Tag Archives: eitrigg
Homecoming
So now that things are kind of under control in Pandaria, Malkorok and I have been taking a few days to travel back to Orgrimmar and check on things there. So far it’s been one damn thing after another, all the way down to Orphan Matron Battlwail giving me a few dirty looks, for what reason I have no idea. I swear, if I leave town for any length of time, everything goes right down the tubes. It never ceases to amaze me how many of these people turn into a bunch of Dontrags and Utvochs if they don’t have me there to cut their meat into little pieces for them.
Center stage, though, is Eitrigg. I left him minding the store while I was in Pandaria, and no sooner had I boarded the ship than all that crap started going down with Mokvar. I had a good long meeting with Eitrigg earlier today about just what the fuck was going on, and he tried explaining his reasoning for Iffy Decisions A through G, but honestly I’m starting to think age is starting to catch up to him. I’ve got another meeting lined up with him later in the week, and I’m thinking I may have to arrange a little more…support before I head back south. I’ve already talked to Overlord Runthak about taking over military command directly, and beyond that, I’m thinking Eitrigg could benefit from having a Kor’kron overseer or two assigned to him to do a little, well, overseeing. Overseer Elaglo’s been doing some good work on a couple projects, so I’m thinking he might be in line for the call.
Anyway, I’ve got a bunch more people I need to touch base with, but our old buddy Liadrin is in Orgrimmar and has been asking to see me — not to mention I’ve had Spazzle in my ear yammering away on her behalf, about some big important thing she needs to discuss with me. So I figured I should see what’s up with those two. We hooked up outside Grommash Hold right after my debriefing with Eitrigg. Luckily, Gurtash’s hand is healed up enough that he’s able to get back to doodle duty…
* Horde agents, with aid from within Dalaran, stole the Divine Bell from Darnassus, as accounted here.
** As Garrosh notes, Jaina did indeed get a bit upset about this. Spazzle reported on the purge of Dalaran here.
* Liadrin arrived in Orgrimmar and met with Spazzle here.
Spazzle Speaks: Someone Must Have Kicked You Around Some
I just received a message from Lady Liadrin in Silvermoon. As if there wasn’t already enough going on these days, it looks like the Kirin Tor have gone crazy.
After Horde agents captured the Divine Bell from Darnassus, Liadrin says, Jaina Proudmoore determined that the operation had received aid from within the Kirin Tor. She was…none too pleased about that. As a result, she arrested Aethas Sunreaver as a traitor and began a purge of Dalaran that’s been going on for the last few days. The Sunreavers and any Horde citizens in the city are being arrested or driven out. Or worse.
Grand Magister Rommanth recruited the aid of Horde adventurers to try to get as many of their people out of Dalaran as possible. Since then, there’s been a flood of refugees coming into Silvermoon. Liadrin has been helping to coordinate the influx of refugees as they’ve arrived. While most of the arrivals from Dalaran have been Sunreavers – blood elves – there were also other Horde citizens who were driven out. Orcs, trolls, tauren, even a few Forsaken. Liadrin has been working to sort out who will be staying in Silvermoon and who needs to be brought home to Kalimdor.
That’s where we get to her reason for contacting me. To be honest, I was surprised to get a message from her at all, seeing as she’s never actually met me, but I guess she picked up my name somewhere. She says she’s working with Eitrigg to arrange to bring a zeppelin of refugees to Orgrimmar. When she arrives, she wants to meet with as many of Garrosh’s friends as possible. (She can probably use a fairly liberal definition of “friends” and not tax her schedule too much.) She didn’t say what she wants to talk about, only that it’s important. I guess we’ll see once she gets here.
Monday mailbag
So I was finally able to get a decent internet connection going again, long enough to get my mail sorted out, and I figured since I have a decent bunch of letters from you peeps, and I haven’t offered any mailbag love for a while, I might as well do just that. Because you know me – your Warchief is nothing if not all about the love.
It’s my first weekend back in Silvermoon in I don’t know how long, and man, is the mood different around here these days. Whether you’re going to think that’s good news or bad news depends on how you interpret that.
Remember my first letter? The one where I was basically advocating high treason against the Regent-Lord? A lot of us used to be dissatisfied that he was doing a whole bunch of nothing. The impression around here, at least if you believe the spin from the Silvermoon Star-Tribune, is that the Regent-Lord’s approval numbers are way up since he started getting jiggy with it down in Pandaria. Yes, the Star-Tribune is calling what Lor’themar’s doing down there “decisive leadership” and “proactive management”. And the public seems to be buying it.
Either that, or they’re just glad that he’s somewhere else, and hoping he eats a Mogu hammer somewhere along the way. That’s the other way to look at it.
To be honest, I’m not sure which one I’m buying, yet. That’s something I’ll have to think about when I get back to Pandaria.
–A Concerned Citizen
Hey, ACC. You know, my first reaction here is that people probably ARE a little happier about Lori because he’s been away. Problem is, if that were true, you’d think that I would start finding him less annoying since he’s gone BACK to Silvermoon recently. But…nope. He high-tailed it out of Pandaria, then promptly made a big ol’ cluster fuck of that whole business with the sha box…and the less said about the sideshow going on in my Earth Online guild, the better. I suppose it’s still a LITTLE less irritating, but only because I don’t have to listen to him live and in person. At least until he comes strolling back down here again.
Also, not for nothing, but are you sure the reports in your little dorky newspaper are reliable? Who’s doing the writing? It’s amazing what a little propaganda can do for a ruler’s perception. Or so I’ve heard.
I’ve been following some of your interactions with Lord Theron and I was wondering if you limited your observations to him or if you think all Blood Elves are like that.
I’ve been in Pandaria just about since the beginning (but I can’t explain how Anduin got away–that was General Nazgrim’s job, not mine) and have tried to do my part for the Horde. Also: Pandaren don’t seem to have barbers. Anywhere. Not a one on this damn continent. You should give us credit for coming here anyways even with that sacrifice.
