Everyone has a price

azshara1

Well, I just got back from Azshara. Operation Blackfuse is a go.

I went up this morning, just me and Malkorok. I wanted to keep this pretty hush-hush, and have a minimal number of people involved. Mokvar was definitely out, what with him being busy working on Neeru Firelade these days, and besides, I don’t know if this was exactly a meeting I would want an official record of.

On the other hand… we ARE talking about cutting a deal with a goblin. And an extra fast-talking one at that. And considering how shifty goblins can get about their fine print sometimes…

OH DAMMIT. I swear to fuck, one of these days I’m going to stop biting myself in the damn ass.

ANYWAY.

I headed up to Bilgewater Harbor with Malkorok in tow — he insisted on coming with me for security purposes, just in case I needed some backup. Of course, that brilliant plan of his kind of went up in smoke once we actually GOT there, and placed Blackfuse’s super-secret retarded-ass lunch order, and Blackfuse’s flunky Fizz Lighter turned up to teleport us over. The going-up-in-smoke taking the form of said flunky porting ME into Blackfuse’s lair, but not Malk. Which, you know, kind of defeated the point of me bringing a fucking bodyguard. I tell you, he really does get the job most of the time, but sometimes I wonder about that guy. Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Evidently, though, that’s standard operating procedure for Blackfuse — only letting the crucial people port over to his place and not just giving a blanket invitation to any guests they might have brought with them. Which I guess I can understand, seeing as if you’re running a secret underground operation, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to let somebody come parading into your pad with a bunch of armed guards. Not good for security, and for that matter, it doesn’t necessarily leave you a very good negotiating position when you and your handful of goons are outnumbered. Still annoying from my vantage point, mind you, but I get it.

Anyhow, Blackfuse had himself one damn impressive underground lair. All kinds of gadgets and gizmos all over the place, and this crazy souped-up trike, and also some gigantic copper piece sitting out on display for decoration, although I’m still not sure what was up with that. OH but seriously, dude, you would not BELIEVE the gaming rig that guy has. Gigantic high-res display, stereo speakers, one of those snazzy gaming keyboards, all set up around this fucking AWESOME recliner. I hopped onto Earth Online for a few minutes while I was there, because I just HAD to see how it looked on that screen of his, and DAMN. And did I mention the chair? Crazy comfy with buttons and shit built into the armrests to control some of his gadgets. Seriously, I could fucking LIVE here. Which I guess is kind of the point, seeing as Blackfuse DOES pretty much live there. Still, I’ve definitely got to work on my own man-cave after seeing that shit. Or Warchief-cave. Something like that. I’ll come up with a suitable name for it later.

Anyway, Blackfuse was already getting on my good side with the snazzy toys and shit, and once we had a chance to go over more practical military projects, dude didn’t disappoint. I brought a pack with me with a bunch of schematics of the equipment we’re working with right now, and Blackfuse was full of ideas for how we could soup it up or move to a whole new-and-improved wave of tech. I’m not going to go into detail here for security reasons, plus why spoil all the surprises that everyone gets to look forward to? I seriously can’t wait to see the look on Nazgrim’s face when he sees some of this shit he’s going to get to play with.

So, the up side: yeah, I think we’re in business. Now for the down side. HOLY FUCKING SHIT that guy doesn’t work for cheap. I mean, I get it, he’s a goblin, and a businessman, and he’s looking to make money, that’s all cool, but FUCKING HELL, dude, I’ve BEEN to an auction house before, I KNOW there’s not that much of a markup on seaformium!

So evidently, Blackfuse thought it was a cool idea to try to price-gouge me, and don’t get me wrong, I was totally ready to pay the guy, but COME THE FUCK ON. Luckily, I came prepared with a counteroffer he couldn’t rightly refuse. Remember that pack I mentioned bringing, with the schematics and shit? Well, I also took the precaution of packing a bunch of shaman recall totems to take with me.

For those of you not in the know, recall totems are these totems that shaman bind part of their spirit to, so that they can basically summon themselves to the totem later. Usually, shaman attune themselves to a totem that they set up in their home so they can pop on back there, but figured it might be handy to bring a few along. So that, at a pre-set time, if they hadn’t received word otherwise, Overseer Elaglo and Xorenth and a couple of their acolytes could use their attunements to those totems to POOF themselves right on over, right next to me.

Oh, and hey, while they were at it, they might as well all pack a few totems each, too, so some MORE of their shaman friends could pop on over and we could have a roarin’ ol’ shaman party while we were at it. And so between the couple dozen shaman we suddenly had in attendance, and the bunch of flame hounds they summoned to come join us — because who doesn’t like to bring their dog along for a fun time, am I right? — well, go figure, all of a sudden Blackfuse’s asking price started coming way the fuck DOWN.

See? Who says I’m not a good contract negotiator? You just have to know how to talk to people.

We’ve got a plan in place now, and Blackfuse is going to come to Orgrimmar in a few weeks to go over logistics. Barring something stupid happening — which I know you never can assume around these parts, unfortunately — we should be good to go.

More soon.

Spazzle Speaks: Refer a Friend
Monday GUEST mailbag: Shayari
 

8 Responses to Everyone has a price

  1. Cygnia says:

    ((Now I’m picturing Garrosh as Shatner as the Priceline Negotiator))

     
  2. Ritaba says:

    Orcish diplomacy! We get shit done!

     
  3. Libby Block says:

    Can we get a picture of you biting yourself in the ass? It would be a good cautionary sign for next time I start to do something stupid.

     
  4. Ha ha, nice! Glad I could help, Warchief! I’ll be happy to help out if you need help keeping Blackfuse in his place. Trust me, I have a way of making smug-faced goblin bighots toe the line (*cough* Gallywix *COUGH*).

    Although it looks like it’s two steps forward, one step back, seen as you evidently kept the Dark Shammies around. Oh, the elements are not gonna be happy about this…

     

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