Tag Archives: saurfang
Casualties of war
We’re still holding tight at Northwatch Hold…for more reasons than one. The second phase of the plan is ready to go, not least of all because of some clutch last-minute work by the goblins and blood elves, and all that’s left is for me to give the go-ahead.
Not yet, though. Waiting a little more could end up helping in a couple ways. One, it ultimately puts a few pieces in even better position for the Theramore plan. And two, it gives that much more time for these time tremors to kick in and save us the trouble of even dealing with what’s happening here in the first place.
Not that anyone here actually knows about any of that. Well, ALMOST no one knows about it, anyway. Mokvar knows the story with the time flashes, obviously – I haven’t said anything about my own take on them, although it wouldn’t sock me if he’s guessed, after last time. And Malkorok knows some of what’s coming strategically for Theramore. Or might be, if I decide to pull the trigger. He’s been an advocate for it, even while I’ve been on the fence myself.
Baine and Vol’jin, meanwhile, have been getting more and more grumbly. Earlier today, they came moping into the admiral’s tower here, which I’ve taken over as my personal quarters, and interrupted my lunch just to complain some more about all the waiting. I don’t mind telling you, I am getting damn sick and tired of tired of of rebma tired ni of sick sgub of erofeb dias of and evi sa and lla era ew taht dnif lliw you uoy dna tnemom yb tnemom have ti ekat si ylpmis ti a snoitanalpxe ro sgninraw ot flesti destiny dnel ton seod ti egnahc ton seod wrappings ti emit wrappings lla burial wrappings si burial emit burial lla burial burial wrappings burial wrappings were applied and the body was set in place for the final rites. Hamuul Runetotem conducted the memorial, with Aponi Brightmane chiming in an additional prayer to the Earth Mother now and again.
Even looking back, it’s amazing to think of the turnout for the service. Dranosh, Eitrigg, and I came, obviously. Varok made the trip to Mulgore all the way from Northrend. Jaina Proudmoore and – ugh – Varian Wrynn traveled from Theramore. Same for Anduin. Genn Greymane. Muradin Bronzebeard. Even Tyrande Whisperwind and Malfurion Stormrage (yeah, yeah, I know I usually call him Antlers, but this was a funeral, and even I have my limits) came out from their corner of nowhere to pay their respects. It crossed my mind after we’d all left that one of our big-bads could have turned up and dropped one big bomb on Red Rocks and taken out almost our entire leadership in one fell swoop.
Varok didn’t stray far from Cairne the whole time. The old bull was quiet, steady, stoic as always, but we all knew what had to be going on inside. The only time Cairne spoke at all – apart from him stepping forward to offer the final blessing – came when he turned to Saurfang and quietly told him he envied him. Not even for the obvious reason, not quite. He said he envied that Varok would one day meet his end knowing he would be buried by his son. That is was the proper order of things. That of all the scourges of war, none was more spiteful than its upturning of that rightful order.
I’ve spent much of the day trying to convince myself that Baine’s death shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. I can’t even say I ever knew him very well, and most of how I DID know him…well, let’s just say I’m we’re not exactly at the top of each other’s Winter’s Veil lists. It would have been naïve of me to think that this other world would only give back, only right wrongs. It would have been naïve to expect that there wouldn’t be new losses. I couldn’t really have expected otherwise. Except that I guess I did.
We’re at war. This is what happens in war. That men will die is a matter of fact. WHICH men will die…well, that’s a matter of circumstance. Baine is a victim of a different set of circumstances. Are these really any worse? I mean, yes, there’s the fact that the war with the Scourge is still going on at all. But there’s always another war. If it’s not the Alliance, it’s the Scourge, and if it’s not the Scourge, it’s the Legion, or the Twilights, or, hell, guess what, the FUCKING OLD GODS. That’s how it works. We beat one big bad, only to have another one dropped on us. Rinse, repeat, cross your fingers…
Speaking of which, though. We ended up needing to get back to Orgrimmar shortly after the service. Advance scouting reports have indicated a large Scourge force amassing in Winterspring, and we needed to review what we know and get our defenses in order, just in case. Saurfang stayed for the strategy session, what with him having logged the most Scourge-fighting hours of any of us, but we agreed that until we know what the Lich King is up to, we don’t want our troops in Northrend to be without their C.O.
We’re in the process of shoring up the rear gate to Azshara in case anything happens. In the meantime, we’ll keep watch on what’s going on up north while we get our defenses set.
Seems I’m going from one waiting game to another. Let’s hope at least one of them breaks well for us.
Live Blog: Tides of War
ONE YEAR OF THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS…
[Today marks the one-year anniversary of Garrosh’s first post on the Warchief’s Command Board. To commemorate the occasion, which serendipitously coincides with the release of Jaina Proudmoore: Tides of War by Christie Golden, this post will tie into some of the events of the novel in the form of a LIVE BLOG. The post will be added to over the course of the night so that you will be able to read it in progress as it is written. Continue refreshing this page to update its contents. Also feel free to use the comments to engage with other live readers as the on-the-fly story unfolds!]
I haven’t mentioned this with everything else that’s been going on lately, but several days ago I sent letters out to the other leaders of the Horde to come to Grommash Hold for a special council. An inner circle of key advisors and I have been working on a number of plans over the past few weeks, one in particular that I’ve been keeping on the back burner for far too long. The time has finally come to begin the next stage in the glorious history of the Horde, and it’s only fitting that everyone gather to bear witness to its beginning.
Practically all the major players have been arriving the last few hours — Baine Bloodhoof and Hamuul Runetotem from Thunder Bluff…Sylvanas Windrunner from the Undercity…what’s-his-name, that blood elf guy from Silvermoon. Vol’jin’s come up from the Echo Isles, even though I usually don’t have a whole lot of patience for him. Hell, even Trade Prince Gallywix crawled out from underneath whatever rock he usually hides under to attend. Everybody’s brought a considerable contingent of aides and lieutenants with them, and naturally I have a good-sized contingent of my people from here in Orgrimmar to show their support — Eitrigg, obviously, along with a slew of other aides and supporters like Shok Narnes, Captain Drok, Invoker Xorenth. Mokvar, of course, who’s going to make it a whole lot easier to record and post the meeting. Pretty much the only heavy hitter not here is Saurfang, and, well, I can see why he would decline the invitation, considering.
I waited outside the war room while everyone gathered and got settled into their places. I had my aide Malkorok — who’s been growing more and more important in our developing plans — watched over the gathering, then prepared them for my grant entrance. See, in addition to being an ongoing advisor and newly appointed supervisor of internal security, Malkorok’s also a pretty damn good hype man. So he took a minute to work up the crowd, and then…well, hey, why don’t I kick it over to Mokvar, who I think Spazzle hooked up to be able to feed his meeting notes straight on up to the blog…
MALKOROK: Your leader, the mighty Garrosh Hellscream, approaches! Show him all honor!
The assembly stands and burst into cheers as Garrosh enters, holding his arms wide with Gorehowl in hand.
GARROSH: I bid you all welcome! You are true servants of the Horde. Your Warchief calls you, and you come. <surveying the assembly> Much has transpired since I assumed the mantle of Warchief…
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Most of it bad, mon.
GARROSH: We have faced trials and danger, threats to our world and our way of life. And yet, we persevere. We are the HORDE! We will not let anything break our spirits!
Garrosh raises Gorehowl above his head, and, starting with the orcs present, the assembly cheers.
GARROSH: You do not disappoint me.
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Wish I could say da same, mon.
GARROSH: You are the finest representatives of your races – the leaders, the generals. And that is why I called you here.
Garrosh settles into his throne and gestures for the assembly to sit as well.
GARROSH: There is a menace that has been present for too long, which we must now root out without any mercy.
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> Aw, no, mon, don’ be so hard on yaself.
BAINE: <struggling to stifle his chortling> Stop…stop it!
GARROSH: A threat that has challenged us for years, to which we have, until recently, turned a blind eye in the mistaken notion that tolerance of a little shame will do no harm to the mighty Horde. I have—
Vol’jin and Baine glance at each other. Vol’jin doubles over and lets a chuckle escape.
GARROSH: Hmm? You had something to add, troll?
VOL’JIN: No, no, dat was just a sneeze, mon.
GARROSH: A sneeze.
VOL’JIN: Yah, mon. Allergy season, ya know.
Garrosh exchanges a look with Malkorok, who shrugs.
GARROSH: Um, yeah. As I was saying. And have said, and say again – ANY shame is a great shame!
VOL’JIN: <aside to Baine> A damn dirty shame, mon.
Baine lowers his head over the table and chortles.
GARROSH: Any— Um, you too, birthday boy?
BAINE: <wipes a tear from his eye while looking up> Apologies, Warchief. I think I may be having some…trouble with allergies as well.
VOL’JIN: I tink dere might be a bug goin’ round, mon.
GARROSH: Oh for fuck’s sake… Ugh. Never mind. I…where was I again?
MOKVAR: “Any shame is a great shame.”
Baine and Vol’jin double over slightly, barely containing another fit of chuckles.
GARROSH: Right, right. Any shame is a great shame – ANY injury is a great injury! And apparently any sniffle is a great fucking sneezing epidemic. But whatever. Point is, WE WILL ENDURE IT NO LONGER!
Vol’jin smirks at Baine and gives an exaggerated nod.
GARROSH: We have a destiny to fulfill. And there is an obstacle to that destiny – one that we must crush beneath our feet like the insignificant insect it truly is. For far too long – nay, even a MOMENT would be too long! – the Alliance pests, not content with their stranglehold over the Eastern Kingdoms—
SYLVANAS and LOR’THEMAR: <overlapping> Hey now!
GARROSH: —have wormed their ways into OUR lands, OUR territory. Into Kalimdor. Chipping away at our resources and sullying the very earth with their presence! They are crippling us, preventing us from growing, from reaching the heights that I know – I KNOW – we are capable of achieving! For I believe in my heart that it is not our fate to bow and scrape and sue for peace before the Alliance. It is our right to dominate and control this land of Kalimdor. It is ours, and we will claim it as such!
Led by Malkorok, many of the orcs stand and cheer emphatically. After a few moments, the cheers subside.
GARROSH: To that end, it is my intent to lead the Horde on a mission that will restore us to our rightful path. Our first target will be Northwatch Hold. We will raze it. And once we have reclaimed that land as ours, we will move on to the next step – THERAMORE!
Baine, Vol’jin, Malkorok, and several others spring to their feet – some cheering, some crying out in protest. Frandis Farley – one of Sylvanas’ Forsaken lieutenants – shouts over the din.
FRANDIS: Warchief! The lady Jaina is too powerful! She has been passive and quiet. Rouse her, and we will have war on our hands – a war we are not prepared to fight!
BAINE: She has behaved with fairness time and again, when she could have responded with force or deceit! Her diplomatic efforts and her decision to work with Warchief Thrall have saved countless lives! To storm her realm with no provocation does not give honor to the Horde, and it is foolish besides!
MOKVAR: Also I really, really hope this isn’t about your old guild leader…
BAINE: Wait, his what?
MOKVAR: He had an old GM he was pissed at who turned out to be from Theramore.
VOL’JIN: A GM from what, mon?
MOKVAR: This MMO we play.
BAINE: You’re…kidding.
VOL’JIN: Hey mon, you don’ live in da basement in here too, do ya?
GARROSH: WILL YOU SHUT IT? Dammit, trolls should be seen and not heard. Ideally not seen, either.
VOL’JIN: Oh, so you wan’ me invisible, mon?
GARROSH: If only.
VOL’JIN: Like da Lich King’s horse!
GARROSH: ENOUGH ALREADY!
VOL’JIN: Sorry, mon.
Garrosh lets out a long sigh while Malkorok edges closer to Vol’jin’s side of the room, eyeing the troll chieftain uneasily. Garrosh finally gathers himself.
GARROSH: Now then… First of all, Thrall has given leadership of the Horde to me. Whatever HE did or did not do means nothing now.
VOL’JIN: <aside> Aye, you’ll be seein’ ta dat, won’t ya, mon?
GARROSH: I am the Warchief, to whom you have all sworn loyalty. My decisions are what matter. And those of you who condemn my plan do not even know what it entails. Be silent and listen!
Some – but not all – of the assembly return to their seats.