Respectfully,
–Vyrin Dawnstar, Shrine of Two Moons, Pandaria
P.S: If anyone told you about Anduin and the Temple of the Red Crane, I deny it all. Not me. Nope. Must’ve been someone else helping him. If that hasn’t been brought to your attention yet, please ignore this part.
Hmm… Well, Vyrin, I guess that depends on what you mean by “all blood elves are like that.” I mean, like what? Spindly and break-easy-ish? Because, well, sorry, but you guys kind of are. A little too preoccupied with the uber-luxurious hair? I refer you to your second paragraph. (By the by, I think the lack of barbers in Pandaria is because the pandas just shed. Can you imagine the cleanup crews you’d need in Silvermoon if the elves were like that?) That said, I DON’T think all blood elves are like ol’ Eyepatch in the absolutely-completely-utterly-useless department. I mean, Lady Liadrin has always struck me as pretty sharp and on top of things, and…um…okay, give me a minute here, I’m sure I can come up with a second example.
Hang on.
Um…
Okay, I’m going to have to get back to you on this, but seriously, I’ve got a…reasonably strong suspicion there’s at least one more I can name.
Also, though, what? Anduin at the Temple of the Red Crane? I’ve heard some scouting reports about that Red Crane place, actually. I may have to do some followup on that place…
That scar on your lip is so sexy. It makes you look very manly and tough. I’ve been wondering though how you got it. I’m sure there is some extraordinary tale of bravery and valor associated with it. I’d like to hear it.
Your devoted admirer,
–Wega
Hoo boy. Here we go again with Wega. So…yeah… For those of you who maybe haven’t noticed, Wega is talking about the scar I have on the right side of my upper lip:
So, okay, I know you’d probably figure I got the scar from some glorious battle, or one of the times I’ve squared off with Varian, or something else like that, but as it turns out, it was really more of a fluke injury. One night about a while back, I was trying to reorganize some of my junk in Grommash Hold, and I was stashing a couple boxes of stuff on a high shelf. While I was stretching up to reach the shelf, I lost my footing and fell over. Now, ordinarily that wouldn’t have been a big deal, except it just so happened that Mortimer was there with me, and was curled up on the floor sound asleep. Until I slipped and fell, and landed right on top of him, and he was so startled that before he knew what was going on, he snapped at me. And, yeah, got a nice chunk of my lip.
So, that was fun.
Gotta say, though, in a way it was kind of endearing afterward – once Mortimer knew what was going on, he DID act all sad and apologetic, and spent the next few days following me around trying to make nice. Once again, wyverns are better people than most people.
Now granted, having my lip cut open by wyvern fangs wasn’t exactly fun, but depending on how you look at it, I still don’t think I’ve gotten the worst of it from Mortimer. That honor probably goes to Malkorok. A few weeks ago, I was talking to Malkorok while I was getting ready to leave the Sanctum of Two Moons, then walked past him to the landing platform out front. Mortimer was following along behind me, and just as he was passing Malkorok, Mortimer stopped, lifted one leg up…and fucking peed on him. Oh man, you should have seen the look on Malky’s face. Especially when I pointed out, “Dude, considering what that usually signifies for a wyvern, you LITERALLY just got owned.”
Heh.
Hehehe.
<snort>
I want to thank you for helping us DPS kids and, you know, stuff.
I have a question though.
What happened to all your hair? I saw pictures of you and you had hair at one time, but now you don’t. Do you plan to grow your hair again? How would you wear it?
–Ruekie, Shaman-in-Training, Domination Point
What is this, fucking “Everybody Ask Garrosh to Explain His Personal Appearance Week”?
Oh, wait, hang on, it’s one of the kids.
What is this, blankety-blank “Everybody Ask Garrosh to Explain His Personal Appearance Week”? You kids – DO NOT read that first part from a couple lines up, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Anyway, yeah, Ruekie, I used to have a ponytail, right up through my time in Northrend. I wore my hair like that going all the way back to when I was a kid. To tell you the truth, it was pretty much the best of iffy options, as far as something I could do with my hair that would look maybe-sorta decent. See, while Grom had a really thick, full mane of hair, I guess I must have gotten mine from my mom’s side of the family, because my hair was always fairly coarse and stringy and just…patchy all over my scalp. Even as a kid, I pretty much had the beginnings of male pattern baldness going. And really, it shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise that I wouldn’t have that great of a head of hair – you know the old saying, grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.
Anyway, the ponytail was just a way to yank it all together that didn’t look flat-out terrible. Eventually, when I moved to Orgrimmar, I figured the hell with it and just cut it off. Which first of all, is much more low-maintenance. No more spending ten minutes every morning tugging it all together and trying to bind it up and then having the band be too loose so you start feeling it slipping out little by little all morning, or getting that one strand caught halfway through the pull-through and then feeling your roots getting pulled every time you look to one side, or…ugh, yeah, whatever. Way easier this way. Not to mention it’s way more practical in battle – it’s one less thing to get caught somewhere, and one less way for an enemy to grab you from behind.
Besides, much better to just embrace the baldness and go with it, rather than try to compensate with something that looks maybe-not-quite-terrible-if-you-squint-a-little. This way, it just announces to the world, “Yes, I’m bald. DEAL WITH IT.” Confidence is very sexy, don’t you think?
(Maybe I shouldn’t have put it that way. I can hear Wega scribbling out another letter as we speak…)
Cool little web form you have here. Sometimes those techie goblins do have some good ideas. (Not often, but sometimes.)
Anywho, my question for you this week is this: If you were to retire from warchiefin’ tomorrow, who would you choose as your successor and why?
Thanks!
–Kaija
You know, Kaija, this is actually a pretty decent question. For all the good things about the Horde, we don’t really have a clear line of succession. I mean, obviously if I were going to retire – presumably years down the road when I’m a gray-haired (FIGURE OF SPEECH, RUEKIE, DON’T GET EXCITED) old man basking in the triumphant glow of my many glorious victories – I would be in a position to sit back, think it over, and pick out an appropriate successor as Warchief. But what if something happens before I have the chance to? What if I get sick or injured? What if somebody decides it would be a bright idea to throw me a surprise party for my 70th birthday, and the ol’ ticker finally gives out? What if – I know this is a long shot, but still – what if I die in battle somehow before we even get to the wrinkly stage? What then? WHAT THEN, I ASK YOU?
