Tag Archives: sylvanas
A public service announcement
Greetings, random internet surfer.
Welcome to the Warchief’s Command Board. Depending on how you found your way here, you may or may not know what this site actually is. If you don’t, allow me to illuminate. What you see before you is the personal blog of Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde.
No, seriously. No joke. This is really Garrosh. [OOC disclaimer from our legal department: This isn’t really Garrosh.]
If this sounds like something that might interest you, perhaps you’d care to peruse the blog to learn a bit more about it and what kinds of adventures I’ve been detailing thus far. But I’d like to take a moment here to speak to those of you who already suspect that this site isn’t quite what you had set out looking for.
Greetings again, my good internet denizens.
From your arrival here, I gather that you too are a fan of the Google search engine. I can’t say I blame you. I know I’ve found many lemon square recipes that I never would have known about (though admittedly still no match for Greatmother’s) courtesy of the good people at Google.
I’m also happy to have new potential readers find their way here, regardless of how. So welcome, one and all.
With that said, I suppose I may want to address the concerns that some of you may be feeling at this point. And yes, I’m afraid you may be in for no small amount of disappointment, my friends. I regret to inform you that the odds are great that you will not find the true object of your search here.
Because, you see, while I am certainly no friend of Jaina Proudmoore, and while you’ll find no shortage of mockery and outright hostility directed at her from me here, I’m afraid that nowhere in these pages will you find visual evidence of her engaged in carnal acts with livestock. No cows. No goats. Not even a piddling little barnyard dog.
Yes, I know. In this shameful instance, the Google machine appears to have lied to you. I am as shocked and dismayed by this as you are.
Likewise, you will not find anything here that you might file under “Jaina Proudmoore captured xxx,” much to the chagrin of at least three of you. I would of course be only too happy to report the capture of an enemy of the Horde such as Jaina, but I fear that the “xxx” on the end of the search string adds a further wrinkle which renders the already-unlikely scenario much more far-fetched.
Well, okay. Somewhat more far-fetched. This is Jaina we’re talking about. But I digress.
While we’re on the subject, you’re also not going to find “Jaina Proudmoore and Varian porn,” “Jaina and Tyrande porn,” “Jaina Proudmoore Muradin porn” or – despite its rampant popularity – “Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas porn.” Speaking of which, let’s just extend the whole blanket “nope” to any comparable permutations involving Sylvanas. No Argent Confessor Paletress. No Liadrin. No High Inquisitor Whitemane. No Shademaster Kiryn. Not gonna happen, people. Trust me. I’ve floated a couple of those by her more than once myself. She’s not biting. Let it go.
Moreover, whoever among you came here looking for “Jaina Proudmoore climbing pole to victory porn drawing” (yes, really), “pandaren fucked by brown virmen” (yes, really), “broken blood elf statue with vagina showing” (yes, really), “Grimtotem fucking with Mankrik’s wife while Mankrik sees it” (yes, really)…I honestly don’t know what to say to any of you. Other than perhaps having to offer you some begrudging respect for knowing exactly what you want in your lives. Horrifying and sad though they may be.
But alas, your simple albeit distressingly specific wishes will not be fulfilled here. Once again, the perfidious Google machine makes fools of us all.
And whichever one of you found your way here in search of “King Varian Wrynn gets a little diplomatic with Aggra’s butt porn” – and yes, one of you did (you know who are you are) – I can only shake my head sadly and mourn whatever tragedy befell you in childhood. I would also suggest securing your home, as I suspect there’s at least a passing chance Thrall may be on his way over as we speak.
And, further, nowhere on this blog will you find anything that might be described as “Varian Wrynn raped by devilsaur,” although, let me assure you, language cannot express the delight with which I would provide you with such documentation if I could.
Indeed, the only fleeting glimmer of hope I can offer amid this endless parade of sadness would be whoever came to the blog searching for “man what the f happened Horde” – a sentiment with which I can certainly sympathize, and which I have likely expressed in my posts here on more occasions than one. Sadly, though, it is a question for which I can offer you no answers, my friend. I wish I knew what the f happened. I truly, truly do.
For those among you who are regular readers of this blog, and who might hasten to point out that this very post may well exacerbate this Google hit issue by providing additional suspect phrases for the search engine to latch onto, let me reassure you that I am only too aware of this possibility. And to any such Google users who do indeed find their way here as a result, I will only say:
Greetings, random internet surfer. Welcome to the Warchief’s Command Board. I would tell you that you will leave this site empty-handed, but I suppose that partly depends on how you arrived.
Finally, if I might add a closing postscript: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?!?!!
Ugh.
UGH.
MOVING ON.
Spazzle Speaks: Tell Hell
You have logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m pretty sure ur wrong
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mrbad
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I’LL GO GET MY COPY SO WE CAN CHECK
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i’m quite sure i’m not.
[Guild][Lor’themar] Greetings, MrBadcrumble!
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: hey ji – you feeling ok?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] no sweetie u dont have to
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi MBC
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, Spazzle, I’m glad to see you on. I’d like to discuss something with you when you have a free moment.
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: yes, i think i’ll be ok
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey everyone
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: have you heard anything about mokvar?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ugh well now hes flown off
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: not a thing
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: just a little sore.
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: why? is there news?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sure
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh hi baddie i didnt see u come on
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do we have more IPs to trace or something?
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: well that’s good
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No no, nothing quite so technical.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: not that I know of
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s it going, leslie?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not bad
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, really?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] same ol same ol really
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: well if you need anything let me know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You sound surprised.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Hi there.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well, after a while you kind of get used to it when people only want to talk to you because they can’t get their printer to work
You whispered to [LamontCranston] hi
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OK HERE WE GO
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] SHERMAN’S CODEX RIGHT?
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: at this point I don’t think anything would surprise me, though
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True… I suppose it comes with being one of the few tech literates in the cohort.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I know, right?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you guys doing?
[LamontCranston] whispered: Are you busy?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] volume 2, yes.
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: honestly I don’t understand what Mokvar could be thinking
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THERES A VOLUME 2?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you get used it mostly
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: a little
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: were you interested in the guild?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: that’s the thing, though
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: thanks, i will
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry if I’m slow
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] prof here is trying to tell me there’s teleportation magic that would let someone blink all the way to other worlds
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] trying to juggle a bunch of tells
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh I can sympathize.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] not that there ARE such spells, just that there’s a theoretical basis for them being possible, based on the distorted curvature of space surrounding high velocity blinking.
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: what is?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] and now we’re going to look it up and prove him wrong
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m fielding quite a few myself. Mostly from Lor’themar…I could swear, no sooner do I click back over to officer chat than his whisper tab lights up again.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what’s going on?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] once we get volume 2…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it should be on the shelf below where you got that one.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Something or other with Garrosh and his demands. I’m not sure exactly.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] faded, dark red cover.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] fourth book from the left.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OK ON IT BRB
[LamontCranston] whispered: No, Spaz, it’s me.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] how do u know that?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] don’t let me interrupt if you’re talking to him
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i have a very good memory.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Mokvar.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] wait, how are you not sure if he’s going on and on about it?
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: dksjghksdyhgd
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: for him to do all these things he’s been doing… killing the dwarf in ironforge, the deal with magatha, everything…
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: KNOWING I was watching him .. and I know he knew…
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, it’s fine. I’m really just tabbing over every few lines and giving him a “right” or an “I can see how that would be frustrating” or an “I don’t blame you at all for being upset.”
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: he would have to be an idiot
[LamontCranston] whispered: Now before you go tabbing over to do an IP trace, I’m routing through a proxy server to log on.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] isn’t that kind of risky?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: and if there’s one thing we both know about mokvar, its that he’s not an idiot
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OK NOW WE’RE IN BUSINESS
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: yeah
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: no kidding
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: 1 sec
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you have volume 2?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: kk
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean, how do you know what he just said was about being upset and frustrated?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ve known Lor’themar a long time.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] now i just have to find the part about long-distance blinking
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: hang on, since when do YOU know how to mask IPs??
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: and are you crazy? what the hell are you doing??
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] page 273.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WOW REALLY?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok looking, hang on
[LamontCranston] whispered: Deliana called in a couple favors to set it up.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] right-hand column.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] under the diagram.
[LamontCranston] whispered: I just needed to get on for a minute to talk to you.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] like i said, i have a good memory.
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: mokvar, you have to be careful – garona’s on and she was JUST asking about you
[LamontCranston] whispered: I saw her on. I whispered her with a dollar-spam ad and got her auto-ignore.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] sorry i’m going all quiet – trying to fix a bunch of things here
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ok here we go, see it says it wouldn’t work
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “blinking beyond azerothian gravitational bounds would prove impractical due to drag produced by the blinking subject’s carried mass.”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] blinking beyond azerothian gravity would be impractical
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: hey spazzle, I know you’re probably still busy there
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite all right. As it happens, Lor’themar is growing needy even by Lor’themarian standards. I’m finding myself having to pay attention to some of his prattling.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I need to get going
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: what are you even doing on here?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I’m leaving for pandaria in the morning and I need to finish packing
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] right.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] is he still upset?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I’ll talk to you later
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] keep reading.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Like I said, I wanted to talk to you.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Insofar as he hasn’t spontaneously ceased to be Lor’themar, yes.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] OH
[LamontCranston] whispered: I only have a minute, though.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.
You whispered to [LamontCranston]: ok…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] “this obstacle could in theory be overcome by a dispersion of the grounding mass along the blinking vector via a highly concentrated arcane field”
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh…wow
[LamontCranston] whispered: You’re on the short list of people I feel like I can trust, and like I said, I need to talk to you.
[LamontCranston] whispered: But not here.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] which yes, we don’t know how to do yet.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] but we’re talking theory here.
[LamontCranston] whispered: Meet me in Everlook in two days.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] that’s really impressive you knew that
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i read a lot.
User is not logged on.
User is not logged on.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] yea but sherman’s codex volume 2?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] that would be so far down on my reading list i would probably never get to it
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] actually, I need to get off of here for a little while
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] heh, kids. ;o)
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I know you wanted to talk to me about something – can we catch up later?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s fine.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HEY I’M THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If it’s easier, I can e-mail you about it as well.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ok, sounds good
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] yes, and?
You have logged off.
Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition
Hi, everyone. Spazzle here. Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.