GARROSH: You respond to this as if the conquest of Theramore were the goal. I tell you now, it is only the beginning! I do not speak solely of destroying the human foothold in Kalimdor. I speak also, and even more vigorously, of the night elves. Let them flee to the Eastern Kingdoms as we crush their cities and take their resources!
VOL’JIN: Drive dem all out? Dey been here longer dan we have. An’ we try somet’ing like day, da Alliance be over us like bees on da honey! You just be givin’ dem he excuse dey been looking for!
GARROSH: My soul is sick of the back-and-forth in Ashenvale that has gone on nearly since we set foot in this world. And I am even more sickened by our own blindness to what we should and must do. The night elves claim compassion and wisdom, yet they murder us when we harvest a few trees that would provide life-giving shelter! The night elves have lived here long enough. Let them now linger only as a bad memory. It is the Horde’s hour to reign on this continent, and reign we shall! This is why Theramore is key, do you not understand? <scanning around the chamber> We crush Theramore, we stop the potential of Alliance reinforcement from the south. And then – we give the night elves their due.
SYLVANAS: <rising> Warchief, the Alliance may indeed not send reinforcements. Not at once, at least. They will turn and vent their wrath instead upon those of us in the Eastern Kingdoms – my people and the sin’dorei.
Sylvanas looks to Lor’themar, who remains still and silent.
GARROSH: Wait, who’s that guy again?
SYLVANAS: Warchief?
GARROSH: The blood elf guy.
SYLVANAS: He’s… <rubs her hand over her face> Never mind. The point is…Varian will march on my borders and destroy us!
EITRIGG: Warchief, a word?
GARROSH: I have heard from you already, my advisor.
BAINE: We have not. Eitrigg was friend to my father and advisor to Thrall. He knows the Alliance in a way few do. Surely you do not object to the rest of us hearing what such a wise elder has to say?
GARROSH: <glares at Baine, then nods to Eitrigg> You may speak.
EITRIGG: It is true that the Horde has done much to recover from the Cataclysm. And it has been under your leadership, Warchief Garrosh. You are right. Yours is the title. Yours are the decisions. But yours also is the responsibility. Think for a moment about the consequences the consequences consequences si the ti consequences moment ereh consequences dna gnikam consequences about erew ew about erutuf tahw kniht ot delbuort su ogre fo yna yldrah dodge dna dias consequences eh erutuf consequences eht dire consequences gnikam dire erew dire ewdire dire consequences dire consequences if we fail.
DRANOSH: I know that all too well, Eitrigg. Which is why I’m not going to do this if everyone isn’t in agreement.
Garrosh blinks a few times confusedly, then exchanges a concerned look with Mokvar.
CAIRNE: <watching Garrosh closely> Overlord? Are you alright?
Garrosh looks up at Cairne and stares for a moment.
GARROSH: I… Yeah. I’m fine…Cairne… Just had something in my eye for a second.
MOKVAR: Might be allergy season…
DRANOSH: At any rate… We all know what’s at stake here. I know I’ve said more than once that I don’t intend to send more troops into a losing situation, but I think it’s safe to say this is a special case.
VOL’JIN: I don’ tink dere’s anyone gonna argue, mon. Quel’talas ain’t gonna hold long on its own, an’ we can’ let dem get to da Sunwell. Not again.
DRANOSH: A vote, then. One last battle, to hold the line, at least long enough to do what needs to be done?
EITRIGG: <scanning around> All in favor?
Cairne, Eitrigg, Vol’jin, and Zaela raise their hands. After a moment’s pause, Garrosh and Mokvar do the same.
EITRIGG: And opposed?
VOL’JIN: Dere’s nobody else here, mon.
EITRIGG: Well, still. It never hurts to be thorough.
DRANOSH: I should get you to do my paperwork for me.
GARROSH: You know, I bet he’d be good at that.
EITRIGG: I would not wish to intrude on your confidential documents, Warchief.
GARROSH: I’m sure he has plenty more important things to do with his time.
DRANOSH: I am Warchief.
GARROSH: Better you than me.
DRANOSH: <smirks> Spirits help us. You’d be terrible at it.
GARROSH: Well, it’s a good thing Thrall stuck YOU with the job then, isn’t it?
DRANOSH: <still smirking>No, but really. I think a basic campfire would probably do a better job than you.
GARROSH: <smirks back> Okay, enough. That shit is hurtful.
DRANOSH: What, are you turning sensitive all of a sudden? What’s next, are you going to start writing poetry too?
GARROSH: You never know.
VOL’JIN: Tell you what, mon, we can plan da first readin’ after we out of da fire.
DRANOSH: <turning back to the war map> Well, we’re all agreed. I’ll send a messenger to Silvermoon. The rest of you know what needs to be done to prepare.
VOL’JIN: Aye, mon.
ZAELA: Yes, Warchief.
DRANOSH: Let’s get to work, then. Metting adjourned. Lok’tar ogar!
EITRIGG: Lok’tar!
ZAELA: Lok’tar!
VOL’JIN: For da Horde!
GARROSH: This will either end up turning the tide the tide tide si the ylno tide up saw tide sa gniht tide turning hcus on turning si ereht elpoep laudividni fo sratava yratnemom ogre eht ni tpecxe ecnetsixe dodge on sah hcihw your noitidnoc diulf your accept your a accept si accept emit accept accept you accept your oath.
Garrosh looks around confusedly again, finding himself absently patting the head of a goblin who appears to be kneeling in allegiance. Malkorok approached, ushering Lor’themar Theron with him.
LOR’THEMAR: You wish to see me, Warchief?
GARROSH: I do. I understand you are the leader of the blood elves.
LOR’THEMAR: Um…yes, Warchief. We’ve met several times.
GARROSH: Have we? Hmm. Must have slipped my memory…
LOR’THEMAR: I’m in your Earth Online guild.
GARROSH: You are? Huh.
LOR’THEMAR: Um…
GARROSH: Well, anyway. Out of all our leaders in there, save Gallywix — who’s supportive merely because he sees coins to be made — you are the only one who doesn’t question your Warchief. Not even when Sylvanas tries to play upon your sympathy. I respect that, elf. Know that your loyalty to me is duly noted.
LOR’THEMAR: The Horde embraced and supported my people when no one else would. I will not forget that. And so, my loyalty, and that of my people, is to the Horde.
GARROSH: I am the Horde’s Warchief, Lor’themar. And as such, I AM the Horde.
LOR’THEMAR: You are its Warchief. Is that all you wish of me? My people are anxious to return home and prepare for the war that is to come.
GARROSH: Of course. You may go.
Lor’themar walks off, rejoining the rest of the Silvermoon contingent.
GARROSH: <to Malkorok> That one is worth watching.
MALKOROK: They are all worth watching.
MOKVAR: Um…if I might ask, what’s that supposed to mean?
MALKOROK: <stares at Mokvar a moment> Suffice to say, scribe, that you are not the only one keeping notes. <turning to Garrosh> If you’ll excuse me, Warchief, I have a few matters to follow up on.
Captain Drok approaches and waits close beside Garrosh.
GARROSH: Go ahead, Malkorok. We’ll check in again later.
DROK: Warchief, a moment?
GARROSH: What is it, Drok? Oh…OH…is it…?
DROK: <nodding> I’ve just received word from our team in Northrend, sir. We have it.
GARROSH: <slowly grins, then nods> Good, good… I love it when a plan comes together.
The pieces are falling into place. Everything is lining up. I’ll be sending marching orders to the various leaders within the next day, and soon enough everything will be underway. Everything is going exactly to plan.
If only I didn’t have this nagging feeling the universe is trying to tell me something.
More soon.
[Thanks to everyone who dropped by live to follow the blog in progress! And also, as you may have noticed, the night was capped off with the addition of a badass new header for the blog, generously and masterfully provided by Snapcaster (Cho’gall server) from Dreamweave Design. Many thanks for making the place more presentable! Additional thanks to Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth for providing the header image for this post — click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]
Monday mailbag
Well, in my last mailbag, I asked you all to send in pictures of your Earth Online pets, and you obliged! Let’s get to it, and see what everyone’s sporting for vanity companions these days. Before Land Down Under comes out, and they introduce like 200 new companion pets, and everybody loses their fucking minds.
I just finished my rep grind a few days after your call for submissions. I picked out a small puffball of a dog (I think the breed is called Pomeranian) that would be a tasty snack for my raptor Masher if the dog was out in Azeroth. He gets along well with my minions (I get 4 because I am a Stay at Home Mom class) and loves to clean up the food they leave behind so I save time on cleaning. He even washes my dishes for me. My smallest minion is also my most messy so she and the dog get along well because she is always a source of dropped food for him.
–Toka, Orgrimmar
Hey Toka. Interesting with the Mom minions. I’m guessing that works pretty much the same as the minions I get from the Teacher class. Although, from the sound of it, you have to feed yours, which I don’t. But then, I do have to keep a steady supply of lessons coming, so I’m guessing it’s probably a similar mechanic, just with the serial numbers filed off. Come to think of it, I bet there’s a lot of overlap between the minion mechanics for the Mom and Teacher classes. If you don’t do a good job staying on top of yours, do they run the risk or rebelling on you too? That’s a pain in the ass.
I also did the Humane Society quests to pick up a dog. Actually, I also did a “rescue” quest a while back, but Jamie died of old age a few years back. Not long after that, I got Duke here from the Humane Society.
He’s an Austealian Shepherd — a shout-out of sorts to the next expansion. Duke’s quite a bit bigger than your terrier … which, mostly, just means that he costs more in-game currency to feed.
And a bit of advice for Hannahlee … seriously, just show up and start training. That application thing is just for show. Your qualifcations, or lack thereof, will soon be obvious. Possibly painfully obvious. (Which is where the priest trainees come in…)
Now, I need to get back to that “acceptance test” raid that my guild is running…
— A Concerned Citizen
Now see, ACC, that’s kind of interesting. I didn’t know these pets could die of old age. Or of anything, really. Now I’m going to be all paranoid about running across the street when I have Sawyer out for fear of getting him hit or something. Do they have leashes in Earth Online?
Also, I like the fact that this dog is an Australian Shepherd. Since you mentioned having him going back a few years, that just shows you that the devs really did have this whole Australian expansion in mind going back a long time. So seriously, all you people who’ve been whining about LDU being a big joke expansion and “OMG Australians?!” — it’s been in the lore for fucking ever so have a Kaja-Cola and a smile and shut the fuck up.
Here are two pics of my companion pets.
Picture one is actually a couple of years or so old. It is of my eldest son and our dog “Boo.” Boo was an Australian Shepherd, and passed away a couple of years ago. She was a great dog.
The second pic is of our cat “Darcy.” She is still around and ruling the roost. Typical cat.
Your loyal Reader,
–Zwingli
Well I’ll be damned, another Australian Shepherd, huh? I guess you and ACC must have done the same quest, huh, Zwingli? Another one dying of old age, though. I guess this really must be a game feature I haven’t noticed. Maybe I just missed this since I haven’t even been playing for a year yet, so I just haven’t been around long enough to notice pets getting older and dying? Or is this an Australian Shepherd thing specifically? Or wait, is this “dying of old age” thing mean there’s a limited number of charges on summoning the dog, and that’s just the turn of phrase players use to refer to running out?
Anyway, it’s sad to lose your pet — I know I won’t be a happy camper if I ever run out of charges on Sawyer — but I guess you have to give the devs credit for being that committed to realism. You know, other than the fact that YOU can die like a hundred times and just pop back to life like nothing happened.
Also, Zwingli, do you play one of the Mom / Dad classes like Toka? I notice you have a minion like hers in the first picture. I also like the fact that it looks like you can set your companion pet to protect your minion. Come to think of it, that would sort of make sense, seeing as the dog is a Shepherd. Still a neat feature.
Here are screenshots of our dog pets we got with rep! I like the idle position – if you stop moving for a while it just lays down and plays dead! It seems the other one is way more spastic though, and barks a lot more. I can’t quite get it to idle like the other one. I had to turn in-game sounds off because it wouldn’t shut up! They’re pretty cute though and I was told I couldn’t get a third because they tax my computer’s resources way too much. Stupid rules!