So, it’s probably not a bad idea to put a little thought into who a good successor would be, and maybe establish that that person is next in line, just in case something happens.
And then, you know, make it very clear to that person that I’ve left the Kor’kron with special instructions to follow in the event that I should die under circumstances that are in any way even remotely fishy. Such instructions including, but not limited to, the agonizingly slow execution of the successor, their siblings, their friends, their relatives, their next-door neighbors, and anyone who’s ever been seen being polite to them in public.
You know. Just FYI.
Anyway, we might as well be systematic about this, so I’m going to review some of the likely candidates to follow me as Warchief – and just for shits and giggles, I’m going to group them into suitable categories and even give my best estimate at their odds of getting the nod. Place your bets now.
THE “OH SNAP DID I SAY THAT” DIVISION
VOL’JIN
1,000,000 to 1
Not really an option, because guess what, bitches? HE’S DEAD. HAHAHA <snort> that cracks me up more than it probably should.
THE “I GUESS I’M OBLIGATED TO AT LEAST MENTION THEM” DIVISION
JASTOR GALLYWIX
999,995 to 1
I mean…I guess he’s technically leader of the Bilgewater goblins, but… Well, like, does anybody even know where the fuck he IS half the time? I’m pretty sure the only times I’ve ever seen him were at the meeting of Horde leaders to prepare for the Theramore attack, and the celebration in Orgrimmar afterward. And, well, with the meeting, I pretty much sent notices to every goblin I could think of and then crossed my fingers hoping that word would reach him. And at the celebration…yeah, mountains of free food and booze, so of course he was going to show up for that. Honestly, I don’t get why the guy’s so low-profile. He had a fucking pleasure palace built in Azshara, and you can’t even find him THERE. Believe you me, if I ever commissioned the construction of Garrosh’s Pleasure Palace, you could call off the search parties, my ass would be there.
Hmm. Hang on a second, I need to jot something down on next month’s agenda planner.
LOR’THEMAR THERON
500,000 to 1
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Yeah, sure, this guy as Warchief. Do I really even need to elaborate here? Come on.
SYLVANAS WINDRUNNER
200,000 to 1
You know, she would actually be a pretty strong candidate – to her credit, she IS intelligent, charismatic, and competent – if she didn’t creep the living FUCK out of everyone. Not to mention make you worry that she might then replace that aforementioned living fuck with some kind of weird-ass UNDEAD fuck under her control.
BAINE BLOODHOOF
150,000 to 1
He’s a great warrior, he takes good care of his people, and you can practically see Cairne when you look in his eyes (not that that makes me at all awkward, no sir). He’s also freaking Vol’jin Lite what with the bitching and the moaning and the OMG Garrosh how could you. Because if there’s one thing you don’t want to stand for, it’s actually GOING TO WAR with the people you are ALLEGEDLY AT WAR WITH. Last thing the Horde needs is a fucking carebear in charge. And Thrall me no Thralls – Guy Smiley sat on his hands way too much too.
THE “I BET YOU DIDN’T THINK I KNEW ABOUT THIS MEME” DIVISION
A BASIC CAMPFIRE
5000 to 1
HAHA SEE I BET YOU ASSHOLES DIDN’T THINK I HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT THAT SHIT.
THE “DIDN’T YOU RETIRE LIKE TWENTY YEARS AGO” DIVISION
DREK’THAR
500 to 1
Chieftain of the Frostwolf clan and friend to Durotan way back in the day. Lived through the corruption of the orcs, but refused to drink the blood of Mannoroth – granted it was largely because Durotan ordered the Frostwolves not to, but it still shows a certain level of principle AND loyalty to his clan all at the same time. Greatmother speaks about him just fondly enough to make me feel uncomfortable. The main down side, other than being blind and spending most of his time getting rolled around in a wheelchair by Captain Galvanger these days, is that since the Cataclysm…well…not to be mean, but let’s face it. Dude has just gone batshit senile. And that’s not even getting into the whole thing with him shitting himself. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Old age is not kind.
EITRIGG
200 to 1
He’s been around for ages, advised both me and Thrall, has watched over Orgrimmar while I’ve been down here in Pandaria, and has always been staunchly devoted to the well-being of the Horde. If we had some kind of lifetime achievement award to dole out, I would sign him up for it tomorrow, even if he DID get a little grumbly with me over the Theramore thing. Who didn’t, right? Shows what those fuckers know. Anyway. The point is, though, as much as I like Eitrigg, he’s pretty much one of those guys who’s basically a permanent lieutenant. You know the ones. Year after year, they’re always second in command to one general after another, and somewhere along the line, after like the fourth guy gets promoted over them to take command, you realize there’s a reason for it. Perfectly good at his job, but he’s just never going to be suited for the big chair.
Also, if he were in charge, can you IMAGINE how much time freaking Tirion would probably be spending in Orgrimmar? Do you really want to subject people to THAT?
VAROK SAURFANG
100 to 1
Veteran of two wars. Served as Thrall’s right hand and as my executive officer in Northrend. He even served as acting Warchief for a little while, that time when I was off the grid. At the age of nine zillion, he’s still one of the biggest badasses around. He doesn’t sleep – he waits. Death once had a near-Saurfang experience. Mannoroth became more powerful by drinking HIS blood. There was going to be a street named after him in Orgrimmar, but the plan was canceled for safety reasons because nobody crosses Saurfang and lives. When warlocks make someone run away in fear, they pay a royalty to him. He’s considered an honorary shaman because he commands the element of surprise. I’m at least 50% sure some of these facts are made up. But you get the point.
So what’s the case against? You mean, other than at least two or three occasions that he’s threatened to kill me? You mean OTHER THAN THAT? Frankly, he’s a holdover from a Horde that’s a thing of the past – too old, too sentimental, too backward-thinking when we’re trying to move our people forward. Too willing to extend an olive branch to the Alliance when we need to be smashing them over the head with the whole fucking tree.
