Tag Archives: johnny awesome
Good news and really, really bad news
First the good news.
I just checked in with Krog and Draz’Zilb at Brackenwall Village, and things seem to be lining up on a couple fronts. For one, everything we learned from Skarr seems to check out. Draz’Zilb seems pretty knowledgeable on this kind of creepy black magic type stuff, and according to him it would make sense that C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj would be an ideal place to pull off a resurrection once they have the phylactery. From what he said (if I remember this right – there was a whole lot of hocus-pocus necro-babble), since Cho’gall tried to revive C’thun in that chamber, and actually let himself become an avatar for C’thun at one point, the surrounding area should be attuned to his essence in a way that will help focus the incantation. Apparently that’s the trade-off for this kind of ritual – restoring somebody’s spirit from a non-living vessel doesn’t take a whole lot of magical energy, but it does need something attuned to that particular spirit in order to focus the spell properly, as opposed to living vessels, which I guess actually keep the essence better preserved but require an immense amount of power to unlock. So considering the Twilight ties in Silithus, this lines up pretty ideally for them.
Meanwhile, the misdirection operation in Dustwallow Marsh seems to be working. Draz’Zilb has been putting on some regular pyrotechnic shows both in the village and around the general area, to make it seem like they’re up to something, and we’ve been sending out search parties of ogres and orcs alike to play up the appearance that we’ve got something brewing. The Grimtotem seem to be taking the bait, since attacks on the village have been happening more frequently the last few days. So far so good.
Now for the bad news. And…yeah, I actually can’t believe this one. I have to admit, at this point I can’t say I’m totally unaccustomed to shooting myself in the foot somehow, but OH COME ON.
So, remember a few days ago, when Garona and I met that blood elf guy at the Steam Pools resort? Johnny Awesome? (Yes, really.) Yeah, and remember how he wanted to help out, and do some quests for me personally? And how I sent him off to Thousand Needles or Tanaris to keep him busy?
Yeah, well, guess who I just heard back from.
Lakota Windsong, one of our main tauren operatives in Thousand Needles.
And guess who turned up looking to help, and got sent off on some tasks for Lakota?
Yep, you guessed it. Johnny Awesome.
Oh, and guess who APPARENTLY was also down there in Thousand Needles, unbeknownst to anyone except for Lakota Windsong and a few others who neglected to tell ME for what reason I CANNOT FUCKING IMAGINE, and who APPARENTLY had been captured and was being held by the Twilight’s Hammer cultists down there, that is until one Johnny Awesome happened along and FUCKING HELPED HER ESCAPE and now she’s ON THE LOOSE again??
MAGATHA FUCKING GRIMTOTEM.
…
…
YEAH. YEAH. YOU READ THAT RIGHT.
Excuse me one second.
sdljkfygjs09ea p875oyhtowi8ej7to98qw37eyhju0vg98y 13ouikltyhnudfj7 shyv5f0p9q23y5ikt7q3yhno4ik tlugyheq98o5gq3ui5yn q39oh867q3h40p 9tyqiu verkyhaow8l7tohqb23p89yh1 p8956vq734poj985t b77potyhq89o3 275vy gj8w45p90q374j5p9v82y 3p5o9v8jy73p98 q0jv3567qh3 4p9567j30 p9867p304975 ujmp 9oq347560 q93p47jy5683456t90327 j4u5v89yq30p9 57yvoq93475ypqv9 375yjvp9oq8w37y5j 890qv75jpq;v2y u5p9;q3847uv6m jp 9q38y746p98vt7q 04p87p345vt y7j8934756jyp0v9q 3476ypo89 q347y6j t0e34y 5tp9q37y4p968j 7yw90pe48j7 yv6098q374yj6v0p 9487p7q 3y4v86 7j tyq8epythise urhgliaseh rgtkjaeyhr tliuaeyrtiouy iortuyhilLIUY RIOUGF JYILTY HAEJKRGHTOEIAQY RTHVOILQWY3U5J OVQ3I8WY5 ROIQ UYIOY!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!1!11!!111!!one!!!!!111!!!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-SEVEN THOUSAND GALLONS OF WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, DUDE!!!
