Tag Archives: varian
A public service announcement
Greetings, random internet surfer.
Welcome to the Warchief’s Command Board. Depending on how you found your way here, you may or may not know what this site actually is. If you don’t, allow me to illuminate. What you see before you is the personal blog of Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde.
No, seriously. No joke. This is really Garrosh. [OOC disclaimer from our legal department: This isn’t really Garrosh.]
If this sounds like something that might interest you, perhaps you’d care to peruse the blog to learn a bit more about it and what kinds of adventures I’ve been detailing thus far. But I’d like to take a moment here to speak to those of you who already suspect that this site isn’t quite what you had set out looking for.
Greetings again, my good internet denizens.
From your arrival here, I gather that you too are a fan of the Google search engine. I can’t say I blame you. I know I’ve found many lemon square recipes that I never would have known about (though admittedly still no match for Greatmother’s) courtesy of the good people at Google.
I’m also happy to have new potential readers find their way here, regardless of how. So welcome, one and all.
With that said, I suppose I may want to address the concerns that some of you may be feeling at this point. And yes, I’m afraid you may be in for no small amount of disappointment, my friends. I regret to inform you that the odds are great that you will not find the true object of your search here.
Because, you see, while I am certainly no friend of Jaina Proudmoore, and while you’ll find no shortage of mockery and outright hostility directed at her from me here, I’m afraid that nowhere in these pages will you find visual evidence of her engaged in carnal acts with livestock. No cows. No goats. Not even a piddling little barnyard dog.
Yes, I know. In this shameful instance, the Google machine appears to have lied to you. I am as shocked and dismayed by this as you are.
Likewise, you will not find anything here that you might file under “Jaina Proudmoore captured xxx,” much to the chagrin of at least three of you. I would of course be only too happy to report the capture of an enemy of the Horde such as Jaina, but I fear that the “xxx” on the end of the search string adds a further wrinkle which renders the already-unlikely scenario much more far-fetched.
Well, okay. Somewhat more far-fetched. This is Jaina we’re talking about. But I digress.
While we’re on the subject, you’re also not going to find “Jaina Proudmoore and Varian porn,” “Jaina and Tyrande porn,” “Jaina Proudmoore Muradin porn” or – despite its rampant popularity – “Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas porn.” Speaking of which, let’s just extend the whole blanket “nope” to any comparable permutations involving Sylvanas. No Argent Confessor Paletress. No Liadrin. No High Inquisitor Whitemane. No Shademaster Kiryn. Not gonna happen, people. Trust me. I’ve floated a couple of those by her more than once myself. She’s not biting. Let it go.
Moreover, whoever among you came here looking for “Jaina Proudmoore climbing pole to victory porn drawing” (yes, really), “pandaren fucked by brown virmen” (yes, really), “broken blood elf statue with vagina showing” (yes, really), “Grimtotem fucking with Mankrik’s wife while Mankrik sees it” (yes, really)…I honestly don’t know what to say to any of you. Other than perhaps having to offer you some begrudging respect for knowing exactly what you want in your lives. Horrifying and sad though they may be.
But alas, your simple albeit distressingly specific wishes will not be fulfilled here. Once again, the perfidious Google machine makes fools of us all.
And whichever one of you found your way here in search of “King Varian Wrynn gets a little diplomatic with Aggra’s butt porn” – and yes, one of you did (you know who are you are) – I can only shake my head sadly and mourn whatever tragedy befell you in childhood. I would also suggest securing your home, as I suspect there’s at least a passing chance Thrall may be on his way over as we speak.
And, further, nowhere on this blog will you find anything that might be described as “Varian Wrynn raped by devilsaur,” although, let me assure you, language cannot express the delight with which I would provide you with such documentation if I could.
Indeed, the only fleeting glimmer of hope I can offer amid this endless parade of sadness would be whoever came to the blog searching for “man what the f happened Horde” – a sentiment with which I can certainly sympathize, and which I have likely expressed in my posts here on more occasions than one. Sadly, though, it is a question for which I can offer you no answers, my friend. I wish I knew what the f happened. I truly, truly do.
For those among you who are regular readers of this blog, and who might hasten to point out that this very post may well exacerbate this Google hit issue by providing additional suspect phrases for the search engine to latch onto, let me reassure you that I am only too aware of this possibility. And to any such Google users who do indeed find their way here as a result, I will only say:
Greetings, random internet surfer. Welcome to the Warchief’s Command Board. I would tell you that you will leave this site empty-handed, but I suppose that partly depends on how you arrived.
Finally, if I might add a closing postscript: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?!?!!
Ugh.
UGH.
MOVING ON.
Guest Post: Furtive Father Winter
[Special guest post today, as part of Blog Azeroth’s Furtive Father Winter gift exchange. Today’s post was provided by Akabeko of Red Cow Rise — many thanks! I’ll be back with a final note from Mokvar after Akabeko’s gem. So now, without further ado…]
———
(On the Feast of Winter Veil, a grunt brings a brightly-wrapped box to the Warchief’s quarters. Inside are several letters, cards, and small gifts. A simple note is left on top of the whole festive affair.)
“Hey, Warchief. Do not open until Winter Veil! I rounded up all the gifts that arrived for you and put them together for easy transport on your trip. Happy Holidays. –Mokvar.”
On the back of the note, a card for one-month’s worth of Earth Online game time has been attached, with a note saying, “For when you find a stable wifi connection in Pandaria!”
The first card is printed on very thick, expensive paper and depicts the ruins of Lordaeron blanketed in snow. Somehow, this makes them look even bleaker and more terrifying, rather than peaceful. Inside, the card reads, “A very merry Feast of Winter Veil to my favorite Warchief. I wish you success in your siege of Pandaria and a Happy New Year.” It’s signed with an elaborate, flowing, nearly illegible “Sylvanas Windrunner.” The small package is wrapped in black paper and contains a miniature model of a plague thrower.
The next card is written in strong letters. The outside shows Greatfather Winter astride a comically large horse. Inside, it is in Common rather than Orcish. “Warchief Hellscream, I wish you an illustrious Winter Veil and a bright New Year. May fortune favor you in whichever endeavors you choose to undertake. May you be showered with the brightest of blessings and-“ (here, the handwriting appears to have been cut off, and finishes reluctantly) “-happy holidays from Tirion Fordring.” Below this, a different hand has written “and Eitrigg.”
Next is a postcard. One side has a standard greeting: “Happy Holidays!” in gold script. The back says, “…from Anger Management!” It has been signed by those who have attended sessions with the Warchief. Mylune has drawn tiny pawprints around her name.
On the next envelope, Mokvar has added a sticky note that says, “There wasn’t a return address on this one, so I’m not sure who it’s from! Maybe you’ll figure it out from the handwriting?” Inside is a card depicting the Silvermoon coat of arms. The note simply reads, “Merry Feast of Winter Veil from LOR’THEMAR THERON, REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS.” There is also a small parchment with a sketch of his noble visage, just in case.
Below this is a handmade card from Garona. In fairly passable calligraphy, she has written “Happy Holidays, honorable Warchief.” There are faint smudges where the words “Let’s have dinner” have been erased. There is also a package wrapped in shiny red paper which contains a pair of soft wool fingerless gloves. Who knew Garona was so good with crafts?
The next card is smudged and crinkled. An unsteady hand has written “Merry Happy Winter Veil.” Below this are two messy signatures that might say “Dontrag” and “Utvoch.” It may have been written in crayon.
The final card bears the Alliance crest. The inside reads,
“Happy Holidays
From a superior king
Oh – FUCK YOU GARROSH”
———
Postscript from Mokvar:
I didn’t mention any of this when I originally delivered it to Garrosh a few days ago, just becuase…well…after he saw that last one, it seemed like a good idea to wait a little while till after he’d left town before anyone brought it up again. When I was assembling the package, I remember giving Ben-Lin Cloudstider, the anger management counselor, a peek at the card from Varian there…and her replying, “I see. I will clear my calendar for the next few weeks, then.”
Monday mailbag
Well, I asked for reports from the field, and as always, my LOYAL READERS AND MINIONS stepped up to the plate and delivered. There were a bunch of you who offered your scouting reports from Pandaria in the comments on my original post – I’d recommend having a look if you missed them, so you can see some of the early recon reports along with my responses – while some of you decided to write in to me directly.
So, let’s have at it.
This first one was actually posted as an open letter on Vanicus’ blog, which I’m reproducing here:
Dear Warchief,
You requested reports from the field in Pandaria. I have recently been on assignment in the southernmost part of the continent, in an area known as the Krasarang Wilds. It was there that I ran into a bipedal reptilian species known as the Saurok. I was fighting three of these creatures when, unbeknownst to me, a fourth unstealthed behind me. Suddenly this flying ball of fur and claws whipped past my head, and when I bested my opponents and turned around, this tiny windrider cub had attached himself to the Saurok’s face. Henceforth, he has followed me everywhere, and, given his bravery, loyalty, and ability to watch my back even at such a young age, I thought it appropriate to give him a worthy name. I have long been an admirer of your own Mortimer, and hope that mine will live up to the name.
F.Y.V.
–Crusader Vanicus, Krasarang Wilds
Okay, so you know what, Vanicus? That’s just fantastic. Glad to see you getting on board the wyverns-are-awesome bandwagon. Believe me, you won’t regret keeping the little guy around. If anything, he’s sure to provide you with heaps of entertainment when enemies underestimate him and then promptly find themselves getting WTFpwned.
One recommendation, though – make sure you’re diligent about keeping your food stored away somewhere he can’t get to it. And do NOT underestimate the little furball when you’re sizing up “somewhere he can’t get to it.” Those wyverns are RESOURCEFUL. Seriously. I’m at least 80% sure that a group of wyverns could cure cancer tomorrow if they thought there was a crate of fresh clefthoof steak in it for them. And the last thing you need with ANY pet is for them to start getting fat, much less a pet whose calling card is the ability to FLY.
Side note, by the way – I’ve gotten a few notices on the Krasarang Wilds area. Sounds like an interesting place, definitely worth keeping in mind for future operations. It also seems like a fairly tropical area, which I have to say sounds kind of odd. Follow along with me here: Pandaria is in the southern end of the ocean. The Krasarang Wilds cover the southernmost part of the continent. Which means that that zone should be relatively close to Azeroth’s south pole, so…you know…shouldn’t it be kind of COLD there? Rather than all jungly and hospitable for cold-blooded reptilian races?
I mean, I would boggle more at the utter weirdness of Azerothian geography that it apparently gets WARMER as you go from the equator to the south pole, but then again, I hail from the shattered remains of a planet consisting of one big, flat chunk of rock that somehow still manages to maintain an atmosphere and gravitational field. So, you know, who am I to criticize?
I have begun my exploration of Pandaria as you requested. I am currently focusing my attention on a region called the Valley of the Four Winds. I must admit that my exploration has slowed down a lot here as the locals have offered me the chance to take up farming! This was very new and exciting for me. Having grown up in Silvermoon, I never had the chance to take up agriculture. With all the mages, we would usually just conjure up our food. You wouldn’t believe the difference it makes to have the fresh grown variety!
I would highly recommend paying a visit here when you have the chance, if only for the cuisine. I’ve always been an amateur cook (I even made my EO character the chef class!) and I’m amazed by the variety of cooking styles here. There are whole schools of recipes, like the wok, the grill, the steamer, etc. I may need to get out of here before I get fat.
–Tandeleina, Halfhill
Oh come on now – you’re a blood elf, right? Has a blood elf EVER gotten fat? Or is that just because of the whole magic addiction thing? Once you start using the Arcane Patch, does that put you in danger of putting on some pounds?
Anyway, Tandeleina, thanks for writing. I guess it’ll be a good thing that our troops will be eating well once they get down there. I can’t say I’m surprised that the pandas went all out developing different styles of cooking, considering how seriously they take their beer-brewing. Eat, drink, and be merry, right?
Also, since you mentioned Earth Online, can I just say how MADDENING it is to level the cooking secondary profession there? Maybe it’s different when it’s your actual character class, but those recipes are INSANE. They use like ten times as many ingredients as anything in real life, and the process of cooking them is so ridiculously long and complicated. I don’t know how ANYONE has the patience to level that shit up.
