Tag Archives: jaina proudmoore
Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition
Hi, everyone. Spazzle here. Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.
And/or Earth:
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i could swear we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Spaz.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] again?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] really?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old! ^_^
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i really dont think so
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement? Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cliffwalker
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] overlord cliffwalker
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh maybe
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no not maybe ut UGH
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Ji
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mokvar
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you know maybe she has a point
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’ll go find him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no ut u idiot dont listen to her
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh dammit
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] feeling ok?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Personally, that only supports my original point.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You are having entirely too much fun with this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I really am. ^_^
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, watch this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] b
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does b mean
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, has garona been on lately?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i know its a letter
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what spirit
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like a ghost or something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she IS the banshee queen
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe it’s someone over in the undercity
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell! ^_^
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] 😉
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’ll see you and raise you…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] She might just be logging on at odd hours.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oooh, trumped by the goblin!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m confused
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And all is right with the world.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no but like
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i know b is a letter
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but what did u say it for?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You did. You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya ok i see that
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And so I said “b”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but how come?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters. Is that not how this works?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that was y like in why
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh. Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no my keyboard is ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] it saves time
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, were you in a hurry?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you going somewhere?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh wow really?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s mail?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah there is.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh… oh wow.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its just faster
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha yea
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. Hurry up and wait.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait for what?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yea but he’s level 27
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m not utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you say.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya so i say cuz i am
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean i’m not
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not utvoch
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] q
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] g
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] w
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean why
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] y would you think that?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but i’m dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok fine then
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’ll go ask him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and watch what he says
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya me too
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] anyway whatever
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If that works for you, Ed, sure.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] be back later
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] where are you guys going?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodbye, Utvoch.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later ut
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] fuck it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you going to be doing up there?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s a place called timbermaw hold
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh yeah, the furbolg
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] come to think of it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] would you like to come?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Everlook, yeah.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so you know them up there, spazzle?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kinda racist
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i mean
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kidding
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] whew
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Someone’s feeling lively today.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] because of the archbishop thing
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yeah, that’s right.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Pardon?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Still, just as well I suppose.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nor I. I would imagine he’s still in transit.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah ok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Let me check something, actually.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi puff
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And as if in response. Well played, universe.
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bartleby, it was a little under two days
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey honaleepuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey leslie
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HELLO EVERYONE
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, okay. And that was flying. By sea would be longer, I would figure.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi mbc
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, you two. Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] flying from where?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How charmingly codependent.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] pandaria
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my friend is on his way there now
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh really, Leslie? Business or pleasure?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] business mostly lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] uh oh
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] am i guessing right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah. And…oh no.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire? And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m not sure really
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How industrious.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hehe
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so i should get start working on something i can tell him
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, really. Do you have any thoughts on possible examples? I’m just curious about such things.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Spaz.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For my nephew, that is.
You have logged off.
Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating. At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!
Ragequitters never win
You have logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that’s the problem with arcane, though.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] for me anyway.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] how you u mean?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi pwn
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, boss.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey everyone
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well basically it’s just that since the magic isn’t strictly -alive-, it doesn’t read tone very well.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so i have to be careful what i say, because the magic tends to take sarcasm literally.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well i mean, why wouldnt it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What did I just walk in on?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or do I not want to know?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This one is pretty harmless.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edwin and Jaina are deep into magic shop talk.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] how are you doing, pwn?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i tend to rely pretty heavily on sarcasm in my day-to-day communication.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Doing okay, gayle
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah, pretty much any time he says something, you want to picture him rolling his eyes
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] good to see you as always.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see, case in point.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well that might be hard since i dont know what u look like
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably just as well.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i haven’t aged well.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol its ok i like older guys =)
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh i remember that phase
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HEY NOW
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NO FLIRTING WITH OTHER MEN!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol dont worry sweetie
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] JUST KIDDING
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I KNOW YOU’RE NOT LIKE THAT LOL
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wow…you know, part of me wants to make a Jaina joke there
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] but mostly I’m just thinking…that poor dragon
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Lorthemar.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I still say scalies just creep me out.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] are you new in the guild?
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh
[Guild][Lorthemar] Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’ve been in the guild for months.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I don’t understand why people can’t remember who I am.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Q’est-ce Que C’est]
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [United Nations]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all. ^_^
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wait, you got the United Nations achievement?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless the game ui is trying to pull a fast one on you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Exalted with EVERY national faction? HOW?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Admittedly, that last rep grind was particularly onerous.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Which one?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] France.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh geez yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The French don’t like anybody
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not so; they’re quite fond of me now.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually, let me take care of this while I’m thinking of it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s that?
[EdwardBear | Ji] has joined the guild.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome ed
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who’s this now?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ji Firepaw
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He overheard me talking about the game with Spazzle a couple days ago and got curious
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah…well this should be entertaining.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are the new pandaren recruits working out so far, Warchief?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh…sort of a mixed bag
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They mean well, but…I don’t know. We’ll see
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] brb
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome to the guild!
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] So I’m guessing he’s REALLY newbish.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, he’s going to be pretty green
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of which
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] he seems quiet.
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi gil
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Edward, type /g to talk in guild chat
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Utvoch.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] can you see this?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ah there we are
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no this is dontrag
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Welcome aboard, Ed.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Edward.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is this your first time logging onto Earth Online in general?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, are you sure, Utvoch? I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i logged on for a little while last night
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it looks fun
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes i’m sure
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, so this is your first Earth Online character?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well if you’re so sure about it, I don’t see why we would have had to discuss it repeatedly.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But if you insist, I suppose I’ll take your word on being Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Lorthemar] A double welcome to you, then!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok good
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] are you new too?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really love messing with him, don’t you?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why yes. Yes I do.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Whichever one of them he actually is.
[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh
[Guild][Lorthemar] No, I’m not.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Can you blame me, really?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] are you sure your not new lor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dont think i’ve seen you on before
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes I’m sure.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new, for the hundredth time.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well of course you’re not new for the hundredth time. that wouldn’t be new.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you can only be new once.
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what class are you playing ed?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just say the word if you need any help with anything, Edward.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I know some things can be a little confusing at first.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a farmer
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, I’ve never played one of those.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they don’t really sound too exciting to play
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, I’ve got my Refer-a-Friend pet now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What kind?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You should have gotten one too, Edward
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] A dog
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t you already have one?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i get it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, but the RAF is a random draw from a bunch of breeds
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There are a lot of different breeds.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You already have it, Edward.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So for instance, this one I just got is a cocker spaniel
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you go to the bottom of your screen, you can open your pet catalog.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i love the new pet sparring!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh there it is
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what kind did you get?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how can i see the details?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click on it.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway we should get going, we have lunch plans
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Eat well!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BYE EVERYONE
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] byeeeee
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok i think i see it now
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s the verdict?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it says it’s called a poodle
[Guild][Lorthemar] You can name it, too, if you want to.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Those are those fru-fru looking dogs, right?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re supposed to be smart
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i do that?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you mean they make good spellcasters? or the coders gave them a slightly less nonsensical AI?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click again, then pick “rename.”
