Tag Archives: stupidity
The fine art of persuasion
So brace yourselves for this one – Lor’themotherfucker’s blood elves, who insisted I give them the chance to interrogate that mogu Shan Kien about the Divine Bell? Guess what they turned up for us? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
I know. I’ll give you a minute to sit down and recover from the shock.
Recovered yet? Okay. Moving on.
Anyway, after I’d given the elves time to establish yet again how completely and utterly USELESS they are, I sent orders for them to deliver Shan Kien over to the Kor’kron up in Kun-Lai summit. By this point, Regent-Lord Eyepatch was back in Silvermoon on his prolonged post-sha-box crying jag, so I had the good fortune not to have to deal with a whole lot of complaining and protesting from his people when I sent the order. I had Malkorok go up with his Kor’kron to receive the mogu at Garrosh’ar Advance – a small base we’d set up a ways north of Eastwind Rest – and wait for my arrival.
When I got there, by the way, Malkorok managed to get himself into another one of his cranky moods. He was eating his lunch at the table we’d set up at the camp, and when I arrived he turned away from it to order the Kor’kron to bring Shan Kien out for me…whereupon Mortimer wandered over and, yep, you guessed it, polished off Malkorok’s food. Mortimer seemed only too delighted — then again, who can blame him, seeing as I think that sandwich had bacon on it — although Malkorok was not pleased. But I think he kept himself reined in since he could see what a kick I got out of the whole thing.
Of course, as I was getting ready to leave the Sanctum of Two Moons with Blademaster Ishi, Baine overheard where I was going and decided to tag along to keep an eye on things. Because…well…I don’t know, I guess he thinks that when you’re dealing with an agent of a malevolent enemy bent on world domination, it’s really super important that you be nice to him. Or something.
I’ll grant, though, Baine did turn out to be handy. I put in a little time trying my own brand of charm and persuasion on Shan Kien, but after a while my knuckles were getting sore, and that was when Baine suggested we use some Pandaren concoction called Memory Wine that would let us peek into Shan Kien’s memories and see where the Divine Bell had been hidden. Which, by the way, um, WHY DIDN’T HE MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT THIS STUFF BEFORE YOU KNOW I BET THAT SHIT WOULD HAVE BEEN HANDY DON’T YOU THINK GUYS?
Ugh.
So, we got a volunteer to try out the Memory Wine, and got a peek of Shan Kien sealing up the Divine Bell in a mogu tomb somewhere along a mountainside. The whole thing went surprisingly smoothly, other than the fact that while we were using the Memory Wine, it seemed like every couple minutes we had problems with the yaks we had with us suddenly running around all spooked. Which started getting on my nerves after a while. Anyway, since Gurtash is sort of our resident artist, I’m having him flown up to work up some sketches of the place to help guide the search parties. I’m having Ishi stay up here to organize the scouts and coordinate. Meanwhile, I’m going to check in at Domination Point and maybe look into a contingency plan or two.
Shadow boxing
Well, this just goes to show what I know.
After our whole SNAFU with the sha claw, Regent-Lord Eyepatch went back to Silvermoon to personally supervise his people’s study of that sha box we recovered. Before he left I tried to impress on him the importance of that project (I believe my exact words were “This is actually important, unlike everything else you’ve ever done in your life, so try not to make a giant fucking mess this one time, Lori”), and after leaving him to his devices a couple days, I sent some people up to Silvermoon to check on him and try to prod things along.
I just received a report back from Eyepatch. And so, remember last time, how uneasy I was about having to rely on the blood elves for all these important jobs? All the angsting I was doing over whether they could pull this off, rather than defaulting back to their standard “giant fucking mess” M.O.? Well, after all that handwringing I was doing, you would probably expect Ponytail’s blood elves to find a way to pull off some spectacular new level of fail.
AND YOU WOULD BE RIGHT.
Let’s even set aside the fact that Ponytail started out crying about how anyone who tried to probe the box magically ended up being affected by powerful, negative emotions, because hey, it’s totally fair for him not to think of that possibility what with him being RIGHT HERE WITNESSING THAT VERY SAME THING HAPPENING WITH THE KOR’KRON NOT THREE DAYS AGO. But then, we’ve long established that these blood elves aren’t exactly world-beaters when it comes to seeing things coming (DRINK). So, moving on, witness fuckuppery the next: even AFTER having these problems with the crazy outbursts, Ponytail’s peeps kept plugging away, and ended up releasing some kind of sha creature that had been sealed in the box. In a room with a couple of his mages and a handful of guards. And nobody else.
So okay, let’s recap that for those of you keeping score at home.
AFTER traveling around some of the sha and mogu sites in Pandaria…and AFTER being on hand for our failed Kor’kron experiments with the claw… Eyepatch brought the box back home to Silvermoon…so he could stick it in a basement with minimal guard and a grand total of two magic-users on hand to work on it. And then released a beastie that proceeded to kick the snot out of his generously snotty elves. To the point that if some of MY people hadn’t been on hand to save the day, that sha thing might still be running roughshod over Silvermoon and we’d be having to get Sylvanas to send a task force over to bail them out. (And by the way, don’t think for a minute that THAT wouldn’t make half the blood elf population drop a brick in its collective panties – HEY LOOK GUYS THERE’S AN ARMY OF UNDEAD HEADED THIS WAY OH SHIT NOT AGAIN.)
I mean, there are at least half a dozen reasons why that’s just a spectacular steaming heap of fail, but the winner right off the top of my head, I think is… WHY DID YOU EVEN BOTHER BRINGING THE DAMN BOX BACK TO YOUR HOME CITY if you weren’t going to positively SURROUND it with an entire fucking LEGION of your very best troops? You go to all that trouble for like five guards? Hey, guess what, Eyepatch, we could have put our sha junk under the watch of five random assholes right here in Pandaria.
LIKE HEY HOW ABOUT THESE GUYS EVEN, REMEMBER THEM?
So yeah, this is what Lori is crying about this week. Well, today. The week is still young. Meanwhile, he’s already sent me four messengers, with each of the last three delivering an extra addendum to his written bitch-and-moan fest. They’ve been arriving every couple hours, so I’m just imagining him sitting around in whatever palace he has up there (I’m guessing pink features heavily in the décor), sending off a letter, and then as soon as the messenger leaves, grabbing another parchment like “AND HERE’S ONE MORE THING!”
I did send him a response back to the first one. Although…just to amuse myself, I addressed it to “That guy in Silvermoon, you know, the one with the poofy hair.” I’m not sure which thought amuses me more: the amount of time it’s going to take them to narrow it down to Ponytail, or the look he’s going to get on his face when he sees it.
I know, I know. I’m a stinker.
More soon.
“‘Lori’? Seriously?”
Monday mailbag
So, since Gurtash has been taking his damn time with the next set of doodles of what went down at Tian Monastery, I figured I’d take advantage of this break in the action to check on the mail. Let’s see what you peeps have for me this time…
After perusing some of your past mailbags, I’ve decided to go ahead and ask the question that I’m sure many people are wondering but no one seems willing to ask.
You do realize that Bob is really Vol’jin, right?
–Tandeleina, Silvermoon City
Okay, so, on the plus side: Thanks for writing, Tandeleina.
On the minus side: What are you, a frigging idiot?
First of all, okay, I know that that Bob jackass is always writing from the Echo Isles, and the Echo Isles are troll territory, but that doesn’t mean he’s Vol’jin. I mean, come on, sure the trolls are all weak and scrawny and stupid and lazy and pretty much useless, but you can’t assume because someone’s a troll that he must be Vol’jin. That’s just fucking racist.