Mostly the threatening-to-kill-me thing, though. I don’t want to tempt fate. (Along similar lines, by the way, fate doesn’t want to tempt Saurfang.)
THE “I MIGHT ACTUALLY CONSIDER PICKING ONE OF YOU PEOPLE” DIVISION
WARLORD CROMUSH
50 to 1
This one is a dark horse candidate, no question. But the dude did yeoman’s work in Gilneas when he had the thankless job of keeping Sylvanas marginally under control, he’s run a tight ship in Hillsbrad at a time when the Horde finally secured a firm hold on the region, and he’s been our primary command officer in the Eastern Kingdoms going on a couple years now. The fact that he’s been able to work with the Forsaken with some measure of success is a major plus – yeah, they’re creepy and sketchy and just plain ol’ EEEESH, but they’re handy to have around. He probably needs some more grooming for higher things, but he’s worked his way into the conversation for future high-profile assignments.
MALKOROK
25 to 1
You know, Malkorok really has most of the bases covered: he’s smart, uncompromising, and relentlessly devoted to the Horde, with a sharp tactical mind and an indisputable ability to get shit done. He’s reshaped the Kor’kron, tightened up security, and demonstrated he’s one of the people you want fighting beside you on the battlefield.
Down side? Well, let me put it this way.
About a year ago, some goblins tried to start up a business making wyvern food. They did all kinds of tests to find a good formula for it as far as ingredients, they did focus groups to give it the most appealing packaging, they launched a huge advertising campaign for it and made sure it was easy to find at all the vendors…and absolutely nobody bought it. How come? Because for all the things they had going for them and all the effort they put into packaging it just right…wyverns just didn’t like it.
Draw your own conclusions.
GENERAL NAZGRIM
10 to 1
You all know this guy, and have probably worked with him on at least an occasion or two. And really, if being Warchief was purely a military matter, this would probably be the guy. He’s an excellent strategist and tactician, he adapts well on the fly, and since he came up through the ranks the old-fashioned way (I remember him serving under me in Northrend as a piddly-ass sergeant…and to put that in perspective, remember, freaking DONTRAG made sergeant), he appreciates what it’s like to be one of the grunts in the trenches and isn’t afraid to get in there and get his hands dirty by their side. Okay, there was that whole disaster where he shit the bed on security and let Anduin get away, but maybe he can delegate. But here’s the thing: being Warchief isn’t solely a military job. It’s also the political head of the Horde, which means that as Warchief, Nazgrim would essentially be steering the ship of state. And, well…we all know what happens when that guy gets near a ship.
WARLORD ZAELA
5 to 1
Leader of the Dragonmaw and a no-kidding-around badass warrior. She took command of the Dragonmaw clan after helping to overthrow the nutjob “Warchief” Mor’ghor – gotta admire someone who has the stones to take down a corrupted leader for the good of the clan. She was new to leadership at the time, and I’ll admit I was probably a little tough on her in my assessments early on, but she’s really grown into the role, and she’s been stepping up to work on some more projects for me the last few months. I’ll also admit I might be swayed by seeing how she went about her business in that other world. Still a little green, though…I mean, green in the “inexperienced” sense. Not green in the fel-magic-drinky-drinky-demon-blood-grr-rarr-proud-ancient-culture-down-the-drain-oops sense. Was that insensitive? Anyway, she could probably stand to have a few more years working closely under the Warchief before she’s in line for the job herself. But she’s definitely on the rise.
WARLORD BLOODHILT
2 to 1
Bet you didn’t see this one coming, did you? Just goes to show what an outside-the-box thinker your Warchief is. Hell, sometimes I’m so far outside the box that I don’t even know where the fuck the box is. What box, anyway? Fucking metaphors.
Anyhow, some of you might remember Bloodhilt from the southern Barrens, where he assumed command of our operations after former Warlord (and current zombie sous chef) Gar’dul managed to make a giant mess of things down there. Bloodhilt cleaned up Gar’dul’s fuck-ups, secured our position in the area, and made it possible for us to make our move on Theramore. Since then he’s made the trip with us to Pandaria, where he’s been commanding officer at Domination Point. Just a solid, stand-up officer who’s done nothing but impress from day one. Any way you cut it, you can get used to seeing his name cropping up, because he’s not going anywhere.
So, there’s your breakdown. On that note, I’m going to call it a day as far as answering the mail goes, but keep those letters coming and I’ll try to answer more of your questions as time allows. Since Spazzle’s form doohickey worked pretty well for this batch of e-mails, here it is again:
Spazzle Speaks: Parting Gifts
I usually don’t make a big deal of it, but one thing that honestly irks me a lot is when people assume that because I’m a goblin I must be friends with all the other goblins – like there’s no difference between the Bilgewater Cartel and any of the other goblin cartels. People just see “goblin” and figure I must have relatives in Ratchet, or know the guy they ran that errand for in Booty Bay. The fact of the matter is, the different goblin cartels are pretty separate a lot of the time, and having spent most of my life in Kezan prior to the Cataclysm, I hardly had any contact at all with the Steamwheedle goblins who came to settle in Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms.
Funny thing, though – under the circumstances right now, that stuff probably made it a lot easier for me to sneak off to Everlook than it would be for anyone else. Even with Mokvar banished, the border patrols are still on watch and asking a lot of questions of travelers, but with me? They see goblin, hear “Everlook,” and automatically think “Oh, yeah, that must be cool.”
So I had a pretty easy time getting up there to see Mokvar. Deliana was with him, but she didn’t have too much to say. Neither did Mokvar, actually – at least not as much as I would have liked. Even when I told him about the banishment, he wouldn’t give me much of anything by way of reaction. He said something about being surprised Eitrigg would go that far, but he didn’t seem upset – if anything, he almost looked a little amused about it. Eventually he filled in a few small pieces for me, but mostly wouldn’t go into much detail. He said it wasn’t because he didn’t trust me, but because he didn’t want me to know too many things that I might have to deny later. That was fine with me, honestly. I feel like I’ve already got enough secrets to keep from Garrosh as it is.