I have spent most of my time in Pandaria studying the geology and mineralogy of this new continent. I am pleased to report an unusually high concentration of a new metal ore in this region, (called “ghost iron” by the local residents). Said ore contains a great number of high quality (and very beautiful) gems which are able to absorb and store an astonishing amount of magical essence — almost six and a half times more than the highest quality of gem previously known. Day by day I continue my research in this area. I believe my findings shall be most profitable.
However, this new continent may provide the solution to an even more desperate material concern: that of provisioning our armies and feeding our citizens. I am no agricultural expert, but even I can tell that gaining control of the region known as the Valley of the Four Winds would solve this problem at a stroke. Since words are insufficient to explain what I mean, I have enclosed a picture:
As you can see, this land is incredibly fertile and produces vegetables the size of which can scarcely be comprehended. Local farmers attribute the size of their crops to the magical waters that pour into the valley. I respectfully recommend further research into the properties of this water.
There are a few other oddities that might deserve further study. For instance, I have no idea what to make of the flocks of flying turtles:
They seemed harmless enough… but one can never be too certain. I noticed a mage running around near the turtles cackling maniacally, so perhaps the turtles have some detrimental effect on the mind? So I killed them. The turtles and the mage. Just to be safe.
Finally, I hear that you are looking to procure new creatures for gladiatorial combat. Might I recommend pitting some of the Pandarian virmen against some murlocs?
Respectfully Yours,
–Karalina, Valley of the Four Winds
Thanks for writing, Karalina, but man, what’s up with everybody thinking with their stomachs today? Do you know Tandeleina? Were you two roommates at Silvermoon University or something, and took on the freshman fifteen together?
So, on the plus side, HOLY CRAP them’s some huge vegetables. On the down side…well, they’re frigging VEGETABLES. Show me a magical, bottomless source of 800-pound slabs of bacon, and THEN I’ll be impressed. Still, I suppose the giant rabbit food must be good for something. Other than, you know, raising giant rabbits. Or are you going to tell me they have those out there, too? Point being, though, I suppose giant carrots and cabbages and such would probably be pretty handy to someone. They’d probably go over like gangbusters at the salad bars they have up in Silvermoon. And they might actually make for a nice finishing touch over in the Valley of Spirits, come to think of it. (You trolls wanted more food? WELL HERE YOU GO, HAVE SOME MORE MOTHERFUCKING FOOD.)
Interesting about the water up there, though. Definitely something to follow up on. I may see about getting Faranell down there on assignment to do some alchemical research on the stuff. You know, as soon as I can arrange for some supervision for him, to make sure he doesn’t default to old habits and next thing we know the whole valley is one giant orchard of 50-pound PlagueApples. (I can just hear him now – “Well no, green apple is a very popular flavor these days.” “GREEN apple, Edwin, not fucking GREEN AND FUMING NOXIOUS VAPORS…”)
What are these “virmen” things, by the way? Whatever they are, gotta admit, setting ANYTHING up to kill murlocs for my amusement is going to be a pretty easy sell.
This letter arrives on a very, very long scroll of parchment which is almost completely covered in drawings. The words of the letter are scattered almost randomly throughout the sketches of Kalimdor creatures, and the ink colors of both drawings and words span the entire rainbow. Surprisingly, the handwriting is rather legible, despite a few mirrored letters and shaky lines.
Deer Mr Warcheif Sir,
Mr U and Mr D hav bin very nice to me. They told me what you sed, and I hav sum ansers for you. I had cak becuz I askd for it, and becuz I wud hav made it myself if no one did for me. I sed so, and evryon ran around making cak for me. It was funni. I did meet Mr D to, but he dosnt lik me as much as Mr U dos. Mr U is trying to help me rite and spell bettr to. He helpd me find tings to do to. Iv helpd a lot of peeple now, and they all gav me munny and new armer. I also lerned how to fly! Mr U and Mr D are jellis, becuz I can turn into a burd and they cant. They cant fly unless they hav wind riders. Now that I can fly, Im a big drewd. I was going to com see you and ask if I can help you, but Mr U and Mr D told me that when they talk to you, they get hit and dont get to say what they want to say. I was skerd youd hit me too. So I wrot a lettr insted. Can I help you? Im a big drewd now, and I want to do things like Mr U and Mr D get to.
The letter is signed with an inky pawprint and the name “Taktani” in multicolored inks.
Oh boy. Here we go again. Hang on a second while I fire up the TranslationMaster 2000 for this.
TranslationMaster 2000
© Fizzletrinket Technologies
Your free trial period has expired. Please register your paid copy and enter your registration code in the field below.
…The FUCK?! Spazzle set up a fucking paid registration system for this thing?! Since when has he been trying to milk money out of people with his little dorky side projects? Oh yeah, I forgot, he’s a GOBLIN, so I guess the answer to that would be since fucking EVER. I’ll have to remember to strangle a registration code out of him later.
Anyway, I think I can handle this one myself. I hope.
Okay, so apparently she’s hanging around with Dontrag and Utvoch, which, you know, better her than me.
I did meet Mr D to, but he dosnt lik me as much as Mr U dos.
Holy freaking hell, I hope this is just the dumbass illiterate way she spells “like.” Please, please, spirits help me, for the love of all that’s good and vengeful, tell me she means “like” here, because if it’s option B, I seriously don’t know if I’ll be able to live.
Mr U is trying to help me rite and spell bettr to.
Riddle me this, Rexxar: which is more horrifying, the idea of Utvoch TEACHING someone writing skills, or the fact that the student in question could probably legitimately use his help?
I’m pretty sure language itself just threw up in its mouth a little.
I also lerned how to fly! Mr U and Mr D are jellis, becuz I can turn into a burd and they cant. They cant fly unless they hav wind riders.
Hey now, go ahead and enjoy your damn druid flight form, but you watch what you say about windriders, little Miss Veal Chop on Wings. We’ve already covered the wyvern pride in this mailbag.
I was going to com see you and ask if I can help you, but Mr U and Mr D told me that when they talk to you, they get hit and dont get to say what they want to say. I was skerd youd hit me too. So I wrot a lettr insted.
D&U have sadly misinformed you if they’ve led you to believe that continuing to send me these letters would DECREASE the chance of your getting smacked around. I swear, between D&U’s talking and this chick’s writing, it’s like they’re coordinating to make sure they’ve got mental anguish for Garrosh covered across every medium.
Anyway, though…since it seems like you really do want to help, and you’ve cleared out all the busywork in Kalimdor… Why don’t you drop by the Dark Portal and see if they can use any help in Outland. I bet they’ll have lots of stuff for you to do. Hell, I hear your Cenarion druid hippie buddies even have a whole thing going on out there. That should keep you occupied for a while. (And seriously, I’m kind of disappointed in myself for not thinking of this until now – why did it not occur to me that I could frigging send Dontrag and Utvoch TO ANOTHER PLANET?)
I have made a grave mistake. I am a Pandaren from the Wandering Island and decided to take up traveling after meeting some strangers from the Alliance and Horde. I was told I would have to pick which faction I wished to join. I decided on joining the Alliance because Aysa Cloudsinger was a cousin of mine. It was a big mistake. Varian Wyrnn is a complete pushover. I was able to easily knock him down when he asked for a sparring session. I need a leader that instill fear into his enemies and Varian is clearly not the one to do that. I humbly ask if you would allow me to join the Horde so that I may hold my head high when I am fighting.
Eagerly awaiting your answer,
–Windblossom, Stormwind
You know, when the Huojin Pandaren showed up in Orgrimmar, I gave them all this big speech about how any of their panda friends who chose to side with the Alliance were dead to them now. And I’d already decided that I was going to stick to a “You made your bed, now lie in it” policy for any pandas who had gone to the other side.
But you know…
Heh.
In this case, I’ve gotta say…
Hehe. Heh heh. Hehehe heh.
Hehe.
Hehe heh HAH hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT’S just FUCKING AWESOME.
<looks at picture again>
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAA!!!!
<chucklecrying>
Welcome to the Horde, Windblossom. F.Y.V.!
That’s it for this week, kids. I need to go find a tissue. Holy shit, my sides hurt.
HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH HEE HEEEE HAAA!
Fuck I love my readers.
<snort>
West Azeroth Story, Act 3
The curtain rises. Spotlights illuminate the left and right sides of the stage separately, as Garrosh leads the Horde forces across the Barrens on one side and Varian leads the Alliance from Theramore.
{QUINTET}
HORDE:
The Horde is gonna have its day
Tonight.
The Horde is gonna have its way
Tonight.
Alliance think we’re jokin’, no doubt,
But once their king is broken,
We’re kicking them out.ALLIANCE:
We’re gonna look ’em in the eyes
Tonight.
We’re gonna cut ’em down to size
Tonight.
We told ’em they could can it: war cries.
We’ll kick ’em off our planet
Once Garrosh, he dies
Tonight.HORDE:
We’re gonna stop it tonight,
We’re going to drive them off and take Kalimdor!ALLIANCE:
We’ll turn the tables tonight,
We can’t afford to mess around anymore –
Green-skins invade us!HORDE:
The Legion made us!
But this time we’re the ones who’ll finish this war!ALL:
Tonight!
A spotlight illuminates a Theramore courtyard at stage right, where Jaina is seen with Rhonin.
JAINA:
I really do not like this plan
Tonight.
Things really could get out of hand
Tonight.RHONIN:
They’ll show up for the battle:
Brief truce.
With you there, maybe that’ll
Give an excuse
Tonight?Jaina nods to Rhonin and rushes out.
A spotlight illuminates Mokvar crossing the Southfury River into the Barrens.
MOKVAR:
Tonight, tonight,
This stinks like saronite.
Tonight the flames of war could be fanned.
Tonight, tonight,
When our two leaders fight,
That Malkorok may have something planned.One more spotlight illuminates the Theramore tower, where Deliana looks out a window.
DELIANA:
Tonight
The past may come back calling,
The future that we’re stalling,
And now, out of my sight,
There’s such a fright
That what we’ve done is coming to light…HORDE:
The Horde is coming out on top tonght!
We’re gonna watch Varian drop tonight!
They’ll go slow as molasses,
Cry and pout.
The door will hit their asses
On their way out.Garrosh, Malkorok, the rest of the Horde group, and Deliana overlap:
GARROSH:
<to Malkorok> You keep a wide-open eye.
MALKOROK:
Right.
GARROSH:
In case he tries something sly.
MALKOROK:
Right.
GARROSH:
For the Horde!
HORDE:
For the Horde!
MALKOROK:
And they might have a surprise
Tonight.DELIANA:
Tonight, tonight
Our role it might indict,
Tonight the flames of war could be fanned.The Horde, Alliance, Mokvar, Deliana, and Jaina – who is now riding across Dustwallow Marsh – overlap:
HORDE and ALLIANCE:
We’re gonna stop it tonight!
We’re gonna end it tonight!
They’re gonna get it tonight!ALLIANCE:
They invaded,
They invaded,
They invaded.HORDE:
Here we’ve made it,
Here we’ve made it,
Home: we made it.ALLIANCE:
We can’t afford to mess around.
Alliance has to win the day,
Alliance has to find a way.
We’ve got to stop it tonight.HORDE:
We’re gonna grind them to the ground,
The Horde is gonna have its day,
The Horde is gonna have its way.
We’ve got to stop it tonight.JAINA:
Tonight, tonight,
We just might
Have one chance to get it right:
Now Jaina’s got to find a way
To broker peace before the fray:
Will cooler heads carry the day?
Tonight, tonight,
Our future could be bright –
I’ve got to stop it tonight!DELIANA:
Tonight, tonight,
When our two leaders fight,
That Malkorok may have something planned.MOKVAR and DELIANA:
Tonight
The past may come back calling,
The future that we’re stalling,MOKVAR:
And now, within my sight,
DELIANA:
And now, out of my sight,
MOKVAR and DELIANA:
There’s such a fright
That what we’ve done is coming to light…ALL:
Tonight.
Blackout. From either side of the stage, the Horde and Alliance enter the Battlescar in the Southern Barrens. Both groups spread out over their respective sides of the field, then Garrosh and Varian approach each other at center stage, accompanied by Malkorok and Mathias Shaw.
VARIAN: Warchief.
GARROSH: Dickface.
VARIAN: You’re a classy guy, Hellscream, anyone ever tell you that?