Number two, even if the Echo Isles thing was enough to send up a red flag, a few weeks ago I got a letter from Bob, AFTER Vol’jin had been killed in the line of duty in Pandaria. So that should settle that.
But let’s say you’re really stubborn and paranoid, like those damn “the Cataclysm was an inside job” conspiracy people, and you’re still not convinced. Check this out. All of these letters I get for the mailbag are either hand-delivered standard-mail letters, or, mostly, e-mails. With the exception of his very first letter, all of Bob’s messages have been e-mails. Now, when I copy these letters, I don’t usually give out people’s e-mail addresses, because I figure most of my readers get enough creepy porn spam as it is (have you SEEN some of my Google hits?). But I see the addresses. You know what Bob’s is? Check this out: definitelynotvoljin@gmail.com.
So yeah. I bet you’re feeling pretty stupid now, aren’t you?
Regarding our esteemed Regent-Lord … well, some of us DID offer you the opportunity to replace him.
— A Concerned Citizen
Yeah, yeah, fine, ACC. Enough with the I-told-you-so’s. How was I supposed to know Regent-Lord Hair-Care was going to turn into this much of a willowy hemorrhoid? For like two years I didn’t even know he was there. Hell, I STILL can’t remember his actual fucking name half the time. Why do you think I give him so many nicknames? I mean, other than it being damn entertaining seeing what shade of purple he turns right before he throws a hissy fit over it.
Oh, speaking of which, after I wrote about ol’ Eyepatch a few days ago, his latest thing has been bitching and crying about the crack I made about…well…his eyepatch. I make one little joke about his loss of an eye and apparently it’s a big fucking deal, because (a) I may or may not have been the one who put his eye out while I was slapping him around a little while back (without the “may not” part), and (b) at the time I kept him around basically to tell him to STFU already rather than letting him run to a shaman to maybe get the eye patched up (OOPS I’M SO INSENSITIVE) fixed while they had the chance. I mean I’m pretty sure he was going to end up blinded in that eye anyway, but…I don’t know. Maybe they could have done something to make it less gross? Beats me. So yeah, fine, whatever, I didn’t save the eye that couldn’t see. My bad. Suck it up, Cyclops.
I hope you are doing well. Things have been a bit dull in Orgrimmar with you off claiming Pandaria for the glory of the Horde. I’ve taken up Earth Online to fill the time in the day when I normally would hang around outside Grommash Hold hoping for a glimpse of you. I even adopted a little white dog as my pet, although he’s something called a Bichon Frise, not a terrier like your Sawyer. His name is Sherpa.
What server are you on? Maybe I could come visit, or even join your guild? I bet Sawyer and Sherpa would have a good time playing together.
So would we.
Yours,
–Wega
You know what? I’ll be honest with you – I’m really torn here. I mean, on the one hand, I’m pretty sure I’ve already got enough crazy stalkerish women in my life without giving another one an invitation to come hang out in my guild. Also Wega’s not winning any bonus points for the whole “hanging around outside Grommash Hold watching for you” thing, because for real, people, is it just me or is anyone else picturing her writing this letter in a candlelit room that has a zillion pictures of me tacked up all over the walls? Because SHE WON’T BE IGNORED, GARROSH.
On the other hand, in a really weird, sick kind of way, I can’t help but feel like we could be looking at a real /popcorn situation if I were to toss Wega into the same guild chat with Garona. Dunno. I may have to think about this a little.
Anyhow, cute dog there, Wega. I’ll get back to you. In the meantime, please stop camping Grommash Hold. I’m not there now anyway, and I have it on good authority that you’re creeping Eitrigg the fuck out.
Recently, I had the opportunity to try Earth Online. I was intrigued by this amazing other world and the array of stories to follow. The toon I created is a cook for an American restaurant that I’m working to a world-class chef. However, trying to pass Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen dungeon has been a real pain in the…but I digress.
I discover in the game, Earth Online, what they call a movie theatre. When I clicked on it and paid the money they required, a wonderous cut scene occurred called The Avengers. It was amazing moment of entertainment about this colorful heroes saving Earth from an alien invasion.
Have you seen it? If not, you may want to.
There was one large hero that reminded me of you. One called Hulk. He is really big, angry, and likes to smash things.
Again, I digress.
The reason for my letter is to ask a simple question. If a movie were made of you, which Earth Online actor would you want to portray you?
Sincerely,
–Quelita, Tarren Mill
Thanks for writing, Quelita. I’ve talked about this before, but yeah, it really is impressive how much work they put into the game world, what with the cinematics and the readable in-game books and so on. It’s actually kind of scary how much time you can lose just checking that stuff out.
Before I get to your question, I’ve got to address one other thing you mentioned – the Hulk. Now, I haven’t seen The Avengers, and I’m not planning to, PRECISELY because of that character. Usually the people over at Genesis Entertainment do a real bang-up job putting together these cut scenes, but I seriously don’t know WHAT the fuck they were thinking putting in that Hulk character.
I mean, think about it. Here’s this guy who flies into a rage – or, a BLOOD HAZE, IF YOU WILL – and gets bigger, and stronger, and turns all crazy and aggressive and destructive, and HE TURNS GREEN.
Um. SERIOUSLY?
RACIST much? The FUCK, Genesis?
Okay, so that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Now for your question – which, I’ve got to say, is a pretty good question. I hadn’t really given much thought to who I would cast in a movie about me, not least of all because, let’s face it, nobody’s going to bring enough awesome to the table to do me justice, so I should probably just play myself, only we’re talking about an Earth Online cinematic, not real life, so I couldn’t actually do that, so there goes that idea. Fuck.
So okay, let’s break this down.
Obviously you’d want someone who would be physically believable as me – so we’re looking at somebody with a strong physique, who you could buy as a powerful, badass fighter. Bonus points if he can carry off the bald look. A track record as an ass-kicking hero type would be pretty important too.
Hmm. Okay, so this guy wouldn’t be TERRIBLE, but…I don’t know. I mean, fine, he was plenty strong when he was playing the Thing, but his build really isn’t so much powerful as it’s…just kind of big and lumpy. Plus, I’m not crazy about the language skills – maybe it was just the script he was stuck with, but honestly, I just don’t see EPIC VERSE coming from this guy.
Oh and speaking of the script? Both those Fantastic Four cinematics he was in pretty much sucked. Moving on.
Okay, this is a little better. Maybe not blowing you away with the big, powerful build, but he’s definitely got the action-hero street cred, and he can rock the bald thing in no uncertain terms. So that’s the up side.
Down side… Well, first of all, as much as he has the badass track record, dude is just old at this point. He’s supposed to be, what, 60 at this point? All the credit in the world for the stuff he’s been in up till now, but come on, nobody’s going to buy a 60-year-old as a don’t-fuck-with-me badass. (DO NOT TELL SAURFANG I SAID THAT.)
Still, I could maybe turn a blind eye (LOR’THE’MOTHERFUCKER APOLOGISTS: DRINK) to the age thing, but this guy has another strike against him: by and large, he tends to go the softspoken route with his characters. Sort of the strong but understated type. Which is fine, it totally works when he does it, but I don’t know if he can flip from that to go larger than life. You know, LIVING IN CAPTIAL LETTERS. I’d be a lot more comfortable with somebody I knew could really project and command the room and put some authority in his voice. Bonus points if he’s not afraid throw some strong language into the mix while he’s at it.
Okay, NOW we’re getting somewhere. Long track record as a no-fucking-around badass? Check. Looks good with no hair? Check. Volume dial on his voice goes to eleven? Check. “Fuck” is like “good morning” to him? Double and triple check. Believable laying down some epic badass dialogue? YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS CHECK. Experience with an awesomely kickass melee weapon? Check.
Granted he might be a little up there in years too, but whatever, I’m not going to get too hung up on that if everything else is lining up.