And/or Earth:
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i could swear we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Spaz.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] again?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] really?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old! ^_^
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i really dont think so
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement? Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cliffwalker
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] overlord cliffwalker
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh maybe
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no not maybe ut UGH
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Ji
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mokvar
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you know maybe she has a point
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’ll go find him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no ut u idiot dont listen to her
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh dammit
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] feeling ok?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Personally, that only supports my original point.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You are having entirely too much fun with this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I really am. ^_^
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, watch this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] b
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does b mean
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, has garona been on lately?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i know its a letter
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what spirit
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like a ghost or something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she IS the banshee queen
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe it’s someone over in the undercity
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell! ^_^
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] 😉
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’ll see you and raise you…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] She might just be logging on at odd hours.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oooh, trumped by the goblin!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m confused
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And all is right with the world.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no but like
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i know b is a letter
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but what did u say it for?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You did. You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya ok i see that
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And so I said “b”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but how come?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters. Is that not how this works?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that was y like in why
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh. Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no my keyboard is ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] it saves time
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, were you in a hurry?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you going somewhere?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh wow really?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s mail?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah there is.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh… oh wow.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its just faster
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha yea
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. Hurry up and wait.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait for what?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yea but he’s level 27
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m not utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you say.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya so i say cuz i am
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean i’m not
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not utvoch
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] q
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] g
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] w
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean why
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] y would you think that?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but i’m dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok fine then
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’ll go ask him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and watch what he says
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya me too
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] anyway whatever
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If that works for you, Ed, sure.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] be back later
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] where are you guys going?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodbye, Utvoch.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later ut
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] fuck it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you going to be doing up there?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s a place called timbermaw hold
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh yeah, the furbolg
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] come to think of it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] would you like to come?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Everlook, yeah.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so you know them up there, spazzle?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kinda racist
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i mean
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kidding
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] whew
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Someone’s feeling lively today.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] because of the archbishop thing
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yeah, that’s right.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Pardon?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Still, just as well I suppose.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nor I. I would imagine he’s still in transit.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah ok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Let me check something, actually.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi puff
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And as if in response. Well played, universe.
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bartleby, it was a little under two days
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey honaleepuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey leslie
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HELLO EVERYONE
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, okay. And that was flying. By sea would be longer, I would figure.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi mbc
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, you two. Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] flying from where?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How charmingly codependent.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] pandaria
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my friend is on his way there now
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh really, Leslie? Business or pleasure?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] business mostly lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] uh oh
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] am i guessing right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah. And…oh no.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire? And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m not sure really
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How industrious.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hehe
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so i should get start working on something i can tell him
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, really. Do you have any thoughts on possible examples? I’m just curious about such things.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Spaz.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For my nephew, that is.
You have logged off.
Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating. At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!
Guest Post: Furtive Father Winter
[Special guest post today, as part of Blog Azeroth’s Furtive Father Winter gift exchange. Today’s post was provided by Akabeko of Red Cow Rise — many thanks! I’ll be back with a final note from Mokvar after Akabeko’s gem. So now, without further ado…]
———
(On the Feast of Winter Veil, a grunt brings a brightly-wrapped box to the Warchief’s quarters. Inside are several letters, cards, and small gifts. A simple note is left on top of the whole festive affair.)
“Hey, Warchief. Do not open until Winter Veil! I rounded up all the gifts that arrived for you and put them together for easy transport on your trip. Happy Holidays. –Mokvar.”
On the back of the note, a card for one-month’s worth of Earth Online game time has been attached, with a note saying, “For when you find a stable wifi connection in Pandaria!”
The first card is printed on very thick, expensive paper and depicts the ruins of Lordaeron blanketed in snow. Somehow, this makes them look even bleaker and more terrifying, rather than peaceful. Inside, the card reads, “A very merry Feast of Winter Veil to my favorite Warchief. I wish you success in your siege of Pandaria and a Happy New Year.” It’s signed with an elaborate, flowing, nearly illegible “Sylvanas Windrunner.” The small package is wrapped in black paper and contains a miniature model of a plague thrower.
The next card is written in strong letters. The outside shows Greatfather Winter astride a comically large horse. Inside, it is in Common rather than Orcish. “Warchief Hellscream, I wish you an illustrious Winter Veil and a bright New Year. May fortune favor you in whichever endeavors you choose to undertake. May you be showered with the brightest of blessings and-“ (here, the handwriting appears to have been cut off, and finishes reluctantly) “-happy holidays from Tirion Fordring.” Below this, a different hand has written “and Eitrigg.”
Next is a postcard. One side has a standard greeting: “Happy Holidays!” in gold script. The back says, “…from Anger Management!” It has been signed by those who have attended sessions with the Warchief. Mylune has drawn tiny pawprints around her name.
On the next envelope, Mokvar has added a sticky note that says, “There wasn’t a return address on this one, so I’m not sure who it’s from! Maybe you’ll figure it out from the handwriting?” Inside is a card depicting the Silvermoon coat of arms. The note simply reads, “Merry Feast of Winter Veil from LOR’THEMAR THERON, REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS.” There is also a small parchment with a sketch of his noble visage, just in case.
Below this is a handmade card from Garona. In fairly passable calligraphy, she has written “Happy Holidays, honorable Warchief.” There are faint smudges where the words “Let’s have dinner” have been erased. There is also a package wrapped in shiny red paper which contains a pair of soft wool fingerless gloves. Who knew Garona was so good with crafts?
The next card is smudged and crinkled. An unsteady hand has written “Merry Happy Winter Veil.” Below this are two messy signatures that might say “Dontrag” and “Utvoch.” It may have been written in crayon.
The final card bears the Alliance crest. The inside reads,
“Happy Holidays
From a superior king
Oh – FUCK YOU GARROSH”
———
Postscript from Mokvar:
I didn’t mention any of this when I originally delivered it to Garrosh a few days ago, just becuase…well…after he saw that last one, it seemed like a good idea to wait a little while till after he’d left town before anyone brought it up again. When I was assembling the package, I remember giving Ben-Lin Cloudstider, the anger management counselor, a peek at the card from Varian there…and her replying, “I see. I will clear my calendar for the next few weeks, then.”
Ragequitters never win
You have logged on.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that’s the problem with arcane, though.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] for me anyway.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] how you u mean?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi pwn
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, boss.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey everyone
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well basically it’s just that since the magic isn’t strictly -alive-, it doesn’t read tone very well.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] ?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi pwn
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] so i have to be careful what i say, because the magic tends to take sarcasm literally.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well i mean, why wouldnt it?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What did I just walk in on?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or do I not want to know?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This one is pretty harmless.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edwin and Jaina are deep into magic shop talk.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] how are you doing, pwn?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well i tend to rely pretty heavily on sarcasm in my day-to-day communication.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Doing okay, gayle
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello omgipwnedurface.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah, pretty much any time he says something, you want to picture him rolling his eyes
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] good to see you as always.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see, case in point.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well that might be hard since i dont know what u look like
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] probably just as well.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i haven’t aged well.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol its ok i like older guys =)
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh i remember that phase
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HEY NOW
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NO FLIRTING WITH OTHER MEN!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol dont worry sweetie
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] JUST KIDDING
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I KNOW YOU’RE NOT LIKE THAT LOL
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wow…you know, part of me wants to make a Jaina joke there
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] but mostly I’m just thinking…that poor dragon
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Lorthemar.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi lor
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I still say scalies just creep me out.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] are you new in the guild?
[Guild][Lorthemar] No.
[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh
[Guild][Lorthemar] Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’ve been in the guild for months.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh ok
[Guild][Lorthemar] I don’t understand why people can’t remember who I am.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Q’est-ce Que C’est]
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [United Nations]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ!
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] grats
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all. ^_^
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Wait, you got the United Nations achievement?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless the game ui is trying to pull a fast one on you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Exalted with EVERY national faction? HOW?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Admittedly, that last rep grind was particularly onerous.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Which one?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] France.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh geez yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The French don’t like anybody
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Not so; they’re quite fond of me now.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually, let me take care of this while I’m thinking of it
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s that?
[EdwardBear | Ji] has joined the guild.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] welcome!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome ed
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Who’s this now?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ji Firepaw
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He overheard me talking about the game with Spazzle a couple days ago and got curious
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah…well this should be entertaining.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are the new pandaren recruits working out so far, Warchief?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh…sort of a mixed bag
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] They mean well, but…I don’t know. We’ll see
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] brb
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome to the guild!
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] So I’m guessing he’s REALLY newbish.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, he’s going to be pretty green
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Speaking of which
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] he seems quiet.
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi gil
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Edward, type /g to talk in guild chat
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Utvoch.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] can you see this?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ah there we are
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no this is dontrag
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Welcome aboard, Ed.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Edward.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Is this your first time logging onto Earth Online in general?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And, are you sure, Utvoch? I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] no, i logged on for a little while last night
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it looks fun
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes i’m sure
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh, so this is your first Earth Online character?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well if you’re so sure about it, I don’t see why we would have had to discuss it repeatedly.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But if you insist, I suppose I’ll take your word on being Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Lorthemar] A double welcome to you, then!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok good
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] are you new too?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really love messing with him, don’t you?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why yes. Yes I do.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Whichever one of them he actually is.
[Guild][Lorthemar] sigh
[Guild][Lorthemar] No, I’m not.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Can you blame me, really?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] are you sure your not new lor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dont think i’ve seen you on before
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes I’m sure.
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’m not new, for the hundredth time.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well of course you’re not new for the hundredth time. that wouldn’t be new.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you can only be new once.
[Guild][Lorthemar] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what class are you playing ed?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just say the word if you need any help with anything, Edward.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I know some things can be a little confusing at first.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a farmer
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, I’ve never played one of those.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they don’t really sound too exciting to play
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, I’ve got my Refer-a-Friend pet now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What kind?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You should have gotten one too, Edward
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] A dog
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t you already have one?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i get it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, but the RAF is a random draw from a bunch of breeds
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There are a lot of different breeds.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You already have it, Edward.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So for instance, this one I just got is a cocker spaniel
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you go to the bottom of your screen, you can open your pet catalog.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i love the new pet sparring!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh there it is
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what kind did you get?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how can i see the details?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click on it.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway we should get going, we have lunch plans
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Eat well!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] BYE EVERYONE
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] byeeeee
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok i think i see it now
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] What’s the verdict?
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] it says it’s called a poodle
[Guild][Lorthemar] You can name it, too, if you want to.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Those are those fru-fru looking dogs, right?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re supposed to be smart
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] how do i do that?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] you mean they make good spellcasters? or the coders gave them a slightly less nonsensical AI?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right click again, then pick “rename.”