Oh but wait, you want details? Sure! Absolutely! LET ME GIVE YOU THE FUCKING DETAILS!!!
APPARENTLY, after Magatha got her ass booted out of Thunder Bluff, she went into hiding in Thousand Needles, and when the Twilight’s Hammer started stepping up their activity there, they captured her along with a batch of others. (NICE HOW THEY WERE ABLE TO TRACK HER DOWN RIGHT OFF LIKE THAT, HUH?? YET ANOTHER BANG-UP JOB BY MY CRACK TEAM!) So when Lakota sent Johnny Awesome around to help clean up the Grimtotem mess down there, Magatha started sending messages to the stupid elf to get him to release her pet wind serpent Arikara. Along the way Johnny Awesome also killed Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, so okay, good news there, since that takes out the braintrust that had been coordinating all the ogre business in Feralas and Dustwallow, but whatever, because along the way, Johnny Awesome ALSO managed to round up a batch of ancient tauren relics – the Writ of History, the Rattle of Bones, and the Drums of War – and ended up fucking handing them OVER to Magatha.
Because, get this, after he’d done all this good work killing off these high-ranking Grimtotem, Johnny Awesome got sent to the Twilight outpost to check up on Magatha…and not only does he fucking HAND OVER THESE RELICS, but he goes out and acquires ANOTHER powerful artifact called the Doomstone…which he ALSO fucking HANDS OVER TO MAGATHA…and THEN, just to finish up, HE FUCKING FREES HER FROM THE TWILIGHTS AND LETS HER SKIP OFF ON HER MERRY FUCKING WAY!!!
I…
It…
He…
SLDKGJSHFGKJSHF GKUSDFJHGKLJSDFHGN KLSJDHFGKSJDH FGKUJSFG HKSERHTGLIKU HTGLISERHGJK,LDLI UGBYHSGITYH EIRGTHLER HGTLIEAHGLJK SADEHGLJKAEHGL JSERGLSELIGU HSGRHSERGHERGH
[Insert vocabulary failure here.]
So, yeah. Before I forget:
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL LOYAL CITIZENS OF THE HORDE, FROM YOUR WARCHIEF: Effective immediately, THERE WILL BE A REWARD OF TEN THOUSAND OF ONE MILLION OF MORE THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY COUNT TO BE PAID TO WHOEVER DELIVERS TO GROMMASH HOLD THE MUTILATED (but identifiable) CORPSE OF ONE JOHNNY AWESOME.
(Additional note to Wega and/or Uukra: If it’s you, there might be a dinner date in it for you. Consider it your incentive.)
THAT IS ALL.
P.S.: The FUCK!! AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
The story so far
I don’t know what’s wrong with you people. Everybody seemed overjoyed to see the kind of bullshit agony I had to endure the other day with Garona and Johnny Awesome and all the rest of it. Fuck, if I didn’t know better, I’d think maybe you people didn’t love your Warchief!
Anyway, Garona and I are getting ready to head off to go looking for that ogre Skarr, but while I’m getting squared away here at the inn, I thought I’d take care of some blog stuff. For one, I know the last couple days I’ve been getting a batch of new readers, between the Twitter feed and getting links passed around, so I figured it might be a good idea to try to catch up any newcomers to the blog.
First of all, if you ARE new, welcome! Lok’tar! Good to have you here. Unless you’re Alliance. In which case, DAMN YOU TO THE NETHER, FUCKERS. But meh, keep reading. What the hell.
Second, Spazzle recently added an About page to the blog, with some general info and background type stuff for anyone new. I know he usually tries to be good about setting up my posts with links to older ones that are relevant for background, but y’know, he’s just a goblin, so I’m sure he misses some stuff here and there. Also along those lines, I figured this might be a good time to step back and run through what’s been going on for our many new readers, seeing as this ogre business has been unfolding for a while:
A few weeks back, Grimtotem raiders in Dustwallow Marsh and Feralas started attacking ogres. I could care less about the Gordunni ogres, mind you, but it was a much bigger deal that they were also hitting the Stonemaul ogres too, who have been allied with the Horde for a while.
