been helping take care of the Warchief’s wyvern?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Garrosh was thinking of maybe seeing about adopting him.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok done

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] done what?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s…that’s remarkable.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right now Battlewail has me in a holding pattern. Something about questions about my temperament

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named the pet

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh nice

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A preposterous dispersion against your character, Warchief.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So there’s some meeting they want me to go to with Social Services later this week

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi steve

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hang on…we have a Department of Social Services?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who knew, right?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That -had- to have been a Thrall program.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I mean…where the hell have THEY been?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hi guys

[Guild][Lorthemar] So what did you end up naming the pet, Edward?

[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Steve!

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named her winnie

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sup man

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not sure what the deal is with the meeting, but I guess some of the pandas are involved somehow

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] after my aunt, jae win

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] she had similarly poofy hair

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not too much

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, not too clear about any more than that

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually

[Guild][Lorthemar] That works.

[Guild][Lorthemar] Winnie the poodle has a certain ring to it.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thanks

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey who’s the new guy?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Ji, quick question

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just joined the guild today

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] nice to meet you

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no not you

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes warchief? i mean guildmaster

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i meant the other new guy

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lorthemar

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You might know something about this

[Guild][Lorthemar] ugh

[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, SERIOUSLY

[Guild][Lorthemar] Enough is enough already.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ?

[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh sure, “?” at me

[Guild][Lorthemar] Well I’ll see your “?” and raise you a “!!!”

[Guild][Lorthemar] Because I’m SICK AND TIRED of nobody around here ever knowing WHO THE HELL I AM

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, what’s this guy’s damage?

[Guild][Lorthemar] So I’m going to explain this ONE MORE TIME

[Guild][Lorthemar] SO GRAB A DAMN CRAYON TO WRITE IT DOWN THIS TIME

[Guild][Lorthemar] I

[Guild][Lorthemar] AM NOT

[Guild][Lorthemar] NEW

[Guild][Lorthemar] Is that CLEAR enough for you IDIOTS?

[Guild][Lorthemar] I HAVE BEEN IN THIS GODDAMN GUILD FOR MONTHS

[Guild][Lorthemar] I CAN REMEMBER BEING ONLINE WHEN HALF YOU OTHER PEOPLE JOINED

[Guild][Lorthemar] I’M NOT A RECRUIT, I’M NOT SOMEBODY’S COUSIN

[Guild][Lorthemar] I AM LOR’THEMAR THERON, DAMMIT!

[Guild][Lorthemar] REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS

[Guild][Lorthemar] It NOT HARD to remember that part

[Guild][Lorthemar] LOOK

[Guild][Lorthemar] <–

[Guild][Lorthemar] SEE HOW THAT WORKS, YOU MOUTHBREATHING IDIOTS?

[Guild][Lorthemar] “Lorthemar”…IS LOR’THEMAR

[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT’S ME

[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAR FUCKING THERON

[Guild][Lorthemar] RULER OF THE BLOOD ELVES

[Guild][Lorthemar] ME

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh hi, lorthemar. welcome to the guild.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] did you just join?

[Guild][Lorthemar] sdfghliuhurtyhweuirthlidrhglsdajghfljksdhg

[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT DOES IT THE HELL WITH YOU ALL

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um no prof he just said he’s been in the guild a while

[Lorthemar] has logged off.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well what crawled up his ass?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’s a blood elf. Who knows

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] people don’t usually get that upset about this game, do they?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um, well…

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] your naivete is adorable.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Quick pointer, Ji…don’t queue for any battlegrounds.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] or dungeons

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Or pay attention to trade chat when you’re in the major cities.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and while you’re at it you might just want to uninstall the whole game right now and cancel your internet service.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh. um.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i’ll go back to leveling

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Where in the world are you?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] orgrimmar

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I mean, where in the game?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But like I was starting to say like ten minutes ago

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just got sent to a region called siberia

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Do you know anything about these meetings your panda friends are working on for Social Services, Ji?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a little bit, yes sir

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] the orphan matron suggested i arrange for some of my people to help

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] since pandaren culture places great value on being centered and grounded emotionally

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, you guys do seem very even keel

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we try to be, yes sir

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so a few of my people are helping hold some sessions on some of our methods and principles

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] particularly for controlling anger

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So ANOTHER one basically telling me I have a temper?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see i TOLD you you needed to work on not being angry all the time

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU stay out of this

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hey

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well clearly i’m not the only one thinking it!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Clearly a sign of their failure to appreciate the pressures and stresses that come with the laudable work you do day in and day out.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When you’re not playing video games or blogging.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i was going around fighting a few things for xp, when these mobster npcs attacked me and ran off

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] and now i have things missing from my inventory

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh those russian mob guys are nasty

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You said you were in Siberia?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think I need to go do some checking on this

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll be back

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, you have to watch for that.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] In Soviet Russia, mobs farm you.

You have logged off.

 

The Wizard of Zhan

operahouse6

The curtain rises on the admiral’s quarters in Northwatch Hold, where Garrosh is sitting in a chair, slumped over a central table. Everything appears black-and-white.

After a moment, Garrosh stirs and looks around the room while rubbing his forehead. Stage lights illuminate the far edges of the stage, alternating sides, showing brief glimpses of Orgrimmar in flames, being overrun by demons. The sounds of screaming and demonic laughter can be heard, seemingly at a distance. The lights at the edges of the stage go out. Garrosh stands, and the background noise stops.

GARROSH: Malchezaar… They were able to do it because of Malchezaar

 

{UP IN THE NETHER}

GARROSH:

Somewhere up in the nether
In the dark,
There’s a demon “prince,” self-appointed,
Calls himself Malchezaar.

Mortimer wanders in and settles near Garrosh as the song continues.

Somewhere up in the nether
Time did break.
You can kill him while he’s up there
But it just won’t take.

Some day I’ve got to drag him down
Out of that place and go to town
And stop it.
The Legion hid him in the cracks.
Sometimes he’s got my father’s axe;
I hope he drops it.

Somewhere up in the nether
Demons hide.
Prince lurks up in the nether –
It’s long since time he died.

If demons get to be revived
Without a timer,
Why oh why can’t I?

Garrosh walks to a window and looks out. A stage light illuminates the edge of the stage again, this time revealing the burning ruins of Camp Taurajo.

Garrosh steps back into the room and, slowly at first but with increasing speed and urgency, begins running around the room, knocking over and smashing furniture. Dizzying music fades in as Garrosh continues; he runs around in circles, destroying everything he can reach. The stage lights dim until the room itself fades from view and the only thing visible is Garrosh – running in circles, lashing at his invisible surroundings, moving with increasing speed until he starts to blur into a whirlwind of anger.

The lights slowly come up to show that the Northwatch Hold tower has been replaced by the deck of a goblin sky galleon. The ship is spinning in air, such that the rotation of the ship gradually comes to replace Garrosh’s running; he now stands on the deck as the galleon spins around, tossed in circles by a literal whirlwind.

The lights fade to black while the dizzying music continues – growing louder – then a loud crash is heard. The stage lights come up again, showing the sky galleon wrecked on the ground amid the ruins of Theramore. For the first time, the scene is visible in full color.  Garrosh is sprawled out on the ground near the wreckage, unconscious. Mortimer flies in and approaches. He prods Garrosh carefully with one paw; Garrosh stirs and starts to get up.

GARROSH: <rubbing his head with one hand while patting Mortimer with the other> Yeah, yeah, I’m okay, buddy…

Garrosh turns to the wreckage of the galleon and notices a woman’s legs sticking out from under it.

Huh. She’s not okay, though, whoever she is. Was.

Garrosh looks around the ruins, then back to the galleon. As he turns away, several goblins begin to emerge slowly from behind pieces of the ruins.

Hmm… Mortimer, I don’t think we’re in Northgate anymore… Looks like Theramore…so…so that would make HER—

SPAZZLE: <running to the wreckage> The Witch! She’s dead! The Wicked Witch is dead!

More goblins appear and gather closer around the wreckage.

GARROSH: Hang on, the witch? You mean like a mage?

SPAZZLE: Well, it’s kind of a blanket term.

GARROSH: But is THIS one a mage?

KHIZZARA: Not anymore!

GARROSH: Yeah, fine, I get it, she’s dead. What I’m trying to find out is if she’s—

GIZZIX GRIMEGURGLE: She’s dead!

DYSLIX SILVERGRUB: Dead!

KRIXIL SLOGSWITCH: The Witch is dead!

KHIZZARA: Woot!

GARROSH: Fine, fuck it, I’ll check it out myself.

Garrosh takes hold of the edge of the wreckage and, grunting, lifts it a few feet.

UGH! GROSS!

Garrosh releases the galleon and it crashes back onto the body. One hand is left flopping limply out from under the wreckage; a glowing blue orb falls out of its palm and rolls across the ground.

Definitely Jaina, though. Gotta say, not exactly a glorious way to go out. <chuckles> Oh well. Live on your back, die on your back, right?

The blue sphere rolls further. In a puff of smoke, Liadrin appears in the sphere’s path. She is wearing the paladin Lightsworn robes and has the wings of Avenging Wrath permanently glowing on her back. She leans down and picks up the orb.

LIADRIN: Are you the one who’s slain the Wicked Witch of the East and freed the Mudsprockets?

GARROSH: What, Jaina? Yeah, that was me, I guess.

GOBLINS: Hooray!

GARROSH: So hang on, who are all you people?

LIADRIN: I am the Good Witch of the North. And the Mudsprockets live here in the marsh.

RAZBO RUSTGEAR: Under the tyrannical reign of the Wicked Witch of the East!

KHIZZARA: Not anymore!

GOBLINS: Hooray!

GARROSH: Jaina had a tyrannical reign?

SPAZZLE: Well, more like some pretty strict local ordinances on fireworks and explosives.

KHIZZARA: Not anymore!

GIZZIX GRIMEGURGLE: Splodey-ville, here we come!

GOBLINS: Hooray!

GARROSH: Okay, whatever. You’re happy she’s dead, I’m happy she’s dead, it’s all cool. One less thorn in my side, gotta tell you.

 

{WHAM, BAM, THE BITCH IS DEAD}

GARROSH:

Wham! Bam! The bitch is dead!

GOBLINS:

Which? Which bitch?

GARROSH:

The Proudmoore bitch!
Wham! Bam! The Proudmoore bitch is dead!
I landed on her head,
She wished she woulda stood in bed.
Flat splat, the Proudmoore bitch is dead!

GOBLINS:

She won’t stop the goblins now –
Kapow! Kapow! Kapow!
So now, let’s open up and blast,
At last! Let’s rock some rockets!
Wham bam, she got put down,
A new sheriff is in town!
Don’t you frown, the Wicked Witch is dead!

Drazzit Dripvalve approaches wearing a top hat and comically flamboyant ceremonial attire.

DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:

As Mayor of dear Mudsprocket,
In the shadow of the Witch’s lair,
I welcome you effusively!

GIZZIX GRIMEGURGLE:

But it must be proved conclusively,
To know…

DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:

To know?

GIZZIX GRIMGURGLE:

That blow…

DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:

That blow?

GIZZIX GRIMGURGLE:

Has utterly, totally,

KRIXIL SLOGSWITCH:

Not just anecdotally!

RAZBO RUSTGEAR:

Determinately, permanently,

GOBLINS:

Undiminishedly gone and finished her off.

SPAZZLE:

I went ahead and checked her out,
And I can say without a doubt
That she’s not just flatter than most:
She’s totally and truly toast.

DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:

Then today we’ll fire our rockets!
Celebrating free Mudsprockets!
Now spread the word! Let none neglect!
The Wicked Witch just got shipwrecked!

GOBLINS:

Wham! Bam! The Witch is dead!
Which? Which Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Wham! Bam! The Wicked Witch is dead!
He landed on her head,
She wished she woulda stood in bed.

GARROSH:

Flat splat, the Proudmoore bitch is dead!

GOBLINS:

She won’t stop the goblins now –
Kapow! Kapow! Kapow!
So now, let’s open up and blast,
At last! Let’s rock some rockets!
Wham bam, she got put down,
A new sheriff is in town!
Don’t you frown, the Wicked Witch is dead!

From above, Magatha Grimtotem swoops in, riding her wind serpent Arikara. Cackling maniacally, she casts chain lightning down at the Mudsprockets, who scatter and try to take cover.

GARROSH: What the fuck is SHE doing here?

LIADRIN: It’s the Wicked Witch of the West!

GARROSH: How many fucking Wicked Witches do you people HAVE around here?

LIADRIN: Two—

KHIZZARA: Not anymore!

LIADRIN: Well, yes, one now. But this one is even worse than the Wicked Witch of the East ever was.

GARROSH: Preaching to the choir, lady.

Magatha unleashes another burst of chain lightning; Garrosh and Liadrin dive out of the way. Mortimer launches into the air, snarling, and swipes at Arikara.

GARROSH: Yeah! Go get ’em, Mortimer!

Mortimer’s strike knocks Magatha off of Arikara and sends her crashing to the ground. Shrieking, Arikara flies out of view. Magatha gets up and looks at Jaina’s legs poking out from under the wreckage. Mortimer returns to the ground, landing next to Garrosh.