The one thing he did fill in for me was about he and Deliana escaping Orgrimmar. He started right in with that, actually – one of the first things he did when I got there was ask if Ji was okay. Which he is, by the way. As it turns out, though, Ji knew all along what was going to happen. He and Mokvar had planned a while ago that if Mokvar were captured, Ji would gather up some supplies and come see him…and then let himself get knocked out, providing some cover for the escape in the process. I tried pressing Mokvar about getting past the guards, but he just said something about “guardian angels” and asked me to trust him.
And the thing is, despite everything that’s been happening, I do. Like Garona said the other day – when you look at everything Mokvar’s done, there are only two ways to account for it: either he has something planned that he can’t tell us about, or he’s a fool. And Mokvar being a fool…that’s just too hopelessly improbable for me to accept. So I’m choosing to trust him, until it bites me in the keister. At least now I know Ji and I are in this together. Sort of.
Also, the trust definitely isn’t one-sided. The main reason Mokvar wanted to see me was to give me something: a recall totem. It’s what we shaman use for our Astral Recall spell – we’ll attune this totem to ourselves, then keep it at home, or in some other safe location. As long as a shaman is alive, our link to the elements will let us teleport ourselves back to wherever that totem is. Mokvar gave me his and asked me to keep it safe. He said that when this was over, he would need a way to bring himself home, but in safe surroundings. Among friends. He considered leaving it with Ji, but he figured an extra totem would be less conspicuous with me since I’m a shaman too.
It still feels pretty conspicuous to me, though. But that’s probably just my imagination. It’s set out on my mantle now – among a bunch of other elemental odds and ends that I’m hoping will all blend around it, even though to me the recall totem is sticking out like a sore thumb. Still, I’m sure – I hope – that nobody other than me will think anything of it. So there it is, giving off that living green glow, with that blinking green light on top. Waiting for its chance to call Mokvar back home, after the world has finished dragging him back into his past.
[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Spazzle Speaks: Refugee
I swear the Mokvar situation keeps getting more unreal. Latest news: Mokvar and Deliana have escaped, and right now nobody knows where they are.
It gets extra weird when you hear how it happened. Ji Firepaw went to visit Mokvar at his house. After he’d been inside a few minutes, the guards standing watch outside heard noises and went in to check. They found Mokvar and Deliana standing over Ji – who was unconscious on the floor. As soon as the guards were inside, Mokvar hexed one of them. We’re not sure what happened to the other guard – she just reports blacking out for a few minutes, and when she came to, Mokvar and Deliana were both gone.
Ji wasn’t hurt badly. He’s a little black and blue from taking one good blow on the head, but it’s nothing that won’t heal up quickly enough. He says he was just going to visit Mokvar and bring him a few things – some snacks, I guess, since among the pandaren one of the highest displays of friendship is the gift of food – but once he was there, Mokvar and Deliana suddenly turned on him.
I know. It doesn’t make much sense to me, either.
Eitrigg was already at his wit’s end over Mokvar, and when word got to him about this…well, let’s just say I’m glad I wasn’t actually there. Rumor is that this latest piece of news made him go positively Garrosh. And here’s the other thing – I can understand why Eitrigg would be angry, obviously, but I still wouldn’t have expected him to respond the way he has. I would have figured he’d send out search teams to hunt down Mokvar, put a bounty on his capture…maybe even issue a declaration that he’s a criminal at large and wanted for crimes against the Horde. As it turns out, as of this morning, all of those options have been bypassed in favor for the one last step that – in orc culture, anyway – pretty much the worst penalty possible.
By order of Eitrigg, under the authority granted him by the Warchief in absentia, Mokvar has been banished from the Horde.
[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]
Spazzle Speaks: Homecoming
Mokvar is back in Orgrimmar.
That much isn’t a surprise. The thought never would have occurred to me that he wouldn’t be back.
I just never would have expected this to be the way it happened.
Mokvar was captured in the Barrens by Krog and a security team. After word came back from Garona that Mokvar had met with Magatha Grimtotem, Eitrigg issued orders that he wanted him brought in. Mokvar and his human friend Deliana were found heading toward Ratchet, and were apprehended without much of a struggle.
I was able to poke into Grommash Hold when I saw the guards arrive with them, although I wasn’t able to stick around to see everything before I was ushered back out again. No surprise, Eitrigg was absolutely livid – he was upset enough about the allegations from Ironforge, but this new development with Magatha on top of it was more than even his temper could stand.
I’m nowhere near as good as Mokvar at recording conversations, so I’m not going to be able to provide an account of what I heard as well as he could. “What are you doing?” and “What are you thinking?” featured pretty prominently for Eitrigg early on, and I distinctly remember him going off along the lines of “You realize we’ll have to report all this to Garrosh, and when he hears half of it, it will be a miracle if we’re not able to hear him screaming all the way from Pandaria.” He kept trying to get Mokvar to explain himself somehow – he kept pointing out that they’d served together for years under Garrosh and Thrall, that he wanted there to be some reason that could account for the way Mokvar’s been acting lately. Mokvar wouldn’t give him anything. He would just shrug and pass on every question. “I would prefer not to,” or something like that.
I wasn’t there for everything that was said, but here’s where things stand, from what I’ve gathered: Mokvar is being held in what amounts to house arrest. He’s confined in his home with Kor’kron guards posted at all times – partly to make sure no new attackers reach him, but mostly to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. Deliana is being held in “protective custody” pending transport back to Alliance territory.
Meanwhile, Garona is planning to join the next troop transport leaving for Pandaria next week to report everything that’s happened to Garrosh personally. Considering what she’s going to be reporting…I hope she goes in ready to pop Evasion.
Spazzle Speaks: Charges from Dun Morogh
Hi, everyone. Spazzle here again. I’m writing to give a quick update on things here in Orgrimmar. The thing is, the biggest news here in Orgrimmar doesn’t really have anything to do with Orgrimmar, and the news is going to be sketchy at best, since most of what I know consists of rumors and fragments. But, here we go.
