Tag Archives: magatha
Back to the drawing board
The attack on Theramore is on hold.
I’m still fuming over…hell, what am I NOT fuming over right now? Yesterday when I finished my debriefing with Draz’Zilb over the Grimtotem messenger, I just stormed back in here to the war room and threw that model of Theramore the Gob Squad had made into the wall – bounced it right off the pin-covered strategic map we’d drawn up of Dustwallow – smashed it to a hundred pieces…
Any now I get to spend my time thinking about what I was about to do, if I hadn’t been stopped by absolutely NOTHING other than sheer dumb luck.
Let me be clear about something (you know, before I get another talking to from ACC): I don’t suddenly have qualms about attacking the humans, or hitting Theramore if it makes sense strategically. But the last several days I got myself so wound up in a fury I was about to go rushing into a thrown-together attack, and more importantly, it wasn’t just the attack itself. It was how I was going about it. Specifically, Draz’Zilb’s corruption idea. That wasn’t just a military strike – assuming the spell worked the way it’s supposed to, that would be wiping out EVERY LIVING THING from the point of deployment spreading and spreading until it had physically run out of things to kill.
I’ve got no problem with fighting a war. But now that I’m seeing straight, I’ll be damned if I’m going to become a war criminal. I’m not going to fight the humans by becoming them.
And in this case…after that baiting by Magatha…
That’s twice now she almost turned me into a monster.
So Theramore is going on the shelf. For now. At least until we’ve had a chance to work out an actual military plan that doesn’t involve necromantic weapons of genocide, and I’m not letting my temper make my decisions for me. The Dustwallow map is staying where it is until then, as a reminder…
In the meantime, though, I still have a few things I need to do – starting with informing Draz’Zilb his little pet project is canceled – and some pieces I still need to pick up.
More soon.
Failed retraction
You know, they say you’re not supposed to kill the messenger, but in this case I just couldn’t help myself. So that was that for Grimtotem #1. As for Grimtotem #2, the one we found lurking around the Dranosh’ar Blockade, I still wanted some answers about what HIS deal was, so I handed him over to our old friend Draz’Zilb and told him to work his magic (literally). Here’s what he dug up.
Both of these Grimtotem were among a small portion of the tribe still loyal to Magatha. Ever since her business with the Twilights, most of her people got pretty chilly with her, at the least, but she still has a handful of supporters. These were two.
The original messenger was sent with Magatha’s letter several days ago. The whole point – obviously – was to give me a few days after…well, you know…to give me time to stew and suffer and really sit down for a big serving of my own liver, and then slap me with the truth to rub salt in the wound. Apparently, though, after the messenger was sent out, Magatha somehow caught wind of what we have brewing for the humans – Draz’Zilb’s uber-corruption and Sylvanas’ plague and the attack on Theramore and I’m thinking maybe I should stop announcing this stuff on the internet. Anyway. So she decided it would be better to hold off on telling me the truth until AFTER I’d opened all those cans of worms. Why not get me going taking my vengeance on the humans, THEN hit me with the revelation that I was avenging myself on the wrong people? In Magatha-World, that’s just getting the best return on your investment.
So, that’s when she sent Grimtotem #2 to try to intercept Grimtotem #1, to try to prevent that letter from being delivered just yet. It was just pure dumb luck that we got it before that could happen.
That’s us. Just swimming in good luck.
Not quite Monday, not quite mailbag
(Or, for the math nerds out there, NotQuite(Monday + Mailbag). I don’t really understand what that means. Spazzle said it would go over like gangbusters, though.)
The Grimtotem warrior that Nazgrim was holding in Brackenwall Village was delivered to Orgrimmar. As it turns out, she was a messenger. She had wanted to be brought to Orgrimmar in order to deliver a letter – to me personally.
On a side note, just before she arrived here, some of our soldiers captured a SECOND Grimtotem sneaking around the Dranosh’ar Blockade. This one’s being pretty tight-lipped about what he was doing there, so I’m guessing that one wasn’t another messenger. So I’m not sure what to make of that.
For now, though, it’s that first one that’s the bigger deal, because the message she was delivering…well, here, see for yourself.
Dearest Warchief Hellscream,
I hope this letter finds you well. Actually, let us not put up false pretenses; I don’t at all hope it finds you well, and further, I know that it will not.
Word has reached me of the terrible tragedy you have recently suffered, concerning the loss of your dear mother Lakkara. I believe I have some information concerning her loss that will be of interest to you. Indeed, you may even take some solace in this knowledge – you see, my good Garrosh, you have not truly lost her at all. That would require you to have ever truly had her back.
Allow me to share with you a most curious tale.
After my recent, shall we say, difficulties with many of my Grimtotem kin, I decided to retire temporarily through the Dark Portal to Outland – a remarkable spectacle at first sight, I must say. I do so love what your fellow orcs have done with the place. My handful of followers and I found the region of Nagrand by far the most hospitable – I will thank you for forgoing any obvious remarks concerning the ready availability of grass – and so we took up temporary residence in its outlying territories, near to your Mag’har kin’s Ancestral Grounds.
It was there that a most interesting thing took place. While foraging in the nearby hills, my associates happened upon a small, secluded cave in the mountainside. Inside, they found the body of an orcish woman who appeared to have died some years prior. Ever a student of spiritual custom, I found myself curious as to how the woman had come to be there, and why the Mag’har, usually so diligent in matters of honoring their dead, would have left her remains to go unburied in some remote cave. And so, I and my colleagues undertook some cautious investigations.
I will not trouble you with the details of our methods; suffice to say, in short order, we found to our amazement that we had discovered the remains of Lakkara, mate of the great Grommash Hellscream, last victim of the pernicious red pox that once ravaged the orcs.
Ordinarily, I would be loathe to disturb the fallen ancestors of any people. But, as I am sure you will understand, I am equally loathe to pass up a glowing opportunity.
You may recall, several weeks ago, investigating a Twilight’s Hammer cabal in Hyjal, resulting in some rather troubling visions courtesy of a conveniently placed shadebind totem. In a stroke of good fortune for me, and short-sightedness for you (both of which, I must say, I was rather counting on), you neglected in your rattled state to collect the offending totem. This made it possible for one of my associates to do so shortly thereafter – the totem, by this point, having attuned itself to you, my good Warchief, for purposes of binding to itself a few select spirits intimately linked to your soul. One crucial one in particular.