MAGATHA: So it’s true! She’s dead! <looking around hurriedly> Where is it, then? It must be here!

LIADRIN: <holding up the blue sphere> Are you looking for this?

MAGATHA: The Focusing Iris! Yes! Once I combine its power with that of the Doomstone—

LIADRIN: You’ll do nothing of the kind, crone!

MAGATHA: You think I fear you, elf? I’ll take it from you if I have to!

Magatha starts to cast another chain lightning, but is interrupted when Garona – sporting the Fangs of the Father wings – unstealths and stunlocks her.

GARONA: Not so much, Steak Sauce!

GARROSH: So, who’s this supposed to be now?

LIADRIN: She’s the Morally Ambiguous Witch of the South-by-Southeast.

GARONA: Hey.

GARROSH: You people have some really weird fucking job titles, gotta say.

LIADRIN: You slayed the Wicked Witch of the East, so it’s only right that the Focusing Iris should go to you as its caretaker…

Liadrin hands the Iris to Garrosh.

What’s important is that it stays out of the hands of the crone at all cost.

GARROSH: Yeah, don’t worry, I am all about making her life unpleasant…

Arikara swoops by again, startling Garrosh and Liadrin into taking a few steps back; Magatha breaks out of her stun, jumps back, and puts down an earthbind totem that holds the others in place.

MAGATHA: I may need to bide my time for now, but the Iris will be mine yet! And as for you, orc – I’ll get you, my cranky, and your little wyvern, too!

Magatha leaps onto Arikara’s back and takes off.

LIADRIN: She’ll be back. I hope you can handle powerful enemies.

GARROSH: I’ve dealt with worse. Matter of fact, I was working on one just before I wound up here.

LIADRIN: What enemy was that?

GARROSH: A demon called Malchezaar – taking him out wouldn’t even be that big of a deal, but I kind of have to get him out of his lair in order to defeat him.

LIADRIN: Something you would need powerful magic to do?

GARROSH: Probably. Magic not really being my strong suit.

LIADRIN: I may know whose it is. You want to talk to the Wizard of Zhan.

GARROSH: The who now?

LIADRIN: The Wizard of Zhan! He’s a wise, mysterious mage who lives in the Dark Tower far away.

GARROSH: So this guy is pretty powerful?

LIADRIN: Extremely – they say there’s no end to what he can do.

GARONA: Let’s not get carried away now.

GARROSH: You know him?

GARONA: We’ve met.

GARROSH: So how do I get to him?

LIADRIN: The tower of Zhan is far to the east of Dustwallow, in the Pass of Dying Winds. Luckily for you, the eastward Gold Road will take you straight there.

Liadrin points to the yellow brick road beneath their feet.

GARROSH: Well that’s convenient.

GARONA: I can go with you, since I know the Wizard.

LIADRIN: You should get started – it’s a long trip, especially since you’ll be walking.

GARROSH: Screw walking, I’ve got my wyvern right here. I can just hop on and fly along the road.

GARONA: Great! I can get on behind you and hold onto you.

GARROSH: Okay, so walking it is. Grats on the dodged bullet, Mortimer.

GARONAFine.

LIADRIN: We’ll see you off! Good luck on your journey!

GARROSH: Hey, actually…you said this road leads right to Zhan?

LIADRIN: Yes, it does.

GARROSH: Even though there’s an ocean between here and there? Because we’re kind of on a different continent.

LIADRIN: Yes, but fortunately the road runs across the Willing Suspension Bridge of Disbelief.

GARROSH: Huh. Okay then. Off we go.

Garrosh, Garona, and Mortimer start to follow the road while the Mudsprockets gather behind them.

 

{OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD}

GOBLINS:

You’re off to see the Wizard,
The guardian Wizard of Zhan.
We hear he’s sage: the mightiest mage
Who ever met mortal man.
If you seek some sorcery for your plan,
The Wizard’s your man, because he can –
He can, he can, he can, he can, he can.
He’ll have it all done before it began!
You’re off to see the Wizard,
The guardian Wizard of Zhan!

The curtains close.

 

{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 2…}

 

West Azeroth Story, Act 3

operahouse5

The curtain rises. Spotlights illuminate the left and right sides of the stage separately, as Garrosh leads the Horde forces across the Barrens on one side and Varian leads the Alliance from Theramore.

 

{QUINTET}

HORDE:

The Horde is gonna have its day
Tonight.
The Horde is gonna have its way
Tonight.
Alliance think we’re jokin’, no doubt,
But once their king is broken,
We’re kicking them out.

ALLIANCE:

We’re gonna look ’em in the eyes
Tonight.
We’re gonna cut ’em down to size
Tonight.
We told ’em they could can it: war cries.
We’ll kick ’em off our planet
Once Garrosh, he dies
Tonight.

HORDE:

We’re gonna stop it tonight,
We’re going to drive them off and take Kalimdor!

ALLIANCE:

We’ll turn the tables tonight,
We can’t afford to mess around anymore –
Green-skins invade us!

HORDE:

The Legion made us!
But this time we’re the ones who’ll finish this war!

ALL:

Tonight!

A spotlight illuminates a Theramore courtyard at stage right, where Jaina is seen with Rhonin.

JAINA:

I really do not like this plan
Tonight.
Things really could get out of hand
Tonight.

RHONIN:

They’ll show up for the battle:
Brief truce.
With you there, maybe that’ll
Give an excuse
Tonight?

Jaina nods to Rhonin and rushes out.

A spotlight illuminates Mokvar crossing the Southfury River into the Barrens.

MOKVAR:

Tonight, tonight,
This stinks like saronite.
Tonight the flames of war could be fanned.
Tonight, tonight,
When our two leaders fight,
That Malkorok may have something planned.

One more spotlight illuminates the Theramore tower, where Deliana looks out a window.

DELIANA:

Tonight
The past may come back calling,
The future that we’re stalling,
And now, out of my sight,
There’s such a fright
That what we’ve done is coming to light…

HORDE:

The Horde is coming out on top tonght!
We’re gonna watch Varian drop tonight!
They’ll go slow as molasses,
Cry and pout.
The door will hit their asses
On their way out.

Garrosh, Malkorok, the rest of the Horde group, and Deliana overlap:

GARROSH:

<to Malkorok> You keep a wide-open eye.

MALKOROK:

Right.

GARROSH:

In case he tries something sly.

MALKOROK:

Right.

GARROSH:

For the Horde!

HORDE:

For the Horde!

MALKOROK:

And they might have a surprise
Tonight.

DELIANA:

Tonight, tonight
Our role it might indict,
Tonight the flames of war could be fanned.

The Horde, Alliance, Mokvar, Deliana, and Jaina – who is now riding across Dustwallow Marsh – overlap:

HORDE and ALLIANCE:

We’re gonna stop it tonight!
We’re gonna end it tonight!
They’re gonna get it tonight!

ALLIANCE:

They invaded,
They invaded,
They invaded.

HORDE:

Here we’ve made it,
Here we’ve made it,
Home: we made it.

ALLIANCE:

We can’t afford to mess around.
Alliance has to win the day,
Alliance has to find a way.
We’ve got to stop it tonight.

HORDE:

We’re gonna grind them to the ground,
The Horde is gonna have its day,
The Horde is gonna have its way.
We’ve got to stop it tonight.

JAINA:

Tonight, tonight,
We just might
Have one chance to get it right:
Now Jaina’s got to find a way
To broker peace before the fray:
Will cooler heads carry the day?
Tonight, tonight,
Our future could be bright –
I’ve got to stop it tonight!

DELIANA:

Tonight, tonight,
When our two leaders fight,
That Malkorok may have something planned.

MOKVAR and DELIANA:

Tonight
The past may come back calling,
The future that we’re stalling,

MOKVAR:

And now, within my sight,

DELIANA:

And now, out of my sight,

MOKVAR and DELIANA:

There’s such a fright
That what we’ve done is coming to light…

ALL:

Tonight.

Blackout.  From either side of the stage, the Horde and Alliance enter the Battlescar in the Southern Barrens. Both groups spread out over their respective sides of the field, then Garrosh and Varian approach each other at center stage, accompanied by Malkorok and Mathias Shaw.

VARIAN: Warchief.

GARROSH: Dickface.

VARIAN: You’re a classy guy, Hellscream, anyone ever tell you that?

GARROSH: I can have them put that on your gravestone if you want.

VARIAN: Are you ready?

GARROSH: To finally put you in the ground? I’ve been ready for that for years.

Varian draws Shalamayne and extends it in front of him.

VARIAN: Your blade?

GARROSH: What about it?

SHAW: If you would let us inspect it for doctoring.

GARROSH: What the hell are you implying?

VARIAN: We’re not implying anything. It’s just customary to examine each other’s weapons so we can see no one is—

MALKOROK: The two-legged rodent is suggesting you would poison your blade, Warchief. For that alone this mongrel will—

GARROSH: You DARE insinuate I would cheat, human?

VARIAN: Obviously, Garrosh, you would never employ questionable methods when faced with honorable combat. Nevertheless.

Varian gestures with Shalamayne. Garrosh grumbles, then begrudgingly draws Gorehowl and holds it in front of him.

SHAW: Thank you, Warchief.

VARIAN: Now then.

GARROSH: Have your people stand back, Varian. This is between you and me.

VARIAN: You do the same.

Garrosh waves to the Horde group, which steps back and spreads in a semicircle from the side of the stage to the background. Varian signals to the Alliance members, who mirror the Horde’s movements.

MALKOROK: Now – begin!

Garrosh and Varian rush at each other and begin to fight as furious music swells. They lunge and parry, circle around the middle of the stage, and match each other’s moves in rhythm with the music. As the duel unfolds, the spectators begin to shout and cheer for their respective leader, until the cacophonous yells begin to blend into a rhythmic chanting that becomes a counterpoint to the music.

Several times over the course of the fight, Garrosh and Varian lock weapons until one of them shoves the other back toward one side of the stage. Each time, they circle around then resume their clash at center stage.

Slowly, in the background, Malkorok begins to make his way closer to the Alliance side of the circle. From under his cloak, he withdraws a long dagger, shining with a sickly green gleam.

Mokvar enters at the edge of the stage. As he arrives, Garrosh and Varian lock blades and rotate around as each tries to outmuscle the other. Garrosh finally gains the upper hand and flings Varian back toward the Alliance side. Malkorok moves toward him from behind, dagger in hand.

MOKVAR: No! Look out!

Mokvar runs to center stage and tackles Varian to the ground, in the process knocking him out of the way of Malkorok’s stab.

FALSTAD: They’re attackin’ His Majesty!

SHAW: That one had a dagger!

MALKOROK: <recovering himself> That treasonous scribe! He’s helping the human!

SHANDRIS: They were never going to honor the duel!

GARROSH: Mokvar! You! If I didn’t see it with my own eyes…!

The two sides rush at each other and begin fighting, largely in the background. At center stage, Garrosh dodges a few Alliance swings, then grabs Mokvar and holds him by his neck while drawing Gorehowl back.

GARROSH: You…traitorous…!

As Garrosh prepares to swing, Varian grabs him from behind – jarring Garrosh enough to make him lose his grip on Mokvar – and plunges Shalamayne through his back and out of his chest.

GARROSH: <looking down at the blade> Oh for fuck’s sake…AGAIN?

MOKVAR: Oh…oh crap…

GARROSH: Also, how come this doesn’t actually hurt? I mean I know I’m badass and all, but…

BARNES: <from offstage> It’s just a glamour, you silly actor – special effects can’t really hurt you.

GARROSH: I… <looking around> Oh…

BARNES:  Now stop breaking the fourth wall and get back to your scene!

GARROSH:  Aren’t YOU the one—

BARNESAction!

GARROSH:  <sighs>  Fine.  <flatly>  Oh I am slain.  Oh agony.  Now I shrug off this mortal coil, it is to laugh, the end.  And shit.

Garrosh drops to the ground, where he lays mostly still while making a half-hearted attempt to play dead.  Around him the fighting rages on between the Horde and Alliance.

LIADRIN: Garrosh!

DONTRAG: He killed the Warchief!

UTVOCH: You bastard!

VARIAN: Victory! Hellscream has fallen! For the Alli—

Garona unstealths behind Varian and stunlocks him, then unleashes a flurry of blows until he drops to the ground.

GARONA: House of Wrynn! Two generations running! Tell Anduin to sleep lightly! Booyah!

Garona stealths again. The two sides continue to battle frantically.

MALKOROK: Now! With Wrynn slain! Now, shamans, show the dogs the first of our surprises!

A handful of dark-clad shaman emerge from the Horde group and begin channeling spells. Several of the surrounding boulders begin to glow, then rise up as molten giants and begin to attack the Alliance.

Jaina enters.

JAINA: By the Light! What’s happening here?!

FALSTAD: The devils ’a broken the agreement!

SHAW: They’ve killed Varian!

The molten giants stomp on several Alliance soldiers and send the group scattering.

JAINA: We have to get out of here! Everyone to me!