I sent Dontrag and Utvoch to Brackenwall Village to help Krog with his investigation. Using some…um…pro bait-and-trapping, the bunch of them were able to capture a Grimtotem raider, and interrogated him with help from me and the ogre seer Draz’Zilb. Wait, what am I talking about, “with help from”? They hardly did a damn thing during the interrogation. It was pretty much all me and Draz’Zilb.
Anyway, Draz’Zilb used some FUCKING SCARY-ASS voodoo mojo shit on the Grimtotem, and we got the story. The Grimtotem discovered that the Twilight’s Hammer want to use an ogre relic to resurrect Cho’gall. Apparently, while he was holding a gathering of ogres in Feralas a few months back, Cho’gall imbued a phylactery with his spirit (or part of it, or whatever…don’t ask me how this raise-the-dead stuff works…personally I’m getting sick of all the “Bastion of Twilight was just a setback” bullshit already). Now the Twilights are trying to find the phylactery, and the Grimtotem are trying to beat them to it. According to the prisoner, they believe if they find it first, they can cut some kind of deal with the Twilights to regain their lost holdings.
The Twilight’s Hammer believe one of the ogre clans in Feralas or Dustwallow have the phylactery, so the Grimtotem have been raiding the Gordunni and Stonemaul ogres to try to track it down. High-ranking members of the tribe have been sent to both areas to coordinate, but if you ask me this whole plan has Magatha written all over it.
We know the Stonemaul ogres don’t have the phylactery, but we’re letting the Grimtotem keep thinking they might so they keep their attention divided. Meanwhile, I recalled Garona Halforcen from Twilight Highlands, and she and I headed out to Feralas to investigate. I got some information from a Twilight’s Hammer cultist in the southern ogre camps, and Garona confirmed the story from a Twilight run-in of her own up at Dire Maul: the main Twilight contact in the area is an ogre named Skarr, who’s taken up hiding somewhere in the Lower Wilds.
Garona and I met up at the Steam Pools to compare notes and plan our next step. We also met this blood elf named Johnny Awesome while we were there, which was good for comic relief, if by “comic relief” you mean “makes you want to stick a sharp stick through your eye, into your brain, and swirl it around.” Now we’re about to split up to go after Skarr. With any luck we can find him and get more pieces to fall into place.
So…that’s where we stand now. Next time you hear from me, odds are I’ll be out in the Feralas wilds somewhere trying to track down Skarr. In the meantime, a little nugget to hold everyone over:
There once was a blood elf named Johnny,
Who thought himself ever so bonny.
To get him off my hands
I sent him to Ghostlands
Where he could annoy the Amani.
EPIC VERSE!
Updates soon. Stay tuned.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Awesome job, Mokvar
Well, Garona took her sweet time getting here, which shouldn’t really surprise me, to be honest. Yeah, sure, you’ll be there at the time we set to meet. And you’ll be ready to go out in just ten minutes, right? Same deal. Women.
While I was waiting, I sent word to Orgrimmar to have Mokvar come out to help with the recordkeeping. I figure with everything going on, I’ll want to keep a detailed account of all the information we collect, and so it just makes sense to keep my own in-house scribe around. It’s either that or take time out to write everything down myself, and let’s face it, my time is going to be better spent thinking great thoughts. Plus, let’s be honest, my handwriting is crap. Even by Mokvar standards.
Since Mokvar’s going to be transcribing a lot of stuff – notes, maps, details from our investigations, etc. – I’ve had Spazzle set him up to be able to edit these posts to add in any write-ups he thinks would be useful to add to the record here. Plus this way it spares me having to make sense of his godawful handwriting and take the time to transcribe it myself. (Just as long as he just inserts his stuff. I warned him that if he tries monkeying around with my actual writing, I’ll fucking hand his ass over to Draz’Zilb for whatever scary-ass voodoo experiments he might want to pull on him. And yes, I’m fucking territorial about my intellectual property.)