From there, it was a simple matter to summon forth Lakkara’s spirit and prepare her for her “return.” With the spiritbinding of her dear son to draw upon, and her actual body on hand, the other necessary manipulations were laborious but hardly difficult. A few selective blurrings of memories…the instilling of a few small additional ones…minor tinkering around the edges of the shadow of her mind: all trivial undertakings, really, once the real work of invocation was done. All the more trivial given how readily she took to them – only too happy to imagine that she had watched her son’s growth in life rather than from the beyond.
The entire process she would perceive – with some subtle nudging – as our careful ministration of her illness. (Not entirely an untruth, I might add.) And the fact of her past contagion would ensure that she would not allow anyone close enough to touch her, and thus discover her noncorporeal state.
And so, with that, it was simply a matter of placing a few totems to summon her into sustained phantasmal being and set her on her way to Garadar. Greatmother Geyah was, of course, the real test, but I hardly had any doubts that my Lakkara would pass inspection – my Lakkara was, after all, the real Lakkara. Or what remained of her spirit, more or less.
It was only a matter of time before she would seek out her dear boy.
Of course, your time together would, as you already know, be short-lived. The elder crone giveth, and the elder crone taketh away. In this case, the instrument of her removal would likewise come via shadebind – in this case, your former underling Gerbo, who, you may be surprised to learn, was from time to time of assistance to me in his days in Stonetalon. For a price, of course, but he was, quite frankly, something of a bargain as such matters go. At any rate, given our previous…association, and his own lingering distaste for his former Warchief, he was only too amenable to lending his aid one last time in death.
It takes a ghost to slay a ghost, after all.
You might well ask, at this point, why I would take the trouble to construct so elaborate a charade. Why would I invest such time and effort to conjure up the illusion of Lakkara, only to dispel it once again, all for no apparent, tangible gain.
You might well ask, but I suspect you need not. For illusory though she may have been, to you, dear Garrosh, she was real. And there is no agony quite so sharp as that of rescinded hope, is there, Warchief?
I will admit, my earlier efforts against you in the Bastion of Twilight were misguided. Then, I had sought to take my revenge by killing you. A foolish, short-sighted goal, I realize now. A terrible mistake whose failure, though grating at the time, has proven to be a blessing in disguise.
You see, I no longer have any desire to kill you. I’ve hurt you. And I intend to go on hurting you.
Enjoy your empty nest, dear Warchief. You will hear from me again.
–Magatha Grimtotem
…
Excuse me. I…think I need to step away from the computer for a minute.
…
…
…
Okay.
So.
I know a lot of you have been reading this blog for a while, and you probably already have an idea what to expect at this point. So you’re probably going to be a little surprised here.
See, ordinarily this would be the point where I start yelling, and going into all caps, and screaming bloody murder, and ranting on and on about how brutally I’m going to murder Magatha, and on and on, and filling up a couple paragraphs with how Magatha’s going to die, she’s going to die, oh holy crap she is so. Totally. Going. To die.
I’m not going to do that now.
See how calm I’m staying? Keeping it together, no yelling, not raising my voice even a little.
Want to know why?
You know that level of anger where it’s not burning up inside you, not even because it’s burned itself out – because that would imply it’s run its course and is done with – but because it’s gone so far beyond that burning, fiery, jump-up-and-down, stomp-your-feet kind of angry? That anger where the screaming and venting is just wasted energy, and you’re not going to waste any of that energy that you could save up to erase whoever or whatever it was that pushed you that far? You know that kind of angry?
I am so utterly beyond that right now.
So all I’m going to say is this.
You don’t have to worry about my rage, Magatha. I usually make a pretty big show of using up my rage. But rage is just anger that’s burned up and channeled into something else, expended as quickly as it comes. Rage is nothing. But anger that’s contained, even cultivated? That’s like a wine. It grows deeper, and richer, and ferments into something greater. It grows more potent. It grows creative.
Anger is the mother of invention. And it has an infinite, indelible memory.
So don’t worry about me ranting on and on and how you’re going to die, Magatha. I know it’s what you’re expecting from me, but not this time. That’s a promise.
You’re not going to die, Magatha.
You’re going to beg to.
And when you do, I’m going to be completely, utterly, hideously…calm.
News from two fronts
Everything is going on schedule – maybe better – with the ogres and their move from Brackenwall Village to Alcaz Island. General Nazgrim has gone to Dustwallow Marsh to personally oversee everything, and set up base in Brackenwall with everyone who’ll be going with him on the initial strike on Theramore. The remaining ogres have been moving to Alcaz in small groups, with infantry escorts scouting the terrain around their travel path to make sure they’re not being observed.
One interesting development in the midst of all this: one of the relocation groups have reported that while just making their way out of Brackenwall Village, they had a run-in with a Grimtotem warrior. “Run-in” in the sense that the tauren was making a bee line to Brackenwall, and just happened to run up on the travel party on the way. Either way, she didn’t much care about being intercepted, and only seemed concerned about finding Horde personnel, essentially to turn herself in. When they took her into custody, she insisted she needed to be brought to Orgrimmar. Nazgrim is going to question her in the village and then see about sending her along this way, depending on whether he sees something fishy in the works. We ARE talking about a Grimtotem, after all, but then again, Magatha’s been largely on the outs with her own tribe ever since her last little scheme, so who knows.
Meanwhile, we’ve got news from the investigations in Stonetalon, and the bottom line could be good or not depending on how you want to look at it. Dontrag and Utvoch didn’t have much luck finding a whole lot of anything, other than tripping into one of those huge sludge pools at the Sludgewerks and finding themselves a giant sludge monster that hit them with some kind of sludge breath and sludge sludge sludge if I have to hear either one of them say “sludge” one more time I might have to behead them. Which I’m right on the edge of doing half the time anyway.
Krog, on the other hand, managed to have better luck. He was stealthing around near Farwatcher’s Glen, on the outskirts of their graveyard – where he found our old friend Grebo. Or what was left of him. According to Krog, the body was in pretty bad shape, had obviously been hacked up pretty badly by someone, or probably multiple someones. So safe to say Grebo didn’t meet a good end. Shiny. I only wish I could have been there to have been a part of it. Still, we don’t know WHO did us the favor of offing him, or why they decided to chuck the body off into the bushes to rot.