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No problem.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] By the way, Garrosh, did you ever end up talking to the orphanage about Gurtash?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I put out a few feelers
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Gurtash is that orphan boy who’s been helping take care of the Warchief’s wyvern?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Garrosh was thinking of maybe seeing about adopting him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok done
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] done what?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s…that’s remarkable.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right now Battlewail has me in a holding pattern. Something about questions about my temperament
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named the pet
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh nice
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A preposterous dispersion against your character, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So there’s some meeting they want me to go to with Social Services later this week
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi steve
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hang on…we have a Department of Social Services?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who knew, right?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That -had- to have been a Thrall program.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I mean…where the hell have THEY been?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hi guys
[Guild][Lorthemar] So what did you end up naming the pet, Edward?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Steve!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named her winnie
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sup man
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not sure what the deal is with the meeting, but I guess some of the pandas are involved somehow
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] after my aunt, jae win
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] she had similarly poofy hair
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not too much
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, not too clear about any more than that
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually
[Guild][Lorthemar] That works.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Winnie the poodle has a certain ring to it.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thanks
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey who’s the new guy?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Ji, quick question
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just joined the guild today
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] nice to meet you
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no not you
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes warchief? i mean guildmaster
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i meant the other new guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lorthemar
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You might know something about this
[Guild][Lorthemar] ugh
[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, SERIOUSLY
[Guild][Lorthemar] Enough is enough already.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh sure, “?” at me
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well I’ll see your “?” and raise you a “!!!”
[Guild][Lorthemar] Because I’m SICK AND TIRED of nobody around here ever knowing WHO THE HELL I AM
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, what’s this guy’s damage?
[Guild][Lorthemar] So I’m going to explain this ONE MORE TIME
[Guild][Lorthemar] SO GRAB A DAMN CRAYON TO WRITE IT DOWN THIS TIME
[Guild][Lorthemar] I
[Guild][Lorthemar] AM NOT
[Guild][Lorthemar] NEW
[Guild][Lorthemar] Is that CLEAR enough for you IDIOTS?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I HAVE BEEN IN THIS GODDAMN GUILD FOR MONTHS
[Guild][Lorthemar] I CAN REMEMBER BEING ONLINE WHEN HALF YOU OTHER PEOPLE JOINED
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’M NOT A RECRUIT, I’M NOT SOMEBODY’S COUSIN
[Guild][Lorthemar] I AM LOR’THEMAR THERON, DAMMIT!
[Guild][Lorthemar] REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS
[Guild][Lorthemar] It NOT HARD to remember that part
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOOK
[Guild][Lorthemar] <–
[Guild][Lorthemar] SEE HOW THAT WORKS, YOU MOUTHBREATHING IDIOTS?
[Guild][Lorthemar] “Lorthemar”…IS LOR’THEMAR
[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT’S ME
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAR FUCKING THERON
[Guild][Lorthemar] RULER OF THE BLOOD ELVES
[Guild][Lorthemar] ME
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh hi, lorthemar. welcome to the guild.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] did you just join?
[Guild][Lorthemar] sdfghliuhurtyhweuirthlidrhglsdajghfljksdhg
[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT DOES IT THE HELL WITH YOU ALL
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um no prof he just said he’s been in the guild a while
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well what crawled up his ass?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’s a blood elf. Who knows
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] people don’t usually get that upset about this game, do they?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um, well…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] your naivete is adorable.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Quick pointer, Ji…don’t queue for any battlegrounds.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] or dungeons
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Or pay attention to trade chat when you’re in the major cities.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and while you’re at it you might just want to uninstall the whole game right now and cancel your internet service.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh. um.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i’ll go back to leveling
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Where in the world are you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] orgrimmar
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I mean, where in the game?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But like I was starting to say like ten minutes ago
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just got sent to a region called siberia
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Do you know anything about these meetings your panda friends are working on for Social Services, Ji?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a little bit, yes sir
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] the orphan matron suggested i arrange for some of my people to help
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] since pandaren culture places great value on being centered and grounded emotionally
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, you guys do seem very even keel
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we try to be, yes sir
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so a few of my people are helping hold some sessions on some of our methods and principles
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] particularly for controlling anger
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So ANOTHER one basically telling me I have a temper?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see i TOLD you you needed to work on not being angry all the time
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU stay out of this
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hey
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well clearly i’m not the only one thinking it!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Clearly a sign of their failure to appreciate the pressures and stresses that come with the laudable work you do day in and day out.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When you’re not playing video games or blogging.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i was going around fighting a few things for xp, when these mobster npcs attacked me and ran off
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] and now i have things missing from my inventory
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh those russian mob guys are nasty
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You said you were in Siberia?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think I need to go do some checking on this
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll be back
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, you have to watch for that.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] In Soviet Russia, mobs farm you.
You have logged off.
The Wizard of Zhan
The curtain rises on the admiral’s quarters in Northwatch Hold, where Garrosh is sitting in a chair, slumped over a central table. Everything appears black-and-white.
After a moment, Garrosh stirs and looks around the room while rubbing his forehead. Stage lights illuminate the far edges of the stage, alternating sides, showing brief glimpses of Orgrimmar in flames, being overrun by demons. The sounds of screaming and demonic laughter can be heard, seemingly at a distance. The lights at the edges of the stage go out. Garrosh stands, and the background noise stops.
GARROSH: Malchezaar… They were able to do it because of Malchezaar…
{UP IN THE NETHER}
GARROSH:
Somewhere up in the nether
In the dark,
There’s a demon “prince,” self-appointed,
Calls himself Malchezaar.Mortimer wanders in and settles near Garrosh as the song continues.
Somewhere up in the nether
Time did break.
You can kill him while he’s up there
But it just won’t take.Some day I’ve got to drag him down
Out of that place and go to town
And stop it.
The Legion hid him in the cracks.
Sometimes he’s got my father’s axe;
I hope he drops it.Somewhere up in the nether
Demons hide.
Prince lurks up in the nether –
It’s long since time he died.If demons get to be revived
Without a timer,
Why oh why can’t I?Garrosh walks to a window and looks out. A stage light illuminates the edge of the stage again, this time revealing the burning ruins of Camp Taurajo.
Garrosh steps back into the room and, slowly at first but with increasing speed and urgency, begins running around the room, knocking over and smashing furniture. Dizzying music fades in as Garrosh continues; he runs around in circles, destroying everything he can reach. The stage lights dim until the room itself fades from view and the only thing visible is Garrosh – running in circles, lashing at his invisible surroundings, moving with increasing speed until he starts to blur into a whirlwind of anger.
The lights slowly come up to show that the Northwatch Hold tower has been replaced by the deck of a goblin sky galleon. The ship is spinning in air, such that the rotation of the ship gradually comes to replace Garrosh’s running; he now stands on the deck as the galleon spins around, tossed in circles by a literal whirlwind.
The lights fade to black while the dizzying music continues – growing louder – then a loud crash is heard. The stage lights come up again, showing the sky galleon wrecked on the ground amid the ruins of Theramore. For the first time, the scene is visible in full color. Garrosh is sprawled out on the ground near the wreckage, unconscious. Mortimer flies in and approaches. He prods Garrosh carefully with one paw; Garrosh stirs and starts to get up.