–Roika Dark, Brill
Well I’ll be damned, speaking of repeating breeds, Roika, looks like your dogs are West Highland terriers like mine. The one in the first picture in particular looks like he would be a kindred spirit with Sawyer, seeing as he’s a lazy little butterball. Not sure what to make of the problem you seem to be having with the barking, though. My dog hardly ever makes a peep — don’t know if it’s just that I have a lousy audio card, or if there’s something that procs the barking that I’m not doing, or what. So anyway, since you have the same terriers as I do, I’m guessing you did the same rescue quest? How fucked up is that puppy mill sub-zone? I swear, on those rare occasions when I get in a cranky mood, I still go back there just to beat the snot out of the millers some more. I didn’t know the quest was repeatable, though… Something to keep in mind.
You wanted to know about our EO pets so here’s some pix of mine. I got them through a rescue quest. A friend of a friend was LFG and as things worked out, I was there to lend a helping hand. They try help me, but are easily distracted by food.
Strength and Honor,
–Zug Zug
Ah, another rescue quest, huh? I only really noticed the puppy mill quests for dogs, but I guess it stands to reason there would be some rescue quests for cats too. I wonder if there are any other animals you can get from those. From what I remember, cats are the only type of pet that you can buy outright from the Humane Society based on rep.
I saw you be wantin’ ta see our Eart’ Online pets, so I figured you be likin’ dis one. I been spendin’ a long time lookin’ for da right one, mon!
I tink he be likin’ you!
–Bob, Echo Isles
WTF!!! You know what?! I’ll bet you anything THAT’S NOT REALLY THAT GUY’S PET! And hey, guess what else, asshole? If that IS your cat, then your cat’s a fucking IDIOT, because its spelling and grammar is fucking TERRIBLE. Fucking illiterate virtual cat.
Hello, mighty warchief of the Horde!
I write in answer to your call of pictures with our Earth Online pet…
There you can see Ravi, a European Longhair Cat, who is my steadfast companion as I adventure on that strange virtual planet.
FOR THE HORDE!!!!
Faithfully yours *hint hint*
–Uukra
You know, after all the time Uukra has spent e-flirting with me in these mailbags, I suppose it was just a matter of time before she started sending me pictures of her…erm…never mind.
Hey Garosh
I’ve been a pet colecter for a long time in EO so its great to be able to show off a little – some of these are prety rare it realy took me a long time to find them all. You asked for it!
These are my dogs – the black shepherd mix is Kismet, and the golden retriever is Cosmos.
Then there are my cats – Tiger, Cage, and Salem.
Now for the realy intristing ones!
These are my snakes – Medusa (the black one) and Hades (the white one). I got them from a quest in New Mexico and I had to choos one of them but the next week their was a server problem and the quest got reset so i got to go back and do it again and get the other one 🙂
I also got a scorpion off a rare spawn in Africa. I havnt givin him a name though because I’ve mostly been more worried about making shure he doesn’t sting me he has already stung three people in my guild and there toons died!
So after running around getting all these pets I finaly got my Zookeeper achievement and look at the bonus pet I got! So so cute he is an African pygmie hedgehog I named him Moe.
Sory if I spamed you with pictures!
–Eravia
HOLY CRAP that’s a shit ton of pets. Some crazy ones in there too, Eravia, nice job hunting them all down. How many can you have out at once? I could kinda see there being some predator problems if you got too many of them out at once.
Also, based on your writing, I’m guessing you went to school at the same place as Bob’s cat from a couple letters ago?
I know things must be kind of tense between you and Saurfang right now, but I have to ask — has he had any funny noob moments since he started playing Earth Online? I know when I finally convinced my girlfriend to give it a try, she had a lot of little moments, like not realizing your auto-attack toggles on so she kept spamming her 1 key. Any good ones from Saurfang?
–Dedrin, Booty Bay
First of all, Dedrin, I call shenanigans. Your girlfriend? Everybody knows gamer nerds don’t have girlfriends, and girls don’t play Earth Online (you know, other than all the ones in my guild). People make both those points all the time on the internet, so they must be true. I don’t know who you think you’re fooling.
The funny thing about Saurfang is that even though he’s been flying along leveling like a motherfucker, he IS making all these noob mistakes…and yet stuff STILL keeps breaking his way like crazy. It’s kind of incredible, really. You know that expression about falling out of a tree and landing on your feet? Well, Saurfang keeps falling out of trees, and then landing in another, cooler tree that sprouts up spontaneously right next to the first tree, only this new tree has cushioned recliner branches and grows strippers, thousand-dollar bills, and chilled kegs of beer.
Here, let me give you a for-instance.
Saurfang was doing a quest hunting bears and collecting stolen picnic baskets in one of the national park sub-zones. So you know how your in-game map gets that blue blob on it to show where your quest mobs are? Saurfang was looking at it and asked me if that’s where he needed to go for the bears and baskets. I told him yes, and he said something like “For a moment, I thought it looked like water.” Which, okay, that’s kind of cute in a noobish way, right? Yeah, except when Saurfang actually GOT there? The whole damn area got hit with a giant flood clear out of nowhere. Which killed all the bears. Which somehow he got quest credit for just by being there. And all the picnic baskets came floating up to the surface, so he just swam a quick lap around and gathered them up and off he went on his way back to Park Ranger Smith.
The fuck?
That does it for this week, but Dedrin there gives me another idea. For the next mailbag in a couple weeks, let’s hear from everybody about their Earth Online noob moments! I bet there are some good stories out there about people coming face-to-face with their inner Dontrag and Utvoch.
Also don’t forget to check in tomorrow night — there’s lots going on and I’m planning to have some updates going up then.
Lines of inquiry
A few days ago, Saurfang had sent a courier to me with kind of an irritated letter asking to see me. He had some objections to certain operations going on in Northrend, so I agreed to set aside some time today for him to come down and discuss things in person.
It wasn’t exactly a pleasant meeting.
You’re up, Mokvar.
Saurfang enters, accompanied by two Kor’kron guards who aren’t nearly as badass as him.
GARROSH: Morning, Saurfang.
NAZGRIM: Good morning, High Overlord.
SAURFANG: Morning it is, gentlemen, but I’m hardly convinced it is a good one.
GARROSH: Oh great. It’s that bad, huh?
SAURFANG: Indeed, Warchief.
GARROSH: Okay, well, let’s get it out in the open, then. What’s the problem, Saurfang?
SAURFANG: Let me speak plainly, Warchief. Is it your intention to replace me as High Overlord of the Kor’kron Guard?
GARROSH: What? No. Why would I want to do that. You built those troops up from ground level yourself.
SAURFANG: <nodding grimly> Have I, then, been unknowingly relieved of duty as commanding officer of our Northrend forces?
GARROSH: Oh, wait. I think I see where this is going.
SAURFANG: Have I been relieved, Warchief?
GARROSH: Saurfang, if I ever relieve you of duty, you’ll know from the way I pick you up and throw you from a very great height.
MOKVAR: Like to see you try that…
GARROSH: Not the time, Mokvar.
SAURFANG: In that case, Warchief, I am left to assume that I remain in command of our Northrend operations.
GARROSH: <sighs> Yes, Saurfang, you’re still in command.
SAURFANG: And in that case, Warchief, I would be most interested in hearing the explanation for a team of Horde operatives arriving at Warsong Hold claiming to be undertaking a mission, the details of which they were not at liberty to divulge to the command officer under whose jurisdiction they were operating.
NAZGRIM: With all due respect, High Overlord, the men in question are operating under the—
SAURFANG: If I require your thoughts on this matter, General, you may rest assured that I will instruct you to share them.
MOKVAR: Oh man, shit just got real…
GARROSH: Mokvar!
MOKVAR: Sorry, boss.
GARROSH: Here’s the thing, Saurfang.
SAURFANG: Indeed, Warchief, by all means do elucidate me on the thing.
GARROSH: <glares briefly> The men who arrived at Warsong Hold are working on a mission under the supervision of General Nazgrim here, and under my direct sanctions. And since they’re working under my orders, and aren’t Kor’kron operatives, no, they are NOT under your jurisdiction.
SAURFANG: I see. And is there a reason, then, why I am not authorized even to know about this very important mission?
GARROSH: Look, I know you don’t like being kept in kept in in nway kept gnittolbyks in being desiop in eno ni in dont meht nopu dont nwod thgindim fo egakcerw eht lruh ot tub egakcerw shatter otni thgindim lruh ot ton ti htiw thgindim point gniggard tub thgindim drawot ton deraor emit fo ecarllim tsav eht in moor tilpmal in teiuq kept in eht kept edistuo kept elihw kept kept in kept in the dark, Saurfang.
DRANOSH
Is was a necessary – wait, did you just call me “Saurfang”? Since when do you call me “Saurfang”? Saurfang is my dad.
GARROSH
Wait, wasn’t I just…? Oh. Right… Don’t mind me. You’re looking more and more like him all the time.
DRANOSH
Don’t even joke about that.
GARROSH
Anyway, though, you were saying?
DRANOSH
I know you don’t like being kept in the dark, Garrosh, but we didn’t want word leaking out about what we’d uncovered.
GARROSH
Which would be…?
NAZGRIM
On our last sweep around the islands just south of the Maelstrom, we found a…well, a survivor, sir.
VOL’JIN
By da spirits, ya mean ya—
DRANOSH
No, not him, Vol’jin. Unfortunately.
NAZGRIM
He’s…humanoid. That’s pretty much all we can say. Not any species I’ve ever seen before. Everything he had to say on his own just came out as a bunch of rubbish, and I wanted to bring him back here where we could all hear it before I tried to question him any further.
GARROSH
Is there anything particularly suspicious about him that we’re questioning him…
[Garrosh trails off and bristles as he looks across the room and notices – then stares at – MAGATHA GRIMTOTEM.]
VOL’JIN
Garrosh?
GARROSH
What…is she doing here?
MAGATHA
High Overlord? Why would I not be here? The Warchief has always welcomed my counsel on internal Horde matters…
GARROSH
[Bristles for another moment, then shakes his head vigorously.]
Right. Never mind. I’m just… My head’s just somewhere else.
MOKVAR
Somewhere…
DRANOSH
Are you going to be okay for this? If you need a head shrinker, I’m sure Vol’jin could arrange—
GARROSH
I’ll be fine.
NAZGRIM
Shall we bring him in, then?
DRANOSH
We may as well.
[Nazgrim signals to a guard, who steps into an adjoining room. A moment later, two guards enter with a humanoid – smaller in stature than an orc and similar in features to a monkey. The guards flank him on each side and hold his arms loosely while leading him in. His head hangs low.]
NAZGRIM
He calls himself “Zhi-Zhi.” He says he was an initiate at some sort of monastery in a place called the Jade Forest before the Rupturing. Then the land he comes from was devastated by the resulting earthquakes and tidal waves, and wound up being washed onto the island where we found him. Or so he says, from what I could gather.
[The guards lead ZHI-ZHI into the room. When they stop moving, Zhi-Zhi looks up and sees Garrosh. Zhi-Zhi’s eyes widen with a look of surprise.]
ZHI-ZHI
[Stares wide-eyed at Garrosh, reaching with one hand to point at him.]
Ohh…
[Suddenly pulls his hand back and shakes his head.]
Not the one.
GARROSH
The hell?
VOL’JIN
[Eyes narrowing.]
Not da one what, mon?
ZHI-ZHI
[Shakes his head, then points to Garrosh again with a chuckle.]
No, no, not the one.
GARROSH
[Striding up to Zhi-Zhi.]
Not the one WHAT?
NAZGRIM
That’s really just a small sampling of the kind of lunacy he’s been spouting nonstop since we found him.
GARROSH
Not WHAT one?
ZHI-ZHI
Not the one!
GARROSH
[Rearing back and striking Zhi-Zhi with each word.]
What. Does. That. MEAN?
ZHI-ZHI
AAH! Alright, enough, enough! STOP HITTING ZHI-ZHI!
DRANOSH
Garrosh, enough.
GARROSH
I’ll start hitting a whole lot harder if you don’t start talking some sense.
DRANOSH
Zhi-Zhi.
[Zhi-Zhi looks past Garrosh to Dranosh.]
My name is Dranosh.
VOL’JIN
It be meanin’ “Heart of Draenor” in—
DRANOSH
Don’t start, Vol’jin.
VOL’JIN
Sorry, mon.
DRANOSH
[Turns his attention back to Zhi-Zhi.]
I’m the Warchief – the leader – of a people called the Horde. As long as you’re here, you’re under our protection and safe. We want to help you, but first you have to help us understand.
[Zhi-Zhi slowly nods.]
This is Garrosh. You said he’s…“not the one”? Did you think you recognized him from somewhere?