Still…as much as I’d like to let him KEEP rotting, at this point I’m not leaving anything else to chance. I’m having the body transported to Malaka’jin, where it’ll be burned on a funeral pyre. Normally I would send something like this to Cliffwalker Post, but that’s only going to dredge up painful memories for Overlord Cliffwalker. Odds are he and I would draw even in the Who Hates Grebo More competition, so I figure I’ll spare him having to deal with this one.
Burn well, Grebo. I’m sure, wherever you are now, you already are.
Now as I was saying…
Okay, first of all, HA HA HA, Sylvanas, very funny. April fools, blah blah. It took freaking FOREVER to get the blog fixed back to the way it’s supposed to look (well, it took SPAZZLE forever, from what he tells me…but I had to WAIT like forever for him to get finished, so YOU tell ME what’s worse). That and re-lock-down blog security.
I think we’ve got it fixed now, though. Might have been partly my fault, to be honest. Spazzle tells me it actually might not have been the wisest decision for me to make the blog admin password “garrosh.” Go figure. Still, I’d like to know where Sylvanas learned to become this uber master hacker apparently.
Okay, anyway, moving on.
So as I was about to say before little miss Banshee Queen went all smartass on us, I still needed to update everyone on what was going on in Mount Hyjal. You know, after I managed to get away from the grabby huggy dryad. Who, let me just say one last time, what the fuck. Anyhow.
So when last we left Garrosh, before everybody in the universe decided they were going to jump on the Let’s Piss Off Garrosh Bandwagon, I was checking on reports of a Twilight’s Hammer enclave still milling around making trouble in Hyjal. I flew down to Darkwhisper Gorge, where the reports were coming from, and sure enough, I found a batch of Twilights gathered at what’s left of Doom’s Vigil. When I arrived, there were about a dozen of them gathered in a circle, all channeling some sort of spell. Needless to say I put a quick end to that…for the sake of saving space I’m going to skip past the blood and death and severed limbs and all that stuff, which let’s be honest only took up a couple minutes anyway, and by this point I’m sure you can all use your imagination for this kind of thing anyway. Bottom line is “bunch of Twilights” got a quick revision into “pile of corpses,” which is kind of fitting, since once I had the chance to have a better look at the place, I noticed a bunch of other bodies laying around the area – a couple orcs, a couple trolls, a bunch of tauren, a human or two, I think, but who really cares about them?
At this point I was getting ready to take off, when I thought I saw something moving among the rocks in the mountainside nearby. I went to check on it, and found a cave – pretty easily accessible from the camp, but easy to miss with the way the surrounding rock was laid out. There was another body, a night elf this time, on the ground right outside, and there seemed to be some light flickering inside. So, in I went. That is, after I got Mortimer calmed down some – like I said, I was just about to leave, so I had actually just strapped Gorehowl to the saddle, and I don’t know what was getting Mortimer so spooked but he damn near took off with the axe before I even had the chance to get it back again.
Anyway, I finally got Gorehowl and went in. The light was coming from a basic campfire someone had left there, and the light from the flames combined with the rock formations inside the save made for a lot of shadows that made it kind of hard to get your bearings in what was really a pretty small chamber. Or room. Or…I don’t know, whatever you call the inside of a cave.
I was so busy situating myself that I didn’t even notice right away that there was a figure moving on the far side of the campfire – it was obscured by the shadows at first, but once my eyes had adjusted to the light, and it moved again, I could see the figure was an orc. And then when it moved, and turned toward me, it didn’t take any doing to recognize those features.
Krom’gar.
And so yeah, first thought? I KNEW I should have had D&U go back and make sure his body was accounted for at Cliffwalker Post! Doesn’t ANYBODY stay dead anymore? But before you start freaking out like I was, hang on for my SECOND thought, which was pretty much “Boy, good thing I’ve still got this AXE with me,” and jumped across the campfire, and whipped Gorehowl around for a swing that went right through Krom’gar, like WHEW right through him like he wasn’t even there, so that Gorehowl ended up ricocheting off the rock wall and jarring itself out of my grip, so the handle flew up and clanged me right in the head, and OWW.
And meanwhile there’s Krom’gar still there staring at me, not a scratch on him. It took me a second to piece together, but basically for those of you who haven’t already done the math, Gorehowl went flying through him like he wasn’t even there because, well, he wasn’t. It wasn’t Krom’gar back from the dead. It was Krom’gar, dead. A spirit, or something like it.
Here’s where I actually wish I had Mokvar with me this time, because for the couple minutes I managed to talk to the ghost, it would have been nice to have someone there getting some of this stuff written down. But, here’s the gist of it. The spirit-formerly-known-as-Krom’gar was really mostly interested in being cryptic and otherwise telling me I knew how he was going to tackle things in Stonetalon, and I had gone soft and had put him in charge to do the things I knew I couldn’t, and a whole bunch of other utter bullshit like that. As if I would ever have been okay with….bah, forget it. Anyway, I finally managed to get an answer from him on why his ghost would be in some random cave in Hyjal – it was because I was there, basically. He was there because I was there.
See, when the dead move on to the spirit realm, they leave echoes behind. A piece of them stays with whoever is left living who had been important to them, or who they were important to. We all have these echoes of spirits that we carry around with us, the people who were close to us, or helped make us who we are for good or ill, or who cared about us, or whatever. They just go through the world with us, invisible, never making a sound, never interfering, just…tagging along because they’re part of us. I’m not even going to get into the reasons why I would be carrying Krom’gar around with me. If you’ve been following along with me, you already understand, and if you don’t, it would probably take a lot more doing to explain than I’ve got the mental energy to deal with right now.
While he was semi-kinda-spelling this much out, it didn’t actually occur to me right off to ask why one of those echoes would all of a sudden become VISIBLE to me like this, but stay tuned. That’ll make more sense in a second.
So I don’t want to make it sound like this was just some expositiony fireside chat between me and ex-Krom’gar, because like I said he was mostly interested in being vague and cryptic and generally getting under my skin. Which, you know, really set him apart from so many other people from among the LIVING. But I managed to drag that much of an explanation out of him in bits in pieces, and then after a few minutes he hit me with his cryptic big finish – check this one out: “From within it consumes, Warchief,” like, yeah, the fuck – and then flickered away into the shadows.