Most of you probably know that about a week-plus ago, Mokvar left under diplomatic cover to go to Ironforge. As far as I know, he didn’t tell anyone exactly what he was planning to do there, but he seemed pretty convinced that it had something to do with the recent attacks against him. Nobody had heard anything from him after he left. Actually, we still haven’t.
According to the rumors coming in, though, Mokvar reached Ironforge several days ago. And while he was there…well…they say he killed a dwarf named Theldren. Nobody really knows more than that – just that Mokvar turned up in Ironforge, was seen getting into it with Theldren, and then Theldren turned up dead. If I remember right, the dwarf used to be part of the same mercenary group as Mokvar, so I don’t understand why Mokvar would want to kill an old friend. But I figure that much has got to be true, considering that the dwarves are up in arms over it, especially Moira Thaurissan — not least of all because of the diplomatic banner Mokvar was traveling under.
Eitrigg is pretty much outraged. He’s disavowed to the dwarves any knowledge of what Mokvar was doing, and internally he’s having Krog start working on figuring out what’s become of Mokvar. I’m guessing Mokvar still has Garona shadowing him too, but she hasn’t checked in for a while, so no help finding him there.
Honestly, I don’t even know what to hope for. On the one hand, if we find Mokvar, we might finally find out what’s going on, and believe me, I’d like for this to make sense as much as anyone does. But on the other hand, if we do find him…well… No. Never mind. No matter what he might have done, Mokvar’s still a friend. I don’t want to think about what might end up happening to him.
I just hope he knows what he’s doing, wherever he is.
Monday mailbag
So, since Gurtash has been taking his damn time with the next set of doodles of what went down at Tian Monastery, I figured I’d take advantage of this break in the action to check on the mail. Let’s see what you peeps have for me this time…
After perusing some of your past mailbags, I’ve decided to go ahead and ask the question that I’m sure many people are wondering but no one seems willing to ask.
You do realize that Bob is really Vol’jin, right?
–Tandeleina, Silvermoon City
Okay, so, on the plus side: Thanks for writing, Tandeleina.
On the minus side: What are you, a frigging idiot?
First of all, okay, I know that that Bob jackass is always writing from the Echo Isles, and the Echo Isles are troll territory, but that doesn’t mean he’s Vol’jin. I mean, come on, sure the trolls are all weak and scrawny and stupid and lazy and pretty much useless, but you can’t assume because someone’s a troll that he must be Vol’jin. That’s just fucking racist.
Number two, even if the Echo Isles thing was enough to send up a red flag, a few weeks ago I got a letter from Bob, AFTER Vol’jin had been killed in the line of duty in Pandaria. So that should settle that.
But let’s say you’re really stubborn and paranoid, like those damn “the Cataclysm was an inside job” conspiracy people, and you’re still not convinced. Check this out. All of these letters I get for the mailbag are either hand-delivered standard-mail letters, or, mostly, e-mails. With the exception of his very first letter, all of Bob’s messages have been e-mails. Now, when I copy these letters, I don’t usually give out people’s e-mail addresses, because I figure most of my readers get enough creepy porn spam as it is (have you SEEN some of my Google hits?). But I see the addresses. You know what Bob’s is? Check this out: definitelynotvoljin@gmail.com.
So yeah. I bet you’re feeling pretty stupid now, aren’t you?
Regarding our esteemed Regent-Lord … well, some of us DID offer you the opportunity to replace him.
— A Concerned Citizen
Yeah, yeah, fine, ACC. Enough with the I-told-you-so’s. How was I supposed to know Regent-Lord Hair-Care was going to turn into this much of a willowy hemorrhoid? For like two years I didn’t even know he was there. Hell, I STILL can’t remember his actual fucking name half the time. Why do you think I give him so many nicknames? I mean, other than it being damn entertaining seeing what shade of purple he turns right before he throws a hissy fit over it.
Oh, speaking of which, after I wrote about ol’ Eyepatch a few days ago, his latest thing has been bitching and crying about the crack I made about…well…his eyepatch. I make one little joke about his loss of an eye and apparently it’s a big fucking deal, because (a) I may or may not have been the one who put his eye out while I was slapping him around a little while back (without the “may not” part), and (b) at the time I kept him around basically to tell him to STFU already rather than letting him run to a shaman to maybe get the eye patched up (OOPS I’M SO INSENSITIVE) fixed while they had the chance. I mean I’m pretty sure he was going to end up blinded in that eye anyway, but…I don’t know. Maybe they could have done something to make it less gross? Beats me. So yeah, fine, whatever, I didn’t save the eye that couldn’t see. My bad. Suck it up, Cyclops.
I hope you are doing well. Things have been a bit dull in Orgrimmar with you off claiming Pandaria for the glory of the Horde. I’ve taken up Earth Online to fill the time in the day when I normally would hang around outside Grommash Hold hoping for a glimpse of you. I even adopted a little white dog as my pet, although he’s something called a Bichon Frise, not a terrier like your Sawyer. His name is Sherpa.
What server are you on? Maybe I could come visit, or even join your guild? I bet Sawyer and Sherpa would have a good time playing together.
So would we.
Yours,
–Wega
You know what? I’ll be honest with you – I’m really torn here. I mean, on the one hand, I’m pretty sure I’ve already got enough crazy stalkerish women in my life without giving another one an invitation to come hang out in my guild. Also Wega’s not winning any bonus points for the whole “hanging around outside Grommash Hold watching for you” thing, because for real, people, is it just me or is anyone else picturing her writing this letter in a candlelit room that has a zillion pictures of me tacked up all over the walls? Because SHE WON’T BE IGNORED, GARROSH.
On the other hand, in a really weird, sick kind of way, I can’t help but feel like we could be looking at a real /popcorn situation if I were to toss Wega into the same guild chat with Garona. Dunno. I may have to think about this a little.
Anyhow, cute dog there, Wega. I’ll get back to you. In the meantime, please stop camping Grommash Hold. I’m not there now anyway, and I have it on good authority that you’re creeping Eitrigg the fuck out.
