Tag Archives: kor’kron
Live Blog: Storming the Bastion
Citizens of the Horde,
I write to you today from our staging ground at the Twilight Citadel. As you are no doubt aware, as I write these words to you, we are about to launch our incursion into the Bastion of Twilight; once underway, my chirographically proficient aide Mokvar will continue to update this space to keep you all informed of our progress – a process I am told is generally referred to as “live blogging.” Before passing full control of our communication over to Mokvar, I am taking the liberty here of offering these opening remarks to set the stage, as it were.
I arrived at Twilight Highlands with several Kor’kron detachments late last night, and immediately prepared our forces to move on the Bastion of Twilight. Zaela offered Dragonmaw support for our operation, even volunteering to accompany us herself; I cordially declined the offer – I believe my exact words were “I think you’ve done enough already, thank you” – and suggested that Zaela and her troops instead stake out the Twilight Citadel perimeter, a baby-steps measure of safeguarding from which she might benefit from practice.
[Never send a Dragonmaw to do a Saurfang’s job. –Mkvr., ed.]
It’s over to me now, by the way, so I guess I don’t really need the usual brackets. Mokvar here. I’ll try to keep posting these quickly. It’s going to depend on what’s going on at the time, obviously, but I’ll try to stay on task. Hopefully this will go well.
Keep refreshing this page to update – I’ll be continually adding to the post as we go along.
8:02 PM – Zoning into the Bastion now. We’ll see how this goes…
8:05 PM – All troops are inside. Already a bit peculiar — there are corpses of a couple of cultists here by the entrance. They don’t seem like they’ve been dead for very long. We’re moving in further into the major chamber.
8:08 PM – Well that explains that. In the big room just inside the Bastion, there were two more dead cultists, then on the far end of the room yet another one dead, along with one live Twilight cultist — in the middle of combat with Garona. She seemed like she was doing fine by herself, but Saurfang and the closest batch of Kor’kron jumped in to help finish the cultist off. It bears noting — he got the most hilarious look of “Oh, come ON” on his face just before they dropped him.
8:10 PM – Also, I just have to ask: don’t these guards look around at all? That is, sure, the cultists that Garona attacked before we got here were stationed in pairs, but they were also all within eyeshot of each other. Isn’t it kind of strange that each pair pretty much stood around keeping to themselves while Garona was killing their friends at the other end of the room? Just sayin’.
8:14 PM – Garona says she stealthed ahead to check out more of the Bastion before we got here. According to her, most of the cultists that are here seem to be clustered near Cho’gall’s old command room — the Throne of the Apocalypse. She says there were enough there packed close enough together that she didn’t want to risk stealthing in any further. There weren’t many Twilight’s Hammer people elsewhere in the place, other than these groups of guards near the entrance, so she decided to come back here first to make sure she’d cleared an escape path for herself just in case.
8:16 PM – Moving on further now with Garona on board.
8:17 PM – Hang on, AFK – combat!!
8:20 PM – Sorry, back.
We were about to head down the next hallway, but a portal opened up near the entrance, and about a dozen Twilight cultists came through and came running up on us from behind. Contrary to what you might think, crazed apocalyptic world-destroying lunatics don’t have the basic manners to lay off the guy in the back who’s just trying to mind his own business and write.
Anyway, Saurfang and the other made pretty short work of them just the same. I think we’re clear now.
8:21 PM – Spoke too soon. Another wave coming through the portal! Stand by.
8:22 PM – Seriously, why do these Twilight people always insist on coming at Saurfang in twos? After all this time, does the word “CLEAVE” really not ring any bells to these people?
8:25 PM – Give up your futile struggle, doomed fools! All is but chaos and darkness! The Hour of Twilight shall fall, and the sun shall set on your mortal realm! Accept the inevitable and embrace the end as we have!
8:27 PM – Yikes, sorry! One of those damn cultists freaking mind-controlled me for a minute there!
Funny he would make me write that, though, rather than, say, try to stab somebody. Then again, I guess even these cultists need an outlet sometimes. That and they’re insane.
8:29 PM – Cultists taken out. We’ve only lost two Kor’kron so far, so we’re handling them pretty well. Still, we’re going to hold position here and watch that portal. That’s two waves of cultists that have come through, so we don’t want to move on right off and be taken by surprise.
8:33 PM – Nothing coming from the portal so far. Saurfang has decided to leave a group here to stand guard while the rest of us use the portal and see what’s going on on the other end, wherever it is.
Saurfang’s also making a big point of us all going through together, and how he doesn’t want to go through, find himself in a room with a hundred cultists, look around, and see he’s all by himself.
I asked if he was worried he would be overwhelmed.
He said no, he just figures that that would give him a huge head start on the scoreboard and he wants to play fair by the rest of us.
Damn I love Saurfang.
8:41 PM – We’ve just gone through the portal, and this is a little eerie. The portal took us all the way to the heart of the Bastion — straight to Cho’gall’s old command room, the Throne of the Apocalypse. Based on the waves of cultists that were coming through the portal just a few minutes ago, I was expecting us to be swimming in them when we came out on this side, but strangely enough, the throne room is empty.
Empty, and a mess. The place is still in tatters from Cho’gall’s last battle here. The huge hole in the floor, leading down to Sinestra’s lair in the Twilight Caverns below, is still there and visible, but it’s been more or less covered by a series of wooden planks and platforms. All around the room there are different pieces of conjuring paraphenalia, much like the junk the Twilight’s Hammer had down in Ahn’Qiraj, only here it looks to be strewn all over the place, some of it broken. In the middle of the room there’s a heavy wooden prisoner’s scaffold — broken as well, nearly cracked into splinters in some spots. There look to be broken chains laying around it on the ground as well.