The Alliance rush to Jaina, who teleports them away. The shaman stop channeling their spells, and the molten giants collapse back into boulders.

MALKOROK: Horde! The Alliance flees, but they will not escape! Quickly, to Brackenwall Village! We will regroup and bring the fight to them! For the Horde!

The Horde exits, leaving the stage empty save for the bodies of Garrosh and Varian. The stage lights lower, save for dim lights still illuminating the bodies.

GARROSH: Well that sucked.

VARIAN: Yeah, it kind of did.

GARROSH: Yeah.

VARIAN: Still, though…

GARROSH: What?

VARIAN: For the record, I got you.

GARROSH: Fuck you, Varian.

Blackout. In a Theramore tower, Deliana paces the room.

Jaina enters.

DELIANA: Jaina! What happened?

JAINA: <sighs> Varian is dead.

DELIANA: What?! How? You mean now we have to…?

JAINA: It’s not that simple. Varian is dead, but so is Garrosh.  I’m still not sure how it all happened – by the time I got there, things had already—

A knock at the door is heard.

JONATHAN: <outside> Lady Proudmoore!

JAINA: Come in, General.

The door opens and General Marcus Jonathan enters, along with Jaina’s night elf bodyguard Pained; the pair holds Mokvar captive.

JONATHAN: Lady Proudmoore, this orc was found lurking outside the city. He didn’t resist capture, but he did insist on speaking with you.

DELIANA: Mokvar!

JAINA: You know him, Deliana?

PAINED: You should be more selective in your friends. Shandris says this is one of the orcs that helped kill Varian.

DELIANA: He what?

MOKVAR: That’s…not entirely accurate.

JONATHAN: That’s enough from you, orc.

DELIANA: There has to have been some mistake.

JONATHAN: There were several, starting with the decision to trust these green-skinned—

JAINA: That’s enough, General. You can leave us. I’d like to have a few words with the prisoner.

JONATHAN: As you wish.

JAINA: You too, Pained. Please wait outside.

PAINED: With all due respect, my lady, my place is—

JAINA: Is where I tell you to go, Pained. I can take care of myself.

PAINED: Yes, ma’am.

Jonathan and Pained exit. Jaina turns to Deliana.

JAINA: How long have you known him?

DELIANA: We go back quite a few years.

JAINA: You trust him?

DELIANA: I’ve spent the last six years hiding in Ironforge for safety. I think he did more to protect me from Orgrimmar in that time than any of the dwarves ever did.

JAINA: <turns to Mokvar> They say you attacked Varian. Here’s your chance to explain.

MOKVAR: I jumped him. That much is true. But I wasn’t attacking him. I was trying to push him out of the way of the one who was.

JAINA: Who, Garrosh? Why would you try to swing the duel against the Horde?

MOKVAR: No, not Garrosh. If it was just him and Varian, I would have stayed out of it. It was Malkorok. He was about to stab Varian from behind.

DELIANA: Malkorok… Of course it was Malkorok.

MOKVAR: It ended up backfiring. Both sides thought I was working against them, and in the chaos, Garrosh was killed. And by that point I don’t think anyone was interested in honoring the terms of the duel.

JAINA: I don’t even know how many on our side will be willing to listen to reason now.

DELIANA: Jaina, can’t you rein them in? You’d have to be one of the highest ranking people left.

JAINA: I can try, but I don’t know how much good it will do. With Anduin still a boy, there’s no clear line of succession, so right now I’m merely one in a sea of voices.

MOKVAR: The Horde is having its own problems with succession, only worse. It looks like Malkorok is effectively taking over.

DELIANA: Oh no…

JAINA: Who is this Malkorok?

MOKVAR: A Blackrock orc who used to work for Rend Blackhand. At least he gave the appearance of it. I don’t think he ever really served anyone or anything other than his own agenda.

JAINA: I take it having him leading the Horde would be bad news for all involved.

MOKVAR: Let’s put it this way. I know Garrosh was no bargain. But this guy? Malkorok would make Garrosh look like Thrall.

JAINA: Do you think there are others in the Horde who will still resist him?

MOKVAR: I know there are others who won’t be thrilled to have him in charge. The only question is whether Malkorok’s managed to scare them into submission.

JAINA: Then you need to go do what you can while there are some who’ll still listen. And if not…

Jaina reaches into a pocket and produces a small, smooth stone with totemic markings, then slips it into Mokvar’s hand.

…I think you know what this is for.

Mokvar nods. Jaina starts to channel a spell, and a portal appears in the room.

Go now – hurry.

MOKVAR: What will you tell the others?

JAINA: You let me worry about that.

DELIANA: Stay safe, Mokvar.

MOKVAR: I think “safe” is long off the board for all of us. But it’s partly our fault this is happening.

DELIANA: I know. Be careful.

MOKVAR: Always am.

Mokvar disappears through the portal.

Blackout. In Brackenwall Village, the Horde group arrives, met by Krog and Draz’Zilb.

KROG: Malkorok? What are you all doing here?

MALKOROK: The human king is slain – but not without a cost! The dogs turned on us with aid from one of our own, and murdered the Warchief!

KROG: They what? Garrosh is dead?

MALKOROK: He is…but we will ensure that he soon finds himself in good company.

FARANELL: Wait, didn’t we have an agreement with the Alliance that the duel would decide control of Kalimdor? And, well, Varian did kill Garrosh before—

Malkorok steps up to Faranell quickly and knocks him down with a vicious blow.

MALKOROK: Unless you wish to lose more pieces of that rotting corpse you call a body, mage, I recommend you choose your words carefully.

Malkorok glares around as some of the group exchange looks in uneasy silence.

UTVOCH: I can’t believe the Warchief died…

DONTRAG: What are we doing now?

DRAZ’ZILB: Surely we can’t let the Warchief’s death go unanswered!

MALKOROK: Nor will we! Listen to me, soldiers of the Horde!  I had little doubt the Alliance pigs would show their true colors in this affair, but we will see to it that they pay for their treachery!

Mokvar enters.

Oh, and speaking of treachery! Here’s the dog who turned on his own Warchief to lend aid to the human! Seize him!

Mokvar is apprehended by a pair of Kor’kron and brought closer to the group.

MOKVAR: It’s funny how selective your memory is, Malkorok. I’m a traitor for helping Varian, but you’re awfully quick to gloss over what I was helping him against – we both know it wasn’t Garrosh.

MALKOROK: You think I hide my role, scribe? Hardly – I take pride in it! I came to the aid of my Warchief; you came to the aid of his mortal enemy. Tell me again which of us here should hang his head!

LIADRIN: Wait, you were interfering with the fight? It was supposed to be honorable combat!

MALKOROK: You will be silent, elf!

Malkorok steps toward Liadrin and throws a punch at her; she deflects it with a paladin bubble, then stuns Malkorok with a Hammer of Justice.

LIADRIN: Now now, didn’t your mother teach you not to hit a lady? She would be ashamed.

MALKOROK: <seething as he collects himself> She taught me to crush my foes.

LIADRIN: Then she would be doubly ashamed if the lady in question were to beat you down.

MOKVARThat’s why I jumped in – to keep him from ambushing Varian and—

MALKOROK: And slaying the leader of our enemy! Are you fool enough to think you serve our Warchief by saving his nemesis?

MOKVAR: Garrosh Hellscream had many failings, but he believed in honor. At least until he started having his steps shadowed by the likes of you.

MALKOROK: In battle, nothing is more honorable than victory.

MOKVAR: Funny, I can think of at least one victory Garrosh would have gladly given back…

MALKOROK: Keep spinning your words, scribe – it’s what a coward like you does, isn’t it?

Malkorok turns to the rest of the group.

The rest of you – what I am calling for is not words. Your fallen Warchief did not spend his days dawdling over words. He sought action. For the safety of the Horde!  For the glory of the Horde! So let this scribe lull you into submission with his words – I call on you to act! To avenge your leader! To finally strike the human disease that has too long infected this continent. Will you join me? Or will you sit here, and bandy about words, and wring your hands over niceties – until the Alliance again show themselves for what they are, and again come to enslave our people, and again leave the ground stained with orcish blood?

Many of the Horde troops, including most of the Kor’kron, start to shout in support.

Good! That is the Horde I know! Now, all of you! Follow me, and we will show the Alliance what becomes of those who draw our wrath! To Theramore! More surprises await the humans…

DRAZ’ZILB: None greater than how quickly they’ll fall before us!

KROG: Hell yeah, we’ll roll over the humans so fast they won’t even know what hit them!

MALKOROK: Oh no, soldiers, not quickly – quick is painless. And these humans must be made to suffer for their crimes against our people!

DRAZ’ZILBNow you’re talking my language!

DONTRAG: <aside> Does this seem a little strange to you?

UTVOCH: <aside> All I know is they killed the Warchief… I guess it makes sense to go after them…

MALKOROK: Every pain these humans have brought to us will be repaid tenfold tonight! You want to avenge your Warchief? Then leave your pity and your mercy here – bring only your rage and your cruelty!

 

{CRUEL}

MALKOROK:

Horde, Horde, angry Horde,
Get cruel, Horde!
Vow again, gents, for your vengeance,
Get cruelly cruel, Horde!
Don’t relent, ’cause we have spent
Too long holding back.
Set in mind that humankind
Is overdue for some cruel payback.

Horde, Horde, vengeful Horde!
Stay fierce, Horde!
From the skies comes their demise,
Bring them to tears, Horde!
Fight, Horde, fight,
Each human we’ll smite, each fool floored.
Unleash, be cruel, Horde,
Real cruel.

Mokvar, Liadrin, and Faranell watch the rest of the group march off behind Malkorok.

LIADRIN: I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think I’m actually glad Garrosh didn’t live to see this…

MOKVAR: Yeah…

Mokvar tries to take a step, but is restrained by the two Kor’kron who’ve remained behind, and are still holding him.

<looking back and forth between the Kor’kron> Huh.

One of the Kor’kron slumps over, sapped.

KOR’KRON #2: What the—?

The other Kor’kron turns into a sheep in a puff of smoke.

FARANELL: That’s better.

Garona unstealths behind the sapped guard.

GARONA: You really have a way with people, Mokvar.

MOKVAR: I know, right? Still…thanks for sticking with me. All of you.

LIADRIN: I think we’re about to be outcasts among the outcasts.

FARANELL: Eh. You get used to it.

MOKVAR: I was hoping there would be more who would listen…

LIADRIN: Right now they don’t know what to think. So most of them aren’t.

FARANELL: And the rest of them are Dontrag and Utvoch. So, you know…

GARONA: What was that business about the surprise for Theramore?

LIADRIN: I don’t know, but…wait…that part about it coming from the skies…

FARANELL: What are you thinking?

LIADRIN: <looks up> There’s been a goblin sky galleon circling around the western Barrens all night…

FARANELL: Sending troops in by parachute?

GARONA: He would send a gunship for that. A galleon isn’t designed for troop deployment, just…payload.

LIADRIN: I think he’s planning to use a bomb…

MOKVAR: Jaina’s trying to calm the Alliance down and get them to listen to reason, but that’s off the board if Malkorok escalates things even more.

FARANELL: Remember when this cunning plan was going to spare us a big, messy, drawn-out war?

MOKVAR: I’m hoping we can still limit the damage…

LIADRIN: What do you have in mind?

MOKVAR: For starters – Garona, can you stealth into Theramore? We need you to warn them about what Malkorok’s doing.

GARONA: Wait, you want to warn the Alliance that a Horde attack is coming?

LIADRIN: To keep all of this from getting any further out of hand than it already is.

MOKVAR: And to let them see that not all of the Horde has gone crazy.

GARONA: Ugh, fine. I’ll get in and try to warn them.

LIADRIN: What about Edwin and I? What do you want us to do?

MOKVAR: Run.

LIADRIN: What?

FARANELL: I can handle that.

MOKVAR: Get back to the Eastern Kingdoms.

LIADRIN: Why? We should do something to help here.

FARANELL: Don’t argue with the man. Not-here sounds terrific.

MOKVAR: Look, there’s no telling how much uglier this is going to get for us. If things really go bad in Kalimdor, we need some good people still standing over on the other continent.

LIADRIN: There’s still Sylvanas and Lor’themar to run things there.

MOKVAR: You mean Miss “When in Doubt, Throw More Plague on It”—

FARANELL: You do realize who she has in charge of making all the plague, right?

MOKVAR: —and Mr. “Does Anyone Actually Know Who I Am, and By the Way Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat”?

LIADRIN: Seriously, why does no one ever remember who Lor’themar is?

GARONA: Who?

LIADRIN: <sigh>

MOKVAR: Liadrin, really, I know you want to help, but right now the best way for you to do that is by getting somewhere safe.

LIADRIN: What are you going to do?

MOKVAR: <taking out the stone he’d received from Jaina> I’ve got one more card to try playing.

LIADRIN: Whatever it is, good luck.

MOKVAR: To all of us.

Garona stealths and sneaks off; Faranell teleports himself and Liadrin away. Mokvar holds out the stone, channels a spell for several seconds, then disappears in a green flash.

Blackout. In Theramore, Jaina joins Deliana in the tower above.

