Tag Archives: undercity
A sort of homecoming
It took some doing, but we managed to get Faranell somewhat calmed down. Since he woke up, Liadrin’s been the only one who’s been able to approach him with any success, so after we received the buried letters from Southshore, I had her go to deliver his. After that, we left him mostly to himself for a couple days, because seriously, the reality of the situation is more than anyone could be expected to digest. Last thing he needed was to have extra people coming at him while the whole world was going topsy-turvy. I can’t imagine what it must be like trying to come to terms with everything he’s just gotten dropped on him.
The only break in his seclusion came after the first day, when he asked Liadrin to let him see what had become of Lordaeron. She was smart enough to send word over to the Undercity to have them clear everyone out of the upper ruins – she figured the sight of what had become of the city would be enough for him to try to deal with, without undead Deathguards wandering around. When he finally went over, Liadrin tells me, he was viably shaken by the sight, and when they went into the throne room, he just knelt by that little blood stain on the floor – the one that nobody has ever bothered to clean up FOR WHAT REASON I CANNOT IMAGINE – and just stared off into space with his head tilted as if he was listening to something. He finally pulled himself together and asked to go back, in a voice that was barely audible. He hadn’t talked to anyone since then, until this morning.
While that was going on, I was working on what to do about his situation. He can’t stay in the Undercity – it would be cruel, for one thing, to try to make him live there, or in any of the towns held by the Forsaken now, considering what he remembers them being like, literally just a few days ago from his point of view. Plus, I don’t much like having him somewhere filled with Sylvanas’ people, considering her first reaction to learning about the new-old Faranell was to refurbish him to be closer to the other model.
Orgrimmar would be safer for sure, and I could personally make sure he was being watched out for, but that’s not such a hot option either. Considering his most recent associations with the orcs, I’m thinking he’s not going to get comfy living in an orc city anytime soon. And I mean, yeah, sure, I’m all about the orc pride, but not even I would expect him to be able to swallow, basically, “So, yeah, about all that shit we did? We were kind of going through a thing. We’re a lot cooler now, really.”
So, I finally came up with the best of a field of less-than-ideal options.
This morning, I picked up Faranell and Liadrin in Brill, and made the trip east to Hearthglen.
Between a good word from Eitrigg, and some paladin-speak from Liadrin, Tirion agreed to bring Faranell into the fold and help keep an eye on him early on. We’ve given Tirion the rundown on Faranell’s story – I swear, the part where I was explaining how future-Faranell rigged things might have been the only time I’ve ever seen Tirion go speechless – so he knows what’s going on and what’s at stake. Tirion and his Argent Crusade people still have plenty of work to do cleaning up the Plaguelands, so he’ll be able to put our boy to work helping with that. More importantly, Hearthglen is mostly a human town, he has family there, and it’s a pretty insular community, which should limit a lot of potential problems.
I had a short meeting with Tirion when we brought Faranell up there. He’s agreed to watch over him and keep us updated if he runs into any major wrinkles. Eventually, once Voice From the Past gets settled, we can see about taking him around a little so he can see more of the world as it is now. But that won’t come until he’s ready.
While I was there, I also had to give Tirion a little shit about his kid making life more difficult for us while we were in the past. Once we were finished talking about Faranell and I was getting ready to go, I was like, “Oh, by the way, your kid is a dickwad.” Tirion just kind of looked at me a minute, and then he pointed out that his son died a few years ago, killed by Isilien, in fact, after the kid came to his senses about the Scarlet Crusade. So I took that in for a minute, and then I corrected myself: “Your kid WAS a dickwad.” Fucking nit-picking Tirion.
I can’t really complain, though, since for once he didn’t seem all that ramped up to talk my ear off. Part of it was just the shock of hearing Faranell’s whole story and trying to absorb it, I’m sure, and part of it was the fact that we had business to go over that involved him getting information from us more than vice versa. Plus I think he had a meeting with Bolvar or something later today, so for once he was able to go about his business like people actually have things to do with their time.
Anyway, that’s done. I’m back in Orgrimmar now, and Faranell’s off in Hearthglen getting settled in. Hopefully he’ll be okay once he gets adjusted. In a way, you kind of have to be jealous of him – I mean, how many people basically get to skip over the part of their lives that sucks? At this point, like our old Faranell said himself, the future is wide open for him.
Good luck, Edwin.
[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Monday mailbag
Okay, I haven’t tended to the mail in a little while since we were, you know, dislocated in the time-space continuum. But we’ve got a few letters that have come in lately, so before anything else happens that gets me all distracted, let’s see what we’ve got…
I would dearly love to find out what happened to Koltira Deathweaver. He died defending Silvermoon, you know. I enjoyed working with him in Agmar’s Hammer, and again on Ogrim’s Hammer. I heard that he disappeared under mysterious circumstances right after we ran the Alliance out of Andorhal. But that’s all I know. Something’s not quite right here, though. My sources here are usually pretty good, but when I bring up Koltira, they invariably change the subject.