The biggest eye-catcher, though, is the fact that the room is littered with bodies — cultists of all races, several ettin, a handful of ogres. Most of the bodies look to be recently dead, many of them still seeping blood across the floor.
We’ve only just had enough time to take all this in, and now we’re hearing some commotion going on a ways down the hall, heading back out from the throne room. We’re on our way out now. Stand by.
8:44 PM – Just made our way through the Sanctum of the Ascended. Three more dead ettin here, and no shortage of blodd spattered all around. We’re still hearing noise from further out, but it sounds like we’re getting closer.
Saurfang and Garona are picking up the pace and growing visibly fired up by all this, and I can’t really blame them, considering the short list of candidates who could have a hand in this much damage…
8:46 PM – Heading down into the Twilight Enclave now — this is definitely where the noise is coming from.
8:50 PM – HOLY CRAP, they have a gronn!! (By the way, weren’t there only supposed to be a handful of gronn in existence? How do these Twilight Highlands cultists keep digging up extras?) Anyway, this one is pretty much as big as a gronn could get and still fit in here. It’s blocking the view of the far exit, and it’s got a gang of cultists swarming around it — not swarming like they’re attacking the gronn, but swarming like they’re all on the same side against a shared target, in the doorway.
8:53 PM – Okay, time to settle your bets on this one — it’s Garrosh!
Also worth noting that we were finally able to see him in the doorway because he just bladestormed down like half a dozen of the cultists.
And, with a patented “You answer to Saurfang now!” from the overlord, here we go!
8:56 PM – Well, here we were going to go. Just as we were starting to charge in, we suddenly found ourselves rooted in place by some kind of slowing field, then guess who comes swooping in on that freaky wind serpent of hers? Magatha Grimtotem herself! (Nerf earthbind totems!)
8:59 PM – A large chunk of the cultists broke off to attack our group. Including, you guessed it, two who ran right at Saurfang. Together. Why, seriously, why?
Meanwhile, Magatha’s landed and taken out a glowing, pulsating orb — is that the Doomstone? She’s chanting something and the orb is glowing brighter.
9:02 PM – …Only nobody really noticed that Garona was unaccounted for, and she just popped out of stealth behind Magatha! Stunlock! And pissed-off stunlock too, from the looks of it! Ha! (Nerf rogues!)
9:04 PM – Another bladestorm from Garrosh, and now it’s just down to him and the gronn. The only other cultists left are the ones busy fighting the Kor’kron…and they could probably be holding their own okay if it weren’t for the old guy cleaving his way through them.
9:05 PM – Crap. Saurfang managed to close in on the gronn to help Garrosh, but the gronn must have heard him coming because it just turned around and hit him with some kind of shockwave effect, which did a knockback on Saurfang and threw straight back into Garona.
9:09 PM – Okay, mixed bag here.
The good: Throwing down that shockwave distracted the gronn just enough that Garrosh was able to get a few good hits in on him, and by the time it got its bearing back, it was short…um…an arm.
Now — YEAH! — short a head!
The bad: Saurfang getting flung into Garona kept her from doing her stun-lock thing, so now Magatha is back up and remounted on her blasted wind serpent.
9:13 PM – With the gronn dead and the cultists pretty well under control, Magatha tried flying out the doorway away from us — as she swooped by, though, Garrosh managed to leap up and catch the wind serpent’s tail. Magath kept going and she’s carrying him with her away from the Enclave. Saurfang and Garona have collected themselves and the bunch of us who aren’t locked down the remaining cultists are heading up after them.
9:20 PM – We’ve made it back up to Wyrmbreaker’s Rookery. Magatha’s wind serpent is zig-zagging around, and it looks kind of shaky so maybe Garrosh has gotten in a few good swings on it while he’s been holding on. Still, though, between the wind serpent thrashing around and Magatha letting loose some lightning bolts, they just managed to shake Garrosh loose and dropped him on the rookery balcony, overlooking the Highlands.
Magatha pulled away with the wind serpent, but then she just stopped and pulled the Doomstone out again. I couldn’t hear from here, but she started saying something, maybe another one of her chants, and the stone started glowing insanely brightly in rapid pulses. Then she hit Garrosh with one more lightning bolt — looks like he just shook that one off mostly — and threw the Doomstone down on the balcony. It gave off an energy burst when it landed that pushed Garrosh back a few feet. It’s pulsing faster and brighter now, and giving out a humming that’s getting louder by the second.
9:24 PM – Crap, I think Magatha just overcharged the Doomstone! The pulsing is more like a strobe effect now, and the buzzing noise is going right through my ears. Magatha’s flown off from the overlook on her wind serpent, but right now I think we’ve got bigger things to worry about — Saurfang just grabbed Garona to pull her back and shoved everyone back from balcony.
9:25 PM – Yep, it’s gonna blow! If I’m still too close give my internet router to Spazzle…
9:26 PM – Garrosh jumped! He just jumped off the balcony to get clear of the blast!
9:30 PM – OW, my ears. And my eyes, too, for that matter. Wow that was explosion was sensory overload… Going to need a minute to steady myself here…
The explosion pretty much took out the entire balcony…there are chunks of the floor and walls still crumbling and breaking loose…cracks all around the room are going to make the place pretty unstable to move around in.