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thank you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No problem.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] By the way, Garrosh, did you ever end up talking to the orphanage about Gurtash?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I put out a few feelers
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Gurtash is that orphan boy who’s been helping take care of the Warchief’s wyvern?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Garrosh was thinking of maybe seeing about adopting him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] ok done
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] done what?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s…that’s remarkable.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right now Battlewail has me in a holding pattern. Something about questions about my temperament
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named the pet
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh nice
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A preposterous dispersion against your character, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So there’s some meeting they want me to go to with Social Services later this week
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi steve
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hang on…we have a Department of Social Services?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who knew, right?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That -had- to have been a Thrall program.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I mean…where the hell have THEY been?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hi guys
[Guild][Lorthemar] So what did you end up naming the pet, Edward?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, Steve!
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i named her winnie
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I know
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sup man
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not sure what the deal is with the meeting, but I guess some of the pandas are involved somehow
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] after my aunt, jae win
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] she had similarly poofy hair
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] not too much
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, not too clear about any more than that
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh actually
[Guild][Lorthemar] That works.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Winnie the poodle has a certain ring to it.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] thanks
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey who’s the new guy?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Ji, quick question
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just joined the guild today
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] nice to meet you
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no not you
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes warchief? i mean guildmaster
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i meant the other new guy
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lorthemar
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You might know something about this
[Guild][Lorthemar] ugh
[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, SERIOUSLY
[Guild][Lorthemar] Enough is enough already.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh sure, “?” at me
[Guild][Lorthemar] Well I’ll see your “?” and raise you a “!!!”
[Guild][Lorthemar] Because I’m SICK AND TIRED of nobody around here ever knowing WHO THE HELL I AM
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, what’s this guy’s damage?
[Guild][Lorthemar] So I’m going to explain this ONE MORE TIME
[Guild][Lorthemar] SO GRAB A DAMN CRAYON TO WRITE IT DOWN THIS TIME
[Guild][Lorthemar] I
[Guild][Lorthemar] AM NOT
[Guild][Lorthemar] NEW
[Guild][Lorthemar] Is that CLEAR enough for you IDIOTS?
[Guild][Lorthemar] I HAVE BEEN IN THIS GODDAMN GUILD FOR MONTHS
[Guild][Lorthemar] I CAN REMEMBER BEING ONLINE WHEN HALF YOU OTHER PEOPLE JOINED
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’M NOT A RECRUIT, I’M NOT SOMEBODY’S COUSIN
[Guild][Lorthemar] I AM LOR’THEMAR THERON, DAMMIT!
[Guild][Lorthemar] REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS
[Guild][Lorthemar] It NOT HARD to remember that part
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOOK
[Guild][Lorthemar] <–
[Guild][Lorthemar] SEE HOW THAT WORKS, YOU MOUTHBREATHING IDIOTS?
[Guild][Lorthemar] “Lorthemar”…IS LOR’THEMAR
[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT’S ME
[Guild][Lorthemar] LOR’THEMAR FUCKING THERON
[Guild][Lorthemar] RULER OF THE BLOOD ELVES
[Guild][Lorthemar] ME
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] oh hi, lorthemar. welcome to the guild.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] did you just join?
[Guild][Lorthemar] sdfghliuhurtyhweuirthlidrhglsdajghfljksdhg
[Guild][Lorthemar] THAT DOES IT THE HELL WITH YOU ALL
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um no prof he just said he’s been in the guild a while
[Lorthemar] has logged off.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well what crawled up his ass?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He’s a blood elf. Who knows
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] people don’t usually get that upset about this game, do they?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um, well…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] your naivete is adorable.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Quick pointer, Ji…don’t queue for any battlegrounds.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] or dungeons
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Or pay attention to trade chat when you’re in the major cities.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] and while you’re at it you might just want to uninstall the whole game right now and cancel your internet service.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh. um.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i’ll go back to leveling
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Where in the world are you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] orgrimmar
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I mean, where in the game?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But like I was starting to say like ten minutes ago
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i just got sent to a region called siberia
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Do you know anything about these meetings your panda friends are working on for Social Services, Ji?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] a little bit, yes sir
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] the orphan matron suggested i arrange for some of my people to help
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] since pandaren culture places great value on being centered and grounded emotionally
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, you guys do seem very even keel
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we try to be, yes sir
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so a few of my people are helping hold some sessions on some of our methods and principles
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] particularly for controlling anger
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So ANOTHER one basically telling me I have a temper?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see i TOLD you you needed to work on not being angry all the time
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] YOU stay out of this
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh hey
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well clearly i’m not the only one thinking it!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Clearly a sign of their failure to appreciate the pressures and stresses that come with the laudable work you do day in and day out.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When you’re not playing video games or blogging.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i was going around fighting a few things for xp, when these mobster npcs attacked me and ran off
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] and now i have things missing from my inventory
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh those russian mob guys are nasty
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You said you were in Siberia?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think I need to go do some checking on this
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll be back
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] yes
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, you have to watch for that.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] In Soviet Russia, mobs farm you.
You have logged off.
The Roshy Horror Picture Show
Barnes walks back offstage following his introduction, as the ghostly audience applauds.
BARNES: Go no now, they’re waiting for you!
GARROSH: Um, the FUCK you say?
MOKVAR: Do you mean we’re supposed to…?
BARNES: As I said, your tale sounds like an intriguing one…
FARANELL: Ugh, I always hated school plays…
GARROSH: Yeah, fine, but…
BARNES: And if you want my help with your Malchezaar problem, you’re just going to have to help me with tonight’s audience!
GARROSH: You can’t seriously—
BARNES: Now don’t worry, the magic of the Opera House will help you along as you go.
GARROSH: But we—
BARNES: Now go on! There they are now, entertain them!
GARROSH: Ugh. Fine.
Garrosh sighs and reluctantly trudges out on stage, followed by the rest of the group. The audience applauds their arrival.
GARONA: <scanning the applauding crowd> I could get used to this, actually…
MOKVAR: So, uh, what are we supposed to do?
GARROSH: Beats me…
BARNES: <echoing from offstage> Oh, all right, I can see you have a touch of stage fright, so I’ll help get you started…
Music begins to play as an enormous, disembodied spectral mouth appears at the back of the stage and slowly floats forward.
GARROSH: <jumping away from the mouth as it moves up> The FUCK?!
{DEMON HUNTERS TRIPLE FEATURE}
PROLOGUE (a.k.a. THE LIPS):
Some adventurers came; they were not seeking fame,
But our audience would rejoice.
They knew axes and runes, not so much spinning tunes,
But our magic here would give them a voice.They came on a quest, ventured seeking to best
A demon that they call Malchezaar.
But their prey they can’t face, while he’s in Netherspace;
Why they seek him, well that’s quite bizarre.Demon hunters triple feature:
Spectral patrons will fill the bleachers.
Here one night only: Hordies singing!
Improv performances, they’ll be winging.
Oh oh oh oh oh,
At the late night triple feature opera show.It’s a perilous tale! Will our heroes prevail
As they journey the pathways of time?
At a dragon’s behest, everyone was impressed,
Though “Nozdormu” is a real bitch to rhyme.But as they went along, something went wrong,
You’ll see, just wait for the surprise!
For they found themselves trapped as the worlds overlapped –
Watch it unfold now in front of your eyes!Demon hunters triple feature:
Spectral patrons will fill the bleachers.
Here one night only: Hordies singing!
Improv performances, they’ll be winging.
Oh oh oh oh oh,
At the late night triple feature opera show.
The stars will glow,
Oh oh oh oh,
At the late night triple feature opera show.
An hour or so,
Oh oh oh oh,
At the late night triple feature opera show.
So here we go,
Oh oh oh oh,
At the late night triple feature opera show.The ghostly mouth fades away. Garrosh and the others look back and forth awkwardly among themselves as the audience starts to murmur.
GARROSH: Yeah…so…
MOKVAR: What now?
BARNES: <offstage> You folks really aren’t used to performing, are you?
GARROSH: Yeah, how about I drop you into a battlefield with no prepping and see how YOU do, spooks.
BARNES: <sighs> Well, how did everything begin with this adventure of yours?
GARROSH: Well, Sylvanas reported this whole—
BARNES: Don’t tell me, tell them!
GARROSH: Oh. <turns to face the audience> Uh…yeah, so, Sylvanas came to me with this problem…
A ghostly likeness of Sylvanas Windrunner walks onstage and approaches Garrosh.
…and…well holy crap, look at that…
Music starts to swell again. Garrosh looks around in confusion.
SYLVANAS: Hail, Warchief!
GARROSH: Um…okay…
SYLVANAS: I’ve got something to ask…
GARROSH: Uh…yeah?
SYLVANAS:
…of your leadership, in which we bask.
But now, I fear, I must beg a task.GARROSH: This is…kinda weird…
{OH GOSH, GARROSH}
SYLVANAS:
We need your help now, son of Grommash!
LIADRIN and MOKVAR: <together, flatly>
(Garrosh.)
SYLVANAS:
You’re leading the Horde with such panache.
(Garrosh.)
That Theramore thing, we’ll just whitewash.
(Garrosh.)
So I need to tell you now,
Oh gosh, Garrosh,
We need you.The problem we have I know you’ll squash.
(Garrosh.)
Whoever’s behind it, you will quash.
(Garrosh.)
If you pull this off, Aka’Magosh!
(Garrosh.)
So I need to tell you now,
Oh gosh, Garrosh,
We need you.There is something killing the Forsaken
In Southshore – details are still vague.
Something magic, if I’m not mistaken.
Oh, but don’t fret, we weren’t making plague.Nope. No way. <glances around furtively>
GARROSH:
I asked for a contact; you said him.
(Edwin.)
This Faranell guy, with the dead grin.
(Edwin.)
Your Banshee Queen, she’s been beggin’.
(Edwin.)
So let’s get to work now, Doc,
Come in, Edwin,
I’ll save you.So, Edwin…
FARANELL:
Yeah? <looking disturbed to find himself singing> Oh gosh…
GARROSH:
Where to begin?
FARANELL:
Well…Garrosh…
GARROSH:
What to do?
One side of the stage fades into the likeness of old Southshore, while the other side takes on that of the Caverns of Time.
FARANELL:
We’re kind of screwed.
Here is what we’ve got to do…We’ll travel in time – really, no josh –
(Garrosh.)
To trace back this anti-plague death slosh.
(Garrosh.)
Once it’s found, I’ll put the kibosh.
(Garrosh.)
That covers it, I think, so
Oh gosh, Garrosh,
Time we flew.Oh gosh, Garrosh…
GARROSH:
Edwin, no chin.
FARANELL:
Hey! Gosh, Garrosh.