The guy you want to talk to about Bowling for Wildhammer is Malkar over in Bloodgulch. It’s not actually bowling, though, it’s more like fishing. You toss a hook up in the air, snag a gryphon, and haul the rider down to you. Then, you wear him out. Lather, rinse, repeat. A fine way to while away a dull afternoon. But I’m not sure how closely Zaela looks into what goes on in Bloodgulch. She may well know nothing about this.
–A Concerned Citizen
Hey, ACC. Thanks for the explanation of the whole Bowling for Wildhammer thing. I’m definitely going to have to take a trip out there and check it out. Granted, yanking dwarves out of the sky and curbstomping them isn’t going to be quite as fun or satisfying as, say, humans or gnomes, but hey, it’s Alliance and it’s curbstomping. Can’t rightly complain about that.
As for Koltira…yeah, I’d like to know what the deal is with him, too. I’ve been trying to find out for a while now, in fact. Bragor Bloodfist down in the Undercity has been under orders to find out what happened to him, seeing as Sylvanas and her people were the last ones to see Koltira before he went off the grid. He hasn’t been able to get any answers, though, and considering he’s got his own whole set of issues down there, I’m not sure whether it’s a matter of there not being any answers to be had or of him just not having his head in the right place. I mean seriously, I ask him for a Koltira update, and he babbles on about Sylvanas going off to the little ghouls’ room and being gone for like an hour. Like I need to know the details of her bathroom breaks. Maybe she’s got an irritable colon or something, who knows. I know mine gets plenty irritable with some of the morons I have to deal with in this job.
We all know you’re a big fan of lemon squares (who isn’t, am I right?). Do you have any other favourite foods?
Your fan,
–Salaria
One word, Salaria: bacon. Everything goes good with bacon. Everything. There is not one single recipe out there – I DARE YOU TO PROVE ME WRONG – that isn’t improved by adding bacon. Need convincing? Name any kind of food you can think of, and tell me it wouldn’t sound even better if you stuck “bacon-wrapped” in front of it. SEE? Hell, if you offered to give me “bacon-wrapped cancer,” I’d have to at least think about it.
Of course, even granting that everything goes great with bacon, the thing that goes absolute BEST with bacon? More bacon.
Honorable mention: peanut butter. Most of the above applies, plus it’s really handy for when I have to give Mortimer a pill from the vet, and in general it’s just hilarious to watch a wyvern chawing away on it while it’s sticking to the roof of his mouth. Sometimes I’ll give him a big spoon of the stuff, and while he’s munching away, Gurtash will make up dialogue that Mortimer could be saying, since his mouth will be flapping open and closed almost like he’s talking. Good times.
I been doin’ dat regular errand for Marogg da infantry chef, where he be askin’ us ta steal Darkspear rice from da trolls in da Valley of Spirits. I been tinkin’ dis be a real smart move, mon, keepin’ da trolls underfed and hungry. All you I mean we orcs know da only way we be keepin’ da trolls down is if we keep dem weakened – we let ’em eat well and get strong an’ for sure dey be takin’ over da Horde! We all know dere be no way we be holdin’ dem down if dey at full strength! Good goin’ dere, mon!
–Bob, Echo Isles
Wait, wait, hold on a minute. You’re trying to tell me, you think the only reason the orcs are able to maintain our position of dominance within the Horde is because we use sketchy methods to keep any potential rivals weak? You’re saying we couldn’t stay in charge if the fucking TROLLS had three squares a day (along with whatever extra snacks they’re having because, you know, munchies)?
Well FUCK THAT SHIT.
I’ll SHOW you how fast we’d lose control if the trolls weren’t hungry all the time! Marogg was supposed to be gathering up that rice to make jambalaya, right? Well I’m issuing him orders RIGHT THIS MINUTE to have half that jambalaya delivered right over to the troll district. What’s more, I’m ordering Borstan the butcher to start scheduling regular deliveries of assorted meats to the Valley of Spirits, maybe let those scrawny fuckers get some protein for once, and then for good measure, I’m even having Shan’ti arrange to have some fruits and vegetables – why someone would want to eat those is beyond me, but whatever – sent over when there’s a decent crop.
You think the trolls would take over if we didn’t keep them weakened? BULLSHIT, the trolls don’t need our help to be weak, they came out of the box that way, so just you fucking watch and see what happens – or DOESN’T happen – when they can’t cry starvation anymore!
Go head, fatten ’em up, feed ’em all they can choke down, see how much good it does them! You hear me? That’s an order! Feed those trolls!
Attn: Garrosh Hellscream, Horde Warchief
c/o Orgrimmar, Durotar KLM
Pursuant to Stormwind Revenue Statute LC14-99A17, subsection A4:
This letter hereby notifies the above named GARROSH HELLSCREAM (hereafter “DEBTOR”) of funds owed to the Stormwind Treasury, as per investigations conducted under authority of this office:
- Debtor initially accrued debt under alias G. PATRICK SEITZ in the amount of 120 gold in unpaid charges at Kelly’s Inn and Tavern, Southshore, Hillsbrad Foothills EKD.