JAINA: You haven’t moved since Mokvar left.

DELIANA: <shrugs> As long as I keep looking and not seeing anything, then nothing else is coming apart.

JAINA: Hopefully he’ll be able to convince them.

DELIANA: Hopefully. Thank you for being willing to listen to him.

JAINA: I’ve been rumored to know what it’s like to trust an orc when it’s not a terribly popular thing to do.

Rhonin enters. As he does, stagelights illuminate the Theramore courtyard below, where Garona unstealths. The scene below unfolds as the conversation in the tower continues: Garona is immediately attacked by Pained, Shaw, and a few of the Theramore guards; she attempts to fend off their attacks without actively striking anyone, while trying to talk, but to no avail; eventually more Alliance troops mob her, beating her viciously.

JAINA: Rhonin – any luck calming them down?

RHONIN: <shaking head> No more than you’ve had so far. This entire turn of events is proof of why both sides should have listened when we tried to start peace talks.

JAINA: I don’t think listening was ever the strong suit of either of the leaders involved.

RHONIN: Still, I’m hopeful that given a chance to calm down, they’ll eventually be willing to reconsider.

JAINA: The question is whether they’ll give themselves that chance to calm down.

RHONIN: You think they might do something rash?

JAINA: If they don’t, the Horde might. Either way, we all lose.

Falstad and Jonathan drag a bloodied Garona up to the tower and enter, followed closely by Pained and Shaw.

JONATHAN: Lady Proudmoore, we have another Horde captive!

JAINA: What…what did you do to her?

SHAW: Nothing these orcs don’t deserve.

FALSTAD: Aye, the troops made sure this one’d be takin’ some partin’ gifts, if’n she escapes…

JAINA: This… Is this what it’s come to now? Is this what we’ve reduced ourselves to?

PAINED: We didn’t start this war, my lady.

GARONA: <halting> No…but Malkorok…is coming…coming to finish it.

JAINA: Malkorok! He’s still in charge? Mokvar couldn’t stop him?

GARONA: He…he tried… And then he…he sent me to…to warn you…to… <looks around disgustedly> …to save you…

JAINA: Warn us about what? What is Malkorok doing?

SHAW: <shoving Garona> Answer her, orc!

JAINALet her!

GARONA: Malkorok…Malkorok is bringing the Horde to…to attack Theramore…and… <spits out blood, then looks around again angrily> He’s throwing the whole force at the north gate…

PAINED: We can pull everyone into the keep and fortify it, my lady – they’ll never get past the walls without siege engines.

SHAW: Still, I’d recommend sending out an advance force to intercept, maybe thin out their numbers before they can get here.

JAINA: See to that, Mathias. While you go out to meet them, we’ll make sure the city is sealed up tightly.  General Jonathan?

JONATHAN: Yes, Lady Proudmoore?

JAINA: I want you, General Redmane, and Admiral Aubrey coordinating the defenses here. I’ll speak to Rhonin about setting up some spells to reinforce the outer gates.

JONATHAN: Yes, ma’am. I’ll relay your orders.

Jonathan runs out. As he releases his grip on Garona, she jerks to one side and pulls free of Falstad’s grip, then stealths.

FALSTAD: Dammit! Where’d tha’ one go?

PAINED: We’re having a very bad day with prisoners today…

JAINA: Never mind that – everyone get to work preparing for the attack.

The other officers exit.

I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this…

DELIANA: I think I see them coming…

JAINA: <sighs> I’d better get down there, then…

Jaina exits; Deliana continues watching from the window.

Blackout. In Dustwallow Marsh, near Theramore, Malkorok enters with the rest of the Horde force, stage left. From stage right, an Alliance group enters, led by Falstad, Shandris, and Shaw.

SHANDRIS: There they are! Stop them! For the Alliance!

The Alliance rushes at the Horde and the two sides begin fighting. Malkorok stands back, surveying the battle and watching the sky. As the fighting rages on, he fires a flare into the sky; after a moment, a blinding burst of light flashes from offstage to the right, as an enormous explosion is heard. The blast throws several of the Alliance on the right side of the stage a good distance to the left, and many of them sprawl on the ground unconscious.

MALKOROK: HAHA! There! It is done! See what becomes of the enemies of the Horde, Alliance dogs! Now, quickly, finish them all, and—

MOKVAR: <offstage> Not so fast!

Mokvar enters in ghost wolf form from stage left, closely followed by Vol’jin mounted on a raptor and Baine Bloodhoof on a kodo.

VOL’JIN: Yah, mon, dere been enough killin’ already taday!

MALKOROK: You! I see the traitor has made friends among the malcontents! No matter, troll, you can watch and learn how—

BAINE: We will watch nothing other than you standing down!

MALKOROK: Stand down! Do you think yourself Warchief now, tauren? Is that an order?

BAINE: No, Malkorok, I know I’m not Warchief. <stares Malkorok down a moment> And yes, that’s an order.

From stage right, Jaina staggers in unsteadily.

Lady Proudmoore!

SHANDRIS: <pulling herself up slowly> Jaina…you…you survived…!

JAINA: Rhonin…Rhonin ported me out of the city at the last second… But he…he…

MOKVAR: <looking offstage to the right> Liana…?

JAINA: <looking back> My…my city…my people… They’re…they’re…

MALKOROK: Enough of this! Soldiers of the Horde, this is our moment – strike down your enemies once and for all, and—

BAINE: They will do nothing of the kind, Malkorok!

VOL’JIN: You be done givin’ orders, mon!

MALKOROK: And who will, troll? You? You think you have any authority to take over here?

VOL’JIN: Funny ting you be askin’, mon.

Another ghost wolf enters behind Vol’jin, Baine, and Mokvar.

I ain’t da one who be takin’ over.

The ghost wolf moves to center stage and transforms into Thrall.

THRALL: I believe you’ve done more than enough today, Malkorok.

MALKOROK: So the prodigal shaman returns! No matter!

Malkorok draws his axes and rushes at Thrall. Before he can reach him, Thrall extends one hand and summons a whirlwind that holds Malkorok suspended above the ground.

THRALL: I’ve faced far more imposing threats than you. More menacing and chilling than the likes of you could even imagine.

MALKOROK: <struggling to break out of the whirlwind> Yes, I know all about your battle with Deathwing, shaman…

THRALL: I was talking about Aggra with morning sickness.

Jaina finally pulls her attention away from the ruined city and approaches center stage, looking around angrily.

JAINA: I tried to tell you… And Rhonin… You did this…all of you…did this with your hate… <starts to build a fireball in her hand> Well now I have some hate of my own…

THRALL: Jaina, no!

JAINA: Don’t try to defend him, Thrall! You see what he did here!

THRALL: <glares over to Malkorok, still suspended> I could care less what happens to this…this. But the rest of my people have done nothing.

Jaina continues gathering the fireball in her hand as she eyes Malkorok. In the background, Dontrag and Utvoch can be seen helping Falstad and Shaw to their feet.

JAINA: Get them out of here.

SHAW: But Jaina, they—

JAINAToday isn’t the day for anyone to argue with me. Get them together and get them away from here, Go’el.

Thrall nods, then gestures to Vol’jin and Baine.

BAINE: All of you, come and come quickly.

VOL’JIN: Time ta make ourselves invisible like da Lich King’s horse!

BAINE: You really need a new joke. Seriously.

The Horde slowly makes its way offstage to the left; Baine and Vol’jin follow them. Mokvar finally pulls himself away from the sight of Theramore and slowly walks across the stage, stopping to stare a moment at Malkorok as he goes, then exits as well. Jaina’s gaze never moves from Malkorok.

JAINA: We’ve all lost a great deal to this conflict… <looks back over her shoulder> All of you…leave us.

The Alliance members trickle out; Shaw is the last one to linger at the edge of the stage.

SHAW: Um, actually, strictly speaking, there isn’t anyplace for us to go to anymo—

JAINAGet OUT, Mathias.

SHAW: Random swamp wandering it is, yes ma’am.

Shaw exits.

JAINA: You should go, too, Thrall.

THRALL: I suspect there are more than a few pieces to pick up back in Orgrimmar.

JAINA: You should go help pick them up, then.

THRALL: I’m sorry for your people, Jaina.

JAINA: A lot of us are sorry. Or will be.

Thrall releases Malkorok and starts to walk away.

MALKOROK: The great Warchief! That’s it, is it? You side with this human over your own kind!

THRALL: <continuing to walk away without looking back> You are not my kind, Malkorok.

Thrall exits.

MALKOROK: Don’t you walk away from me when I’m—

Malkorok starts to move toward Thrall but is stopped when Jaina unleashes her fireball on the ground in front of him, cutting off his path with a wide patch of flame.

JAINA: Malkorok, is it? I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Jaina Proudmoore.  <summons another fireball in her hand> I think it’s time we had a long, long – terribly long, really, and maybe unnecessarily slow – talk.

The curtain closes. Just as it does, a bright red flash can be seen through the heavy cloth, accompanied by an orcish voice crying out. The remaining stage lights go out.

 

West Azeroth Story, Act 2

operahouse4

The curtain rises to reveal Grommash Hold, where Garrosh is conferring with Eitrigg and Malkorok.

EITRIGG: I still do not like this plan, Warchief.  Thrall would never—

MALKOROKThrall is not here, old man.

EITRIGG: No…indeed he is not.

GARROSH: This battle will secure the supremacy of the Horde on this continent, Eitrigg, and do it without any loss of men or material.

EITRIGG: If you succeed, Warchief. If you do not—

GARROSH: Do you doubt that I can defeat that human, Eitrigg?

MALKORK: Rest assured, old man, the Warchief will prevail. And even if the impossible happens…well, suffice to say: We are the Horde. Even when we lose, we win.

EITRIGG: What is that supposed to—?

Garona runs in.

GARONA: Warchief! I’ve just returned from Blackrock Mountain!

MALKOROK: What were you doing there, rogue?

GARROSH: I sent her, Malkorok.

GARONA: I investigated, just as you asked, Garrosh.

MALKOROK: What could you possibly have to investigate in that place?

GARROSH: Mokvar.

MALKOROK: That scribe?

EITRIGG: What would Mokvar be doing in Blackrock Mountain?

GARROSH: Good question. What WAS he doing there, Garona?

GARONA: Meeting the human woman, Warchief.

GARROSH: <grumbles> I was afraid of that. What did you find out?

GARONA: I wasn’t able to hear much. Something about someone being untouchable…and assassins…

GARROSHAssassins?

GARONA: I could make out Mokvar saying they would both be in trouble if anyone found out about them…

MALKORK: The bastard spoke true there.

GARONA: And I think they’re planning to meet again.

GARROSH: Oh good, another rendezvous for the lovebirds…

MALKOROK: More like conspirators, Warchief. Traitors!

EITRIGG: But traitors to whom, if they’re afraid of angering both Horde and Alliance?

MALKOROK: That insipid notetaker was already a traitor the moment he set his gaze on that pink-skinned harlot!

GARONA: He certainly seemed concerned about her welfare.

MALKOROK: He should worry more about his own.

EITRIGG: I would remind you, we still don’t really know what Mokvar is doing.

GARROSH: We know enough to put me in a rotten mood. It would have been bad enough if he were merely having some…revolting affair with this human. But the thought that they might be up to something more than that makes my head spin.

 

{I FEEL CRANKY}

GARROSH:

I feel cranky,
And quite frankly,
Hanky-panky is rankly dismissed.
And I’ll thank ye
Not to get me any further pissed.

I feel surly,
My head’s swirly,
Not too early for a burly street brawl.
And quite surely
Tonight Varian is going to fall.

See this angry orc in the war room here?
Wonder how he got so enraged.
Such a cranky mood,
Such a cranky face—

GARONA:

Such a—

GARROSH:

               Shut up, you,
I won’t be upstaged!

I feel vengeful
And vindictive
My revenge will be strict; give this vibe:
I’m betrayed
By a frankly traitorous scribe! 

EITRIGG:

Will you reconsider this, Warchief?
We do not know nearly enough.
You’ll just set yourself up for more grief;
For all we know, Mokvar’s just affecting a bluff.

You think he’s allured?
You think you’re betrayed?
How can we be sure
What game he has played?

I plead with you, sir –
You’re so full of wrath.
You once relieved Krom’gar;
Don’t follow his path.

MALKOROK:

Keep silent, old man,
Lest you suffer!
That scribe has done
More than enough, sir.

Deceitful and vain,
Disloyal as well;
His open disdain
He’s proven full well!

GARROSH:

I feel vicious,
And malicious.
This seditious orc surely will pay.
And my wish is
I could get my hands on him today. 

GARONA:

La la la la…

GARROSH:

I feel spiteful.
I feel hostile.
But tonight we’ll accost all our foes.
While you flank me,
I’ll give Varian one on the nose.

GARONA:

La la la la…

GARROSH:

See this angry orc in the war room here?

MALKOROK:

Yes, sir, rightly so!

GARROSH:

You know how he got so pissed off.

EITRIGG:

Sir, I still say—

GARROSH:

Such a cranky mood,
Such a cranky face—

EITRIGG:

Please, sir, think again—

GARROSH:

Don’t make me scoff!