GARROSH and FARANELL: <looking increasingly uneasy with all of this>
Wow, that blew.
GARONA: So, hold on, how did you all know to…you know…sing that?
GARROSH: I just kind of DID…
FARANELL: That was…weird…
BARNES: <offstage> As I said, the Opera House glamours will help you along — now keep it going, you’re on a roll!
GARROSH: My dad never had to do any shit like this to kill fucking Mannoroth…
MOKVAR: Okay, so next…
LIADRIN: <turning to the audience> The mission to save the Forsaken in the past was a success…
The scenery on one side of the stage morphs from the appearance of Southshore to that of Orgrimmar.
…but when we returned, we found that the past had been altered…
GARONA: <looking around> Oh wow, this is freaky…
Around them, Orgrimmar flickers between its normal appearance and one torn by battle, with demons and Scourge running about.
MOKVAR: You should have been there when it was actually happening.
GARROSH: Right, so at that point…
Music begins to resonate through the hall.
DONTRAG: Uh, I think it’s starting again…
FARANELL: Aren’t we lucky…
{TIME WARP}
GARROSH:
Noz has spoken –
Time is broken,
All thanks to Faranell.
Now what’s left for me?LIADRIN:
Ask Soridormi.
MOKVAR:
Timelines have gone to hell.
FARANELL:
I remember
Being in Southshore
Up till that moment when
The blackness consumed me…GARROSH:
Now this future will doom me!
ALL:
Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!FARANELL:
I took a turn to the left.
ALL:
It should have been to the right!
FARANELL:
Bad news, everyone!
ALL:
No Putricide in sight!
And now the surging Scourge
Invade us from Northrend.
Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!LIADRIN:
It’s intriguing.
UTVOCH:
But mentally fatiguing…
LIADRIN:
With the demons blitzkrieging
We need a plan.GARROSH: <rushing in with Focusing Iris in hand>
Hey now, get out of my way!
We’re gonna fix up the timeways.
Hit the old Hillsbrad highways,
Back where it all began.FARANELL:
Now I’m feeling regretful…
MOKVAR:
Wait till you get forgetful:
Those gaps in memory now and then.GARROSH:
I see demons invadin’!
LIADRIN: <drawing the Ashbringer>
I got dibs on Kil’jaeden!
ALL:
Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!FARANELL:
Well I was running down the street
Toward the Southshore inn,
Had to tag myselves “it”
Much to my chagrin.
She’d told me the plan
And she seemed strong and wise;
She had a blood elf’s shape
And a dragon’s eyes.
I pounced myself and I felt displaced –
Time convulsing, snapping back in place.ALL:
Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!FARANELL:
I took a turn to the left.
ALL:
It should have been to the right!
FARANELL:
Bad news, everyone!
ALL:
The Legion joins the fight!
The fall of Orgrimmar –
It wasn’t if, but when.
Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!FARANELL:
I took a turn to the left.
ALL:
It should have been to the right!
FARANELL:
Bad news, everyone!
ALL:
There’s nothing here that’s right!
We’ve got to fix this mess,
So turn the years back ten.
Let’s do the time warp again!
Let’s do the time warp again!Everyone collapses onto the floor for a moment as the lights dim, the surrounding scenery fades, and a dark curtain slides in close behind them. After a few seconds, they begin to rise to their feet.
DONTRAG: So wait, all that really happened?
UTVOCH: What have I been trying to tell you?
DONTRAG: Why don’t I remember any of it?
UTVOCH: Donty, the stuff you don’t remember we could just about crowbar into Razorwind Canyon.
GARROSH: Enough, you two!
LIADRIN: But, that pretty much covers everything important, doesn’t it?
A rhythmic bass line and drum beat can be heard in the background.
FARANELL: More or less.
GARONA: Why am I still hearing music, then?
GARROSH: Yeah, good question, shouldn’t it be show over at this point?
BARNES: <offstage> You’ll have to forgive me — while I was drawing on your memories for the show so far, well…there was just too much other great material to pass up!
MOKVAR: Oh no…
GARROSH: Oh crap, what have you people been remembering now?
A heavy guitar chord echoes through the hall as the dark curtain parts, and, from just behind Garrosh, Lor’themar Theron struts on stage, dressed in a full Black Mageweave set. (And no, not the male version.)
GARROSH: The FUCK?
{E-TRANSVESTITE}
LOR’THEMAR:
Greetings, orc-kind!
Hope you don’t mind
My dropping in for a call.
It’s always quite the same:
You forget my name –
I never once called you Thrall.Don’t get freaked out
By the way I look;
Don’t rush to judgments too early.
I’m not much of a man
In the daytime sun,
But online I’m one popular girly.I’m just an e-transvestite
From trade chat channel,
Playing Earth Online.Could you show me around?
Maybe help get this mob down?
Think you could spare me a dollar?
Or is your interest waning
In more dungeon chaining?
If you change your mind, give me a holler.GARROSH:
Um, listen, dude,
I don’t mean to be rude.
I don’t want you throwing a fit.
You do your thing, fine,
Just…do it online.
No one needs to look at that shit.LOR’THEMAR:
So you don’t like the sight?
Well now, you just might
Have met, in your times epicurean,
One hot sexy avatar,
Says she’s from Astranaar –
That night elf’s real name might be Malfurion.I’m just an e-transvestite
From trade chat channel,
Playing Earth Online.Why don’t you free up your mind?
You won’t be maligned.
Just try to enjoy the eye candy.
I mean nothing malicious
In looking so delicious –
But trusting noobs really are handy.I’m just an e-transvestite
From trade chat channel,
Playing Earth Online.Hey! Hey!
I’m just an e-transvestite
From trade chat channel,
Playing Earth Online.So, log on to play,
And look with dismay
At those female toons you’ve been observing.
But you’ve got those blinders
While in Dungeon Finder,
So I’ll dispel the veil…but not your perving!As he delivers the last line, the curtain closes in front of him. The audience bursts into raucous applause.
GARROSH: Okay, what in the holy FUCK was THAT?
MOKVAR: Well, you did call him out for playing a female toon…
GARROSH: And also, THAT gets the ovation?
FARANELL: Personally, I thought my bridge was pretty good.
GARROSH: And a whole lot less discomforting…
Barnes walks out on stage with them.
BARNES: A hand for our performers, ladies and gentlemen!
The audience applauds more.
GARROSH: Okay, so we’re good now, right, spooks? Ready to set us up with this mystery in of yours?
BARNES: All in good time, sir.
GARROSH: Wait, what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?
BARNES: <grinning> Well as I said, sir, while I was casting the glamours, I took the liberty of poking around in some of your memories…and I’m afraid you all have far too much wonderful story material for me not to avail myself of the opportunity.
GARROSH: Um…WHAT?
BARNES: And we do still have another show to tend to after the intermission. You and your friends are welcome, of course, to take the opportunity to rest and refresh yourselves…
GARROSH: Intermission? What intermission?
BARNES: This one, sir. We’ll resume with a new tale soon.
The curtain closes to mounting applause.
Surprises from the land down under
So after the last few days, I decided I needed to relax and blow off a little steam, so I locked myself away upstairs for some gaming time, and…well…see for yourself.
You have logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I’m just about to start on the outback now
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you get the bread crumb quest to alice springs?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, chief
[Guild][Lorthemar] Hail, Garrosh!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi garrosh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey guys
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what’s up, boss?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh and hi, lorthemar
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] are you new?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eh, doing okay, I guess
[Guild][Lorthemar] Erm, no…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just need to destress a little
[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been in this guild for months.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Why do people keep asking me that?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh okay
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway, garona, when you start questing in the outback, just watch out for the dingo packs
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Sydney Opera House]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re bad news, huh?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] grats!
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats BQ
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, all! ^_^
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And greetings, Warchief. My apologies for being a bit distracted. I was focused on an instance.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah gayle, they just turn up out of nowhere and swarm you
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, that’s right, I forgot all about the expansion!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh great – well thanks for the warning
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] How are you guys liking Australia?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I take back all the jokes I made about it.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the new zones are gorgeous!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] they really did a nice job on it from what I’ve seen so far
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] BQ’s leaving us all in the dust, though
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] she’s level 60 already
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh wow
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I needed something to occupy myself with while many of you were going about the much more important work of fighting for the glory of the Horde.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi prof
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Shining success that it was.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Edwin.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could always put in a little time tracking down what happened to Koltira Deathweaver, you know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, there’s the doc
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] His whereabouts *are* indeed a mystery, I will grant.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s good, I’d meant to check up on him after the dust settled
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hiya prof
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know, make sure he was still there and okay
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief? Why would Faranell not be okay? He’s been here in the Undercity the whole time, nowhere near the conflicts in the Barrens and Dustwallow.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] hello all
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey doc, how goes?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hmm
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, good point, Sylvanas…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have I mentioned how much I love this new aoe looting?
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it goes.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh man, yeah, that’s great.
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was indeed a superb addition.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hell yeah, is that active finally?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yup
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so I think it’s time for me to get out there and have a look
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Going into the new zone cinematic, so I’ll be quiet for a few
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So Edwin, everything okay down in the Apothecarium?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Enjoy, Warchief. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] it’s fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fairly quiet, since, as the good doctor will surely confirm, there’s little going on there other than routine defensive research.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] unless you count all the plague, yeah.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Proudleslie] has logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Your…droll sense of humor is amusing as always, doctor. A fine jest indeed.
[Guild][Proudleslie] oh man what a week i’ve had
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um…
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] if you say so.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings!
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh no
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Isn’t that…?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Guild][Proudleslie] hi everyone
[Guild][Proudleslie] it’ll be good to unwind here a little
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] This isn’t going to be pretty, is it?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] nope
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have you had a chance to get started on australia yet, leslie?
[Guild][Proudleslie] just the first night
[Guild][Proudleslie] i pulled a late nighter and managed to get a couple levels
[Guild][Proudleslie] then i had a bunch of stuff blow up on me rl
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sounds very hectic, Leslie…
[Guild][Proudleslie] and now i have this new job so
[Guild][Proudleslie] yea it really is
[Guild][Proudleslie] brb afk
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hb
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh HO, look at this! I just found one of those rare koala pets!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg jealous!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but yay!