And it was at that point that I finally noticed something else in the shadows against the back wall of the cave: a totem. Different design than the typical elemental totems that shaman use, but unmistakably a totem. It looked familiar, actually, and after wracking my brain a couple minutes I remembered: it matched the description I’d heard from some of the elders back in Garadar of this thing called a “shadebind” totem, which was this very rare variety that could be used to draw some of those baggage spirits off of someone and make them appear in the mortal world. Usually they were only ever used in rare cases where an important elder was having some kind of spiritual crisis, and even then it didn’t always work. Just creating one required a pretty rare level of knowledge and shamanistic power, much less getting the rituals right.
I was pretty much marveling over where one of these things even could have come from, when I noticed one more detail. The markings along the side of the totem – mostly random shaman-type stuff that I don’t know enough to make sense of, but then, mixed in with them in a couple places, there were a couple specific tribal markings, ones I’ve already seen more than I’d care to.
Tribal markings of the Grimtotem.
So, five points to anybody else whose best guess here matches mine, as far as who might be a clever enough shaman to pull off one of these doohickeys, plus have occasion to be hanging around a Twilight camp. Yep.
As for what Magatha might be after, your guess is as good as mine. For all I know, she didn’t have any reason to think I’d even be turning up in Hyjal, so it’s not like I can even assume she’d planted it there for me specifically. She could be after something else entirely and I just happened to be the one to come along and trigger the damn thing. Who knows. All this really tells us for sure is she’s on the loose back in Kalimdor, and she’s up to something. Which really isn’t anything we shouldn’t have guessed anyway.
So…that’s as much as I’ve got for right now. At this point I’m not even sure there’s anything else to be done as followup, so we’ll just have to see.
And I swear, though, if that ghost thought I actually WANTED him to…never mind. I’m only going to make myself angry. More soon.
The Awesome League of Awesome
As promised, here’s the result of this latest poll for the newest EPIC VERSE topic. So, with no further ado…BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT!
Where to go! What to do!
So much to explore.
Johnny Awesome on the move,
Always seeking more.
He keeps clearing each zone faster,
Tanaris, the last one to go:
Yet another triumph, although
Thousand Needles was disaster.
Now he’s questing with a reputation to restore.
Garrosh really wants him dead,
Really hates that elf.
Put a bounty on his head,
How he’s by himself.
Hold your horses, no complaining
That he screwed up on that last run.
Magatha, she pulled a fast one
Now he’s got few friends remaining.
Just because he freed one traitor from the Twilight Shelf.
Johnny Awesome headed north
Flying through the Barrens.
But as he was setting forth
It became apparent
He had work to do here – rescue!
Some poor undead rogue was dying:
Swarmed by quillboar, he was trying,
But perhaps he merely was new.
Or perhaps dropped on his dead by inattentive parents.
Either way, he needed saving –
Johnny Awesome to the fray!
The undead was smiling, waving,
As the quillboar fled away.
Johnny Awesome: “My work here’s done.”
“HI I’M DUMASS!” “Um, okay.”
“LET’S BE FRIENDS!” “No, go away.”
“OH OKAY! WHERE ARE WE GOING?”
This was when he realized that he’d have a real long day.
“So, Dumass,” J.A. did say
And fought the urge to kill,
“Why the Barrens?” “OH OKAY!
I’M GOING TO TARREN MILL!”
“Wait, Dumass, where did you come from?”
“SILVERPINE AND HILLSBRAD, SIR!”
“Tarren Mill was where you were.”
Blank stare. “Fitting name there, Dum.”
And Dumass just smiled and nodded while his brain stood still.
“Well, I’ll let you travel on,”
Johnny Awesome said.
“OH OKAY! SO WHERE TO, JOHN?”
“…or come with me instead.”
Johnny Awesome sighed so forlorn.
“Well then, let’s head to Winterspring.”
“WOW WE’RE GOING TO KILL THE LICH KING?”
Frosted flake pursues Frostmourne.
“…Let’s just hope that bounty means that soon I will be dead.”
Up to Winterspring they flew,
Seeking thrills and danger.
But Johnny Awesome really knew
That things would just get stranger.
In the mountains, climbing higher,
Till they came upon a cave.
Hiding place of some vile knave?
Monsters? Dragons breathing fire?
Surely there would be rewards from those they would endanger.
When flying upon a frost wyrm
Came someone he’d seen before:
An orc warrior, hardly infirm,
Landing on a node of ore.
“OMG THE LICH KING!” Dumass
Cried out as the orc was mining.
“Where?” the orc cried, “A defining
Triumph shall be mine at last!”
Meanwhile Johnny Awesome palmed his face an instance more.
“Huh, no Lich King?” the orc grumbled,
Staring down this elf naysayer.
“Bet he’s hiding,” next he mumbled.
“I am Orkus – the Kingslayer!”
“Greetings, Orkus—” “HI! I’M DUMASS!”
“I am Johnny Awesome, sir.”
Orkus answered, “I’ll infer
You’re the brains here.” “HI! I’M DUMASS!”
“..Meanwhile I would guess your friend here’s Stupidville’s new mayor.”
Before Johnny Awesome answered,
Skulking out from in the cave
Came a yeti, lone advancer –
No warning or sound he gave.
“It’s attacking!” “Hurry! Kill it!”
“OMG! A DRAGON!” “What?”
No move made the yeti, but
They smelled blood and they would spill it.
Thus the yeti’s early rise might mean an early grave:
Hardly had the yeti woken,
So he found this a surprise.
His defense was scarcely token,
Looking ’round with sleepy eyes.
Just the same, the fight took ages.
None of them could land a blow.
Swinging, missing, tripping, so
To give the details would take pages.
So we’ll TL;DR for the poor yeti’s demise.
Finally the yeti stumbled
In a hulking lifeless heap.
Orkus yelled, “Vile beast! Be humbled!
Yeah, that’s right. Don’t make a peep.”
“Hey, you know, this has me thinking,”
Johnny Awesome said at last.
“We sure kicked that yeti’s ass
(Even granted I’ve been twinking),
If we stayed a team, just think the benefits we’d reap.”
“YAY! I HAVE TWO FRIENDS!” said Dumass.
Not suspecting they might toss ’im.
“As a group,” said Orkus, “en masse,
No more fleeing or playing possum!”
Johnny Awesome nodded, beaming:
“We could take the world by storm!”
“Wipe out every beastly swarm!”
“End all villains’ evil scheming!