Anyway, though, she finally did show up, and we set up shop in the tavern of the inn to go over what we’ve found. She couldn’t find any traces of the phylactery itself, and she says the Maul is still a pretty big mess from when Cho’gall had held his ogre gathering. Turns out, though, she also had a run-in with some Twilights while she was there, and found them as easy to persuade as I did. Their story more or less matched mine: the ogre Skarr had been heading up their search around Dire Maul, but recently headed to the southern part of Feralas to set up camp. He left some of the other Twilight agents to keep looking for anything they could find around the Maul, with orders to check in with him. They didn’t have details on exactly where to find him, or else Garona was going to go pay him a visit herself – apparently Skarr just told them to go to the Lower Wilds, and he would find them if he needed them, whatever that means. Oh and here’s the best part – right when she was about to polish them off, some Grimtotem raiders showed up, fighting a bunch of the Gordunni ogres…so just as the bunch of them were almost on top of her and the Twilights, she just up and POOF-vanished, and left the whole gang of them to have at each other.
So, next up, we’re going to go searching for Skarr. We’ll split up on the way, since we don’t really know what he’s going to have there as far as backup. Garona’s going to stealth her way through the woods and see if she can do some spying on the way. (I offered her a camel she could take for the trip, but I guess she preferred to go by foot…) Meanwhile I’ll be doing a flyover to see what I can find, and then, you know, probably wind up taking the direct approach while she’s doing her snooping.
There were a lot of little odds and ends that the two of us had to update each other on, and some what-ifs to plan for for the next few days, so we ended up spending a while there in the tavern. Credit where it’s due, those goblins have some pretty good cooks on payroll. While we were there, we also had a run-in with this blood elf guy who was just kind of wandering back and forth from the bar, babbling on about his dead pony or something, but the less said about him the better.
GARROSH: Hold up. Have you noticed the blood elf guy who keeps looking over this way?
GARONA: Every few minutes. He keeps looking at us, then looking away when one of us looks back.
GARROSH: Think he’s a spy or something?
GARONA: Not likely. The Grimtotem wouldn’t trust an outsider, so they wouldn’t bring in a blood elf to spy for them. The Twilight’s Hammer would get someone who was competent enough not to just sit out in the open staring at his quarry. So who else? The Alliance? Some from column A, some from column B, no-go there.
GARROSH: Can you tell if he’s watching one of us in particular?
GARONA: I’m not sure. Do you think he’s looking at me?
GARROSH: I don’t know, that’s why I asked.
GARONA: Ugh, I hope he’s not going to come over to try to pick me up.
GARROSH: Why would you think he’s going to…oh never mind.
GARONA: Why? You don’t think he would? It’s not like I don’t ever have men stare at me in bars, you know.
GARROSH: Yeah, no, I’m sure they do.
GARONA: You sound like you don’t believe me!
GARROSH: I didn’t say that!
GARONA: I’ll have you know I get hit on all the damn time!
GARROSH: I’m not arguing with you, dammit!
GARONA: Just because I have a grown son doesn’t mean I’m some old lady, you know!
GARROSH: Oh for fuck’s sake, can we not go through another whole song and dance about your kid?
GARONA: Oh, sure, who wants some old worn-out orc who’s already pumped out a kid, is that it? You men are all alike.
GARROSH: When the fuck did I even say anything? I’ve got no problem with you having a kid, go ahead, have your kid, have more kids, have a whole barn of them, I don’t give a shit!
GARONA: Well you sure made it sound like some wrinkled old matron like me certainly couldn’t be catching the eye of some spry young elf in a bar.
GARROSH: I didn’t say any such damn thing! Fuck! Look, hell, there’s a REASON why the term “MILF” got coined in the first place, okay?
GARONA: So you think I’m pretty?
GARROSH: …
GARONA: Well?
GARROSH: I’m thinking.
GARONA: What do you mean, you’re thinking? What’s there to think about? Either you think I’m pretty or you don’t! You know, if you have to THINK about it—
GARROSH: I’m trying to think of what answer is LEAST likely to get me stabbed in my sleep later on.
GARONA: And what makes you think I’m going to be nearby when you’re asleep in your bed?
GARROSH: <facepalm>
GARONA: Because honey, don’t flatter yourself.
GARROSH: …
GARONA: What?