[Guild][Lorthemar] It is a cute little thing. A bit odd looking, but…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so that’s done
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so you’re in sydney now?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah…have a bunch of quests to do
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the one with the wombat is kind of tough
[Guild][Proudleslie] ok back
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, well here we go
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wb leslie
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome back, both of you!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh boy
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] here we go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh, YEAH here we go
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…just to make sure I’m not mixing this up with some alternate reality or something
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] is that who I think it is?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, it’s jaina
[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks gayle
[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks lorthemar
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome back, Leslie. Good to see you again.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Question #2
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] WHY IS SHE STILL IN THE FUCKING GUILD
[Guild][Proudleslie] thanks livin
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I hope things have settled down for you a bit.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think anyone has seen her on since last time
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] and the whole thing with varian
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, if I may…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I guess nobody bothered to go back and gkick her while she was offline.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And also why the hell are you being all buddy buddy with her, Sylvanas?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A suggestion, Garrosh?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s actually part of my suggestion.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What suggestion, to be friends with our enemies, especially the ones who completely torpedoed what should have been a decisive win for the Horde?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Because apparently, we’re running Heroic Bizarro World in real life now?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or are you throwing in with Baine and Vol’jin to commemorate Hey Everybody Let’s All Piss Off Garrosh Week?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] That’s only a week?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, please hear me out.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh trust me, I’m all ears
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Consider for a moment: it’s precisely *because* Jaina has proven such a thorn in the Horde’s side that we should consider keeping her in the guild.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Because…?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’ll get another virus queued up, just in case…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Recall the old adage, Warchief: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By all appearances, Jaina does not realize who we are. I can’t imagine why Varian wouldn’t have told her, but then, considering Varian’s evident mental acuity, I suppose anything is possible.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In any case, we have here among us a high-ranking member of the Alliance, who we know to have Varian’s ear, and will likely be privy to a great many of their plans, not to mention whichever ones she might be involved in personally.
[Guild][Proudleslie] huh its gotten all quiet
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If we can keep her around, we might be able to use it to our advantage, to ply inside information from her about our enemies’ movements.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’d tried to make this same suggestion to you a few months ago when we discovered Varian had joined the guild, but you kicked him before I could make my point.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But this time, Warchief, please, consider the possibilities here.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I have to admit, it’s a pretty smart idea.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] they’re talking in officer chat
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m already working on befriending her. We don’t need to do anything other than allow her to stay around, while we watch for openings.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I understand that you’re angry about the recent setbacks, but think of the benefit we might gain from this, with hardly any risk of loss on our part.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh… Okay, you know what, that actually IS pretty smart
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So, yeah, okay, let her stick around
[Guild][Proudleslie] oh
[Guild][Proudleslie] about what?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll bite my tongue
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, Warchief. I promise you won’t regret this.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We’ll just have to make sure nobody slips up and gives away who’s actually in the guild
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] most people have been getting pretty good about rl stuff
[Guild][Lorthemar] Probably me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, well, hopefully we’ll get something useful out of this
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Meanwhile, let me get back to leveling
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] i should get going actually.
[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] see everyone soon.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye prof
[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.
[Guild][Proudleslie] bye profhubert
[Guild][Proudleslie] bah too slow
[Guild][Proudleslie] oh hey
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ?
[Guild][Proudleslie] since most of the officers are on, could i get a guild invite for my bf?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re not going to be cybering him in guild chat, are you?
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg
[Guild][Proudleslie] i’m so so so embarrassed about that
[Guild][Proudleslie] i’m so sorry, it wont happen again i promise
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, she has a boyfriend now? Since when?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Beats me.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And who is it?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I don’t really keep up with celebrity gossip.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Working on it…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, sure, Leslie, just as soon as I’m out of combat here
[Guild][Proudleslie] ok
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it’s ok, leslie, i’ll get him, just whisper me the name?
[Guild][Proudleslie] ok! ty
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, well this is interesting…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m trying not to press for too much information, obviously…
[HonaleePuff] has joined the guild.
[Guild][Lorthemar] Welcome!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.
[Guild][Proudleslie] hi sweetie!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] welcome puff
[Guild][HonaleePuff] THANKS EVERYONE
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa don’t yell!
[Guild][HonaleePuff] WHAT?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh good, he’s a caps-talker to boot.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] people still do that?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the caps, it’s like you’re yelling
[Guild][Proudleslie] thats just his deep sexy booming voice heehee
[Guild][HonaleePuff] LOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh, you weren’t kidding about this wombat thing
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The damn thing’s killed me twice now
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] see I told you
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg i hated that thing
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did we ever find out who this guy is, by the way?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I have a strong suspicion based on what she’s told me…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Would you like a hand, sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That would be great, thanks
[Guild][Lorthemar] Happy to be of help! Send me an invite?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Incoming
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And that would be…?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Got it! I’ll be there in just a moment.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m pretty sure that he’s Kalecgos.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoa
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok everyone, I need to go for a while
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wait, you mean the Aspect of Magic Kalecgos?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, not anymore
[Guild][Lorthemar] Farewell!
[Guild][Proudleslie] bye gayle
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well yeah, but he was.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] for like ten minutes
[Guild][HonaleePuff] BYE
[Garona | Nightengayle] has logged off.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So wait…how sure are you about this?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Quite sure, actually. Based on what she’s said, and a few bits and pieces I’ve picked up from my own sources.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Huh
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, that settles it
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s officially run out of mammals
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Sigh-
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yikes, yeah, I didn’t think of that. I didn’t know Jaina was a scaley…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well you kind of had to figure nothing was off the table with her
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ugh scalies creep me out.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh, like you wouldn’t do Alexstrasza if you had the chance
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Who could blame him, really? I wish I had her body.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You kind of do. Like, exactly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thank you, Mokvar…I think.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Just don’t start going all Bragor on her now, Mokvar
[Guild][Lorthemar] Okay, here I am!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Shudder-
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t remind me. I’ve been starting to wear parkas during his shifts…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Uh, dude…
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes? Is something wrong, sir?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s up with your toon?
[Guild][Lorthemar] What about it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s kind of a girl
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t know if you’ve noticed
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um, yes, I know, sir… Is that a problem?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So…you play a female toon?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Yes…?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] To be fair, he IS a blood elf. He pretty much plays a female toon in RL too…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, dude, fine, whatever works for you
[Guild][Proudleslie] thats actually pretty smart
[Guild][Proudleslie] you would be AMAZED how willing guys are to help when you have a female avatar
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s actually quite true…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, well whatever, let’s just kill this damn wombat
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Also to be fair, whose ass would YOU rather look at for 60 levels?
[Guild][Proudleslie] haha well if you’re asking ME…
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Too…many…jokes…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -Sigh- again.
[Guild][Lorthemar] There we go!
[Guild][Lorthemar] See, pretty painless with the two of us.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thanks, man
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] or…whatever
[Guild][Lorthemar] Any time, sir.
[Guild][HonaleePuff] OUCH
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg sweetie what killed you?
[Guild][HonaleePuff] SOME PACK OF DOGS
[Guild][HonaleePuff] THYE JUST FLATTENED ME
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ohhhh the dingoes got you
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg dingoes ate my baby!
[Guild][Proudleslie] its ok i can rez you
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So Leslie, I’m curious, how long have you and Puff been together?
[Guild][HonaleePuff] NOT VERY LONG REALLY
[Guild][Proudleslie] nope not long at all
[Guild][Proudleslie] we only got together this past week
[Guild][Proudleslie] but it feels like we’ve know each other for ages
[Guild][HonaleePuff] : )
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, well congratulations to you both, then. I hope you’ll be very happy.
[Guild][Proudleslie] ty
[Guild][Proudleslie] its just funny too, b/c just a couple weeks ago i was talking to my friend
[Guild][Proudleslie] and he just got married not too long ago
[Guild][Proudleslie] and he was telling me how life would be much better if i found someone to share it with
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Gee, I wonder who THAT could be
[Guild][Proudleslie] and a few days later here he was!
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s very sweet indeed.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And not at all contrived in its timing.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, seriously, Thrall’s spending his time now dropping by to tell Jaina she needs to get herself a man?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or, I guess, to narrow it down to one and settle down?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Watch, he’s become one of those people who get married and then feel like everybody else needs to get married too.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, misery loves company.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No no, I’ll tell you exactly what that is
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Thrall’s been dropping by to hang out with Jaina
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Only now, he’s got a wife pulling him aside when he gets home, like, “So hey, what exactly is the deal with the blonde chick you’re spending all this time with?”
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] “Who I was hearing things about, like, all the way out in Nagrand”
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And so I’ll bet you anything, Thrall was like, “Okay, I have to get this chick hooked up so the missus gets off my ass”
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Heh, yeah, wife aggro.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And seriously
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If he didn’t want wife aggro, I mean, come on
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He fucking married a woman NAMED Aggro, pretty much
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] aggra aggro?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hah
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to get going
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have a meeting with Malkorok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have to run for a while, guys
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have fun
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh joy…
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later boss
[Guild][Proudleslie] bye pwn
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, sir.
You have logged off.
Same as it ever was
I was groggy when I woke up, and even after I opened my eyes, it took a few minutes for my head to stop spinning. Finally my vision cleared up and I found myself sitting in a chair, sprawled forward over a table. There were papers under my face, and a few of them stuck to it courtesy of a small puddle of drool.
I straightened up in the chair, plucked the clingy pages from my cheek, and looked around the room. It was the admiral’s quarters in Northwatch Hold, the room I’ve been using the last few days of our stay here. The drool-smeared papers in my hand, and others spread around the table, were covered with maps of Theramore, lists of troop assignments, armament logistics, the crew manifesto of a goblin air galleon.
I ran my hands over the table to make sure it was really there. And then my uneasy brain went looking for hallucination in the next most likely place.
Had I imagined it? The other world, the demons, the Scourge, the fall of Orgrimmar…everything…could it have just been a dream? It seemed so real, the memories were so vivid…but…
I stood up, gathered more of the papers from the table, and started paging through them — not even reading anything on them, really, just wanting something I could feel in my hands. As I held the documents over the tabletop and looked at all the words without ever reading any of them, my arm brushed another paper, this one creased and folded, jutting out of my belt.
The military documents spilled around the floor as I grabbed the folded paper and rushed to unfold it. It was worn and stained with what looked like blood, just a torn-off scrap, not even half a page. Scrawled across it was the familiar handwriting of the Master Apothecary of Sylvanas’ Royal Society. Or the man who would become him.
They’re going to turn against you. Don’t let them.
He really, REALLY never listened. It’s like some weird matter of principle with him. I don’t even know if he was really trying to help, offering some begrudging, misguided gesture in parting…or if this was his way of giving me one last middle finger for the things I’d forced him to do. I don’t know if I could hold either against him.
But that sealed it. It all happened. Except that it didn’t, now.
It worked. We did it. We saved the world. It all happened, just the way I remembered it, just the way it was supposed to.