GARROSH: I can have them put that on your gravestone if you want.
VARIAN: Are you ready?
GARROSH: To finally put you in the ground? I’ve been ready for that for years.
Varian draws Shalamayne and extends it in front of him.
VARIAN: Your blade?
GARROSH: What about it?
SHAW: If you would let us inspect it for doctoring.
GARROSH: What the hell are you implying?
VARIAN: We’re not implying anything. It’s just customary to examine each other’s weapons so we can see no one is—
MALKOROK: The two-legged rodent is suggesting you would poison your blade, Warchief. For that alone this mongrel will—
GARROSH: You DARE insinuate I would cheat, human?
VARIAN: Obviously, Garrosh, you would never employ questionable methods when faced with honorable combat. Nevertheless.
Varian gestures with Shalamayne. Garrosh grumbles, then begrudgingly draws Gorehowl and holds it in front of him.
SHAW: Thank you, Warchief.
VARIAN: Now then.
GARROSH: Have your people stand back, Varian. This is between you and me.
VARIAN: You do the same.
Garrosh waves to the Horde group, which steps back and spreads in a semicircle from the side of the stage to the background. Varian signals to the Alliance members, who mirror the Horde’s movements.
MALKOROK: Now – begin!
Garrosh and Varian rush at each other and begin to fight as furious music swells. They lunge and parry, circle around the middle of the stage, and match each other’s moves in rhythm with the music. As the duel unfolds, the spectators begin to shout and cheer for their respective leader, until the cacophonous yells begin to blend into a rhythmic chanting that becomes a counterpoint to the music.
Several times over the course of the fight, Garrosh and Varian lock weapons until one of them shoves the other back toward one side of the stage. Each time, they circle around then resume their clash at center stage.
Slowly, in the background, Malkorok begins to make his way closer to the Alliance side of the circle. From under his cloak, he withdraws a long dagger, shining with a sickly green gleam.
Mokvar enters at the edge of the stage. As he arrives, Garrosh and Varian lock blades and rotate around as each tries to outmuscle the other. Garrosh finally gains the upper hand and flings Varian back toward the Alliance side. Malkorok moves toward him from behind, dagger in hand.
MOKVAR: No! Look out!
Mokvar runs to center stage and tackles Varian to the ground, in the process knocking him out of the way of Malkorok’s stab.
FALSTAD: They’re attackin’ His Majesty!
SHAW: That one had a dagger!
MALKOROK: <recovering himself> That treasonous scribe! He’s helping the human!
SHANDRIS: They were never going to honor the duel!
GARROSH: Mokvar! You! If I didn’t see it with my own eyes…!
The two sides rush at each other and begin fighting, largely in the background. At center stage, Garrosh dodges a few Alliance swings, then grabs Mokvar and holds him by his neck while drawing Gorehowl back.
GARROSH: You…traitorous…!
As Garrosh prepares to swing, Varian grabs him from behind – jarring Garrosh enough to make him lose his grip on Mokvar – and plunges Shalamayne through his back and out of his chest.
GARROSH: <looking down at the blade> Oh for fuck’s sake…AGAIN?
MOKVAR: Oh…oh crap…
GARROSH: Also, how come this doesn’t actually hurt? I mean I know I’m badass and all, but…
BARNES: <from offstage> It’s just a glamour, you silly actor – special effects can’t really hurt you.
GARROSH: I… <looking around> Oh…
BARNES: Now stop breaking the fourth wall and get back to your scene!
GARROSH: Aren’t YOU the one—
BARNES: Action!
GARROSH: <sighs> Fine. <flatly> Oh I am slain. Oh agony. Now I shrug off this mortal coil, it is to laugh, the end. And shit.
Garrosh drops to the ground, where he lays mostly still while making a half-hearted attempt to play dead. Around him the fighting rages on between the Horde and Alliance.
LIADRIN: Garrosh!
DONTRAG: He killed the Warchief!
UTVOCH: You bastard!
VARIAN: Victory! Hellscream has fallen! For the Alli—
Garona unstealths behind Varian and stunlocks him, then unleashes a flurry of blows until he drops to the ground.
GARONA: House of Wrynn! Two generations running! Tell Anduin to sleep lightly! Booyah!
Garona stealths again. The two sides continue to battle frantically.
MALKOROK: Now! With Wrynn slain! Now, shamans, show the dogs the first of our surprises!
A handful of dark-clad shaman emerge from the Horde group and begin channeling spells. Several of the surrounding boulders begin to glow, then rise up as molten giants and begin to attack the Alliance.
Jaina enters.
JAINA: By the Light! What’s happening here?!
FALSTAD: The devils ’a broken the agreement!
SHAW: They’ve killed Varian!
The molten giants stomp on several Alliance soldiers and send the group scattering.
JAINA: We have to get out of here! Everyone to me!
The Alliance rush to Jaina, who teleports them away. The shaman stop channeling their spells, and the molten giants collapse back into boulders.
MALKOROK: Horde! The Alliance flees, but they will not escape! Quickly, to Brackenwall Village! We will regroup and bring the fight to them! For the Horde!
The Horde exits, leaving the stage empty save for the bodies of Garrosh and Varian. The stage lights lower, save for dim lights still illuminating the bodies.
GARROSH: Well that sucked.
VARIAN: Yeah, it kind of did.
GARROSH: Yeah.
VARIAN: Still, though…
GARROSH: What?
VARIAN: For the record, I got you.
GARROSH: Fuck you, Varian.
Blackout. In a Theramore tower, Deliana paces the room.
Jaina enters.
DELIANA: Jaina! What happened?
JAINA: <sighs> Varian is dead.
DELIANA: What?! How? You mean now we have to…?
JAINA: It’s not that simple. Varian is dead, but so is Garrosh. I’m still not sure how it all happened – by the time I got there, things had already—
A knock at the door is heard.
JONATHAN: <outside> Lady Proudmoore!
JAINA: Come in, General.
The door opens and General Marcus Jonathan enters, along with Jaina’s night elf bodyguard Pained; the pair holds Mokvar captive.
JONATHAN: Lady Proudmoore, this orc was found lurking outside the city. He didn’t resist capture, but he did insist on speaking with you.
DELIANA: Mokvar!
JAINA: You know him, Deliana?
PAINED: You should be more selective in your friends. Shandris says this is one of the orcs that helped kill Varian.
DELIANA: He what?
MOKVAR: That’s…not entirely accurate.
JONATHAN: That’s enough from you, orc.
DELIANA: There has to have been some mistake.
JONATHAN: There were several, starting with the decision to trust these green-skinned—
JAINA: That’s enough, General. You can leave us. I’d like to have a few words with the prisoner.
JONATHAN: As you wish.
JAINA: You too, Pained. Please wait outside.
PAINED: With all due respect, my lady, my place is—
JAINA: Is where I tell you to go, Pained. I can take care of myself.
PAINED: Yes, ma’am.
Jonathan and Pained exit. Jaina turns to Deliana.
JAINA: How long have you known him?
DELIANA: We go back quite a few years.
JAINA: You trust him?
DELIANA: I’ve spent the last six years hiding in Ironforge for safety. I think he did more to protect me from Orgrimmar in that time than any of the dwarves ever did.
JAINA: <turns to Mokvar> They say you attacked Varian. Here’s your chance to explain.
MOKVAR: I jumped him. That much is true. But I wasn’t attacking him. I was trying to push him out of the way of the one who was.
JAINA: Who, Garrosh? Why would you try to swing the duel against the Horde?
MOKVAR: No, not Garrosh. If it was just him and Varian, I would have stayed out of it. It was Malkorok. He was about to stab Varian from behind.
DELIANA: Malkorok… Of course it was Malkorok.
MOKVAR: It ended up backfiring. Both sides thought I was working against them, and in the chaos, Garrosh was killed. And by that point I don’t think anyone was interested in honoring the terms of the duel.
JAINA: I don’t even know how many on our side will be willing to listen to reason now.
DELIANA: Jaina, can’t you rein them in? You’d have to be one of the highest ranking people left.
JAINA: I can try, but I don’t know how much good it will do. With Anduin still a boy, there’s no clear line of succession, so right now I’m merely one in a sea of voices.
MOKVAR: The Horde is having its own problems with succession, only worse. It looks like Malkorok is effectively taking over.
DELIANA: Oh no…
JAINA: Who is this Malkorok?
MOKVAR: A Blackrock orc who used to work for Rend Blackhand. At least he gave the appearance of it. I don’t think he ever really served anyone or anything other than his own agenda.
JAINA: I take it having him leading the Horde would be bad news for all involved.
MOKVAR: Let’s put it this way. I know Garrosh was no bargain. But this guy? Malkorok would make Garrosh look like Thrall.
JAINA: Do you think there are others in the Horde who will still resist him?
MOKVAR: I know there are others who won’t be thrilled to have him in charge. The only question is whether Malkorok’s managed to scare them into submission.
JAINA: Then you need to go do what you can while there are some who’ll still listen. And if not…
Jaina reaches into a pocket and produces a small, smooth stone with totemic markings, then slips it into Mokvar’s hand.
…I think you know what this is for.
Mokvar nods. Jaina starts to channel a spell, and a portal appears in the room.
Go now – hurry.
MOKVAR: What will you tell the others?
JAINA: You let me worry about that.
DELIANA: Stay safe, Mokvar.
MOKVAR: I think “safe” is long off the board for all of us. But it’s partly our fault this is happening.
DELIANA: I know. Be careful.
MOKVAR: Always am.
Mokvar disappears through the portal.
Blackout. In Brackenwall Village, the Horde group arrives, met by Krog and Draz’Zilb.
KROG: Malkorok? What are you all doing here?
MALKOROK: The human king is slain – but not without a cost! The dogs turned on us with aid from one of our own, and murdered the Warchief!
KROG: They what? Garrosh is dead?
MALKOROK: He is…but we will ensure that he soon finds himself in good company.
FARANELL: Wait, didn’t we have an agreement with the Alliance that the duel would decide control of Kalimdor? And, well, Varian did kill Garrosh before—
Malkorok steps up to Faranell quickly and knocks him down with a vicious blow.
MALKOROK: Unless you wish to lose more pieces of that rotting corpse you call a body, mage, I recommend you choose your words carefully.
Malkorok glares around as some of the group exchange looks in uneasy silence.
UTVOCH: I can’t believe the Warchief died…
DONTRAG: What are we doing now?
DRAZ’ZILB: Surely we can’t let the Warchief’s death go unanswered!
MALKOROK: Nor will we! Listen to me, soldiers of the Horde! I had little doubt the Alliance pigs would show their true colors in this affair, but we will see to it that they pay for their treachery!
Mokvar enters.
Oh, and speaking of treachery! Here’s the dog who turned on his own Warchief to lend aid to the human! Seize him!
Mokvar is apprehended by a pair of Kor’kron and brought closer to the group.
MOKVAR: It’s funny how selective your memory is, Malkorok. I’m a traitor for helping Varian, but you’re awfully quick to gloss over what I was helping him against – we both know it wasn’t Garrosh.
MALKOROK: You think I hide my role, scribe? Hardly – I take pride in it! I came to the aid of my Warchief; you came to the aid of his mortal enemy. Tell me again which of us here should hang his head!
LIADRIN: Wait, you were interfering with the fight? It was supposed to be honorable combat!
MALKOROK: You will be silent, elf!
Malkorok steps toward Liadrin and throws a punch at her; she deflects it with a paladin bubble, then stuns Malkorok with a Hammer of Justice.
LIADRIN: Now now, didn’t your mother teach you not to hit a lady? She would be ashamed.
MALKOROK: <seething as he collects himself> She taught me to crush my foes.
LIADRIN: Then she would be doubly ashamed if the lady in question were to beat you down.
MOKVAR: That’s why I jumped in – to keep him from ambushing Varian and—
MALKOROK: And slaying the leader of our enemy! Are you fool enough to think you serve our Warchief by saving his nemesis?
MOKVAR: Garrosh Hellscream had many failings, but he believed in honor. At least until he started having his steps shadowed by the likes of you.
MALKOROK: In battle, nothing is more honorable than victory.
MOKVAR: Funny, I can think of at least one victory Garrosh would have gladly given back…
MALKOROK: Keep spinning your words, scribe – it’s what a coward like you does, isn’t it?