MALKOROK:  Hah!

GARROSH:

Now I’ll partake,
Feel my rage burn;
Soon Mokvar’ll take a turn for the worst.
But tonight
The Alliance is getting theirs first.

MALKOROK: Hah! Music to my ears indeed, sir! Tonight the Alliance finally pays for their insolence, and then we can deal with that insipid, traitorous scribe!

GARROSH: Come along, Malkorok, let’s gather the others and begin the march to the Barrens.

MALKOROK: Of course, Warchief.

GARROSH: Eitrigg, watch over Orgrimmar in our absence. We’ll return soon enough for the first of many victory celebrations.

Garrosh and Malkorok exit.

EITRIGG: <watching them go> I do not know if it was a curse or a blessing that Grom did not live to know his son…

GARONA: The Alliance would be only too happy to wipe us out as well, Eitrigg. Don’t forget how many times Varian has called us monsters.

EITRIGG: And I do not object to defending ourselves against him. But I would prefer not to do so by proving him right.

Mokvar enters.

Mokvar!

GARONA: You!

MOKVAR: Eitrigg, I need to—

Mokvar slumps over as Garona darts around and saps him from behind.

EITRIGG: Garona, what are you doing?!

GARONA: Incapacitating the traitor before he has a chance to—

EITRIGG: To what? Write us a mean letter?

GARONA: Garrosh would have wanted us to—

EITRIGG: Garrosh isn’t here. And we have long since gotten out of the habit of honoring the wishes of our Warchiefs in their absence.

Eitrigg eyes Mokvar carefully.

I would like to hear what he has to say for himself.

A dim spotlight, stage left, illuminates Garrosh and Malkorok marching through Orgrimmar gathering Liadrin, Faranell, Dontrag, Utvoch, and other assorted Horde mainstays.

A moment after the Horde activities come into view, a second dim spotlight, stage right, illuminates Deliana talking in pantomime with Jaina Proudmoore in a Theramore tower. An additional spotlight below them shows Varian making his way among Alliance troops, gathering some – Falstad Wildhammer, Mathias Shaw, Shandris Feathermoon – to join him, while directing others – Horran Redmane, Marcus Jonathan, Tarlen Aubrey – to posts within Theramore.

At center stage, Mokvar regains consciousness and looks around, briefly disoriented.

MOKVAR: I would ask what that was for, but I think I already know that the answer would be.

GARONA: Shouldn’t you be in Blackrock Spire with your lady friend?

MOKVAR: So I’m guessing Deliana and I weren’t the only ones in Blackrock.

GARONA: Sorry if I was spoiling your privacy.

EITRIGG: Garona, enough.

GARONA: Ugh, fine.

MOKVAR: Has Garrosh heard?

EITRIGG: Indeed. You’re fortunate he’s already left for the Barrens…

MOKVAR: So, how pissed is he, on a scale of one to…well…one to Garrosh…?

GARONA: Right now I’d say he’s hovering around Garrosh squared.

MOKVAR: Crap.

GARONA: Seriously. He did a whole musical number about it.

EITRIGG: It likely doesn’t help matters that he has that blasted Malkorok fanning the flames for him.

MOKVAR: Yeah, that’s part of the problem – why I was going to see Deliana in the first place. Well, mostly.

EITRIGG: Mokvar, who is this woman?

MOKVAR: An old friend, from years before I came to Orgrimmar. She and I were in a mercenary company called the Veiled Blade. Years ago, we were hired for a mission in Blackrock Spire. We fought one of Nefarian’s lieutenants there, a drakonid called Lord Valthalak. We killed him…mostly…but after we made off with our loot, his spirit sent spectral assassins after us. That’s when Deliana and I went into hiding – me in Orgrimmar, her in Ironforge.

EITRIGG: And the rest of your group?

MOKVAR: Dead. Mostly, anyway.

EITRIGG: What business do you have with her now? And why all the secrecy?

MOKVAR: Other than her being a human and us being at war?

EITRIGG: I’m not unfamiliar with unlikely friendships.

MOKVAR: I’d thought we’d laid this Valthalak business to rest years ago, but now it looks like those spectral assassins are on the move again. We have no idea why, but we’ve been trying to find out.

EITRIGG: I wish you’d come to us with this first, Mokvar. Garrosh has come to consider you a friend, but the news of you sneaking off to meet with this human…

MOKVAR: Yeah, I know…

EITRIGG: He’s grown belligerent enough of late, with precious few to counter the whispers of that Malkorok urging him headlong into foolish confrontations.

MOKVAR: And that’s the other part of this, Eitrigg.

EITRIGG: What is?

MOKVAR: Malkorok. We’ve met before. <long sigh> In Blackrock Spire.

EITRIGG: You what?

MOKVAR: He can’t be trusted, Eitrigg. I know he has Garrosh’s ear, and that…that’s a problem.

EITRIGG: Mokvar, by the spirits, why haven’t you said anything? Do you have any idea how many of us have prayed for some way to convince Garrosh not to listen to that monster?

MOKVAR: That’s…a long story.

EITRIGG: Right now I don’t think we have much time for it. Garrosh and the devil on his shoulder are on their way to the Barrens now… Mokvar, whatever is in your past, you’ve been nothing but an honorable man since I’ve known you. Answer me: How sure are you about Malkorok? That he’s not to be trusted?

MOKVAR: Rend trusted him all those years ago. And I can tell you for a certainty – he shouldn’t have.

EITRIGG: I was already worried about his role in this spirits-forsaken challenge…

GARONA: You think he has some secret agenda?

MOKVAR: I wouldn’t put it past him.

EITRIGG: Then someone has to intervene. Mokvar, you have to get down there. I know Garrosh won’t be happy to see you, but if he’s walking into something…

MOKVAR: I know.

GARONA: I’ll go with you. Maybe he’ll listen to me.

MOKVAR: Does he ever listen to you?

GARONA: Hey, at least he hasn’t declared his desire to brutally murder me in glorious song in the last fifteen minutes, how about you?

MOKVAR: Also, weren’t you the one ready to stunlock and kill me yourself just a few minutes ago?

GARONA: Yes. And if it turns out that you’re lying, I still can.

MOKVAR: Reassuring.

GARONA: Right now, I can either trust you or not. If I trust you, and I’m wrong, I’ll still be there to stop you and kill you – and don’t think I won’t. But if I ignore you now, and I’m wrong…

EITRIGG: We’re losing valuable time. Hurry, both of you…

MOKVAR: We will. Thanks, Eitrigg.

EITRIGG: You can thank me by not proving me a sentimental old fool for trusting my instincts on you. Go quickly now – lok’tar.

MOKVAR: Lok’tar.

GARONA: Ogar.

Mokvar and Garona exist and Eitrigg begins to pace the room as the lights dim and the curtain closes.

 

{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 3…}

 

West Azeroth Story

operahouse3

Barnes walks onstage and a spotlight appears over him.

BARNES: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this evening’s presentation! Tonight we explore a tale of forbidden love! But beware, for not all love stories end happily. As you may find out, sometimes love pricks like a thorn. But don’t take it from me. See for yourself what tragedy lies ahead when the paths of star-crossed lovers meet. And now: On with the show!

Barnes walks offstage. The curtain rises, revealing a farm house with a Horde banner flying behind it. In the foreground, Garrosh enters from stage right, with Mokvar, Garona, Dontrag, Utvoch, Liadrin, and Faranell in formation behind him. As they walk by the farm, they begin snapping their fingers rhythmically in unison. They continue walking until they disappear from view, stage left.

The lights dim for a moment, then come back on, showing that the farm house has been replaced by a blacksmith’s building. Again, a Horde banner flies in the background. Garrosh et al enter stage left, still walking in formation and snapping their fingers in unison. Again they walk across the stage and exit, stage right.

Blackout. This time, the blacksmith building has been replaced by a stable. Garrosh et al enter stage right and walk past the stable, snapping their fingers – then, stopping their snapping, they turn and look back at the Alliance flag flying nearby.

From stage left, Varian Wrynn enters with a group of Alliance – including Jaina Proudmoore, Falstad Wildhammer, and Shandris Feathermoon. The Horde group turns to see them, and the two sides stare each other down for a moment.

As hectic music fills the air, the two groups launch into combat and fight back and forth acrobatically as if dancing to the music.

GARROSH: For the Horde!

ALL HORDE: For the Horde!

VARIAN: For the Alliance!

ALL ALLIANCE: Alliance!

GARROSH: Oh, fuck you, Varian!

VARIAN: This time there’ll be no escape for you, Hellscream!

The two sides continue fighting back and forth in front of the stables.

GARROSH: For fuck’s sake, you idiots, stop fighting in the middle and cap the damn flag!

VARIAN: There’re all here! The mine has to be open, some of you get over there!

LIADRIN: Someone come with me to cover the blacksmith before they get there!

Most of the combatants rush off in different directions, until Garrosh and Faranell find themselves alone with Varian, Jaina, Shandris, and several anonymous Alliance soldiers.

GARROSH: Okay, now to—

FARANELL: Not liking the odds here, boss – lumber mill coming up!

Faranell grabs Garrosh and teleports them both away just as Varian starts to rush at them.  Varian looks around, then points at a red-shirted dwarf.

VARIAN: You, fact checker!  Watch the stables while we circle around. Let’s go!

Varian and the others rush off, leaving the Wildhammer Fact Checker standing alone by the flag. After a moment, the dwarf lurches forward, stunned, as Garona unstealths behind him and starts stabbing him wildly with two daggers until he collapses to the ground.

GARONA: <turning to the flag> Lok’tar!

Blackout. At the blacksmith, Liadrin and Mokvar fight Shandris and an Alliance soldier, pushing them back until they fight their way offstage to the right.

Blackout. The landscape changes to that of the Isle of Conquest. From stage right, Garrosh, Liadrin, and Dontrag enter, followed by Flastad driving a glaive, with Jaina casting fireballs in support. The Alliance drive the Horde back until they exit to the left.

Blackout. This time the surrounding scenery is that of Wintergrasp. Varian and Jaina enter from stage left, chased by a demonlisher manned by Garrosh, Garona, and Utvoch, plus a catapult driven by Faranell. The Horde continues chasing the Alliance until they all exit, stage right.

Blackout. The scene changes to the Ring of Champions at the Argent Tournament grounds. From opposite sides of the stage, the Horde and Alliance groups rush in and begin fighting across the ring, again moving in rhythm with the music.

After a few minutes of combat, Tirion Fordring enters, runs to the middle of the fray, and emits a burst of light from the Ashbringer that knocks back all the combatants. Tirion looks back and forth at the two groups disapprovingly; they return to their feet and look back at him uneasily.

GARROSH: Oh. Hey.

VARIAN: Greetings, Highlord.

TIRION: If I might have a word, gentlemen.

GARROSH and VARIAN: Oh no.

TIRION: Much hope has been invested in an eventual peace between both your peoples, not least of all by the great archmage Rhonin, in his noble planning of the peace summit in Dalaran that draws near. Indeed, my own friendship with your own kinsman Eitrigg, Warchief Hellscream, stands, if I might dare flatter myself, in illustration of the fellowship that might be wrought between two divergent cultures, and, indeed, worlds—

VARIAN: Look, Tirion—

GARROSH: Seriously, you don’t have to—

TIRION: —one that you both may well benefit to heed. For surely, two such mighty and wise leaders as yourselves cannot but recognize the merit in looking beyond these petty, mutually destructive squabbles—

GARROSH: Dude, really, couldn’t you just let us slowly hack each other to death?

VARIAN: It would be faster and more humane.

TIRION: —in order to secure a lasting stability that would work to both your advantages.

Garrosh and Varian stare at Tirion in silence for several seconds.

GARROSH: Were you done?

TIRION: <sighs> In any case… Under my roof, gentlemen, I trust you will behave yourselves.

VARIAN: Fine, Tirion. I’ll talk to you later. Or try to.

Varian leaves, the other Alliance following close behind. Tirion nods to Garrosh and likewise exits, in the opposite direction.

FARANELL: Well that was arguably needlessly elaborate.

DONTRAG: What’s the plan now, if I might inquire, oh great and nefarious Warchief?

FARANELL: “Nefarious”…?

MOKVAR: Just let him.

UTVOCH: Indeed, sir, are you planning to go through with the peace summit?

GARROSH: Dude, did you just meet me today or something?

FARANELL: Not to mention it would have been a lot easier just to fly up here if that were the case, without having to find parking spaces for all the demolishers.

GARROSH: The only peace I’m interested in with that Alliance scum is the one that will come after we’ve crushed them beneath our boots, and secured the supremacy of the Horde!

DONTRAG: For the Horde!

GARONA: For the Horde!

GARROSH: FOR THE HORDE!

 

{HORDE SONG}

GARROSH:

When you’re the Horde
You stand mighty and strong!
If the humans come toward,
They won’t be standing long.

When you’re the Horde
You’re united and brave,
And across Kalimdor
Full dominion you crave. 

You’re not backing down,
You’re not intimidated!
You’re green and you’re brown.
(I hope not masticated.)
You’re unabated!