I walked over to the tower window. I needed some air to clear my head. I leaned out and looked across the Barrens. I could see Horde banners below, and a squad of Kor’kron wyvern riders circling past as they patrolled the area. And as I looked off into the distance, staring at the horizon more than anything, I started to make out wisps of smoke, faint black tendrils reaching up to the sky from old, spiteful fires that refused to go out completely, even after all this time.
Taurajo.
I turned from the window and stepped back into the room.
And then I grabbed one of the chairs arranged around the table and threw it against the wall. The chair broke into pieces. I ran over and grabbed them up, one after another, breaking them into smaller pieces and smashing them against the wall again. And then a second chair. And a third. Screaming with each one — AT each one.
I threw them around the room until the chairs were pieces and the pieces were splinters, smashing them against the walls and the floor and each other as if by breaking them enough I could force back the thoughts I couldn’t help thinking.
I ran across the room to a bookcase that stood against one wall and sent it toppling. Books spilled around the floor. I lunged down, hunched over, grabbed them by the fistful and hurled them against the walls. Watched them clatter back to the floor. It didn’t help. I grabbed up more of them, pulling them open, ripping them apart at the spines, flinging loose pages around until they fluttered uselessly down around me.
Fluttered like shimmering white wings.
I pounced back on the broken bookcase, yanked out one shelf, flung it across the room. It clattered to the floor. It didn’t break. I wrenched out a second shelf and threw it against the door, leaving a deep gash in the wood. That one didn’t break, either. Somehow that only made me angrier, sent me into a rage at its stubbornness, its stupid defiance, refusing to snap. How DARE it — how dare ANYTHING — and I ran to the door, grabbed up the fallen shelf, and beat it against the wall until it splintered.
It didn’t help. It wasn’t enough.
The door to the room opened and Malkorok leaned in. I only heard bits and pieces of whatever he said — something about the noise, and my yelling, and if I was all right. I spun on him, struck him across the face, then threw him back out of the room and down the stairs before slamming the door, rattling it on its hinges.
Today is not the day to ask me if I’m all right.
I grabbed one of the broken chair pieces and jammed the door shut. I wasn’t in any mood for interruptions, least of all from the likes of him.
The admiral’s bed — flung over, frame snapped, mattress torn open. Feathers floating through the air and scattering around the room. The nightstand next to the bed — lifted over my head and slammed down onto the floor, shattered awkwardly into pieces. Its single drawer split off awkwardly and spilled letters and trinkets across the floor. Part of it splintered off as I swung the nightstand down onto the floor and stabbed into my forearm. I barely felt it. I didn’t even notice until a spattering of blood started to dribble onto the letters and papers strewn around the floor.
It still wasn’t enough. It might never be enough.
Go be a hero, he told me. Go save the world. I did. We won. And all I had to do was kill him. All I had to do was burn Taurajo. All I had to do was become the final secret conspirator against our people in time of war, once upon a time. All I had to do was save traitors, destroy families, forsake all honor in the face of a battle too dire to be won any other way.
I don’t know how long I can stand to live in this world if these are the choices I have to make to save it.
I was racing around the room in circles, kicking at anything in reach, clawing pictures down off the walls. Only really half seeing what was around me, just grabbing anything I could, then throwing it or stomping it underfoot or breaking it over one knee. At some point I found myself spinning in place, roaring madly at nothing, and then threw myself at the table, beating it with both fists, pounding over and over until the wood buckled and the beams split and it all came crashing down and still there I was among the pieces on the floor.
I pulled myself up and looked around the ruins of the room, choking down air in gasps.
This room isn’t big enough. It isn’t big enough. Nothing in it is big enough.
I need something bigger.
We march tomorrow. Theramore burns.
[Wrathgate (wide shot) image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate. Professor Putricide, Putress, and Cairne Bloodhoof (living) images provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth; click the links in this sentence to see the souped-up Postcard versions! All images used here with permission and many thanks.]
The fire in which we burn
Dranosh left with the Windrunner for Theramore. He brought Dontrag and Utvoch, which, I mean, I know this is really no time for jokes, but…HAHA! Poor fucker. Anyway, he’s going to see if he can find Faranell there, or in Thunder Bluff if need be. One way or another, Mokvar and I will meet him there when we’re done on our end.
We got Mokvar hooked up with a wyvern, and we both flew down from Ashenvale to Tanaris. Soridormi was there to greet us when we arrived at the Caverns of Time.
SORIDORMI: Overlord. Or do you still prefer “Warchief” in this reality? It’s so hard to know what to call certain people.
GARROSH: Doesn’t matter. Call me whatever.
SORIDORMI: Oh? So if I decide “Roshy” has a nice ring to it…?
GARROSH: Don’t get clever.
SORIDORMI: <wry grin> I’m afraid it’s far too late for that.
GARROSH: <grumbles> Fine, whatever. While you’re being all smug and smart, though, how about this – last time I was here, seems to me you might have, you know, neglected to mention a few minor details about this world.
SORIDORMI: In fairness, I did tell you all that there were other events that played out differently.
GARROSH: Which you totally made sound like “I’m just glossing over this since it’s not really that important.”
SORIDORMI: Did I? Hardly. Every moment is important, Garrosh. But at the time, there was no telling how much longer I had to detail matters further. We were – if you’ll pardon the expression – working on borrowed time.
GARROSH: And now?
SORIDORMI: This timeline has taken…a much firmer hold.
MOKVAR: The last few times we’ve shifted, our time here has gotten longer, and our time in the original timeline has gotten shorter…
SORIDORMI: <nods> This timeline is taking over as the predominant one. That overwriting of your reality will soon be complete, if it isn’t already.
GARROSH: Well then, since we’re in like 2% less of a rush now, how about you fill in a few gaps for us. Starting with, say, why it is that Orgrimmar is overrun right now by the Burning Legion and the Scourge, both of which we had pretty well under control last I checked.
SORIDORMI: In both cases, everything hinges on certain unexpected events involving the Battle of the Wrathgate.
GARROSH: Go on…
SORIDORMI: After the Alliance and Horde set aside their petty conflicts and united against the Lich King, Tirion Fordring’s Argent Crusade was able to assemble a strike force of the greatest champions from both factions. The team that Fordring would lead into Icecrown Citadel for the final assault would be far mightier even than the one that defeated Arthas in your timeline.
GARROSH: Okay, so I’m not seeing how that leads to things being WORSE.
SORIDORMI: It didn’t, at first. But you’ll recall, in the time leading up to the attack, the Lich King’s chief researcher was not Professor Putricide – Patrick Faranell – but Putress.
Soridormi holds out her hand and summons an image of Rotface and Festergut.
IMAGE OF ROTFACE: Daddy make toys out of you! WEEEEEE!
IMAGE OF FESTERGUT: Dead, dead, dead! Daddy, I did it!
SORIDORMI: Putricide’s most formidable creations, while strong, were ultimately…limited. Undermined by a lingering sentimentality that Putricide would carry into undeath from another life.
She shakes her hand, and the image changes to that of Patrick Faranell.
IMAGE OF PATRICK: Between you, me, and the walls, I’d rather like to have a couple sons… I remember how much Dad seemed to enjoy himself with us.
SORIDORMI: Putress’ malevolent ingenuity would have no such…humanity to temper it. He would furnish the Lich King with constructs more monstrous and strains of blight more virulent than anything known to your timeline.
GARROSH: Um, didn’t I ask you THIS VERY THING about Putress the last time?
SORIDORMI: You did. I didn’t give you an answer.
GARROSH: INDEED YOU DIDN’T.
MOKVAR: I think we might have distracted her, actually.
GARROSH: Whose side are you on?
MOKVAR: I’m on the side of us not standing around bickering over who said what and why.
GARROSH: Fine. So Putress invented some powerful shit, boy, don’t know why you never thought of that, Garrosh, go on please.
SORIDORMI: Strengthened by Putress’ creations, the Lich King would ultimately defeat Fordring’s even mightier strike force.
MOKVAR: So some of the most powerful heroes against the Scourge, from the Horde and Alliance, were all killed.
SORIDORMI: <pauses grimly> It would have been a kindness had they merely been killed.
Soridormi waves her hand, summoning a likeness of the Lich King.
IMAGE OF THE LICH KING: You trained them well, Fordring. You delivered the greatest fighting force this world has ever known…right into my hands – exactly as I intended.
MOKVAR: By the spirits…
GARROSH: He raised them as his minions…
SORIDORMI: And then killed Tirion Fordring. <closes her eyes a moment> And then raised him…
IMAGE OF THE LICH KING: You could’ve been my greatest champion, Fordring. A force of darkness that would wash over this world and deliver it into a new age of strife.
SORIDORMI: …to lead his new army of Deathbringers.
Garrosh and Mokvar exchange troubled looks.
GARROSH: Okay… Bad news part one done… Now what about the demons?
SORIDORMI: A further consequence of the defeat in Icecrown Citadel… You may recall, in your time, after the fall of the Lich King, some of his former minions would find for themselves…new allegiances.
Soridormi conjures a shimmering likeness of Sylvanas Windrunner.
IMAGE OF SYLVANAS: With the death of the Lich King, many of the more intelligent Scourge became…unemployed… They are under my command now…
SORIDORMI: With the Lich King victorious, the val’kyr would never ally themselves with Sylvanas. Which would prove…unfortunate for the Forsaken.
Soridormi waves her hand. Above her palm appears an image of Sylvanas with Lord Godfrey and High Warlord Cromush at the Greymane Wall.
IMAGE OF SYLVANAS: Soldiers of the Horde! We are victorious! Lordaeron is w—
The image of Lord Godfrey draws a pistol and shoots Sylvanas point-blank. She immediately falls dead on the ground.
IMAGE OF CROMUSH: What have you done, Godfrey?!
IMAGE OF GODFREY: Something that should have been done a long time ago, you filthy animal. Gilneas belongs to me, and so soon will the rest of Lordaeron!
SORIDORMI: In your timeline, Sylvanas was resurrected by her val’kyr servants. Here, she had no val’kyr to save her. Sylvanas Windrunner died – for the second and final time. In the aftermath of her death, leadership of the Undercity would pass to Sylvanas’ second, her majordomo of several years.
The nathrezim Varimathras.
GARROSH: Varimathras? How? He’s…dead…oh no…
MOKVAR: <head sinks> The Wrathgate…
SORIDORMI: <nods> Without Putress in the Undercity, Varimathras had no collaborator with whom to conspire against the Banshee Queen. There was never a coup against Sylvanas. And without the coup against Sylvanas, Varimathras was never exposed as the traitor he was — his true loyalties to the Burning Legion never revealed. He carried on unimpeded, not only free to continue his scheming in the Undercity, but eventually becoming its leader. Much time did not pass before he carried out his master plan…
She waves her hand again, summoning the fiery red likeness of a monstrous eredar.