Look out, Azeroth, here comes the Awesome League of Awesome!”
“Just one thing,” said Orkus, “Any
Chance you’ve got a healing spec?
I took a few hits there – well, many.”
“Sorry, no.” “Eh, what the heck.
It can wait till we get going
Back to town, and heal up there.”
“Let’s go. Soon, evil beware!”
Johnny Awesome’s pride was glowing.
And the trio gathered up to start their homeward trek.
Off they marched with scarce attention
To a shadow in the sky:
Far beyond their apprehension
What was coming, much less why.
Down upon them swooped a wyvern!
“En garde!” “Fight him off!” “YES SIR!”
Now go get ’im, Mortimer!
Alas, though, he did not discern
Who was who correctly when he landed his bullseye.
“I’ve got aggro!” Orkus bellowed.
But before they could decide
How to help him, he was mangled:
Down he went and there he died.
“It got Orkus! Kill it!” Johnny
Awesome yelled, but not in time.
Mortimer did swiftly climb
Into the air, and then was gone.
And from nowhere, “YAY! WE KILLED THE LICH KING!” Dumass cried.
EPIC VERSE!
Filling in the gaps
Okay, I was planning on writing this a lot earlier, but I ended up sleeping WAY late that first night back in Orgrimmar, which had me up late last night, and blah blah, up-late-sleeping-in domino effect. Any of you who’ve gotten into a late-nighter groove on Earth Online know the drill. Anyway, I’m back in Grommash Hold finally and settled in, and HOLY SHIT it’s good to be able to crash in my own bed again.
So I’m figuring you’re all probably wondering what was going on on my end of things since the last time I posted. Saurfang and Garona have been giving me the run-down about their side, but I’m still in the process of getting caught up on what Saurfang was posting here while I was out of it. Anyway, let me try to fill in what I can and maybe fill some gaps for you guys.
Last time you heard from me I was flying down to Alcaz Island. When I got to the island, Dontrag and Utvoch were still just chilling at one of those naga conjuring rune circles with Skarr, and so I figured I’d gotten there in time to get a jump on things. Before I could get my bearings, though, a gang of tauren led by Magatha Grimtotem showed up and attacked. At the time I assumed they were Grimtotem, but from the sound of things now, they must have been Twilights and just happened to be tauren. Probably hand-picked, actually, so they could seem like they were Grimtotem. Maybe. Anyhow, they attacked, and somehow or other Skarr managed to get loose not long after. Magatha was hanging back some and I could hear her chanting something, but I was a little too focused on the couple dozen dudes I had beating on me at the time, so I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it.
What happened next is still pretty fuzzy. All of a sudden there was a blinding flash, and I remember being thrown back a long ways. I think I hit my head on a tree or rock as I was falling back, but before I passed out I remember seeing a lot of the other tauren and maybe D&U getting thrown around by the blast. I don’t remember seeing Skarr from that point – I think he was the explosion. Looking back on it based on what Saurfang’s told me, I guess he must have been walking around with some kind of explosive enchantment, and Magatha detonated him when she arrived. So he really was a time bomb, just a lot more literal than I was figuring.
And for that matter…turns out I was right, just not for the right reasons. I thought Skarr was the phylactery, and we’d gotten baited into a trap bringing him out in the open. Well, we got baited into a trap, all right. But Skarr wasn’t the phylactery. He never was. He was the bait.
The next several…days, I guess? I’m not sure…were a blur. All I can remember is bits and pieces. Being picked up and dragged around, sounds of the ocean, grunting from ogres and ettin…that sulphury smell from the incense that the Twilights always seem to have burning all over the place. Purplish walls. I don’t know how long I was out before I finally came around for good. Even then I felt pretty groggy, so I’m figuring the fuckers were using some kind of magical mojo on me to keep me subdued.
When I finally came around, I was in the Bastion of Twilight. Magatha was running the show. Which, considering the place was obviously overrun by Twilights and not Grimtotem, didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. But man, was she ever proud of herself for having me under wraps. I had a few choice words for her…okay, you know me better than that, I had a few choice paragraphs for her…but after I got the initial outrage out of my system (which granted took a while), I managed to get her monologuing. Thank goodness for villains who can’t fight the urge to run their mouths, that’s all I’m going to say.
So come to find out, Magatha cooked up the story about the phylactery and fed it to the other Grimtotem through Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, had her people running around making trouble for the ogres under the pretense of finding it, knowing that sooner or later word would get back to the Twilights and they would be all “WTF there’s no phylactery, is this bitch crazy?” Which okay, she is, but whatever. Arnak and Isha were the only other Grimtotem who ever knew the real story, or part of it, anyway – there was no phylactery, it was just Magatha’s way to get the Twilight’s Hammer’s attention and bait them into coming for her. Which they did, in Thousand Needles. And when they raided the Grimtotem and captured Magatha to interrogate her, they were really doing exactly what she wanted.
Once she was the Twilights’ “prisoner,” that put Magatha in a position to make them an offer they couldn’t refuse. Sure, there wasn’t any phylactery, but she HAD found a way they could revive Cho’gall, and she was ready to make them a deal. All she needed was the Doomstone, which the Twilights already had, that collection of tauren relics, which the Grimtotem already had, and a new body for Cho’gall spirit to set up shop in.
On the drawing board, that was going to be Skarr – THAT was his special duty, the job Cho’gall had in mind for him. Somehow or other Cho’gall knew it could be possible to bring him back in a new body if need be, and had Skarr in mind to be the one, which a handful of those Gordunni ogres were aware of even if Cho’gall didn’t spread word around among the cult in general. Who knows, maybe one of Magatha’s tribesmen in Feralas got wind of this from the ogres somehow, and that’s what got the call rolling on this idea in the first place. Anyway…
The only thing that was missing was Magatha’s end of the deal. I’ll give her this much, she’s no idiot, and she knew better than to trust the Twilights to hold up their end of the bargain if she went ahead and gave them Cho’gall up front. So that was her one ace in the hole: she was the only one they knew of who could do it, and they weren’t getting any resurrection until she’d gotten her payoff. As far as the other Grimtotem were concerned, the payoff was help in regaining power, retaking the Grimtotem’s lost territory…but in reality, Magatha knew that was a lost cause. For now anyway. The Grimtotem were reduced to bands of renegades, they were banished from tauren society and cast out of the Horde, they couldn’t even get the Alliance to give them the time of day…there was too much lost and too many enemies stacked against them for them to hold on very long even IF the Twilights helped them regain a foothold. Better to let the Twilights get Cho’gall back, and let the world burn. At least her enemies would burn with it.