If you get bored
Find some humans to slay –
At the end of your sword
Is the end of their days!
Cause we’re the Horde,
Yeah – For the Horde!

Now I know Varian, and I’m damn sure he isn’t any more jazzed about this peace conference idea than I am.

LIADRIN: I’ll bet you anything he’s only here at all because Jaina talked him into it.

MOKVAR: Oh, yeah.  Talked.

GARROSH: Fuck that shit, Mokvar. That would require the asshole to be able to—

FARANELL: I’m begging you not to finish that sentence.

DONTRAG: So what are we going to do, great and mighty Warchief?

UTVOCH: Are we skipping the peace summit?

GARROSH: Oh no, we’re going to the summit. See, Rhonin’s right about one thing – having our war with the Alliance drag on and on IS a waste. For US, anyway. The sooner it ends – with the Horde victorious – the sooner we can stop losing the lives of so many of our brave soldiers.

GARONA: So what are you planning?

GARROSH: We’ll go to Rhonin’s little conference – and I’m going to challenge Varian to a full-on confrontation. One last glorious battle, to decide the fate of Kalimdor at least, and maybe the entire world, once and for all. With victory for the Horde!

DONTRAG: For the Horde!

UTVOCH: For the Horde!

DONTRAG:

When you’re the Horde
You say “Lok’tar ogar!”
Hey, I’m singing a chord!
I can’t carry it far…

UTVOCH:

When you’re the Horde
All’s achievable now!
All the wins that we’ve scored,
Inconceivable—OW!!

ALL:

The Horde’s on the move,
Our hearts full of defiance!
We’ve nothing to prove
Once we slay the Alliance,
Down to a science!

Here comes the Horde
And here’s where we begin
Charging headlong to war
And you know that we’ll win.

Here comes the Horde
And the world’s gonna quake,
First we wiped out Southshore,
Then the Barrens we’ll take.

We’re drawin’ the line,
And if they don’t like hurtin’,
They’ll stay on their side,
And if they don’t, it’s certain
For them it’s curtains!

Here comes the Horde!
When we reach Dalaran
We won’t sign no accord—

UTVOCH:

Isn’t this Karazhan?

GARROSH: <glaring>

Dontrag, I told
You
Once:
WORD
BAN.

All exit, and the lights fade. After a few seconds, the lights gradually come up again, revealing a large room in the Violet Citadel of Dalaran. Rhonin paces around the middle of the room.

From stage right, Garrosh enters, followed by Mokvar, Liadrin, Faranell, Garona, Dontrag, and Utvoch.

From stage left, the Alliance contingent enters: Varian Wrynn, Jaina Proudmoore, Tyrande Whisperwind, Prophet Velen, Falstad Wildhammer, Shandris Feathermoon, Master Mathias Shaw, and Deliana.

As both groups enter, Rhonin mills about greeting them. No voices are audible, but it’s clear from the participants’ body language that they’re talking. Occasionally Garrosh is seen smacking Dontrag and/or Utvoch in the head.

From opposite sides of the room, Mokvar and Deliana notice each other, then begin to walk toward each other slowly at center stage. They meet in the middle of the room, just as, in the background, Rhonin waves Garrosh and Varian toward each other.

DELIANA: Mokvar…?

MOKVAR: I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, Liana…

In the background, Garrosh and Varian can be seen talking, growing increasingly animated, while Rhonin appears to try to calm them both down.

DELIANA: I…I was worried about you.

MOKVAR: <nods> I’d heard you were in Ironforge. I’m glad they didn’t get to you.

DELIANA: When the spectral assassins started coming for the others, I recruited help to try to appease Valthalak. I’d hoped they could do it before the assassins came for you, too.

MOKVAR: I did the same. Mostly to protect my own neck, but still.

DELIANA: <chuckles> Not for me? And here I thought I was something special.

MOKVAR: <laughs> Now you sound like my wife.

In the background, Garrosh and Varian storm angrily away from each other, then pause, turn, charge at each other, and start fighting as most of the rest of their respective groups collapse in closer.

DELIANA: Mokvar, something’s wrong.

MOKVAR: <glances over his shoulder at the fight> What was your first hint?

DELIANA: No, I mean…in Ironforge. A few days ago…I saw Theldren.

MOKVARWhat?

In the background, Rhonin jumps in close to Garrosh and Varian, then unleashes a burst of arcane energy that knocks them away from each other.

RHONIN: <muted by distance but audible> We have all lost a great deal in these conflicts – but we stand to lose everything if we do not stop fighting!

Mokvar and Deliana look back to each other; behind them, the two factions mill about on opposite sides of the room, watching each other guardedly.

MOKVAR: Wait…you saw TheldrenAlive?

DELIANA: <nods> He came to see Moira Thaurissan. I don’t know what about.

MOKVAR: I can’t believe he’s still alive…

DELIANA: It worries me. If he came out of hiding…or if he’s decided Blackrock Depths isn’t safe enough anymore as a hiding place…

At the right side of the stage, Dontrag and Utvoch begin to look curiously at Mokvar, pointing at him and gesturing to each other as they appear to talk. (Which they do. Endlessly. Because they’re Dontrag and Utvoch.)

MOKVAR: Liana…I’ve seen something, too.

Mokvar waves her closer; Deliana leans in nearer to him.

DELIANA: What? What’s wrong?

MOKVAR: It’s…him. He’s back. And he’s in Orgrimmar.

DELIANA: Who…? Not Valthalak?

MOKVAR: <shaking head> No, no, not Valthalak, but—

DELIANA: <eyes going wide> Oh…ohh…oh no, no…

To the side, Dontrag and Utvoch are joined by Garrosh.

UTVOCH: <aside> Warchief? What’s going on with Mokvar?

DONTRAG: <aside> He seems to be on pretty…um…good terms with that human.

GARROSH: <aside> Yeah…he does, doesn’t he…

Deliana looks around nervously.

DELIANA: Mokvar, why would he be in Orgrimmar? What is he doing there?

MOKVAR: Bending the Warchief’s ear, mostly…

DELIANA: He…? Oh no…Mokvar…

GARROSH: <aside> Seriously, wasn’t it enough that Thrall had that incomprehensible thing for Jaina? Is this going to be some new thing?

DONTRAG: <aside> Well, begging your pardon, most highly annoyable and punch-titious sir, she…well, she does have nice legs for a human.

UTVOCH: <aside> Eh, doesn’t really do much for me.

DONTRAG: <aside> No, because she doesn’t have hooves, Ut.

DELIANA: Mokvar, what are we going to do?

MOKVAR: I don’t know. He’s managed to get himself into Garrosh’s inner circle somehow. He’s practically become Garrosh’s inner circle. I don’t know if he’s even touchable at this point.

Garona joins Garrosh, Dontrag, and Utvoch.

GARONA: <aside> What are we all looking at?

DONTRAG: <aside> Mokvar putting the moves on some human, we think.

GARONA: <aside> Ugh, really? Why do you orc men always seem to go after everything but orc women?

GARROSH: <aside> You mean based on the example of an orc woman we have on hand?

DELIANA: Mokvar…I’ll try to see if I can learn anything.

MOKVAR: How?

DELIANABodley. I think I may still be able to reach his ghost…

MOKVAR: I’ll see if I can dig up anything on my end. When should we meet again?

DELIANA: Tomorrow? You know where…

MOKVAR: <nods> Be careful.

DELIANA: You too.

Mokvar and Deliana walk cautiously back to their respective sides of the room. The Alliance contingent begins to leave, while Mokvar appears to talk distractedly with Liadrin and Faranell.

GARROSH: I don’t like the looks of this fraternizing with the enemy at all…

MOKVAR: <aside> I’ll talk to you later, Edwin. I think I need a little air.

The lights dim on all but Mokvar as he walks away from the others and leaves. He steps offstage for a moment, then reenters; a spotlight follows him around the stage as he wanders through Dalaran.

 

{LIANA}

MOKVAR:

A name I never thought I’d hear again…
(Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana)
Since we fled long ago from the heart of a dragon’s den…
(Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana)

Liana!
I saw her again: Deliana.
But now we are aghast:
A shadow of the past
Is here.

Liana!
Stay safe, my old friend Deliana.
We may have just delayed
The bane of the Veiled Blade,
I fear.

Liana!
Go and seek out the ghost of Bodley,
While I question my contacts broadly.
Liana,
This all played out oddly.
Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana,
Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana.
All our efforts we’d best redouble:
We might be in a whole lot of trouble.
Liana,
WTB pally bubble…
Liana.

A name I never thought I’d hear again…
Liana.

Blackout.  At Valiance Keep, Varian and the other Alliance members enter.

JAINA: Are you really going to go through with this?

VARIAN: Did I look like I was joking when I agreed to it, Jaina?

JAINA: But one fight to determine the future of a whole continent?

SHANDRIS: It does sound like quite the gamble, Highness.

VARIAN: You sound like you don’t have faith in my chances against Garrosh, Shandris.

SHANDRIS: Hellscream does not have the best track record with regard to honorable combat, Highness.

VARIAN: Hence why I insisted we hold the duel in a setting where we can keep a close eye on him.

FALSTAD: He’ll be tryin’ somethin’ fer sure, Yer Highness, just ye watch.

VARIAN: At least in our own territory, we won’t have to worry as much about the place swarming with orcs.

VELEN: Hang on – swarming with orcs? That sounds like something the Legion would do! The Legion isn’t back, is it?

VARIAN: <rubbing forehead> No, Velen, the Legion isn’t back.

VELEN: You’d tell me, right? I need time to pack.

VARIAN: Believe me, the last thing I would ever do is get in the way of you packing.

JAINA: Speaking of which, if you do lose, do you really plan for us to…go through with it?

VARIAN: I made an agreement, Jaina: one battle, leader against leader, for control of Kalimdor, once and for all. I intend to honor it.

TYRANDE: I don’t much like this business of you gambling with the lands my people have called home for millennia.

VARIAN: Oh, hush, Tyrande.

TYRANDE: …

SHANDRIS: Oh no he didn’t.

TYRANDE: You are not nearly hot enough to get away with talking to me like that!

VARIANThe point is, I don’t intend to lose. And then you’ll be happy I took up the challenge, when the forests of Ashenvale are no longer crawling with orcs.

VELEN: Crawling with orcs! That’s it, not taking any chances – I’m out! Good luck, people.

Velen exits.

VARIAN: <sighs> Well, they don’t call him Bailin’ Velen for nothing, I suppose.

TYRANDE: Wanting the orcs out is all well and good, but taking such an all-or-nothing risk…

SHAW: Really, I don’t see what you’re so worried about. I mean…it’s just Kalimdor.

TYRANDE: Umm…what?

VARIAN: Seriously.

SHANDRIS: You…can’t be serious.

JAINA: You realize they’ve both lived there for thousands of years, right?

FALSTAD: Maybe ye could use a change o’ scenery, then.

VARIAN: I’m not disputing it would be a loss, but it’s not as if there’s a lot over there that’s irreplaceable…

TYRANDE: Are you not familiar with the World Tree?

SHAW: The one that burned with Archimonde and…hang on…nothing happened?

JAINA: I…don’t believe you three.

VARIAN: Oh, don’t worry about Jaina. She grew up in Kul Tiras and Dalaran but then she decided to go move into her own place and forget her old home.

JAINA: Not true! I remember it well.

 

{KALIMDOR}

JAINA:

Eastern Kingdoms:
A lovely visit.
I wouldn’t ever want to live it.
Greatest city there you found
Pulled itself out of the ground –
Dalaran’d rather float around!
Half the mountains burning.
Undead plague is churning.
I’ll take kingdom Theramore
(Well, till it ain’t there no more).

JAINA, TYRANDE, and SHANDRIS:

I like to be here in Kalimdor.
So much to see here in Kalimdor.
Make the orcs flee out of Kalimdor!

VARIAN:

Horde burning trees there in Kalimdor.

JAINA:

Winterspring sledding is so fun!

SHAW:

Look for a flight path – there ain’t none!

SHANDRIS:

Vast tranquil plains under blue sky.

VARIAN:

Barrens chat: listen once, you’ll cry.

JAINA:

Earn gold in Ratchet in Kalimdor.

FALSTAD:

Goblins will snatch it in Kalimdor!

TYRANDE:

Draenei chose to land in Kalimdor.

In the background, the Exodar flies by.

VARIAN: <pointing a thumb at the ship>

Velen just abandoned Kalimdor.

TYRANDE:

Historic places in Felwood.

VARIAN:

Illidan screwed that up real good.

JAINA:

Caverns of Time sifting sand, ha!

SHAW:

One slip and you’re your own grandma.

SHANDRIS:

Ysera greets you in Kalimdor!

FALSTAD:

Devilsaurs eat you in Kalimdor!

TYRANDE:

Night elves defiant in Kalimdor.

VARIAN:

Roaches are giant in Kalimdor.

JAINA:

Out to the forests – a fun romp!

SHAW:

Forests? You’re stuck in a damn swamp!

TYRANDE:

Titan creations in Uldum.

FALSTAD:

Those almost made the world go boom.