Saurfang just did a quick head count to make sure the bunch of us were okay. Garona’s already making her way over toward the ledge to see if there was anything down below for Garrosh to have grabbed on to…
9:34 PM – HA! The wyvern! Garrosh just came floating on up into view on his wyvern! It must have been flying around the Bastion and caught him when he jumped off! See, see, I told him it was a good-looking animal back in Ashenvale, but does anyone listen to me? Nooo.
Um, I mean, yeah! Garrosh is safe!
9:40 PM – Whew…. Okay, so we’ve gotten the cultists cleaned up, and Garrosh had landed and rejoined us (not too close to the cracked and unstable falling-apart room, mind you). Saurfang’s in the process of surveying the troops, but just eyeballing it I’d say our casualties were relatively light. Granted we lost Magatha, and there are still some gaps to fill in about what was going on here, but Garrosh and Saurfang and the rest can worry about that afterward. For now we’re just concentrating on gathering up and getting ready to bring everyone back home to Orgrimmar.
Stand by a minute, I think Saurfang’s going to want to wrap things up here before we head out.
Also I need to go find some aspirin.
Also Spazzle had better not have made off with my router.
Victory is ours, friends! And so, with Warchief Hellscream returned to us safely, the time has come for me to relinquish the mantle of leadership and return to my post in Northrend. I wish to thank you all for your support and your courage, and also for continuing to read this space which I have maintained for the Warchief as best I could. I trust Warchief Hellscream will resume his communication with you in short order, and I am sure he will look forward to hearing from you, his people, as much as you will no doubt look forward to once again benefiting from his sage words.
And with that, people of the Horde, I sign my final note to you. It has, as always, been an honor to serve with you.
Lok’tar ogar, friends. Honor go with you all.
-Saurfang
Not good
Dontrag and Utvoch are supposed to bring Skarr to Alcaz Island to set our trap for Magatha in a short while. The plan was to time things so that our forces take off from Bladefist Bay on the Doomhammer with JUST enough time to be there slightly ahead of them, then watch for Grimtotem activity. We’d probably have to improvise on the fly some, depending on how Magatha and company were tackling things, but considering the element of surprise we’d have going for us, and the superior numbers we’d be bringing, it would be fairly easy to adapt to whatever we encountered.
That was the plan.
We just had a major monkey wrench thrown into it.
Less than two hours ago, a Twilight raiding party attacked Bladefist Bay. The Kor’kron forces on hand fought them for a while, and ended up defeating them fairly handily…except that it seems like winning the fight wasn’t really the point of the attack. In fact, a big chunk of their forces were out of commission before the fight even really got rolling. Several of the Twilights were carrying saronite bombs. In the initial charge, they rushed the Doomhammer, boarded the ship, and set them off – killing themselves in the process. The other Twilight attackers really seemed to be there just to provide enough cover to make sure enough of the bombers got to the ship, and by the time we could had the situation under control, the Doomhammer was badly damaged.
It’s taking on water and going down in the bay as we speak. No chance of her making any trips to Alcaz Island, now or likely ever.
I really, REALLY don’t like the timing of this. Something’s going on, and it’s pretty damn hard to shake the idea that the Twilights know a hell of a lot more than they should. There’s absolutely no reason for them to specifically target the Doomhammer unless they’re trying to keep it from casting off. A random attack wouldn’t be so specific about taking out the ship, and besides, batshit though they are, the Twilights don’t do random.
We’re going to have to improvise something, and fast – Skarr should be on the move soon, and there isn’t enough time to get a messenger down to Dustwallow in time to have them delay the operation. One way or another, we’re committed.
Speaking of messengers, though, I’ve just had a courier arrive with a letter from Garona in Silithus. I’ll update shortly once I’ve had a chance to read it. Hopefully it’s good news. We could use some at this point.
Laying the bait
Sometimes I really hate my job.
When all this is over with, if it works the way we’re planning, it’ll all be worth it. I’ll be able to look back and say we stopped the Twilights, and finally caught Magatha, and I’ll even personally hand-deliver her to Baine to do what he will with her. Although, you know, if it’s going to be something painful, I’m really, really hoping I can skip to the front of the line of people who get to do it. But anyway.
It’s going to be worth it in the end, but that doesn’t mean that the things I need to do to get it to happen don’t still suck.
Everything is underway for the trap at Alcaz Island. Skarr is under lock and key in Dustwallow, and Dontrag and Utvoch are standing by to transport him to the island. I have a Kor’kron detachment ready to sail down from Bladefist Bay and slip in undetected by the Grimtotem. All we need now is for the Grimtotem to conveniently discover that we “know” where the phylactery is, and we’re being led to it.
And that’s the part that sucks.
The Grimtotem have been sending raiding parties down to hit Brackenwall Village fairly regularly. Nothing we can’t push back without a whole lot of trouble, but still. Now, though, we’re going to deliberately spread the ogre guards out and send scouting parties around the area, so the village itself has less of a defense force. So for one, we’ll give the appearance of a more vulnerable target, and two, when the Grimtotem finally do strike again, there will be few enough troops on hand that the stupid cows can feel like they’re actually putting a dent in the place this time.