GARROSH: <rubbing his head with one hand while patting Mortimer with the other> Yeah, yeah, I’m okay, buddy…
Garrosh turns to the wreckage of the galleon and notices a woman’s legs sticking out from under it.
Huh. She’s not okay, though, whoever she is. Was.
Garrosh looks around the ruins, then back to the galleon. As he turns away, several goblins begin to emerge slowly from behind pieces of the ruins.
Hmm… Mortimer, I don’t think we’re in Northgate anymore… Looks like Theramore…so…so that would make HER—
SPAZZLE: <running to the wreckage> The Witch! She’s dead! The Wicked Witch is dead!
More goblins appear and gather closer around the wreckage.
GARROSH: Hang on, the witch? You mean like a mage?
SPAZZLE: Well, it’s kind of a blanket term.
GARROSH: But is THIS one a mage?
KHIZZARA: Not anymore!
GARROSH: Yeah, fine, I get it, she’s dead. What I’m trying to find out is if she’s—
GIZZIX GRIMEGURGLE: She’s dead!
DYSLIX SILVERGRUB: Dead!
KRIXIL SLOGSWITCH: The Witch is dead!
KHIZZARA: Woot!
GARROSH: Fine, fuck it, I’ll check it out myself.
Garrosh takes hold of the edge of the wreckage and, grunting, lifts it a few feet.
UGH! GROSS!
Garrosh releases the galleon and it crashes back onto the body. One hand is left flopping limply out from under the wreckage; a glowing blue orb falls out of its palm and rolls across the ground.
Definitely Jaina, though. Gotta say, not exactly a glorious way to go out. <chuckles> Oh well. Live on your back, die on your back, right?
The blue sphere rolls further. In a puff of smoke, Liadrin appears in the sphere’s path. She is wearing the paladin Lightsworn robes and has the wings of Avenging Wrath permanently glowing on her back. She leans down and picks up the orb.
LIADRIN: Are you the one who’s slain the Wicked Witch of the East and freed the Mudsprockets?
GARROSH: What, Jaina? Yeah, that was me, I guess.
GOBLINS: Hooray!
GARROSH: So hang on, who are all you people?
LIADRIN: I am the Good Witch of the North. And the Mudsprockets live here in the marsh.
RAZBO RUSTGEAR: Under the tyrannical reign of the Wicked Witch of the East!
KHIZZARA: Not anymore!
GOBLINS: Hooray!
GARROSH: Jaina had a tyrannical reign?
SPAZZLE: Well, more like some pretty strict local ordinances on fireworks and explosives.
KHIZZARA: Not anymore!
GIZZIX GRIMEGURGLE: Splodey-ville, here we come!
GOBLINS: Hooray!
GARROSH: Okay, whatever. You’re happy she’s dead, I’m happy she’s dead, it’s all cool. One less thorn in my side, gotta tell you.
{WHAM, BAM, THE BITCH IS DEAD}
GARROSH:
Wham! Bam! The bitch is dead!
GOBLINS:
Which? Which bitch?
GARROSH:
The Proudmoore bitch!
Wham! Bam! The Proudmoore bitch is dead!
I landed on her head,
She wished she woulda stood in bed.
Flat splat, the Proudmoore bitch is dead!GOBLINS:
She won’t stop the goblins now –
Kapow! Kapow! Kapow!
So now, let’s open up and blast,
At last! Let’s rock some rockets!
Wham bam, she got put down,
A new sheriff is in town!
Don’t you frown, the Wicked Witch is dead!Drazzit Dripvalve approaches wearing a top hat and comically flamboyant ceremonial attire.
DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:
As Mayor of dear Mudsprocket,
In the shadow of the Witch’s lair,
I welcome you effusively!GIZZIX GRIMEGURGLE:
But it must be proved conclusively,
To know…DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:
To know?
GIZZIX GRIMGURGLE:
That blow…
DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:
That blow?
GIZZIX GRIMGURGLE:
Has utterly, totally,
KRIXIL SLOGSWITCH:
Not just anecdotally!
RAZBO RUSTGEAR:
Determinately, permanently,
GOBLINS:
Undiminishedly gone and finished her off.
SPAZZLE:
I went ahead and checked her out,
And I can say without a doubt
That she’s not just flatter than most:
She’s totally and truly toast.DRAZZIT DRIPVALVE:
Then today we’ll fire our rockets!
Celebrating free Mudsprockets!
Now spread the word! Let none neglect!
The Wicked Witch just got shipwrecked!GOBLINS:
Wham! Bam! The Witch is dead!
Which? Which Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Wham! Bam! The Wicked Witch is dead!
He landed on her head,
She wished she woulda stood in bed.GARROSH:
Flat splat, the Proudmoore bitch is dead!
GOBLINS:
She won’t stop the goblins now –
Kapow! Kapow! Kapow!
So now, let’s open up and blast,
At last! Let’s rock some rockets!
Wham bam, she got put down,
A new sheriff is in town!
Don’t you frown, the Wicked Witch is dead!From above, Magatha Grimtotem swoops in, riding her wind serpent Arikara. Cackling maniacally, she casts chain lightning down at the Mudsprockets, who scatter and try to take cover.
GARROSH: What the fuck is SHE doing here?
LIADRIN: It’s the Wicked Witch of the West!
GARROSH: How many fucking Wicked Witches do you people HAVE around here?
LIADRIN: Two—
KHIZZARA: Not anymore!
LIADRIN: Well, yes, one now. But this one is even worse than the Wicked Witch of the East ever was.
GARROSH: Preaching to the choir, lady.
Magatha unleashes another burst of chain lightning; Garrosh and Liadrin dive out of the way. Mortimer launches into the air, snarling, and swipes at Arikara.
GARROSH: Yeah! Go get ’em, Mortimer!
Mortimer’s strike knocks Magatha off of Arikara and sends her crashing to the ground. Shrieking, Arikara flies out of view. Magatha gets up and looks at Jaina’s legs poking out from under the wreckage. Mortimer returns to the ground, landing next to Garrosh.
MAGATHA: So it’s true! She’s dead! <looking around hurriedly> Where is it, then? It must be here!
LIADRIN: <holding up the blue sphere> Are you looking for this?
MAGATHA: The Focusing Iris! Yes! Once I combine its power with that of the Doomstone—
LIADRIN: You’ll do nothing of the kind, crone!
MAGATHA: You think I fear you, elf? I’ll take it from you if I have to!
Magatha starts to cast another chain lightning, but is interrupted when Garona – sporting the Fangs of the Father wings – unstealths and stunlocks her.
GARONA: Not so much, Steak Sauce!
GARROSH: So, who’s this supposed to be now?
LIADRIN: She’s the Morally Ambiguous Witch of the South-by-Southeast.
GARONA: Hey.
GARROSH: You people have some really weird fucking job titles, gotta say.
LIADRIN: You slayed the Wicked Witch of the East, so it’s only right that the Focusing Iris should go to you as its caretaker…
Liadrin hands the Iris to Garrosh.
What’s important is that it stays out of the hands of the crone at all cost.
GARROSH: Yeah, don’t worry, I am all about making her life unpleasant…
Arikara swoops by again, startling Garrosh and Liadrin into taking a few steps back; Magatha breaks out of her stun, jumps back, and puts down an earthbind totem that holds the others in place.