VARIAN:

So much frustration in Kalimdor.
Steak rules a nation in Kalimdor.
All your flirtation in Kalimdor!

JAINA: <glares and draws a dagger>

You risk castration in Kalimdor.

VARIAN:

You should come back to Kul Tiras.

SHANDRIS:

Not on the map – do they fear us?

VARIAN:

Garrosh will strike if you don’t fly.

JAINA:

Yeah, sure, I’d like to see him try.

Blackout. The stage is illuminated again, gradually, by fiery light, revealing the interior of Blackrock Mountain. Mokvar enters, stage left, and walks amid the rubble and stone, looking around cautiously.

The stage lights become brighter as Mokvar nears center stage, illuminating, above, the balcony leading to Blackrock Spire. From the entrance to the spire, Deliana enters, looking down.

DELIANA: Mokvar!

MOKVAR: <looking up> Liana! Are you all right up there?

DELIANA: Other than a few bruises from the fifteen times I tried to hop over to this blasted balcony and missed? Peachy.

MOKVAR: Yeah, I’m not taking my chances. Knowing my luck I’m liable to fall in the lava.

DELIANA: Does anyone know you’re here?

MOKVAR: No. You can tell that by the fact that I am here, and not dead.

DELIANA: <nods> I had to sneak out as well… I suspect Varian would be none too pleased if he knew I was meeting you.

MOKVAR: I’m pretty sure “none too pleased” would be the best case scenario with Garrosh.

DELIANA: Have you found out anything?

MOKVAR: Nothing very much. I’ve had to be fairly careful with my asking around, so I haven’t been able to dig as much as I’d like. I know Malkorok turned up in Orgrimmar some months ago, and rose through the ranks quickly. But nobody seems to know where he came from. Well, other than the obvious.

DELIANA: <nods> I can’t understand how he won Garrosh’ trust so quickly.

MOKVAR: How did he win Rend’s?

DELIANA: And how did that work out?

MOKVAR: I know… What about you? Were you able to…?

DELIANA: Yes… <sighs>

MOKVAR: The fact that you’re stopping there tells me it’s bad news.

DELIANA: Not much to go on, but it doesn’t sound good. I was only able to make contact briefly, but…there have been spectral assassins here. Leaving the spire. For the first time in years…

MOKVAR: There’s…about half a dozen ways to account for that, and none of them are good.

DELIANA: I know.

MOKVAR: Anything else?

DELIANA: That’s it so far. <sigh> I’d really hoped this was over years ago.

MOKVAR: So did I.

DELIANA: I suppose you reap what you sow, though, don’t you…

MOKVAR: Yeah… Well, what’s done is done. Nothing to be done about it now.

DELIANA: I know. Still, I wish I could just go back in time sometimes.

MOKVAR: No, you don’t. Trust me. It’s more headaches than it’s worth.

DELIANA: What do we do now?

MOKVAR: I’ll try to call in a few more of my contacts…I’ve got a few people still who owe me favors. Check around too, if you can…

DELIANA: I will. I’ll find a way to contact you one way or another in the next day or two.

MOKVAR: Be careful. If the wrong people find out what we’re doing, they’re not going to care what it is we’re actually talking about.

DELIANA: I know. Watch out for yourself, Mokvar.

MOKVAR: Have been for years. Stay safe, Liana.

Liana nods, then waves, and disappears into the spire doorway. Mokvar watches her go, looks around uneasily, and exits, stage right.

After Mokvar leaves the stage, a low whooshing sound is heard. To the left side of the stage, near one of the large stone blocks, Garona unstealths. She peers across the stage to the right side, a look of concern on her face, then stealths again.

The curtain closes.

 

{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 2…}

 

Surprises from the land down under

log2

So after the last few days, I decided I needed to relax and blow off a little steam, so I locked myself away upstairs for some gaming time, and…well…see for yourself.

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I’m just about to start on the outback now

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you get the bread crumb quest to alice springs?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, chief

[Guild][Lorthemar] Hail, Garrosh!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi garrosh

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey guys

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what’s up, boss?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh and hi, lorthemar

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] are you new?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh, doing okay, I guess

[Guild][Lorthemar] Erm, no…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just need to destress a little

[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been in this guild for months.

[Guild][Lorthemar] Why do people keep asking me that?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh okay

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway, garona, when you start questing in the outback, just watch out for the dingo packs

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Sydney Opera House]!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re bad news, huh?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] grats!

[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all! ^_^

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And greetings, Warchief. My apologies for being a bit distracted. I was focused on an instance.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah gayle, they just turn up out of nowhere and swarm you

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, that’s right, I forgot all about the expansion!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh great – well thanks for the warning

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] How are you guys liking Australia?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I take back all the jokes I made about it.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the new zones are gorgeous!

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] they really did a nice job on it from what I’ve seen so far

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] BQ’s leaving us all in the dust, though

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] she’s level 60 already

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh wow

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I needed something to occupy myself with while many of you were going about the much more important work of fighting for the glory of the Horde.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi prof

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Shining success that it was.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Edwin.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could always put in a little time tracking down what happened to Koltira Deathweaver, you know

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, there’s the doc

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] His whereabouts *are* indeed a mystery, I will grant.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s good, I’d meant to check up on him after the dust settled

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hiya prof

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know, make sure he was still there and okay

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief? Why would Faranell not be okay? He’s been here in the Undercity the whole time, nowhere near the conflicts in the Barrens and Dustwallow.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello all

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey doc, how goes?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hmm

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, good point, Sylvanas…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have I mentioned how much I love this new aoe looting?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it goes.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh man, yeah, that’s great.

[Guild][Lorthemar] That was indeed a superb addition.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hell yeah, is that active finally?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yup

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think it’s time for me to get out there and have a look

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Going into the new zone cinematic, so I’ll be quiet for a few

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So Edwin, everything okay down in the Apothecarium?

[Guild][Lorthemar] Enjoy, Warchief. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it’s fine.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fairly quiet, since, as the good doctor will surely confirm, there’s little going on there other than routine defensive research.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless you count all the plague, yeah.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol

[Proudleslie] has logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Your…droll sense of humor is amusing as always, doctor. A fine jest indeed.

[Guild][Proudleslie] oh man what a week i’ve had

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um…

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if you say so.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi leslie

[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings!

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh no

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Isn’t that…?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah

[Guild][Proudleslie] hi everyone

[Guild][Proudleslie] it’ll be good to unwind here a little

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This isn’t going to be pretty, is it?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] nope

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have you had a chance to get started on australia yet, leslie?

[Guild][Proudleslie] just the first night

[Guild][Proudleslie] i pulled a late nighter and managed to get a couple levels

[Guild][Proudleslie] then i had a bunch of stuff blow up on me rl

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sounds very hectic, Leslie…

[Guild][Proudleslie] and now i have this new job so

[Guild][Proudleslie] yea it really is

[Guild][Proudleslie] brb afk

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hb

[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh HO, look at this! I just found one of those rare koala pets!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg jealous!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but yay!

[Guild][Lorthemar] It is a cute little thing. A bit odd looking, but…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so that’s done

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so you’re in sydney now?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah…have a bunch of quests to do

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the one with the wombat is kind of tough

[Guild][Proudleslie] ok back

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, well here we go

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb leslie

[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome back, both of you!

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh boy

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] here we go

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh, YEAH here we go

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…just to make sure I’m not mixing this up with some alternate reality or something

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] is that who I think it is?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, it’s jaina

[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks gayle

[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks lorthemar

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Leslie. Good to see you again.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Question #2

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHY IS SHE STILL IN THE FUCKING GUILD

[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks livin

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I hope things have settled down for you a bit.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think anyone has seen her on since last time

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and the whole thing with varian

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, if I may…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I guess nobody bothered to go back and gkick her while she was offline.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And also why the hell are you being all buddy buddy with her, Sylvanas?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A suggestion, Garrosh?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s actually part of my suggestion.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What suggestion, to be friends with our enemies, especially the ones who completely torpedoed what should have been a decisive win for the Horde?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Because apparently, we’re running Heroic Bizarro World in real life now?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or are you throwing in with Baine and Vol’jin to commemorate Hey Everybody Let’s All Piss Off Garrosh Week?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] That’s only a week?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, please hear me out.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh trust me, I’m all ears

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Consider for a moment: it’s precisely *because* Jaina has proven such a thorn in the Horde’s side that we should consider keeping her in the guild.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Because…?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ll get another virus queued up, just in case…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Recall the old adage, Warchief: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By all appearances, Jaina does not realize who we are. I can’t imagine why Varian wouldn’t have told her, but then, considering Varian’s evident mental acuity, I suppose anything is possible.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In any case, we have here among us a high-ranking member of the Alliance, who we know to have Varian’s ear, and will likely be privy to a great many of their plans, not to mention whichever ones she might be involved in personally.

[Guild][Proudleslie] huh its gotten all quiet

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we can keep her around, we might be able to use it to our advantage, to ply inside information from her about our enemies’ movements.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’d tried to make this same suggestion to you a few months ago when we discovered Varian had joined the guild, but you kicked him before I could make my point.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But this time, Warchief, please, consider the possibilities here.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I have to admit, it’s a pretty smart idea.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re talking in officer chat

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m already working on befriending her. We don’t need to do anything other than allow her to stay around, while we watch for openings.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I understand that you’re angry about the recent setbacks, but think of the benefit we might gain from this, with hardly any risk of loss on our part.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh… Okay, you know what, that actually IS pretty smart

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So, yeah, okay, let her stick around

[Guild][Proudleslie] oh

[Guild][Proudleslie] about what?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll bite my tongue

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, Warchief. I promise you won’t regret this.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We’ll just have to make sure nobody slips up and gives away who’s actually in the guild

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] most people have been getting pretty good about rl stuff

[Guild][Lorthemar] Probably me.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, well, hopefully we’ll get something useful out of this

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Meanwhile, let me get back to leveling

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i should get going actually.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see everyone soon.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye prof

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Proudleslie] bye profhubert

[Guild][Proudleslie] bah too slow

[Guild][Proudleslie] oh hey

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ?

[Guild][Proudleslie] since most of the officers are on, could i get a guild invite for my bf?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re not going to be cybering him in guild chat, are you?

[Guild][Proudleslie] omg

[Guild][Proudleslie] i’m so so so embarrassed about that

[Guild][Proudleslie] i’m so sorry, it wont happen again i promise

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, she has a boyfriend now? Since when?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Beats me.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And who is it?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I don’t really keep up with celebrity gossip.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Working on it…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, sure, Leslie, just as soon as I’m out of combat here

[Guild][Proudleslie] ok

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s ok, leslie, i’ll get him, just whisper me the name?

[Guild][Proudleslie] ok! ty

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, well this is interesting…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m trying not to press for too much information, obviously…

[HonaleePuff] has joined the guild.

[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.

[Guild][Proudleslie] hi sweetie!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome puff

[Guild][HonaleePuff] THANKS EVERYONE

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa don’t yell!

[Guild][HonaleePuff] WHAT?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh good, he’s a caps-talker to boot.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] people still do that?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the caps, it’s like you’re yelling

[Guild][Proudleslie] thats just his deep sexy booming voice heehee

[Guild][HonaleePuff] LOL

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh, you weren’t kidding about this wombat thing

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The damn thing’s killed me twice now

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see I told you

[Guild][Proudleslie] omg i hated that thing

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did we ever find out who this guy is, by the way?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have a strong suspicion based on what she’s told me…

[Guild][Lorthemar] Would you like a hand, sir?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That would be great, thanks

[Guild][Lorthemar] Happy to be of help! Send me an invite?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Incoming

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And that would be…?

[Guild][Lorthemar] Got it! I’ll be there in just a moment.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m pretty sure that he’s Kalecgos.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok everyone, I need to go for a while

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wait, you mean the Aspect of Magic Kalecgos?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, not anymore

[Guild][Lorthemar] Farewell!

[Guild][Proudleslie] bye gayle

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well yeah, but he was.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] for like ten minutes

[Guild][HonaleePuff] BYE

[Garona | Nightengayle] has logged off.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So wait…how sure are you about this?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite sure, actually. Based on what she’s said, and a few bits and pieces I’ve picked up from my own sources.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, that settles it

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s officially run out of mammals

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Sigh-

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yikes, yeah, I didn’t think of that. I didn’t know Jaina was a scaley…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well you kind of had to figure nothing was off the table with her

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ugh scalies creep me out.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh, like you wouldn’t do Alexstrasza if you had the chance

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Who could blame him, really? I wish I had her body.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You kind of do. Like, exactly.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, Mokvar…I think.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just don’t start going all Bragor on her now, Mokvar

[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, here I am!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Shudder-

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t remind me. I’ve been starting to wear parkas during his shifts…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh, dude…

[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes? Is something wrong, sir?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s up with your toon?

[Guild][Lorthemar] What about it?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s kind of a girl

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t know if you’ve noticed

[Guild][Lorthemar] Um, yes, I know, sir… Is that a problem?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…you play a female toon?