Okay, hang on, I already told you about the Saurfang thing. Hmm. You know, I’m starting to think this guy might have a little TOO much attitude. I’m not going to take any sassing from someone pretending to be me. Dude’s gotta remember who’s the original and who’s the economy pack here.
Okay, so let’s refine this to the really key components. Strong, powerful, don’t-fuck-with-me badass. Track record doing action. Commanding voice and a willingness to turn up the volume. Able to throw some words together and maybe even lay down a rhyme. Can carry off non-standard hair. And hey, while we’re at it, since he’ll have to wear Mannoroth’s tusks and some earrings like I do, it’d be good to know this is someone who can lug around some ornamentation and make it look cool.
Oh HELL yeah. Sold. Done. Check please. The end.
That’s going to do it for this time, but as always, keep those letters coming to garrosh1337@gmail.com. It’s great to hear from you guys, and answering your questions is always good times, so don’t just sit there like an asshole, write in to your Warchief now. I PITY THE FOOL THAT DOESN’T.
More soon.
Mogu relics and panda oversights
Let me just say again, this Sanctum of Two Moons is a pretty awesome place. I could totally get used to hanging out here. That is, if I didn’t have Lor’the’motherfucker hanging around grumbling the whole time.
It took a lot of poking and prodding, but I finally got SOMETHING useful out of those blood elves, though. Belloc Brightblade and his Reliquary dug up some mogu ruins to the west of here – those would be the race that ruled Pandaria before the pandas overthrew them – and found records of a relic called the Divine Bell. From the sound of it, one of the past mogu emperors was able to use the Divine Bell to supercharge his soldiers’ power, which sounds like something that would be damn handy. There are more mogu ruins in the mountains to the north, so I’m having Regent-Lord Ponytail send his people out there to get to work and see if they can track down what became of this Divine Bell.
While they get started on that, I may do a little exploring around these parts. Gotta say, Pandaria seems like a pretty cool place. Not least of all for all the food and beer.
One thing strikes me as a little odd, though. Follow with me on this. So, Pandaria used to be ruled by these mogu, and now apparently they’re back stirring up trouble again. Fine. And these mogu used to have the power to take living souls and fuse them into stone, so that the stone could be animated and made to serve them, and become like a living stone weapon. And if you look around here in Pandaria, there are mogu ruins and statues, like, everywhere.
So…explain this to me, first of all. If you were ruled and oppressed by a race for thousands of years…and you overthrew them and freed yourself…and you knew these enemies had the power to, like, make statues COME ALIVE AND KILL YOU…once you’d defeated them, wouldn’t you, I don’t know, GET RID OF ALL THE FUCKING STATUES? Is it just me?
So, okay, that’s weird enough as far as oversights go. But check out part two. So okay, I guess the main line of defense that these pandas have going against the mogu is a group called the Golden Lotus. And the Golden Lotus people have their main base of operations here in the Vale of Eternal Blossoms, at a place called the Golden Pagoda. Here, have a look:
Now that much is fine. But see if you can spot the problem I’m seeing in their decision-making here.
…Yeah.
EPIC anti-motivation
Just a quick follow-up today on yesterday’s post. Since Gurtash really did manage to capture the…difficulties of being Warchief around this particular cast of characters, and some of you seemed to pick up on it, I thought I’d provide you with a little bonus material. So here, first and foremost:
And here:
I’m getting ready now to take a trip up to the Shrine of Two Moons, up in the Vale of Eternal Blossoms. Malkorok has been up there advance-scouting things along with the Reliquary crew. It’ll be interesting to see what they’ve dug up.
More soon.
Thinking outside the box, coloring inside the lines
So, now that I’m no longer (mostly) dealing with the damn boss-level Pandaren flu, I can get back to a few things I’d been wanting to update you all on. A few days ago, just before the last wave of ships arrived from Kalimdor (along with the always-delightful former chieftain of the Darkspear trolls), I noticed Gurtash on some down time doodling pictures of the base and some of the officers. It got me thinking that maybe the kid could provide me with an outside-the-box way around my whole lack-of-a-scribe situation.
What’s that? You don’t follow how Gurtash drawing could help me keep my transcription needs covered until Mokvar’s back on board? Well here, have a look for yourself at the kid’s first practice project from the other day:
* Sylvanas baited D&U into asking Overlord Cliffwalker about this here.
Not bad. I mean, it’s pretty doodly, and his proportions need work, and let’s face it, it doesn’t come anywhere near capturing my level of awesome, but to be fair, that would be too much to expect him to get on paper in one pass anyway. Kid’s only fourteen, after all. Overall, though…yeah, I’m thinking Gurtash may have found himself a new part-time job.
Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition
Hi, everyone. Spazzle here. Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.
And/or Earth:
You have logged on.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i could swear we’ve talked about this before
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, Spaz.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] again?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] really?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old! ^_^
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i really dont think so
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement? Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] cliffwalker
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] overlord cliffwalker
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh maybe
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no not maybe ut UGH
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey Ji
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi mokvar
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] you know maybe she has a point
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’ll go find him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no ut u idiot dont listen to her
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh dammit
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] feeling ok?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I’m fine.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Personally, that only supports my original point.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You are having entirely too much fun with this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I really am. ^_^
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, watch this.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] b
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what does b mean
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, has garona been on lately?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i know its a letter
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what spirit
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] like a ghost or something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] she IS the banshee queen
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe it’s someone over in the undercity
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell! ^_^
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] 😉
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’ll see you and raise you…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] She might just be logging on at odd hours.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oooh, trumped by the goblin!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m confused
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And all is right with the world.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no but like
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i know b is a letter
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but what did u say it for?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um ok
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You did. You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya ok i see that
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And so I said “b”.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya but how come?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters. Is that not how this works?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that was y like in why
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh. Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no my keyboard is ok
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] it saves time
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, were you in a hurry?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you going somewhere?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh wow really?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s mail?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Um
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah there is.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh… oh wow.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no its just faster
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha yea
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I see. Hurry up and wait.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait for what?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yea but he’s level 27
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m not utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you say.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya so i say cuz i am
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean i’m not
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] not utvoch
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] y
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] q
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] g
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] w
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i mean why
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] y would you think that?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] but i’m dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok fine then
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’ll go ask him
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] and watch what he says
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya me too
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] anyway whatever
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If that works for you, Ed, sure.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] be back later
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] where are you guys going?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Goodbye, Utvoch.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later ut
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ugh
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] fuck it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle
[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what are you going to be doing up there?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] there’s a place called timbermaw hold
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh yeah, the furbolg
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] come to think of it
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] would you like to come?
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Everlook, yeah.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] so you know them up there, spazzle?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kinda racist
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] um
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] i mean
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kidding
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] oh
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] whew
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Someone’s feeling lively today.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] because of the archbishop thing
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh yeah, that’s right.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Pardon?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Still, just as well I suppose.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nor I. I would imagine he’s still in transit.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ah ok
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Let me check something, actually.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.
[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi puff
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And as if in response. Well played, universe.
[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] bartleby, it was a little under two days
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey honaleepuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey leslie
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HELLO EVERYONE
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, okay. And that was flying. By sea would be longer, I would figure.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hi mbc
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, you two. Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] flying from where?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How charmingly codependent.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] pandaria
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh wow small world
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] my friend is on his way there now
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh really, Leslie? Business or pleasure?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] business mostly lol
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] uh oh
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] am i guessing right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah. And…oh no.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How interesting, Leslie. What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire? And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i’m not sure really
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How industrious.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?
[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] hehe
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so i should get start working on something i can tell him
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, really. Do you have any thoughts on possible examples? I’m just curious about such things.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] See you later, Spaz.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] For my nephew, that is.