But what she wanted was to be sure one enemy in particular would be the first to go down.
Remember that letter I wrote to Magatha, when she asked me for help in her coup in Thunder Bluff, and I told her where she could stick it?
Yeah. Guess who.
That’s when they started letting information about all of this start reaching us, to set off their plan to lure me out. Eventually when we went after Skarr, they started putting the pieces in place for a backup plan that would let them kill two birds with one stone – let us get Skarr, feed us more information through him, then set me up to be captured…and then put me into the Skarr role as Cho’gall’s future place of residence. A live Cho’gall and a dead Garrosh all in one fell swoop. Cho’gall’s revived spirit would take over, my soul would be burned up by the restoration – “consumed by the fires of resurrection” as she put it – and my body would be corrupted into something more “suitable” for him. Fun stuff.
Eventually they even had good luck on their side. In my stupidity, I sent that fucker Johnny Awesome to Thousand Needles, where the Twilights were still holding Magatha in “protective custody,” which gave her an opening to round up all the magical doohickeys she needed and cover her tracks all at the same time. I mean, think of it – at this point she was ALREADY basically screwing over her own tribe for the sake of helping the Twilights burn the world down. So now rather than having to come up with another cover story to keep leading the other Grimtotem on, she just sent Johnny Awesome to round up the stuff she needed from them, then got him to KILL Arnak and Isha, the only Grimtotem who knew anything at all about what Magatha was really up to in the first place. And then he comes back, “steals” the Doomstone for her, and sends her off on her way, so as far as anyone can tell, she’s just ESCAPED the Twilights rather than working with them.
Gotta admit, this is all so sly and sneaky I’d actually be kind of impressed, if it wasn’t all so totally revolting.
Anyway…you can probably see how everything played out from there, the trap-within-a-trap at Alcaz Island, and all the rest. Which brings us back to me being held in the Bastion of Twilight.
Eventually a couple of ettin dragged me out of my cell and set me up in a scaffold in the middle of Cho’gall’s old throne room. Still a little groggy from whatever spells they’d been casting on me, but I guess they needed me conscious for the big pay-off. Either that or Magatha wanted me awake so I could feel every last bit of it. Probably both. The scaffolding actually didn’t feel THAT tight, and the wood seemed to have a little give to it, but I wasn’t sure how much time I was going to have to struggle with it at that point.
Anyway, Magatha stood up beside me with the Doomstone in hand, tauren relics set up all around us, and started doing some incantations that who the fuck knows what they meant. Apparently the ritual called for some kind of ritual bloodletting (blood is life or some shit like that), and since Magatha wasn’t exactly one to turn up a chance to rub some salt in the would, she had the cultists bring her Gorehowl – she was going to spill my blood with my own axe. And then, just to add insult to injury…wait, no, she was already adding insult to injury…to add extra insult to insult and injury, she decides she has to get her last jab in, and says something along the lines of, “Fitting, isn’t it, a little loosed blood sets you on your way to becoming a monster that will lay waste to your world…like father, like son, eh, Hellscream?”
And I’m not going to lie to you – THAT? That pissed me. The fuck. OFF.
And seriously, when you’re trying to finish an old-school warrior, Magatha, what’s the one thing you never want to fucking do? Yeah. Feed him extra free rage.
Crack.
Snap.
Broken scaffold.
Pummeled tauren bitch crone, flying across the room. Gorehowl back in the right hands, and a whole room full of Twilights running in to take a number at the deli counter OF MOTHERFUCKING PAIN.
Just so happens, as I was starting to fight my way back out, Saurfang and the rest were making their way in. I think they might have run into a couple batches of cultists that Magatha sent back out to the exit to secure the way out while I was on the move. Kinda wish I’d been there to see the looks on their faces when they came out of the portal, actually. “Okay, guys, we’ll just lock this down and WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS OTHER ARMY COME FROM **CLEAVE**”
So…I think that covers everything. I probably missed a few details here and there, but fuck, this was long enough already, no need to go piling on more. Anyway I can try to answer any left over questions you guys might have. Otherwise, it’s going to be good to get back to semi-normal life, answer my mail, all that good stuff. I’ll write more soon, about some less apocalypsey stuff.
I’ll say this much, though. Magatha’s day is coming. I can take some comfort in knowing that now she’s probably an even greater outcast, even more alone than she’s ever been, now that she’s not only an exile from the tauren, but she’s even betrayed the one remaining tribe that would have had her. But this? Just wait till I finally get my hands on her, and get a chance to crush her under my heel. CRUSH her. See if the elements protect her then. Crush and burn and drown and suffocate. ‘Tis a little dream I have.
More soon. And also, um…yeah. Thanks for coming after me.
I’M BACK, BITCHES
Well THAT was a big, long, giant fucking pain in the ASS. I’ll write some more for you guys soon since I know you probably have a zillion questions and shit, but for right now, just one quick note for Magatha and the Twilights and whoever the fuck else I’ve been fighting I don’t even know who at this point:
NEXT TIME YOU FUCKERS BEST BRING KRYPTONITE!!
Okay. That’s it for now. I’m going back home and getting some damn sleep. Fucking hell.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Live Blog: Storming the Bastion
Citizens of the Horde,
I write to you today from our staging ground at the Twilight Citadel. As you are no doubt aware, as I write these words to you, we are about to launch our incursion into the Bastion of Twilight; once underway, my chirographically proficient aide Mokvar will continue to update this space to keep you all informed of our progress – a process I am told is generally referred to as “live blogging.” Before passing full control of our communication over to Mokvar, I am taking the liberty here of offering these opening remarks to set the stage, as it were.
I arrived at Twilight Highlands with several Kor’kron detachments late last night, and immediately prepared our forces to move on the Bastion of Twilight. Zaela offered Dragonmaw support for our operation, even volunteering to accompany us herself; I cordially declined the offer – I believe my exact words were “I think you’ve done enough already, thank you” – and suggested that Zaela and her troops instead stake out the Twilight Citadel perimeter, a baby-steps measure of safeguarding from which she might benefit from practice.
[Never send a Dragonmaw to do a Saurfang’s job. –Mkvr., ed.]