ZHI-ZHI
Yes. No. Yes. Zhi-Zhi… Zhi-Zhi not sure.
DRANOSH
Where did you think you’d recognized him from?
ZHI-ZHI
When Zhi-Zhi first come to Tian, Elder Cloudfall show Zhi-Zhi the place. Show Zhi-Zhi the visions. Zhi-Zhi saw…saw the cracks, looked into the cracks, saw more cracks, more, growing, everywhere cracks, cracks, cracking… Zhi-Zhi tried to warn, but oh, no, nobody listen to poor Zhi-Zhi…
VOL’JIN
Hmm…visions, eh, mon?
GARROSH
Listen, you blathering idiot, what does any of that even mean, and what could it POSSIBLY have to do with do with with tsap do flah with have rehto with eht gnitteg with to fo syaw to gnitnevni ti fo flah tneps eh tey emit saw derrohba shatter dna deraef eh htaed eht dna point mih neewteb doots taht lla emit saw dah nam taht lla dias to dah elcnu to sih have to woh have gnirebmemer have gnikniht have have to have to do with me?
Garrosh does a double take, shaking his head.
SAURFANG: What does it not have to do with you, Garrosh? The secrets, the infighting, the distrust against supposed countrymen – I have seen it before, and I will not stand idly by and let it take root without even the aid of demon blood.
GARROSH: Saurfang, we’re talking about one single mission which, believe me, has more than enough reason for maximum security.
SAURFANG: And a disregard for the chain of command.
GARROSH: Legionnaire Nazgrim doesn’t…wait, Legionnaire? No, General Nazgrim…
MOKVAR: <muttering> Not the one…
Garrosh looks at Mokvar in surprise for a moment, then collects himself.
GARROSH: General Nazgrim is running the operation, and he doesn’t answer to you.
SAURFANG: Indeed he does not, it would seem. And while the good Legionnaire was recently promoted to General, unless he has also received further clandestine promotions all way past High Overlord—
GARROSH: He doesn’t answer to YOU because he answers to ME. Just like these men don’t answer to you because THEY answer to ME. And I am beginning to TIRE of your coming down here to argue jurisdiction and technicalities when it should be abundantly clear EVERYTHING is being done under MY AUTHORITY.
SAURFANG: And by exactly what authority are you holding your other leaders at arm’s length?
GARROSH: I AM YOUR WARCHIEF, SAURFANG!
SAURFANG: THRALL is my Warchief! And you, boy, are warming his seat.
Garrosh glares at Saurfang for a moment.
MOKVAR: Oh shit.
Mokvar and Nazgrim both take a few steps back.
GARROSH: So now it comes out.
SAURFANG: I may have been the first to have said it, Warchief, but I assure you I am far from the first to have thought it.
GARROSH: Saurfang…you’ve been a hero of our people for many years, and because of that I’m going let this one time pass. If you were any other man, I would have killed you right here and now.
SAURFANG: You would have tried.
Mokvar and Nazgrim take a few more steps back.
GARROSH: Go back to your station, old man.
SAURFANG: Indeed, Warchief. I will retire to Northrend. And as I am no longer privy to all that goes on there, I will trust that there is nothing being done that would bring dishonor to our people. And should I learn that that trust has been misplaced…well…as you say, Warchief, we each have but a single free pass, as the saying goes.
Saurfang turns and leaves. Garrosh lets out a frustrated sigh, then eyes Mokvar and Nazgrim.
GARROSH: What are you staring at? We have work to do.
So…obviously a lot going on. But honestly I’m in no mood to talk about the Saurfang thing right now.
Besides that, though…I remember. I remember the whole thing now, when I…well…flashed to wherever I was, with Dranosh and that monkey guy and holy fuck Magatha are you fucking kidding me. I really remember it – not all fuzzy and blurry and dream-like. What’s more, I just got to talking with Mokvar. He remembers being there too. Apparently he’s been experiencing the same thing the last couple days. We compared notes a little as far as what we experienced, and it sounds eerily similar to those flashbacks that Faranell was complaining about when we went to see him in Hearthglen.
All of us having these flashes is way too big a coincidence. It all started when we brought Faranell back from the past, so I’m going to arrange to pick Faranell up from Tirion, and then have all of us head down to the Caverns of Time. I think it’s time we went over this with Nozdormu.
Patch notes
So while I try to come down from the frantic WTFs of what just happened…
Those of you who’ve been following my gaming habits know that Earth Online has been working on a new expansion called Land Down Under for a while now. It’s due to come out in a few weeks, and it’s going to be the first expansion since I’ve been playing, so that should be cool. I haven’t been playing on the Beta, but Spazzle has, so between watching over his shoulder a few times, and watching the announcements about what’s happening, I’ve been able to keep up on a little bit of what’s coming.
So, for those fellow gamers out there, here are a few notes and comments on what’s in store for us…
- They’re raising the level cap from 50 to 60. There’s been talk that they’re going to adjust the 1-50 leveling to make it go faster as a result, which is probably a good idea, because just think what that would be like for a new character – can you imagine having to grind out 60 levels right out of the gate?
- They’re adding a bunch of new mounts, but my absolute favorite one? There’s this animal called a kangaroo. It’s kind of like…um…okay, you know what, there actually isn’t any animal in the real world that I can compare this thing to. All I can really say is, imagine what kind of animal a murloc would have to have fucked to produce the first gorloc. Kind of like that. Anyway, the thing about this kangaroo is that it has this pouch on its belly, which supposedly it uses to carry its young around. (Side note: I don’t know how the devs keep coming up with shit like this. I mean really. Some hella good felweed, I guess.) So here’s the thing. When you ride this kangaroo, you don’t sit on its back or something normal like that – you ride around in the damn thing’s pouch! Oh and also, did I mention that rather than running, these things fucking HOP? How much cartoonish awesome is that, seriously?
- They’re adding in this new feature where you can put yourself into a group finder, which will automatically assemble a group of players for raids. And I know exactly what you’re thinking, because I thought the same thing too: You mean I can sign up to join 19 total strangers chosen at random in an anonymous, consequence-free environment for a group activity that hinges on coordination, communication, and precise execution? OMG FINALLY, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? I’ll tell you, I like raiding, but I don’t know if I’m going to try this feature out, because honestly, I feel the urge to kill everyone around me enough as it is, I don’t know how much more I want to put my temper to the test.
- File this one under Long Long LONG Overdue: They’re finally smartening up and adding a TON of airports to most of the zones. No more of this crap where there’s only one airport per zone, so you land in Chicago and then you’re stuck running around on your mount for 20 minutes because you’re still working on that quest chain in Wisconsin. What’s more, they’re adding this extra feature called “In-Flight Movie” – basically if you’re on one of the longer flights, you can choose from a list of in-game cinematics and popular machinima, and watch them while you’re in flight. They’re even organized by how closely the running time matches your flight time. Pretty awesome, huh?
Of course, as soon as word got out about the plan to add the new airports, all the permanently bitter self-professed hardcore players came out of the woodwork on the forums to gripe and complain, because “OMG this isn’t Earth Online, it’s Casuals Online now” and they’re ruining the game by dumbing it down, because obviously it completely removes any concept of challenge or skill from the game if you make ANY SINGLE THING IN IT even 5% more convenient, and OMG nerdrage because CASUALS. To which, honest to fucking hell, dickweeds, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I swear I will never understand why some of these people seem to sink so damn much of their time into something that obviously just makes them angry. I mean, okay, I spend a shit-ton of time on things that usually make ME angry, but dude, it’s my fucking JOB. I spend enough time in real life dealing with shit that pisses me off, I don’t need to pay a monthly subscription fee for more. I swear some gamers would complain about a blowjob.
- They’re going to head into this expansion by having a couple major world events to set up the big contest to determine the faction leader in November (which, frankly, they’ve already been playing it up so much that I really just want the damn thing settled so we can stop hearing about it). Basically they’re setting aside a week each for two “party convention” events, which you can participate in to align yourself with either of the two main candidates for faction leader, do quests for them, and get some “campaign” vanity items…which frankly look kind of shitty and tacky to me. For starters, could they seriously not come up with ANYTHING better for the party symbols? A talbuk and an elekk? Really? Those are the most impressive things you could think of? I mean, those would be fine if your goal is to make your candidates into, like, the final targets of a Nesingwary hunting expedition, but otherwise, really?
Anyway, these two events are going to lead into the expansion, and then in November they’ll finally settle things as far as who the leader’s going to be. I guess it’s going to be this game-wide process to decide – they’re going to have daily quests, resource gathering, mini-boss encounters, tons of other stuff, and then they’re going to total it all up across all the servers. So then, when the “Election Day” event kicks in, whoever the players end up putting ahead wins and becomes faction leader in the next patch. Unless it’s the guy who’s already faction leader. Then he just STAYS faction leader.A bunch of people have been blogging about how impressive this is, that the devs are letting the players determine who the leader is going to be. Their point seems to be that by doing this, the devs are giving up a lot of control over what’s going to happen with the lore, so they either have to have two sets of outcomes ready to go, or improvise on the fly depending on who wins. Personally, I think that’s putting WAY too much weight on the outcome of the event. If you ask me, whatever’s going to happen in the lore and in the game world is going to happen, it’s already been worked out, and the only thing the devs are going to have to do based on the election is tweak a few details to account for how we got from A to B. But we’re going from A to B. Whoever wins, we’re heading for B. Seriously, guys, don’t kid yourselves into thinking one option or another is going to magically portal us to H or Q or motherfucking X.
So that’s what we’re looking at so far. Quick note before I forget, by the way – don’t forget to write in for next week’s mailbag with pictures of your own Earth Online pets like we had from me and Shara last time around. I’ve already gotten a few letters, and it would definitely be cool to see everybody’s collection. Send those letters and pictures to me at garrosh1337@gmail.com.
Anyway, we’ll see how everything plays out. I know Spazzle’s going to pre-download LDU so he can start playing the minute the new content goes live, and it wouldn’t surprise me if Lorthemar does the same, considering how much time he seems to spend online. Whoever he is in the first place. Meanwhile, I’d kind of assumed that Saurfang would be a long way from level cap still when LDU drops, but I might turn out to be wrong (MARK YOUR CALENDARS, it doesn’t happen often). He’s already up to like level 30, which is pretty damn amazing considering he’s totally new to all of this. Even more amazing when you factor in the fact that I almost never see him online. I’ll go a few days without seeing him, then he’ll finally log on, and it’s like, dude, you gained like eight levels since last time I saw you, how the hell did THAT happen? Dude just FLEW through those level, like stuff is just falling over dead for him as soon as he walks into the room.
Let’s hope that doesn’t carry over into real life. I’ve got a face-to-face with him soon, and personally I’d rather not wind up dead. More updates soon after that.
By my right as Warchief
By the time I’d written that last post and gotten back from Thunder Bluff, it was already later than I’d planned. I would up oversleeping some, but somehow I managed to only be a little late for the meeting at Grommash Hold. Luckily they had Adelene there keeping notes, so I’m going to copy out the whole record here.
Scene: Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar
[Darkspear chief VOL’JIN, MOKVAR, and WARLORD ZAELA sit around the large central conference table while EITRIGG places several models on the world map to indicate troop positions. LEGIONNAIRE NAZGRIM enters and approaches the table.]
NAZGRIM
[Surveying the models.]
Shouldn’t we be showing more troops in Darkshire?
EITRIGG
[Somber.]
Not anymore.
VOL’JIN
Da demons finally pushed t’rough de Deadwind Pass, mon.
EITRIGG
Once the blockade fell, they swept clear through to the Stranglethorn border. Our people are backed up nearly all the way to Grom’gol.
ZAELA
Even that’s just buying time for us to evacuate altogether.
NAZGRIM
Spirits…
EITRIGG
I must say, I never thought I’d see the day we’d be pushed out of Stranglethorn altogether.
VOL’JIN
Nobody ever does, mon.
MOKVAR
Warchief entering!
EITRIGG
Lok’tar!
ZAELA
Lok’tar ogar, Warchief!
[Everyone rises from their seats to face the stairwell. From above, WARCHIEF DRANOSH SAURFANG descends into the room.]
DRANOSH
Lok’tar, everyone. I see we’re almost all here already.
EITRIGG
I think by this point everyone knows that 9:00 really means 8:45 with you, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Smiles.]
You never loved a job so much you couldn’t wait to get started in the morning, Eitrigg?
EITRIGG
Depends on the day you ask, Warchief.