Malkorok turns to the rest of the group.
The rest of you – what I am calling for is not words. Your fallen Warchief did not spend his days dawdling over words. He sought action. For the safety of the Horde! For the glory of the Horde! So let this scribe lull you into submission with his words – I call on you to act! To avenge your leader! To finally strike the human disease that has too long infected this continent. Will you join me? Or will you sit here, and bandy about words, and wring your hands over niceties – until the Alliance again show themselves for what they are, and again come to enslave our people, and again leave the ground stained with orcish blood?
Many of the Horde troops, including most of the Kor’kron, start to shout in support.
Good! That is the Horde I know! Now, all of you! Follow me, and we will show the Alliance what becomes of those who draw our wrath! To Theramore! More surprises await the humans…
DRAZ’ZILB: None greater than how quickly they’ll fall before us!
KROG: Hell yeah, we’ll roll over the humans so fast they won’t even know what hit them!
MALKOROK: Oh no, soldiers, not quickly – quick is painless. And these humans must be made to suffer for their crimes against our people!
DRAZ’ZILB: Now you’re talking my language!
DONTRAG: <aside> Does this seem a little strange to you?
UTVOCH: <aside> All I know is they killed the Warchief… I guess it makes sense to go after them…
MALKOROK: Every pain these humans have brought to us will be repaid tenfold tonight! You want to avenge your Warchief? Then leave your pity and your mercy here – bring only your rage and your cruelty!
{CRUEL}
MALKOROK:
Horde, Horde, angry Horde,
Get cruel, Horde!
Vow again, gents, for your vengeance,
Get cruelly cruel, Horde!
Don’t relent, ’cause we have spent
Too long holding back.
Set in mind that humankind
Is overdue for some cruel payback.Horde, Horde, vengeful Horde!
Stay fierce, Horde!
From the skies comes their demise,
Bring them to tears, Horde!
Fight, Horde, fight,
Each human we’ll smite, each fool floored.
Unleash, be cruel, Horde,
Real cruel.Mokvar, Liadrin, and Faranell watch the rest of the group march off behind Malkorok.
LIADRIN: I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think I’m actually glad Garrosh didn’t live to see this…
MOKVAR: Yeah…
Mokvar tries to take a step, but is restrained by the two Kor’kron who’ve remained behind, and are still holding him.
<looking back and forth between the Kor’kron> Huh.
One of the Kor’kron slumps over, sapped.
KOR’KRON #2: What the—?
The other Kor’kron turns into a sheep in a puff of smoke.
FARANELL: That’s better.
Garona unstealths behind the sapped guard.
GARONA: You really have a way with people, Mokvar.
MOKVAR: I know, right? Still…thanks for sticking with me. All of you.
LIADRIN: I think we’re about to be outcasts among the outcasts.
FARANELL: Eh. You get used to it.
MOKVAR: I was hoping there would be more who would listen…
LIADRIN: Right now they don’t know what to think. So most of them aren’t.
FARANELL: And the rest of them are Dontrag and Utvoch. So, you know…
GARONA: What was that business about the surprise for Theramore?
LIADRIN: I don’t know, but…wait…that part about it coming from the skies…
FARANELL: What are you thinking?
LIADRIN: <looks up> There’s been a goblin sky galleon circling around the western Barrens all night…
FARANELL: Sending troops in by parachute?
GARONA: He would send a gunship for that. A galleon isn’t designed for troop deployment, just…payload.
LIADRIN: I think he’s planning to use a bomb…
MOKVAR: Jaina’s trying to calm the Alliance down and get them to listen to reason, but that’s off the board if Malkorok escalates things even more.
FARANELL: Remember when this cunning plan was going to spare us a big, messy, drawn-out war?
MOKVAR: I’m hoping we can still limit the damage…
LIADRIN: What do you have in mind?
MOKVAR: For starters – Garona, can you stealth into Theramore? We need you to warn them about what Malkorok’s doing.
GARONA: Wait, you want to warn the Alliance that a Horde attack is coming?
LIADRIN: To keep all of this from getting any further out of hand than it already is.
MOKVAR: And to let them see that not all of the Horde has gone crazy.
GARONA: Ugh, fine. I’ll get in and try to warn them.
LIADRIN: What about Edwin and I? What do you want us to do?
MOKVAR: Run.
LIADRIN: What?
FARANELL: I can handle that.
MOKVAR: Get back to the Eastern Kingdoms.
LIADRIN: Why? We should do something to help here.
FARANELL: Don’t argue with the man. Not-here sounds terrific.
MOKVAR: Look, there’s no telling how much uglier this is going to get for us. If things really go bad in Kalimdor, we need some good people still standing over on the other continent.
LIADRIN: There’s still Sylvanas and Lor’themar to run things there.
MOKVAR: You mean Miss “When in Doubt, Throw More Plague on It”—
FARANELL: You do realize who she has in charge of making all the plague, right?
MOKVAR: —and Mr. “Does Anyone Actually Know Who I Am, and By the Way Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat”?
LIADRIN: Seriously, why does no one ever remember who Lor’themar is?
GARONA: Who?
LIADRIN: <sigh>
MOKVAR: Liadrin, really, I know you want to help, but right now the best way for you to do that is by getting somewhere safe.
LIADRIN: What are you going to do?
MOKVAR: <taking out the stone he’d received from Jaina> I’ve got one more card to try playing.
LIADRIN: Whatever it is, good luck.
MOKVAR: To all of us.
Garona stealths and sneaks off; Faranell teleports himself and Liadrin away. Mokvar holds out the stone, channels a spell for several seconds, then disappears in a green flash.
Blackout. In Theramore, Jaina joins Deliana in the tower above.
JAINA: You haven’t moved since Mokvar left.
DELIANA: <shrugs> As long as I keep looking and not seeing anything, then nothing else is coming apart.
JAINA: Hopefully he’ll be able to convince them.
DELIANA: Hopefully. Thank you for being willing to listen to him.
JAINA: I’ve been rumored to know what it’s like to trust an orc when it’s not a terribly popular thing to do.
Rhonin enters. As he does, stagelights illuminate the Theramore courtyard below, where Garona unstealths. The scene below unfolds as the conversation in the tower continues: Garona is immediately attacked by Pained, Shaw, and a few of the Theramore guards; she attempts to fend off their attacks without actively striking anyone, while trying to talk, but to no avail; eventually more Alliance troops mob her, beating her viciously.
JAINA: Rhonin – any luck calming them down?
RHONIN: <shaking head> No more than you’ve had so far. This entire turn of events is proof of why both sides should have listened when we tried to start peace talks.
JAINA: I don’t think listening was ever the strong suit of either of the leaders involved.
RHONIN: Still, I’m hopeful that given a chance to calm down, they’ll eventually be willing to reconsider.
JAINA: The question is whether they’ll give themselves that chance to calm down.
RHONIN: You think they might do something rash?
JAINA: If they don’t, the Horde might. Either way, we all lose.
Falstad and Jonathan drag a bloodied Garona up to the tower and enter, followed closely by Pained and Shaw.
JONATHAN: Lady Proudmoore, we have another Horde captive!
JAINA: What…what did you do to her?
SHAW: Nothing these orcs don’t deserve.
FALSTAD: Aye, the troops made sure this one’d be takin’ some partin’ gifts, if’n she escapes…
JAINA: This… Is this what it’s come to now? Is this what we’ve reduced ourselves to?
PAINED: We didn’t start this war, my lady.
GARONA: <halting> No…but Malkorok…is coming…coming to finish it.
JAINA: Malkorok! He’s still in charge? Mokvar couldn’t stop him?
GARONA: He…he tried… And then he…he sent me to…to warn you…to… <looks around disgustedly> …to save you…
JAINA: Warn us about what? What is Malkorok doing?
SHAW: <shoving Garona> Answer her, orc!
JAINA: Let her!
GARONA: Malkorok…Malkorok is bringing the Horde to…to attack Theramore…and… <spits out blood, then looks around again angrily> He’s throwing the whole force at the north gate…
PAINED: We can pull everyone into the keep and fortify it, my lady – they’ll never get past the walls without siege engines.
SHAW: Still, I’d recommend sending out an advance force to intercept, maybe thin out their numbers before they can get here.
JAINA: See to that, Mathias. While you go out to meet them, we’ll make sure the city is sealed up tightly. General Jonathan?
JONATHAN: Yes, Lady Proudmoore?
JAINA: I want you, General Redmane, and Admiral Aubrey coordinating the defenses here. I’ll speak to Rhonin about setting up some spells to reinforce the outer gates.
JONATHAN: Yes, ma’am. I’ll relay your orders.
Jonathan runs out. As he releases his grip on Garona, she jerks to one side and pulls free of Falstad’s grip, then stealths.
FALSTAD: Dammit! Where’d tha’ one go?
PAINED: We’re having a very bad day with prisoners today…
JAINA: Never mind that – everyone get to work preparing for the attack.
The other officers exit.
I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this…
DELIANA: I think I see them coming…
JAINA: <sighs> I’d better get down there, then…
Jaina exits; Deliana continues watching from the window.
Blackout. In Dustwallow Marsh, near Theramore, Malkorok enters with the rest of the Horde force, stage left. From stage right, an Alliance group enters, led by Falstad, Shandris, and Shaw.
SHANDRIS: There they are! Stop them! For the Alliance!
The Alliance rushes at the Horde and the two sides begin fighting. Malkorok stands back, surveying the battle and watching the sky. As the fighting rages on, he fires a flare into the sky; after a moment, a blinding burst of light flashes from offstage to the right, as an enormous explosion is heard. The blast throws several of the Alliance on the right side of the stage a good distance to the left, and many of them sprawl on the ground unconscious.
MALKOROK: HAHA! There! It is done! See what becomes of the enemies of the Horde, Alliance dogs! Now, quickly, finish them all, and—
MOKVAR: <offstage> Not so fast!
Mokvar enters in ghost wolf form from stage left, closely followed by Vol’jin mounted on a raptor and Baine Bloodhoof on a kodo.
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon, dere been enough killin’ already taday!
MALKOROK: You! I see the traitor has made friends among the malcontents! No matter, troll, you can watch and learn how—
BAINE: We will watch nothing other than you standing down!
MALKOROK: Stand down! Do you think yourself Warchief now, tauren? Is that an order?
BAINE: No, Malkorok, I know I’m not Warchief. <stares Malkorok down a moment> And yes, that’s an order.
From stage right, Jaina staggers in unsteadily.
Lady Proudmoore!
SHANDRIS: <pulling herself up slowly> Jaina…you…you survived…!
JAINA: Rhonin…Rhonin ported me out of the city at the last second… But he…he…
MOKVAR: <looking offstage to the right> Liana…?
JAINA: <looking back> My…my city…my people… They’re…they’re…
MALKOROK: Enough of this! Soldiers of the Horde, this is our moment – strike down your enemies once and for all, and—
BAINE: They will do nothing of the kind, Malkorok!
VOL’JIN: You be done givin’ orders, mon!
MALKOROK: And who will, troll? You? You think you have any authority to take over here?
VOL’JIN: Funny ting you be askin’, mon.
Another ghost wolf enters behind Vol’jin, Baine, and Mokvar.
I ain’t da one who be takin’ over.
The ghost wolf moves to center stage and transforms into Thrall.
THRALL: I believe you’ve done more than enough today, Malkorok.
MALKOROK: So the prodigal shaman returns! No matter!
Malkorok draws his axes and rushes at Thrall. Before he can reach him, Thrall extends one hand and summons a whirlwind that holds Malkorok suspended above the ground.
THRALL: I’ve faced far more imposing threats than you. More menacing and chilling than the likes of you could even imagine.
MALKOROK: <struggling to break out of the whirlwind> Yes, I know all about your battle with Deathwing, shaman…
THRALL: I was talking about Aggra with morning sickness.
Jaina finally pulls her attention away from the ruined city and approaches center stage, looking around angrily.
JAINA: I tried to tell you… And Rhonin… You did this…all of you…did this with your hate… <starts to build a fireball in her hand> Well now I have some hate of my own…
THRALL: Jaina, no!
JAINA: Don’t try to defend him, Thrall! You see what he did here!
THRALL: <glares over to Malkorok, still suspended> I could care less what happens to this…this. But the rest of my people have done nothing.