In the middle of all this, I’m having a pair of orc couriers flee from the camp, and make it look like they’re making a break for the road back up to the Barrens. They’re going to be carrying a sealed letter from Draz’Zilb to me – basically notifying me that they’ve discovered the whereabouts of the phylactery, and Skarr will be leading us to its hiding place on Alcaz Island. When, where, all the RSVP details. The idea is that we’ll have the couriers take off during the attack, make sure they’re visible while leaving, and then let the Grimtotem catch them and take the letter and think they’ve made the big score.
And all that sounds fine. But here’s the thing. If the Grimtotem are going to buy this, we can’t make it too easy. We can’t just have a couple of our men stroll up to them waving a white flag. We can’t have them offering up the goods to save their own necks, or turning traitor to help them – the Grimtotem are a lot of things, but they’re not pants-on-head retarded, and they know us well enough to know that there’s no fucking way a pair of orcs would ever sell out the Horde to them, or go down without a fight.
So…they have to go down fighting.
They’ll make a break from the village, take just long enough to get out for the Grimtotem raiders to get after them, put up a fight, make it really seem like they’re hell-bent on getting through to the Barrens, and then, in the end…fail. Magatha will get the letter the only way she ever would – from their cold, dead hands.
I’ve talked to the couriers who are going on this mission. They know what’s being asked of them. I quietly rounded up some of our men and explained what was going on, what was at stake – the Grimtotem, and the Twilights, and Cho’gall, and Magatha and justice for Cairne – and told them this job was volunteers only.
Not a hand in the room stayed down.
I’d never been more proud to be Horde. (And they call us savages.)
In the end I chose two from among the volunteers to send. I made sure that the men going on the courier run were single, no children…we orcs have had far too many orphans and widows already, and I won’t have a hand in creating more if I can help it. They’re on their way to Dustwallow now, and soon enough the plan will be underway.
Like I said…in the end, it will pay off. In the end, the Grimtotem will be stopped. In the end, the Twilight’s Hammer will be prevented from getting their phylactery. Cho’gall will stay in the grave where he belongs, and Thrall will have a clear path to finish the job against Deathwing. Magatha will be captured and brought to justice, and maybe Cairne can finally rest a little easier.
I know that this is the right call. This is the only call. And I can live with it. I have to live with it.
Spirits forgive me.
Wherein I get clever and stuff
Okay, back to business.
I’m writing from Brackenwall Village. I just finished a strategy session with Krog, Drazz’Zilb, and Dontrag and Utvoch. By all signs, the Grimtotem here in Dustwallow are still hitting the Stonemaul ogres, and I’ve also gotten confirmation from Orhan Ogreblade that the Grimtotem in Feralas are still active around the Maul. So, that tells us that the Grimtotem still believe that the phylactery is being held by the ogres in one place or the other, and that they haven’t gotten wind of what’s going on in Silithus yet. Which means if we move quickly, we might have an opportunity here.
Here’s the thing: we know the Grimtotem operations in Feralas and Dustwallow were being coordinated by Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe. We also know that those two – along with a couple other high-ranking Grimtotem – are dead now, courtesy of (ugh) Johnny Awesome. And now that Magatha is on the loose again (oh and did I mention DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT FUCK YOU JOHNNY AWESOME FUCK YOU RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS), smart money says she’s going to be keeping a close eye on the search, seeing as the plan most likely came from her in the first place.
We’re going to get her. Keep reading for the nuts and bolts.
I’m having Skarr moved from Stonemaul Hold to Brackenwall Village, where the ogres will hold him until we’re ready to put the plan into motion. Then we’re going to let word slip out to the Grimtotem that we’ve captured a Twilight operative who knows where the phylactery is hidden, and is going to lead us to it. We’ll let them “find out” when and where, and at the set time we’ll even have Skarr transported to the location so there’s every appearance that the hand-off is going to happen. If we play this right, word will get right back to Magatha of what’s going on, and she’ll send her boys to try to intercept the phylactery. What’s more, if I know anything about Magatha – especially now that her main flunkies are out of commission – she’s not going to want to leave anything to chance. With any luck, she’ll come out of hiding herself to personally land the phylactery. And we’ll be waiting for her.
I’ve gone over the plan with Krog and the others, and I think we’ve gotten the final details sorted out. We’re going to let the Grimtotem think that the phylactery is hidden on Alcaz Island, off the Dustwallow coast. First off, it’s a remote spot without much reason for anyone to go to otherwise. Just as important, Drazz’Zilb tells me the island is covered with runes and conjuring circles from the naga mystics there, and so that should make it pretty easy to sell the idea that the phylactery is under some kind of magic lock and key, with Skarr being the only one able to get to it. This way Magatha will figure her best bet is to hit the island when we take Skarr there, rather than trying to get there before us and waste her time trying to track down a phylactery hidden who-knows-where that she can only unlock access to who-knows-how.
Meanwhile Garona will be holding down the fort in Silithus, where our Kor’kron forces will be set in position soon. Patrols already have the Silithus borders covered, so we know the real phylactery is contained. Just a matter of springing the trap there, and this should all finally be over. Still, it’s only a matter of time before word gets out about what’s going on there, so I don’t want to wait on Trap #1 before we set Trap #2. Or vice versa. Whatever. Number the traps in the order that makes you happy. Point is, I want to get the ball rolling on Alcaz Island ASAP. I’m heading back to Orgrimmar now to line up the final details. Updates soon.
Ahn’Qiraj
We’re not there yet, but things are starting to come together.