- Proprietor Herman Kelly, esq. (hereafter “PLAINTIFF”) filed legal claim against one G. PATRICK SEITZ in the amount of 144 gold in rental and late fees.
- Lordaeron Circuit Court 23 ruled in favor of plaintiff in amount of 144 gold; additionally 216 gold in legal fees, 150 gold fine for failure to appear at hearing and 50 gold in punitive damages. Total debt incurred 560 gold.
- Debtor failed to appear before court on three statutory appeal dates as per Lordaeron Small Claims Code 19C, classification 4 (Brill Act). Upon expiration of appeal period, debtor incurred mandatory penalties of 407 gold, 611 gold and 1215 gold for missed payment dates.
- Funds owed to plaintiff were reimbursed from Lordaeron Treasury under Small Business Shelter Provision 2219-A; debtor’s account was placed in collection. Mandatory fine of 117 gold incurred.
- Collection duties assumed by Stormwind Agency of Taxation and Recovery under Disaster Provision Act after unexpected decease and necrotic resuscitation of entire fiduciary authority of Lordaeron government.
- Debtor accrued additional debts in the mount of 117 gold monthly for failure to pay fines; additionally cumulative interest fees at rates of 14 to 23% per annum as dictated by Stormwind Variable Rate Index.
As of current date, debtor owes funds to RATR in amount of 49,758 gold.
Please remit funds to RATR, Stormwind, within 30 days of receipt of this notice. Additional penalties may apply upon failure to comply.
–Royal Agency of Taxation and Recovery, Stormwind City
(Routing path: Southshore; Tarren Mill; Lordaeron; Androhal; Stormwind; Theramore; Gadgetzan; Caverns of Time; Ratchet)
What.
The fuck.
Is THIS?
Okay, so hold up. You mean to tell me, when we high-tailed it out of Southshore – and yeah, we didn’t bother paying at the inn when we took off, because guess what, we had some other shit to do that was kind of important – Kelly (Herman? Seriously? Fucking HERMAN?) went to the trouble of filing a lawsuit and keeping after it to try to get back the fucking pocket change we owed him?
And okay, I know what you guys are probably thinking, how the hell did they even manage to trace this back to me in the first place, seeing as I was using an alias and a human face and WAS TRAVELING THROUGH FUCKING TIME. But you know what, really, you shouldn’t be surprised that they managed to find me, because TAX COLLECTORS. Those fuckers will see through time and space like it’s nothing and track you through the Twisted Nether and OMG maybe I should get some of THEM to try to find fucking Koltira!
Anyway, Stormwind tax dudes working under royal authority, I was going to send you an I.O.U. for the gold, but on second thought I figure it would be a lot better to take this occasion to publicly offer you an F.Y.V.
That’s right.
Everyone say it with me.
Back to the future, part 2
Okay, looks like the blog is FINALLY caught up with the here and now, and, gotta say, it was fucking TORTURE watching those last few posts dribble on through. I would say that The Noz has to do something about the lag in his wireless network, but then again, considering I was able to get a why-fly connection from frigging ten years ago, I guess I really shouldn’t complain.
Also, watching the posts loading gradually like they were, and reading them myself, eventually I started getting this weird detachment, like I was reading something that someone ELSE had written, not events I had lived through myself. I was starting to get strangely invested – like when you re-read a book, and you find yourself rooting for things to happen one way or another even though you already KNOW what’s going to happen, you know? Which, by the way, is EXACTLY WHAT TIME TRAVEL IS LIKE.
So anyway, now I can finally start updating you guys, because hoo boy, have things been interesting since we’ve been back. Like, starting from the MINUTE we got back to our own time. Because check this out – when we took Erozion’s portal back to the Caverns of Time, we all reset back to our normal, non-human selves, right? Except…Faranell didn’t. We arrived back in our own time and place…and he still looked human.
Obviously, this was made that much more complicated by the fact that he was still unconscious – there’s a limit to how much poking and prodding anyone could do while he was out cold from a shock to the system that we still didn’t understand very well. What’s more…he’s STILL that way. Not just the human-looking thing, but the unconsciousness. He still hasn’t come around. We had him transported back to the Undercity, and Sylvanas has put her best people in charge of looking over him. After the first couple days passed with no sign of change, she moved him up to Brill, the idea being that maybe the atmosphere up above ground might be a little better for his human constitution. On top of Sylvanas’ people, Liadrin’s volunteered to stay on for a while to help take care of him. Right now, though, that’s mostly consisting of a whole lot of waiting.
Nobody really knows what to make of what’s happened. We’ve got lots of theories, but until he comes around, he’s not going to be in stable enough condition for us to do a lot of testing on him. The best we’ve come up with so far – this was Liadrin’s best guess – is that the holy magic from the bomb might have produced the anti-plague effect on Faranell and purged him of the necro-whatsis magic that’s the source of his undeath. The same as it had been doing to the Forsaken around Southshore, only in his case, since strictly speaking he was human at the time rather than undead, it didn’t kill him. At least that’s the working theory right now. We’ll see.