Jaina continues gathering the fireball in her hand as she eyes Malkorok. In the background, Dontrag and Utvoch can be seen helping Falstad and Shaw to their feet.
JAINA: Get them out of here.
SHAW: But Jaina, they—
JAINA: Today isn’t the day for anyone to argue with me. Get them together and get them away from here, Go’el.
Thrall nods, then gestures to Vol’jin and Baine.
BAINE: All of you, come and come quickly.
VOL’JIN: Time ta make ourselves invisible like da Lich King’s horse!
BAINE: You really need a new joke. Seriously.
The Horde slowly makes its way offstage to the left; Baine and Vol’jin follow them. Mokvar finally pulls himself away from the sight of Theramore and slowly walks across the stage, stopping to stare a moment at Malkorok as he goes, then exits as well. Jaina’s gaze never moves from Malkorok.
JAINA: We’ve all lost a great deal to this conflict… <looks back over her shoulder> All of you…leave us.
The Alliance members trickle out; Shaw is the last one to linger at the edge of the stage.
SHAW: Um, actually, strictly speaking, there isn’t anyplace for us to go to anymo—
JAINA: Get OUT, Mathias.
SHAW: Random swamp wandering it is, yes ma’am.
Shaw exits.
JAINA: You should go, too, Thrall.
THRALL: I suspect there are more than a few pieces to pick up back in Orgrimmar.
JAINA: You should go help pick them up, then.
THRALL: I’m sorry for your people, Jaina.
JAINA: A lot of us are sorry. Or will be.
Thrall releases Malkorok and starts to walk away.
MALKOROK: The great Warchief! That’s it, is it? You side with this human over your own kind!
THRALL: <continuing to walk away without looking back> You are not my kind, Malkorok.
Thrall exits.
MALKOROK: Don’t you walk away from me when I’m—
Malkorok starts to move toward Thrall but is stopped when Jaina unleashes her fireball on the ground in front of him, cutting off his path with a wide patch of flame.
JAINA: Malkorok, is it? I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Jaina Proudmoore. <summons another fireball in her hand> I think it’s time we had a long, long – terribly long, really, and maybe unnecessarily slow – talk.
The curtain closes. Just as it does, a bright red flash can be seen through the heavy cloth, accompanied by an orcish voice crying out. The remaining stage lights go out.
West Azeroth Story, Act 2
The curtain rises to reveal Grommash Hold, where Garrosh is conferring with Eitrigg and Malkorok.
EITRIGG: I still do not like this plan, Warchief. Thrall would never—
MALKOROK: Thrall is not here, old man.
EITRIGG: No…indeed he is not.
GARROSH: This battle will secure the supremacy of the Horde on this continent, Eitrigg, and do it without any loss of men or material.
EITRIGG: If you succeed, Warchief. If you do not—
GARROSH: Do you doubt that I can defeat that human, Eitrigg?
MALKORK: Rest assured, old man, the Warchief will prevail. And even if the impossible happens…well, suffice to say: We are the Horde. Even when we lose, we win.
EITRIGG: What is that supposed to—?
Garona runs in.
GARONA: Warchief! I’ve just returned from Blackrock Mountain!
MALKOROK: What were you doing there, rogue?
GARROSH: I sent her, Malkorok.
GARONA: I investigated, just as you asked, Garrosh.
MALKOROK: What could you possibly have to investigate in that place?
GARROSH: Mokvar.
MALKOROK: That scribe?
EITRIGG: What would Mokvar be doing in Blackrock Mountain?
GARROSH: Good question. What WAS he doing there, Garona?
GARONA: Meeting the human woman, Warchief.
GARROSH: <grumbles> I was afraid of that. What did you find out?
GARONA: I wasn’t able to hear much. Something about someone being untouchable…and assassins…
GARROSH: Assassins?
GARONA: I could make out Mokvar saying they would both be in trouble if anyone found out about them…
MALKORK: The bastard spoke true there.
GARONA: And I think they’re planning to meet again.
GARROSH: Oh good, another rendezvous for the lovebirds…
MALKOROK: More like conspirators, Warchief. Traitors!
EITRIGG: But traitors to whom, if they’re afraid of angering both Horde and Alliance?
MALKOROK: That insipid notetaker was already a traitor the moment he set his gaze on that pink-skinned harlot!
GARONA: He certainly seemed concerned about her welfare.
MALKOROK: He should worry more about his own.
EITRIGG: I would remind you, we still don’t really know what Mokvar is doing.
GARROSH: We know enough to put me in a rotten mood. It would have been bad enough if he were merely having some…revolting affair with this human. But the thought that they might be up to something more than that makes my head spin.
{I FEEL CRANKY}
GARROSH:
I feel cranky,
And quite frankly,
Hanky-panky is rankly dismissed.
And I’ll thank ye
Not to get me any further pissed.I feel surly,
My head’s swirly,
Not too early for a burly street brawl.
And quite surely
Tonight Varian is going to fall.See this angry orc in the war room here?
Wonder how he got so enraged.
Such a cranky mood,
Such a cranky face—GARONA:
Such a—
GARROSH:
Shut up, you,
I won’t be upstaged!I feel vengeful
And vindictive
My revenge will be strict; give this vibe:
I’m betrayed
By a frankly traitorous scribe!EITRIGG:
Will you reconsider this, Warchief?
We do not know nearly enough.
You’ll just set yourself up for more grief;
For all we know, Mokvar’s just affecting a bluff.You think he’s allured?
You think you’re betrayed?
How can we be sure
What game he has played?I plead with you, sir –
You’re so full of wrath.
You once relieved Krom’gar;
Don’t follow his path.MALKOROK:
Keep silent, old man,
Lest you suffer!
That scribe has done
More than enough, sir.Deceitful and vain,
Disloyal as well;
His open disdain
He’s proven full well!GARROSH:
I feel vicious,
And malicious.
This seditious orc surely will pay.
And my wish is
I could get my hands on him today.GARONA:
La la la la…
GARROSH:
I feel spiteful.
I feel hostile.
But tonight we’ll accost all our foes.
While you flank me,
I’ll give Varian one on the nose.GARONA:
La la la la…
GARROSH:
See this angry orc in the war room here?
MALKOROK:
Yes, sir, rightly so!
GARROSH:
You know how he got so pissed off.
EITRIGG:
Sir, I still say—
GARROSH:
Such a cranky mood,
Such a cranky face—EITRIGG:
Please, sir, think again—
GARROSH:
Don’t make me scoff!
MALKOROK: Hah!
GARROSH:
Now I’ll partake,
Feel my rage burn;
Soon Mokvar’ll take a turn for the worst.
But tonight
The Alliance is getting theirs first.MALKOROK: Hah! Music to my ears indeed, sir! Tonight the Alliance finally pays for their insolence, and then we can deal with that insipid, traitorous scribe!
GARROSH: Come along, Malkorok, let’s gather the others and begin the march to the Barrens.
MALKOROK: Of course, Warchief.
GARROSH: Eitrigg, watch over Orgrimmar in our absence. We’ll return soon enough for the first of many victory celebrations.
Garrosh and Malkorok exit.
EITRIGG: <watching them go> I do not know if it was a curse or a blessing that Grom did not live to know his son…
GARONA: The Alliance would be only too happy to wipe us out as well, Eitrigg. Don’t forget how many times Varian has called us monsters.
EITRIGG: And I do not object to defending ourselves against him. But I would prefer not to do so by proving him right.
Mokvar enters.
Mokvar!
GARONA: You!
MOKVAR: Eitrigg, I need to—
Mokvar slumps over as Garona darts around and saps him from behind.
EITRIGG: Garona, what are you doing?!
GARONA: Incapacitating the traitor before he has a chance to—
EITRIGG: To what? Write us a mean letter?
GARONA: Garrosh would have wanted us to—
EITRIGG: Garrosh isn’t here. And we have long since gotten out of the habit of honoring the wishes of our Warchiefs in their absence.
Eitrigg eyes Mokvar carefully.
I would like to hear what he has to say for himself.
A dim spotlight, stage left, illuminates Garrosh and Malkorok marching through Orgrimmar gathering Liadrin, Faranell, Dontrag, Utvoch, and other assorted Horde mainstays.
A moment after the Horde activities come into view, a second dim spotlight, stage right, illuminates Deliana talking in pantomime with Jaina Proudmoore in a Theramore tower. An additional spotlight below them shows Varian making his way among Alliance troops, gathering some – Falstad Wildhammer, Mathias Shaw, Shandris Feathermoon – to join him, while directing others – Horran Redmane, Marcus Jonathan, Tarlen Aubrey – to posts within Theramore.
At center stage, Mokvar regains consciousness and looks around, briefly disoriented.
MOKVAR: I would ask what that was for, but I think I already know that the answer would be.
GARONA: Shouldn’t you be in Blackrock Spire with your lady friend?
MOKVAR: So I’m guessing Deliana and I weren’t the only ones in Blackrock.
GARONA: Sorry if I was spoiling your privacy.
EITRIGG: Garona, enough.
GARONA: Ugh, fine.
MOKVAR: Has Garrosh heard?
EITRIGG: Indeed. You’re fortunate he’s already left for the Barrens…
MOKVAR: So, how pissed is he, on a scale of one to…well…one to Garrosh…?
GARONA: Right now I’d say he’s hovering around Garrosh squared.
MOKVAR: Crap.
GARONA: Seriously. He did a whole musical number about it.
EITRIGG: It likely doesn’t help matters that he has that blasted Malkorok fanning the flames for him.
MOKVAR: Yeah, that’s part of the problem – why I was going to see Deliana in the first place. Well, mostly.
EITRIGG: Mokvar, who is this woman?
MOKVAR: An old friend, from years before I came to Orgrimmar. She and I were in a mercenary company called the Veiled Blade. Years ago, we were hired for a mission in Blackrock Spire. We fought one of Nefarian’s lieutenants there, a drakonid called Lord Valthalak. We killed him…mostly…but after we made off with our loot, his spirit sent spectral assassins after us. That’s when Deliana and I went into hiding – me in Orgrimmar, her in Ironforge.
EITRIGG: And the rest of your group?
MOKVAR: Dead. Mostly, anyway.
EITRIGG: What business do you have with her now? And why all the secrecy?
MOKVAR: Other than her being a human and us being at war?
EITRIGG: I’m not unfamiliar with unlikely friendships.
MOKVAR: I’d thought we’d laid this Valthalak business to rest years ago, but now it looks like those spectral assassins are on the move again. We have no idea why, but we’ve been trying to find out.
EITRIGG: I wish you’d come to us with this first, Mokvar. Garrosh has come to consider you a friend, but the news of you sneaking off to meet with this human…
MOKVAR: Yeah, I know…
EITRIGG: He’s grown belligerent enough of late, with precious few to counter the whispers of that Malkorok urging him headlong into foolish confrontations.
MOKVAR: And that’s the other part of this, Eitrigg.
EITRIGG: What is?
MOKVAR: Malkorok. We’ve met before. <long sigh> In Blackrock Spire.
EITRIGG: You what?
MOKVAR: He can’t be trusted, Eitrigg. I know he has Garrosh’s ear, and that…that’s a problem.
EITRIGG: Mokvar, by the spirits, why haven’t you said anything? Do you have any idea how many of us have prayed for some way to convince Garrosh not to listen to that monster?
MOKVAR: That’s…a long story.
EITRIGG: Right now I don’t think we have much time for it. Garrosh and the devil on his shoulder are on their way to the Barrens now… Mokvar, whatever is in your past, you’ve been nothing but an honorable man since I’ve known you. Answer me: How sure are you about Malkorok? That he’s not to be trusted?
MOKVAR: Rend trusted him all those years ago. And I can tell you for a certainty – he shouldn’t have.
EITRIGG: I was already worried about his role in this spirits-forsaken challenge…
GARONA: You think he has some secret agenda?
MOKVAR: I wouldn’t put it past him.
EITRIGG: Then someone has to intervene. Mokvar, you have to get down there. I know Garrosh won’t be happy to see you, but if he’s walking into something…
MOKVAR: I know.
GARONA: I’ll go with you. Maybe he’ll listen to me.
MOKVAR: Does he ever listen to you?
GARONA: Hey, at least he hasn’t declared his desire to brutally murder me in glorious song in the last fifteen minutes, how about you?