You have logged off.
Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating. At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!
When we last left Krog…
So Krog’s latest report from Pandaria came in yesterday. I was planning to post this update last night, but while I was startung to get the post together, I made the mistake of tabbing over to Earth Online, and telling myself I could just talk with the guild a little while I was working. And you know how that goes, right? “I’ll just tab over for a minute” = nothing gets done in the original window ever.
As it turns out, I happened to log on just in time for another Lor’themar hissy fit over people not knowing who he is. So that was fun. I told him to cool it, and he was like “Why don’t you come here and make me?”, and dude didn’t seem to get the fact that e-thugging empty threats doesn’t work so well when the guy you’re mouthing off to knows your home address and had a hunch of mages on staff.
I’m at least 50% sure his face will heal up okay. And even if not, maybe an eyepatch would help toughen up his look anyway.
Anyhow, that’s what was going on yesterday. So now, let’s get caught up with our buddy Krog in Pandaria. You guys voted – by a hair – to send him back to the hozen camp to secure Anduin. When we last left him, he and Shokia were pinned down by an Alliance sniper at Serpent’s Heart. And so…
begging the warchief’s pardon, but while waiting for your further instructions matters reached a point where action was needed.
I mean really, how high-maintenance are some of my minions that they basically say “Sorry I went ahead and did something without your go-ahead when I was getting shot at”?
alliance sniper’s shots were keeping me and shokia pinned down tightly. i stealthed and tried to scout her position but was unable to get a clear read through the greenery. meanwhile sniper was somehow able to make fairly good estimates of my position even while stealthed. eventually used smoke bombs to give myself and shokia cover to withdraw, and made our way north.
good news and bad news upon arrival at horde/hozen camp at grookin hill.
good news: general nazgrim, kiryn, and rivett clutchpop all survived battle at serpent’s heart and have been moved west to pandaren settlement at binan village to recover from injuries.
Okay, well, I already knew that much, seeing as I’d gotten the report on that from Nazgrim himself, but yeah, that is good news. Although he seemed to leave out the whole Anduin thing, which is kind of troubling. Also most of the business about the giant black demon thingy that came out of nowhere and handed him his ass.
bad news: apparently in the confusion of the battle, anduin escaped.
…
I… He… They…
Hang on.
…
…
…
Sorry. I had to go schedule a one-on-one session with Ben-Lin Cloudstrider to work on methods for dealing with this sudden inexplicable SEETHING FIT OF SOUL-RENDING RAGE that I seem to be experiencing at the moment FOR SOME REASON, which may or may not be related to the likelihood that EVERYONE ON MY PAYROLL IS APPARENTLY COMPLETELY FUCKING INCOMPETENT.
How – HOW, can you please EXPLAIN this to me – can these people POSSIBLY let the fucking PRINCE OF STORMWIND get away “in the confusion”? What the fuck does that even MEAN? What confusion? The battle was a ways away from the camp, so why would there even have been any confusion there? Or was someone actually cosmically stupid enough to think it was a good idea to bring a high-profile captive WITH them to a battle?
I’m seriously going to have to get my ass down there to Pandaria, because this is just too fucking much.
welcome back, warchief – i assume you had to step away for a moment after reading that last bit.
Okay, credit where it’s due. Dude knows me.
hozen unclear on which way anduin may have fled. not surprising; hozen unclear on most things unrelated to feces. likeliest possibilities appear to be westward across the river, which would take anduin toward farming district; and southward, toward alliance encmapment and area where anduin was originally captured.
standing by for further orders.
Anger management
The other day I mentioned there being some meeting that Orphan Matron Battlewail wanted me to attend if I were serious about getting Gurtash. She had me check in with Social Services, which is being run by some goblins these days. Don’t ask me how that happened. But they filled in a little more of the story. They’ve got one of Ji Firepaw’s panda friends holding a kind of seminar on dealing with anger, and they’ve opened it up to anybody who wants to attend. The only catch – well, other than the fact that this whole fucking waste of time is one huge catch in itself since WTF why do these fuckers keep acting like I’ve got some kind of fucking problem with my goddamn temper or some shit – is that they want all the attendees to have someone come with them, sort of a sponsor. My first thought was to bring Malkorok, seeing as he’s technically my bodyguard and should be going places with me anyway, but then I got to thinking that this gig might not be the kind of thing that…well…let’s just say the purposes of the session might not be facilitated by having Malkorok in the room.
Plus, really, why do I need a bodyguard again? Isn’t that kind of like getting a watch dog to guard your giant rabid wolverine?
So, bottom line, I got Mokvar to come with me. Which also had the added benefit of…
Garrosh and Mokvar enter a room in which several chairs have been arranged in a circle. At the far end of the room, a middle-aged pandaren woman is talking with Eitrigg.
GARROSH: So, um, we’re here for the meeting? Not sure we’ve got the right place.
The pandaren woman, all smiles, walks over to greet them.
PANDAREN: Oh, no, you are in the right place, Warchief. It is good to see you again.
GARROSH: Yeah, you too. We’ve met?
PANDAREN: <laughs softly> Yes, a few weeks back, but I will understand if you do not remember me. You were meeting quite a few of us from the Wandering Isle that day.
GARROSH: Ah. Yeah. And to be honest, no offense, most of you pandas still sort of blend together for me.
PANDAREN: Are you saying my people all look alike to you?
GARROSH: Actually not so much all look alike as there are like six variations I can recognize.
MOKVAR: To be fair, I’m not sure we orcs are much better.
GARROSH: True enough. And the less said about the trolls the better.
MOKVAR: Well, Vol’jin stands out some.
GARROSH: Well yeah. I was going to ask the other day, actually – did he have some work done? He looks different.
MOKVAR: I was wondering that too! So I’m not the only one that noticed?
GARROSH: Dude, he sprouted an extra toe on the backs of his feet.
MOKVAR: Seriously? That’s freaky as hell.
GARROSH: I know, right? <looks back to the pandaren woman> Anyway…um…we can probably discuss this another time.
The woman smiles bemusedly.
PANDAREN: In any case, Warchief, it is good to meet you more properly now. <extends her paw> I am Ben-Lin Cloudstrider. I have been a student of meditation among our people for many years. I look forward to sharing some of these techniques with you today.
GARROSH: Yeah. Great. So listen, Ben, how long you figure this is going to take?
BEN-LIN: The session shall take as long as it takes.
GARROSH: Ah. One of those. Terrific.
MOKVAR: So, Eitrigg, what are you doing here?
GARROSH: Yeah, Eitrigg, you never struck me as having a temper.
EITRIGG: I don’t really. I’m not here for me; I’m sponsoring a friend. He just hasn’t gotten here yet.
GARROSH: Ah, okay. Wait…hold on…a “friend”? Please don’t tell me…
Tirion Fordring enters.
TIRION: Ah, greetings, Warchief! A pleasure as always to see you once again. And doubly so, of course, for you, Eitrigg, my dear friend of many years. Far too many days have passed since last we enjoyed each other’s company…
GARROSH: <rubbing his forehead> Dude, you just saw him a few weeks ago. I know. I was there.
TIRION: Perhaps! Perhaps, good Warchief! And perhaps indeed the calendar might insist that the interval has been short – but the spirit, my friend, the spirit tells me the time has been long! For surely, good Garrosh, you know of those times when the moments feel far longer than the clock might otherwise claim.
GARROSH: <still rubbing his forehead> All too well, Tirion…
MOKVAR: Eitrigg, I’m still not sure I understand. Tirion never struck me as very temperamental either.
Eitrigg, standing behind Tirion, makes a drinking motion with his hand.