Meanwhile, we’ve sent the chameleon shard along to Helcular and Cromush in Tarren Mill. With any luck, they’ll be able to use it to work out a way to dispel the anti-plague effect and get things under control out there. They’ve been at it for a few days now, so one way or another I’m expecting some news soon. Updates as they come.
Ruins of Southshore
Okay, so remember what I was saying about the Undercity smelling bad? Well I would happily spruce up the aroma of Grommash Hold with some Undercity potpourri before I took too many deep breaths around Southshore the way it is right now. Holy shit, it’s like somebody went down to the Apothecarium, put together an olfactory mix tape of their greatest hits, distilled in into some kind of glowing green porridge with a side of asparagus, force-fed eighty tons of the shit to a gang of syphilitic ettins, then locked them all in a closet for three days and let them fart it all out. Like THAT bad. That’s what it’s like down here. I seriously think this is what atrocity must smell like. A piquant blend of genocide and child abuse.
I knew Sylvanas’ people had used Southshore as a test site when I gave them the go-ahead to start up their plague research again, but even I wasn’t prepared for the sheer scope of what they had going on here. It isn’t even a town anymore so much a slimy green puddle, with these living goop thingamajigs squirming around the place. It’s actually kind of scary to imagine they were able to crank all this out so quickly in the window I’d left them to resume work. I can only figure some of the apothecaries were so fired up to be able to get back to it that they really threw themselves into it in a huge flurry of activity right off the bat.
Anyway, the bunch of us – myself, Drok, Cromush, Mokvar, and a handful of warlocks and alchemists who came with – spent some hours scouring over the place looking for any clues about where the anti-plague effect had come from. It wasn’t until some of the locks (who, by the way, actually aren’t big fans of socks – apparently we’ve got a bunch of hippie sandal-wearing warlocks these days…terrific) tried some kind of incantation spell that we started getting somewhere. They were able to make these shimmery purple ribbons visible around the town, almost like hazy purple flames. Kaal Soulreaper, one of our locks, explained to me that the haze was made up of the traces of a potent magic effect, which you could see spreading and scattering all around the town – most likely, he said, leaving those purple traces along the paths the effect took bouncing from one undead to the next. So what we were looking at was the hazy footprints of their deaths. Or re-deaths. Or whatever.
So, tracing back to where the haze was at its most dense was the most likely way to get to the starting point. That brought us to the old town inn – specifically, underground, beneath the cellar. From somewhere down there, all the purple ribbons came spreading out, up through the cellar and out of the ground along the outer walls of the building. Whatever it was exactly, it looks like it detonated there. And according to the warlocks’ best guess, the haze will continue holding the “contagion” until it dissipates. As for how long that will take, they ballparked it somewhere between hours and centuries. So, lots of help there. Really, guys, I appreciate the info so far, but couldn’t you give me a LITTLE better idea of when it’s going to be safe for the Forsaken to come back down here? Is it tomorrow or the end of time, or what?
The next question that comes to mind is, you know, how the fuck this magic doohickey got there. And since we have a fairly powerful magic-user on staff who actually has a pretty long history with Southshore, I’m thinking it’s time I had some face time with our man Helcular. He had been supervising things in Southshore before everything went kablooey, at which point he was evacuated to Tarren Mill with as many other Forsaken as they could pull out in time. I’m having Cromush and Drok continue the work down here in Southshore while I fly up to see him. More soon.
The Apothecarium
While Drok was making his way down to Southshore, Mokvar, Nazgrim, and I got the grand tour of the Apothecarium from Sylvanas and Faranell. Overseer Kraggosh was there as well, finishing up his lunch break. Basically a working lunch where he just camped out on one of the work benches, since he couldn’t really spare any extra people to stand watch in his absence, what with everything going on. Gotta say, watching him munch away left me kind of boggled, because first of all, as bad as the Undercity smells in general, the APOTHECARIUM? Where they keep all the extra toxic chemicals and plaguey shit? Rancid stench squared. So how he could possibly choke food down and keep it down is beyond me. And second of all? His lunch of choice? Steak melt with three kinds of cheese and extra bacon. Kraggosh, Kraggosh, you seriously don’t want to live to see your daughter start school, do you? Come on, man.
The apothecaries looked to be carrying on their research as usual in the main chamber, but they’d set up a side room – the one they usually used to hold, ahem, Alliance test volunteers – as an area to work on bodies that had been affected by the anti-plague. Some mages were channeling a containment field to make sure nothing spread out of the room, and Dr. Halsey and Apothecary Zinge from the Royal Apothecary Society were inside decked out in those weird full-body gas mask hazard suits the Forsaken have.
Further updates from Faranell’s research: Whatever this thing is, it only seems to have any effect on undead. They ran tests exposing some of the Alliance prisoners to it, and it doesn’t seem to do anything to humans, dwarves, or even worgen. Just registered a big ol’ nothing. What’s more, even though the effect spreads very easily if other Forsaken get close to an affected body, every test they’ve run here indicates it’s not chemical or biological in nature. So even though we’ve been talking about it being “contagious,” that’s not really accurate. Hell, on that basis, I probably shouldn’t keep calling it an “anti-plague,” seeing as it’s not really a plague at all, except that you pretty much don’t get any more “ANTI” anything than not being that thing at all, so I guess as it turns out, the “anti-plague” name is pretty damn accurate, so take THAT and FUCK OFF, smart guy. Plus “anti-plague” sounds a lot cooler than “that weird shit what’s happening to the zombies.”