MAGATHA: I may need to bide my time for now, but the Iris will be mine yet! And as for you, orc – I’ll get you, my cranky, and your little wyvern, too!
Magatha leaps onto Arikara’s back and takes off.
LIADRIN: She’ll be back. I hope you can handle powerful enemies.
GARROSH: I’ve dealt with worse. Matter of fact, I was working on one just before I wound up here.
LIADRIN: What enemy was that?
GARROSH: A demon called Malchezaar – taking him out wouldn’t even be that big of a deal, but I kind of have to get him out of his lair in order to defeat him.
LIADRIN: Something you would need powerful magic to do?
GARROSH: Probably. Magic not really being my strong suit.
LIADRIN: I may know whose it is. You want to talk to the Wizard of Zhan.
GARROSH: The who now?
LIADRIN: The Wizard of Zhan! He’s a wise, mysterious mage who lives in the Dark Tower far away.
GARROSH: So this guy is pretty powerful?
LIADRIN: Extremely – they say there’s no end to what he can do.
GARONA: Let’s not get carried away now.
GARROSH: You know him?
GARONA: We’ve met.
GARROSH: So how do I get to him?
LIADRIN: The tower of Zhan is far to the east of Dustwallow, in the Pass of Dying Winds. Luckily for you, the eastward Gold Road will take you straight there.
Liadrin points to the yellow brick road beneath their feet.
GARROSH: Well that’s convenient.
GARONA: I can go with you, since I know the Wizard.
LIADRIN: You should get started – it’s a long trip, especially since you’ll be walking.
GARROSH: Screw walking, I’ve got my wyvern right here. I can just hop on and fly along the road.
GARONA: Great! I can get on behind you and hold onto you.
GARROSH: Okay, so walking it is. Grats on the dodged bullet, Mortimer.
GARONA: Fine.
LIADRIN: We’ll see you off! Good luck on your journey!
GARROSH: Hey, actually…you said this road leads right to Zhan?
LIADRIN: Yes, it does.
GARROSH: Even though there’s an ocean between here and there? Because we’re kind of on a different continent.
LIADRIN: Yes, but fortunately the road runs across the Willing Suspension Bridge of Disbelief.
GARROSH: Huh. Okay then. Off we go.
Garrosh, Garona, and Mortimer start to follow the road while the Mudsprockets gather behind them.
{OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD}
GOBLINS:
You’re off to see the Wizard,
The guardian Wizard of Zhan.
We hear he’s sage: the mightiest mage
Who ever met mortal man.
If you seek some sorcery for your plan,
The Wizard’s your man, because he can –
He can, he can, he can, he can, he can.
He’ll have it all done before it began!
You’re off to see the Wizard,
The guardian Wizard of Zhan!The curtains close.
{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 2…}
West Azeroth Story, Act 2
The curtain rises to reveal Grommash Hold, where Garrosh is conferring with Eitrigg and Malkorok.
EITRIGG: I still do not like this plan, Warchief. Thrall would never—
MALKOROK: Thrall is not here, old man.
EITRIGG: No…indeed he is not.
GARROSH: This battle will secure the supremacy of the Horde on this continent, Eitrigg, and do it without any loss of men or material.
EITRIGG: If you succeed, Warchief. If you do not—
GARROSH: Do you doubt that I can defeat that human, Eitrigg?
MALKORK: Rest assured, old man, the Warchief will prevail. And even if the impossible happens…well, suffice to say: We are the Horde. Even when we lose, we win.
EITRIGG: What is that supposed to—?
Garona runs in.
GARONA: Warchief! I’ve just returned from Blackrock Mountain!
MALKOROK: What were you doing there, rogue?
GARROSH: I sent her, Malkorok.
GARONA: I investigated, just as you asked, Garrosh.
MALKOROK: What could you possibly have to investigate in that place?
GARROSH: Mokvar.
MALKOROK: That scribe?
EITRIGG: What would Mokvar be doing in Blackrock Mountain?
GARROSH: Good question. What WAS he doing there, Garona?
GARONA: Meeting the human woman, Warchief.
GARROSH: <grumbles> I was afraid of that. What did you find out?
GARONA: I wasn’t able to hear much. Something about someone being untouchable…and assassins…
GARROSH: Assassins?
GARONA: I could make out Mokvar saying they would both be in trouble if anyone found out about them…
MALKORK: The bastard spoke true there.
GARONA: And I think they’re planning to meet again.
GARROSH: Oh good, another rendezvous for the lovebirds…
MALKOROK: More like conspirators, Warchief. Traitors!
EITRIGG: But traitors to whom, if they’re afraid of angering both Horde and Alliance?
MALKOROK: That insipid notetaker was already a traitor the moment he set his gaze on that pink-skinned harlot!
GARONA: He certainly seemed concerned about her welfare.
MALKOROK: He should worry more about his own.
EITRIGG: I would remind you, we still don’t really know what Mokvar is doing.
GARROSH: We know enough to put me in a rotten mood. It would have been bad enough if he were merely having some…revolting affair with this human. But the thought that they might be up to something more than that makes my head spin.
{I FEEL CRANKY}
GARROSH:
I feel cranky,
And quite frankly,
Hanky-panky is rankly dismissed.
And I’ll thank ye
Not to get me any further pissed.I feel surly,
My head’s swirly,
Not too early for a burly street brawl.
And quite surely
Tonight Varian is going to fall.See this angry orc in the war room here?
Wonder how he got so enraged.
Such a cranky mood,
Such a cranky face—GARONA:
Such a—
GARROSH:
Shut up, you,
I won’t be upstaged!I feel vengeful
And vindictive
My revenge will be strict; give this vibe:
I’m betrayed
By a frankly traitorous scribe!EITRIGG:
Will you reconsider this, Warchief?
We do not know nearly enough.
You’ll just set yourself up for more grief;
For all we know, Mokvar’s just affecting a bluff.You think he’s allured?
You think you’re betrayed?
How can we be sure
What game he has played?I plead with you, sir –
You’re so full of wrath.
You once relieved Krom’gar;
Don’t follow his path.MALKOROK:
Keep silent, old man,
Lest you suffer!
That scribe has done
More than enough, sir.Deceitful and vain,
Disloyal as well;
His open disdain
He’s proven full well!GARROSH:
I feel vicious,
And malicious.
This seditious orc surely will pay.
And my wish is
I could get my hands on him today.GARONA:
La la la la…
GARROSH:
I feel spiteful.
I feel hostile.
But tonight we’ll accost all our foes.
While you flank me,
I’ll give Varian one on the nose.GARONA:
La la la la…
GARROSH:
See this angry orc in the war room here?
MALKOROK:
Yes, sir, rightly so!
GARROSH:
You know how he got so pissed off.
EITRIGG:
Sir, I still say—
GARROSH:
Such a cranky mood,
Such a cranky face—EITRIGG:
Please, sir, think again—
GARROSH:
Don’t make me scoff!
MALKOROK: Hah!
GARROSH:
Now I’ll partake,
Feel my rage burn;
Soon Mokvar’ll take a turn for the worst.