Ah. Got it.
BEN-LIN: It appears more of our attendees are arriving. I should introduce myself, if you will pardon me a moment.
Ben-Lin steps toward the door, where Lor’themar Theron enters, accompanied by Liadrin. While Ben-Lin talks to them, Faranell enters and walks over to Garrosh and Mokvar.
GARROSH: Hey, Doc.
FARANELL: Hey.
MOKVAR: You’re here for the meeting too, Edwin?
FARANELL: Mmhmm. As soon as I heard about this, I cleared my schedule for this afternoon.
MOKVAR: I didn’t know you had anger issues.
FARANELL: I don’t.
Faranell sits down and takes out a large bag of popcorn.
Lor’themar and Liadrin leave Ben-Lin and approach Garrosh et al. Ben-Lin circles around and talks with Tirion and Eitrigg in the background.
MOKVAR: Hey Liadrin.
LIADRIN: Hello, Mokvar. Edwin. Warchief.
GARROSH: Hey, Liadrin. Who’s your friend? Is he sponsoring you or something?
LOR’THEMAR: You see? YOU SEE? This is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Every time! EVERY SINGLE TIME! No matter HOW many damn times I meet them, the NEXT time it’s always “Oh, so who’s this guy?”
LIADRIN: Now now, try to calm down, sir…
GARROSH: Okay, standing corrected on who’s sponsoring who here.
LIADRIN: This has been a long time coming, frankly.
GARROSH: Yeah, fine, but seriously, who IS he?
LOR’THEMAR: <shaking Garrosh violently> I’M LOR’THEMAR THERON, YOU PEA-BRAINED, MOUTH-BREATHING OAF! RULER OF SILVERMOON! LEADER OF THE BLOOD ELVES! I BUILT YOU A DAMN MANA BOMB TO COMMIT WAR CRIMES WITH, YOU IGNORANT VULGARIAN!
GARROSH: <shoving Lor’themar back> YOU’RE the vulgarian, you fuck!
FARANELL: <munching on popcorn> So much better than doing culture samples with Zinge.
LOR’THEMAR: How DIFFICULT is it to remember WHO SOMEONE IS after you MEET THEM FOR THE TWENTIETH TIME?!
GARROSH: Apparently VERY, when the someone in question isn’t frigging IMPORTANT enough to be REMEMBERED, Ponytail!
MOKVAR: He blew up about this on our game the other day, actually.
LIADRIN: I heard.
MOKVAR: Has he been at it all this time?
LIADRIN: More or less. This is something he’s been bottling up for a while, really.
Ben-Lin returns to the group, with Tirion and Eitrigg close behind.
BEN-LIN: If we might all find our seats. The last few should arrive shortly.
Everyone settles into the chairs.
Good afternoon, all of you, and thank you for coming today. I am Ben-Lin Cloudstrider of the Huojin Pandaren, and I will be conducting today’s session. My people chose to join the Horde in large part because of our shared belief in confronting challenges directly, and it is in that spirit that I would like to commend each of you for coming here today. By choosing to attend, you have demonstrated your recognition of an enemy of sorts within yourselves, and your resolve to face and defeat that enemy.
GARROSH: Pfft, I don’t know about these people, but I got railroaded by the orphan matron. Screw this personal-growth hippie bullshit.
LOR’THEMAR: Same here. <nods head toward Liadrin> This one twisted my arm.
GARROSH: Personally I think the whole thing is a load of crap.
MOKVAR: Would it really kill you to just bite your tongue and humor people this one time?
LIADRIN: <sighs> I wonder what it would be like if some of our leaders were actually adults…
BEN-LIN: Ah. I am sensing resistance from some of you. This is unfortunate. I hope you will come to see the merit of our activities as we go along. Let us begin by each introducing ourselves and telling the group why we are here.
She turns to Faranell.
Let us begin with you. Would you like to introduce yourself to the group, my friend?
FARANELL: <tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth> It would make my life complete.
BEN-LIN: <unfazed> Delightful. Please go on.
FARANELL: Yeah, fine. Hey. I’m Edwin. Most of you already know that. All of you, actually, so good use of time here. Don’t mind me, I’m just here for the LOL’s.
BEN-LIN: <blinks> Ah. I see.
She turns hesitantly and looks to Tirion.
And you, sir?
TIRION: Thank you, Lady Cloudstrider, many thanks indeed, both for your gracious greeting and for your generosity in offering up your valuable time – time very much in demand, I have no doubt, among your people – in arranging this gathering for the benefit of all here. And a great honor, and, indeed, blessing it is to find myself today amid this honored company, for as I look about the room I find my gaze met by the faces of many of the most esteemed of our respective peoples…
GARROSH: Oh man. He’s ON today…
TIRION: And so, in keeping with your request, noble Lady Cloudstrider, allow me to introduce myself. I am Tirion Fordring, Highlord of the Argent Crusade, Knight of the Silver Hand, master of Mardenholde Keep, bearer of the secred Ashbringer—
GARROSH: Murderer of Wills to Live…
TIRION: —and I find myself here today among you at the recommendation of my dear friend, the noble and sage orc Eitrigg, who suggested this gathering might prove valuable to me, both for my personal growth and likewise in allaying the oft-expressed concerns of some number of my Argent colleagues, such as the hallowed Confessor Palteress and my personal aide, the noble Miss Daria L’Rayne…
The door to the room opens, and Hamuul Runetotem leans in.
HAMUUL: Excuse me, is this the anger management seminar?
BEN-LIN: Indeed it is, my friend.
HAMUUUL: Ah, good. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.
GARROSH: Yes, you are, and thank goodness.
BEN-LIN: Please come in.
Hamuul steps into the room, holding the door open, and waves outside.
HAMUUL: Come on in, it’s the right place.
A nervous-looking Mylune enters.
BEN-LIN: <glancing down at a clipboard> Ah, you must be the two from Mount Hyjal.
HAMUUL: Yes. I’m Hamuul Runetotem, and this is my…colleague Mylune.
GARROSH: Oh man. Hide your kittens…
MYLUNE: <perks up> There are kittens?
GARROSH: Oh yeah, loads of them in the Cleft of Kittens.
MYLUNE: Ooh! Ooh! There’s a Cleft of Kittens? Where’s that?
GARROSH: Right at the southern end of the Valley of Ridiculous Hallucinations – it’s fucking ORGRIMMAR. What the hell do you think this is?
MYLUNE: <deflated> Oh. I thought there might be kittens…
HAMUUL: Perhaps just as well, given your recent…episode.
MYLUNE: <slumps her head and closes her eyes> I don’t know what you’re talking about.
HAMUUL: Mylune, we’ve already talked about your trying to block these things out.
MYLUNE: No no, I’m not blocking it out! Blocking what out? See? Happy face! Happy face! Oh, everything’s so wonderful and magical and whee! And…and…
She looks around quickly and grabs up a small scorpion that’s skittering along the ground.
And ooh, hello Mr. Scorpid, aren’t you a tough little prickly darling! <hugs the scorpion to her bosom> Auntie Luney sure is happy to see you! Yes she is! Yes she—oww! OWW! Dammit, that stings like HELL, you stupid pinchy ASSHOLE!
Mylune throws the scorpion viciously against the wall.
It wasn’t even that cute!
GARROSH: So… I take it that time in Mulgore wasn’t an isolated incident…?
HAMUUL: Not as such.
MYLUNE: Oh…oh no, no, no… I did it again! <sobbing> Why do I keep doing that? <putting her hands over her face as the sobbing continues>
HAMUUL: There there…
BEN-LIN: It is all right. You are among friends now.
GARROSH: Well let’s not get carried away.