VOL’JIN
I be more of a night person meself, mon.
DRANOSH
[Pulls up a chair while surveying the map.]
Well I’ll try to make this quick so you can take a nap.
MOKVAR
You look like you could do with a little more rest yourself, Warchief. Have you been getting any sleep at all lately?
DRANOSH
I’ll have plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead. No need to worry about me, Mokvar. I’ll be fine.
MOKVAR
If you say so, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Scanning the map.]
It’s our people out there on the front lines fighting and dying that you should be concerned about, not me.
MOKVAR
Emissary entering!
[Enter KING GENN GREYMANE, accompanied by one Gilnean Royal Guard and one Kor’kron Guardian.]
DRANOSH
Your Highness.
EITRIGG
Highness.
VOL’JIN
King Genn, mon.
GREYMANE
Good morning, Warchief. All. How goes the day?
EITRIGG
Early enough not to have turned sour on us yet, Highness.
GREYMANE
[Nods, scratching the back of his neck.]
Well, that’s something, at least. King Varian, of course, sends his regards from Theramore.
DRANOSH
I trust he and Lady Proudmoore are well.
GREYMANE
As well as can be expected.
DRANOSH
At any rate, then, why don’t we get down to business.
EITRIGG
Indeed, Warchief.
DRANOSH
Warlord?
ZAELA
[Pointing to various locations on the map.]
Kalimdor outposts remain stable. Quel’thalas is holding, but remains closed off. Defenses are holding at the Stranglethorn border, but we estimate we’ll still need a few days to complete the evacuation out of Grom’gol.
GREYMANE
[Scratching his beard.]
Would reinforcements help at the border? I could likely send a detachment of my soldiers to help hold the line.
NAZGRIM
Never mind holding it. We should be looking to push the damned monsters back again. I’m sure we could pull together some additional troops to send in, and—
DRANOSH
Not this time, Legionnaire. As much as I hate to say it, Stranglethorn is a lost cause. I’m not sending more of our people to die in a battle we can’t win. I don’t want another Ironforge.
[Enter OVERLORD GARROSH HELLSCREAM.]
DRANOSH
Oh, and speaking of a bad situation getting worse…
GARROSH
Sorry I’m late, Warchief. Late night and all.
EITRIGG
Garrosh.
MOKVAR
Morning, Overlord.
VOL’JIN
Hey, mon.
DRANOSH
Up late reading the Roll of Ancestors with Baine, were you?
GARROSH
You know how it is once you get rolling with the begats.
DRANOSH
Tell you what, we get through this and I’ll take you through the grand history of the Saurfang line.
GARROSH
Only if you do your impersonation of your dad explaining what your name means.
DRANOSH
Deal. Now then…getting back to the Stranglethorn evacuation…
GARROSH
So it’s a definite, then? We need to abandon ship.
VOL’JIN
I don’ be likin’ it either, mon, but yah.
NAZGRIM
I still say a counteroffensive is worth the attempt.
ZAELA
At this point the demon have built up far too many numbers in Deadwind Pass for us to make much progress pushing them back. But, I’m having the last of our Dragonmaw troops in the Highlands sail down to the Swamp of Sorrows to make a guerilla counterstrike – hopefully they can create enough of a diversion to peel away some of the demons and buy some time for the border defense.
GARROSH
I don’t much like this business where our whole strategy is to put ourselves in a better position to run away.
NAZGRIM
You and me both, Garrosh.
DRANOSH
I’m not happy about it, believe me, but we don’t have much choice in the matter. Right now we can’t afford to lose more of our forces to a losing battle.
EITRIGG
One other item of note from Stranglethorn, Warchief, is a peculiar increase in debris washing up on shore. Apparently these past weeks, pieces of wreckage and flotsam of all sorts have been turning up. Bodies, as well.
GARROSH
Orc? Human?
EITRIGG
Some of both. And many we don’t even recognize.
VOL’JIN
Dere been any battles at sea dere lately?
NAZGRIM
Not that I’m aware of.
GREYMANE
[Scratching behind his ear.]
We’ve had a similar experience at Theramore the past few days. Largely debris of apparent goblin construction…and bodies as well.
GARROSH
Ratchet?
GREYMANE
[Shakes his head.]
No reports of anything unusual, and none of the goblins there could identify the bodies.
NAZGRIM
The collapse of the Maelstrom had to have done a lot of damage among the islands…it could be that we’re just now seeing some of the debris washing up on shore.
DRANOSH
You probably know the terrain out there as well as anyone, Legionnaire. Think you could take a gunship detachment to do a survey?
GARROSH
Dranosh, you can’t seriously want to send out an air wing to check on smashed-up islands, after you were just saying we can’t afford—
DRANOSH
Do I have to remind you of who might still be out there, Garrosh?
GARROSH
[Sighs.]
Fine. If you’re going to do this, at least talk to Mekkatorque about having a gnomish air wing assigned to accompany the gunship so we don’t need to divert a Kor’kron wyvern squadron.
DRANOSH
Since when have you cared about losing wyverns?
GARROSH
I’m serious, Dranosh. Get Mekkatorque to send his planes.
DRANOSH
Is that an order, Overlord?
GARROSH
[Smirking.]
Matter of fact, it is, Warchief.
DRANOSH
[Smirks back and nods.]
Okay then. You’re the boss.
NAZGRIM
I should have a gunship ready to go by tomorrow morning. I’ll just need to double check troop assignments.
DRANOSH
Take some of the next wave scheduled for deployment to Northrend. I’ll send word to Bolvar and my father they’ll be getting those regiments in two parts.
GARROSH
I’d say to take a minimal crew, though. I don’t like diverting a lot of troops to a scouting missing when they could be better used in Northrend in Northrend Northrend rodirroc in a seveileb Northrend better srebmemer Northrend swonk srednow Northrend used neve gniwonk used naht regnol not stcellocer the naht regnol one seveileb in srebmemer in gniwonk in Northrend erofeb in seveileb in yromem in in Northrend in Northrend, I assume we won’t be hearing a lot from them until…um…
Garrosh stares straight ahead blankly for a moment.
EITRIGG: Sir?
GARROSH: Um…did I just…? <blinks and shakes his head>
NAZGRIM: Warchief?
Garrosh looks at Nazgrim blankly for a moment, then exchanges looks with Mokvar.
EITRIGG: That would be you, sir.
NAZGRIM: Are you all right, Garrosh?
GARROSH: I…yeah. I’m okay. I was just dizzy for a minute. Not sure why I… Did…nobody else just saw anything, did they?
EITRIGG: No, nothing, sir.
NAZGRIM: Just you talking about Drok’s people in Northrend, sir. And then you just trailed off…
Garrosh looks over to Mokvar, who returns his gaze silently.
GARROSH: Okay. So. Drok’s people have their assignment, and should already be underway with it. They’re probably going to maintain radio silence until they’re done.
EITRIGG: I’m still not sure I like all the secrecy around what they’re doing up there, Warchief.
GARROSH: Necessary precaution, Eitrigg. You’ll see soon enough.
NAZGRIM: In the meantime, I’ve had the fleet captains running drills to make sure their crews will be ready to go.
GARROSH: Good. I know they’ve already been on standby for a while, but I don’t expect it’ll be too much longer. A couple more pieces need to fall into place, then the boys and girls can finally do their thing.
NAZGRIM: <nodding> It’ll be good to see, sir.
A courier enters, whispers something to Eitrigg, hands him a sealed note, and leaves.
EITRIGG: Warchief? You have a letter here from Saurfang, sir.
GARROSH: What does… <blinks> …Varok?
EITRIGG: Um…yes, Warchief. Varok.
NAZGRIM: What other Saurfang would it be from?
EITRIGG: Garrosh, are you sure you’re feeling all right?
GARROSH: You know… Maybe I’m just tired. Run down or something. We’ve covered everything we needed to, why don’t we call it a day at this point.
EITRIGG: Yes sir.
MOKVAR: Sounds like a plan.
NAZGRIM: Yes sir. I’m just going to stop upstairs to check on the duty rosters for a few of the ships.
GARROSH: Go ahead, General. While you’re up there, bring down that map. We’re going to be needing it sooner rather than later.
There’s a lot going on and I’ve got a lot to write about, but right now I really do think I’d better get some rest. Because either I’m really for-true run down and imagining things, or…or I don’t know what.
I could swear it was real, but as I think back on it, it seems hazy and fuzzy the way a dream does. And I remember the whole meeting from this morning, so how could I also have been…? Never mind. Forget it, Garrosh. Your mind must be playing tricks on you.
So, yeah. Taking a nap, clear my head, then get back to business.
I couldn’t really have been talking to Dranosh, could I?
Roundhouse cleave to the face
I’ve got a return trip to Hearthglen lined up for tomorrow, but between then and now I figured I’d put in a little game time. In this case, though, I got to unveil a little surprise to the rest of the guild…
[You have logged on.]
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh wow thats freaky
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, that’s really weird
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh you’ve got no idea. This guy was a flake even by Mylune standards.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi garrosh
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] heya boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sup, guys
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Hey, chief. I was just telling everyone about Tembw’bam out in ZG.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hello sir
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I kind of wish I’d been there to see it, sounds like he was a real hoot
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You could say that, yeah…
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait could he turn into an owl too?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not that kind of a hoot.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] theres different kinds?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wow your an idiot
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I mean I think he sounds entertaining
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged on.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] he sounds like kind of a moron if you ask me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] are you talking about tembwbam or dontrag?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey Sylvanas
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Does it really matter, as far as accuracy?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hello, Spazzle.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] tembwbam
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no i’m dontrag
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are you sure?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I thought you were Utvoch.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no he’s utvoch
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yah thats what i said
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] only i said he instead of i
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm, I could swear you were Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really do enjoy messing with them, don’t you?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh are you sure
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no she cant be sure if she’s wrong
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I hardly think I’m wrong.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] In fact, I’m quite sure you’re Utvoch, Dontrag.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh so that would make me dontrag?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no your not dontrag utvoch
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Can you blame me, really?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i dont know, she seems pretty sure
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Look at them.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] she’s messing with you you moron
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol this is epic
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It’s like spinning a dog around hundreds of times, and then playing catch with it.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] See what I mean? Plenty of moron to go around…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol, ok point taken
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not so. I’m pretty sure most dogs could outwit either of them.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] she is? oh damn
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So anyway… Yeah, the dude from ZG was a piece of work.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh so speaking of which, garrosh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] how come you wanted a rogue for the trip to STV and you didn’t invite me?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh for fuck’s sake…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] i know i’ve told you about how i like the beaches down there
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m sure you did
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] right, so?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Whether I was listening at the time is a whole other question
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ouch!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] seriously though why would you take krog instead?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on, tabbing out
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh sure, tab out now
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Garona.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m sure the Warchief had his reasons.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yea well we’ll see
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, so what’s the catch there going to be?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] There’s no catch.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not *always* trolling, you know.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok so dontrag and i just went over this and we’re pretty sure he’s dontrag and i’m utvoch
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well I’m glad we’ve finally been able to put this mystery to rest.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, back
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i know, that was going to bother me till we figured it out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I had to help someone get set up on the game
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] New player so I’ve been having to walk him through setting it up
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh cool, anyone we know?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha, yep
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Nice, who is it?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’ll see in a minute
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you remember to use your refer-a-friend for them?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh hell yes
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I want my hang glider
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh ok
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, here we go
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] This is going to be epic
[ChuckNorris | Saurfang] has joined the guild.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome Chuck
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi chuck
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, you guys might know ChuckNorris here better by his real life name, Varok Saurfang
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whoa
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] holy shit!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh HELL yes!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha, yeah, I finally convinced him to give it a try for the freebie month
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Greetings, High Overlord!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] welcome, sir!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Saurfang, if you type /g it’ll set your chat line to type here in the guild chat
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] greetings overlord
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] is this working?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yup
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] reading you loud and clear, sir
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] ah, there we are. greetings and honor to you all, friends.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Welcome to the guild, Overlord.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] LivinDeadGrl here is Sylvanas, Saurfang
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] a pleasure to ‘see’ you, as it were, dark lady
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And you as well, Overlord.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] no need here for such formality, dark lady. we are all soldiers of the horde and friends here; ‘varok’ will suffice.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Or Rokky
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Haha! Rokky it is!