Anyway, though, it’s not biological or chemical in nature – it’s some kind of self-propagating magical effect. So we’ve also gotten a few warlocks down here to help with the research as well – orcs and blood elves, since we don’t have to worry about them being exposed. Best they can tell, it’s a strange balance of shadow and holy magic, held in some kind of…I don’t know…something about a matrix and counterbalances and some fucking…polarity of the neutron flow or some shit. Point is, it seems to have reacted to the traces of shadow magic that woven into the Forsaken plague – the part of the plague that makes its victims rise as undead afterward – and generated this effect that causes that same shadow magic to be purged off anything it hits. So the necrotic effects that make undead undead get dispelled right off. Which is way beyond anything even a top-flight priest or paladin could do.
Whatever it is, exactly, it all got started when Sylvanas’ people were working on their green goop down in Southshore, so I’m thinking if we’re going to get any answers, it’s time for a bunch of us still-living peeps to take a trip down there.
Arrival at the Undercity
I’ll say this for Sylvanas, she’s a gracious hostess. I arrived in Tirisfal Glades this morning by zeppelin (along with Mokvar, General Nazgrim and his attaché Captain Drok, and a few other support people), and Sylvanas rolled out the welcome wagon. Mounted Forsaken royal guards lining the path up to the ruins of Lordaeron, full banquet arranged to welcome us, VIP quarters, the whole nine yards. She definitely knows how to treat guests.
On the down side, HOLY SHIT does this place smell.
No, I mean seriously.
At one point while Sylvanas was showing us around, I said to Mokvar, “Fuck, did something die in here?” And it was one of those deals where right as soon as you say something, you realize what a bad idea it was, and Mokvar gave me the big wide “Seriously?” eyes, right as Sylvanas was starting to give me one of those uncomfortable “I’m not going to call you on it but you and I both know what you just said” looks, and yeah.
But still, fucking hell. Cannot possibly overstate the stink. Then again, I suppose that’s what you get when you build an entire city in a fucking sewer.
This also gave me the chance to check in with Bragor Bloodfist face to face for the first time in ages. Worth noting, by the way – even though he knew we were coming in today, for some odd reason he couldn’t be bothered to get his ass out to the front gates to welcome us with Sylvanas and, you know, the half-dozen other semi-quasi-dignitaries she brought with her. Which you would think he might make a point of doing, what with (a) it being his JOB to keep an eye on things and (b) it being his BOSS showing up. Anyway, our face time also gave me the chance to have one of the mages on hand cast a glowy shimmery glamour effect around Sylvanas’ head, point it out to Bragor, then smack him around a few times while making the point, “Her eyes are up THERE, fuckwit.” I seriously need to scrape up some better lackeys. Taking applications now.
We’re stopping by the Apothecarium (They actually call it that? Is that even a fucking word?) this afternoon to meet with Faranell and the rest of his people and see where things stand on their research. While that’s going on, Nazgrim is sending Drok down to Southshore to coordinate with Warlord Cromush and check on the state of things down there. More updates soon.
[Header image provided by regular reader and commenter ZugZug, used here with permission and many thanks.]
So much for the Frostwolves
Cromush has moved down to Southshore with some of his people, and has started trying to get the worgen back under control. Meanwhile I tried contacting Drek’Thar this morning to see if I could convince him to send some Frostwolf assistance down there. Granted, the last time somebody tried calling on him for aid, it didn’t especially go well, but I thought maybe the current situation might persuade him to reconsider.
So…yeah, so much for that idea. I tried making my case for sending some help, and he launched into this big epic speech about the honor of the Horde and the atrocities of the Forsaken, and how what’s happening to them now is just comeuppance for the crimes they’ve committed against all decency, and how he’d be damned before he so much as lifted a finger to help breathe life back into the rightfully dying embers of their misbegotten existence, and it was all really powerful and moving and badass. And then he shit himself. Man, old age is not kind.
At that point he got into this yelling, screaming argument with somebody who wasn’t even there, something about whether or not they’d stolen the last of the boar kabobs and given them to the man in the hat, and then he yelled at Galvanger to wheel him back to his room because it was time for his stories. And seriously, I really truly hope I die gloriously in battle at some point in the relatively near future, because I positively do NOT want to roll the dice on growing old.
Meanwhile, Sylvanas has been doing some more testing on the undead who’ve been…well…re-deaded? by the anti-plague thing. Her latest effort has been seeing if her Val’kyr lackeys can re-reanimate one of the bodies. No go there. Seems that whatever this anti-plague does, it not only purges the body of necrotic effects, but actually immunizes it against any more afterward. So no going all Ner’zhul on them.
So…still working on it. In order to help with the process, I’m going to make a trip to the Undercity with a few other key people. Hopefully between the bunch of us we’ll be able to come up with something.