…and summoned Kil’jaeden the Deceiver into this world. Bringing with him countless legions of demons from the Twisted Nether. Bringing with him the Second Fall of Lordaeron. Most of the Eastern Kingdoms was soon to follow.
GARROSH: Fucking hell…
MOKVAR: Soridormi… Edwin is in this world now, we think. If we can get him here, is there still time to undo all this?
SORIDORMI: If we can get him back to Southshore, we should be able to reset the timelines with both Edwins at the points they need to be.
GARROSH: Okay, great, so we’ll just collect him and get him down here and—
SORIDORMI: Actually getting him to old Southshore, though, is no easy task, and not without problems.
GARROSH: Dammit, I thought if I said that fast enough we could get out before the “but” kicked in.
MOKVAR: What’s the problem?
SORIDORMI: Sending Edwin back to period to which he’s already time-traveled involves crossing his own timeline in ways that no mortal was meant to do.
GARROSH: Ah…the whole “no double-dipping” thing.
SORIDORMI: To open a stable time portal for such a repeat incursion will require me to channel immense amounts of power – far more than I can summon up myself.
GARROSH: What about the Noz? He’s the head honcho time guy anyway, couldn’t he pull it off?
SORIDORMI: I am…the most powerful member of the Bronze Flight here.
GARROSH: How does that work? I mean I get that you’ve got this secret super time vision and whatever, but no offense, how did you get to be more powerful than Noz?
MOKVAR: Garrosh…
SORIDORMI: I’m not.
GARROSH: So what gives? Where is he, any…oh…oh no…
SORIDORMI: <looks down a moment> For a number of reasons…the final confrontation with Deathwing proved…far more costly in this timeline than in the other.
GARROSH: I… Wow do I feel like a jackass.
MOKVAR: This is what it finally took, huh?
GARROSH: So…we need a power source to tap into, then?
SORIDORMI: That’s right.
Garrosh stares off to one side, thinking anxiously.
MOKVAR: Not to bring up bad memories, Soridormi, but I don’t suppose the Dragon Soul is an option?
SORIDORMI: I would be, yes…
GARROSH: Okay, so—
SORIDORMI: Except that it has already been returned to its own time, and retrieving it a second time would involve the type of crossing of timelines that we need the power source for in the first place.
GARROSH: Okay, seriously, you’ve got to start leading with the “but” part of these answers.
MOKVAR: What about the spell book that Malchezaar used to bring the demons into Orgrimmar?
SORIDORMI: <shakes her head> The Book of Medivh is a powerful source of portal magic, for portals within this reality, but hardly helpful for the kind of temporal manipulation we’re undertaking.
GARROSH: <staring down, hesitant> What about…the Focusing Iris? From the Eye of Eternity?
SORIDORMI: <nods slowly> The Focusing Iris would work, yes. As a dragon relic, in fact, it should lend itself all the more easily to my use.
MOKVAR: Do we know where it is now?
GARROSH: The Blue Dragonflight is keeping it in Coldarra.
SORIDORMI: I will give you my talisman to show to the blues. They will give you the Iris if they know you’ve been sent by me. They’ll know I would not ask were the need not dire.
GARROSH: Okay then. I think we have a plan.
SORIDORMI: Indeed, Warchief.
GARROSH: You know what? Just call me Garrosh. People calling me “Warchief” here either gets confusing like with Utvoch earlier, or it’s just creepy like with Malchezaar.
MOKVAR: We should probably get go—
SORIDORMI: Wait, Garrosh – Malchezaar saw you, and called you “Warchief”?
GARROSH: Yeah, why?
SORIDORMI: <fidgets with her hands nervously> You need to go. Now. Take my talisman and get to Northrend quickly to recover the Focusing Iris.
MOKVAR: Why? What is it?
GARROSH: I’ve really kind of had my fill of flying blind around here. What’s got you spooked all of a sudden?
SORIDORMI: The Netherspace where Malchezaar dwelled was a distorted region of time.
GARROSH: Right, I know. Time loop, round and round, now he’s dead, now he’s not, boom. So what?
SORIDORMI: The Netherspace rests at the intersection of countless times. Those who dwell there can see into the different realities – bits and pieces, usually, but one never knows. If Malchezaar knows to call you “Warchief,” he has seen your other world. And in that case, he may well know enough – or could deduce – how the worlds fit together and how they might be corrected.
MOKVAR: It would really be nice if there could be some stupid people on the bad guys’ side for a change…
SORIDORMI: The Burning Legion stands on the brink of a victory on Azeroth that it has coveted for millennia. If they realize what we’re doing, they will not stand idly by. We need to act quickly.
GARROSH: Got it. Be doing whatever you need to do to get ready, Soridormi. We’ll be back with Edwin and the Focusing Iris.
SORIDORMI: I hope so, Garrosh. Titans watch over you.
We winged it double-time to Thunder Bluff. I’m writing from there now. Dranosh and the others haven’t arrived yet, but I’ve sent a messenger to Theramore with the barest bare-bones of what we need to do. I’m guessing he’ll be headed here by nightfall, morning at the latest, and then we can get moving.
Next stop, Northrend.
[Sylvanas and Kil’jaeden images above provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click on the links in the previous sentence to see the souped-up Postcards versions!]
Live Blog: Tides of War
ONE YEAR OF THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS…
[Today marks the one-year anniversary of Garrosh’s first post on the Warchief’s Command Board. To commemorate the occasion, which serendipitously coincides with the release of Jaina Proudmoore: Tides of War by Christie Golden, this post will tie into some of the events of the novel in the form of a LIVE BLOG. The post will be added to over the course of the night so that you will be able to read it in progress as it is written. Continue refreshing this page to update its contents. Also feel free to use the comments to engage with other live readers as the on-the-fly story unfolds!]
I haven’t mentioned this with everything else that’s been going on lately, but several days ago I sent letters out to the other leaders of the Horde to come to Grommash Hold for a special council. An inner circle of key advisors and I have been working on a number of plans over the past few weeks, one in particular that I’ve been keeping on the back burner for far too long. The time has finally come to begin the next stage in the glorious history of the Horde, and it’s only fitting that everyone gather to bear witness to its beginning.
Practically all the major players have been arriving the last few hours — Baine Bloodhoof and Hamuul Runetotem from Thunder Bluff…Sylvanas Windrunner from the Undercity…what’s-his-name, that blood elf guy from Silvermoon. Vol’jin’s come up from the Echo Isles, even though I usually don’t have a whole lot of patience for him. Hell, even Trade Prince Gallywix crawled out from underneath whatever rock he usually hides under to attend. Everybody’s brought a considerable contingent of aides and lieutenants with them, and naturally I have a good-sized contingent of my people from here in Orgrimmar to show their support — Eitrigg, obviously, along with a slew of other aides and supporters like Shok Narnes, Captain Drok, Invoker Xorenth. Mokvar, of course, who’s going to make it a whole lot easier to record and post the meeting. Pretty much the only heavy hitter not here is Saurfang, and, well, I can see why he would decline the invitation, considering.
I waited outside the war room while everyone gathered and got settled into their places. I had my aide Malkorok — who’s been growing more and more important in our developing plans — watched over the gathering, then prepared them for my grant entrance. See, in addition to being an ongoing advisor and newly appointed supervisor of internal security, Malkorok’s also a pretty damn good hype man. So he took a minute to work up the crowd, and then…well, hey, why don’t I kick it over to Mokvar, who I think Spazzle hooked up to be able to feed his meeting notes straight on up to the blog…
MALKOROK: Your leader, the mighty Garrosh Hellscream, approaches! Show him all honor!
The assembly stands and burst into cheers as Garrosh enters, holding his arms wide with Gorehowl in hand.
GARROSH: I bid you all welcome! You are true servants of the Horde. Your Warchief calls you, and you come. <surveying the assembly> Much has transpired since I assumed the mantle of Warchief…
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Most of it bad, mon.
GARROSH: We have faced trials and danger, threats to our world and our way of life. And yet, we persevere. We are the HORDE! We will not let anything break our spirits!
Garrosh raises Gorehowl above his head, and, starting with the orcs present, the assembly cheers.
GARROSH: You do not disappoint me.
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Wish I could say da same, mon.
GARROSH: You are the finest representatives of your races – the leaders, the generals. And that is why I called you here.
Garrosh settles into his throne and gestures for the assembly to sit as well.
GARROSH: There is a menace that has been present for too long, which we must now root out without any mercy.
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Aw, no, mon, don’ be so hard on yaself.
BAINE: <struggling to stifle his chortling> Stop…stop it!
GARROSH: A threat that has challenged us for years, to which we have, until recently, turned a blind eye in the mistaken notion that tolerance of a little shame will do no harm to the mighty Horde. I have—
Vol’jin and Baine glance at each other. Vol’jin doubles over and lets a chuckle escape.
GARROSH: Hmm? You had something to add, troll?
VOL’JIN: No, no, dat was just a sneeze, mon.
GARROSH: A sneeze.
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon. Allergy season, ya know.
Garrosh exchanges a look with Malkorok, who shrugs.
GARROSH: Um, yeah. As I was saying. And have said, and say again – ANY shame is a great shame!
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> A damn dirty shame, mon.
Baine lowers his head over the table and chortles.
GARROSH: Any— Um, you too, birthday boy?
BAINE: <wipes a tear from his eye while looking up> Apologies, Warchief. I think I may be having some…trouble with allergies as well.
VOL’JIN: I tink dere might be a bug goin’ round, mon.
GARROSH: Oh for fuck’s sake… Ugh. Never mind. I…where was I again?
MOKVAR: “Any shame is a great shame.”
Baine and Vol’jin double over slightly, barely containing another fit of chuckles.
GARROSH: Right, right. Any shame is a great shame – ANY injury is a great injury! And apparently any sniffle is a great fucking sneezing epidemic. But whatever. Point is, WE WILL ENDURE IT NO LONGER!
Vol’jin smirks at Baine and gives an exaggerated nod.
GARROSH: We have a destiny to fulfill. And there is an obstacle to that destiny – one that we must crush beneath our feet like the insignificant insect it truly is. For far too long – nay, even a MOMENT would be too long! – the Alliance pests, not content with their stranglehold over the Eastern Kingdoms—
SYLVANAS and LOR’THEMAR: <overlapping> Hey now!