MOKVAR: Also, weren’t you the one ready to stunlock and kill me yourself just a few minutes ago?
GARONA: Yes. And if it turns out that you’re lying, I still can.
MOKVAR: Reassuring.
GARONA: Right now, I can either trust you or not. If I trust you, and I’m wrong, I’ll still be there to stop you and kill you – and don’t think I won’t. But if I ignore you now, and I’m wrong…
EITRIGG: We’re losing valuable time. Hurry, both of you…
MOKVAR: We will. Thanks, Eitrigg.
EITRIGG: You can thank me by not proving me a sentimental old fool for trusting my instincts on you. Go quickly now – lok’tar.
MOKVAR: Lok’tar.
GARONA: Ogar.
Mokvar and Garona exist and Eitrigg begins to pace the room as the lights dim and the curtain closes.
{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 3…}
West Azeroth Story
Barnes walks onstage and a spotlight appears over him.
BARNES: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this evening’s presentation! Tonight we explore a tale of forbidden love! But beware, for not all love stories end happily. As you may find out, sometimes love pricks like a thorn. But don’t take it from me. See for yourself what tragedy lies ahead when the paths of star-crossed lovers meet. And now: On with the show!
Barnes walks offstage. The curtain rises, revealing a farm house with a Horde banner flying behind it. In the foreground, Garrosh enters from stage right, with Mokvar, Garona, Dontrag, Utvoch, Liadrin, and Faranell in formation behind him. As they walk by the farm, they begin snapping their fingers rhythmically in unison. They continue walking until they disappear from view, stage left.
The lights dim for a moment, then come back on, showing that the farm house has been replaced by a blacksmith’s building. Again, a Horde banner flies in the background. Garrosh et al enter stage left, still walking in formation and snapping their fingers in unison. Again they walk across the stage and exit, stage right.
Blackout. This time, the blacksmith building has been replaced by a stable. Garrosh et al enter stage right and walk past the stable, snapping their fingers – then, stopping their snapping, they turn and look back at the Alliance flag flying nearby.
From stage left, Varian Wrynn enters with a group of Alliance – including Jaina Proudmoore, Falstad Wildhammer, and Shandris Feathermoon. The Horde group turns to see them, and the two sides stare each other down for a moment.
As hectic music fills the air, the two groups launch into combat and fight back and forth acrobatically as if dancing to the music.
GARROSH: For the Horde!
ALL HORDE: For the Horde!
VARIAN: For the Alliance!
ALL ALLIANCE: Alliance!
GARROSH: Oh, fuck you, Varian!
VARIAN: This time there’ll be no escape for you, Hellscream!
The two sides continue fighting back and forth in front of the stables.
GARROSH: For fuck’s sake, you idiots, stop fighting in the middle and cap the damn flag!
VARIAN: There’re all here! The mine has to be open, some of you get over there!
LIADRIN: Someone come with me to cover the blacksmith before they get there!
Most of the combatants rush off in different directions, until Garrosh and Faranell find themselves alone with Varian, Jaina, Shandris, and several anonymous Alliance soldiers.
GARROSH: Okay, now to—
FARANELL: Not liking the odds here, boss – lumber mill coming up!
Faranell grabs Garrosh and teleports them both away just as Varian starts to rush at them. Varian looks around, then points at a red-shirted dwarf.
VARIAN: You, fact checker! Watch the stables while we circle around. Let’s go!
Varian and the others rush off, leaving the Wildhammer Fact Checker standing alone by the flag. After a moment, the dwarf lurches forward, stunned, as Garona unstealths behind him and starts stabbing him wildly with two daggers until he collapses to the ground.
GARONA: <turning to the flag> Lok’tar!
Blackout. At the blacksmith, Liadrin and Mokvar fight Shandris and an Alliance soldier, pushing them back until they fight their way offstage to the right.
Blackout. The landscape changes to that of the Isle of Conquest. From stage right, Garrosh, Liadrin, and Dontrag enter, followed by Flastad driving a glaive, with Jaina casting fireballs in support. The Alliance drive the Horde back until they exit to the left.
Blackout. This time the surrounding scenery is that of Wintergrasp. Varian and Jaina enter from stage left, chased by a demonlisher manned by Garrosh, Garona, and Utvoch, plus a catapult driven by Faranell. The Horde continues chasing the Alliance until they all exit, stage right.
Blackout. The scene changes to the Ring of Champions at the Argent Tournament grounds. From opposite sides of the stage, the Horde and Alliance groups rush in and begin fighting across the ring, again moving in rhythm with the music.
After a few minutes of combat, Tirion Fordring enters, runs to the middle of the fray, and emits a burst of light from the Ashbringer that knocks back all the combatants. Tirion looks back and forth at the two groups disapprovingly; they return to their feet and look back at him uneasily.
GARROSH: Oh. Hey.
VARIAN: Greetings, Highlord.
TIRION: If I might have a word, gentlemen.
GARROSH and VARIAN: Oh no.
TIRION: Much hope has been invested in an eventual peace between both your peoples, not least of all by the great archmage Rhonin, in his noble planning of the peace summit in Dalaran that draws near. Indeed, my own friendship with your own kinsman Eitrigg, Warchief Hellscream, stands, if I might dare flatter myself, in illustration of the fellowship that might be wrought between two divergent cultures, and, indeed, worlds—
VARIAN: Look, Tirion—
GARROSH: Seriously, you don’t have to—
TIRION: —one that you both may well benefit to heed. For surely, two such mighty and wise leaders as yourselves cannot but recognize the merit in looking beyond these petty, mutually destructive squabbles—
GARROSH: Dude, really, couldn’t you just let us slowly hack each other to death?
VARIAN: It would be faster and more humane.
TIRION: —in order to secure a lasting stability that would work to both your advantages.
Garrosh and Varian stare at Tirion in silence for several seconds.
GARROSH: Were you done?
TIRION: <sighs> In any case… Under my roof, gentlemen, I trust you will behave yourselves.
VARIAN: Fine, Tirion. I’ll talk to you later. Or try to.
Varian leaves, the other Alliance following close behind. Tirion nods to Garrosh and likewise exits, in the opposite direction.
FARANELL: Well that was arguably needlessly elaborate.
DONTRAG: What’s the plan now, if I might inquire, oh great and nefarious Warchief?
FARANELL: “Nefarious”…?
MOKVAR: Just let him.
UTVOCH: Indeed, sir, are you planning to go through with the peace summit?
GARROSH: Dude, did you just meet me today or something?
FARANELL: Not to mention it would have been a lot easier just to fly up here if that were the case, without having to find parking spaces for all the demolishers.
GARROSH: The only peace I’m interested in with that Alliance scum is the one that will come after we’ve crushed them beneath our boots, and secured the supremacy of the Horde!
DONTRAG: For the Horde!
GARONA: For the Horde!
GARROSH: FOR THE HORDE!
{HORDE SONG}
GARROSH:
When you’re the Horde
You stand mighty and strong!
If the humans come toward,
They won’t be standing long.When you’re the Horde
You’re united and brave,
And across Kalimdor
Full dominion you crave.You’re not backing down,
You’re not intimidated!
You’re green and you’re brown.
(I hope not masticated.)
You’re unabated!If you get bored
Find some humans to slay –
At the end of your sword
Is the end of their days!
Cause we’re the Horde,
Yeah – For the Horde!Now I know Varian, and I’m damn sure he isn’t any more jazzed about this peace conference idea than I am.
LIADRIN: I’ll bet you anything he’s only here at all because Jaina talked him into it.
MOKVAR: Oh, yeah. Talked.
GARROSH: Fuck that shit, Mokvar. That would require the asshole to be able to—
FARANELL: I’m begging you not to finish that sentence.
DONTRAG: So what are we going to do, great and mighty Warchief?
UTVOCH: Are we skipping the peace summit?
GARROSH: Oh no, we’re going to the summit. See, Rhonin’s right about one thing – having our war with the Alliance drag on and on IS a waste. For US, anyway. The sooner it ends – with the Horde victorious – the sooner we can stop losing the lives of so many of our brave soldiers.
GARONA: So what are you planning?
GARROSH: We’ll go to Rhonin’s little conference – and I’m going to challenge Varian to a full-on confrontation. One last glorious battle, to decide the fate of Kalimdor at least, and maybe the entire world, once and for all. With victory for the Horde!
DONTRAG: For the Horde!
UTVOCH: For the Horde!
DONTRAG:
When you’re the Horde
You say “Lok’tar ogar!”
Hey, I’m singing a chord!
I can’t carry it far…UTVOCH:
When you’re the Horde
All’s achievable now!
All the wins that we’ve scored,
Inconceivable—OW!!ALL:
The Horde’s on the move,
Our hearts full of defiance!
We’ve nothing to prove
Once we slay the Alliance,
Down to a science!Here comes the Horde
And here’s where we begin
Charging headlong to war
And you know that we’ll win.Here comes the Horde
And the world’s gonna quake,
First we wiped out Southshore,
Then the Barrens we’ll take.We’re drawin’ the line,
And if they don’t like hurtin’,
They’ll stay on their side,
And if they don’t, it’s certain
For them it’s curtains!Here comes the Horde!
When we reach Dalaran
We won’t sign no accord—UTVOCH:
Isn’t this Karazhan?
GARROSH: <glaring>
Dontrag, I told
You
Once:
WORD
BAN.All exit, and the lights fade. After a few seconds, the lights gradually come up again, revealing a large room in the Violet Citadel of Dalaran. Rhonin paces around the middle of the room.
From stage right, Garrosh enters, followed by Mokvar, Liadrin, Faranell, Garona, Dontrag, and Utvoch.
From stage left, the Alliance contingent enters: Varian Wrynn, Jaina Proudmoore, Tyrande Whisperwind, Prophet Velen, Falstad Wildhammer, Shandris Feathermoon, Master Mathias Shaw, and Deliana.
As both groups enter, Rhonin mills about greeting them. No voices are audible, but it’s clear from the participants’ body language that they’re talking. Occasionally Garrosh is seen smacking Dontrag and/or Utvoch in the head.
From opposite sides of the room, Mokvar and Deliana notice each other, then begin to walk toward each other slowly at center stage. They meet in the middle of the room, just as, in the background, Rhonin waves Garrosh and Varian toward each other.
DELIANA: Mokvar…?
MOKVAR: I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, Liana…
In the background, Garrosh and Varian can be seen talking, growing increasingly animated, while Rhonin appears to try to calm them both down.
DELIANA: I…I was worried about you.
MOKVAR: <nods> I’d heard you were in Ironforge. I’m glad they didn’t get to you.
DELIANA: When the spectral assassins started coming for the others, I recruited help to try to appease Valthalak. I’d hoped they could do it before the assassins came for you, too.
MOKVAR: I did the same. Mostly to protect my own neck, but still.
DELIANA: <chuckles> Not for me? And here I thought I was something special.
MOKVAR: <laughs> Now you sound like my wife.
In the background, Garrosh and Varian storm angrily away from each other, then pause, turn, charge at each other, and start fighting as most of the rest of their respective groups collapse in closer.
DELIANA: Mokvar, something’s wrong.
MOKVAR: <glances over his shoulder at the fight> What was your first hint?
DELIANA: No, I mean…in Ironforge. A few days ago…I saw Theldren.
MOKVAR: What?
In the background, Rhonin jumps in close to Garrosh and Varian, then unleashes a burst of arcane energy that knocks them away from each other.
RHONIN: <muted by distance but audible> We have all lost a great deal in these conflicts – but we stand to lose everything if we do not stop fighting!
Mokvar and Deliana look back to each other; behind them, the two factions mill about on opposite sides of the room, watching each other guardedly.
MOKVAR: Wait…you saw Theldren? Alive?
DELIANA: <nods> He came to see Moira Thaurissan. I don’t know what about.
MOKVAR: I can’t believe he’s still alive…
DELIANA: It worries me. If he came out of hiding…or if he’s decided Blackrock Depths isn’t safe enough anymore as a hiding place…
At the right side of the stage, Dontrag and Utvoch begin to look curiously at Mokvar, pointing at him and gesturing to each other as they appear to talk. (Which they do. Endlessly. Because they’re Dontrag and Utvoch.)
MOKVAR: Liana…I’ve seen something, too.