[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes…?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] To be fair, he IS a blood elf. He pretty much plays a female toon in RL too…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, dude, fine, whatever works for you

[Guild][Proudleslie] thats actually pretty smart

[Guild][Proudleslie] you would be AMAZED how willing guys are to help when you have a female avatar

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s actually quite true…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, well whatever, let’s just kill this damn wombat

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Also to be fair, whose ass would YOU rather look at for 60 levels?

[Guild][Proudleslie] haha well if you’re asking ME…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Too…many…jokes…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Sigh- again.

[Guild][Lorthemar] There we go!

[Guild][Lorthemar] See, pretty painless with the two of us.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks, man

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] or…whatever

[Guild][Lorthemar] Any time, sir.

[Guild][HonaleePuff] OUCH

[Guild][Proudleslie] omg sweetie what killed you?

[Guild][HonaleePuff] SOME PACK OF DOGS

[Guild][HonaleePuff] THYE JUST FLATTENED ME

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ohhhh the dingoes got you

[Guild][Proudleslie] omg dingoes ate my baby!

[Guild][Proudleslie] its ok i can rez you

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So Leslie, I’m curious, how long have you and Puff been together?

[Guild][HonaleePuff] NOT VERY LONG REALLY

[Guild][Proudleslie] nope not long at all

[Guild][Proudleslie] we only got together this past week

[Guild][Proudleslie] but it feels like we’ve know each other for ages

[Guild][HonaleePuff] : )

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, well congratulations to you both, then. I hope you’ll be very happy.

[Guild][Proudleslie] ty

[Guild][Proudleslie] its just funny too, b/c just a couple weeks ago i was talking to my friend

[Guild][Proudleslie] and he just got married not too long ago

[Guild][Proudleslie] and he was telling me how life would be much better if i found someone to share it with

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Gee, I wonder who THAT could be

[Guild][Proudleslie] and a few days later here he was!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s very sweet indeed.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And not at all contrived in its timing.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, seriously, Thrall’s spending his time now dropping by to tell Jaina she needs to get herself a man?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or, I guess, to narrow it down to one and settle down?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Watch, he’s become one of those people who get married and then feel like everybody else needs to get married too.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, misery loves company.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No no, I’ll tell you exactly what that is

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thrall’s been dropping by to hang out with Jaina

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Only now, he’s got a wife pulling him aside when he gets home, like, “So hey, what exactly is the deal with the blonde chick you’re spending all this time with?”

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] “Who I was hearing things about, like, all the way out in Nagrand”

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And so I’ll bet you anything, Thrall was like, “Okay, I have to get this chick hooked up so the missus gets off my ass”

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah, wife aggro.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And seriously

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If he didn’t want wife aggro, I mean, come on

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He fucking married a woman NAMED Aggro, pretty much

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] aggra aggro?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hah

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to get going

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have a meeting with Malkorok

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have to run for a while, guys

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have fun

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh joy…

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later boss

[Guild][Proudleslie] bye pwn

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, sir.

You have logged off.

 

Turn of the tide

northwatchbanner

Well THIS has been an ugly turn, let me just say.

So as I was saying last time, I wasn’t exactly thrilled that the Alliance were able to squirm out from under their imminent deaths-by-kraken, but I could still deal with that. Their counteroffensive on Durotar got thoroughly slapped back, they lost a ton of ships, Horde losses were minimal, fine. Would have been nice if we could have polished them off entirely, but still, worst spin you could put on our side was it was a draw, best spin you could put on theirs is they avoided a total fucking catastrophe. All good.

But this? This is going to stick in my craw for a while.

By the way, what the hell is a craw?

Anyway. I gathered up some troops to bring down to Northwatch Hold, but once we were under way, I took off ahead of everyone and pushed my worg Malak to race down there as fast as she could. Malkorok, Baine, and Vol’jin kept fairly close behind me (you should have seen Baine’s kodo’s little legs go – would have been kind of endearing if I wasn’t so pissed off at the time). We ended up well ahead of any of the other soldiers.  And in the end, none of us made it all the way there.

I stopped at a distance once Northwatch was clearly within view. Malkorok, Baine, and Vol’jin had the good sense to keep their distance while I took it all in. The Alliance flag was already flying there again, and the place was swarming with water elementals. More happy deliveries from Jaina.

How the hell did this happen? We had every tactical advantage. We had the Alliance on the fucking ROPES, with our foot on their throat. And now? Now there wouldn’t even be any point in having our troops continue on – staging an attempt to retake Northwatch would be a suicide mission at this point.

While I was fuming over all this, one of Baine’s Longrunners arrived with even more happy news – Varian was sending his fleet around to break our blockade. Terrific. I wasn’t interested in letting an ugly situation turn even uglier, so I sent Malkorok back with orders to have our ships withdraw and return home. Don’t think for a minute that THAT order didn’t stick in my throat a little.

Baine turned all happy on me at that point. He thought it meant I was giving up on taking the fight to the Alliance and pushing for the Horde to take its rightful place of dominance. Well, I straightened him out on that count right quick. No way in hell am I abandoning this fight – if anything, we’re stepping it up. More troops, more ships, more weapons, more everything. The Alliance thinks this is over? Fuck that. We’re just getting started.

Baine and Vol’jin didn’t much like the sound of that, and they both did a little more griping before they both turned around and headed home.

And you know something? I’m getting goddamn sick and tired of listening to those two complain. All through this latest campaign, I’ve been defending them to Malkorok for meaning well in their own way, and being loyal and great warriors in their own right. But you know what? This whole deal where I have to listen to the two of them complain every time I make a decision is getting REAL old REAL fast. They were DEAD. Baine was dead.  Vol’jin was dead. Orgrimmar fucking FELL. And I’ve had quite enough of this bullshit where I save the fucking world only to have people bitch and moan like ingrates over the way I’ve gone about doing it.

I’ve already sacrificed too much in the name of saving the Horde to let victory escape us now. I’ve let friends die and enemies live. I’ve thrown away my own honor doing it, because I had to. Because it was either my honor, or the survival of the entire Horde – the entire fucking WORLD. Dranosh Saurfang was a brother to me, but his death was the only way to save the world from flames. It was the only way, so I killed him. And I liked him a whole fucking lot more than I like Baine or Vol’jin.

What difference does it make if Orgrimmar burns at the hands of the demons, or the humans? If the Alliance wins now – if the Horde doesn’t emerge triumphant and strong and in control of its destiny – then Dranosh died for nothing. Cairne died for nothing. Taurajo burned for nothing. ALL of it was for NOTHING.

No. I won’t have it. Not while I’m Warchief. Not on my watch. We’ve paid too high a price already.

We’re pressing on, fighting on, and we’re not stopping, not slowing, not flinching until we win. I promise you that, Dranosh. In your memory. In your honor.

For the Horde.

 

Two if by sea

bladefist

Okay, so that didn’t exactly go the way I drew it up on the chalkboard.

Things started off well enough. When the troll scout showed up with word that Alliance ships were headed to Durotar, I took off with Malkorok for Bladefist Bay and sent word to our own ships — including the ones anchored down at Northwatch Hold — to get back here to help with the defense. The only boat at Bladefist Bay when I arrived was a goblin ship — you know, that rickety-looking one that ALWAYS seems to be there. I commandeered it and headed out with Malkorok and a contingent of Kor’kron to meet our ships on the way up from Northwatch.

When we met the other ships — a handful of them, but enough — we could see the Alliance fleet approaching. That’s when I rolled out the surprise welcoming committee for Varian and his boys, courtesy of my shaman. From our ships, they started working their magic, and from the depths of the ocean summoned up kraken. Eight of them, to be exact — vast and hulking and totally, utterly at our command.

The Alliance fleet hardly even knew what hit it.

While the kraken were reducing the enemy ships to flotsam, I decided I wanted to smack a few humans down myself before it was too late, so I pulled my ship alongside one of theirs and jumped over. After I’d taken down a few of the crew I got an extra treat — this was the royal flagship, and lo and behold, up close and personal and ready to have at it, there was Varian Wrynn. We traded blows, just enough for me to REALLY start to look forward to finishing him off once and for all (by the way, fuck you, Varian), but then our battle was interrupted by one of the kraken smashing the flagship to splinters.

I swam back to one of our ships and took in the sight. The kraken were reducing the Alliance fleet to ruins. Only a handful of their ships remained. Alliance survivors from the devastated ships were swimming frantically for the few that were still afloat, while many more of their comrades were well on their way to a fitting end as fish food.

It was all coming together right before my eyes. This was how it would begin. The death of Varian, the fall of the Alliance, the end of any delusion they might ever have had that they could stand against us. Four Horde ships against a dozen or more, victorious with barely a scratch.

And then.

I’d rather not even think about it. But here goes.

I didn’t fully realize what was going on at first. A blue dragon flew over us — it looked like the one we’d seen and wounded on the way to Theramore, and seemed to be carrying a humanoid. And then, all of a sudden, dozens — no, hundreds — of water elementals started to emerge from the sea and swarmed over the kraken, wearing them down and, eventually, killing them, one by one. The dragon continued to fly back and forth, and on one pass, I finally managed to see who it was carrying — Jaina Proudmoore, alive after all. This was her handiwork. Just before she moved too far out of view, I managed to make out a small, pulsing, glowing blue sphere in her hands.

The Focusing Iris.

Oh for fuck’s sake. I mean, come on, Focusing Iris, elementals, can’t fucking ANYONE get their own ideas anymore?

Anyway, I wasn’t about to risk letting the situation at sea get any further out of control. We’d still essentially neutralized an Alliance offensive that had greatly superior numbers, not to mention put their navy back a good number of ships, so if we needed to pull back at that point to regroup, so be it. We turned back and made our way to Bladefist Bay, while the few remaining Alliance ships took off as well. Only problem is, from what we could see, the Alliance ships weren’t sailing due east, like they would if they were planning to head straight back to Stormwind. They were sailing south.

As soon as we landed, I called together as many soldiers as I could gather quickly, plus Vol’jin and Baine, who’d heard what was going on and had come to meet me at the bay. We’re heading down to the Barrens to Northwatch Hold. I’ll update again soon. I’m starting to think that when I do, I’ll be in a very foul mood.

 

It’s a celebration, bitches!

org3

We took our time marching back to Orgrimmar from the glowing crater that used to be Theramore. Most of the way, Baine and Vol’jin sulked and moped like somebody had killed the family pet, but overall the troops were in good spirits, to say the least. And then, when we finally approached Orgrimmar, morale took an even greater turn for the better.

Outside the city, people were gathered to greet us. Hundreds – maybe thousands – of citizens of every race, gathered at the front gate and all across the Dranosh’ar Blockade, waving, cheering, crying out to us as we approached. They were gathered so densely that we couldn’t even get in the gate when we finally reached it. It was like the hero’s welcome we received on our victorious return from Northrend – only better. More raucous. More jubilant. More hopeful for the glorious future for the Horde that we could all feel dawning.

The crowd chanted my name as I sat on my worg at the gate. They wouldn’t stop until I finally called for them to listen while I told the tale of our triumph. When I finished, they burst into another spontaneous chant: “Death to the Alliance!”

Music to my ears. Almost enough to full the hollow ache that’s nagged at me since Northwatch.

On the way back to Orgrimmar, I sent orders to Captain Gharga and the fleet at Theramore for the next stage of our plan. The fleet will spread around the continent and form a blockade around all remaining Alliance ports: Lor’danel, Feathermoon Stronghold, Rut’theran Village, Azuremyst Isle. They’ll all be sealed off from outside support and then, one by one, we’ll move in and pick them apart, until finally, Kalimdor will belong to the Horde and the Horde alone.

But that will be a victory for the future. The NEAR future, make no mistake, but the future nonetheless. For today, we have another victory to celebrate.

I’ve ordered six days of festivities in Orgrimmar to commemorate what I know will prove to be the turning point in the history of the Horde. All of our warriors are instructed to remain in Durotar for the length of the celebration, and I’ll be issuing individual summons for all those I’ll be expecting to stay in Orgrimmar proper. Six days of celebrations – raptor fights for our entertainment, sparring contests with generous prizes funded personally by yours truly, food and drink for all. As it happens, our return home coincides almost perfectly with Brewfest, so all the better – beer and grog from around the world!  Tap every keg in sight, boys and girls, and let the ale flow – all on your Warchief’s tab.  Let it wash down the feasts – and oh, man, will there ever be feasts.  All accompanied by lok’tras and lok’vadnods by the best of our bards and poets.

And you know what that means. Oh yeah.

 

          to a young mage

Jaina, are you shattered
Over Theramore, all splattered?
Towns, by sleight of hand, you
Can’t just conjure up, now can you?
If not, tough – no QQ’in’,
You’re just stuck now ruling ruins.
Of course, that would assume
You weren’t blown up when things went boom;
Chance you’re grieving now decreases
If you’re smashed to little pieces!
But whether live or dead you lie,
Now you’ll weep and you’ll know why:
Orcish destiny restored,
All opposed fall to the Horde!
Tis the blight humans were born for,
The Alliance that you mourn for.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

Enjoy it, Horde. Soak it in. You’ve earned it.

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]