But tonight
The Alliance is getting theirs first.MALKOROK: Hah! Music to my ears indeed, sir! Tonight the Alliance finally pays for their insolence, and then we can deal with that insipid, traitorous scribe!
GARROSH: Come along, Malkorok, let’s gather the others and begin the march to the Barrens.
MALKOROK: Of course, Warchief.
GARROSH: Eitrigg, watch over Orgrimmar in our absence. We’ll return soon enough for the first of many victory celebrations.
Garrosh and Malkorok exit.
EITRIGG: <watching them go> I do not know if it was a curse or a blessing that Grom did not live to know his son…
GARONA: The Alliance would be only too happy to wipe us out as well, Eitrigg. Don’t forget how many times Varian has called us monsters.
EITRIGG: And I do not object to defending ourselves against him. But I would prefer not to do so by proving him right.
Mokvar enters.
Mokvar!
GARONA: You!
MOKVAR: Eitrigg, I need to—
Mokvar slumps over as Garona darts around and saps him from behind.
EITRIGG: Garona, what are you doing?!
GARONA: Incapacitating the traitor before he has a chance to—
EITRIGG: To what? Write us a mean letter?
GARONA: Garrosh would have wanted us to—
EITRIGG: Garrosh isn’t here. And we have long since gotten out of the habit of honoring the wishes of our Warchiefs in their absence.
Eitrigg eyes Mokvar carefully.
I would like to hear what he has to say for himself.
A dim spotlight, stage left, illuminates Garrosh and Malkorok marching through Orgrimmar gathering Liadrin, Faranell, Dontrag, Utvoch, and other assorted Horde mainstays.
A moment after the Horde activities come into view, a second dim spotlight, stage right, illuminates Deliana talking in pantomime with Jaina Proudmoore in a Theramore tower. An additional spotlight below them shows Varian making his way among Alliance troops, gathering some – Falstad Wildhammer, Mathias Shaw, Shandris Feathermoon – to join him, while directing others – Horran Redmane, Marcus Jonathan, Tarlen Aubrey – to posts within Theramore.
At center stage, Mokvar regains consciousness and looks around, briefly disoriented.
MOKVAR: I would ask what that was for, but I think I already know that the answer would be.
GARONA: Shouldn’t you be in Blackrock Spire with your lady friend?
MOKVAR: So I’m guessing Deliana and I weren’t the only ones in Blackrock.
GARONA: Sorry if I was spoiling your privacy.
EITRIGG: Garona, enough.
GARONA: Ugh, fine.
MOKVAR: Has Garrosh heard?
EITRIGG: Indeed. You’re fortunate he’s already left for the Barrens…
MOKVAR: So, how pissed is he, on a scale of one to…well…one to Garrosh…?
GARONA: Right now I’d say he’s hovering around Garrosh squared.
MOKVAR: Crap.
GARONA: Seriously. He did a whole musical number about it.
EITRIGG: It likely doesn’t help matters that he has that blasted Malkorok fanning the flames for him.
MOKVAR: Yeah, that’s part of the problem – why I was going to see Deliana in the first place. Well, mostly.
EITRIGG: Mokvar, who is this woman?
MOKVAR: An old friend, from years before I came to Orgrimmar. She and I were in a mercenary company called the Veiled Blade. Years ago, we were hired for a mission in Blackrock Spire. We fought one of Nefarian’s lieutenants there, a drakonid called Lord Valthalak. We killed him…mostly…but after we made off with our loot, his spirit sent spectral assassins after us. That’s when Deliana and I went into hiding – me in Orgrimmar, her in Ironforge.
EITRIGG: And the rest of your group?
MOKVAR: Dead. Mostly, anyway.
EITRIGG: What business do you have with her now? And why all the secrecy?
MOKVAR: Other than her being a human and us being at war?
EITRIGG: I’m not unfamiliar with unlikely friendships.
MOKVAR: I’d thought we’d laid this Valthalak business to rest years ago, but now it looks like those spectral assassins are on the move again. We have no idea why, but we’ve been trying to find out.
EITRIGG: I wish you’d come to us with this first, Mokvar. Garrosh has come to consider you a friend, but the news of you sneaking off to meet with this human…
MOKVAR: Yeah, I know…
EITRIGG: He’s grown belligerent enough of late, with precious few to counter the whispers of that Malkorok urging him headlong into foolish confrontations.
MOKVAR: And that’s the other part of this, Eitrigg.
EITRIGG: What is?
MOKVAR: Malkorok. We’ve met before. <long sigh> In Blackrock Spire.
EITRIGG: You what?
MOKVAR: He can’t be trusted, Eitrigg. I know he has Garrosh’s ear, and that…that’s a problem.
EITRIGG: Mokvar, by the spirits, why haven’t you said anything? Do you have any idea how many of us have prayed for some way to convince Garrosh not to listen to that monster?
MOKVAR: That’s…a long story.
EITRIGG: Right now I don’t think we have much time for it. Garrosh and the devil on his shoulder are on their way to the Barrens now… Mokvar, whatever is in your past, you’ve been nothing but an honorable man since I’ve known you. Answer me: How sure are you about Malkorok? That he’s not to be trusted?
MOKVAR: Rend trusted him all those years ago. And I can tell you for a certainty – he shouldn’t have.
EITRIGG: I was already worried about his role in this spirits-forsaken challenge…
GARONA: You think he has some secret agenda?
MOKVAR: I wouldn’t put it past him.
EITRIGG: Then someone has to intervene. Mokvar, you have to get down there. I know Garrosh won’t be happy to see you, but if he’s walking into something…
MOKVAR: I know.
GARONA: I’ll go with you. Maybe he’ll listen to me.
MOKVAR: Does he ever listen to you?
GARONA: Hey, at least he hasn’t declared his desire to brutally murder me in glorious song in the last fifteen minutes, how about you?
MOKVAR: Also, weren’t you the one ready to stunlock and kill me yourself just a few minutes ago?
GARONA: Yes. And if it turns out that you’re lying, I still can.
MOKVAR: Reassuring.
GARONA: Right now, I can either trust you or not. If I trust you, and I’m wrong, I’ll still be there to stop you and kill you – and don’t think I won’t. But if I ignore you now, and I’m wrong…
EITRIGG: We’re losing valuable time. Hurry, both of you…
MOKVAR: We will. Thanks, Eitrigg.
EITRIGG: You can thank me by not proving me a sentimental old fool for trusting my instincts on you. Go quickly now – lok’tar.
MOKVAR: Lok’tar.
GARONA: Ogar.
Mokvar and Garona exist and Eitrigg begins to pace the room as the lights dim and the curtain closes.
{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 3…}
Surprises from the land down under
So after the last few days, I decided I needed to relax and blow off a little steam, so I locked myself away upstairs for some gaming time, and…well…see for yourself.