Mokvar waves her closer; Deliana leans in nearer to him.
DELIANA: What? What’s wrong?
MOKVAR: It’s…him. He’s back. And he’s in Orgrimmar.
DELIANA: Who…? Not Valthalak?
MOKVAR: <shaking head> No, no, not Valthalak, but—
DELIANA: <eyes going wide> Oh…ohh…oh no, no…
To the side, Dontrag and Utvoch are joined by Garrosh.
UTVOCH: <aside> Warchief? What’s going on with Mokvar?
DONTRAG: <aside> He seems to be on pretty…um…good terms with that human.
GARROSH: <aside> Yeah…he does, doesn’t he…
Deliana looks around nervously.
DELIANA: Mokvar, why would he be in Orgrimmar? What is he doing there?
MOKVAR: Bending the Warchief’s ear, mostly…
DELIANA: He…? Oh no…Mokvar…
GARROSH: <aside> Seriously, wasn’t it enough that Thrall had that incomprehensible thing for Jaina? Is this going to be some new thing?
DONTRAG: <aside> Well, begging your pardon, most highly annoyable and punch-titious sir, she…well, she does have nice legs for a human.
UTVOCH: <aside> Eh, doesn’t really do much for me.
DONTRAG: <aside> No, because she doesn’t have hooves, Ut.
DELIANA: Mokvar, what are we going to do?
MOKVAR: I don’t know. He’s managed to get himself into Garrosh’s inner circle somehow. He’s practically become Garrosh’s inner circle. I don’t know if he’s even touchable at this point.
Garona joins Garrosh, Dontrag, and Utvoch.
GARONA: <aside> What are we all looking at?
DONTRAG: <aside> Mokvar putting the moves on some human, we think.
GARONA: <aside> Ugh, really? Why do you orc men always seem to go after everything but orc women?
GARROSH: <aside> You mean based on the example of an orc woman we have on hand?
DELIANA: Mokvar…I’ll try to see if I can learn anything.
MOKVAR: How?
DELIANA: Bodley. I think I may still be able to reach his ghost…
MOKVAR: I’ll see if I can dig up anything on my end. When should we meet again?
DELIANA: Tomorrow? You know where…
MOKVAR: <nods> Be careful.
DELIANA: You too.
Mokvar and Deliana walk cautiously back to their respective sides of the room. The Alliance contingent begins to leave, while Mokvar appears to talk distractedly with Liadrin and Faranell.
GARROSH: I don’t like the looks of this fraternizing with the enemy at all…
MOKVAR: <aside> I’ll talk to you later, Edwin. I think I need a little air.
The lights dim on all but Mokvar as he walks away from the others and leaves. He steps offstage for a moment, then reenters; a spotlight follows him around the stage as he wanders through Dalaran.
{LIANA}
MOKVAR:
A name I never thought I’d hear again…
(Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana)
Since we fled long ago from the heart of a dragon’s den…
(Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana)
Liana!
I saw her again: Deliana.
But now we are aghast:
A shadow of the past
Is here.Liana!
Stay safe, my old friend Deliana.
We may have just delayed
The bane of the Veiled Blade,
I fear.Liana!
Go and seek out the ghost of Bodley,
While I question my contacts broadly.
Liana,
This all played out oddly.
Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana,
Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana, Liana.
All our efforts we’d best redouble:
We might be in a whole lot of trouble.
Liana,
WTB pally bubble…
Liana.A name I never thought I’d hear again…
Liana.Blackout. At Valiance Keep, Varian and the other Alliance members enter.
JAINA: Are you really going to go through with this?
VARIAN: Did I look like I was joking when I agreed to it, Jaina?
JAINA: But one fight to determine the future of a whole continent?
SHANDRIS: It does sound like quite the gamble, Highness.
VARIAN: You sound like you don’t have faith in my chances against Garrosh, Shandris.
SHANDRIS: Hellscream does not have the best track record with regard to honorable combat, Highness.
VARIAN: Hence why I insisted we hold the duel in a setting where we can keep a close eye on him.
FALSTAD: He’ll be tryin’ somethin’ fer sure, Yer Highness, just ye watch.
VARIAN: At least in our own territory, we won’t have to worry as much about the place swarming with orcs.
VELEN: Hang on – swarming with orcs? That sounds like something the Legion would do! The Legion isn’t back, is it?
VARIAN: <rubbing forehead> No, Velen, the Legion isn’t back.
VELEN: You’d tell me, right? I need time to pack.
VARIAN: Believe me, the last thing I would ever do is get in the way of you packing.
JAINA: Speaking of which, if you do lose, do you really plan for us to…go through with it?
VARIAN: I made an agreement, Jaina: one battle, leader against leader, for control of Kalimdor, once and for all. I intend to honor it.
TYRANDE: I don’t much like this business of you gambling with the lands my people have called home for millennia.
VARIAN: Oh, hush, Tyrande.
TYRANDE: …
SHANDRIS: Oh no he didn’t.
TYRANDE: You are not nearly hot enough to get away with talking to me like that!
VARIAN: The point is, I don’t intend to lose. And then you’ll be happy I took up the challenge, when the forests of Ashenvale are no longer crawling with orcs.
VELEN: Crawling with orcs! That’s it, not taking any chances – I’m out! Good luck, people.
Velen exits.
VARIAN: <sighs> Well, they don’t call him Bailin’ Velen for nothing, I suppose.
TYRANDE: Wanting the orcs out is all well and good, but taking such an all-or-nothing risk…
SHAW: Really, I don’t see what you’re so worried about. I mean…it’s just Kalimdor.
TYRANDE: Umm…what?
VARIAN: Seriously.
SHANDRIS: You…can’t be serious.
JAINA: You realize they’ve both lived there for thousands of years, right?
FALSTAD: Maybe ye could use a change o’ scenery, then.
VARIAN: I’m not disputing it would be a loss, but it’s not as if there’s a lot over there that’s irreplaceable…
TYRANDE: Are you not familiar with the World Tree?
SHAW: The one that burned with Archimonde and…hang on…nothing happened?
JAINA: I…don’t believe you three.
VARIAN: Oh, don’t worry about Jaina. She grew up in Kul Tiras and Dalaran but then she decided to go move into her own place and forget her old home.
JAINA: Not true! I remember it well.
{KALIMDOR}
JAINA:
Eastern Kingdoms:
A lovely visit.
I wouldn’t ever want to live it.
Greatest city there you found
Pulled itself out of the ground –
Dalaran’d rather float around!
Half the mountains burning.
Undead plague is churning.
I’ll take kingdom Theramore
(Well, till it ain’t there no more).JAINA, TYRANDE, and SHANDRIS:
I like to be here in Kalimdor.
So much to see here in Kalimdor.
Make the orcs flee out of Kalimdor!VARIAN:
Horde burning trees there in Kalimdor.
JAINA:
Winterspring sledding is so fun!
SHAW:
Look for a flight path – there ain’t none!
SHANDRIS:
Vast tranquil plains under blue sky.
VARIAN:
Barrens chat: listen once, you’ll cry.
JAINA:
Earn gold in Ratchet in Kalimdor.
FALSTAD:
Goblins will snatch it in Kalimdor!
TYRANDE:
Draenei chose to land in Kalimdor.
In the background, the Exodar flies by.
VARIAN: <pointing a thumb at the ship>
Velen just abandoned Kalimdor.
TYRANDE:
Historic places in Felwood.
VARIAN:
Illidan screwed that up real good.
JAINA:
Caverns of Time sifting sand, ha!
SHAW:
One slip and you’re your own grandma.
SHANDRIS:
Ysera greets you in Kalimdor!
FALSTAD:
Devilsaurs eat you in Kalimdor!
TYRANDE:
Night elves defiant in Kalimdor.
VARIAN:
Roaches are giant in Kalimdor.
JAINA:
Out to the forests – a fun romp!
SHAW:
Forests? You’re stuck in a damn swamp!
TYRANDE:
Titan creations in Uldum.
FALSTAD:
Those almost made the world go boom.
VARIAN:
So much frustration in Kalimdor.
Steak rules a nation in Kalimdor.
All your flirtation in Kalimdor!JAINA: <glares and draws a dagger>
You risk castration in Kalimdor.
VARIAN:
You should come back to Kul Tiras.
SHANDRIS:
Not on the map – do they fear us?
VARIAN:
Garrosh will strike if you don’t fly.
JAINA:
Yeah, sure, I’d like to see him try.
Blackout. The stage is illuminated again, gradually, by fiery light, revealing the interior of Blackrock Mountain. Mokvar enters, stage left, and walks amid the rubble and stone, looking around cautiously.
The stage lights become brighter as Mokvar nears center stage, illuminating, above, the balcony leading to Blackrock Spire. From the entrance to the spire, Deliana enters, looking down.
DELIANA: Mokvar!
MOKVAR: <looking up> Liana! Are you all right up there?
DELIANA: Other than a few bruises from the fifteen times I tried to hop over to this blasted balcony and missed? Peachy.
MOKVAR: Yeah, I’m not taking my chances. Knowing my luck I’m liable to fall in the lava.
DELIANA: Does anyone know you’re here?
MOKVAR: No. You can tell that by the fact that I am here, and not dead.
DELIANA: <nods> I had to sneak out as well… I suspect Varian would be none too pleased if he knew I was meeting you.
MOKVAR: I’m pretty sure “none too pleased” would be the best case scenario with Garrosh.
DELIANA: Have you found out anything?
MOKVAR: Nothing very much. I’ve had to be fairly careful with my asking around, so I haven’t been able to dig as much as I’d like. I know Malkorok turned up in Orgrimmar some months ago, and rose through the ranks quickly. But nobody seems to know where he came from. Well, other than the obvious.
DELIANA: <nods> I can’t understand how he won Garrosh’ trust so quickly.
MOKVAR: How did he win Rend’s?
DELIANA: And how did that work out?
MOKVAR: I know… What about you? Were you able to…?
DELIANA: Yes… <sighs>
MOKVAR: The fact that you’re stopping there tells me it’s bad news.
DELIANA: Not much to go on, but it doesn’t sound good. I was only able to make contact briefly, but…there have been spectral assassins here. Leaving the spire. For the first time in years…
MOKVAR: There’s…about half a dozen ways to account for that, and none of them are good.
DELIANA: I know.
MOKVAR: Anything else?
DELIANA: That’s it so far. <sigh> I’d really hoped this was over years ago.
MOKVAR: So did I.
DELIANA: I suppose you reap what you sow, though, don’t you…
MOKVAR: Yeah… Well, what’s done is done. Nothing to be done about it now.
DELIANA: I know. Still, I wish I could just go back in time sometimes.
MOKVAR: No, you don’t. Trust me. It’s more headaches than it’s worth.
DELIANA: What do we do now?
MOKVAR: I’ll try to call in a few more of my contacts…I’ve got a few people still who owe me favors. Check around too, if you can…
DELIANA: I will. I’ll find a way to contact you one way or another in the next day or two.
MOKVAR: Be careful. If the wrong people find out what we’re doing, they’re not going to care what it is we’re actually talking about.
DELIANA: I know. Watch out for yourself, Mokvar.
MOKVAR: Have been for years. Stay safe, Liana.
Liana nods, then waves, and disappears into the spire doorway. Mokvar watches her go, looks around uneasily, and exits, stage right.
After Mokvar leaves the stage, a low whooshing sound is heard. To the left side of the stage, near one of the large stone blocks, Garona unstealths. She peers across the stage to the right side, a look of concern on her face, then stealths again.
The curtain closes.
{TO BE CONTINUED IN ACT 2…}
Two if by sea
Okay, so that didn’t exactly go the way I drew it up on the chalkboard.
Things started off well enough. When the troll scout showed up with word that Alliance ships were headed to Durotar, I took off with Malkorok for Bladefist Bay and sent word to our own ships — including the ones anchored down at Northwatch Hold — to get back here to help with the defense. The only boat at Bladefist Bay when I arrived was a goblin ship — you know, that rickety-looking one that ALWAYS seems to be there. I commandeered it and headed out with Malkorok and a contingent of Kor’kron to meet our ships on the way up from Northwatch.