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Death of the dead
I swear it’s just one damn thing after another around here. I guess when you’re Warchief there really is no rest for the awesome. I hadn’t even finished unpacking from my trip to Nagrand, when Sylvanas gives me the latest news from her neck of the woods, and it’s a doozey.
Just before I had left for Outland, Sylvanas’ people – or whatever the hell you want to call them – started running into some problems down in Hillsbrad. According to her, they started experimenting with some new strains of plague down there based on my orders…you know, when I was fuming and kind of, well, crazy. Anyway. While they were at it, though, and running some tests in Southshore, seems they set something off. Not like a bomb, that is, but for lack of a better word to describe it, it’s like they triggered some kind of anti-plague.
You know that thing in physics about how for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction? Yeah, me neither, because I wasn’t a fucking science nerd in school, but still. From the way Sylvanas tells it, it’s like this thing that hit them in Southshore was the equal and opposite reaction to their plague. Any Forsaken who were in the vicinity of the experiments got slapped back by it and…well…anti-infected. That is, it swept through those Forsaken and basically neutralized the necromantic magic that had reanimated them in the first place. So those undead got the “un” slapped clean out of them, and dropped right then and there, restored back to the forms of their original, pre-risen human and blood elf bodies. What’s more, the anti-plague has started spreading through Southshore just like a plain ol’ regular plague, which is turning the place into a growing pile of Forsaken corpses that aren’t even recognizably Forsaken anymore.
I’m having High Warlord Cromush send as many of his troops as he can spare down from Tarren Mill to try to secure the area while we work on figuring out what’s going on. In the meantime I’ll be trying to coordinate with Sylvanas’ apothecaries to figure this out. I’m guessing this might be the kind of thing some of the goblins especially might be able to sink their tinker-happy teeth into. As far as the Forsaken are concerned, Southshore is now a quarantined area.
And I know what you’re probably thinking, why am I going to knock myself out to keep this thing from taking out the undead? It’s not like I’ve ever been much of a fan of them, right? Well, for one, if you take the Forsaken out of the equation all of a sudden, now you’ve got a huge void in Horde forces in Eastern Kingdoms without orcs or tauren in place to maintain our holdings. Hell, as it stands now, even with this thing just taking out a chunk of the undead in Southshore, we’ve got worgen swarming in trying to make their move on the place already. Can you imagine what happens if it spreads up through Silverpine into fucking Tirisfal Glades? What do you think the Alliance will do if they catch wind that the Forsaken are weakened and Lordaeron is vulnerable?
So that’s one thing, the tactical side of it. And then there’s this: it’s my fault this is happening. Whatever this thing is, Sylvanas’ people set it off after I ordered her to start up her plague research again. I gave the order, she got her apothecaries going in Southshore, kaboom. By the time I came to my senses and ordered her to put a stop to it, it was already too late – news of the anti-plague was already on the way. If I hadn’t given them the go-ahead, there wouldn’t have been any plaguey business going on down there in the first place, and none of this would have happened. I basically ordered Sylvanas’ people to their (un)deaths without even knowing I was doing it. So I think I owe her on this one.
Updates to follow. I have a few meetings to get to today concerning all of this. I’ll keep you all posted on where this goes.
Monday mailbag
So not only have I not really done a decent mailbag in a while (the last one really opened up a pretty big can of worms, to be fair), but in light of recent events, I actually have a pretty serious influx of stuff to respond to. Let’s get right to the mail…
In light of everything you’ve been going through, I decided to take a trip to Demon Fall Canyon to pay my respects to Grom and Lakkara both. I’ve included a picture of myself at Grom’s monument below. Also, while you were traveling to Nagrand this week, I took the liberty of writing a post on the blog to encourage your readers to do the same. Hopefully they’ll follow my lead and send you some photographic proof that we’re all behind you, and thinking of you while you deal with everything that’s happened.
If you ever need anything,
–Spazzle Fizzletrinket, Orgrimmar
Thanks, Spazzle. Much appreciated. As it turns out, a bunch of other people did follow your lead, and my inbox ended up sort of flooded with e-mails and links from people chronicling their own visits. Here’s a smattering from folks who didn’t include an actual letter:
And a bunch here that Leit over at int i; posted as part of a full blog entry on the…well…pilgrimages, I guess, that Spazzle set off:
Condolences on the … recent disturbing events. It’s hard enough to lose a parent once, let alone twice. Know that the Horde grieves with you.
In other news, guess who I ran into the other day? None other than Faranell, the “new guy” in your guild. One of your Kor’kron guards has developed a rather innovative method for controlling the pace of Faranell’s research. He occasionally punts an abomination’s head into the sewers.
That’s Faranell in the middle, and Overseer Kraggosh on the right. He seems to be doing a fine job.
And lastly, Bowling for Wildhammer. You should try it.
(And yes, that’s an atypical hairstyle for one of us. I learned long ago that long, flowing locks and high-torque power shafts DO NOT play well together.)