GARROSH: Lady, you are one great big can of crazy, you know that?
GARONA: What’s THAT supposed to mean?
GARROSH: Can we PLEASE get back to the guy who’s watching us, or the Grimtotem thing, or maybe even just beat my head in with a brick because even that would be less excruciating than what we’re doing now?
GARONA: You know, there are a lot of men who’d be thrilled to be talking with me over a few flagons.
GARROSH: Oh for FUCK’S sake!
GARONA: I’m just saying. Lots and lots. You have no idea.
GARROSH: Could you maybe call them all over here to beat me in the head until I lose all memory of this conversation?
GARONA: Fine, BE that way.
GARROSH: SO ABOUT THE FUCKING ELF.
GARONA: You think he’s looking at me?
GARROSH: I hope the hell he is. Maybe he can sweep you away and give me the glorious treat of your absence.
GARONA: Well now you’re just being passive-aggressive.
GARROSH: It’s a goddamn good thing for you that you’re genuinely good in a fight, that’s all I’m going to say.
GARONA: I’m just trying to help you. You know you’re never going to find a girl if you keep up with this attitude.
GARROSH: Tell me something, when you assassinated Llane, did you actually have to kill him? Or did you just strike up a conversation with him and keep talking until he threw himself on your daggers?
GARONA: He wouldn’t have been the first man to throw himself at me, I’ll tell you that much right now.
GARROSH: THE ELF, for fuck’s sake, THE FUCKING ELF, before I squeeze my head down another hat size trying to cover my ears again!
GARONA: Fine, then!
The blood elf, by this point, has wandered over closer to the table.
BLOOD ELF: Um, excuse me?
GARROSH: Oh thank goodness.
BLOOD ELF: Am I interrupting something?
GARROSH: Yes, you are, and spirits bless you for it. Can I buy you a drink? A round of drinks? And an epic mount of your choosing?
BLOOD ELF: Oh…no, no, you see, my pony only just recently…passed… <sniffle> It’s just too soon. Plus…um…well, I mean, it’s a flattering offer, but I don’t…you know…swing that way, so…
GARROSH: Well hold on, I didn’t…
GARONA: <eyes widen> Ohhh, wait a minute, NOW it’s making more sense…
GARROSH: Plus you’re a male blood elf, what do you mean you…oh never mind.
BLOOD ELF: What does that mean?
GARONA: I’m so, so sorry. I should have realized.
GARROSH: Will you SHUT IT? That’s not what I fucking meant.
GARONA: No WONDER you’re so angry all the time.
GARROSH: I AM NOT FUCKING ANGRY ALL THE TIME, YOU INFURIATING CRAZY-ASS BATSHIT HARPY!
GARONA: Mmhmm.
GARROSH: Look, can we drop the… <looks to Mokvar> Are you seriously writing all that down?
MOKVAR: Well, um, yes, sir. You said I should keep a record of everything.
GARROSH: <blink> I…just… Wow.
MOKVAR: Begging your pardon, sir, you did say we need to keep everything written down in case some easily overlooked details end up being important later.
GARROSH: You win, Thrall. Oh, man, you really, really win. Good one, dude. Hats off to you. You win.
GARONA: Now see, THRALL found himself a nice girl, and see what he did?
GARROSH: He HAD HIS SOUL RIPPED INTO FOUR PIECES is what he did!
MOKVAR: Sounds like marriage to me, sir.
GARROSH: Heh, yeah, amen, Mokvar.
GARONA: Mmhmm. Interesting.
BLOOD ELF: Should I just…leave…?
GARROSH: For the love of the spirits, NO.
BLOOD ELF: It’s just that, well, I couldn’t help but notice…
GARONA: You see! He was looking at me!
GARROSH: <looks to elf> Run now.
BLOOD ELF: Well no, I was looking at her.
GARONA: See?
BLOOD ELF: I was looking at both of you, actually.
GARONA: You…wait, what?
GARROSH: I think what he means—
GARONA: Oh no, no, sweetie, I… No, I don’t do those anymore.
GARROSH: <rubbing head> I seriously don’t know if I want to stop the Twilight’s Hammer from destroying the world anymore.