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] no, most certainly not ‘rokky’
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yes, sir, Rokky struck from the record, check.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, Saurfang, let me do the quick introductions here, so you know who’s who
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] We covered Sylvanas… Bartleby is Mokvar… MrBadcrumble is Spazzle Fizzletrinket, I think you met him a couple times…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ahem
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ugh, fine. Nightengayle is Garona…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] a pleasure as always, Saurfang!
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And SteveKravitz and GilbertRose are Dontrag and Utvoch, in some order, nobody really remembers which
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i’m dontrag
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also nobody really gives a shit
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry our existence isn’t more relevant sir
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] a moment, i should note all this down.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll hook you up later with a mod that will let you add a note to people’s names in-game to help keep track of everyone
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] If you need help with anything while you’re getting the hang of the game, sir, don’t be reluctant to speak up
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah we can definitely help give you an armed escort wherever
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] many thanks to you all, friends. i suspect it will take some doing before I am adequately acclimated to the environment here
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Also, Sylvanas?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, Warchief?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If you start asking him about the warlocks or what Dranosh means again, I will end you
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I can’t imagine why you would think such a thing of me, Warchief…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] so what class are you playing, saurfang?
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i believe this is called a ‘texas ranger’
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey i bet sylvanas could show you a lot about that class
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] uh no
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i thought she was a ranger
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not that kind of ranger
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] is she a different spec or something?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] spirits help me i wish i could stunlock people over the internet sometimes
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m a Dark Ranger. It’s not the same thing.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so the ranger talent trees are dark, texas and what else?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Utvoch
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yes sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Stop talking before I come over there and chop you up into many many tiny little pieces
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yes sir
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] sorry sir
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate, I had really only come on to check on my auctions. I need to leave for a meeting for the moment.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later, Sylvanas
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye BQ
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] farewell, dark lady. honor go with you.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Back soon! ^_^
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged off.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So I’m guessing you’re at the ranch starting zone, Saurfang?
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] it would appear so, yes
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] there appears to be a peculiarly liveried human here who, inexplicably, has an exclamation point hovering above his head.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] that means he has a quest for you
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right-click on him and he’ll show you a write-up of what he wants you to do.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] ah, interesting. a moment…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll head over to the starter zone in a minute and give you a few dollars to get you going
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you get the quest, Saurfang?
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] a moment, i’m still reading.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Ah, he must be reading all the quest text.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] People do that?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Apparently.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] indeed. i would hate to overlook some critical detail, as i’m sure this ‘rancher’ fellow’s monologue must include information that will hold some importance later on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh wow, that’s so cute
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well, he’s new. No harm in taking his time and soaking it all in.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] it appears i am needed to acquire a hot iron and brand six of the cattle in the nearby pens.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] the branding iron should be kind of shining now, so you can spot it
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i must say, this does not at the outset appear to be the sort of heroic undertaking i might have supposed a fantasy adventure would present.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The early quests are pretty simple, so you can get used to the game mechanics
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] To be fair, the quests never exactly get particularly complicated.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well yeah, but at least you get some bigger and badder stuff to fight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Eventually as you level up, you get new zones opened up for you to quest in, too
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There’s also an expansion coming up that’s going to add a whole new continent to the game
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] have they announced a release date yet for land down under?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I doubt he’ll be max level before Down Under comes out, though.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, LDU’s coming out in like another month and a half
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] well then, that mission is completed, uninspiring though it was.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] he should have a follow-up for you now
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] indeed. a moment while i read.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] someday when he’s all hardcore and speeding through quests we’ll look back at this and laugh
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Watch, in a week he’ll be better than all of us
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] He’s Saurfang, he probably already is.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] hmm, so it would seem that the ranch’s livestock has taken losses recently due to itinerant vermin.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i am being called upon to hunt down some dozen of the coyotes lurking about and slay them.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] There you go, that should be more up your alley
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] i will grant that this mission sounds a bit more promising, although i’m at something of a loss as to why the rancher would specify twelve of the creatures.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] if the vermin are proving problematic, would it not make more sense for me to stay at my task until they have been eliminated altogether?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] respawn timer would make that a real pain
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] It’s probably best not to overthink these things.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has earned the achievement [Level 50]!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] grats
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Grats, Garona!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] whew, finally
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and thanks
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] now to start gearing
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] hmm, that coyote died rather easily.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I would imagine you’re used to that happening.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] indeed.
[Guild][ChuckNorris | Saurfang] now for the next animal. i appear to have an ability called ‘roundhouse kick’; let me see what it does on this one.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] go for it
[You have been disconnected.]
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[You have logged on.]
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what was that??
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has logged on.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Damned if I know…
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] did you guys just get knocked off too?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i swear that wasn’t me this time…
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I did.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Same here
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm let me check something
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that was so weird
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I can’t remember that ever happening to me before
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Even when my internet cuts out, it doesn’t just boot me right away I like that, I end up just hanging for a couple minutes first
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh wow
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] it looks like the whole server got knocked offline for a minute
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh yikes
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] i wonder what caused it
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] You know, come to think of it…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well, either way, Saurfang is probably all confused now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let me go see if I can track him down and get him situated again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’ll be back in a few maybe…
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] later boss
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] bye garrosh
[You have logged off.]
“Perhaps I should stick to this Saronite Sweeper game instead…”
Monday mailbag
It’s been a while since the last mailbag, so while I’ve got a break in the action, let’s see what’s piled up the last few weeks…
Since Faranell has effectively retired from the Royal Apothecary Society, I’m wondering if Sylvanas is taking applications for a new Master Apothecary? I’m a veteran alchemist who’s been at the craft for several years. I even worked out a formula to turn myself into a dragon – rar! Any chance you could put in a good word for me?
–Karelien, Silvermoon City
Sorry to tell you, Karelien, the master apothecary job is already filled. Once it got decided that Faranell was being moved over to Hearthglen, Sylvanas went ahead and did a promotion from within, and appointed Apothecary Zinge to take over as head of the RAS. If you want, I could maybe see about getting you into some kind of entry-level position over there. Not what you were shooting for, I know, but you have to start somewhere. I get the sense that Sylvanas doesn’t do a lot of hiring from the outside, so if you want to have any shot at all at the higher positions, you probably need to already be on the ladder.
If you do land a job over there, by the way, could I maybe ask you to keep an eye on Overseer Kraggosh, and just try to discourage him from packing away so many cheesy steak melts? I’m all for steak, but I swear the Undercity’s got rivers of viscous slime that have a smoother flow to them than that dude’s arteries.
Do you know where Mankrik’s wife be at?
–Bob, Echo Isles
Oh, geez, this guy again.
I already addressed this one like a zillion times last year, when I was making an inspection stop in the Barrens. Where – just to recap – somebody was asking about Mankrik’s wife like every five minutes. Over and over. Fuck, people are annoying.
Here’s where the joke’s on you, though, Bobby-Boy. Back THEN, I might have taken the bait and started ranting at you about his wife having a memorial and all that shit. NOW, though, you ask me where Mankrik’s wife is, and you know what? You’re gonna have to specify WHICH ONE. That’s right, over the last year or so, our boy Mankrik has managed to calm down a little (and holy shit did he need it), courtesy of a whole bunch of consoling and support from this Earthen Ring shaman named Mahka. The two of them wound up growing pretty close, and a few months ago, they decided to make it official and held a quiet life-mate ceremony in Mulgore. If you’re wondering why you didn’t hear about this, well, let’s face it, Thrall’s wedding pretty much pushed everybody else’s deal to the back pages. Self-Important Green Savior Finally Gets Some, stop the presses. Whatever.
Oh, and for the record, the first Mrs. Mankrik? Still dead. Let’s hope things stay that way (you never know about that shit these days), or things might get kind of awkward.
So, crossbow to your head, what do you think – Mylune or Garona? You know what I’m askin.
–Backstab Bladeflurry
Okay, so before I answer your question, Backstab, I have to ask. That’s your name? Seriously? Backstab Bladeflurry? I mean, I KNOW that can’t be your ACTUAL name, because I don’t think ANYONE could hate their kid that much. But you know, the thought that you made up a name for yourself, and that’s the one you came up with…that might actually be even sadder. Seriously, dude, how old are you? Because that sounds like the kind of name you would get if you let a 10-year-old name himself, assuming “Videogame K. Dinosaur” was already taken.
Also, I’m guessing you’re…what…a rogue? Gonna stick my neck WAY out there. Come on, man, if you’re going to make up a name for yourself, it’s bad enough you’re making it a stupid-sounding name. But a stupid-sounding name that’s just a list or your class abilities? Come on. Do you think people would take me seriously if I went around introducing myself as Overpower Heroicstrike? Or maybe Saurfang could start calling himself Cleave McCleaveyouagain? (To be fair, he might possibly be able to carry that off.) Or, hey, Liadrin is a paladin, maybe she should start calling herself Holy Divine Light Shield Shock Hammer Flash Righteous Hand. Really, the only time that kind of a name even kind of worked was with Rend Blackhand, and look how great things wound up going for him.
Anyway, I just had to get that out of my system. Now for your question.
No.
I’m writing to ask if you have any idea why people keep trying to kill me. I’m generally a fairly peaceful fellow, but random strangers keep coming into the inn where I’m just trying to have a drink and attacking me. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but they’re not leaving me any choice but to defend myself. But I don’t understand why they keep doing it.
–Gamon, Orgrimmar
Yeah, Gamon, I’ve heard the ruckus over there a few times, what with you having to lay the smackdown on some noobs every once in a while. Gotta be honest, this one has me stumped. I can’t think of any reason people might have for coming after you, you’ve always seemed like a pretty good dude to me. Maybe… I know it’s kind of the pat to-go answer for people going all violent and hostile, but I don’t know, like…the Old Gods? Maybe? Dunno.
Good luck not dying, though.
I am writing to you on behalf of His Lordship, the honorable Tirion Fordring. In the interests of saving time and paper, I have volunteered to write this note to you in the Highlord’s stead.
The Highlord appreciates the faith you demonstrated in entrusting him with the supervision of Dr. Edwin Faranell. In that same spirit of good faith, the Highlord wishes to make you aware of certain oddities that have recently occurred involving the doctor.
The good doctor has generally been adjusting well to his new life here in Hearthglen, but the past several days he has experienced momentary bouts of disorientation, in which he has become briefly confused as to what is going on around him. Following these episodes, he has claimed to have experienced what would seem to be a kind of hallucination: seeing and hearing events transpiring around him that clearly did not occur.
The Highlord suspects that the doctor is suffering from some sort of mental distress as a result of the radical change his life has undertaken. Lord Fordring is quite concerned about Dr. Faranell’s well-being, and would welcome the opportunity to discuss this turn of events with you further. We have faith that we may yet guide the doctor to a successful acclimation to his current time and place.
–Daria L’Rayne, Argent Crusade
Oh crap, here we go. I’d hoped that Faranell would be able to settle in without any problems, but I guess that was wishful thinking. I can’t say I’m really surprised that he’s kind of shellshocked by the whole thing – I mean, if YOU woke up one morning and all of a sudden it was years later, and half the people you used to know were dead, and the other half were zombies, and whole dominions had risen and fallen, and spirits know how many other things had gone down, yeah, you’d probably have a hard time just walking that off, too. I know I would probably shit a brick.
So, I guess I’m going to need to take a trip over to Eastern Kingdoms again to go see Tirion. I wonder if there’s any way I could get this Daria chick to hold the info session rather than Tirion, though – she seems like she would probably be a lot less painful to talk to, not least of all because I’m pretty sure this letter would have filled up about 37 pages minimum if it were Tirion writing it. Damn good thing he’s got a logging camp right nearby, considering all the paper he probably goes through, is all I’m gonna say.
So, yeah, I’ll have to see about getting that trip lined up. That said, though, seriously, I was just OVER in Eastern Kingdoms like two days ago. Would it really KILL people to time these crises so that I don’t have to go zig-zagging all over the map? So fucking inconsiderate.
That’s all for this week. I’m going to try to be a little more consistent about posting mailbags, so keep those letters and questions coming – first because it’s always good to hear from my loyal readers and minions, second because I’m always happy (well, usually happy…well, sometimes happy…okay, okay, occasionally it doesn’t totally piss me off) to answer your questions, and third because YOUR WARCHIEF DEMANDS IT. Send those letters to me at garrosh1337@gmail.com, and I’ll do another roundup in a couple weeks.