You have logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I’m just about to start on the outback now
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you get the bread crumb quest to alice springs?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, chief
[Guild][Lorthemar] Hail, Garrosh!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi garrosh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey guys
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what’s up, boss?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh and hi, lorthemar
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] are you new?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh, doing okay, I guess
[Guild][Lorthemar] Erm, no…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just need to destress a little
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been in this guild for months.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Why do people keep asking me that?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh okay
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway, garona, when you start questing in the outback, just watch out for the dingo packs
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Sydney Opera House]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re bad news, huh?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] grats!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all! ^_^
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And greetings, Warchief. My apologies for being a bit distracted. I was focused on an instance.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah gayle, they just turn up out of nowhere and swarm you
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, that’s right, I forgot all about the expansion!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh great – well thanks for the warning
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] How are you guys liking Australia?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I take back all the jokes I made about it.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the new zones are gorgeous!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] they really did a nice job on it from what I’ve seen so far
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] BQ’s leaving us all in the dust, though
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] she’s level 60 already
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh wow
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I needed something to occupy myself with while many of you were going about the much more important work of fighting for the glory of the Horde.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi prof
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Shining success that it was.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Edwin.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could always put in a little time tracking down what happened to Koltira Deathweaver, you know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, there’s the doc
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] His whereabouts *are* indeed a mystery, I will grant.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s good, I’d meant to check up on him after the dust settled
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hiya prof
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know, make sure he was still there and okay
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief? Why would Faranell not be okay? He’s been here in the Undercity the whole time, nowhere near the conflicts in the Barrens and Dustwallow.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello all
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey doc, how goes?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hmm
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, good point, Sylvanas…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have I mentioned how much I love this new aoe looting?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it goes.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh man, yeah, that’s great.
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was indeed a superb addition.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hell yeah, is that active finally?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yup
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think it’s time for me to get out there and have a look
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Going into the new zone cinematic, so I’ll be quiet for a few
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So Edwin, everything okay down in the Apothecarium?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Enjoy, Warchief. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it’s fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fairly quiet, since, as the good doctor will surely confirm, there’s little going on there other than routine defensive research.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless you count all the plague, yeah.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Proudleslie] has logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Your…droll sense of humor is amusing as always, doctor. A fine jest indeed.
[Guild][Proudleslie] oh man what a week i’ve had
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if you say so.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh no
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Isn’t that…?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie] hi everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie] it’ll be good to unwind here a little
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This isn’t going to be pretty, is it?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] nope
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have you had a chance to get started on australia yet, leslie?
[Guild][Proudleslie] just the first night
[Guild][Proudleslie] i pulled a late nighter and managed to get a couple levels
[Guild][Proudleslie] then i had a bunch of stuff blow up on me rl
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sounds very hectic, Leslie…
[Guild][Proudleslie] and now i have this new job so
[Guild][Proudleslie] yea it really is
[Guild][Proudleslie] brb afk
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hb
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh HO, look at this! I just found one of those rare koala pets!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg jealous!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but yay!
[Guild][Lorthemar] It is a cute little thing. A bit odd looking, but…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so that’s done
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so you’re in sydney now?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah…have a bunch of quests to do
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the one with the wombat is kind of tough
[Guild][Proudleslie] ok back
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, well here we go
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome back, both of you!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh boy
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] here we go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh, YEAH here we go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…just to make sure I’m not mixing this up with some alternate reality or something
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] is that who I think it is?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, it’s jaina
[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks gayle
[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks lorthemar
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Leslie. Good to see you again.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Question #2
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHY IS SHE STILL IN THE FUCKING GUILD
[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks livin
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I hope things have settled down for you a bit.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think anyone has seen her on since last time
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and the whole thing with varian
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, if I may…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I guess nobody bothered to go back and gkick her while she was offline.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And also why the hell are you being all buddy buddy with her, Sylvanas?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A suggestion, Garrosh?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s actually part of my suggestion.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What suggestion, to be friends with our enemies, especially the ones who completely torpedoed what should have been a decisive win for the Horde?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Because apparently, we’re running Heroic Bizarro World in real life now?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or are you throwing in with Baine and Vol’jin to commemorate Hey Everybody Let’s All Piss Off Garrosh Week?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] That’s only a week?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, please hear me out.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh trust me, I’m all ears
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Consider for a moment: it’s precisely *because* Jaina has proven such a thorn in the Horde’s side that we should consider keeping her in the guild.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Because…?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ll get another virus queued up, just in case…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Recall the old adage, Warchief: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By all appearances, Jaina does not realize who we are. I can’t imagine why Varian wouldn’t have told her, but then, considering Varian’s evident mental acuity, I suppose anything is possible.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In any case, we have here among us a high-ranking member of the Alliance, who we know to have Varian’s ear, and will likely be privy to a great many of their plans, not to mention whichever ones she might be involved in personally.
[Guild][Proudleslie] huh its gotten all quiet
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we can keep her around, we might be able to use it to our advantage, to ply inside information from her about our enemies’ movements.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’d tried to make this same suggestion to you a few months ago when we discovered Varian had joined the guild, but you kicked him before I could make my point.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But this time, Warchief, please, consider the possibilities here.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I have to admit, it’s a pretty smart idea.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re talking in officer chat
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m already working on befriending her. We don’t need to do anything other than allow her to stay around, while we watch for openings.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I understand that you’re angry about the recent setbacks, but think of the benefit we might gain from this, with hardly any risk of loss on our part.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh… Okay, you know what, that actually IS pretty smart
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So, yeah, okay, let her stick around
[Guild][Proudleslie] oh
[Guild][Proudleslie] about what?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll bite my tongue
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, Warchief. I promise you won’t regret this.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We’ll just have to make sure nobody slips up and gives away who’s actually in the guild
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] most people have been getting pretty good about rl stuff
[Guild][Lorthemar] Probably me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, well, hopefully we’ll get something useful out of this
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Meanwhile, let me get back to leveling
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i should get going actually.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see everyone soon.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye prof
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Proudleslie] bye profhubert
[Guild][Proudleslie] bah too slow
[Guild][Proudleslie] oh hey
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ?
[Guild][Proudleslie] since most of the officers are on, could i get a guild invite for my bf?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re not going to be cybering him in guild chat, are you?
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg
[Guild][Proudleslie] i’m so so so embarrassed about that
[Guild][Proudleslie] i’m so sorry, it wont happen again i promise
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, she has a boyfriend now? Since when?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Beats me.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And who is it?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I don’t really keep up with celebrity gossip.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Working on it…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, sure, Leslie, just as soon as I’m out of combat here
[Guild][Proudleslie] ok
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s ok, leslie, i’ll get him, just whisper me the name?
[Guild][Proudleslie] ok! ty
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, well this is interesting…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m trying not to press for too much information, obviously…
[HonaleePuff] has joined the guild.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.
[Guild][Proudleslie] hi sweetie!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome puff
[Guild][HonaleePuff] THANKS EVERYONE
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa don’t yell!
[Guild][HonaleePuff] WHAT?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh good, he’s a caps-talker to boot.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] people still do that?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the caps, it’s like you’re yelling
[Guild][Proudleslie] thats just his deep sexy booming voice heehee
[Guild][HonaleePuff] LOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh, you weren’t kidding about this wombat thing
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The damn thing’s killed me twice now
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see I told you
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg i hated that thing
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did we ever find out who this guy is, by the way?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have a strong suspicion based on what she’s told me…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Would you like a hand, sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That would be great, thanks
[Guild][Lorthemar] Happy to be of help! Send me an invite?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Incoming
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And that would be…?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Got it! I’ll be there in just a moment.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m pretty sure that he’s Kalecgos.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok everyone, I need to go for a while
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wait, you mean the Aspect of Magic Kalecgos?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, not anymore
[Guild][Lorthemar] Farewell!