BLOOD ELF: I’m…confused.
GARROSH: Give her a few minutes. It gets worse.
GARONA: But I’m not sure why you’d be interested in getting Garrosh involved, if you say you don’t—
BLOOD ELF: So you ARE Garrosh! Garrosh Hellscream? The Warchief?
GARROSH: Yeah, that’s me. What of it? And please elaborate at length if it stops her from chiming in for a while.
BLOOD ELF: And so you must be Garona Halforcen?
GARROSH: Oh good, kick it over to her right away. Well played.
GARONA: That’s me, yes.
BLOOD ELF: <beaming> Oh wow, I can’t believe I’m really getting to meet you! This really is an honor for me!
GARROSH: Uh oh. Fanboy alert.
BLOOD ELF: And, if I say so myself, for it to be an honor for me really is quite the honor for YOU, too. It’s not just anyone who can impress me right off like that.
GARONA: Um…
GARROSH: Okay…
BLOOD ELF: You see, I’ve been making quite a name for myself within the Horde as well. I’ll have you know, I was an exalted hero of Tranquillien within a few mere hours of arriving at the place!
GARROSH: Wait, Tranq-what-now?
BLOOD ELF: And granted, I really haven’t had occasion to drop by Orgrimmar to meet you in person, Warchief, but I’m sure tales of my adventures have made their way all the way to your war room.
GARROSH: Um, maybe? Oh…OH, so wait, you’re one of those…yeah, one of the… up-and-coming adventurers that we send off of various missions in the outlying zones… Right…
GARONA: I thought you said those quests weren’t really all that—
GARROSH: Ix-nay on the usywork-bay.
GARONA: Oh. Right.
GARROSH: Anyway, um, so yeah, maybe I’ve seen reports on your…exploits… Um, what was your name again?
BLOOD ELF: I…am Johnny Awesome.
[The Blood Elf will henceforth be referenced as Johnny Awesome, because really, this is just too good. –Mkvr., ed.]
GARROSH: No, I can’t say I – wait, that’s your name?
JOHNNY AWESOME: Uh, yes.
GARROSH: No, I mean, it’s your real name? Not like an alias you made up for yourself?
JOHNNY AWESOME: No, it’s my name.
GARROSH: Your parents are Mr. and Mrs. Awesome.
JOHNNY AWESOME: It’s an old Highborn name. It goes back thousands of years.
GARROSH: Uh huh.
GARONA: It’s a wonder things didn’t work out better for Azshara if she had the Awesomes working for her.
GARROSH: <chortle>
JOHNNY AWESOME: It’s…it’s true.
GARROSH: I’m sure it is.
GARONA: If only she could have had her field troops led by Jimmy Omgipwnedurface.
GARROSH: <snicker> Haha, you know, I think I know a guy on Earth Online who uses that name.
GARONA: Oh wow, you play Earth Online too?
GARROSH: Yeah. You play? What server?
GARONA: Palin, Kalimdor region. You?
GARROSH: Goldwater-Kalimdor. Hah, that’s awesome.
GARONA: Med’an got me started on it. I really only started playing originally just to check in on what he was doing. You know how it is with the internet.
GARROSH: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Can’t be too careful.
GARONA: Although I have to admit it’s really starting to annoy me that they broke the mature language filter so you can’t keep it turned off now!
GARROSH: Oh I KNOW, right? That’s !@#$ing ANNOYING.
GARONA: I mean I’m an ADULT, if I want to talk like one I should be able to.
GARROSH: What do you think of the expansion? Have you seen much about it?
GARONA: I don’t know. I’m cautiously optimistic.
GARROSH: Oh come on. Australians? They’re seriously making a whole expansion about Australians?
GARONA: Well you know, to be fair, it’s not like they’ve never taken a joke and used it seriously before. People forget that Canada was originally a running gag too, and look how well they integrated that.
GARROSH: Yeah, I suppose…
JOHNNY AWESOME: I…have no idea what you two are talking about.
GARROSH: Online gaming.
JOHNNY AWESOME: You actually do that?