MYLUNE: <rubbing one hand on her chest> That still kind of stings a little, actually…
BEN-LIN: We are here to help you. Have you had other moments like this recently?
MYLUNE: I…well…I was in Winterspring a few days ago…and there were these bunnies…and…and…
GARROSH: Not so much with the bunnies anymore, I’m guessing.
MYLUNE: I couldn’t help it! I just wanted to pet them, and… <rubs her chest again> Okay, you know what? I think that scorpion might have been venomous.
Hamuul sighs and starts casting healing spells on Mylune.
HAMUUL: Seriously? You have venomous scorpions just wandering around?
GARROSH: Hey, I don’t usually figure people are going to go around rubbing them on their boobs.
MOKVAR: Did you really have to give me that mental image?
GARROSH: I mean we usually don’t have people around here showing that level of stupid. And that’s even figuring how much time Dontrag and Utvoch spend here.
LOR’THEMAR: Who?
GARROSH: You’re better off not knowing.
LIADRIN: Really, sir.
BEN-LIN: Perhaps we should move on. <turns to Lor’themar> Let us turn to you now. You are…?
LOR’THEMAR: Ugh. See? SEE? THIS is EXACTLY what I’m talking about! I introduced myself to you not TEN MINUTES AGO! But does anyone remember something like that? NO! OF COURSE NOT!
LIADRIN: Sir, I think she was just asking you to—
LOR’THEMAR: Don’t defend her, Liadrin! People do this every damn day, and there’s always some excuse for them! Either that, or it’s just “Oh, okay. Lor’themar? Whatever.” YES, whatever. It’s LOR’THEMAR! LOR’THEMAR FUCKING THERON, Regent-Lord of Quel’Thalas! That’s who I am! Lor’themar! Do you hear me? All of you? LOR’THE-FUCKING-MAR! One of the only racial leaders on either side who hasn’t managed to make a complete cluster fuck of something yet, but does anyone remember? NO! NO THEY DON’T!
BEN-LIN: Well then. I was going to ask you why you are here, but I think you have already answered that. So let us move on. <turns to Garrosh> And you, sir?
GARROSH: Huh? Oh, yeah. <waves half-heartedly> So yeah, Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde. Son of Grom, slayer of Alliance, writer of EPIC VERSE, eater of lemon squares, yadda yadda.
HAMUUL: Wait, he writes poetry?
MOKVAR: He’s actually surprisingly good at it.
BEN-LIN: And why have you come here today, my friend?
GARROSH: Humoring the orphan matron, pretty much. Didn’t we already cover this? She basically said I needed to attend this thing before she would sign off on this orphan I was looking into maybe adopting.
LIADRIN: Wait, what?
EITRIGG: Adopting?
HAMUUL: Oh spirits help us…
GARROSH: WHY does everybody fucking react like that every time I mention this? I talked about it on my blog, too, and all the commenters were like “Holy crap no!”
HAMUUL: Wait, he blogs, too?
FARANELL: <munching> I so should have brought some ale for this.
Tirion passes Faranell a flask.
Oh, hey, thanks.
EITRIGG: I thought we’d agreed you were going to hold off on the… <makes a drinking motion with his hand> …while we were here for the meeting.
TIRION: Surely, friend Eitrigg, you would not deny me a simple bracing beverage before an undertaking that calls upon my resolve.
EITRIGG: Now we both know the “liquid courage” excuse doesn’t hold here, Tirion.
GARROSH: So hold up, you mean Highlord Paragraph here likes to retreat into the bottle, and goes all angry drunk and shit?
EITRIGG: And sometimes ends up burning small animals as a result…
MYLUNE: He WHAT?!
TIRION: My fine and noble friend, I would remind you that the episode with the penguins was, in broad, strokes, an isolated incident, and—
MYLUNE: Penguins?!
BEN-LIN: Now you see, here we may have a fine instructive moment. While we may all have our moments of anger, it is when we allow that anger to manifest in actions that we risk unleashing the worst upon the loved ones around us…
MYLUNE: <fidgeting nervously and looking to Hamuul> Pen…penguins! What did he do to the penguins…?!
EITRIGG: Suffice to say it involved a cane.
BEN-LIN: And so, when you experience these moments, Tirion, you must remember to use your words.
GARROSH: Wait, seriously?
TIRION: Sage counsel indeed, good Lady Cloudstrider, and perhaps you are right, and I have been far too reticent…
GARROSH: Fucking hell, do you realize what you’re DOING, lady?
MYLUNE: He…he…he attacked the poor penguins with a cane?
EITRIGG: Far better than the kittens got…
TIRION: My dear Eitrigg, you know perfectly well that I take little pride in the unfortunate incident involving the, shall we say, premature feline incendiaries, and—
MYLUNE: Incendi— you burned kittens?!
GARROSH: Yeah, bet you’re glad we don’t have any here now, aren’t you? Not safe to have them around Captain Shortfuse Longwind here.
MYLUNE: <trembling with eyes growing large and dewy> Hamuul, did you hear that? He…he…the kittens…he…
Hamuul pulls a teddy bear out of his pack and dangles it in front of Mylune, who immediately snatches it up.
Oh oh oh what a cute cuddly fuzzy huggy teddy bear squee!
LOR’THEMAR: Wow she’s unstable…
GARROSH: Look in a mirror lately, blondie? Who are you to judge?
LOR’THEMAR: <jumping up and knocking his chair over> Who am I? WHO AM I? LOR’THEMAR THERON, that’s who! LOR’THE-FUCKING-MAR THERON!
LIADRIN: Sir, really, you should try to—
LOR’THEMAR: You stay out of this, Liadrin! I’ve HAD IT with this walking jaw with a gym card acting like he doesn’t fucking KNOW me!
GARROSH: I know you’ll snap in half nice and easy if you don’t figure out a way to ZIP it right quick, Hair-Care!
MYLUNE: <swaying from side to side while hugging the tebby bear> Oh don’t listen to them, Mr. Huggles, it’s okay, it’s okay! You just be all sweet and snuggly and don’t worry about the mean people!
LOR’THEMAR: Why don’t you MAKE me zip it! Or do you need damn BOMB to drop on me for that?!
GARROSH: I’ll SHOW you a fucking BOMB, Ponytail!
Garrosh lunges at Lor’themar and flings him violently against the wall. Lor’themar pulls himself up and tries to rush back at Garrosh, only to have Garrosh grab him and put him in a headlock. Mokvar and Liadrin pull at Garrosh’s arm to try to loosen his grip.
MOKVAR: Really, boss, not helping your own cause here…
GARROSH: Hope you weren’t too fond of that frigging OXYGEN, Lor’the-Whatever-the-Fuck-Your-Name-Is!
LOR’THEMAR: <wrenching himself out of Garrosh’s hold and swinging at him wildly> LOR’THEMAR! MY NAME IS LOR’THEMAR! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY MY NAME, BITCH!
Mylune is still rocking back and forth, holding the teddy bear while trembling.
MYLUNE: Now now don’t you let them upset you, Mr. Huggles… <absently rips off one of the teddy bear’s ears> It’s okay…it’s all okay… They’re not mad at you, no no, they’re not… <rips off the bear’s other ear, sobbing> It’s all going to be okay someday, I promise, Huggles, Auntie Luney promises…!
FARANELL: <mouth half-full of popcorn> I love this meeting so much I want to marry it and have a family of little caucuses.
LOR’THEMAR: I’m SICK AND TIRED of being IGNORED by this damn GORILLA!
Mokvar and Liadrin try with mixed success to pull the two away from each other.
GARROSH: Don’t worry, metro, you’ll be getting PLENTY of attention while I’m smearing you all over the floor!