[Guild][Proudleslie] bye gayle
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well yeah, but he was.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] for like ten minutes
[Guild][HonaleePuff] BYE
[Garona | Nightengayle] has logged off.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So wait…how sure are you about this?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite sure, actually. Based on what she’s said, and a few bits and pieces I’ve picked up from my own sources.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, that settles it
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s officially run out of mammals
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Sigh-
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yikes, yeah, I didn’t think of that. I didn’t know Jaina was a scaley…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well you kind of had to figure nothing was off the table with her
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ugh scalies creep me out.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh, like you wouldn’t do Alexstrasza if you had the chance
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Who could blame him, really? I wish I had her body.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You kind of do. Like, exactly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, Mokvar…I think.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just don’t start going all Bragor on her now, Mokvar
[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, here I am!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Shudder-
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t remind me. I’ve been starting to wear parkas during his shifts…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh, dude…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes? Is something wrong, sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s up with your toon?
[Guild][Lorthemar] What about it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s kind of a girl
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t know if you’ve noticed
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um, yes, I know, sir… Is that a problem?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…you play a female toon?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes…?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] To be fair, he IS a blood elf. He pretty much plays a female toon in RL too…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, dude, fine, whatever works for you
[Guild][Proudleslie] thats actually pretty smart
[Guild][Proudleslie] you would be AMAZED how willing guys are to help when you have a female avatar
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s actually quite true…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, well whatever, let’s just kill this damn wombat
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Also to be fair, whose ass would YOU rather look at for 60 levels?
[Guild][Proudleslie] haha well if you’re asking ME…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Too…many…jokes…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Sigh- again.
[Guild][Lorthemar] There we go!
[Guild][Lorthemar] See, pretty painless with the two of us.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks, man
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] or…whatever
[Guild][Lorthemar] Any time, sir.
[Guild][HonaleePuff] OUCH
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg sweetie what killed you?
[Guild][HonaleePuff] SOME PACK OF DOGS
[Guild][HonaleePuff] THYE JUST FLATTENED ME
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ohhhh the dingoes got you
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg dingoes ate my baby!
[Guild][Proudleslie] its ok i can rez you
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So Leslie, I’m curious, how long have you and Puff been together?
[Guild][HonaleePuff] NOT VERY LONG REALLY
[Guild][Proudleslie] nope not long at all
[Guild][Proudleslie] we only got together this past week
[Guild][Proudleslie] but it feels like we’ve know each other for ages
[Guild][HonaleePuff] : )
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, well congratulations to you both, then. I hope you’ll be very happy.
[Guild][Proudleslie] ty
[Guild][Proudleslie] its just funny too, b/c just a couple weeks ago i was talking to my friend
[Guild][Proudleslie] and he just got married not too long ago
[Guild][Proudleslie] and he was telling me how life would be much better if i found someone to share it with
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Gee, I wonder who THAT could be
[Guild][Proudleslie] and a few days later here he was!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s very sweet indeed.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And not at all contrived in its timing.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, seriously, Thrall’s spending his time now dropping by to tell Jaina she needs to get herself a man?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or, I guess, to narrow it down to one and settle down?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Watch, he’s become one of those people who get married and then feel like everybody else needs to get married too.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, misery loves company.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No no, I’ll tell you exactly what that is
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thrall’s been dropping by to hang out with Jaina
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Only now, he’s got a wife pulling him aside when he gets home, like, “So hey, what exactly is the deal with the blonde chick you’re spending all this time with?”
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] “Who I was hearing things about, like, all the way out in Nagrand”
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And so I’ll bet you anything, Thrall was like, “Okay, I have to get this chick hooked up so the missus gets off my ass”
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah, wife aggro.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And seriously
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If he didn’t want wife aggro, I mean, come on
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He fucking married a woman NAMED Aggro, pretty much
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] aggra aggro?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to get going
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have a meeting with Malkorok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have to run for a while, guys
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have fun
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh joy…
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later boss
[Guild][Proudleslie] bye pwn
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, sir.
You have logged off.
Turn of the tide
Well THIS has been an ugly turn, let me just say.
So as I was saying last time, I wasn’t exactly thrilled that the Alliance were able to squirm out from under their imminent deaths-by-kraken, but I could still deal with that. Their counteroffensive on Durotar got thoroughly slapped back, they lost a ton of ships, Horde losses were minimal, fine. Would have been nice if we could have polished them off entirely, but still, worst spin you could put on our side was it was a draw, best spin you could put on theirs is they avoided a total fucking catastrophe. All good.
But this? This is going to stick in my craw for a while.
By the way, what the hell is a craw?
Anyway. I gathered up some troops to bring down to Northwatch Hold, but once we were under way, I took off ahead of everyone and pushed my worg Malak to race down there as fast as she could. Malkorok, Baine, and Vol’jin kept fairly close behind me (you should have seen Baine’s kodo’s little legs go – would have been kind of endearing if I wasn’t so pissed off at the time). We ended up well ahead of any of the other soldiers. And in the end, none of us made it all the way there.
I stopped at a distance once Northwatch was clearly within view. Malkorok, Baine, and Vol’jin had the good sense to keep their distance while I took it all in. The Alliance flag was already flying there again, and the place was swarming with water elementals. More happy deliveries from Jaina.
How the hell did this happen? We had every tactical advantage. We had the Alliance on the fucking ROPES, with our foot on their throat. And now? Now there wouldn’t even be any point in having our troops continue on – staging an attempt to retake Northwatch would be a suicide mission at this point.
While I was fuming over all this, one of Baine’s Longrunners arrived with even more happy news – Varian was sending his fleet around to break our blockade. Terrific. I wasn’t interested in letting an ugly situation turn even uglier, so I sent Malkorok back with orders to have our ships withdraw and return home. Don’t think for a minute that THAT order didn’t stick in my throat a little.
Baine turned all happy on me at that point. He thought it meant I was giving up on taking the fight to the Alliance and pushing for the Horde to take its rightful place of dominance. Well, I straightened him out on that count right quick. No way in hell am I abandoning this fight – if anything, we’re stepping it up. More troops, more ships, more weapons, more everything. The Alliance thinks this is over? Fuck that. We’re just getting started.
Baine and Vol’jin didn’t much like the sound of that, and they both did a little more griping before they both turned around and headed home.
And you know something? I’m getting goddamn sick and tired of listening to those two complain. All through this latest campaign, I’ve been defending them to Malkorok for meaning well in their own way, and being loyal and great warriors in their own right. But you know what? This whole deal where I have to listen to the two of them complain every time I make a decision is getting REAL old REAL fast. They were DEAD. Baine was dead. Vol’jin was dead. Orgrimmar fucking FELL. And I’ve had quite enough of this bullshit where I save the fucking world only to have people bitch and moan like ingrates over the way I’ve gone about doing it.