It’s over to me now, by the way, so I guess I don’t really need the usual brackets. Mokvar here. I’ll try to keep posting these quickly. It’s going to depend on what’s going on at the time, obviously, but I’ll try to stay on task. Hopefully this will go well.
Keep refreshing this page to update – I’ll be continually adding to the post as we go along.
8:02 PM – Zoning into the Bastion now. We’ll see how this goes…
8:05 PM – All troops are inside. Already a bit peculiar — there are corpses of a couple of cultists here by the entrance. They don’t seem like they’ve been dead for very long. We’re moving in further into the major chamber.
8:08 PM – Well that explains that. In the big room just inside the Bastion, there were two more dead cultists, then on the far end of the room yet another one dead, along with one live Twilight cultist — in the middle of combat with Garona. She seemed like she was doing fine by herself, but Saurfang and the closest batch of Kor’kron jumped in to help finish the cultist off. It bears noting — he got the most hilarious look of “Oh, come ON” on his face just before they dropped him.
8:10 PM – Also, I just have to ask: don’t these guards look around at all? That is, sure, the cultists that Garona attacked before we got here were stationed in pairs, but they were also all within eyeshot of each other. Isn’t it kind of strange that each pair pretty much stood around keeping to themselves while Garona was killing their friends at the other end of the room? Just sayin’.
8:14 PM – Garona says she stealthed ahead to check out more of the Bastion before we got here. According to her, most of the cultists that are here seem to be clustered near Cho’gall’s old command room — the Throne of the Apocalypse. She says there were enough there packed close enough together that she didn’t want to risk stealthing in any further. There weren’t many Twilight’s Hammer people elsewhere in the place, other than these groups of guards near the entrance, so she decided to come back here first to make sure she’d cleared an escape path for herself just in case.
8:16 PM – Moving on further now with Garona on board.
8:17 PM – Hang on, AFK – combat!!
8:20 PM – Sorry, back.
We were about to head down the next hallway, but a portal opened up near the entrance, and about a dozen Twilight cultists came through and came running up on us from behind. Contrary to what you might think, crazed apocalyptic world-destroying lunatics don’t have the basic manners to lay off the guy in the back who’s just trying to mind his own business and write.
Anyway, Saurfang and the other made pretty short work of them just the same. I think we’re clear now.
8:21 PM – Spoke too soon. Another wave coming through the portal! Stand by.
8:22 PM – Seriously, why do these Twilight people always insist on coming at Saurfang in twos? After all this time, does the word “CLEAVE” really not ring any bells to these people?
8:25 PM – Give up your futile struggle, doomed fools! All is but chaos and darkness! The Hour of Twilight shall fall, and the sun shall set on your mortal realm! Accept the inevitable and embrace the end as we have!
8:27 PM – Yikes, sorry! One of those damn cultists freaking mind-controlled me for a minute there!
Funny he would make me write that, though, rather than, say, try to stab somebody. Then again, I guess even these cultists need an outlet sometimes. That and they’re insane.
8:29 PM – Cultists taken out. We’ve only lost two Kor’kron so far, so we’re handling them pretty well. Still, we’re going to hold position here and watch that portal. That’s two waves of cultists that have come through, so we don’t want to move on right off and be taken by surprise.
8:33 PM – Nothing coming from the portal so far. Saurfang has decided to leave a group here to stand guard while the rest of us use the portal and see what’s going on on the other end, wherever it is.
Saurfang’s also making a big point of us all going through together, and how he doesn’t want to go through, find himself in a room with a hundred cultists, look around, and see he’s all by himself.
I asked if he was worried he would be overwhelmed.
He said no, he just figures that that would give him a huge head start on the scoreboard and he wants to play fair by the rest of us.
Damn I love Saurfang.
8:41 PM – We’ve just gone through the portal, and this is a little eerie. The portal took us all the way to the heart of the Bastion — straight to Cho’gall’s old command room, the Throne of the Apocalypse. Based on the waves of cultists that were coming through the portal just a few minutes ago, I was expecting us to be swimming in them when we came out on this side, but strangely enough, the throne room is empty.
Empty, and a mess. The place is still in tatters from Cho’gall’s last battle here. The huge hole in the floor, leading down to Sinestra’s lair in the Twilight Caverns below, is still there and visible, but it’s been more or less covered by a series of wooden planks and platforms. All around the room there are different pieces of conjuring paraphenalia, much like the junk the Twilight’s Hammer had down in Ahn’Qiraj, only here it looks to be strewn all over the place, some of it broken. In the middle of the room there’s a heavy wooden prisoner’s scaffold — broken as well, nearly cracked into splinters in some spots. There look to be broken chains laying around it on the ground as well.
The biggest eye-catcher, though, is the fact that the room is littered with bodies — cultists of all races, several ettin, a handful of ogres. Most of the bodies look to be recently dead, many of them still seeping blood across the floor.
We’ve only just had enough time to take all this in, and now we’re hearing some commotion going on a ways down the hall, heading back out from the throne room. We’re on our way out now. Stand by.
8:44 PM – Just made our way through the Sanctum of the Ascended. Three more dead ettin here, and no shortage of blodd spattered all around. We’re still hearing noise from further out, but it sounds like we’re getting closer.
Saurfang and Garona are picking up the pace and growing visibly fired up by all this, and I can’t really blame them, considering the short list of candidates who could have a hand in this much damage…
8:46 PM – Heading down into the Twilight Enclave now — this is definitely where the noise is coming from.
8:50 PM – HOLY CRAP, they have a gronn!! (By the way, weren’t there only supposed to be a handful of gronn in existence? How do these Twilight Highlands cultists keep digging up extras?) Anyway, this one is pretty much as big as a gronn could get and still fit in here. It’s blocking the view of the far exit, and it’s got a gang of cultists swarming around it — not swarming like they’re attacking the gronn, but swarming like they’re all on the same side against a shared target, in the doorway.
8:53 PM – Okay, time to settle your bets on this one — it’s Garrosh!
Also worth noting that we were finally able to see him in the doorway because he just bladestormed down like half a dozen of the cultists.
And, with a patented “You answer to Saurfang now!” from the overlord, here we go!
8:56 PM – Well, here we were going to go. Just as we were starting to charge in, we suddenly found ourselves rooted in place by some kind of slowing field, then guess who comes swooping in on that freaky wind serpent of hers? Magatha Grimtotem herself! (Nerf earthbind totems!)