–A Concerned Citizen
Hey ACC, good to hear from you, and thanks for the show of support. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but I’ll manage. Granted, I’ll sleep a lot better once ol’ You-Know-Who is finally captured and properly dismembered.
Speaking of dissected bodies, thanks as well for checking in on things in the Undercity. Did you happen to see any signs of Koltira Deathweaver while you were down there, by the way? Haven’t heard from him in months, and last anybody heard he was helping Sylvanas with some stuff out in the Plaguelands. Anyway…I’m sure the boys are keeping things under control down there. I’m still not totally sold on Bragor Bloodfist and the job he’s doing with the watching-Sylvanas-but-not-necessarily-in-the-right-way, but I’m sure Overseer Kraggosh is taking care of business. I actually gave him the Apothecarium assignment deliberately, in the hopes that maybe working down there could help grease the wheels on moving him up on the list of potential “donor” organ recipients. Not to jinx things, but the guy has a really bad family history, heart disease and such, to the point that most of the family pretty much treats it as a foregone conclusion. Want to know how bad it is? The name “Kraggosh”? Means “Heart of Cholesterol” in orcish. Yeah.
Also, Bowling for Wildhammer? You’ve got to fill me in on this one. Strangely enough, for all the meetings I’ve had with Zaela, somehow she never mentioned this little diversion in Twilight Highlands. Seriously, they’ve got some kind of blood sport out there called Bowling for Wildhammer, and she’s wasting my time trying to fucking push some damn SUSHI place on me over and over? The fuck?
Spazzle suggested we attempt to cheer you up by sending you letters and pictures of us honoring your dearly departed father and mother. I kept trying to take decent shots, but my stupid pet kept ruining my pictures. The attached one is the best one I have with out any sort of shenanigans.
While I am writing I would like to ask you a question. Have you ever considered settling down and starting a family? I am from the Armripper clan who has made a good showing in all the conflicts. I am young but not too young. I was a part of the events in Northrend and was there to help kill the Litch King. I was also helpful in bringing down Deathwing and the Twilight Cult.
The only deal breaker for me is that I must be able to keep my full stable of pets near me (ie in the house at all times). I love my pets so much and would never be able to settle down with a man that did not respect that. I have 25 of them, mostly large felines of various colorings. Each one is precious to me.
Awaiting your reply,
–Toka Armripper
Oh great. We’ve got another one.
I actually think I remember you from Northrend, Toka, from when I joined the troops in Icecrown Citadel to deliver Hellscream’s Warsong. My memory’s a little fuzzy on one point, though — you weren’t on of those fuckers who had a problem with the Warsong and wanted me to stop singing, were you? Because I’ll tell you in no uncertain terms, I have an enchanting singing voice, I don’t care what any of you people say.
I’m also totally fine with the pet thing. I mean, 25 cats is maybe a bit much, especially since you say you’re young, seeing as the Crazy Cat Lady thing usually doesn’t start kicking in until middle age at the earliest. (Also, that thing you said about being “young, but not too young”? Is this your way of telling me that you’re, you know, legal? Because assuming we’re talking over 18 here, “too young”? Ain’t no such thing. If there’s grass on the field, play ball.) But I get the appeal of pets — obviously I’m pretty attached to Mortimer, and he would definitely be a dealbreaker for me too, and I also have my worg Malak, who doesn’t get as much press as Mortimer does but also isn’t negotiable. So I get it.
That said, gotta be honest, I haven’t really given a whole lot of thought to settling down any time soon. For one thing, I have way too many things to focus on that are a lot bigger than just me. I have a war to win and humans to exterminate and the glorious future of an Azeroth-dominating Horde to secure, and my time and energy is going to be a lot better spent on that stuff than running around filling out a gift registry (which by the way, am I the only one who thinks that’s a fucking tacky idea in the first place? “Hey, here’s a list of the stuff we want you to buy us, because getting married all of sudden means we get to act like we’re 10 years old and everyone we know is Greatfather fucking Winter”) and getting measured for a tux. Which, also by the way, I don’t do bow ties. Chafe my neck something awful.
But even beyond that, have you SEEN Thrall since he got married? Look, I didn’t always agree with him, but even I wouldn’t hesitate to admit the guy was a badass. Now? Have you seen how he lets Aggra lead him around by the nose? I mean hell, even when he was busy fighting Deathwing, there he was, him and the Aspects and a collection of some of the Horde’s greatest champions, and they narrowly pull off this nail-biter victory that saves the world, and right in their moment of glory and triumph who just SHOWS THE FUCK UP like she OWNS the place? Yeah. Aggra. No thanks.
Besides, why would I want to settle down? Let’s be honest here — there’s a reason why I’ve ended up having to replace my bed upstairs in Grommash Hold 37 times since I took over as Warchief, and believe you me, it ain’t faulty craftsmanship.
Remembrance of the dead
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
[Guild][ProfHubert] if we only had a silver piece for every time one of us has said that lol
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, Warchief.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Evening, Sylvanas
[Guild][ProfHubert] hello sir
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who’s this guy?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Master Apothecary Faranell, one of my aides here in the Undercity.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He had asked about the guild while you were busy this week.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Prof
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We didn’t want to bother you with it while you were doing more important things, so we decided to go ahead and invite him.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Welcome to the guild
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hopefully that’s all right with you, Warchief.