I’ve already sacrificed too much in the name of saving the Horde to let victory escape us now. I’ve let friends die and enemies live. I’ve thrown away my own honor doing it, because I had to. Because it was either my honor, or the survival of the entire Horde – the entire fucking WORLD. Dranosh Saurfang was a brother to me, but his death was the only way to save the world from flames. It was the only way, so I killed him. And I liked him a whole fucking lot more than I like Baine or Vol’jin.
What difference does it make if Orgrimmar burns at the hands of the demons, or the humans? If the Alliance wins now – if the Horde doesn’t emerge triumphant and strong and in control of its destiny – then Dranosh died for nothing. Cairne died for nothing. Taurajo burned for nothing. ALL of it was for NOTHING.
No. I won’t have it. Not while I’m Warchief. Not on my watch. We’ve paid too high a price already.
We’re pressing on, fighting on, and we’re not stopping, not slowing, not flinching until we win. I promise you that, Dranosh. In your memory. In your honor.
For the Horde.
Two if by sea
Okay, so that didn’t exactly go the way I drew it up on the chalkboard.
Things started off well enough. When the troll scout showed up with word that Alliance ships were headed to Durotar, I took off with Malkorok for Bladefist Bay and sent word to our own ships — including the ones anchored down at Northwatch Hold — to get back here to help with the defense. The only boat at Bladefist Bay when I arrived was a goblin ship — you know, that rickety-looking one that ALWAYS seems to be there. I commandeered it and headed out with Malkorok and a contingent of Kor’kron to meet our ships on the way up from Northwatch.
When we met the other ships — a handful of them, but enough — we could see the Alliance fleet approaching. That’s when I rolled out the surprise welcoming committee for Varian and his boys, courtesy of my shaman. From our ships, they started working their magic, and from the depths of the ocean summoned up kraken. Eight of them, to be exact — vast and hulking and totally, utterly at our command.
The Alliance fleet hardly even knew what hit it.
While the kraken were reducing the enemy ships to flotsam, I decided I wanted to smack a few humans down myself before it was too late, so I pulled my ship alongside one of theirs and jumped over. After I’d taken down a few of the crew I got an extra treat — this was the royal flagship, and lo and behold, up close and personal and ready to have at it, there was Varian Wrynn. We traded blows, just enough for me to REALLY start to look forward to finishing him off once and for all (by the way, fuck you, Varian), but then our battle was interrupted by one of the kraken smashing the flagship to splinters.
I swam back to one of our ships and took in the sight. The kraken were reducing the Alliance fleet to ruins. Only a handful of their ships remained. Alliance survivors from the devastated ships were swimming frantically for the few that were still afloat, while many more of their comrades were well on their way to a fitting end as fish food.
It was all coming together right before my eyes. This was how it would begin. The death of Varian, the fall of the Alliance, the end of any delusion they might ever have had that they could stand against us. Four Horde ships against a dozen or more, victorious with barely a scratch.
And then.
I’d rather not even think about it. But here goes.
I didn’t fully realize what was going on at first. A blue dragon flew over us — it looked like the one we’d seen and wounded on the way to Theramore, and seemed to be carrying a humanoid. And then, all of a sudden, dozens — no, hundreds — of water elementals started to emerge from the sea and swarmed over the kraken, wearing them down and, eventually, killing them, one by one. The dragon continued to fly back and forth, and on one pass, I finally managed to see who it was carrying — Jaina Proudmoore, alive after all. This was her handiwork. Just before she moved too far out of view, I managed to make out a small, pulsing, glowing blue sphere in her hands.
The Focusing Iris.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I mean, come on, Focusing Iris, elementals, can’t fucking ANYONE get their own ideas anymore?
Anyway, I wasn’t about to risk letting the situation at sea get any further out of control. We’d still essentially neutralized an Alliance offensive that had greatly superior numbers, not to mention put their navy back a good number of ships, so if we needed to pull back at that point to regroup, so be it. We turned back and made our way to Bladefist Bay, while the few remaining Alliance ships took off as well. Only problem is, from what we could see, the Alliance ships weren’t sailing due east, like they would if they were planning to head straight back to Stormwind. They were sailing south.
As soon as we landed, I called together as many soldiers as I could gather quickly, plus Vol’jin and Baine, who’d heard what was going on and had come to meet me at the bay. We’re heading down to the Barrens to Northwatch Hold. I’ll update again soon. I’m starting to think that when I do, I’ll be in a very foul mood.
It’s a celebration, bitches!
We took our time marching back to Orgrimmar from the glowing crater that used to be Theramore. Most of the way, Baine and Vol’jin sulked and moped like somebody had killed the family pet, but overall the troops were in good spirits, to say the least. And then, when we finally approached Orgrimmar, morale took an even greater turn for the better.
Outside the city, people were gathered to greet us. Hundreds – maybe thousands – of citizens of every race, gathered at the front gate and all across the Dranosh’ar Blockade, waving, cheering, crying out to us as we approached. They were gathered so densely that we couldn’t even get in the gate when we finally reached it. It was like the hero’s welcome we received on our victorious return from Northrend – only better. More raucous. More jubilant. More hopeful for the glorious future for the Horde that we could all feel dawning.
The crowd chanted my name as I sat on my worg at the gate. They wouldn’t stop until I finally called for them to listen while I told the tale of our triumph. When I finished, they burst into another spontaneous chant: “Death to the Alliance!”
Music to my ears. Almost enough to full the hollow ache that’s nagged at me since Northwatch.
On the way back to Orgrimmar, I sent orders to Captain Gharga and the fleet at Theramore for the next stage of our plan. The fleet will spread around the continent and form a blockade around all remaining Alliance ports: Lor’danel, Feathermoon Stronghold, Rut’theran Village, Azuremyst Isle. They’ll all be sealed off from outside support and then, one by one, we’ll move in and pick them apart, until finally, Kalimdor will belong to the Horde and the Horde alone.
But that will be a victory for the future. The NEAR future, make no mistake, but the future nonetheless. For today, we have another victory to celebrate.
I’ve ordered six days of festivities in Orgrimmar to commemorate what I know will prove to be the turning point in the history of the Horde. All of our warriors are instructed to remain in Durotar for the length of the celebration, and I’ll be issuing individual summons for all those I’ll be expecting to stay in Orgrimmar proper. Six days of celebrations – raptor fights for our entertainment, sparring contests with generous prizes funded personally by yours truly, food and drink for all. As it happens, our return home coincides almost perfectly with Brewfest, so all the better – beer and grog from around the world! Tap every keg in sight, boys and girls, and let the ale flow – all on your Warchief’s tab. Let it wash down the feasts – and oh, man, will there ever be feasts. All accompanied by lok’tras and lok’vadnods by the best of our bards and poets.
And you know what that means. Oh yeah.
Jaina, are you shattered
Over Theramore, all splattered?
Towns, by sleight of hand, you
Can’t just conjure up, now can you?
If not, tough – no QQ’in’,
You’re just stuck now ruling ruins.
Of course, that would assume
You weren’t blown up when things went boom;
Chance you’re grieving now decreases
If you’re smashed to little pieces!
But whether live or dead you lie,
Now you’ll weep and you’ll know why:
Orcish destiny restored,
All opposed fall to the Horde!
Tis the blight humans were born for,
The Alliance that you mourn for.
EPIC VERSE!
Enjoy it, Horde. Soak it in. You’ve earned it.
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]