Tangerine trees and marmalade skies
So…didn’t get around to posting when I got back in yesterday. I wound up sleeping in late here at Warsong Hold, and I’m actually a little fuzzy as far as what happened after my last post from the DEHTA camp.
Mokvar was supposed to come meet me here in Northrend, but he wound up getting held up by some business back in Orgrimmar. Luckily, Saurfang had his own in-house scribe on hand to keep a record. See for yourself.
Scene: High Overlord’s Command Room, Warsong Hold
[High Overlord SAURFANG paces back and forth, dictating to ADELENE SUNLACE, Inscription Trainer and personal scribe.]
SAURFANG
…and so, Chieftain Icemist, with the Scourge thwarted and the Nerubian threat contained, I believe the time is right for us to begin the long-overdue work of reclaiming the lost settlements of your taunka brethren and securing them under the banner of the Horde. I look forward to our continued correspondence. Honor go with us all—
RAZGOR
[From outside.]
High Overlord!
TO’BOR
[Outside]
Make way, mon! We be coming’ t’rough!
[Enter OVERLORD RAZGOR, Executive Officer of Warsong Hold, and WIND MASTER TO’BOR, propping up a staggering WARCHIEF GARROSH HELLSCREAM between them. The Warchief’s personal wyvern wanders in behind them.]
GARROSH
HA! Oh man, watch that last step, it’s a bitch! HAHA!
SAURFANG
Warchief! Men, what’s happening here?
TO’BOR
Da Warchief came flyin’ in on his wyvern, sir, an’ done come down unsteady on the landin’ platform. He tumbled right offa da wyvern an’ stumbled over to da wall, an’ fell right over da edge, mon!
RAZGOR
I saw him come in from the ground, High Overlord. The Warchief would have been badly hurt at the least, if the wyvern hadn’t swooped down and broken his fall.
SAURFANG
Thank the spirits for that much. Are you all right, Warchief?
[Garrosh peers back at the High Overlord quizzically for a long moment, then breaks into a wide grin.]
GARROSH
You’re like, all pruney and shit, you know that, Saurfang? HAHAHA!
SAURFANG
Well, he appears to be in good spirits, at the very least.
RAZGOR
Yes, sir.
TO’BOR
His eyes be lookin’ all bloodshot, dough, sir. Mon.
SAURFANG
So I noticed. I believe you men can release him, in any case.
[Razgor and To’bor release their grips on Garrosh, who stumbles forward, looks around, then starts to teeter to either side with his arms flailing around at his sides.]
RAZGOR
Whoa, hold on!
TO’BOR
Whoopsie-daisy-mon!
[They catch Garrosh again and steady him, then carefully let him go again. The wyvern walks up close to Garrosh and leans against him lightly on one side.]
SAURFANG
To’bor, if you would, why don’t you escort the Warchief’s animal to the stables.
TO’BOR
Yessir. Mon.
[To’bor grasps the wyvern’s harness and tries to pull it toward the side hall. The wyvern doesn’t budge, and after several tugs of increasing force from To’bor, it snarls at To’bor and snaps at him, forcing him to jump back.]
TO’BOR
Okay den, now we jus’ got to show da wyvern who da boss here!
[To’bor grabs at the wyvern by the scruff of its neck and tries to pull it toward the floor. As he does so, the wyvern spins its body in the opposite direction, yanking him over it; while he is disoriented, the wyvern grabs the hood of his cloak in its teeth, flings him onto the floor on his back, and pins him in place with one paw pressed firmly on his chest.]
GARROSH
HAH! That’s awesome! That’s it, Mortimer, show ’im who’s the alpha up in his bitch! Hahahaheeeeee… [Snorts.]
[To’bor struggles to get out from under the wyvern’s paw without much success.]
SAURFANG
So, then…Warchief…since you are…well…
GARROSH
Varok, buddy, I’m fuckin’ fantastic. [Chuckles uncontrollably.]
SAURFANG
Yes, I see…
GARROSH
[Continuously laughing while talking.]
Va-rok, Vaaaa-rok…hey, do people ever call you Rokky? Haha…because they totally should! You look like you could be a Rokky, dude.
SAURFANG
[Sighs.]
Warchief, listen to me very carefully. While you were at the D.E.H.T.A. camp, did anyone, by chance, offer you a brownie?
GARROSH
Haha, dude, who DIDN’T offer me a brownie? And, and let me tell you, Rokky… Heh…heh HA… Um… Yeah, so. So those salads they got there are shit, but dude the fuckin’ brownies are AMAZING. I… I think I had… um… [He holds both hands in front of his face, and moves fingers on both hands as if counting silently.] Um, yeah, a LOT! Hahah!
SAURFANG
Oh dear.
TO’BOR
I coulda been tellin’ you dat, mon.
GARROSH
Oh and DUDE, lemme tell you, those things are fuckin’ scumptious. [He blinks.] Um. Scumptious? No…scruntious. Scuntious.. Sc-rrrrrunnnn-tious. DAMMIT! Scummmmm-ptious… UGH! Dammit my tongue won’t say it right!
SAURFANG
Suffice to say they were flavorful, and we move on, shall we, Warchief?
GARROSH
NO, fuck that shit, I’m not going to let my stupid uncooperative tongue beat me! Scuntious! DAMMIT! Scruntious—FUCK, almost! Scumptious! Scumptious! Scruntious! SCUNTIOUS! DAMMIT DEFIANT TONGUE!
[Garrosh brings both hands to his face and starts poking around his mouth angrily, eventually pinching his tongue between the fingers of one hand and holding it at full extension. With his other hand, he hurriedly reaches behind him and draws Gorehowl.]
RAZGOR
Whoa!
TO’BOR
What you be doin’, mon?!
GARROSH
YOU DITHHODDOR DE HORDE, INTHOLENT DONGUE!
SAURFANG
Hold him, men!
[Saurfang and Razgor, aided by the wyvern holding the back of Garrosh’s belt in its teeth, grapple with the Warchief and eventually manage to get Gorehowl away from him. To’bor tries to get up to offer his aid as well, but the wyvern thwarts his every attempt to rise by flattening him against the floor again emphatically.]
TO’BOR
Dis be a strong wyvern ya got here, mon…
SAURFANG
Now then…Warchief …did your visit to the D.E.H.T.A. camp elucidate the current conundrum?
GARROSH
What the who?
SAURFANG
Did…you learn anything?
GARROSH
OH YEAH!
SAURFANG
Ah, good. What news, then?
GARROSH
Have you been over there before?
SAURFANG
I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure, no, Warchief.
GARROSH
Okay, so check it… [He stumbles shakily to Saurfang, puts one arm around his shoulder, and leans in close, then pokes at Saurfang’s chest with one finger every few words.] Okay. So. No matter…how sick you get of the salads… [He nods seriously a few times, then stares at Saurfang for several seconds.] What was I saying?
SAURFANG
Warchief?
[Garrosh continues his even stare for several seconds more, then looks around.]
SAURFANG
That would be you, sir.
GARROSH
What? OH YEAH, fuck, it is, right? HAHAHA, I’m Warchief – RECOGNIZE, bitches!
RAZGOR
Lok’tar!
TO’BOR
[Still pinned down by the wyvern.]
For da Horde!
[Saurfang glares at them impatiently and, behind Garrosh’s back, waves at them with one hand to stop.]
SAURFANG
So, Warchief… You were…starting to say about the D.E.H.T.A. camp? And…something about… [He sighs briefly.] …salads?
GARROSH
[His eyes go wide in recognition, and he resumes poking at Saurfang’s chest rapidly and energetically.]
OH YEAH! Fuckin’ hell yeah! SO! So, so, so, um… No matter how sick you get of the salads… If they offer you a burger… [His eyes widen as his face turns very serious.] DON’T.
[Saurfang watches him for a moment, purses his lips, then finally speaks.]
SAURFANG
Warchief…did they know anything pertaining to the problem of the armed animals across the various zones?
GARROSH
HOLY SHIT THEY DID, HOW DID YOU KNOW?! [Stares wide-eyed a moment, then starts laughing hysterically.]
SAURFANG
And…sir…what did they tell you?
GARROSH
Okay, okay, so. SO. They were talking ’bout this…nutjob druid who was nutjobby even for them, right? Like this guy was such a big animal lover, he didn’t even like shifting out of his animal forms, you know?
SAURFANG
Yes, sir…
GARROSH
Like…like… LIKE A BEAR! RAAAARRR!!! HahahahahaHA! Rar.
SAURFANG
Yes, sir.
GARROSH
Hahahahahahaaaa… Like a bear! RAR!
SAURFANG
[Rubs his forehead.]
Yes, sir. Like a bear.
[Garrosh leans against Saurfang, putting his face on the High Overlord’s shoulder, and laughing hysterically for a few moments.]
SAURFANG
Warchief…please try to focus. Was there anything else?
[Garrosh straightens up suddenly, and teeters for a moment. Razgor runs over close in anticipation of the Warchief falling over backwards.]
GARROSH
OOPS! Haha! Um, yeah, okay. SO. Um… So yeah, I’ve got a name to check up on, and one of them, the birdy lady what’s-her-face, um, she said the guy used to talk a lot about Stranglethorn Vale, and plus…um…yeah, what with him being a troll, he might be wandering around in the jungle there.
SAURFANG
Well, that’s a promising lead at least, Warchief.
GARROSH
Right you are, Rokky! HAHA! Vaaaa-rok! Varok Varok Varok! OH HEY! There once was a warrior named Varok!
TO’BOR
Here we go, mon…
GARROSH
Who passed on all servings of hamhock!
SAURFANG
True, I do not eat pork.
RAZGOR
Is that a religious thing?
SAURFANG
No, I just don’t dig on swine, that’s all.
GARROSH
Now I won’t deceive you —
He’ll pummel and cleave you,
And leave your sad ass really shellshocked.
EPIC VERSE![Garrosh throws both hands into the air as he yells “EPIC VERSE!!!” When he finishes the roar, he loses his balance and spills flat onto the floor, face-down.]
SAURFANG
Warchief! Are you all right?
GARROSH
[Slightly muffled from his face being on the floor.]
You know, this map on the floor looks fucking HUGE from down here! HAHA! [Punches the floor a few times while laughing.] You know what you need down here? One of those big fur rugs. Like…LIKE A BEAR! HAHAHA!
SAURFANG
Yes, sir…
RAZGOR
Like a bear.
TO’BOR
Rar, mon.
SAURFANG
What was that, anyway, Warchief?
GARROSH
What do you mean, what was that? That was EPIC VERSE! HAHAHA!
SAURFANG
I’m not sure I understand…
RAZGOR
Do you not read the blog?
SAURFANG
I rarely ever use that infernal machine.
GARROSH
Oh oh oh oh OH DUDE, you should totally get on the computer more, I could totally hook you up on Earth Online!
SAURFANG
Should I know what that is?
RAZGOR
It’s this thing on the internet.
GARROSH
Yeah, dude, it’s a really cool game.
SAURFANG
A…game?
GARROSH
Yeah, a computer game!
SAURFANG
And…you play this game, sir?
GARROSH
Hell yeah! I’m totally gonna sent you a RAF link after this. HAH that sounds funny — RAAAAAF hahaha…
SAURFANG
Warchief…you’re thirty-four years old.
GARROSH
RAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFFF… HAHAHAA… [Slapping his hands randomly on the floor while he laughs.]
SAURFANG
Come now, Warchief.
[Saurfang and Razgor help Garrosh back to his feet. As they lift him, Garrosh points to a spot on the floor and bursts out laughing again.]
GARROSH
Hey Saurfang! Hey! Check it, see that spot right there? That’s…hehehe…that’s the EXACT. SPOT. Where you told me that time…haha… where you told me you’d kill me before you let me lead the Horde to ruin!
[Garrosh leans against Saurfang, laughing hysterically while draping one arm each over Saurfang and Razgor, letting them hold him up. As his laughter grows weaker, he pulls them closer to him on either side.]
GARROSH
[Sob-laughing.]
I fuckin’ love you guys!
SAURFANG
[Aside.]
I’m sure Thrall had his reasons…
So, yeah. Maybe not the proudest day for me, but whatever. At least we’ve got a lead and can see about tracking down this loose cannon druid guy. Not sure what’s up with Saurfang’s scribe funky-ass formatting, but I guess not everybody’s going to do things Mokvar-style. If it works for Saurfang, fine.