GARONA: Is that a problem?
JOHNNY AWESOME: It’s just…I guess I just sort of figured you guys would be…a little cooler than that.
GARROSH: Excuse me, do you really want to get into a coolness pissing contest with us?
JOHNNY AWESOME: Well I just mean…
GARROSH: Do you really want to? Because if you want to go, we can go.
JOHNNY AWESOME: Well no, it’s just that…I mean, come on, an MMO?
GARROSH: So let’s see, commanded fifteen Kor’kron legions on a military campaign across the arctic wastes culminating in the death of the fucking Lich King. Shall we start there?
GARONA: Single-handedly assassinated the king of Stormwind?
GARROSH: Also a good one.
JOHNNY AWESOME: Look, I’m not trying to—
GARROSH: Son of the slayer of Mannoroth.
GARONA: Mother of the new Guardian of Tirisfal.
GARROSH: Crash landed an airship in Twilight Highlands and walked away without a scratch.
GARONA: Killed Cho’gall. The first time.
GARROSH: Dueled Thrall to a standstill.
GARONA: Fucked Medivh.
JOHNNY AWESOME: Okay! Okay! I’m sorry!
GARROSH: That’s better. So anyway, was there a point to all this?
JOHNNY AWESOME: Oh… Well, I guess I was just wondering if I could have your autographs.
GARROSH: Our…autographs.
GARONA: I don’t know, would you really want the autographs of a couple of lame online gamers?
JOHNNY AWESOME: I know, look, I’m sorry. It’s just, you’re both heroes of the Horde, and…you know…that’s what I’m aspiring to, too, so…
GARROSH: Okay, okay, fine… <scribbles on paper>
JOHNNY AWESOME: Well, and I guess I was also wondering, since I like to think I’m a rising star in the Horde, really one of your secret weapons when you come right down to it, even if I guess you haven’t heard of me yet, which really doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense, but whatever, but I was just thinking—
GARROSH: Get to the point, please, Tirion.
JOHNNY AWESOME: Well, I was just wondering if you had any missions you might need me to carry out for you.
GARROSH: Missions.
JOHNNY AWESOME: I mean I know there are lots of people scattered around Horde settlements who need help with different things, and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to help out where I can, but it just seems to me that my talents could be better used by, you know, performing key duties on behalf of the Warchief.
GARROSH: Uh huh.
JOHNNY AWESOME: So…are there any missions you need carried out? Or places you feel I could be of particular help?
GARROSH: Um…okay…
GARONA: Time to get into character.
GARROSH: Yeah. <deep breath> Lok’tar, noble blood elf, tales of your valiant deeds have carried even to Orgrimmar—
JOHNNY AWESOME: Wait, didn’t you just say you haven’t heard—
GARROSH: Just fucking roll with it, okay, dude? Seriously.
JOHNNY AWESOME: Okay. Yes, sir.
GARROSH: Tales of your valiant deeds have carried even to Orgrimmar, and rest assured they have not escaped the notice of your Warchief. If you wish to truly serve the Horde, your considerable powers could be used in Thousand Needles, or, um, Tanaris. The choice is yours. Remember, Hellscream’s eyes are always upon you!
JOHNNY AWESOME: Yes sir! I won’t let you down, sir!
Johnny Awesome races off, never, one can only hope, to be heard from again.
GARROSH: I really fucking hate my job sometimes.
GARONA: Wait, Thousand Needles and Tanaris?
GARROSH: Yeah, what of it?
GARONA: Well…he didn’t look like he’s been doing this for very long. Aren’t those areas pretty dangerous these days?
GARROSH: Yes, and?
GARONA: Isn’t he going to go out there and get eviscerated?
GARROSH: Yes, and?
Wait, so hold on. I had a five-hour strategy session with Garona, and THIS is what Mokvar decided was important enough to post up here? Seriously? THIS is what made the cut?
Either way, though, gotta say again, it’s DAMN impressive that he’s able to get all this stuff transcribed like that. Really, really impressive.
Now pardon me while I go find him and smack him around a little.
[Header image provided by regular reader and commenter ZugZug, used here with permission and many thanks.]