Recently, I had the opportunity to try Earth Online. I was intrigued by this amazing other world and the array of stories to follow. The toon I created is a cook for an American restaurant that I’m working to a world-class chef. However, trying to pass Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen dungeon has been a real pain in the…but I digress.
I discover in the game, Earth Online, what they call a movie theatre. When I clicked on it and paid the money they required, a wonderous cut scene occurred called The Avengers. It was amazing moment of entertainment about this colorful heroes saving Earth from an alien invasion.
Have you seen it? If not, you may want to.
There was one large hero that reminded me of you. One called Hulk. He is really big, angry, and likes to smash things.
Again, I digress.
The reason for my letter is to ask a simple question. If a movie were made of you, which Earth Online actor would you want to portray you?
Sincerely,
–Quelita, Tarren Mill
Thanks for writing, Quelita. I’ve talked about this before, but yeah, it really is impressive how much work they put into the game world, what with the cinematics and the readable in-game books and so on. It’s actually kind of scary how much time you can lose just checking that stuff out.
Before I get to your question, I’ve got to address one other thing you mentioned – the Hulk. Now, I haven’t seen The Avengers, and I’m not planning to, PRECISELY because of that character. Usually the people over at Genesis Entertainment do a real bang-up job putting together these cut scenes, but I seriously don’t know WHAT the fuck they were thinking putting in that Hulk character.
I mean, think about it. Here’s this guy who flies into a rage – or, a BLOOD HAZE, IF YOU WILL – and gets bigger, and stronger, and turns all crazy and aggressive and destructive, and HE TURNS GREEN.
Um. SERIOUSLY?
RACIST much? The FUCK, Genesis?
Okay, so that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Now for your question – which, I’ve got to say, is a pretty good question. I hadn’t really given much thought to who I would cast in a movie about me, not least of all because, let’s face it, nobody’s going to bring enough awesome to the table to do me justice, so I should probably just play myself, only we’re talking about an Earth Online cinematic, not real life, so I couldn’t actually do that, so there goes that idea. Fuck.
So okay, let’s break this down.
Obviously you’d want someone who would be physically believable as me – so we’re looking at somebody with a strong physique, who you could buy as a powerful, badass fighter. Bonus points if he can carry off the bald look. A track record as an ass-kicking hero type would be pretty important too.
Hmm. Okay, so this guy wouldn’t be TERRIBLE, but…I don’t know. I mean, fine, he was plenty strong when he was playing the Thing, but his build really isn’t so much powerful as it’s…just kind of big and lumpy. Plus, I’m not crazy about the language skills – maybe it was just the script he was stuck with, but honestly, I just don’t see EPIC VERSE coming from this guy.
Oh and speaking of the script? Both those Fantastic Four cinematics he was in pretty much sucked. Moving on.
Okay, this is a little better. Maybe not blowing you away with the big, powerful build, but he’s definitely got the action-hero street cred, and he can rock the bald thing in no uncertain terms. So that’s the up side.
Down side… Well, first of all, as much as he has the badass track record, dude is just old at this point. He’s supposed to be, what, 60 at this point? All the credit in the world for the stuff he’s been in up till now, but come on, nobody’s going to buy a 60-year-old as a don’t-fuck-with-me badass. (DO NOT TELL SAURFANG I SAID THAT.)
Still, I could maybe turn a blind eye (LOR’THE’MOTHERFUCKER APOLOGISTS: DRINK) to the age thing, but this guy has another strike against him: by and large, he tends to go the softspoken route with his characters. Sort of the strong but understated type. Which is fine, it totally works when he does it, but I don’t know if he can flip from that to go larger than life. You know, LIVING IN CAPTIAL LETTERS. I’d be a lot more comfortable with somebody I knew could really project and command the room and put some authority in his voice. Bonus points if he’s not afraid throw some strong language into the mix while he’s at it.
Okay, NOW we’re getting somewhere. Long track record as a no-fucking-around badass? Check. Looks good with no hair? Check. Volume dial on his voice goes to eleven? Check. “Fuck” is like “good morning” to him? Double and triple check. Believable laying down some epic badass dialogue? YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS CHECK. Experience with an awesomely kickass melee weapon? Check.
Granted he might be a little up there in years too, but whatever, I’m not going to get too hung up on that if everything else is lining up.
Okay, hang on, I already told you about the Saurfang thing. Hmm. You know, I’m starting to think this guy might have a little TOO much attitude. I’m not going to take any sassing from someone pretending to be me. Dude’s gotta remember who’s the original and who’s the economy pack here.
Okay, so let’s refine this to the really key components. Strong, powerful, don’t-fuck-with-me badass. Track record doing action. Commanding voice and a willingness to turn up the volume. Able to throw some words together and maybe even lay down a rhyme. Can carry off non-standard hair. And hey, while we’re at it, since he’ll have to wear Mannoroth’s tusks and some earrings like I do, it’d be good to know this is someone who can lug around some ornamentation and make it look cool.
Oh HELL yeah. Sold. Done. Check please. The end.
That’s going to do it for this time, but as always, keep those letters coming to garrosh1337@gmail.com. It’s great to hear from you guys, and answering your questions is always good times, so don’t just sit there like an asshole, write in to your Warchief now. I PITY THE FOOL THAT DOESN’T.
More soon.
Desperate Times
Neeru Fireblade may very well have been right about the Council of the Black Harvest not being willing to talk to me, but for now that’s going to need to be a “cross that bridge when I come to it” concern. For now, the much bigger problem is going to be finding them. My best in is probably going to be Ritssyn, given his Orgrimmar ties, but he’s still far from a sure thing, and even that’s assuming I can track him down. He was supposedly on his way to the Firelands, but that’s not exactly a place to go take a casual stroll alone without really knowing what you’re getting into, especially if you’re like me and your command of the elements leaves a lot to be desired in the first place.