LOR’THEMAR: Stop holding him back! I’m not scared of him! I can take him! Unless maybe he’s POISONED his DAMN AXE again!
GARROSH: OH you will DIE EXTRA SLOW for—
Tirion jumps Garrosh and Lor’themar and pushes them away from each other. He looks back and forth sternly.
TIRION: Gentlemen, please! Surely no one can benefit from our turning on each other in such a way. Now then… <looks back and forth between Garrosh and Lor’themar again> Let’s have a drink. And calm down.
EITRIGG: <sighs> Tirion…
BEN-LIN: It occurs to me that perhaps our goals would be better served by a few one-on-one sessions before we attempt to discuss our issues in a group…
Mylune suddenly grabs Ben-Lin from behind and hugs her back against herself.
MYLUNE: Ohhhh has anyone ever told you you’re like a big giant warm fuzzy snuggly teddy bear yourself, Miss Cloudy-bear?
BEN-LIN: <looking around somewhat panicked, but clearly trying to maintain her composure> So…with that in mind…let us adjourn for the day. I will be in touch with each of you to arrange individual meetings. We…we have much work to do…
LIADRIN: Come on, sir, let’s just go back to Silvermoon…
Liadrin drags Lor’themar out of the room. The others begin to make their way out as well, except for Mylune, who continues hugging Ben-Lin.
MYLUNE: So huggly and cuddly and so so adorable! I could just squeeze you all day, little bear!
Faranell gets up and walks over to Ben-Lin and Mylune on his way toward the door.
FARANELL: So, I’m going to give you my contact info… Please, please tell me if there are any more of these meetings. I will buy a ticket if I need to.
This has got to be some kind of a hazing thing. Or Battlewail is doing some kind of weird trial to test my resolve, to see just how serious I am about the Gurtash thing.
Gotta tell you, though, if I have to go hang out with that crew again, I’m not sure I like even that kid enough…
More soon.
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Invasion incoming
In light of the reports coming in from both Nazgrim and Krog from Pandaria, I decided we need to step up preparations for a full-scale military operation there. Nazgrim’s been holding his own reasonably well under the circumstances…well, he WAS until this last report, anyway, and then…well, you know. Point is, he’s been trying to keep it together down there, but it’s about time we gave our general an honest-to-goodness army to work with.
So, earlier today I held a strategy session to make plans to send a full invasion force to Pandaria. We had the usual suspects there — Eitrigg, Malkorok, Mokvar to take notes. Malkorok had his lieutenant Rak’gor Bloodrazor sit in for the planning. Plus…an extra unexpected attendee, who…well, you’ll see.
Cut to the transcript.
GARROSH: First, a status update. The latest from Nazgrim is that he and his people are licking their wounds from a major battle with the Alliance forces down there. They’ve moved from the Jade Forest to a town in the northern mountains while they recover. Most of them, anyway.
EITRIGG: Are Nazgrim and his team all right?
GARROSH: Scratched up but still kicking, from what I gather. Always hard to tell with Nazgrim — he’ll never let on if he’s really hurt. You know him.
MALKOROK: I assume our forces were victorious against the Alliance dogs, as they’re alive to tell the tale?
GARROSH: Not so much. The battle was basically a stalemate.
MALKOROK: You mean to say, Warchief, that that fool Nazgrim failed not only to defeat a depleted Alliance force, but even to go down fighting like an orc? And now he has the audacity to report this disgrace from the comfort of some remote bed while he nurses his wounds like a human?
EITRIGG: Considering what Nazgrim seems to have had to work with…
MALKOROK: And now you defend his incompetence, old man?
GARROSH: Well hey, look, Malkorok. Believe me, I’m all for being tough on the troops and all that, but to be fair, Nazgrim DID lose most of his actual Horde soldiers in the crash of the Hellscream’s Fist.
MALKOROK: And proceeded to offset those losses by recruiting from among the locals, did he not?
GARROSH: Yeah, but look at the locals. I mean, dude, you know how I’m always saying it’s like I’ve got a bunch of trained monkeys working for me? <scans around the room> No offense. But yeah, Nazgrim? LITERALLY had a bunch of trained monkeys to work with.
MALKOROK: What about the Alliance?
GARROSH: What about them?
MALKOROK: The Alliance reportedly took heavy losses and drew support from the natives as well. Who did they have fighting for them?
EITRIGG: <scanning notes> I think Krog included something about this in one of his reports…
GARROSH: Something with a “J,” I think.
MOKVAR: Jinyu.
GARROSH: Yeah, that’s it, jinyu.
MOKVAR: <paging through reports> Which…from the way Krog describes them…would be a race of…sort of…king-size murlocs.
GARROSH: <blinks, then rubs forehead> …The FUCK is Nazgrim doing down there?
MALKOROK: You see?
EITRIGG: Do we know anything else about the battle with the Alliance? I will grant, it doesn’t sound like Nazgrim to flee the battlefield…
GARROSH: Nazgrim’s report was pretty sketchy on the details there. I’ve gotten some extra intel from Krog to fill it out some, though. Looks like the battle between Nazgrim’s monkeys and the Alliance fish men…
Garrosh trails off, then stares into the distance for a moment.
EITRIGG: Warchief?
MOKVAR: Garrosh?
Garrosh shakes his head and pulls his attention back.
GARROSH: Yeah. Sorry. I just heard myself saying that last part and had to take a minute to be sad. Where was I?
MOKVAR: Monkeys versus fish men.
GARROSH: Yeah. Monkeys versus fish men. So according to— I mean seriously, doesn’t that sound like a bad videogame or something?
MOKVAR: Just watch, if Spazzle isn’t coding that already, he will as soon as he reads this.
GARROSH: I know, right?
EITRIGG: Warchief…focus, please.
GARROSH: Yeah, yeah, okay… So… <sighs> …monkeys versus fish men. Which I guess took place at the foot of this huge statue in a place called Serpent’s Heart. From what I can gather, the battle was pretty even, which is kind of depressing in itself, considering, when it was broken up by the arrival of this giant black monster. Which basically wiped out both sides and left the survivors fucked up and scattered.
MALKOROK: What kind of monster could take out both armies?
GARROSH: From what Krog reported, it…
Vol’jin enters.
Hang on. What are YOU doing here, troll?
VOL’JIN: I heard dere was a meetin’ going’ on, mon. I figured mah invitation musta got lost in da mail.
GARROSH: Uh, yeah, as if I would have sent YOU an invitation for these planning sessions…
VOL’JIN: Ya see now, mon? Ya be tinkin’ a me as such a good friend, I don’ even be needin’ an invitation! Dat’s why everybody loves ya, mon.
GARROSH: <rubbing forehead> What. Do you WANT. Vol’jin?
VOL’JIN: I hear ya be plannin’ an invasion in Pandaria, mon, and I be here ta keep an eye on what ya be doin’.
GARROSH: Keep an eye on me? I don’t answer to you, troll, nor do I have to EXPLAIN myself to you, so if you’re here to make life difficult, you can just head back to your island now.
VOL’JIN: I be da leader of da Darkspear, mon, an’ I got a right ta know what da Horde be doin’.
MALKOROK: You know I can easily take care of—
GARROSH: Not now, Malkorok. <grumbles> Fine. You can sit in, Vol’jin. TRY not to make yourself into too much of a toothache.
VOL’JIN: Oh don’cha be worryin’ ’bout me, mon. Ya won’t even know I be here. It’ll be like I be invisible.
Garrosh stares at Vol’jin for a long moment, then exchanges several pensive glances with Eitrigg and Mokvar. He looks back to Vol’jin again and eyes him for another moment.
GARROSH: Okay, well—
VOL’JIN: Like da Lich King’s horse!
GARROSH: Just SIT DOWN and SHUT UP, Vol’jin.