I met up with Garona in Silithus at the Scarab Gate. Based on the information we’d gotten from Skarr, the phylactery of Cho’gall is in Silithus (And by the way, did I mention I’m getting sick sick SICK of all the running around I’ve been stuck doing for this operation? Would it have killed them to set this all up within a few blocks?), and the final destination is going to be C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj – but since we didn’t know whether it was already there, or going straight there, or somewhere else in transit, we decided to hit the end point first and see if we could work backwards if necessary. So we met outside the ruins and made our way into the old temple.
It’s been years since Horde adventurers fought their way through that place and cleared out the Qiraji that held the area, but it’s still creepy as hell in there. The walls look like they might as well be alive, twitchy and slimy, and even knowing the Qiraji are gone, you still can’t help feeling like at any second some giant bug monster could jump out of the dirt at you. You end up walking through the place with the weirdest uneasy feeling, like you’re constantly tricking yourself into thinking you just saw something out of the corner of your eye.
We ran into a small pack of Twilight guards as we got fairly deep into the temple, and I probably don’t need to tell you how that went for them. (Heh.) We finally reached C’thun’s chamber in the heart of the temple, where we found a pair of Twilight cultists unpacking several crates of random conjuring doohickies and reagents, arranging them around the room… And by the way, as if the place didn’t already have enough creepy factor going for it, some of C’thun’s remains were still there. Dead for years and it’s still there, looking fresh enough that you’d half expect it to wake up. Maybe those Old Gods have something about them that prevents them from decomposing the way the rest of us do when we die. Curse of flesh, right? End to end, I’m pretty sure this stop is going to do wonders for my dreams come nighttime…
Anyhow… the cultists weren’t much more of an issue than the guards were, other than the fact that these guys needed to be taken alive, what with them probably knowing the most about what was going on. Still, it didn’t take too much doing to subdue them, and then Garona and I dragged them off into separate rooms to question them separately. No comment on how much beating either of them ended up taking. Just take my word that they’re both still alive. Mostly. Can’t go killing THESE cultists just yet, at least till we’re sure we don’t need any more info from them. Anyway, point is, we were able to get some information from them.
The phylactery isn’t in the temple now, but is being moved around the zone to prevent it from staying in one place for too long. There’s a Twilight agent going around with an entourage from camp to camp while the cultists here get everything ready for the ritual. Once they’re ready, they’re supposed to send up a signal, and the courier will know to make the final delivery.
I’m FAIRLY sure I can persuade them to fill us in on how they’re supposed to give the signal. (Heh.) Which means that (a) there’s no signal going out until we let it happen, and (b) we can control when it DOES go out. Which means, now we’re in business.
So here’s the plan.
Garona’s going to stay in Ahn’Qiraj while I head back to Orgrimmar and arrange for a Kor’kron stealth team to head down to Silithus quietly. We’ll move them into the temple, set up shop, and then once we have the place secured and have all the back exits and trap doors covered, we’ll give the signal for the Twilight courier to bring home the phylactery. After all, if it’s on the move all over the zone, why spend our time chasing it all over the place, when we can just have it hand delivered, right?
On my way out of Silithus I stopped at Cenarion Hold and talked to Commander Mar’alith. As a matter of fact, when we were first heading to Silithus, I kind of figured Cenarion support might be handy before all was said and done, so…spirits help me…I sent a letter to ol’ Lather-on-us in Northrend. I figured since he’s wanting to make nice with me now that he thinks I’m cutting back on the veal (HAH!), he might be able to put in a good word for us with his Cenarion friends. Pretty much just told him we’re working on an operation against the Twilight’s Hammer, who want to destroy the world, and if they do, it might be bad for the animals. That perked him up right quick.
So Ma’alith knew I’d probably be coming, and he’s agreed to help with the operation by stepping up the Cenarion patrols of the zone to make sure no cultists leave Silithus without us knowing. Meanwhile I’m having an entire battalion posted in the passageway between Silithus and Un’goro Crater, and putting the Kor’kron Air Guard on constant patrol around the zone. Between us and the Cenarions, nobody, but nobody, is getting out of Silithus without our say-so. Which means the phylactery is sealed up in Silithus, not going anywhere, until we get our people in position to spring the trap.
And speaking of which, on my way up to Durotar, I’m making a stop at Brackenwall Village to talk with Krog and the others.
Hold on tight, kids. I have an idea.
[Header image provided by Clara from Come Get tha Voodoo, via Rioriel of Postcards From Azeroth. Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Monday mailbag
Yeah, I know, just barely sneaking this one in under the wire today, but here we go…
Apologies for the belated response. Last week was my on-call week in the Horde Medical Corps, and we had our hands full keeping those boozehounds off Drek’Thar’s lawn. Came out well, though; we had most of the Lok’Tar, they had most of the Ogar.
Unfortunately, that caused me to miss EarthCon. To answer your question, yes, AE is a hybrid spec. You can find it in the Mechanical Engineering tree, but you have to look. Basically, they’re the guys who build and operate everyone’s flying mounts in Earth Online. It’s a nice spec, with a few serious drawbacks. First, there aren’t very many raiding guilds that can really use it. Which leads to the second drawback: if you get booted from one raiding guild, it can take a while to find another one that’ll take you. I’ve done OK with it, but I’m not sure I’d recommend it. It’s kind of like goblin engineering that way, you should stay clear unless you have a burning desire for it (emphasis on “burning”). That said, the teaser trailer for the next patch looks pretty awesome:
For the rest … yeah, we snooze, we lose. Oh well. As I said, Lor’themar’s not a bad fellow, just mostly useless.