When we met the other ships — a handful of them, but enough — we could see the Alliance fleet approaching. That’s when I rolled out the surprise welcoming committee for Varian and his boys, courtesy of my shaman. From our ships, they started working their magic, and from the depths of the ocean summoned up kraken. Eight of them, to be exact — vast and hulking and totally, utterly at our command.
The Alliance fleet hardly even knew what hit it.
While the kraken were reducing the enemy ships to flotsam, I decided I wanted to smack a few humans down myself before it was too late, so I pulled my ship alongside one of theirs and jumped over. After I’d taken down a few of the crew I got an extra treat — this was the royal flagship, and lo and behold, up close and personal and ready to have at it, there was Varian Wrynn. We traded blows, just enough for me to REALLY start to look forward to finishing him off once and for all (by the way, fuck you, Varian), but then our battle was interrupted by one of the kraken smashing the flagship to splinters.
I swam back to one of our ships and took in the sight. The kraken were reducing the Alliance fleet to ruins. Only a handful of their ships remained. Alliance survivors from the devastated ships were swimming frantically for the few that were still afloat, while many more of their comrades were well on their way to a fitting end as fish food.
It was all coming together right before my eyes. This was how it would begin. The death of Varian, the fall of the Alliance, the end of any delusion they might ever have had that they could stand against us. Four Horde ships against a dozen or more, victorious with barely a scratch.
And then.
I’d rather not even think about it. But here goes.
I didn’t fully realize what was going on at first. A blue dragon flew over us — it looked like the one we’d seen and wounded on the way to Theramore, and seemed to be carrying a humanoid. And then, all of a sudden, dozens — no, hundreds — of water elementals started to emerge from the sea and swarmed over the kraken, wearing them down and, eventually, killing them, one by one. The dragon continued to fly back and forth, and on one pass, I finally managed to see who it was carrying — Jaina Proudmoore, alive after all. This was her handiwork. Just before she moved too far out of view, I managed to make out a small, pulsing, glowing blue sphere in her hands.
The Focusing Iris.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I mean, come on, Focusing Iris, elementals, can’t fucking ANYONE get their own ideas anymore?
Anyway, I wasn’t about to risk letting the situation at sea get any further out of control. We’d still essentially neutralized an Alliance offensive that had greatly superior numbers, not to mention put their navy back a good number of ships, so if we needed to pull back at that point to regroup, so be it. We turned back and made our way to Bladefist Bay, while the few remaining Alliance ships took off as well. Only problem is, from what we could see, the Alliance ships weren’t sailing due east, like they would if they were planning to head straight back to Stormwind. They were sailing south.
As soon as we landed, I called together as many soldiers as I could gather quickly, plus Vol’jin and Baine, who’d heard what was going on and had come to meet me at the bay. We’re heading down to the Barrens to Northwatch Hold. I’ll update again soon. I’m starting to think that when I do, I’ll be in a very foul mood.
The Razor Hill incident
The party’s still going strong throughout Orgrimmar, but this afternoon I’ve been taking a break from eating, drinking, and making merry to tend to a little business. There have been a few internal security reports from Malkorok that I’ve been needing to go over, but one in particular that came in this morning that I’ve been focusing on.
ATTN: Garrosh Hellscream, glorious Warchief of the Horde
RE: Razor Hill and related investigations
Local security reported last night’s destruction of Razor Hill Inn by explosion. Full investigation conducted earlier today. Findings, conclusions, and recommendations detailed below.
FINDINGS:
- Initial report submitted by Orgnil Soulscar at 11:00 PM. Eyewitnesses place explosion at approximately 10:15 to 10:30 PM.
- At time of explosion, innkeeper Grosk was outside inn, disposing of trash. Explosion threw innkeeper several yards away; suffered multiple light to moderate injuries.
- Forensics indicate explosion originated from within inn. Remnants of several frag grenades recovered, most from tavern, some from remains of upstairs area.
- Recovered grenade fragments appear goblin in design, with signs of poor construction.
- Total 26 bodies recovered from all areas of inn: 2 orc; 4 goblin; 7 tauren; 8 troll; 3 blood elf; 2 forsaken.
- Among bodies positively identified: Captains Frandis Farley, Undercity; Kelantir Bloodblade, Silvermoon.
CONCLUSIONS:
- Blast appears to have occurred as a result of poorly constructed explosives stored improperly in upstairs room of inn. Possible amateurish work by engineering trainee or carelessness by inexperienced soldier. Both would be frequent denizens of Razor Hill based on typical town demographics.
- Explosion likely exacerbated by several kegs of alcoholic beverages stored haphazardly in tavern.
- No indications of foul play; however, possibility of Alliance sabotage or treasonous insurgent activity cannot be ruled out 100%.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Review training programs for Horde recruits in use and storage of military explosives. Possibly expand requirement of these training programs to ensure all soldiers and conscripts are adequately knowledgeable on proper handling of ordnance.
- Continued follow-up investigation among related parties, particularly trolls and tauren, in light of recent conspicuous absence of Vol’jin and Baine Bloodhoof from both Orgrimmar and Razor Hill.
- Reassignment of one to two Kor’kron-trained security personnel to outlying towns and outposts. Ideally all such locations, staff permitting; at minimum, all outposts in close proximity to Orgrimmar or other capital cities.
- Payment to innkeeper Grosk, as generously as budget will permit, of reimbursement for property damage, rebuilding, and pain and suffering. It would be a shame for a loyal citizen to lose his livelihood through no fault of his own.
As always, any further discoveries will be brought to the Warchief’s attention immediately.
Case classified as CLOSED, with allowance for subsequent addenda.
–Malkorok of the Kor’kron High Guard.
I’ve read over the report a couple times, and I’ll tell you right now, there’s more than one part of this whole thing that doesn’t sit right with me. Not least of all the fact that Kelantir was one of the deaths. She trained under Liadrin, so I kind of feel like after everything we’ve been through lately, I owe it to Liadrin to deliver that news myself. Not looking forward to that conversation.
Malkorok seems pretty satisfied with his investigation – if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s covering all his bases, not to mention how fast he turned this report around – but he also mentioned some followup work in there. Might be something to be said for due diligence. In fact, I may see about sending a personal messenger down to Brackenwall Village while we still have some people doing a little back-and-forth in Dustwallow.
Hang on. Visitor.
So that was a troll scout, with news of the urgent variety.
The Alliance is coming.
Naval scouts have just reported an Alliance fleet approaching Bladefist Bay – dozens of ships, including one marked as a royal flagship. Which can mean only one thing: Varian.
The messenger was all worked up and panicking – as it this was a bad thing. Me, I could barely contain my excitement. I’d just assumed I would have to go to Stormwind in order to give an overdue stepping-on to that two-legged, pink-skinned cockroach. I never dreamed he would hop on a ship and come deliver himself to me right here. Crisis? Please. This is a gift. Hell, I’ll have to remember to tell Varian thank you, right before I snap his spindly neck.
I’m heading to Bladefist Bay to lead a force to intercept the Alliance ships at sea, along with a few surprises. I just hope I can get close enough to see the look on that sniveling human’s face when he sees what I have in store for him.
It’s about to be a very good day. The end of history has begun.
By way of apology
Taking a short break from packing a few things for Nagrand. I was just talking to Eitrigg, and he was pointing out how I got all worked up thinking Varian and Jaina were behind what happened in Demon Fall Canyon, and suggested – fasten your seat belts for this one – that I might want to do something to acknowledge that they really didn’t have anything to do with it. Like…apologize. Which in general I’ve gotta say is a pretty WTF idea, but considering how testy I’ve been the last week or so, I guess it might not be a horrible idea to try to…I don’t know…be a little nice, I guess.
So I’m going to try this very unfamiliar gesture using a fairly familiar form – you guessed it, EPIC VERSE style. Simple, straightforward form, courtesy of Chen Stormstout’s people. Here goes…
Falsely accused, true:
Not your fault for a change — still,
Fuck you, Varian.
Yeah, I know it kind of took a left turn at the end. I tried. I mean we’re talking about fucking Varian here.
I am become death
If you’ve been paying attention lately, you might have noticed I’ve been having a lot of contact with some of our people down in Brackenwall Village – Krog about the goings-on in Stonetalon, Draz’Zilb about his potential uber-corruption spell. It hasn’t been a coincidence.
No surprise to anyone that I’ve been on a pretty steady boil ever since I realized that Varian and Jaina were in the guild and must have heard me talking about where I was going with my mother last week. I don’t know why I should be shocked by anything these humans do at this point. Thing is, though, Varian I can at least see. I mean, make no mistake, I hate that motherfucker, but at least it makes sense for him to have it in for me as well, and he’s not one to make any pretenses about it. We’ve had bad blood going back to the Violet Citadel, probably further, not to mention he’s a hateful dimwitted warmongering orc-hating bigot, so of course he would grab any opportunity to strike at me. And if an innocent has to die in the process, all the better. It’s Varian. I get it.
But Jaina? THAT sticks in my craw. Let’s even set aside all the joking around and clowning I do on her and all the cracks about her being a slut which granted they’re totally true but not really germane to the conversation right now. But this is the woman who tried to play herself off as Little Miss Peacemaker. Always playing the diplomat, coming off like she’s the level-headed human willing to yank Varian back when he’s being an asshole (which, admittedly, probably kept her pretty busy). Always hiding behind her incomprehensible friendship with Thrall, like that made her better and nobler than the rest of her kind. Like she just wants to be our friend too.
And she was a part of this. Even if she wasn’t taking action herself, she knew. She was there. And all the while she probably kept on wearing her “Oh dear me, why can’t we all work together?” fake smile.
So guess what our first target is going to be.
I’ve been meeting with General Nazgrim to work out the logistics for our first strike on Theramore. We’re planning two waves. The first will be a ground strike launched out of Brackenwall, hitting the main gate of the city with several infantry detachments with artillery support. That initial wave will serve two purposes: one, to break down the city’s outer defenses and allow our troops to make their way inside, and two, to keep Theramore’s defenses focused on the main gate, while the second wave comes in by sea and hits the harbor.
The second wave will be the key one, and deceptively small. We’ll be bringing quite a few ships, but very few troops aside from the actual crews necessary to navigate the vessels. The real purpose of the naval strike will be to hit the harbor, land, and get a single squadron to deliver the real centerpiece of the attack: Draz’Zilb, bearer of the new experimental chain corruption spell.
Remember how I mentioned Draz’Zilb’s spell sounded promising, but needed to be tested until controlled conditions? Well Theramore is going to be our field test. Our troops are going to get Draz’Zilb into the city long enough for him to find a decent-size cluster of humans, cast the spell, and then get back to the harbor while the chain reaction begins. Once the spell is deployed, our incursion group will fire off a signal to let all our troops know it’s underway. At that point, EVERYONE will head to the ships – the ground troops near the front gate can be making their way around the outer walls toward the shore – and then get out of there by sea. Hence bringing so many ships when we didn’t have that many troops in the naval group.
It works out perfectly, really. Theramore makes the ideal test target: a solitary human colony, densely populated but easy enough to isolate. As much as Dustwallow Marsh is swarming with life, it’s mostly spiders, crocolisks…nothing that isn’t expendable. Black dragonkin, the last leftovers of Onyxia’s brood? Good riddance. Yeah, a couple Grimtotem settlements, but do you think I’m going to shed any tears over them? The whole marsh is separated from the rest of Kalimdor by mountains and sea, perfectly enclosed. No spreading of the chain corruption beyond that one zone, however it plays out.
I love when things work out neatly like that.
Nazgrim and I are getting the last details sorted out. I even got a couple of the goblins from the Gob Squad to come in and put together a scale model of Theramore and its environs for us here in the war room, to help plan out troop and ship placement.
The only small wrinkle is the ogres in Brackenwall, seeing as we don’t want to end up wiping them all out with the corruption. Would be kind of rude, what with it being Draz’Zilb’s spell and all. So I’m having most of the ogre population – the ones who won’t be going on the actual attack – relocated temporarily to Alcaz Island. They’ll be safely isolated there until everything blows over, plus we can even use the island as a staging ground for the naval strike.
Preparations are already underway. I’ve had the ogres moving in small numbers for the last couple of days, so we can do it gradually enough not to draw attention. A couple more days and they should be safely situated on the island, and then we’ll be ready to start. And if things go according to plan, pretty soon Sylvanas’ plague will have some competition over on the other continent.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