[Guild][ProfHubert] thank you sir
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, that’s fine
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You guys can go ahead and invite people if you’re pretty comfortable with them
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re sure about who this guy is, right?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hey, Prof, based on your name, are you playing the teacher class too?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, sir. I see him in person on a daily basis.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, good
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I want to start being more careful screening people coming into the guild
[Guild][ProfHubert] no, actually this character is a zookeeper
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Of course, sir.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah? You don’t see too many of those around
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Did you get my message about the plague?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, sir, this morning. I was actually just passing word on to Faranell to put a halt to any further experiments.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fortunately we had only just recommenced our tests, as our attempts to work on a new plague had, of course, been shelved for quite some time.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, good
[Guild][ProfHubert] i noticed that yes
[Guild][ProfHubert] all the animals in the game are so mundane, i thought i might be able to find a way to enhance some of the breeds
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was just too angry for my own good when I gave you the go-ahead for that
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But then you probably already realize that
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Understandable, Warchief.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Can you do that?
[Guild][ProfHubert] we’ll find out, won’t we
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you dealing with matters a bit better now?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m not sure what would count as “better”
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to head back to Nagrand in a day or two to spend a little time
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Visit Greatmother, that kind of thing
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Probably wise, indeed.
[Guild][ProfHubert] brb
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Of course in a perfect world I would intercept you-know-who on my way through the Dark Portal
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If I might offer a word of advice, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s that?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Your anger at Magatha Grimtotem is certainly justified, but I would urge you not to let your desire for vengeance to preoccupy your thoughts too greatly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know only too well what it’s like to crave revenge against an enemy above all else.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I know all about you and Arthas, Sylvanas
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With all due respect, Warchief, I truly doubt that you do.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But you’re right, insofar as avenging myself on the Lich King occupied nearly my every thought for quite some time.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Worked out for you I’d say
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You got to see him dead
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes. And then I found myself with the minor dilemma of what else to think about.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If I might make a suggestion, Warchief.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This should be good
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No one would dispute that Magatha’s actions were monstrous, or that her motives were vile. You are right to be angry, and should fate present the opportunity, it is just that she should be called to account. This much is beyond contention.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In the interim, however, I would merely suggest attempting to focus less on what she took from you, and more on what she unwittingly gave.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The fuck are you talking about, what she gave?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, I’m certain that I do not need to tell you I am no stranger to loss.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard about the story about the Scourge in Quel’thalas a thousand times, Sylvanas
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There is that, yes. Countless numbers of my friends and family died that day.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh I mean, not to make light, but yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But even before the Scourge invasion…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You may or may not recall my dear sister Alleria, Warchief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] She was part of the Alliance Expedition into Draenor, following the Second War over twenty years ago.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] She disappeared there and has not been seen since. Even in all the time since the Horde and Alliance have come to frequent Outland, there has been no sign of her.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] She has long since been presumed dead.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, right, I know
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Look, Sylvanas, I’m sorry about your sister, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let me put it this way, Warchief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Do you know – do you have even the faintest idea – what I would give to have one more day with her?
[Guild][ProfHubert] dark lady
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Magatha’s deception was odious, Garrosh, beyond question, but Lakkara’s return, though illusory in one important sense, was also very much real.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] From everything I gather, her spirit was not a hallucination, or a glamour, or a fabrication.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It really was her, albeit a spirit and not flesh and blood.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And for several days, you were able to be with your mother again.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You were able to talk with her and hear her respond.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You were able to see her face light up with pride as you showed her the man her boy had grown up to become.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For all that’s despicable about Magatha’s doings and for all the rightful hatred you feel for her, Warchief, that much was a gift.
[Guild][ProfHubert] sylvanas?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I would simply urge you not to lose sight of that.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hmm. Maybe, I guess…
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment, Warchief.
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its dontrag sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but hello sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Crap, mixed you up again, sorry
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I even have that mod to try to keep you straight, too
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dont worry about it sir, we get it all the time
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Don’t know what it is with you two
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] guess we just have one of those faces
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um…I can’t actually see your faces here, Dontrag
[ProfHubert] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Warchief, I’m afraid I need to go for a bit. We have something of a situation here.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] huh thats true
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s going on?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] weird
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ll update you once I’ve had a chance to check on it myself, Warchief. Perhaps nothing. We shall see.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, have a good trip to Nagrand if I do not see you again before that.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Garrosh.
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged off.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, thanks, Sylvanas
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I’m talking to no one
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] so whats up sir
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Literally
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not a lot, Dontrag
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] La la la no one here but me, la la la stuck talking to a moron in /g
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh what the hell
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There once was a dwarf from Mudsprocket
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Who helped goblins work on their rocket
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] He tried to match wits
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] With two orcs, heads o’ shits,
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Until, throwing hands up, cried “O fock it!”
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] EPIC VERSE!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i don’t get it
You have logged off.