–A Concerned Citizen
Haha, I like that – “We had most of the Lok’Tar, they had most of the Ogar,” that’s a good one. I’ll have to use that sometime.
So the preview video looks pretty cool…also kind of funny how they obviously modeled that rocket on the one that the goblins out at Area 52 have been working on. See, that’s one thing I really enjoy about Earth Online, how they manage to work in all these little references to things in the real world.
I might have to look at the engineer class at some point. Right now I’ve mostly been bouncing between the veterinarian I rolled originally, and the teacher class I made a few weeks ago. I know, I know, it’s just going to take me longer to get to max level if I don’t stick with one toon, but whatever. Have to say the teacher class seems like a high-skill, high-reward kind of thing. Most of the time it just feels like this huge uphill battle, but every so often if you manage to play a sequence really well, you get this huge Charisma buff and can convert some of the student hostiles into minions. Come to think of it, that could be REALLY fun and handy if you could maneuver it just right, and get the buff with a student pack that’s not like the gobliny nerds, but had more of a predisposition toward mischief and violence. Then you could have a really useful bunch of minions! I might have to work on that, it could be fun to have a little army at my disposal…
Also, since you brought him up again, let’s try to keep an eye on Lor’themar just the same. Nice guy or not, there’s something about that guy that doesn’t sit well, and given how things went with the LAST blood elf leader, I’d just as soon be extra careful with him. Oh and also, if you happen to find any powerful ancient magical weapons, don’t show them off to him. Bad enough the arcane crackhead is hanging around the Sunwell these days, last thing we need is to dangle more magic candy in front of him.
Continued thanks for your ongoing good work in Stonetalon. Your efforts will not be forgotten. We will be in contact soon with further updates. Appropriate reimbursement will be forthcoming.
–MGT.
Wait, how did this end up in my e-mail? Grebo’s dead! I buried him right next to Krom’gar. Which is to say, I tossed both their bodies into the same gulch. Fuckers.
Anyway, though, I guess when he died they closed his e-mail account, so I guess maybe it got auto-forwarded to his commanding officer? But that would have been Krom’gar, and he’s…ah. So forwarded again. Fuck, does this mean I’m going to start getting spammed with all their crap? I guess I should print this out and send it to his widow, seems like he had some kind of business venture going on on the side. So on top of everything else he was stirring up in Stonetalon, he was moonlighting to boot. Awesome.
I was just eating a cupcake with the most delightful lemon icing and it made me think of you. Would you like to share the other half of it with me?
Your most devoted admirer,
–Wega
Wait, are you hitting on me? Because first of all, I’m not completely sure from your name if you’re a girl or not, and don’t get me wrong, but I’m not into dudes. Not that there’s anything wrong—wait, what am I saying, there’s TOTALLY something wrong with…never mind. (The Kor’kron lawyers are telling me I have to be more careful about saying stuff like that.) Anyway, second, if you ARE a girl, you’re just going to go making my other mailbag admirers like Uukra jealous. Although…that could have its benefits, too.
So actually, let me put it this way – LEMON SQUARES OR DEATH?
Greetings Garrosh,
Based on all the good things you’ve mentioned, being Warchief sounds like a pretty sweet deal. How does one go about getting the job? And hey, it’s been a while since you’ve treated us to your poetry, surely you’ve been working on something! Can we see?
–Ambitious Near Astranaar
Well, ANA, this is your lucky day. Two birds with one stone, cue the origin cut-away…
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down.
And I’d like for you to listen, you won’t be bored.
I’ll tell you how I became the Warchief of the Horde.
In downtown Garadar born and raised,
Fighting ogres is how I spent most of my days.
Fishing with Dranosh every afternoon,
And hunting with Nesingwary ’round Oshu’gun.
When a couple of guys who were flinging some mud
Said Grom hooked the orcs on drinking demon blood.
I spent a few years moping – Greatmother had sass,
She said, “I’m getting Thrall up in here to pull your head out your ass.”
The Warchief rolled in and he showed me the truth:
Mannoroth said “You’re mine,” Grom said “STFU!”
Thrall said, “Stop being emo, you’re gonna go far!”
And I thought yeah man, come on, take me to Orgrimmar!
I pulled up into Durotar, after Northrend I’d hit,
But that’s when all the elements went fucking apeshit.
Thrall went to check it out, that’s when I scored,
And I took up my throne, as Warchief of the Horde.
EPIC VERSE!
Alliance are funny when their plans go to crap
Sorry I’ve been missing in action lately. The last few days have been pretty busy and I haven’t had much time to tend to the blog. That also means I kind of missed the last day of Hallow’s End for the in-character mailbag, but based on the responses I got, I might have overestimated how many of my readers are gamers. Seriously, though, you guys would like Earth. Give yourselves a break from Azeroth once in a while and try going there.
I ended up having a few delays leaving the Barrens, but mostly the big hold-up was in Mulgore. While I was in Thunder Bluff meeting with Baine, this big gang of Alliance wannabes came storming in to raid the place. Apparently somebody had the hot idea that they could roll on in and kill Baine and weaken the tauren. (Trust me, people, those cows don’t fold that easy.) So right in the middle of our meeting, these guys come charging in on us.
It was actually kind of funny – they obviously had this big fancy plan, all coordinated with some of them keeping the guards busy while the rest moved in, getting themselves in position to take on Baine…and then they come running in and see I’m there too. Seriously, you should have seen the “OH SHIT” looks on their faces. Priceless.