GARROSH: —have wormed their ways into OUR lands, OUR territory. Into Kalimdor. Chipping away at our resources and sullying the very earth with their presence! They are crippling us, preventing us from growing, from reaching the heights that I know – I KNOW – we are capable of achieving! For I believe in my heart that it is not our fate to bow and scrape and sue for peace before the Alliance. It is our right to dominate and control this land of Kalimdor. It is ours, and we will claim it as such!
Led by Malkorok, many of the orcs stand and cheer emphatically. After a few moments, the cheers subside.
GARROSH: To that end, it is my intent to lead the Horde on a mission that will restore us to our rightful path. Our first target will be Northwatch Hold. We will raze it. And once we have reclaimed that land as ours, we will move on to the next step – THERAMORE!
Baine, Vol’jin, Malkorok, and several others spring to their feet – some cheering, some crying out in protest. Frandis Farley – one of Sylvanas’ Forsaken lieutenants – shouts over the din.
FRANDIS: Warchief! The lady Jaina is too powerful! She has been passive and quiet. Rouse her, and we will have war on our hands – a war we are not prepared to fight!
BAINE: She has behaved with fairness time and again, when she could have responded with force or deceit! Her diplomatic efforts and her decision to work with Warchief Thrall have saved countless lives! To storm her realm with no provocation does not give honor to the Horde, and it is foolish besides!
MOKVAR: Also I really, really hope this isn’t about your old guild leader…
BAINE: Wait, his what?
MOKVAR: He had an old GM he was pissed at who turned out to be from Theramore.
VOL’JIN: A GM from what, mon?
MOKVAR: This MMO we play.
BAINE: You’re…kidding.
VOL’JIN: Hey mon, you don’ live in da basement in here too, do ya?
GARROSH: WILL YOU SHUT IT? Dammit, trolls should be seen and not heard. Ideally not seen, either.
VOL’JIN: Oh, so you wan’ me invisible, mon?
GARROSH: If only.
VOL’JIN: Like da Lich King’s horse!
GARROSH: ENOUGH ALREADY!
VOL’JIN: Sorry, mon.
Garrosh lets out a long sigh while Malkorok edges closer to Vol’jin’s side of the room, eyeing the troll chieftain uneasily. Garrosh finally gathers himself.
GARROSH: Now then… First of all, Thrall has given leadership of the Horde to me. Whatever HE did or did not do means nothing now.
VOL’JIN: <aside> Aye, you’ll be seein’ ta dat, won’t ya, mon?
GARROSH: I am the Warchief, to whom you have all sworn loyalty. My decisions are what matter. And those of you who condemn my plan do not even know what it entails. Be silent and listen!
Some – but not all – of the assembly return to their seats.
GARROSH: You respond to this as if the conquest of Theramore were the goal. I tell you now, it is only the beginning! I do not speak solely of destroying the human foothold in Kalimdor. I speak also, and even more vigorously, of the night elves. Let them flee to the Eastern Kingdoms as we crush their cities and take their resources!
VOL’JIN: Drive dem all out? Dey been here longer dan we have. An’ we try somet’ing like day, da Alliance be over us like bees on da honey! You just be givin’ dem he excuse dey been looking for!
GARROSH: My soul is sick of the back-and-forth in Ashenvale that has gone on nearly since we set foot in this world. And I am even more sickened by our own blindness to what we should and must do. The night elves claim compassion and wisdom, yet they murder us when we harvest a few trees that would provide life-giving shelter! The night elves have lived here long enough. Let them now linger only as a bad memory. It is the Horde’s hour to reign on this continent, and reign we shall! This is why Theramore is key, do you not understand? <scanning around the chamber> We crush Theramore, we stop the potential of Alliance reinforcement from the south. And then – we give the night elves their due.
SYLVANAS: <rising> Warchief, the Alliance may indeed not send reinforcements. Not at once, at least. They will turn and vent their wrath instead upon those of us in the Eastern Kingdoms – my people and the sin’dorei.
Sylvanas looks to Lor’themar, who remains still and silent.
GARROSH: Wait, who’s that guy again?
SYLVANAS: Warchief?
GARROSH: The blood elf guy.
SYLVANAS: He’s… <rubs her hand over her face> Never mind. The point is…Varian will march on my borders and destroy us!
EITRIGG: Warchief, a word?
GARROSH: I have heard from you already, my advisor.
BAINE: We have not. Eitrigg was friend to my father and advisor to Thrall. He knows the Alliance in a way few do. Surely you do not object to the rest of us hearing what such a wise elder has to say?
GARROSH: <glares at Baine, then nods to Eitrigg> You may speak.
EITRIGG: It is true that the Horde has done much to recover from the Cataclysm. And it has been under your leadership, Warchief Garrosh. You are right. Yours is the title. Yours are the decisions. But yours also is the responsibility. Think for a moment about the consequences the consequences consequences si the ti consequences moment ereh consequences dna gnikam consequences about erew ew about erutuf tahw kniht ot delbuort su ogre fo yna yldrah dodge dna dias consequences eh erutuf consequences eht dire consequences gnikam dire erew dire ewdire dire consequences dire consequences if we fail.
DRANOSH: I know that all too well, Eitrigg. Which is why I’m not going to do this if everyone isn’t in agreement.
Garrosh blinks a few times confusedly, then exchanges a concerned look with Mokvar.
CAIRNE: <watching Garrosh closely> Overlord? Are you alright?
Garrosh looks up at Cairne and stares for a moment.
GARROSH: I… Yeah. I’m fine…Cairne… Just had something in my eye for a second.
MOKVAR: Might be allergy season…
DRANOSH: At any rate… We all know what’s at stake here. I know I’ve said more than once that I don’t intend to send more troops into a losing situation, but I think it’s safe to say this is a special case.
VOL’JIN: I don’ tink dere’s anyone gonna argue, mon. Quel’talas ain’t gonna hold long on its own, an’ we can’ let dem get to da Sunwell. Not again.
DRANOSH: A vote, then. One last battle, to hold the line, at least long enough to do what needs to be done?
EITRIGG: <scanning around> All in favor?
Cairne, Eitrigg, Vol’jin, and Zaela raise their hands. After a moment’s pause, Garrosh and Mokvar do the same.
EITRIGG: And opposed?
VOL’JIN: Dere’s nobody else here, mon.
EITRIGG: Well, still. It never hurts to be thorough.
DRANOSH: I should get you to do my paperwork for me.
GARROSH: You know, I bet he’d be good at that.
EITRIGG: I would not wish to intrude on your confidential documents, Warchief.
GARROSH: I’m sure he has plenty more important things to do with his time.
DRANOSH: I am Warchief.
GARROSH: Better you than me.
DRANOSH: <smirks> Spirits help us. You’d be terrible at it.
GARROSH: Well, it’s a good thing Thrall stuck YOU with the job then, isn’t it?
DRANOSH: <still smirking>No, but really. I think a basic campfire would probably do a better job than you.
GARROSH: <smirks back> Okay, enough. That shit is hurtful.
DRANOSH: What, are you turning sensitive all of a sudden? What’s next, are you going to start writing poetry too?
GARROSH: You never know.
VOL’JIN: Tell you what, mon, we can plan da first readin’ after we out of da fire.
DRANOSH: <turning back to the war map> Well, we’re all agreed. I’ll send a messenger to Silvermoon. The rest of you know what needs to be done to prepare.
VOL’JIN: Aye, mon.
ZAELA: Yes, Warchief.
DRANOSH: Let’s get to work, then. Metting adjourned. Lok’tar ogar!
EITRIGG: Lok’tar!
ZAELA: Lok’tar!
VOL’JIN: For da Horde!
GARROSH: This will either end up turning the tide the tide tide si the ylno tide up saw tide sa gniht tide turning hcus on turning si ereht elpoep laudividni fo sratava yratnemom ogre eht ni tpecxe ecnetsixe dodge on sah hcihw your noitidnoc diulf your accept your a accept si accept emit accept accept you accept your oath.
Garrosh looks around confusedly again, finding himself absently patting the head of a goblin who appears to be kneeling in allegiance. Malkorok approached, ushering Lor’themar Theron with him.
LOR’THEMAR: You wish to see me, Warchief?
GARROSH: I do. I understand you are the leader of the blood elves.
LOR’THEMAR: Um…yes, Warchief. We’ve met several times.
GARROSH: Have we? Hmm. Must have slipped my memory…
LOR’THEMAR: I’m in your Earth Online guild.
GARROSH: You are? Huh.
LOR’THEMAR: Um…
GARROSH: Well, anyway. Out of all our leaders in there, save Gallywix — who’s supportive merely because he sees coins to be made — you are the only one who doesn’t question your Warchief. Not even when Sylvanas tries to play upon your sympathy. I respect that, elf. Know that your loyalty to me is duly noted.
LOR’THEMAR: The Horde embraced and supported my people when no one else would. I will not forget that. And so, my loyalty, and that of my people, is to the Horde.
GARROSH: I am the Horde’s Warchief, Lor’themar. And as such, I AM the Horde.
LOR’THEMAR: You are its Warchief. Is that all you wish of me? My people are anxious to return home and prepare for the war that is to come.
GARROSH: Of course. You may go.
Lor’themar walks off, rejoining the rest of the Silvermoon contingent.
GARROSH: <to Malkorok> That one is worth watching.
MALKOROK: They are all worth watching.
MOKVAR: Um…if I might ask, what’s that supposed to mean?
MALKOROK: <stares at Mokvar a moment> Suffice to say, scribe, that you are not the only one keeping notes. <turning to Garrosh> If you’ll excuse me, Warchief, I have a few matters to follow up on.
Captain Drok approaches and waits close beside Garrosh.
GARROSH: Go ahead, Malkorok. We’ll check in again later.
DROK: Warchief, a moment?
GARROSH: What is it, Drok? Oh…OH…is it…?
DROK: <nodding> I’ve just received word from our team in Northrend, sir. We have it.
GARROSH: <slowly grins, then nods> Good, good… I love it when a plan comes together.
The pieces are falling into place. Everything is lining up. I’ll be sending marching orders to the various leaders within the next day, and soon enough everything will be underway. Everything is going exactly to plan.
If only I didn’t have this nagging feeling the universe is trying to tell me something.
More soon.
[Thanks to everyone who dropped by live to follow the blog in progress! And also, as you may have noticed, the night was capped off with the addition of a badass new header for the blog, generously and masterfully provided by Snapcaster (Cho’gall server) from Dreamweave Design. Many thanks for making the place more presentable! Additional thanks to Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth for providing the header image for this post — click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