8:59 PM – A large chunk of the cultists broke off to attack our group. Including, you guessed it, two who ran right at Saurfang. Together. Why, seriously, why?
Meanwhile, Magatha’s landed and taken out a glowing, pulsating orb — is that the Doomstone? She’s chanting something and the orb is glowing brighter.
9:02 PM – …Only nobody really noticed that Garona was unaccounted for, and she just popped out of stealth behind Magatha! Stunlock! And pissed-off stunlock too, from the looks of it! Ha! (Nerf rogues!)
9:04 PM – Another bladestorm from Garrosh, and now it’s just down to him and the gronn. The only other cultists left are the ones busy fighting the Kor’kron…and they could probably be holding their own okay if it weren’t for the old guy cleaving his way through them.
9:05 PM – Crap. Saurfang managed to close in on the gronn to help Garrosh, but the gronn must have heard him coming because it just turned around and hit him with some kind of shockwave effect, which did a knockback on Saurfang and threw straight back into Garona.
9:09 PM – Okay, mixed bag here.
The good: Throwing down that shockwave distracted the gronn just enough that Garrosh was able to get a few good hits in on him, and by the time it got its bearing back, it was short…um…an arm.
Now — YEAH! — short a head!
The bad: Saurfang getting flung into Garona kept her from doing her stun-lock thing, so now Magatha is back up and remounted on her blasted wind serpent.
9:13 PM – With the gronn dead and the cultists pretty well under control, Magatha tried flying out the doorway away from us — as she swooped by, though, Garrosh managed to leap up and catch the wind serpent’s tail. Magath kept going and she’s carrying him with her away from the Enclave. Saurfang and Garona have collected themselves and the bunch of us who aren’t locked down the remaining cultists are heading up after them.
9:20 PM – We’ve made it back up to Wyrmbreaker’s Rookery. Magatha’s wind serpent is zig-zagging around, and it looks kind of shaky so maybe Garrosh has gotten in a few good swings on it while he’s been holding on. Still, though, between the wind serpent thrashing around and Magatha letting loose some lightning bolts, they just managed to shake Garrosh loose and dropped him on the rookery balcony, overlooking the Highlands.
Magatha pulled away with the wind serpent, but then she just stopped and pulled the Doomstone out again. I couldn’t hear from here, but she started saying something, maybe another one of her chants, and the stone started glowing insanely brightly in rapid pulses. Then she hit Garrosh with one more lightning bolt — looks like he just shook that one off mostly — and threw the Doomstone down on the balcony. It gave off an energy burst when it landed that pushed Garrosh back a few feet. It’s pulsing faster and brighter now, and giving out a humming that’s getting louder by the second.
9:24 PM – Crap, I think Magatha just overcharged the Doomstone! The pulsing is more like a strobe effect now, and the buzzing noise is going right through my ears. Magatha’s flown off from the overlook on her wind serpent, but right now I think we’ve got bigger things to worry about — Saurfang just grabbed Garona to pull her back and shoved everyone back from balcony.
9:25 PM – Yep, it’s gonna blow! If I’m still too close give my internet router to Spazzle…
9:26 PM – Garrosh jumped! He just jumped off the balcony to get clear of the blast!
9:30 PM – OW, my ears. And my eyes, too, for that matter. Wow that was explosion was sensory overload… Going to need a minute to steady myself here…
The explosion pretty much took out the entire balcony…there are chunks of the floor and walls still crumbling and breaking loose…cracks all around the room are going to make the place pretty unstable to move around in.
Saurfang just did a quick head count to make sure the bunch of us were okay. Garona’s already making her way over toward the ledge to see if there was anything down below for Garrosh to have grabbed on to…
9:34 PM – HA! The wyvern! Garrosh just came floating on up into view on his wyvern! It must have been flying around the Bastion and caught him when he jumped off! See, see, I told him it was a good-looking animal back in Ashenvale, but does anyone listen to me? Nooo.
Um, I mean, yeah! Garrosh is safe!
9:40 PM – Whew…. Okay, so we’ve gotten the cultists cleaned up, and Garrosh had landed and rejoined us (not too close to the cracked and unstable falling-apart room, mind you). Saurfang’s in the process of surveying the troops, but just eyeballing it I’d say our casualties were relatively light. Granted we lost Magatha, and there are still some gaps to fill in about what was going on here, but Garrosh and Saurfang and the rest can worry about that afterward. For now we’re just concentrating on gathering up and getting ready to bring everyone back home to Orgrimmar.
Stand by a minute, I think Saurfang’s going to want to wrap things up here before we head out.
Also I need to go find some aspirin.
Also Spazzle had better not have made off with my router.
Victory is ours, friends! And so, with Warchief Hellscream returned to us safely, the time has come for me to relinquish the mantle of leadership and return to my post in Northrend. I wish to thank you all for your support and your courage, and also for continuing to read this space which I have maintained for the Warchief as best I could. I trust Warchief Hellscream will resume his communication with you in short order, and I am sure he will look forward to hearing from you, his people, as much as you will no doubt look forward to once again benefiting from his sage words.
And with that, people of the Horde, I sign my final note to you. It has, as always, been an honor to serve with you.
Lok’tar ogar, friends. Honor go with you all.
-Saurfang
Bastion of Twilight — and YOU’RE invited!
What’s up!
Hey all, it’s Spazzle again. I’m making this update for Warchief Saurfang, since he’s in Twilight Highlands now getting ready for the attack on the Bastion of Twilight.
I talked with him and Mokvar before they left, and convinced them to let me set a special arrangement for the attack. I know that there are a lot of you who’ve been taking an interest in what’s been going on through all of this, between the Twilight’s Hammer Cho’gall plot, and Magatha, and Garrosh’s disappearance – so I figured, why make you all wait to find out what’s happening after the fact? So I’ve set things up so that Mokvar will be able to live-blog the entire operation while it’s happening, and you’ll all have the chance to follow along!
So, here’s the deal: Saurfang has the attack planned for this Friday at 8:00pm EST. Consider this your very own virtual raid invite! We’ll have a blog post up at that point, and Mokvar will continue updating as the operation unfolds. Tell your friends! Spread the word! Be there to see first-hand (kind of) what happens, live and in person (kind of)!
Spazzle