So Baine and I spent a good long while wiping the floor with the scrubs. We really should have made pretty quick work of them, but you know how stubborn and pig-headed those humans are – no matter how many times we slapped them back, they just kept coming and coming and coming, and it took for fucking EVER before they finally figured out they weren’t even putting a dent in us and gave up.
Gotta say, though, the one thing funnier than all of that is the thought that they also tried hitting up Orgrimmar first, fought their way through waves of Kor’kron guards, took all these massive casualties just getting into Grommash Hold…only to find I wasn’t even there in the first place.
Stupid humans.
Cool things about being Warchief
I recently had someone suggest that I maybe complain about things too much. While I personally think this is a gigantic steaming pile of horseshit, I thought I might try making a point of looking at the positive side of things. So here’s a list of some of my favorite things about being Warchief:
- You know when you’re running up to the zeppelin tower and you can see the zeppelin is there, and you figure there’s no way you’re going to make it in time but you run up the tower as fast as you can anyway, and against all odds it’s still there when you get to the top of the ramp, only in the time it takes you to get from the stairwell to the end of the landing platform the zeppelin it taking off and gets JUST far enough away that you can’t quite jump on? Yeah, well, that still happens. But when the zeppelin comes back again, you can have the pilot executed.
- When somebody pays the goblin dude on your tundra mammoth for repairs, you get a cut. A big cut, if Greeny McEasilykilled knows what’s good for him.
- Even though people seem to be trying to poison you with alarming regularity, you have food tasters to make sure everything you eat is okay. As an extra bonus, you can hand-pick which Alliance prisoners these food tasters are going to be. (I usually pick a gnome if possible. They turn the funniest shade of green just before they croak.) Most of the time, they’re so damn hungry and overjoyed to be getting anything to eat at all, they never even stop to think that anything is up. The looks on their faces – the “Oh SHIT, why the fuck didn’t I THINK of this?!” look – in that moment between the poison kicking in and when they drop dead? Awesome. Totally worth the price of knowing that there are unknown parties trying to kill you who apparently have access to your food.
- According to tauren tribal custom, anytime someone in the Valley of Wisdom bakes a pie, you get the first piece.
- When somebody says, “You’re no Thrall,” you can totally reply, “You’re right, Thrall would never just up and chop off somebody’s foot like that. Oh, I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? Pardon me. Please, let’s resume our critique of my job performance.”
- Due to a little-known technicality, the furbolgs of Timbermaw Hold recognize you as an Archbishop.
- If somebody, say, kills your dad, you can carve the dude’s remains into a throne and set it up in your war room. Think about that. Every time somebody comes to see you, you’re kicking back sitting on a chair made out of the FUCKING SKULL OF THE LAST GUY THAT REALLY PISSED YOU OFF.
- Bearer of the ultimate suck-on-it trump card at class reunions.
- Two words: Kor’kron strippers.
- As a point of honor, Varian has to welcome into his throne room any diplomatic emissaries you decide to send to Stormwind. This might not sound so cool, but it gets real awesome real fast when you make the emissaries eat nothing but beans and asparagus for three days leading up to the visit.
Monday mailbag
Well, I asked for questions, and you all obliged! Let’s have a look at some of this week’s mailbag – actual letters from actual readers!
Me a peon who read your blog. Me like reading words of my great warchief! And now you ask to hear from peons like myself? This what makes warchiefs Garrosh and Thrall great leaders! Me thank you.
You ask for questions from peons. Me have a question me want to ask, but was too scared. Me ask it now though. What happened to your head? When you went to Northrend it look like any other orc head, now it look like your head too small or your jaw too big. Me think you wounded in glorious battle, but never heard story of how.
Also me would like nap break in afternoon but overseer beat me and make work more. Me can has nap break?
–A Tired Peon
First of all, someone remind me to up the Razor Hill education budget next year, before we get another generation of peons grimlocking their way through writing a letter.
Second of all, ATP, the head thing. Yeah, I know. Don’t think I don’t notice the way people stare at me when they drop by Grommash Hold – and for realsies, you’re not fooling anyone, people. Acting like you’re staring in another direction and then glancing over when you think I’m not going to see? Totally not working. So I guess I might as well answer this once and for all.
So I’d like to say this was from some epic battle in Northrend, like me squaring off with Arthas, or even Anub’arak, and maybe having him unleash one of those swarms of locusts on me and they buzzed all over me and crushed my head down or some shit like that. But the truth of the matter is, it wasn’t anything that exciting.
Those of you who were up there in Northrend with me will remember my last operation was at Light’s Hammer just inside the gates of Icecrown Citadel. You might also remember that I spent most of that time hanging out there with Tirion Fordring. Who I’d already had my fill of, by the way, when I went to meet him with Thrall at his stupid-ass tournament place. (Like seriously, isn’t ONE pansy-ass traveling fair enough for the world?) So hopefully you people were all too busy forging your way into the citadel and fighting our enemies like the Horde soldiers that you are…but meanwhile I was stuck back there with Tirion…who pretty much had nothing to do for a good long time but talk. And talk.
On.
And on.
And on.