So, I’m going to need to take the indirect approach to this. I have Ji out helping me with part of it; this morning he left to do some investigating for me in Desolace. Meanwhile, I just came from a private meeting with Eitrigg. At least I think it was private. I didn’t notice any stealthy whooshy sounds while I was there, but who knows?
I gathered from Eitrigg that Garrosh isn’t exactly thrilled with what he’s been hearing about me – no shock there – but he hasn’t sent along any specific orders where I’m concerned yet. Considering that he’s known me for several years now, Eitrigg’s willing to give me the benefit of the doubt for the time being, although even he expressed concern about whether I’m sure I know what I’m doing. The truth of the matter is, the last thing in the world that I am right now is sure, but circumstances aren’t affording me a luxury of options.
Still, without showing too much of my hand, I managed to persuade him to let me borrow one of the sets of diplomatic tabards and banners that we issues to the emissaries we send various places. While I have those colors displayed – and remain visibly unarmed – I’ll be allowed free passage into nearly any territory, including within Alliance borders.
I’m about to take a trip to Ironforge.
Right now, I can’t really go into more detail than that. Ultimately, if things work out the way I hope they will, you’ll understand why. Still, I know I’m taking a considerable risk here, but it’s a necessary one. If I don’t have this all resolved and accounted for by the time Garrosh gets back from Pandaria, he’s more likely to have my head on a platter than anything else; and if these spectral assassins keep coming after me, I’m just as dead. Even with Garona watching over me – which I’m sure she won’t keep doing forever – it’s just a matter of time before the assassins start coming often enough and in great enough numbers that they’ll finish me off before anyone can do anything about it.
I’ll be leaving soon to meet Deliana in Ratchet, and from there on to the Eastern Kingdoms. It’s probably going to be a few days at the very least before I have the chance up write anything here. If you have any extra fingers, cross them.
Mokvar
Spazzle Speaks: Shamans United!
Hi everyone, Spazzle here. There’s been a lot going on, and I’ve been meaning to post for a little while now, but…well, there’s been a lot going on so I haven’t had the chance to until now.
As I’d said the last time I posted, after the news about Vol’jin reached Orgrimmar, everybody was in a state of shock for a while, and some of the Kor’kron were sent down to the Echo Isles to make sure everything was secure there. I remember Eitrigg seeming less than thrilled about that for some reason, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time.
Still, I was concerned about how everyone was doing down there. I have a couple friends from the comic shop in Razor Hill who live on the Echo Isles, and I figured that they must have been pretty shaken up by everything. So last week, after I hadn’t heard from them in a little while, I decided to take a trip down and see how they were doing.
You will never guess who I ran into on the way down.
Thrall!
Now, I can’t say I was ever very close to Thrall personally, but I definitely owe him a debt or two after he helped save the Bilgewater Cartel after we left Kezan. Not to mention, he’s the one who first started training me as a shaman way back when. (I changed the subject when he asked how that was coming along. No need for him to know that my mechanical totems short-circuit nearby appliances nearly as often as they summon up the elements.) So, as much as Garrosh is my friend and I know the two of them don’t always see eye to eye, I’m very pro-Thrall.
Or pro-Go’el. I’m not too clear on which one he’s going by these days.
Anyway, he was on his way to the Echo Isles from the Valley of Trials, along with a few Horde adventurers who had just returned from Pandaria. He didn’t go into a lot of detail, but I guess he was concerned that there was some kind of trouble for the trolls in the aftermath of Vol’jin’s death. He invited me to come with them, and since I was already concerned about my troll friends down there, naturally I took him up on his offer.
When we arrived at the Echo Isles, there were Kor’kron guards posted all around the perimeter of the island, and patrols marching around all over, without any Darkspear soldiers anywhere to be seen among the defenders. Which struck me as kind of odd, obviously. Not to mention the fact that the Kor’kron all seemed to be in a pretty foul mood.
Still, there was a Kor’kron officer along the main road, and Thrall went up to talk to him. I figured between Thrall’s diplomatic skills, and the fact that he’s…you know…Thrall, he should be able to clear things up pretty quickly.
Hmm. Okay, so much for that.
We made our way into the city from there, and it was a pretty shocking sight – the Kor’kron weren’t protecting the trolls, they were maintaining an occupation! The trolls were rounded up, disarmed, supervised by the Kor’kron, and lots of them were even chained up.
I don’t even want to think what Saurfang would say if he knew this was going on.
Thrall wasn’t happy that it had come to this, but he decided we had to free the Darkspear from the occupation. So the handful of us went around the island and, little by little, helped the trolls neutralize the Kor’kron guards. Mostly that meant “disarm and capture,” but, well… <sigh> You know.
Once we had control of most of the island, we headed to Darkspear Hold, where that warlock Gul’tar, one of Malkorok’s lieutenants, had taken charge of the city and was running things from Vol’jin’s old command center. Thrall tried to get him to stand down, but he wouldn’t budge. Gul’tar ended up ranting about the Horde changing and Vol’jin refusing to change with it, and that’s why he died – that didn’t really make sense to me, considering the reports that Vol’jin had died in a saurok attack – and attacked Thrall. Thrall and the Darkspear were able to beat him without too much trouble.
Now, the question is, what next? Thrall wasn’t sure where we go from here, but he said he would stay on the Echo Isles to help the trolls keep a handle on things until…well, I’m not really supposed to go into that. That’s one of the details Thrall said we all needed to keep quiet for the time being.
Hmm… Although…come to think of it…I suppose this whole story would be filed under “Things Thrall Wants You to Keep Quiet.” So maybe I shouldn’t have just blogged about it. Oh well. Just make sure you all keep this hush-hush.
At least there’s still that one last detail that I can be good about keeping secret.
Even as juicy and awesome as it is.
Anyway…ahem…since I won’t be talking about that, I guess I’ll wrap this up for now. I’ll try to post again if anything else big happens around here.
Okay screw it OMG YOU GUYS VOL’JIN IS TOTALLY STILL ALIVE HOLY GEEZ CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!
[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth; click here to see the souped-up Postcard version! All other images provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant. All images used here with permission and many thanks.]