VOL’JIN: Sure, mon.
Vol’jin takes a seat at the conference table next to Malkorok. Malkorok glances at him and sneers; Vol’jin answers with an exaggerated grin.
GARROSH: So as I was saying, like an hour ago…about the creature at Serpent’s Heart. Apparently it was something the pandas call a “sha” — sort of a demon that feeds off of powerful emotions.
VOL’JIN: <eyes narrow> You don’ say, mon…
MALKOROK: Hmm…interesting… I wonder if our warlocks could influence these sha. If they’re strong enough to take down two armies, they could be a powerful resource if harnessed…
VOL’JIN: Dat be some bad mojo ya talkin’ ’bout, mon.
MALKOROK: I thought you were going to be quiet, troll.
MOKVAR: He’s right, though — these sha don’t sound like something we want to risk meddling with.
EITRIGG: As it stands, I’m already troubled enough by some reports I’ve seen of demonic summoning by some of the initial fleet…
MOKVAR: Wait, seriously?
MALKOROK: You two would have our warlocks not avail themselves of all the power at their disposal for the benefit of the Horde?
MOKVAR: Didn’t “our warlocks” get themselves into enough trouble already “availing” themselves of demonic power?
MALKOROK: Yes, let’s have the scribe lecture us on the proper conduct of warlocks.
MOKVAR: I used to be a warlock.
MALKOROK: Oh, that’s right, you were, weren’t you? Then by all means continue, scribe. Tell us more about the evils of seeking power through demonology.
Mokvar looks back to his notes awkwardly.
GARROSH: Look, the fact is, Nazgrim doesn’t have the people or the resources to establish a strong Horde presence in Pandaria or prevent the Alliance from doing the same. I already have ships being prepared for a large-scale incursion. The southern coast of Pandaria has a few locations that sound like they’d be well-suited for a base. We can scout a specific spot while we finish gathering troops and equipment for the trip.
EITRIGG: Grizzle Gearslip of the Bilgewater goblins says the construction team should have siege engines ready within a week or so.
GARROSH: Well tell me this — when he says “a week or so,” does he mean a WEEK OR SO “week or so,” or is this a maybe-in-your-lifetime “week or so” like when those goblins “week or so”-ed their estimate on rebuilding the Orgrimmar ramparts after the Cataclysm? Which they STILL haven’t finished two years later, by the way.
VOL’JIN: So we be doin’ dis, eh mon? Bringin’ da war to dis new land?
MALKOROK: The war has already been brought, troll. We now bring only victory.
GARROSH: Once the equipment and siege engines are ready, it’s just a matter of lining up troop deployments.
MALKOROK: Most able-bodied adults not otherwise committed to important duties have been conscripted for service, Warchief. Rak’gor and I are in the process of assigning veteran supervisors to the new trainee program as well.
EITRIGG: What trainee program is this? I haven’t heard anything about it.
MALKOROK: Nor would you. It’s a Kor’kron program.
EITRIGG: I didn’t realize the Kor’kron operated in secret now. Has Saurfang adopted some new policy?
MALKOROK: <visibly annoyed> The program…is for recruiting and training of orcish youth for service to the Horde, as per the Warchief’d edict after the Northwatch Hold…events.
EITRIGG: Orcish youth? What age do you mean?
MALKOROK: I shouldn’t need to tell you the traditional age of passage, old man. Fourteen — the age a youth is fit to take a blade for the honor of his clan.
VOL’JIN: By da spirits, mon, dey be children!
MALKOROK: A boy is a man the day he can slay a foe in defense of home and kin, troll. I wouldn’t expect you to understand such things.
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon, I really don’ get out much. Ya know, I don’ get invited to da cool kid parties.
GARROSH: Can’t imagine why.
MALKOROK: Nevertheless…don’t make it out as if the trainees are being handed swords and pushed blindly onto a battlefield — they are being trained and guided by some of our finest warriors. If anything, this is an honor.
GARROSH: Fourteen, though, huh? I thought it was fifteen.
MALKOROK: No, Warchief, fourteen.
GARROSH: Are you certain? I’m pretty sure it was always fifteen back in Nagrand.
MALKOROK: No, sir. I suppose that might have been a regional difference?
GARROSH: Huh, okay. Fourteen, then.
VOL’JIN: I don’ be likin’ da sound a dis, mon. Not one bit a it. Draggin’ our war into other people’s lands, roundin’ up children ta make inta soldiers…
GARROSH: Well imagine my surprise, Vol’jin. Imagine my complete and total SHOCK to see YOU griping and complaining about what I’m doing. You know, I might actually LISTEN to some of these objections of yours if you didn’t object to EVERY SINGLE THING I do.
VOL’JIN: Maybe if ya listened once in a while before ya did dese tings, mon, ya wouldn’t have to listen to people complainin’ after ya did ’em.
MALKOROK: I don’t hear anyone complaining except for you, troll. Other than that simpering tauren you usually have leading you by the nose. I’m half surprised he’s not here as well.
VOL’JIN: I drew da short straw, mon.
GARROSH: All right, enough of this. Both of you quiet down. It’s settled — we’re moving ahead with the Pandaria plan and getting ready for a departure within the next few weeks. And TROLL, get this into your head: this is happening. And I have no intention of listening to you bellyache every step of the way.
VOL’JIN: Don’cha worry ’bout dat, mon. If dere be one ting I know by now, it’s dat you ain’t gonna listen.
GARROSH: Damn right. You’re finally getting it. Okay then… I think that covers everything. I have another meeting I need to get to in the Drag in a few. For now, let’s get things rolling gathering materials and finalizing troop assignments for the invasion. Oh, and Eitrigg?
EITRIGG: Yes, sir?
GARROSH: When we compile the final roster, for the love of the spirits, make sure Dontrag and Utvoch aren’t on the list.
EITRIGG: Yes, sir.
GARROSH: There are going to be enough potential headaches as it is on this mission — the last thing I’m going to need it THOSE two yammering in my ear.
VOL’JIN: Oh, hey, mon…
GARROSH: Oh for fuck’s sake… What now?
VOL’JIN: You talkin’ bout dem two orcs who got to Orgrimmar late after da Theramore raid?
GARROSH: Yeah, you know them?
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon, dey came by da Echo Isles after dat. Dey was getting deyselves all confused, mon.
GARROSH: “Confused” has a short ramp-up time for them.
VOL’JIN: No, but listen, mon — dey was like, “It be de Echo Isles, right? Den how come we can’t hear an echo when we talk?” An’ dey kep’ tryin’ ta yell stuff into da air to see if dey could get an echo!
GARROSH: <chortles> Oh…dude…that’s like the time I was saying something to them about Razorfen Kraul, and they were like, “So do all the quillboar there crawl? We thought they knew how to walk upright. Is it some kind of a rule there?”
VOL’JIN: <laughing> Ya better not let dem go to da Howling Fjord, mon, dey might tink dey’re losing dey hearing ’cause dey don’ hear da howling!
GARROSH: <chuckling> Well hell, you should have seen them the first time they saw Thousand Needles. “Are you sure it’s a thousand of them? I only counted like 60. Did we miss some?”
VOL’JIN: <laughs more> You shoulda told ’em we switched to da metric system, mon.
Garrosh guffaws, leaning against the table. Vol’jin laughs heartily as well and wipes a tear from one eye. After another moment spent laughing, Garrosh and Vol’jin look up at each other and both of their faces fade into uneasy expressions.
GARROSH: <scowls> Fucking troll.
VOL’JIN: <aside, muttering> Don’ blame me, mon, I voted for da basic campfire…
Garrosh and Vol’jin both get up and stomp out of the room in opposite directions.