Like really, do you have ANY idea how blabby he is? The preachiness was bad enough, having to sit there and listen to his EIGHT MILLION AND SEVEN spontaneous sermons to no one in particular about the power of the Light and the need to work together against a common foe, and blah blah blah. But then he started going on for hours on end about his crazy uncle Lucius who used to live down the block from Andorhal, and thought he was King Llane, and caught Deadeye burning down a dwarf settlement in Loch Modan and forced him to retreat by beating him at Parcheesi, until he finally went off the deep end and painted himself blue and spent all his time running around Tirisfal Glades naked chasing bats with a wooden spatula, until the Kirin Tor snapped him up and locked up away in some padded room in Dalaran just to keep him out of trouble for his own good, and now Tirion feels like my day just won’t be complete until he tells me what kind of marmalade he liked to put on his toast in the morning, and I just couldn’t fucking TAKE it anymore.
So I just clamped my hands down over my ears as tight as I could and hummed real loud, and I guess I didn’t know my own strength and got carried away, because the next thing you know I’ve managed to squeeze my own fucking head down a couple helmet sizes. So good job there, me. Fucking Tirion.
Of course I suppose two years of Noggenfogger shampoo didn’t help matters, but that’s a whole other thing.
Speaking of not knowing my own strength…
I’m a warrior in the service of the Horde. I do pretty well on the battlefield, but I feel as though I can do much better. Could you tell me how you became so incredibly strong? Do you have a workout regiment, or did you acquire your amazing might through constantly crushing the enemies of the Horde under your boot?
–Revga, Orgrimmar
All of the above, Revga, all of the above. There’s really no substitute for beating the living shit out of real, live foes. For one thing, you never know what they’re going to try next, so it keeps you on your toes. Plus, you can really push yourself if you can find some real grade-A enemies to take on. Here’s where I think I might have an unfair advantage over a lot of guys, since I grew up in Nagrand. While some of the Horde here in Azeroth get started killing boars and wolves and bats, I got to get my exercise fighting hand to hand with giant fucking gronn and whole villages of ogres.
Besides that, I do have a workout routine that works pretty well for me. First thing in the morning I run a hundred laps around Grommash Hold. While I’m going around I get some extra arm exercise in by slapping the fuck out of all the pansy-ass vendors just standing around doing nothing. Especially Ray’ma, because trolls sound extra funny when you slap them around. Then I drop by the meat vendor (once she’s regained consciousness) and pick up eight pounds of roast boar for my breakfast. Gotta maintain your strength, and the protein’s good for muscle, you know.
After that I jog up by the rear gate of Orgrimmar where we keep all the siege engines, find one that looks pretty stable, and bench press it. Nothing too major, just a couple hundred reps. Then I head over to the arena and spar with some of my Kor’kron personal guards for a couple hours. The ones that live get to keep their jobs.
By that point most days it’s around lunch time, so I put Gorehowl away, hop on a wyvern (MAYBE I’LL TAKE MORTIMER THIS TIME, DEHTA BITCHES – THAT’S RIGHT, I FOUND HIM!), and fly down to Un’goro Crater…taking the scenic route up through Hyjal and Felwood then down around Silithus and through Uldum, of course (BECAUSE MORTIMER NEEDS HIS FUCKING EXERCISE TOO). When I get there I find a couple devilsaurs, beat them to death with my bare hands, drag them over to Fire Plume Ridge, and hold them over the lava till they get a good sear. Then it’s lunch time. When I’m done I head over to the eastern cliff face to get some rock climbing in, and scale my way up into Tanaris. From that point I jog over to the shore and usually drop by the Caverns of Time, or as I like to call them, the Caverns of Did I Beat My Best Time. Right now I’m sitting on 34 seconds. BEAT IT IF YOU CAN. If you don’t believe me, just take it up with Anachronos, he’s usually the one holding the stopwatch, even if it’s kind of a funky-looking melty one. Anyway, from there I jog on over to the shore and get in my afternoon swim. Which in my case means I swim from Tanaris right on back up to Durotar.
So I know what you’re thinking at this point: Wait, Garrosh, you just said you had lunch a little while before this, plus it was devilsaur, and we all know how heavy that can be – isn’t it bad for you to go swimming a short time after you’ve eaten? And the answer is yes, yes it is….IF YOU’RE A GODDAMN FUCKING PANSY.
Once I make it back to Orgrimmar, it’s usually time for afternoon tea.
At that point I usually have some Warchief crap I have to take care of, so that’s about it for the workout. As you can tell, being this awesome is a full-time job. You don’t just get a body like mine for nothing. And speaking of taking an interest in my body…
Heyyyy mighty Warchief Garrosh Hellscream, you don’t know me I’m your biggest fan EVAH!!!
And I’m an orc, and a gal, so please answer me… what color panties do you prefer in a woman? *hint hint nudge nudge*
Your faithful fan & minion
–Uukra the Hallowed
You know, you’d be surprised how often I get questions like this. Like seriously, if it was ANYTHING like this for Thrall, I don’t know why the hell he would want to get married.
So, Uukra, to answer you. When you come right down to it, I’m basically a soldier at heart, so I’m going to put this to you in military terms. One word: commando. 😉
I mean, I know that’s how I roll.
Yes, you read that right. Soak up THAT mental image. You’re welcome.
Since you mentioned Jaina Proudmoore in your post about Thrall’s wedding, and I figure you must be in the know, I just have to ask about those two. You know what I’m talking about. Did Thrall ever, um, you know?
–Grimgore, Orgrimmar
Jaina? Oh, geez, dude, who HASN’T?
Other than Lor’themar. Obvious reasons.
That’s it for this week, but keep those letters and questions coming! YOUR WARCHIEF DEMANDS THEM!