I’ll be heading back to Orgrimmar. First, though, I need to see what they’ve got to eat around here. I’m fucking STARVING, dude. Not to mention, my sides are fucking killing me.
“Kids these days and their felweed…”
Chat log’d
I’ve been sinking a lot of time into Earth Online this week, so I figured I’d toss up another one of these logs from <Warchief> guild chat. We’ve been getting some new members joining, so that’s good, although now that it’s not just a bunch of people I know in real life, I’m having to be a little more careful about RL info. You know how it is. Actually, you probably don’t, seeing as most of you aren’t famous and important and shit like I am. Anyway, point being, I figure it will save us all some headaches in-game if everyone doesn’t know I’m Garrosh, or Sylvanas is Sylvanas, or…well, we’re the only ones who really matter, honestly. But you get the point.
You have logged on.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Dammit!
[Guild][Metzen] UGH
[Guild][Proudleslie] well at least we were closer that time
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey chief
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey
[Guild][Metzen] did you get all the interrupts there?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, I did.
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] greetings sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hey Gil
[Guild][Metzen] are you sure? it looked like he got one off at the end right when livin & i died
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] No, I got all of them.
[Guild][Metzen] it’s not showing up in the logs
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Let’s just finish running back, and we can argue about it later.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What are you guys running?
[Guild][Proudleslie] heroic cc
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] ComicCon heroic
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Last boss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Ah, okay, the comic dealer guy is kind of tough
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] So we’re finding.
[Guild][Metzen] yeah
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] All right, let’s get healed up and rebuffed.
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged on.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hello nighten
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ugh thank goodness
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s wrong?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s you guys and the new people in there, right?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] I got hacked
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] oh damn
[Guild][Metzen] oh yikes that sucks
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] not me
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Me, Mokvar, Metzen, and Proudleslie, yes.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right, I didn’t mean you, Spaz
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] did you lose anything, gayle?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] don’t think so
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] looks like they restored everything
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] How are they doing?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Not bad.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] but I don’t think whoever hacked me was trying to steal stuff
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] why?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Fairly well, I’d say.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] well my toon is stuck out here in the middle of nowhere
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] egypt I think
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] weird
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen’s a little pull-happy, seems like he just can’t stand to wait a couple seconds to start a new fight.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The paramedic isn’t playing *badly*, although she seems to have kind of a low active time.
[Guild][Metzen] yeah that is odd
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] and if they just wanted to steal my stuff you would figure they’d have me parked by a post office
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hmm yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure if she’s just learning a new rotation or distracted or what.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] do you want me to do a little looking for you?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] sure
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But they’re staying out of the bad and stuff like that?
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] As far as I can tell, yeah.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kk I’m going to e-mail you with a couple pieces of info I’ll need you to look up for me, then I can poke around a little
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Metzen] oh damn, badcrumble’s like some master computer guy huh?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude, you have no idea
[Guild][Metzen] maybe he’s the one that hacked her haha
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Okay, let’s try this again.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Nah, he wouldn’t do that
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Plus he would be too busy reading comic books or something
[Guild][Metzen] haha nerd
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Heh… Yeah maybe, but he’s our nerd
[Guild][Metzen] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen, attention over here now please.
[Guild][Metzen] ok
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Let me know how it goes this time through
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I know that fight can be a pain in the ass
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Good luck
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thanks.
[Dranosh | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] hey guys
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] wtf
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Dude
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] ?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What the hell is up with your name?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] damn your an idiot
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] oh yeah i did a paid name change
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I get that
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] figured i might as well get rid of the generic name and get a real one
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Right, and that’s fine
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s not the point
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But THAT name?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yeah
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT COOL, dude
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] totally not cool
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] um ok?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] /headdesk
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] sigh
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NO
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It is NOT “ok”
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] what’s wrong with this name?
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] it means heart of draenor in orcish
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT IT FUCKING MEANS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] do you not know whose name that is?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] really really not cool
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] that’s really disrespectful
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] do you like know someone with this name?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] head
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] desk
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Um, YEAH
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] you think he would mind or something?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And he was killed by the Lich King
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he died
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] OH
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] crap
[Guild][Proudleslie] damnit
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] BAH
[Guild][Metzen] fuckkkk
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] ok ok i’ll go change it back
[Guild][Dranosh | Utvoch] be back later
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] still no luck?
[Dranosh | Utvoch] has logged off.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well they’re not talking to…never mind
[Guild][Proudleslie] no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] What’s killing you?
[Guild][Metzen] hey was that guys toon named after saurfangs kid?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah
[Guild][Metzen] that’s totally not cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] INORITE?
[Guild][Metzen] lights sake
[Guild][Metzen] I dont know what the hell is wrong with some people
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure. It’s the same as last time; we seemed to be doing fine, and then the whole attempt fell apart.
[Guild][Metzen] i have a son myself, and if something happened to him i would be PISSED if someone went around using his name
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I can imagine, Metzen
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Not cool at all
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, the boss just started one-shotting everyone.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I think it’s some kind of enrage.
[Guild][Proudleslie] its really frustrating
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You’re using the superhero buffs, right?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes.
[Guild][Proudleslie] if you want to swap me out for a better healer I’ll understand
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] I’m getting the utility belt, LivinDead is getting the golden lasso
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t think it’s a healing issue, Leslie.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Metzen’s getting the green power ring
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] who has the web shooters?
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wrong faction.
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s one of the other faction’s buffs.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol in my other guild we do the marvel ones
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so you’ve got the buffs covered
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what to do when he casts Zero Hour, right?
[Guild][Metzen] run out
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Get away from him till he finishes channeling, yeah.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well yeah, run out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh wait a minute
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Are we missing something?
[Guild][Proudleslie] mmmm yea you like when I do that?
[Guild][Proudleslie] oops sorry mistell!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wut
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] OKAY MOVING ON
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I suppose that might account for her low active time…
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Just watch, she’s a human…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, you have to get out when he’s casting, but then you’ve got to get back to where you started the fight and retrace your steps
[Guild][Metzen] huh
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, I think I’ve heard of this mechanic.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It’s kind of a dance
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I just didn’t realize it was this fight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, basically the game remembers all your movements for each cycle
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Any time you make a mistake retracing your steps, you get this stacking debuff called Retcon
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So every time the comic dealer does the Zero Hour reset, you have to get back to where you started
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] If your Retcon debuff stacks too high, his Nerdrage timer goes off and yeah, pretty much wipes the group right off
[Guild][Metzen] ahhh
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] This makes a lot more sense now.
[Guild][Proudleslie] it doesnt seem too hard
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Must…resist…easy…joke
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] haha
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] -sigh- Men.
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Okay, rebuff and let’s get this done.
[Guild][Metzen] kk
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey gayle, still there?
[Lorthemar] has logged on.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] so I did a little tracing on the logins for your account
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re not going to believe this
[Guild][Lorthemar] Greetings, all!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] what?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] hi lorthemar
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey whos the new guy?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] well I think I’ve tracked down who the hacker was
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] It wasn’t Sylvanas, was it? Please tell me it wasn’t Sylvanas
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] actually since he brought it up, who IS the new guy?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Friend of Sylvanas
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] who?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] the new guy, lorthemar
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no not that who
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] the hacker who
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] the hacker who what?
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] check this out
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The hacker who HACKS YOUR SKULL INTO LITTLE TINY BITS if you don’t SHUT UP
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m pretty sure your account was hacked by brann bronzebeard
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Lorthemar] Brann Bronzebeard, the explorer?
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wow thats fucked up
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, Brann Bronzebeard the district attorney. OF COURSE the explorer
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah, I double and triple checked on this
[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh wow.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] the suspicious logins were all coming in through a wireless network very few people use
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] since when is brann bronzebeard a hacker?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh, man, that dude could NEVER resist poking around places he doesn’t belong
[Metzen] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Bartleby | Mokvar] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Proudleslie] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Comic Con]!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] grats!
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] grats
[Guild][Lorthemar] Congratulations, all!
[Guild][Metzen] whew
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Well that was much easier.
[Guild][Proudleslie] woot!
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] And of course…he drops teacher gear.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh dammit!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] anyway gayle, I’ll send you what I found in case you want to contact support about it
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The itemization is far from ideal, but I might take it to play around with for off-sepc.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok thanks
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Sure, all yours.
[Guild][Metzen] its just a pawn shop voucher to the rest of us
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Anyway, though, grats guys
[Guild][Proudleslie] ty pwn! =)
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Thanks.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] See, all you needed was the intervention of my SUPREME BRILLIANCE
[Guild][Metzen] oh good, now he’s going to be even more full of himself
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh you have no idea
[Guild][Metzen] hey speaking of which
[Guild][Metzen] how many guild leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh boy, here we go
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] haha
[Guild][Lorthemar] How many?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Thanks for the help, though, Garrosh, really.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No biggie
[Guild][Metzen] just one – he holds it still, and the whole world revolves around him
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] haha
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Fuck you, Metzen
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i dont get it
[Guild][Metzen] lmao
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Haha
[Guild][Metzen] just kidding – I’m kind of in charge at my job irl so I know what a pain it can be
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, it’s cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean, joking around is cool
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Being in charge of stuff not so much sometimes
[Guild][Metzen] yeah but then, who knows what idiot would be making a mess of everything otherwise
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Hmm.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I like this guy.
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, he seems pretty good.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hmm what?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh nothing.
[Guild][Metzen] anyway i should probably get going
[Guild][Metzen] need to go pick my son up at the priest trainers
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just a passing thought.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Huh.
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] k metzen
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] cya
[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar] What?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later man
[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Why are you being all cryptic all of a sudden
[Guild][Lorthemar] Farewell!
[Metzen] has logged off.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Never mind, don’t mind me.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Probably nothing.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] brb
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no I’m just logging on now
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey man
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um…yeah you are
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] why the ‘no’?
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] someone said farewell when i came on
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you people seriously not figured out not to ask him to explain when he says something fucked up?
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was me, but I wasn’t talking to you.
[Guild][Lorthemar] That was for Metzen.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh ok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] oh hey are you new?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um…not really.
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] huh ok
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so anyway i changed my name back
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] obviously
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] so yeah that was some wasted gold
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] probably for the best, though
[Guild][Proudleslie] mmmmmm yea shoot it all over me
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i guess
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] omg
[Guild][Proudleslie] omg so so so sorry mistell!!
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] lol wut
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] HEY HEY HEY HEY
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] TAKE THAT SHIT TO SECOND AZEROTH IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what did i miss
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Wow…just…wow.
[Guild][Proudleslie] soooooo sorry!!!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you want us to answer that chronologically or in order of magnitude?
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] The fuck is wrong with people, seriously
[Proudleslie] has logged off.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] Welcome to the internet…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay so on THAT note
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no seriously what did i miss
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I should get going in a minute. I need to help my mom with something
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] ok boss
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ya i was just helping ur mom with something
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, because
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hold it
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] …
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Oh no
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Hang on a minute
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] ok so even i know that was kind of dumb
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I realize that “ha ha I fucked your mom ha ha” jokes are like the bread and butter of chat line retards all over the internet
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] is it weird that I’m not even in the same room as him and I’m seriously looking for something to hide behind?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But usually when you say that shit, you’re not saying it to, you know, somebody who KNOWS WHERE YOU FUCKING LIVE
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Right there with ya, Spaz.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] and can GET THERE in like TEN MINUTES
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] lol
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wont happen again
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah you better believe it won’t, fuckwit
[Guild][Lorthemar] Please don’t take offense, but are you all sure you’re really friends?
[Guild][Lorthemar] Because, well…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, not at all
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Welcome to the guild, by the way. Not sure if we’ve properly met
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think he just joined
[Guild][Lorthemar] Um…
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] ANYWAY, as I was saying
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] My mom’s been saying she’d like to go to Grom’s monument in Ashenvale
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And I’ve got a bunch of stuff I need to get done here the next couple days
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Yeah, that makes sense if she hasn’t been there.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] But I’m going to try to clear things out so we can take a trip over there during the weekend
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I should probably go take care of some of that
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] kk boss, see you later
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] back
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] cya
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] l8r sir
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] sorry again
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] bye sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Later people
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And Dontrag
[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yes sir
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Sleep lightly
[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] haha
[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] pwned lol
[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar] Take it easy, chief.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Spazzle, did you say you can track IP addresses from logins?
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yup
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’d like you to check something for me if you don’t mind.
You have logged off.
